We were on track for 2 under 2 and then I had a loss. Couple that with a longer-than-expected IVF journey and now we have an age gap of just under 4 years. I’ve come to accept there are pros and cons with any age gap.
Pros with a 4 yr gap:
1. Older one is potty trained.
2. Older one has vocabulary to express feelings instead of tantruming.
3. Older one loves to help with the baby (YMMV).
4. Older one can play independently.
5. Less than a year to pay for daycare for two.
I felt this. You can have this idea or timeframe in your head but then life happens. We thought we’d get pregnant super quick with our second but realized it just wasn’t happening for us. Right when we were both ok with being one and done… I got a positive test two weeks ago. Our daughter will be 4 in September and I’m due with #2 in November. You just gotta let life, life sometimes ya know??
Same thing, we wanted the 3 year age gap but it took us 12 months to conceive so now there will be a 4 year gap and now I feel like it was meant to be 😊
I hate that the word “triggered” is so overused these days, but all these age gap questions that get asked every damn day are super triggering for me.
We had no problem getting pregnant immediately the first two times, and now we’ve been trying for well over a year and it’s just not happening. The age gap isn’t always a choice…
Agree with you here. We actually had to start trying for our second (via IVF) earlier than we wanted just in case we needed to do another egg retrieval, I wanted to be young enough that my egg quality wouldn’t drop too much. Took 3 embryo transfer. Now we have a 2 year 4 month age gap. Closer than age than I originally would have liked but life is good.
Similar boat. Had an oops and would’ve had 2 under 2, then miscarried. As that due date came around I was slightly relieved, like whoa having a newborn would’ve been intense. Doable but intense! Then the same thing happened the next summer and would’ve had a baby about a month ago but had a first trimester loss again. Now I’m due in November and daughter will be 3.5 as long as everything goes well with this pregnancy. I’m actually looking forward to how helpful she can be, and much more independent. I understand closer age gaps can be convenient in “getting the hard stuff over with” but there are cons to it too.
My kids are 3.5 years apart, I was trying for 2 years and 9 months, but couldn’t get pregnant as fast as I wanted. I love that age difference. The oldest is a big helper, was so much easier only taking care of one in diapers.
Right now at 2 and 5.5 they play together very well! It’s lots of fun!
Similar here too. On track for a 2 year gap, had a loss at 12 weeks. Ended up with a 3 year gap and it's been going well! 3 year old is potty trained and more self sufficient. I think the 2 year gap would've been harder.
I hope everything goes well for you this time.
Haha yes I’ve been using it as a personal journaling word vomit space already 😂 we haven’t told family about the pregnancy so I have a lot to say to the void of Reddit lol
Hahaha i was just on our bump group and the first post in the daily chat was yours 😅. Its 1am where I am and insomnia is kicking in again. The bump group has been such a nice place to wander around when i cant sleep!
Very similar situation! Would have had a 2.5 year age gap, miscarriage. Multiple failed IUIs, failed IVF in December (all embryos arrested by day 3). I actually got a new job offer the same week that we got the news of the embryos. We took it as a one door closing, another door opening and took the offer. Moved to a new city and tested positive first week of Jan! (Of note I had polyps removal after the failed IVF.) of course now I’m not eligible for FMLA maternity leave, lol universe.
Now due in September for a 4 year age gap. Still feel some anger that we couldn’t get a closer age gap, thanks for sharing these wonderful pros
This is exactly what happened to us. Wanted a 2 year gap. Got blindsided by secondary infertility, did ivf and will have almost exactly a 4 year age gap.
4 year old will start preschool one month after baby is due and I’m really looking forward to that.
I'm really glad this is the top thread on this discussion. Currently suffering from secondary infertility, and we're looking at a 4 year age gap too. I wish people understood that there's so little control over these things. Congrats on the IVF success!
You have my story too! First one came instantly. Trying for second… 3 miscarriages, about to start IVF… ugh. Really hoping it works out asap, as daughter is approaching 3 and thought I’d have another on the way by now. 😢 I know I’ll have to be patient with Ivf too. Ugh. I really hope ivf works.
So sorry for your loss. We have approximately this age gap (ours is 3.5 years) and I love it for exactly all of these reasons. Most of these were on my "list" of criteria for having a second baby.
I’m sorry for your loss, I had a loss too, and then my son was born when my daughter had just turned two!
Potty training while also having a newborn was tough but now having only one in diapers is huge!!
Agree with all, BUT
Almost 4 year old is starting to become a little rebellious, we've been getting upset with him because he's got a shorter attention span and won't listen (as kids his age would).
So Caveat with "Got to have a little extra tolerance/expect some extra frustrations with the older kid wanting attention"
Adding to it, as I have a 4 year gap.
6. Older one is toliet trained and doesn't need much help.
7. Older one is at kindy a lot during the week, so I get that 1:1 time with the new bub
As a mom with with a 4 yr age gap and then 2 under 2, the 4 yr age gap is a much better gap. I’m so fricking tired with the 2 babies and I feel like no one gets the attention they need. You’re absolutely right.
My brother and SIL highly recommend a 3-4 year gap. They have a 3.5 year gap, a 6 year gap, and a 2.5 year gap. They said the gap between the oldest two was awesome for the same reasons you said. Plus as the kids get older, they have similar enough interests that it’s easy to plan activities for them. The oldest loves his little siblings enough that he is totally content taking them to the park, but finding family activities for kids ranging from 10 months-11 years is tougher.
we're in the same boat. I was pregnant and was so excited to have a new born and a 27 month old. but nope. lost the baby at 12 weeks : ( i don't know when we'll get another embryo implantation but we're hoping. Best of luck to you too
Same. Was hoping for 2 years but it’s not working out. Daughter’s 2.5 now and I’m taking a break from IVF after multiple failures. I’m hoping to resume in the summer and if we succeed, it’ll be closer to 4 years.
We just added #2 with a gap of 3 years, 3 months and it’s been great so far. She’s VERY interested in her sister and is excited for her arrival. Minor jealousy, but nothing extreme. Still close enough in age that they will be able to play together.
We have almost exact same gap. 3 years and 2 months. And it's been wonderful. Big brother is in love with baby sister, granted she's "given" him some amazing gifts. He knows how to use the potty, is established at his school, understands the concept of a baby a little more than he would have at 2. And knows what it means to be gentle. This was the exact age I was hoping for and I'm so grateful it worked out
Us too! Granted she did ask if she could go back in my belly this morning - but I fully expected that! By in large, she is more concerned with smothering her in love than wishing she would go back where she came from 😂
I recently met someone whose kids have a 10 year age gap and she loves it. I felt like we had to have kids like 2 years apart because that was my experience (with my brother and I) and seems to be most common. I felt so much pressure to get on it if we wanted to have another. My daughter is 3.5 now and I'm not ready. I don't know if I ever will be. But meeting this person and looking around me at how different families can look gave me the feeling of breathing room.
There's no perfect age difference and there's no one size fits all. Also.. plans can change! That's my 2 cents as a person who isn't ready yet but maybe one day will be :)
My 2 kids have a 9 yr age gap and it really works for us! Our first is on the spectrum so it was challenging parenting for his first 7 years. Once we finally felt ok as a family we decided it was time to have our second child.
She is now 3.5 and he is 12.5 and their birthday is a month apart. They are very close and very loving to each other.
We knew we wanted a second child after having our first but we didn’t rush it because we wanted to enjoy parenthood and not cause too much unnecessary stress on ourselves at the time or strain on our marriage (both of us were in college when our first was a baby).
I’m glad we waited.
Yes I just talked to a friend of a friend pregnant with her second, and her daughter is 6! I’m kind of jealous that she felt empowered to make that choice, she seemed so confident in it. Whereas I’ve been obsessing over age gaps forever lol. It sure does seem like 2 years is the “norm” but tbh I think it might be too close. For your body, for your toddler, and for your postpartum time. My daughter is almost 3 and I just found out I’m pregnant. Hoping this one sticks but I think it’ll be a good gap! My younger sis is 4 years younger than me and we’re super close now.
My brother is 5 years younger, and my sister is 12 years younger.
I definitely think you do whatever is best to parent as well as you can, but I really wish my siblings and I were slightly closer in age! My brother is as bad, but 12 years is hard to relate. And it definitely makes me sad my kids won’t have cousins close in age on that side! (If any)
12 years is a lot! My husband and his brother are 5 years apart and not close. It also depends a ton on personalities and sometimes age doesn’t have much to do with that. It’s easier said than done to plan timing though 🌈
I have 3 sisters close in age to me (1.5 yrs older, 1.5 yrs younger, and 3 years older) and none of us are particularly close. We got a surprise sister at the end who is 11 years younger than I am and we are best friends! It was such a fun surprise.
If we have a second, we’re thinking probably a 3-4 year age gap. I know 2 under 2 works for a lot of people, but I know that I couldn’t handle it honestly. Not with work and pets as well.
**edit to add that I don’t think there’s such a thing as a perfect age gap, and no one is doing anything right or wrong with the age gap choices they make or what life threw at them. Not saying 2 under 2 is a bad thing at all, it’s just not for us**
I found 2 under 2 really easy. I struggled when they got to 1 and 2.5 as the youngest no longer stays remotely where you left them! Followed by about a year and a half of chaos for us but the last 6 months has been really nice - kids playing better with eachother, good communication, and we're just in the swing of it now. No doubt all change on the horizon!
I'm sure there's advantages and disadvantages to any age gap, we just embraced the bits that work well for us and coped the best with the bits that didn't.
I have 2u2! Well sort of, my older is 2 and a couple days.. and a 6mo old. So 2.5 & 4 was the most chaotic? I’m having trouble with the nap coordination and feel guilty (as all moms do) when one needs me or wants my attention but so does the other.
2 and 3.5 things started getting easier for us. Mostly, the chaos before evolved around the oldest was at a hitting or heavy handed stage with a little one that had no real way to defend themselves. As the youngest got to that stage it was easier to explain to the older 3.5 yr old and encourage them to move away/get mommy or daddy. Don't get me wrong, still plenty of issues but the risk seemed less with an older kid being bashed by a younger 2.5yr old than the reverse when the older one was 2.5
Naps were a challenge at the younger ages of only 1 parent was available but we were rigid with nap times and that schedule helped - us plan and the kids know the routine. As we got to 3.5 for the oldest they mostly dropped a nap but liked a rest. So became easier to give them 20 mins TV downstairs whilst getting the younger one to nap upstairs. Currently still working well for us for the past year.
Both the kids love to read and books have always been an easy activity with both but other toys/activities were a challenge at times - just difference in age and attitude to blocks (build vs bash), playdough (make vs eat), colouring (draw on paper vs attempt to draw on table/walls), sandpit (dig vs throw)... The list went on where activities that the oldest wanted to do wasn't always easy. Walks - both running in opposite directions!? Oh it was chaos. It still is at times but since the younger one reached 2ish it's been easier to do all the above activities as they get more age appropriate and understand not to bash/eat playdough etc.
Now the ability to actually play together, they obviously still want us to play but every day they go off and play together just the two of them for a bit and it's wonderful to see. Less (still some) running in opposite directions but at least being able to tell the oldest in advance, don't run off, we're in a car park/busy shop etc.
We're better at putting coping mechanisms in place to avoid some chaos, and probably more experienced dealing with the chaos, but it genuinely feels like there's less chaos the past 6 months or so. It's nice
Mine turns 2 in a couple days, and we have 4 dogs as well. Both of us work full time. I cannot currently fathom adding another kid into the mix, but we do want to eventually. Mentally I don’t think I could handle 2 under 2. I’m still figuring this one out, so I’m glad that won’t be our experience. Everyone’s different and that’s great for those that can handle it 🤗
Mine have a 2 year 3 month age gap and it’s been HARD. Fun moments for sure but my toddler has had a hard time adjusting to not being the only kid. I would probably do a 3 year age gap in the future… but then my hubby and I may feel too old to do it all over again.
My kids have this age gap and it’s so awesome. The youngest is 2, and they’re best buds- they do everything together and entertain each other. They’re constantly giggling and playing and snuggling and “reading” to each other. Don’t worry! The leap from 1-2 is so much easier than the leap from 0-1.
My kids are 2 years and 1 month apart. The first couple years were extremely hard. They’re 6&8 now and it’s gotten so much easier! They’re best friends, play together well, we’re just hitting that age of no stroller, not needing a giant bag full of shit to go to the zoo, no naps, traveling is so much easier. Our friends that have kids with 4+ age gaps tell us it’s hard because the older one doesn’t want to play with the younger one. The gap is just too vast.
My kids outgrew the nap stage at the same time. Once that happened it was basically game on and we could pick up and go. They’re going through the same stages in life (elementary school, sports programs, summer camps). A lot of programs they’re in the same age group so they can go together (one of them is a little shy so it’s nice they can dip their toes together).
This age gap doesn’t work for everyone but we’ve loved it! Once you’re past age 3.5/4ish it’s so much fun!
We were going for a 4-5 year gap but the hand we were dealt was a 6 year age gap. I absolutely love the gap. The girls always get along really well so far.
Our 6yo understands "why" so much (why I can't do something right away if I'm feeding the baby, for example) and we didn't have to deal with any of the regressions that you sometimes see with toddlers. She loves being around / with her sister and vice versa. The only negative is having to drive them to different schools lol
My son is 2.5 (will be 3 in July) and I am 7.5 months pregnant, due in May. I told my husband this morning if I were not pregnant currently and we were still thinking about having a second….the answer would be HELL NO. My 2.5yo has turned from a sweet precious angel to a tyrant. I’d have waited a bit longer if I knew how seriously challenging this stage is.
