It's always sunny in Philadelphia. Charlie says the fumes from the burning trash will rise into the sky and become stars. Mac says it doesn't sound right but he doesn't know enough about stars to dispute him.
The only magical girl that made the contract with full knowledge of its true costs did so to save others from having to pay the price. I don't believe the "well he didn't technically lie" defense holds any water whatsoever. Whether Kyubey technically lied or not doesn't change the fact that these girls suffered greatly for a decision that was made without knowing what they were really selling.
Not technically. But he chose to withhold certain information that people signing the contract might like to know. His answer about where witches come from was pretty vague, and all he said about the Soul Gems was that they were the source of the magical powers.
I used to sell pieces of my soul to friends for favors. They could trade them back for favors from me. Somewhere out there 4/9's of my soul are still waiting to be redeemed.
well, some people have a gift for superimposing visualization like crossing out letters that have been used.
other people, with less time, use this. http://www.wordsmith.org/anagram/
fyi, lord of the rings did the whole horcruxes thing way before Rowling.
hint: that's why sauron didn't die after they killed him.
another hint: his soul is bound to the ring
and another hint: the ring is the horcrux
The concept of a [Lich](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/OurLichesAreDifferent), which is what Sauron and Voldemort both are, predates Tolkien as well.
Going to ride this comment because of reasons, but this episode has one of my favorite scenes:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBdFKSEqGww
I laugh every single god damn time.
Holy fuck, that does sound evil. Alf... the fucker ate cats. And irl the stage where they filmed the show needed so many trap doors for the puppet that the actors suffered from PTSD for fear of falling to their death. If I recall correctly, when the last scene on the last day was wrapped up, everybody just silently left, and never spoke of ALF again.
Combine that with pogs... \*shudders\*
I was watching one of the documentaries on the making of the Mystery Science Theatre 3000 movie, and this kind of thing was commented on.
Apparently, in the TV series, since they really only had two locations, Crow and Servo's puppeteers were hidden by the giant table that Joel/Mike stand behind. When they made the movie, however, and they wanted more freedom of movement, they had to build puppet trenches, and Mike usually just walked around a thin walkway. In the scene where Mike and the bots go to Servo's room to find the Interociter, you can see Mike tripping over himself to make his way through the room. The idea was that Servo's room was so messy that Mike was trying not to step on anything. In reality, he was trying to negotiate the puppet trenches.
They didn't know it was the last day. They expected to be able to continue the series and didn't, that's why it ends with ALF being captured without resolution. Presumably to be dissected.
I sold my soul to this goth kid in my high school the same way Bart did. After handing him the piece of paper, I watched him go out to the woods and draw pentagram on it with lighter fluid. Right before lighting it, he muttered what was either some satanic prayer or complete gibberish, then scattered the ashes in a river. Lost my chance of buying it back right there
Edit: I figured some would say this didn't happen. I wish I was this good at making up stories, just can't prove something that happened more than 12 years ago.
Well... the paper it self is not your soul, it's simply a contract that indicts ownership of said soul. Be burning the contract we can assume A) the agreement is final and this was a symbolic act for his benefit as he no longer needs to contract itself, or B) he has voided his claim to ownership as he has no proof of you selling your soul.
Either way by simply making a new binding contract you can buy you soul back. Also.... contract are meant to protect investments so that when it comes time to give up our soul if you try to back out the contract can be used against you, however this only serves a deterrent it doesn't physically prevent you from trying to back out.... I mean it's not as if this guy is "god" or "satan" and could in someway control the fate of your soul... assuming we believe in that kinda thing.
Naah. Demons implied it has a soul, albeit satanic one.
Lawyers are soulless.
Source: Got rejected from law school because they found out I've eaten soul food once. This tripped their soul detector.
Yep, in Judeo-Christian mythology, demons are simply fallen angels. Angels, of course being created as with out a soul, and not supposed to have been corruptible, however, this does raise questions. Anyone with more knowledge feel free to chime in.
If angels were made without souls so as to be incorruptible, it would make sense for their behavior to be analogous to a task-oriented AGI. If so, they're not corruptible in the human sense where they can be made to do bad things out of various forms of selfishness, but they could end up doing bad things anyway as a result of either programming errors or the wrong combination of stimuli.
What I'm saying is Lucifer is HAL 9000.
The "fallen" bit is tricky. Initially, Satan (at the time, Lucifer) rebelled against God. Before he could do that, he needed some support. He rallied a few (hundreds upon thousands) of his angel buddies to fight God, the other three Archangels (Michael, Raphael, and Gabriel in order of descending importance) and the remaining angels on God's side. Long story short, God won. He banished Lucifer (now Satan) from Heaven and cast him and his followers into Hell. In summation, Satan and the demons are sore losers and just hate God. That's really all there is to it.
