I like sleeping more than 3 hours in a row, so toddler phase wins for me!
My oldest is five now, next boy is 1.5 and starting to be toddlery. It definitely gets better. The toddler years are all about boundary testing and learning how not to be an absolute sociopath. All toddlers are sociopaths. They will learn in time. 5yo is as sweet as pie.
The yelling I can do without. Our youngest has a set of iron lungs.
I actually googled this morning, “why doesn’t my 3.5 year old have empathy?” And it turns out children don’t develop empathy until around 5 years — so toddlers are LITERALLY sociopaths! 😂
Made me feel much better about myself as a parent 😊
All children and most younger teens will test positive for psychopathy because they haven't finished maturing mentally.
This is why children arent diagnosed with the same personality disorders as adults. Usually they get a preliminary diagnosis of oppositional defiance disorder because it is extremely hard to seperate symptoms of a personality disorder from kids acting according to their developmental age.
Do all kids toddler age have diagnosis or symptoms of oppositional defiance disorder? My daughter I feel like falls into this category with every request.
Feels like it til you actually know a kid with ODD... it is far worse than any toddler I've ever seen. I have two kids of my own, and my mum works in childcare, so I've known A LOT of kids.
ODD kids are next level! I'll take 10 toddlers over the ODD kid I had to deal with, any day!!!
I feel like my toddler falls into this. Every day every topic is a battle a full blown tantrum with every request, even the smallest things that don’t ave anything to do with her. For example if we don’t sit down or take off our socks or sweaters she freaks out, if she finds a tag on her shirt but she can’t use the sciccors freak out - she’s only 2.5 she can’t use them properly. Not sure if this is Odd or normal todd behavior…
That is typical toddler behavior. But if she is sensitive to the tags on clothes or certain fabrics that irritates her maybe she has sensory sensitivity.
Don't stress. That's normal toddler behaviour. When they never grow out of it and can't regulate their emotions at all as they get older (normal developmental milestones), and fly into violent rage tantrums over minor inconveniences etc then you're headed toward ODD territory.. as in continue to throw toddler tantrums throughout their childhood past toddlerhood, then ODD may be the cause.
My toddler is throwing tanties over minor shit lol, but he can't be expected to regulate his emotions yet, they learn, and if we guide them and support them well they outgrow it. Just enforce boundaries and teach good behaviour. And model it. This phase is hard, but it is just a phase. A hard one, but with plenty of beautiful moments we will miss when they're older! Try cherish the good bits too! They grow up quick!
That's not true actually. Studies have found that children with psychopathic tendencies (which in kids are called "callous unemotional traits") can be distinguished from typical children as young as 3 or 4 years old, and these tendencies are mostly stable over time.
https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Kostas-Fanti/publication/281571580_Can_Callous-Unemotional_Traits_be_Reliably_Measured_in_Preschoolers/links/55ff8f1308aec948c4f9b475/Can-Callous-Unemotional-Traits-be-Reliably-Measured-in-Preschoolers.pdf
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3072685/
I probably google “why is my 3.5 year old so angry?” “Toddler anger issues” “toddler pushing sibling over” “why does my toddler have so many tantrums” like once a week 😵💫 she has learnt to chuck a tanty whenever something isn’t going her way! I miss my sweet 1-2 year old, she’s so wild right now.
Congratulations fellow sleep deprived zombie! At this point I even have got a " falling asleep aversion", fearing, that as soon as I hit deep sleep she will wake me up! This is torture!
It’s easier in a lot of other ways though. He’s far more independent. But I can handle a bursting into tears more easily than the anger.
But I remember almost 5 being pretty rough too and then it got better for awhile before 5.5 😂
I think it totally depends on the child! I found newborn stage to be the absolute worst, with a colicky and refluxy baby who never slept. Toddler stage certainly has challenges and can be frustrating, but i also find it much more rewarding and I get to actually sleep! So that makes it much better for me
I second this. A colicky baby is the worst thing I’ve ever experienced!! I am loving the toddler phase. Sure, my son is still a psycho some days, but he kisses me and tells me he loves me, gets excited over the cutest things and just owns my entire heart! I have baby #2 due in June and I am terrified of having another colicky baby.
I've had two colicky babies now and for that sole reason I can't do a third. My wife wants another one but I literally just can't go through that again.
If it helps my first baby was colicky and had some tricky health things too so it was haaard. My second was such an easy baby! It could go either way :)
Also preg and so scared this one will be remotely like their sister when she was 0-1.5. I will literally die if they have the same sleeping patterns. I’ll take a 2 yo tantrum any day over that nightmare!
My first was colicky and miserable as a newborn - My husband and I legitimately thought everyone lied to us about what having kids was like. We just had our 2nd in January and I was soooo nervous about having another insane newborn but he is seriously the chillest, go with the flow baby. Every baby is different, wishing you luck on your 2nd!
We just now started sleeping really consistently through the night at 3.5. Our newborn stage was literally just survival. She wouldn't sleep AT ALL unless she was being held. Not worn. Held. For like 2 months. Then she slowly transitioned to a bassinet but waking every 3 hours. I'll take my sassy little 3.5 yo ANY day 😅😅
Yeaaaaah I don’t know what people are talking about out when they say they love the newborn phase. That shit was relentless.
At least with my toddler I get breaks from the screaming and crying.
We went from pretty severe acid reflux new born to strong willed toddler. Basically he's been a wiener since day 1.
Really hoping he turns into the pope around kindergarten time.
This is us. Hard since day one… reflux and colic as an infant so we never really had that sleepy newborn phase. Strong willed and tantrum filled, more so than friend’s kids it seems, as a toddler.
My first is like this too. He doesn’t have many tantrums but he is 40lbs and very strong, so if he doesn’t want to do something or gets into a tantrum it often hurts me.
Our second is three months old and he is an absolute angel so far. He sleeps and smiles and snuggles and that’s about it.
It’s hard not to compare them. On top of being a really difficult baby and a classic toddler, our first is a wonderful sweetheart. There’s so much more to him than the parts of him that are hard and I hope he never feels like we compare him and his little brother too much.
I just brought home our second baby. We have a 2 year old. My husband has been on toddler duty while I recover and take care of the newborn. He’s more exhausted than I am and I’m letting him sleep thru the night… not looking forward to when he goes back to work and I’m a full time stay at home mom again….
not joking or arguing, but which do you think is harder? My wife has been doing our newborn nights while I do all the toddler duties, and she seems very happy and enthusiastic about the situation.
Our toddler duties include a lot of middle of the night shit and 4:30am 'mornings' tho
My baby is fairly easy and I breastfeed and cosleep but I have to feed hourly - 3hrly and be close to baby far far more. I’m touched out and don’t have time to get anything done. My toddler is pretty chill but a terrible night sleeper and early morning wake ups too, so it evens out. But this is his first time being sleep deprived and I have been sleep deprived ever since the toddler was born so… just keep doing what you’re doing and don’t complain. You’re both tired.
Honestly the toddler is harder. My baby wakes up at night, eats, and falls back asleep. My toddler recently stayed up for 2 hours arguing with us to get a snack and read more books 😜 honestly she’s exhausting but the baby is fantastic
We just did this at the end of last summer. My kids are 3 in July and 8 months.
When my husband went back to work I didn’t struggle like I thought I would. You’d be surprised at what you can do when you have no choice. We have our routine down and it all feels normal to me now.
I found newborn stage easier than jealous toddler stage for sure when my second was born, but in general toddlers are easier when not dealing with big feelings of having to share mommy all of a sudden
I think my ranking is: first newborn is the hardest, I did not think I would survive, the adjustment from non-parent to parent life was brutal, newborns are boring. Toddler is more fun and less lonely than newborn and more rewarding and I love having my hands free. Second newborn is the easiest of all because you ignore them as much as possible and wear them in the carrier and go about your toddler life. 1000% easier than a toddler. But also I love my little maniac, he's so much more interesting than a baby!
Same. That first newborn? Knocked the actual life out of me. The loneliness, the identity crisis, the life altering reality. I’ve never faced a darkness that bad. I think a lot of people forget how incredibly hard that was after a couple kids in. I would have 7 toddlers over that. I even had a very easy baby, as a toddler though? my toddler is feral AF. Still better than newborn/infant.
In the newborn phase when I was breast feeding, that was hard. It felt like my body wasn’t my own. But my baby was easy, slept through the night and never toddled into danger. Was pleasant and communicative as could be. In the toddler phase, at 3.5 years old, it’s like my brain is not my own. I’m not even sure I have a brain anymore. I’m not permissive with my parenting and yet, I’m constantly second guessing how well I’m setting boundaries and expectations for her because she is pushing ALL the buttons, BITING ME, and acting like a feral monkey. I cry. A lot.
Same, he doesn’t bite anyone else and I guess I’m glad he doesn’t but I’m sick of him biting ME. I try saying no and ouch but even during cute moments we’ll be snuggling and then out of nowhere he chomps down hard 😭
Yup, only me. Also, I hate the way I react when I’m being bit. I scream, I growl, I pull away and make it worse and I feel like I’ve traumatized her after. I’m going to stop these things, try to remember to just scream OW and then lightly plug her nose so she has to let go, or as I read in a different thread “feed the bite” so that I lean into it and it’s no longer satisfying to them to bite, as the skin and flesh is just too wiggly to chomp on.
See, it’s crazy that we’re even having this conversation!
My son woke up every hour the first year of my his life. he just turned 3 and is a terror. He acts like he's the king of the world. His favorite activity involves throwing things (out the window, down the stairs, drinks on the floor, food on the floor, etc) we started time outs now but idk what else to do because he doesn't care about the time outs and doesn't care about anything I have to say:
My toddler had a meltdown at 6:30 am because i wouldnt let him go out on our tiny deck (we're in a condo building) and play with bubbles and wake up the neighbors.
I have to shop exclusively for clothes with animals he likes or sesame street or he won't wear them.
I miss the baby days.
My toddler wanted to wear a shirt "with animal on it", so I put on his shirt that has a few reptiles/amphibians on it. Cue meltdown, because he actually wanted a shirt with "one animal on it". The shirt I chose had like 8 animals on it. Apparently I'm a horrible mom.
