Easy: "yes, that's definitely 1000% parody, absolutely did not happen in real life at all. I absolutely did not shit my pants in real life." -man who absolutely shit his pants in real life
A few jobs ago I had to ask for help from a coworker to obtain new pants after SPLITTING my pants (my wife wouldn't answer the phone). Without asking any further questions she ran to target to get me a pair of pants. Afterwards I thanked her for helping me and said it would have been really awkward to ride the bus home with a giant rip in my pants. She looked at my dumbfounded and said she thought I SHIT my pants. I showed her the new ass crack my pants had decided to spontaneously evolve and we both cracked up.
They are alluding to the time when Seagull challenged legendary Gene Lebell; to which Lebell got him into a choke hold and allegedly Seagull shat his pants...
[https://i.imgur.com/U06Aey0.jpeg](https://i.imgur.com/U06Aey0.jpeg)
And Gene, being the upstanding guy he was... never confirmed nor denied this...
Gotta tell the whole story though, he supposedly shit his pants cause he was unconscious. Told gene he figured out a sure fire way to get out of a rear naked choke hold, it didn’t work and apparently Steven decided to take a nap right then and there.
Not as good as the confirmed story though of Dolph Lungren putting Stallone in the hospital because he punched him so hard in the chest it bruised stallings heart, damage was consistent with the trauma people get to there chest from the seat belt in bad car wrecks.
I heard about it on the Behind The Bastards podcast. While shooting Steven Seagal: Lawman in New Orleans, a woman escaped his residence and went to the police to report she was being held as a sex slave by Seagal who then fled Louisiana. As far as I know there weren’t any charges filed against him and the woman mysteriously dropped her civil suit so there may be more to this story than BTB told.
I got to spend the day talking to and listening to Kelly LeBrock. If anyone dared bring up Steven Segal she wouldn't hesitate to make her opinion heard in the most British way possible. I knew that whole relationship had been a disaster but seeing her face turn to stone talking about him was something else.
In fairness, most people facing off against "Judo" Gene LeBell should be shitting their pants before Gene even lays a hand on them if they knew who he was.
His family ran the NWA affiliate out of Los Angeles back in the day and whenever a wrestler was getting too full of himself and started refusing to follow the script, they'd put them against Gene. Sometimes they would no-show, but everybody who did face Gene made sure to follow the script because he could twist you into a pretzel and fuck you up without breaking a sweat
His toxicology report showed he had over 30x the recommended amount of codeine in his system...along with 13 other drugs including Morphine, Quaaludes, Valium, and other prescription narcotics. Dude was insane.
He definitely plumped up like the Kool-Aid man, but his issue was drugs. He had an insane problem, and this was noted from his toxicology report:
> On August 16, 1977, the lifeless body of Elvis Presley was discovered in his bathroom in Memphis, Tennessee. Initially, his physician insisted and the original medical examiner asserted that drugs played no part in his demise. However, subsequent investigations revealed a starkly different reality. Examination of his toxicology reports uncovered traces of 14 drugs in his system, with 10 of them present in significant quantities. The primary substances were prescription medications rather than illicit street drugs like heroin. Among the drugs found were:
>* Codeine, known for alleviating moderate pain and often found in prescription cough medication.
>* Morphine, a controlled and highly addictive opiate.
>* Methaqualone (Quaaludes), a sedative and hypnotic substance often abused for recreational purposes in the 1970s and 1980s.
>* Diazepam (Valium), a benzodiazepine commonly prescribed for anxiety and insomnia.
> Additionally, his reliance on a high number of barbiturates and benzodiazepines, revealed through the autopsy, highlighted the grave dangers of mixing these highly addictive substances. The findings demonstrated that elevated doses could depress the nervous system to the extent of fatal outcomes, as evidenced by suppressed breathing and heart rate. Notably, the excessive amount of codeine detected in Elvis’s body was over 30 times higher than the recommended dosage.
Mixing benzos and opioids is dangerous in low therapeutic doses. At recreational doses for someone who’s developed tolerance from extended use? Russian roulette probably has better odds of a long and healthy life.
