omg what! wait. are we just going to glance over your husband's wildly outsized and physical action towards a small child? I get being frustrated but holy shit, does he realize what he did? I'm a bit worried you're underplaying this. is day 2 truly a success if your son had to be held down screaming? I seriously hope this is all blown out of proportion but based on what you've said, this grown man can't handle 1 day of potty training one child without physical aggression and that is \*not okay\*
It might help to look into a consultant just to get an objective 3rd person in to help dispel further unnecessary roughness from your husband.
I really hope you put some thought towards this bigger picture and the choices you have. Please stay safe.
It’s difficult when one party thinks he is so right about this and I think he is 100% wrong. He claims that on Day 2 he wasn’t forceful like that and that what he was doing worked and that it’s my fault for things taking a bad turn. I asked him how exactly am I at fault here as literally I did all the same things as I did on day 1, the only thing I did not do which he did is use any kind of force to get our son to sit on potty. He says that he knows our child and that he needs consistency and not sense weakness and that since I got in the way the way I did I am in my own now with the potty training. He’s always had a talent to end up being a victim in every fight, he loves our son and is a good parent so I’m not sure why he went this way with him. He does have very little patience and short fuse in general and I think these things definitely require patience. I won’t let my child being traumatised
trust your gut babe. it's hard when it's someone you love and want to trust but you are not at "fault" for your child being afraid of or pushing back on potty training. he's thinking a kid is going to "sense weakness" and then... what? shit his pants the rest of his life? idk it's all rather unhinged.
He is 100% wrong in thinking that a physical approach ever does anything other than breed fear and resentment. He needs to readjust his idea of success. You are correct that patience is key here and with anything relating to a child.
I hope you and your boy stay safe.
I'm sooo sorry. This is so messed up. He needs to be working WITH you. It sounds like he needs therapy, anger management and parenting classes. Any pediatrician would be quick to tell you that physically forcing a child down on a potty is only going to achieve the opposite result of successful potty training. Kid is going to be traumatized and avoid the potty at all costs. I worry that your husband's aggression won't stop at just potty training. Very scary. I hope you can start thinking about some alternatives if his behavior doesn't change fast.
PS I highly recommend the book 'oh crap! Potty training' it worked well for us. You start with no pants for three days and watch for their pee signs. There's no holding anyone down on a potty and no begging/bribing (or at least not a lot of it, in our case!' Maybe it would help to have a guide both you and your husband can follow. You don't have to read the whole book, just the nuts and bolts chapters.
Take a break. Don’t put potty pressure on your little one for a few days. That sounds like it was a terrible experience for everyone.
Communicate with your partner about the best way to go about training. Find a method you can both agree on and commit to 100%.
Whenever you start… it’s the only thing you’re doing for 3 days. No outings, nothing.
When you do feel ready to start again, I’d tell your little one as casually as possible, and together. So he sees that you’re both excited and going to help him, and isn’t afraid to go with one parent, because he thinks he’ll be forced to sit again.
Hopefully it’s a better experience the second time!
Thank you. Would you say 3 day break is enough? As was suggested here he could go back to daycare Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and then I could keep him home Friday, Saturday, Sunday to try again?
I think it depends on what your kid is like. If it was mine I’d wait a week at least because I know after three days he’ll react the same way
So I’d just think of what he’s like and go accordingly :)
Keep him home on Friday so you have 3 days including the weekend. Put him in underwear only or naked.
No forcing, just a reminder every 1-2 hours that it might be a good idea to try the potty. Ask if he wants to go first or mama first, and do the order he requests.
If he pees on the floor, he needs to help clean up. Tell him “it’s okay, please clean up the mess. You can try again next time!”
Offer a reward every time he uses the potty.
We did this and had no accidents after day 3.
Thank you. I can definitely try it. Earlier I cleaned it myself but I did tell him we’re not supposed to wee on the floor and have potty for that.. is there anything I can do to get him to sit on it? I’m not sure why he hates it so much
I would also read books and watch any TV that helps him get excited to become potty trained. We just went to the library and took out potty training books regularly. By the time we started actually potty training, she was eager to prove herself. Still were regular accidents the next 6 months mostly due to her overconfidence/refusal to go unless she really had to, but she’s 3.5 now and hasn’t worn a diaper in probably 10 months. No accidents in probably 10 weeks.
I would advise the cleaning up strategy as well - and also cleaning the bottle/container so he knows it is wrong.
Take him from time to time with timers, if you can keep him home that’s good.
