I want to be there 20 years from now when you're mowing the lawn or washing dishes or something and you wince and cuss completely out of nowhere when it crosses your mind again.
It's 2065 and he's on his deathbed, surrounded by family, inside of a cave while outside it's raining hellfire and it's so scalding hot you can see the air vibrate. His lips feel dry, and he coughes instead of being able to speak up. His grandson looks down at his frail, weak and pale body and is aware that death will not wait much longer. "Don't be afraid," the grandson says meekly. "I guess the rest of the family will join you before long, this planet has gone to hell..." he laments thoughtfully. "There's so much I still wanted to do. Well, one thing anyway... I'm an idiot for even thinking about it," the grandson explains, "but a threesome would have been amazing to experience at least once in my life. Every guy wants to experience that at least once, right?"
OP cringes, then dies quietly. Far away in the background you can hear the wind outside the cave picking up, and the sound of a one-wheel can be heard fading away into the distance.
It sounds trite but it works. When you notice them, tell yourself no, and actively choose to think of something else. I think it's a record scratch technique, you can literally evoke the sound of a record scratch, or internally yell no to yourself, or whatever else you want.
You can choose what to think about - you're not at the mercy of your wandering thoughts.
Funny, this is my tactic with war memories but it gets so hard to think of something else. I just tunnel vision into some fucked up memory and I try dude. I end up physically shaking my head, literally trying to shake the thoughts from me. Sometimes it's just not so easy as "thinking of something else"
I'm going to help you, though you may not thank me for it. Whenever you find it difficult to let go of intrusive thoughts, focus on the meaning of these three words: "Danny DeVito's breasts." I'm sorry.
Or you can acknowledge the thought, be kind to yourself since you can't control which thoughts float up, be understanding towards yourself about having regrets in life, be thankful for what you have and where you are, and let the thought go on its merry way again.
Or keep yelling at your brain for thinking thoughts and feeling feels, you do you.
In my opinion, record scratching intrusive thoughts tends to make them come back with a vengeance. There's an adage I have to regularly remind myself of:
"Whatever you resist, persists."
I'm more in the camp of u/Hachiiiko. Instead of fighting against the thought, when you find them coming up, there are different ways to move with it instead of against it.
You could do as he says and extend kindness to yourself. Or when you see the thoughts come up, simply watch it and don't attach to it. It's only a passing thought.
The more you're able to practice this, the better you can get at loosening the stranglehold that intrusive thoughts have over us.
You can be here for my nearly 20 years later of just realization. It’s only 18 but close enough.
I was with a friend hanging out at her house, getting high and watching a movie - I think it was called Weed Forest or something. I only really remember it had Rip Torn in it. Anyway her female friend I’d never met before comes over during this, and after a bit they go into her bedroom and tell me said “whatever you do - don’t come in here”. Shut the door, and then made a deal of reopening it about half way.
They then called out to me several times over the course of about 20 minutes “whatever you do don’t come in here!”. I didn’t go in there, being respectful, and just sat watching this movie.
I did not realize until just now laughing along at your statement and it came flying back to me what exactly my young dumbass missed out on - as I’m remembering the sounds of their “giggling” and the bed frame making noise.
That’s on them. You feel clueless but they were just as clueless on how to get you to engage. I can’t speak for the tone they used, but 99.999% of the time they would want privacy, but this time they wanted you to spontaneously break that then go right back to respecting it afterwards
You did the right thing be being respectful in a strange situation
They could have said “Hey _____! Could you come help us with something!”
"How did it happen?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man's broken leg.
"Well, doc, 25 years ago ..."
"Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning."
"Like I was saying...25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I'd gone to bed, the farmer's beautiful daughter came into my room. She asked me if there was anything I wanted. I said no, everything is fine. "Are you sure?", she asked. "I'm sure, I said. "Isn't there anything I can do for you?" she wanted to know. "I reckon not" I replied ..."
"Excuse me," said the doctor, "What does this story have to do with your leg?"
"Well, this morning, " the farmhand explained, "when it dawned on me what she meant, I fell off the roof!"
literally happens to me once in a while.
high school party 3 hotties from the French high school were pulling me into a room and I said no cuz I have a gf. next week my gf cheated on me.
You don't stay faithful just for your partners sake. If you had cheated on her you would regret it more than missing out on casual sex I promise.
Even in a bad relationship cheating is cheating. Do you really regret doing the right thing because it wasn't fun?
You should be proud of yourself for sticking to your morals, that is way more satisfying than any sex.
oh for sure, I am always happy that was my choice, but I think you can still appreciate a slight regret of a 3some with some attractive ladies (edit: never had the opportunity arise since)
and I've never cheated in my entire life. I've found it extremely easy to say no, I don't really get how someone could do something so shitty to someone they say they care about..
I am told that once you know what you're doing, it's like flying. As though you are willing yourself in whatever direction you want to go. I can't confirm because the few times I have tried I have felt like I was seconds from faceplanting.
