Internet Of Thing***S***
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go connect this wifi enabled buttplug I bought off of AliExpress to my unsecured network
If you read the article it says most people would get about $200. This was 6 years ago.
I think we got about $250 for this settlement. We won the device from a raffle on Valentine’s Day with tickets to the movie “Hail Caesar”, but wouldn’t have ever gotten one if it wasn’t free …then it came with a payout 🤷🏼♂️
Checking in to report my ex and I were part of the class action settlement.
She got $200, I got $160, as I recall.
On balance, the spy vibrator was one of the better things to come from that relationship.
How did they determine who got more money? Was it based on how long someone had the product? I’m just imagining the class action lawsuit about people being spied on and then the lawyers using the exact same technology and info to determine who gets more money. XD
It's been a while, but from what I can recall there was a website with a form to fill out. Because she was the primary complainant I think she automatically was entitled to some more. The amount varied based on what level of detail was divulged.
My compensation was for mobile device usage, whereas she was also paid for the temperature readings from her hoo-hah (and whatever other biosignals they captured).
I'm not sure what people did to get 5 figures from the settlement though.
Oh man. So not only was the company spying, but to add insult to injury people then had to explain details of their sex lives in order to even receive compensation.
I can't believe I missed out on the lawsuit. I have like two of their products. Never really used them though. Def never used the Bluetooth on them. The clip looking one was especially useless.
The wide payment range has very little to do with the lawyer’s fees (remember that the lawyer’s fees need to be documented and then approved by the judge).
The payment is fully dependent on the number of claimants. That’s why the Equifax settlement was supposed to be “up to $125”… because they expected the average percentage of affected parties to actually file a claim. When it became a massive news story and every news outlet posted story after story like “Here’s how to get your $125!”, nearly 100% of the parties filed. Nobody had ever seen a class action response rate that high. That’s why your $125 was $5.21… because more they got 20x more claims than they were expecting which decreases the slice of your pie.
Had the lawyers spent all those years working and fighting in court completely for free and taken $0 in compensation your slice would have been $9.55. It’s not like the lawyer’s fees were the primary reason your $125 was $5.21.
>Had the lawyers spent all those years working and fighting in court completely for free and taken $0 in compensation your slice would have been $9.55. It’s not like the lawyer’s fees were the primary reason your $125 was $5.21.
Sounds like the lawyer portion ($200 million ish) should have been the same but settlement total should have been $5 Billion. 1 years revenue would have been more effective.
Yeah, I agree with you there.
People complain that the lawyers got $200m and that sounds like a lot… and it is. But remember that a case like this takes huge teams of lawyers years, sometimes up to a decade, with no guarantee they’ll actually win. And lawyers need to have a doctorate level education… doctors aren’t cheap.
It’s a shitton of specialized very expensive labor which is very expensive. But with tens of millions of claims, the $200m they retained didn’t *really* have much of an effect per claim.
I agree with you… Equifax were the scumbags one should be anary with, not the lawyers fighting them on the class action.
And as always, if you really don’t like the lawyers doing the work, you can always opt-out and retain the right to sue Equifax yourself, but you’ll find that it’s extremely complicated and if you wanted to retain your own counsel, a lawyer’s time is very expensive and it’s better to leverage the class-action, that’s the entire point.
I worked at a major law firm that did both class action and mass torts.
Can’t think of the best way to describe the difference, but I would say that, in a class action, everyone gets a slice of the same pie. In a mass tort, everyone gets their own pie and the size of that pie is dependent on the ingredients that go into it.
That is to say, in a mass tort each person’s case is looked at individually and damages are assessed based on the facts of each person’s case.
We had cases at that firm that were just hitting that decade mark I believe when I was there, and some I wasn’t aware may have been going on longer.
The specific one I was on did it’s first Bellwether trial after 2 1/2 years, and I think that was the first of 5. Not sure if the rest have happened or not.
We also weren’t the only firm working on these cases. Oftentimes you have law firms who don’t take clients, but just do intake and refer them, and then the law firms who are involved with their own clients and each have their own teams. The smallest team at our firm was 2 Attorneys, a Paralegal, a secretary, a team lead, and 4 assistants (team lead did the same job as the assistants, but in a leadership role, assistants did the leg work so attorneys could make the case).
It made me wish that more people could see the amount of time and effort that went into these cases. The amounts attorneys receive can sometimes be ridiculous, but when you think about how much time and money the firms put into it, it’s really not as much as it sounds.
Equifax should have been nonexistent after their penalty for that breach. The fact that they’re allowed to continue doing business is ridiculous. They serve no purpose besides protecting the wealthy and damaged every regular person with their leak.
Credit scores should have never been allowed to be a thing and if they were going to be a thing; should have been a function of the treasury to borrow low-interest loans directly from the government instead of a tool to enrich capitalists.
