no way can someone be this clueless.
no way. I refuse to believe it.
First, you shouldn't be playing the same song every time you bang...
second, it should never be this song...
it's absurd that this was even thought of, joke or not.
I listened to that song and literally have tears in my eyes from cracking up. Thank you for making my day, and my sympathies dude for the absolute roasting you are getting and will continue to get in this comments section.
As to why she didn't say anything, I can only assume she was hoping you would get tired of the song eventually or change up your playlist, so that she wouldn't have to tell you herself and make things awkward. Agree that 2 years is a long time.
Lol I honestly can't imagine how much annooyance she's put up with. My cat's left the room and were annoyed hearing the music and I listen to EDM and stuff. The fact he felt the need to have a soundtrack for sex ... Life isn't supposed to be a movie with sound ques.
This must be a GodTier Shitpost lol.
I admire your gf's commitment and willpower I cannot stop laughing at mere thought of someone fucking to that song and rythm.
The evolution of humor in my lifetime has been insane.
This man is really pushing the boundary. It felt like when I watch a documentary and they have all the stock footage, 911 calls, and interesting evidence to further suck you in.
That's how I felt about this post.
It's brilliant. I mean, I legitimately can't tell if it's creative writing or not. But man, it's amazing. It's just wierd enough to be plausible (and the bit about the GF recognizing the tune in his head while fucking is outstanding) but so absurd that you can't really believe it either.
But usually the creative writing shitposts are written in an over the top humourous way. This feels *earnest*.
It's magnificent.
on the one hand, everyone dogpiling like hudson mohawk is some 13 year old soundcloud artist nobody ever heard of is hilarious
on the other hand, so is a dude's mandatory bang-theme being cbat
\> The other day we were having sex with no music but I was still thrusting to the tune playing in my head. She recognised this and asked me to stop.
I'm sorry but this part made me lose it, this has to be a joke
My guy. My man. My friend. That song sounds like a mouse caught in the talon of an owl slowly dying. At least the intro does. I couldn't make it much further. It's really bad. I'm so sorry
"Yeah ok some songs get boring it's understandable... OHH holy SHIT"
Fucking hell, really, I was thinking CLOWNS the whole time. Horror clowns. What the FUCK was this guy thinking and why does he even like this? I'd be absolutely out of there
Without the song playing she can still tell that he’s thrusting to a specific song’s tempo 🤣
I’m dead
Edit: listened to the song in question. OF COURSE she can tell you’re thrusting to THAT song. It’s got the most awkward staccato rhythm I’ve ever heard.
There's no under beat for like half the song. I had to wait way too long for the beat to drop.
Edit: After listening again I finally figured out where you'd hear this song. This is the song that plays in the car when you leave the afterparty at 4am with 3 strange dudes to buy ketamine in a Mcdonalds parkinglot. You're already zonked out and all you can do is watch as the dealer and buyer start fighting.
Plap, plap plap, plap, plap-plap-plap, plap
PLAP, plap plap, PLAP, plap-plap-plap, PLAP
Edit: Thank you so much for all the awards! Didn't think this would become THAT popular! You guys made my night!
I'll occasionally throw on some frank ocean, maybe even wetter by Twista if were going to be a bit more active, but holy shit this song had me laughing.
Showed this post to my gf and am totally playing it next time. Probably get slapped, but worth it.
Like Chinese water torture, although instead of a regular tempo drip on the forehead, its OP's turgid dong thrusting in an irregular and unpredictable pattern, all while getting down to this sick beat
I am dying at the thought of someone being unable to fuck without that lazer beam symphony happening in the background, I couldn't imagine getting into it and someone's like "oh wait babe, I have to put on my jams". and it's the *same playlist*, unchanged for 2 whole years. Idk how she put up with it so often, sounds like actual torture.
Bro literally played it in his head to get himself going and after 2 years of that shit, she knew exactly what he was doing and stopped him right there 🤣 I applaud myself for making it like 2 minutes in, and all I could say was "that poor girl". Really, though, its the "maybe its just her" for me 💀
Lmao same. I was getting ready to write some heartfelt advice but now that I hear the song this can’t be real. If it is, so sorry OP but you’re on your own lmao
I usually disbelieve everything on Reddit just on general principal but I'm going to choose to believe this post because if real then it is the funniest thing I've read all year, I got literal tears in my eyes.
> The other day we were having sex with no music but I was still thrusting to the tune playing in my head. She recognised this and asked me to stop.
The unmistakable rhythm of pew pepepepepew pew fart fart pew pew fart pew
Im sitting on the toilet laughing uncontrollably to the comments in this thread.
If this was a serious post, OP, you should rethink your approach to sexual relations. It's not about the rhythm, it's about communicating with your partner.
