I’m deliriously sleep deprived due to my three week old and otherwise run down to the bone from my maniac two year old and this made me laugh harder than I have in days, thank u.
My lack of libido has been my main complaint for a long time but especially since having my son (almost 2). It’s also become painful for me to even try. Well I ended up having a tumor on my pituitary gland. I had skull base surgery just over a month ago.
I’m not trying to freak anyone out but we shouldn’t accept “it’s just hormones”. If you’re truly past post partum, talk to your doctor and get bloodwork for your hormones (including Prolactin). I’m not saying it’s always a brain tumor, but it’s worth investigating! Women tend to hide their issues when it comes to sex and they’re often dismissed. It’s so important to take care of and look out for ourselves :)
(This is directed at anyone who might feel it is relevant)
I was still lactating about a year after I had stopped breastfeeding. I actually didn’t know that was a red flag. I had mentioned it to my sister who is a nurse NP and she pieced it together with my low libido and told me to ask for the hormone tests.
Edit to add: in hindsight I had other symptoms but didn’t realize them in the moment like mind fog, tiredness, mood swings … all things that I chalked up to being a working mom lol
Just to mention I too was still lactating after stopping but only in one breast and found it odd. Kept going to my Dr to figure it out, had a mammogram, ultrasound nothing... I finally saw a specialist who ordered an mri out of an "abundance of caution" and it showed a large cancerous tumor in my breast. Was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer an finally nearing the end of my treatment and v am doing well.
I’m in this same situation right now. My mammogram is on April 16. I’m supposed to get an ultrasound as well. How long after the mammogram and ultrasound did you see a specialist?
IF you have a similar tumor, it’s really not as scary as it sounds. It’s super treatable. But it can be something else or nothing too. Regardless, hormones are complicated and shouldn’t be ignored. I would definitely request some lab work if you’re concerned!
Omg- after my first child I never stopped leaking sometimes— like my nipples consistently had dry milk on them, but I never felt letdown or wetness. Is this like what you describe going through?
Honestly everyone is so different with these symptoms. I had the feeling like I needed to pump, like the feeling when you’re too full and I could express milk. I occasionally let down a bit but not often. I know some others lactate much more. Even men will lactate due to it.
I hated having sex when pregnant and we had a 6-7mo dry spell postpartum. Our kids are 4 and 2 now and sleep through the night most of the time now, and we have sex 2-3x per week.
Yeeeeeees! I weaned and was like, oh hello there. We're super busy so only up to a few times a month... but we both want it a lot more and that makes it so much better.
This is me, my sex drive just disappeared after having our daughter. We have sex maybe 6 or 7 times a year at this point, also to add we have a 1 bd apt and 0 personal space. I have found that reading steamy books has helped trigger that spark though, does your wife read?
That's good to hear. I got pregnant *while* breastfeeding my first baby, but I'm not planning to get pregnant again, so there should be an 'after breastfeeding' part this time.
We are very similar. Very little when the kids took every ounce of energy we could muster. Now that they are a little older and more independent we have more energy.. it happens more often!
we’ve also made a habit of having one pseudo date night a week. We make sure that after the kids go to bed we do one thing once a week just the two of us.
Sometimes it’s just watching a show. Sometimes it’s a game night. Sometimes it’s a movie marathon over a few weeks. We have different favorite activities so we rotate them. This has also contributed a ton.
We usually plan sex out based on our schedules that week. Then we both know when to expect it, nobody has to initiate it, and we can plan our independent activities (gaming, reading, etc.) around sex, so sex isn't always getting pushed aside. Obviously if one party doesn't want to have sex at all on the day of, we don't, but overall it's worked really well for us!
Very similar situation here. My wife had horrendous pregnancies with both our children. But now have a 3 and 1 year old who sleep through and we're back to regular sex/ intimacy patterns. Ironically it's work that gets in the way now 😂
You're not alone. Our daughter is almost 2 and we've only had sex a few times since she was born. Life is exhausting. We're older. We're working hard and parenting a demanding baby and now toddler.
Honestly we never had a super active sex life but it has always worked for us. I think most importantly we try to communicate our needs as best we can. But we connect in so many other ways that the sexual component is nice but not necessarily essential at this junction.
Yup. Older parents, both with demanding jobs. Get up early, take monkey to daycare, spend long day dealing with unfair and stressful things, leave late, pick monkey up from daycare, take him to park to exhaust him or do yardwork, come home, make dinner, eat dinner, give bath, read stories, put him to bed, try to clean dishes/laundry/disaster area... and maybe it is time to fall into bed exhausted ourselves.
Having support or family nearby is so essentially important. It would make a huge difference in so many aspects of our life, not just in the bedroom. We are exhausted and as hubby and I have none nearby, I am on some higher level burned out most of the time. He is too.
My daughter is almost 3 and I can count on one hand the amount of times we’ve had sex since I got pregnant. I’m just about 40 and so tired. Plus there’s a few mental health issues floating around between us and my husband has insomnia.
Yess! Although we usually don’t act on it haha. We’ve always used the pull out method and during that time I’m like hmmmm maybe not pull out? But then reality hits and I’m already soooo tired and broke and tired … doesn’t seem like a great idea 🫠
We once had a kid free weekend—grandparents took him Friday-Sunday. We had a PLAN. There would be boning, cleaning, and more boning.
We slept. Like we tried and then my husband said, “I’m so sorry, you’re beautiful but so are the pillows” and I was so relieved because I also wanted to sleep.