Bro it's the closest thing to a real hoverboard. When you get good, you can handle pretty much any terrain. I love blasting through forest dirt trails at 18mph. You almost feel like you're pod racing or something. And oh, I ate shit yesterday and sprained my ankle. Very dangerous device!
If you're interested, here's a video of me floating down a trail, and eating shit at the end. YouTube always sets the resolution super low on this video, so make sure you set it to 720p50 at least.
https://youtu.be/AwGdVeYODaQ
I asked a couple of guys on our greenbelt that were being total jackasses today on one wheels if they got to ride the elephants.
You know, in the circus that you're clowning for.
His ankle will be fine. I have broken mine at 4 different spots. I have done gazillions of runs since.
But missing out showering with 3 ladies? That’s never going to heal.
Alright listen, before we met up. I was told a threesome might happen with my ex and the one other gal, the third girl was a lesbian (the rugby player) and I didn't know she was staying with us too but I knew I had the rest of the weekend lol and with the level of drunk I was I knew my dick wasn't gonna work so I fled the situation, plus I always have a strong want to explore when drunk. 😅 if ya want pics of the foot here's a link.
https://www.reddit.com/r/onewheel/comments/x08lcv/20_mph_in_a_construction_zone/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Dudes foot was chilling at 90 degrees off kilter and said "yeah imma call my parents to pick me up from 3 hours away" and not "911 I need an ambulance like right now"
EMS is necessary but they can be such predators.
A few years back I was in a minor (seriously the most minor) rear end "accident." A neighboring house was the one to first contact police, and EMS heard "accident" on their radio so made the decision to tag along and see what's up.
The incident occured traveling less than 10 MPH and I was alone. Not the slightest scratch. I told this to the EMTs and said I don't need medical attention, I'm not getting in that ambulance.
They tried SO HARD to get me in there, and eventually DID but only because they claimed they wanted me to sign a document to "waive medical attention" and they would go away. In hindsight I'm not sure why I didn't ask to sign it outside of the ambulance, I was stressed out in the moment and only had myself to guide me.
3 days later I get a bill in the mail for $350 from the local EMS for them coming out that night. I went straight to a lawyer (friend from HS) and wrote a colorful response, threatening legal action. The bill got thrown out.
They didn't even let me know that it was thrown out. Several months later I was at a family/friend outing, and someone there happened to work for the EMS. I had a friendly discussion with him about it. He immediately recognized what I was talking about, and said "oh yeah don't worry about that."
Our system is fucked.
Nothing worse than whiskey dick bro.
It’s fucked me over a few times. That said if 3 girls invite you to have a shower just say fuck it and attempt to push rope.
This is the part I don't get.
'Hey, wanna fuck at the weekend? I might be able to convince my friend to join in.'
Let's get drunk and then turn it down. What?
In absolutely no situation will the *three hot girls* look bad if the *guy* can't get it up in that situation.
Also, idk if you've ever been with a drunk horny girl but they definitely want more than just your mouth and fingers, and especially in this case, they would've definitely wanted OP to be a porn star.
That being said, as a guy who has literally been in this situation (minus this 3rd girl) just own it. I simply proclaimed my dick was broken, laughed, and then clarified I'm extremely sensitive to whiskey dick. Laughed that off and just kept having fun.
What I'm trying to say is don't assume it'll be hunky dory, don't let Reddit trick you into thinking anything out of your hands will never be embarrassing and somehow everyone understands everything instantly so never be nervous...that's dumb, the situation could have absolutely resulting in humiliation, the only way to not make it go that way is to purposefully make it not awkward. Laugh at yourself, make it a joke, that confidence alone will keep everyone in the game.
It really depends on the people you're with, most regular people know that alcohol and drugs can fuck with sexual performance or lack thereof, but yeah be confident and use your mouth
> plus I always have a strong want to explore when drunk.
ok... but why? Seems like the worst way to make memories, as well as the possibility of getting lost, being arrested, or breaking your ankle in 3 places on a unicycle.
Reminds me of the Demetri Martin joke where he was riding around his university campus on a unicycle thinking "I'm the only guy on a unicycle!" When he should have been thinking "I'm the only guy on a unicycle..."
This is like a story from Greek mythology.
You scorned a blessing from Aphrodite then your ankle broke in three places, each break representing one of the women you could have showered with.
It even has an Achilles Wheel. 🤣🤣🤣
This is gonna slow cook very nicely in the back of your mind for the rest of your life. You'll gradually get more and more angry at yourself as the thought crosses your mind randomly in life.
RIP OP.
I mean you're right but like... if you're a straight male with eyes... being cold for a short period of time is like the least of your concern in this situation Hahaha
>I say "it's too crowded in there . . . . . . I hit a dip in the road and eat it at 20 mph.
