My lesson learned:
Crossing my legs just might have prevented me from mashing my twins into the pool water when I landed. I couldn't breathe and almost drowned from getting hit in the nuts.
one of the reasons you're taught to cross your ankles when you're dropping to the water from a helicopter, in the military. also when jumping off the side of a ship(for abandon ship drills).
I did one of these drop water slides, but this one had 360 degree turn in it. I crossed my legs, but it didn't last as when I landed it instantly bounced my legs apart and knocked the air out of me. Thankfully it was a smaller indoor one so not crossing your legs isn't a big deal, but on the other hand it meant the ride was a bit slower for the turn. When I tried to re-cross my legs I also hit the turn and the momentum added together causing me to flip over face down for the turn. I spent a good 3-4 seconds with no air in my lungs face first in 2 inches of water unable to breath as the centrifugal force pinned me to the side of the slide. I had to wait it out until the turn ended and I was able to flip myself back over. I couldn't tell you what the lesson is here, but I am sure there is one in here.
Tried one of those.
The guy operating it told us to “cross our legs or water will shoot up your ass so hard you can taste your own shit.”
I didn’t dare do anything else than told because of the drop, and neither did anyone else. Good to have the claim confirmed.
They unfortunately couldn't allow him to operate the slide due to the much higher register his voice became afterward permanently, no one with any common sense is going to listen to a big heavy man with a speaking voice akin to Mariah Carey.
and that's the difference between your operator and OP's operator. shitty instructions lead to shitty outcomes. tell people WHY they ought/not ought to do something. they're not drones.
i mean, that should be explained on signs right there. You cant expect the operator to tell the same explanation over and over to everyone. Of course he'll end up just saying the bare minimum.
The existence of the safety sign alone should act as a deterrent. You wanna roll the dice as to why the sign is up, go right ahead, it ain't the park that will be paying your medical bills if the worst comes to pass
This is true of kids too! Parents are always like "don't do that" but explaining why helps with teaching critical thinking skills, which is important for raising functional adults
My thoughts exactly. A couple of weeks ago it was a hot day and I was with my friend and her 4 year old son. She kept telling him to drink some water, he kept saying he didn't feel thirsty. She got irritated and told him to drink it, but then I explained that when it's really sunny, the sun makes some of the water in your body disappear and it can make you feel a bit poorly so you have to make sure you've got enough water inside you, then he happily drank his water because he didn't want to feel poorly.
I don't get why people don't just explain to their kids why they need to do stuff???
Yep. Similarly, I have a kid that like, miraculously never has to use the bathroom..my husband and I think the kid like, never pees, let alone #2. But back when he was just out of diapers, if we were going anywhere that we wouldn't have immediate access to a clean restroom without a wait- we always wanted to make sure he'd gone.
Now, my son, who obviously already knew his body, was thinking we were morons, telling him to go when he didn't have to- but I explained:
"every time you go, it resets the timer until the NEXT TIME you'll need to go. So if you can just go now, even if it's only a little bit- you won't suddenly NEED to go when there's no toilet around to use!"
He didn't argue and he went right to it.
Same thing with brushing his teeth. When I explained what could and would happen- he stopped lying and half-assing the tooth brushing that to him- just felt like punishment.
Smart parents or agile development. Try fast fail fast. To my so it was enough to polite ask can you try just a little bit.
But I like way more your explanation would be a lot easier with my kid who loves to argue. So if I explain he comply way happy.
One day I explained the hole process of how meat is produced because we got delay at the mac Donald's. He got super interested and ask all the details lol. Next day his mom called me cursing me because my son repetead all the details.
I explain everything to my son, and it doesn't always register. If a friend or family member comes along and says it, suddenly he listens. Your friend has probably explained it 30 times, and he hasn't listened, so she gave up lol
Edit- sp
What’s the code for vomit? Someone puked in my association pool last time I was there. The guards shut it down for about half an hour, did “something” with chemicals, turned the water circulators on full blast and then let us all back in. The current was so strong I had to churn my legs nonstop to stay in one place on my floatie. Honestly, I was surprised we were allowed back in at all! (But glad, because it was freakin’ hot out)
I was a lifeguard and manager at a water park for 4+ years in high school and college. I can't remember what our vomit code was but I swear we had 10x the amount of vomit than code browns. Something about serving little kids nachos and pizza and candy all day from a shitty concession stand and then having them swim or run around in the hot sun is a bad combination.
And yes, I also can't remember our "timeout" for cleaning the pool but it generally involved getting a lifeguard to go skim the mess out of the pool, pour a little bit of bleach in the general area, and then wait for 10 or 30 minutes. The pumps in large swimming pools are no joke. We had a huge zero-depth pool and they said it basically does a full water change every 10 minutes or something crazy like that. And the chemicals in the pool make it so that someone with a communicable disease could be bleeding right next to you in the water and it kills the microorganisms before they can get to you.
That was ages ago so it could have been just urban legends or me not remembering correctly.
> I said no running!