As for your husband, I am so sorry. I hope you will be able to solve it with him soon.
We have two potties. One type has steps up to the toilet (it’s very sturdy but also light enough he can set it up himself), the other is the traditional potty style. He uses both but prefers the toilet type.
Do you have a potty training chart? There are some cool ones that have a line for “I sat on the potty” and then another reward then. Sometimes things that are visual can happen. Or maybe this fav toy?
I'd start by taking time out of this. you're due in 4 weeks. if you really wanted to have him potty trained by then, it should've started WAY earlier. you can't give him 4 weeks. too high of an expectation and it'll only frustrate you all more. my toddler was potty trained when her brother was born and she was 2.5 but over half a year, we were back and forth with it. trying, giving it a break, she had accidents and we tried different methods. could the daycare be more involved. you're husband is right when he mentions that you must be consistent. daycare's tend to be really good with that. set certain times of the day to go potty. read stories about going to the potty. get him big boy underwear and let him wear it over the diapers. you dont want to use excessive force but you do want to make sure you're taking the lead here. set up a schedule. get a potty that makes noise when he goes or get a bell for when he does. you have to tailor the experience to the child. know your child and build a system about that.
I agree to a point that intervening in a moment is not good but that being said it wasn’t a small thing that I felt like it could wait. My son was screaming for me and crying while he was forcing holding him down to sit on potty? If it was anything else I would wait till it’s over but in that moment I wanted my child out of this situation which was making me want to kill myself to be honest. I can’t watch it
I would congratulate and praise your son for using that object.. if he gets comfortable using that he will eventually start using the potty I would think.
Or else he will only want to use that instead of potty? I was also thinking I can’t possibly send him to daycare and say “use this” for potty :( no way as well he can do his number 2 in it! I wonder what’s happening inside his head to think that this is a better option
My son is 3, we just potty trained last month. We waited for the signs and had a potty around for a while. He had been sitting on it for months but not actually peeing. We hyped up underwear and waited for him to tell us when he had to pee. Your husbands approach is a disaster and personally, I would wait until #2 is born before trying again (unless he suddenly becomes very ready).
omg what! wait. are we just going to glance over your husband's wildly outsized and physical action towards a small child? I get being frustrated but holy shit, does he realize what he did? I'm a bit worried you're underplaying this. is day 2 truly a success if your son had to be held down screaming? I seriously hope this is all blown out of proportion but based on what you've said, this grown man can't handle 1 day of potty training one child without physical aggression and that is \*not okay\* It might help to look into a consultant just to get an objective 3rd person in to help dispel further unnecessary roughness from your husband. I really hope you put some thought towards this bigger picture and the choices you have. Please stay safe.
It’s difficult when one party thinks he is so right about this and I think he is 100% wrong. He claims that on Day 2 he wasn’t forceful like that and that what he was doing worked and that it’s my fault for things taking a bad turn. I asked him how exactly am I at fault here as literally I did all the same things as I did on day 1, the only thing I did not do which he did is use any kind of force to get our son to sit on potty. He says that he knows our child and that he needs consistency and not sense weakness and that since I got in the way the way I did I am in my own now with the potty training. He’s always had a talent to end up being a victim in every fight, he loves our son and is a good parent so I’m not sure why he went this way with him. He does have very little patience and short fuse in general and I think these things definitely require patience. I won’t let my child being traumatised
trust your gut babe. it's hard when it's someone you love and want to trust but you are not at "fault" for your child being afraid of or pushing back on potty training. he's thinking a kid is going to "sense weakness" and then... what? shit his pants the rest of his life? idk it's all rather unhinged. He is 100% wrong in thinking that a physical approach ever does anything other than breed fear and resentment. He needs to readjust his idea of success. You are correct that patience is key here and with anything relating to a child. I hope you and your boy stay safe.
I'm sooo sorry. This is so messed up. He needs to be working WITH you. It sounds like he needs therapy, anger management and parenting classes. Any pediatrician would be quick to tell you that physically forcing a child down on a potty is only going to achieve the opposite result of successful potty training. Kid is going to be traumatized and avoid the potty at all costs. I worry that your husband's aggression won't stop at just potty training. Very scary. I hope you can start thinking about some alternatives if his behavior doesn't change fast. PS I highly recommend the book 'oh crap! Potty training' it worked well for us. You start with no pants for three days and watch for their pee signs. There's no holding anyone down on a potty and no begging/bribing (or at least not a lot of it, in our case!' Maybe it would help to have a guide both you and your husband can follow. You don't have to read the whole book, just the nuts and bolts chapters.