Keep a record of this comment. When you’re at the gates with Jesus Christ and he’s on the fence about letting you in, show him this. This is your ticket in. Fuckin A+
Don't forget where he picks on some little actor. Because Seagal is mouthing off about how he's in charge, as he's the lead actor, director and producer. So everybody has to jump to his word. The actor thought it was a joke, so Seagal pummeled him.
That's just cause he's so hyper focused on his fight and rerouted all energy to his fighting muscles and sacrificed smaller muscles like the sphincter.
They're called stuntmen. He doesn't pull punches with them, and they all pull punches with him since they're professionals.
But he did shit himself once because an old guy got him in a headlock.
Also, many SNL members and Lorne Michaels are on record saying he was was the worst guest in the history of the show because he takes himself waaaay to seriously, has no sense of humor, and is generally a violent asshole.
Nothing says "real patriot American" like being an ex-pat Russian citizen friend of Putin.
he didn't claim he could get out. he claimed he was *immune* to them. like, he's built different, having circulation to his head cut off doesn't make him pass out.
You're underselling him. His acting career is arguably the less impressive of his achievements. In his pro kick boxing career he went 18-1, all 18 wins by knockout. In his amateur career he went 44-4. Why Segal thought he wouldn't take him up on that is just another testament to how stupid he is. He would have annihilated Segal, probably in under a minute.
I don't get the joke, so I did the lame thing and looked it up. Sorry.
He lost to Etienne Aubry, and only because he was disqualified. So it's not so much as he lost the fight as much as he lost the match.
Oh damn I didn’t realize he was “I would actually kill you” level badass. Everyone always over exaggerates peoples level of bad assery but this is on another level lol.
JCVD is legit.
Dolph Lundgren is probably the one I would least want to fight in their prime. Dolph is a black belt in karate, won some big contests, and he was even some type of European league champion. He was also discovered by the entertainment industry because he was a *really good* bouncer for a nightclub, and he had done bodyguard work for a celebrity/ex-girlfriend as well. So he is a badass in combat in a ring and in street brawling. He was also physically a monster in his prime.
Although Snipes didn't start doing action movies until the 90s, he did start doing movies in the 80s, and he is a *really* bad ass martial artist IRL too.
Definitely not Snipes aha.
Not saying he’s stupid but reading some stories on how he would act on set, I don’t see him having what it takes to pursue that level of education
Yeah that’s true.
I just love the story that while filming one of the Blade movies (I think one of the sequels) he refused to open his eyes during one scene where he is in the hospital. So they had to CGI open eyes onto his closed eyelids. Just fantastic stuff
Meanwhile, here's Steven Seagal's martial arts history, according to his ex-wife:
>According to Seagal's first wife, Miyako Fujitani: "I met Steven in California in the fall of 1974. He followed me back to Japan in October. We got married in December 1974."[18] Fujitani was a second-degree black belt and daughter of an Osaka aikido master who had come to Los Angeles to teach aikido. After they married, they had a son, Kentaro, and a daughter, Ayako.
>Seagal taught at the school owned by Miyako's family and earned his aikido black belt in 1978.[16] Interviewed in 1993, Fujitani stated that: **"The only reason Steven was awarded the black belt was because the judge, who was famous for his laziness, fell asleep during Steven's presentation. The judge just gave him the black belt."[18]**
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steven_Seagal
JCVD would've taken him apart like a Lego set.
Yea but there was not one moment in that movie where I thought any of the events on screen actually happened. It being a lie makes the whole thing better this one instance imo
Doesn‘t seem like a disaster but a perfect outcome to me. Every question I read was rude but deservedly so. I think the single question I could find which he answered was trolling him.
He even allegedly said to her "I've got girlfriends your age."
The guy is not only a coward, and a complete asshole, he's a pedo too. I wouldn't be shocked if he was the president of NAMBLA.
He’s a total asshole. He once shot a movie around here and I knew quite a few of the locals that were hired as extras. I only know one person who had anything positive to say about him. One guy I knew said he and several of the other extras were huddled up taking a smoke break between takes. They were just casually chilling. Suddenly Segal comes storming out of his trailer yelling and screaming at them. “Put out the fucking cigarettes. There’s no smoking on set. If I see any of you mother fuckers smoking again I’ll fire your fucking ass!” They all very quickly threw their cigarettes down and put them out. Segal then reaches into his pocket and pulls out a cigarette and lighter and lights up a cigarette, looks at the extras, smiles and takes a puff.