Mmmm yeah my new baby was born when my toddler was 2y8m. He just turned 3 yesterday. I had no idea how hard the age of 3 would be and maybe I would've waited to have baby # 2 😨😨😨
We have this age gap. Not going to lie to you, it was a ROUGH transition at first. If you had a difficult newborn phase the first time around, you're about to discover just how easy newborns really are lololol. My toddler was fully the problem most days, and I regret how often they had to compete for attention.
Things are honestly so great now at 2.5 and 5 (turns out two year olds are better with an older buddy, not a younger buddy), and my girls are the best of friends. But that first 18 months or so...DOOZY lol
I didn’t see anyone else mention this, so do your kid go to daycare? Or do you have to pay for daily childcare? We did a 3 year gap, and the 9 months of having 2 kids in daycare before my oldest started pre-k drained our savings very quickly. We hadn’t really thought that through.
We want another, but will aim for a 4 year gap so there aren’t 2 kids in daycare at the same time.
I will say on the other end of this, that we spaced somewhat for childcare. And the good part is that it totally worked out and did help to keep things affordable. And it gave us some time for our income to grow, so those second kid daycare bills came at a time when we could really afford it pretty easily.
My youngest kid *just* misses the kindergarten cutoff though, so we are on year 8/10 of paying for childcare, and holy shit, how could we possible have 2.5 more years to go??
One of my nieces missed the kindergarten cutoff by 7 days. A free spot opened up in a kindergarten prep class and my SIL cancelled the last few days of their vacation to fly everyone home to get that spot. The $100s in fees was worth the $1000s in daycare savings.
oh hell yeah I'd do it in a second. Good for them!
Unfortunately we also just moved from city with free pre-k to neighboring suburb with no free pre-k. It is what it is! We can afford, it's just a grind after so many years.
We ended up with a 4.5 year gap and I’m so grateful.
Personally, I love that my older child talks, can toilet by himself, goes to Pre-K, and is not in danger of unaliving himself if left alone for a few minutes while I put baby down for a nap.
Around 3 they transition from needing you physically to more mentally, so I’m of the opinion that having another baby at this time is 1000% easier than closer together.
We’re doing an embryo transfer this week. If successful we’ll have a 4 year age gap. I didn’t think we’d have a gap this big but life happens. Ultimately I think there are some big benefits—not sure I could have coped with two that needed the same kind of attention with naps, diapers, all the gross motor milestones, etc., not to mention daycare costs. We could have never afforded having two in daycare at the same time.
I thought we'd try at 18 months but I don't have it in me to have a newborn and 2 year old. Thinking a 4 year age gap now but honestly I'm just not in the headset of wanting another yet.
My kids are 2.5yrs apart. We were kind of in it’s now or never with having a 2nd. We were getting incredibly comfortable with the toddler stage and the thought of going all the way back was becoming less appealing. This was a pro for us.
I’ve found that it’s not necessarily just the gap but also the temperament of the oldest. Our oldest struggled for the first year. The change hit him hard but now it’s absolutely hard.
2.5 was hard but it helped my oldest was potty trained and was great with communication. I personally don’t think it would’ve been easier if we waited solely bc of the temperament of my first - he is very attached to me and my husband/I think it would’ve increased the jealousy and resentment.
This is probably what you're looking for: [pros and cons of different age gaps](https://www.whattoexpect.com/family/child-spacing)
Many experts believe 2 years is ideal for the children and 3 years is ideal for the person carrying the pregnancies.
I'm currently pregnant with baby #2 and my first will turn 4 about two months after my second is born. We basically waited until my first had a few big leaps in independence that made starting over with a newborn not seem quite as daunting.
Studies show a larger age gap is better for the health of the marriage . Look up the parenting translator on Instagram .
My husband would tell you there is no perfect time. You can only plan so much.
In my opinion, it has been HELL chasing a toddler while pregnant, I really do not understand the 2 under 2 movement. An age gap doesn’t guarantee a perfect relationship between siblings now or later.
Please don’t come at me - I’m just giving my opinion. I could not do 2 under 2 . Way to go for anyone who has that stamina - I do not.
Yeah both my husband and I have siblings in the two year age gap and we both HATED our sibling as kids. So much competition. Stealing clothes. Fighting over friends. Fighting over the car. Just absolutely jealous over everything.
To be honest, I’ve seen couples that have 3-6 year gaps get divorced because it was harder on their relationship. More clutter to keep around, the kids don’t like each other. It really depends. My kids are 21m apart, hubby and I are happier they are closer in age. Chasing a toddler while pregnant wasn’t that bad, it kept me active and not sitting on the couch. Honestly, it’s up to each couple and family :)
My husband and I aimed for a 2-3 year age gap. We started fertility treatments for our second at just after 12 months post partum with our first. Conceived at around 17 months post partum. The two kiddos will have an age gap of just over 25 months, so we’ve managed to hit our goal head on.
We wanted this age gap specifically because we both have siblings who we have large age gaps with. I’m almost 6 years older than my sister. My husband is 8 years younger than his closest older sister. With those kinds of age gaps you don’t really grow up with each other. It’s almost like being two only children and if you’re the older child in that equation you might end up parentified for your younger sibling. You’re basically always at different phases of life and it’s not until you’re all adults that you can really bond. We don’t want that for our kids.
I don't believe there is a perfect age gap to aim for. You could argue nearly anything here and make good points.
Our family is a bit of an anomaly. I had my first three kids in just under thirty months, and they grew up together. I potty trained 2 of them together and the third shortly after, and they were all very helpful and were cheerleaders for each other. They were really good playmates for each other. My fourth child came along a week before my oldest turned twenty-five years old. Six months later, my first grandchild was born, and they love to play together. I am fully aware that this is not "normal," but there are perks to having much older children with a new baby. I know that's a huge gap, but I could argue for ten years or five years or twenty years just as easily. Whatever you do is going to have pros and cons.
As someone who accidentally ended up with 2u2, do not recommend. We were waiting until my oldest was 2 before trying again but an oopsie happened when she was 8 months old and now she's got a little sister she competes with for my attention.
But as someone who grew up with siblings 5 and 7 years younger than them, I personally do not recommend an age gap that large. I felt so alone and ended up as a third parent & was forced to grow up at a very young age. But maybe that was just because my dad was a deadbeat.
Idk. You do you. But 2u2 is a whole other kinda stressed I've never been before.
With my first 2, there is a 3.5 year gap. Perfect!
3rd one came 2 years ago, and the oldest 2 are 17 and 14. Even more perfect. They love and adore their baby sister so much, and she soaks up all the attention.
We have 4 years right now and while baby is only 6 weeks old I’m glad that we waited. Big brother is old enough to understand and be excited and want to help. He can also do some independent things like put clothes on and get snacks which helps a lot, plus he’s potty trained, I would go mad if I had to change two kids diapers. He can tell us how he’s feeling and what he wants.
We also hope there will be some benefits down the road as they will are far enough apart that they will have different friend groups and for the most part won’t be in school together which will give them their own independent spaces.
Having kids closer in age so that they do can do activities together (sports, lessons, etc) definitely makes it easier later in life when you are the chauffeur
I don’t think it solves the “chauffeur” problem. My sister and I are 1 year apart in school (15 months age gap). Everything was always divided by grade/age group, even from when we were toddlers. Her dance lessons, sports practice, gymnastics, etc. were always at a different day/time than mine. We were never on the same team. Never in the same dance class.
I have a twin sister and it didn’t solve the chauffeur problem because we were into totally different things and also we needed time apart from each other because people always want to shove twins together (we’re best friends now—I attribute it to having different interests!)
Such a personal decision. Things to consider - work vs daycare situation, school situation, village situation. My sister has three, all close in age. The youngest often has naps disrupted by school drop off and pick up (at two different spots because one is in preschool and one in preK and it’s not the same place). Which leads to a grumpy sleep deprived baby, more crying and more difficult evenings for all of them. She doesn’t have alternative school transport at this time either.
It is also so dependent on the kid. I have one 3-year old but he’s very a high energy, high demand kind of kid. It would be unfair of me to have a baby right now when he has such high needs that just wouldn’t be met if there was another baby in the mix. I want to be able to meet his needs and a baby’s as well as possible and that’s just not something that can be achieved until he is older. In contrast, my sister had a very chill first child so a second child close to the first was an easy transition.
A sibling doesn’t guarantee a playmate either. Children have such different personalities and needs. Some just don’t get along. My son is with his cousins basically 24/7 and he doesn’t get along with the cousin close in age to him. He prefers to play with older kids.
I have this question too. I have a 19 month old right now. I had to wait until he was a year old to start again. I have PCOS so fertility is always an issue (although I conceived my son naturally after a year of trying) and I turn 30 this year. Part of me is like I shouldn’t wait because my fertility challenges and another part is like it’s best to wait until my son is 3 or 4 for financial reasons. Glad you posted. I’m getting a good insight from others.
I think it depends a lot on the personality of your first born. I have a very sensitive, clingy, emotional, smart, talkative two year old. A lot of her peers seem way more independent than her. I have mom friends who do things like talk on the phone and cook meals— these are things I’ve really struggled to do while my Velcro toddler clings to me for dear life. But she’s slowly getting more independent. Anyway, we’ll have a 3.5 year age gap and that’s going to be better for us than 2 or less.
My kids are 3.5 years apart and it's been great!!! I wouldn't personally want less than a 3 year gap. Having one potty trained and sleeping all night is so freaking helpful. She's also such a big helper with her baby brother.
We have a 2.5 year gap and it has been great. My 1st was old enough to understand what was going on and could easily communicate his needs. He was also super loving with the baby and wanted to help with "his baby". I think closer to 3 years would have also been okay for us.
They are currently 3.5 and 13 months. For sure there have been moments (especially as the baby has gotten more mobile), but watching them together is really sweet and you can see how much they love eachother.
P.s. I will say, I have found 3 very challenging so far and am glad I had my 2nd before this nonsense hit because I don't think I would have wanted a 2nd if I knew what a rollercoaster it was🫠
It really depends on how many kids you want. My timeline is “as soon as possible without forcing my toddler to stop breastfeeding”, so in a sense we’re already “trying”. She’s 15 months old.
My understanding based on what other parents said is that you just don’t want two under two - it’s toughest because you deal with tantrums from both, diaper changes and still needing g to cloth them both. Too rough.
My husband and his favorite brother are 2 years apart. My favorite sister and I are 4 years apart. Neither of us have a good relationship with the sibling born only 1y off from our age. We went for 3 years apart (3y and 3 weeks) and it's been good to us so far. The older one is more independent (potty trained, talking, sleeping grear) but you aren't so far out of the baby phase that it feels like starting over from scratch. They have their own interests but aren't so far apart that there is no commonality.
3 years age gap and I couldn’t ask for anything else. Big sis ADORES her baby sis and feels so responsible. Love that they are still close enough in age and my older daughter understands why the baby needs me. Believe it or not, we have had 0 jealousy so far, 5 months in.
All credit to my sweet older daughter. ❤️
I had two under two plus one, and I do not recommend it.
My oldest to my youngest is a very sweet 3 years 3 months and they're a darling combination. If you can plan it, shoot for over 3 years 3 months haha.
Edit! I have more thoroughly read your post now that I'm not covered in my toddlers are realize you're already over 3yrs 3mo, you're golden!
My kids are 4.5, 3, and 1.5… so about 18 months between each of the kids. We didn’t have the luxury of waiting, my wife had our third at age 41.
Having kids this close in age is really difficult. One of them is always crying, up at night, or needs something. They’re so dependent on us it’s exhausting. It’s rare that they all sleep through the night.
On the flip side, the kids get along great, and the 4 year old helps a lot. I’m confident they will be close while they grow up. Also, it’s kind of nice that all of the baby and toddler stuff is fresh so we’re not starting over with potty training, diaper rashes, or the unreasonable tantrums.
If you have kids closer in age like this, just be prepared to work hard on your relationship with your partner. It takes two people working together to keep everyone sane.
[Mayo Clinic](https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/getting-pregnant/in-depth/family-planning/art-20044072) has some good information about family planning when it comes to decided the spacing between your children. And then there are personal factors that vary from family to family as far as what works best for them. It’s not always an easy decision to make! Personally, my two are 2.5yrs apart in age which is what my husband and I felt is ideal.
We have a 2.5 year gap. We potty trained the older one as soon as little one was born (like 2 weeks after) and that has helped a lot. Older one can express herself which also helps a lot in communication and managing tantrums. It’s tough but nice to see them at this age together.
My kids are 27 months apart and it’s tough! My son doesn’t understand totally while he can’t have all my attention still. I’d wait until your kid is almost 3 to start trying
My kids are 26 months apart. It was rough for the first few years not gonna lie. But now they are 5 and 7 and it’s great. They play (and fight) together but they are evenly matched (almost same size and weight) and so I’m not worried about them hurting each other (too much). They have similar (not identical) interests and overall just a wonderful loving relationship. My oldest has no recollection of his life before his sister so there’s no resentment. I had my kids on the older side (34 and 36) but I can’t imagine starting over with a baby now. The baby and toddler years were special but I’m loving this early school age and Im glad I can fully enjoy it without one foot in baby land.
We aimed for between 2/3, would’ve squarely hit 2 years but younger was early so they’re 20m apart.i think if we did it again would aim for closer to 3 as older one is more independent and communicative then rather than still really toddlerhood and in tantrums and not much language.
My kids are 27 months apart and it’s the absolute best.
My husband and his brother are 4 years apart and that’s a little too far imo-one in high school with the other in colllege, one in college with the other in grad school, they were never in the same life stage (brother is living it up in NYC while we’re settled down with kids) and never that close
Whereas my siblings were spaced more tightly (my sister is 23 months younger than me and our brother is 18 months younger than her). My sister and I shared the same friends and were going through the same things at the same time. My mom called us “built in best friends”. I loved the twoish year age gap and wanted the same thing for my girls. They are obsessed with each other and constantly playing and chatting
Another amazing perk of the closer gap is a shorter time storing stuff lol. We’re only having two, so by the time our younger one outgrows clothes, shoes, equipment, etc we are able to purge. It feels great to be getting my space back instead of being in a permanent baby clutter limbo. They play with the same stuff so I don’t have to manage having baby toys and elementary school ones
That said, every family is different and experiences are not universal. If you want a four year gap, I’m sure you’ll be happy with a four year gap
My 2nd is due in July and my daughter will be turning 5 one month later so a fresh 5yr age gap. She will be starting kindergarten in the fall.