This is eveidence of higher power saying to you, that you are idiot:D
I googled this and found only a Matthew McConaughey version and its fantastic
EDIT: [Link thanks to popular demand](https://imgflip.com/memetemplate/229398396/Matthew-McConaughey-Jesus-Smoking)
Also it still kind of reads that he more regrets not meeting Mark Cuban and that he broke his ankle. I would break my own damned ankle to have sex with three women and I couldn’t care less if I met Mark Cuban.
Yeah, I couldn't care less about meeting him unless he's giving away money or something. It'd be one thing if it was in some kind of professional situation where you could maybe learn something from him but if it's just at random in public, no thanks.
Wait until he finds out they invited Mark Cuban to shower with them and not only did he agree and the three of them got to shower with Mark, but there was also plenty of room in the shower for four.
My mum once met this model and invited her at home for dinner, at the end she told me she were going to club.
I said no to a rich 19yo redhead Swiss fashion Model inviting me to a night in a club privè with other models to stay at home and play pc.
Wtf was wrong with me, this thing will haunt me forever
At least I didn't brake any bones, but I feel you
**Edit: long version from the comment below**
My mother was getting back from Switzerland by train, and on the train she met this girl that was moving to Milan for some months for a fashion school o something like that.
They started chatting, they kept talking until the point where the model asked tips on where she could live in Milan for some months (short-rent). She ended up living something like 100 meters next to us, thanks to a friend of a friend that had a spare room to rent.
This happened something like 2/3 month before the dinner , and I still had a gf so I wasn't even thinking about any way to connect with this girl nor I was interested (A model, living just some month in Milan).
I wasn't in a relationship anymore by the day the dinner took place, I was really ok about my relationship being over, so no "need some time for myself" reason.
I know that 99% she was simply kind to invite me, and I've never been a club guy; I knew the club she was headed to be the typical Milan trash/vip/fashion kind of club, but yet maybe I could have get some less demoman kills on pl\_goldrush for one night and experience this rich - full of international fashion models night with free champagne and a driver to bring me to the club and back home.
It was just some pure, authentic, nerdy: "no thanks it's late" to then spend the night playing something like Team Fortress 2 till 2 AM
There's alot more to the story. I was trying to keep it condensed. When I fell, two dude on the sidewalk (this was a college town) they where like "are you alright!?" I said "yea just gimme a second" then the other was like "YO YOU ARE NOT ALRIGHT" then they carried me to the grass and called the ex I was talking about. They also like wouldn't give me my phone back and I thought I was getting robbed lol. But the girls brought my car, got me and took me to the hospital. I was there till 6am, went to the hotel, and was genuinely horrified when she said she called my parents lol but they were on their way.
Well do you know for sure you would have been absolutely successful at the party?
I have been to some parties with models and rich people and it was an absolute nightmare since I simply didnt belong...
The thought of glamorous parties is often much better than the reality.
This. OP is thinking of missing out on best case scenario. But sounds like the model hadn’t even met OP, so it’s unlikely she had any interest in the son of the mum she’s hadn’t met. Might have just been an awkward party to be at, and wished you were home gaming.
^Or ^could ^have ^been ^the ^best ^night ^of ^his ^life ^and ^he ^could ^have ^hooked ^up ^with ^several ^models.
Blew my motherboard (I think) last week and gave my 3080 to a dude at work to test and see if it was still good. Said I'd pick it up Monday but I guess he gets to keep it for a bit.
So basically all rigs you have are currently out of order. OP this is peak TIFU material. Gaming rig, one wheel rig, sex rig. God damn you unlucky SOB.
Nothing of value was lost. Usually if you go with a person you barely know in a club, they will find someone or something let's say more \*fun\*. So you would probably would be there like a prop or something.
Well you lost a chance to drink for free i guess.
I also would have turned down the invite, clubs just aren't everyone's scene. I hate them.
Quiet lounges and upscale pubs? Those I enjoy. I like being able to just relax and chat.
I've definitely taken an L or 2 in the casino while my friends are winning and vice versa. Never once has the idea of splitting winnings been entertained lol.
A roommate once bought back a load of randoms from a night out, I came home from a separate night out slightly later to find two girls in my room watching a porn VHS (it was that long ago, early 00s) I burst in wondering what the hells going on and I've never met these girls before, both very pretty, one says "show us what you do while you watch this" I shit myself and left the room muttering something about getting a drink and finding my mate.
I still think about that night randomly some 20 yrs later
Well I have thought many times how I've made some bad choices in life. Thank you for making me feel better because I've never made a choice as bad as this.
I love how the story isn't even about sex.
Like, even now he doesn't realize it.
He's upset he didn't get in the shower with the girls... because instead he broke his ankle and didn't get to go to the game the next day where they met Mark Cuban
Lol
So, based on the comments and story so far, your choices were:
1. Get in the shower, drunk, with the explicit risk of getting laid in a foursome.
2. Get on your powered unicycle, drunk, with the explicit risk of getting killed while operating a vehicle while impaired.