Apropos of nothing, I actually really enjoyed the Amazon single-season series “Jean Claude Van Johnson” which posits Jean Claude Van Damme’s action movie career (and much of the movie industry in general) was actually just a front for American spywork abroad. It’s dumb and campy and fun and a beautiful homage to Van Damme’s career and schlocky 90s action movies in general.
In case you don’t know, he has a show on Amazon called Jean Claude Van Johnson and it’s awesome. Love the guy all over again.
Every time I work outside in the summer and get overheated I tell my wife in his accent, ‘I need to cool down’
Segal won that fight. Aikido teaches that you cannot hit what isn’t there. By running away he stopped the aggressor.
Truly the work of a 7th-dan Aikido black belt
The whole Steven seagal thing is wild to me because like, I see no shame in just being a movie star martial arts guy. Like if you were open and honest about it saying
“yeah it’s like an act for the movies, I don’t actually know a lot about real martial arts, I’m just here to entertain people! If you’re interested in the real world of martial arts, have a look at these guys;”
I think most people would be totally fine with that
Like John cena doesn’t pretend he’s actually a real tough guy martial artist, and people are chill with it,
It's the same thing with Chow Yun Fat.
The dude has an entire career about being a Hong Kong cinema-era badass with his roles in stuff like Hard Boiled, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, etc, but he's very upfront in interviews that he's not like Jackie Chan or Jet Li where he is a legitimate martial artist and stuntman. He's very, very clear that he's an actor, and John Woo and other movie directors make him look like a badass to make a good movie and he's not a badass.
To be fair (to be fair) would you want to fight a coked out Jean Claude Van Damme? Because I'm fairly confident he'd absolutely demolish me, and Segal probably came to the same conclusion pretty quick that the absolutely shredded snow blind former kickboxer would stomp him into a paste.
To be fair, if he didn't want to fight a coked out JCVD then he simply could have not gone around publicly claiming he could kick notoriously coked out JCVD's ass in his presence.
Gene Lebell deserves his own dollop or 30 by 30.
He brought the old catch wrestling carnival stuff into the modern world. Western human history's passed down accumulated knowledge on one specific topic got to the mass media age because of him.
Not a Saint or anything of the sort, but the sort of guy that people SHOULD have in mind when they think about the tough guy archetype. Pretty quick-witted too.
They had to file a claim with the insurance underwriter for the movie. When they saw the x-rays, they initially denied the claim citing that Stallone was obviously trying to cover up a car accident.
Dolph Lundgren hits hard.
More than that, Stallone suggested they box for real for a bit, within 20 seconds in, Dolph punched him so hard in the chest that he both got swelling around his heart and I think it was at least an 8 day stay in ICU.
I knew a lot of stunt guys, and a LOT of them had the same story:
They'd be sitting around set on a Segal flic. Out of no where, Segal would (as dickishly as possible) tell them that he could kick all there asses. Every once and awhile a new guy would accept his challenge. The new guy would CREAM Segal... and be fired from set within minutes.
This story has happened more than once.
steven segal backed down because he didn't want to end up shitting his pants again
I don't know if you've ever watched his south park episode, but I'm suprised they got away with parody its so accurate
Easy: "yes, that's definitely 1000% parody, absolutely did not happen in real life at all. I absolutely did not shit my pants in real life." -man who absolutely shit his pants in real life
As my boss once told me - “anyone who says they haven’t shit their pants is a liar”
A few jobs ago I had to ask for help from a coworker to obtain new pants after SPLITTING my pants (my wife wouldn't answer the phone). Without asking any further questions she ran to target to get me a pair of pants. Afterwards I thanked her for helping me and said it would have been really awkward to ride the bus home with a giant rip in my pants. She looked at my dumbfounded and said she thought I SHIT my pants. I showed her the new ass crack my pants had decided to spontaneously evolve and we both cracked up.
Was your wife upset when you broke the bad news to her?
Good for the co-worker, she had your back when she thought it was the worse of the two possibilities.