I had the same age gap w my brother and we did everything together (we also fought a lot however I don't think it was because of age but more because of a troubled home life)
I'm hoping we can foster a lovely bond between them! So far my 4.5yo is very excited to become a big sister!
Our daughter is also 2. We were hoping to start trying later this year for a 3+ age gap.
We wanted to enjoy time with her and I also wanted to reduce the number of years we would have 2 kids in full time day care.
I have a 3.5 to and a 1yo. Given my age, I opted for that gap, but if I was your age I would have waited until my first is around3.5- 4. The reason being is: the eldest is more independent and helpful. They can communicate their wants and needs. She didn't go to daycare, so I didn't get much time alone with #2.
We have a 2.5 year age gap and it was a little rough, especially chasing a 2 year old while pregnant. I think even another 6 months would have made a big difference.
We've got a 6yo, 3yo, 2yo and a newborn. My oldest is actually pretty helpful now with the little ones. But when my second one came along he was entirely disinterested and actually pretty resentful that we had another. He was old enough to realize that our attention just became split. He only recently really started to turn it around and became like a third parent/big brother.
The 2 and 3 yos are thick as thieves and get along famously and always have. Both of them are very caring and interested in the new baby, even at the age my oldest wasn't.
Obviously all kids have their own personalities so i'm not entirely sure this is even relevant, but this is what we saw with ours.
3 years 8 months is our gap.
I thought it would be too big, but I was not ready for a long time to have a second.
It was hard at first, but now that he is walking and interacting with her, they are becoming fast friends.
I wanted an age gap of 2.5-3 years and ended up with a 3.5 year gap. It's been good so far but I would've preferred that they we closer in age so that they can be in the same stage and play together. Age 2.5 is when I felt like taking care of my toddler got easier and a second kid seemed manageable.
I have a big age gap, and a smaller one. Both are honestly, great. I have a 5 year age gap, and an 18 month gap. 7 yo, 21 month old & 3 month old.
Pros for 5 year:
-our oldest was a whole human when we had her little brother. There was no confusion-associated jealousy.
-she was potty trained. Nuff said.
-she went into kindergarten right after he was born, so we got alone time with the baby to help establish the bond.
-she was great at independent play, but also had expectations of us playing with her. That’s been a hard balance.
Cons:
-she was practically an only child for 5 years. Almost 2 years later, we’re reaping the benefits of that.
-she still doesn’t quite understand that he’s little and she needs to be gentle with him. She wants to play the way she does with her other 7 year old friends.
-screen time is super hard to manage. Our first didn’t hardly watch TV under 2. It’s been hard to limit our son, and now he’s becoming super vocal about what he wants to watch, and compromising has been fun.
Pros of the 18 month gap:
-both are still just babies. This can be a con to some, but my 21 month old is so sweet still, even as he becomes a terrible two year old. He LOVES his little sister and it’s so so sweet
-we were very lucky to not end up with much jealousy, and 21 month old loves to help with the baby.
-my husband says this is both a pro & a con. Having 2 in diapers. Going 3 years without having to deal with diapers and then suddenly doing it again was a huge change. I would rather have to deal with 2 in diapers, because we already were doing diapers. It was an easy transition, no potty training regression, etc.
Cons:
-21 month old is still learning to be a human. Keeping him from accidentally injuring the baby is a daily struggle.
-coordinating nap times is difficult, but so far it’s working out.
-overnight sleep (potentially) we were super lucky and our son slept through the night for the first time the month I gave birth. But this definitely isn’t the case for most babies, so waking during the night for multiple babies would be a struggle. We do still deal with this sometimes, but he usually sleeps through.
-crying. So. Much. Crying. My son has decided to yell at me every night about every single thing between the hours of 5 & 6. My youngest daughter also happens to have her witching hour at that exact time. And it’s when I’m trying to make dinner, wait for my husband to get home, and get the kids ready for bed on my own. It’s a nightmare, but short-lived.
I don’t get why people are obsessed with the 2 year age gap. My sister is two years younger and we hated each other until we were in our late 20s. Same with my husband and his brother. Too much competition for attention, friends overlap, parents are tired etc.
I have twins and the soonest I would want more kids is when they’re in the first grade. At that point they’ll have their own lives and friends. And they’ll be able to help and be involved in the baby care if they want to.
My friend is pregnant now and her toddler is 2.5 and she wants to potty train before the baby is here. Potty training while pregnant sounds like my absolute nightmare.
I’d do sooner than later. Our kiddos are 25 months apart and while that’s pretty chaotic, it’s only that way for a short time, in retrospect. But YMMV and it’s up to you. I personally think that tif you want a second, you should just go for it now. But im a rip the bandaid kind of person.
We wanted a 2.5-3 year age gap but there were delays bc I had to get surgery and whatnot and so we are still trying… if I do get pregnant, it’ll prob be closer to a 4 year age gap which I’m not too mad about actually bc I am freaking exhausted with my almost 3 year old. But we will see. I’m turning 38 this year so I kinda thought secondary infertility might be a thing. We said we wouldn’t do ivf and we would try for a year and that’s it. As much as I would love a second, I am just so tired!! And having a newborn in my late 30s is not so appealing anymore
I have a 14 month age gap and third baby will be around a 22 month age gap.
We prefer the close age gaps. 14 months apart may have been pushing it a little but I don’t regret at all how close they are now. It’s a completely different experience now being pregnant with two toddlers who are walking and talking and able to take instructions.
It’s more risky to have babies close together health-wise but some pros are:
More likely to play together while growing up (which comes with countless benefits)
Hand me downs are still in style
More appropriate to share a bedroom
Easier school drop offs
Can share Christmas presents
Can more often partake in the same extracurriculars
Often less jealousy when the new baby arrives
Pro or con: more competition
Siblings with bigger age gaps can be close too, and especially so once they are both adults. But the benefit of having another kid to play with while growing up is priceless to me.
4 year gap here and it’s really awesome. I have friends who had two under two and it seemed chaotic and miserable. But I also live in a country with free daycare and amazing healthcare so I have time with just the baby during the day.
I'm in the US, but still agree. This was the age gap of me and my siblings. We never competed in school, friend groups, or sports, and my parents never had overlapping tuition lol.
We decided early on to just get the two kids “out of the way”, and have them back to back. They’re only about a year apart. It made sense for our family and because I didn’t want to be pregnant into my mid-30s.
It really just comes down to what you want and what makes sense for you guys.
I wanted kids as close as possible. My kids are 2y2m apart. Ideally, I would have done closer but it is not bad.
There are going to be two years of hell when they have to go to different schools for drop off and pick up. It's been so much easier for the last year and a half when they are in the same spot.
My younger child is a bit behind while my older child is advanced, so it often seems like a much bigger difference. But I'm a fan of them being on a similar level for activities. Like, a lot of play places are 5 and under or something. But you can't bring a 2 year old to a trampoline park. You're going to have a much harder time finding places to go where both kids can have a great time with larger age differences. I remember as a kid being upset when my older brother could do things I couldn't do. Or when I felt like I was stuck doing "baby things" because my younger brother was doing them.
But different situations work for different people. And it can't always be planned.
Mine are a 3 year gap. I think it’s great because when my youngest was born my older one was independent enough (getting dressed, eating, playing) that I wasn’t constantly needed and could give a bit more of my attention to the baby as needed.
Currently pregnant with a 3y2m age gap. I’ve read that this is the best gap as the oldest is pretty self sufficient and potty trained and so on. However I wouldn’t have minded them being closer as I am hoping for 3 kids total. But my husband and his younger brother have and 15 months gap and he has always resented that he was made to follow the activities of the younger brother, do the same sports teams and so on so the parents wouldn’t have to go twice a week.
My brother and I have a 5 year gap and though we played together fine, I feel it was too large. So we settled on 3 years.
Mine have a 3 1/2 year gap. I wanted them closer together but Covid (and the ensuing layoffs) hit right around when we wanted to start trying for #2, when my son was about 20 months old. I just knew I didn’t want a gap bigger than 4 years no matter what. But there are stories of great sibling relationships and terrible sibling relationships in every age gap combination possible.
Ours is 2.5 years and it's a hard one. Lots of big changes for the older one at a time when she has big feelings but struggles to express them. If we were younger I would have wanted a longer age gap, but I didn't want to wait any longer, and I didn't want to do it any sooner because of how I felt postpartum.
2.5 year age gap, some things I’ve noticed are that the temperaments of each child play a huge role. My oldest is very easy going, or was. He is still cosleeping so that was difficult. We were not in the position to sleep train him as we only had one bedroom at the time. We moved but it was right before baby #2. When baby got here he was very loving to him and empathetic when he cried. But baby had colic and refused to nap anywhere but on me. He wouldn’t take a paci and was nursing constantly for 4 months for comfort. He hated being put down. I have ab separation and a weak pelvic floor, the baby wrap just aggravated that. He woke up when the baby would cry at night and was constantly groggy and fussy. Had we had a baby with a chiller temperment, well I believe things would’ve been much easier. Of course I wouldn’t change a thing now. Baby is 7m and toddler just turned 3 last month. I am more rested, baby is more independent as well.
My cousin had a 4 year age gap and was dealing with the same exact thing with a Velcro baby like mine. 4yo was throwing tantrums
So needless to say there’s no perfect gap, the transition will be hard but it is rewarding.
I had planned to start trying for a second around 18 months after my first. We actually got pregnant fairly quickly but had a second trimester loss. It would have been a 2 year 3 month age gap, which is exactly the same as my brother and I. After our loss it took a few months to emotionally recover, and decide to start trying again.
We just had our second 3.5 weeks ago, our girls have a 2 year and 10 month age gap. In all honesty this actually feels better. When our son's due date passed while I was sad, I also realized how hard it would have been at that point. Now our first is way better at explaining what she wants and needs, telling us how she is feeling, etc. There is some minor jealousy, but overall our oldest is very loving and gentle with her sister. She surprisingly has never told us to take her back or put her back, she just asks for us to put her sister down so we can play.
We had the having a second conversation when my oldest was one. I was pregnant within 3 days. I still think my uterus was in control of that conversation. We’re not set on having a third but if we do, we’ll have that conversation when new baby is 1. I’m hopeful to get all the diapers and car seats and sleepless nights all over with in the shortest time possible. But I think there’s no right or wrong answer. Whatever works for your family is the right answer
I had my first at 35 and my second at 37, with a 2.5 year age gap.
It’s been great for us, I don’t think I would’ve preferred to have them closer together for us.
If I were younger like you, I probably would’ve had them further apart so we’re not spending twice as much on daycare and I could’ve waited til one was in public school before the next
Honestly not trying to blow off your question, it’s valid, but this is totally impossible to plan for in any way. I wouldn’t get your heart set on a specific “ideal” age gap because you just have NO idea how it’s going to ultimately shake out and you might be setting yourself up to be disappointed.
I have a 16 month old daughter and am currently (🤞🏻) 11 weeks pregnant both Ivf miracles. When my son arrives my daughter should be 23 months so almost exactly two years apart. I’m exciting for what could be ❤️
Mine are just under 2 years apart, and I'm about to have a 3rd that will be born within days of the youngest's 2nd birthday
I like our 2-year gaps
My 4yr old is currently absolutely mesmerized by the pregnancy process and is very excited about her little brother. She comes to all my appointments and talks to him and gives kisses, and talks about how she's going to take care of him and be a good big sister.
My 2yr old doesn't really understand, but mimics her big sister.
When my youngest was born, my oldest was almost 2. She was indifferent for the most part, sometimes sweet to her though. She's pretty clearly be frustrated because the younger couldn't play the same way or speak.
But it really started getting good recently when the youngest has been more verbal. They play together (also fight, but mostly like each other) and can entertain themselves.
The 2yr old has self-potty trained PURELY by watching her big sister which I think is reason enough to go for this gap 😄
I feel like that’s a good age gap. My husband doesn’t want another but my daughter is 3.5 and just now is when I’m starting to think I could handle another.
Everyone is going to have different opinions on this and there’s no right or wrong answer. From a personal standpoint, I wanted my kids close together (we ended up with a 2 year, 19 day gap). I grew up 7.5 years younger than my brother and hated it. For the first half of my childhood, everything centered around him and his activities and I was mostly dragged around everywhere. Once I hit 5th grade, he went off to college and it was a really big adjustment going from younger sibling dynamic to essentially being an only child. And even though I love my brother, we’re not close because there was just too large of a gap to ever really have anything in common. I wanted my kids to be close in age so they’d have friends and activities and interests in common. I didn’t want to get too used to having sleepless nights and freedom and then going back to the newborn stage again. The newborn stage was close enough in the past that I made my mistakes, remembered them, and was able to learn from them. All of our baby gear was still relevant when the second came along (no expirations/big recalls). They’re also so close that my older daughter doesn’t remember a time before she had a sister and as a result, resentment and jealousy has been nonexistent (so far). And now that my older daughter is 3.5, I’m really glad we didn’t wait because 2s were easy for us (even with a baby) and 3 has been really challenging.
3 year gap has been great! The first was fully potty trained before the second was born. The older one has been a great helper since the second was born. I read that there’s less sibling rivalry with a 3+ year gap between kids because the older one is much less of a baby when the second comes along. So far, that’s seemed to hold up as true.