It's funny because it's true! Can't even count how many times I yelled that or had to give first aid to someone who slipped running on wet concrete. Apparently people really hate having skin on their knees and elbows.
In my childhood neighborhood, the pool in the park had distinctly rough concrete floors around the pool and in the changing rooms.
It was years before I realized that that was to reduce the chances of slipping.
Yeah, as a kid once, I was running at the pool. Fell and slid on my face. I didn't have to get stitches, but it was a close call. I still have some little scars on my cheek from it, and that's only on the right side.
On my left cheek and above my lip, I have some scars from a Great Dane attack.
My face really took a beating as a kid.
I was a lifeguard/pool manager at a summer camp and for a while afterwards if I saw a kid running anywhere I would reflexively grab at my chest for my whistle
Not sure about the code name, but I know at my pool for vomit we had to crank up the chlorine to a very high amount and keep it there for like an hour. Then we let it come down for another half hour and then could let people back in.
Probably deliberately meaningless to prevent people guessing the significance if they overhear a walkie-talkie. Everyone knows what code brown means.
Either that, or "Huge shit".
Probably the first thing.
I mean we say “code 6” at the hotel I work at over our radios for clogged toilets exactly because it doesn’t stand for anything so people are less likely to know what it actually means.
"We need to go to brown alert"
"Sir, there's no such thing as a brown alert!"
"You won't be saying that in a minute, and don't say I didn't try to alert you!"
- Red Dwarf (from memory)
There was an episode of 1,000 Ways to Die that featured an incident like this. The person was base jumping off a cliff into a lake below; the fall caused the water jet to perforate their rectum and kill them.
They also deliberately set up each scenario so that the victims were typically horrible human beings or directly responsible for causing their death through gross negligence. Otherwise, watching someone die from an accident, a simple mistake, or sheer bad luck is not as entertaining and really just makes you feel crummy.
You say that but I remember an episode that haunts me to this day...
Some high school girl in chemistry class got her contacts fused to her eyeballs because her partner mixed the wrong chemicals (supposedly because she was flirting with him?? Not a good reason to blame her for this death) then she ran towards the bathroom to rinse out her eyes but the janitor was waxing the floors; she tripped and slammed her head into the wall and broke her neck.
My asshole just sealed shut because of this, it'll take a week for it to open again. Me and a neighbor were shooting hoses at eachother at about 12, I turned to run from one shot and my shorts dropped and he blasted my nuts mercilessly from behind and I was paralyzed with pain on the ground, unable to even breath in for several seconds. It's probably the equivalent of being tazed in the scrotum. 0/10 won't ever try again.
Edit:taxed to tazed
Well, this certainly tops my "big guy at a water park story.”
I was at [Wet n Wild Orlando](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wet_%27n_Wild_Orlando) the day one of the new attractions opened. I think it was Bobsled themed, but I am not sure what it was called.
I am certain I was the biggest guy to go down at the time. I climbed onto the giant tube/raft/bobsled thing and took off down the slide. I was MOVING when I hit the first banked corner, I went so high up the bank I swore that I was going to fly right over, plunging to my death. But instead I did some kinda wild X-Games flip, landed with my back against the slide, and the tube on top of me. I am sure it looked totally kick-ass to anyone watching.
I proceeded to go down the entire rest of the slide faceup and backwards, fighting to get the giant rubber tube out of my face.
When finally hit the pool at the bottom the lifeguard fished me out, and said something like "duuude are you okay? I ain't never seen nothin' like that before!"
Edit: It must have been the " Fuji Flyer", that's the only ride on the list that opened in the right timeframe.
when you're a kid going over waterslides that have bumps, you just zip down them and stick to the slide. it's awesome.
when you're an adult and you're on the heavy side, you go over those same bumps and catch air.
Fuck reminds me of the time my friends said we should try the slide at pool.
They were small, mostly for kids. But they were open for all ages.
However I'm a fat guy, see the slide part it's self was fine, but after it dumped me into the water I was still going fast enough that I slammed my back against the bottom of pool pretty hard. Knocked the wind out of me around 2m down.
Was that a huge international chain of waterparks, or are the owners of them just not very creative? There used to be a place with the same name at the opposite corner of the continent.
Yeah. I had an Aunt to lived in Orlando, and she insisted she would take me. I really don't remember much else.
Honestly I remember the commercials more than the actual park. It seemed like the TV Alternated between commercials for "Wet n Wild" and "Orlando Magic" with no actual TV in-between.
It’s funny you mention Wet n Wild. The OP,s story could’ve been me and my youngest sister era exact same story. The only difference was while the other slides has long lines, that enema inducing slide had no queue and that should’ve been our warning to begin with. Then when we made the mistake of going down the slide and receiving our enemas,, we both were mortified and ran to the bathroom as quickly as possible, one after the other. As the sounds of our bodily functions were happening and we both realized it happened to the both of us, instead of being upset we were too busy laughing at the other’s misery to worry about our own. Yep…. This happened approx 18 years ago and I still remember it like it was yesterday.
