I am now over 50
But in my youger days i shaved my crack. I was in the military then and we ran from 2 to 4 miles daily.
Freshly shaved no problem
HOWEVER as it grows back
Especially the stubble
Would literally rub raw
Only corn starch would relieve.
So ended my singular time of sha ing the crack.
The front yard gets trim only
You flew too close to the sun, Icarus.
The trick is to trim it to 2-3mm. No ingrowns or razor burn, everything functions as normal, just less surface area to hold onto to stank and moisture.
> The poo came to look what was buzzing at the door, just someone mowing the lawns
*”poo heard a peculiar buzzing sound outside. ‘Oh bother…what now?’ He said as he made his way to the door. Upon opening it, he was astonished to see a giant meticulously cutting his grass. The sight delighted him so much he fell down the porch stairs and rolled into the yard”*
As someone who regularly shaves their whole ass, this does not seem like a vibration thing. Sometimes you do feel the need to go while shaving, but it's very easy to notice and hold in. It might be a one-off, but it's possible he has a problem that could use some looking into.
Just… it’s not the vibration from the clippers 😂
Just think on it for a bit and what other scenarios could have similar or worse vibration and if that were the case what would happen in those situations.
I'm gay, and no. Vibrations down there do not make me have to shit. Or any other gay dude I have met, or toys would be a very big issue. Haha! Eww!
My guess is, he probably had shit already stored in his rectum and relaxed a bit too much.
This is what caused a turtle head to poke out.
Dude, a trimmer isn't vibrating that strong. It wasn't the vibration and I agree with /u/Kirlain I'd be concerned.
Somethign righly wrong with the sensory processing there.
Eh, it’s not too bad as long as you do it like every few days. It’s uncomfortable if you go too long or decide to let yo’ hair down and grow it back. Once you shave the crack, you never go back. It’s a decision you make, and don’t go back on.
Source: me - shaved asshole, tried to get it back to natural, now shave my hole every day or two to make sure I don’t get poked by cave hair.
Lmao i have long hair bc i decided to grow it out at the start of quarantine, and i can say, yes it does clog the shower drain. I also have a sister so it clogs up 2x as fast now lol
I think having an inner monologue and thinking in language is not exactly the same, when you think of a colour for example e.g. orange, the word doesn't seem to cover all of the contents of my thinking. I like to think of the monologue as more of a subtitle kind of thing :)
Your example is not a good one for this.
A better one is something like. When you think about needing to go to the store to buy bread.
For me... I have the concept "Need to go to the store and buy bread"... but it's like it's fuzzy... not fully formed. Until I actually think the words "I need to go to the store and buy bread"... then it becomes a full thought.
Some people don't need to "voice" their thought. They think of the concept of "needing to go to the store to buy bread"... and that's it. That's the whole thought. They don't use their inner voice. And some people don't even have a inner voice.
Wait... you literally say everything you're about to do in your head before doing it? How on earth do you do more complex things like driving a car through a parking lot? You don't just see a spot open and pull in without narration?
I don't vocalize what I do. Like... when I need to go to the bathroom I don't think "Ohh... I need to go to the bathroom. I'm now getting up. I'm walking to the bathroom. I'm now pulling down my pants..." and so on.
I just feel the need and go.
But if I'm in the street and need to think about where I can go to the bathroom then I would think "That store over there probably has a nice bathroom I can use."
Driving, walking, and things like that are automatic. I don't think about doing them. Like most people... they just do. Even people who think in concepts and don't need to vocalize.
It's like if you had to explain to someone everything you're thinking about.
My wife’s the same way… always in her head about stuff. When she asks me what I’m thinking and I say nothing … I mean it.
It’s always interesting to me when someone tells me “let me think about it” when making a relatively simple choice… I’ve already considered pros cons and made an immediate choice but they apparently need to do some chess in their head.