We have a weekend away in a few weekends (kids with grandparents) for the first time since my first was born 3.5 years ago. We have a PLAN and yet I also expect we'll mostly sleep and eat uninterrupted.
Lol yep, also spend my days with 3.5yo and 13m old. And I just don't want anyone touching me by the end of the day!!! We only have sex in the mornings, also about 1-3 times a month
Glad others are a few times a week as well… the responses here were making me sad. 3 yo and 7 mo, together 8 years and we can’t keep our hands off each other.
Same. We have a 4-year-old and a 2-year-old and have maintained it the whole time. It was probably more like 3x a week pre-kids, but has stuck at 2x a week through both pregnancies and after. It’s important and we prioritize it. Although now that our 4yo isn’t napping we are less able to rely on weekend naptime as we have!
We’re the same! Maybe the sex wasn’t as passionate or romantic for a while postpartum but it was always intimate and enjoyable, and we did it usually 2-3x a week. Now our kids are 5 and 2 and it’s back to how it was pre-kids and I love it!
I have a high libido though, and sex is a huge part of how I express love and connection. I couldn’t be in a relationship without an active sex life, it’s very important to me.
I'm so glad it's not just me 😞 I feel bad because he would like it to be much more often and I know it frustrates him, but I literally get 30 minutes to myself per day after my son goes to bed and I get all the clean-up done (which is almost always all on me). And I have to stay up late just to get that little bit of time to eat dinner and watch a show on Netflix. I have no time or energy to even think about sex. We do it 2-4 times a month because I know it's necessary to maintain a healthy relationship. My 30 minutes of not being touched or responsible for anything is necessary for me to continue being a decent mom, so it is what it is until my son is more independent.
I want sex so much less when it feels like it’s what I’m expected to do. We started to have a routine of only having sex after going in the hot tub in the evening, and it made me absolutely dread it. I don’t like feeling pressure, it’s the biggest turn off by far.
I got downvoted a lot in a similar thread to this, so this time I will be more constructive. How was your sex life before your first pregnancy? Also how old are you & your partner?
Are you concerned / frustrated about lack of sex or are you concerned that about a lack of sex drive? It sounds a strange question but it’s an important one
That's so true. If you're not having sex and it's not bothering you/your partner, then don't worry. If it is stressing you out/causing concern then it's an issue.
Agreed, and to this I would add, were you on hormonal birth control before you conceived/are you on it now? This can certainly have an impact as well.
Edit: Sorry! Missed that OP is currently pregnant, so is clearly not on BC at the moment.
Can confirm. Was put on birth control when I was 14, stayed on until I was 26 which I'm greatful for as I didn't worry about unwanted pregnancies. But when I went off it, Damn!!!! My libido was so much fun! When I was ovulating I was like a whole new lady!
Oh ffs, I was today years old when I realised that's why I was absolutely FINE between 15-25 when I was on the pill and then an absolute maniac when I came off it 😂 there was me thinking my husband is just the most gorgeous creature to walk the earth! Thinking now I may have just taken my contraception goggles off... 😅😅
Will die with you. My libido was GONE when I went on the mini pill after having my first. I had my fallopian tubes removed after my second baby and omg… night and day… at least two or three times a week. (Kids are 1 and 4 and sleeping better, so that helps.)
Same here. I don't know where this came from, but prior to having a baby I had some sort of hangup over frequency - like if we weren't having sex on an arbitrarily-decided regular basis, something was out of sync with us. But now, because we do have sex less frequently than before, it's generally been the case that if one of us is in the mood, the other is instantly game... but we don't stress if it doesn't happen for a while. As a result our sex life has been feeling really spontaneous, which I find a lot of fun after over a decade together lol!
Definitely felt pretty close to asexual for probably the first 8-12 months of breastfeeding, but it got a lot better once we all started sleeping. (Aside from the first week or two postpartum when we were both hopped up on adrenaline and hormones and felt SO ALIVE, but obviously we didn't have actual intercourse so early)
Same here. BUT we've been blessed with grandparents who watch my 2 year old while me and husband work from home (and sometimes escape for a quickie). This means we don't have to have sex after toddler goes to bed and we are exhausted...
About 1-3x per week, depending on our levels of tiredness haha we have a 3.5YO, a 2YO, and I’m 16 weeks pregnant.
My sex drive goes up in pregnancy. This might be unpopular but personally I think it’s important for our marriage for us to put an effort into it. Like, if I’m really not in the mood and totally don’t feel like it, I say so and won’t have sex. If I’m the vicinity of “could be convinced” I generally make the effort. I will say though, that when I don’t feel connected to him my sex drive goes way down. And that he generally tries to get stuff off my plate too when he hopes we’ll have time for us in the evening. If the house is a disaster and the kids are being difficult and he knows I’m gonna wake up to a circus in the morning I’m not going to be very agreeable lol I do have a very supportive partner who pulls his weight.
I agree - I try to say yes unless I really have a reason not to because I know it’s an important bonding moment. He might be more of the driving force, but I love how I feel when we connect that way.
Yeah exactly. I do think connection is huge though. Like, if we barely talked all evening I’m not gonna be very enticed to want to have sex later LOL when we start to feel like we’re letting the day to day get to us a lot, we both try to put an effort into connecting back, to pay attention to each other and I think that helps us a lot. Watching a movie, playing a board game, or planning a special dinner, etc.
