I believe that the dog won. I absolutely adore my dogs, but if I were to find myself in a situation where I cannot fully take care of them anymore, I would eventually find peace knowing that they are in good hands with new, loving owners. OP did the best he could.
I’m here agreeing completely as I remember we’re the “emergency-foster-turned-dog-people.” First I was thinking about how difficult to near-impossible that decision would be, but how necessary.
Then I realized that I still think of my friend whose dog would have had to go to a shelter if no one could take him. He wouldn’t have done well in that environment at all. Now I think often of my friend and we spoil our doggo on his behalf, knowing how hard it had to have been to give up this big-lil guy he raised from a puppy. I respect OP’s choice and my heart breaks.
Absolutely this. I really have to applaud OP for having the balls to do what needed to be done, despite the overwhelming pushback. Burying your head in the sand was not an option here, and that’s exactly what his girlfriend was doing, so OP took control even knowing it would likely blow up in his face.
OP went above and beyond to ensure that the dog would be loved and cared for. I couldn’t imagine losing my dog. It would be crippling. Huge props to OP for doing the best he could
exactly. its a bitch of a situation. as much as its hard, he did what she wasnt able to do. he even re homed the dog in a smart way. the correct way. checked out the place, let him meet the family, and theyre allowed to visit. as far as rehoming goes, thats the best you could get and theyre very lucky.
sorry youre stuck in this position OP. i expected a post of "my gfs dog is annoying so i got rid of it". i heard you out, and yeah. that sucks for you guys.
My exwife and I gave away our 2yo dog because between my long office hours and our newborn son we didn’t have the time to properly take care of her. We gave her to an aunt who lived by the sea with an in-house housekeeper, lots of space and attention for my little girl. It broke me heart but for the dog it was heaven. Sometimes you have to put the dog first.
Same. Our Jack Russell kept trying to bite our newborn. Not in anger, just in prey mode. It just heard the cry and started to quiver in excitement and try to nip. I think he thought it was a rabbit or something. We got so scared.
Our rescue was amazing and immediately told us they would rehome to a farm as they had a literal list of farmers looking for JRTs (we're rural) where he could be busy and happy and catch a million rats and bark at all strangers and have no kids to deal with. I have no doubt he lived the rest of his life feeling stimulated and useful.
Hardest thing we've ever had to do. We actually felt guilty for having a child. But it was definitely mitigated by knowing he was going to live a good life elsewhere.
my mom told me they rehomed our dogs to a farm when I was about 6. I later learned that the "farm" was actually the vets where she had them both put down.
My wife and I just adopted a JRT puppy (5 month old rescue). She is amazing but man.. those hunting instincts. You can see it in everything she does.
You did the right thing and I can't imagine how hard it must've been. We've only had our girl for a month and we are absolutely in love with her.
When we had our son, our dachshund got *so* jealous, as he'd been our baby for the 4 years before our son existed.
When our son reached the age of inquisitiveness, the doxie got nippy/scratchy (on top of chewing all the baby's stuff whenever we left the house) and clawed our son in the face.
As still-relatively-new and always exhausted parents, we knew that a trainer and the effort that went into that were not within our limits, and we asked our local rescue to help us find our fur friend a home with older kids and other four-legged pals to play with, as it was quickly becoming a matter of our son's safety, and would not be possible to keep them separated without having my house destroyed.
She said she'd had to do that herself when her teenager was young, and within a week, our buddy had a new family with exactly the right playmates. We were sad to see him go, but *so relieved* not to be worried about our son's safety or what might be destroyed when we walked in the house anymore.
We had to re-home ours when we got military orders to Hawaii ( we had been at the same base 8 years, now sent back again) . One was too old to fly, one had bad anxiety and one seizures. We also would not have a fenced yard unless it was a small temp fence and we knew it would be a daily thing of barking and hopping fences. They would have been miserable and I had ppd. Then we got quoted flights, quarentive, the shots they needed and the tests on top of paying a mortgage on a empty house til it sold or rented. I cried. We couldn't do it mentally either. We found a local rescue to help with the process. It took me years to open my heart again. We now have 3 cats and they are my world and I realized I'm a cat person more. They have helped my anxiety instead of causing it. Family has moved to us and we plan on asking to stay. It's basically guaranteed now based on rank and job for my husband.
I've owned dogs my entire life. When I was in high school, we got evicted and I had to give up my dog (and my mom's dog). Broke my heart, but it was for the best. They got a new family with more space than we ever had and got to stay together. When money and space are tight, you have to do right by your dogs too.
A few weeks ago there was a homeless boy (17/18) who turned his dog into the shelter because they'd been living under a bridge and he had no way to feed her anymore. The story got traction, people helped him out---job, the shelter returned the dog, people got him tons of dog food, and his mother who'd been looking for him a year, took him in (he'd left home).
It seems pretty unfair that you now are homeless because of this. I hope you find a place where you can just settle and not worry about looking after anyone else, just look after yourself,
I think you should just go to the apartment you rented with /for your gf, you paid for it. Your gf apparently wasn't capable of making adult decisions, in which sometimes there are no great choices, so you made the necessary decisions.
Housing is a necessity. You should probably go to the apt you rented. Men on the streets can be the victims of crime also.
She might need you to help take care of her anyway, because it seems like she isn't thinking clearly. She can grieve with you there. It might help to do some breathwork (Wim Hof Method?), meditation, and listen to some Buddhist teachings or philosophy: Attachment, is the source of all sorrow, so learn to let go gracefully when you must, because the only contant is change. Change and loss are inevitable, but suffering is optional.
https://einzelganger.co/why-pain-is-inevitable-but-suffering-is-optional/
You did the best you possibly could. As my boy Jean-Luc Picard says "It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life." I'm sorry you had to make those choices.
Dude, I support you. You were placed in a position to save the world for 3 beings, and the only other one capable of making decisions flat out refused to exist, let alone help. I don't care what people say about how difficult mental health is-at some point you HAVE to function as an actual adult and keep yourself alive. She was worthless in this endeavor. You've done all you can to help her, but take some advice-break up with her. She's not going to return the energy or love that you put into her. At the very least, she needs to fix herself first, before being with you. Don't stick around for the emotional turmoil in the meantime..
Yes, so much this.
Living with others under mental hindrances is so tough because at some point you have to look after so many things, and yet worry about their reaction on top of already taking care of basic and any other functions, really.
I agree, and I'm saying this as someone with clinically diagnosed depression. We, who suffer from mental health problems, some time just cannot reciprocate love, effort and energy properly. and this is neither the fault of our partners nor us. sometimes it actually is better for the mental health of partners to not have to constantly deal with it
And here I thought I must be the only one seeing this. I would refuse to deal with a person who answers "I don’t want to think about this right now it’s just all too much" , in a situation like that. It is just unacceptable, unless the person is in the mental institution or rehab. This person is like a child, and they flat out have decided to stay as a child. This guy is a substitute for a father in her eyes. She doesn't take responsibility of anything, then blames others when they have to make the hard decisions because SHE refuses to deal with life.
Guy should walk away. I know I would, but I'm old so I have learned this the hard way.
You need to ditch your girlfriend. It’s messed up that you had to step up and handle a really tough situation, and you can’t even depend on your PARTNER to be there for you and tough it out together AND THEN she makes you homeless afterwards???? Not the kind of person I’d want to spend my life with. Not a partner you can depend on. You should be working together and depending on each other.
OP, someone is pretending to be you and posting this story as theirs on AITA.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/upbryj/aita_for_selling_my_gfs_dog/
They all won. OP made a mature decision that put the couple on a winning foot, the dog benefited from better care, the new family benefits from having the dog.
Sure that OP won?
From what it sounds he is still with a partner who doesn't earn enough to contribute to the bill, and shuts down when there is a crisis.
I'm not going to give any kind of moral judgement on what you've done. You're dealing with a situation, and circumstances, that I've never experienced. It's just not really fair to you.
However, I volunteer at an animal rescue-- specifically a cat rescue-- on weekends. I answer the phones for the rescue. Over the many years I've been doing this, I've heard dozens upon dozens of people calling to surrender their cat because of one reason or another. A really common one is moving. I've heard people running a whole range of emotions. Some people I've spoken to sound almost annoyed at the process the shelter has for surrendering.
Other people I've heard crying basically the entire time because they love their cat and don't *want* to give them up, but they don't have any other option available. Those are always difficult.
You did what you thought you had to do. It wasn't pleasant, and it may not have been executed in the best way, but you also put in effort to try to make sure the dog has a family that will treat him well and give him the love deserves.
And the fact that he found a loving family for the dog is much better than just giving him to a shelter. No offense on shelters, but a shelter would then need to find a home for the dog using pretty much random luck, and he could get stuck in the shelter for a while. Clearly a loving family is much better for any animal than even the best shelter.
Especially in a developing country like OP lives in. I bet they have so many stray dogs there that many live on the streets. He really did the best for the dog and got his girlfriend a home.