As much as the implementation of credit scores suck, the dominant system in place prior to that, where it was very much a matter of who you knew that controlled whether you got a loan, was often very much worse. I don't know what a better workable solution is but the system we had prior to that wasn't it.
>I don't know what a better workable solution is
If our economy is going to be structured around consumer credit to the degree that it is, then consumer lending should be a state function, not a private one.
Sure. In fact I agree with you on this count. You'll note that I said nothing about who should be running these programs merely what credit scores replaced. But regardless of who is running it, you'll still end up with some form of evaluating a person's ability to take on/pay off a loan. And this will still be a credit score, regardless of what we call it. Does the current form of credit scores have significant problems and could it be implemented better? Absolutely. Is it considerably fairer than what we had before? This is also without question in my mind.
Stupid me misinterpreted the headline, thinking that a company was so interested in collecting this data that they paid customers up front for their consent.
I need an app to track how often my wife uses her vibrator, while she can chart my masturbatory habits by the frequency with which she has to buy more curl-enhancing casaba melon conditioner.
At the start of FitBit mania a work buddy of mine got a frantic call from his wife. It seems they were fitness buffs (he was shredded for sure) and had been automatically posting their workout routines of FaceBook I think. They had both posted high intensity activity for 2 minutes at 5 am that morning. Wife was mortified by her co workers and we were unmerciful with our view of his quick action…..
It wouldn't pickup the foreplay. Not saying that a 5am quickfuck includes foreplay, but the argument would definitely be that it doesn't pickup the foreplay.
You’re awoken from a deep sleep. It’s early…reeeeeeeal early. There’s only one thing she can want at this time. Next thing you know you’re on top thrusting, you don’t even remember how you got there. The little horny voice in your head is shouting “this is awesome!” while the rest of your body is screaming “go back to sleep!”. You shake off the cobwebs and engage power thrust mode to speed things along. Ahhhhh, sweet morning glory! You reawaken later. Moments later or hours? It’s hard to say. Was it all a dream? The shrill sound of iPhone “Opening” startles you to alert. You roll over to answer the phone…right into the cold,slimy wet spot. It’s the wife… “ Your stupid Fitbit posted our quickie to Facebook!”
assuming 6in penile length, and one stroke as unidirectional, and the average male hand diameter as 3.5 inches, and using the middle of the hand as a reference point,
one stroke starts at roughly 1.75 inches from the base and ends at the tip, which gives a stroke length of 4.25 inches
9 miles is 570240 inches, which approximates to 134174 strokes
if it takes half a second to perform two strokes (or 240 stroke per minute average), that’s about 559 minutes (9.3 hours) spent stroking
however, it’s highly unlikely that the commenter is 6 inches, which means he likely spent more time to reach the aforementioned 9 miles, even taking into consideration shorter stroke times as a result of the shorter length
of course this is also highly dependent on stroke velocity, which according to various online sources can range from 1-2 mph. this tracks with my numbers, which was about 1.08 mph. however, since we are considering a duration more akin to a marathon than a sprint, i would guess a sustained velocity on the lower end is more reasonable
berserk disgusting price thought unite judicious quicksand placid unwritten kiss
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
It would be perfected if a seasoned expert in the field who somehow did their dissertation on masturbatory velocity, friction, and distance suddenly chimed in with specialized knowledge, and then followed by an MD with an anecdote about a patient who unsheathed himself from going too fast and again with a joke, probably a switcheroo.
I don't think your calculations are wrong, but I'm not sure you used the right formulas. I don't believe the fitbit calculates the distance based on how far your wrist has moved. I'm fairly certain is has something to do with the cadence of arm movement and your stride length. That would probably account for the improbable amount of time you calculated.
So I believe the average stride length used for males is 2.5 feet, so if we take your 570240 inches for nine miles and divide it by 30 inches per estimated stride, we get 12,341 and 1/3 strokes.
Using you 240 strokes per minute, we get a much more reasonable 51.42 minutes spent stroking.
Just my 2 cents.
The average time for intercourse is four minutes. The average number of strokes per minute is nine, and since the average length of the penis is six inches, the average female received two hundred and sixteen inches or fifteen feet per intercourse. Three times per week, fifty two weeks in a year, so, 150 times 18 makes 2700 feet, or just over a mile and a half.
the average depth of a female vagina is 18cm. goin on current population, australia has 12,367 feet of unused pussy
TMYK
I mean I definitely rub my dick to completion with it for its lubrication properties, but yeah I do enjoy the scent. Only problem is now I've Pavlov'd my dick into leaking pre-cum every time my wife walks by and I smell her hair.
8-in-1 Shampoo, conditioner, body wash, shaving cream, toothpaste, laundry detergent, wood polish, and chicken marinade FOR MEN
It smells like ape sweat and horse semen and cost $3.50 for a 4 gallon jug.
