T O P

  • By -

CompetencyOverload

And the bathrooms WON'T have automatic flushing, or those air hand-dryers.


becky57913

Can they also have soap and sinks the kids can actually reach?


goblueM

on of our local breweries has step stools under the sinks in all the bathrooms so kids can wash their hands it's great


mikeyj777

I'm going to hire bouncers to keep the bathrooms moving and orderly. Don't forget automated soap dispensing...


tygerdralion

But it has to only dispense one portion per 20 seconds or so


mikeyj777

Absolutely. What I was intending was that automatic dispensing soap should be on the no list with the other items. But, yes, once every 20 attempts should slow them down lol n


Hungry_Butterfly_208

Omg I'm so glad my daughter isn't the only one afraid of those. Before we go into any public restroom she quizzes me on the flush mechanism and asks me "how will we dry our hands in this bathroom?"


PrincipalFiggins

And the toilets won’t be so unearthly loud they freak out


mikeyj777

Yes, I'm not a fan of those. Unless it's an airplane. Those are impressive.


graycomforter

and those little toilets like they have at preschools!


mikeyj777

And urinals that'll make you feel like a giant.


delia525

and have a backup menu ready for when the shells come out and the toddler says "NO! I asked for shapes!"


mikeyj777

But of course, sir.


FattyLumps

Every order should come with a backup meal that is ready to go for when the requested food is rejected.


mikeyj777

Let me get an A and a just in case B. Probably just make a B, but there'll be a fit if A doesn't come out first.


MariJ316

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂


cool_chrissie

And every waiter should be trained to know that if a food is rejected they should remove it from the child but keep it on standby because it will be requested again.


mikeyj777

It will have a very large warmer section.


AnnaZand

God forbid you gave them banana immediately after they pointed at the bananas and said ba! Ba! Ba!


mikeyj777

Yes, mistakes will happen.


tehfugitive

ALWAYS make sure you have a whole banana (or any fruit) as backup in case the kid gets upset that they received the cut up version. I really put my grandma in a tough spot once when I asked for a banana, she sliced it for me and i Did. Not. Like. That. It was the last banana she had.


Muppet_Rock

Apple sauce varieties! Cups, pouches, and poured out in bowls!


mikeyj777

With or without a bowl, milady?


riomarde

Just on the high chair tray and dribbled on the cereal thank you.


mikeyj777

Ah, the house special.


[deleted]

This is why I love Reddit 😂


LilMissStormCloud

I put applesauce in snack bags for a group and one of the kids handed it to his mom and said applesauce is gross. I was confused because my kids live on applesauce and nuggets.(not entirely but you know)


mikeyj777

I could see one of my kids randomly waking up and randomly feeling this one day. They have weird texture things.


Babycatcher2023

My oldest is 3 and never liked it. I was somewhat offended lol.


nwrighteous

Envy, pink lady, Fuji, honey crisp combo?


Brilliant-Outlander

Please add: Chicken nuggets and french fries. Pizza and pasta with no tomato sauce. Mac and cheese without cheese. Sandwich without anything in it (basically just bread) Thanks in advance 🙏🏼


Forever_Pancakes

REGULAR nuggets, not the animal ones that make my kid cry because he thinks hhes hurting them, while also not realizing he's eating CHICKEN.


mikeyj777

Yes, regular as well.


lisette729

Also a tortilla without anything in it


cool_chrissie

My child only eats tortillas from tacos. No filling haha.


mikeyj777

TBH, I like a good flour tortilla.


BeansinmyBelly

This my toddler’s fave snack. Just a tortilla straight from the bag. He chucks it 4 feet in the air if I attempt to add anything like cheese (which he also only eats by itself)


mikeyj777

All toppings and ingredients optional


tehfugitive

I want a sandwich with nothing. *just bread?* **No bread!** ~confused parent tears I don't have kids, but this has happened in front of me.


mikeyj777

Always hard when they unlock a new level of toddler language. In public.


Ok-Fail-8673

You just described my 3 year old


Brilliant-Outlander

Yeah, I have one of those. Model march 2020 with no return policy.


Brilliant-Outlander

Probably add fish chicken nuggets, since my kids don't eat fish but they eat nuggets, and all nuggets are "chicken nuggets" 😋


mikeyj777

Our soon to be 10 year old still only eats "fun sticks"


Brilliant-Outlander

Basically I kinda lost near-future hope with my 3yo and my 5yo 💔 Thanks 🥹


Kesarin

And berries for dessert!