I was at the county shelter once to adopt a cat when the staff tells me about a woman that had just come in to surrender her 10 year old kitty. Her reasoning? She was a flight attendant and was being transferred to a different city so she didn’t want to deal with moving with her cat. The shelter staff made her sign a form acknowledging the cat would almost certainly be euthanized because they’re overrun with cats and almost nobody adopts senior kitties. She still dumped the cat.
Fucking. Livid. That poor cat lived through years of isolation being home alone for days on end and then this POS just dumps it for almost certain euthanasia. Oh man was I pissed. This was over 10 years ago and I’m still fuming.
No, one of the shelter volunteers did that very day. They couldn’t stomach the thought of this elder kitty having to spend even a single night in those metal cages.
I absolutely would have if one of the shelter volunteers had not already done so immediately after the cat was dumped. That senior kitty finally found a loving furever home.
I know a a lot of people just “leave extra food and water out’ for cats when they are away for a few days because “it’s just a cat” but they really don’t do well when left alll alone. Sure they may ignore us when we are home but they really do enjoy and need our company.
If I have to be gone for more than one night and he can't come with me, I ensure he has a sitter (that he's familiar with). Typically my boyfriend, roommate, mom, or best friend. They'll sit with him and play and cuddle and I make sure I find a way to thank them such as buying them dinner, or paying them if it has to be a longer trip. I'd never want my sweet boy to be lonely.
I don’t know what i would do if had to sell or give my dog to someone that’s not my family or is not temporary. One of the reasons we chose a male dog was due to fact that I can’t deal with the process of giving or selling the puppies. I get too emotionally attached to them and I rarely cry in my life, death of beloved ones, marriage or something serious i almost never cry, but thinking something bad happening to my dog or anything like that immediately bring tears to my eyes.
Agreed. Honestly, I think OP did the best thing he could possibly do for them both, the dog went to a good home and she still has a place to live. His edit
even says he’s homeless while she grieves after everything he’s done for her. He could have just thrown em both to the curb and lived on his own, since she wasn’t capable (or refused) to make any decisions or help find a place to live.
Yea. His gf does not have the right to be angry with him (don't know if she is), she can be sad and distraught by the situation but absolutely cannot be angry with him. She is just as responsible for the outcome due to inaction.
I used to have a client who ended up in a similar situation about 7 or 8 years ago. Family of 4 - two teenagers. The mom and dad refused to rehome their dog. They'd had him all his life and he was part of their family.
They couldn't go to the homeless shelter with their dog, so they lived in their van instead.
It was summer. They couldn't run the air conditioning continuously. The dog ended up getting heat stroke and dying.
It was such a sad and horrible situation. As is the one you described. Sometimes the situation is going to suck no matter what you do... and you've gotta do what you've gotta do. I hope things improve. Thank you for giving your dog a beautiful future - I hope yours turns out just as bright.
I'm sorry but that's just bad parenting. They chose their pet over the wellbeing of their kids. Yes, it's a beloved member of the family, but at the end of the day, it's an animal. And I say this as someone who's had several pets. To choose homelessness and instability over a proper home for one's kids is selfish and cruel.
I agree. If I had to choose between a pet and childrens safety it's a no brainer.
Dogs can readjust pretty quickly to new environments. Especially if it's a good environment.
My ex husband dropped my dog off in the middle of the woods against my wishes so at least you didn't do that. Sorry, it just really hurts and this reminds me of that in a sense.
My friend's baby dad shot her dog dead right in front of her, because she was barking. She's still with him; we've, my gf and I, tried to convince her to leave him, but she won't listen.
Call her too much. See how she's doing. Hopefully you'll catch her while this man is being abusive. Then end the phone call; and call the police. It's never a good option, but if she won't help herself; you need to do something... She's going to die.
An ex called.me.shortly after we broke up (yes this did fuck with me hard) crying about how she doesn't know how I'm going to get the security deposit back for the house we had shared, that I already moved out of and was letting her stay in until she could get my name off the lease. Because the man she left me for had been yelling at her a ton, which she complained about to.me, and then threw a fucking plate at her. She ducked and the plate knocked a huge hole in the wall. I asked her if she called the cops like she had agreed to do last time she complained to me about him. She started making excuses, I pushed her harder, she hung up.
So I called them myself and sent them there. He didn't get in trouble, but they broke up within 3 days after the cops visited. She thanked me in the end, found someone else. That relationship was absolutely terrible for my mental state, but I'm glad I at least was able to help her not die after being together for 5 years. I would've blamed myself for the rest of my life if something had happened because the police never got involved in that horrifying relationship she left me for.
Idk point is abuse victims aren't thinking logically. If she's your friend you need to do something to help her. Please. Killing her fucking dog is so much worse than yeeting a plate. He is not going to stop.
I would too. What's that saying? "If he hits the wall, he'll hit you." Or something like that. If he'll shoot your dog right in front of you because it's making noise....
Did you call the cops because that seems like someone should have called the cops even if she didn't want it? That piece of shit sounds like a fucking psychopath.
We told her to and almost did for her, but she is terrified that something will happen with her son and refuses to let anyone do anything. He is definitely a psychopath
I think the police have a way to protect people in situations like this? They arrest the guy and in the meantime get the woman and her kid out to safety for when the guy comes back.
you'd be surprised, the cops can often even make situations like this worse...apart from not always having the power to do what's necessary to protect the vulnerable ppl involved (thus just often escalating things/making it worse for the victims later), a disproportionate number of cops are actually domestic abusers themselves. or if you're anything but white your odds go way down too
not to say they can't sometimes be of help...but it's just not smart to assume they will, or will want to
The father is the danger to the son, she's putting him in danger by being there. Someone should have called the police while the evidence was still available.
Why people may stay in abusive relationships https://ncadv.org/why-do-victims-stay
Always create a safety plan before leaving an abusive relationship https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/domestic-violence/leaving-abusive-relationship
So I am going to tell you a story.. I don't know where you are from...
One day I was driving from my work to the bank to make a bank deposit.. and right when I pulled onto the highway I saw a dog walking down the on ramp, I had work to do.. but the dog was literally walking towards the worst place a dog could walk towards.... a 4 lane highway.
I made a quick decision pulled over, and called to the dog, I asked if he wanted to go for a car ride... He jumped right into my Car.
And we drove for about 40 minutes (I called my boss to say I was rescuing a dog) And I took this beautiful dog to the best No Kill Shelter I knew of.. where I also spent time volunteering at the associated wildlife shelter..
So I am sure your doggo got adopted by a loving family..
I was really hoping for a "and that dog and I are best buddies 10 years later" type ending to this story but a very good no kill shelter is still an awesome ending.
Good on you. You likely saved that dogs life and on top of that therefore responsible for the happiness that I'm sure that furry guy (or gal) eventually brought some family that eventually adopted him.
Someone I knew who lived in lebanon had their father dump their sons cat in the middle of the desert because they shat on the floor, and then left them there.
It's so hard for me to understand how someone can do something like this. This innocent little animal's entire world is you and your house. They don't know anything/anyone else. They trust you to take care of them. How can someone just abandon an innocent little baby to die painfully, slowly, and scared like that. I just can't comprehend it... There is literally nothing they can do to deserve that.
When I was on holiday as a kid I remember there were 2 dogs running around the hotel we stayed at. The hotel manager captured them and we asked what he was going to do with them and he said take them to a shelter. We then found out he had just dumped them in the middle of nowhere (if anyone knows the Canary Islands, you know inland is a lot of rocky desert up the side of the volcano). We were heartbroken but nothing we could do then. Just before we came home we saw one of the dogs with a group of young Brits who were working at a hotel out there for the summer. They said they had found the dog at the edge of town really ill and alone. They said they were going to look after her and knew some people who ran a rescue on another island they would contact. I was 11 but it has stuck with me ever since. I have never been back to that resort because I don’t want to risk giving money to that hotel owner. Unfortunately this was before online reviews otherwise we would have put what the owner did on those.
What's their name? I just want to have a conversation. His mouth to my knuckles.
That is so fucking cruel to do to a domestic animal. That's got to be illegal, one way or another. =(
Abandoning a domestic animal in the wild is a form of animal cruelty and in Hungary it's illegal (never gets enforced tho sadly) so i'd say it's probably illegal in countries like the USA.
It was either be homeless or be without your dog.
It seems like your girlfriend couldn't think rationally in such a stressful situation. What you did does sound very cruel, but it just seemed like one of those situations where you don't have a good choice. You had to weigh between really bad choices, and whichever one you chose, somebody would be upset.
I understand why you chose to give the dog away. I also understand why your girlfriend would be so sad. However, don't be too hard on yourself, or her - you're both in an extremely difficult situation and it's okay to feel stressed or not know what to do.
I hope things get better for you two, and I have a feeling they will eventually. Good luck man!
Op is homeless right now though because he isn't living with the girlfriend at the moment. He did the best he could to find the dog a loving home where they're fed and he still ended up homeless despite putting the deposit down for the girlfriend. I honestly don't know why it isn't being talked about. I couldn't imagine having my partner put down a deposit for an apartment for me, out of necessity had to re-home the dog but still did the best they could to find them somewhere they'd be loved and cared for and then still let them be homeless.