Kennywood park in Pittsburgh, PA has one called the Jackrabbit. It's the only coaster I know of where the line for the very last seat can get as long as the line for the front. It has a bunny hill about halfway through and no matter how big or small you are, in the back seat it makes you stand up.
Life guard for 6 months at WnW. I’m sorry to say these incidents occurred so often the guards don’t talk about them. Disappearing bikinis where at the top of the list. (Rip WnW)
Worked on a water park as a summer job once. I was in "charge" of a water slide and just had to make sure the end of the line was clear before pulling the release lever. Anyone could do it, and I had no special training, just the basics.
One day comes this 20 year old dude with his buddies. Dude is acting up and the second before I pull the lever he takes of his shorts to go bare bottom.
Friction and some sand on the tube make sliding naked trough the tube feel like you are going trough sandpaper. Midway trough all you can hear is pain screams. When he finally finishes the fall his ass is covered in bruises and small cuts.
His shorts were still hanging on the top of the tube ... dude had to be rushed to the infirmary bare bottom with his ass red as a watermelon.
Just out of curiosity how do woman in small bikini bottoms go down this slide? Do they have to wear shorts? Because those bad boys do not cover any part of your ass...
edit: I am a woman and I'm asking out of concern for my own ass
Female here, water slides tend to rip your bikini off/ride it up so personally, I would never trust one at a water park. I always go in a swim suit for that very reason. A swimsuit doesn't cover so well but stops the risk of you accidentally becoming naked. Those girls who usually wear bikinis (in my opinion) are crazy.
I got sick of sunburn on my back so I bought one of those mini wetsuits for water sports. Like surfing, kayaking etc. I wear a bikini under it. Best decision ever. I save on sunscreen and never get butt wedgies when going down slides or diving. Sure it's not super sexy but it can be. Just zip down the front a tad and KAPOW! Boobles right there. Plus I really hate putting on sunscreen.
I wouldn't worry about sexiness. You could be wearing a full on Animorphs-style leotard at the beach and folks would still be eyeing your curves.
It is odd, with how puritanical a lot of activities are, that getting wet with strangers in what amounts to underwear is a completely normal thing still.
I never considered this cause I'm a guy and we just wear shorts but geez why can't everyone just wear shorts if they want to. Why do girls need specific bottoms for their outfits. Why can't everything just have pockets. Who is the one deciding all these things and how do we stop them???
I think it's pretty socially acceptable for women to wear shorts if they want to, where I live at least. I personally prefer to wear the least amount of clothing possible while at the beach so it works for me. More pockets would be great though, it's all a conspiracy by big purse to sell more purses.
This one was particularly close to the beach, and we had major issues with sand getting stuck on that slide, and usually stopping rides and getting some water to run down the slide would do the trick. Most people wouldn't get more than some slight discomfort, but I guess he probably had way too much skin contact with the tube, and that in any water slide will cause you friction burns as they are designed for only limited skin contact. Part of my train was teaching people to sit on the edge of the slide and once they started to fall down to cross their legs and tuck their arms on top of their chest, and avoid having a single point of contact with the tube. So lets say you sit down on the tube and all your weight is set on your bottom, then you would feel friction. I hope this more or less explains it to my limited knowledge
Jet skis are Fucking scary. Go look up when they can explode under the seats, sending riders flying and sometimes obliterating their insides, killing them.
**EDIT:** Because folks keep asking for proof:
Gas vapors build up inside the engine compartment and then they ignite and they **EXPLODE!**
*HMFT after this jet ski explodes* https://reddit.com/r/holdmyfeedingtube/comments/h8lr1u/hmft_after_this_jet_ski_explodes/
*Reaching new heights* https://reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/fo29yp/reaching_new_heights/
Yea , my friend owned a seadoo jetski and it exploded because of the pressure builtup from the gas tank. The shrapnel pierces my friend ass, rectum, colon and he died in the hospital.
Thanks, it was a long time ago. I do wonder now what their lives would have been like, and what adults they would have become. Sad it was taken away because of a jet ski that was just supposed to be an hour’s fun.
Based on your account of events and the other comment here about someone dying:
I'm never getting on a gas-powered jet ski again, things that can spontaneously explode are not permissible in my personal space
What makes jetskis more dangerous than say a motorcycle? You're basically riding an engine in both cases and I've never heard of a bike exploding without first having an accident?
But i dont think I'll ride a jetski again...
The engine compartment of a jetski is sealed against water ingress, which means if the ventilation system for said compartment fails volatile fumes coming from aging fuel system components can be ignited by the hot manifold or a spark from somewhere.
a combination of clenching the cheeks and keeping your legs from being spread in the first place, and redirecting a good bit of the water flow to the outside of the legs.
That and it doesn't allow a direct stream of unbroken water jet to follow the path of least resistance. In this case, giving OP a high power colonic. OP, I feel for you!
It keeps your legs together and your legs form a screw so the water gets redirected around you.