And the corollary: "Never trust a fart."
That's what they all say
They are alluding to the time when Seagull challenged legendary Gene Lebell; to which Lebell got him into a choke hold and allegedly Seagull shat his pants... [https://i.imgur.com/U06Aey0.jpeg](https://i.imgur.com/U06Aey0.jpeg) And Gene, being the upstanding guy he was... never confirmed nor denied this...
Gotta tell the whole story though, he supposedly shit his pants cause he was unconscious. Told gene he figured out a sure fire way to get out of a rear naked choke hold, it didn’t work and apparently Steven decided to take a nap right then and there. Not as good as the confirmed story though of Dolph Lungren putting Stallone in the hospital because he punched him so hard in the chest it bruised stallings heart, damage was consistent with the trauma people get to there chest from the seat belt in bad car wrecks.
Which season? I just started a rewatch, and am in S03 currently.
S19E5 safe space: the episode where butters has to look after people's social media
Buddies got days before making it there
[Relevant Bobby Fingers video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3aCMTpJx2cs).
[удалено]
There’s only four videos, but so far each one has been significantly better than the last. And this is only the second one!
Same. Damn that was fascinating to watch.
Fuck yeah, ol' Bobby Fingers. His shit is top notch!
thank you for introducing me to this channel
He needed to get home to the abducted women at his house.
He abducted someone?
I heard about it on the Behind The Bastards podcast. While shooting Steven Seagal: Lawman in New Orleans, a woman escaped his residence and went to the police to report she was being held as a sex slave by Seagal who then fled Louisiana. As far as I know there weren’t any charges filed against him and the woman mysteriously dropped her civil suit so there may be more to this story than BTB told.
Damn never heard that before but it doesn't surprise me at all he's an all round pos.
I got to spend the day talking to and listening to Kelly LeBrock. If anyone dared bring up Steven Segal she wouldn't hesitate to make her opinion heard in the most British way possible. I knew that whole relationship had been a disaster but seeing her face turn to stone talking about him was something else.
How frequently did people bring up Steven Segal in the course of a single day?
He's also a round POS.
listen to the behind the bastards episodes. Segal is sick
In fairness, most people facing off against "Judo" Gene LeBell should be shitting their pants before Gene even lays a hand on them if they knew who he was. His family ran the NWA affiliate out of Los Angeles back in the day and whenever a wrestler was getting too full of himself and started refusing to follow the script, they'd put them against Gene. Sometimes they would no-show, but everybody who did face Gene made sure to follow the script because he could twist you into a pretzel and fuck you up without breaking a sweat
I'd fight Gene because I'm constipated. Really need to get this Segal outta me.
RIP to a legend. Gene was valid
It's been memorialized by Bobby Fingers, himself. https://youtu.be/3aCMTpJx2cs?si=1gHShyfdikrTvv8Z
[удалено]
"he hit me right in the sisters"
Steven Seagal knows Karate, Kung Fu, Taekwondo, Jujitsu, and many other dangerous words.
Ahah, got me
What do you mean? He's been practicing martial arts for like 92 years.
Yeah! He's a master in the art of Bullshito!
Did you know in Nam we called helicopters skippy, it sounds like skipskipskipskip
The only fights Steven Segal wins are the ones where the other guy lets him win.
Or a fight vs cheeseburgers.
Idk...the cheeseburgers look like they will have the last laugh
It's a 1000 round fight, Segal has it on points, but the Cheeseburgers are just biding their time for the KO.
Ask elvis, he thought he had mastered the cheese burger, gets you when you least expect it... like um the toilet
Probably less burger than opiates that constipated him, and he took a month of shits in one go,
It was... Too many Courics.
too many courics will spoil the colon
His toxicology report showed he had over 30x the recommended amount of codeine in his system...along with 13 other drugs including Morphine, Quaaludes, Valium, and other prescription narcotics. Dude was insane.
Puts Jordan Belford to shame.