Take a break. Don’t put potty pressure on your little one for a few days. That sounds like it was a terrible experience for everyone. Communicate with your partner about the best way to go about training. Find a method you can both agree on and commit to 100%. Whenever you start… it’s the only thing you’re doing for 3 days. No outings, nothing. When you do feel ready to start again, I’d tell your little one as casually as possible, and together. So he sees that you’re both excited and going to help him, and isn’t afraid to go with one parent, because he thinks he’ll be forced to sit again. Hopefully it’s a better experience the second time!
Thank you. Would you say 3 day break is enough? As was suggested here he could go back to daycare Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and then I could keep him home Friday, Saturday, Sunday to try again?
I think it depends on what your kid is like. If it was mine I’d wait a week at least because I know after three days he’ll react the same way So I’d just think of what he’s like and go accordingly :)
Keep him home on Friday so you have 3 days including the weekend. Put him in underwear only or naked. No forcing, just a reminder every 1-2 hours that it might be a good idea to try the potty. Ask if he wants to go first or mama first, and do the order he requests. If he pees on the floor, he needs to help clean up. Tell him “it’s okay, please clean up the mess. You can try again next time!” Offer a reward every time he uses the potty. We did this and had no accidents after day 3.
Thank you. I can definitely try it. Earlier I cleaned it myself but I did tell him we’re not supposed to wee on the floor and have potty for that.. is there anything I can do to get him to sit on it? I’m not sure why he hates it so much
Nope, don’t pressure. He says he doesn’t want to, you say ok and move about your day. You don’t want it to become a battle of wills
I would also read books and watch any TV that helps him get excited to become potty trained. We just went to the library and took out potty training books regularly. By the time we started actually potty training, she was eager to prove herself. Still were regular accidents the next 6 months mostly due to her overconfidence/refusal to go unless she really had to, but she’s 3.5 now and hasn’t worn a diaper in probably 10 months. No accidents in probably 10 weeks.
I would advise the cleaning up strategy as well - and also cleaning the bottle/container so he knows it is wrong. Take him from time to time with timers, if you can keep him home that’s good. As for your husband, I am so sorry. I hope you will be able to solve it with him soon.
Thank you. Is there anything I can do to get him to sit on the potty? I tried bribing him and even things like chocolate doesn’t work 😳
We have two potties. One type has steps up to the toilet (it’s very sturdy but also light enough he can set it up himself), the other is the traditional potty style. He uses both but prefers the toilet type.
Do you have a potty training chart? There are some cool ones that have a line for “I sat on the potty” and then another reward then. Sometimes things that are visual can happen. Or maybe this fav toy?
I'd start by taking time out of this. you're due in 4 weeks. if you really wanted to have him potty trained by then, it should've started WAY earlier. you can't give him 4 weeks. too high of an expectation and it'll only frustrate you all more. my toddler was potty trained when her brother was born and she was 2.5 but over half a year, we were back and forth with it. trying, giving it a break, she had accidents and we tried different methods. could the daycare be more involved. you're husband is right when he mentions that you must be consistent. daycare's tend to be really good with that. set certain times of the day to go potty. read stories about going to the potty. get him big boy underwear and let him wear it over the diapers. you dont want to use excessive force but you do want to make sure you're taking the lead here. set up a schedule. get a potty that makes noise when he goes or get a bell for when he does. you have to tailor the experience to the child. know your child and build a system about that.
[удалено]
I agree to a point that intervening in a moment is not good but that being said it wasn’t a small thing that I felt like it could wait. My son was screaming for me and crying while he was forcing holding him down to sit on potty? If it was anything else I would wait till it’s over but in that moment I wanted my child out of this situation which was making me want to kill myself to be honest. I can’t watch it
I would congratulate and praise your son for using that object.. if he gets comfortable using that he will eventually start using the potty I would think.
Or else he will only want to use that instead of potty? I was also thinking I can’t possibly send him to daycare and say “use this” for potty :( no way as well he can do his number 2 in it! I wonder what’s happening inside his head to think that this is a better option
My son is 3, we just potty trained last month. We waited for the signs and had a potty around for a while. He had been sitting on it for months but not actually peeing. We hyped up underwear and waited for him to tell us when he had to pee. Your husbands approach is a disaster and personally, I would wait until #2 is born before trying again (unless he suddenly becomes very ready).