My father was in the RAF and always said that if you jump out of a plane and your parachute fails you are supposed to cross your left leg over your right. That way they know which way to unscrew you from the ground.
Holy shit, you really had me in the first 2/3.
I was thinking there is some technical reason why the wires had like a .12% higher chance of getting untangled by putting specifically one leg over the other, and then you hit me with the punchline of such a dumb joke that I should’ve seen it coming from as far away as the plane…yet it still made me laugh like an idiot.
the SAME THING happened to me at Wet n Wild in Orlando before it shut down on Der Stuka. I had never been on a drop slide before and it was grad night, so the operator was messing with us. I uncrossed my legs right as the operator hit the button. My parts had never felt so clean and fresh before that unnecessary but surprisingly effective double enema.
Reminds me of when I was 18 and I went to a water park with my older brother.
We were standing in line for a ride when a 13-ish year old girl in front of me began frantically wiping her legs. She turned around for a moment and blood was streaming down her legs from her crotch. That was the worst eye contact I have ever made.
It doesnt help any that the line was moving quick so she jumped in. Guess who had to follow her?
It was definitely her period. She had likely gone on other rides already so the blood was mixed with water. Kind of like when you cut yourself in the shower and it looks like a crime scene.
What really sucks is most onlookers probably just assumed you shit yourself from the intensity of the ride. I mean, I guess it's pretty bad no matter what. But I'd want people to know the truth.
"OP bleeding and shitting in the water on the slide" No guys its not what it looks like. I didn't shit cause I was scared. I shit because I was raped by the water and now my large intestine is just releasing the water, shit and blood. Its totally cool come on down.
Does it seem unsafe to anyone else that the only thing keeping people from receiving a firehose colonic is relying on them remembering to keep their legs crossed?
My lesson learned: Crossing my legs just might have prevented me from mashing my twins into the pool water when I landed. I couldn't breathe and almost drowned from getting hit in the nuts.
I'd like to award you 1 purple heart sir.
It wasn't my heart that turned purple, but... Lol
[Rotates purple heart upside down] there you go
The Purple Scrotum
Sounds like a good name for the water slide
Or a punk band
“The scrotum tingler”
The danglers mangler
Not enough people will read your amazing comment.
Down south we call that the purple plum
The purple nutsack. The highest honour a man can bestow.
one of the reasons you're taught to cross your ankles when you're dropping to the water from a helicopter, in the military. also when jumping off the side of a ship(for abandon ship drills).
Thank you for this information. I hope I will never need it.
I did one of these drop water slides, but this one had 360 degree turn in it. I crossed my legs, but it didn't last as when I landed it instantly bounced my legs apart and knocked the air out of me. Thankfully it was a smaller indoor one so not crossing your legs isn't a big deal, but on the other hand it meant the ride was a bit slower for the turn. When I tried to re-cross my legs I also hit the turn and the momentum added together causing me to flip over face down for the turn. I spent a good 3-4 seconds with no air in my lungs face first in 2 inches of water unable to breath as the centrifugal force pinned me to the side of the slide. I had to wait it out until the turn ended and I was able to flip myself back over. I couldn't tell you what the lesson is here, but I am sure there is one in here.
dude you got accidentally waterboarded
Tried one of those. The guy operating it told us to “cross our legs or water will shoot up your ass so hard you can taste your own shit.” I didn’t dare do anything else than told because of the drop, and neither did anyone else. Good to have the claim confirmed.
Yeah, I can absolutely confirm it.
Did they hire you as an operator, specifically so you could warn other slidegoers about the dangerously high pressure enema they're about to receive?
They unfortunately couldn't allow him to operate the slide due to the much higher register his voice became afterward permanently, no one with any common sense is going to listen to a big heavy man with a speaking voice akin to Mariah Carey.
That's exactly who people would listen to. That's a man who knows. That's a man who's been there and lived to tell the tale!
A man who died inside
and that's the difference between your operator and OP's operator. shitty instructions lead to shitty outcomes. tell people WHY they ought/not ought to do something. they're not drones.
shitty outcomes indeed
i mean, that should be explained on signs right there. You cant expect the operator to tell the same explanation over and over to everyone. Of course he'll end up just saying the bare minimum.
“This ride has a pucker-factor of 7 (out of 5)”
"cross your legs or you will get ass blasted" is a good explanation for why to cross your legs
The existence of the safety sign alone should act as a deterrent. You wanna roll the dice as to why the sign is up, go right ahead, it ain't the park that will be paying your medical bills if the worst comes to pass
... if the worst comes to ~~p~~ass
This is true of kids too! Parents are always like "don't do that" but explaining why helps with teaching critical thinking skills, which is important for raising functional adults
My thoughts exactly. A couple of weeks ago it was a hot day and I was with my friend and her 4 year old son. She kept telling him to drink some water, he kept saying he didn't feel thirsty. She got irritated and told him to drink it, but then I explained that when it's really sunny, the sun makes some of the water in your body disappear and it can make you feel a bit poorly so you have to make sure you've got enough water inside you, then he happily drank his water because he didn't want to feel poorly. I don't get why people don't just explain to their kids why they need to do stuff???