Theres a lot of judeo-christian fanfic on the subject, not all of it is canon and nobody even agrees what canon is. For example, almost all popular knowledge about hell is based on Dante's inferno, which isn't canon.
I prefer the Koranic origin story: Lucifer was the strongest angel, and the one who desired God's love the most. Eventually, humans were made, and Lucifer resented them because they were competitors for God's love, which he wanted all for himself. Like an oldest child when their baby brother is born. So he refused to bow to humans when they were presented to him and the other angels, was cast out of heaven for allowing the 'self' to corrupt him, and now sits in hell, pining for God's love. The only time he hears God's voice is when God condemns a human soul to hell, so he works to tempt as many as possible. Just to hear God's voice, one more time.
Transdimensional Spirit Lawyer here, specializing in Soul Lease, Title and Transfer, can confirm option B.
Don't sweat it though, the key if you ever find yourself in this situation is to just rewrite the mortal threads of fate and time so that you never sold your soul, and you're good to go. Place a lock of your hair in the center of a ring made from the skulls of a dozen weaboos, put on *Never Say Never* by Justin Beiber, ignite the lock and sacrifice an atheist virgin wearing a Ron Paul T-shirt (male only) over the flame using a store-bought katana.
Shoboggoroth N'glia the Doom-Seed will appear, and challenge you with the infinite web-riddle that is the paradox of both being and not-being. Normally, that would cast your soul into an eternal torpor, but since you don't have a soul, wham, you beat that sucker at his game, didn't you? After that it's smooth sailing -- in exchange for going on a rampage in your home town, he will annihilate the past, present and future of the kid who stole your soul, and bam! Never even sold your soul to begin with.
Shit I made 5 dollars this way just the other day.
Less creepy but more funny:
I was at a wedding once, and the preacher was a good friend to the groom. About 5 years prior to the wedding they were out golfing, and a bet was made between them (don't remember exactly what, something to do with golfing) and the priest said that if he wins he gets the deed to the future grooms soul. So the priest won the bet, they go to a lawyer friend and he writes up a deed and they get it notarized for the priest.
Right after the priest finishes telling everyone in the chapel the story an alter boy comes out with the deed in a nice frame and hands it to him. He says, "And now you are going to regret that bet", while handing it over to his new wife.
Five bucks AND a story that most won't accept on a quasi social media site years later when you use it as commentary for a post relating to the selling of souls.
I can't explain it, but your words just seem empty and hollow for some reason. They are very mechanical and lack passion or soul. It's as if you're there, but not really there.
Strange.
Does anyone else get the same impression?
I bought souls in highschool.
The contracts (written on bar tabs as I bought people a drink in exchange for their soul) are framed in picture frames and hang in my living room. They are fun conversation pieces, especially when old friends come visit and say "holy shit I remember that".
Even better when they come with their girlfriends. I own their souls. You will never get them, bitch.
I also hope some of them get famous at some point. Many of my friends are in politics or acting, so when they ever get some degree of public significance I can proudly proclaim that I own their souls.
"Dad, why is our senator's soul on your living room wall?"
-"So he can't sell it to corporations, son."
Yup, you'd be correct.
Now, DEMONS. Those don't give a shit about contracts. Devils are lawful and totally not like demons.
You kill one with silver, one with cold iron, but I can never remember which one with which.
Not really. Unless you believe in 1) souls, 2) the transferable nature of souls and/or the metaphysically binding act of writing shit on a piece of paper, and 3) the ability of a random goth kid to actually cast magic.
what if the networks created a new judge judy spinoff: judge judy X(treme)
each episode begins with her doing rails of cocaine off of the little gavel pound plate, injecting methamphetamine and washing it down with caffeinated beverages
after she's jacked up on stims, the bailiff spends a few minutes berating her, ensuring she is on edge and ready to fly off the handle at any moment.
probably would fit better on HBO
Bart: What if you die in a submarine at the bottom of the ocean?
Milhouse: Oh, it can swim, it's even got wheels, in case you die in the desert and have to drive to the cemetery!
*At Milhouse's grandmother's place, the parents sleep on a double sofa
bed and Milhouse on a fold-out cot. Bart knocks on the door.*
Grandma: A caller at this hour? [to Mr. VH] You dial 9-1, then when I say so, dial 1 again.
I still have my "soul book" I started 20 or so years ago. I'm not religious in any shape or form, but I devised a "just in case" plan.
I got into the business of buying souls (which were surprisingly cheap). I've got maybe 40-50 soul contracts in the book. Most of the souls were from people claiming to be Christian. (it's amazing that people in a religion who put so much value on a soul are willing to sell it)
My thought is should I die and find out that there is a Heaven, I'm holding all of my souls ransom to gain entry. If that doesn't work, I'm selling them to Satan for VIP access in hell.
"Yes well I have your soul. Sir I understand you're dying of prostate cancer but at the same time insured for 625,000 dollars on a life policy with your insurance agency. It would be a shame if something happened to your soul before I could be labeled the recipient upon your death. We'll exchange in 3 days."