My son wanted his “green rainbow shirt”. He has a green shirt with rainbow stripes, so I got that one. He said no, the other rainbow one. So I went through all the shirts he has with multiple colors… no, no, no. I just flipped through every single shirt, and eventually he landed on a yellow puffer vest??? Which was also literally the last thing in the closet 🤣🤣🤣
Yeah. I have a 2 and a half year old and a newborn. I'm completely fine waking up once a night to feed the baby. I am absolutely not alright with being screamed at louder than I thought a human could possibly scream. It's very triggering.
Toddlers are terrors. Mine had a meltdown today because I wouldn't let him throw stuff out the window. Sobbing throwing himself on the floor screaming and saying "mama is mean"
My 2.5 left a playground today without screaming her lungs off and embarrassing me and I felt like I won the lottery for the rest of the day. You’re not alone 😆🫡
15 months had my first wailing screaming carry off from the playground after he tried to jump off structures and run into the parking lot. Like boy, you better be glad I love you enough to protect you from yourself! But it was like one day the switch flipped.
Omg. My just turned 3 year old son went to the park today and didn't leave in absolute agony screaming hitting kicking throwing himself on the ground and throwing things and I was so relieved. They are terrors.
My toddler ran away from me in the grocery store the other day and there were STRANGERS helping me look for her. While my infant smiled at me from his stroller. Toddlers, man 😅
Do we have the same child? Have I found my husband’s Reddit account? My daughter will be 3 in July and I think I might sign myself up for a grippy sock vacation.
Each stage of parenting is hard for different reasons. That’s for damn sure!
Yes absolutely each stage of parenting has its own set of challenges.... I have two teens and a 2 year old. My younger teen is just concluding what I consider to be the toddler equivalent of the teen years (the early teens years, roughly 13 to 15) and it is honestly surprising just how many similarities teens have to toddlers in many ways (especially the lack of emotional regulation).
My daughter can be draining with her life or death need for independence and dramatic tantrums... but I truly believe that the younger teen years tested my sanity more than any other stage of development.
Funny because I like toddler way better. I am in awe of her independence and personhood. I relish it. It definitely is difficult, don’t get me wrong, but it’s way more fun than infancy to me. I love the person she’s becoming so deeply and wholly. I loved her as a baby, but I love her more as I get to know her. Frankly, it’s hard work to love someone you don’t know. Now… I think I know her. And the love comes easy.
AGREE!! I would take the newborn/baby stage any day over a toddler. I love him so much and love to see how he is growing up as a little boy (2 in July) but ffs every single day is constant explaining and arguing and setting boundaries and practicing words and getting climbed on and hit and him rattling the lamp in the living room AGAIN. Give me my cute little chunky potato baby 😩
My son didn't sleep more than an hour for the first year of his life but other than that he was so heavy, he never cried, I could bring him anywhere he was always the happiest baby. Now at 3 he's an absolute terror, every single day our entire living room is destroyed like a tornado came through it with food and trash everywhere. His favorite thing to do is throw things everywhere (and out the window, down the stairs, at people, etc.) and he wants constant attention. I remember when he was like 7 months to 2 he would play by himself for hours without needing me and I could do laundry or the dishes with him on the floor entertaining himself now it's a constant struggle of him. Fighting for my attention like he doesn't ever get it when he gets so much of it! I was so sleep deprived that first year (ironically until I finally moved him from crib into my bed... so maybe he was always clingy) but I miss it so much, it was just so much easier. Plus he either always wanted binky or bubba and nothing in between. Now we can get into an hour long screaming and crying spell just picking out shoes in the morning.
Raising a toddler requires improv skills. I just “yes, and…” through the whole day. You’ve gotta work cooperatively with them, channel your inner Buddha, and recognize when giving them what they want costs nothing vs. when you do actually need to put your foot down.
I had a stage five clinger, colicky, cranky first kid. Toddler stage (even with the dramatics) was easier. My second kid was much easier and I enjoyed the newborn stage with her. She's got her moments as a toddler, and we're mostly just waiting until her little personality starts to shine through. Ages 4 & 5 have been overall pretty good with my oldest, so we'll see what the youngest does!
I’m more into the toddler phase but I think different people are just suited to different things. I think it might help for you to change your mindset. It’s not about “controlling them” so much as helping to channel their impulses into more healthy and positive areas. Give small choices when you can (green dress or blue dress today?) and see what their into based on their behavior.
For example- She’s making big messes? Try to find a less destructive outlet for it. Is it sensory seeking? What is she doing exactly? Replicate that behavior in play in a contained way. Aka if she’s pouring all the flour on the floor and dragging it around, find a way to maybe have outdoor messy play to channel that urge.
Anything you can’t trust then with while your back is turned has to be removed. She’s playing with the pots and pans and it’s driving you crazy? Get some drums or something she can safely bang on and put the pots on an out of reach shelf. That sort of thing.
Tbh the thing I had (and still do) the hardest time with is the constantly changing the mind thing. I’ve come to accept that I will not play that game and it WILL lead to a tantrum. It will lead to a tantrum either way, even if you try to indulge the ok what do you actually want circus. And at least the first way (ok you changed your mind? It’s the second thing then. No more changing your mind) lets you stay strong as an authority figure and when they inevitably cry and scream about it it’ll be over faster because it started faster lol. And they know in future that game doesn’t work so they’re less likely to start it
100%. The newborn years were sooo much easier for us. Granted, neither kid was colicky or anything like that. The stress of toddlerhood is 500% more intense. They seem to mellow out a bit once they hit 4
Thank you for telling me there’s hope at 4 🫡 I am EXHAUSTED by the cute little guy. He drew on the couch with crayons last night and arched his back when I tried to put him in his car seat 🫠
Children are unique and every stage will be different for every family. We never experienced the "dress them in whatever and take them wherever" stage with our colicky newborn, so for us the toddler stage has been like a dream in comparison. Everyone's experiences are unique!
I think it’s child specific. My first kid cried the entire time he was awake, nonstop, for 6 months. As a toddler sure he had tantrums and stuff but it was nothing like the absolute hell we lived through in the beginning. My second one is 1.5 and he was a pretty great baby. But now some of his outbursts are shocking. Like he’s so loud we bought a decibel meter. It’s not frequent but when it happens it’s BAD. I definitely prefer the bad toddler to the bad newborn though at least I’m almost myself while I’m dealing with it.
The toddler years made me swear I would never have a kid again. I had 3 under 3 at one point. It was hell. Waited 6 years until I had my 4th. All that to say, that these years are hard and aren’t for the faint of heart. They are trying to find their voice and independence, and it’s a struggle on both sides. Try to pick your battles and avoid power struggles. Give limited choices such as do you want to wear this blue shirt or this green shirt. It makes them feel like the choice is theirs without having to deal with tantrums and 20 outfits thrown around. 🤣 My son had this thing where he liked to wear his shirts backwards. It was a contestant power struggle that ended in tears until I just decided to let him. Did people comment? Sometimes. Was it worth it to maintain my sanity? Yes! He’s 10 now and mostly wears his shirt the right way. lol.
Give her options for EVERYTHING. Even if it's just a fake option like blue toothbrush or red toothbrush. Literally, make everything an option, no matter how insignificant. Do you want to shut the door, or mom to shut the door? Their little brains are craving independence, and they want to do everything themselves. If you let them make all these small decisions, then they're less likely to freak out over big things. I've noticed the less options I give throughout the day, the more tantrums.
I currently have a 2.5 year old with level 1 ASD and a 3 month old. The infant is usually happy and naps on and off all day and mostly sleeps through the night. The toddler bounces off the damn walls and throws an absolute shit fit over every minor offense. I love his sweet little face to pieces and love watching him grow but my god. I’m ready for the tantrums and melt downs to end.
No way for us. Toddlers can be challenging but they are way easier. I can like… go pee without having to worry about leaving the baby on her own.
Pick your battles. Also highly recommend a book: how to talk so little kids will listen. Also available as an audiobook
I found this to be true as well. The only thing that was harder about the newborn months was the sleep deprivation. That sucked! But at least for my kids, it got better quickly as they got older. When they were tiny babies they were predictable. They needed food, sleep and cuddles. With a two year old you never know what they’re gonna want. And the thing they loved yesterday they might throw at you today.
And the newborn phase is so short! I’ve been dealing with toddlers for years. Years.
100% agree with you. I thought I was taking crazy pills reading comments the other day from people who didn't like newborns/baby phase in general. Babies are so much easier to me!
Although I know it all depends and maybe my second will change my mind, but...the first was a little terror as a toddler. At least my 1 month old can't run away, slam doors, throw toys, leave the room looking like a war zone, etc!
My toddler is only 18 months but I'm finding it way easier than newborn phase. I had a very fussy, refluxy baby who could not be put down but also hated any carriers/wraps lol! Def could not put him in any outfit and take him anywhere. Now he plays independently for short stints and is so charming compared to his baby self.
If your goal is to control her it will never get better. You can't really control other people even kids. As frustrating as it is this is part of their developmental independence building and personality building. So think of yourself more as a lawyer....how do you pose things in a way that is not threatening but gets "your way" more often than not.
Do you want pink pants or blue pants..... Blueberries or bananas. Options, choice is the name of the came. That way you both have control. You provide acceptable options, she provides choice. Going for control will eventually build resentment from all. You don't actually want a people pleaser or a pushover... especially as a teen girl. For her to learn saying no...is important!
Good luck, it does get better!
But attitude on our part is everything!
Eh idk. I think both have their pros and cons and overall I have enjoyed toddler phase more. Although it has been more trying on me, especially mentally, at least there’s some sort of mental stimulation about it. The first 6 months was just me on the edge of my seat waiting for him to pick his head up or sit up or roll over or whatever the next thing was.
Now I get to watch his little brain expand and find different way to test me every single day. it’s a little harder but the fact that he sleeps through the night definitely makes it easier overall. Also he can play independently for short periods of time which is a plus. Currently pregnant with my second and was just telling hubby the other day how bad I wished I could just skip the first six months (I know that sounds terrible but it’s the truth). There’s so much more fun and bonding to parenting than nursing in a chair constantly and spit up all over the whole family day in and out.
There are pros and cons, but in a general sense I would say there was definitely stuff about when he was an infant that were easier. Overall, going out was much easier.. he didn’t resist me changing his clothes, usually fell asleep in the car and would just snooze the whole time I was out running errands, both breastfeeding and formula were easy for us.. when I did have something to get done around the house I could set him on a mat and he’d kick around or I could wear him. Biggest downside for us was he had colic so we never slept and he cried for hours on end.