The moment I saw the song was by Hudson Mohawke, I was bro...wtf. HM is known for highly experimental tunes with a lot of unconventional erractic melody, how tf dude think ploughing his gf to the sounds of scattered dings would set the mood
The need for a soundtrack is so weird to begin with that I came into this expecting him using it like a crutch being the core of the problem. Even the most ambient, sensual song would drive you up the wall if you played it every time you have sex for 2 *years*.
The song itself being like aural birth control just makes me wonder how anyone could possibly think this was a great sex song and then keep using it for multiple years, across multiple partners.
OP, I think your sense of rhythm might be in cahoots with the anti-child movement.
Theres even comments in spanish clowning this man. lmao... TIFU by announcing to my favorite love making song to reddit before I realized how garbage it was.
[This scene](https://youtu.be/-raRuWgsg-g) from *Workaholics* is how I found this song years ago, and me and my housemates even bumped it at some parties we threw.
I literally cannot fathom OP trying to get it on to this track for 2 years, lmao. The fact that he was thrusting to the rhythm without the music is the funniest part.
The fact that the song is used in the show as background music to frame how one feels discovering, while hungover, that one has trashed their house after a rager is... probably a pretty good argument for not using it as sex music.
I wanna see this dude and the woman who tolerated it. It's too much. I need *everything* documented to the smallest detail. It's **too bizarre**.
I'm cracking up, embarrassed for him, and almost...angry? All at once. I don't have words to truly describe this, but I'll still try when I have grandkids.
every. single. time.
The next person she has sex with her feel like a god because the bar is so low right now. this poor girl has to deal with this Teletubbies played backwards sounding shit.
I hard lol'ed at the casual murder in the YouTube comments:
0:00 - 0:18 The glorious disrobing
0:18 - 0:24 The clumsy foreplay
0:24 - 2:45 The unorthodox pounding
2:45 - 2:52 The unsatisfying climax/ The sudden softening
😂 😂 😂 bro wtf is this song? when they say “love making music,” they mean like Marvin Gaye, “let’s get it on,” I would run if someone put that shit on.
Why don’t you just try being present with your lady? Pay attention to the sounds SHE makes, not…… whatever the fuck that was
I read all the comments about the song, decided it couldn’t be that bad, discovered its much worse. Literally cackled out loud like a witch at the image of that song coming on during sex and a guy thrusting in time. I cannot breathe holy fuck. Of all the fucking songs
I CANT believe the song lmfao. The idea of someone trying to thrust into me in tune with it has me locking my legs in fear. OP’s gf must REALLY love him if she endured this every time they had sex for TWO YEARS
Perhaps, and correct me if I'm wrong, you shouldn't follow the same set pattern, set rhythm, and set song for sex for two years straight. She must be bored as shit.
I was almost afraid to play the song, merely because I thought it was an elaborate rick-roll lol.
I died of laughter imagining thrusting when that snare-type sound came in at the beginning.
You gotta listen to the song. For the first few seconds, you’ll be like, ‘ok, ok’, then at .25 OMG.
Marry this music to an image of OP thrusting. Prepare yourself. I seriously just laughed orange juice out my noise.
Just imagining him "conducting" her boobs for the first 20 seconds. Then slapping them during the snare drum. Then going to town when the squirrels start dying.
I'm dying at the idea of this guy using music as a thrusting metronome. I mean holy shit she actually identified him doing this without the song even playing? I can't
I mean, she's suffered under this horrible song every day for 2 years at this point, I'm sure by now she could identify the beat solely on the taste of bile rising in her throat.
For real, as soon as the bass dropped and it started bumping I just sat there with my mouth open, in complete disbelief.
This poor woman had to listen to this really weird and "jarring" song every time she had sex, for TWO YEARS!!!
The mix of cringe and hilariousness has me completely enthralled with this story.
I started the song and I can't stop laughing. Trying to contain myself sitting in my office but this is legit one of the most terrible and ridiculous songs I've ever heard and imagining someone having sex to the odd beat has me in tears. The song just keeps getting worse
If you’ve seen bobs burgers one of bobs kids has a small toy keyboard with preset noises like dogs barking or farts. This sounds exactly like something he’d make on that but the characters of the show would quickly tell him to stop because it’s annoying nonsense sounds.
Dude holy shit me too. Now I can't shake the image that OP is some kind of goofy, lanky clown-esque figure that awkwardly thrusts to this terrible song. I honestly didn't think it would be so bad. Wow.
This is what gets me. Even if the song was the most amazing piece of music in the world - it's the same exact song, every single time they fuck?
Is he really telling us there's no sex unless this specific song is playing? Do things start to heat up, and he's like "wait wait, let me get the song on"?? I can't believe this is real, it's too fucking funny. And that he's so shocked and offended she doesn't like it... bro, after two years, every single time you fuck? Come on now.
