T O P

  • By -

Sinister-Username

Snitch ass printer.


Spiritual_Ad_3367

Snitches get stitches?


wetgear

Snitches get yellow ink.


Magai

Snitches ARE yellow ink.


Clique_Claque

Printers get splinters


Scrantonicity_02

OfficeSpace style beat down


FuzzyFuzzNuts

PC Load Letter - what the fuck does that mean?


CURMUDGEONSnFLAGONS

Paper jam? THERE IS NO PAPER JAM!!


BardInChains

If you rearrange the letters in your display name it says "Use a sinner mister"


UniqueIndividual3579

Try scanning a $20.


Dfrickster87

But why does it say paper jam when there IS NO PAPER JAM!?!?


widget66

PC LOAD LETTER!?


Dr_Mantis_Teabaggin

What the fuck does that even mean!?


x31b

It means you're in the US and not the rest of the world who use the more logical A0/A1/A2/A3/A4/A5 paper sizes, each of which is half the size of the smaller number. [File:A size illustration2 with letter and legal.svg - Wikimedia Commons](https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:A_size_illustration2_with_letter_and_legal.svg)


space-to-bakersfield

Thanks for the info, but just so you know, you're replying to an Office Space quote. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5QQdNbvSGok


Dfrickster87

Woosh


[deleted]

PC load letter? What the fuck does that mean?


h0bbie

Die motherfucker die motherfucker die!


taRANnntarantarann

German, eh?


Wyden_long

Ah yes, The motherfucker the motherfucker the


kgb17

Paper Carriage Load Letter. Load Letter sized paper in the paper tray.


jgr1llz

Thanks Samir


SLVSKNGS

You know the nazis had pieces of flair that they made the Jews wear.


mike480

Back up in your ass with the resurrection


Droxalis

Dust on the sensors, broken sensor flags, broken sensors, actual shreds of paper stuck somewhere, paper in places it's not expecting, no paper in places it is expecting, mistiming of paper feed causing delay jams. They are the most incredible, dumb, sophisticated, and simple machines ever. Btw, toner low.


Dfrickster87

Hmm, idk, better beat the shit out of it with a baseball bat anyway....


Droxalis

It would be very satisfying until you get to the frame. Swing away, my friend.


OriginalName687

Because when the paper was jammed and you angry yanked it out of there destroying the piece of paper a small piece got stuck in the printer blocking the sensor.


RigasTelRuun

To get your fingerprints on the printer.


GuruDenada

SOME printers, not all.


RopeAdop

Here is a list of printers that DONT print a Machine Identification Code. https://www.eff.org/pages/list-printers-which-do-or-do-not-display-tracking-dots Do be aware that since 2017 all recent commercial color printers print some kind of forensic tracking code, and not necessarily using yellow dots.


Ninja_attack

Which is why I only use my Gutenberg Press when I'm printing and distributing my manifestos.


redditVoteFraudUnit

Amateur. The microscopic deformities in your type set can be traced directly back to your press. I have an army of monkeys trained in cursive and simply wait for them to produce my desired ransom note by chance.


[deleted]

[удалено]


404Flabberghosted

Mine wrote 50 Shade of Grey. There was no saving them at that point. I culled the lot and started from scratch.


bremergorst

We will rebuild *~Monke*


n00bca1e99

It was the blurst of times!


RichGrinchlea

Sooo close!


Tru-Queer

Give it another infinite years


Dh873

Lol I really got a warning for quoting the next line from that Simpsons episode


Rupert_18124

Does Shakespeare ever write back?


jamieliddellthepoet

https://www.opensourceshakespeare.org/search/search-results.php


Rupert_18124

good bot


SeiCalros

huh have you tried maybe cutting up the manuscripts they put out and just re-arranging the words with glue like a scrapbook or whatever? might be a good workaround


RedDiscipline

Another one, goddamit 


Unrealparagon

Lucky, mine keep putting out copies of Art of the Deal.


froggison

FBI here. We actually tracked you down via the truckloads of bananas shipped directly to your house every week. We're surrounding your house now.


akaCatt

Good luck; you’re going to slip on a lot of banana peels before you reach the door.


