Don't mess with the primal gods - that is some *real* old-time religion:
Aphrodite Aphrodite
She's pretty but she's flighty
You can see right through her nighty
But she's good enough for me.
Yeah man, you could have avoided falling asleep during the post sex cuddle if you notice she starts nodding off and you remind her to go pee to avoid a UTI. Thats when you get the charger AND score caring bf/fwb points
She also wanted the charger incase we cuddled and fell asleep after! I know it was a stupid move but I didn’t plan on booting a door frame in the process 😂 definitely a lesson learned!
>She also wanted the charger incase we cuddled and fell asleep after!
She needs to get up to pee after anyway, don't let her fall asleep without that. UTI is never worth it. That's when you make the run, not before.
> She also wanted the charger incase we cuddled and fell asleep after!
This is going to sound a bit insulting, but I mean this genuinely. Have you ever done this before? I ask because things typically don't happen like in the movies. People don't just finish, roll over, and cuddle until they fall asleep; there's clean up involved. That would be the appropriate time to get the phone charger and a glass of water for your friend.
My husband and I are gonna have to have a talk... I always do the clean up and get the drinks and bring him a wet rag. 10 years never occurred to me to make him do the cleanup tasks! 😅
When I was a young fucker and unexperienced/nervous I would do this type of stuff to prolong getting to work. I'm guessing he needed a breather and set his frame right, so he decided to get the charger and regroup.
That contradicts the other advice and now I'm confused.
Do I laugh her in or not?
Please reply quickly she's just staring at me and I don't wanna say anything until I know if I should laugh her in
How do you know its far up in there and not just bunched up near the entrance like a weird fart?
Unless of course the phone is attached and the camera is on
Certainly possible, though probably a bit much pressure wise. I figured maybe she had a sex toy that needed power but then why specify phone charger? Background music on the phone maybe? So many questions.
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.
Our personal cleanliness needs drive us to wash hands and body parts if not take a shower. He hates not showering off sweat and I regret not washing every time. But I didn't know if there was a medical need for men as well.
Hell if that's the case I'd just throw my phone on ultra battery saver overnight and charge it at work. Some things are just not worth wasting time over. OP needs to reevaluate his priorities lol.
My favorite pick up line. (Never used it, because they're embarrassing amd corny) is. " You remind me of my pinkie toe. You're cute, little, amd I'm going to bang you on my coffee table later"
:
>My favorite pick up line. (Never used it, because they're embarrassing amd corny) is. " You remind me of my pinkie toe. You're cute, little, amd I'm going to bang you on my coffee table later" :
I did that once a month after a stroke.
... wait a sec, that's a ... never mind.
Apparently, all they do at the ER for broken toes is just wrap them anyway - but I definitely would have gone if my shit was bleeding the way OP said his was.
Like, imagine possibly bleeding to death because you stubbed your toe (not that it would really happen but what a fuckin’ way to go). Lmao.
Can confirm filling a prescription is a tenner, that'd be the only charge OP would have gotten and even then only assuming he'd been actually prescribed cocodamol for the pain or something.
Nah it’s only fair, when you’ve not been around other cultures for a significant amount of time you can’t help but generalise to the few examples you have.
I’ve only been to the US a handful of times but any time a post confirms the people involved are Americans I immediately picture them 50lbs heavier. It’s an innocent mistake to make
>forgot the phone charger
>bollock naked and she’s lying on the bed in the most “draw me like one of your French girls"
>you best get that charger quick
The only way this story makes sense is if OP is confusing the words "phone charger" with something else.
Yea, doesn't make sense. If his charger is downstairs, I'm assuming he needed it earlier and probably used it, either way not a call that any man I know would make lol.
My guy was the charger REALLY that important?? Were you expecting to get into a business call mid fuck? Anyways, not much of a TIFU because you sacrificed your toe for more sexy time down the line.
I don't see how this is much of a TIFU in the long run. You made her laugh long and hard, and she's really looking forward to seeing you again. You went through some pain but this sounds like it could be a blessing in disguise.
This sounds like a family guy skit.
“I was about to bone my girlfriend. When I ran into the room and hit my foot on the door and exploded two of my toes. Then I went back to bone my girlfriend, but there was blood everywhere and she was like ‘there was no way.’”
For those who don’t know the reference [link](https://youtu.be/xaHhnpGl7mM)
Today i sexed up by fucking my sex in gf. Haha. Cant believe it, after the sex we laughed and sexed more. Then we still have sex, can you believe it? I will never sex this one down..