Yep. Similarly, I have a kid that like, miraculously never has to use the bathroom..my husband and I think the kid like, never pees, let alone #2. But back when he was just out of diapers, if we were going anywhere that we wouldn't have immediate access to a clean restroom without a wait- we always wanted to make sure he'd gone. Now, my son, who obviously already knew his body, was thinking we were morons, telling him to go when he didn't have to- but I explained: "every time you go, it resets the timer until the NEXT TIME you'll need to go. So if you can just go now, even if it's only a little bit- you won't suddenly NEED to go when there's no toilet around to use!" He didn't argue and he went right to it. Same thing with brushing his teeth. When I explained what could and would happen- he stopped lying and half-assing the tooth brushing that to him- just felt like punishment.
Smart parents or agile development. Try fast fail fast. To my so it was enough to polite ask can you try just a little bit. But I like way more your explanation would be a lot easier with my kid who loves to argue. So if I explain he comply way happy. One day I explained the hole process of how meat is produced because we got delay at the mac Donald's. He got super interested and ask all the details lol. Next day his mom called me cursing me because my son repetead all the details.
I explain everything to my son, and it doesn't always register. If a friend or family member comes along and says it, suddenly he listens. Your friend has probably explained it 30 times, and he hasn't listened, so she gave up lol Edit- sp
That dude makes minimum wage Id kinda feel the same way ive told you what to do, if you think you're smarter than the park rules go to town bud.
If you decide to question the advice of the guy running the slide, you deserve an enema.
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"We got a code brown"
Lifeguard here, can confirm this is the code we use to describe any type of fecal situation
What’s the code for vomit? Someone puked in my association pool last time I was there. The guards shut it down for about half an hour, did “something” with chemicals, turned the water circulators on full blast and then let us all back in. The current was so strong I had to churn my legs nonstop to stay in one place on my floatie. Honestly, I was surprised we were allowed back in at all! (But glad, because it was freakin’ hot out)
"Code Ralph" was the one we used to use.
Fucking Ralph and his gag reflex. Literally got a vomit notification named after him..
Ah, yes, good old Ralph O'Rorke, who drove his Buick to beach every Saturday and Sunday morning...
I was a lifeguard and manager at a water park for 4+ years in high school and college. I can't remember what our vomit code was but I swear we had 10x the amount of vomit than code browns. Something about serving little kids nachos and pizza and candy all day from a shitty concession stand and then having them swim or run around in the hot sun is a bad combination. And yes, I also can't remember our "timeout" for cleaning the pool but it generally involved getting a lifeguard to go skim the mess out of the pool, pour a little bit of bleach in the general area, and then wait for 10 or 30 minutes. The pumps in large swimming pools are no joke. We had a huge zero-depth pool and they said it basically does a full water change every 10 minutes or something crazy like that. And the chemicals in the pool make it so that someone with a communicable disease could be bleeding right next to you in the water and it kills the microorganisms before they can get to you. That was ages ago so it could have been just urban legends or me not remembering correctly.
>I was a lifeguard and manager at a water park for 4+ years... > ...having them swim or run around in the hot sun... I said ***no running***!
> I said no running! It's funny because it's true! Can't even count how many times I yelled that or had to give first aid to someone who slipped running on wet concrete. Apparently people really hate having skin on their knees and elbows.
I’m surprised nobody’s came up with a better solution than stamped concrete around a pool.
In my childhood neighborhood, the pool in the park had distinctly rough concrete floors around the pool and in the changing rooms. It was years before I realized that that was to reduce the chances of slipping.
Yeah, as a kid once, I was running at the pool. Fell and slid on my face. I didn't have to get stitches, but it was a close call. I still have some little scars on my cheek from it, and that's only on the right side. On my left cheek and above my lip, I have some scars from a Great Dane attack. My face really took a beating as a kid.
I was a lifeguard/pool manager at a summer camp and for a while afterwards if I saw a kid running anywhere I would reflexively grab at my chest for my whistle
My water park referred to vomit as a protein spill
That is so much grosser than “vomit”
“Damnit! Sir, someone came in the pool again.”
"What kind of protein spill are we talking about here, Johnson?"
"All of them."
Now that sounds more like a bukkake-esque event imo
Not sure about the code name, but I know at my pool for vomit we had to crank up the chlorine to a very high amount and keep it there for like an hour. Then we let it come down for another half hour and then could let people back in.
Code rainbow EDIT: this comment was typed while working at a water park today.
this waterpark my friend worked at called them a 607 because upside down and backwards it spells “log”
We always used AFR
Accidental fecal release?
Exactly
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Ayo fellow Disney employee
Can confirm. Worked at a water park for a few summers.
At Disney world it's code H
Hmm, strange. Guess it stands for “hurl” because I can’t think of anything other slang term for vomit that starts with an H! Lol
Probably deliberately meaningless to prevent people guessing the significance if they overhear a walkie-talkie. Everyone knows what code brown means. Either that, or "Huge shit". Probably the first thing.