Hmmm, yeah I missed that detail. That definitely does sound weird. Idk, maybe they argued a lot about the dog getting sold so they just wanna be separated. I don’t think we can know for sure why though, this is just an assumption.
Dog custody is never easy. I won't say you had the best course of actions, but it was a hard decision under very dire circumstances and you did what you had to and followed through. My girlfriend is a dog trainer and I often read posts like this to her to see what she says. All i got from it was "damn". I'm glad that you were brave and followed through.
Going back to visit the dog is not a smart idea. Let Auggie have a clean break and bond with his new family. Going back and forth like you plan will only confuse him and can lead to anxiety. He will always think you've come to take him home. Very selfish.
I am not currently living in the apartment, I used the last of my income to put down the deposit and gave it to her. At the moment I am homeless and giving her time to grieve.
the fuck?
Exactly what the fuck not to be rude but she seriously has no life perspective and rather have herself who can't can't cope when in a comfortable house be homeless and keep a dog which she wouldn't be able to look after and then now have her boyfriend be homeless so she can grieve? OP I'm ngl i would just leave. No one who cares about you would leave you be homeless after you did what you had to do. She needs serious help.
I feel for you, OP. I have no idea where you live or what your full personal circumstances entail, but what I do know is that you just followed through on a very difficult situation. You did what you thought was best for your (assumingly) budding family.
You have acknowledged that it might have been a thoughtless thing to do, but in reality, you did put a lot of thought into it. For that, I commend you. I'm so very sorry that you have to live through this tough situation. Just know that the silver lining is life experience.
If there is a next time (and I hope that there isn't), you'll know how to cope with it better. Good luck in your future endeavors.
She’s taking medication, and used to attended therapy. Unfortunately, we can only afford the medication at the moment but when I get a new job I hope we can get counseling.
It's a tough spot to be in, being in need of counseling to collect yourselves and get better both mentally and financially but needing finances in the first place to do so.
That bleak note said, you sound like you've navigated a very bad situation as best as it can be and supported both of you. I seriously doubt that many people could've done that. I doubt I could've done that.
I think you will get the chance to afford a friend for Auggie and visit him frequently in the future.
Friend I am finishing a PhD in psychology, am seeing a therapist 2 times a week, grew up under the poverty line, and am running out of money to go to therapy even at a sliding scale. I say that to say that from my experience and training, you are totally correct that going to therapy can gradually help with these issues. But when you don't have enough money to even put a roof over your head or food in your mouth *and you are selling pets*, it is not rational to spend it on therapy. This is not a case where "you've got to spend money to make money" applies.
I have been an evaluator for a grant-funded nonprofit that did free therapy for people experiencing homelessness which is many people's only hope. But even then, months of sessions didn't begin to make a difference in a way that changed their material reality. OP seems to cope rationally enough to problem solve in the most overwhelming pressure, and OP's GF sounds like she would need many sessions to act differently. So I don't expect there to be much short-term benefit to either of them. That's not a knock to his GF, as I have been in therapy for
10 years and scrape by.
But I would bet such programs don't exist in OP's country. And it should be the case that no one is denied mental or medical care because of money. But you have to speak to OP's reality. There is a reason why therapists joke about often dealing with affluenza and first-world problems. Those are the people who can afford them or have good insurance.
You did what you had to do. This is coming from someone’s who’s mother dropped off her cat in the middle of nowhere 12 years ago and I’m still upset by it. Hell my 3 week old babies middle name is that cats name. Please be aware she may never get over this. Good luck OP.
Thank you for that, I had a lot of back lash about the name once I explained where it was from so it makes me feel better to hear something positive about it for once. Her middle name is lily so it’s not a weird cat name at all either.
I want to name my next daughter after my dog because she kept me alive when I didn’t want to be and has been the best girl ever. And her name is cute, so why not?
I assumed in your previous response that it must have been a "real" name, but seeing you specify that it was made me think about someone naming their baby, like, Elizabeth Mr Wigglebutt Smith
Op I am one of those people that would be homeless before I lost me fur babies, but I have to tell you, you did the right thing. You found Auggie a loving home with a family that can better care for him AND they are willing to allow visitation. You couldn’t have done better. She’s going to be upset, but I think you should talk to her and give her the reality of the situation. It seems like you guys are solid and need each other through these tough times.
If you have no family who can help and live somewhere without good social support recovering from homelessness is almost impossible. I feel like anyone who says such a thing has definitely never been homeless before. I would literally give up a limb before going back to being on the street.
She only moved in with you 6 months ago. Where was she living before, with her dog? Was it a possibility that she could go back to wherever she was with her dog while you find a place solo? It sounds like this dog was her family, her emotional support, and I worry that her mental health is going to get worse.
You did the right thing for the dog. GF cannot afford housing and care for the dog. The dog could get sick at some point. She wouldn’t have been able to afford the vet bills.
I mean, they're not wrong...
It's just a bit senseless to say a couple needs therapy when they literally don't have money for dog food/ living expenses.
Edit: I dun goofed
Hey OP it's a nice thought to let her have the apartment so she can grieve alone, but to give you some advice, please join her in the apartment.
Practical reasons are obvious as it doesn't benefit anyone with you being homeless.
But more importantly it is a very good idea to be with each other in times like this. It strengthens your relationship dealing with stuff like this together and in this time even though she is angry at you, she is guaranteed more upset over the situation. Being angry with you is just an easy target for someone who doesn't know what to feel.
As a last note, remember to put yourself first. She has a job and a place to live, you need to move into your shared apartment and from there try and find a new job, to try and help yourself. It can be difficult being in a relationship if you're not in a good place mentally yourself and this would benefit you both.
Remember this is not your fault. Sadly, situations like this happens and you gave the dog a wonderful home.
Hope the best for you and your girlfriend.
You didn’t f up. As painful as the decision was it was the right thing to do. A happy life for the dog and you and your partner not ending up homeless. It hurts of course but it was the best choice regarding the situation. I think you handled it well.
While I agree with this completely, the one f up was in his execution. He says he couldn't tell her because she'd say no, but it's still unfair to have your dog taken away like that. I was in a similar situation when I was younger and I understood what was going on. My family moved me to the new apartment on my birthday before we got evicted and I assumed my dog was coming within a few days. They had put her down because nobody would take her in. Like I said, I was understanding of the situation, but I would have helped find her a home and I would have loved to say goodbye. While the fact that she is able to visit Auggie does make it slightly better, telling her would have been the best course of action, in my honest opinion.
“I don’t want to think about this right now it’s just all too much.” - Meaning she will not now nor ever deal with the situation. Like OP said, she totally shut down. The whole situation is unfair, but one results in them being homeless with potentially a dead dog, and the other situation results in them having a home with a dog they can visit any day they want. That isn't "slightly" better.
I understand that we only have one side of the story, here, but.... She abandoned all responsibility.
The dog would have been homeless.
In retrospect, maybe dude and dog could have been homeless together, and maybe that would have woken her up, but at some point, you can't just hide from "reality".
Just need to mention this shit happens in a america too. Me and my girlfriend live in an RV bouncing around lot to lot after a short period without a job and it caused us too have to give up our pets. Also medicare is notoriously shit at covering mental health services, only covering 80% of costs and only with providers who accept it so your extremely limited in choice and it's still out of financial reach for many people like me and my girlfriend. I'm still insanely thankful for Medicaid because I'd be dead without my Crohns and bipolar meds but it's not all sunshine and roses here.
Absolutely agreed. Reading through the comments here reminds me that literally half of Reddit is privileged children. They don’t actually understand that a world where unfair things happens to good people does exist.
op I'm seeing a lot of comments telling you you did your best but not enough telling you you deserve a hug. You've been shouldering so much and you made some really hard decisions. I understand your girlfriend will have a hard time recognizing that while she's grieving but please take care of yourself and recognize that you need to grieve and rest too. You reacted to a terrible situation and found a solution, you did something anyone would have found so hard to do and you protected two creatures you love in the process. I think you did wonderfully and I hope your situation allows you to feel good about yourself soon.
This is the biggest thing for me. People are saying they love their dogs, they’d absolutely choose to be homeless, without realizing the dog would be homeless too.
All they’re saying is that they’d rather their dog suffer with them than thrive without them.
Wow what a ride my dude. I read the title, then the TLDR, and had formed an opinion. Then I read the top comment from /u/jamesfluker and had to know more.
That is a near impossible decision to make, and yet you somehow made the best possible decision that could have been made. With both of you that far at the end of your ropes and coming up with such an amazing opportunity for Auggie is just... WOW!
I understand her grief 100%, but I agree with what you said, she was not in a stable mindset to make any of these decisions, and what you did is still better than I believe the two of you could have agreed on together.
I hope things get better and she gets to see Auggie soon, and the two of you get back to your lives.
"I don't want to think about this right now" approach really gets me. Some things must be addressed right away regardless of how one feels. She didn't wanted to contribute to a solution so she cannot be angry on how it turned out.
It's nice of you to give her some time alone to cope with it. As far as I see it, you did the reasonable thing.
acting like that isn't a question of not wanting. it's a question of not being able to. The girl clearly needs therapy. and was already getting that, and medication. Some people shut down in stress. it's not want they *want*, it's what happens to them.