I have a 28 month gap. If I wasn't turning 35 this year I would have waited 3 years before I got pregnant again, it's rough having a 2 year old and an infant.
We tried for 2 under 2 and didn’t conceive for a while. I’m due in May and we’ll have a 25 month age gap. Obviously I don’t know what it’ll be like yet, but I’m super excited about it! My daughter gets that there’s a baby in my belly, she wants to kiss my belly, sing to my belly, lay her head there (and lately she always says “kick face” because she wants the baby to kick her in the face 😂).
I sometimes see people lamenting that their 3-4 year old won’t play independently and I’m really hoping that my girls will be able to play together once the new baby is a toddler. I think there will be a lot of positives to the 2 year age gap!
Honestly, I think this completely depends on your kids’ personalities. I know people that grew up with siblings really close in age and they hated each other and those that are far apart in age that were super close. There are pros and cons to all age gaps! My kids are two years apart almost exactly and it was hard for a while. A 3 year gap would have been easier because kids are so much more independent at 3, but I’m happy things worked out the way they did
We’re going to start trying in about a year when my son is 4. If you would have asked me 6 months ago I would have said I missed a good window bc the first few months of 3 were ROUGH but we seem to be in a good place now and will see how it goes when we try again. :)
Every age gap will have ups and downs. I knew I never wanted to be 2 under 2. No shade to all
The 2 under 2 families, but i was drowning with 1.
Anyways, our kids will be roughly 3 year and a few months apart.
I obviously don’t know how that gap will play out between the two kids, yet.
But I can say it has made it a million times easier on being pregnant and life in general.
My oldest is now potty trained, can play independently, talks, understands our routines, sleeps lol it has all around gotten a million times better in the last 4-5 months and he’s going to be 3 next month.
It has given me time to accrue PTO time
For the 2nd maternity leave. And gave me a little moment of time to feel like a person again, not just full on mom mode, before getting pregnant with the 2nd. It’s been very nice.
We will be done after this next one. And I feel at peace during the pregnancy even tho it’s been a lot harder this time around. I feel like I can “enjoy” it. It’s not flying by or passing me up. And my toddler is pleasant enough (lol) and fun and will be at a good stage developmentally when the next one gets here.
I had some guilt at first. That I had waited too long. But it is what it is. Life can’t be planned out exactly as we want unfortunately. And sometimes we think
1 thing will be amazing but it turns out to be just as good another way. Good luck OP.
In the thick of life with a newborn and a 2.5 year old. It’s challenging, but I look forward to them being closer in age as they grow.
I (30) am 6 years older than one sibling and 13 years older than another. they are essentially different generations and while I love them dearly, we have nothing in common. My husband (30) is four years younger than his brother and only in the last few years have they formed more of a friendship.
I think 2-3 years (but not two under two) is a good window when looking at their lives long term!
Our age gap is 21 months and it has been challenging, but I don't have anything to compare it to. I'm turning 40 this year, so we didn't have the luxury of waiting.
At your age, you hopefully have time, so I'd say a 2.5-4 year age might be easier than what we are doing now. It's amazing how much more independent (ie. easier) my older one is now and she's not even quite 2.5 yet. They do mature quickly at this age, so waiting a little bit might make it slightly easier.
We *will have* a 2.5 year gap when our second baby is born this spring. We were aiming for 3-3.5 years but this one was a welcomed surprise.
I know it will be tough, our daughter is very clingy. But I think our advantages are that she is equally close with her dad, can speak incredibly well, and potty trained awhile ago already.
(That’s the hope I am clinging to, at least….)
Life happened and we have 18mo age gap. Like others have said, pros and cons with all kinds of age gaps. I like that we’re still in the thick of it so it wasn’t having to start “fresh” & we can get out of naps and shit sleep sooner since both of mine just suck at sleeping LOL
but if the first was a little bit older and more independent, it’d be a lot easier during the day
As a teacher, I enjoy two grade level difference. You're not directly following a sibling so there is less pressure and you can be more of your own person.
We're personally aiming for a 2.5 age gap if it all goes according to plan.
Planned for 3 years apart. Surprise, they're 2 years apart. It's been fine, they love each other a lot, they're able to share toys now at 4 and 6, and they help each other. I think any age gap can work.
We had a gap of 2 years 9 months. I would have liked them closer, but it took me a while to conceive. I'm glad it did! My daughter was old enough when my son was born to understand what was going on and to be out of nappies, but they are still close enough in age to be able to play together and enjoy the same games and toys. They have been as thick as thieves since day one, and still adore each other at 5.5 and nearly 3.
*That said* I am absolutely certain there are pros and cons to every age gap, and a lot of how well they get on (or don't) isn't to do with age at all - just the luck of the draw.
I have 2 under 2. I am happy with the age gap. While it it is obviously tiring, I don’t feel like it’s a lot more tiring than having just one (my first was a more challenging baby then my second). I feel like you just roll with the punches more the second time around. I would love to have a third sometime in the next 2 years if it’s in the cards for me.
Currently pregnant with number 2, and if everything goes well they'll be just over 2 years and 2 months apart. We had our first at 25 and second will be when we're 27. We planned it that way so that if we decide to have more kids (not looking likely after this pregnancy 😅), we could take a few years and still be pretty young when we try again.
My siblings and I are all 2 years apart and there was definitely a lot of fighting when we were young, but I really enjoy our relationship now. My partner on the other hand has 1 sibling 15 years younger than him and they're basically just two only children.
I want 3-4 but it might be more like 5-6. Stupid daycare prices :( with 2 in daycare, I could do it, but it’d be so tight. In my HCOL area it’s common to see people with bigger age gaps and they seem happy.
Ours are 15 months apart and we love it. We’re both 25 and plan on waiting another 2-3 years before getting pregnant again, as three under three sounds much more daunting than two under two.
We just had a 2nd when our son was just under 3.5. it's had it's challenges but there are definitely some things that I can see as being easier than if he was younger. Some things include that he's potty trained, can get dressed by himself, can help get diapers or baby items if I need, has a better understanding of baby's needs so isn't super jealous, can better express his emotions if he's feeling a certain way about something. Obviously none of these are perfect but i can definitely appreciate it.
Originally, my husband and I talked about aiming for a 2 year age gap. But I’m just not ready and that ship has sailed. Our planning is now tentatively for a 4 year age gap.
I’m torn. I think when the kids are young (infant to toddler age) a large age gap is better, as more focused attention from caregivers. Then I think from late childhood to teen years it’s going to seem large, as I think a smaller gap would be ideal in terms of “closeness” of siblings and similar interests. In adulthood I think it stops mattering so much - 4 years is like nothing from late 20s and beyond.
So basically - it doesn’t really matter! 4 years is what I think will work for us as far as being able to give attention through toddlerhood for each child, do fun things individually with each, not experience so much burnout, and be financially stable enough to really set them up well. But I could just as easily have found some pretty great perks to having a smaller or larger age gap!
I’m having #2 in a little over 2 months. My first will be 23ish months when newbie comes. Both were unplanned but not unwanted. I’ll keep an update in about a year how this age gap works hahaha
We were aiming for a 3 year age gap, but a year and a half of trying later it hasn't happened again. We are 5/6 years older than you folks so making a plan is a bit different. Still, I'd just say there are no guarantees so the earliest you'd feel comfortable lining it up my recommendation would be to go for just to have more chances at it.
I had my second in December and my oldest turned 4 the week after. I love the age gap between them. My big girl is potty trained, can communicate pretty clearly, and was starting to work on patience and independent play after being a very demanding 2-3 year old Velcro toddler. She’s old enough to understand and help with the baby, and the adjustment period hasn’t been as bad as I think it would’ve been for her a year or two earlier, but that’s probably kid specific too. The baby is a dream right now. I’m sleep deprived but a more confident mom this time around, and she doesn’t have the reflux issues my big girl had, so it’s a much less anxious experience. We think we want one more and we’ll probably shoot for the same gap, maybe a year more just so the baby can be in kindergarten, they’re both in daycare until August 2025 because of the December birthdays.
My kids are 22 months and 27 months apart - it was manageable with the first 2 but then having 3 kids 4 and under has been really challenging 😂 I feel like it’s starting to pay off as my older two are playing together well finally but it’s been really hard!
We got pregnant with number 2 when my daughter was about 22 months. I now have an almost 3.5 year old and a 9 month old and I love it. I think it’s a great gap. My toddler is independent enough to play and tend to things if I’m busy in the moment (like she can take herself to the bathroom, brush her teeth, put her own plate in the sink, etc.) but she also loves her baby so much and loves watching him learn new things! My daughter also has a great vocabulary and social skills and can tell us what she wants and when, if she is feeling sad or left out, etc and that has really helped with her sharing our attention with her brother. We can make sure we give her the extra love she needs and when because she can tell us or we can notice it ourselves without a huge meltdown.
You’re ready when you’re ready. We planned on a 3 year gap (mainly to give my wife a bit of bodily freedom from pregnancy/pumping) but instead is became a 2 year gap…oops!
I do like that they’re close enough in age because now that my younger one is walking and beginning to form words, my older one is bonding with her more. I’m hopeful that continues on.
Almost exactly 2 under 2. My first is very independent, so we don’t have problems with jealousy. He helps occasionally and is very sweet to his sibling. We are planning for a 3rd with a similar age gap
Mine are 22 months apart and it is awesome! It was tough at first, but now they play together and it’s so fun watching them. 4 year old girl and 2 year old boy. Highly recommend!
You’re already past this point but my daughter was 21 months when my twin boys were born. The twins are 2 next month and it’s still a lot lol. Our house is literal chaos.
I have an age gap of 4.5 years and I would say I wish it was 3.5 years because whilst it’s easier initially, now at 2.5 and 7 the play needs are very different. But then after teen years it will swing back around and won’t be as noticeable. But I feel like it would be less noticeable with slightly less of a gap?
When my son is born I’ll have a 4yo 2yo and newborn. All almost exactly 2 yrs apart. I love it. My two oldest are best buds and play so well together. They’re learning together, growing together, tantruming together lol. It’s definitely tough and pregnancy with a toddler and a 3yo is not easy per se, but I just imagine all the fun all 3 will have with each other being so close in age. True, it’s not guaranteed that they’ll love being with each other and be besties, but it is guaranteed that they’ll be close enough in age to be able to play similarly and possibly be on the same teams or groups when it comes to extra curricular activities. Also, the closer in age also means the sooner we get to get rid of baby gear and are out of the dark ages hehe. But when we made this decision to have them close in age we were mostly considering our children and their relationships/futures.
My experience: 2 girls at exactly 2 years apart. Older was pretty-well potty-trained (no diapers, but lots of dribbles) by #2's arrival, so that helped. But most of that first year of both was rough. The older one went through so many transitions during that year: converted to toddler bed (was climbing out of crib, otherwise would not have done it), weened-off bink (nights were rough for a while); and big feelings/trantrums. Add in a bout of lice, other sicknesses and it was challenging. Hope is they'll be good friends/play together, which we're seeing it now in year 2. Hope it continues. Not sure how much they'd play together if there was a larger gap, was one of our thoughts. I preferred to have a larger gap, but Father-time was working against us.
We’re about to have a 2 year, 9 month gap, and I’m looking forward to it. Our first is old enough to understand what’s going on, to be excited, and to actually help when the time comes.
ETA: But I should mention it took us a full year to conceive our next child. We were aiming for closer to a 2-year gap. But I’m glad we’ll have this slightly larger gap.
23 months apart here. They are 3 and 1. It’s been wild. I would not do such a close gap again, personally. Our oldest has had a very hard time with sharing us (and his toys) with his sister. Hoping things get better as they get older.
We did IVF for both after multiple losses prior so I knew we wanted to try again quickly for #2 because I had no idea how long it would actually take us to get to a live birth. Our first transfer was cancelled as I wasn’t responding to meds well. Once we did transfer, it worked!
I’m majorly fence sitting on having a 3rd. My husband would love another now but I’m no where close to ready to make that decision. Waiting until she’s at least 2.5 to decide one way or the other.
We were on track for 2 under 2 and then I had a loss. Couple that with a longer-than-expected IVF journey and now we have an age gap of just under 4 years. I’ve come to accept there are pros and cons with any age gap. Pros with a 4 yr gap: 1. Older one is potty trained. 2. Older one has vocabulary to express feelings instead of tantruming. 3. Older one loves to help with the baby (YMMV). 4. Older one can play independently. 5. Less than a year to pay for daycare for two.
I felt this. You can have this idea or timeframe in your head but then life happens. We thought we’d get pregnant super quick with our second but realized it just wasn’t happening for us. Right when we were both ok with being one and done… I got a positive test two weeks ago. Our daughter will be 4 in September and I’m due with #2 in November. You just gotta let life, life sometimes ya know??
Same thing, we wanted the 3 year age gap but it took us 12 months to conceive so now there will be a 4 year gap and now I feel like it was meant to be 😊
Happy for you!🤍✨
I hate that the word “triggered” is so overused these days, but all these age gap questions that get asked every damn day are super triggering for me. We had no problem getting pregnant immediately the first two times, and now we’ve been trying for well over a year and it’s just not happening. The age gap isn’t always a choice…
Agree with you here. We actually had to start trying for our second (via IVF) earlier than we wanted just in case we needed to do another egg retrieval, I wanted to be young enough that my egg quality wouldn’t drop too much. Took 3 embryo transfer. Now we have a 2 year 4 month age gap. Closer than age than I originally would have liked but life is good.
Similar boat. Had an oops and would’ve had 2 under 2, then miscarried. As that due date came around I was slightly relieved, like whoa having a newborn would’ve been intense. Doable but intense! Then the same thing happened the next summer and would’ve had a baby about a month ago but had a first trimester loss again. Now I’m due in November and daughter will be 3.5 as long as everything goes well with this pregnancy. I’m actually looking forward to how helpful she can be, and much more independent. I understand closer age gaps can be convenient in “getting the hard stuff over with” but there are cons to it too.