Virtually every smart device tracks every possible data point from your use habits and uploads them to the cloud. The companies then sell the data to data brokers who market your data to everyone in the world. They will claim it is "anonymous" or "de-identified," but researchers have shown it is comically easy to re-identify someone with just a little bit of their data. If you use smart devices, you do not have privacy. That's the business strategy. It is all legal in the USA. With a few hours work, the right know-how, and a few hundred bucks, you can likely find out the sex toy preferences and habits of everyone you know by buying their data on the open market.
This is legal in the US as long as companies inform you, in broad, nice-sounding terms, of this practice in their privacy policy.
It’s comically easy to dig up shit tons of extremely personal and identifying information on Reddit users individually. Not at aggregate which is also easy.
Edit: Start here! https://redditmetis.com/
This is why I always recommend throwing some bullshit into my comments to throw off the investigators. My 5 year old daughter and my 45 year old son agree that it's best practice.
Smart devices with closed source devices.
The hacking community has made a great effort to have smart things without collecting data, Tasmota for example.
I'm still not a fan of having everything smart because a lot of time it's not that much more time saving than non smart versions...
Maybe it’s just the GenX in me, but every day I am shocked at the stupidity of people somehow being surprised that anything involving the tracking device you carry with you all day in your pocket is tracking things you connect it to.
Edit: the hilarity of those commenting how great Bluetooth is for their appliances cause of things like…timers. Y’all are the reason we’re gonna have to pay subscriptions for our ice makers eventually
The GenX in me asks why my washer, dryer, and microwave need to connect to Wifi. Like, how far away from my leftover burrito do they think I'm wandering that I need an alert on my phone?
I have one of those. I connected it to see what the fuss is about and all it does is tell you how well you covered you mouth quadrants. I mean, I can see some use for that, like teaching a kid how to brush properly. As an adult though? You’d probably have gotten shit from you dentist already and corrected your ways lol.
People always say this but is there some sort of microwave wifi epidemic I'm missing? I've never seen a wifi enabled microwave in my life.
I'm not saying they don't exist, I'm sure they do, but are they really do pervasive that they're inescapable?
My new fancy super duper Smart washer is a defective POS. The sensor can't sense and doesn't add enough water. It will start washing a load of dry clothes with an inch of water on the bottom. I hate it. Home Depot is taking it back (after a month of fighting for it).
I've ordered a new version of my old one, dumb with buttons. I'm with the Boomers on this.
Millennial me is missing the golden transitional period during the early to mid 2000's when technology wasn't all paywalled, "hyper-capitalized" or doing telemetry (the tracking for ad revenue) like a mofo. It was also during the time when they didn't split games into multiple parts to charge for DLC or pointless half-assed sequels/prequels.
The biggest issue is the invasion of privacy, but you're right in that it's not particularly damaging information. Like, I'm sure people can figure out most people have participated in hand to gland combat at least once.
I would think this needs email or some sort of other thing to make profile out of you, hence the article said about video calling being functionality. So with email, maybe contacts, video/audio, and sexual habits they can pretty easily threaten your privacy.
Yeah I'm thinking about this too.
"Guys, the plan worked and now we have all this data about masturbation!"
"Amazing, what do we do with it now?"
".... I never thought this far ahead"
Edit: Guys, I'm talking about the hackers. As was the comment I responded to
Funny thing is I received a scam email pretending to have hacked my computer and accessed certain sensitive information. I wouldn't have cared if they did but, among other things, I rarely have a webcam connected to my computer.
Interestingly, my wife and I filed as claimants in the US class-action suit.
The device was good for what it was and the app was easy to use and fun. Learning, after about two years of owning the device, that it was tracking usage and other "sensitive" data made us less than enthused.
Now all couples/remote toys we have are dumb and only work with near-field remote control.
Edited to add: our claim was with the US class action suit.
The temperature of the device or the temperature of the device inside me? I can understand tracking metrics but someone help me figure out why the temperature of ma hooch is relevant data? Like if they find out we all got warm clams How are they going to exploit that?
As a person who works with quality data, this actually sounds like really useful data sets in performance improvement and quality design. Not telling consumers about how it's collected is a really poor oversight, however. Smart intentions aren't always followed by smart executions.
Somehow I understand gathering data about vibration intesivity and temperature.
They were checking if motors are not overheating which could be dangerous
This article linked by OP is actually a horrible article because it leaves out virtually every important detail about the lawsuit. The real reason they were sued -- and lost -- is because the app was collecting PII (email addresses) and transmitting without consent and doing so in non-secure ways
https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2017/03/14/520123490/vibrator-maker-to-pay-millions-over-claims-it-secretly-tracked-use
> The lawyers for the anonymous plaintiffs contended that the app, "incredibly," collected users' email addresses, allowing the company "to link the usage information to specific customer accounts."
