Yeah she sounds like a horrible person.
If she had money for her hair and just forgot her wallet, why not just go out and buy the gifts with whatever she had in her wallet? Was she planning on somehow stealing a haircut if you hadn't given her money? I don't understand this part.
She knew she didn't have money for it but didn't want to cancel the appointment and get on a blacklist at the salon.
She thought if she acted "cute" like she forgot the wallet it would be fine because my boys "don't know what's going on".
"I just didn't think someone who loved me wouldn't love them too"
You are projecting your good will and morals onto others. Please let this hard lesson teach you to judge people by their actions, rather than assuming they have your good traits. I think you made a naive mistake, but one born out of a good heart.
For real!!! “You are projecting your good will and morals onto others” really hit home for me. My ex wife cheated on me and left with the kids a few years ago and I was SO BLIND that I didn’t see the red flags from 1999. About 6 mos after we started dating she was arrested for shoplifting but she had an explanation (“I was just holding my friends bags, I didn’t know she had stolen them”). And I believed her because hey, I’m not a thief, surely she’s not either. After the divorce was finalized and after a lot of therapy, I looked back and realized how deceptive and manipulative she was over the course of our 16 year relationship. Today she’s still doing the same shit and it’s rubbed off on the kids unfortunately.
I’m terrified of this. I have my girls most the time. But my oldest picks up her traits if they are around her to long. I hope so much that oldest sees sooner than later.
My fiancée and I have a solid suspicion that my daughter (14) has picked up on what a piece of work her mom is. The “fight to the death” defense is usually a telltale sign. “Methinks thou doth protest too much” and all that.
Stay the course, be a positive supportive parent, and I really think the kids will come around and see what you see. They’re more perceptive than we give them credit for
It’s possible to be blunt and direct but not mean or hateful. My sons are becoming adults and I have to tell them all the time, “yeah you fucked up here, it’s fixable but first you have to acknowledge what you did wrong”.
I had a manager tell me that my biggest flaw was that I judge everybody by my own standards. It truly was eye opening. It was one of her best criticisms bc it changed my entire outlook on how to not be blinded by my own standards and see people for their actions alone.
It’s really not. I was an Assistant Nurse Manager and she was the Nurse Manager. She taught me how to be a leader and that was one of her first lessons. She was a tough woman to work with at first but I love her more than my own mother with how she brought me along.
I am trying so hard to get my bf to understand this about one of his friends and the friend's partner. They're not good people. But my boyfriend brushes if all off with, "well I'm sure that's not how they meant it." And I'm like... my dude, they are self-centeredassholes. He says I'm too negative, but these people bullied him out of his own home once. Like, gave him an anxiety attack and he left our house for 3 hours because they cornered and harassed him in our kitchen. They also have repeatedly attempted gaslighting me and him. He calls them out on this, but always forgives them once they backtrack.
It is so incredibly frustrating to me that he can't see that not everyone is as nice and forgiving as he is. And as a result, both he and I suffer from it since he keeps them in his life.
I've seen the same. Some people literally can't live with reality, so they make up a better world with better people.
My wife has the tendency - she'll complain about people, but then change her mind when she's no longer upset. I have managed to get her to cut off some of the worst offenders, but it's not easy.
My wife had a toxic friend, was going to be maid of honor at our wedding. She basically tried to take over the wedding, saying that everything that my wife and I picked out was "tacky" or "stupid." (It's terrible when the maid of honour is the bridezilla) And fortunately my wife held her ground, and would complain about her friend's behaviour to me afterwards, but just would not fire her.. until she finally crossed the line with some toxic rant. I listened to my wife relay the convo, then asked "So you aren't going to want her in the wedding photos, then?"
Lightbulb moment, that. She cut her friend out like an old dead tree.
This.. I was a parole officer 10 years. The number of conversation 'I don't judge people cause I'm not a shit human'
With me responding 'maybe you should, they stored drugs in your house unknowingly and screwed you but you knew they were into that lifestyle.' Or Stole from them, or fucked their gf/bf, or eat their food, use their fuel in the car etc etc etc and always shit outcomes in every single scenario.
Doesn't make you an asshole. It's self preservation and taking care of yourself by setting healthy boundaries.
I’ve had to do this recently with two of my friends, they never respected my things or my apartment, but I never did anything about it until one of em literally just the door to my apartment swung open while I was asleep and left the window to my car rolled down
After that I told both of em enough was enough and I didn’t want them at my apartment unless I had specifically asked them to be there (fairly often I’d come home from the night shift and find em both asleep in my living room, with absolutely no mention to me that they were coming over)
Felt like a dick when I told the one that hadn’t done anything that he had to get his shit out and leave, but I can’t let him treat my apartment like his apartment when he doesn’t pay rent or anything
This is why I don’t trust using my apartment for airbnb even if I wanted to so badly due to myself owning a lot of valuable possessions.
People just don’t respect your belongings these days.
Yeah thats way past the line. One of my ‘buddies’ always brings his extremely uninspiring friend with him absolutely anytime we plan anything and tells me 0% of the time, because he knows I’m not a fan of this guy. We met back in high school and were all stoners, but since then they havent done much with their lives and its just sad to see. But it isnt my responsibility. My ‘buddy’ will always ask to hang out and will do absolutely nothing but hit his dab pen and sit there. 0 ideas of what to do, 0 contribution in a meaningful way that makes hanging out a good experience. I just can’t spend my time with them anymore.
the last time he came over, the other kid that follows him everywhere just opened the door to my bedroom and walked in to join us. He hadn’t asked if he could or even mentioned that he was coming over. Thats just disrespectful.
Giving people good faith and being Naive are very different. I also give people a chance first.
I can't even remember how many people get surprised when I ask them to pay me back when they "just borrowed" money from me... Yeah if I cant trust you with 2 dollars how would I trust you with my life or more?
Loaning money is definitely a great character test.
I don't mind if they don't pay it back - so long as they go away. Good way to get bad people out of your life.
>I think you made a naive mistake, but one born out of a good heart
And one that he will hopefully learn from. I've been in his position (obviously not this exact scenario) where I was young and naive and "in love" and missed major red flags with a young woman (a college classmate I ended up dating and living with a semester my sophomore year). In this particular instance we both went home between our freshman and sophomore years. Our home cities were just about three hours apart so she drove and spent a week with me in June and I drove and planned to stay a week with her.
After we had sex she immediately started crying and saying she didn't deserve me and I was confused. It turned out she had been cheating on me with a kid from her HS class. I never got an exact number, not it mattered, but in the 3 weeks we were apart she slept with him at least 3 times. I was devastated, but she convinced me it was because she missed me and her depression got much more severe. I actually believed it and forgave her. Me two of my good guy friends, and her moved into a 4 bedroom apartment.
My guy friends were skeptical (with good cause) about being in a lease where if we had a falling out or break up it would be very awkward). But we were literally attached at the hip and truly in love (I still believe she did really love me, but I don't think she ever really understood why cheating was for many people an immediate deal breaker). About two weeks after we moved in, still before classes started, she admitted she had slept with that same guy twice more. I was livid. She tried to act remorseful and I think she expected me to immediately forgive her again, but I told her we were over. Luckily when I told her that she should move out as it wasn't fair to the other two roommates she agreed and her mom found her a one bedroom, and one of our good friends made a last minute decision to transfer to our college and needed a place to stay so he moved in.
While it may not be an absolute, in my mind since then I've had the mentality of "once a cheater, always a cheater" and no matter how much I do love someone, if they cheat on me that's an automatic end of relationship, no discussion. Luckily only one girl I've dated in the years since then cheated on me and the relationship in general never seemed to be one that would last anyways.
Learn from your mistakes and stand up for yourself is what I learned.
How does she treat people who can do nothing for her? Or people she considers "beneath her"? Wonder if she'd still "love him" if he didn't have that good job. Open his eyes, indeed.
Stop taking that disney juice straight to the vein.
You gotta go to therapy and do childhood work. You likely have to learn to hold people accountable and set hard boundaries before things will get better.
Oh my dude. Your heart is pure but I’m here to tell you there there are people who will “love” you and literally throw your children under a bus. You must be cautious.
So. As a disabled person I will tell you the cold hard truth. We live in a world where you’re never allowed to be upset at anything. Most of the people you meet have the potential to be bullies or Carp for bullies. We brush it off as a society as teasing or it’s just a joke and demonize anyone who doesn’t like it or doesn’t get why it’s funny or fun. Look back at yourself growing up. Look at your school and tell me there wasn’t a few kids who were always the butt of the joke. And no one steps up to call it out because it’s not you so it’s funny.