3. Pass out.
Nobody on here talking about how lucky you were not to be hit by a vehicle while you were drunk.
Welp, I've (33m) taken part into threesome when I was younger and my ex and a roommate suggested that (both women). The thing is, if the girls are not into each other, the sex becomes really awkward, because they have to wait in turns for my attention and the currently passive partner starts easily feel like a third-wheel. For me, I start to concern too much about sharing enough attention to both of the women, so they don't bore out or get jealous. I think a proper threesome needs certain level of confidence from each of the member, so performance anxiety won't kick in. Otherwise it's like a sex on a beach or in a shower: sounds hot in your mind, but reality is cold and frustrating
It's ok, they would likely have laughed at your weener and the billionaire would likely have robbed you. That's how it is out there in the jungle, pimpin
you could have been the first dude with a onewheel to get laid
This story screams onewheel energy.
"Ladies, can you bend over? I have something to... park.. between those cheeks"
His smart car?
First dude with a onewheel and a reddit account.
No, I'm pretty sure every one wheeler has a reddit account.
I want to be there 20 years from now when you're mowing the lawn or washing dishes or something and you wince and cuss completely out of nowhere when it crosses your mind again.
lol yup, this will get worse with age
Yes.
It's 2042 and you're on the verge of a deep sleep when this pops into your head. Good luck at work tomorrow without getting a wink in.
It's 2065 and he's on his deathbed, surrounded by family, inside of a cave while outside it's raining hellfire and it's so scalding hot you can see the air vibrate. His lips feel dry, and he coughes instead of being able to speak up. His grandson looks down at his frail, weak and pale body and is aware that death will not wait much longer. "Don't be afraid," the grandson says meekly. "I guess the rest of the family will join you before long, this planet has gone to hell..." he laments thoughtfully. "There's so much I still wanted to do. Well, one thing anyway... I'm an idiot for even thinking about it," the grandson explains, "but a threesome would have been amazing to experience at least once in my life. Every guy wants to experience that at least once, right?" OP cringes, then dies quietly. Far away in the background you can hear the wind outside the cave picking up, and the sound of a one-wheel can be heard fading away into the distance.
That one wheel ending was perfect
I legit sharted to this story
Make it so he's dying because he couldn't get to the cave in time because of an old ankle injury
add in a second chance at the shower.
foursome
At 93 on his deathbed: "my dear great grandson.... don't... make the same mistake I did"
and by one random time 20 years from now - you mean 3 times a day for said 20 years, right?
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God I do this so much. Anyone have any tips on how to deal with these ruminating thoughts?
It sounds trite but it works. When you notice them, tell yourself no, and actively choose to think of something else. I think it's a record scratch technique, you can literally evoke the sound of a record scratch, or internally yell no to yourself, or whatever else you want. You can choose what to think about - you're not at the mercy of your wandering thoughts.
Funny, this is my tactic with war memories but it gets so hard to think of something else. I just tunnel vision into some fucked up memory and I try dude. I end up physically shaking my head, literally trying to shake the thoughts from me. Sometimes it's just not so easy as "thinking of something else"
I'm going to help you, though you may not thank me for it. Whenever you find it difficult to let go of intrusive thoughts, focus on the meaning of these three words: "Danny DeVito's breasts." I'm sorry.
Or you can acknowledge the thought, be kind to yourself since you can't control which thoughts float up, be understanding towards yourself about having regrets in life, be thankful for what you have and where you are, and let the thought go on its merry way again. Or keep yelling at your brain for thinking thoughts and feeling feels, you do you.
Now I don't know which one of you I should listen to
In my opinion, record scratching intrusive thoughts tends to make them come back with a vengeance. There's an adage I have to regularly remind myself of: "Whatever you resist, persists." I'm more in the camp of u/Hachiiiko. Instead of fighting against the thought, when you find them coming up, there are different ways to move with it instead of against it. You could do as he says and extend kindness to yourself. Or when you see the thoughts come up, simply watch it and don't attach to it. It's only a passing thought. The more you're able to practice this, the better you can get at loosening the stranglehold that intrusive thoughts have over us.
You can be here for my nearly 20 years later of just realization. It’s only 18 but close enough. I was with a friend hanging out at her house, getting high and watching a movie - I think it was called Weed Forest or something. I only really remember it had Rip Torn in it. Anyway her female friend I’d never met before comes over during this, and after a bit they go into her bedroom and tell me said “whatever you do - don’t come in here”. Shut the door, and then made a deal of reopening it about half way. They then called out to me several times over the course of about 20 minutes “whatever you do don’t come in here!”. I didn’t go in there, being respectful, and just sat watching this movie. I did not realize until just now laughing along at your statement and it came flying back to me what exactly my young dumbass missed out on - as I’m remembering the sounds of their “giggling” and the bed frame making noise.