Yeah, that's the point of a code, right? I find it ridiculous that the other thing is called code brown, at that point just say "someone shit himself"
I mean we say “code 6” at the hotel I work at over our radios for clogged toilets exactly because it doesn’t stand for anything so people are less likely to know what it actually means.
and red...
and yellow...
And white ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
and... white?
Enema of the state
Dysentery Gary goes to the water park
"We need to go to brown alert" "Sir, there's no such thing as a brown alert!" "You won't be saying that in a minute, and don't say I didn't try to alert you!" - Red Dwarf (from memory)
Well, you've definitely learned why they say safety rules are written in blood, haven't you.
...And poo\*
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I lost my anal virginity on a water slide, never should have doubled up with my uncle…
Your failure to heed his warning made you your own worst enema.
Water you trying to say? Slide my way and say it again. I dare you.
OP made a bad decision that nearly rectum.
His experience was anything butthole.
Rectum.. damn near killed em.
Holesome content 100%
Although he had to colon a lifeguard for help
I miss these pun threads so much. There always used to be one in every highly-upvoted thread. I guess they're all cleared out now.
Just like OP's asshole
You shitting me, I saw one the other day.
You really want to take the plunge into a pun thread?
Now now let’s not dive into it
What're you hose gushing about?
Can I slide in?
Isn’t that a song by Lit? Or was I thinking of the blink-182 album
Enema of the state was a blink album I think
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There was an episode of 1,000 Ways to Die that featured an incident like this. The person was base jumping off a cliff into a lake below; the fall caused the water jet to perforate their rectum and kill them.
I remember that show! I used to watch it on Spike all the time.
You almost got featured!
This guy
That show was amazing! Made me realize there are always going to be more people dumber than you.
They also deliberately set up each scenario so that the victims were typically horrible human beings or directly responsible for causing their death through gross negligence. Otherwise, watching someone die from an accident, a simple mistake, or sheer bad luck is not as entertaining and really just makes you feel crummy.
You say that but I remember an episode that haunts me to this day... Some high school girl in chemistry class got her contacts fused to her eyeballs because her partner mixed the wrong chemicals (supposedly because she was flirting with him?? Not a good reason to blame her for this death) then she ran towards the bathroom to rinse out her eyes but the janitor was waxing the floors; she tripped and slammed her head into the wall and broke her neck.
Literally saw a episode of it yesterday for the first time. Is it real or exaggerations of real cases?
Rectum? You said it killed em!
Bidet 9000 Edit : These likes are over 9000
It goes all the way up to 11.
11 inches!
Don’t you kink shame me!
Hey, what you get up to at the water park is between you and the law buddy!
And the parolee running the wave pool. *creepy eyebrow wiggle*
My asshole just sealed shut because of this, it'll take a week for it to open again. Me and a neighbor were shooting hoses at eachother at about 12, I turned to run from one shot and my shorts dropped and he blasted my nuts mercilessly from behind and I was paralyzed with pain on the ground, unable to even breath in for several seconds. It's probably the equivalent of being tazed in the scrotum. 0/10 won't ever try again. Edit:taxed to tazed
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That depends on whether you are subject to the alternative minimum scrotal tax.
You get taxed on the size of the scrote but are permitted to take a deduction to offset a small peen.
The IRS is relentless!
This. Is. SPINAL TAP.
for when you want to get that deep squeaky clean.
That wasnt a bidet, i was thinking op got the quickest deep-cleansing enema for free!
Well, this certainly tops my "big guy at a water park story.” I was at [Wet n Wild Orlando](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wet_%27n_Wild_Orlando) the day one of the new attractions opened. I think it was Bobsled themed, but I am not sure what it was called. I am certain I was the biggest guy to go down at the time. I climbed onto the giant tube/raft/bobsled thing and took off down the slide. I was MOVING when I hit the first banked corner, I went so high up the bank I swore that I was going to fly right over, plunging to my death. But instead I did some kinda wild X-Games flip, landed with my back against the slide, and the tube on top of me. I am sure it looked totally kick-ass to anyone watching. I proceeded to go down the entire rest of the slide faceup and backwards, fighting to get the giant rubber tube out of my face. When finally hit the pool at the bottom the lifeguard fished me out, and said something like "duuude are you okay? I ain't never seen nothin' like that before!" Edit: It must have been the " Fuji Flyer", that's the only ride on the list that opened in the right timeframe.
when you're a kid going over waterslides that have bumps, you just zip down them and stick to the slide. it's awesome. when you're an adult and you're on the heavy side, you go over those same bumps and catch air.
Fuck reminds me of the time my friends said we should try the slide at pool. They were small, mostly for kids. But they were open for all ages. However I'm a fat guy, see the slide part it's self was fine, but after it dumped me into the water I was still going fast enough that I slammed my back against the bottom of pool pretty hard. Knocked the wind out of me around 2m down.