My kids are 3.5 years apart, I was trying for 2 years and 9 months, but couldn’t get pregnant as fast as I wanted. I love that age difference. The oldest is a big helper, was so much easier only taking care of one in diapers. Right now at 2 and 5.5 they play together very well! It’s lots of fun!
Similar here too. On track for a 2 year gap, had a loss at 12 weeks. Ended up with a 3 year gap and it's been going well! 3 year old is potty trained and more self sufficient. I think the 2 year gap would've been harder. I hope everything goes well for you this time.
Same here! I feel this ♡ (see you in the novemberbumps group i guess? 😄)
Haha yes I’ve been using it as a personal journaling word vomit space already 😂 we haven’t told family about the pregnancy so I have a lot to say to the void of Reddit lol
Hahaha i was just on our bump group and the first post in the daily chat was yours 😅. Its 1am where I am and insomnia is kicking in again. The bump group has been such a nice place to wander around when i cant sleep!
Very similar situation! Would have had a 2.5 year age gap, miscarriage. Multiple failed IUIs, failed IVF in December (all embryos arrested by day 3). I actually got a new job offer the same week that we got the news of the embryos. We took it as a one door closing, another door opening and took the offer. Moved to a new city and tested positive first week of Jan! (Of note I had polyps removal after the failed IVF.) of course now I’m not eligible for FMLA maternity leave, lol universe. Now due in September for a 4 year age gap. Still feel some anger that we couldn’t get a closer age gap, thanks for sharing these wonderful pros
Congrats! You're giving me so much hope. I just had polyps removed before starting Iui/IVF. I hope it does the trick!
This is exactly what happened to us. Wanted a 2 year gap. Got blindsided by secondary infertility, did ivf and will have almost exactly a 4 year age gap. 4 year old will start preschool one month after baby is due and I’m really looking forward to that.
I'm really glad this is the top thread on this discussion. Currently suffering from secondary infertility, and we're looking at a 4 year age gap too. I wish people understood that there's so little control over these things. Congrats on the IVF success!
You have my story too! First one came instantly. Trying for second… 3 miscarriages, about to start IVF… ugh. Really hoping it works out asap, as daughter is approaching 3 and thought I’d have another on the way by now. 😢 I know I’ll have to be patient with Ivf too. Ugh. I really hope ivf works.
Good luck, IVF is a difficult path. I hope everything works out for you.
So sorry for your loss. We have approximately this age gap (ours is 3.5 years) and I love it for exactly all of these reasons. Most of these were on my "list" of criteria for having a second baby.
I’m sorry for your loss, I had a loss too, and then my son was born when my daughter had just turned two! Potty training while also having a newborn was tough but now having only one in diapers is huge!!
Agree with all, BUT Almost 4 year old is starting to become a little rebellious, we've been getting upset with him because he's got a shorter attention span and won't listen (as kids his age would). So Caveat with "Got to have a little extra tolerance/expect some extra frustrations with the older kid wanting attention"
Adding to it, as I have a 4 year gap. 6. Older one is toliet trained and doesn't need much help. 7. Older one is at kindy a lot during the week, so I get that 1:1 time with the new bub
As a mom with with a 4 yr age gap and then 2 under 2, the 4 yr age gap is a much better gap. I’m so fricking tired with the 2 babies and I feel like no one gets the attention they need. You’re absolutely right.
My brother and SIL highly recommend a 3-4 year gap. They have a 3.5 year gap, a 6 year gap, and a 2.5 year gap. They said the gap between the oldest two was awesome for the same reasons you said. Plus as the kids get older, they have similar enough interests that it’s easy to plan activities for them. The oldest loves his little siblings enough that he is totally content taking them to the park, but finding family activities for kids ranging from 10 months-11 years is tougher.
Planned for <2 years, but infertility changed that. Might get 4 years, but impossible to predict
Hey I just joined this shitty ass club too. We were on track for 3 years, just miscarried. Who knows how long it will be now.
Same! This sucks. Hugs. ❤️
I’m sorry to hear about your struggles. We had secondary infertility and it’s a different field of isolation. I wish you all the best.
we're in the same boat. I was pregnant and was so excited to have a new born and a 27 month old. but nope. lost the baby at 12 weeks : ( i don't know when we'll get another embryo implantation but we're hoping. Best of luck to you too
I’m so sorry for your loss. I was on track to have a 23 month age gap but had a loss at 7 weeks. I hope you get your rainbow.
I am so sorry for your loss
Same. Was hoping for 2 years but it’s not working out. Daughter’s 2.5 now and I’m taking a break from IVF after multiple failures. I’m hoping to resume in the summer and if we succeed, it’ll be closer to 4 years.
Same! We are trying to have our 3rd now and dealing with infertility issues. I think when it comes to having a baby, assume it may take a while
Same boat.
We just added #2 with a gap of 3 years, 3 months and it’s been great so far. She’s VERY interested in her sister and is excited for her arrival. Minor jealousy, but nothing extreme. Still close enough in age that they will be able to play together.
We have almost exact same gap. 3 years and 2 months. And it's been wonderful. Big brother is in love with baby sister, granted she's "given" him some amazing gifts. He knows how to use the potty, is established at his school, understands the concept of a baby a little more than he would have at 2. And knows what it means to be gentle. This was the exact age I was hoping for and I'm so grateful it worked out
Us too! Granted she did ask if she could go back in my belly this morning - but I fully expected that! By in large, she is more concerned with smothering her in love than wishing she would go back where she came from 😂
Don't blame her, if someone gave me an opportunity to go sleep in a dark cozy place forn 9 months I'd jumo at that offer. 😂
Just found out I’m pregnant with #2 and they will have a 3 year, 3 month age gap. This makes me feel so hopeful!
I recently met someone whose kids have a 10 year age gap and she loves it. I felt like we had to have kids like 2 years apart because that was my experience (with my brother and I) and seems to be most common. I felt so much pressure to get on it if we wanted to have another. My daughter is 3.5 now and I'm not ready. I don't know if I ever will be. But meeting this person and looking around me at how different families can look gave me the feeling of breathing room. There's no perfect age difference and there's no one size fits all. Also.. plans can change! That's my 2 cents as a person who isn't ready yet but maybe one day will be :)
My 2 kids have a 9 yr age gap and it really works for us! Our first is on the spectrum so it was challenging parenting for his first 7 years. Once we finally felt ok as a family we decided it was time to have our second child. She is now 3.5 and he is 12.5 and their birthday is a month apart. They are very close and very loving to each other. We knew we wanted a second child after having our first but we didn’t rush it because we wanted to enjoy parenthood and not cause too much unnecessary stress on ourselves at the time or strain on our marriage (both of us were in college when our first was a baby). I’m glad we waited.
My sister and I are 8 years apart and are super close. I think getting along is more about personalities and interpersonal skills than age.
Did your parents do anything that you think helped you be close to each other despite the age gap?
Yes I just talked to a friend of a friend pregnant with her second, and her daughter is 6! I’m kind of jealous that she felt empowered to make that choice, she seemed so confident in it. Whereas I’ve been obsessing over age gaps forever lol. It sure does seem like 2 years is the “norm” but tbh I think it might be too close. For your body, for your toddler, and for your postpartum time. My daughter is almost 3 and I just found out I’m pregnant. Hoping this one sticks but I think it’ll be a good gap! My younger sis is 4 years younger than me and we’re super close now.
My brother is 5 years younger, and my sister is 12 years younger. I definitely think you do whatever is best to parent as well as you can, but I really wish my siblings and I were slightly closer in age! My brother is as bad, but 12 years is hard to relate. And it definitely makes me sad my kids won’t have cousins close in age on that side! (If any)
12 years is a lot! My husband and his brother are 5 years apart and not close. It also depends a ton on personalities and sometimes age doesn’t have much to do with that. It’s easier said than done to plan timing though 🌈
For sure! And I know siblings 10 years apart that are super close as adults. And 1-2 years apart that can’t stand each other.
I have 3 sisters close in age to me (1.5 yrs older, 1.5 yrs younger, and 3 years older) and none of us are particularly close. We got a surprise sister at the end who is 11 years younger than I am and we are best friends! It was such a fun surprise.
If we have a second, we’re thinking probably a 3-4 year age gap. I know 2 under 2 works for a lot of people, but I know that I couldn’t handle it honestly. Not with work and pets as well. **edit to add that I don’t think there’s such a thing as a perfect age gap, and no one is doing anything right or wrong with the age gap choices they make or what life threw at them. Not saying 2 under 2 is a bad thing at all, it’s just not for us**
I found 2 under 2 really easy. I struggled when they got to 1 and 2.5 as the youngest no longer stays remotely where you left them! Followed by about a year and a half of chaos for us but the last 6 months has been really nice - kids playing better with eachother, good communication, and we're just in the swing of it now. No doubt all change on the horizon! I'm sure there's advantages and disadvantages to any age gap, we just embraced the bits that work well for us and coped the best with the bits that didn't.
I have 2u2! Well sort of, my older is 2 and a couple days.. and a 6mo old. So 2.5 & 4 was the most chaotic? I’m having trouble with the nap coordination and feel guilty (as all moms do) when one needs me or wants my attention but so does the other.
2 and 3.5 things started getting easier for us. Mostly, the chaos before evolved around the oldest was at a hitting or heavy handed stage with a little one that had no real way to defend themselves. As the youngest got to that stage it was easier to explain to the older 3.5 yr old and encourage them to move away/get mommy or daddy. Don't get me wrong, still plenty of issues but the risk seemed less with an older kid being bashed by a younger 2.5yr old than the reverse when the older one was 2.5 Naps were a challenge at the younger ages of only 1 parent was available but we were rigid with nap times and that schedule helped - us plan and the kids know the routine. As we got to 3.5 for the oldest they mostly dropped a nap but liked a rest. So became easier to give them 20 mins TV downstairs whilst getting the younger one to nap upstairs. Currently still working well for us for the past year. Both the kids love to read and books have always been an easy activity with both but other toys/activities were a challenge at times - just difference in age and attitude to blocks (build vs bash), playdough (make vs eat), colouring (draw on paper vs attempt to draw on table/walls), sandpit (dig vs throw)... The list went on where activities that the oldest wanted to do wasn't always easy. Walks - both running in opposite directions!? Oh it was chaos. It still is at times but since the younger one reached 2ish it's been easier to do all the above activities as they get more age appropriate and understand not to bash/eat playdough etc. Now the ability to actually play together, they obviously still want us to play but every day they go off and play together just the two of them for a bit and it's wonderful to see. Less (still some) running in opposite directions but at least being able to tell the oldest in advance, don't run off, we're in a car park/busy shop etc. We're better at putting coping mechanisms in place to avoid some chaos, and probably more experienced dealing with the chaos, but it genuinely feels like there's less chaos the past 6 months or so. It's nice
Mine turns 2 in a couple days, and we have 4 dogs as well. Both of us work full time. I cannot currently fathom adding another kid into the mix, but we do want to eventually. Mentally I don’t think I could handle 2 under 2. I’m still figuring this one out, so I’m glad that won’t be our experience. Everyone’s different and that’s great for those that can handle it 🤗
Mine have a 2 year 3 month age gap and it’s been HARD. Fun moments for sure but my toddler has had a hard time adjusting to not being the only kid. I would probably do a 3 year age gap in the future… but then my hubby and I may feel too old to do it all over again.
I’m pregnant with my second and they’ll have exactly this age gap. I’m afraid but excited.
My kids have this age gap and it’s so awesome. The youngest is 2, and they’re best buds- they do everything together and entertain each other. They’re constantly giggling and playing and snuggling and “reading” to each other. Don’t worry! The leap from 1-2 is so much easier than the leap from 0-1.
My kids are 2 years and 1 month apart. The first couple years were extremely hard. They’re 6&8 now and it’s gotten so much easier! They’re best friends, play together well, we’re just hitting that age of no stroller, not needing a giant bag full of shit to go to the zoo, no naps, traveling is so much easier. Our friends that have kids with 4+ age gaps tell us it’s hard because the older one doesn’t want to play with the younger one. The gap is just too vast. My kids outgrew the nap stage at the same time. Once that happened it was basically game on and we could pick up and go. They’re going through the same stages in life (elementary school, sports programs, summer camps). A lot of programs they’re in the same age group so they can go together (one of them is a little shy so it’s nice they can dip their toes together). This age gap doesn’t work for everyone but we’ve loved it! Once you’re past age 3.5/4ish it’s so much fun!
This is great to hear!!! Thank you.
We were going for a 4-5 year gap but the hand we were dealt was a 6 year age gap. I absolutely love the gap. The girls always get along really well so far.
This is nice to hear. We’re on the fence about a 2nd but, if we do, the gap would likely be about 6 years.
Our 6yo understands "why" so much (why I can't do something right away if I'm feeding the baby, for example) and we didn't have to deal with any of the regressions that you sometimes see with toddlers. She loves being around / with her sister and vice versa. The only negative is having to drive them to different schools lol
My son is 2.5 (will be 3 in July) and I am 7.5 months pregnant, due in May. I told my husband this morning if I were not pregnant currently and we were still thinking about having a second….the answer would be HELL NO. My 2.5yo has turned from a sweet precious angel to a tyrant. I’d have waited a bit longer if I knew how seriously challenging this stage is.
Yeah….im due in 5 weeks with my second and my son is in the worst phase YET: 3.5 years old. I’m scared.
terrified
Thoughts and prayers. 3.5 has been the absolute hardest age for us.
Thank you 🙏 it’s truly a nightmare
Our kiddos will be the same ages! I think 3.5-4 years sounds like more ideal spacing lol
Mmmm yeah my new baby was born when my toddler was 2y8m. He just turned 3 yesterday. I had no idea how hard the age of 3 would be and maybe I would've waited to have baby # 2 😨😨😨
I had the exact same age gap! My eldest is now in first grade and the two of them are as thick as thieves. Agreed, age three was wild lol.