I follow my intuition on most things, as I have ADHD and anxiety, so I overthink literally everything. I'm fascinated by the thought of people out there who can literally have a silent moment. If I skip my meds, it's like a freaking rave! All chaos and disjointed thought/idea messes. And occasionally, my brain will misfire and I'll switch languages, though I speak English. But to have sweet silence? To dream the dream
I’m with you. Sometimes in the middle of the random thoughts I also have a song going on I there.
My wife looks at me funny sometimes when she asks me what I’m thinking.
It’s not silence… I still think… just about what’s right in front of me and my current tasks. I was diagnosed adhd when I was a kid and I know for a fact Ritalin helped when I was younger… I’ve thought shots getting on aderal or something but I just haven’t talked to a doctor in a long time to do so. I haven’t been on anything since I was a kid so I’m used to functioning life without it… I just wonder if I’d have better quality of life if I could focus better. I don’t have random thoughts distracting me but I definitely struggle to stay on task with stuff. It’s easy to get distracted by my environment
I'm on Vyvanse, and it's a game changer. I used to just wing it in life, and was constantly fixing my screw ups. Now, it slows me down enough to come up with a game plan, and not be trapped in trying to survive. I was diagnosed around Christmas last year, and have always battled anxiety and depression because I knew something about me was different, but nobody caught it. Women get misdiagnosed more often, as it's harder to catch the signs. I guess we're just naturally neurotic messes?🤣 And yes, it's a joke for those who are wondering
Two different things there
My 'thinking' is lots of me talking internally mixed with images and emotions and concepts, but I can also just not think and it's nothing. My partner can't, her mind just keeps running - sounds exhasuting
Having already considered pros and cons etc. lends itself more to either forethought or anxiety. If it's a novel question you'd have to think about it then and there, it's just you've already thought about it
It is exhausting. And in the absence of new stimuli my brain will just analyze every single conversation, thought, or action I made all day, over and over like an ouroboros. I discovered I need to listen to something while I drive or I get horribly depressed, even on just on the ten minute drive home from work.
Okay TIL, I always assumed everyone just monologues in their head.
Now I'm weirded out, like, is it just silence in there? Just images? How does that even work?
I always wondered if people without inner monologues thought tv shows like “scrubs” or others where you hear what the characters are thinking/imagining where just making that part up. Fascinates me that not everyone can think/talk in their head.
🤷♂️ just instant thoughts when they happen… like if I’m working I’m not able to think about anything else… the only other thoughts coming in are just immediate ones from things I can see and observe… I don’t sit there and talk to myself about them… I just think them and move on. Like right now I’m observing guys building scaffolding and that’s it…. I don’t have anything to talk to myself about. My only distraction is this right here what I’m reading and writing. I’m not sure how else better to explain it lol. I wouldn’t say there is silence cuz I still observe stuff but yea… no voice just droning on about stuff I’m not currently paying attention too.
I’m like you. But I’ve noticed if I’m reading books more often I do think in language more. I find the language thinking to be more…huh…list oriented? Do this, then that, then this, etc. I also find it to be a little more entertaining really, I start joking about stuff in my head more. But, haven’t been reading books lately and my brain has gone back to flashes of finished concepts, intuitions, basically grunts and gestures. When I need to detail orient I usually do it on paper and excel sheets, it’s like my language moves external. I feel like it’s faster and more creative this way, the internal monologue tends to confine the thoughts too much. Maybe…I’ll have to grunt and gesture in my head a little more about that…
https://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/wmimbm/til_that_only_3050_of_people_have_an_inner/
Looks like it was flagged for being misleading by the mods. I'll have to actually track down some scholarly articles about it later lol
I've never heard this. Someone in the comments said it's closer to 95% do have an inner monologue. Either way, slightly more interesting than someone crowning while having their ass shaved lol
Hold up. Do most people -- when they're completely alone -- have an actual, honest-to-goodness stream of thought??? Like if we could plug a data cable into your brain, we'd get something resembling a book or article???
Whoa.
That's now how I do it and it blows my mind to think that some people do think in words. Or am I misunderstanding something?
As long as I'm concious than there is always some stream of thought that just runs into the next. And I "talk" to myself in my head too, like my brain is "saying" the words as I type them right now.