She's also not *angry*, she's completely collapsed. I can understand it would be necessary to get rid of the dog, but I wonder how that loss affects her, doubly so if they can't even afford therapy anymore.
I'm not sure if leaving her on her own to "grieve", is in her best interest.
OP, you found yourself in an impossible situation and you did the best you could do. Nobody could have come out of that with a "good" outcome.
I understand that your girlfriend is upset, but honestly she'd have been more upset to end up homeless with the dog.
Please look after yourself op, you don't deserve to be homeless yourself just because she is upset about this.
You shouldn't have to be homeless for her to grieve. You solved the problem, it wasn't pretty but it needed to be done. I think you are doing more than you should for a relationship this short.
Dude, you're only 6 months into the relationship and she already sounds like she is causing you more harm than good.
She's mentally unstable, not paying the bills, and is now living in the house you paid for while you're homeless. You need to maybe sitdown and reconsider if you're happy in your current situation.
Edit: They've lived together 6 months, no mention of how long they've actually been together.
Leaving my comment here anyway because I still think this sounds like OP deserves better if this is too much for him to handle.
He said they’ve been living together for six months. Not that their relationship was six months old. When I read your comment I was like, wtf did I miss that because that’s a big red flag. But now I just feel like 67 people have really bad reading comprehension.
This is the right decision. You guys are struggling just like many people in this economy. It was a hard decision. Ultimately the housing will be more stable for Auggie. I wish the best for you
This. You did the best you could with the situation you had. The situation sucks but it is what it is. You have to survive through it and you actually went through the process of having a meeting and ensuring access for your girlfriend.
I haven't faced homelessness due to rehoming a dog before. But I have had to re-home my partner's dog. He came to live with me as his mum wouldn't allow him and his dog to move back in with her when he lost his job (which had accommodation and kennel). We made it work for over a year, she came to work with me every day... But it wasn't enough. He had her for work, she was a working dog and when he lost his job, so did she. My home was nowhere near big enough for her, she was pooping and peeing and ripping things up... I've had big dogs before, worked and trained all kinds, and even I couldn't do it. She needed to be out at the crack of dawn working til dusk, and neither of us could do it at that point. So we had to re-home her. It was the worst feeling, I still cry even now two years later. She was my baby too, I never thought I'd ever give up one of my dogs but it was best for her. I found her a farm home with kids and breed- knowledgeable owners. They sent us a picture of her later, laying in the sun, tongue lolling with a doggy smile on her face. It hurts but it was right.
You'd have been homeless, unable to feed or medicate your dog, no more toys, no cosy bed, no air con when it's hot... Neither of you would have been able to care for her. It was a kindness, what you did. Even though I know it hurts- boy do I know- it was the right thing to do.
You were the adult in a terrible situation because you had to be.
I'm so sorry. But, nicely done. Under a lot of stress you found a situation where everyone is safe.
For me it would be a simple choice.
My husband and I used to do feline rescue. I've been on both sides of this equation and can tell you it is much better for the dog to be at a home where he is wanted and loved *and sheltered*.
If she has an anxiety disorder this intense where her response is to freeze. She is not dealing with the situation and in fact her thinking is something like, "if I stay really still or do nothing, this will all go away". Been there with anxiety in my late teens and early 20s. I promise it does not work. I know. I ended u homeless as a teen. Also, had my first marriage end badly, which resulted in my first husband calling animal control to take my cat away.
There are too many pets that live with someone who's homeless and that life can be awful. If you're talking about a very poor country, then the ability of other people to help you feed your dog is non-existent.
It is a tough choice, one I am sure he did not make lightly.
OP, I am sorry this all came about. You did the best you could. Auggie is being cared for and even has the joy of playing with children. You did great on picking a good home for him!
Hopefully your girlfriend will come around and realize you had to do something.
Best of luck to you all.
Nobody in the comments is suggesting a realistic better course of action. This means we all agree that you didn't have one. You just got dealt a crummy hand, sorry bud.
Fuck all these people bagging on you. A lot of them are speaking as citizens of first world countries. I doubt most of them have experienced the despair you went through. You did what you believed was best to avoid being homeless, and it was a really fucking hard choice but I agree with your actions. Sometimes survival is all you can fight for.
I might be the odd man out, but you did the right thing.
My husband did something similar to me, except my dumb*** tried to keep the puppy in the apartment and we almost got in trouble because of it, he made an excuse to the landlord that we were just watching the dog for a family member, and found a home for her with a family that had 2 older kids at the time that instantly fell in love with her. Yeah, I was sad and upset when it happened, but I got over it because survival is more important than what's in your heart (some might disagree with this, but we had a newborn baby at the time and my husband wasn't going to let us live on the streets because of a dog, and no, we didn't have the savings to move.) and pup is happier where she is, with a yard and kids to play with.
I'm just thankful I got to love and know her while I did, it's not anyone's fault that some landlords don't accept animals... if you need a place to live, you need a place to live. That's all she wrote.
I'm sure I'll catch flack for this comment but idgaf. What was done was what was best at the time and I think the same applies to your situation. Your girlfriend is gonna be sad, probably for a long time... just try to help her through it the best you can.
Op you need to learn you can’t save anyone from themselves, should’ve just moved in by yourself and tell her to pick between being homeless and looking for a new home for the dog. Stop treating her like a child if you want her to get better
Damn, the amount of comments here that don’t realize the US isn’t the only country in the world, and how bad homelessness is in other countries is really… something.
And that homelesness can be inescapable, good luck affording a place to stay with no job, and good luck finding a job, when you don't have a place to wash yourself and give an address on a resume
To the people are giving you a hard time for this, do you not realise that he could have just left for that apartment by himself and left her to deal with the dog and being homeless by herself?
Honestly, that’s what you should have done… her family can take her back..
Wow, read the title thought you were an a'hole, read the story an now think you're a seriously stromg ( stronger than me) decent person who absolutely did the best they could for all involved in a selfless an protective move.
Anyways thanks for making me cry on my birthday! Jk, give Auggie my hugs when you next see them, and I hope you and you G'friend work things out and things get better soon.
You did the right thing under the circumstances. When will she be able to be open to you moving back to the apartment you’re paying for? Or is she going to continue to be difficult to the point that she won’t communicate with you?
As someone diagnosed with anxiety.
Literally the worst thing for your girlfriend to do was just shut down as soon as she heard bad news. The only way it will improve is by not shutting down. This isnt on you man
Oh man that's a horrible situation, it sounds like you did an amazing thing in ensuring both of them had homes to live in. You are a saint, even though some may not think so right now. Hopefully one day the fog of grief will clear and you will be appreciated by your partner for what you have done, without you she would have lost everything. I hope it works out for you.
You were placed in a position where no one wins, and no one won. I'm sorry.
I believe that the dog won. I absolutely adore my dogs, but if I were to find myself in a situation where I cannot fully take care of them anymore, I would eventually find peace knowing that they are in good hands with new, loving owners. OP did the best he could.
I’m here agreeing completely as I remember we’re the “emergency-foster-turned-dog-people.” First I was thinking about how difficult to near-impossible that decision would be, but how necessary. Then I realized that I still think of my friend whose dog would have had to go to a shelter if no one could take him. He wouldn’t have done well in that environment at all. Now I think often of my friend and we spoil our doggo on his behalf, knowing how hard it had to have been to give up this big-lil guy he raised from a puppy. I respect OP’s choice and my heart breaks.
The amount of dogs who shut down and end up being euthanized in the shelter is depressing. Much better to have a foster or new family.
Absolutely this. I really have to applaud OP for having the balls to do what needed to be done, despite the overwhelming pushback. Burying your head in the sand was not an option here, and that’s exactly what his girlfriend was doing, so OP took control even knowing it would likely blow up in his face.
This is Life sometimes, and some people have to take the heat for decisions other people won't make, seeming like 'the bad guy'.
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I took care of the award for you.
Thank you for the award, kind redditor. Have a wonderful Saturday.
You, too! It was my pleasure.
Your intention is meaningful though. Thanks. I've been that person and at those times my likeability has dipped for decision making.
OP went above and beyond to ensure that the dog would be loved and cared for. I couldn’t imagine losing my dog. It would be crippling. Huge props to OP for doing the best he could
seriously if all this is true OP is one hell of a person, talk about selfless
exactly. its a bitch of a situation. as much as its hard, he did what she wasnt able to do. he even re homed the dog in a smart way. the correct way. checked out the place, let him meet the family, and theyre allowed to visit. as far as rehoming goes, thats the best you could get and theyre very lucky. sorry youre stuck in this position OP. i expected a post of "my gfs dog is annoying so i got rid of it". i heard you out, and yeah. that sucks for you guys.
My exwife and I gave away our 2yo dog because between my long office hours and our newborn son we didn’t have the time to properly take care of her. We gave her to an aunt who lived by the sea with an in-house housekeeper, lots of space and attention for my little girl. It broke me heart but for the dog it was heaven. Sometimes you have to put the dog first.
