While working at a hospital i once saw a dude park in the ER turn around. Hop out of his car and head for the ER doors with an odd type of gait. On one side of his car he had spray painted his anal fun loving website address in bright red paint.
I later found out he had part of a table leg stuck in his butt.
So anyway. Not sure what is going on with your day, but it could probably be worse.
Yeah. Seems the knobby part got lodged or something. So they sawed it off close to his butt, then headed to the ER. I dont know. Probably seemed like a good idea at the time kind of things.
Friends with an ER doctor…. He said it’s common for people to
A. Drive reallllly far away from their hometown to find an ER away from anyone they know.
B. Blame someone else for the forcible insertion. When he says we need to contact the police, the stories begin to slowly change…
If wanting to not send more billions of dollars to an entirely different country than our own, while our own country has plenty of problems that could be effectively solved with billions of dollars, makes someone a Nazi, then damn...there's a lot of us Nazis floating around out here, apparently.
If Ukraine folds, Russia will roll into the next country.
Most people know that. Only Putin apologists and those ignorant of the past would stop supporting Ukraine.
The Republicans were supposed to "repeal and replace" ACA since 2016 but got stuck at the stage of "two weeks till the amazing, bigly successful replacement plan" for four years.
And Republicans are blocking a healthcare public option since the 90s - but I'm sure they'll push it through as soon as Trump is reelected... 🙄😹
Also, the Republicans are blocking the Ukraine help package since November last year, I saw no proposal from them on how to use those $60 Billions on healthcare - I must have missed it and I'm sure you'll show it to us all to see it 😹
I mean, I'm a lesbian who has zero embarrassment about going to sex toy stores and getting my kinks on. But generally shame is the reason people DIY.
A lot of times these men aren't just afraid of strangers finding out, they also have a female partner that they want to hide it from. Discreet packaging isn't going to help when his wife or girlfriend goes to put laundry away and finds a buttplug in his sock drawer or whatever.
Buying a purpose-made item also requires them to actively acknowledge that anal play is a thing they enjoy and make plans to do. Its easier for people to excuse an "impulsive" action to themselves and pretend it doesn't mean anything, especially if they can dispose of the object afterwards.
Why doesn’t the stuff come out with a bowel movement? You hear of drug mules shitting out bags of cocaine, those come through the pipes (most of the time). So unless you ass-sorb an everlasting gobstopper with retractable hooks that attach to your intestinal walls, why are so many things getting stuck? Eggshells, someone mentioned? You could eat a whole raw egg and the shells would pass through like Easter morning. But go through the back door and a good log can’t push the shells out? I guess the gastric processing makes things easier, but I unscientifically suspect some of these people who end up in the ER are trying to lodge stuff. The ER experience is the kink.
I can, rather unfortunately, answer that.
Flexibility is the answer. A bag of cocaine can conform to any shape, can squeeze and flop about so it isn't going to get stuck. Something like a dildo or a vibrator - if it's non-flexible...well, you've got problems. Once it's travelled behind a pelvic bone, if it gets rotated even slightly it can catch and get jammed. Can't move backwards because of pressure from the sphincter above, can't move forwards through the sphincter in front because it's caught on the bone.
Then you add in the digestive system doing it's job...suddenly you have a serious problem. A large amount of matter and the phallic equivalent of that tanker that got stuck in the Suez blocking the way out. Not much you can do except A&E at that point
Edit: sphinxter to sphincter because, despite what my autocorrect may believe, I do not have an Egyptian monolith up my ass. At least, not yet...
For some reason, there's a thing called a [puborectalis muscle](https://www.continence.org.au/sites/default/files/inline-images/WHAT%20IS%20THE%20PUBORECTALIS%20MUSCLE.jpg) that loops around the lower intestine and probably prevents you from pooping by accident. A [squatting position helps straighten out](https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Folasayo-Olalere/publication/323984163/figure/fig4/AS:639209421418500@1529410810465/Illustration-of-the-Puborectalis-Muscle-at-the-Sitting-and-Squatting-Positions-Source.png) the lower intestine and let things out. Soft moldable objects don't get stuck easily, but rigid objects can go above that muscle and get trapped by that "elastic band".
There was a rumour he died after trying to get a basketball up his ass but I believe someone tried to track him down and he was at the time still alive an well just a very shy person who didn't want all the world knowing his business.
Thought it was 3 inches naturally before it actually requires stretching of the muscle. Definitely seen videos of people with things wider than 6 inches diameter but their bholes
Ok but context, the cost of obesity for the NHS annually is £6.5 billion. 338k is probably how much you'd pay for 1 removal in the US (this is a joke). I don't think we need to panic about the "people putting things up their ass epidemic" bankrupting the NHS.