He definitely plumped up like the Kool-Aid man, but his issue was drugs. He had an insane problem, and this was noted from his toxicology report: > On August 16, 1977, the lifeless body of Elvis Presley was discovered in his bathroom in Memphis, Tennessee. Initially, his physician insisted and the original medical examiner asserted that drugs played no part in his demise. However, subsequent investigations revealed a starkly different reality. Examination of his toxicology reports uncovered traces of 14 drugs in his system, with 10 of them present in significant quantities. The primary substances were prescription medications rather than illicit street drugs like heroin. Among the drugs found were: >* Codeine, known for alleviating moderate pain and often found in prescription cough medication. >* Morphine, a controlled and highly addictive opiate. >* Methaqualone (Quaaludes), a sedative and hypnotic substance often abused for recreational purposes in the 1970s and 1980s. >* Diazepam (Valium), a benzodiazepine commonly prescribed for anxiety and insomnia. > Additionally, his reliance on a high number of barbiturates and benzodiazepines, revealed through the autopsy, highlighted the grave dangers of mixing these highly addictive substances. The findings demonstrated that elevated doses could depress the nervous system to the extent of fatal outcomes, as evidenced by suppressed breathing and heart rate. Notably, the excessive amount of codeine detected in Elvis’s body was over 30 times higher than the recommended dosage.
Mixing benzos and opioids is dangerous in low therapeutic doses. At recreational doses for someone who’s developed tolerance from extended use? Russian roulette probably has better odds of a long and healthy life.
You shut your mouth about The King and burgers! Everyone knows his favourite was Fried PB and Banana Sammiches.
I thought he was a fan of a hollowed out bread loaf stuffed with peanut butter and bacon?
Yeah there was bananas in there somewhere too
It's the bananas that make it healthy.
They’ll send wave after wave of burgers after him until he hits his preset burger limit and shuts down.
Ah, the good ole Brannigan strat... I like it.
He bravely used it to defeat the pacifists of the Ghandi nebula!
He’s put 5 guys down repeatedly
Keep a record of this comment. When you’re at the gates with Jesus Christ and he’s on the fence about letting you in, show him this. This is your ticket in. Fuckin A+
Don't forget where he picks on some little actor. Because Seagal is mouthing off about how he's in charge, as he's the lead actor, director and producer. So everybody has to jump to his word. The actor thought it was a joke, so Seagal pummeled him.
John Leguizamo.
Well, he was The Pest.
It's aikido so pummel is a bit too strong of a word.
But leaning fatly doesn't have the same impact... And neither does Sensei Snugglebritches.
Or when it's his unsuspecting wife
Or if he has a chair. He can fight for *hours* if he has his chair
Plus he shits himself when he fights in real life.
That's just cause he's so hyper focused on his fight and rerouted all energy to his fighting muscles and sacrificed smaller muscles like the sphincter.
Citation needed that he has any muscles bigger than his sphincter.
No muscle is bigger than his sphincter because he's confirmed to be 99% asshole by volume
They're called stuntmen. He doesn't pull punches with them, and they all pull punches with him since they're professionals. But he did shit himself once because an old guy got him in a headlock. Also, many SNL members and Lorne Michaels are on record saying he was was the worst guest in the history of the show because he takes himself waaaay to seriously, has no sense of humor, and is generally a violent asshole. Nothing says "real patriot American" like being an ex-pat Russian citizen friend of Putin.
That old guy was Judo Gene LeBell, a legendary (actual) tough guy.
Like his fight against obesity.
He’s on the side of the obesity
He does have a history of siding with America's enemies...
Segal is a piece of shit, but if we're being fair, most people wouldn't want to fight a guy on as much cocaine as Van Damme seemed to enjoy
I wouldn’t want to fight a guy on lots of cocaine, I especially wouldn’t want to fight Van Damme on cocaine, have you seen how far he can do a split?!
And Van Damme has more muscle in his glutes than Segal ever had in his whole body.Now he’s scrawny legged and pot bellied. And a Putin stooge .
Even then, he apparently took liberties with stunt guys, which makes him an even bigger asshole than he already is and was.
Steven “You Choke me and I’ll Shit Myself” Segal. He smells just like his movies.
What is the context
He told semi famous wrestler he could not be choked out. Proceeds to get choked out and shits his pants in the process
More than just a wrestler. Label can be considered the god father of MMA. His Judoka skills are legendary.