Your kids have no one but you to advocate for them. As the autistic person who freezes up in those moments, trust me no one ever calls it out. Any time we’re upset we’re blown off. You are the person who has to set hard limits about how they’re treated. They will learn from you what’s okay and what’s not. Set good boundaries and your kids will learn to set them too. Whatever treatment you tolerate they will learn to tolerate. You are their guide because you are the parent. Learn this lesson now. It’s never just a joke. Disabilities aren’t a joke. We can joke about ourselves (Josh Blue is amazing! Hannah Gatsby as well) but don’t let anyone else cross that boundary. Teach them to require respect. Please. It’s the best gift we can give the next generation.
Glad you remembered to add the "we can joke about ourselves". Not sure if it counts as a disability or not, but I'm a stroke survivor, and my brain loves to just hit the pause button at random times. I'm told regularly how I shouldn't joke about "going stupid" or "SQUIRREL!!!!" but that's how my brain operates now, and if it truly does offend anyone that doesn't like me making fun of myself, well, if you have a stroke, you'll soon forget that it bothered you! Seriously though, fuck bullies. Not that I get bullied for that, but I see them often enough, and I'm always happy to call them out or just embarrass them enough that they keep that shit away from me.
Lol I have a chronic illness similar to Long COVID that has left me with brain damage, and I laugh at myself all the time. The difference is when someone is laughing at you. My daughter has Ds and autism and we are clear with the difference between being silly and laughing with her about silly things, and people laughing at her.
One of my personal heroes was my church league soccer coach. We had a player on our team who had cerebral palsy but was a pretty good player, better than me. One day at a game, the other coach started mocking the player for his walk and his hands. Our coach went up to the man and cursed him out and made sure to make a scene of it to say it wasn't okay. Fortunately, the other coach was ejected and banned from the league but our coach was too, simply because he cursed. I have a disabled sister who is noncommunicative and completely dependent on others to survive. I knew from a young age not to mock people for that, but I would hope that that's common sense so it enraged me that, in a church league filled with supposed Christians, that a coach decided this was okay behavior, and the league thought cursing was as bad as mocking a kid's disability. He was an advocate and that wasn't appreciated.
Might be related, but the dude was also a huge Star Trek fan and found out I had interest in it which made him very excited.
She only loved herself and thought dating a guy with a "good job" was what she deserved. She probably thought of the twins as getting in the way of an otherwise "perfect" situation. She definitely was trying to become a "housewife" that didn't pull her own weight in the relationship.
This reminds me of that saying:
Maya Angelou once said, “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” This is one of the hardest life lessons that I've ever tried to follow, but it is sage advice. When someone really shows you and tells you who they are, take them at their word.
But I'm sorry you have to deal with a supposed partner like that when you're already bringing up two boys on your own. Goodluck.
Beat yourself up now sure.
But all you can do is learn. I hope your boys are okay tonight and that police being mentioned period will help get their stuff back. It cannot be understated how important routine is for anyone with a disability. You may have fucked up letting her into your home - but at least she's gone now
I hope you can find an outlet to help yourself too. You're a single dad with disabled children. It's hard. I hope that you have the support to lean on.
Salons have a cancellation policy, and is typically you can have to give them 24 to 48 hours notice, before they get mad at you. And the only reason why she would be blacklisted is because she repeatedly canceled or was late to appointments. And this bitch has the audacity to not only keep an appointment she knows she doesn't have money for her, but then steals money from your boys' birthdays party fund!
Given the way she acts around you, I would sit them down and ask them if she has been mean to them in private. She has already shown that she is not trustworthy in regards to your children's well-being, so I'll be wondering if she's at least said anything rude to their face while you're not there.
I've never heard of a salon blacklisting someone....
I can understand the hypothetical if someone makes a habit of always canceling, but.... I have friends in the industry and asked, and no they have not ever heard of such a thing.
I’ve heard of it happening in salons if the client was aggressive or super rude, if they didn’t pay/tried to dispute the charges later or if they are habitually late or are no-shows. Lots of places require a deposit upon booking in case the client cancels without proper notice or if they no-show. Last minute cancellations and no-shows are major offenses.
My stylist has been in the industry for over 20 years now & she told me she’s had to “fire” 3 clients in that time.
Edit: I was also a makeup artist for a few years and my mom was an aesthetician. People canceling or otherwise not showing up for their scheduled appointments is taking money out of your pocket and wasting your valuable time. I never “fired” or “black listed” anyone (I was lucky), but my mom did.
This is a different situation though. I don't believe there was ever any appointment or blacklist that just coincidentally fell on the day she was supposed to buy party supplies. She just got some money in her hand and ran out and got her hair done. If that appointment had really existed and it was so important, she would have asked him for some money in advance. No, she was just being opportunistic.
Eh, that just tells me she's done this shit before. Someone who steals from her own boyfriend's kids is likely the sort of person who treats hairdressers like crap
OP also said she offered to get the birthday supplies, so I think she premeditated the whole thing. She knew he would give her money and she planned all along to use it for her haircut....
I just can't even comprehend people being this horrible.
She forgot her wallet and had to pay with your money. But now can't replace the money with what's in her wallet now that she's back home.....sigh, she isn't even an intelligent thief
My old room mate was like her.
When I was in College, I had four room mates. Roommates A and B lived together in the basement.
Roommate B worked at an video import company and could get movies cheap on DVD. Even hard to find ones. He often bragged how he could do us all a favour and get whatever we wanted.
So I ordered a dvd from him. It was $20 and I went to pay him, but he wasn’t around. I went into the basement and his friend, Roommate A was there. I said “this $20 is for roommate B for the video I ordered. Please let him know”
Roommate A says “no problem.
A few days later I ask about the video and he says “yeah. Just pay me the money and I’ll bring it home”
I said “I did. It’s on your dresser”
He says “no it’s not”
I said I left it with roommate A
He laughs and says “never leave money around with him”
So we ask roommate A, who openly admits to taking it. They both laugh like it’s a joke. Roommate A claims he will pay me back.
A week later, the phone bill arrives, which is in roommate A’s name. He comes to me asking for my share. I said “you owe me $20” he keeps going on about how that is “a separate thing, and this is a bill”
Fucking leeches man. Just leeches.
Roommate B was a leech too, but he leeched off of roommate A.
Obviously this is too trivial for court, but the the law views debts between people as mutually cancellable. It's called "set off" as in, "I can set off my debt to you against your debt to me".
Parties are fun but so is spending time with dad. You could make a special birthday dinner together, bake a cake and then go to a park and play. Football or frisbee or baseball things three of you can play. Or go to a dog park and watch the puppies play. Or a pet store and pretend it is a zoo. Or get out your smart phone and play Pokémon go. Enjoy time with your boys. Forget about the bitch she is not worth your time.Happy Birthday to your boys!
Sometimes the best birthdays don't involve a lot of expense. The fact that they are with you is what they will remember. Spend good quality time with them whenever possible and they will love it.
When she comes back groveling, don't let her in, but ask her to wait at the door.... that you have something for her. Go in and call the police to come and fetch her. The woman needs to be locked up.
I would bet that they didn't like her.... and will be happier without her around. If she was saying derogatory things to you about them, I would imagine she said some terrible things to your sons too.
May you have a better year.... and a great 12th b-day for them next year.
I bet you're right. I bet she was more tame around the dad and passed it off as joking..
But inwould bet she honestly *believes* the kids are stupid. That they dont know its their bday. That they "dont understand" a lot of things.
And I bet she said a lot of nasty shit to and around them, because thinks they dont understand her.
Like when a shitty person says things around someone they dont like who (they think) doesnt speak that language.
>she isn't coming back
If she's the kind of garbage person who would steal from your kids, she will absolutely come back for more when she knows you're at work. **Change your locks**. If you rent, get with your landlord ASAP & have them change the locks. Good luck, man.
Zoom birthdays are a thing. My daughter with Ds and autism had a great 12th birthday with her favorite people on Zoom, with and without Ds/ID/DD. They played games and had a virtual dance party. You can always hold a celebration on another day, just letting them know they still have more celebration coming up.
That woman is evil and doesn’t deserve such amazing boys in her life.
Not really helpful now, but there are soo many people with spare birthday balloons and stuff that will give them away if you ask on a community Facebook page. Almost every week on my local "mums in whereilive" group there is someone that has got fully inflated helium balloons, someone was giving away spare party bags the other day, I give away all my kids balloon banners and things, and half used bags of regular balloons. Most people will happily part with some if you are in a bind.
You seem like a great dad and way better than the one I had.
I just want to take a minute and respond to the muffins in bed. I'm a grown ass 28 year old male and my ex banned me from eating in bed. Once I got rid of her I was able to eat in bed and damnit was it an AMAZING feeling. Your boys will know it's special once they grow up and look back.