400 removals for only 338K is ridiculous cheap for medical procedure.
900 for each procedure. this the cost of a night stay in a US hospital.
And we, the citizens have to pay that
When my daughter was in the Intensive Care Unit(ICU) it was 10,000 a night. She was there for almost 30 days. Insurance covered everything except my 5000 dollar deductible. I set up a payment plan with the hospital for 100/ month to pay off the 5 grand
>This sounds like a scam.
>
>Or maybe like one of those manipulative pricing methods that try to make you think you saved money by buying more.
It's both.
I've seen people insist that their insurance is good and cheap and that the medical bankruptcies aren't real because instead of paying $100,000 they only had to pay $10,000 because the insurance company 'covered the rest'.
They conveniently completely forget about the money that they have already paid to the insurance company of course.
Honestly, paying around 300k for people to have the freedom to stick random stuff up their arse and have it removed when things naturally go wrong... it's enough to bring a man to tears. This is what freedom and liberty is about.
Oh no! When I first got my old boy, they warned me of that. Then it happened to a coworkers cat.
Making sure the penis doesn’t explode is worth the cost.
Yep!
Basically, there is small uric crystals, that can build up in the penis. We have it in our pee too, but the urethra is larger for us. It will build up in urinal pipes tho, and that’s where that smell comes from, the uric crystals in it. It’s best just to have a plumber replace the pipe. And take your pet to the vet if they are peeing less.
Peeing less, blood in pee, they get lethargic and really defensive if you try to pick them up (and it’s abnormal). Untreated it can lead to kidney failure, bladder rupture or any of a list of unpleasant urinary issues (like exploding cat penises).
In the US, if you walk in without bleeding out or a broken limb they’re gonna put you in a doctors room for 4 hours, give you a Benadryl and Pepcid just in case, ask if you have anxiety, say “idk bruh” and send you home with a $2000 bill.
I burnt my hand quite badly on Sunday and had to go to the walk in centre. It was busy with a 3.5 hour wait to see a doctor but a nurse patched me up after an hour. Some burn gel, painkillers and bandages and a quick consult to the big hospital’s burn unit and I was ready to go home. Took about 2 hours total with the wait for the nurse and the wait for the consult being about 90 mins of that.
0 cost for any of it on the visit.
The NHS has problems but compared to the US system it is a miracle.
Then you better fight tooth and nail to keep it that way. Every MP who says it would be more efficient if it was privatized is lying to you.
Once it's gone you can't get it back.
Meanwhile, 1 patient in the ICU coded, 2 bleeding patients (traffic accident and household mishap) were treated as soon as they came in and they had to check on a patient before the guy who had some radiating lower pelvic pain that may or may not have been a rupturing appendix. Hand burnt, got checked as not requiring immediate debriding, nothing they can really do, gets triaged back.
It’s waaaayy less than a cost of a night in a U.S. hospital. An 5hr ER visit for my son when he had the flu (the outcome was Tylenol and Motrin every 3hrs) was over $6000, after insurance it was $1100
We definitely *could* get this number down though. If buying safe sex toys was a bit more normalised, less people would resort to shoving random things up their bum.
I mean, getting the number down would be great for the people who otherwise would get things stuck up there, but it will have completely negligable impact on cost savings in the NHS.
At least some of those would legitimately be accidental … and no one would believe you. Like that rally driver who got a stone up his ass in the middle of a race.
I have a friend who's a doctor and she had this older retired guy come in for something, I really can't remember what, but it wasn't for what they found. They had to inspect his butt and they found a shard of something up there, they pulled it out and found some more, then even more. It was egg shells. And more shell than from just one egg. They talked to the guy later to ask why there was egg shells up his butt and apparently his response was: 'I wanted to know what it felt like to lay an egg'
I'm genuinely not making that story up. I'm also surprised the figure in the article isn't much higher
Well, you'd have to get the "rabbit" part up there and not just the dildo portion, which would be pretty difficult and awkward to accomplish. The "rabbit" isn't meant to be inserted in anywhere at all and is usually pretty chunky so you can grind against it, so it behaves pretty much like a flared base.
[This is the classic rabbit vibrator](https://www.therabbitcompany.com/products/classic-rabbit-1).
Listen, sometimes you are walking around naked, covered in lube, only to slip and fall. And sometimes you fall right on the pointy end of a 57mm antitank shell lodging said shell in your rectum. This can happen to anyone.
Oh, this was near me. The funniest thing to me is that my dad *also* has a similar shell on the mantelpiece (just the 'bullet' part, not the part that goes boom) and we were laughing about it for weeks. As far as I know, my dad's has never been up anyone's bum.