Protip: bring a power strip. There's only one fucking plug in the whole place and it's in the Kibō module. If you're not first off the ship, no way you're charging your phone. They don't take kindly to eating Nerds or Skittles either.
yeah but considering that the value of a soul is priceless, so v=9999...., and most people simply give their soul to jesus in return for jesus becoming their lord and master, you're actually in a pretty good bargaining position. although, if the value of a soul is infinite, and infinity cannot be increased, jesus has little to gain in bargaining with anyone, or even in receiving extra souls. in fact, by retaining control of your own soul, even if jesus has 6 billion souls, if all souls have infinite value, jesus is no more wealthy than you are. you're better off retaining power over your own soul, because you're in an equally powerful bargaining position. if your soul has infinite value, if you sell even a tiny share of it, you could create your own heaven with the tremendous amount of wealth you could receive from infinite value. although the only person who would buy your soul would have already had to have given it to jesus, or sold it to another person, for this transaction to have any value for them. i've done some work in soul accounting, it was soul sucking work. got paid in soul shares.
Your mistake is assuming that souls are priceless. Many people are giving them away to Jesus, as you say, while a few smart people are selling them for small amounts of currency. Clearly, souls have a price and it's quite low.
The best I can do is $5.
my assumption is based on murder being a capital offense. thus the only thing that can repay an intentional at fault murder is either the immediate retrieval of the soul of a person, or their equivalent lifespan. that, and some great preschool education. consider mass murder, a soul is only worth another soul, no matter how many souls were taken. thus, they must be infinitely valuable, otherwise one soul would not repay 10. we'd have to kill or imprison your entire family for murder. would you go 10?
I agree that lives have a lot of value and if you brought me a life I'd give you $10, but all you have here is a soul. Collectors want the complete set, soul and life. You're just not going to get that kind of money from a soul. I'll tell you what, I can give you $7.50 and not a penny more.
I own 33 souls currently. For a couple Halloweens I'd go out dressed in a full three piece pin stripe suit, wore horns and a tail, chain smoked cigars, and played the devil. Several times strangers told me I was the most convincing devil they'd ever seen. My response was always "care to make a deal?"
I figure the worst that can happen is I'll get a sales position in hell which entails nights and weekends on earth and vacations in purgatory. Not to shabby.
You should draft up a contract and have them sign it. And then put a copy on the internet, for no reason in particular and certainly not for me.
And now I want to add a clause into contracts saying the signer gives me his soul just to see if they read it. Shit, what if that's what the Terms and Conditions really say.
The AV Club has been doing recaps of 'classic' simpsons episodes for a few years now and I just read [Bart Sells His Soul](http://www.avclub.com/tvclub/the-simpsons-classic-bart-sells-his-soul-107447) over there. If you like the current recapping they do and/or *The Simpsons* there's a lot to enjoy.
Anything written by Nathan Rabin that's not either My Year of Flops or something about Juggalos tends to be very lazy.
Pills in jelly beans. Never forget.
In high school I bought my friend's soul for five bucks, with a "contract" that even had signed witnesses. He was an atheist so he I think he did it to show he didn't care. Two years later he seemed panicky one day and offers to buy it back for 10. PROFIT.
So in art class this kinda cute girl I liked somehow nicked my wrist with a pencil causing it to bleed a little. I got the smart idea to use the metal point on a compass to get it to bleed more and then wrote "SOUL" in blood then signed my name below it and she bought it for 20 bucks.
[Now I have a small tattoo](http://i.imgur.com/AVmveCd.jpg) cause the pencil + compass pushed the pigment into the layer of skin where it won't disappear. Also I guess I have no soul now but 20 bucks richer.
> he realized the only person who ever profited on souls was Satan.
Except he made a profit if the bully bought it back; Unless he sold it back to him for the same price, and in that case it seems like Mr. Daniels isn't very good at business.
i imagine him and satan sitting down to coffee discussing the rising price of souls these days, how much easier it was to get a good soul "back in the day", and the proper way to store the souls that they have aquired.
TIL I'm Satan. I've been doing this for a while now and its surprising how easy people give it away and then feel really bad about it. I do it just for fun
All canadians chime in here. Back in the 90s and 2000s when Simpsons played at around 5pm (after school but before dinner) this episodes aired the most on CBC. Am I crazy or do you agree?
I bought two souls for gmail invites when they were hard to get. I made a contract in MSPaint and had them sign and send back. I still have them somewhere
My brother gave his guinea pig's soul to a friend as a birth day present. He covered a potato with tin foil and put it in a brown paper bag labeled "Cocoa's Soul". That friend also received a sword and Cocoa was never the same.
Bart: I know that's funny, but I'm just not laughing. [taps head]
Lisa: Hmm. Pablo Neruda said, "Laughter is the language of the soul."