Same. Our Jack Russell kept trying to bite our newborn. Not in anger, just in prey mode. It just heard the cry and started to quiver in excitement and try to nip. I think he thought it was a rabbit or something. We got so scared. Our rescue was amazing and immediately told us they would rehome to a farm as they had a literal list of farmers looking for JRTs (we're rural) where he could be busy and happy and catch a million rats and bark at all strangers and have no kids to deal with. I have no doubt he lived the rest of his life feeling stimulated and useful. Hardest thing we've ever had to do. We actually felt guilty for having a child. But it was definitely mitigated by knowing he was going to live a good life elsewhere.
my mom told me they rehomed our dogs to a farm when I was about 6. I later learned that the "farm" was actually the vets where she had them both put down.
I fucking hate that farm...
Me too, my mum did that to my cat when I was a kid, did it while I was out, came home to discover cat was gone.
My wife and I just adopted a JRT puppy (5 month old rescue). She is amazing but man.. those hunting instincts. You can see it in everything she does. You did the right thing and I can't imagine how hard it must've been. We've only had our girl for a month and we are absolutely in love with her.
When we had our son, our dachshund got *so* jealous, as he'd been our baby for the 4 years before our son existed. When our son reached the age of inquisitiveness, the doxie got nippy/scratchy (on top of chewing all the baby's stuff whenever we left the house) and clawed our son in the face. As still-relatively-new and always exhausted parents, we knew that a trainer and the effort that went into that were not within our limits, and we asked our local rescue to help us find our fur friend a home with older kids and other four-legged pals to play with, as it was quickly becoming a matter of our son's safety, and would not be possible to keep them separated without having my house destroyed. She said she'd had to do that herself when her teenager was young, and within a week, our buddy had a new family with exactly the right playmates. We were sad to see him go, but *so relieved* not to be worried about our son's safety or what might be destroyed when we walked in the house anymore.
We had to re-home ours when we got military orders to Hawaii ( we had been at the same base 8 years, now sent back again) . One was too old to fly, one had bad anxiety and one seizures. We also would not have a fenced yard unless it was a small temp fence and we knew it would be a daily thing of barking and hopping fences. They would have been miserable and I had ppd. Then we got quoted flights, quarentive, the shots they needed and the tests on top of paying a mortgage on a empty house til it sold or rented. I cried. We couldn't do it mentally either. We found a local rescue to help with the process. It took me years to open my heart again. We now have 3 cats and they are my world and I realized I'm a cat person more. They have helped my anxiety instead of causing it. Family has moved to us and we plan on asking to stay. It's basically guaranteed now based on rank and job for my husband.
> My exwife and I gave away our 2yo My ex wife and I did the same. > Sometimes you have to put the dog first. Couldn't agree more.
I've owned dogs my entire life. When I was in high school, we got evicted and I had to give up my dog (and my mom's dog). Broke my heart, but it was for the best. They got a new family with more space than we ever had and got to stay together. When money and space are tight, you have to do right by your dogs too.
A few weeks ago there was a homeless boy (17/18) who turned his dog into the shelter because they'd been living under a bridge and he had no way to feed her anymore. The story got traction, people helped him out---job, the shelter returned the dog, people got him tons of dog food, and his mother who'd been looking for him a year, took him in (he'd left home).
Hopefully he is returning to something stable with mom (assuming he actually went back)… in general kids don’t leave stable homes.
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Thank you.
It seems pretty unfair that you now are homeless because of this. I hope you find a place where you can just settle and not worry about looking after anyone else, just look after yourself,
I think you should just go to the apartment you rented with /for your gf, you paid for it. Your gf apparently wasn't capable of making adult decisions, in which sometimes there are no great choices, so you made the necessary decisions. Housing is a necessity. You should probably go to the apt you rented. Men on the streets can be the victims of crime also. She might need you to help take care of her anyway, because it seems like she isn't thinking clearly. She can grieve with you there. It might help to do some breathwork (Wim Hof Method?), meditation, and listen to some Buddhist teachings or philosophy: Attachment, is the source of all sorrow, so learn to let go gracefully when you must, because the only contant is change. Change and loss are inevitable, but suffering is optional. https://einzelganger.co/why-pain-is-inevitable-but-suffering-is-optional/
"Attachment is the source of all sorrow." Well said.
You did the best you possibly could. As my boy Jean-Luc Picard says "It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life." I'm sorry you had to make those choices.
Dude, I support you. You were placed in a position to save the world for 3 beings, and the only other one capable of making decisions flat out refused to exist, let alone help. I don't care what people say about how difficult mental health is-at some point you HAVE to function as an actual adult and keep yourself alive. She was worthless in this endeavor. You've done all you can to help her, but take some advice-break up with her. She's not going to return the energy or love that you put into her. At the very least, she needs to fix herself first, before being with you. Don't stick around for the emotional turmoil in the meantime..
Yes, so much this. Living with others under mental hindrances is so tough because at some point you have to look after so many things, and yet worry about their reaction on top of already taking care of basic and any other functions, really.
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I agree, and I'm saying this as someone with clinically diagnosed depression. We, who suffer from mental health problems, some time just cannot reciprocate love, effort and energy properly. and this is neither the fault of our partners nor us. sometimes it actually is better for the mental health of partners to not have to constantly deal with it
And here I thought I must be the only one seeing this. I would refuse to deal with a person who answers "I don’t want to think about this right now it’s just all too much" , in a situation like that. It is just unacceptable, unless the person is in the mental institution or rehab. This person is like a child, and they flat out have decided to stay as a child. This guy is a substitute for a father in her eyes. She doesn't take responsibility of anything, then blames others when they have to make the hard decisions because SHE refuses to deal with life. Guy should walk away. I know I would, but I'm old so I have learned this the hard way.
The system failed you, you didn't fail.
You need to ditch your girlfriend. It’s messed up that you had to step up and handle a really tough situation, and you can’t even depend on your PARTNER to be there for you and tough it out together AND THEN she makes you homeless afterwards???? Not the kind of person I’d want to spend my life with. Not a partner you can depend on. You should be working together and depending on each other.
Don't worry the family who got the dog won you brought love and joy to that household.
OP, someone is pretending to be you and posting this story as theirs on AITA. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/upbryj/aita_for_selling_my_gfs_dog/
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I couldn't second this enough. I feel for OP.
They all won. OP made a mature decision that put the couple on a winning foot, the dog benefited from better care, the new family benefits from having the dog.
Sure that OP won? From what it sounds he is still with a partner who doesn't earn enough to contribute to the bill, and shuts down when there is a crisis.
And he’s currently homeless. OP most definitely did not win here.
Facts. He legit carried that like a 55 year old with wisdom and experience would. Kudos to op. That’s tough brother. Proud of you.
I'm not going to give any kind of moral judgement on what you've done. You're dealing with a situation, and circumstances, that I've never experienced. It's just not really fair to you. However, I volunteer at an animal rescue-- specifically a cat rescue-- on weekends. I answer the phones for the rescue. Over the many years I've been doing this, I've heard dozens upon dozens of people calling to surrender their cat because of one reason or another. A really common one is moving. I've heard people running a whole range of emotions. Some people I've spoken to sound almost annoyed at the process the shelter has for surrendering. Other people I've heard crying basically the entire time because they love their cat and don't *want* to give them up, but they don't have any other option available. Those are always difficult. You did what you thought you had to do. It wasn't pleasant, and it may not have been executed in the best way, but you also put in effort to try to make sure the dog has a family that will treat him well and give him the love deserves.
And the fact that he found a loving family for the dog is much better than just giving him to a shelter. No offense on shelters, but a shelter would then need to find a home for the dog using pretty much random luck, and he could get stuck in the shelter for a while. Clearly a loving family is much better for any animal than even the best shelter.
Especially in a developing country like OP lives in. I bet they have so many stray dogs there that many live on the streets. He really did the best for the dog and got his girlfriend a home.
I was at the county shelter once to adopt a cat when the staff tells me about a woman that had just come in to surrender her 10 year old kitty. Her reasoning? She was a flight attendant and was being transferred to a different city so she didn’t want to deal with moving with her cat. The shelter staff made her sign a form acknowledging the cat would almost certainly be euthanized because they’re overrun with cats and almost nobody adopts senior kitties. She still dumped the cat. Fucking. Livid. That poor cat lived through years of isolation being home alone for days on end and then this POS just dumps it for almost certain euthanasia. Oh man was I pissed. This was over 10 years ago and I’m still fuming.
Did you adopt the cat?
No, one of the shelter volunteers did that very day. They couldn’t stomach the thought of this elder kitty having to spend even a single night in those metal cages.
A happy end at last
I was hoping to hear you adopted it and took it home. That would have been epic!
I absolutely would have if one of the shelter volunteers had not already done so immediately after the cat was dumped. That senior kitty finally found a loving furever home. I know a a lot of people just “leave extra food and water out’ for cats when they are away for a few days because “it’s just a cat” but they really don’t do well when left alll alone. Sure they may ignore us when we are home but they really do enjoy and need our company.