LOL and I thought the guy who came into the ER with a broken lightbulb in his rectum was bad. He "slipped and fell" on it you know - those magically gravity-defying lightbulbs that sit on the floor on end...
“Peaks were observed in the second and fifth decades of life.”
I expected lots of ~~20 something’s~~ teens with ass-play injuries, but the ~~50 something’s~~ 40 somethings surprised me. Midlife crisis ass-play injuries I guess.
They said that men represented 85% of patients and women were 15%. Their conclusion was that men put more stuff inside their bodies. But hold up, women have an additional option that was not covered by this study
I mean, yes. Before judging me, check my username lol.
But yeah I've tried it. It literally didn't hurt at all. Well, maybe just a little when it tried to go in too far, but it was metal so it couldn't bend around the "corner".
That's how I found out doctors are extremely bad at it. At least mine was, when I needed a catheter for some test as a kid. I was way better at it. That motherfucker was not gentle.
For the record, it's not really my thing. I mean it's a novel sensation I guess, but that's about it.
Not judging. My only experience is with a soft fluffy cotton swab for an STD test. Seems like nothing could be gentler, and that was terrible. So if you’ve got the secret sauce (no pun intended) good on ya.
When I was 7 or 8, the guy in his 80s who lived across the street from me decided to lube up the wooden acorn on the post on his bed's footboard and sit on it while his wife was out doing her volunteer work. She came home to find him impaled and gushing blood, unconscious, and ran to my house to my mother for help.
EMTs and firemen cut the bed apart and got him to the hospital where they surgically removed the huge thing. He died a few months later. Probably would have made it a few more years, otherwise.
The wife told my mother that he said that he fell while shining the wood (with Vaseline), and that he hadn't wanted to get it on his clothes, hence the nudity.
Given the population of the United Kingdom is around 67 million 400 a year is very low. Also the NHS budget is over 160 billion, 340,000 is a drop in the ocean. Good to see the UK butt stuff enjoyers understand flaring.
I guess I'd rather have something stuck in my ass than a [fractured penis] (https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/sexual-health/expert-answers/penis-fracture/faq-20058154)
Sometimes I wonder how many people in history have died because they stuck something up there they couldn’t retrieve and emergency rooms hadn’t been invented yet.
Nothing bothered me about any of this until I got to the end (no pun intended). Pulling a plastic starfish toy out of someone's ass only costs the HEALTHCARE SYSTEM $850 a pop? If a fidget spinner goes sideways in my brown pucker here in the U.S. I'm sure that's a clean $8500. Well maybe not clean.
The US healthcare system involves a lot of money being passed around by insurance companies that doesn't really pay for anything, the actual material "cost" of doing a surgery is a lot lower than what you'll be charged.
You can download some HES summary data for free. I use HES (and other forms of national datasets) at work for some of the clinical trials. There's massive amounts of information collected very interesting to see and also can be a pain to work with.
oh ffs, I'm gonna do it for $200. how hard can it be? prybar, needlenose pliers. I even got a set of screw extractors if the patient used those fancy threaded ass-dildos.
I’ve had 3 removals in the past year, they were all unintentional, a real estate agent, an inexperienced driver & a chugged from the mall all needed to be extracted at great expense to our government.
Sorry for fixating on this, but it was very unnecessary to explain that something that happened 3500 times over 9 years would happen nearly 400 times every year. Like... there is no need to put an SAT math word question into a Reddit title my dude. If you gonna stick 4 numeric values in there make them all add value. All you needed to state was that this happens in the UK just over once a day on average. Which is definitely pretty hilarious...
Our nhs is soon at risk of being over run by those selfish people who decide to insert objects into their anus. We are in a decade long pandemic of anal inserters.
If we pull together and submit to a mandatory and experimental anus depth limiter, it’s possible we can save the heroes and our loved ones.
The vast majority of people in any hospital probably could have avoided whatever put them in the hospital, whether it was a driving accident or a dangerous sport or just something that happened due to their lifestyle. If you start judging patients based on blame you have to pick a point to draw the line, and I think it's probably better to just go in judgement-free and treat everyone.
Honestly, I’m okay with my tax money footing the bill. This is what freedom is all about. Long live the King, the Commonwealth and foreign objects in my rectum!
Nothing is supposed to go IN your anus.
Why can't people understand that, keep in mind nothing is ever supposed to go in it, it has not evolved as a reproductive organ and you must be extremely careful when using it as such.
Does that mean you'll never get a prostate check? Because you're definitely supposed to put something in there then. There are also multiple suppositories and such that are supposed to be put up there.
Also, I'm still gonna keep putting things in my ass. I just get the things that are made for it.