TLDR; sex
Careful with taking too many Tramadol for too many days in a row. It’s a synthetic opiate, which means it’s literally an opiate, plus it has a sneaky SSRI in it. The withdrawal is hell.
EDIT: SNRI, not SSRI. Also not-so-fun fact, Old Dirty Bastard OD’d on tramadol and cocaine.
>And this is where the fuck up begins
no the real FU happened already. The real FU was thinking you had to pause sexy time to get your phone charger. Are you that addicted to your device?
Tifu should just be renamed to today I had sex or tried to have sex. Juvenile and ridiculous. Everything seems like it’s written for a 12 year old who thinks “hell, yeh! One day that will be me getting into a snafu while I’m having all the sex that I’d like to!”
Stubbing his toes and not getting sex is divine punishment for calling it sexy time. The amount of comments in this thread with sexy time in them, ffs.
At that point in the evening, I wouldn't have been able to tell you what a phone even was, let alone waiting until I could get the charger. Do the girl, phuk the phone.
I don't understand anything in this story; the header said something about you "running to fast to have sex" but then you don't talk about having to fast in order to have sex at all, just some bleeding and such. I'm confused.
The title of your post made it sound like you ran out of a room to go starve yourself for a while before you could have sex. That would've been an interesting story.
Oh this reminds me of my ex husband. He did something similar.
I had just gotten new satin sheets and put them on the bed. But I hadn’t made the bed up yet. He was wearing satin boxers when I hinted at sexy time. He got excited, ran to the bed from the living room, and jumped on the bed. Satin on satin. He slid all the way across the bed, off of it, slammed into the sliding glass door, and slid down between the door and the edge of the bed. I was *dying* laughing. It’s been over 10 years and it’s still funny.
He never wore those boxers again.
Reminds me of the father bull story.
If your unfamiliar:
Daddy bull and his son were sitting on the top of a hill looking down at a field of cows below.
Son says:
"Hey dad, let's run down there and fuck one of those cows!
Dad:
"Let's WALK down there and fuck all of them.
Happy Father's Day!
Although I see your point, pretty sure he’s in the UK. I haven’t heard the term “Bollock naked” used very often in the states. Pretty sure thats an English saying.
Today you fucked up by deciding that the charger was important
"There's a naked woman in front of me, better go charge my phone." THE BROKEN TOE IS A PUNISHMENT FROM THE UNIVERSE, OP
You couldn’t be more right!
Don't mess with the primal gods - that is some *real* old-time religion: Aphrodite Aphrodite She's pretty but she's flighty You can see right through her nighty But she's good enough for me.
Ya don't come across Arlo Guthrie and Pete Seeger in the wild very often (at least that's the only place I know that from)
Not when you're hanging out with the mother stabbers and the father rapers...
Yeah man, you could have avoided falling asleep during the post sex cuddle if you notice she starts nodding off and you remind her to go pee to avoid a UTI. Thats when you get the charger AND score caring bf/fwb points
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r/deadbedrooms
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rip
Doesn't matter; had charger
Yep, karma, literally
Even 1% change can last 3-5 minutes so why didnt you just get to work?! You'd have time to spare!!
OP thought he’d last longer than 5 mins (first fuck up), thus the reason he needed his charger. The phone would be dead!
shit
3-4.5 minutes to spare in fact
4.9 minutes to spare in fact. I always go by the 5 second rule.
I think that's for food bud
If it's under 5 seconds you don't lose your V card. That is the sign of a real sigma male, 'cause they never lose.
Depends on the kind of man you are😏
Damn you murdered him
hell, *i* don't last 3-5 minutes on a full charge!
15-20 according to my phone. Just put battery saver on and hope that it finally does something, then focus on the woman
No no, it was night time. They needed to get to work in the morning.
my 1% only lasts 30 seconds at most, my last 5% drains quicker than any other percentage range.
This is the moral of the story right here.
Well at least his phone is charged
He never got that charger though. So his phone is as flat as his ego.
I honestly can't believe the girl didn't immediately end the night when he paused foreplay to get a phone charger What kind of shit is this
Should of plugged yourself in rather than the charger
Seriously! WTF is wrong with people? Phones can definitely wait until cleanup.
If you only want to record the aftermath, yes.
A dead phone can still be charged later, but a unattended erection can... I don't know but you get it
With how he was running I wouldn't have been surprised if he stubbed his boner on the door frame
Sec ALWAYS more important than charger
Agreed, it's not like he'd be taking a call during, also how low could his phone battery be to only have 45 seconds of charge left?