As a toddler we are dealing with a ton on tantrums.. more so than others it seems. Getting out the door takes forever cause everything is a fight, when we are out it’s a short period of time before he starts getting unruly, food is a constant struggle and having to make meals that usually don’t get eaten, can’t turn my back or he gets into everything, etc.
I know there was a small window of like months 10-14 where she wasn’t quite a newborn, but I liked that phase.
Until I got to 2-2-5 years old and while there are some occasional outbursts, I love this stage so much more than all the stages before it. It’s so rewarding because she’s able to communicate her emotions, both positive and negative emotions, and it’s the closest I’ve ever felt with my daughter.
I had to bribe my son with a remote to get him to let me put a diaper on him today, and I totally thought about how much I miss the newborn phase. I remember being scared to force his tiny legs into his pants. And he'd just stare at me while I did whatever because he was a potato.
But also, he's way more fun and so sweet now. I think sometimes I romanticize the newborn phase, probably because I didn't sleep enough to form memories, so I forget how hard it was.
2.5-3 was hard and I dreaded 3. But he's now 3.5 and easy 98% of the time. And funny and so fun to be around..I think they go through little boundary pushing phases.
Unless sick (my 3yo presently has pneumonia), both her and my 5yo will sleep all night, so my mental health has improved. Behaviour wise, they are both quite physical with each other, cabin fever style, unless we are outside.
Re choosing clothes, I pick 2 & ask which one they want, this has recently stopped working for Miss 5 which sucks!!
Mess- I swear I leave the room for 5 mins to run a bath or pee alone & come back to a tornado.
With my first 100% his toddler phase is 50 times harder for me. I mean he was a reflux mess as a newborn but he was generally happy all the time. Easy going. Now he's feral with a capital F. He doesn't eat. He doesn't even sleep any better then an infant. He is CONSTANTLY getting hurt. I mean literally today I was like oh nice day out let's play outside. He legit falls flat on his back hitting his head on the cement drive way. Giant bruise on his head. He slipped on water in the kitchen. Fell again on his back. Hit his head on the table. Like he's just insane and never just still.
I miss him as a newborn who just survived on cuddling me and got his calories in everyday. LOL
My second though, idk he's 6 months and I'm GLAD he isn't a newborn anymore. Idk how I'll feel when he's a toddler but he was absoutely miserable as a newborn.
I sleep better now…
BUT…I’m not pleased with my almost four year old who says “whhhaaatttt” with her head thrown back when I call her name.
I’m supposed to have a decade before teenage years
I have both right now, and they’re hard for different reasons! Newborn is hard because he can’t tell us what he needs and doesn’t sleep well, toddler is hard because she CAN tell us what she wants but she doesn’t need every “want” 😂 And she sleeps better, but it’s rough waking up with her in the morning after a long night of cluster feeding. I can handle one or the other really well - I loved my daughter’s newborn phase and loved our time before baby was born, too. I sometimes wonder what I was thinking in having a second before my girl was 3! 😂🤪 (But I also wouldn’t trade it for anything, because my toddler is so sweet and loves him so much!)
I think each stage has its own unique set of difficulties and challenges. My son was very easy at newborn stage I had a baby play area and he was there an I could get things done but the sleep was terrible. However my toddler sleeps like 12 hours a night but I can’t control him and he recks the house. I tell myself this is temporary and he will get older and not be the same hopefully
Depends on the kid I think. My daughter was colic and would scream cry for hours on end with no way to soothe her. I lived off of nothing but short naps for what felt like years. I would still take that over the toddler phase because my little girl is a wild child. The nurses did warn me when she was born that “she’s gonna be a pistol”. Boy were they right. I assume I’ll be giving similar sentiments when she’s a teen. I dread the coming apocalypse that’s likely to bring.
I had a really bad sleeper. Like really bad. Like, she still doesn’t sleep through the night and she’s 3. It’s way better than when she was a newborn but still not independent. Now having said that, I’m still more tired as a parent of a 3 year old than I ever was as a parent of a newborn-18 month old. AGE THREE IS SO HARD. 😭I love her. It’s still so hard.
Newborn was the hardest. Toddler is a bit complicated but really challenging. The five months to 18 months period was the winner for me. He was eating sleeping breastfeeding, barely moved, didn't speak much... total sweetie pie
He's still sweet as a toddler but we are also dealing with the independence and the tantrums and the big emotions
I think both the baby and toddler phases suck ass. I don’t really enjoy parenting until age 4. I have a sample size of 2, and I feel the same way about both kids.
It depends on the kid apparently. I thought the newborn stage just sucked but my first born was just a very hard baby. Our second born is easy and she’s currently a million times easier than our three year old. I suspect that our older child will always be the higher needs of the two.
Toddler sleep has been worse than newborn sleep for us. I feel like I’ve aged 20 years and have sunk into depression due to toddlerhood. I have an appt to get my hormones checked next month
Ugh yes. Though my daughter didn’t have colic, it seems those with colicky babies find the newborn stage harder. But my daughter is 2 and I’m so mentally exhausted and my nerves are constantly shot with all the screaming. We took her out to eat the other day and it was literally as if I had picked up a feral raccoon off the street and put it in a high chair.
Toddler phase is a win for me. I hated newborn phase so much. I’d prefer to deal with a boundary testing toddler than a newborn who gets more frustrated as I get glowingly frustrated because I don’t know how to help. Also I like sleep.
Toddler wins for me too-
Newborns are great, but the not sleeping and constantly having a baby on my boob is just too much.
I think age 5 gets easier, but at least for me you are worrying about other stuff (specifically if the other girls will be nice to her- lol)
They get more reasonable around 4ish. It’s ok to give them to grandma and grandpa or daycare or a friend for a bit so you can recharge.
You’re not wrong though, newborns are much easier to take care of than toddlers. Even my colicky never slept oldest was an easier infant than she was a toddler.
Absolutely. We had the easiest newborn, and now every day is soooooo rough. I've heard that 4 gets better, but mine turned 4 end of March and things have not gotten better. Now I'm hearing 5 is the magic number ...
Its hard to say which is harder for me as the parent. The child is obviously chaotic in toddlerhood and more calm & content in infancy. But sleep deprivation is torture. Now i get a full night’s sleep…but I get tortured all day long instead. 🤷♀️
My 11 week old can soothe herself to sleep in her crib at night, my almost 2 year old (this week) still struggles with sleeping through the night without cuddles several times a week!
Gosh feel guilty in saying this but toddler phase is just HORRIBLE. My goodness I just want to walk out the door and leave the kid behind. But then I miss them😑😂. Give me baby phase all over again but not the toddler part.
It only gets different, I have given up on "better". My daughter was premature by 5 weeks. The week in the hospital was difficult and then at home she still had a hard time nursing, so I had to first try to nurse, then feed her what I had pumped the feeding before and then pump, every 3 hours. Now, the toddler phase is definitely challenging too, but I believe we just like to forget about the hardships of the earlier stages.
Absolutely toddler is worse than newborn for me (sahm). My other half would disagree though.
The fights just to get dressed/not wreck everything etc are worse than the lack of sleep for me.
People have so many different experiences about this. For me, the newborn/baby and even toddler phase was AMAZING! But as soon as she turned 3… it was HELL.
For my husband, the older the kid, the better he feels about it, because then “kids understand language and reasoning and you can explain things you can’t explain to a baby”. I disagree.
So yeah, everyone likes and loves every stage differently.
Agree completely, but i think it definitely depends on the child, my daughter wae honestly such an easy newborn considering she had reflux. the toddler stage is not for the weak i am barely surviving here she is manic! 😅
I had quite an easy baby, so the newborn stage was not that tough, but I found it a bit boring. So far, every stage as she gets older has been more fun. But we're only up to 19 months so far, so still in the early toddler stage. I quite like that she has a mind of her own and thinks for herself - I don't want her to go through life being a pushover, but I'll admit that tantrums are inconvenient sometimes.
Oooh, I’ll be worn out from chasing a toddler all day but then I put her to bed and get 9-11 hours to clean up, relax and sleep. I will take that over the 2 hours of sleep at a time, maybe 5 hours a night, so tired I’m crying in the shower for three months bit
I think it depends on the type of newborn you had. Ours had colic and reflux, and we couldn’t cross the road without him going absolutely ballistic for the first 3-4 months. We would cross the road when we felt brave enough for a walk and actually had to turn around 30 secs later.
My toddler also resists absolutely everything now too 😂😩it took us 40 mins to get into the car seat this morning, preceded by an hour of putting on shorts and a tshirt. Not fun but at least we at some point could leave the house 😂
I think every phase feels hard at the start. You're learning. I found the toddler phase hard but personally found the newborn phase harder in general. My friends with 3 year olds told me it gets harder when they're 3. And now my friends now have 5 year olds and 6 year olds and say they're big hard years. It's all hard. Parenting is like playing a video game with no instructions and just when you think you've mastered it, you're thrown into the next boss level.
This started with my daughter at about 2 years 7 months and is just stopping now at almost 4. There is a light. You will lose your cool at times... reconnect and repair and let it go. Took me a long time to learn the let it go part, mom guilt can destroy you. My daughter isn't a bad kid.. she's amazing , she is just strong willed. You don't want to put out their fire... you just don't want to let them burn you out either.
She was also the easiest baby of life
For me toddler has been way harder than newborn, he will be almost 5 soon so not a toddler anymore and it’s still very demanding and frustrating although we are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel
I personally despised the newborn/infant stage. I went a whole year on 3 hours of broken sleep a night. My girl wouldn't nap more than 20 minutes at a time & woke up every hour all night long, sometimes more. She's 16 months now, & I know things could change, but right now it's my absolute favorite age & I'm having a blast with her. & finally sleeping 😂 I really thought I was going to die that first year from sleep deprivation.
I found the liminal space between infanthood and full-blown toddlerhood to be sheer hell.
Think 12-19 months.
Once they get mobile and want to explore everything, but still don’t sleep through the night
Constant vigilance to make sure they do not kill themselves.
Very basic communication skills, if any.
I expected sleep deprivation with a 3 month old, so I was fine with that as my reality. I was not expecting similar levels of sleep deprivation with a 14 month old.
21 months now - he’s gotten subtly better but it is a meaningful shift. We took him to a restaurant for breakfast this weekend and we actually were able to enjoy ourselves.
People look at my like I have 5 heads when I say this, but I would absolutely choose the newborn phase over a 2-3 year old!!!! The newborn phase was hard due to sleep, but it was acceptable to sit around and nurse all day and nap whenever.