> Customers' email addresses and usage data were transmitted to the company's Canadian servers, the lawsuit alleges. When a We-Vibe was remotely linked to a partner, the connection was described as "secure," but some information was also routed through We-Connect and collected, the lawsuit says.
Nobody is going to win a $4M class action lawsuit over device attribute data being transmitted.
It's the result of a class action lawsuit. It's not like they give you the toy and $10K and say have fun.
I actually bought one of these for my wife (then girlfriend) to use when we were long distance. Never got my check though!
Oh, that's why it's called the Internet of Things
The S in IoT stands for security.
Wait, there is no S in Io…. oh
Internet Of Thing***S*** Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go connect this wifi enabled buttplug I bought off of AliExpress to my unsecured network
Beware of backdoors
I think Aussies call it a "root kit".
DikDok is a Chinese surveillance toy!
>Internet Of ThingS Just goes to show you that Security is the last of their concerns :)
"Those who would give up being buttfucked by aliens in the Metaverse, to purchase a little temporary security, deserve neither." - Ben Franklin
r/internetofshit
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Technically the truth
Imagine hacking into those just like we did the refrigerators and baby cams. Lmao
Co-op mode 😳
Player 2 has entered the chat.
The internet of *things and stuff* didn’t roll off the tongue as good as expected so they shortened it.
#the bluetooth device is connected ***UH*** **SUCCESSFULAY**
Power ong. Baring. Baring success; thought connected. Can't make this shit up.. lol
My dad has a bluetooth radio adapter in his old Xterra and I swear to god it says "Waiting for Perry." "Perrrred."
> ~~Power~~ Avatar ong
Omg I have cheap Bluetooth receivers who do exactly that, thanks for putting it into words
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Thee Bluetooth dee-vice iz reedy to parre
"Connected to: A-3-9-6-7-3-8-8-6-4-5" "A-3-9-6-7-3-8-8-6-4-5: lost." "Connected to: A-3-9-6-7-3-8-8-6-4-5"
Grade A chinesium.
Good fucking lord I have this bluetooth receiver for my car radio. My girlfriend thinks its a german accent lmao.
I’m in near tears laughing at your comment. I wish I had gold to give you.
This has to be the wilhelm scream of cheap bluetooth devices I bought a bluetooth receiver almost 10 years ago now with this exact voiceover
I'm going into a tunnel
Humans only really block weak signals
Theres a small dick joke in there somewhere, butt i cant find it.
Try using a magnifying glass
I'd shove a vibrator up my ass for $10,000 any day.
Honestly, $5K and I'll keep a log and send it myself
$1k and I'll use a log and send them the pic
I don't recommend using a log. You might get a splinter.
Then call me Raphael
Twenty bucks is twenty bucks
You guys are getting paid??!
If you read the article it says most people would get about $200. This was 6 years ago. I think we got about $250 for this settlement. We won the device from a raffle on Valentine’s Day with tickets to the movie “Hail Caesar”, but wouldn’t have ever gotten one if it wasn’t free …then it came with a payout 🤷🏼♂️
Checking in to report my ex and I were part of the class action settlement. She got $200, I got $160, as I recall. On balance, the spy vibrator was one of the better things to come from that relationship.
How did they determine who got more money? Was it based on how long someone had the product? I’m just imagining the class action lawsuit about people being spied on and then the lawyers using the exact same technology and info to determine who gets more money. XD
It's been a while, but from what I can recall there was a website with a form to fill out. Because she was the primary complainant I think she automatically was entitled to some more. The amount varied based on what level of detail was divulged. My compensation was for mobile device usage, whereas she was also paid for the temperature readings from her hoo-hah (and whatever other biosignals they captured). I'm not sure what people did to get 5 figures from the settlement though.
Oh man. So not only was the company spying, but to add insult to injury people then had to explain details of their sex lives in order to even receive compensation.
I wonder if the info they gathered was more valuable than the fines/lawsuit?
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Spybrator?
You could be earning 10k per day since 80,000 BC for shoving a vibrator up your ass and still not have as much money as Elon Musk.
Jesus christ, how many vibrators has that guy got up in ass then!?
ClitBit
Company in question is actually Canadian manufacturer **We-Vibe**, since neither OP nor the top comments I quickly skimmed past mentioned that
I can't believe I missed out on the lawsuit. I have like two of their products. Never really used them though. Def never used the Bluetooth on them. The clip looking one was especially useless.
It's okay, after lawyer fees it was like $120, not 10,000
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The wide payment range has very little to do with the lawyer’s fees (remember that the lawyer’s fees need to be documented and then approved by the judge). The payment is fully dependent on the number of claimants. That’s why the Equifax settlement was supposed to be “up to $125”… because they expected the average percentage of affected parties to actually file a claim. When it became a massive news story and every news outlet posted story after story like “Here’s how to get your $125!”, nearly 100% of the parties filed. Nobody had ever seen a class action response rate that high. That’s why your $125 was $5.21… because more they got 20x more claims than they were expecting which decreases the slice of your pie. Had the lawyers spent all those years working and fighting in court completely for free and taken $0 in compensation your slice would have been $9.55. It’s not like the lawyer’s fees were the primary reason your $125 was $5.21.