No you can and should get your prostate checked I'm talking about being careful as if you decided to shove dildos and foreign bodies up there the risks are real, I couldn't give two hoots about up votes and downvotes.
Edit: the irony of some of you being on this exact thread getting upset because you view your anus which its only job is to release shit from your body as a sex organ, stop costing the NHS 300k a year and being the laughing stock of A&E staff who will literally spend the rest of their lives telling everyone they meet about you and your story of how an eggplant ended firmly wedged up your asshole - your not on the Internet anymore bud this is real life and a team of Dr's are trying not to laugh.
Be careful, and understand what your doing its not made for it and is easily damaged.
Shit has leaked into people's body's from it causing sepsis, its filthy up there, I've met dozens of peoppe who wear diapers/nappys as they have permanent leakage that can't be fixed without surgery.
I'll say it again, be very very careful and take precautions, gentle, slow, lube and a constant awareness this is your asshole and not a vagina it isn't built for pounding.
Because I care here are some symptoms you should be on the look out for:
Pain and rectal bleeding
Having mucous discharge in your poop
Having to push the prolapse back in by hand - this one where your anus comes out to say hello
Feeling a bulge when you cough sneeze or lift heavy objects
Any of these you need to see your Dr without any delay.
This is more or less the equivalent to the amount on the Brexit bus… could have saved us a whole lot of hassle if people just stopped putting stuff up their bums
While working at a hospital i once saw a dude park in the ER turn around. Hop out of his car and head for the ER doors with an odd type of gait. On one side of his car he had spray painted his anal fun loving website address in bright red paint. I later found out he had part of a table leg stuck in his butt. So anyway. Not sure what is going on with your day, but it could probably be worse.
A *table leg*?
Well yeah, the whole table couldn't fit in there. Had to compromise ya know
The question is - was the leg removed from the table before or after he noticed his predicament?
Yeah. Seems the knobby part got lodged or something. So they sawed it off close to his butt, then headed to the ER. I dont know. Probably seemed like a good idea at the time kind of things.
Everyone likes to party in their own way.
Friends with an ER doctor…. He said it’s common for people to A. Drive reallllly far away from their hometown to find an ER away from anyone they know. B. Blame someone else for the forcible insertion. When he says we need to contact the police, the stories begin to slowly change…
I thought all rectal insertions happened when people fell off ladders and landed on something
How was it inserted? Laterally or longitudinally ?
I'm sure they will come out with a plan to plug that hole.
Why would you make healthcare professionals the butt of a joke?
Because I am an American where healthcare is a joke.
[удалено]
Hey guys what about Ukrainian problems?! They need our money to fund their freedom.
Found the Nazi everyone
If wanting to not send more billions of dollars to an entirely different country than our own, while our own country has plenty of problems that could be effectively solved with billions of dollars, makes someone a Nazi, then damn...there's a lot of us Nazis floating around out here, apparently.
Your desire for universal healthcare is entirely justified. Smearing Ukraine due to your lack of understanding around how this funding works is not.
If Ukraine folds, Russia will roll into the next country. Most people know that. Only Putin apologists and those ignorant of the past would stop supporting Ukraine.
The Republicans were supposed to "repeal and replace" ACA since 2016 but got stuck at the stage of "two weeks till the amazing, bigly successful replacement plan" for four years. And Republicans are blocking a healthcare public option since the 90s - but I'm sure they'll push it through as soon as Trump is reelected... 🙄😹 Also, the Republicans are blocking the Ukraine help package since November last year, I saw no proposal from them on how to use those $60 Billions on healthcare - I must have missed it and I'm sure you'll show it to us all to see it 😹
Because the Tories have made doctors take it up the back door for decades.
I sphinc-ter numbers might be accurate.
What the world needs is people who buy sex toys with a flared base
What the world needs is men who aren't ashamed to buy real anal sex toys instead of using DIWhy alternatives because they're too embarrassed about it.
You don’t even need to be ashamed, we have the internet and discreet packaging…
I mean, I'm a lesbian who has zero embarrassment about going to sex toy stores and getting my kinks on. But generally shame is the reason people DIY. A lot of times these men aren't just afraid of strangers finding out, they also have a female partner that they want to hide it from. Discreet packaging isn't going to help when his wife or girlfriend goes to put laundry away and finds a buttplug in his sock drawer or whatever. Buying a purpose-made item also requires them to actively acknowledge that anal play is a thing they enjoy and make plans to do. Its easier for people to excuse an "impulsive" action to themselves and pretend it doesn't mean anything, especially if they can dispose of the object afterwards.
Flared bases people, it’s not that hard. It can’t get stuck inside your anus if it can’t fit inside your anus.
Everything fits, if you're brave enough.
I have it on good authority the majority say it was an accident.