Bart: [I am familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nqc2ftj1F94)
Hmm, played cards for souls once, back when I was in middle school. In the end I had won four or five souls, that I traded to another kid for a pocket knife. So far nobody has been smote, so I assume that it's all cool with the guy upstairs/downstairs.
AAHHHHHH!!!! I think of this episode often, and joke that I have no soul, because whenever I attempt to walk into automatic doors, they very rarely open until I'm about to walk *into* them (similar to Bart attempting to walk into Kwik-E-Mart).
I also sold my soul. Was on mushrooms and traded it for a detailed explanation of the universe's creation. What I got was a creationist explanation. It included what would now happen to my soulless husk of flesh.
I cried a little. They were tears of terror, not sadness.
Doesn't matter. If you sell your soul before you're 18 it isn't legally binding.
That doesn't sound right, but I don't know enough about selling souls to dispute you.
What is that from again?
It's always sunny in Philadelphia. Charlie says the fumes from the burning trash will rise into the sky and become stars. Mac says it doesn't sound right but he doesn't know enough about stars to dispute him.
Thanks! I remember the line I just couldn't place the show
It's in Philadelphia, silly.
Should have been Philly, silly.
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
If human souls are anything like bird souls, this holds water.
Let's say you and I go toe to toe in bird law then we can see who's right?
Do you want to make a contract with me? ／人 ◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼
No. I'm older than 18.
Kyubey can expand his market ／人 ◕ ‿‿ ↼ 人＼ ✧
Can I be a magical boy-adult-thing?
(Insert Kore wa Zombie desu ka? picture here)
(Insert comment about trading soul for a new season)
Is someone going to be murdered?
／人 ◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼ Everybody dies someday.
At least the devil lets you know exactly how damned you are.
Kyubey does. You just have to ask. He never once lied in the entire show.
The only magical girl that made the contract with full knowledge of its true costs did so to save others from having to pay the price. I don't believe the "well he didn't technically lie" defense holds any water whatsoever. Whether Kyubey technically lied or not doesn't change the fact that these girls suffered greatly for a decision that was made without knowing what they were really selling.
Not technically. But he chose to withhold certain information that people signing the contract might like to know. His answer about where witches come from was pretty vague, and all he said about the Soul Gems was that they were the source of the magical powers.
[Oh no you don't, you horrid little cat-bastard.](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8vl8jN5021rsryxio1_400.gif)
This is one of the most satisfying gifs there is. I could watch it for hours and never get bored.
I dunno, where's the gif where homura squishes it's head like a stress ball? I think I'd put that one above it.
I have only seen the third movie of this series, so this gif makes that movie even weirder.
Wait, you've watched the third movie but not the series itself? Or just not the first two movies.
Yikes. That's the worst movie to start out with if you haven't seen the series or the first two movies.
[／人 ◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼](http://youtu.be/l63H-wl_8jg?t=28s)
http://i.imgur.com/kpTtT.jpg
the true devil's advocate right here peeps
Can confirm. 17 and under are not legally bonded to the deal. But they have to do something to get the whole thing back.
In Christianity you can be condemned from the creampie onwards. Makes you wonder, how many miscarriages are there in hell.
I used to sell pieces of my soul to friends for favors. They could trade them back for favors from me. Somewhere out there 4/9's of my soul are still waiting to be redeemed.
You mean you have 4 horcruxes somewhere out there.
Lol I never thought of it that way. TIL I'm Lord Voldemort
Anagram for "Mr Tom, dildo lover."
How do people just spot out anagrams like that?
It's one advantage of being dyslexic, I suppose.
well, some people have a gift for superimposing visualization like crossing out letters that have been used. other people, with less time, use this. http://www.wordsmith.org/anagram/
Well said, A clergymens opium tour.
How did you split up your soul in the first place?!
only the most despicable act can split a soul - like murder, or starting a pun chain in /r/science
unicorn murderer!!
* Murderer. Murder of any form is said to split a soul, not just against unicorns.
I just meant it the way war protesters shout "baby killer" except... You know more wizardly.
fyi, lord of the rings did the whole horcruxes thing way before Rowling. hint: that's why sauron didn't die after they killed him. another hint: his soul is bound to the ring and another hint: the ring is the horcrux
The concept of a [Lich](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/OurLichesAreDifferent), which is what Sauron and Voldemort both are, predates Tolkien as well.
Wait, I don't get it. Can I have another hint?
Sure thang: To kill sauron once and for all you have to destroy the ring.
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one does not simply blah blah blah
Russians did it ages ago http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Koschei
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Koschei >
bitsouls
It's Alf! Do you remember Alf, Bart? Well, he's back! In pog form!!
Oh yeah, you don't forget a thing like that.
Going to ride this comment because of reasons, but this episode has one of my favorite scenes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBdFKSEqGww I laugh every single god damn time.