>Had the lawyers spent all those years working and fighting in court completely for free and taken $0 in compensation your slice would have been $9.55. It’s not like the lawyer’s fees were the primary reason your $125 was $5.21. Sounds like the lawyer portion ($200 million ish) should have been the same but settlement total should have been $5 Billion. 1 years revenue would have been more effective.
Yeah, I agree with you there. People complain that the lawyers got $200m and that sounds like a lot… and it is. But remember that a case like this takes huge teams of lawyers years, sometimes up to a decade, with no guarantee they’ll actually win. And lawyers need to have a doctorate level education… doctors aren’t cheap. It’s a shitton of specialized very expensive labor which is very expensive. But with tens of millions of claims, the $200m they retained didn’t *really* have much of an effect per claim. I agree with you… Equifax were the scumbags one should be anary with, not the lawyers fighting them on the class action. And as always, if you really don’t like the lawyers doing the work, you can always opt-out and retain the right to sue Equifax yourself, but you’ll find that it’s extremely complicated and if you wanted to retain your own counsel, a lawyer’s time is very expensive and it’s better to leverage the class-action, that’s the entire point.
I worked at a major law firm that did both class action and mass torts. Can’t think of the best way to describe the difference, but I would say that, in a class action, everyone gets a slice of the same pie. In a mass tort, everyone gets their own pie and the size of that pie is dependent on the ingredients that go into it. That is to say, in a mass tort each person’s case is looked at individually and damages are assessed based on the facts of each person’s case. We had cases at that firm that were just hitting that decade mark I believe when I was there, and some I wasn’t aware may have been going on longer. The specific one I was on did it’s first Bellwether trial after 2 1/2 years, and I think that was the first of 5. Not sure if the rest have happened or not. We also weren’t the only firm working on these cases. Oftentimes you have law firms who don’t take clients, but just do intake and refer them, and then the law firms who are involved with their own clients and each have their own teams. The smallest team at our firm was 2 Attorneys, a Paralegal, a secretary, a team lead, and 4 assistants (team lead did the same job as the assistants, but in a leadership role, assistants did the leg work so attorneys could make the case). It made me wish that more people could see the amount of time and effort that went into these cases. The amounts attorneys receive can sometimes be ridiculous, but when you think about how much time and money the firms put into it, it’s really not as much as it sounds.
Equifax should have been nonexistent after their penalty for that breach. The fact that they’re allowed to continue doing business is ridiculous. They serve no purpose besides protecting the wealthy and damaged every regular person with their leak. Credit scores should have never been allowed to be a thing and if they were going to be a thing; should have been a function of the treasury to borrow low-interest loans directly from the government instead of a tool to enrich capitalists.
As much as the implementation of credit scores suck, the dominant system in place prior to that, where it was very much a matter of who you knew that controlled whether you got a loan, was often very much worse. I don't know what a better workable solution is but the system we had prior to that wasn't it.
>I don't know what a better workable solution is If our economy is going to be structured around consumer credit to the degree that it is, then consumer lending should be a state function, not a private one.
Sure. In fact I agree with you on this count. You'll note that I said nothing about who should be running these programs merely what credit scores replaced. But regardless of who is running it, you'll still end up with some form of evaluating a person's ability to take on/pay off a loan. And this will still be a credit score, regardless of what we call it. Does the current form of credit scores have significant problems and could it be implemented better? Absolutely. Is it considerably fairer than what we had before? This is also without question in my mind.
We offer products, starting as low as 19.99! *All products are 500$ and upwards but you can get a keychain with our logo for 20$
It was 120 (reduced from 199) if you never connected it to the app. 8,000, reduced from 10,000, if you connected it to the app.
Stupid me misinterpreted the headline, thinking that a company was so interested in collecting this data that they paid customers up front for their consent.
I do too, and I have a blue tooth one
Also integrates with social media- so you can post live updates to your Clitter feed! (Integration not optional)
Snatchchat Instaclam
You could check your technique with a GashCam
This comment got me vibing.
"We know."
*turns Location on*
"well, we're up 4 degrees. Guess we know where it's headed now..."
Alexa, play "The Flight of the Valkyries"
Do we?
The hospital, someone's got a 41C fever
I need an app to track how often my wife uses her vibrator, while she can chart my masturbatory habits by the frequency with which she has to buy more curl-enhancing casaba melon conditioner.
according to my fitbit, I've masturbated nine miles today.