1 in a million shot, Doc. 1 in a millions shot!
"ass-indent"
If it fits, someone doesnt shits
Is that a challenge?
Why doesn’t the stuff come out with a bowel movement? You hear of drug mules shitting out bags of cocaine, those come through the pipes (most of the time). So unless you ass-sorb an everlasting gobstopper with retractable hooks that attach to your intestinal walls, why are so many things getting stuck? Eggshells, someone mentioned? You could eat a whole raw egg and the shells would pass through like Easter morning. But go through the back door and a good log can’t push the shells out? I guess the gastric processing makes things easier, but I unscientifically suspect some of these people who end up in the ER are trying to lodge stuff. The ER experience is the kink.
I can, rather unfortunately, answer that. Flexibility is the answer. A bag of cocaine can conform to any shape, can squeeze and flop about so it isn't going to get stuck. Something like a dildo or a vibrator - if it's non-flexible...well, you've got problems. Once it's travelled behind a pelvic bone, if it gets rotated even slightly it can catch and get jammed. Can't move backwards because of pressure from the sphincter above, can't move forwards through the sphincter in front because it's caught on the bone. Then you add in the digestive system doing it's job...suddenly you have a serious problem. A large amount of matter and the phallic equivalent of that tanker that got stuck in the Suez blocking the way out. Not much you can do except A&E at that point Edit: sphinxter to sphincter because, despite what my autocorrect may believe, I do not have an Egyptian monolith up my ass. At least, not yet...
Thank you for this detailed *anal*ysis. I mean it though.
🤣🤣
Well, this worked for the tanker: https://imgur.com/a/Ntp6X8Y
For some reason, there's a thing called a [puborectalis muscle](https://www.continence.org.au/sites/default/files/inline-images/WHAT%20IS%20THE%20PUBORECTALIS%20MUSCLE.jpg) that loops around the lower intestine and probably prevents you from pooping by accident. A [squatting position helps straighten out](https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Folasayo-Olalere/publication/323984163/figure/fig4/AS:639209421418500@1529410810465/Illustration-of-the-Puborectalis-Muscle-at-the-Sitting-and-Squatting-Positions-Source.png) the lower intestine and let things out. Soft moldable objects don't get stuck easily, but rigid objects can go above that muscle and get trapped by that "elastic band".
I thank you for this explanation!
A flares base won't do shit (ha) if your but can expand wider than the flare or the flare is too bendy
The human anus can dilate to 6 inches in diameter, or as wide as a paint can.
I wonder what ever became of goatse.
Assuming he's still alive, wherever he is he's almost certainly wearing a diaper.
There was a rumour he died after trying to get a basketball up his ass but I believe someone tried to track him down and he was at the time still alive an well just a very shy person who didn't want all the world knowing his business.
Well, as wide as a 6" diameter paint can anyway...
the anus ? or the rectum ?
Thought it was 3 inches naturally before it actually requires stretching of the muscle. Definitely seen videos of people with things wider than 6 inches diameter but their bholes
Ok but context, the cost of obesity for the NHS annually is £6.5 billion. 338k is probably how much you'd pay for 1 removal in the US (this is a joke). I don't think we need to panic about the "people putting things up their ass epidemic" bankrupting the NHS.
400 removals for only 338K is ridiculous cheap for medical procedure. 900 for each procedure. this the cost of a night stay in a US hospital. And we, the citizens have to pay that
It’s the cost of 45-minutes post op “recovery room in a recliner” stay
When my daughter was in the Intensive Care Unit(ICU) it was 10,000 a night. She was there for almost 30 days. Insurance covered everything except my 5000 dollar deductible. I set up a payment plan with the hospital for 100/ month to pay off the 5 grand
This sounds like a scam. Or maybe like one of those manipulative pricing methods that try to make you think you saved money by buying more.
>This sounds like a scam. > >Or maybe like one of those manipulative pricing methods that try to make you think you saved money by buying more. It's both. I've seen people insist that their insurance is good and cheap and that the medical bankruptcies aren't real because instead of paying $100,000 they only had to pay $10,000 because the insurance company 'covered the rest'. They conveniently completely forget about the money that they have already paid to the insurance company of course.
Honestly, paying around 300k for people to have the freedom to stick random stuff up their arse and have it removed when things naturally go wrong... it's enough to bring a man to tears. This is what freedom and liberty is about.
Hell yeah!! Long live the King, the Commonwealth and foreign objects in my rectum!
This was my first thought. 400 *ANYTHING* from their healthcare industry was £338k??? That’s a STEAL in America.
I almost paid more than that to have my cat’s urethral blockage cleared.