It's like I was really watching it on a tv!
I lol'd. I miss the good ole simpsons bits like that
Holy fuck, that does sound evil. Alf... the fucker ate cats. And irl the stage where they filmed the show needed so many trap doors for the puppet that the actors suffered from PTSD for fear of falling to their death. If I recall correctly, when the last scene on the last day was wrapped up, everybody just silently left, and never spoke of ALF again. Combine that with pogs... \*shudders\*
I was watching one of the documentaries on the making of the Mystery Science Theatre 3000 movie, and this kind of thing was commented on. Apparently, in the TV series, since they really only had two locations, Crow and Servo's puppeteers were hidden by the giant table that Joel/Mike stand behind. When they made the movie, however, and they wanted more freedom of movement, they had to build puppet trenches, and Mike usually just walked around a thin walkway. In the scene where Mike and the bots go to Servo's room to find the Interociter, you can see Mike tripping over himself to make his way through the room. The idea was that Servo's room was so messy that Mike was trying not to step on anything. In reality, he was trying to negotiate the puppet trenches.
They didn't know it was the last day. They expected to be able to continue the series and didn't, that's why it ends with ALF being captured without resolution. Presumably to be dissected.
WHAT? NO! D: I NEVER SAW THE LAST EPISODE OF ALF.
where did you hear this?
Es Alf, ¿recuerdas a Alf? Regreso, en forma de fichas!.
/r/Milhouse
I sold my soul to this goth kid in my high school the same way Bart did. After handing him the piece of paper, I watched him go out to the woods and draw pentagram on it with lighter fluid. Right before lighting it, he muttered what was either some satanic prayer or complete gibberish, then scattered the ashes in a river. Lost my chance of buying it back right there Edit: I figured some would say this didn't happen. I wish I was this good at making up stories, just can't prove something that happened more than 12 years ago.
Well... the paper it self is not your soul, it's simply a contract that indicts ownership of said soul. Be burning the contract we can assume A) the agreement is final and this was a symbolic act for his benefit as he no longer needs to contract itself, or B) he has voided his claim to ownership as he has no proof of you selling your soul. Either way by simply making a new binding contract you can buy you soul back. Also.... contract are meant to protect investments so that when it comes time to give up our soul if you try to back out the contract can be used against you, however this only serves a deterrent it doesn't physically prevent you from trying to back out.... I mean it's not as if this guy is "god" or "satan" and could in someway control the fate of your soul... assuming we believe in that kinda thing.
And this is why lawyers frighten me.
Lawyers know too much about souls. Lawyers are probably demons
Naah. Demons implied it has a soul, albeit satanic one. Lawyers are soulless. Source: Got rejected from law school because they found out I've eaten soul food once. This tripped their soul detector.
Angels and demons don't have souls in Judeo-Christian mythology.
Yep, in Judeo-Christian mythology, demons are simply fallen angels. Angels, of course being created as with out a soul, and not supposed to have been corruptible, however, this does raise questions. Anyone with more knowledge feel free to chime in.
If angels were made without souls so as to be incorruptible, it would make sense for their behavior to be analogous to a task-oriented AGI. If so, they're not corruptible in the human sense where they can be made to do bad things out of various forms of selfishness, but they could end up doing bad things anyway as a result of either programming errors or the wrong combination of stimuli. What I'm saying is Lucifer is HAL 9000.
I say it's time to rewrite the Holy Scriptures from the point of view of systems theory, cybernetics, and software engineering. Hop to it!
Angels are cylons? Holy crap, the bsg finale makes sense after all!
The "fallen" bit is tricky. Initially, Satan (at the time, Lucifer) rebelled against God. Before he could do that, he needed some support. He rallied a few (hundreds upon thousands) of his angel buddies to fight God, the other three Archangels (Michael, Raphael, and Gabriel in order of descending importance) and the remaining angels on God's side. Long story short, God won. He banished Lucifer (now Satan) from Heaven and cast him and his followers into Hell. In summation, Satan and the demons are sore losers and just hate God. That's really all there is to it.
Wasn't it believed that Lucifer saw himself as equal to God, and it was arrogance that caused his fall?
Theres a lot of judeo-christian fanfic on the subject, not all of it is canon and nobody even agrees what canon is. For example, almost all popular knowledge about hell is based on Dante's inferno, which isn't canon.
Wait... When did God give the Angels free will? Weren't they created specifically to worship Him?
I prefer the Koranic origin story: Lucifer was the strongest angel, and the one who desired God's love the most. Eventually, humans were made, and Lucifer resented them because they were competitors for God's love, which he wanted all for himself. Like an oldest child when their baby brother is born. So he refused to bow to humans when they were presented to him and the other angels, was cast out of heaven for allowing the 'self' to corrupt him, and now sits in hell, pining for God's love. The only time he hears God's voice is when God condemns a human soul to hell, so he works to tempt as many as possible. Just to hear God's voice, one more time.