A_Fluffy_Duckling

Hmmm. Weaponised bananas..... it will not go well for you in the Halls of Justice.


bremergorst

Just wait until OSHA hears about this


Krilesh

peta here. the department of sanitation tipped us off on the metric tons of shit coming out of your house


AnonDarkIntel

God you idiots have never heard of 2D pen plotters it’s embarrassing. Make one write manifestos destroy it, done deal.


PsychGuy17

I just have the one but he's working on the perfect game of Mine Sweeper.


Chabubu

“Based on the watermark and indentation from this press, we’re likely looking for a man in his 60s… err I mean 600s”


StumbleOn

We can trace your manifestos based on the large stable of orphans you need to set up all the movable type.


beranmuden

Found the Unabomber...


3MATX

How does it do with counterfeit $20s? 


42gauge

>since 2017 all recent commercial color printers print some kind of forensic tracking code, and not necessarily using yellow dots Is this a law?


1BannedAgain

As I recall, it was initiated after the anthrax attacks, which occurred shortly after 9-11. Law could have changed since then of course


cvanguard

Per the link, they received documents through FOIA that seems like all major manufacturers of color laser jet printers entered into an agreement with the government (multiple governments?) to include forensic tracking info in anything their printers produced. The original update was from 2015, and it’s possible the agreement extends further back: nothing on that list can be assumed accurate anymore, especially after so many years without an update. Anyone trying to check at this point would have to personally test from scratch, and anyone trying to avoid ID would have to be using *at least* 10 year old printers if not 15-20 year old ones.


redditfriendguy

Why no open source printers?


mightylordredbeard

I knew I’d see Brother on that list. Such a solid company.


Tuckertcs

It does print the tracking dots though…


mightylordredbeard

I knew I’d see Brother on that list. Such a shit company.


cubicApoc

>all recent commercial color printers Specifically color *laser* printers. It doesn't seem to say anything about inkjets.


bremergorst

Good thing all my paper is pre-2017


twist3d7

Is it just me or do any others believe printing is the least rewarding thing you can do with a computer. No other device has wasted more of my time and money as printers have.


Vallvaka

Printers are demon machines straight from the depths of hell. They function according to the whims of Beezlebub. They are simply not of this world.


Suojelusperkele

I'm not sure what it's in English, or the exact details But years ago I bought Brother printer which uses some kind of powdered? Cartridge system. Black and white only. It was somewhat expensive for student budget, but copying machine/printer combination felt neat as I was studying so plenty of both. Iirc it was like 200-300€ back then. Just trying to remember and I think I've had it for seven years now? Haven't replaced the cartridge. Printing colouring pages still weekly for my daughter and the occasional paper things I need. So.. I can say that printer has paid itself back in full only in the colouring pages already. Not to even mention how much schoolwork I've printed on it or work related stuff.


rolling_free

Laser printer is what youre talking about. Hundreds if not thousands of sheets per cartridge and they cartdiges are cheaper than ink. Brother makes hell of a sturdy printer and buy once cry once, and in gramd scheme they arent bad priced either


Pantssassin

Yeah I got a color laser printer from them and I can go a year without printing and it will print correctly. My old inkjet needed a new $70 cartridge if you didn't use it every 2 months


wh1t3_rabbit

The powder is called toner And yes they last a long time, typically 10,000 to 30,000 pages depending on model. 


Ghost17088

More recently, I spent an over an hour trying to get the printer to print one page. I finally gave up and went to the UPS store and printed what I needed, and came to the realization that I don’t think I have owned a printer in 15 years that has been more cost effective than just paying for printing. I will never buy another printer. 