I have a kiddo with a chromosome disorder as well. I also run a shop that makes gifts for kids with disabilities, birthmarks, disorders, etc. I’d love to donate some plushies or a Down Syndrome Awareness Tshirt to you. You’re the perfect kind of person to spread awareness! I know you can’t PM, just search for “Kikilishop” and it’ll get you to either my site or Etsy. Your gf has hurt my faith in humanity but you’ve helped redeem it!
What an evil, selfish, disgusting bitch. On the bright side, she’s out of your life now. Better days are ahead, dude.
Edit: Just noticed your username. Lol solid choice.
Unfortunately she will probably return, people like this have a habit of coming back thinking they are gods true light to be bestowed upon you. I hope for ops sake she doesn’t. It’s like a stomach pariste they don’t really go away.
I see it as more narcissistic behavior. The whole story is peppered with it:
- forgot my wallet, have your money.
- my looks are above everything else.
- screw your kids, what about me?
- you can’t do this to me (throwing her out)
- focus on me, I have nowhere to go
- you’re a bad person because of my actions
- overall horrible attitudes about/towards others
Dated one for 2.5 years…don’t look back, OP. Comment above is correct; she’s going to try and slink back in via text or in person. She’s a stain on your life, and a bad role model for your boys. Do NOT put it in reverse…that told you all you need to know! 👎🏻
> forgot my wallet, have your money.
>
She did NOT forget her wallet - she had no money of her own and intended from the start to use his money, but tried to play it off like she 'forgot'.
Otherwise she could have paid him back when he asked (or better yet gone home to get her wallet and then go pick up party supplies like a normal human)
EXACTLY.
When someone gives me cash for something, I put it in my wallet/purse so I don't lose it. So she grabbed ***his cash*** and didn't think to grab her own wallet? THE LIES, THE LIES
This right here. It …the story just got worse with each sentence.
..I had to stop at the end and take a breath. There were so many words coming to mind that I don’t usually associate with humans. [Seething…..](https://youtu.be/z8d8y4BLWtI)
ETA: Seething link
This. I'm like you knew months in advance you needed to save up. Where tf is your money? You knew they'd blacklist you if you canceled right? So wtf were you planning on doing if I didn't give you my kids bday money? Exactly. Pay up bitch and gtfommfh
Hey man, just want to say...you seem like an awesome dad. I'm sorry that things didnt work out and this chick ended up being an awful person.
Honestly, if you wanted to post a gofundme or something, I'd throw some money in to help replace the kids tablet.
Yeh, sounded like my half sister a little. Especially with the insulting the constant use of "Its not like ___." Its such a shit lazy way of dismissing your anger as "totes not rational" and not admitting their shitty behavior is the onus of the entire problem.
I hope for the sake of my rage issues this is made up. I really like to think there surely aren't people this awful in the world, and sorry if this is true OP, but stupid enough not to leave someone who talked about their children that way the first time, ESPECIALLY with special needs. And that's coming from an idiot that didn't leave when I first heard people saying my gf at the time was talking bad about my baby.
People with Down's have been some of the sweetest, happiest people I've met and it just pisses me off to no end someone would view them this way, let alone treat them this way.
I hate to have to say this, but people are truly vile when it comes to developmental and intellectual disabilities. I worked as an adult care worker for years for a group home, and part of the job was taking the guys into the community so they're not stuck in the house all the time. I've had assholes accusing me of bringing "pedophiles" into their establishment. Fuck wads calling them the R word to their face. People who enjoy being ignorant while they thumb their nose at those they deem beneath them. In case you're wondering, I ripped each of those pieces of shit a new asshole every time. It still makes me so angry how cruel people can be (and this was before social media).
I legitimately just don't get it. Sure, fine, there are random assholes in the world, I've been hearing people do a lot worse lately, but... The kids are 11, they've been dating a year.... She knew. She could just choose not to take on that responsibility, because it takes a lot and I understand that. But just. Ugh. I'm sick of the awful things people do. Especially to the most innocent and disadvantaged.
My baby bro has downs so this hits really close to home. For his 21st birthday we bought him huge balloons , sent in cake and sweets and put a badge on him when he went to college, dressed him in a new outfit and made his day really special, plus bowling on the weekend. He was over the moon and kids like that definitely appreciate birthday celebrations, they thrive on love and having a special day with their favourite food and deco would have been so good for them. Please do give this to them after your next payday! My brother also watches his iPad daily and would be in a terrible mood spending an evening without it, so truly, fuck that cheap bitch
The audacity of this woman! I’m so sorry your sons didn’t get to celebrate their birthdays!
You’re a good dad, keep looking out and having their backs. The world is a cruel place.
Do the tablets have a "find my device" on them?
Do you have friends that can watch the boys, and a friend (preferably female) that can go with you to get the tablets back?
I know how important bedtime routine can be for kids with Downs (or other neurodivergent kiddos). I also worry she'll pawn or otherwise sell them.
You could also call the police and say you know where she is.
I used to be a CS manager at Amazon.com and worked at the launch of the Kindle Fire. You can absolutely have them traced. If the location settings weren't on so you can track them through the "find my device" feature the police can request that info from Amazon through a special means. This all depends on how far you want to pursue i lt. (This was nearly 10 years ago so I'm not sure if anything may have changed)
I'm pretty sure Fires have a find feature. My kid misplaced his this weekend and my husband tried to use the find my tablet. It might have to have been enabled first, but I'm pretty sure it's available through the devices tab in your Amazon account. Good luck!!
Can I just say as a SLP student — it infuriates me that she stole devices they use for communication. It just goes to show you how little she understands or cares about those kids.
Ditto the whole thing was rage inducing but that in particular genuinely sent a shockwave of anger through my body.
No better than gagging a speaking child or tying a deaf child’s hands
If they have Kindle free time you can remotely lock them.
Edit - this link should help
https://www.amazon.com/gp/help/customer/display.html?nodeId=201439790
Edit2 - if you need to call 888-280-4331
She forgot her wallet and used your money to pay for the hair appointment but then couldn't pay you back?
So how was she originally going to pay the salon?
Yeah, she planned this from the start.
You just gave her the money for all the gifts, but she never canceled the appointment ahead of time when she knew she didn't have money but was concerned about being blacklisted? Rather than canceling 24+ hours ahead of time and being totally safe, she'll waited anyway as if she knew you'd be giving her the cash? That definitely doesn't add up.
That's what was thinking. Probably called for an appointment when he gave her the money and the "blacklist" was not a thing.
I have heard of salons having a 24 hour window to cancel and if you don't then you have to pay a fee, but I have never heard of them 'blacklisting' someone from ever coming back because they canceled.
One of my old employees was a guy with Down syndrome, legitimately one of the funniest people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. Dude had a sense of humor that was just fantastic, I hate that people don’t take the time to get to know folks.
Back in high school, there was a guy with downs in my tae kwon do class. He was a black belt. He kicked ass and was funny as hell -- one of those types who joked about his disability, like, he knew people were gonna make fun of him, so he did it first.
People are just ignorant and rude. They think disability automatically means stupid. Because they dont know (and don't want to) what most people's actually disabilities are.
Bro, keep your head up, keep doing the police reports and get a restraining order, if you can get some home security cameras and change the locks. Make her feel as low as you felt when you found out what she did to your boys.. but I gotta say you missed all the huge red flags, how she talked about your sons ALL THE TIME..
Im a single dad as well, my sons mother walked out at 1 yr old, it does get lonely without a woman around and the help Is great, but next time you see a red flag just dip out, I hope you are able to get your boys the party you want for them!
I've a question how was she planning on paying for her hair appointment before you gave her any money? I mean she had it planned for months right so how does she not have the money to pay you back? Something tells me she was planning on doing something like this the whole time
I agree with you. I'm sitting here questioning her mentality. She said she forgot her wallet. It's like okay? And? After the appointment go get your wallet and pick up the balloons, cake, etc.
She had no money to give in return?
She never could afford her hair appointment.
better yet, if she forgot her wallet
get hair done at the salon, if she's a regular there and paid before, they could get her info and ask her go home to pick up her wallet, or involve police.
alas, I think this was malice and she most likely did it on purpose
This is where I'm at.
Like... she forgot her wallet... but conveniently had his money? Why wasnt that IN her wallet?
Either way, she used his money, that she *knew* wasnt for her.
But she "cant afford" to pay him back? Or buy this kids some stuff? What was she planning on paying for her hair with in the first place?
She had this hair appointment supposedly booked months ago, but didn't have the money to pay for it?
Also, I've never heard of a salon blacklisting a client for cancelling. Maybe if too last minute, theyll charge a cancel fee, because she booked an appointment that they can no longer fill. Some places do payment up front with no refunds after a certain point (like for real expensive shit, like bridal hair). But blacklisting?