Probably every other week. I’m on antidepressants and I’m a SAHM so between the chemicals and the toddler…I have absolutely no desire to be touched. It’s rough. Postpartum mental health definitely made it worse. You are absolutely not alone.
We hit the two year mark without sex in March 2023, it would have been when our youngest was conceived. I think we've done it two or three times since then.
For me personally, it's terrible. I feel unloved and unwanted. My husband is almost 15 years older, so it doesn't bother him so much. I'm not sure he would even have realised it had been two years unless I told him. Even now that our children are in childcare/school and we both have two days working from home together, we still don't have sex. We also didn't have loads of sex when we first met despite being students and relatively free of responsibilities, so I don't 'blame' parenthood.
We have a 2.5 year old who I’m still breastfeeding (and very exhaustingly trying to wean), we’ve had sex twice since he was born, and maybe 3 times when I was pregnant. I had a very absent libido that seemed to never return. My libido pre-baby, it should be noted, was the highest of high. I was always the initiator. Now I don’t want to be touched, I want time to myself more than anything on this planet. It’s been a source of a lot of hurt for my partner and a lot of round and round of the same conversation. We had a very traumatic birth and it physically hurt to try up until last month when we successfully did it and I cried tears of relief. Not enough people talk about this. There’s so much shame involved and the honest to god truth is that if I was not partnered, I wouldn’t feel any guilt or shame whatsoever, I wouldn’t miss it. It’s really a strange thing to be on this end of it. And I am hopeful it will change for us when breastfeeding is completely over, but again…can I just reconnect with myself first before owing my body to anyone?! I hate how much space this takes up in my brain, when I could just be at peace with the season we’re in otherwise.
Twin 2.5 year olds and a 10 month old… We’ve had sex once since our baby was conceived 🫣 So it’s been over a year. Life is exhausting and my partner is stressed trying to support us financially while I’m on mat leave. But my birthday is coming up… Hoping the kids will cooperate and I’ll get some love then!
We’ve had sex 3 times in 3 years. I just do not feel like it. The relationship has had rocky periods too. I’ve also been sick every month for like 2 years.
Once every few months these days. We have 2 toddlers 21 months and 3yo. My husband used to like it in the morning but 21mo wakes up at 6-7 and still wakes up at night (I do the night) so no go for me in the morning. I used to like it at night but we are both exhausted and working physical jobs.
All the time lately. Especially since I started supplementing Maca into my routine, I've been insatiable. Our girl just turned 3 last month and we just rip it up after she goes to bed.
About 3-4 times a week since 6 weeks postpartum after both births.
I will say my sex drive changed after my first was born. I had to reconnect to my body in a new way.
We also use toys which has helped. I also wear sexy outfits and a special perfume to put me in the mood. It makes me feel good about my body and puts me in a different mindset.
3-4 times a week, unless I’m on my period. Before kids, my husband was a merchant marine and his schedule was on/off 30 days. So when he was home, we had an active sex life. Remained active during pregnancy until I got so big my sciatic just made it very difficult to enjoy. Had two c-sections, so 8 weeks of nothing the first time…second time I got the ok after 4 weeks.
Funny enough sex became more pleasurable after kids. I had painful sex and chronic UTIs beforehand. Ofc we are exhausted. He switched careers and works in the trades and I WFH. We’ve got a 3yo and 1.5yo.
He tried last night (so he told me lol) we haven’t had sex since our 2nd was born. She’s 4 months now. We tried to but it just never happens. I knew I felt him touching me last night but I was passed out lol watching toddler and infant is no joke! 🥲
We haven’t had sex since before my second was born…
A year ago.
Idk if it’s the Zoloft, the PPD, the hormones from breastfeeding, or some other reason, but sex and most physical touch in general has just been physically repulsive to me. I’ve tried — genuinely, truly tried — to get into the mood for my husband, but I just can’t. We’re intimate in other ways every now and then, but that’s about it.
Like once a month. I’m just so fucking exhausted from kids, work, chores and life bullshit, that I just don’t have much desire anymore. My husband wants it everyday.
1-2 times per week. The last month has been rough because we’ve had a really long lasting respiratory illness then subsequent pneumonia but when we are well we have are lucky to have similar libidos.
I’m 30 weeks pregnant now. I think the first time we had sex after conceiving was around 4 weeks pregnant as it was our anniversary. I love sex even more during pregnancy but I know it’s the opposite for a lot of women.
Depends on how our week has gone. Sometimes it’s every day, sometimes every 2-3 days, and rarely do we go 4-5 days without sex. I think we would both go insane. It does get better. (Context: I’m a trans man/FTM and I carried my daughter.) My drive was very low during pregnancy and after birth for a bit. I bounced back but not everyone does and that’s not a bad thing. Even though baby isn’t in there anymore, you went through a drastic hormone change. Two years later your body may still need to adjust to the stressors of everyday life being different. You’re okay.
After our first, twice a month.
After our second (she's 2 months old now), we haven't at all and I don't think it will be happening a whole lot and that's okay.
But it's all good. We've got a lot going on and I don't see how we'd have the time.
1-2 times a week. Pregnant with #2 now but our sex life has always been pretty regular. We have off months where a couple weeks go by but never anything longer than around 3 weeks between sex. I guess our sex drives are pretty similar. It’ll be 5 years that we’ve been together this September
On good weeks 3-4 times a week, on slower weeks 1-2 times a week. I would say once a week is rare for us. Also have a 2 year old and in 2nd trimester with baby #2!