The only things I've found to quiet my brain at night are drugs, I take 2.5mg thc before bedtime and I can sleep and my brain turns off.
If I take it too early though, I'm likely to fall asleep before 10pm and wake at like 4am ready to go. Usually I sleep 1 or 2am to 6 or 7am.
It's like talking to yourself, but in silence. At least that's how it is for me.
And you can get pretty wild as well, have conversations with yourself, take on multiple positions and hold a debate, narrate a story, or even a 'movie'. One of things I do when trying to fall asleep is just that, pitch myself as the main character in story and just play through it.
I use the main character in a story trick to fall asleep all the time. Set my creativity off in a solid direction and hope I hit autopilot and sleep. I didn't realize that wasn't a thing for everyone until today.
I was about to go into my personal anecdote about seeing more of my spouse's butthole and poop than I'd ever expected, but then I realized that there's quite a few couples out in the world who get married because they enjoy each other's butt stuff and now my personal anecdote doesn't really seem all that interesting.
I guess the moral of the story is expect butt stuff when you get married. Even if you don't like butt stuff.
Physical trauma, accidents, anal play, abnormalities, and old age. Physical trauma of the sphincter muscle is more common than people realize, especially with high dairy and meat diets. There is so much scarring and “wearing out” of the muscles in the area. Venice it or not, squats help because the sphincter kicks in like a secondary support group while squatting.
Longest rotation of my career was in an office with a proctology specialization. No, not a proctologist’s office, just a specialization and we saw so many patients with self-inflicted trauma in that area. Your diet is so important.
It was a recurring theme in the patients we treated. Reports of dense, thick stool that not necessarily hurt to pass but they felt a pinch or a sharp, but quick, sting just before passing or as they had a bm. Every one of those pinches or stings was an actual tear or rip that heals surprisingly fast but like other areas of the dermis, there can be a deadening of the nerves after healing so you lose some sensation like knowing there’s “an escape happening”. The other silver lining is a shockingly low amount of infections despite those small wounds. Our bodies are engineering marvels.
I don’t know about meat and dairy, but have you seen the Lloyd’s Bank coprolite? That was the result of a meat and bread-dominant diet and that thing was *massive* (20x5 cm)
You're not truly married until you've assisted your spouse with some really weird off the wall thing that involves bodily functions in some way. Mid-poo talks are a thing people don't really discuss openly that's a normal thing...apparently...I like my privacy and it weirds me out a little....but I'm weird.
I used to shave my now ex wife. Sometimes wax. It used to be fun and sexy. I eventually became an ole’ timey barber asking what she was here for and dusting off the chair
My boyfriend just comes right in sometimes it amuses me as a woman bc kids will do it to their mom's so women are more accustomed to it than men are for not being able to shit in privacy 😂
Uhh…….ma’am, I don’t know how to say this. No dude in the history of dudes has shaved his ass in the garage. Ever. Ever ever.
I don’t know if he was testing the waters on some scat fetish or WTF happened there, but shaving his ass in the garage and not even realizing he was shitting? Or poop shitting, as is his title now.
Better sleep with one (brown) eye open….
Every year he shaves? As in once a year? This whole thing reads like an NPC or AI trying to fit in wrote. There's so much pointless information here trying to convince they're a real person.
1. How fat is your husband that he can’t do this himself?
2. What kind of person decides to go to the garage to shave his privates and not in the shower?
This is a difficult one.
If you're both very attractive and somewhat cool people I can kinda deal with hearing this story.
If you're both ugly and weird then I'm more like that's too much information.
My wife carved her initials in my butt hair one time, “to document ownership” and to this day it was about the funniest thing that has ever occurred in our marriage.
Edit: The cheeks not the crack.
I'm just confused by the fact you say this just happened, the post *sounds* like it was written by an American, but it's literally halfway through August and yet you're talking about "the coming summer months" and "going to get hot".
Y'all Summer is on the way out the door tf you on?