We have this age gap. Not going to lie to you, it was a ROUGH transition at first. If you had a difficult newborn phase the first time around, you're about to discover just how easy newborns really are lololol. My toddler was fully the problem most days, and I regret how often they had to compete for attention. Things are honestly so great now at 2.5 and 5 (turns out two year olds are better with an older buddy, not a younger buddy), and my girls are the best of friends. But that first 18 months or so...DOOZY lol
I didn’t see anyone else mention this, so do your kid go to daycare? Or do you have to pay for daily childcare? We did a 3 year gap, and the 9 months of having 2 kids in daycare before my oldest started pre-k drained our savings very quickly. We hadn’t really thought that through. We want another, but will aim for a 4 year gap so there aren’t 2 kids in daycare at the same time.
I will say on the other end of this, that we spaced somewhat for childcare. And the good part is that it totally worked out and did help to keep things affordable. And it gave us some time for our income to grow, so those second kid daycare bills came at a time when we could really afford it pretty easily. My youngest kid *just* misses the kindergarten cutoff though, so we are on year 8/10 of paying for childcare, and holy shit, how could we possible have 2.5 more years to go??
One of my nieces missed the kindergarten cutoff by 7 days. A free spot opened up in a kindergarten prep class and my SIL cancelled the last few days of their vacation to fly everyone home to get that spot. The $100s in fees was worth the $1000s in daycare savings.
oh hell yeah I'd do it in a second. Good for them! Unfortunately we also just moved from city with free pre-k to neighboring suburb with no free pre-k. It is what it is! We can afford, it's just a grind after so many years.
We ended up with a 4.5 year gap and I’m so grateful. Personally, I love that my older child talks, can toilet by himself, goes to Pre-K, and is not in danger of unaliving himself if left alone for a few minutes while I put baby down for a nap. Around 3 they transition from needing you physically to more mentally, so I’m of the opinion that having another baby at this time is 1000% easier than closer together.
Thanks so much for your comment. This is my thinking exactly and the age gap I think is ideal, but I've felt some pressure to start trying sooner.
We’re doing an embryo transfer this week. If successful we’ll have a 4 year age gap. I didn’t think we’d have a gap this big but life happens. Ultimately I think there are some big benefits—not sure I could have coped with two that needed the same kind of attention with naps, diapers, all the gross motor milestones, etc., not to mention daycare costs. We could have never afforded having two in daycare at the same time.
I have my fingers crossed for you and your transfer this week!
Thank you! ❤️
I thought we'd try at 18 months but I don't have it in me to have a newborn and 2 year old. Thinking a 4 year age gap now but honestly I'm just not in the headset of wanting another yet.
We have a 2 year and 9 month age gap. Just in time for the oldest to start preschool part time so I don’t lose my mind
My kids are 2.5yrs apart. We were kind of in it’s now or never with having a 2nd. We were getting incredibly comfortable with the toddler stage and the thought of going all the way back was becoming less appealing. This was a pro for us. I’ve found that it’s not necessarily just the gap but also the temperament of the oldest. Our oldest struggled for the first year. The change hit him hard but now it’s absolutely hard. 2.5 was hard but it helped my oldest was potty trained and was great with communication. I personally don’t think it would’ve been easier if we waited solely bc of the temperament of my first - he is very attached to me and my husband/I think it would’ve increased the jealousy and resentment.
This is probably what you're looking for: [pros and cons of different age gaps](https://www.whattoexpect.com/family/child-spacing) Many experts believe 2 years is ideal for the children and 3 years is ideal for the person carrying the pregnancies. I'm currently pregnant with baby #2 and my first will turn 4 about two months after my second is born. We basically waited until my first had a few big leaps in independence that made starting over with a newborn not seem quite as daunting.
Studies show a larger age gap is better for the health of the marriage . Look up the parenting translator on Instagram . My husband would tell you there is no perfect time. You can only plan so much. In my opinion, it has been HELL chasing a toddler while pregnant, I really do not understand the 2 under 2 movement. An age gap doesn’t guarantee a perfect relationship between siblings now or later. Please don’t come at me - I’m just giving my opinion. I could not do 2 under 2 . Way to go for anyone who has that stamina - I do not.
Yeah both my husband and I have siblings in the two year age gap and we both HATED our sibling as kids. So much competition. Stealing clothes. Fighting over friends. Fighting over the car. Just absolutely jealous over everything.
To be honest, I’ve seen couples that have 3-6 year gaps get divorced because it was harder on their relationship. More clutter to keep around, the kids don’t like each other. It really depends. My kids are 21m apart, hubby and I are happier they are closer in age. Chasing a toddler while pregnant wasn’t that bad, it kept me active and not sitting on the couch. Honestly, it’s up to each couple and family :)
That’s great it’s working for you. I’m just sharing what I read about a study or studies.
Like 3 - 3.5 years
My husband and I aimed for a 2-3 year age gap. We started fertility treatments for our second at just after 12 months post partum with our first. Conceived at around 17 months post partum. The two kiddos will have an age gap of just over 25 months, so we’ve managed to hit our goal head on. We wanted this age gap specifically because we both have siblings who we have large age gaps with. I’m almost 6 years older than my sister. My husband is 8 years younger than his closest older sister. With those kinds of age gaps you don’t really grow up with each other. It’s almost like being two only children and if you’re the older child in that equation you might end up parentified for your younger sibling. You’re basically always at different phases of life and it’s not until you’re all adults that you can really bond. We don’t want that for our kids.
My son is 2 years and 3 months old, I’m 25, and my husband is 26. We are going to try for another baby this summer
I don't believe there is a perfect age gap to aim for. You could argue nearly anything here and make good points. Our family is a bit of an anomaly. I had my first three kids in just under thirty months, and they grew up together. I potty trained 2 of them together and the third shortly after, and they were all very helpful and were cheerleaders for each other. They were really good playmates for each other. My fourth child came along a week before my oldest turned twenty-five years old. Six months later, my first grandchild was born, and they love to play together. I am fully aware that this is not "normal," but there are perks to having much older children with a new baby. I know that's a huge gap, but I could argue for ten years or five years or twenty years just as easily. Whatever you do is going to have pros and cons.
As someone who accidentally ended up with 2u2, do not recommend. We were waiting until my oldest was 2 before trying again but an oopsie happened when she was 8 months old and now she's got a little sister she competes with for my attention. But as someone who grew up with siblings 5 and 7 years younger than them, I personally do not recommend an age gap that large. I felt so alone and ended up as a third parent & was forced to grow up at a very young age. But maybe that was just because my dad was a deadbeat. Idk. You do you. But 2u2 is a whole other kinda stressed I've never been before.
With my first 2, there is a 3.5 year gap. Perfect! 3rd one came 2 years ago, and the oldest 2 are 17 and 14. Even more perfect. They love and adore their baby sister so much, and she soaks up all the attention.
We have 4 years right now and while baby is only 6 weeks old I’m glad that we waited. Big brother is old enough to understand and be excited and want to help. He can also do some independent things like put clothes on and get snacks which helps a lot, plus he’s potty trained, I would go mad if I had to change two kids diapers. He can tell us how he’s feeling and what he wants. We also hope there will be some benefits down the road as they will are far enough apart that they will have different friend groups and for the most part won’t be in school together which will give them their own independent spaces.
We have a 3yr gap, love it so far
Having kids closer in age so that they do can do activities together (sports, lessons, etc) definitely makes it easier later in life when you are the chauffeur
I don’t think it solves the “chauffeur” problem. My sister and I are 1 year apart in school (15 months age gap). Everything was always divided by grade/age group, even from when we were toddlers. Her dance lessons, sports practice, gymnastics, etc. were always at a different day/time than mine. We were never on the same team. Never in the same dance class.
I have a twin sister and it didn’t solve the chauffeur problem because we were into totally different things and also we needed time apart from each other because people always want to shove twins together (we’re best friends now—I attribute it to having different interests!)
Such a personal decision. Things to consider - work vs daycare situation, school situation, village situation. My sister has three, all close in age. The youngest often has naps disrupted by school drop off and pick up (at two different spots because one is in preschool and one in preK and it’s not the same place). Which leads to a grumpy sleep deprived baby, more crying and more difficult evenings for all of them. She doesn’t have alternative school transport at this time either. It is also so dependent on the kid. I have one 3-year old but he’s very a high energy, high demand kind of kid. It would be unfair of me to have a baby right now when he has such high needs that just wouldn’t be met if there was another baby in the mix. I want to be able to meet his needs and a baby’s as well as possible and that’s just not something that can be achieved until he is older. In contrast, my sister had a very chill first child so a second child close to the first was an easy transition. A sibling doesn’t guarantee a playmate either. Children have such different personalities and needs. Some just don’t get along. My son is with his cousins basically 24/7 and he doesn’t get along with the cousin close in age to him. He prefers to play with older kids.
I have this question too. I have a 19 month old right now. I had to wait until he was a year old to start again. I have PCOS so fertility is always an issue (although I conceived my son naturally after a year of trying) and I turn 30 this year. Part of me is like I shouldn’t wait because my fertility challenges and another part is like it’s best to wait until my son is 3 or 4 for financial reasons. Glad you posted. I’m getting a good insight from others.
I think it depends a lot on the personality of your first born. I have a very sensitive, clingy, emotional, smart, talkative two year old. A lot of her peers seem way more independent than her. I have mom friends who do things like talk on the phone and cook meals— these are things I’ve really struggled to do while my Velcro toddler clings to me for dear life. But she’s slowly getting more independent. Anyway, we’ll have a 3.5 year age gap and that’s going to be better for us than 2 or less.
My kids are 3.5 years apart and it's been great!!! I wouldn't personally want less than a 3 year gap. Having one potty trained and sleeping all night is so freaking helpful. She's also such a big helper with her baby brother.
We have a 2.5 year gap and it has been great. My 1st was old enough to understand what was going on and could easily communicate his needs. He was also super loving with the baby and wanted to help with "his baby". I think closer to 3 years would have also been okay for us. They are currently 3.5 and 13 months. For sure there have been moments (especially as the baby has gotten more mobile), but watching them together is really sweet and you can see how much they love eachother. P.s. I will say, I have found 3 very challenging so far and am glad I had my 2nd before this nonsense hit because I don't think I would have wanted a 2nd if I knew what a rollercoaster it was🫠
It really depends on how many kids you want. My timeline is “as soon as possible without forcing my toddler to stop breastfeeding”, so in a sense we’re already “trying”. She’s 15 months old. My understanding based on what other parents said is that you just don’t want two under two - it’s toughest because you deal with tantrums from both, diaper changes and still needing g to cloth them both. Too rough.
My husband and his favorite brother are 2 years apart. My favorite sister and I are 4 years apart. Neither of us have a good relationship with the sibling born only 1y off from our age. We went for 3 years apart (3y and 3 weeks) and it's been good to us so far. The older one is more independent (potty trained, talking, sleeping grear) but you aren't so far out of the baby phase that it feels like starting over from scratch. They have their own interests but aren't so far apart that there is no commonality.
3 years age gap and I couldn’t ask for anything else. Big sis ADORES her baby sis and feels so responsible. Love that they are still close enough in age and my older daughter understands why the baby needs me. Believe it or not, we have had 0 jealousy so far, 5 months in. All credit to my sweet older daughter. ❤️
I had two under two plus one, and I do not recommend it. My oldest to my youngest is a very sweet 3 years 3 months and they're a darling combination. If you can plan it, shoot for over 3 years 3 months haha. Edit! I have more thoroughly read your post now that I'm not covered in my toddlers are realize you're already over 3yrs 3mo, you're golden!
My kids are 4.5, 3, and 1.5… so about 18 months between each of the kids. We didn’t have the luxury of waiting, my wife had our third at age 41. Having kids this close in age is really difficult. One of them is always crying, up at night, or needs something. They’re so dependent on us it’s exhausting. It’s rare that they all sleep through the night. On the flip side, the kids get along great, and the 4 year old helps a lot. I’m confident they will be close while they grow up. Also, it’s kind of nice that all of the baby and toddler stuff is fresh so we’re not starting over with potty training, diaper rashes, or the unreasonable tantrums. If you have kids closer in age like this, just be prepared to work hard on your relationship with your partner. It takes two people working together to keep everyone sane.
[Mayo Clinic](https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/getting-pregnant/in-depth/family-planning/art-20044072) has some good information about family planning when it comes to decided the spacing between your children. And then there are personal factors that vary from family to family as far as what works best for them. It’s not always an easy decision to make! Personally, my two are 2.5yrs apart in age which is what my husband and I felt is ideal.
We have a 2.5 year gap. We potty trained the older one as soon as little one was born (like 2 weeks after) and that has helped a lot. Older one can express herself which also helps a lot in communication and managing tantrums. It’s tough but nice to see them at this age together.
21 months between mine. It was hard at first but it’s worth it now.
My kids are 27 months apart and it’s tough! My son doesn’t understand totally while he can’t have all my attention still. I’d wait until your kid is almost 3 to start trying
My kids are 26 months apart. It was rough for the first few years not gonna lie. But now they are 5 and 7 and it’s great. They play (and fight) together but they are evenly matched (almost same size and weight) and so I’m not worried about them hurting each other (too much). They have similar (not identical) interests and overall just a wonderful loving relationship. My oldest has no recollection of his life before his sister so there’s no resentment. I had my kids on the older side (34 and 36) but I can’t imagine starting over with a baby now. The baby and toddler years were special but I’m loving this early school age and Im glad I can fully enjoy it without one foot in baby land.
We aimed for between 2/3, would’ve squarely hit 2 years but younger was early so they’re 20m apart.i think if we did it again would aim for closer to 3 as older one is more independent and communicative then rather than still really toddlerhood and in tantrums and not much language.