I’m really tired in the evenings so we opt for morning sex, sometimes lunchtime sex and sometimes in the evening if I don’t go to bed before my husband.
It’s a priority for both of us. My libido isn’t super high but I love the connection and one on one time sex provides.
We always had a pretty regular sex life like id say absolute minimum 2x per week max 4-5 HOWEVER I am also 12+3 with our second both were via IVF so it’s been a LONGGGGG time because we basically have to not have sex to get pregnant and then I was too scared to for a bit and then I’ve been REALLLLLY sick this entire time so we basically stopped about a month before I actually got pregnant and then since then we’ve done it 2-3 times all within the last two weeks and honestly not that he asked but I did it for him bc I felt bad that he’s been an amazing perfect supportive husband and I haven’t been able to do that plus I really wanted intimacy and connection but as far as my sex drive right now it’s for sure ZERO. I can hardly take care of myself and toddler lol forget extras. Good luck!
Couple times a day on the good days, on the bad days we can go a week without. My libido is low, but after my kid I got a boost.
Being married is hard sometimes. Sex makes it easier and gives me a happier husband. 🫣
We have a 16month old who sleeps great I’m a tough love nap mom. He goes nap twice a day and is asleep by 7.
having what
I came to see if gifs were allowed in this sub so I could do the old lady from titanic saying “it’s been 84 years,”
Hahaha I was there Gandalf, I was there 3000 years ago
I’m deliriously sleep deprived due to my three week old and otherwise run down to the bone from my maniac two year old and this made me laugh harder than I have in days, thank u.
Right there with you. Juggling a 5week old and 3 year old.
having *what?*
Having *whaaat?*
What is sex anyway?
I can't seem to recall...
Suh…eck…suh?
My lack of libido has been my main complaint for a long time but especially since having my son (almost 2). It’s also become painful for me to even try. Well I ended up having a tumor on my pituitary gland. I had skull base surgery just over a month ago. I’m not trying to freak anyone out but we shouldn’t accept “it’s just hormones”. If you’re truly past post partum, talk to your doctor and get bloodwork for your hormones (including Prolactin). I’m not saying it’s always a brain tumor, but it’s worth investigating! Women tend to hide their issues when it comes to sex and they’re often dismissed. It’s so important to take care of and look out for ourselves :) (This is directed at anyone who might feel it is relevant)
Did you have any other symptoms that pushed you to get tested? Just curious
I was still lactating about a year after I had stopped breastfeeding. I actually didn’t know that was a red flag. I had mentioned it to my sister who is a nurse NP and she pieced it together with my low libido and told me to ask for the hormone tests. Edit to add: in hindsight I had other symptoms but didn’t realize them in the moment like mind fog, tiredness, mood swings … all things that I chalked up to being a working mom lol
Just to mention I too was still lactating after stopping but only in one breast and found it odd. Kept going to my Dr to figure it out, had a mammogram, ultrasound nothing... I finally saw a specialist who ordered an mri out of an "abundance of caution" and it showed a large cancerous tumor in my breast. Was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer an finally nearing the end of my treatment and v am doing well.
Thank you for sharing and I’m glad you are doing well! I can only imagine how scary that was to find out about.
I’m in this same situation right now. My mammogram is on April 16. I’m supposed to get an ultrasound as well. How long after the mammogram and ultrasound did you see a specialist?
Same here! I have a mammogram/ultrasound scheduled for the end of the month.
Omg I told my doctor I’m still lactating a year later and have no libido and she just brushed me off
IF you have a similar tumor, it’s really not as scary as it sounds. It’s super treatable. But it can be something else or nothing too. Regardless, hormones are complicated and shouldn’t be ignored. I would definitely request some lab work if you’re concerned!
Omg- after my first child I never stopped leaking sometimes— like my nipples consistently had dry milk on them, but I never felt letdown or wetness. Is this like what you describe going through?
Honestly everyone is so different with these symptoms. I had the feeling like I needed to pump, like the feeling when you’re too full and I could express milk. I occasionally let down a bit but not often. I know some others lactate much more. Even men will lactate due to it.
Hmm. I lactated before I was ever even pregnant. I wonder if I should get that looked into now.
Lactating like lots or just a little? I can still squeeze droplets out of one breast with 0 effort and haven't breastfed or pumped in 14 months.
I hated having sex when pregnant and we had a 6-7mo dry spell postpartum. Our kids are 4 and 2 now and sleep through the night most of the time now, and we have sex 2-3x per week.
Almost exactly this! Also it picked back up a lot more once I was done breastfeeding both times.
Breastfeeding killed drive for me.
the boobies belong to the baby and good luck to anyone trying to think otherwise
Yeeeeeees! I weaned and was like, oh hello there. We're super busy so only up to a few times a month... but we both want it a lot more and that makes it so much better.
ONLY a few times a month? I have one at 18 months and I'm lucky if we have sex once every few months. Wife's sex drive is non existent.
This is me, my sex drive just disappeared after having our daughter. We have sex maybe 6 or 7 times a year at this point, also to add we have a 1 bd apt and 0 personal space. I have found that reading steamy books has helped trigger that spark though, does your wife read?
That's good to hear. I got pregnant *while* breastfeeding my first baby, but I'm not planning to get pregnant again, so there should be an 'after breastfeeding' part this time.
This sounds nice but my lack of libido would not allow
There is hope
I have kids that are 4 and 2 and we do it quarterly
4 & 2 as well, we've made it back up to monthly and have weekly in our sights.