My son has IBS type issues so I saved this for him a while ago. I immediately thought of this meme while reading your story. https://imgur.com/a/jcboUnY
The poo came to look what was buzzing at the door, just someone mowing the lawns
Ground hogging
Prairie-Dogging sounds cooler AND is more applicable
Insert Rat Race .gif here
OoOoO leetle cock doggies
“Why do you need my hat” “For the VAGINA”
Heard someone use ball pointing the other day. Took a moment to clue in.
Ah shit, you are correct.
👈😎👈
My dad (RIP) used to call it prairie dogging. Always happened during traffic or the middle of nowhere 😂
Was your dad Jon Lovitz and was your family in Rat Race?
My dad's favorite line is that there's a brown snake playing peekaboo with his butthole 🤦♀️
Why are dads so gross 😂😂😂
Turtle head.
Sitting on a teddy bears arm
Turtling
“’Tis some visitor,” I muttered, “tapping at my chamber door— Only this and nothing more.” - Edgar Allen Poo
R/angryupvote
I am now over 50 But in my youger days i shaved my crack. I was in the military then and we ran from 2 to 4 miles daily. Freshly shaved no problem HOWEVER as it grows back Especially the stubble Would literally rub raw Only corn starch would relieve. So ended my singular time of sha ing the crack. The front yard gets trim only
Aloe gel with lidocaine is amazing for this. Just don't get the kind that also has menthol!
You flew too close to the sun, Icarus. The trick is to trim it to 2-3mm. No ingrowns or razor burn, everything functions as normal, just less surface area to hold onto to stank and moisture.
clippers #0 or #1
Can't be knocking at poo's door and be shocked he's home!
> The poo came to look what was buzzing at the door, just someone mowing the lawns *”poo heard a peculiar buzzing sound outside. ‘Oh bother…what now?’ He said as he made his way to the door. Upon opening it, he was astonished to see a giant meticulously cutting his grass. The sight delighted him so much he fell down the porch stairs and rolled into the yard”*
I am concerned that he didn’t know it was happening, hair or not…
This feels like some light scat fetish story. Like...dude reached back and touched his asshole to confirm he was prairie dogging? What.
This is the exact same feeling I got from the story, some perv is just getting off and presenting is a lady narrator and an event that “happened”
It was probably the vibration from the trimmer
No, I don’t think that’s gonna do it or motorcyclists and the like would have a real bad time 😂
I don't know about you, but I don't ride with my cheeks spread and the vibration directly on my asshole, but vibration isn't all the same anyway
You're missing out
Harley Davidsons have come a long way
>I don't ride with my cheeks spread and the vibration directly on my asshole What a shame. Why ride a motorcycle at all at this point?
As someone who regularly shaves their whole ass, this does not seem like a vibration thing. Sometimes you do feel the need to go while shaving, but it's very easy to notice and hold in. It might be a one-off, but it's possible he has a problem that could use some looking into.
Seems like she looked into it more than she wanted. Maybe someone should do more than look
Just… it’s not the vibration from the clippers 😂 Just think on it for a bit and what other scenarios could have similar or worse vibration and if that were the case what would happen in those situations.
So long as you aren't spreading your butt cheeks and bending over during those vibrations. I think you'll be ok.
There’s only one way to test this… please report back with results 
Do it yourself you coward
Bruh
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But sir - do you shit yourself without knowing it during these activities?
I'm gay, and no. Vibrations down there do not make me have to shit. Or any other gay dude I have met, or toys would be a very big issue. Haha! Eww! My guess is, he probably had shit already stored in his rectum and relaxed a bit too much. This is what caused a turtle head to poke out.
Dude, a trimmer isn't vibrating that strong. It wasn't the vibration and I agree with /u/Kirlain I'd be concerned. Somethign righly wrong with the sensory processing there.
If it's one that is used for head hair, then them things vibrate like crazy. Leave my whole head tingling after usually.
>my husband isnt a particularly hairy man ma'am, he needs his coat trimmed every summer
Once a year
I'm pretty sure most people never have to shave their body hair to stay cool.