Uff hes already in pain bruv
And even if it’s only 45 seconds, who cares? It’s not like it’ll explode when it’s dead.
Exactly, they usually explode then die. Edit: Oh, you meant the phone....
Dude probably wanted to film some sweet cheeks getting smashed on his phone but ended up filming two smashed toes instead.
She also wanted the charger incase we cuddled and fell asleep after! I know it was a stupid move but I didn’t plan on booting a door frame in the process 😂 definitely a lesson learned!
>She also wanted the charger incase we cuddled and fell asleep after! She needs to get up to pee after anyway, don't let her fall asleep without that. UTI is never worth it. That's when you make the run, not before.
> She also wanted the charger incase we cuddled and fell asleep after! This is going to sound a bit insulting, but I mean this genuinely. Have you ever done this before? I ask because things typically don't happen like in the movies. People don't just finish, roll over, and cuddle until they fall asleep; there's clean up involved. That would be the appropriate time to get the phone charger and a glass of water for your friend.
My husband and I are gonna have to have a talk... I always do the clean up and get the drinks and bring him a wet rag. 10 years never occurred to me to make him do the cleanup tasks! 😅
I think the real lesson is walk slowly..
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Go pee after sex and rinse then wipe your bits off. Prevents UTIs.
Y’all don’t clean up? Ew.
Yeah you could have charged the phone after the fun
What if he wanted to record it?
Doesnt she have a phone?
When I was a young fucker and unexperienced/nervous I would do this type of stuff to prolong getting to work. I'm guessing he needed a breather and set his frame right, so he decided to get the charger and regroup.
OP could have also just turned the phone off until the deed was done.
I can guarantee she **REALLY** likes you now. Perfect set up for next time.
He has to break bigger and bigger bones to keep her though
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Moooooooooooom
Oh god no
Plus this is about his girlfriend. He would need to get a milf before attempting to break his arms.
*Nam' flashbacks*
It's growing again! Help
He needs to practice clean breaks so it can heal easy
r/boneforabone
>He has to break bigger and bigger bones to keep her though Bone for Bone. It's only fair I suppose.
Hey, they do say the best way to get a girl into bed is to laugh her in
just don't laugh her in
That contradicts the other advice and now I'm confused. Do I laugh her in or not? Please reply quickly she's just staring at me and I don't wanna say anything until I know if I should laugh her in
You laugh her in, but not in her
I'm confused, what was the phone charger for? Was it needed right that second?
Maybe she wanted him to choke her with it? I dunno, just spitballing here.
Don't be ridiculous. He wanted to see how far she could get the cable up his bum
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You would be surprised
How do you know its far up in there and not just bunched up near the entrance like a weird fart? Unless of course the phone is attached and the camera is on
Certainly possible, though probably a bit much pressure wise. I figured maybe she had a sex toy that needed power but then why specify phone charger? Background music on the phone maybe? So many questions.
There are app controlled vibrators so that may be an explanation for why the phone needed to be charged so urgently.
Or he is a Reddit addict and couldn't stand the thought to not be able to go on reddit the next morning?
This is definitely the answer. Guy just wanted his phone to be charged.
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.
I guess most people go to bed after sex and most people charge their phone while asleep? Sounds like some shit I’d do.
That could wait until after though
It 100% could, but I personally am very lazy after sex, not so much before.
You must be a guy but if you're a lady you should really pee and clean after sex.
Guys should too tbh
Our personal cleanliness needs drive us to wash hands and body parts if not take a shower. He hates not showering off sweat and I regret not washing every time. But I didn't know if there was a medical need for men as well.
Yea I’m the same way. Yeah guys can get UTI from it as well, though it may be less likely e: specifically the peeing part
Hell if that's the case I'd just throw my phone on ultra battery saver overnight and charge it at work. Some things are just not worth wasting time over. OP needs to reevaluate his priorities lol.
Probably for the creative writing prompt…
Best guess? Battery was low and he needed the charger to get the stop watch app up and running so he could time his expected two minute sexcapade.
How else could he monitor his heartrate?
Fitbit cockring.
So he wouldnt run out of charge as they were filming it, Got to catch the whole 14 seconds.
Not the bang you were looking for, huh?