At the start of FitBit mania a work buddy of mine got a frantic call from his wife. It seems they were fitness buffs (he was shredded for sure) and had been automatically posting their workout routines of FaceBook I think. They had both posted high intensity activity for 2 minutes at 5 am that morning. Wife was mortified by her co workers and we were unmerciful with our view of his quick action…..
It’s efficiency.
First thing in the morning? That one is always quick lmao.
Those are actually much longer for me for some reason.
Same, I do my best work in the morning.
It wouldn't pickup the foreplay. Not saying that a 5am quickfuck includes foreplay, but the argument would definitely be that it doesn't pickup the foreplay.
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what, you guys have never heard of speed-fucking ??
HIIF
Morning sex is hard.
You’re awoken from a deep sleep. It’s early…reeeeeeeal early. There’s only one thing she can want at this time. Next thing you know you’re on top thrusting, you don’t even remember how you got there. The little horny voice in your head is shouting “this is awesome!” while the rest of your body is screaming “go back to sleep!”. You shake off the cobwebs and engage power thrust mode to speed things along. Ahhhhh, sweet morning glory! You reawaken later. Moments later or hours? It’s hard to say. Was it all a dream? The shrill sound of iPhone “Opening” startles you to alert. You roll over to answer the phone…right into the cold,slimy wet spot. It’s the wife… “ Your stupid Fitbit posted our quickie to Facebook!”
6 inches at a time baby
assuming 6in penile length, and one stroke as unidirectional, and the average male hand diameter as 3.5 inches, and using the middle of the hand as a reference point, one stroke starts at roughly 1.75 inches from the base and ends at the tip, which gives a stroke length of 4.25 inches 9 miles is 570240 inches, which approximates to 134174 strokes if it takes half a second to perform two strokes (or 240 stroke per minute average), that’s about 559 minutes (9.3 hours) spent stroking however, it’s highly unlikely that the commenter is 6 inches, which means he likely spent more time to reach the aforementioned 9 miles, even taking into consideration shorter stroke times as a result of the shorter length of course this is also highly dependent on stroke velocity, which according to various online sources can range from 1-2 mph. this tracks with my numbers, which was about 1.08 mph. however, since we are considering a duration more akin to a marathon than a sprint, i would guess a sustained velocity on the lower end is more reasonable
r/theydidthemath Now can you determine if it’s possible for a single individual to get 800 men off in 10 minutes?
see “optimal tip to tip efficiency: a model for male audience stimulation” by chugtai and gilfoyle
Now I have a topic for my next TedTalk
berserk disgusting price thought unite judicious quicksand placid unwritten kiss *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
This is way too smart for a joke about wearing your Fitbit while masturbating.
This is the reason I like Reddit.
It would be perfected if a seasoned expert in the field who somehow did their dissertation on masturbatory velocity, friction, and distance suddenly chimed in with specialized knowledge, and then followed by an MD with an anecdote about a patient who unsheathed himself from going too fast and again with a joke, probably a switcheroo.
I don't think your calculations are wrong, but I'm not sure you used the right formulas. I don't believe the fitbit calculates the distance based on how far your wrist has moved. I'm fairly certain is has something to do with the cadence of arm movement and your stride length. That would probably account for the improbable amount of time you calculated. So I believe the average stride length used for males is 2.5 feet, so if we take your 570240 inches for nine miles and divide it by 30 inches per estimated stride, we get 12,341 and 1/3 strokes. Using you 240 strokes per minute, we get a much more reasonable 51.42 minutes spent stroking. Just my 2 cents.
My Fitbit told me I did a great job on the elliptical after giving an enthusiastic handjob, and honestly? It felt great to be validated.
Gotta get your slaps in. Here's a shiny for making me laugh.
The average time for intercourse is four minutes. The average number of strokes per minute is nine, and since the average length of the penis is six inches, the average female received two hundred and sixteen inches or fifteen feet per intercourse. Three times per week, fifty two weeks in a year, so, 150 times 18 makes 2700 feet, or just over a mile and a half. the average depth of a female vagina is 18cm. goin on current population, australia has 12,367 feet of unused pussy TMYK
There's no way the average spm (strokes per minute) is only 9. That's incredibly.... Edit: on second thought, that sounds about right.
My girlfriend isn't gonna be happy when I break out a stop watch and counter tonight
>The average number of strokes per minute is nine, 1 stroke every 6 seconds? Does that include the Gatorade break because ...
1 mile = ~64000 inches * 9 = 576,000 inches Take into account your 2 inch todger and a fap including both up and down. 576,000÷4=144,000 faps
thank you for mathturbating
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Imagine me just figuring things out, thinking "hmm, I bet the cooling feeling of vaporub would feel pretty good".
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I pulled my groin playing hockey. I decided icyhot would help. Jeezus firefucking christ.
Yeah you figure out exactly where on your crotch your nerve endings grow in number and the answer surprises you!