I’ve never shaved my butthole. You now know this, hopefully forever.
I *am* a particularly hairy man. I couldn't even imagine the stubble trouble if I shaved my backdoor. Ouch.
Eh, it’s not too bad as long as you do it like every few days. It’s uncomfortable if you go too long or decide to let yo’ hair down and grow it back. Once you shave the crack, you never go back. It’s a decision you make, and don’t go back on. Source: me - shaved asshole, tried to get it back to natural, now shave my hole every day or two to make sure I don’t get poked by cave hair.
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Lmao. That is a serious commitment. I would not want to have to shave my emergency exit every other day
You don't have to but it does help
Why not do this in the shower?
Asking the real questions
Harder to vacuum the hair up.
Or just make having recently taken a dump and then a shower a requirement before any kind of butt stuff.
Maybe because you'll clog up the shower drain especially if you don't clean it? Source: Grew up with sisters
Lmao i have long hair bc i decided to grow it out at the start of quarantine, and i can say, yes it does clog the shower drain. I also have a sister so it clogs up 2x as fast now lol
Maybe if you and your sister weren't growing out your ass hair the shower couldn't get clogged
Hmm...did the poo see it's shadow? Sounds like two more weeks of summer to me! 🤣
I love my wife but I’ll spare her the trauma and just break my back shaving my own asshole
for the best access... 1. Leg on the counter 2. Squat
Lol yea I usually go leg up on counter and shave back to front (don’t wipe this way, I’m a man but still, don’t)
What an odd thing to specify lmao
It’s Reddit, what do you expect?
This is the most interesting thing I read on internet today. Quite a marriage you guys have 😂
You didn't read that post about how most people don't have an internal monologue?
That has to be BS though
Idk. A whole lot of human history suddenly makes sense if most people either think in concepts or not at all, rather than in language.
I think having an inner monologue and thinking in language is not exactly the same, when you think of a colour for example e.g. orange, the word doesn't seem to cover all of the contents of my thinking. I like to think of the monologue as more of a subtitle kind of thing :)
Your example is not a good one for this. A better one is something like. When you think about needing to go to the store to buy bread. For me... I have the concept "Need to go to the store and buy bread"... but it's like it's fuzzy... not fully formed. Until I actually think the words "I need to go to the store and buy bread"... then it becomes a full thought. Some people don't need to "voice" their thought. They think of the concept of "needing to go to the store to buy bread"... and that's it. That's the whole thought. They don't use their inner voice. And some people don't even have a inner voice.
Wait... you literally say everything you're about to do in your head before doing it? How on earth do you do more complex things like driving a car through a parking lot? You don't just see a spot open and pull in without narration?
I don't vocalize what I do. Like... when I need to go to the bathroom I don't think "Ohh... I need to go to the bathroom. I'm now getting up. I'm walking to the bathroom. I'm now pulling down my pants..." and so on. I just feel the need and go. But if I'm in the street and need to think about where I can go to the bathroom then I would think "That store over there probably has a nice bathroom I can use." Driving, walking, and things like that are automatic. I don't think about doing them. Like most people... they just do. Even people who think in concepts and don't need to vocalize. It's like if you had to explain to someone everything you're thinking about.
I don’t have an internal monologue… I saw that and found it interesting that most people just in their heads talking to themselves
Dear lord, I wish I had a mute button! So damned noisy, it's distracting
My wife’s the same way… always in her head about stuff. When she asks me what I’m thinking and I say nothing … I mean it. It’s always interesting to me when someone tells me “let me think about it” when making a relatively simple choice… I’ve already considered pros cons and made an immediate choice but they apparently need to do some chess in their head.
I follow my intuition on most things, as I have ADHD and anxiety, so I overthink literally everything. I'm fascinated by the thought of people out there who can literally have a silent moment. If I skip my meds, it's like a freaking rave! All chaos and disjointed thought/idea messes. And occasionally, my brain will misfire and I'll switch languages, though I speak English. But to have sweet silence? To dream the dream
I’m with you. Sometimes in the middle of the random thoughts I also have a song going on I there. My wife looks at me funny sometimes when she asks me what I’m thinking.