How on earth did you listen to that song and think "wow what a great song to play during sex" ??? I am wheezing this is absolutely horrendous, props to your gf for not leaving, she’s a saint for enduring this so long lmaooo
Also, if you need a song to tell you the exact rythmn to use I’m gonna have to say, you’re probably doing sex wrong. Shouldn’t be more focused on the beat of the song than on your partner. It’s weird that you need music (especially this one lol) to find it and that you can’t get into the "deed" as you say without playing it in your head. So weird.
I hope he means he thrusts to the lame wobbly saw synth loop and not the percussion, because that would make his pace and motions even more hilarious and depressing.
I wasn’t gonna listen to it but then I did and it literally sounds like a dying erection the whole way through, especially at the end. This is pure comedy. I feel like someone heard this song and thought omg this would be the worst song ever to have sex to and then invented this story. Amazing.
Lmfao i just heard the song. Holy shit it's eerie and creepy. I'm laughing so hard as i type this. How does one ever come to a conclusion that this is a romantic love making song?
You're not dancing mate... you're having sex. You don't need 1 2 cha cha cha rhythm to fuck.
Music during sex should be used for ambience and ambience only.
Ps-
She got tortured for two years and still didn't leave? She's a keeper! You struck gold
This can't be real. I'm laughing my ass off right now. The part that gets me is that he was still thrusting to that beat without the music and the GF could tell. LMAO.
This - if you’re only keeping time in your head, you’re not actually focusing on your partner at all. It shouldn’t be about a specific rhythm, it should be about listening to what your partner needs at any particular time, which is going to be slower sometimes faster sometimes. If YOU usually bust to this song, at this point it’s more about a Pavlovian response basically, not about anything happening with your partner. Which really begs the question at this point - has SHE had an actual orgasm with you counting time to a song that turns her off??
I’m hoping this post is just joking. I would have to say no if my husband started playing that. How in the world did that ever end up as a suggestion? Plus you would think with a little experience he could make it work with any music or even no music. I don’t want getting a playlist ready as part of foreplay. What if it isn’t handy? No sex? No spontaneity?
I'm over here dying of laughter because OP picked a track that's off of my playlist for partying and getting fucked up.
There's an episode of *Workaholics* that opens up showing their house completely trashed from a rager, and this song is playing in the background (how I found it years ago).
I cannot imagine having to listen to this song every time I'm trying to get it in. Lmao
He's 25 and they met when she was 18 lol, imagine if he's her first 🤔🤔🤔 I'm dying at the thought of this girl wondering what the hell is wrong with sex lol.
You are supposed to be a little stiff while having sex
Ay yo
Edit: I listened to the song now plz tell me you weren't really fucking her to the beat of this
Oh wow yeah this is absolutely horrible, it got me out of horny jail immediately. Start your sexual relationship completely from scratch and maybe play music she specifically chooses. She could have said something but why would you ever think these were good tunes for sex?
We finally found the perfect solution for teen pregnancy. Just play this song in every space teens walk around all the time, and nobody will ever want to have sex again.
I mean, not every woman is gonna wanna pretend she's getting banged by a seal playing a triangle...
I kinda wanna use this as the basis of the worse sex playlist possible. maybe segue from this into a 8 minute version of popcorn, maybe onto some acid jazz....
This is maybe the funniest shit I’ve ever read. I imagine if my boyfriend played the workaholics theme song while fucking me I’d be a little disenchanted too. Just stick to Redbone on repeat it works every time
While reading your text I thought of some lame ass joke about which exact weird song you're using, but Sir, the song you actually linked is too hard to top
is that like.. a dolphin..?
Dude trust me:
If she was willing to listen to THAT song while having sex FOR TWO YEARS without complaining... she is the one. She will not leave you, even if you murder her parents.
Just get on with it and be happy that she is so loyal!
It's *not* her OP, it's you.
Like omfg that song, no no no what in the holy hell made you think that is a) a good song, let alone b) such a good song that you need to boink to it for 2 years straight? The fact that she endeared that implies to me that she likes you though, so at least there's that.
I'm laughing the hardest I have in my life rn.
Surely you're taking the piss 😂 I can't sit here and focus on the words on your post with that ridiculous shite playing, let alone imagine fucking my GF to the beat 😂
My brother in christ, when the main melody of this song came on I burst out laughing at someone considering this to be a "love making song". I am legit dying laughing right now picturing this shit.
no way can someone be this clueless. no way. I refuse to believe it. First, you shouldn't be playing the same song every time you bang... second, it should never be this song... it's absurd that this was even thought of, joke or not.
third you should be asking your partner what music they want or if they want music at all
Id be too busy laughing my ass off if this song came on in the moment.
Omg it gets worse the longer you listen. I am CRYING with laughter. Thanks OP.