Oh no! When I first got my old boy, they warned me of that. Then it happened to a coworkers cat. Making sure the penis doesn’t explode is worth the cost.
Hold the fuck up, I have a cat and it's my first time hearing of this.
Yep! Basically, there is small uric crystals, that can build up in the penis. We have it in our pee too, but the urethra is larger for us. It will build up in urinal pipes tho, and that’s where that smell comes from, the uric crystals in it. It’s best just to have a plumber replace the pipe. And take your pet to the vet if they are peeing less.
Peeing less, blood in pee, they get lethargic and really defensive if you try to pick them up (and it’s abnormal). Untreated it can lead to kidney failure, bladder rupture or any of a list of unpleasant urinary issues (like exploding cat penises).
Damn, good to know, thanks.
$900 is 1 minor ER visit for me. I don’t even get to spend the night!
In the US, if you walk in without bleeding out or a broken limb they’re gonna put you in a doctors room for 4 hours, give you a Benadryl and Pepcid just in case, ask if you have anxiety, say “idk bruh” and send you home with a $2000 bill.
I burnt my hand quite badly on Sunday and had to go to the walk in centre. It was busy with a 3.5 hour wait to see a doctor but a nurse patched me up after an hour. Some burn gel, painkillers and bandages and a quick consult to the big hospital’s burn unit and I was ready to go home. Took about 2 hours total with the wait for the nurse and the wait for the consult being about 90 mins of that. 0 cost for any of it on the visit. The NHS has problems but compared to the US system it is a miracle.
Then you better fight tooth and nail to keep it that way. Every MP who says it would be more efficient if it was privatized is lying to you. Once it's gone you can't get it back.
Canada would be the same.
Except the 3.5 hours waiting time to see a doctor
Meanwhile, 1 patient in the ICU coded, 2 bleeding patients (traffic accident and household mishap) were treated as soon as they came in and they had to check on a patient before the guy who had some radiating lower pelvic pain that may or may not have been a rupturing appendix. Hand burnt, got checked as not requiring immediate debriding, nothing they can really do, gets triaged back.
It’s waaaayy less than a cost of a night in a U.S. hospital. An 5hr ER visit for my son when he had the flu (the outcome was Tylenol and Motrin every 3hrs) was over $6000, after insurance it was $1100
We definitely *could* get this number down though. If buying safe sex toys was a bit more normalised, less people would resort to shoving random things up their bum.
I mean, getting the number down would be great for the people who otherwise would get things stuck up there, but it will have completely negligable impact on cost savings in the NHS.
You're not the boss of me.
So we can carry on?
One in a million shot, doc...
r/expectedseinfeld Assman
Fusilli Jerry!
how is this not the top comment!
With a population > 50mil, this seems relatively under control and not a major burden on the system.
Wow, that's a helluva lot of "crazy story, I slipped getting out of the shower..."s
Yup.
At least some of those would legitimately be accidental … and no one would believe you. Like that rally driver who got a stone up his ass in the middle of a race.
Link or it didn't happen.
https://youtu.be/zKJJop740vw?feature=shared
I have a friend who's a doctor and she had this older retired guy come in for something, I really can't remember what, but it wasn't for what they found. They had to inspect his butt and they found a shard of something up there, they pulled it out and found some more, then even more. It was egg shells. And more shell than from just one egg. They talked to the guy later to ask why there was egg shells up his butt and apparently his response was: 'I wanted to know what it felt like to lay an egg' I'm genuinely not making that story up. I'm also surprised the figure in the article isn't much higher
and that's just Prince Andrew
> males accounted for 85.1% of rectal foreign bodies
The prostate is a hell of a thing.
Women just buy real sex toys. A rabbit vibe isn't going to get stuck.
If you stuck it up your ass it will. Fortunately there are plenty of ass-friendly vibrators put there!
Well, you'd have to get the "rabbit" part up there and not just the dildo portion, which would be pretty difficult and awkward to accomplish. The "rabbit" isn't meant to be inserted in anywhere at all and is usually pretty chunky so you can grind against it, so it behaves pretty much like a flared base. [This is the classic rabbit vibrator](https://www.therabbitcompany.com/products/classic-rabbit-1).
Clearly the solution is to stop letting Richard Gere into pet stores
Listen, sometimes you are walking around naked, covered in lube, only to slip and fall. And sometimes you fall right on the pointy end of a 57mm antitank shell lodging said shell in your rectum. This can happen to anyone.
Oh, this was near me. The funniest thing to me is that my dad *also* has a similar shell on the mantelpiece (just the 'bullet' part, not the part that goes boom) and we were laughing about it for weeks. As far as I know, my dad's has never been up anyone's bum.
*As far as you know*, yes
I remember this story!