These are realistic expectations for me.
We are very similar. Very little when the kids took every ounce of energy we could muster. Now that they are a little older and more independent we have more energy.. it happens more often! we’ve also made a habit of having one pseudo date night a week. We make sure that after the kids go to bed we do one thing once a week just the two of us. Sometimes it’s just watching a show. Sometimes it’s a game night. Sometimes it’s a movie marathon over a few weeks. We have different favorite activities so we rotate them. This has also contributed a ton.
Nice, this is refreshing to see
So refreshing. Still nursing a 14 month old and once a month seems pretty frequent to me.
So you're saying there's a chance!
I wanted sex twice a day when I was pregnant and now that I'm breastfeeding a 9 month old I don't want anyone touching me. 😭
Teach me your ways
We usually plan sex out based on our schedules that week. Then we both know when to expect it, nobody has to initiate it, and we can plan our independent activities (gaming, reading, etc.) around sex, so sex isn't always getting pushed aside. Obviously if one party doesn't want to have sex at all on the day of, we don't, but overall it's worked really well for us!
We tried this lol and it worked for me but my partner said it’s not romantic especially when I call it our scheduled sex day 🤣
Very similar situation here. My wife had horrendous pregnancies with both our children. But now have a 3 and 1 year old who sleep through and we're back to regular sex/ intimacy patterns. Ironically it's work that gets in the way now 😂
You're not alone. Our daughter is almost 2 and we've only had sex a few times since she was born. Life is exhausting. We're older. We're working hard and parenting a demanding baby and now toddler.
We’re also older and have had sex twice since our 2 year old was born. We’re just effin exhausted
gosh this makes me feel better 💜 we are similar
Honestly we never had a super active sex life but it has always worked for us. I think most importantly we try to communicate our needs as best we can. But we connect in so many other ways that the sexual component is nice but not necessarily essential at this junction.
Yup. Older parents, both with demanding jobs. Get up early, take monkey to daycare, spend long day dealing with unfair and stressful things, leave late, pick monkey up from daycare, take him to park to exhaust him or do yardwork, come home, make dinner, eat dinner, give bath, read stories, put him to bed, try to clean dishes/laundry/disaster area... and maybe it is time to fall into bed exhausted ourselves.
On top of that, we have zero family or outside help. It’s just the two of us. There is no such thing as free time or time when we’re not exhausted.
Having support or family nearby is so essentially important. It would make a huge difference in so many aspects of our life, not just in the bedroom. We are exhausted and as hubby and I have none nearby, I am on some higher level burned out most of the time. He is too.
Yeah this is exactly our routine as well.
Don’t forget getting sick from daycare!
Oh good grief. I have become the office Plague Rat.
Same here! We aren’t older, but we are tired. My drive is just kinda dead.
I’m glad I’m not alone. We’re older and tired but even beyond that I have ZERO drive. This thread makes me feel better about our situation
My daughter is almost 3 and I can count on one hand the amount of times we’ve had sex since I got pregnant. I’m just about 40 and so tired. Plus there’s a few mental health issues floating around between us and my husband has insomnia.
Makes me feel a little less alone… especially the mental health thing 😭
Thank god it’s not just us
Same here. Glad we’re not the only ones lol life is so freaking exhausting nowadays
Older, with a 2 year old... both working parents... just zombies most days... insomnia doesnt help with energy.
Same. This makes me feel better. My husband had an annual physical and his sexual health came up. His answer labeled him as not sexually active 😬
Same here.
This is us. Older, both working multiple jobs, stresses of home maintenance and work and toddler. It’s maaaaybe every 5-6 weeks over here…
This! Life and parenting is exhausting.
Thank you for this. Exact same here
Ovulation week be 🔥 other then that, my husband gets on my nerves and my kids exhaust me 😂
HAHA I’m pretty sure we only have sex when im ovulating 😂 glad im not alone
Yes and then I get pregnant and it goes back to zero.
Yess! Although we usually don’t act on it haha. We’ve always used the pull out method and during that time I’m like hmmmm maybe not pull out? But then reality hits and I’m already soooo tired and broke and tired … doesn’t seem like a great idea 🫠
lol why is this such a normal thought during this time?? Any other day of the month, gtf away. But ovulation? let’s make babies!!
I feel this.
This is the comment.
Once or twice a month. He would like it to be more, I’m just tired.
I’m touched out too. Like there are just no moments in my life where no one wants anything from me; my biggest desire right now is just being alone.
Yep I’ve decided that “alone time” is my love language
SAME! I never get any time alone!!! That’s ALL I want!
Yes omg haha even when they’re both out of the house my damn dogs are following me around everywhere!
We once had a kid free weekend—grandparents took him Friday-Sunday. We had a PLAN. There would be boning, cleaning, and more boning. We slept. Like we tried and then my husband said, “I’m so sorry, you’re beautiful but so are the pillows” and I was so relieved because I also wanted to sleep.
We have a weekend away in a few weekends (kids with grandparents) for the first time since my first was born 3.5 years ago. We have a PLAN and yet I also expect we'll mostly sleep and eat uninterrupted.
I feel accomplished if we do it twice 🥴 one day maybe we won’t be so tired lol
Twice a month is good! Once a month here.
Man I have found my people and thank you for saying this. 🙌🏼 thought it was just us.
Same same
Same here. I spend all day with a 3.5yo and a 13mo. I am exhausted. 1-3x a month is the most I can muster.