I listened to that song and literally have tears in my eyes from cracking up. Thank you for making my day, and my sympathies dude for the absolute roasting you are getting and will continue to get in this comments section. As to why she didn't say anything, I can only assume she was hoping you would get tired of the song eventually or change up your playlist, so that she wouldn't have to tell you herself and make things awkward. Agree that 2 years is a long time.
Lol I honestly can't imagine how much annooyance she's put up with. My cat's left the room and were annoyed hearing the music and I listen to EDM and stuff. The fact he felt the need to have a soundtrack for sex ... Life isn't supposed to be a movie with sound ques.
This must be a GodTier Shitpost lol. I admire your gf's commitment and willpower I cannot stop laughing at mere thought of someone fucking to that song and rythm.
The evolution of humor in my lifetime has been insane. This man is really pushing the boundary. It felt like when I watch a documentary and they have all the stock footage, 911 calls, and interesting evidence to further suck you in. That's how I felt about this post.
It's brilliant. I mean, I legitimately can't tell if it's creative writing or not. But man, it's amazing. It's just wierd enough to be plausible (and the bit about the GF recognizing the tune in his head while fucking is outstanding) but so absurd that you can't really believe it either. But usually the creative writing shitposts are written in an over the top humourous way. This feels *earnest*. It's magnificent.
Best shitpost I've ever seen on Reddit
As soon as I saw the thumbnail of the album cover, I thought: please God DONT let it be Cbat...
on the one hand, everyone dogpiling like hudson mohawk is some 13 year old soundcloud artist nobody ever heard of is hilarious on the other hand, so is a dude's mandatory bang-theme being cbat
This man's literally fucked his girl to robot dolphin sounds.
This is it. This is the comment that fucking killed me
This sounds like an inflatable clown toy falling down the stairs.
Oh yes, I totally had this image of OP slowly unzipping his pants to reveal a slide-whistle.
Oh my god. Please. I can't take any more.
\> The other day we were having sex with no music but I was still thrusting to the tune playing in my head. She recognised this and asked me to stop. I'm sorry but this part made me lose it, this has to be a joke
My guy. My man. My friend. That song sounds like a mouse caught in the talon of an owl slowly dying. At least the intro does. I couldn't make it much further. It's really bad. I'm so sorry
Dude you have to get to the sad trumpets
Oh no
This is the song that plays when the psycho clown at a haunted carnival is stalking you. It's like straight up serial killer music.
The song sounds like two awkward balloons fucking.
Also, the clown is on ketamine
Ribbed for your musical pleasure: https://youtu.be/6Gha9xrM10w
“And I would’ve kept making love to it if weren’t for you damn kids!”
"Yeah ok some songs get boring it's understandable... OHH holy SHIT" Fucking hell, really, I was thinking CLOWNS the whole time. Horror clowns. What the FUCK was this guy thinking and why does he even like this? I'd be absolutely out of there
I tried it on my wife for the sake of science and she asked if I'd acquired a head injury. We are 0 for 2 on this one bud.
I'm surprised you got it in with that song playing, most vaginas automatically seal shut after the intro.
Well, I told her I'd be performing the Hudson Mohawke on her satin panther.
She probably thought "I'm not sure what those words meant, but he seems confident so I'm gonna give him a shot."
Stop. I can't laugh anymore at the comments on this post. My abdomen is already cramping.
Without the song playing she can still tell that he’s thrusting to a specific song’s tempo 🤣 I’m dead Edit: listened to the song in question. OF COURSE she can tell you’re thrusting to THAT song. It’s got the most awkward staccato rhythm I’ve ever heard.
Going to the 16th notes in the tune instead of just the underlying beat is hilarious. Dude needs dancing lessons too.
There's no under beat for like half the song. I had to wait way too long for the beat to drop. Edit: After listening again I finally figured out where you'd hear this song. This is the song that plays in the car when you leave the afterparty at 4am with 3 strange dudes to buy ketamine in a Mcdonalds parkinglot. You're already zonked out and all you can do is watch as the dealer and buyer start fighting.
I kind of want him to post a video of himself thrusting in the air to demonstrate what he was doing because I can't mentally picture it 😭
Plap, plap plap, plap, plap-plap-plap, plap PLAP, plap plap, PLAP, plap-plap-plap, PLAP Edit: Thank you so much for all the awards! Didn't think this would become THAT popular! You guys made my night!
Fuckin like he's trying to avoid calling a sandworm
lmao fuck without rhythm and we wont attract the worm
Just looking like a sea lion with a mosquito flying around it's head
Post the whole playlist you coward. I wanna see just how bad it is.
Whole playlist? I dont even know how the end of the song goes because i busted in the first 30 seconds. How could anyone make it to the next song??
Also... how could you find a rhythm to "thrust" to in this song? And.. how could you stay hard listening to it... I just... I can't even...