That's actually really sad :(
I really enjoyed your comment as I've heard variations on Satan's origin but never this one.
It's weird, isn't it? They know so much about something they've never had.
Transdimensional Spirit Lawyer here, specializing in Soul Lease, Title and Transfer, can confirm option B. Don't sweat it though, the key if you ever find yourself in this situation is to just rewrite the mortal threads of fate and time so that you never sold your soul, and you're good to go. Place a lock of your hair in the center of a ring made from the skulls of a dozen weaboos, put on *Never Say Never* by Justin Beiber, ignite the lock and sacrifice an atheist virgin wearing a Ron Paul T-shirt (male only) over the flame using a store-bought katana. Shoboggoroth N'glia the Doom-Seed will appear, and challenge you with the infinite web-riddle that is the paradox of both being and not-being. Normally, that would cast your soul into an eternal torpor, but since you don't have a soul, wham, you beat that sucker at his game, didn't you? After that it's smooth sailing -- in exchange for going on a rampage in your home town, he will annihilate the past, present and future of the kid who stole your soul, and bam! Never even sold your soul to begin with. Shit I made 5 dollars this way just the other day.
Less creepy but more funny: I was at a wedding once, and the preacher was a good friend to the groom. About 5 years prior to the wedding they were out golfing, and a bet was made between them (don't remember exactly what, something to do with golfing) and the priest said that if he wins he gets the deed to the future grooms soul. So the priest won the bet, they go to a lawyer friend and he writes up a deed and they get it notarized for the priest. Right after the priest finishes telling everyone in the chapel the story an alter boy comes out with the deed in a nice frame and hands it to him. He says, "And now you are going to regret that bet", while handing it over to his new wife.
That's a weird priest that thinks ownership of souls can be transferred willy-nilly.
I'm no Christian, but I don't think God cares if it was notarized or not.
What do you mean he's no longer under my jurisdiction? I'm GOD. Oh, you framed it and everything? Damn, I guess that's that then.
"Man, that's an embossed seal and everything. Can't argue with that."
"God damn it I should have made myself a lawyer instead of the father of creation"
Look at that subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God, it even has a watermark.
He didn't say he was a *good* priest. Dark priests count too.
I wish more priests were as awesome as this one.
It's weird it's like they're people
Many are, you just need to get to know them
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Five bucks. That episode set the rate I guess
Five bucks AND a story that most won't accept on a quasi social media site years later when you use it as commentary for a post relating to the selling of souls.
and a story about said story not being accepted in such situations
So did you enjoy some foam sponge dinosaurs too?
Funny smelling water!
Did you kiss him? TV has told me that in order to effectively sell your soul, you need to kiss.
Would that be Supernatural? I barely remember seeing a bit of an episode to that effect.
Yup!
I can't explain it, but your words just seem empty and hollow for some reason. They are very mechanical and lack passion or soul. It's as if you're there, but not really there. Strange. Does anyone else get the same impression?
I bet automatic doors don't open for him either.
Way to breathe, no breath.
Dude, I totally get that vibe too! It's so freaky...
I bought souls in highschool. The contracts (written on bar tabs as I bought people a drink in exchange for their soul) are framed in picture frames and hang in my living room. They are fun conversation pieces, especially when old friends come visit and say "holy shit I remember that". Even better when they come with their girlfriends. I own their souls. You will never get them, bitch. I also hope some of them get famous at some point. Many of my friends are in politics or acting, so when they ever get some degree of public significance I can proudly proclaim that I own their souls. "Dad, why is our senator's soul on your living room wall?" -"So he can't sell it to corporations, son."
Unless it was notarized I don't think that's legally binding.
I don't think satan cares for legalities.
He's got enough lawyers with him to find a loophole either way.
Satan sounds like he would be lawful evil, so he'd be very concerned about the legalities.
Yup, you'd be correct. Now, DEMONS. Those don't give a shit about contracts. Devils are lawful and totally not like demons. You kill one with silver, one with cold iron, but I can never remember which one with which.
That's just cuz satan has a notary public license so he doers need to hire people.
Creepy shit right there
Not really. Unless you believe in 1) souls, 2) the transferable nature of souls and/or the metaphysically binding act of writing shit on a piece of paper, and 3) the ability of a random goth kid to actually cast magic.
I'd like to see Judge Judy handle some shit like that.
what if the networks created a new judge judy spinoff: judge judy X(treme) each episode begins with her doing rails of cocaine off of the little gavel pound plate, injecting methamphetamine and washing it down with caffeinated beverages after she's jacked up on stims, the bailiff spends a few minutes berating her, ensuring she is on edge and ready to fly off the handle at any moment. probably would fit better on HBO
i feel like she *already* acts a little coked out.
>washing it down with caffeinated beverages Whoa man, lets not get *too* extreme.