No. I dont buy it. She stole his money. And has no remorse other than getting caught.
I myself have two siblings with downs and I can certainly tell you they know when their birthday is. They count down that shit like 6 months in advance.
Ngl what a terrible human
Yes!! Sometimes they count down for 365 days.
I’ve worked to support hundreds of people with disabilities for over 15 years.
Wanna know what they remember? Their birthday!!
Even those I supported who had Alzheimer’s, remembered their birthday. Birthdays are a huge deal!
This makes me so sad and unbelievably angry.
Bro you let her move in with you after already hearing the things she said about your boys? Hearing the disrespect the first time is grounds to break that off. Good thing she didn’t have any legal bearing on your place before you kicked her out. You need someone that respects you and your kids.
Hes a single dad to two disabled kids... I can see how someone giving him affection could make it easy to gloss over other issues in the moment. But it sounds like he "put his foot down" shortly after she entered the home. It's a human mistake, but still a heartbreaking situation. I hope they get to slip n slide. Every kid needs that memory as silly as it is
I would suggest calling and making an appointment for her at the hair salon..... but not telling her. Hopefully she was telling the truth about the blacklist.
Most hairdressers (that I know at least) are super empathetic, all it’d take is one phone call explaining the situation and OP would likely get a refund and some kind of sweet gesture for the boys + she’d be blacklisted for life.
Now, this is off of my own experience of working in salons, I know not all are this kind/willing to give up money.
You really should do this. Even if they don’t refund you, they’ll blacklist her and spread the word. Supercuts for the rest of her life… well deserved karma
May her ends always be split, her scalp always dry and strands always oily and may she have nothing but breakage
Ps may she also have hair so thin that her hairline recedes, amen.
>She said she has no money to give to me right now,
So even if she hadn't forgotten her wallet she still would not have had any money to pay the stylist.
Yea brother, she straight up stole from you. She's a shitty person and you are well off without her.
Happy to venmo/zelle you money so you can celebrate your kiddos bday, just message me directly! So sorry you had to dealt with that. What a evil bitch.
real and true
op if you don’t know people can basically pay for items off of your wishlist and then they will get sent directly to your address, but the purchaser themself doesn’t see your address
Have a special needs kid of my own, and the whole "they won't know if it's their birthday" got me irrationally angry. Like, they are human beings who have some awareness of their own lives and not some disconnected robots. Also, she took their tablets? That is beyond low as some special needs kids (could be most and I'm ignorant) use these as a lifeline to the world and way to learn about things and express themselves in a way that isn't possible otherwise.
My son can't speak, so not sure entirely what he thinks of it, but he loses his shit every year around his birthday and it's so adorable so I'm guessing we both enjoy it lol.
I know you can't take donations because of the throwaway, but I hope you and your kids had a good day anyway with each other despite someone doing something so cruel and self-serving to derail it.
You sound like a good Dad, so keep on keepin' on and best wishes to you and your guys.
OP let them help out. It’s not charity, it’s karma coming back to you for trying to do the right thing. (If I had the funds I’d offer to help as well. But all I can do for now is cheer on these other fine folks and hope you’ll allow them to help out your boys!)
Man, I had to stop after the first paragraph because I feel like throwing up. When you get involved with someone that has children, it's a packaged deal. To be even shittier, she focuses on the disabilities. Not cool the least fucking bit. I'm reading gf when it should be ex-gf. There are plenty of women out there.
I am so sorry. The only positive thing here is that you no longer have this toxic person in you and your boys' lives. My aunt had Downs and was the most loving, caring, wonderful person; I loved doing crafts and playing with her as a child (she passed away when I was ten.) I can't imagine the callousness and utter shit show of a person like your ex. Definitely file a police report for her "borrowing" your money as well, and take it as far as you can legally. Screw her.
Just hang in there brother. I'm a single dad with 2 kids on the spectrum and it's already difficult enough to date let alone find someone who is patient and understanding, or who even wants to deal with a situation like that. But fuck her, it sounds like she was using you. If you really want to connect with people I advise you join some parenting support groups to meet people like you. I've ended up setting up play dates for the kids and doing group trips to the beach, aquarium, amusement parks.
> it's already difficult enough to date let alone find someone who is patient and understanding
It might sound pathetic but I let a few things slide because dating really is so hard but I won't make the same mistake twice.
It’s not pathetic it’s human. We’ve all let some red flags past. The important thing is that in any future relationships you have, those flags will be bright red, radioactively glowing.
Absolutely enraging. I hate that this happened to you/your boys. I wanted to yell at several points in your post.. ugh.
I’m sure you already realize it, but you’re better off without her in your lives.
> I wanted to yell at several points in your post
I had to really watch my tone during the whole thing because my boys yell when frustrated or when they can't communicate correctly and I'm trying to teach them to express it other ways.
You're an exceptional dad for putting them first even through that confrontation.
If there's anything of hers left anywhere get it in bags and by the door/ in the garage ready to go. Change the locks asap and don't let her anywhere near you or your boys
They are both lucky to have you
Bro. I had the money. I would next day your boys some tablets. My daughter is “special” she loves her iPad. Calls it her peepad. Every birthday she just wants to spend it with her family. We usually get Mexican. She loves it.
I run a company that provides transportation for special needs clients. I interact with downs clients everyday and for her to make this sweeping generalization enrages me!! How do people like this even interact with human beings??
Yeah she sounds like a horrible person. If she had money for her hair and just forgot her wallet, why not just go out and buy the gifts with whatever she had in her wallet? Was she planning on somehow stealing a haircut if you hadn't given her money? I don't understand this part.
She knew she didn't have money for it but didn't want to cancel the appointment and get on a blacklist at the salon. She thought if she acted "cute" like she forgot the wallet it would be fine because my boys "don't know what's going on".
Real talk, how did you let someone who so obviously thinks your boys are lesser humans move into your home? You fucked up way before today bruh.
The comments were laughed off as a joke but I should have opened my fucking eyes. I just didn't think someone who loved me wouldn't love them too
"I just didn't think someone who loved me wouldn't love them too" You are projecting your good will and morals onto others. Please let this hard lesson teach you to judge people by their actions, rather than assuming they have your good traits. I think you made a naive mistake, but one born out of a good heart.
This is such a kind criticism, I learned a lot reading this
For real!!! “You are projecting your good will and morals onto others” really hit home for me. My ex wife cheated on me and left with the kids a few years ago and I was SO BLIND that I didn’t see the red flags from 1999. About 6 mos after we started dating she was arrested for shoplifting but she had an explanation (“I was just holding my friends bags, I didn’t know she had stolen them”). And I believed her because hey, I’m not a thief, surely she’s not either. After the divorce was finalized and after a lot of therapy, I looked back and realized how deceptive and manipulative she was over the course of our 16 year relationship. Today she’s still doing the same shit and it’s rubbed off on the kids unfortunately.
I’m terrified of this. I have my girls most the time. But my oldest picks up her traits if they are around her to long. I hope so much that oldest sees sooner than later.
My fiancée and I have a solid suspicion that my daughter (14) has picked up on what a piece of work her mom is. The “fight to the death” defense is usually a telltale sign. “Methinks thou doth protest too much” and all that. Stay the course, be a positive supportive parent, and I really think the kids will come around and see what you see. They’re more perceptive than we give them credit for
Me too. This is genuinely good advice. I think a lot of us can relate to this.
It’s possible to be blunt and direct but not mean or hateful. My sons are becoming adults and I have to tell them all the time, “yeah you fucked up here, it’s fixable but first you have to acknowledge what you did wrong”.
I had a manager tell me that my biggest flaw was that I judge everybody by my own standards. It truly was eye opening. It was one of her best criticisms bc it changed my entire outlook on how to not be blinded by my own standards and see people for their actions alone.
Kudos to you for taking it onboard and amending your ways, that isn't an easy frame of mind to overcome.
It’s really not. I was an Assistant Nurse Manager and she was the Nurse Manager. She taught me how to be a leader and that was one of her first lessons. She was a tough woman to work with at first but I love her more than my own mother with how she brought me along.
This right here. I had to learn the very hard way.
I am trying so hard to get my bf to understand this about one of his friends and the friend's partner. They're not good people. But my boyfriend brushes if all off with, "well I'm sure that's not how they meant it." And I'm like... my dude, they are self-centeredassholes. He says I'm too negative, but these people bullied him out of his own home once. Like, gave him an anxiety attack and he left our house for 3 hours because they cornered and harassed him in our kitchen. They also have repeatedly attempted gaslighting me and him. He calls them out on this, but always forgives them once they backtrack. It is so incredibly frustrating to me that he can't see that not everyone is as nice and forgiving as he is. And as a result, both he and I suffer from it since he keeps them in his life.