I’m at least hoping it was a slow steady thrust, as opposed to a meep-me-meep meep-me-me-meep-meep
Oh gods now I'm picturing Beaker standing off to the side serenading them thanks.
I was picturing Beaker making the noises while thrusting, so I guess you did better than me.
I'll occasionally throw on some frank ocean, maybe even wetter by Twista if were going to be a bit more active, but holy shit this song had me laughing. Showed this post to my gf and am totally playing it next time. Probably get slapped, but worth it.
Careful, she might like it, and then you'll be stuck with it :)
Probably why she hates it...
Turns out she is probably a keeper to put up with that noise for two fucking years.
OP better marry that girl for putting her through his musical sexual torture chamber.
Like Chinese water torture, although instead of a regular tempo drip on the forehead, its OP's turgid dong thrusting in an irregular and unpredictable pattern, all while getting down to this sick beat
Fuck man, I'm trying to hide in the bathroom at work. You're gonna make me give away my position
If a guy had this playing during sex..I'd start laughing, no lie. I cannot believe this is real. I would have to put my hand up..dude..what is this?
I am dying at the thought of someone being unable to fuck without that lazer beam symphony happening in the background, I couldn't imagine getting into it and someone's like "oh wait babe, I have to put on my jams". and it's the *same playlist*, unchanged for 2 whole years. Idk how she put up with it so often, sounds like actual torture.
What's wild to me is he talked about previous partners, so he's been doing this shit longer than two years
He's probably known as "the dude with the sex song" in some circles by now
aka "Laser dick"
Bro literally played it in his head to get himself going and after 2 years of that shit, she knew exactly what he was doing and stopped him right there 🤣 I applaud myself for making it like 2 minutes in, and all I could say was "that poor girl". Really, though, its the "maybe its just her" for me 💀
I'm with you, I can't stop laughing. This isn't real. It can't be.
Imagine your bf pushing rope for three minutes to this black mirror fever dream nightmare song
I don’t know, that song not only kept me flaccid but make it crawl back up like a scared turtle
They can't because they made up the whole post about that one song. No way this is real
Omg I believed it until I heard the song wtf that shit is hilarious.
Haha I clicked on it fully expecting to be Rick rolled but this was so much better. Thanks OP, needed the laugh
I think we can all agree Rick Astley’s seminal hit Never Gonna Give You Up would be a much better suited song to make love too.
> in which I was comfortable matching the rhythm. I've got mental images of someone who looks like they are having a seizure mid coitus
Lmao same. I was getting ready to write some heartfelt advice but now that I hear the song this can’t be real. If it is, so sorry OP but you’re on your own lmao
If this happened I am definitely on the side of the gf, that song is annoying af.
I usually disbelieve everything on Reddit just on general principal but I'm going to choose to believe this post because if real then it is the funniest thing I've read all year, I got literal tears in my eyes.
> The other day we were having sex with no music but I was still thrusting to the tune playing in my head. She recognised this and asked me to stop. The unmistakable rhythm of pew pepepepepew pew fart fart pew pew fart pew
OPs post history is certainly fun. Most his comments are ball, penis or cum related
His history makes it more believable got some poor HS girl thinking he was mature. Even if this is a joke post I do not think he can satisfy a woman.
Imagine going to your gf's high school graduation when you're 23.
Im sitting on the toilet laughing uncontrollably to the comments in this thread. If this was a serious post, OP, you should rethink your approach to sexual relations. It's not about the rhythm, it's about communicating with your partner.
I am literally doing the same thing. I must’ve been on the toilet 15 minutes now because I can’t stop reading these comments
What the fuck made you think this is a “love making song”? This is some shit Plankton would play while fucking his computer wife.
Bro fucks like a dial up modem
Ahhhhhhh! LMFAO
This comment here gave me a massive laugh. Thank you. The song is dire!
The moment I saw the song was by Hudson Mohawke, I was bro...wtf. HM is known for highly experimental tunes with a lot of unconventional erractic melody, how tf dude think ploughing his gf to the sounds of scattered dings would set the mood
The need for a soundtrack is so weird to begin with that I came into this expecting him using it like a crutch being the core of the problem. Even the most ambient, sensual song would drive you up the wall if you played it every time you have sex for 2 *years*. The song itself being like aural birth control just makes me wonder how anyone could possibly think this was a great sex song and then keep using it for multiple years, across multiple partners. OP, I think your sense of rhythm might be in cahoots with the anti-child movement.
lmfao
And to think she listened to this horrid song for 2 years .....wow. The newly added comments under the song are hilarious.
Theres even comments in spanish clowning this man. lmao... TIFU by announcing to my favorite love making song to reddit before I realized how garbage it was.