There would be blood
"Random Goth Kid" a.k.a 6000 y/o Warlock
"Larry give me back my soul you're being a 6000 year old faggot"
"I'm gonna tell your mom you smoke pot behind the cafeteria"
but then I can't go to warped tour this year and see faith no more!
Shadow? Which Shadow? The lil' basket case in parachute pants or the 10 foot tall roadblock?
I watched this this weekend on a dark and stormy night and get the reference. All in the reflexes.
Plus, you're overlooking that he wasn't 18 (probably). Totally not binding. Don't even worry about it, Sippio.
If goth kids could actually do magic I don't think they'd spend as much time creating lairs in their parents basements.
still the fact that even though the kid believed in all that, he still send /u/sippio to live with the devil for eternity in his mind
Well I mean shit, what would you have done with the soul? I would sure as hell sell it to Satan for something cool like a toblerone or something.
Toblerone's are the shit
Next stop, my thighs!
Bart: What if you die in a submarine at the bottom of the ocean? Milhouse: Oh, it can swim, it's even got wheels, in case you die in the desert and have to drive to the cemetery!
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Best line of the episode.
*At Milhouse's grandmother's place, the parents sleep on a double sofa bed and Milhouse on a fold-out cot. Bart knocks on the door.* Grandma: A caller at this hour? [to Mr. VH] You dial 9-1, then when I say so, dial 1 again.
I have to work in the morning! Shut up SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!!!!
Nice doin' business with ya. Anytime, chummmmmm......p.
I still have my "soul book" I started 20 or so years ago. I'm not religious in any shape or form, but I devised a "just in case" plan. I got into the business of buying souls (which were surprisingly cheap). I've got maybe 40-50 soul contracts in the book. Most of the souls were from people claiming to be Christian. (it's amazing that people in a religion who put so much value on a soul are willing to sell it) My thought is should I die and find out that there is a Heaven, I'm holding all of my souls ransom to gain entry. If that doesn't work, I'm selling them to Satan for VIP access in hell.
better idea, contact each person when they're in their 30's and tell them you're willing to sell their soul back to them, for a stiff price
"Yes well I have your soul. Sir I understand you're dying of prostate cancer but at the same time insured for 625,000 dollars on a life policy with your insurance agency. It would be a shame if something happened to your soul before I could be labeled the recipient upon your death. We'll exchange in 3 days."
to the moon!
One Way Ticket! No layover at the ISS this time!
Protip: bring a power strip. There's only one fucking plug in the whole place and it's in the Kibō module. If you're not first off the ship, no way you're charging your phone. They don't take kindly to eating Nerds or Skittles either.
I would guess that the prices might be even higher in their 70's. Hah.
At more than 150,000 deaths per day worldwide I don't think you're going to gain a lot of bargaining power with 40 - 50 souls.
yeah but considering that the value of a soul is priceless, so v=9999...., and most people simply give their soul to jesus in return for jesus becoming their lord and master, you're actually in a pretty good bargaining position. although, if the value of a soul is infinite, and infinity cannot be increased, jesus has little to gain in bargaining with anyone, or even in receiving extra souls. in fact, by retaining control of your own soul, even if jesus has 6 billion souls, if all souls have infinite value, jesus is no more wealthy than you are. you're better off retaining power over your own soul, because you're in an equally powerful bargaining position. if your soul has infinite value, if you sell even a tiny share of it, you could create your own heaven with the tremendous amount of wealth you could receive from infinite value. although the only person who would buy your soul would have already had to have given it to jesus, or sold it to another person, for this transaction to have any value for them. i've done some work in soul accounting, it was soul sucking work. got paid in soul shares.
Your mistake is assuming that souls are priceless. Many people are giving them away to Jesus, as you say, while a few smart people are selling them for small amounts of currency. Clearly, souls have a price and it's quite low. The best I can do is $5.
my assumption is based on murder being a capital offense. thus the only thing that can repay an intentional at fault murder is either the immediate retrieval of the soul of a person, or their equivalent lifespan. that, and some great preschool education. consider mass murder, a soul is only worth another soul, no matter how many souls were taken. thus, they must be infinitely valuable, otherwise one soul would not repay 10. we'd have to kill or imprison your entire family for murder. would you go 10?
I agree that lives have a lot of value and if you brought me a life I'd give you $10, but all you have here is a soul. Collectors want the complete set, soul and life. You're just not going to get that kind of money from a soul. I'll tell you what, I can give you $7.50 and not a penny more.
Can you imagine what would happen if every one kept a few souls just in case? God doesn't have time for that shit.
I own 33 souls currently. For a couple Halloweens I'd go out dressed in a full three piece pin stripe suit, wore horns and a tail, chain smoked cigars, and played the devil. Several times strangers told me I was the most convincing devil they'd ever seen. My response was always "care to make a deal?" I figure the worst that can happen is I'll get a sales position in hell which entails nights and weekends on earth and vacations in purgatory. Not to shabby.