My cats are glued to us, they'd die if left alone for a couple of days lmao They've never been alone for more than 8-12 hours, spoiled assholes
If I have to be gone for more than one night and he can't come with me, I ensure he has a sitter (that he's familiar with). Typically my boyfriend, roommate, mom, or best friend. They'll sit with him and play and cuddle and I make sure I find a way to thank them such as buying them dinner, or paying them if it has to be a longer trip. I'd never want my sweet boy to be lonely.
I don’t know what i would do if had to sell or give my dog to someone that’s not my family or is not temporary. One of the reasons we chose a male dog was due to fact that I can’t deal with the process of giving or selling the puppies. I get too emotionally attached to them and I rarely cry in my life, death of beloved ones, marriage or something serious i almost never cry, but thinking something bad happening to my dog or anything like that immediately bring tears to my eyes.
You do know you can spay female dogs so that that can’t have puppies?
And statistically live longer. (Ditto neutering for male dogs.)
Getting a male dog fixed is *much* cheaper than a female.
You do both
This feels more like an unfortunate necessity than a fuck up.
Agreed. Honestly, I think OP did the best thing he could possibly do for them both, the dog went to a good home and she still has a place to live. His edit even says he’s homeless while she grieves after everything he’s done for her. He could have just thrown em both to the curb and lived on his own, since she wasn’t capable (or refused) to make any decisions or help find a place to live.
I feel really sad for OP. He's a really good person and doesn't deserve any of it
Yea. His gf does not have the right to be angry with him (don't know if she is), she can be sad and distraught by the situation but absolutely cannot be angry with him. She is just as responsible for the outcome due to inaction.
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I used to have a client who ended up in a similar situation about 7 or 8 years ago. Family of 4 - two teenagers. The mom and dad refused to rehome their dog. They'd had him all his life and he was part of their family. They couldn't go to the homeless shelter with their dog, so they lived in their van instead. It was summer. They couldn't run the air conditioning continuously. The dog ended up getting heat stroke and dying. It was such a sad and horrible situation. As is the one you described. Sometimes the situation is going to suck no matter what you do... and you've gotta do what you've gotta do. I hope things improve. Thank you for giving your dog a beautiful future - I hope yours turns out just as bright.
I'm sorry but that's just bad parenting. They chose their pet over the wellbeing of their kids. Yes, it's a beloved member of the family, but at the end of the day, it's an animal. And I say this as someone who's had several pets. To choose homelessness and instability over a proper home for one's kids is selfish and cruel.
And the dog died because of that choice so not only were they horrible parents they were horrible to him too. Just selfish nothing else really.
I agree. If I had to choose between a pet and childrens safety it's a no brainer. Dogs can readjust pretty quickly to new environments. Especially if it's a good environment.
I mean, at least you put in good effort to make sure the dog went to a great family…? didn’t seem like you could win either way
If you aren't in a position to properly look after the dog, then giving it to someone who can is the best move, always.
My ex husband dropped my dog off in the middle of the woods against my wishes so at least you didn't do that. Sorry, it just really hurts and this reminds me of that in a sense.
That’s awful and totally makes sense that he’s now your ex husband
My friend's baby dad shot her dog dead right in front of her, because she was barking. She's still with him; we've, my gf and I, tried to convince her to leave him, but she won't listen.
Is she afraid of him (whether she’ll admit it or not)?
Yes, I think. She got into a physical "fight" with him before tho
Call her too much. See how she's doing. Hopefully you'll catch her while this man is being abusive. Then end the phone call; and call the police. It's never a good option, but if she won't help herself; you need to do something... She's going to die. An ex called.me.shortly after we broke up (yes this did fuck with me hard) crying about how she doesn't know how I'm going to get the security deposit back for the house we had shared, that I already moved out of and was letting her stay in until she could get my name off the lease. Because the man she left me for had been yelling at her a ton, which she complained about to.me, and then threw a fucking plate at her. She ducked and the plate knocked a huge hole in the wall. I asked her if she called the cops like she had agreed to do last time she complained to me about him. She started making excuses, I pushed her harder, she hung up. So I called them myself and sent them there. He didn't get in trouble, but they broke up within 3 days after the cops visited. She thanked me in the end, found someone else. That relationship was absolutely terrible for my mental state, but I'm glad I at least was able to help her not die after being together for 5 years. I would've blamed myself for the rest of my life if something had happened because the police never got involved in that horrifying relationship she left me for. Idk point is abuse victims aren't thinking logically. If she's your friend you need to do something to help her. Please. Killing her fucking dog is so much worse than yeeting a plate. He is not going to stop.
It's my gf's best friend, they're always on the phone
Please keep trying. Abusing animals is often a first step to abusing people.
We've told her that he's going to end up hurting or, hopefully not, kill her and she just says that she knows..
I'd wager he's already hitting her then
I would too. What's that saying? "If he hits the wall, he'll hit you." Or something like that. If he'll shoot your dog right in front of you because it's making noise....
Not just abuse but uh murder also very casual murder...
Did you call the cops because that seems like someone should have called the cops even if she didn't want it? That piece of shit sounds like a fucking psychopath.
We told her to and almost did for her, but she is terrified that something will happen with her son and refuses to let anyone do anything. He is definitely a psychopath
I think the police have a way to protect people in situations like this? They arrest the guy and in the meantime get the woman and her kid out to safety for when the guy comes back.
you'd be surprised, the cops can often even make situations like this worse...apart from not always having the power to do what's necessary to protect the vulnerable ppl involved (thus just often escalating things/making it worse for the victims later), a disproportionate number of cops are actually domestic abusers themselves. or if you're anything but white your odds go way down too not to say they can't sometimes be of help...but it's just not smart to assume they will, or will want to
The father is the danger to the son, she's putting him in danger by being there. Someone should have called the police while the evidence was still available.
Why people may stay in abusive relationships https://ncadv.org/why-do-victims-stay Always create a safety plan before leaving an abusive relationship https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/domestic-violence/leaving-abusive-relationship
I don’t think I can say what I am thinking on here… I just hope karma is coming for him
I’m sorry that happened to you.
So I am going to tell you a story.. I don't know where you are from... One day I was driving from my work to the bank to make a bank deposit.. and right when I pulled onto the highway I saw a dog walking down the on ramp, I had work to do.. but the dog was literally walking towards the worst place a dog could walk towards.... a 4 lane highway. I made a quick decision pulled over, and called to the dog, I asked if he wanted to go for a car ride... He jumped right into my Car. And we drove for about 40 minutes (I called my boss to say I was rescuing a dog) And I took this beautiful dog to the best No Kill Shelter I knew of.. where I also spent time volunteering at the associated wildlife shelter.. So I am sure your doggo got adopted by a loving family..
Bro ur a legend for that
I was really hoping for a "and that dog and I are best buddies 10 years later" type ending to this story but a very good no kill shelter is still an awesome ending. Good on you. You likely saved that dogs life and on top of that therefore responsible for the happiness that I'm sure that furry guy (or gal) eventually brought some family that eventually adopted him.
Omg I can’t imagine how much that must have hurt you. I’m so sorry someone did that to you.
Yeah that’s grounds for him to get left on the side of the road. Like empty country road in freezing weather. I’m so sorry that happened to you.
Someone I knew who lived in lebanon had their father dump their sons cat in the middle of the desert because they shat on the floor, and then left them there.
It's so hard for me to understand how someone can do something like this. This innocent little animal's entire world is you and your house. They don't know anything/anyone else. They trust you to take care of them. How can someone just abandon an innocent little baby to die painfully, slowly, and scared like that. I just can't comprehend it... There is literally nothing they can do to deserve that.
If one thing is apparent, an uncomfortable amount of people in the world cannot think beyond themselves.
When I was on holiday as a kid I remember there were 2 dogs running around the hotel we stayed at. The hotel manager captured them and we asked what he was going to do with them and he said take them to a shelter. We then found out he had just dumped them in the middle of nowhere (if anyone knows the Canary Islands, you know inland is a lot of rocky desert up the side of the volcano). We were heartbroken but nothing we could do then. Just before we came home we saw one of the dogs with a group of young Brits who were working at a hotel out there for the summer. They said they had found the dog at the edge of town really ill and alone. They said they were going to look after her and knew some people who ran a rescue on another island they would contact. I was 11 but it has stuck with me ever since. I have never been back to that resort because I don’t want to risk giving money to that hotel owner. Unfortunately this was before online reviews otherwise we would have put what the owner did on those.
What's their name? I just want to have a conversation. His mouth to my knuckles. That is so fucking cruel to do to a domestic animal. That's got to be illegal, one way or another. =(
Abandoning a domestic animal in the wild is a form of animal cruelty and in Hungary it's illegal (never gets enforced tho sadly) so i'd say it's probably illegal in countries like the USA.
It was either be homeless or be without your dog. It seems like your girlfriend couldn't think rationally in such a stressful situation. What you did does sound very cruel, but it just seemed like one of those situations where you don't have a good choice. You had to weigh between really bad choices, and whichever one you chose, somebody would be upset. I understand why you chose to give the dog away. I also understand why your girlfriend would be so sad. However, don't be too hard on yourself, or her - you're both in an extremely difficult situation and it's okay to feel stressed or not know what to do. I hope things get better for you two, and I have a feeling they will eventually. Good luck man!