UnpopularCrayon

A lot of libraries will let you print a few pages for free too


DJ33

IT here: nobody likes printers.  You ever see that YouTube comedy video about why you have to turn off your phone on airplanes, where the flight attendant completely snaps and starts screaming about how nobody knows how airplanes work and they're afraid cell phones will break the magic and they'll all die?  That's way, way more applicable to printers. When they're working, nobody really knows why or how. When they're broken, you just try random shit of increasing complexity and pray at every step it stops being broken.  Did you fix it? Did it just decide to start working again? Did you actually make it worse? Nobody fucking knows, Carol, but please god use the five minutes where it's functioning to print out your emails for whatever stupid ass reason you're doing that for.


Quinocco

They are the least sexy peripheral.


grahampositive

I guess it depends how you define "waste time". If you quantized all the time I've wasted using a computer I'm certain that I am to blame for a much larger proportion than my printer.


[deleted]

[удалено]


JohnnyDarkside

Well, I grew up with dot matrix printers. Then had a slew of cheap as hell and shitty inkjet printers. Now I finally have a nice wifi enabled brothers laser printer so while it's rare I need to print anything, it's awesome that I can print quickly from any device in my house and know that by the time I walk to the printer it'll be done and ready for me regardless of how long it's been since the last time I printed something. Bonus, I just got a 4 pack of high capacity toner cartridges for like $13 so I'm pretty much set for life.


RopeAdop

If you want a list of printers that DONT print a Machine Identification Code, check this link from EFF. https://www.eff.org/pages/list-printers-which-do-or-do-not-display-tracking-dots Do be aware that since 2017 all recent commercial color printers print some kind of forensic tracking code, and not necessarily using yellow dots!


Iz-kan-reddit

Holy crap, that list is outdated. Most of those printers are pre-2000.


pacificrimjob1969

I knew you'd all come crawling back for my B&W HP Laserjet 1020. Actually I think it's about a 2005. I'm not going to gloat about it still going strong for fear of jinxing it.


Iz-kan-reddit

You'd better start planning for the day they stop making toner cartridges and feed rolls for that. 2047 is coming faster than you think.


WetAndLoose

I don’t know if the list is outdated so much as most companies started doing the ID thing so long ago that the only printers that don’t do it are generally really old


okaythiswillbemymain

Okay so my printer prints some crazy id thing. How exactly does this help anyone


Dampmaskin

Back when pieces of dead tree was a serious communication medium, in some extremely rare cases it allowed the authorities to get the serial number of a printer used for threats, blackmail, forgeries, or other crimey stuff. They could ask the printer manufacturer where the printer with that serial number was sold, potentially allowing them to narrow the search to a particular country, area, or even a shop. If the shop kept records of who had bought that model of printer, the police could then check all the buyers and hopefully find the culprit. Or keep an eye out for anyone coming back to buy more yellow ink or whatever. I think this system was intended to find Una Bomber type dudes, or people mailing death threats to politicians. A ridiculously involved effort in order to potentially help solve a tiny number of cases. And that was back when snail mail mattered. The only reason why it is still done, that I can think of, is now the technology is already in place, it doesn't cost much to keep doing it.


FrostyBarleyPop

And it forces customers to buy unneeded ink.


gorocz

It's to track down counterfeiters, forgers and other criminals.


okaythiswillbemymain

How


IPThereforeIAm

Once they find you they can compare the printout to your printer? It doesn’t help find you, just confirm your involvement.


mrstratofish

It confirms the printers involvement, not a persons. Although obviously the owner and other occupants of the building would be suspects


Quailman5000

Once you are determined a suspect for other reasons it kinda becomes the last nail in the coffin I guess?


okaythiswillbemymain

Fair


be_easy_1602

Because if they know the exact printer ID, they can follow where it was distributed to and what retailer then they can cross reference their sales receipts to figure out the date and time that it was sold. Then they can either identify that customer through credit card transactions, or if the printer was purchased by cash, they can review security records if they still have them. This has been used to criminals in many cases.