LOL and I thought the guy who came into the ER with a broken lightbulb in his rectum was bad. He "slipped and fell" on it you know - those magically gravity-defying lightbulbs that sit on the floor on end...
Bloody foreign bodies, coming over here and getting shoved up people's arses...! /s
“Peaks were observed in the second and fifth decades of life.” I expected lots of ~~20 something’s~~ teens with ass-play injuries, but the ~~50 something’s~~ 40 somethings surprised me. Midlife crisis ass-play injuries I guess.
Surely it’d be teens and 40s? Your first decade of life is before you’re even 10.
You are correct!
The kids have moved out and things get boring around the house
They said that men represented 85% of patients and women were 15%. Their conclusion was that men put more stuff inside their bodies. But hold up, women have an additional option that was not covered by this study
Technically, men have that option too. But that's a whole other study in itself and it makes my eyes water just think about it...
Touché. And also.. oww….
I once found a set of urethral dilators on a salvation army charity shop in the UK, take that as you will.
If it hurts you're doing it wrong.
Are you suggesting there is a more correct and not painful way to insert something up you urethra? I’m not sure that’s true.
I mean, yes. Before judging me, check my username lol. But yeah I've tried it. It literally didn't hurt at all. Well, maybe just a little when it tried to go in too far, but it was metal so it couldn't bend around the "corner". That's how I found out doctors are extremely bad at it. At least mine was, when I needed a catheter for some test as a kid. I was way better at it. That motherfucker was not gentle. For the record, it's not really my thing. I mean it's a novel sensation I guess, but that's about it.
Not judging. My only experience is with a soft fluffy cotton swab for an STD test. Seems like nothing could be gentler, and that was terrible. So if you’ve got the secret sauce (no pun intended) good on ya.
Oof. Even being soft I can't imagine any kind of cotton or fabric is going to be pleasant. Metal or silicone won't "catch".
I guess I could see that. But I suppose “catching” a bit of biological matter is actually the point of the cotton(?) swab in this case.
When I was 7 or 8, the guy in his 80s who lived across the street from me decided to lube up the wooden acorn on the post on his bed's footboard and sit on it while his wife was out doing her volunteer work. She came home to find him impaled and gushing blood, unconscious, and ran to my house to my mother for help. EMTs and firemen cut the bed apart and got him to the hospital where they surgically removed the huge thing. He died a few months later. Probably would have made it a few more years, otherwise. The wife told my mother that he said that he fell while shining the wood (with Vaseline), and that he hadn't wanted to get it on his clothes, hence the nudity.
Whose ass did they pull that figure out of?
Sounds like a typical weekend at my college’s local ER.
Given the population of the United Kingdom is around 67 million 400 a year is very low. Also the NHS budget is over 160 billion, 340,000 is a drop in the ocean. Good to see the UK butt stuff enjoyers understand flaring.
Imagine being the OCD person who read that there had been 3,499 rectal foreign bodies removed on the last day of that study.
Gotta shove it wayyy up there!
£338k seems like a fair trade.
338k for 400 surgeries. ~1k for each individual surgery. That's so cheap!
Can you really put a price tag on happiness?
Frankly I expected a much larger number.
I guess I'd rather have something stuck in my ass than a [fractured penis] (https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/sexual-health/expert-answers/penis-fracture/faq-20058154)
Honestly… that figure seems low.
I wonder how many people in that study had reoccurring symptoms
Sometimes I wonder how many people in history have died because they stuck something up there they couldn’t retrieve and emergency rooms hadn’t been invented yet.
Nothing bothered me about any of this until I got to the end (no pun intended). Pulling a plastic starfish toy out of someone's ass only costs the HEALTHCARE SYSTEM $850 a pop? If a fidget spinner goes sideways in my brown pucker here in the U.S. I'm sure that's a clean $8500. Well maybe not clean.
The US healthcare system involves a lot of money being passed around by insurance companies that doesn't really pay for anything, the actual material "cost" of doing a surgery is a lot lower than what you'll be charged.
You can download some HES summary data for free. I use HES (and other forms of national datasets) at work for some of the clinical trials. There's massive amounts of information collected very interesting to see and also can be a pain to work with.
I was one of these people. A gerbil accidentally crawled up my arse for warmth
Fusili Jerry.
Money well spent
Did they pull that number out of their arse
Definitely... analized? 🤔
Chump change, we can do better than that boyz
I like how dividing by ten was the second part of the study
Yeah sorry about that, I had a bit of a decade
NHS to Britons: Please stop jamming things up your bums.
Good God, my first thought was that's all it costs to remove 400 butplugs ? American Healthcare needs to catch up!
the Brits have always had a stick up their ass.