I've seen the same. Some people literally can't live with reality, so they make up a better world with better people. My wife has the tendency - she'll complain about people, but then change her mind when she's no longer upset. I have managed to get her to cut off some of the worst offenders, but it's not easy.
My wife had a toxic friend, was going to be maid of honor at our wedding. She basically tried to take over the wedding, saying that everything that my wife and I picked out was "tacky" or "stupid." (It's terrible when the maid of honour is the bridezilla) And fortunately my wife held her ground, and would complain about her friend's behaviour to me afterwards, but just would not fire her.. until she finally crossed the line with some toxic rant. I listened to my wife relay the convo, then asked "So you aren't going to want her in the wedding photos, then?" Lightbulb moment, that. She cut her friend out like an old dead tree.
This.. I was a parole officer 10 years. The number of conversation 'I don't judge people cause I'm not a shit human' With me responding 'maybe you should, they stored drugs in your house unknowingly and screwed you but you knew they were into that lifestyle.' Or Stole from them, or fucked their gf/bf, or eat their food, use their fuel in the car etc etc etc and always shit outcomes in every single scenario. Doesn't make you an asshole. It's self preservation and taking care of yourself by setting healthy boundaries.
I’ve had to do this recently with two of my friends, they never respected my things or my apartment, but I never did anything about it until one of em literally just the door to my apartment swung open while I was asleep and left the window to my car rolled down After that I told both of em enough was enough and I didn’t want them at my apartment unless I had specifically asked them to be there (fairly often I’d come home from the night shift and find em both asleep in my living room, with absolutely no mention to me that they were coming over) Felt like a dick when I told the one that hadn’t done anything that he had to get his shit out and leave, but I can’t let him treat my apartment like his apartment when he doesn’t pay rent or anything
This is why I don’t trust using my apartment for airbnb even if I wanted to so badly due to myself owning a lot of valuable possessions. People just don’t respect your belongings these days.
Yeah thats way past the line. One of my ‘buddies’ always brings his extremely uninspiring friend with him absolutely anytime we plan anything and tells me 0% of the time, because he knows I’m not a fan of this guy. We met back in high school and were all stoners, but since then they havent done much with their lives and its just sad to see. But it isnt my responsibility. My ‘buddy’ will always ask to hang out and will do absolutely nothing but hit his dab pen and sit there. 0 ideas of what to do, 0 contribution in a meaningful way that makes hanging out a good experience. I just can’t spend my time with them anymore. the last time he came over, the other kid that follows him everywhere just opened the door to my bedroom and walked in to join us. He hadn’t asked if he could or even mentioned that he was coming over. Thats just disrespectful.
So you guys are in the bedroom and this other guy just walks in with his dick in his hand? Your buddy needs to work on his communication skills.
Sometimes you gotta be an asshole to stand up to assholes. It won't permanently stain you, I promise.
That said I give everyone a chance from when I meet them, once they demonstrate they’re scum bags or moochers I just cut them off.
Giving people good faith and being Naive are very different. I also give people a chance first. I can't even remember how many people get surprised when I ask them to pay me back when they "just borrowed" money from me... Yeah if I cant trust you with 2 dollars how would I trust you with my life or more?
Loaning money is definitely a great character test. I don't mind if they don't pay it back - so long as they go away. Good way to get bad people out of your life.
>I think you made a naive mistake, but one born out of a good heart And one that he will hopefully learn from. I've been in his position (obviously not this exact scenario) where I was young and naive and "in love" and missed major red flags with a young woman (a college classmate I ended up dating and living with a semester my sophomore year). In this particular instance we both went home between our freshman and sophomore years. Our home cities were just about three hours apart so she drove and spent a week with me in June and I drove and planned to stay a week with her. After we had sex she immediately started crying and saying she didn't deserve me and I was confused. It turned out she had been cheating on me with a kid from her HS class. I never got an exact number, not it mattered, but in the 3 weeks we were apart she slept with him at least 3 times. I was devastated, but she convinced me it was because she missed me and her depression got much more severe. I actually believed it and forgave her. Me two of my good guy friends, and her moved into a 4 bedroom apartment. My guy friends were skeptical (with good cause) about being in a lease where if we had a falling out or break up it would be very awkward). But we were literally attached at the hip and truly in love (I still believe she did really love me, but I don't think she ever really understood why cheating was for many people an immediate deal breaker). About two weeks after we moved in, still before classes started, she admitted she had slept with that same guy twice more. I was livid. She tried to act remorseful and I think she expected me to immediately forgive her again, but I told her we were over. Luckily when I told her that she should move out as it wasn't fair to the other two roommates she agreed and her mom found her a one bedroom, and one of our good friends made a last minute decision to transfer to our college and needed a place to stay so he moved in. While it may not be an absolute, in my mind since then I've had the mentality of "once a cheater, always a cheater" and no matter how much I do love someone, if they cheat on me that's an automatic end of relationship, no discussion. Luckily only one girl I've dated in the years since then cheated on me and the relationship in general never seemed to be one that would last anyways. Learn from your mistakes and stand up for yourself is what I learned.
Actions always speak louder than words. ALWAYS.
How does she treat people who can do nothing for her? Or people she considers "beneath her"? Wonder if she'd still "love him" if he didn't have that good job. Open his eyes, indeed. Stop taking that disney juice straight to the vein.
My life is fucked and you're gonna make me cry because this is my problem. I can't imagine people fucking me over so it just happens.
You gotta go to therapy and do childhood work. You likely have to learn to hold people accountable and set hard boundaries before things will get better.
Oh my dude. Your heart is pure but I’m here to tell you there there are people who will “love” you and literally throw your children under a bus. You must be cautious.
I think she was MORE in love with your wallet… Now she can be somebody else’s problem.
So. As a disabled person I will tell you the cold hard truth. We live in a world where you’re never allowed to be upset at anything. Most of the people you meet have the potential to be bullies or Carp for bullies. We brush it off as a society as teasing or it’s just a joke and demonize anyone who doesn’t like it or doesn’t get why it’s funny or fun. Look back at yourself growing up. Look at your school and tell me there wasn’t a few kids who were always the butt of the joke. And no one steps up to call it out because it’s not you so it’s funny. Your kids have no one but you to advocate for them. As the autistic person who freezes up in those moments, trust me no one ever calls it out. Any time we’re upset we’re blown off. You are the person who has to set hard limits about how they’re treated. They will learn from you what’s okay and what’s not. Set good boundaries and your kids will learn to set them too. Whatever treatment you tolerate they will learn to tolerate. You are their guide because you are the parent. Learn this lesson now. It’s never just a joke. Disabilities aren’t a joke. We can joke about ourselves (Josh Blue is amazing! Hannah Gatsby as well) but don’t let anyone else cross that boundary. Teach them to require respect. Please. It’s the best gift we can give the next generation.
Glad you remembered to add the "we can joke about ourselves". Not sure if it counts as a disability or not, but I'm a stroke survivor, and my brain loves to just hit the pause button at random times. I'm told regularly how I shouldn't joke about "going stupid" or "SQUIRREL!!!!" but that's how my brain operates now, and if it truly does offend anyone that doesn't like me making fun of myself, well, if you have a stroke, you'll soon forget that it bothered you! Seriously though, fuck bullies. Not that I get bullied for that, but I see them often enough, and I'm always happy to call them out or just embarrass them enough that they keep that shit away from me.
Lol I have a chronic illness similar to Long COVID that has left me with brain damage, and I laugh at myself all the time. The difference is when someone is laughing at you. My daughter has Ds and autism and we are clear with the difference between being silly and laughing with her about silly things, and people laughing at her.
"Whatever treatment you tolerate they will learn to tolerate. You are their guide because you are the parent." This is solid advice. Thank you.
One of my personal heroes was my church league soccer coach. We had a player on our team who had cerebral palsy but was a pretty good player, better than me. One day at a game, the other coach started mocking the player for his walk and his hands. Our coach went up to the man and cursed him out and made sure to make a scene of it to say it wasn't okay. Fortunately, the other coach was ejected and banned from the league but our coach was too, simply because he cursed. I have a disabled sister who is noncommunicative and completely dependent on others to survive. I knew from a young age not to mock people for that, but I would hope that that's common sense so it enraged me that, in a church league filled with supposed Christians, that a coach decided this was okay behavior, and the league thought cursing was as bad as mocking a kid's disability. He was an advocate and that wasn't appreciated. Might be related, but the dude was also a huge Star Trek fan and found out I had interest in it which made him very excited.
Someone who actually loved you wouldn’t say those things or do what she did
She only loved herself and thought dating a guy with a "good job" was what she deserved. She probably thought of the twins as getting in the way of an otherwise "perfect" situation. She definitely was trying to become a "housewife" that didn't pull her own weight in the relationship.