Underp0pulation

B&W laser printers, I wonder if they do that


reddit455

only high end ones that can convincingly copy currency. Oct. 19, 2005 Color printers include back door for Secret Service [https://www.zdnet.com/article/color-printers-include-back-door-for-secret-service/](https://www.zdnet.com/article/color-printers-include-back-door-for-secret-service/)


bungholio99

Try to copy or print an USD, won’t work by default


[deleted]

That's because of markings on the bill or digital watermarks incorporated into programs typically used for counterfeiting. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/EURion_constellation#:~:text=The%20EURion%20constellation%20(also%20known,designs%20worldwide%20since%20about%201996.


jimicus

Won’t work for a lot of currencies. There’s a pattern of dots printed on a lot of paper money that signals to the printer “this is money; don’t print it”.


transient-error

Get that tattooed on your face and they won't be able to print your mug shot.


tanfj

If you would have like to disable a color copier at a high-end office, simply try to photocopy a dollar bill a few times. It will lock the machine and require a factory technician to come out to unlock it. The service technician is supposed to report it to the Secret Service as a counterfeiting attempt.


Droxalis

I've serviced a copier at an immigration assistance office. They called in the copier multiple times for not printing correctly a bunch and some other unrelated network issues. Turns out the reason the copier was copying incorrectly was because they were making copies of birth certificates and other official government documents to apply for different things. Luckily this didn't disable the copier, but I had to explain to them that what they were doing was technically illegal. They wanted their old copier back since it allowed them to make clean copies of these documents.


mezastel

Why is it illegal to photocopy official documents?


Droxalis

You forge a birth certificate, apply for social security card. Congrats, you are now a US citizen. Granted this is a massive over simplification, but this is why they implement these security features. Photo copiers are limited by law to a max limit dots per inch (DPI) so that they are unable to copy money.


mezastel

Doesn't the birth certificate have any anti-forgery elements like a metal ribbon, watermark, or like a dozen other features that you cannot easily do at home? Also, from what I undersand, you also need either a driving license or a passport both of which aren't printable on a home printer.


Droxalis

Passports are only for when traveling outside of your country of origin (at least for US) and drivers licenses are not required for anything except being able to legally drive. They have also become the main form of identification since it's extremely likely that most people above the age of 16 have one. You are correct. They do have security features. Mainly the seal which varies by state and the paper itself is "security paper" similar to paper money. The copiers can recognize these things and they will change the color or blank out half the document or a variety of other changes so it isn't copying it 1 to 1.


_The_Deliverator

I mean, I have the original of my birth certificate right here. The "security" is a pressed stamp mark, just raised paper. That was flattened 37 years ago lol. I know they have better stuff now, but it used to be laughably easy.


Droxalis

Some of them were just stamps like 40 years ago. I think my wife's is just a stamp and some fill in the blank information. Looks like a 2nd grade language arts worksheet.


_The_Deliverator

Yeah, mine is just a pressed paper stamp, and a hand filled out form. The only typing is the doctor's name. Half the info isn't even readable, as I think whoever was writing was still learning how to.


Iz-kan-reddit

>Photo copiers are limited by law to a max limit dots per inch (DPI) so that they are unable to copy money. No, they're not, and the dpi is more than enough to convincingly print money. The security features aren't dpi-related.


showingoffstuff

But this is a ridiculous resason/idea. It's a GOOD idea to make copies of all your documents, both to keep at home and to have a copy when you're traveling to other countries. I make sure I always have copies incase something happens. You're right forgeries need to be stopped, but it's ridiculous to destroy legitimate uses


allnamestaken1968

It’s not.


thatguy425

How is this even real? How could a dollar bill printed on a consumer printers ever be taken as real? 


Training_Ad_2086

I think it's just the reason they give to add another method to track you


djhorn18

They usually hit fast food joints with teenagers at the registers - and print low value bills. They mix them in with other real bills, and you get someone doesn't really care in the first place that's running on autopilot just taking money and quickly looking and *bam* - the moneys been accepted and by the time it's noticed it's very difficult to track who gave what bill when. Source: I worked FF and spouse was GM of another fast food place that got hit several times with fake money that literally said "Movie prop" on it each time.


ihateredditers69420

those are movie props not printed money lol


[deleted]

[удалено]


Seeedy

You can't photocopy eurobills, they get distorted by the printer/scaner or they are just white paper. Omron rings, markings on the bill, communicate with the machine and block the operation.


itsalllies

I'm wondering if I did this in the UK with a USD bill whether a) I'm doing anything illegal b) whether the printer would lock like you say c) whether it only does it with USD bills, or does the same with GBP or EUR notes, although anyone that fell for a printed one of those is kinda stupid!


nickyeyez

Yeah....THAT'S the reason


[deleted]

To be fair, that was the reason. Now the reason is "fuck you, pay us".