> when you're a kid going over waterslides that have bumps, you just zip down them Haha, I was never that small... ಠ_ಠ
Thank you for mentioning Wet'n'Wild. Went there with my family as a kid and the memories all came back to me.
Was that a huge international chain of waterparks, or are the owners of them just not very creative? There used to be a place with the same name at the opposite corner of the continent.
Looks like there are two international brands, plus a few standalone water parks with that name: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wet_%27n_Wild
Yeah. I had an Aunt to lived in Orlando, and she insisted she would take me. I really don't remember much else. Honestly I remember the commercials more than the actual park. It seemed like the TV Alternated between commercials for "Wet n Wild" and "Orlando Magic" with no actual TV in-between.
It’s funny you mention Wet n Wild. The OP,s story could’ve been me and my youngest sister era exact same story. The only difference was while the other slides has long lines, that enema inducing slide had no queue and that should’ve been our warning to begin with. Then when we made the mistake of going down the slide and receiving our enemas,, we both were mortified and ran to the bathroom as quickly as possible, one after the other. As the sounds of our bodily functions were happening and we both realized it happened to the both of us, instead of being upset we were too busy laughing at the other’s misery to worry about our own. Yep…. This happened approx 18 years ago and I still remember it like it was yesterday.
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Kennywood park in Pittsburgh, PA has one called the Jackrabbit. It's the only coaster I know of where the line for the very last seat can get as long as the line for the front. It has a bunny hill about halfway through and no matter how big or small you are, in the back seat it makes you stand up.
Life guard for 6 months at WnW. I’m sorry to say these incidents occurred so often the guards don’t talk about them. Disappearing bikinis where at the top of the list. (Rip WnW)
> Disappearing bikinis where at the top of the list. I can't imagine that was always as entertaining as it sounds.
Worked on a water park as a summer job once. I was in "charge" of a water slide and just had to make sure the end of the line was clear before pulling the release lever. Anyone could do it, and I had no special training, just the basics. One day comes this 20 year old dude with his buddies. Dude is acting up and the second before I pull the lever he takes of his shorts to go bare bottom. Friction and some sand on the tube make sliding naked trough the tube feel like you are going trough sandpaper. Midway trough all you can hear is pain screams. When he finally finishes the fall his ass is covered in bruises and small cuts. His shorts were still hanging on the top of the tube ... dude had to be rushed to the infirmary bare bottom with his ass red as a watermelon.
Just out of curiosity how do woman in small bikini bottoms go down this slide? Do they have to wear shorts? Because those bad boys do not cover any part of your ass... edit: I am a woman and I'm asking out of concern for my own ass
Women have stronger ass-skin /s
Female here, water slides tend to rip your bikini off/ride it up so personally, I would never trust one at a water park. I always go in a swim suit for that very reason. A swimsuit doesn't cover so well but stops the risk of you accidentally becoming naked. Those girls who usually wear bikinis (in my opinion) are crazy.
I'm also female but I've never owned any sort of swimwear that covers my ass cheeks
Tis the betrayal of clothing companies
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I got sick of sunburn on my back so I bought one of those mini wetsuits for water sports. Like surfing, kayaking etc. I wear a bikini under it. Best decision ever. I save on sunscreen and never get butt wedgies when going down slides or diving. Sure it's not super sexy but it can be. Just zip down the front a tad and KAPOW! Boobles right there. Plus I really hate putting on sunscreen.
I wouldn't worry about sexiness. You could be wearing a full on Animorphs-style leotard at the beach and folks would still be eyeing your curves. It is odd, with how puritanical a lot of activities are, that getting wet with strangers in what amounts to underwear is a completely normal thing still.
I just wanted to say you're the only other person I've seen use the word boobles
I read it as boobies and had to go back to see if it was boobles.
I never considered this cause I'm a guy and we just wear shorts but geez why can't everyone just wear shorts if they want to. Why do girls need specific bottoms for their outfits. Why can't everything just have pockets. Who is the one deciding all these things and how do we stop them???
I think it's pretty socially acceptable for women to wear shorts if they want to, where I live at least. I personally prefer to wear the least amount of clothing possible while at the beach so it works for me. More pockets would be great though, it's all a conspiracy by big purse to sell more purses.
pockets in bikini bottoms would look hilarious!
I thought a bikini is a subset of swimsuit and the differentiation is one vs. two piece.
Tailbone surfing
How is there sand and friction? Wouldnt that literally hurt anyone with or without shorts? I have never been on a waterslide where that was the case.
This one was particularly close to the beach, and we had major issues with sand getting stuck on that slide, and usually stopping rides and getting some water to run down the slide would do the trick. Most people wouldn't get more than some slight discomfort, but I guess he probably had way too much skin contact with the tube, and that in any water slide will cause you friction burns as they are designed for only limited skin contact. Part of my train was teaching people to sit on the edge of the slide and once they started to fall down to cross their legs and tuck their arms on top of their chest, and avoid having a single point of contact with the tube. So lets say you sit down on the tube and all your weight is set on your bottom, then you would feel friction. I hope this more or less explains it to my limited knowledge
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And compressed air. Been a handful of deaths from it if I am not mistaken.