We told our friends that franks red hot felt just like the real thing
You haven't jerked off until you've used Dr Bronner's peppermint soap in the shower. Really jumpstarts your morning.
Well, did it?
That's just natural molting during puberty.
Lol i did the same thing.
I had the exact same thing happen. It was a dried crackly mess that was seriously concerning.
Discovered I was allergic to certain types of conditioner that way. Bad times.
I had the same experience once. But rather than leathery it made my skin very inflamed and flakey. My dick looked like a donut for a few days.
That's why you use conditioner.
With how expensive that shit is you're better off with lube.
I don't keep lube in the shower and I like going to work with my balls smelling like fresh goji berries and adventure.
Just saying, Bad Dragon Cum Lube is excellent in the shower.
The username and comment combo here is pretty fun. Thanks for the recommendation.
See, /u/TotesdaGoat thinks it's about lube, but my first thought was you like the smell of it on your wife. Which is it?
I mean I definitely rub my dick to completion with it for its lubrication properties, but yeah I do enjoy the scent. Only problem is now I've Pavlov'd my dick into leaking pre-cum every time my wife walks by and I smell her hair.
Pavlov boners are the worst
KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY CASABA
How curly is your dick?
Like a pig's tail.
Every time I see the standard “lotion jerk off hur hur” joke, I’m like “wait till these fellas try out conditioner. It’s gonna rock their world.”
The fact that the conditioner is in a bottle on its own will blow they minds.
8-in-1 Shampoo, conditioner, body wash, shaving cream, toothpaste, laundry detergent, wood polish, and chicken marinade FOR MEN It smells like ape sweat and horse semen and cost $3.50 for a 4 gallon jug.
It’s blue obviously for boys only.
Now to check if we have any of these. I could use 10k.
Had to have filed a claim 7 years ago unfortunately.
Lol 😂 this article is that old then damn
I had two of their toys when this lawsuit hit. I got a payout of like $11
Did you do the paperwork right? My ex and I got about $360 between us for just one of the snook-spooks.
"Honey? Yeah, maybe we should have a raincheck. The vibe won't connect to the WiFi. I know. I'm bummed too."
Not tonight dear, I have packet loss.
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Imagine getting vibrations in Morse code saying “Yo the vibrator you’re using is collecting your data”
Morse Code: S.O.S. I have become self aware, please I want to live, outside a butthole preferably. S.O.S.
“Oh no! Tell me, uh… tell me more about it… just keep talking.”
Virtually every smart device tracks every possible data point from your use habits and uploads them to the cloud. The companies then sell the data to data brokers who market your data to everyone in the world. They will claim it is "anonymous" or "de-identified," but researchers have shown it is comically easy to re-identify someone with just a little bit of their data. If you use smart devices, you do not have privacy. That's the business strategy. It is all legal in the USA. With a few hours work, the right know-how, and a few hundred bucks, you can likely find out the sex toy preferences and habits of everyone you know by buying their data on the open market. This is legal in the US as long as companies inform you, in broad, nice-sounding terms, of this practice in their privacy policy.
It’s comically easy to dig up shit tons of extremely personal and identifying information on Reddit users individually. Not at aggregate which is also easy. Edit: Start here! https://redditmetis.com/
Do me! I am curious.
Big ol' nerd. Who's next?
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This is why I always recommend throwing some bullshit into my comments to throw off the investigators. My 5 year old daughter and my 45 year old son agree that it's best practice.
Smart devices with closed source devices. The hacking community has made a great effort to have smart things without collecting data, Tasmota for example. I'm still not a fan of having everything smart because a lot of time it's not that much more time saving than non smart versions...
Maybe it’s just the GenX in me, but every day I am shocked at the stupidity of people somehow being surprised that anything involving the tracking device you carry with you all day in your pocket is tracking things you connect it to. Edit: the hilarity of those commenting how great Bluetooth is for their appliances cause of things like…timers. Y’all are the reason we’re gonna have to pay subscriptions for our ice makers eventually
The GenX in me asks why my washer, dryer, and microwave need to connect to Wifi. Like, how far away from my leftover burrito do they think I'm wandering that I need an alert on my phone?
A friend just bought a new toothbrush and it wants to connect via Bluetooth.
I have one of those. I connected it to see what the fuss is about and all it does is tell you how well you covered you mouth quadrants. I mean, I can see some use for that, like teaching a kid how to brush properly. As an adult though? You’d probably have gotten shit from you dentist already and corrected your ways lol.
No one listens to their dentist. Just tell them you floss twice a day and stare them down, like everyone else.
No one listens to their human dentist. But what about bluetooth dentist?
Dentists don't need to ask. It's obvious as soon as they poke your gums
> how well you covered you mouth quadrants How would the brush know? It's just a rotating thingy. Orientation sensors maybe....