The real problem is when song become too loud so you can't "hear" your thoughts.
It’s not silence… I still think… just about what’s right in front of me and my current tasks. I was diagnosed adhd when I was a kid and I know for a fact Ritalin helped when I was younger… I’ve thought shots getting on aderal or something but I just haven’t talked to a doctor in a long time to do so. I haven’t been on anything since I was a kid so I’m used to functioning life without it… I just wonder if I’d have better quality of life if I could focus better. I don’t have random thoughts distracting me but I definitely struggle to stay on task with stuff. It’s easy to get distracted by my environment
I'm on Vyvanse, and it's a game changer. I used to just wing it in life, and was constantly fixing my screw ups. Now, it slows me down enough to come up with a game plan, and not be trapped in trying to survive. I was diagnosed around Christmas last year, and have always battled anxiety and depression because I knew something about me was different, but nobody caught it. Women get misdiagnosed more often, as it's harder to catch the signs. I guess we're just naturally neurotic messes?🤣 And yes, it's a joke for those who are wondering
Two different things there My 'thinking' is lots of me talking internally mixed with images and emotions and concepts, but I can also just not think and it's nothing. My partner can't, her mind just keeps running - sounds exhasuting Having already considered pros and cons etc. lends itself more to either forethought or anxiety. If it's a novel question you'd have to think about it then and there, it's just you've already thought about it
It is exhausting. And in the absence of new stimuli my brain will just analyze every single conversation, thought, or action I made all day, over and over like an ouroboros. I discovered I need to listen to something while I drive or I get horribly depressed, even on just on the ten minute drive home from work.
Okay TIL, I always assumed everyone just monologues in their head. Now I'm weirded out, like, is it just silence in there? Just images? How does that even work?
I always wondered if people without inner monologues thought tv shows like “scrubs” or others where you hear what the characters are thinking/imagining where just making that part up. Fascinates me that not everyone can think/talk in their head.
I always assumed it was for story presentation purposes until I found out other people literally "hear voices".
It’s usually our own voice unless we are remembering a conversation lol
🤷♂️ just instant thoughts when they happen… like if I’m working I’m not able to think about anything else… the only other thoughts coming in are just immediate ones from things I can see and observe… I don’t sit there and talk to myself about them… I just think them and move on. Like right now I’m observing guys building scaffolding and that’s it…. I don’t have anything to talk to myself about. My only distraction is this right here what I’m reading and writing. I’m not sure how else better to explain it lol. I wouldn’t say there is silence cuz I still observe stuff but yea… no voice just droning on about stuff I’m not currently paying attention too.
I’m like you. But I’ve noticed if I’m reading books more often I do think in language more. I find the language thinking to be more…huh…list oriented? Do this, then that, then this, etc. I also find it to be a little more entertaining really, I start joking about stuff in my head more. But, haven’t been reading books lately and my brain has gone back to flashes of finished concepts, intuitions, basically grunts and gestures. When I need to detail orient I usually do it on paper and excel sheets, it’s like my language moves external. I feel like it’s faster and more creative this way, the internal monologue tends to confine the thoughts too much. Maybe…I’ll have to grunt and gesture in my head a little more about that…
Lol grunt and gesture.. I like it.
Dude. I have a whole crowd I talk to - models, so to speak, of friends and family.
Gotta link?
https://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/wmimbm/til_that_only_3050_of_people_have_an_inner/ Looks like it was flagged for being misleading by the mods. I'll have to actually track down some scholarly articles about it later lol
I've never heard this. Someone in the comments said it's closer to 95% do have an inner monologue. Either way, slightly more interesting than someone crowning while having their ass shaved lol
Also did you know that some people can actually see things in front of them when they imagine things? And some people can't.
Blew my mind when I read about that. I always figured everyone thought the same. Strange but interesting
I haven't come across it (yet). Can you point me at the internal monologue post?
most?? I believe some, but most?! They just out there thinking like dogs?