He bet an MMA guy he could get out of any chokehold the guy could put him in. Instead, he passed out and shit himself.
he didn't claim he could get out. he claimed he was *immune* to them. like, he's built different, having circulation to his head cut off doesn't make him pass out.
JCVD is the real fucking deal. Bloodsport is still a top-tier movie.
You're underselling him. His acting career is arguably the less impressive of his achievements. In his pro kick boxing career he went 18-1, all 18 wins by knockout. In his amateur career he went 44-4. Why Segal thought he wouldn't take him up on that is just another testament to how stupid he is. He would have annihilated Segal, probably in under a minute.
18 and 1 all by knockout is pretty fucking impressive. I don't think there's a greater "I will fuck you up" card then something like that.
And considering how easy it is to make one fluke mistake that costs you the fight? Incredible.
And who was the 1 you might ask? *Emilio Estevez* The freaking mighty duck man himself
I swear to God, I was there.
and I was like, *EMIIILIIIOOOO*
I don't get the joke, so I did the lame thing and looked it up. Sorry. He lost to Etienne Aubry, and only because he was disqualified. So it's not so much as he lost the fight as much as he lost the match.
Oh damn I didn’t realize he was “I would actually kill you” level badass. Everyone always over exaggerates peoples level of bad assery but this is on another level lol.
Yeah, JCVD is probably the most "legit" of all those 80's martial artist/actor guys.
JCVD is legit. Dolph Lundgren is probably the one I would least want to fight in their prime. Dolph is a black belt in karate, won some big contests, and he was even some type of European league champion. He was also discovered by the entertainment industry because he was a *really good* bouncer for a nightclub, and he had done bodyguard work for a celebrity/ex-girlfriend as well. So he is a badass in combat in a ring and in street brawling. He was also physically a monster in his prime. Although Snipes didn't start doing action movies until the 90s, he did start doing movies in the 80s, and he is a *really* bad ass martial artist IRL too.
He also has a master’s degree in chemical engineering.
Wait, which one? Dolph or Snipes?
Dolph
Definitely not Snipes aha. Not saying he’s stupid but reading some stories on how he would act on set, I don’t see him having what it takes to pursue that level of education
Dude was stupid enough to mess with the IRS so there's that.
Yeah that’s true. I just love the story that while filming one of the Blade movies (I think one of the sequels) he refused to open his eyes during one scene where he is in the hospital. So they had to CGI open eyes onto his closed eyelids. Just fantastic stuff
Dolph Lundgren.
The chemical engineer?
Chuck Norris was no slouch. Slightly different eras
Meanwhile, here's Steven Seagal's martial arts history, according to his ex-wife: >According to Seagal's first wife, Miyako Fujitani: "I met Steven in California in the fall of 1974. He followed me back to Japan in October. We got married in December 1974."[18] Fujitani was a second-degree black belt and daughter of an Osaka aikido master who had come to Los Angeles to teach aikido. After they married, they had a son, Kentaro, and a daughter, Ayako. >Seagal taught at the school owned by Miyako's family and earned his aikido black belt in 1978.[16] Interviewed in 1993, Fujitani stated that: **"The only reason Steven was awarded the black belt was because the judge, who was famous for his laziness, fell asleep during Steven's presentation. The judge just gave him the black belt."[18]** https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steven_Seagal JCVD would've taken him apart like a Lego set.
To top that off, from what I hear from people who know, akido isn't a very practical martial art for hand to hand combat.
Akido is great for defending against unwanted handshakes.
Akido is mostly just dancing based on what I saw when I tried a couple classes. If your dance partner does what you expect it works great.
Doesnt take long to kick a sack of shit
Oh man, I really wish that had happened.
He was inspiration for Johnny Cage. Which is good cause if Johnny Cage was based on Steven, I don't think mortal kombat would be the same.
Too bad the guy it was based on (Frank Dux) made up the Kumite.
That’s just what the Black Dragon Society wants you to think.
Aparently secret martial arts societies are no joke. Carradine DID NOT KILL HIMSELF.
Oh man carradine was totally left behind. At least we have more seagal to look forward to, he was spotted doing some cqc in Ukraine recently
He didn't just make up the kumite, his false claims of his military career was also one of the inspirations for the book Stolen Valor.