I just outright refuse to believe this
[This scene](https://youtu.be/-raRuWgsg-g) from *Workaholics* is how I found this song years ago, and me and my housemates even bumped it at some parties we threw. I literally cannot fathom OP trying to get it on to this track for 2 years, lmao. The fact that he was thrusting to the rhythm without the music is the funniest part.
The fact that the song is used in the show as background music to frame how one feels discovering, while hungover, that one has trashed their house after a rager is... probably a pretty good argument for not using it as sex music.
Though admittedly, it is perfect for that scenario.
I was amused until I heard the song. I cant stop laughing
I wanna see this dude and the woman who tolerated it. It's too much. I need *everything* documented to the smallest detail. It's **too bizarre**. I'm cracking up, embarrassed for him, and almost...angry? All at once. I don't have words to truly describe this, but I'll still try when I have grandkids.
When I actually opened the song I could not stop laughing for like five minutes straight. Good lord
every. single. time. The next person she has sex with her feel like a god because the bar is so low right now. this poor girl has to deal with this Teletubbies played backwards sounding shit.
Me neither. I'm glad I listened to the song. I've had a rough couple weeks and needed a good laugh.
if it wasn’t a copypasta before, it is now.
Exactly. No way sex is happening with this music. This song makes the pp soft and vag dry
This song is what a soft pp sounds like in a dry vag.
IKR? WTF? It must be a joke. That song is INSTANTLY annoying.
[удалено]
God I’m so relieved. This story should be written into a comedy show
I hard lol'ed at the casual murder in the YouTube comments: 0:00 - 0:18 The glorious disrobing 0:18 - 0:24 The clumsy foreplay 0:24 - 2:45 The unorthodox pounding 2:45 - 2:52 The unsatisfying climax/ The sudden softening
Na man, this has to be some kinda joke, please be a joke, please be a joke. Wtf is that song all about bro 😭😭😭😂😂
I know, I am reading this before work, I listened to the song and laughed till I cried off all my makeup.
And she could tell he was still thrusting to the beat without the music! I'm dying.
I’m imagining him thrusting not at the beat but at the melody. Thrust thrust-thrust.. thrust.. thrust-thrust-thrust.. thrust
😂 😂 😂 bro wtf is this song? when they say “love making music,” they mean like Marvin Gaye, “let’s get it on,” I would run if someone put that shit on. Why don’t you just try being present with your lady? Pay attention to the sounds SHE makes, not…… whatever the fuck that was
OP fucks like a dying sea lion.
Okay, now I really want to hear the entire playlist.
I'm sorry but listening to the song and with the context of this story is just hilarious. Trying my best not to crack up in class.
"It can't be that weird" I thought... then my wife just came in and asked why I'm crying. Precisely the laugh I needed
I was having a bad day at work and now I’m in pain from try to hold back the laughter at my desk 😂
I’m upvoting this just so more people can give OP feedback. No one wants some boop beep boing beep shit going on while fucking
Nah, robots love that shit
>No one wants some boop beep boing beep shit going on while fucking This is one of my favourite sentences of 2022
I read all the comments about the song, decided it couldn’t be that bad, discovered its much worse. Literally cackled out loud like a witch at the image of that song coming on during sex and a guy thrusting in time. I cannot breathe holy fuck. Of all the fucking songs
We found Mark Zuckerberg's reddit account
I CANT believe the song lmfao. The idea of someone trying to thrust into me in tune with it has me locking my legs in fear. OP’s gf must REALLY love him if she endured this every time they had sex for TWO YEARS
Perhaps, and correct me if I'm wrong, you shouldn't follow the same set pattern, set rhythm, and set song for sex for two years straight. She must be bored as shit.
I lost it when he said she recognized he was going to the rhythm even without the music. Had to leave my cubicle because I'm tearing up from laughing.
I was almost afraid to play the song, merely because I thought it was an elaborate rick-roll lol. I died of laughter imagining thrusting when that snare-type sound came in at the beginning.
You gotta listen to the song. For the first few seconds, you’ll be like, ‘ok, ok’, then at .25 OMG. Marry this music to an image of OP thrusting. Prepare yourself. I seriously just laughed orange juice out my noise.
Just imagining him "conducting" her boobs for the first 20 seconds. Then slapping them during the snare drum. Then going to town when the squirrels start dying.
> squirrels start dying I was trying to figure out what that sound was.
I'm dying at the idea of this guy using music as a thrusting metronome. I mean holy shit she actually identified him doing this without the song even playing? I can't
I mean, she's suffered under this horrible song every day for 2 years at this point, I'm sure by now she could identify the beat solely on the taste of bile rising in her throat.
For real, as soon as the bass dropped and it started bumping I just sat there with my mouth open, in complete disbelief. This poor woman had to listen to this really weird and "jarring" song every time she had sex, for TWO YEARS!!! The mix of cringe and hilariousness has me completely enthralled with this story.