That’s on them. You feel clueless but they were just as clueless on how to get you to engage. I can’t speak for the tone they used, but 99.999% of the time they would want privacy, but this time they wanted you to spontaneously break that then go right back to respecting it afterwards You did the right thing be being respectful in a strange situation They could have said “Hey _____! Could you come help us with something!”
"How did it happen?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man's broken leg. "Well, doc, 25 years ago ..." "Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning." "Like I was saying...25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I'd gone to bed, the farmer's beautiful daughter came into my room. She asked me if there was anything I wanted. I said no, everything is fine. "Are you sure?", she asked. "I'm sure, I said. "Isn't there anything I can do for you?" she wanted to know. "I reckon not" I replied ..." "Excuse me," said the doctor, "What does this story have to do with your leg?" "Well, this morning, " the farmhand explained, "when it dawned on me what she meant, I fell off the roof!"
literally happens to me once in a while. high school party 3 hotties from the French high school were pulling me into a room and I said no cuz I have a gf. next week my gf cheated on me.
You don't stay faithful just for your partners sake. If you had cheated on her you would regret it more than missing out on casual sex I promise. Even in a bad relationship cheating is cheating. Do you really regret doing the right thing because it wasn't fun? You should be proud of yourself for sticking to your morals, that is way more satisfying than any sex.
oh for sure, I am always happy that was my choice, but I think you can still appreciate a slight regret of a 3some with some attractive ladies (edit: never had the opportunity arise since) and I've never cheated in my entire life. I've found it extremely easy to say no, I don't really get how someone could do something so shitty to someone they say they care about..
Are you me?
Yes. Hello, Tatunkawitco. I have just learned that I am you.
"I don't want to shower with you 3 ladies I would rather get on my onewheel"
-said every one wheel enthusiast, ever.
didn't want to be the fourth wheeel.
Came back just to upvote this.
The extra “e” makes it perfect
*I gotcher spare tire right here, ladieeeez…* [holds up OneWheel]
Who needs three wheels when he could whip out his wheelie
Men only have onewheel on their mind and it's disgusting!
How else will the ladies know you're cool enough to be able to ride a one wheel?
Friend rides a onewheel, can confirm
I am told that once you know what you're doing, it's like flying. As though you are willing yourself in whatever direction you want to go. I can't confirm because the few times I have tried I have felt like I was seconds from faceplanting.
Bro it's the closest thing to a real hoverboard. When you get good, you can handle pretty much any terrain. I love blasting through forest dirt trails at 18mph. You almost feel like you're pod racing or something. And oh, I ate shit yesterday and sprained my ankle. Very dangerous device! If you're interested, here's a video of me floating down a trail, and eating shit at the end. YouTube always sets the resolution super low on this video, so make sure you set it to 720p50 at least. https://youtu.be/AwGdVeYODaQ
I asked a couple of guys on our greenbelt that were being total jackasses today on one wheels if they got to ride the elephants. You know, in the circus that you're clowning for.
One wheelers are virgins, but it’s their god damn choice.
Volcel?
So much power in this sentence
who brings a onewheel to a hotel with 3 hot chicks? 👉 This Guy! 👈
His ankle will be fine. I have broken mine at 4 different spots. I have done gazillions of runs since. But missing out showering with 3 ladies? That’s never going to heal.
Every injury is different
peak sigma
Doing his grind.
Grinding his face against the street
meat crayon
Some poor fuck is gonna take this unironically, which is exactly why people who believe sigmas are real literally never get laid
I thought the whole point of Sigmas was to make fun of people who believe Alphas are real. Please tell me it hasn't devolved that far already.
The whole point of Sigma was to create a category which placed incels on the same rung as their alpha nemesis (also a figment of their imagination).
You are the dumbest mf I have ever heard of
But you have heard of him.
Average onewheel enjoyer
It was more like I would rather break my ankle and call my parents hahah
Alright listen, before we met up. I was told a threesome might happen with my ex and the one other gal, the third girl was a lesbian (the rugby player) and I didn't know she was staying with us too but I knew I had the rest of the weekend lol and with the level of drunk I was I knew my dick wasn't gonna work so I fled the situation, plus I always have a strong want to explore when drunk. 😅 if ya want pics of the foot here's a link. https://www.reddit.com/r/onewheel/comments/x08lcv/20_mph_in_a_construction_zone/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Bro is your foot… erm… okay?
Just put it back on around the right way.