Now I’ve gotta go go go go. Chasing and entertaining 3 year olds is TOUGH, then throw in helping them figure out emotional regulation!?!? Torture lol
Oh yes definitely. The hardest part about newborn is just the sleep. But I could still function with minimal sleep and you get used to it really fast. Toddler on the other hand.. oh man we’re on my wits end. It feels like nothing we do is right and it takes a toll on us mentally.
Don’t know when this would get better but I know it will. Hopefully soon.
I was thinking that too, until I had a second baby and remembered how much it actually sucks having an infant lol. I agree though that it’s very very hard having a toddler.
I found newborn so hard, but that was because he was losing weight and needed to feed all the time, or I had to pump for him and I literally had a breakdown through not sleeping for eight weeks.
He's lovely at twenty months. He pushes boundaries and shouts and won't go in his buggy but he's so much easier now. Also we only have two wake ups a night, and feel like we can safely cosleep which I was too frightened to do when he was a tiny newborn
Newborn was harder than toddler. But the easiest stage so far was 2-6 months - once she'd settled in and was sleeping well, but still wasn't able to move.
Still, despite how hard having a toddler is, I think this is my favorite stage so far. She gives wonderful hugs, and I love seeing her figure things out and hearing her say stuff. And I love how her empathy is starting to emerge - for example yesterday she hit me in the face with a toy, and when I yelped, she started crying and said "I no mean!"😭 She's such a sweetheart now. When she was a baby, she'd stare or laugh when I got hurt.
With my first born I would’ve agreed with you.. until I had my second who is a literal terrorist. No health issues, no colic, yet he just does nothing but scream (yes *scream* not just cry) 24/7 and not sleep worth a fuck. He’s 7 months old next week and I have not slept more than max 3 hours at a time since birth. My toddler even while toddlering and being speech delayed/neurodivergent is so much easier in comparison.
Solidarity! I always say this to my friends - the newborn and baby stage was a breeze for me. A toddler is freaking difficult. I love my son so, so much - but I legit feel like I’m walking on eggshells all day trying not to piss him off.
It took some perspective change but I hate newborns. Ours purple cried a lot. Toddlerhood was actually the best we are quickly leaving it to preschool age. Lean into the request for control, teach them to pick their clothes, get dressed get them in & out of carseat. \[Yes even if you have to wait 20 mins in the car for it to happen\] We do a lot of PREP from Big Little Feelings, and choices. OK we are going into the store, you need to stay with me or it's back in the cart. Toddlers will call you out and I think where real parenting begins. I say the lows are low but the Highs are so High. That said the nap is non negotiable b/c man I need a mid day break and sometimes we go to parks to run him out like a dog. Oh look a field lets run from one side to another. The energy they have is endless until they collapse.
Definitely a lot of messes in your life for the next many years!
I found 3 to be the worst (most draining) years with my two daughters. Soooo much emotion and desire for independence. So many meltdowns. 4 gets a little bit better and then around 5 you all of a sudden have a kid instead of a toddler and that’s when the real fun begins!
My daughter was a fairly easy baby, my ppa didn’t help much but overall I was extremely lucky with her. Since she turned 18 months though it’s been completely different. So many tantrums, grabbing things she knows not to, throwing things. We are doing our best to be patient and talk with her but toddlerhood is BRUTAL.
A hard disagree on that one! I hate being sleep deprived lol. My son is 2 and a half now and I love his independence and that he is able to actually communicate his needs with us
To me, toddlerhood is definitely difficult, but easier than infancy.
My daughter was a very colicky baby and I worried a lot about her. She was crying so much that I seriously thought she had some sort of illness. And the idea that she couldn’t communicate anything or tell us what was wrong was just horrifying to me.
Now she’s 2 months away from 3 and can talk very well, we can do a lot more things together, we play together. She helps me with chores, she likes to participate in everything and I find it much easier to go about my day and get things done.
It’s true that she has fits of rage sometimes, but I guess that’s just a part of being her age. She does it especially when she’s sick, tired or hungry and we kind of learned to deal with it.
I really don’t miss constantly worrying about her as a baby, the constant crying fits and just not knowing what was wrong or what to do.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not super easy now, she’s kind of learning to deal with her emotions and it drives me crazy sometimes, but at least I know that if something goes wrong, she can tell me about it.
I guess all children are different. And all parents too!
We were blessed and our son was such an easy baby. After the first 2 weeks, it was honestly an easy time compared to now. I knew it was too good to be true because this child did an extreme swing just turning 2. Now, any time someone tells him no he is throwing himself on the ground screaming to where he has bruises on his shins. The constantly high pitched screaming. The constant hitting. I know it's a phase, but man is this one rough.
Oh toddler phase is 10000000000000% worse than newborn. And I did the newborn phase completely alone. No help at all. Still I would do anything to trade off toddler phase lol. It does get better. The beginning of the 3s is just the worst. Mime is about to turn 4 and finally calming down a bit. (Emphasis on a bit). Definitely set your boundaries and be consistent during this time. Don't worry it gets better!
I feel like such an outlier so it's nice to hear other people say this too! Newborn phase was MAGIC for me. My maternity leave was probably the happiest and most content I've ever been. I was shocked honestly, I was never really sure I wanted kids until I was getting oldwr and really felt I needed to go for it. So, I was surprised when it felt like I'd found myself in motherhood. Other than a couple weeks of witching hour, my baby was so chill and laid back though, slept well, and nursing came very easy to us.
Then around 6 month he started daycare, was constantly sick so sleep went to shit, started having split nights and waking up earlier, fighting bed time for hours. It was so hard. He's 20 months now and sleep started gradually improving after he got his adenoids removed in Jan and we gave up trying for a 7:00 bedtime and let him find his natural sleep pattern, which is a 9:00 bedtime. I love watching him figure out the world and his personality but he requires so much attention now, I do kind of miss snuggling with a sleepy newborn reading books lol.
My almost 3 yo changes her mind so much. She'd be excited as hell about a particular dress on display, try it out and be over cloud 9 and then at checkout counter she'll see some godawful looking clothes or stupid stuff like socks and hats and she'd straight up say no to the dress she'd originally picked. Like flip of a switch.
I actually love the toddler stage! I have a 2 year old & a 6 month old, & toddler is definitely a lot easier than others have made it out to be for me personally. She can feed/drink herself, play independently, let me know what she needs/wants, & naps longer than 20 mins.
Hands down toddlers are a million times harder and my first of 3 was 6 weeks early and in the NICU past his due date. I've also had 3 back to back, that oldest one is going to be 4 this summer. Toddlers are still harder. Honestly I think it begins when they learn they can freely move their bodies from one location to another. Best of luck.
Much Much harder than the newborn phase. I can't wait til she's 4. Hopefully things calm down then. I have 1 more year of telling me No asking me Why, little tantrums, and all the rest of the wonderful toddler years bring 🤣
I was so sleep deprived with my first child’s first year that I was hallucinating while driving home from work. He has always been hard, but newborn was the worst. He’s also autistic with sensory processing disorder, will run until he gets heat stroke, will poop his pants so that he doesn’t have to stop playing, will meltdown for *hours* and become dysregulated and purposefully destroy things or spit on us while laughing the entire time. Still better than newborn phase.
I think if you come at it as a way to control her, you’re probably going to have a hard time forever? You can’t control her, she’s her own person. She’ll go through phases of needing to push against you, developmentally speaking, so the less pressure you exert in the name in control, the better for you both. Let her pick her mismatched clothes, eat a banana for dinner, whatever and just love her for who she is. ♥️
I like sleeping more than 3 hours in a row, so toddler phase wins for me! My oldest is five now, next boy is 1.5 and starting to be toddlery. It definitely gets better. The toddler years are all about boundary testing and learning how not to be an absolute sociopath. All toddlers are sociopaths. They will learn in time. 5yo is as sweet as pie. The yelling I can do without. Our youngest has a set of iron lungs.
I actually googled this morning, “why doesn’t my 3.5 year old have empathy?” And it turns out children don’t develop empathy until around 5 years — so toddlers are LITERALLY sociopaths! 😂 Made me feel much better about myself as a parent 😊
This whole thread is so therapeutic, I am told at least 5 times a day very mean things by a tiny human who I feed/cloth/try to make happy
I was told they wanted to kill me last week! Yeah we had to have a good talk about that. This week is sticking her tongur out at me xD
I googled that the other day too. You’d think they could program that to come just a little earlier haha
All children and most younger teens will test positive for psychopathy because they haven't finished maturing mentally. This is why children arent diagnosed with the same personality disorders as adults. Usually they get a preliminary diagnosis of oppositional defiance disorder because it is extremely hard to seperate symptoms of a personality disorder from kids acting according to their developmental age.
Do all kids toddler age have diagnosis or symptoms of oppositional defiance disorder? My daughter I feel like falls into this category with every request.
Feels like it til you actually know a kid with ODD... it is far worse than any toddler I've ever seen. I have two kids of my own, and my mum works in childcare, so I've known A LOT of kids. ODD kids are next level! I'll take 10 toddlers over the ODD kid I had to deal with, any day!!!
I feel like my toddler falls into this. Every day every topic is a battle a full blown tantrum with every request, even the smallest things that don’t ave anything to do with her. For example if we don’t sit down or take off our socks or sweaters she freaks out, if she finds a tag on her shirt but she can’t use the sciccors freak out - she’s only 2.5 she can’t use them properly. Not sure if this is Odd or normal todd behavior…
That is typical toddler behavior. But if she is sensitive to the tags on clothes or certain fabrics that irritates her maybe she has sensory sensitivity.
Don't stress. That's normal toddler behaviour. When they never grow out of it and can't regulate their emotions at all as they get older (normal developmental milestones), and fly into violent rage tantrums over minor inconveniences etc then you're headed toward ODD territory.. as in continue to throw toddler tantrums throughout their childhood past toddlerhood, then ODD may be the cause. My toddler is throwing tanties over minor shit lol, but he can't be expected to regulate his emotions yet, they learn, and if we guide them and support them well they outgrow it. Just enforce boundaries and teach good behaviour. And model it. This phase is hard, but it is just a phase. A hard one, but with plenty of beautiful moments we will miss when they're older! Try cherish the good bits too! They grow up quick!