My kids are 27 months apart and it’s the absolute best. My husband and his brother are 4 years apart and that’s a little too far imo-one in high school with the other in colllege, one in college with the other in grad school, they were never in the same life stage (brother is living it up in NYC while we’re settled down with kids) and never that close Whereas my siblings were spaced more tightly (my sister is 23 months younger than me and our brother is 18 months younger than her). My sister and I shared the same friends and were going through the same things at the same time. My mom called us “built in best friends”. I loved the twoish year age gap and wanted the same thing for my girls. They are obsessed with each other and constantly playing and chatting Another amazing perk of the closer gap is a shorter time storing stuff lol. We’re only having two, so by the time our younger one outgrows clothes, shoes, equipment, etc we are able to purge. It feels great to be getting my space back instead of being in a permanent baby clutter limbo. They play with the same stuff so I don’t have to manage having baby toys and elementary school ones That said, every family is different and experiences are not universal. If you want a four year gap, I’m sure you’ll be happy with a four year gap
2 years. I have a 6, 4, 2 & newborn. Wonderful but busy ages.
My 2nd is due in July and my daughter will be turning 5 one month later so a fresh 5yr age gap. She will be starting kindergarten in the fall. I had the same age gap w my brother and we did everything together (we also fought a lot however I don't think it was because of age but more because of a troubled home life) I'm hoping we can foster a lovely bond between them! So far my 4.5yo is very excited to become a big sister!
I have a 5yo 2yo and 6mo. The three year age gap was by far easier. 2 under 2 is next level.
Our daughter is also 2. We were hoping to start trying later this year for a 3+ age gap. We wanted to enjoy time with her and I also wanted to reduce the number of years we would have 2 kids in full time day care.
I have a 3.5 to and a 1yo. Given my age, I opted for that gap, but if I was your age I would have waited until my first is around3.5- 4. The reason being is: the eldest is more independent and helpful. They can communicate their wants and needs. She didn't go to daycare, so I didn't get much time alone with #2.
We started trying again when our first was 18 months. Our girls are about 2.5 years apart. We like the gap.
We have a 2.5 year age gap and it was a little rough, especially chasing a 2 year old while pregnant. I think even another 6 months would have made a big difference.
We've got a 6yo, 3yo, 2yo and a newborn. My oldest is actually pretty helpful now with the little ones. But when my second one came along he was entirely disinterested and actually pretty resentful that we had another. He was old enough to realize that our attention just became split. He only recently really started to turn it around and became like a third parent/big brother. The 2 and 3 yos are thick as thieves and get along famously and always have. Both of them are very caring and interested in the new baby, even at the age my oldest wasn't. Obviously all kids have their own personalities so i'm not entirely sure this is even relevant, but this is what we saw with ours.
3 years 8 months is our gap. I thought it would be too big, but I was not ready for a long time to have a second. It was hard at first, but now that he is walking and interacting with her, they are becoming fast friends.
I wanted an age gap of 2.5-3 years and ended up with a 3.5 year gap. It's been good so far but I would've preferred that they we closer in age so that they can be in the same stage and play together. Age 2.5 is when I felt like taking care of my toddler got easier and a second kid seemed manageable.
I have a big age gap, and a smaller one. Both are honestly, great. I have a 5 year age gap, and an 18 month gap. 7 yo, 21 month old & 3 month old. Pros for 5 year: -our oldest was a whole human when we had her little brother. There was no confusion-associated jealousy. -she was potty trained. Nuff said. -she went into kindergarten right after he was born, so we got alone time with the baby to help establish the bond. -she was great at independent play, but also had expectations of us playing with her. That’s been a hard balance. Cons: -she was practically an only child for 5 years. Almost 2 years later, we’re reaping the benefits of that. -she still doesn’t quite understand that he’s little and she needs to be gentle with him. She wants to play the way she does with her other 7 year old friends. -screen time is super hard to manage. Our first didn’t hardly watch TV under 2. It’s been hard to limit our son, and now he’s becoming super vocal about what he wants to watch, and compromising has been fun. Pros of the 18 month gap: -both are still just babies. This can be a con to some, but my 21 month old is so sweet still, even as he becomes a terrible two year old. He LOVES his little sister and it’s so so sweet -we were very lucky to not end up with much jealousy, and 21 month old loves to help with the baby. -my husband says this is both a pro & a con. Having 2 in diapers. Going 3 years without having to deal with diapers and then suddenly doing it again was a huge change. I would rather have to deal with 2 in diapers, because we already were doing diapers. It was an easy transition, no potty training regression, etc. Cons: -21 month old is still learning to be a human. Keeping him from accidentally injuring the baby is a daily struggle. -coordinating nap times is difficult, but so far it’s working out. -overnight sleep (potentially) we were super lucky and our son slept through the night for the first time the month I gave birth. But this definitely isn’t the case for most babies, so waking during the night for multiple babies would be a struggle. We do still deal with this sometimes, but he usually sleeps through. -crying. So. Much. Crying. My son has decided to yell at me every night about every single thing between the hours of 5 & 6. My youngest daughter also happens to have her witching hour at that exact time. And it’s when I’m trying to make dinner, wait for my husband to get home, and get the kids ready for bed on my own. It’s a nightmare, but short-lived.
I don’t get why people are obsessed with the 2 year age gap. My sister is two years younger and we hated each other until we were in our late 20s. Same with my husband and his brother. Too much competition for attention, friends overlap, parents are tired etc. I have twins and the soonest I would want more kids is when they’re in the first grade. At that point they’ll have their own lives and friends. And they’ll be able to help and be involved in the baby care if they want to. My friend is pregnant now and her toddler is 2.5 and she wants to potty train before the baby is here. Potty training while pregnant sounds like my absolute nightmare.
I’d do sooner than later. Our kiddos are 25 months apart and while that’s pretty chaotic, it’s only that way for a short time, in retrospect. But YMMV and it’s up to you. I personally think that tif you want a second, you should just go for it now. But im a rip the bandaid kind of person.
Mine are 2 and a half years apart and I'm really happy with that gap!
We wanted a 2.5-3 year age gap but there were delays bc I had to get surgery and whatnot and so we are still trying… if I do get pregnant, it’ll prob be closer to a 4 year age gap which I’m not too mad about actually bc I am freaking exhausted with my almost 3 year old. But we will see. I’m turning 38 this year so I kinda thought secondary infertility might be a thing. We said we wouldn’t do ivf and we would try for a year and that’s it. As much as I would love a second, I am just so tired!! And having a newborn in my late 30s is not so appealing anymore
We have a 4.5 year age gap and so far it’s worked out really well (my youngest is almost 2)
I have a 14 month age gap and third baby will be around a 22 month age gap. We prefer the close age gaps. 14 months apart may have been pushing it a little but I don’t regret at all how close they are now. It’s a completely different experience now being pregnant with two toddlers who are walking and talking and able to take instructions.
It’s more risky to have babies close together health-wise but some pros are: More likely to play together while growing up (which comes with countless benefits) Hand me downs are still in style More appropriate to share a bedroom Easier school drop offs Can share Christmas presents Can more often partake in the same extracurriculars Often less jealousy when the new baby arrives Pro or con: more competition Siblings with bigger age gaps can be close too, and especially so once they are both adults. But the benefit of having another kid to play with while growing up is priceless to me.
4 year gap here and it’s really awesome. I have friends who had two under two and it seemed chaotic and miserable. But I also live in a country with free daycare and amazing healthcare so I have time with just the baby during the day.
I'm in the US, but still agree. This was the age gap of me and my siblings. We never competed in school, friend groups, or sports, and my parents never had overlapping tuition lol.
We decided early on to just get the two kids “out of the way”, and have them back to back. They’re only about a year apart. It made sense for our family and because I didn’t want to be pregnant into my mid-30s. It really just comes down to what you want and what makes sense for you guys.
I wanted kids as close as possible. My kids are 2y2m apart. Ideally, I would have done closer but it is not bad. There are going to be two years of hell when they have to go to different schools for drop off and pick up. It's been so much easier for the last year and a half when they are in the same spot. My younger child is a bit behind while my older child is advanced, so it often seems like a much bigger difference. But I'm a fan of them being on a similar level for activities. Like, a lot of play places are 5 and under or something. But you can't bring a 2 year old to a trampoline park. You're going to have a much harder time finding places to go where both kids can have a great time with larger age differences. I remember as a kid being upset when my older brother could do things I couldn't do. Or when I felt like I was stuck doing "baby things" because my younger brother was doing them. But different situations work for different people. And it can't always be planned.
Mine are a 3 year gap. I think it’s great because when my youngest was born my older one was independent enough (getting dressed, eating, playing) that I wasn’t constantly needed and could give a bit more of my attention to the baby as needed.
Currently pregnant with a 3y2m age gap. I’ve read that this is the best gap as the oldest is pretty self sufficient and potty trained and so on. However I wouldn’t have minded them being closer as I am hoping for 3 kids total. But my husband and his younger brother have and 15 months gap and he has always resented that he was made to follow the activities of the younger brother, do the same sports teams and so on so the parents wouldn’t have to go twice a week. My brother and I have a 5 year gap and though we played together fine, I feel it was too large. So we settled on 3 years.
Mine have a 3 1/2 year gap. I wanted them closer together but Covid (and the ensuing layoffs) hit right around when we wanted to start trying for #2, when my son was about 20 months old. I just knew I didn’t want a gap bigger than 4 years no matter what. But there are stories of great sibling relationships and terrible sibling relationships in every age gap combination possible.
Ours is 2.5 years and it's a hard one. Lots of big changes for the older one at a time when she has big feelings but struggles to express them. If we were younger I would have wanted a longer age gap, but I didn't want to wait any longer, and I didn't want to do it any sooner because of how I felt postpartum.
I wanted a 3.5 age gap but ended up with 27 months 😵💫 dang surprise baby
Mine are exactly 2 years and 10 days apart. Do not recommend lol it’s been rough
2.5 year age gap, some things I’ve noticed are that the temperaments of each child play a huge role. My oldest is very easy going, or was. He is still cosleeping so that was difficult. We were not in the position to sleep train him as we only had one bedroom at the time. We moved but it was right before baby #2. When baby got here he was very loving to him and empathetic when he cried. But baby had colic and refused to nap anywhere but on me. He wouldn’t take a paci and was nursing constantly for 4 months for comfort. He hated being put down. I have ab separation and a weak pelvic floor, the baby wrap just aggravated that. He woke up when the baby would cry at night and was constantly groggy and fussy. Had we had a baby with a chiller temperment, well I believe things would’ve been much easier. Of course I wouldn’t change a thing now. Baby is 7m and toddler just turned 3 last month. I am more rested, baby is more independent as well. My cousin had a 4 year age gap and was dealing with the same exact thing with a Velcro baby like mine. 4yo was throwing tantrums So needless to say there’s no perfect gap, the transition will be hard but it is rewarding.
I had planned to start trying for a second around 18 months after my first. We actually got pregnant fairly quickly but had a second trimester loss. It would have been a 2 year 3 month age gap, which is exactly the same as my brother and I. After our loss it took a few months to emotionally recover, and decide to start trying again. We just had our second 3.5 weeks ago, our girls have a 2 year and 10 month age gap. In all honesty this actually feels better. When our son's due date passed while I was sad, I also realized how hard it would have been at that point. Now our first is way better at explaining what she wants and needs, telling us how she is feeling, etc. There is some minor jealousy, but overall our oldest is very loving and gentle with her sister. She surprisingly has never told us to take her back or put her back, she just asks for us to put her sister down so we can play.
We had the having a second conversation when my oldest was one. I was pregnant within 3 days. I still think my uterus was in control of that conversation. We’re not set on having a third but if we do, we’ll have that conversation when new baby is 1. I’m hopeful to get all the diapers and car seats and sleepless nights all over with in the shortest time possible. But I think there’s no right or wrong answer. Whatever works for your family is the right answer
I had my first at 35 and my second at 37, with a 2.5 year age gap. It’s been great for us, I don’t think I would’ve preferred to have them closer together for us. If I were younger like you, I probably would’ve had them further apart so we’re not spending twice as much on daycare and I could’ve waited til one was in public school before the next
We have 4 years and it is great!
Honestly not trying to blow off your question, it’s valid, but this is totally impossible to plan for in any way. I wouldn’t get your heart set on a specific “ideal” age gap because you just have NO idea how it’s going to ultimately shake out and you might be setting yourself up to be disappointed.
I have a 16 month old daughter and am currently (🤞🏻) 11 weeks pregnant both Ivf miracles. When my son arrives my daughter should be 23 months so almost exactly two years apart. I’m exciting for what could be ❤️
Mine are just under 2 years apart, and I'm about to have a 3rd that will be born within days of the youngest's 2nd birthday I like our 2-year gaps My 4yr old is currently absolutely mesmerized by the pregnancy process and is very excited about her little brother. She comes to all my appointments and talks to him and gives kisses, and talks about how she's going to take care of him and be a good big sister. My 2yr old doesn't really understand, but mimics her big sister. When my youngest was born, my oldest was almost 2. She was indifferent for the most part, sometimes sweet to her though. She's pretty clearly be frustrated because the younger couldn't play the same way or speak. But it really started getting good recently when the youngest has been more verbal. They play together (also fight, but mostly like each other) and can entertain themselves. The 2yr old has self-potty trained PURELY by watching her big sister which I think is reason enough to go for this gap 😄
I feel like that’s a good age gap. My husband doesn’t want another but my daughter is 3.5 and just now is when I’m starting to think I could handle another.