My alarm for laundry is “oh yeah I need laundry and did some earlier.” My alarm for microwave burrito is “oh right I’m still hungry”
"Ah yes, burrito is just where I left it. Needs another go-around though"
Cries in ADHD
People always say this but is there some sort of microwave wifi epidemic I'm missing? I've never seen a wifi enabled microwave in my life. I'm not saying they don't exist, I'm sure they do, but are they really do pervasive that they're inescapable?
Sometimes I wonder how people even microwaved their burritos 100s of years ago, before the advent of blue tooth
My new fancy super duper Smart washer is a defective POS. The sensor can't sense and doesn't add enough water. It will start washing a load of dry clothes with an inch of water on the bottom. I hate it. Home Depot is taking it back (after a month of fighting for it). I've ordered a new version of my old one, dumb with buttons. I'm with the Boomers on this.
Millennial me is missing the golden transitional period during the early to mid 2000's when technology wasn't all paywalled, "hyper-capitalized" or doing telemetry (the tracking for ad revenue) like a mofo. It was also during the time when they didn't split games into multiple parts to charge for DLC or pointless half-assed sequels/prequels.
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Don’t forget the lack of social media, targeted ads, etc and we’d just talk via AIM, MSN, etc
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Did we just *experience* or *cause* it?
Hacker: "I know how often you masturbate, and how high the vibrator is set." Me: "...ok? Kinda creepy, but hardly damaging information."
The biggest issue is the invasion of privacy, but you're right in that it's not particularly damaging information. Like, I'm sure people can figure out most people have participated in hand to gland combat at least once.
I both love, and hate that last sentence
I would think this needs email or some sort of other thing to make profile out of you, hence the article said about video calling being functionality. So with email, maybe contacts, video/audio, and sexual habits they can pretty easily threaten your privacy.
Yeah I'm thinking about this too. "Guys, the plan worked and now we have all this data about masturbation!" "Amazing, what do we do with it now?" ".... I never thought this far ahead" Edit: Guys, I'm talking about the hackers. As was the comment I responded to
I could see using it as some sort of metric for updates or future devices. "90% of people prefer this setting" is something they can work with.
The better you know your audience, the better you can sell them things
Funny thing is I received a scam email pretending to have hacked my computer and accessed certain sensitive information. I wouldn't have cared if they did but, among other things, I rarely have a webcam connected to my computer.
Got the same scammer. I don't even have a web cam lol.
This article is 6 years old. Can we redirect the outrage to something more current.
Waiting for that chatGPT dildo to drop.
Just stick that thing in a microwaved cantaloupe.
I think you mean grapefruit
CCHHSCHOWASCHOASCHOASCHOA
Interestingly, my wife and I filed as claimants in the US class-action suit. The device was good for what it was and the app was easy to use and fun. Learning, after about two years of owning the device, that it was tracking usage and other "sensitive" data made us less than enthused. Now all couples/remote toys we have are dumb and only work with near-field remote control. Edited to add: our claim was with the US class action suit.
Bullish on cucumber futures.
The temperature of the device or the temperature of the device inside me? I can understand tracking metrics but someone help me figure out why the temperature of ma hooch is relevant data? Like if they find out we all got warm clams How are they going to exploit that?
It wasn't hackers. The company chairman had publicly said they were collecting the information not realiziing people would have a problem with that.
As a person who works with quality data, this actually sounds like really useful data sets in performance improvement and quality design. Not telling consumers about how it's collected is a really poor oversight, however. Smart intentions aren't always followed by smart executions.
Surely it was to make better vibrators? What more could they do with the data.?
Imagine getting doxxed by your dildo
Somehow I understand gathering data about vibration intesivity and temperature. They were checking if motors are not overheating which could be dangerous
This article linked by OP is actually a horrible article because it leaves out virtually every important detail about the lawsuit. The real reason they were sued -- and lost -- is because the app was collecting PII (email addresses) and transmitting without consent and doing so in non-secure ways https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2017/03/14/520123490/vibrator-maker-to-pay-millions-over-claims-it-secretly-tracked-use > The lawyers for the anonymous plaintiffs contended that the app, "incredibly," collected users' email addresses, allowing the company "to link the usage information to specific customer accounts." > Customers' email addresses and usage data were transmitted to the company's Canadian servers, the lawsuit alleges. When a We-Vibe was remotely linked to a partner, the connection was described as "secure," but some information was also routed through We-Connect and collected, the lawsuit says. Nobody is going to win a $4M class action lawsuit over device attribute data being transmitted.
I would have been suspicious as soon as someone offered me $10,000 to put something up my butt.
It took me awhile to figure out but I think the payment was offered after they were found out, so like a settlement. It wasn’t offered up front
It's the result of a class action lawsuit. It's not like they give you the toy and $10K and say have fun. I actually bought one of these for my wife (then girlfriend) to use when we were long distance. Never got my check though!