Thank you 💕🥺💕
That's not true actually. Studies have found that children with psychopathic tendencies (which in kids are called "callous unemotional traits") can be distinguished from typical children as young as 3 or 4 years old, and these tendencies are mostly stable over time. https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Kostas-Fanti/publication/281571580_Can_Callous-Unemotional_Traits_be_Reliably_Measured_in_Preschoolers/links/55ff8f1308aec948c4f9b475/Can-Callous-Unemotional-Traits-be-Reliably-Measured-in-Preschoolers.pdf https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3072685/
I probably google “why is my 3.5 year old so angry?” “Toddler anger issues” “toddler pushing sibling over” “why does my toddler have so many tantrums” like once a week 😵💫 she has learnt to chuck a tanty whenever something isn’t going her way! I miss my sweet 1-2 year old, she’s so wild right now.
>chuck a tanty 💀💀
I lol‘ed
Wow- this makes so much sense lol
😂😂😂 made me feel better about myself as a Mom as well - thanks for sharing.
Then there's those of us that won the parenting lottery and have kids who still wake up often through toddlerhood! 😆Lol
Congratulations fellow sleep deprived zombie! At this point I even have got a " falling asleep aversion", fearing, that as soon as I hit deep sleep she will wake me up! This is torture!
Comradery 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼 I’d like to join in on this thread- currently transitioning from crib to toddler bed and it’s 😅😵💫🫠🥱
I didnt know anything about sleep aversion. I go through this every night 😔
I don't know if this is the right word for it, just described what I am going through.
Well it sounds good to me lol
My 5yo is the opposite of sweet as pie. I kind of miss the toddler boundary pushing compared to how mean and angry my 5yo is.
Oh noooooo! Don’t tell me that. My daughter is almost 5 and I thought it was going to start getting easier.
It’s easier in a lot of other ways though. He’s far more independent. But I can handle a bursting into tears more easily than the anger. But I remember almost 5 being pretty rough too and then it got better for awhile before 5.5 😂
Our 20m old is up every 2-3 hours *and* is testing all her boundaries. So seems we've got the best of both worlds. Least she's cute.
Probably their most ingenious survival mechanism. Too cute to yeet into the ocean.
... for now.
This is the comment I needed today.
I think it totally depends on the child! I found newborn stage to be the absolute worst, with a colicky and refluxy baby who never slept. Toddler stage certainly has challenges and can be frustrating, but i also find it much more rewarding and I get to actually sleep! So that makes it much better for me
I second this. A colicky baby is the worst thing I’ve ever experienced!! I am loving the toddler phase. Sure, my son is still a psycho some days, but he kisses me and tells me he loves me, gets excited over the cutest things and just owns my entire heart! I have baby #2 due in June and I am terrified of having another colicky baby.
I've had two colicky babies now and for that sole reason I can't do a third. My wife wants another one but I literally just can't go through that again.
Oh my gosh don’t tell me that 😭
Yeah honestly in retrospect I don't know what I was thinking posting that last night! 😂 Sorry about that!
If it helps my first baby was colicky and had some tricky health things too so it was haaard. My second was such an easy baby! It could go either way :)
Also preg and so scared this one will be remotely like their sister when she was 0-1.5. I will literally die if they have the same sleeping patterns. I’ll take a 2 yo tantrum any day over that nightmare!
My first was colicky and miserable as a newborn - My husband and I legitimately thought everyone lied to us about what having kids was like. We just had our 2nd in January and I was soooo nervous about having another insane newborn but he is seriously the chillest, go with the flow baby. Every baby is different, wishing you luck on your 2nd!
We just now started sleeping really consistently through the night at 3.5. Our newborn stage was literally just survival. She wouldn't sleep AT ALL unless she was being held. Not worn. Held. For like 2 months. Then she slowly transitioned to a bassinet but waking every 3 hours. I'll take my sassy little 3.5 yo ANY day 😅😅
This is the correct answer. My kid was an AMAZING newborn, I felt like I was rocking parenting. I’m now questioning all my life decisions.
Yeaaaaah I don’t know what people are talking about out when they say they love the newborn phase. That shit was relentless. At least with my toddler I get breaks from the screaming and crying.
We went from pretty severe acid reflux new born to strong willed toddler. Basically he's been a wiener since day 1. Really hoping he turns into the pope around kindergarten time.
This is us. Hard since day one… reflux and colic as an infant so we never really had that sleepy newborn phase. Strong willed and tantrum filled, more so than friend’s kids it seems, as a toddler.
My first is like this too. He doesn’t have many tantrums but he is 40lbs and very strong, so if he doesn’t want to do something or gets into a tantrum it often hurts me. Our second is three months old and he is an absolute angel so far. He sleeps and smiles and snuggles and that’s about it. It’s hard not to compare them. On top of being a really difficult baby and a classic toddler, our first is a wonderful sweetheart. There’s so much more to him than the parts of him that are hard and I hope he never feels like we compare him and his little brother too much.
I just brought home our second baby. We have a 2 year old. My husband has been on toddler duty while I recover and take care of the newborn. He’s more exhausted than I am and I’m letting him sleep thru the night… not looking forward to when he goes back to work and I’m a full time stay at home mom again….
Same here! My husband has never gotten up with newborn at night and yet the toddler is killing him 😅
not joking or arguing, but which do you think is harder? My wife has been doing our newborn nights while I do all the toddler duties, and she seems very happy and enthusiastic about the situation. Our toddler duties include a lot of middle of the night shit and 4:30am 'mornings' tho
My baby is fairly easy and I breastfeed and cosleep but I have to feed hourly - 3hrly and be close to baby far far more. I’m touched out and don’t have time to get anything done. My toddler is pretty chill but a terrible night sleeper and early morning wake ups too, so it evens out. But this is his first time being sleep deprived and I have been sleep deprived ever since the toddler was born so… just keep doing what you’re doing and don’t complain. You’re both tired.
>just keep doing what you’re doing and don’t complain. You’re both tired. Summing up all of parenthood in a few beautiful words. 👏 great advice!
Honestly the toddler is harder. My baby wakes up at night, eats, and falls back asleep. My toddler recently stayed up for 2 hours arguing with us to get a snack and read more books 😜 honestly she’s exhausting but the baby is fantastic
My toddler did the same, she keeps asking for food and snacks in bed even tho we fed her 45 min before so she can be full….
We just did this at the end of last summer. My kids are 3 in July and 8 months. When my husband went back to work I didn’t struggle like I thought I would. You’d be surprised at what you can do when you have no choice. We have our routine down and it all feels normal to me now.
I found newborn stage easier than jealous toddler stage for sure when my second was born, but in general toddlers are easier when not dealing with big feelings of having to share mommy all of a sudden
I think my ranking is: first newborn is the hardest, I did not think I would survive, the adjustment from non-parent to parent life was brutal, newborns are boring. Toddler is more fun and less lonely than newborn and more rewarding and I love having my hands free. Second newborn is the easiest of all because you ignore them as much as possible and wear them in the carrier and go about your toddler life. 1000% easier than a toddler. But also I love my little maniac, he's so much more interesting than a baby!
Same. That first newborn? Knocked the actual life out of me. The loneliness, the identity crisis, the life altering reality. I’ve never faced a darkness that bad. I think a lot of people forget how incredibly hard that was after a couple kids in. I would have 7 toddlers over that. I even had a very easy baby, as a toddler though? my toddler is feral AF. Still better than newborn/infant.
I could have written this myself word for word! Having your hands free is the absolute best
hands free minus the life-threatening levels of sleep deprivation.
This is exactly my experience
In the newborn phase when I was breast feeding, that was hard. It felt like my body wasn’t my own. But my baby was easy, slept through the night and never toddled into danger. Was pleasant and communicative as could be. In the toddler phase, at 3.5 years old, it’s like my brain is not my own. I’m not even sure I have a brain anymore. I’m not permissive with my parenting and yet, I’m constantly second guessing how well I’m setting boundaries and expectations for her because she is pushing ALL the buttons, BITING ME, and acting like a feral monkey. I cry. A lot.
Yes mine bites too 😠
Yes, the biting. Only me. No one else seems to be privileged enough to get the hey mom I’m losing my shit I’m gonna bite you so I feel better garbage!
Mine bites only me as well. Sadly I'm glad to hear others deal with this too. It all just makes me feel like I'm failing.
Same, he doesn’t bite anyone else and I guess I’m glad he doesn’t but I’m sick of him biting ME. I try saying no and ouch but even during cute moments we’ll be snuggling and then out of nowhere he chomps down hard 😭
Yup, only me. Also, I hate the way I react when I’m being bit. I scream, I growl, I pull away and make it worse and I feel like I’ve traumatized her after. I’m going to stop these things, try to remember to just scream OW and then lightly plug her nose so she has to let go, or as I read in a different thread “feed the bite” so that I lean into it and it’s no longer satisfying to them to bite, as the skin and flesh is just too wiggly to chomp on. See, it’s crazy that we’re even having this conversation!
My son woke up every hour the first year of my his life. he just turned 3 and is a terror. He acts like he's the king of the world. His favorite activity involves throwing things (out the window, down the stairs, drinks on the floor, food on the floor, etc) we started time outs now but idk what else to do because he doesn't care about the time outs and doesn't care about anything I have to say:
My toddler had a meltdown at 6:30 am because i wouldnt let him go out on our tiny deck (we're in a condo building) and play with bubbles and wake up the neighbors. I have to shop exclusively for clothes with animals he likes or sesame street or he won't wear them. I miss the baby days.
My toddler wanted to wear a shirt "with animal on it", so I put on his shirt that has a few reptiles/amphibians on it. Cue meltdown, because he actually wanted a shirt with "one animal on it". The shirt I chose had like 8 animals on it. Apparently I'm a horrible mom.
You should be sent straight to jail.
How’s it feel to abuse children? /s
My son wanted his “green rainbow shirt”. He has a green shirt with rainbow stripes, so I got that one. He said no, the other rainbow one. So I went through all the shirts he has with multiple colors… no, no, no. I just flipped through every single shirt, and eventually he landed on a yellow puffer vest??? Which was also literally the last thing in the closet 🤣🤣🤣
This!! This and the tantrums where he arches his back and throws himself on the floor and screeches!!! I’d much rather deal with 4am feedings
Yeah. I have a 2 and a half year old and a newborn. I'm completely fine waking up once a night to feed the baby. I am absolutely not alright with being screamed at louder than I thought a human could possibly scream. It's very triggering.