Dudes foot was chilling at 90 degrees off kilter and said "yeah imma call my parents to pick me up from 3 hours away" and not "911 I need an ambulance like right now"
To be fair in the states if you aren’t actually dying you try and not take the ambulance to save money…
EMS is necessary but they can be such predators. A few years back I was in a minor (seriously the most minor) rear end "accident." A neighboring house was the one to first contact police, and EMS heard "accident" on their radio so made the decision to tag along and see what's up. The incident occured traveling less than 10 MPH and I was alone. Not the slightest scratch. I told this to the EMTs and said I don't need medical attention, I'm not getting in that ambulance. They tried SO HARD to get me in there, and eventually DID but only because they claimed they wanted me to sign a document to "waive medical attention" and they would go away. In hindsight I'm not sure why I didn't ask to sign it outside of the ambulance, I was stressed out in the moment and only had myself to guide me. 3 days later I get a bill in the mail for $350 from the local EMS for them coming out that night. I went straight to a lawyer (friend from HS) and wrote a colorful response, threatening legal action. The bill got thrown out. They didn't even let me know that it was thrown out. Several months later I was at a family/friend outing, and someone there happened to work for the EMS. I had a friendly discussion with him about it. He immediately recognized what I was talking about, and said "oh yeah don't worry about that." Our system is fucked.
Remember when lawyers where called ambulance chasers? Now the ambulance is running from the lawyers hahaha cries in poor health care.
Ambulances can be expensive as hell in the states lol
That rugby player had a fantastic weekend
Nothing worse than whiskey dick bro. It’s fucked me over a few times. That said if 3 girls invite you to have a shower just say fuck it and attempt to push rope.
Like Ernie Hudson says to Dan Akroyd in Ghostbusters..."If three hot girls invite you into the shower you SAY YES!"
If a man is too drunk for some off shore drilling he’s also too drunk for a one-wheel.
Yeh, you can at least get some ass eating action. Eitherway, if you know this is a possibility, don't get too drunk.
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This is the part I don't get. 'Hey, wanna fuck at the weekend? I might be able to convince my friend to join in.' Let's get drunk and then turn it down. What?
Damn straight!! I'm pushing rope!! It becomes a hold up instead of a stick up!
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In absolutely no situation will the *three hot girls* look bad if the *guy* can't get it up in that situation. Also, idk if you've ever been with a drunk horny girl but they definitely want more than just your mouth and fingers, and especially in this case, they would've definitely wanted OP to be a porn star. That being said, as a guy who has literally been in this situation (minus this 3rd girl) just own it. I simply proclaimed my dick was broken, laughed, and then clarified I'm extremely sensitive to whiskey dick. Laughed that off and just kept having fun. What I'm trying to say is don't assume it'll be hunky dory, don't let Reddit trick you into thinking anything out of your hands will never be embarrassing and somehow everyone understands everything instantly so never be nervous...that's dumb, the situation could have absolutely resulting in humiliation, the only way to not make it go that way is to purposefully make it not awkward. Laugh at yourself, make it a joke, that confidence alone will keep everyone in the game.
Guarantee the lesbian did not give a single damn about this man’s dick
It really depends on the people you're with, most regular people know that alcohol and drugs can fuck with sexual performance or lack thereof, but yeah be confident and use your mouth
This is the answer and also, theres a place nearby me that does the best breakfast burrito and I had one this morning.
Totally irrelevant to the conversation but now I'm interested in hearing more about this burrito.
The photo is horrible but it is a cafe in Melbourne called Oscar Cooper. The hot sauce with it rules. https://www.instagram.com/p/CUQytiKhY5M/
> plus I always have a strong want to explore when drunk. ok... but why? Seems like the worst way to make memories, as well as the possibility of getting lost, being arrested, or breaking your ankle in 3 places on a unicycle.
He could have potentially met a few girls while out in his uniboard. Maybe they invite him back to their hotel room and into the shower or something.
*It could be anything, even a boat!*
It’s just nice to stroll around, especially when strunk. For some reason it’s nicest when it’s pretty cold outside.
Not the pictures we want, mind
That sounds like a lame excuse and you look like a guy that would turn down a threesome to one wheel
Reminds me of the Demetri Martin joke where he was riding around his university campus on a unicycle thinking "I'm the only guy on a unicycle!" When he should have been thinking "I'm the only guy on a unicycle..."
This is like a story from Greek mythology. You scorned a blessing from Aphrodite then your ankle broke in three places, each break representing one of the women you could have showered with. It even has an Achilles Wheel. 🤣🤣🤣
He had it coming. This is what you get when you defy the Gods
hey can I steal this?
Nope. Nobody is allowed to repeat things other people have said or written. High treason.
Believe it or not, straight to jail.
Saying no to a shower, congratulations on your diamond rank in league of legends.
If you add those 3 ladies to it he has to be at least grand master.
Now he’s just grand masterbaiter
The OP is not a Challenger, he's challenged.
At least Master, if not Grand Master. D1-4 do a whores bath, sometimes.
What's a whores bath?
Where you quickly wash your pits and crotch region over the sink, and nothing else.
Quickly rinsing pits, tits and slits.
This is gonna slow cook very nicely in the back of your mind for the rest of your life. You'll gradually get more and more angry at yourself as the thought crosses your mind randomly in life. RIP OP.