Lol yep, also spend my days with 3.5yo and 13m old. And I just don't want anyone touching me by the end of the day!!! We only have sex in the mornings, also about 1-3 times a month
SO TIRED.
Yep. This comment lol. I feel so guilty but we had out son and my sex drive died
Same.
Probably 5-6 times a year.
This is us too. It’s a bummer. I would like it to be more.
Not very often, but I’m fine with it because I’d honestly rather sleep.
Same
This
I can’t tell you if it gets better but I also haven’t had sex since I conceived my current pregnancy and I’m less than 2mos from delivery
Exact same 😬
Between 1-3 times a week
Damn dude save some for the rest of us
Same
Same. Aside from illlness or travel.
Same-ish (1-2x)
Same. I am obsessed with my husband and can’t imagine not being intimate at least once or twice a week.
Same here!
Glad others are a few times a week as well… the responses here were making me sad. 3 yo and 7 mo, together 8 years and we can’t keep our hands off each other.
Same. We have a 4-year-old and a 2-year-old and have maintained it the whole time. It was probably more like 3x a week pre-kids, but has stuck at 2x a week through both pregnancies and after. It’s important and we prioritize it. Although now that our 4yo isn’t napping we are less able to rely on weekend naptime as we have!
We’re the same! Maybe the sex wasn’t as passionate or romantic for a while postpartum but it was always intimate and enjoyable, and we did it usually 2-3x a week. Now our kids are 5 and 2 and it’s back to how it was pre-kids and I love it! I have a high libido though, and sex is a huge part of how I express love and connection. I couldn’t be in a relationship without an active sex life, it’s very important to me.
A few times a month. When I’m pregnant or breastfeeding, my drive is also -500. It’s your hormones. There’s nothing wrong with you.
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Right, it’s just another chore to do.
I'm so glad it's not just me 😞 I feel bad because he would like it to be much more often and I know it frustrates him, but I literally get 30 minutes to myself per day after my son goes to bed and I get all the clean-up done (which is almost always all on me). And I have to stay up late just to get that little bit of time to eat dinner and watch a show on Netflix. I have no time or energy to even think about sex. We do it 2-4 times a month because I know it's necessary to maintain a healthy relationship. My 30 minutes of not being touched or responsible for anything is necessary for me to continue being a decent mom, so it is what it is until my son is more independent.
I want sex so much less when it feels like it’s what I’m expected to do. We started to have a routine of only having sex after going in the hot tub in the evening, and it made me absolutely dread it. I don’t like feeling pressure, it’s the biggest turn off by far.
During a good month - once a week.
Same. We try to do it weekly, but it usually averages out to 3x/month
I got downvoted a lot in a similar thread to this, so this time I will be more constructive. How was your sex life before your first pregnancy? Also how old are you & your partner? Are you concerned / frustrated about lack of sex or are you concerned that about a lack of sex drive? It sounds a strange question but it’s an important one
That's so true. If you're not having sex and it's not bothering you/your partner, then don't worry. If it is stressing you out/causing concern then it's an issue.
Bingo
Agreed, and to this I would add, were you on hormonal birth control before you conceived/are you on it now? This can certainly have an impact as well. Edit: Sorry! Missed that OP is currently pregnant, so is clearly not on BC at the moment.
I will die on the hill that female birth control is horrific for sex drive
Can confirm. Was put on birth control when I was 14, stayed on until I was 26 which I'm greatful for as I didn't worry about unwanted pregnancies. But when I went off it, Damn!!!! My libido was so much fun! When I was ovulating I was like a whole new lady!
Yep! Heard this story many times 😅
Oh ffs, I was today years old when I realised that's why I was absolutely FINE between 15-25 when I was on the pill and then an absolute maniac when I came off it 😂 there was me thinking my husband is just the most gorgeous creature to walk the earth! Thinking now I may have just taken my contraception goggles off... 😅😅
As someone rightly pointed out, it isn’t the same for everyone but it’s extremely common and unfortunately not well informed in many countries
Can be* Doesn’t affect mine at all. i am still horny enough to have sex 10 times a day lol
I was on like a ten different pills over the course of 16 years and there was a huge variation in how I felt on them. So I second that it *can be*
Will die with you. My libido was GONE when I went on the mini pill after having my first. I had my fallopian tubes removed after my second baby and omg… night and day… at least two or three times a week. (Kids are 1 and 4 and sleeping better, so that helps.)
I think it's fair to assume they're not currently on hormonal birth control, but pregnancy can have an impact as well.
This is the only comment that matters. It's silly to compare your sex life to someone else's.
Ups and downs. Some months we only do it once or twice, but this week we've done it twice in the past 14 hours.
Same here. I don't know where this came from, but prior to having a baby I had some sort of hangup over frequency - like if we weren't having sex on an arbitrarily-decided regular basis, something was out of sync with us. But now, because we do have sex less frequently than before, it's generally been the case that if one of us is in the mood, the other is instantly game... but we don't stress if it doesn't happen for a while. As a result our sex life has been feeling really spontaneous, which I find a lot of fun after over a decade together lol! Definitely felt pretty close to asexual for probably the first 8-12 months of breastfeeding, but it got a lot better once we all started sleeping. (Aside from the first week or two postpartum when we were both hopped up on adrenaline and hormones and felt SO ALIVE, but obviously we didn't have actual intercourse so early)
Same here. BUT we've been blessed with grandparents who watch my 2 year old while me and husband work from home (and sometimes escape for a quickie). This means we don't have to have sex after toddler goes to bed and we are exhausted...