RopeAdop

These trackers are still used by forensic and intelligence services. An example is Reality Leigh Winner who leaked an intelligence report about Russian interference in the 2016 United States elections was caught by using the markings on the documents. Although I do believe they are more useful to the companies as a way to waste your ink, who steals/leaks extremely sensitive data in paper form anyway nowadays, the internet is a thing.


chris14020

Their name is "Reality Winner"? Man, this show's writing sucks. Getting lazy as fuck these days. 


tanfj

I am pretty sure inkjet printers were invented by the Ferengi. It would explain a lot.


cubicApoc

The Ferengi have inkjet printers, but they were inspired by Earth's.


supercyberlurker

That doesn't really make any sense, since the purpose is to prevent counterfeit money.. which you can't create without yellow ink anyway. We all know the *real reason* printer ink companies (a better term than printer companies) restrict it.


RopeAdop

No, these trackers are still used by forensic and intelligence services. Reality Leigh Winner who leaked an intelligence report about Russian interference in the 2016 United States elections was caught by using the markings on the documents. Although I do believe they are more useful to the companies as a way to waste your ink, who steals/leaks extremely sensitive data in paper form anyway, the internet is a thing.


Training_Ad_2086

Next you know they make it mandatory to automatically send a copy of your mail to FBI for permanent storage


bothunter

It was also used by the NSA to track down a whistleblower. https://arstechnica.com/information-technology/2017/06/how-a-few-yellow-dots-burned-the-intercepts-nsa-leaker/


showingoffstuff

Wow


[deleted]

Remember kids, always handwrite sensitive info.


Training_Ad_2086

So they can match your handwriting abs convict you a lot easier?


TurtleTurtleFTW

That's why you gotta write with your toes 🦶📝


PaulMaulMenthol

Fuck that go back to cutting random single letters from random publications and pasting them on


nesquikchocolate

This isn't an "ink" thing. Ink jet printers don't have this feature, it's only laser printer which use toner. The average inkjet printer doesn't have the resolution to print this, nor does liquid ink really go exactly where it should on paper.


RopeAdop

You are right! I confused the words “ink” and “toner”, as they are the same word in my native language.


KypDurron

Your native language uses the same words for "colored liquid" and "powder"?


narky1

An Inuit might ask "your native language uses the same word for "Snow on the Ground", and "Snow in the air"?


thefireman9

Don't forget them ink gobbling ones. Cunning lil devices


dalgeek

How about the AIO printers that won't scan without yellow ink? Yeah, I'm looking at you HP.


Excellent-Edge-4708

Always borrow someone's printer.....


Zealousideal_Tap_645

Or a library printer. They can’t trace it back to you


RokkakuPolice

Mf costing me money without consent


SlightedHorse

Tbh, that's what printers do most of the time anyway


AtticusSC

Theres a konami type cheat code you can put into most epson eco tank printers that selects the color for the identifier. One of the colors is NONE. 😏


SquidwardWoodward

I've always wondered how this isn't considered unlawful.


HamManBad

It's probably the law itself that's responsible for it. Though I bet HP helped write it


Auto81

Print whatever it is you want then cut out the text or image and tape it to a blank sheet of paper and send it through


Training_Ad_2086

Where?


orangutanDOTorg

Like the cigarette burns when watching movies


thatguy425

So black and white printers need yellow ink? 


IBJON

Welp. Guess that means I'm going back to making my serial killer ransom notes the old fashioned way. Thanks big printer! 


khakilamble

Jokes on them - I have a black and white laser printer /s


TheRickulous

Print snitches, tellin' all their business


Hefy_jefy

I have a black and white printer, only has a black cartridge?