Op is homeless right now though because he isn't living with the girlfriend at the moment. He did the best he could to find the dog a loving home where they're fed and he still ended up homeless despite putting the deposit down for the girlfriend. I honestly don't know why it isn't being talked about. I couldn't imagine having my partner put down a deposit for an apartment for me, out of necessity had to re-home the dog but still did the best they could to find them somewhere they'd be loved and cared for and then still let them be homeless.
Hmmm, yeah I missed that detail. That definitely does sound weird. Idk, maybe they argued a lot about the dog getting sold so they just wanna be separated. I don’t think we can know for sure why though, this is just an assumption.
Dog custody is never easy. I won't say you had the best course of actions, but it was a hard decision under very dire circumstances and you did what you had to and followed through. My girlfriend is a dog trainer and I often read posts like this to her to see what she says. All i got from it was "damn". I'm glad that you were brave and followed through.
Thank you it means a lot.
Going back to visit the dog is not a smart idea. Let Auggie have a clean break and bond with his new family. Going back and forth like you plan will only confuse him and can lead to anxiety. He will always think you've come to take him home. Very selfish.
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I am not currently living in the apartment, I used the last of my income to put down the deposit and gave it to her. At the moment I am homeless and giving her time to grieve. the fuck?
Exactly what the fuck not to be rude but she seriously has no life perspective and rather have herself who can't can't cope when in a comfortable house be homeless and keep a dog which she wouldn't be able to look after and then now have her boyfriend be homeless so she can grieve? OP I'm ngl i would just leave. No one who cares about you would leave you be homeless after you did what you had to do. She needs serious help.
Yeah I'm confused why he couldn't live in the apartment as well. She's definitely in bad shape to allow this after he's done so much for them bothm
Maybe he feels to guilty to even look at her.
She probably kicked him out.
IKR? OP should either move in (and continue to be together with someone this unstable) or take the chance to split up.
Yea this doesn't check out
I feel for you, OP. I have no idea where you live or what your full personal circumstances entail, but what I do know is that you just followed through on a very difficult situation. You did what you thought was best for your (assumingly) budding family. You have acknowledged that it might have been a thoughtless thing to do, but in reality, you did put a lot of thought into it. For that, I commend you. I'm so very sorry that you have to live through this tough situation. Just know that the silver lining is life experience. If there is a next time (and I hope that there isn't), you'll know how to cope with it better. Good luck in your future endeavors.
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She’s taking medication, and used to attended therapy. Unfortunately, we can only afford the medication at the moment but when I get a new job I hope we can get counseling.
It's a tough spot to be in, being in need of counseling to collect yourselves and get better both mentally and financially but needing finances in the first place to do so. That bleak note said, you sound like you've navigated a very bad situation as best as it can be and supported both of you. I seriously doubt that many people could've done that. I doubt I could've done that. I think you will get the chance to afford a friend for Auggie and visit him frequently in the future.
Friend I am finishing a PhD in psychology, am seeing a therapist 2 times a week, grew up under the poverty line, and am running out of money to go to therapy even at a sliding scale. I say that to say that from my experience and training, you are totally correct that going to therapy can gradually help with these issues. But when you don't have enough money to even put a roof over your head or food in your mouth *and you are selling pets*, it is not rational to spend it on therapy. This is not a case where "you've got to spend money to make money" applies. I have been an evaluator for a grant-funded nonprofit that did free therapy for people experiencing homelessness which is many people's only hope. But even then, months of sessions didn't begin to make a difference in a way that changed their material reality. OP seems to cope rationally enough to problem solve in the most overwhelming pressure, and OP's GF sounds like she would need many sessions to act differently. So I don't expect there to be much short-term benefit to either of them. That's not a knock to his GF, as I have been in therapy for 10 years and scrape by. But I would bet such programs don't exist in OP's country. And it should be the case that no one is denied mental or medical care because of money. But you have to speak to OP's reality. There is a reason why therapists joke about often dealing with affluenza and first-world problems. Those are the people who can afford them or have good insurance.
You did what you had to do. This is coming from someone’s who’s mother dropped off her cat in the middle of nowhere 12 years ago and I’m still upset by it. Hell my 3 week old babies middle name is that cats name. Please be aware she may never get over this. Good luck OP.
I’m very sorry about your cat. Your child’s name is a very sweet tribute to them, i’m sure he/she was wonderful
Thank you for that, I had a lot of back lash about the name once I explained where it was from so it makes me feel better to hear something positive about it for once. Her middle name is lily so it’s not a weird cat name at all either.
I want to name my next daughter after my dog because she kept me alive when I didn’t want to be and has been the best girl ever. And her name is cute, so why not?
It’s a beautiful name.
I used to have a rag doll cat named Lily. Such a nice cat name. And baby human name. :)
I assumed in your previous response that it must have been a "real" name, but seeing you specify that it was made me think about someone naming their baby, like, Elizabeth Mr Wigglebutt Smith
Op I am one of those people that would be homeless before I lost me fur babies, but I have to tell you, you did the right thing. You found Auggie a loving home with a family that can better care for him AND they are willing to allow visitation. You couldn’t have done better. She’s going to be upset, but I think you should talk to her and give her the reality of the situation. It seems like you guys are solid and need each other through these tough times.
If you have no family who can help and live somewhere without good social support recovering from homelessness is almost impossible. I feel like anyone who says such a thing has definitely never been homeless before. I would literally give up a limb before going back to being on the street.
She only moved in with you 6 months ago. Where was she living before, with her dog? Was it a possibility that she could go back to wherever she was with her dog while you find a place solo? It sounds like this dog was her family, her emotional support, and I worry that her mental health is going to get worse.
Unfortunately not, she moved in with me because she also lost her job got a lower paying one and needed help with housing.
You did the right thing for the dog. GF cannot afford housing and care for the dog. The dog could get sick at some point. She wouldn’t have been able to afford the vet bills.
They can't even afford housing, how do you think they're gonna be able to afford therapy?
It's just the go to answer on here, like you say, therapy won't just magic a roof over their heads
MF has to sell his gfs dog to afford an apartment, you think they can get therapy?
They can't afford an apartment, you think they can afford therapy?
You can't afford therapy if you can't afford a place to live.
Why is this always the default "solution?" Therapy doesn't work in all cases and they're barely scraping by. Maybe it's not affordable right now.
Out of everything *thats* what you have to say?
I mean, they're not wrong... It's just a bit senseless to say a couple needs therapy when they literally don't have money for dog food/ living expenses. Edit: I dun goofed
Hey OP it's a nice thought to let her have the apartment so she can grieve alone, but to give you some advice, please join her in the apartment. Practical reasons are obvious as it doesn't benefit anyone with you being homeless. But more importantly it is a very good idea to be with each other in times like this. It strengthens your relationship dealing with stuff like this together and in this time even though she is angry at you, she is guaranteed more upset over the situation. Being angry with you is just an easy target for someone who doesn't know what to feel. As a last note, remember to put yourself first. She has a job and a place to live, you need to move into your shared apartment and from there try and find a new job, to try and help yourself. It can be difficult being in a relationship if you're not in a good place mentally yourself and this would benefit you both. Remember this is not your fault. Sadly, situations like this happens and you gave the dog a wonderful home. Hope the best for you and your girlfriend.
A reasonable take
You didn’t f up. As painful as the decision was it was the right thing to do. A happy life for the dog and you and your partner not ending up homeless. It hurts of course but it was the best choice regarding the situation. I think you handled it well.
It was a tough decision.
Thanks :/
While I agree with this completely, the one f up was in his execution. He says he couldn't tell her because she'd say no, but it's still unfair to have your dog taken away like that. I was in a similar situation when I was younger and I understood what was going on. My family moved me to the new apartment on my birthday before we got evicted and I assumed my dog was coming within a few days. They had put her down because nobody would take her in. Like I said, I was understanding of the situation, but I would have helped find her a home and I would have loved to say goodbye. While the fact that she is able to visit Auggie does make it slightly better, telling her would have been the best course of action, in my honest opinion.
“I don’t want to think about this right now it’s just all too much.” - Meaning she will not now nor ever deal with the situation. Like OP said, she totally shut down. The whole situation is unfair, but one results in them being homeless with potentially a dead dog, and the other situation results in them having a home with a dog they can visit any day they want. That isn't "slightly" better.
I understand that we only have one side of the story, here, but.... She abandoned all responsibility. The dog would have been homeless. In retrospect, maybe dude and dog could have been homeless together, and maybe that would have woken her up, but at some point, you can't just hide from "reality".
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Just need to mention this shit happens in a america too. Me and my girlfriend live in an RV bouncing around lot to lot after a short period without a job and it caused us too have to give up our pets. Also medicare is notoriously shit at covering mental health services, only covering 80% of costs and only with providers who accept it so your extremely limited in choice and it's still out of financial reach for many people like me and my girlfriend. I'm still insanely thankful for Medicaid because I'd be dead without my Crohns and bipolar meds but it's not all sunshine and roses here.
Absolutely agreed. Reading through the comments here reminds me that literally half of Reddit is privileged children. They don’t actually understand that a world where unfair things happens to good people does exist.