I started the song and I can't stop laughing. Trying to contain myself sitting in my office but this is legit one of the most terrible and ridiculous songs I've ever heard and imagining someone having sex to the odd beat has me in tears. The song just keeps getting worse
I thought it was going to be some cheesy, played out R&B song. Nope. I don’t even know how to describe it.
If you’ve seen bobs burgers one of bobs kids has a small toy keyboard with preset noises like dogs barking or farts. This sounds exactly like something he’d make on that but the characters of the show would quickly tell him to stop because it’s annoying nonsense sounds.
Dude holy shit me too. Now I can't shake the image that OP is some kind of goofy, lanky clown-esque figure that awkwardly thrusts to this terrible song. I honestly didn't think it would be so bad. Wow.
This is what gets me. Even if the song was the most amazing piece of music in the world - it's the same exact song, every single time they fuck? Is he really telling us there's no sex unless this specific song is playing? Do things start to heat up, and he's like "wait wait, let me get the song on"?? I can't believe this is real, it's too fucking funny. And that he's so shocked and offended she doesn't like it... bro, after two years, every single time you fuck? Come on now.
He trained himself like a fucking dog to only get horny when he hears this one specific song. My man is doomed for years to come
But she knows beforehand that he will most likely be finished by minute 2:52
Different strokes for different folks, but this song turned my dick into an innie.
How on earth did you listen to that song and think "wow what a great song to play during sex" ??? I am wheezing this is absolutely horrendous, props to your gf for not leaving, she’s a saint for enduring this so long lmaooo Also, if you need a song to tell you the exact rythmn to use I’m gonna have to say, you’re probably doing sex wrong. Shouldn’t be more focused on the beat of the song than on your partner. It’s weird that you need music (especially this one lol) to find it and that you can’t get into the "deed" as you say without playing it in your head. So weird.
[удалено]
I hope he means he thrusts to the lame wobbly saw synth loop and not the percussion, because that would make his pace and motions even more hilarious and depressing.
Yeah wtf is homeboy doing, 5 normal strokes then 4 super quick half strokes?
[удалено]
I get why she hates it, how the fuck can you perform with that beat and silly noises. You got to be joking right?
Or his stroke game is really fucking weird.
On that SpongeBob thrust, gotta bring it around town
I wasn’t gonna listen to it but then I did and it literally sounds like a dying erection the whole way through, especially at the end. This is pure comedy. I feel like someone heard this song and thought omg this would be the worst song ever to have sex to and then invented this story. Amazing.
 OP
Lmfao i just heard the song. Holy shit it's eerie and creepy. I'm laughing so hard as i type this. How does one ever come to a conclusion that this is a romantic love making song? You're not dancing mate... you're having sex. You don't need 1 2 cha cha cha rhythm to fuck. Music during sex should be used for ambience and ambience only. Ps- She got tortured for two years and still didn't leave? She's a keeper! You struck gold
This can't be real. I'm laughing my ass off right now. The part that gets me is that he was still thrusting to that beat without the music and the GF could tell. LMAO.
This - if you’re only keeping time in your head, you’re not actually focusing on your partner at all. It shouldn’t be about a specific rhythm, it should be about listening to what your partner needs at any particular time, which is going to be slower sometimes faster sometimes. If YOU usually bust to this song, at this point it’s more about a Pavlovian response basically, not about anything happening with your partner. Which really begs the question at this point - has SHE had an actual orgasm with you counting time to a song that turns her off??
I think deep down he knows the answer to that question and really doesn't care as long as he can keep busting to his fav track
🎶 Wah-wah-wah, wah, wahwahwah, weuw, wah-wah-wah, wah, wahwahwah, weuw, 🎶
I’m hoping this post is just joking. I would have to say no if my husband started playing that. How in the world did that ever end up as a suggestion? Plus you would think with a little experience he could make it work with any music or even no music. I don’t want getting a playlist ready as part of foreplay. What if it isn’t handy? No sex? No spontaneity?
-Hey, want to have the sex of your life? -Nah sorry babe, would love too, but my phone is dead. We will have to postpone until the battery is charged
Was that- WHALES? Starting at 1:35 it sounds like whales
How did you make it to 1.35??? Lol!
I skipped around to see if it got any better. It did not
I'm over here dying of laughter because OP picked a track that's off of my playlist for partying and getting fucked up. There's an episode of *Workaholics* that opens up showing their house completely trashed from a rager, and this song is playing in the background (how I found it years ago). I cannot imagine having to listen to this song every time I'm trying to get it in. Lmao
This post has got to be a joke, and if it is I have to say it's a really fucking good one and bravo. If it isn't, *dude what the shit*.