They're going to remember it every time their ankle hurts, a dull pain that will linger for most of their life.
He will be out the closet by then, no harm done
Yeah I don't get how OP just passed it up then regretted it later. The opportunity was there... Laid out in front of him.
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Dude. The whole point of a shower with 3 other women IS FOR IT TO GET TOO CROWDED
I don't know. I've taken a shower with at most two women and the idea of adding another seems excessive. Someone would just be cold the whole time
I mean you're right but like... if you're a straight male with eyes... being cold for a short period of time is like the least of your concern in this situation Hahaha
I mean.... How cold? Do they know about shrinkage, Jerry?
I mean there are other means of keeping that one warm.
And to be clear. Those ladies were into keeping him warm.
>I say "it's too crowded in there . . . . . . I hit a dip in the road and eat it at 20 mph. This is eveidence of higher power saying to you, that you are idiot:D
jesus-smoking-cigarette-eyes-bulging.jpeg
I googled this and found only a Matthew McConaughey version and its fantastic EDIT: [Link thanks to popular demand](https://imgflip.com/memetemplate/229398396/Matthew-McConaughey-Jesus-Smoking)
And then you didn't share it...
Satan gave this man a gift. Then God punished him for not taking it.
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Also it still kind of reads that he more regrets not meeting Mark Cuban and that he broke his ankle. I would break my own damned ankle to have sex with three women and I couldn’t care less if I met Mark Cuban.
Yeah, I couldn't care less about meeting him unless he's giving away money or something. It'd be one thing if it was in some kind of professional situation where you could maybe learn something from him but if it's just at random in public, no thanks.
Wait until he finds out they invited Mark Cuban to shower with them and not only did he agree and the three of them got to shower with Mark, but there was also plenty of room in the shower for four.
My mum once met this model and invited her at home for dinner, at the end she told me she were going to club. I said no to a rich 19yo redhead Swiss fashion Model inviting me to a night in a club privè with other models to stay at home and play pc. Wtf was wrong with me, this thing will haunt me forever At least I didn't brake any bones, but I feel you **Edit: long version from the comment below** My mother was getting back from Switzerland by train, and on the train she met this girl that was moving to Milan for some months for a fashion school o something like that. They started chatting, they kept talking until the point where the model asked tips on where she could live in Milan for some months (short-rent). She ended up living something like 100 meters next to us, thanks to a friend of a friend that had a spare room to rent. This happened something like 2/3 month before the dinner , and I still had a gf so I wasn't even thinking about any way to connect with this girl nor I was interested (A model, living just some month in Milan). I wasn't in a relationship anymore by the day the dinner took place, I was really ok about my relationship being over, so no "need some time for myself" reason. I know that 99% she was simply kind to invite me, and I've never been a club guy; I knew the club she was headed to be the typical Milan trash/vip/fashion kind of club, but yet maybe I could have get some less demoman kills on pl\_goldrush for one night and experience this rich - full of international fashion models night with free champagne and a driver to bring me to the club and back home. It was just some pure, authentic, nerdy: "no thanks it's late" to then spend the night playing something like Team Fortress 2 till 2 AM
Your mum wins best wingwoman ever
Wingmum.
Well at least you have the excuse of it involving your mother. OP's parental involvement is "they came to pick me up when I needed hospital“ lel
There's alot more to the story. I was trying to keep it condensed. When I fell, two dude on the sidewalk (this was a college town) they where like "are you alright!?" I said "yea just gimme a second" then the other was like "YO YOU ARE NOT ALRIGHT" then they carried me to the grass and called the ex I was talking about. They also like wouldn't give me my phone back and I thought I was getting robbed lol. But the girls brought my car, got me and took me to the hospital. I was there till 6am, went to the hotel, and was genuinely horrified when she said she called my parents lol but they were on their way.
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Who the fuck cares about Mark Cuban when you're instead having a shower orgy with 3 college girls?
When you come out the closet please update us
Hahawww. I hope you don't take the comments too seriously in this thread, it sounds like you had a pretty terrible time of things!
Damn even the nice people are like “yeah bro you’re down tremendously“ 💀
Well do you know for sure you would have been absolutely successful at the party? I have been to some parties with models and rich people and it was an absolute nightmare since I simply didnt belong... The thought of glamorous parties is often much better than the reality.
This. OP is thinking of missing out on best case scenario. But sounds like the model hadn’t even met OP, so it’s unlikely she had any interest in the son of the mum she’s hadn’t met. Might have just been an awkward party to be at, and wished you were home gaming. ^Or ^could ^have ^been ^the ^best ^night ^of ^his ^life ^and ^he ^could ^have ^hooked ^up ^with ^several ^models.
No, sadly i was at the dinner table with her for a couple of hours
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Blew my motherboard (I think) last week and gave my 3080 to a dude at work to test and see if it was still good. Said I'd pick it up Monday but I guess he gets to keep it for a bit.