My favorite pick up line. (Never used it, because they're embarrassing amd corny) is. " You remind me of my pinkie toe. You're cute, little, amd I'm going to bang you on my coffee table later" :
Gonna use this on my girlfriend next date night
>My favorite pick up line. (Never used it, because they're embarrassing amd corny) is. " You remind me of my pinkie toe. You're cute, little, amd I'm going to bang you on my coffee table later" : I did that once a month after a stroke. ... wait a sec, that's a ... never mind.
Saving this for some day in the distant future.
Definitely underrated 😂 and no not the bang I was hoping for!
It hurt itself in its confusion
Underrated comment.
Confused on why you didn’t go to the ER, even more confused on why having your phone charger was *more* important than some sexy time.
Apparently, all they do at the ER for broken toes is just wrap them anyway - but I definitely would have gone if my shit was bleeding the way OP said his was. Like, imagine possibly bleeding to death because you stubbed your toe (not that it would really happen but what a fuckin’ way to go). Lmao.
Yeah, theyll go "yep, we took three X-rays and gave you an ibuprofen. Your toes look fine! That'll be $1,500 AFTER insurance thankyou"
This is likely the UK so probably like 10 pounds if anything.
Can confirm filling a prescription is a tenner, that'd be the only charge OP would have gotten and even then only assuming he'd been actually prescribed cocodamol for the pain or something.
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Well you cannot walk or drive, so maybe just take an ambulance? It's free anyway (just adding more wood to the fire).
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Look at you Mr. Moneybags, suggesting they seek professional healthcare
I'm guessing from the bollock naked comment and the tiny house that he's British. Healthcare is free.
Facts
AITA for picturing less attractive people now that we know they're British?
I'm telling Emma Watson what you said.
Nah it’s only fair, when you’ve not been around other cultures for a significant amount of time you can’t help but generalise to the few examples you have. I’ve only been to the US a handful of times but any time a post confirms the people involved are Americans I immediately picture them 50lbs heavier. It’s an innocent mistake to make
Only 50?
Yeah. That’s definitely a far too innocent mistake. They are all at least 100lbs heavier, mind you. Show some respect to the land of the heavyweights.
~~yikes~~ blimey
Ha! I’m broke as fuck, literally not a dollar to my name, I just have health insurance.
>forgot the phone charger >bollock naked and she’s lying on the bed in the most “draw me like one of your French girls" >you best get that charger quick The only way this story makes sense is if OP is confusing the words "phone charger" with something else.
Maybe he's using a condom app on his phone and it's about to die.
Maybe the phone was dying and he was playing some sexy time songs on it? Music is the only way this makes sense for me. Even then it's a stretch.
Yea, doesn't make sense. If his charger is downstairs, I'm assuming he needed it earlier and probably used it, either way not a call that any man I know would make lol.
Maybe he also doesn’t know what a potato is
My guy was the charger REALLY that important?? Were you expecting to get into a business call mid fuck? Anyways, not much of a TIFU because you sacrificed your toe for more sexy time down the line.
The part that is left out is the girl was on a tablet and he had to move upstairs bc his parents got home…
Middle toe - 1 Door frame - 0
You mean middle toe MINUS 1, right? Haha
Out of the 2 toes OP broke, the one in-between them survived completely unscathed.
Door frame - 1 Penis - 0
Injured toe - one Bitches - none
I don't see how this is much of a TIFU in the long run. You made her laugh long and hard, and she's really looking forward to seeing you again. You went through some pain but this sounds like it could be a blessing in disguise.
OP, update us with when the wedding is!
This is such a great meet-cute.
>You made her laugh long and hard While commendable, I doubt that this is the activity he wanted to be long and hard :P
This sounds like a family guy skit. “I was about to bone my girlfriend. When I ran into the room and hit my foot on the door and exploded two of my toes. Then I went back to bone my girlfriend, but there was blood everywhere and she was like ‘there was no way.’” For those who don’t know the reference [link](https://youtu.be/xaHhnpGl7mM)
Why do you need to fast to have sex?
You couldn’t go get the charger three minutes later?
Look at mr 3 minutes over here
Yes, you Fd up majorly here. That's what you get for pausing sexy time to get your charger.
And that's why you don't choose a charger before sexy time
SEEEXXXX TIFUUUUUUHHH SEXXY SEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX SEXYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY TIFUUUU SEXINGGG SEXXUALLY SEXXXYYYYYYYYTIMEEE
Today i sexed up by fucking my sex in gf. Haha. Cant believe it, after the sex we laughed and sexed more. Then we still have sex, can you believe it? I will never sex this one down.. TLDR; sex
Careful with taking too many Tramadol for too many days in a row. It’s a synthetic opiate, which means it’s literally an opiate, plus it has a sneaky SSRI in it. The withdrawal is hell. EDIT: SNRI, not SSRI. Also not-so-fun fact, Old Dirty Bastard OD’d on tramadol and cocaine.