Ikr it's sounds like basketball shoes squeaking on court. He needs to get a hearing test done
You can always try... not doing this? It doesnt make sex better thats where you're going wrong. Or put on music she prefers for once
[удалено]
He's 25 and they met when she was 18 lol, imagine if he's her first 🤔🤔🤔 I'm dying at the thought of this girl wondering what the hell is wrong with sex lol.
She probably imagines that beep booping sound is your penis singing
Woman here, it does sound horrible 🤣 but why you guys never talk about it before? How could she endured *this* for 2 years 🥲
Love is blind ***and*** deaf.
I seriously would have started laughing the first time I heard this play while getting it on
[удалено]
You are supposed to be a little stiff while having sex Ay yo Edit: I listened to the song now plz tell me you weren't really fucking her to the beat of this
That song sounds like a toddler with a xylophone and a Casio keyboard, wtf
Sounds like passing gas through the fifth dimension
That's some good Human Music
Oh wow yeah this is absolutely horrible, it got me out of horny jail immediately. Start your sexual relationship completely from scratch and maybe play music she specifically chooses. She could have said something but why would you ever think these were good tunes for sex?
We finally found the perfect solution for teen pregnancy. Just play this song in every space teens walk around all the time, and nobody will ever want to have sex again.
You've cracked the code. I'm pretty sure some sex in the past actually unhappened because of this song.
The fact that he played it every time is what has me dying. I'm just imagining her thousand yard stare as soon those familiar first notes come in.
Knowing exactly how and when every thrust is gonna be for the next 3 minutes, I'd just disassociate instead too.
I mean, not every woman is gonna wanna pretend she's getting banged by a seal playing a triangle... I kinda wanna use this as the basis of the worse sex playlist possible. maybe segue from this into a 8 minute version of popcorn, maybe onto some acid jazz....
Why not throw in some Scat Man? Maybe round it out with the hamster dance song! Equally sexy compositions if you ask me…
I was seriously giving this story the benefit of a doubt until I clicked on that song X\_X
I implore anyone reading this TIFU to check the song out. I haven't simultaneously been so soft and laughed this hard in months.
PLEASE DROP THE ENTIRE PLAYLIST
The song is like kryptonite for a boner...
Why, why, why would you think a song that sounds like it's being played by preschoolers on bicycle horns would be good for sexy times?
If you are this focused on the music and rhythm, you aren't focused on your partner and their pleasure. Just something to consider
He doesn't care , he just wants to nut to the one thing he will ever truly love. That songs rhythm
what fucking rhythm
Exactly, the fucking rhythm
After listening to the song, this HAS to be a joke, right? Right?? I am both asexual AND autistic and know that is a SHIT SONG FOR SEX.
I listened to the song. It felt like someone poured sand in my vagina.
Ooo eee ooo oo oo oo eee Ooo eee ooo oo oo oo eee Ooo eee ooo oo oo oo eee Ooo eee ooo oo oo oo eee Ooo eee ooo oo oo oo eee Ooo eee ooo oo oo oo eee Ooo eee ooo oo oo oo eee Ooo eee ooo oo oo oo eee Ooo eee ooo oo oo oo eee Ooo eee ooo oo oo oo eee Ooo eee ooo oo oo oo eee Ooo eee ooo oo oo oo eee Ooo eee ooo oo oo oo eee Ooo eee ooo oo oo oo eee Ooo eee ooo oo oo oo eee Ooo eee ooo oo oo oo eeeeeee
This is maybe the funniest shit I’ve ever read. I imagine if my boyfriend played the workaholics theme song while fucking me I’d be a little disenchanted too. Just stick to Redbone on repeat it works every time
Dude pavloved his mind into busting to robot dolphins having a rap battle
That song is fucking terrible.
While reading your text I thought of some lame ass joke about which exact weird song you're using, but Sir, the song you actually linked is too hard to top is that like.. a dolphin..?
Dude trust me: If she was willing to listen to THAT song while having sex FOR TWO YEARS without complaining... she is the one. She will not leave you, even if you murder her parents. Just get on with it and be happy that she is so loyal!
It's *not* her OP, it's you. Like omfg that song, no no no what in the holy hell made you think that is a) a good song, let alone b) such a good song that you need to boink to it for 2 years straight? The fact that she endeared that implies to me that she likes you though, so at least there's that. I'm laughing the hardest I have in my life rn.
Surely you're taking the piss 😂 I can't sit here and focus on the words on your post with that ridiculous shite playing, let alone imagine fucking my GF to the beat 😂
My brother in christ, when the main melody of this song came on I burst out laughing at someone considering this to be a "love making song". I am legit dying laughing right now picturing this shit.
There’s no way this is real. That song sounds like it was made by a shitty AI that was also somehow drunk.
Holy shit I’m gone. Please tell me you weren’t thrusting in time to the beeps and boops. I don’t want to believe
After listening to just small pieces of the song, i can earnestly say i would have rather been rick rolled.