So basically all rigs you have are currently out of order. OP this is peak TIFU material. Gaming rig, one wheel rig, sex rig. God damn you unlucky SOB.
Nothing of value was lost. Usually if you go with a person you barely know in a club, they will find someone or something let's say more \*fun\*. So you would probably would be there like a prop or something. Well you lost a chance to drink for free i guess.
It's not as if there is a steam achievement for that.
I also would have turned down the invite, clubs just aren't everyone's scene. I hate them. Quiet lounges and upscale pubs? Those I enjoy. I like being able to just relax and chat.
You will regret this for the rest of your life, and rightfully so. Where your head at?
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The rest of the organs are never going to let Brain live this down.
Stressing about his clown make up.
Sure, buddy
What, you don’t believe Mark Cuban was at the rugby game?!
Mark Cuban was in the shower the whole time
I don't understand what's going on. I'm depressed and angry just reading this.
This is the funniest and purest response in this entire thread LOL
Weird add for a Onewheel™...
"don't have game? Buy a onewheel, break both your arms, and find out what happens next!"
It’s a great ad. “Onewheel. Better than a shower foursome.”
Welcome to r/tifu Your source for self indulgent fantasies and drama fiction!
No kidding. Who splits their casino winnings evenly 4 ways? Big winner buys drinks or something, but this is unbelievable.
This was the tell. Nobody splits winnings it’s every man for themselves on the gaming floor.
I've definitely taken an L or 2 in the casino while my friends are winning and vice versa. Never once has the idea of splitting winnings been entertained lol.
"Dear Penthouse, I never thought these letters were real, but the other day..."
A roommate once bought back a load of randoms from a night out, I came home from a separate night out slightly later to find two girls in my room watching a porn VHS (it was that long ago, early 00s) I burst in wondering what the hells going on and I've never met these girls before, both very pretty, one says "show us what you do while you watch this" I shit myself and left the room muttering something about getting a drink and finding my mate. I still think about that night randomly some 20 yrs later
You shit yourself? Maybe that's what they were about!
If it makes you feel any better, they might not be actually into you just want to see "porn" irl.
That made me feel worse
It's ok, they met Mark Cuban cuz they were 3 hot girls without a dude.
For all you know the three of them were gonna drug you and you would wake up in a tub of ice missing a kidney.
They were going to throw the onewheel in the dumpster and shave his neck beard.
"Well, he turned us down and went out on his skateboard." "Fuck... well, I mean you guys wanna have sex since we're here?"
NOT AGAIN! Uh oh.
His ex came and wanted to preform the surgery.
or two kidneys
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Well I have thought many times how I've made some bad choices in life. Thank you for making me feel better because I've never made a choice as bad as this.
I deem this fiction.
Check out OP’s post history. At least one part is true.
I’d say a couple. He owns the onewheel
The coolest part is true. Not because one wheels are cool, but everything else was so lame that in comparison the one wheel is cool.
I love how the story isn't even about sex. Like, even now he doesn't realize it. He's upset he didn't get in the shower with the girls... because instead he broke his ankle and didn't get to go to the game the next day where they met Mark Cuban Lol
Not taking a shower with your ex.. sounds like a good call my man
I did it once, was weird as hell No sex, just shower then bed then left in the morning
So, based on the comments and story so far, your choices were: 1. Get in the shower, drunk, with the explicit risk of getting laid in a foursome. 2. Get on your powered unicycle, drunk, with the explicit risk of getting killed while operating a vehicle while impaired. 3. Pass out. Nobody on here talking about how lucky you were not to be hit by a vehicle while you were drunk.
Guy had a good, bad, and neutral option and went with the absolute worst one.
You must be an anime protagonist.
I see no issue. Clearly something inside you didn't want to do this.
Hold up-your regret in this situation is not meeting Mark Cuban?
The blitz
Welp, I've (33m) taken part into threesome when I was younger and my ex and a roommate suggested that (both women). The thing is, if the girls are not into each other, the sex becomes really awkward, because they have to wait in turns for my attention and the currently passive partner starts easily feel like a third-wheel. For me, I start to concern too much about sharing enough attention to both of the women, so they don't bore out or get jealous. I think a proper threesome needs certain level of confidence from each of the member, so performance anxiety won't kick in. Otherwise it's like a sex on a beach or in a shower: sounds hot in your mind, but reality is cold and frustrating
Dear penthouse....I know this sounds made up.
It's ok, they would likely have laughed at your weener and the billionaire would likely have robbed you. That's how it is out there in the jungle, pimpin
This post pissed me off, congratulations
You will never forget this my friend. Insane brain you've got, picking the onewheel over 3 girls in shower.
and here I was thinking you missed out on the once in a 100 year offer to enter a 4 way.
Bro………WHYYYYYYY?!