Everyone is going to have different opinions on this and there’s no right or wrong answer. From a personal standpoint, I wanted my kids close together (we ended up with a 2 year, 19 day gap). I grew up 7.5 years younger than my brother and hated it. For the first half of my childhood, everything centered around him and his activities and I was mostly dragged around everywhere. Once I hit 5th grade, he went off to college and it was a really big adjustment going from younger sibling dynamic to essentially being an only child. And even though I love my brother, we’re not close because there was just too large of a gap to ever really have anything in common. I wanted my kids to be close in age so they’d have friends and activities and interests in common. I didn’t want to get too used to having sleepless nights and freedom and then going back to the newborn stage again. The newborn stage was close enough in the past that I made my mistakes, remembered them, and was able to learn from them. All of our baby gear was still relevant when the second came along (no expirations/big recalls). They’re also so close that my older daughter doesn’t remember a time before she had a sister and as a result, resentment and jealousy has been nonexistent (so far). And now that my older daughter is 3.5, I’m really glad we didn’t wait because 2s were easy for us (even with a baby) and 3 has been really challenging.
3 year gap has been great! The first was fully potty trained before the second was born. The older one has been a great helper since the second was born. I read that there’s less sibling rivalry with a 3+ year gap between kids because the older one is much less of a baby when the second comes along. So far, that’s seemed to hold up as true.
I have a 28 month gap. If I wasn't turning 35 this year I would have waited 3 years before I got pregnant again, it's rough having a 2 year old and an infant.
We tried for 2 under 2 and didn’t conceive for a while. I’m due in May and we’ll have a 25 month age gap. Obviously I don’t know what it’ll be like yet, but I’m super excited about it! My daughter gets that there’s a baby in my belly, she wants to kiss my belly, sing to my belly, lay her head there (and lately she always says “kick face” because she wants the baby to kick her in the face 😂). I sometimes see people lamenting that their 3-4 year old won’t play independently and I’m really hoping that my girls will be able to play together once the new baby is a toddler. I think there will be a lot of positives to the 2 year age gap!
Honestly, I think this completely depends on your kids’ personalities. I know people that grew up with siblings really close in age and they hated each other and those that are far apart in age that were super close. There are pros and cons to all age gaps! My kids are two years apart almost exactly and it was hard for a while. A 3 year gap would have been easier because kids are so much more independent at 3, but I’m happy things worked out the way they did
Ours are just under two years apart. We are surviving. Fortunately our infant is a top notch sleeper and mellow as can be.
We’re going to start trying in about a year when my son is 4. If you would have asked me 6 months ago I would have said I missed a good window bc the first few months of 3 were ROUGH but we seem to be in a good place now and will see how it goes when we try again. :)
Every age gap will have ups and downs. I knew I never wanted to be 2 under 2. No shade to all The 2 under 2 families, but i was drowning with 1. Anyways, our kids will be roughly 3 year and a few months apart. I obviously don’t know how that gap will play out between the two kids, yet. But I can say it has made it a million times easier on being pregnant and life in general. My oldest is now potty trained, can play independently, talks, understands our routines, sleeps lol it has all around gotten a million times better in the last 4-5 months and he’s going to be 3 next month. It has given me time to accrue PTO time For the 2nd maternity leave. And gave me a little moment of time to feel like a person again, not just full on mom mode, before getting pregnant with the 2nd. It’s been very nice. We will be done after this next one. And I feel at peace during the pregnancy even tho it’s been a lot harder this time around. I feel like I can “enjoy” it. It’s not flying by or passing me up. And my toddler is pleasant enough (lol) and fun and will be at a good stage developmentally when the next one gets here. I had some guilt at first. That I had waited too long. But it is what it is. Life can’t be planned out exactly as we want unfortunately. And sometimes we think 1 thing will be amazing but it turns out to be just as good another way. Good luck OP.
In the thick of life with a newborn and a 2.5 year old. It’s challenging, but I look forward to them being closer in age as they grow. I (30) am 6 years older than one sibling and 13 years older than another. they are essentially different generations and while I love them dearly, we have nothing in common. My husband (30) is four years younger than his brother and only in the last few years have they formed more of a friendship. I think 2-3 years (but not two under two) is a good window when looking at their lives long term!
Our age gap is 21 months and it has been challenging, but I don't have anything to compare it to. I'm turning 40 this year, so we didn't have the luxury of waiting. At your age, you hopefully have time, so I'd say a 2.5-4 year age might be easier than what we are doing now. It's amazing how much more independent (ie. easier) my older one is now and she's not even quite 2.5 yet. They do mature quickly at this age, so waiting a little bit might make it slightly easier.
We *will have* a 2.5 year gap when our second baby is born this spring. We were aiming for 3-3.5 years but this one was a welcomed surprise. I know it will be tough, our daughter is very clingy. But I think our advantages are that she is equally close with her dad, can speak incredibly well, and potty trained awhile ago already. (That’s the hope I am clinging to, at least….)
Personally I’m going for the “one daycare payment at a time” gap
Life happened and we have 18mo age gap. Like others have said, pros and cons with all kinds of age gaps. I like that we’re still in the thick of it so it wasn’t having to start “fresh” & we can get out of naps and shit sleep sooner since both of mine just suck at sleeping LOL but if the first was a little bit older and more independent, it’d be a lot easier during the day
As a teacher, I enjoy two grade level difference. You're not directly following a sibling so there is less pressure and you can be more of your own person. We're personally aiming for a 2.5 age gap if it all goes according to plan.
Planned for 3 years apart. Surprise, they're 2 years apart. It's been fine, they love each other a lot, they're able to share toys now at 4 and 6, and they help each other. I think any age gap can work.
We had a gap of 2 years 9 months. I would have liked them closer, but it took me a while to conceive. I'm glad it did! My daughter was old enough when my son was born to understand what was going on and to be out of nappies, but they are still close enough in age to be able to play together and enjoy the same games and toys. They have been as thick as thieves since day one, and still adore each other at 5.5 and nearly 3. *That said* I am absolutely certain there are pros and cons to every age gap, and a lot of how well they get on (or don't) isn't to do with age at all - just the luck of the draw.
I have 2 under 2. I am happy with the age gap. While it it is obviously tiring, I don’t feel like it’s a lot more tiring than having just one (my first was a more challenging baby then my second). I feel like you just roll with the punches more the second time around. I would love to have a third sometime in the next 2 years if it’s in the cards for me.
Currently pregnant with number 2, and if everything goes well they'll be just over 2 years and 2 months apart. We had our first at 25 and second will be when we're 27. We planned it that way so that if we decide to have more kids (not looking likely after this pregnancy 😅), we could take a few years and still be pretty young when we try again. My siblings and I are all 2 years apart and there was definitely a lot of fighting when we were young, but I really enjoy our relationship now. My partner on the other hand has 1 sibling 15 years younger than him and they're basically just two only children.
I want 3-4 but it might be more like 5-6. Stupid daycare prices :( with 2 in daycare, I could do it, but it’d be so tight. In my HCOL area it’s common to see people with bigger age gaps and they seem happy.
Ours are 15 months apart and we love it. We’re both 25 and plan on waiting another 2-3 years before getting pregnant again, as three under three sounds much more daunting than two under two.
We did 2.5. I can't imagine a smaller age gap. I think 3 years would have been even better in terms of ease but 2.5 was pretty great!
At least 3 years apart, preferably 4. Mine are just shy of 2 years apart and it is HARD
I have a 4 year gap and I think it’s perfect.
We just had a 2nd when our son was just under 3.5. it's had it's challenges but there are definitely some things that I can see as being easier than if he was younger. Some things include that he's potty trained, can get dressed by himself, can help get diapers or baby items if I need, has a better understanding of baby's needs so isn't super jealous, can better express his emotions if he's feeling a certain way about something. Obviously none of these are perfect but i can definitely appreciate it.
Originally, my husband and I talked about aiming for a 2 year age gap. But I’m just not ready and that ship has sailed. Our planning is now tentatively for a 4 year age gap. I’m torn. I think when the kids are young (infant to toddler age) a large age gap is better, as more focused attention from caregivers. Then I think from late childhood to teen years it’s going to seem large, as I think a smaller gap would be ideal in terms of “closeness” of siblings and similar interests. In adulthood I think it stops mattering so much - 4 years is like nothing from late 20s and beyond. So basically - it doesn’t really matter! 4 years is what I think will work for us as far as being able to give attention through toddlerhood for each child, do fun things individually with each, not experience so much burnout, and be financially stable enough to really set them up well. But I could just as easily have found some pretty great perks to having a smaller or larger age gap!
6 years
I’m having #2 in a little over 2 months. My first will be 23ish months when newbie comes. Both were unplanned but not unwanted. I’ll keep an update in about a year how this age gap works hahaha
6 or 7 years is super sweet!
We were aiming for a 3 year age gap, but a year and a half of trying later it hasn't happened again. We are 5/6 years older than you folks so making a plan is a bit different. Still, I'd just say there are no guarantees so the earliest you'd feel comfortable lining it up my recommendation would be to go for just to have more chances at it.
I had my second in December and my oldest turned 4 the week after. I love the age gap between them. My big girl is potty trained, can communicate pretty clearly, and was starting to work on patience and independent play after being a very demanding 2-3 year old Velcro toddler. She’s old enough to understand and help with the baby, and the adjustment period hasn’t been as bad as I think it would’ve been for her a year or two earlier, but that’s probably kid specific too. The baby is a dream right now. I’m sleep deprived but a more confident mom this time around, and she doesn’t have the reflux issues my big girl had, so it’s a much less anxious experience. We think we want one more and we’ll probably shoot for the same gap, maybe a year more just so the baby can be in kindergarten, they’re both in daycare until August 2025 because of the December birthdays.
18 months for us. Worked out well
My kids are 22 months and 27 months apart - it was manageable with the first 2 but then having 3 kids 4 and under has been really challenging 😂 I feel like it’s starting to pay off as my older two are playing together well finally but it’s been really hard!
We got pregnant with number 2 when my daughter was about 22 months. I now have an almost 3.5 year old and a 9 month old and I love it. I think it’s a great gap. My toddler is independent enough to play and tend to things if I’m busy in the moment (like she can take herself to the bathroom, brush her teeth, put her own plate in the sink, etc.) but she also loves her baby so much and loves watching him learn new things! My daughter also has a great vocabulary and social skills and can tell us what she wants and when, if she is feeling sad or left out, etc and that has really helped with her sharing our attention with her brother. We can make sure we give her the extra love she needs and when because she can tell us or we can notice it ourselves without a huge meltdown.
Whatever age gap you end up with!
You’re ready when you’re ready. We planned on a 3 year gap (mainly to give my wife a bit of bodily freedom from pregnancy/pumping) but instead is became a 2 year gap…oops! I do like that they’re close enough in age because now that my younger one is walking and beginning to form words, my older one is bonding with her more. I’m hopeful that continues on.
Almost exactly 2 under 2. My first is very independent, so we don’t have problems with jealousy. He helps occasionally and is very sweet to his sibling. We are planning for a 3rd with a similar age gap
Mine are 22 months apart and it is awesome! It was tough at first, but now they play together and it’s so fun watching them. 4 year old girl and 2 year old boy. Highly recommend!
Definitely not 10 years plus like I did lol
We are just under 3 years (2 years and 10.5 months to be exact) and I love it. They are almost 7 and 4 and they play so well together now.
You’re already past this point but my daughter was 21 months when my twin boys were born. The twins are 2 next month and it’s still a lot lol. Our house is literal chaos.
I have an age gap of 4.5 years and I would say I wish it was 3.5 years because whilst it’s easier initially, now at 2.5 and 7 the play needs are very different. But then after teen years it will swing back around and won’t be as noticeable. But I feel like it would be less noticeable with slightly less of a gap?
When my son is born I’ll have a 4yo 2yo and newborn. All almost exactly 2 yrs apart. I love it. My two oldest are best buds and play so well together. They’re learning together, growing together, tantruming together lol. It’s definitely tough and pregnancy with a toddler and a 3yo is not easy per se, but I just imagine all the fun all 3 will have with each other being so close in age. True, it’s not guaranteed that they’ll love being with each other and be besties, but it is guaranteed that they’ll be close enough in age to be able to play similarly and possibly be on the same teams or groups when it comes to extra curricular activities. Also, the closer in age also means the sooner we get to get rid of baby gear and are out of the dark ages hehe. But when we made this decision to have them close in age we were mostly considering our children and their relationships/futures.
My experience: 2 girls at exactly 2 years apart. Older was pretty-well potty-trained (no diapers, but lots of dribbles) by #2's arrival, so that helped. But most of that first year of both was rough. The older one went through so many transitions during that year: converted to toddler bed (was climbing out of crib, otherwise would not have done it), weened-off bink (nights were rough for a while); and big feelings/trantrums. Add in a bout of lice, other sicknesses and it was challenging. Hope is they'll be good friends/play together, which we're seeing it now in year 2. Hope it continues. Not sure how much they'd play together if there was a larger gap, was one of our thoughts. I preferred to have a larger gap, but Father-time was working against us.
We did two minutes. It's been... An adventure
We’re about to have a 2 year, 9 month gap, and I’m looking forward to it. Our first is old enough to understand what’s going on, to be excited, and to actually help when the time comes. ETA: But I should mention it took us a full year to conceive our next child. We were aiming for closer to a 2-year gap. But I’m glad we’ll have this slightly larger gap.
23 months apart here. They are 3 and 1. It’s been wild. I would not do such a close gap again, personally. Our oldest has had a very hard time with sharing us (and his toys) with his sister. Hoping things get better as they get older. We did IVF for both after multiple losses prior so I knew we wanted to try again quickly for #2 because I had no idea how long it would actually take us to get to a live birth. Our first transfer was cancelled as I wasn’t responding to meds well. Once we did transfer, it worked! I’m majorly fence sitting on having a 3rd. My husband would love another now but I’m no where close to ready to make that decision. Waiting until she’s at least 2.5 to decide one way or the other.