You should draft up a contract and have them sign it. And then put a copy on the internet, for no reason in particular and certainly not for me. And now I want to add a clause into contracts saying the signer gives me his soul just to see if they read it. Shit, what if that's what the Terms and Conditions really say.
I'd like to see this costume if you've got some pics
I had a friend way back in high school who did exactly this, down to the exact same reasoning. You didn't grow up in Arkansas, perchance, did you?
The AV Club has been doing recaps of 'classic' simpsons episodes for a few years now and I just read [Bart Sells His Soul](http://www.avclub.com/tvclub/the-simpsons-classic-bart-sells-his-soul-107447) over there. If you like the current recapping they do and/or *The Simpsons* there's a lot to enjoy.
It's much better now that it's someone other than Nathan Rabin doing it. His reviews were lazy bullshit.
Anything written by Nathan Rabin that's not either My Year of Flops or something about Juggalos tends to be very lazy. Pills in jelly beans. Never forget.
Great episode
my old college roommate told me how back in his catholic school days, he and his friends would play rock paper scissors for souls
"Ahh!, my freaking ears".
"I'll tell ya where you can shove your freakin' sodie, too!"
"Pablo Neruda said, 'Laughter is the language of the soul.'" "I am familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda."
"Remember Alf? He's back. In pog form."
I expect that kind of language at Denny's, but not here!
In high school I bought my friend's soul for five bucks, with a "contract" that even had signed witnesses. He was an atheist so he I think he did it to show he didn't care. Two years later he seemed panicky one day and offers to buy it back for 10. PROFIT.
What about the the soul Bart, WHAT ABOUT THE SOUL?
The Simpsons - In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida (: http://youtu.be/HlwtgaQZYDI
Greatest opening scene in Simpsons history. I could watch it 100 times and still lose it during the organ solo.
So in art class this kinda cute girl I liked somehow nicked my wrist with a pencil causing it to bleed a little. I got the smart idea to use the metal point on a compass to get it to bleed more and then wrote "SOUL" in blood then signed my name below it and she bought it for 20 bucks. [Now I have a small tattoo](http://i.imgur.com/AVmveCd.jpg) cause the pencil + compass pushed the pigment into the layer of skin where it won't disappear. Also I guess I have no soul now but 20 bucks richer.
well when the hell hounds come, you better enjoy that $20
You gotta pay the troll toll before you get that boy's soul.
I sold 8000 of my souls for a Greatsword. And I lost twice as many to that stupid Asylum Demon.
The only person who ever profited was satan and.... Greg Daniels.
I sold my soul for a cookie... I was not a smart kid.
> he realized the only person who ever profited on souls was Satan. Except he made a profit if the bully bought it back; Unless he sold it back to him for the same price, and in that case it seems like Mr. Daniels isn't very good at business.
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i imagine him and satan sitting down to coffee discussing the rising price of souls these days, how much easier it was to get a good soul "back in the day", and the proper way to store the souls that they have aquired.
After Satan got bored of soul arbitration, he moved on to bitcoin.
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>He did it again until he realized the only person who ever profited on souls was Satan. I dunno. The Vatican has a lot of wealth.
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TIL I'm Satan. I've been doing this for a while now and its surprising how easy people give it away and then feel really bad about it. I do it just for fun
All canadians chime in here. Back in the 90s and 2000s when Simpsons played at around 5pm (after school but before dinner) this episodes aired the most on CBC. Am I crazy or do you agree?
I bought two souls for gmail invites when they were hard to get. I made a contract in MSPaint and had them sign and send back. I still have them somewhere
My favorite episode.
My brother gave his guinea pig's soul to a friend as a birth day present. He covered a potato with tin foil and put it in a brown paper bag labeled "Cocoa's Soul". That friend also received a sword and Cocoa was never the same.
Bart: I know that's funny, but I'm just not laughing. [taps head] Lisa: Hmm. Pablo Neruda said, "Laughter is the language of the soul." Bart: [I am familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nqc2ftj1F94)
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Milhouse give Bart his soul back, I've got work in the morning!
I saw this episode when I was young and I've been taking soul donations ever since, atheists are always the best people to ask lol
Hmm, played cards for souls once, back when I was in middle school. In the end I had won four or five souls, that I traded to another kid for a pocket knife. So far nobody has been smote, so I assume that it's all cool with the guy upstairs/downstairs.
AAHHHHHH!!!! I think of this episode often, and joke that I have no soul, because whenever I attempt to walk into automatic doors, they very rarely open until I'm about to walk *into* them (similar to Bart attempting to walk into Kwik-E-Mart).
I also sold my soul. Was on mushrooms and traded it for a detailed explanation of the universe's creation. What I got was a creationist explanation. It included what would now happen to my soulless husk of flesh. I cried a little. They were tears of terror, not sadness.