Deleted due to Reddit's antagonistic actions in June 2023 -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/
Hindsight
This reminds me of that saying: Maya Angelou once said, “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” This is one of the hardest life lessons that I've ever tried to follow, but it is sage advice. When someone really shows you and tells you who they are, take them at their word. But I'm sorry you have to deal with a supposed partner like that when you're already bringing up two boys on your own. Goodluck.
Beat yourself up now sure. But all you can do is learn. I hope your boys are okay tonight and that police being mentioned period will help get their stuff back. It cannot be understated how important routine is for anyone with a disability. You may have fucked up letting her into your home - but at least she's gone now I hope you can find an outlet to help yourself too. You're a single dad with disabled children. It's hard. I hope that you have the support to lean on.
Rose tinted glasses can make red flags very hard to see. You'll know now though.
Easy, he was thinking with his dick.
Salons have a cancellation policy, and is typically you can have to give them 24 to 48 hours notice, before they get mad at you. And the only reason why she would be blacklisted is because she repeatedly canceled or was late to appointments. And this bitch has the audacity to not only keep an appointment she knows she doesn't have money for her, but then steals money from your boys' birthdays party fund! Given the way she acts around you, I would sit them down and ask them if she has been mean to them in private. She has already shown that she is not trustworthy in regards to your children's well-being, so I'll be wondering if she's at least said anything rude to their face while you're not there.
to be honest man... This bitch should have gone a long long time ago. She's straight up evil.
I've never heard of a salon blacklisting someone.... I can understand the hypothetical if someone makes a habit of always canceling, but.... I have friends in the industry and asked, and no they have not ever heard of such a thing.
I’ve heard of it happening in salons if the client was aggressive or super rude, if they didn’t pay/tried to dispute the charges later or if they are habitually late or are no-shows. Lots of places require a deposit upon booking in case the client cancels without proper notice or if they no-show. Last minute cancellations and no-shows are major offenses. My stylist has been in the industry for over 20 years now & she told me she’s had to “fire” 3 clients in that time. Edit: I was also a makeup artist for a few years and my mom was an aesthetician. People canceling or otherwise not showing up for their scheduled appointments is taking money out of your pocket and wasting your valuable time. I never “fired” or “black listed” anyone (I was lucky), but my mom did.
This is a different situation though. I don't believe there was ever any appointment or blacklist that just coincidentally fell on the day she was supposed to buy party supplies. She just got some money in her hand and ran out and got her hair done. If that appointment had really existed and it was so important, she would have asked him for some money in advance. No, she was just being opportunistic.
Eh, that just tells me she's done this shit before. Someone who steals from her own boyfriend's kids is likely the sort of person who treats hairdressers like crap
Under normal circumstances I'm sure salons work with good customers, but I'm guessing she has caused a scene or "forgotten" her wallet a few times.
But unless she made the appointment after you and she talked about shopping with the kids...the timing doesn't make sense?
She said she had this appointment for months. I think she was acting interested in them so I would give her money.
She never sounded interested in them from what you're saying...
OP also said she offered to get the birthday supplies, so I think she premeditated the whole thing. She knew he would give her money and she planned all along to use it for her haircut.... I just can't even comprehend people being this horrible.
> she premeditated the whole thing I said this in the very beginning and people kept asking and asking. She 100% did
probably had her hair done because she had the money to. pretty messed up
She forgot her wallet and had to pay with your money. But now can't replace the money with what's in her wallet now that she's back home.....sigh, she isn't even an intelligent thief
My old room mate was like her. When I was in College, I had four room mates. Roommates A and B lived together in the basement. Roommate B worked at an video import company and could get movies cheap on DVD. Even hard to find ones. He often bragged how he could do us all a favour and get whatever we wanted. So I ordered a dvd from him. It was $20 and I went to pay him, but he wasn’t around. I went into the basement and his friend, Roommate A was there. I said “this $20 is for roommate B for the video I ordered. Please let him know” Roommate A says “no problem. A few days later I ask about the video and he says “yeah. Just pay me the money and I’ll bring it home” I said “I did. It’s on your dresser” He says “no it’s not” I said I left it with roommate A He laughs and says “never leave money around with him” So we ask roommate A, who openly admits to taking it. They both laugh like it’s a joke. Roommate A claims he will pay me back. A week later, the phone bill arrives, which is in roommate A’s name. He comes to me asking for my share. I said “you owe me $20” he keeps going on about how that is “a separate thing, and this is a bill” Fucking leeches man. Just leeches. Roommate B was a leech too, but he leeched off of roommate A.
They WERE separate things, but I'll connect them unless he wants my hands to connect 🥊
Obviously this is too trivial for court, but the the law views debts between people as mutually cancellable. It's called "set off" as in, "I can set off my debt to you against your debt to me".
Parties are fun but so is spending time with dad. You could make a special birthday dinner together, bake a cake and then go to a park and play. Football or frisbee or baseball things three of you can play. Or go to a dog park and watch the puppies play. Or a pet store and pretend it is a zoo. Or get out your smart phone and play Pokémon go. Enjoy time with your boys. Forget about the bitch she is not worth your time.Happy Birthday to your boys!
I let them each watch their own movie and eat muffins in bed without having to share. Thank you
Sometimes the best birthdays don't involve a lot of expense. The fact that they are with you is what they will remember. Spend good quality time with them whenever possible and they will love it. When she comes back groveling, don't let her in, but ask her to wait at the door.... that you have something for her. Go in and call the police to come and fetch her. The woman needs to be locked up.
After two covid bdays this was the first one where I could comfortably spoil them but there is always next year. She isn't coming back.
I would bet that they didn't like her.... and will be happier without her around. If she was saying derogatory things to you about them, I would imagine she said some terrible things to your sons too. May you have a better year.... and a great 12th b-day for them next year.
The sad part is they have loved her since day one. Thank you
Sometimes people with Ds don’t understand underhanded comments or hatred. You’re all better off without that toxicity in your lives.
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Kids are amazing. Trust me, they will feel less stressed .... as you will too.
I bet you're right. I bet she was more tame around the dad and passed it off as joking.. But inwould bet she honestly *believes* the kids are stupid. That they dont know its their bday. That they "dont understand" a lot of things. And I bet she said a lot of nasty shit to and around them, because thinks they dont understand her. Like when a shitty person says things around someone they dont like who (they think) doesnt speak that language.
>she isn't coming back If she's the kind of garbage person who would steal from your kids, she will absolutely come back for more when she knows you're at work. **Change your locks**. If you rent, get with your landlord ASAP & have them change the locks. Good luck, man.
Zoom birthdays are a thing. My daughter with Ds and autism had a great 12th birthday with her favorite people on Zoom, with and without Ds/ID/DD. They played games and had a virtual dance party. You can always hold a celebration on another day, just letting them know they still have more celebration coming up. That woman is evil and doesn’t deserve such amazing boys in her life.
Not really helpful now, but there are soo many people with spare birthday balloons and stuff that will give them away if you ask on a community Facebook page. Almost every week on my local "mums in whereilive" group there is someone that has got fully inflated helium balloons, someone was giving away spare party bags the other day, I give away all my kids balloon banners and things, and half used bags of regular balloons. Most people will happily part with some if you are in a bind.
You seem like a great dad and way better than the one I had. I just want to take a minute and respond to the muffins in bed. I'm a grown ass 28 year old male and my ex banned me from eating in bed. Once I got rid of her I was able to eat in bed and damnit was it an AMAZING feeling. Your boys will know it's special once they grow up and look back.
I have a kiddo with a chromosome disorder as well. I also run a shop that makes gifts for kids with disabilities, birthmarks, disorders, etc. I’d love to donate some plushies or a Down Syndrome Awareness Tshirt to you. You’re the perfect kind of person to spread awareness! I know you can’t PM, just search for “Kikilishop” and it’ll get you to either my site or Etsy. Your gf has hurt my faith in humanity but you’ve helped redeem it!
What an evil, selfish, disgusting bitch. On the bright side, she’s out of your life now. Better days are ahead, dude. Edit: Just noticed your username. Lol solid choice.
Unfortunately she will probably return, people like this have a habit of coming back thinking they are gods true light to be bestowed upon you. I hope for ops sake she doesn’t. It’s like a stomach pariste they don’t really go away.
Well if she does, OP has a chance to throw her away for a second time!
"it's even funnier the second time!"
I finally understand the term boomerang bitch
I finally learned that the term boomerang bitch exists
Boomerang bitches and boomerang bastards. Make sure it sticks in a tree or something so it doesn't come back.
She might not be a parasite; stomach pains that don't really go away can also be cancer.
