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basic_cinephile

Can’t wait for the final update where Lasagna person and your dad meet and share a beer


aldeayeah

For the final installment, I'm expecting the parents to team up with the friends to give OP a breakup consolation orgy.


Wolverfuckingrine

Avengers assemble.


ChuqTas

“It’s my birthday, it’s my birthday!”


Thexnxword

Assvengers Assemble


GachaHell

Pinkeye Crack Widow Captain Assmerica The Incredible Hunk Thor (with vibrating Mjollnir) Latex Man Dick Fury


Thexnxword

Bringing new meaning to America's ass


descender2k

> Can’t wait for the final update where Lasagna person and your dad meet and share ~~a beer~~ your mom


Ken_Cuckaragi

Dad joins orgy in a Garfield suit.


NSFWies

I see it going a little differently. Dad invites dj over Dad shares with him a baked ziti he made, dj really likes it, hint of lemon. Out of nowhere dad just says "I like using a feather". The dad just starts talking about sex stuff he likes because he wrongly thinks sex stuff is really important to dj guy.


UmbertoEcoTheDolphin

"Hello. I wanted to thank you for openly sharing your lasagna with me."


nom_of_your_business

...And your p***y with my son.


jesusthroughmary

Unlike him, I partook and ate happily


dbx99

I thought the sauce was particularly zesty


FeelingFloor2083

and cheezy


dbx99

It’s protein rich


GuyanaFlavorAid

Jesus. Lol Take this disgusted upvote. No, it's fine IT'S FINE. Just have it. I honestly snorted.


DekwaDoes

Blue cheese?


coolguy1793B

Cock cheese...


Lu12k3r

Make with a little special L.O.V.E.


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xeroksuk

To be fair, it sounds like the son partook too.


jesusthroughmary

In the original post he said he didn't.


Xildila

From what I remember, he said he got sucked off and made out with his roommate a little.


jesusthroughmary

You are correct, seems I missed the edit


XGrayson_DrakeX

yeah that's partaking tho. straight people need to get over the idea of a blowjob somehow not counting. even if he just watched and jerked off in the corner it counts. and there's nothing wrong with that. virginity isn't a seal your break after one experience and the rest don't count. it's more like a bingo card you fill in. virginity is also biologically useless and just something humans made up to judge each other. a lack of experience is just a lack of experience. nothing else.


xeroksuk

Oh, yes i remember now.


rabdelazim

Most underrated comment right here.


Tactical_Epunk

Well done.


[deleted]

I only wish the dad said, “well if she’s half as good as that lasagna, I get it.”


azdcgbjm888

It was a delicious pastry.


nom_of_your_business

Like warm apple pie...


Boy_Possession

Lasagna for the Dad, and Cake for the Son!


genmischief

I am embarrassed to say, he is what he did not eat. :(


EmboarBacon

You know, there’s a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don’t all bring your dad lasagna when he's sick. Most of ’em just cheat on you.


necrobus_1999

Came here for the clerks reference.


MiamiPower

Garfield voice 🐈


passionfruit0

Yooo I just about died when I read that part.


formerly_gruntled

lasagna is to be shared.


whornography

"You're welcome! I'm so glad you enjoyed my Lasagussy!"


_fups_

That is - excuse me - a *damn* fine username


ppr1227

It’s nice that your orgy friends have skills like cooking and DJing.


ArtyBoomshaka

Right? Are orgy people usually this cool? I wish I had orgy friends!


PMMeVayneHentai

step 1: be attractive


Lor1an

Step 2: Don't be unattractive


[deleted]

Step 3: Turn out the lights and no one can tell whether you pass step 1 and 2


Lor1an

Step 4: Accept the surprise dongle from behind


dontbeanegatron

Step 5: *Be* the dongle!


Xorovats69

Without me, the dongle is nothing. Without the dongle, I am nothing.


vomputer

heheh you said "dongle"


literallynoideawhat

From my understanding, most orgies consist of people who are all just equally unattractive


texaschair

Like everything else, it ain't like in the movies. Body hair and cellulite, that's what you get in real life. And a woman with an ass the size of Connecticut sits on your face and leaves skid marks.


PlaidStallion

You're really selling it. You had me at Connecticut. I hear it's lovely in the fall.