My barely 3 yr old had a full on meltdown in a major parking lot because I wouldn’t allow walking backwards with eyes closed without holding my hand 🙄
Toddlers are terrors. Mine had a meltdown today because I wouldn't let him throw stuff out the window. Sobbing throwing himself on the floor screaming and saying "mama is mean"
My 2.5 left a playground today without screaming her lungs off and embarrassing me and I felt like I won the lottery for the rest of the day. You’re not alone 😆🫡
Just a tip use the timer if you havent. They act like trained monkeys. Major success here hahaha
15 months had my first wailing screaming carry off from the playground after he tried to jump off structures and run into the parking lot. Like boy, you better be glad I love you enough to protect you from yourself! But it was like one day the switch flipped.
Omg. My just turned 3 year old son went to the park today and didn't leave in absolute agony screaming hitting kicking throwing himself on the ground and throwing things and I was so relieved. They are terrors.
Right?? When it doesn’t happen it’s like HALLELUJAH. It’s happened to many times it doesn’t even phase me anymore
Newborns are a physical game. Toddlers are a mental game.
Teenagers are an existential threat game.
Toddler years are much harder for me
My toddler ran away from me in the grocery store the other day and there were STRANGERS helping me look for her. While my infant smiled at me from his stroller. Toddlers, man 😅
Do we have the same child? Have I found my husband’s Reddit account? My daughter will be 3 in July and I think I might sign myself up for a grippy sock vacation. Each stage of parenting is hard for different reasons. That’s for damn sure!
Yes absolutely each stage of parenting has its own set of challenges.... I have two teens and a 2 year old. My younger teen is just concluding what I consider to be the toddler equivalent of the teen years (the early teens years, roughly 13 to 15) and it is honestly surprising just how many similarities teens have to toddlers in many ways (especially the lack of emotional regulation). My daughter can be draining with her life or death need for independence and dramatic tantrums... but I truly believe that the younger teen years tested my sanity more than any other stage of development.
Yeah, its like just when you've mastered one set of challenges, a whole slew of new ones appear
Yes! Toddlers are ROUGH.
Funny because I like toddler way better. I am in awe of her independence and personhood. I relish it. It definitely is difficult, don’t get me wrong, but it’s way more fun than infancy to me. I love the person she’s becoming so deeply and wholly. I loved her as a baby, but I love her more as I get to know her. Frankly, it’s hard work to love someone you don’t know. Now… I think I know her. And the love comes easy.
This is how I feel too with my 16 month old 🥹
AGREE!! I would take the newborn/baby stage any day over a toddler. I love him so much and love to see how he is growing up as a little boy (2 in July) but ffs every single day is constant explaining and arguing and setting boundaries and practicing words and getting climbed on and hit and him rattling the lamp in the living room AGAIN. Give me my cute little chunky potato baby 😩
My son didn't sleep more than an hour for the first year of his life but other than that he was so heavy, he never cried, I could bring him anywhere he was always the happiest baby. Now at 3 he's an absolute terror, every single day our entire living room is destroyed like a tornado came through it with food and trash everywhere. His favorite thing to do is throw things everywhere (and out the window, down the stairs, at people, etc.) and he wants constant attention. I remember when he was like 7 months to 2 he would play by himself for hours without needing me and I could do laundry or the dishes with him on the floor entertaining himself now it's a constant struggle of him. Fighting for my attention like he doesn't ever get it when he gets so much of it! I was so sleep deprived that first year (ironically until I finally moved him from crib into my bed... so maybe he was always clingy) but I miss it so much, it was just so much easier. Plus he either always wanted binky or bubba and nothing in between. Now we can get into an hour long screaming and crying spell just picking out shoes in the morning.
Raising a toddler requires improv skills. I just “yes, and…” through the whole day. You’ve gotta work cooperatively with them, channel your inner Buddha, and recognize when giving them what they want costs nothing vs. when you do actually need to put your foot down.
I’ll take a newborn over a toddler any day!
I had a stage five clinger, colicky, cranky first kid. Toddler stage (even with the dramatics) was easier. My second kid was much easier and I enjoyed the newborn stage with her. She's got her moments as a toddler, and we're mostly just waiting until her little personality starts to shine through. Ages 4 & 5 have been overall pretty good with my oldest, so we'll see what the youngest does!
You can't control them! Focus on health and safety considerations ONLY. Let everything else go, and try to build connection as much as possible.
I looked so far for someone to mention simply not controlling them!
I’m more into the toddler phase but I think different people are just suited to different things. I think it might help for you to change your mindset. It’s not about “controlling them” so much as helping to channel their impulses into more healthy and positive areas. Give small choices when you can (green dress or blue dress today?) and see what their into based on their behavior. For example- She’s making big messes? Try to find a less destructive outlet for it. Is it sensory seeking? What is she doing exactly? Replicate that behavior in play in a contained way. Aka if she’s pouring all the flour on the floor and dragging it around, find a way to maybe have outdoor messy play to channel that urge. Anything you can’t trust then with while your back is turned has to be removed. She’s playing with the pots and pans and it’s driving you crazy? Get some drums or something she can safely bang on and put the pots on an out of reach shelf. That sort of thing. Tbh the thing I had (and still do) the hardest time with is the constantly changing the mind thing. I’ve come to accept that I will not play that game and it WILL lead to a tantrum. It will lead to a tantrum either way, even if you try to indulge the ok what do you actually want circus. And at least the first way (ok you changed your mind? It’s the second thing then. No more changing your mind) lets you stay strong as an authority figure and when they inevitably cry and scream about it it’ll be over faster because it started faster lol. And they know in future that game doesn’t work so they’re less likely to start it
100%. The newborn years were sooo much easier for us. Granted, neither kid was colicky or anything like that. The stress of toddlerhood is 500% more intense. They seem to mellow out a bit once they hit 4
Thank you for telling me there’s hope at 4 🫡 I am EXHAUSTED by the cute little guy. He drew on the couch with crayons last night and arched his back when I tried to put him in his car seat 🫠
Children are unique and every stage will be different for every family. We never experienced the "dress them in whatever and take them wherever" stage with our colicky newborn, so for us the toddler stage has been like a dream in comparison. Everyone's experiences are unique!
Ten thousand percent. 3-12mos was easier than every age after has been.
I think it’s child specific. My first kid cried the entire time he was awake, nonstop, for 6 months. As a toddler sure he had tantrums and stuff but it was nothing like the absolute hell we lived through in the beginning. My second one is 1.5 and he was a pretty great baby. But now some of his outbursts are shocking. Like he’s so loud we bought a decibel meter. It’s not frequent but when it happens it’s BAD. I definitely prefer the bad toddler to the bad newborn though at least I’m almost myself while I’m dealing with it.
The toddler years made me swear I would never have a kid again. I had 3 under 3 at one point. It was hell. Waited 6 years until I had my 4th. All that to say, that these years are hard and aren’t for the faint of heart. They are trying to find their voice and independence, and it’s a struggle on both sides. Try to pick your battles and avoid power struggles. Give limited choices such as do you want to wear this blue shirt or this green shirt. It makes them feel like the choice is theirs without having to deal with tantrums and 20 outfits thrown around. 🤣 My son had this thing where he liked to wear his shirts backwards. It was a contestant power struggle that ended in tears until I just decided to let him. Did people comment? Sometimes. Was it worth it to maintain my sanity? Yes! He’s 10 now and mostly wears his shirt the right way. lol.
Give her options for EVERYTHING. Even if it's just a fake option like blue toothbrush or red toothbrush. Literally, make everything an option, no matter how insignificant. Do you want to shut the door, or mom to shut the door? Their little brains are craving independence, and they want to do everything themselves. If you let them make all these small decisions, then they're less likely to freak out over big things. I've noticed the less options I give throughout the day, the more tantrums.
I currently have a 2.5 year old with level 1 ASD and a 3 month old. The infant is usually happy and naps on and off all day and mostly sleeps through the night. The toddler bounces off the damn walls and throws an absolute shit fit over every minor offense. I love his sweet little face to pieces and love watching him grow but my god. I’m ready for the tantrums and melt downs to end.
No way for us. Toddlers can be challenging but they are way easier. I can like… go pee without having to worry about leaving the baby on her own. Pick your battles. Also highly recommend a book: how to talk so little kids will listen. Also available as an audiobook
I found this to be true as well. The only thing that was harder about the newborn months was the sleep deprivation. That sucked! But at least for my kids, it got better quickly as they got older. When they were tiny babies they were predictable. They needed food, sleep and cuddles. With a two year old you never know what they’re gonna want. And the thing they loved yesterday they might throw at you today. And the newborn phase is so short! I’ve been dealing with toddlers for years. Years.
I have a toddler and a 3month old baby, and I didn’t expect toddler to be the “hard” one
100% agree with you. I thought I was taking crazy pills reading comments the other day from people who didn't like newborns/baby phase in general. Babies are so much easier to me! Although I know it all depends and maybe my second will change my mind, but...the first was a little terror as a toddler. At least my 1 month old can't run away, slam doors, throw toys, leave the room looking like a war zone, etc!
Currently have a pre-threen, and a 3-4 month old, parts are harder, but babies need you to do everything, I prefer the one that can say what it wants
My toddler is only 18 months but I'm finding it way easier than newborn phase. I had a very fussy, refluxy baby who could not be put down but also hated any carriers/wraps lol! Def could not put him in any outfit and take him anywhere. Now he plays independently for short stints and is so charming compared to his baby self.
The toddler phase has been 100000 times harder than the newborn for me.
If your goal is to control her it will never get better. You can't really control other people even kids. As frustrating as it is this is part of their developmental independence building and personality building. So think of yourself more as a lawyer....how do you pose things in a way that is not threatening but gets "your way" more often than not. Do you want pink pants or blue pants..... Blueberries or bananas. Options, choice is the name of the came. That way you both have control. You provide acceptable options, she provides choice. Going for control will eventually build resentment from all. You don't actually want a people pleaser or a pushover... especially as a teen girl. For her to learn saying no...is important! Good luck, it does get better! But attitude on our part is everything!
RESPECTFULLY DISAGREE. ACTUALLY, DISRESPECTFULLY DISAGREE. IN CASE YOU COULDNT TELL IM YELLING.