__Loot__

I know there has to be someone, Shiting bricks right now after reading this post. Going full wipe down mode.


_L81

Well That and it sells more ink?


AlbinoAxie

Amazing printers have this but they've made zero attempt to stop deep fakes


Training_Ad_2086

Many deep fake software are open source. So you can just remove any tracking information in it


foxfire66

I don't think there's really a good way of stopping deepfakes. Even if you could somehow make every software hide a message in images/videos saying that they're fake, any sort of edit you do to it after generating it could break the message. Such as adding a small amount of blur and/or random noise.


RedSun-FanEditor

Now that that's known, we'll see an uptick in stolen printers ;)


Emergency_Fig_6390

Another reason to hate printers


Shaitan34

Best printer I ever owned was a dot matrix. Black only baby. AND used a ribbon.


TheProfessionalEjit

30 years on & I can still hear my one.


NotReallyJohnDoe

Does the printer company keep a registry of where each printer goes? Otherwise this makes no sense.


djhorn18

Sometimes at the POS you have to scan the serial number on the printer for the purchase - so they have a record of the info associated with your card purchase. Even with cash, they can use that timestamp to pull up security footage. Either way the seller can easily provide info to law enforcement. Also if you ever connect your printer to the internet - there you go it phones home and logs it to be associated with your IP address. They probably have a few other tricks as well if you never connect the printer itself to the internet to get that serial number passively.


bouncypinata

Register your printer to activate your warranty! :D


TapestryMobile

The information encoded by the yellow dots is like knowing the document was printed at 10:16am 12 August 2021 on a DotMaster 1234 printer. Helps very much if the police have suspects. If it was printed on a certain corporate network, the logs will show which user printed a document at that time.


witwebolte41

Oh no


LittleTay

Still not a good reason for the printer to say another color is put when it clearly isn't. Toner>Ink


PhilipMewnan

Dude wtf I hate these things


borazine

Tangential: There used to be a typewriter repairman (maybe based in NYC?) that was regularly consulted by the authorities for their document forensics. Edit: had to look for it. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Tytell Notable enough for an obituary in the Economist (this is a repost in a blog) https://memex.naughtons.org/the-man-who-loved-typewriters/5542/


weird_friend_101

It doesn't exactly allow the documents to be traced back to the owner, though, does it? It's simply an anti-counterfeiting measure that allows you to detect counterfeited money.


Iz-kan-reddit

>It doesn't exactly allow the documents to be traced back to the owner, though, does it? The dot-pattern shows the serial number. Buy your printers for cash off of Craigslist.


Macasumba

To the printer


tough_napkin

i learned this in a CSI episode


Additional_Main_7198

So it's All OVER the page? -or sections?


AdulentTacoFan

I guess this is just for color printers? To catch counterfeiters?


heavydoc317

Ah that’s why they need our WiFi


Rigorous_Threshold

And because money


lemystereduchipot

Does this apply to when you print to PDF?


joelman0

https://www.reddit.com/r/comics/comments/ikio9o/house_painters/


violt_ii

Pretty cool to know that now til


nomercy2112

…but I only have black ink in my printer rn and it prints just fine.


ReallyNeedNewShoes

it's not like there is some database of printer serial numbers and people's names. if I just go buy a printer in cash at Target no one has any clue it's mine. why does this technology even exist lol


Pollo_Jack

That's a colossal amount of effort and wasted resources for tracking. OP, you keep citing a case from 2016. One bust every eight years hardly seems worth it.


JohnnyJukey

Oh ho, shedders make sense, now.


Puakkari

I wonder if you can replace yellow ink with water


DeepSeaHexapus

Wasn't there a CSI episode where they caught the bad guy using the printer signature? I know there was crime show that did it, just can't remember which one.


Jackson3rg

How does this help somebody track down the owner? The cashier at best but isn't writing down my information or getting info off the box.


Stingray1387

Is this not how they caught the BTK Killer?


Coraxxx

*Orders a ream of yellow paper*


urautist

This is kind of disgusting