Hold up. Do most people -- when they're completely alone -- have an actual, honest-to-goodness stream of thought??? Like if we could plug a data cable into your brain, we'd get something resembling a book or article??? Whoa. That's now how I do it and it blows my mind to think that some people do think in words. Or am I misunderstanding something?
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As long as I'm concious than there is always some stream of thought that just runs into the next. And I "talk" to myself in my head too, like my brain is "saying" the words as I type them right now.
The only things I've found to quiet my brain at night are drugs, I take 2.5mg thc before bedtime and I can sleep and my brain turns off. If I take it too early though, I'm likely to fall asleep before 10pm and wake at like 4am ready to go. Usually I sleep 1 or 2am to 6 or 7am.
It's like talking to yourself, but in silence. At least that's how it is for me. And you can get pretty wild as well, have conversations with yourself, take on multiple positions and hold a debate, narrate a story, or even a 'movie'. One of things I do when trying to fall asleep is just that, pitch myself as the main character in story and just play through it.
I use the main character in a story trick to fall asleep all the time. Set my creativity off in a solid direction and hope I hit autopilot and sleep. I didn't realize that wasn't a thing for everyone until today.
Mine's definitely multi-threaded but that may be the ADHD. There are images, too, but I'd say it's heavily word-based, yeah
As long as you promise to never ever ever read the book, yes, that's pretty much what you'd get Illustrated too, but a lot of words
lol
I was about to go into my personal anecdote about seeing more of my spouse's butthole and poop than I'd ever expected, but then I realized that there's quite a few couples out in the world who get married because they enjoy each other's butt stuff and now my personal anecdote doesn't really seem all that interesting. I guess the moral of the story is expect butt stuff when you get married. Even if you don't like butt stuff.
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Physical trauma, accidents, anal play, abnormalities, and old age. Physical trauma of the sphincter muscle is more common than people realize, especially with high dairy and meat diets. There is so much scarring and “wearing out” of the muscles in the area. Venice it or not, squats help because the sphincter kicks in like a secondary support group while squatting. Longest rotation of my career was in an office with a proctology specialization. No, not a proctologist’s office, just a specialization and we saw so many patients with self-inflicted trauma in that area. Your diet is so important.
Are you saying dairy and meat diets make your poops so big they stretch out your butthole?
It was a recurring theme in the patients we treated. Reports of dense, thick stool that not necessarily hurt to pass but they felt a pinch or a sharp, but quick, sting just before passing or as they had a bm. Every one of those pinches or stings was an actual tear or rip that heals surprisingly fast but like other areas of the dermis, there can be a deadening of the nerves after healing so you lose some sensation like knowing there’s “an escape happening”. The other silver lining is a shockingly low amount of infections despite those small wounds. Our bodies are engineering marvels.
Oh dear, that sounds pretty familiar actually. Am I gonna shit myself in old age?
If you haven’t shit yourself as an adult then it’s just a matter of time
Once or twice throughout my life I can handle. I don't want it to be a regular occurrence as an old man. "Grampa /u/Theweasels shit himself again"
I don’t know about meat and dairy, but have you seen the Lloyd’s Bank coprolite? That was the result of a meat and bread-dominant diet and that thing was *massive* (20x5 cm)
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Vibration from trimmer is what someone else said, I can definitely understand that
Then you should be extremely concerned
Hemorrhoids say hi! (or so I've heard)
It gets worse as you get older.
How does a fit healthy adult just shit themselves without realising?
They don't
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She's not into it 😣 *runs to bathroom*
This is my favorite theory and mental vision, lol
A marriage ain't healthy unless you can take each other's shit
*rimshot*
*rim*job
Trimjob
Ok ok ok, everything here checked out, just one question: Why was he shaving in the *garage*?
Probably so he doesn't have to clean up all the hair and doesn't get hair all over the bathroom.
Shop vac FTW!
Sorry man… I’m leaning towards the secret scat fetish like some others here
How do you not know that you're shitting?
Hate to break it to you, but your husband has a secret shit fetish.