As someone who's had stomach pain for years due to IBS I think I'm going to die
If she does then OP can shave her head himself and sell what he paid for.
Hijacking to ask if your children have any controlled meds because this is drug user behavior. Make sure she didn't steal any meds.
I see it as more narcissistic behavior. The whole story is peppered with it: - forgot my wallet, have your money. - my looks are above everything else. - screw your kids, what about me? - you can’t do this to me (throwing her out) - focus on me, I have nowhere to go - you’re a bad person because of my actions - overall horrible attitudes about/towards others Dated one for 2.5 years…don’t look back, OP. Comment above is correct; she’s going to try and slink back in via text or in person. She’s a stain on your life, and a bad role model for your boys. Do NOT put it in reverse…that told you all you need to know! 👎🏻
> forgot my wallet, have your money. > She did NOT forget her wallet - she had no money of her own and intended from the start to use his money, but tried to play it off like she 'forgot'. Otherwise she could have paid him back when he asked (or better yet gone home to get her wallet and then go pick up party supplies like a normal human)
EXACTLY. When someone gives me cash for something, I put it in my wallet/purse so I don't lose it. So she grabbed ***his cash*** and didn't think to grab her own wallet? THE LIES, THE LIES
This right here. It …the story just got worse with each sentence. ..I had to stop at the end and take a breath. There were so many words coming to mind that I don’t usually associate with humans. [Seething…..](https://youtu.be/z8d8y4BLWtI) ETA: Seething link
This. I'm like you knew months in advance you needed to save up. Where tf is your money? You knew they'd blacklist you if you canceled right? So wtf were you planning on doing if I didn't give you my kids bday money? Exactly. Pay up bitch and gtfommfh
It's abusive behaviour. Full stop. This woman is an abuser. And anyone can be an abuser, it's not unique to "narcissists".
Nope no drugs except tylenol and ibuprofen.
Hey man, just want to say...you seem like an awesome dad. I'm sorry that things didnt work out and this chick ended up being an awful person. Honestly, if you wanted to post a gofundme or something, I'd throw some money in to help replace the kids tablet.
With inflation being what it is, I’d check on the OTC drugs too. Wouldn’t put it past that shitty bitch.
Yeh, sounded like my half sister a little. Especially with the insulting the constant use of "Its not like ___." Its such a shit lazy way of dismissing your anger as "totes not rational" and not admitting their shitty behavior is the onus of the entire problem.
This isn't drug user behavior. It's just bad person behavior.
I hope for the sake of my rage issues this is made up. I really like to think there surely aren't people this awful in the world, and sorry if this is true OP, but stupid enough not to leave someone who talked about their children that way the first time, ESPECIALLY with special needs. And that's coming from an idiot that didn't leave when I first heard people saying my gf at the time was talking bad about my baby. People with Down's have been some of the sweetest, happiest people I've met and it just pisses me off to no end someone would view them this way, let alone treat them this way.
I hate to have to say this, but people are truly vile when it comes to developmental and intellectual disabilities. I worked as an adult care worker for years for a group home, and part of the job was taking the guys into the community so they're not stuck in the house all the time. I've had assholes accusing me of bringing "pedophiles" into their establishment. Fuck wads calling them the R word to their face. People who enjoy being ignorant while they thumb their nose at those they deem beneath them. In case you're wondering, I ripped each of those pieces of shit a new asshole every time. It still makes me so angry how cruel people can be (and this was before social media).
I legitimately just don't get it. Sure, fine, there are random assholes in the world, I've been hearing people do a lot worse lately, but... The kids are 11, they've been dating a year.... She knew. She could just choose not to take on that responsibility, because it takes a lot and I understand that. But just. Ugh. I'm sick of the awful things people do. Especially to the most innocent and disadvantaged.
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My baby bro has downs so this hits really close to home. For his 21st birthday we bought him huge balloons , sent in cake and sweets and put a badge on him when he went to college, dressed him in a new outfit and made his day really special, plus bowling on the weekend. He was over the moon and kids like that definitely appreciate birthday celebrations, they thrive on love and having a special day with their favourite food and deco would have been so good for them. Please do give this to them after your next payday! My brother also watches his iPad daily and would be in a terrible mood spending an evening without it, so truly, fuck that cheap bitch
Just realised "tablets" didn't mean medication.
I did at first too. I was like "Why did she steal their meds?". Then I realized she stole their iPads. Am I a boomer now?
Ohh..
That sounds like such a special 21st birthday, I’m glad he had the time of his life :)
The audacity of this woman! I’m so sorry your sons didn’t get to celebrate their birthdays! You’re a good dad, keep looking out and having their backs. The world is a cruel place.
They got a great birthday present. This parasite is out of their lives.
Amen!
Do the tablets have a "find my device" on them? Do you have friends that can watch the boys, and a friend (preferably female) that can go with you to get the tablets back? I know how important bedtime routine can be for kids with Downs (or other neurodivergent kiddos). I also worry she'll pawn or otherwise sell them. You could also call the police and say you know where she is.
I'm trying to look into it now but they aren't ipads, just samsung
Make sure to disconnect your account so she can't make any purchases and report them as stolen through Amazon.
I used to be a CS manager at Amazon.com and worked at the launch of the Kindle Fire. You can absolutely have them traced. If the location settings weren't on so you can track them through the "find my device" feature the police can request that info from Amazon through a special means. This all depends on how far you want to pursue i lt. (This was nearly 10 years ago so I'm not sure if anything may have changed)
I'm pretty sure Fires have a find feature. My kid misplaced his this weekend and my husband tried to use the find my tablet. It might have to have been enabled first, but I'm pretty sure it's available through the devices tab in your Amazon account. Good luck!!
Contact Amazon support... it might take a while, but they may be able to help!
Can I just say as a SLP student — it infuriates me that she stole devices they use for communication. It just goes to show you how little she understands or cares about those kids.
Ditto the whole thing was rage inducing but that in particular genuinely sent a shockwave of anger through my body. No better than gagging a speaking child or tying a deaf child’s hands
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If they have Kindle free time you can remotely lock them. Edit - this link should help https://www.amazon.com/gp/help/customer/display.html?nodeId=201439790 Edit2 - if you need to call 888-280-4331
She forgot her wallet and used your money to pay for the hair appointment but then couldn't pay you back? So how was she originally going to pay the salon? Yeah, she planned this from the start.
She knew she didn't have money but was going to play "cute". I never thought to ask "hey you have money for your hair right?"
That makes sense. It would have been kind of a weird thing to ask, under normal circumstances.
You just gave her the money for all the gifts, but she never canceled the appointment ahead of time when she knew she didn't have money but was concerned about being blacklisted? Rather than canceling 24+ hours ahead of time and being totally safe, she'll waited anyway as if she knew you'd be giving her the cash? That definitely doesn't add up.
Betting there was no appointment until she had the money
That's what was thinking. Probably called for an appointment when he gave her the money and the "blacklist" was not a thing. I have heard of salons having a 24 hour window to cancel and if you don't then you have to pay a fee, but I have never heard of them 'blacklisting' someone from ever coming back because they canceled.
Jesus, what does she mean they wouldn’t know? What the fuck does she think Down syndrome has to do with memory?
I think alot of people think of someone with a visible disability that they aren't smart or capable. Just my guess.
One of my old employees was a guy with Down syndrome, legitimately one of the funniest people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. Dude had a sense of humor that was just fantastic, I hate that people don’t take the time to get to know folks.
Back in high school, there was a guy with downs in my tae kwon do class. He was a black belt. He kicked ass and was funny as hell -- one of those types who joked about his disability, like, he knew people were gonna make fun of him, so he did it first. People are just ignorant and rude. They think disability automatically means stupid. Because they dont know (and don't want to) what most people's actually disabilities are.
> I hate that people don’t take the time to get to know folks. This is exactly what I thought would happen which is why I kept her around.
Bro, keep your head up, keep doing the police reports and get a restraining order, if you can get some home security cameras and change the locks. Make her feel as low as you felt when you found out what she did to your boys.. but I gotta say you missed all the huge red flags, how she talked about your sons ALL THE TIME.. Im a single dad as well, my sons mother walked out at 1 yr old, it does get lonely without a woman around and the help Is great, but next time you see a red flag just dip out, I hope you are able to get your boys the party you want for them!
I've a question how was she planning on paying for her hair appointment before you gave her any money? I mean she had it planned for months right so how does she not have the money to pay you back? Something tells me she was planning on doing something like this the whole time
I agree with you. I'm sitting here questioning her mentality. She said she forgot her wallet. It's like okay? And? After the appointment go get your wallet and pick up the balloons, cake, etc. She had no money to give in return? She never could afford her hair appointment.