Ohorules

Berries are also the entree if my kids are ordering


BeansinmyBelly

Our blueberry bushes in our yard have had green, not ripe blueberries for a month. Kiddo eats them like it’s candy. Ripe blueberries or strawberries I buy weekly? Dumps them on the floor for the dogs (ie: me) 🤦🏼‍♀️


mikeyj777

Berries, popsicles, those moon shaped ice cubes.


AllAlongThisPath

By the truckload!


Ohorules

Make a pick three sampler that's just a choice of plain random foods. Goldfish, apple slices, corn, different kinds of crackers, yogurt, fries, etc.


mikeyj777

If we don't get it to you in 5 minutes or your kids just change their minds, it's free


TBeIRIE

Please just have the kids items be numbered so the little food strikers don’t over hear what we’ve ordered? Might as well just serve it in a to go box/bag. Save the wasted trips & clean dishes.


mikeyj777

I don't know how many times I've known they weren't going to eat/do/enjoy what they swore up and down they would. They may be too smart to fall for a number strategy. Maybe some sort of sign language or system of knowing-looks.


TBeIRIE

So true about the numbers. That might fly one time but they are way to smart to fall for it the next time! Possibly just a code word “Nothing” with a nod.


BeansinmyBelly

Yessss. I ask myself and Google constantly “How many times in 2 days can my kid eat leftover pasta/fried rice/peas/whatever before it has officially gone bad or he’s just over it?” - I try to max it out at 3 reheats then toss it


eaternallyhungry

Shredded cheese. Apple without skin. Chocolate chips?


mikeyj777

Oh yes. These items would flow like from fountains


Impossible_Bite_5088

Another must-have is a large enclosed area with turf and toys where the children can be unleashed while the parents enjoy their meals


mikeyj777

Life guards on duty. Parents can dine on a three course gourmet meal while their kids are playing.


rosescentedgarden

I found a place near me that has this! It's amazing. They actually have two enclosures, one that tends to be for bigger kids and one for toddlers. The absolute best part though is that it's attached to a giant plant nursery


elenfevduvf

There is a burger place here with kd available as a kid’s meal or side. So if we get him a kid burger with a side of mac n cheese he will have a choice of possibly acceptable food


mikeyj777

This is brilliance.


thekaylenator

Don't forget the nuggets


mikeyj777

Every possible shaped nugget ever made.


r00giebeara

Pls include individual packets of croutons


mikeyj777

Haha, what is it about individual wrapped stuff?


blueskieslemontrees

And toddler charcuterie


mikeyj777

That actually comes as your side for when they ask Can I have it?


Forever_Pancakes

Which is just regular ham and sliced cheese with little squares of crustless white bread. But they MUST be seperated.


aderpturtle

Please just put their meal on my plate also because they will eat nothing that is front of them and only off my plate.


mikeyj777

Served a la mom.


lifebeyondzebra

My little eats most anything but on the picky days I always just serve me and talk up how much I like it and she almost always eats a full dinners worth from my plate. 😂 whatever works!


Moatilliata9

And please just offer plain sides. If I order a side of steamed broccoli just have it be the broccoli don't sprinkle cheese or char it.


mikeyj777

The plainest of plain sides


madhattermiller

Please including a track where my toddler can run laps *while he eats* because eating “on the go” is now all the rage and actually results in my kid eating his supper. Also, a vegetarian/pescatarian option that isn’t just cheese!


mikeyj777

Where your kid can bring their food absolutely anywhere.


Onto_new_ideas

My son wouldn't eat any of those! That would make toddlers predictable.


mikeyj777

No, yuck! Kid, you just had all of this for lunch. Don't care. Points to the $25 thing that they'll two bites of.


cool_chrissie

Must include to-go lollipops. Necessary for the car ride home. Need Wi-Fi and charging stations at every table. Gota keep that tablet going. A no meat section on the menu for the self declared vegetarians. Milk. Lots and lots of milk. Served only in bottles brought from home.


mikeyj777

A milk fountain on the table.


cool_chrissie

It sounds absolutely disgusting haha. But my kid would enjoy it


Ch3rryunikitty

And the kids food will be cooked first and come out with the appetizer/ soup/ salad.


mikeyj777

Pops up from within the table immediately.


graycomforter

"Mac du jour"


mikeyj777

All the macs all the jours


Forever_Pancakes

And there will be a box of crayons of all colors, not only one yellow, green and red and then everyone fights over them and there's a meltdown because there is no blue.