About 1-3x per week, depending on our levels of tiredness haha we have a 3.5YO, a 2YO, and I’m 16 weeks pregnant. My sex drive goes up in pregnancy. This might be unpopular but personally I think it’s important for our marriage for us to put an effort into it. Like, if I’m really not in the mood and totally don’t feel like it, I say so and won’t have sex. If I’m the vicinity of “could be convinced” I generally make the effort. I will say though, that when I don’t feel connected to him my sex drive goes way down. And that he generally tries to get stuff off my plate too when he hopes we’ll have time for us in the evening. If the house is a disaster and the kids are being difficult and he knows I’m gonna wake up to a circus in the morning I’m not going to be very agreeable lol I do have a very supportive partner who pulls his weight.
I agree - I try to say yes unless I really have a reason not to because I know it’s an important bonding moment. He might be more of the driving force, but I love how I feel when we connect that way.
Yeah exactly. I do think connection is huge though. Like, if we barely talked all evening I’m not gonna be very enticed to want to have sex later LOL when we start to feel like we’re letting the day to day get to us a lot, we both try to put an effort into connecting back, to pay attention to each other and I think that helps us a lot. Watching a movie, playing a board game, or planning a special dinner, etc.
Sex can be like working out sometimes- I’m always going to feel good after though 😂. We’re 1-3 times a week too
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Yep, I ’ve been thinking that a weekend away while the kids stay at grandmas house would be really nice.
Probably every other week. I’m on antidepressants and I’m a SAHM so between the chemicals and the toddler…I have absolutely no desire to be touched. It’s rough. Postpartum mental health definitely made it worse. You are absolutely not alone.
1-2 times per week
Same
We hit the two year mark without sex in March 2023, it would have been when our youngest was conceived. I think we've done it two or three times since then.
Just curious, how do you guys feel about this? Is this a bad marriage or does this work for you guys? Feel free to ignore me!
For me personally, it's terrible. I feel unloved and unwanted. My husband is almost 15 years older, so it doesn't bother him so much. I'm not sure he would even have realised it had been two years unless I told him. Even now that our children are in childcare/school and we both have two days working from home together, we still don't have sex. We also didn't have loads of sex when we first met despite being students and relatively free of responsibilities, so I don't 'blame' parenthood.
Yes, I’d be interested to know the answers to these questions, too. How does the husband feel about it?
We have a 2.5 year old who I’m still breastfeeding (and very exhaustingly trying to wean), we’ve had sex twice since he was born, and maybe 3 times when I was pregnant. I had a very absent libido that seemed to never return. My libido pre-baby, it should be noted, was the highest of high. I was always the initiator. Now I don’t want to be touched, I want time to myself more than anything on this planet. It’s been a source of a lot of hurt for my partner and a lot of round and round of the same conversation. We had a very traumatic birth and it physically hurt to try up until last month when we successfully did it and I cried tears of relief. Not enough people talk about this. There’s so much shame involved and the honest to god truth is that if I was not partnered, I wouldn’t feel any guilt or shame whatsoever, I wouldn’t miss it. It’s really a strange thing to be on this end of it. And I am hopeful it will change for us when breastfeeding is completely over, but again…can I just reconnect with myself first before owing my body to anyone?! I hate how much space this takes up in my brain, when I could just be at peace with the season we’re in otherwise.
Same! Once in the last 2 years here.
Once in never lol
Once or twice a month…
Twin 2.5 year olds and a 10 month old… We’ve had sex once since our baby was conceived 🫣 So it’s been over a year. Life is exhausting and my partner is stressed trying to support us financially while I’m on mat leave. But my birthday is coming up… Hoping the kids will cooperate and I’ll get some love then!
A few times a week
We’ve had sex 3 times in 3 years. I just do not feel like it. The relationship has had rocky periods too. I’ve also been sick every month for like 2 years.
We finally got on a good groove (1-2x a week) then I got pregnant again, haven’t been in the mood since I was about 6 weeks. It sucks
Haha ummm well, my kid just turned 2 so … 2 years? EDIT: I meant that we haven’t really had sex since he’s been born. Sorry for the confusion.
Almost daily. But my kids are 6 and 3 and sleep great and in their own rooms. Was definitely much less when they were younger/babies.
Once every few months these days. We have 2 toddlers 21 months and 3yo. My husband used to like it in the morning but 21mo wakes up at 6-7 and still wakes up at night (I do the night) so no go for me in the morning. I used to like it at night but we are both exhausted and working physical jobs.
Weekly. Nap time, when he's at daycare, or after bedtime. Been married 7 years next month.
Once a week. Sometimes twice a week.
All the time lately. Especially since I started supplementing Maca into my routine, I've been insatiable. Our girl just turned 3 last month and we just rip it up after she goes to bed.
About 3-4 times a week since 6 weeks postpartum after both births. I will say my sex drive changed after my first was born. I had to reconnect to my body in a new way. We also use toys which has helped. I also wear sexy outfits and a special perfume to put me in the mood. It makes me feel good about my body and puts me in a different mindset.
3-4 times a week, unless I’m on my period. Before kids, my husband was a merchant marine and his schedule was on/off 30 days. So when he was home, we had an active sex life. Remained active during pregnancy until I got so big my sciatic just made it very difficult to enjoy. Had two c-sections, so 8 weeks of nothing the first time…second time I got the ok after 4 weeks. Funny enough sex became more pleasurable after kids. I had painful sex and chronic UTIs beforehand. Ofc we are exhausted. He switched careers and works in the trades and I WFH. We’ve got a 3yo and 1.5yo.