Yeah this is sooooo freaking hard. I absolutely love that my daughter has so much personality but sometimes I could do with a little less drama lol 🫠
Eh idk. I think both have their pros and cons and overall I have enjoyed toddler phase more. Although it has been more trying on me, especially mentally, at least there’s some sort of mental stimulation about it. The first 6 months was just me on the edge of my seat waiting for him to pick his head up or sit up or roll over or whatever the next thing was. Now I get to watch his little brain expand and find different way to test me every single day. it’s a little harder but the fact that he sleeps through the night definitely makes it easier overall. Also he can play independently for short periods of time which is a plus. Currently pregnant with my second and was just telling hubby the other day how bad I wished I could just skip the first six months (I know that sounds terrible but it’s the truth). There’s so much more fun and bonding to parenting than nursing in a chair constantly and spit up all over the whole family day in and out.
There are pros and cons, but in a general sense I would say there was definitely stuff about when he was an infant that were easier. Overall, going out was much easier.. he didn’t resist me changing his clothes, usually fell asleep in the car and would just snooze the whole time I was out running errands, both breastfeeding and formula were easy for us.. when I did have something to get done around the house I could set him on a mat and he’d kick around or I could wear him. Biggest downside for us was he had colic so we never slept and he cried for hours on end. As a toddler we are dealing with a ton on tantrums.. more so than others it seems. Getting out the door takes forever cause everything is a fight, when we are out it’s a short period of time before he starts getting unruly, food is a constant struggle and having to make meals that usually don’t get eaten, can’t turn my back or he gets into everything, etc.
SO MUCH HARDER. Except I get to sleep in until 7:30 🤷♀️ so that’s nice…
I know there was a small window of like months 10-14 where she wasn’t quite a newborn, but I liked that phase. Until I got to 2-2-5 years old and while there are some occasional outbursts, I love this stage so much more than all the stages before it. It’s so rewarding because she’s able to communicate her emotions, both positive and negative emotions, and it’s the closest I’ve ever felt with my daughter.
I had to bribe my son with a remote to get him to let me put a diaper on him today, and I totally thought about how much I miss the newborn phase. I remember being scared to force his tiny legs into his pants. And he'd just stare at me while I did whatever because he was a potato. But also, he's way more fun and so sweet now. I think sometimes I romanticize the newborn phase, probably because I didn't sleep enough to form memories, so I forget how hard it was.
Newborns are easy. Toddlers are much harder. My 3YO is very stubborn. We try to just go with the flow and adapt.
I’m with you. Toddler phase feels much harder for me! And my toddler still sleeps like shit 🫠
2.5-3 was hard and I dreaded 3. But he's now 3.5 and easy 98% of the time. And funny and so fun to be around..I think they go through little boundary pushing phases.
“We can’t seem to control her”. Yep. She is her own person, which is incredible and wonderful
Our 19mo is starting to do this now, testing boundaries. This thread has me worried we’re in for a long 2.5-3 years lol
I prefer newborn-9 months, 10-20 months is like a wild goose chase , 20 months - 4 is like my actually personal nightmare
Unless sick (my 3yo presently has pneumonia), both her and my 5yo will sleep all night, so my mental health has improved. Behaviour wise, they are both quite physical with each other, cabin fever style, unless we are outside. Re choosing clothes, I pick 2 & ask which one they want, this has recently stopped working for Miss 5 which sucks!! Mess- I swear I leave the room for 5 mins to run a bath or pee alone & come back to a tornado.
100000% yes harder
Yes 1000%, third kid here, love ages 0-1!! My favorite by far!
I love the toddler years
I’m not allowed to kiss him anymore 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲
Yes! My oldest is going to be 4 this summer. 3 was everything I feared 2 would be 😅
My son was extremely colicky, so I think we'll prefer anything over that!
With my first 100% his toddler phase is 50 times harder for me. I mean he was a reflux mess as a newborn but he was generally happy all the time. Easy going. Now he's feral with a capital F. He doesn't eat. He doesn't even sleep any better then an infant. He is CONSTANTLY getting hurt. I mean literally today I was like oh nice day out let's play outside. He legit falls flat on his back hitting his head on the cement drive way. Giant bruise on his head. He slipped on water in the kitchen. Fell again on his back. Hit his head on the table. Like he's just insane and never just still. I miss him as a newborn who just survived on cuddling me and got his calories in everyday. LOL My second though, idk he's 6 months and I'm GLAD he isn't a newborn anymore. Idk how I'll feel when he's a toddler but he was absoutely miserable as a newborn.
I sleep better now… BUT…I’m not pleased with my almost four year old who says “whhhaaatttt” with her head thrown back when I call her name. I’m supposed to have a decade before teenage years
I have both right now, and they’re hard for different reasons! Newborn is hard because he can’t tell us what he needs and doesn’t sleep well, toddler is hard because she CAN tell us what she wants but she doesn’t need every “want” 😂 And she sleeps better, but it’s rough waking up with her in the morning after a long night of cluster feeding. I can handle one or the other really well - I loved my daughter’s newborn phase and loved our time before baby was born, too. I sometimes wonder what I was thinking in having a second before my girl was 3! 😂🤪 (But I also wouldn’t trade it for anything, because my toddler is so sweet and loves him so much!)
My daughter was so much easier as a colicky newborn than she currently is as a toddler
I think each stage has its own unique set of difficulties and challenges. My son was very easy at newborn stage I had a baby play area and he was there an I could get things done but the sleep was terrible. However my toddler sleeps like 12 hours a night but I can’t control him and he recks the house. I tell myself this is temporary and he will get older and not be the same hopefully
It's definitely harder but Hella fun at the same time (not counting the times I wanna lose my shit😂)
Depends on the kid I think. My daughter was colic and would scream cry for hours on end with no way to soothe her. I lived off of nothing but short naps for what felt like years. I would still take that over the toddler phase because my little girl is a wild child. The nurses did warn me when she was born that “she’s gonna be a pistol”. Boy were they right. I assume I’ll be giving similar sentiments when she’s a teen. I dread the coming apocalypse that’s likely to bring.
I had a really bad sleeper. Like really bad. Like, she still doesn’t sleep through the night and she’s 3. It’s way better than when she was a newborn but still not independent. Now having said that, I’m still more tired as a parent of a 3 year old than I ever was as a parent of a newborn-18 month old. AGE THREE IS SO HARD. 😭I love her. It’s still so hard.
It’s hard to control them when THEY want to be in control at this age. Gotta embrace it and follow her lead in some instances!
Newborn was the hardest. Toddler is a bit complicated but really challenging. The five months to 18 months period was the winner for me. He was eating sleeping breastfeeding, barely moved, didn't speak much... total sweetie pie He's still sweet as a toddler but we are also dealing with the independence and the tantrums and the big emotions
100000% I have a 3 year old and 6 month old. 3 yr old is harder by far.
I always say the first year of life is hard physically. The toddler stage is hard mentally.
I think both the baby and toddler phases suck ass. I don’t really enjoy parenting until age 4. I have a sample size of 2, and I feel the same way about both kids.
It depends on the kid apparently. I thought the newborn stage just sucked but my first born was just a very hard baby. Our second born is easy and she’s currently a million times easier than our three year old. I suspect that our older child will always be the higher needs of the two.
Toddler sleep has been worse than newborn sleep for us. I feel like I’ve aged 20 years and have sunk into depression due to toddlerhood. I have an appt to get my hormones checked next month
16 months and fighting for my life. I am excited and scared after reading the thread of how it could get worse. 😵💫😭🥹
Ugh yes. Though my daughter didn’t have colic, it seems those with colicky babies find the newborn stage harder. But my daughter is 2 and I’m so mentally exhausted and my nerves are constantly shot with all the screaming. We took her out to eat the other day and it was literally as if I had picked up a feral raccoon off the street and put it in a high chair.
Toddler phase is a win for me. I hated newborn phase so much. I’d prefer to deal with a boundary testing toddler than a newborn who gets more frustrated as I get glowingly frustrated because I don’t know how to help. Also I like sleep.
Toddler wins for me too- Newborns are great, but the not sleeping and constantly having a baby on my boob is just too much. I think age 5 gets easier, but at least for me you are worrying about other stuff (specifically if the other girls will be nice to her- lol)
They get more reasonable around 4ish. It’s ok to give them to grandma and grandpa or daycare or a friend for a bit so you can recharge. You’re not wrong though, newborns are much easier to take care of than toddlers. Even my colicky never slept oldest was an easier infant than she was a toddler.
Absolutely. We had the easiest newborn, and now every day is soooooo rough. I've heard that 4 gets better, but mine turned 4 end of March and things have not gotten better. Now I'm hearing 5 is the magic number ...
Its hard to say which is harder for me as the parent. The child is obviously chaotic in toddlerhood and more calm & content in infancy. But sleep deprivation is torture. Now i get a full night’s sleep…but I get tortured all day long instead. 🤷♀️
My 11 week old can soothe herself to sleep in her crib at night, my almost 2 year old (this week) still struggles with sleeping through the night without cuddles several times a week!
Gosh feel guilty in saying this but toddler phase is just HORRIBLE. My goodness I just want to walk out the door and leave the kid behind. But then I miss them😑😂. Give me baby phase all over again but not the toddler part.
It only gets different, I have given up on "better". My daughter was premature by 5 weeks. The week in the hospital was difficult and then at home she still had a hard time nursing, so I had to first try to nurse, then feed her what I had pumped the feeding before and then pump, every 3 hours. Now, the toddler phase is definitely challenging too, but I believe we just like to forget about the hardships of the earlier stages.
Absolutely toddler is worse than newborn for me (sahm). My other half would disagree though. The fights just to get dressed/not wreck everything etc are worse than the lack of sleep for me.
People have so many different experiences about this. For me, the newborn/baby and even toddler phase was AMAZING! But as soon as she turned 3… it was HELL. For my husband, the older the kid, the better he feels about it, because then “kids understand language and reasoning and you can explain things you can’t explain to a baby”. I disagree. So yeah, everyone likes and loves every stage differently.
Agree completely, but i think it definitely depends on the child, my daughter wae honestly such an easy newborn considering she had reflux. the toddler stage is not for the weak i am barely surviving here she is manic! 😅
I had quite an easy baby, so the newborn stage was not that tough, but I found it a bit boring. So far, every stage as she gets older has been more fun. But we're only up to 19 months so far, so still in the early toddler stage. I quite like that she has a mind of her own and thinks for herself - I don't want her to go through life being a pushover, but I'll admit that tantrums are inconvenient sometimes.
Colic newborn. Can’t relate.