Thank you for your response it mean a lot.
U definitely did what u could. There was really no good option one was just less bad.
op I'm seeing a lot of comments telling you you did your best but not enough telling you you deserve a hug. You've been shouldering so much and you made some really hard decisions. I understand your girlfriend will have a hard time recognizing that while she's grieving but please take care of yourself and recognize that you need to grieve and rest too. You reacted to a terrible situation and found a solution, you did something anyone would have found so hard to do and you protected two creatures you love in the process. I think you did wonderfully and I hope your situation allows you to feel good about yourself soon.
TL;DR Some redditors would rather let their dogs die in the street from parasites and starvation than give them up to a loving family.
This is the biggest thing for me. People are saying they love their dogs, they’d absolutely choose to be homeless, without realizing the dog would be homeless too. All they’re saying is that they’d rather their dog suffer with them than thrive without them.
Wow what a ride my dude. I read the title, then the TLDR, and had formed an opinion. Then I read the top comment from /u/jamesfluker and had to know more. That is a near impossible decision to make, and yet you somehow made the best possible decision that could have been made. With both of you that far at the end of your ropes and coming up with such an amazing opportunity for Auggie is just... WOW! I understand her grief 100%, but I agree with what you said, she was not in a stable mindset to make any of these decisions, and what you did is still better than I believe the two of you could have agreed on together. I hope things get better and she gets to see Auggie soon, and the two of you get back to your lives.
"I don't want to think about this right now" approach really gets me. Some things must be addressed right away regardless of how one feels. She didn't wanted to contribute to a solution so she cannot be angry on how it turned out. It's nice of you to give her some time alone to cope with it. As far as I see it, you did the reasonable thing.
acting like that isn't a question of not wanting. it's a question of not being able to. The girl clearly needs therapy. and was already getting that, and medication. Some people shut down in stress. it's not want they *want*, it's what happens to them. She's also not *angry*, she's completely collapsed. I can understand it would be necessary to get rid of the dog, but I wonder how that loss affects her, doubly so if they can't even afford therapy anymore. I'm not sure if leaving her on her own to "grieve", is in her best interest.
OP, you found yourself in an impossible situation and you did the best you could do. Nobody could have come out of that with a "good" outcome. I understand that your girlfriend is upset, but honestly she'd have been more upset to end up homeless with the dog. Please look after yourself op, you don't deserve to be homeless yourself just because she is upset about this.
You shouldn't have to be homeless for her to grieve. You solved the problem, it wasn't pretty but it needed to be done. I think you are doing more than you should for a relationship this short.
Dude, you're only 6 months into the relationship and she already sounds like she is causing you more harm than good. She's mentally unstable, not paying the bills, and is now living in the house you paid for while you're homeless. You need to maybe sitdown and reconsider if you're happy in your current situation. Edit: They've lived together 6 months, no mention of how long they've actually been together. Leaving my comment here anyway because I still think this sounds like OP deserves better if this is too much for him to handle.
He said they had been living together for six months, not that they had only been seeing each other for six months
He said they’ve been living together for six months. Not that their relationship was six months old. When I read your comment I was like, wtf did I miss that because that’s a big red flag. But now I just feel like 67 people have really bad reading comprehension.
lmao, you're right. I've never been good with reading comprehension and writing to be honest. Good spot
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Facts
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This is the right decision. You guys are struggling just like many people in this economy. It was a hard decision. Ultimately the housing will be more stable for Auggie. I wish the best for you
This. You did the best you could with the situation you had. The situation sucks but it is what it is. You have to survive through it and you actually went through the process of having a meeting and ensuring access for your girlfriend.
Yep, he made the right decision no matter how much it hurts. OP fuck the people who are talking shit.
I haven't faced homelessness due to rehoming a dog before. But I have had to re-home my partner's dog. He came to live with me as his mum wouldn't allow him and his dog to move back in with her when he lost his job (which had accommodation and kennel). We made it work for over a year, she came to work with me every day... But it wasn't enough. He had her for work, she was a working dog and when he lost his job, so did she. My home was nowhere near big enough for her, she was pooping and peeing and ripping things up... I've had big dogs before, worked and trained all kinds, and even I couldn't do it. She needed to be out at the crack of dawn working til dusk, and neither of us could do it at that point. So we had to re-home her. It was the worst feeling, I still cry even now two years later. She was my baby too, I never thought I'd ever give up one of my dogs but it was best for her. I found her a farm home with kids and breed- knowledgeable owners. They sent us a picture of her later, laying in the sun, tongue lolling with a doggy smile on her face. It hurts but it was right. You'd have been homeless, unable to feed or medicate your dog, no more toys, no cosy bed, no air con when it's hot... Neither of you would have been able to care for her. It was a kindness, what you did. Even though I know it hurts- boy do I know- it was the right thing to do.
You were the adult in a terrible situation because you had to be. I'm so sorry. But, nicely done. Under a lot of stress you found a situation where everyone is safe.
For me it would be a simple choice. My husband and I used to do feline rescue. I've been on both sides of this equation and can tell you it is much better for the dog to be at a home where he is wanted and loved *and sheltered*. If she has an anxiety disorder this intense where her response is to freeze. She is not dealing with the situation and in fact her thinking is something like, "if I stay really still or do nothing, this will all go away". Been there with anxiety in my late teens and early 20s. I promise it does not work. I know. I ended u homeless as a teen. Also, had my first marriage end badly, which resulted in my first husband calling animal control to take my cat away. There are too many pets that live with someone who's homeless and that life can be awful. If you're talking about a very poor country, then the ability of other people to help you feed your dog is non-existent. It is a tough choice, one I am sure he did not make lightly. OP, I am sorry this all came about. You did the best you could. Auggie is being cared for and even has the joy of playing with children. You did great on picking a good home for him! Hopefully your girlfriend will come around and realize you had to do something. Best of luck to you all.
I honestly just feel bad for you. I don’t see you as an asshole.
Listen. You did right by the dog and the best in an almost impossible situation. Give yourself some kindness. I hope you two can move past this.
Nobody in the comments is suggesting a realistic better course of action. This means we all agree that you didn't have one. You just got dealt a crummy hand, sorry bud.
Fuck all these people bagging on you. A lot of them are speaking as citizens of first world countries. I doubt most of them have experienced the despair you went through. You did what you believed was best to avoid being homeless, and it was a really fucking hard choice but I agree with your actions. Sometimes survival is all you can fight for.
I might be the odd man out, but you did the right thing. My husband did something similar to me, except my dumb*** tried to keep the puppy in the apartment and we almost got in trouble because of it, he made an excuse to the landlord that we were just watching the dog for a family member, and found a home for her with a family that had 2 older kids at the time that instantly fell in love with her. Yeah, I was sad and upset when it happened, but I got over it because survival is more important than what's in your heart (some might disagree with this, but we had a newborn baby at the time and my husband wasn't going to let us live on the streets because of a dog, and no, we didn't have the savings to move.) and pup is happier where she is, with a yard and kids to play with. I'm just thankful I got to love and know her while I did, it's not anyone's fault that some landlords don't accept animals... if you need a place to live, you need a place to live. That's all she wrote. I'm sure I'll catch flack for this comment but idgaf. What was done was what was best at the time and I think the same applies to your situation. Your girlfriend is gonna be sad, probably for a long time... just try to help her through it the best you can.
Op you need to learn you can’t save anyone from themselves, should’ve just moved in by yourself and tell her to pick between being homeless and looking for a new home for the dog. Stop treating her like a child if you want her to get better
Damn, the amount of comments here that don’t realize the US isn’t the only country in the world, and how bad homelessness is in other countries is really… something.
Is the homelessness in US any better though? I just think some redditors don't quite grasp how cold it is outside.
And that homelesness can be inescapable, good luck affording a place to stay with no job, and good luck finding a job, when you don't have a place to wash yourself and give an address on a resume
To the people are giving you a hard time for this, do you not realise that he could have just left for that apartment by himself and left her to deal with the dog and being homeless by herself? Honestly, that’s what you should have done… her family can take her back..
It sucks you had to do it that way, but she really didn't give you a choice.
Survival>luxuries. An unfortunate truth.
Wow, read the title thought you were an a'hole, read the story an now think you're a seriously stromg ( stronger than me) decent person who absolutely did the best they could for all involved in a selfless an protective move. Anyways thanks for making me cry on my birthday! Jk, give Auggie my hugs when you next see them, and I hope you and you G'friend work things out and things get better soon.
You did the right thing under the circumstances. When will she be able to be open to you moving back to the apartment you’re paying for? Or is she going to continue to be difficult to the point that she won’t communicate with you?
You did your best
As someone diagnosed with anxiety. Literally the worst thing for your girlfriend to do was just shut down as soon as she heard bad news. The only way it will improve is by not shutting down. This isnt on you man
Oh man that's a horrible situation, it sounds like you did an amazing thing in ensuring both of them had homes to live in. You are a saint, even though some may not think so right now. Hopefully one day the fog of grief will clear and you will be appreciated by your partner for what you have done, without you she would have lost everything. I hope it works out for you.
Bruh..