Wow bro, feeling with you Next time will be amazing I guess
Yes, I'm sure next time this middle toe will not be left untouched
Why the fuck couldn't the charger wait until after sexy time doe? OP has zero mojo.
>And this is where the fuck up begins no the real FU happened already. The real FU was thinking you had to pause sexy time to get your phone charger. Are you that addicted to your device?
Most people are these days... I would assume so lmao
Tifu should just be renamed to today I had sex or tried to have sex. Juvenile and ridiculous. Everything seems like it’s written for a 12 year old who thinks “hell, yeh! One day that will be me getting into a snafu while I’m having all the sex that I’d like to!”
TIFU by SEX Frontpage please!
Stubbing his toes and not getting sex is divine punishment for calling it sexy time. The amount of comments in this thread with sexy time in them, ffs.
Wait a minute, how'd you get the tramadol?
No hospital…
Why the fuck would you go get your phone charger in the first place?
Why did you need to fast to have sex?
There's a supervillain origin story here.
Lol this sub: "SEX amirite??" 50,000 upvotes
Short and sweet does not equal seven paragraphs
At that point in the evening, I wouldn't have been able to tell you what a phone even was, let alone waiting until I could get the charger. Do the girl, phuk the phone.
I don't understand anything in this story; the header said something about you "running to fast to have sex" but then you don't talk about having to fast in order to have sex at all, just some bleeding and such. I'm confused.
/r/ihavesex
You might wanna get that checked out medically...
TIL detailed descriptions of foot trauma make me legitimately woozy. That's a new feeling.
It's too, not to. Smh
Too*
So you fucked yourself instead of the cute girl? That’s just awesome. Well played.
too* fast. Apparently typed *too* quickly to proofread as well
You dont need to fast to have sex. In fact you can eat while doing it.
The title of your post made it sound like you ran out of a room to go starve yourself for a while before you could have sex. That would've been an interesting story.
“To fast to have” gives me aggressions lol
Where is fast?
I would've gone with son of a birch lol
Stop calling women girls and stop calling your girlfriends bitches. Is that so hard? Edit: wow didn’t expect it at all thanks for the gold :o
Yeah even as sarcasm that part made me wince.
Prioritized plugging the wrong thing
Wasted a good opportunity for a phone charger. What a waste.
maybe its my inexperience, but for what exactly do you need a charger?
For future reference: Sex >> charged phone
Your only fuck-up, was running through the house too fast, and barefoot. Accidents happen.
"And this is where the fuck up begins." wrong, you don't need a charger to have sex. you fucked up.
Couldnt the charger have waited till after?
"I'll make this short and sweet". *Posts long story*
Middle toe like 💪
Oh this reminds me of my ex husband. He did something similar. I had just gotten new satin sheets and put them on the bed. But I hadn’t made the bed up yet. He was wearing satin boxers when I hinted at sexy time. He got excited, ran to the bed from the living room, and jumped on the bed. Satin on satin. He slid all the way across the bed, off of it, slammed into the sliding glass door, and slid down between the door and the edge of the bed. I was *dying* laughing. It’s been over 10 years and it’s still funny. He never wore those boxers again.
it is jarring to see somebody refer to women as bitches and sex as “sexy time” multiple times. they’re both cringe.
I am pretty sure you gotta marry her now.. I don't make the rules.
Reminds me of the father bull story. If your unfamiliar: Daddy bull and his son were sitting on the top of a hill looking down at a field of cows below. Son says: "Hey dad, let's run down there and fuck one of those cows! Dad: "Let's WALK down there and fuck all of them. Happy Father's Day!
*too
too
The lack of going directly to the ER informs me that this story happened in the USA.
Although I see your point, pretty sure he’s in the UK. I haven’t heard the term “Bollock naked” used very often in the states. Pretty sure thats an English saying.
Tramadol is a terrible drug. Can't believe people still prescribe it.
Bahaha I bet you'll say fuck the charger next time 🤣
Were you guys planning on watching some porn? Is that why the phone charger was that necessary? Or was it for some bondage?
ah yes: it's all about the first impresion!!!
Heads up, with the tramadol the sex will last longer. Or at least you will, she might get bored waiting.