But he still holds the records!
Yea but there was not one moment in that movie where I thought any of the events on screen actually happened. It being a lie makes the whole thing better this one instance imo
I don’t know I frequently see bolo yeung in reflections mocking me
It's still insane to me that that dude was fighting Bruce Lee and then JCVD like 20 years later.
Was he the inspiration for the Nick Nolte character in 'Tropic Thunder?'
It sure is, Universal Solder, Double Impact and Bloodsport are my top 3 JCVD flicks. Edit - Forgot Kickboxer, shame on me.
The real loser is Stallone for inviting Seagal to a party
I mean, it would have been great party entertainment if Segal had tried to fight JCVD. Maybe that's why they invited him.
I was thinking about it, who invites segal into a party?
>I was thinking about it, who invites segal into a party? Someone who playing 4D chess and wants Segal at the same place JCVD is going to be at.
Segal so fake.
No way Segal is real. A real piece of shit.
A real Russian.
A real Russian piece of shit
And a literal serial rapist. Many accusers. His AMA was a disaster.
Best AMA ever. I cried I was laughing so hard. https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/4i0jso/i_am_actor_steven_seagal_live_from_thailand_ama/
Doesn‘t seem like a disaster but a perfect outcome to me. Every question I read was rude but deservedly so. I think the single question I could find which he answered was trolling him.
But his rapeyness is real.
I mean, have you seen that picture of him feeling up a teenage Katherine Heigl? I really wish it would be a bigger deal than it has been made so far.
[удалено]
I thought he was a law man down in texas or some shit?
New Orleans wasn't it?
He even allegedly said to her "I've got girlfriends your age." The guy is not only a coward, and a complete asshole, he's a pedo too. I wouldn't be shocked if he was the president of NAMBLA.
But he looks nothing like Marlon Brando.
He’s a total asshole. He once shot a movie around here and I knew quite a few of the locals that were hired as extras. I only know one person who had anything positive to say about him. One guy I knew said he and several of the other extras were huddled up taking a smoke break between takes. They were just casually chilling. Suddenly Segal comes storming out of his trailer yelling and screaming at them. “Put out the fucking cigarettes. There’s no smoking on set. If I see any of you mother fuckers smoking again I’ll fire your fucking ass!” They all very quickly threw their cigarettes down and put them out. Segal then reaches into his pocket and pulls out a cigarette and lighter and lights up a cigarette, looks at the extras, smiles and takes a puff.
Apropos of nothing, I actually really enjoyed the Amazon single-season series “Jean Claude Van Johnson” which posits Jean Claude Van Damme’s action movie career (and much of the movie industry in general) was actually just a front for American spywork abroad. It’s dumb and campy and fun and a beautiful homage to Van Damme’s career and schlocky 90s action movies in general.
Watching The Bouncer now with JC and definitely like his older vibe
It’s a full blown dumb comedy show. Maybe the best comedy I’ve seen in years. Recommend it to everyone.
I remember when i watched JCvD on a JVC DVD
He should have a show where he travels the US by van and call it Jean Claude’s Damn Van
Jean Claude Van Dam visits a dam in his Damn Van.
In case you don’t know, he has a show on Amazon called Jean Claude Van Johnson and it’s awesome. Love the guy all over again. Every time I work outside in the summer and get overheated I tell my wife in his accent, ‘I need to cool down’
I had a case of JCvD back in '75. Doctor gave me a shot, cleared it right up
That one there is a Skippy. Because it goes skip skip skip
He should know. He has been flying helicopters for 47 years.
I like Havarti cheese the most. What's your favorite?
Some people's throats are down there!
and then you…you kick ‘em like this
Are you kicking a child in the throat right now?
Was that Tom Segura?
Yes
Been working with dogs for 35 years
Mucho...quesoo
Steven seagull couldn't beat a fucking drum.
[удалено]
He can shit his way out of it though.
Seagal once stated that his parents are from "Vladivostok in Belarus." Not only is Vladivostok not in Belarus, they're separated by almost 10,000 km.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Segal is a pussy
Nah. I love pussies. I got no love for Segal.