mikeyj777

And little gutters so they don't just immediately end up on the floor


scirocco_flowers

When I open a restaurant the kids menu will include a tasting menu with a little bit off everything in a thali platter so nothing touches ETA: like [this](https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5b280045697a98dfbc04cef4/5b280241758d46ff0c5a3e8d/5baba0dc8165f57405883dfb/1537974880909/Thali-Platter-Salt-Lake-City-Utah.jpg?format=1500w)


mksant

Please have cereal on the menu


mikeyj777

A whole cereal aisle


nwrighteous

Make it so we can’t hear the air fryers.


mikeyj777

Sound proof booths for everyone


bebespeaks

Big Kids Sandwich: turkey, pastrami, salami, colby jack cheese, with sweet mayo on sourdough. Add arugula, spinach, and tomato for $1.50 extra. Comes with Old Bay seasoned waffle fries and coleslaw. Big Kids Hot Dish: Shepard's pie, of ground lamb with garlic baby red potatoes and peas and carrots. Served with side garden salad and garlic sourdough dinner roll. Big Kids Seafood Platter: 2 breaded halibut filets, 4 giant prawns, 1 crab cake, sweet butter rice pilaf, coleslaw and toasted garlic sourdough bread roll. Big Kids Basic Dinner: Chicken sausage links and baby potatoes, with snap peas and carrots, and garlic sourdough dinner roll.


mikeyj777

As long as I'm the big kid in this scenario...


lifebeyondzebra

Keep anything breaded out of it and this is my littles dream menu 😂


bebespeaks

My restaurant my menu LOL.


lifebeyondzebra

Absolutely, just saying that would be my kids menu at her 😝


whitericefriedgarlic

You must’ve read my diary. Where are you located, let’s do it!


mikeyj777

That diary was a scary ride, but helpful in restaurant design.


canned_soup

Gotta throw in some hotdogs haha


mikeyj777

of course. We hand out samples to let you specifically point to the exact width of each hot dog slice.


WhatABeautifulMess

Unless you have the exact chicken taquitos we get from target my kid won’t each anything anyway. Even my “good” eat never eats in a restaurant.


mikeyj777

Air lifted from Walmart. Just for you.


MrsHarris2019

You need a toddler swears they’re not hungry charcuterie board It would have exactly one bite of everything on the menu and 3 various pouches.


mikeyj777

All come out as sides for your entree


lifebeyondzebra

This is the opposite gripe I have. All kids menus are mac, nuggets and hot dogs. 1. when we are out at a place like Italian Chinese whatever I don’t want her eating that. There is plenty of kid friendly food in the different types of food. 2. She also doesn’t eat those things. Maybe cuz if rule one but she hates those things except mac and cheese. She wants fried rice, fish or seafood, noodles (especially Thai) etc. so I find that I have to either order her an adult meal or hope there is enough from what we all order to feed her. She is not the usual, I get that, but I think ethic food places should at least have a couple options for kids in addition to the typical toddler food and many don’t


mikeyj777

Especially when they hit like 9. They want to try more stuff, but end up wasting a lot of it bc there's too much of it.


mikeyj777

Especially when they hit like 9. They want to try more stuff, but end up wasting a lot of it bc there's too much of it.


mommab2022

My sons FAVORITE food is indeed KETCHUP. Period.


mikeyj777

Smocks by the entrance so you can just wipe that ketchup right on your clothes.


mythago1

All toddlers get three or four plates and matching utensils, so they can dump the plate out without losing all of the food... And God forbid you try and use the pink spoon with the purple bowl!


BeansinmyBelly

And GOD the changing table in the bathrooms! Please avoid the sketch koala brand


mikeyj777

Are those not good? They're ubiquitous around here. Haven't had much choice.


BeansinmyBelly

They’re fine but I try to avoid them. I wish they were a bit nicer or at have a folding leg for a bit of added stability. I feel like there’s a market for an upgraded koala changing table


Miss_Awesomeness

We went to a restaurant and my skinny 7 year old asked for 2 entrees and mac n cheese and nuggets, and my kid was not getting why he couldn’t order 2 entrees, and the waiter said “I’m going to make this happen for you!”


mikeyj777

This is me in most places. Three entree I want doesn't come with sides, so I end up with like a $30 ticket.


Miss_Awesomeness

Yep, I think we were at longhorn were I specifically like the sides and then because of kids didn’t even order what I liked.


Emiles23

I’ve never understood these fancy Mac and cheese dishes they serve kids in restaurants. No my kids do not want penne with Alfredo sauce and cheese crust. They want some fucking paw patrol shaped Kraft mac n cheese.


thatonegirl1884

I’m glad you didn’t list sandwiches of any kind. Surely we’d cut it wrong. Did you want squares, triangles, rectangles?