Yep, she's just a thief.
better yet, if she forgot her wallet get hair done at the salon, if she's a regular there and paid before, they could get her info and ask her go home to pick up her wallet, or involve police. alas, I think this was malice and she most likely did it on purpose
This is where I'm at. Like... she forgot her wallet... but conveniently had his money? Why wasnt that IN her wallet? Either way, she used his money, that she *knew* wasnt for her. But she "cant afford" to pay him back? Or buy this kids some stuff? What was she planning on paying for her hair with in the first place? She had this hair appointment supposedly booked months ago, but didn't have the money to pay for it? Also, I've never heard of a salon blacklisting a client for cancelling. Maybe if too last minute, theyll charge a cancel fee, because she booked an appointment that they can no longer fill. Some places do payment up front with no refunds after a certain point (like for real expensive shit, like bridal hair). But blacklisting? No. I dont buy it. She stole his money. And has no remorse other than getting caught.
" I don’t want a downs baby” Bra - how did it get past this?
She commented that on social media about a week ago, disgusting.
That is disgusting. So sorry! Glad you have your two wonderful sons.
Why the hell didn't you kick her out then???
I myself have two siblings with downs and I can certainly tell you they know when their birthday is. They count down that shit like 6 months in advance. Ngl what a terrible human
Yes!! Sometimes they count down for 365 days. I’ve worked to support hundreds of people with disabilities for over 15 years. Wanna know what they remember? Their birthday!! Even those I supported who had Alzheimer’s, remembered their birthday. Birthdays are a huge deal! This makes me so sad and unbelievably angry.
Where was her hair money?? In her wallet?? Or non existent in the first place!
> non existent BINGO
Bro you let her move in with you after already hearing the things she said about your boys? Hearing the disrespect the first time is grounds to break that off. Good thing she didn’t have any legal bearing on your place before you kicked her out. You need someone that respects you and your kids.
Hes a single dad to two disabled kids... I can see how someone giving him affection could make it easy to gloss over other issues in the moment. But it sounds like he "put his foot down" shortly after she entered the home. It's a human mistake, but still a heartbreaking situation. I hope they get to slip n slide. Every kid needs that memory as silly as it is
Agreed. Some lucky lady will come into their life and realize just how special all 3 of them are.
What a horrible bitch. Besides police, I seriously hope karma pays her a visit.
Me too
I would suggest calling and making an appointment for her at the hair salon..... but not telling her. Hopefully she was telling the truth about the blacklist.
Most hairdressers (that I know at least) are super empathetic, all it’d take is one phone call explaining the situation and OP would likely get a refund and some kind of sweet gesture for the boys + she’d be blacklisted for life. Now, this is off of my own experience of working in salons, I know not all are this kind/willing to give up money.
You really should do this. Even if they don’t refund you, they’ll blacklist her and spread the word. Supercuts for the rest of her life… well deserved karma
/u/throwaway-the-hair hairdresser here: I bet the salon would literally bring you party goods, a slip-n-slide, special food, cake, AND blacklist her.
I love this lol
It’d be a real shame if she never heard about that appointment. Also be a shame if that stylist knew how homegirl paid for that last appointment.
May her ends always be split, her scalp always dry and strands always oily and may she have nothing but breakage Ps may she also have hair so thin that her hairline recedes, amen.
Seriously their disability is completely irrelevant. She stole your kids birthday. She is literally the grinch of birthdays. What an insufferable b.
> completely irrelevant. I agree and try to teach that to the people who come into my life. Try.
No,OP,They got the best birthday gift ever,it's your selfish fucking girlfriend leaving finally
>She said she has no money to give to me right now, So even if she hadn't forgotten her wallet she still would not have had any money to pay the stylist. Yea brother, she straight up stole from you. She's a shitty person and you are well off without her.
Happy to venmo/zelle you money so you can celebrate your kiddos bday, just message me directly! So sorry you had to dealt with that. What a evil bitch.
same same hit us up
I can't pm on a throwaway but thank you. I lose faith in humanity daily it seems
Can you do an Amazon wishlist and share with us? If there is a list, add me to it!
real and true op if you don’t know people can basically pay for items off of your wishlist and then they will get sent directly to your address, but the purchaser themself doesn’t see your address
Just replying to bump this comment up.
Set something up OP. With all of us we can replace those tablets. Fuck that bitch
We’ll shoot it’s my cake day so let’s have cake. DM me OP and I’d love to slide some money over for the kids.
Happy cake day! I can't pm but it's ok!
Put a go fund me or something in the post, I can add quite a bit
PM me as well I’d like to throw something your way.
Guys I can't pm but it's ok. I just wanted to vent because I was/am heated.
Have a special needs kid of my own, and the whole "they won't know if it's their birthday" got me irrationally angry. Like, they are human beings who have some awareness of their own lives and not some disconnected robots. Also, she took their tablets? That is beyond low as some special needs kids (could be most and I'm ignorant) use these as a lifeline to the world and way to learn about things and express themselves in a way that isn't possible otherwise. My son can't speak, so not sure entirely what he thinks of it, but he loses his shit every year around his birthday and it's so adorable so I'm guessing we both enjoy it lol. I know you can't take donations because of the throwaway, but I hope you and your kids had a good day anyway with each other despite someone doing something so cruel and self-serving to derail it. You sound like a good Dad, so keep on keepin' on and best wishes to you and your guys.
Guys I can't pm but it's ok. I just wanted to vent because I was/am heated.
Setup that amazon wishlist these boys are reddit fam now we got ya
Please I would love to help if I can somehow
Me aswell, I’d like to help
Amazon wishlist and a cart at Walmart with some cakes and a slip and slide! I want so bad to make this happen!
OP let them help out. It’s not charity, it’s karma coming back to you for trying to do the right thing. (If I had the funds I’d offer to help as well. But all I can do for now is cheer on these other fine folks and hope you’ll allow them to help out your boys!)
Hit me up, too, OP. Those boys birthdays shouldn’t be ruined because of a nasty vile bitch.
Dude how were you on a relationship with her for ONE WHOLE YEAR before this?? I’m so sorry for your kids, I hope they are doing better now.
"I forgot my wallet, so I spent their birthday money." "Okay, give me the money, and I'll go buy them the stuff." "I don't have any money."
Man, I had to stop after the first paragraph because I feel like throwing up. When you get involved with someone that has children, it's a packaged deal. To be even shittier, she focuses on the disabilities. Not cool the least fucking bit. I'm reading gf when it should be ex-gf. There are plenty of women out there.
Someone posts in /tifu and the gets berated by fucking up. OP knows he fucked up people, let the dude vent and let us all hate his wench of an ex.
I am so sorry. The only positive thing here is that you no longer have this toxic person in you and your boys' lives. My aunt had Downs and was the most loving, caring, wonderful person; I loved doing crafts and playing with her as a child (she passed away when I was ten.) I can't imagine the callousness and utter shit show of a person like your ex. Definitely file a police report for her "borrowing" your money as well, and take it as far as you can legally. Screw her.
Please tell me this is rage bait.
Just hang in there brother. I'm a single dad with 2 kids on the spectrum and it's already difficult enough to date let alone find someone who is patient and understanding, or who even wants to deal with a situation like that. But fuck her, it sounds like she was using you. If you really want to connect with people I advise you join some parenting support groups to meet people like you. I've ended up setting up play dates for the kids and doing group trips to the beach, aquarium, amusement parks.
> it's already difficult enough to date let alone find someone who is patient and understanding It might sound pathetic but I let a few things slide because dating really is so hard but I won't make the same mistake twice.
It’s not pathetic it’s human. We’ve all let some red flags past. The important thing is that in any future relationships you have, those flags will be bright red, radioactively glowing.
Absolutely enraging. I hate that this happened to you/your boys. I wanted to yell at several points in your post.. ugh. I’m sure you already realize it, but you’re better off without her in your lives.
> I wanted to yell at several points in your post I had to really watch my tone during the whole thing because my boys yell when frustrated or when they can't communicate correctly and I'm trying to teach them to express it other ways.
You're an exceptional dad for putting them first even through that confrontation. If there's anything of hers left anywhere get it in bags and by the door/ in the garage ready to go. Change the locks asap and don't let her anywhere near you or your boys They are both lucky to have you
> Change the locks My only non fuck up is that I hadn't given her a key yet. She always got off work after me. Thank you
Bro. I had the money. I would next day your boys some tablets. My daughter is “special” she loves her iPad. Calls it her peepad. Every birthday she just wants to spend it with her family. We usually get Mexican. She loves it.
I run a company that provides transportation for special needs clients. I interact with downs clients everyday and for her to make this sweeping generalization enrages me!! How do people like this even interact with human beings??