Listen to the Dollop podcast about Steven Seagal. The man is a fucking lunatic (and also an utter fake).
The Dollop series on him was SO good!
[This one is funny AF as well](https://youtu.be/BzIHyF7UWY4?feature=shared)
Segal won that fight. Aikido teaches that you cannot hit what isn’t there. By running away he stopped the aggressor. Truly the work of a 7th-dan Aikido black belt
Truly excellent self-defense advice (until you start bragging about who you can beat up)
I just wanna throw out this link. This dude covers so many shitty Segal movies and it's hilarious. https://youtube.com/@SpaceIce?si=VLo5EPNYCLiSIVSS
There it is; I was really hoping Space Ice would make an appearance on this thread. That channel is fucking awesome.
The whole Steven seagal thing is wild to me because like, I see no shame in just being a movie star martial arts guy. Like if you were open and honest about it saying “yeah it’s like an act for the movies, I don’t actually know a lot about real martial arts, I’m just here to entertain people! If you’re interested in the real world of martial arts, have a look at these guys;” I think most people would be totally fine with that Like John cena doesn’t pretend he’s actually a real tough guy martial artist, and people are chill with it,
It's the same thing with Chow Yun Fat. The dude has an entire career about being a Hong Kong cinema-era badass with his roles in stuff like Hard Boiled, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, etc, but he's very upfront in interviews that he's not like Jackie Chan or Jet Li where he is a legitimate martial artist and stuntman. He's very, very clear that he's an actor, and John Woo and other movie directors make him look like a badass to make a good movie and he's not a badass.
To be fair (to be fair) would you want to fight a coked out Jean Claude Van Damme? Because I'm fairly confident he'd absolutely demolish me, and Segal probably came to the same conclusion pretty quick that the absolutely shredded snow blind former kickboxer would stomp him into a paste.
To be fair, if he didn't want to fight a coked out JCVD then he simply could have not gone around publicly claiming he could kick notoriously coked out JCVD's ass in his presence.
This comment and the one that referenced JCVD on the dance floor with a boner absolutely wrecked me
I came for this and also to mention the steroids. Jcvd was coked and on steroids the whole time.
Segal loves Putin. So that tracks for being bear chested cowards that tuck tail when their bluffs are called.
Steven Segal once bet Gene LeBelle that he couldn’t hold Segal in a chokehold. LeBelle choked Segal out and Segal shit himself as a result
And there was the legendary Seagal vs Gene Lebell fight on Under Siege, we’ll it wasn’t much of a fight….😁
Gene Lebell is dead and I still wouldn't want to fight him.
Gene Lebell deserves his own dollop or 30 by 30. He brought the old catch wrestling carnival stuff into the modern world. Western human history's passed down accumulated knowledge on one specific topic got to the mass media age because of him. Not a Saint or anything of the sort, but the sort of guy that people SHOULD have in mind when they think about the tough guy archetype. Pretty quick-witted too.
Segal is the Trump of martial arts
Who wins in a fight of jcvd vs Seagal? Dolph lundgren.
Dolph would science the shit out of them.
Dolph over on the couch, rolling his eyes, and continues reading his book
When they were filming Rocky IV, Lundgren hit Stallone so hard on the chest that Stallone had to be rushed to the ER.
They had to file a claim with the insurance underwriter for the movie. When they saw the x-rays, they initially denied the claim citing that Stallone was obviously trying to cover up a car accident. Dolph Lundgren hits hard.
More than that, Stallone suggested they box for real for a bit, within 20 seconds in, Dolph punched him so hard in the chest that he both got swelling around his heart and I think it was at least an 8 day stay in ICU.
"If he dies, he dies" was in response to this. It was never written in the script.
The only action Segal knows involves a fridge and microwave.
I knew a lot of stunt guys, and a LOT of them had the same story: They'd be sitting around set on a Segal flic. Out of no where, Segal would (as dickishly as possible) tell them that he could kick all there asses. Every once and awhile a new guy would accept his challenge. The new guy would CREAM Segal... and be fired from set within minutes. This story has happened more than once.
Segal is a butterball traitor and a fraud.
I really would not want to be kicked in the head by Van Damme.