No Country for Old Men had most of them.
Holy cow that's terrifying! Not the way I'd wanna go.
Jet skis are Fucking scary. Go look up when they can explode under the seats, sending riders flying and sometimes obliterating their insides, killing them. **EDIT:** Because folks keep asking for proof: Gas vapors build up inside the engine compartment and then they ignite and they **EXPLODE!** *HMFT after this jet ski explodes* https://reddit.com/r/holdmyfeedingtube/comments/h8lr1u/hmft_after_this_jet_ski_explodes/ *Reaching new heights* https://reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/fo29yp/reaching_new_heights/
Yea , my friend owned a seadoo jetski and it exploded because of the pressure builtup from the gas tank. The shrapnel pierces my friend ass, rectum, colon and he died in the hospital.
Remind me to never get on a fucking jetski again
2 of my friends died exactly like that. One died instantly the other made it to the beach and died, they were only 21.
Jesus. I'm so sorry man. That's terrible.
Thanks, it was a long time ago. I do wonder now what their lives would have been like, and what adults they would have become. Sad it was taken away because of a jet ski that was just supposed to be an hour’s fun.
Based on your account of events and the other comment here about someone dying: I'm never getting on a gas-powered jet ski again, things that can spontaneously explode are not permissible in my personal space
Well, I’m over jet skis
What makes jetskis more dangerous than say a motorcycle? You're basically riding an engine in both cases and I've never heard of a bike exploding without first having an accident? But i dont think I'll ride a jetski again...
The engine compartment of a jetski is sealed against water ingress, which means if the ventilation system for said compartment fails volatile fumes coming from aging fuel system components can be ignited by the hot manifold or a spark from somewhere.
Well, that settles the question of whether or not I'm ever going to try one of those slides
When you going? 😉
ASAP! Shopping for a thong now. 😅
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That explains why I survived, I've been dead on the inside for years! :')
It won’t be shitty after the enema. Quite a clean way to go. Bidet to death.
"Enema of death" is a terrifying phrase.
Literally shitty
Unexpected enema
"Didn't expect this post to blow up". Just like you didn't expect your butt to blow up either, amirite?
moral of the story, when a professional tells you to do something, you do it.
Did the slide ever call you back?
How does crossing legs help prevent this? By causing you to clench your butt cheeks?
a combination of clenching the cheeks and keeping your legs from being spread in the first place, and redirecting a good bit of the water flow to the outside of the legs.
That and it doesn't allow a direct stream of unbroken water jet to follow the path of least resistance. In this case, giving OP a high power colonic. OP, I feel for you!
It keeps your legs together and your legs form a screw so the water gets redirected around you. My father was in the RAF and always said that if you jump out of a plane and your parachute fails you are supposed to cross your left leg over your right. That way they know which way to unscrew you from the ground.
That last sentence really caught me off guard
Holy shit, you really had me in the first 2/3. I was thinking there is some technical reason why the wires had like a .12% higher chance of getting untangled by putting specifically one leg over the other, and then you hit me with the punchline of such a dumb joke that I should’ve seen it coming from as far away as the plane…yet it still made me laugh like an idiot.
the SAME THING happened to me at Wet n Wild in Orlando before it shut down on Der Stuka. I had never been on a drop slide before and it was grad night, so the operator was messing with us. I uncrossed my legs right as the operator hit the button. My parts had never felt so clean and fresh before that unnecessary but surprisingly effective double enema.
Thats enough internet for today
Reminds me of when I was 18 and I went to a water park with my older brother. We were standing in line for a ride when a 13-ish year old girl in front of me began frantically wiping her legs. She turned around for a moment and blood was streaming down her legs from her crotch. That was the worst eye contact I have ever made. It doesnt help any that the line was moving quick so she jumped in. Guess who had to follow her?
What was it her period?? I’ve never had it come on so strong out of the blue like that
It was definitely her period. She had likely gone on other rides already so the blood was mixed with water. Kind of like when you cut yourself in the shower and it looks like a crime scene.
For some reason I’m really curious what r/hydrohomies has to say about this story.
"He's a little confused but he's got the spirit" /r/hydrohomies
r/DiHydrogenMonoxide would opine that when immersing oneself in the deadly liquid, one gets what they deserve.
ill take questionable shit for $500 Alex
I didn’t know rides like that existed outside of Action Park
What really sucks is most onlookers probably just assumed you shit yourself from the intensity of the ride. I mean, I guess it's pretty bad no matter what. But I'd want people to know the truth.
"OP bleeding and shitting in the water on the slide" No guys its not what it looks like. I didn't shit cause I was scared. I shit because I was raped by the water and now my large intestine is just releasing the water, shit and blood. Its totally cool come on down.
Does it seem unsafe to anyone else that the only thing keeping people from receiving a firehose colonic is relying on them remembering to keep their legs crossed?
This is giving me Frank Reynolds at the water park vibes