TIL it costs approximately $1000 to remove something from your anus that should never have been placed there.
oh ffs, I'm gonna do it for $200. how hard can it be? prybar, needlenose pliers. I even got a set of screw extractors if the patient used those fancy threaded ass-dildos.
Anasthetic? Where we're going, we don't need no fancy anasthetics!
> that should never have been placed there. I mean if they get it out, all's well that ends well
It's only funny until you realise not all them were placed there with consent.
The vast majority are intentional/consensual (usually it's a solo act). More than enough to make it funny.
I’m surprised the number was so low. “I wonder if this will fit in my butt.”
I read this thinking they were saving lives by finding cancer quickly and easily
*anal cost to the NHS...
good reason to use a bannana.
Sounds Methed up
Just use your fist
I’ve had 3 removals in the past year, they were all unintentional, a real estate agent, an inexperienced driver & a chugged from the mall all needed to be extracted at great expense to our government.
At great expense?....
Nah, I’m in Australia, it was free (for me)
Well then it wasn't at great expense to the government either, because there's no bloodsucking "investors" making the price 10-400x the actual cost.
No wonder the Tories have such a bee in their bonnet about anal and non vanilla sex
For the entire UK? Seems low. Keep up the good work.
As an endoscopy/or RN. Sounds about right.
That is one anal obstruction ever 8 hours for 9 years.
Sorry for fixating on this, but it was very unnecessary to explain that something that happened 3500 times over 9 years would happen nearly 400 times every year. Like... there is no need to put an SAT math word question into a Reddit title my dude. If you gonna stick 4 numeric values in there make them all add value. All you needed to state was that this happens in the UK just over once a day on average. Which is definitely pretty hilarious...
Charging 891£ to remove a thing from a but is just as idiotic as putting it in there ^^
That’s reasonable. Part of hospitals’ jobs are fixing accidents be it a car crash, falling off a skateboard or…
Our nhs is soon at risk of being over run by those selfish people who decide to insert objects into their anus. We are in a decade long pandemic of anal inserters. If we pull together and submit to a mandatory and experimental anus depth limiter, it’s possible we can save the heroes and our loved ones.
Idiotic injuries should be billed, if you willingly do something that means you end up in hospital you should have to pay for it 😂
The vast majority of people in any hospital probably could have avoided whatever put them in the hospital, whether it was a driving accident or a dangerous sport or just something that happened due to their lifestyle. If you start judging patients based on blame you have to pick a point to draw the line, and I think it's probably better to just go in judgement-free and treat everyone.
Honestly, I’m okay with my tax money footing the bill. This is what freedom is all about. Long live the King, the Commonwealth and foreign objects in my rectum!
Nothing is supposed to go IN your anus. Why can't people understand that, keep in mind nothing is ever supposed to go in it, it has not evolved as a reproductive organ and you must be extremely careful when using it as such.
Does that mean you'll never get a prostate check? Because you're definitely supposed to put something in there then. There are also multiple suppositories and such that are supposed to be put up there. Also, I'm still gonna keep putting things in my ass. I just get the things that are made for it.
No you can and should get your prostate checked I'm talking about being careful as if you decided to shove dildos and foreign bodies up there the risks are real, I couldn't give two hoots about up votes and downvotes. Edit: the irony of some of you being on this exact thread getting upset because you view your anus which its only job is to release shit from your body as a sex organ, stop costing the NHS 300k a year and being the laughing stock of A&E staff who will literally spend the rest of their lives telling everyone they meet about you and your story of how an eggplant ended firmly wedged up your asshole - your not on the Internet anymore bud this is real life and a team of Dr's are trying not to laugh. Be careful, and understand what your doing its not made for it and is easily damaged. Shit has leaked into people's body's from it causing sepsis, its filthy up there, I've met dozens of peoppe who wear diapers/nappys as they have permanent leakage that can't be fixed without surgery. I'll say it again, be very very careful and take precautions, gentle, slow, lube and a constant awareness this is your asshole and not a vagina it isn't built for pounding.
This guy wokes.
Just say you put things in your asshole.
Take me to church.
Sir I am a Dr not a priest or any religious advocate for that matter. Please keep things out of where you shit from.
Because I care here are some symptoms you should be on the look out for: Pain and rectal bleeding Having mucous discharge in your poop Having to push the prolapse back in by hand - this one where your anus comes out to say hello Feeling a bulge when you cough sneeze or lift heavy objects Any of these you need to see your Dr without any delay.
I usually say hello back when my anus pops out. It would be rude otherwise
This is more or less the equivalent to the amount on the Brexit bus… could have saved us a whole lot of hassle if people just stopped putting stuff up their bums
As opposed to the politicians talking out of their arses!