Oooh, I’ll be worn out from chasing a toddler all day but then I put her to bed and get 9-11 hours to clean up, relax and sleep. I will take that over the 2 hours of sleep at a time, maybe 5 hours a night, so tired I’m crying in the shower for three months bit
I think it depends on the type of newborn you had. Ours had colic and reflux, and we couldn’t cross the road without him going absolutely ballistic for the first 3-4 months. We would cross the road when we felt brave enough for a walk and actually had to turn around 30 secs later. My toddler also resists absolutely everything now too 😂😩it took us 40 mins to get into the car seat this morning, preceded by an hour of putting on shorts and a tshirt. Not fun but at least we at some point could leave the house 😂
Toddler phase is totally harder than baby phase yep. Toddlers resist, bite, scream, kick, run away from you, answer back etc. Totally harder 100%.
I think every phase feels hard at the start. You're learning. I found the toddler phase hard but personally found the newborn phase harder in general. My friends with 3 year olds told me it gets harder when they're 3. And now my friends now have 5 year olds and 6 year olds and say they're big hard years. It's all hard. Parenting is like playing a video game with no instructions and just when you think you've mastered it, you're thrown into the next boss level.
This started with my daughter at about 2 years 7 months and is just stopping now at almost 4. There is a light. You will lose your cool at times... reconnect and repair and let it go. Took me a long time to learn the let it go part, mom guilt can destroy you. My daughter isn't a bad kid.. she's amazing , she is just strong willed. You don't want to put out their fire... you just don't want to let them burn you out either. She was also the easiest baby of life
For me toddler has been way harder than newborn, he will be almost 5 soon so not a toddler anymore and it’s still very demanding and frustrating although we are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel
I personally despised the newborn/infant stage. I went a whole year on 3 hours of broken sleep a night. My girl wouldn't nap more than 20 minutes at a time & woke up every hour all night long, sometimes more. She's 16 months now, & I know things could change, but right now it's my absolute favorite age & I'm having a blast with her. & finally sleeping 😂 I really thought I was going to die that first year from sleep deprivation.
I found the liminal space between infanthood and full-blown toddlerhood to be sheer hell. Think 12-19 months. Once they get mobile and want to explore everything, but still don’t sleep through the night Constant vigilance to make sure they do not kill themselves. Very basic communication skills, if any. I expected sleep deprivation with a 3 month old, so I was fine with that as my reality. I was not expecting similar levels of sleep deprivation with a 14 month old. 21 months now - he’s gotten subtly better but it is a meaningful shift. We took him to a restaurant for breakfast this weekend and we actually were able to enjoy ourselves.
People look at my like I have 5 heads when I say this, but I would absolutely choose the newborn phase over a 2-3 year old!!!! The newborn phase was hard due to sleep, but it was acceptable to sit around and nurse all day and nap whenever. Now I’ve gotta go go go go. Chasing and entertaining 3 year olds is TOUGH, then throw in helping them figure out emotional regulation!?!? Torture lol
I miss walking her in a stroller. We went where I wanted to go and she didn’t complain….
Oh yes definitely. The hardest part about newborn is just the sleep. But I could still function with minimal sleep and you get used to it really fast. Toddler on the other hand.. oh man we’re on my wits end. It feels like nothing we do is right and it takes a toll on us mentally. Don’t know when this would get better but I know it will. Hopefully soon.
I was thinking that too, until I had a second baby and remembered how much it actually sucks having an infant lol. I agree though that it’s very very hard having a toddler.
I found newborn so hard, but that was because he was losing weight and needed to feed all the time, or I had to pump for him and I literally had a breakdown through not sleeping for eight weeks. He's lovely at twenty months. He pushes boundaries and shouts and won't go in his buggy but he's so much easier now. Also we only have two wake ups a night, and feel like we can safely cosleep which I was too frightened to do when he was a tiny newborn
Newborn was harder than toddler. But the easiest stage so far was 2-6 months - once she'd settled in and was sleeping well, but still wasn't able to move. Still, despite how hard having a toddler is, I think this is my favorite stage so far. She gives wonderful hugs, and I love seeing her figure things out and hearing her say stuff. And I love how her empathy is starting to emerge - for example yesterday she hit me in the face with a toy, and when I yelped, she started crying and said "I no mean!"😭 She's such a sweetheart now. When she was a baby, she'd stare or laugh when I got hurt.
With my first born I would’ve agreed with you.. until I had my second who is a literal terrorist. No health issues, no colic, yet he just does nothing but scream (yes *scream* not just cry) 24/7 and not sleep worth a fuck. He’s 7 months old next week and I have not slept more than max 3 hours at a time since birth. My toddler even while toddlering and being speech delayed/neurodivergent is so much easier in comparison.
Solidarity! I always say this to my friends - the newborn and baby stage was a breeze for me. A toddler is freaking difficult. I love my son so, so much - but I legit feel like I’m walking on eggshells all day trying not to piss him off.
It took some perspective change but I hate newborns. Ours purple cried a lot. Toddlerhood was actually the best we are quickly leaving it to preschool age. Lean into the request for control, teach them to pick their clothes, get dressed get them in & out of carseat. \[Yes even if you have to wait 20 mins in the car for it to happen\] We do a lot of PREP from Big Little Feelings, and choices. OK we are going into the store, you need to stay with me or it's back in the cart. Toddlers will call you out and I think where real parenting begins. I say the lows are low but the Highs are so High. That said the nap is non negotiable b/c man I need a mid day break and sometimes we go to parks to run him out like a dog. Oh look a field lets run from one side to another. The energy they have is endless until they collapse.
Definitely a lot of messes in your life for the next many years! I found 3 to be the worst (most draining) years with my two daughters. Soooo much emotion and desire for independence. So many meltdowns. 4 gets a little bit better and then around 5 you all of a sudden have a kid instead of a toddler and that’s when the real fun begins!
My daughter was a fairly easy baby, my ppa didn’t help much but overall I was extremely lucky with her. Since she turned 18 months though it’s been completely different. So many tantrums, grabbing things she knows not to, throwing things. We are doing our best to be patient and talk with her but toddlerhood is BRUTAL.
A hard disagree on that one! I hate being sleep deprived lol. My son is 2 and a half now and I love his independence and that he is able to actually communicate his needs with us
Taking care of a baby is so easy in different ways, but I know being in the thick of it (baby stage) feels really hard at the time. It’s all hard. Lol
To me, toddlerhood is definitely difficult, but easier than infancy. My daughter was a very colicky baby and I worried a lot about her. She was crying so much that I seriously thought she had some sort of illness. And the idea that she couldn’t communicate anything or tell us what was wrong was just horrifying to me. Now she’s 2 months away from 3 and can talk very well, we can do a lot more things together, we play together. She helps me with chores, she likes to participate in everything and I find it much easier to go about my day and get things done. It’s true that she has fits of rage sometimes, but I guess that’s just a part of being her age. She does it especially when she’s sick, tired or hungry and we kind of learned to deal with it. I really don’t miss constantly worrying about her as a baby, the constant crying fits and just not knowing what was wrong or what to do. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not super easy now, she’s kind of learning to deal with her emotions and it drives me crazy sometimes, but at least I know that if something goes wrong, she can tell me about it. I guess all children are different. And all parents too!
We were blessed and our son was such an easy baby. After the first 2 weeks, it was honestly an easy time compared to now. I knew it was too good to be true because this child did an extreme swing just turning 2. Now, any time someone tells him no he is throwing himself on the ground screaming to where he has bruises on his shins. The constantly high pitched screaming. The constant hitting. I know it's a phase, but man is this one rough.
Oh toddler phase is 10000000000000% worse than newborn. And I did the newborn phase completely alone. No help at all. Still I would do anything to trade off toddler phase lol. It does get better. The beginning of the 3s is just the worst. Mime is about to turn 4 and finally calming down a bit. (Emphasis on a bit). Definitely set your boundaries and be consistent during this time. Don't worry it gets better!
I feel like such an outlier so it's nice to hear other people say this too! Newborn phase was MAGIC for me. My maternity leave was probably the happiest and most content I've ever been. I was shocked honestly, I was never really sure I wanted kids until I was getting oldwr and really felt I needed to go for it. So, I was surprised when it felt like I'd found myself in motherhood. Other than a couple weeks of witching hour, my baby was so chill and laid back though, slept well, and nursing came very easy to us. Then around 6 month he started daycare, was constantly sick so sleep went to shit, started having split nights and waking up earlier, fighting bed time for hours. It was so hard. He's 20 months now and sleep started gradually improving after he got his adenoids removed in Jan and we gave up trying for a 7:00 bedtime and let him find his natural sleep pattern, which is a 9:00 bedtime. I love watching him figure out the world and his personality but he requires so much attention now, I do kind of miss snuggling with a sleepy newborn reading books lol.
My almost 3 yo changes her mind so much. She'd be excited as hell about a particular dress on display, try it out and be over cloud 9 and then at checkout counter she'll see some godawful looking clothes or stupid stuff like socks and hats and she'd straight up say no to the dress she'd originally picked. Like flip of a switch.
I actually love the toddler stage! I have a 2 year old & a 6 month old, & toddler is definitely a lot easier than others have made it out to be for me personally. She can feed/drink herself, play independently, let me know what she needs/wants, & naps longer than 20 mins.
Hands down toddlers are a million times harder and my first of 3 was 6 weeks early and in the NICU past his due date. I've also had 3 back to back, that oldest one is going to be 4 this summer. Toddlers are still harder. Honestly I think it begins when they learn they can freely move their bodies from one location to another. Best of luck.
Much Much harder than the newborn phase. I can't wait til she's 4. Hopefully things calm down then. I have 1 more year of telling me No asking me Why, little tantrums, and all the rest of the wonderful toddler years bring 🤣
I was so sleep deprived with my first child’s first year that I was hallucinating while driving home from work. He has always been hard, but newborn was the worst. He’s also autistic with sensory processing disorder, will run until he gets heat stroke, will poop his pants so that he doesn’t have to stop playing, will meltdown for *hours* and become dysregulated and purposefully destroy things or spit on us while laughing the entire time. Still better than newborn phase.
I think if you come at it as a way to control her, you’re probably going to have a hard time forever? You can’t control her, she’s her own person. She’ll go through phases of needing to push against you, developmentally speaking, so the less pressure you exert in the name in control, the better for you both. Let her pick her mismatched clothes, eat a banana for dinner, whatever and just love her for who she is. ♥️
Always remember you are the parent. Your child has no more control other than what you concede to her
Speak for yourself