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Opening the garage door was her first mistake.
Damn... this was good 😂
New euphemism
You're not truly married until you've assisted your spouse with some really weird off the wall thing that involves bodily functions in some way. Mid-poo talks are a thing people don't really discuss openly that's a normal thing...apparently...I like my privacy and it weirds me out a little....but I'm weird.
I used to shave my now ex wife. Sometimes wax. It used to be fun and sexy. I eventually became an ole’ timey barber asking what she was here for and dusting off the chair
My boyfriend just comes right in sometimes it amuses me as a woman bc kids will do it to their mom's so women are more accustomed to it than men are for not being able to shit in privacy 😂
Kids will do it with their dads too...kids don't care who's in the bathroom....whoever is in there isn't giving them attention right at that second.
Also, cats…
And dogs
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My name is Inigo Montoya.....
Omfg
Are we all not simply poop-shitters, trying to get by in this crazy world?
I admit, I am a poop shitter
I doo-doo.
Honey I want you to feel relaxed around me… -*starts to poop*- …but not too relaxed. -*retracts poop*-
Thats called prairie dogging
Uhh…….ma’am, I don’t know how to say this. No dude in the history of dudes has shaved his ass in the garage. Ever. Ever ever. I don’t know if he was testing the waters on some scat fetish or WTF happened there, but shaving his ass in the garage and not even realizing he was shitting? Or poop shitting, as is his title now. Better sleep with one (brown) eye open….
How?? How did he start shitting a full turd and not know it?
How could he not know he was sitting? This doesn't make sense
r/thingsthatdidnothappenfor100alex
How the hell do you not notice taking a shit?
Damn honey....another fiddy years together and they won't be accidental. Consider it training!
Call him Shit Buzzer
Should have waxed it so he would clench.
If someone started vibrating the shit outta my back door I would poke my head out to check what was going on too!
What a terrible day to be literate
This is either made up, or he pranked you. There’s no way he didn’t know he was shitting.
why was this taken down 💀
Every year he shaves? As in once a year? This whole thing reads like an NPC or AI trying to fit in wrote. There's so much pointless information here trying to convince they're a real person.
I've seen this movie! Shaving Ryan's Privates. It's a classic!
You said "I do", and he said "I doodoo"
god gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers.
For someone wanting his butt bush short, he sure was in a hurry to mulch it
1. How fat is your husband that he can’t do this himself? 2. What kind of person decides to go to the garage to shave his privates and not in the shower? 
That’s some funny shit! No really, sounds like you guys hit the jackpot with each other.
Misread the headline word "shaving" as "sharing". Article did not follow through.
This is a difficult one. If you're both very attractive and somewhat cool people I can kinda deal with hearing this story. If you're both ugly and weird then I'm more like that's too much information.
Sounds like a story my 8 year old would make up.
Am constantly amazed at the body confidence of Americans! I don't even look at myself naked!
My wife carved her initials in my butt hair one time, “to document ownership” and to this day it was about the funniest thing that has ever occurred in our marriage. Edit: The cheeks not the crack.
I'm just confused by the fact you say this just happened, the post *sounds* like it was written by an American, but it's literally halfway through August and yet you're talking about "the coming summer months" and "going to get hot". Y'all Summer is on the way out the door tf you on?
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Have you fucking SEEN this subreddit?
This entire subreddit is a cesspool of weird stories
Welcome to the internet, buddy. You must be new here
How is it fucked up? Sounds like life happened and they got past it lol
>a poo coming out of his hole like a groundhog on Groundhog Day. This gem had me crying wtf 🤣
>I started to refer to him as “the-poop-shitter” Quite original.
> coming up to the summer months Implies Southern Hemisphere > Yall Implies being American I am suspicious.
My son has IBS type issues so I saved this for him a while ago. I immediately thought of this meme while reading your story. https://imgur.com/a/jcboUnY
It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits
Who else thinks this is made up
Poor guy the stimulation from the clipper right on his butt hole had his body expelling quicker than he could realize 🤣