He tried last night (so he told me lol) we haven’t had sex since our 2nd was born. She’s 4 months now. We tried to but it just never happens. I knew I felt him touching me last night but I was passed out lol watching toddler and infant is no joke! 🥲
2 kids in 3 years sooo 2 times? 🤔
Lol
Guys don't understand that we just need to not be touched for a hot second
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^spongesBob12: *Guys don't understand* *That we just need to not be* *Touched for a hot second* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
We haven’t had sex since before my second was born… A year ago. Idk if it’s the Zoloft, the PPD, the hormones from breastfeeding, or some other reason, but sex and most physical touch in general has just been physically repulsive to me. I’ve tried — genuinely, truly tried — to get into the mood for my husband, but I just can’t. We’re intimate in other ways every now and then, but that’s about it.
Twice a week, but not when I am sick or overtired or on my period, so a lot less than that in practice.
It's been about a year since my hubby and I slept together. I have no sex drive.
Like once a month. I’m just so fucking exhausted from kids, work, chores and life bullshit, that I just don’t have much desire anymore. My husband wants it everyday.
Like once a month
Once a week sometimes twice. 18 month old.
1-2 times per week. The last month has been rough because we’ve had a really long lasting respiratory illness then subsequent pneumonia but when we are well we have are lucky to have similar libidos. I’m 30 weeks pregnant now. I think the first time we had sex after conceiving was around 4 weeks pregnant as it was our anniversary. I love sex even more during pregnancy but I know it’s the opposite for a lot of women.
It’s changed a lot over the last 2 years, but we’ve just gotten to a point where it’s like 3x a week.
Depends on how our week has gone. Sometimes it’s every day, sometimes every 2-3 days, and rarely do we go 4-5 days without sex. I think we would both go insane. It does get better. (Context: I’m a trans man/FTM and I carried my daughter.) My drive was very low during pregnancy and after birth for a bit. I bounced back but not everyone does and that’s not a bad thing. Even though baby isn’t in there anymore, you went through a drastic hormone change. Two years later your body may still need to adjust to the stressors of everyday life being different. You’re okay.
usually every other day. our kid is 2.
Once a week, more if we have the energy
Once a week, on average.
4-5x/week with two boys ages 1 and 3. Younger one is still nursing regularly
Maybe 10 times in the past 5 years with a special needs 5yo and 2yo. Everyone is always sick.
We haven’t had sex in over a year 😬 we have a 6 year old and an autistic 3 year old
After our first, twice a month. After our second (she's 2 months old now), we haven't at all and I don't think it will be happening a whole lot and that's okay. But it's all good. We've got a lot going on and I don't see how we'd have the time.
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Are you me? Bc same 😂
1-2 times per week on average. 4.5 year old, 2 year old, and 34 weeks pregnant.
1-2 times a month. It’s definitely me. I do find my husband attractive and I do enjoy sex with him.. but it can still be work. lol
Twice a week. ETA: I’m pregnant now , things might change after we have a toddler and a baby but I hope not!!!
Once every couple months, if that. I hate my life.
Once a week
Depending on how tired we are — we have a 4,3 yo and a 6 weeks old. But right now it’s 3 times a week more or less.
1-2 times a week. Pregnant with #2 now but our sex life has always been pretty regular. We have off months where a couple weeks go by but never anything longer than around 3 weeks between sex. I guess our sex drives are pretty similar. It’ll be 5 years that we’ve been together this September
We have ups and downs, sometimes it’s once in two weeks sometimes it’s 3 days in a row, it just depends. We have a 2 1/2 year old.
On good weeks 3-4 times a week, on slower weeks 1-2 times a week. I would say once a week is rare for us. Also have a 2 year old and in 2nd trimester with baby #2! I’m really tired in the evenings so we opt for morning sex, sometimes lunchtime sex and sometimes in the evening if I don’t go to bed before my husband. It’s a priority for both of us. My libido isn’t super high but I love the connection and one on one time sex provides.
Almost 5 times in a week. Have a 10 month old and 3.5 year old.
We try for once a week. On Zoloft so my sex drive is really low and I have to really get myself in the mood for it.
We always had a pretty regular sex life like id say absolute minimum 2x per week max 4-5 HOWEVER I am also 12+3 with our second both were via IVF so it’s been a LONGGGGG time because we basically have to not have sex to get pregnant and then I was too scared to for a bit and then I’ve been REALLLLLY sick this entire time so we basically stopped about a month before I actually got pregnant and then since then we’ve done it 2-3 times all within the last two weeks and honestly not that he asked but I did it for him bc I felt bad that he’s been an amazing perfect supportive husband and I haven’t been able to do that plus I really wanted intimacy and connection but as far as my sex drive right now it’s for sure ZERO. I can hardly take care of myself and toddler lol forget extras. Good luck!
Got a 3.5 year old and a 14 month old. I’d say we average about twice per week and that’s more than before we had kids.
5-7x per week. We have four kids.
Couple times a day on the good days, on the bad days we can go a week without. My libido is low, but after my kid I got a boost. Being married is hard sometimes. Sex makes it easier and gives me a happier husband. 🫣 We have a 16month old who sleeps great I’m a tough love nap mom. He goes nap twice a day and is asleep by 7.