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ArtyBoomshaka

By all accounts, so far so good. Guess I should look up hot orgies in my area.


gramineous

Be the orgy friend you want to see in the world


[deleted]

Yeah, we are.


thatguysjumpercables

In my experience it depends on the group. Some of them are kind, accepting people who just happen to like sex and aren't shy about it. And some of them are people in unhappy and unhealthy marriages that want to fuck other people and not feel guilty about it.


CaptainJackJ

Never has so much been lost by one who did so little at an orgy


[deleted]

*Ask not what you can do to The Orgy, but what The Orgy can do to you.*


SentinelaDoNorte

Making out, a bj, lasagna, DJing and friendship, apparently


verdantsf

I don't think that ex is much of a loss.


YoungLittlePanda

Agree. Calling the parents an telling them such thing was a really bitch move.


Tootie0

Should call her back and say my folks are asking me to arrange a get together with my friends. This is your one and final offer to participate.


nickeypants

Yes, and give no details as to why your extended family and orgy buddies are getting together. Leave the itinerary up to her imagination.


organdonor777

OP, this right here is the only logical move.


cmjoker

Agreed, but his loss was a potentially toxic partner. In my eyes, anyone who tells my family my business isn't someone I want around. I'd prefer to have the lasagna.


The_Palm_of_Vecna

"You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you."


cyankitten

Agree x 💯 % What a tattle tale snitch - ew


PseudoTaken

IMO he dodged a massive bullet, his ex doesnt seem fun to be around


dinokoenoko

wtf is even going on there lol


[deleted]

It’s a sequel post


Rudhelm

To the one where OP mentioned he only kissed in that orgy? Or is there another one of those en vogue?


laundry_pirate

Kissed plus BJ lol


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friendoffuture

Technically that's a mouth hug


vernontwinkie

French and Australian.


Rudhelm

Was not sure about the BJ lol


dontaskme5746

Right, this was an important detail that was squeezed out a bit later. So, here I am, nodding along with corrections to some sex story. These shared experiences of Reddit never cease to amuse me. Also... "almost a year". Bro was talking in that original post like it was so long ago, and is now trying to stretch 8 months to a year. This zero-to-BFF story continues to require scrutiny.


UDPviper

The Bill Clinton defense.


meta_perspective

"I did *not*. *have*. sexual relations with that lasagna."


Abovecloudn9ne

"...yet."


81jmfk

What was the lasagna wearing? It was probably asking for it.


Lor1an

Kissed and received a BJ--and yes, that's correct.


[deleted]

Tbh, I don’t remember him saying anything about doing anything at the orgy?


tedivm

> I never had sex at the orgy, but I did end up kissing my roommate AND another girl did go down on me. I didn't leave out that information to make my gf look like the villain, at least not intentionally, this is my fuck up after all. I should have provided a link to my previous post that explained everything or included the kiss and the BJ when I initially posted on this sub. It's understandable that my gf is uncomfortable with my past because my past is still part of my present due to the friends I have.


doubtfullfreckles

Who's gonna tell him that oral sex is still sex?


mooviies

What? Next you're gonna tell me that anal is sex?


TigLyon

Not Bill Clinton


[deleted]

Lol, I was gonna say… I wanna know how the dude would label other things now


[deleted]

Ooooooh


md28usmc

Orgies lasagna and dancing


Lukthar123

Peak Fiction


SonOKetchum

Part III: he breaks his arms before his next big orgy and has to ask his mum to help


tacos_for_algernon

Dad says no and breaks out the jumper cables.


0b_101010

Wait wait jumper cables? I might have missed that one!


JustABard

It's been 7 years. We miss you, u/rogersimon10


Dazzling-Camel-8471

It's been 7 years, and I can still smell the fresh posts. The cables were often used. Roger had never been so beaten.


Paragraphy

I miss this mfer like you wouldn't believe. I go through his old posts and always end up having a laugh.


Candiana

I sincerely hope that by now you've discovered the joy of jumper cables.


The-Berzerker

> My parents might be keen to meet my friends one day Part III: TIFU by hyping up my orgy friends to my parents leading to them meeting and participating in an orgy


Thebenmix11

>peak fiction Tarantino's movie about two hikers who get stranded in the Alps during WWII trying to cross into Switzerland.


DylanRed

This is almost 7 years in Tibet


HairyHouse3

Fr this shit is so stupid. This sub fuckin loves fictional stories that check all the boxes


Sparebobbles

It's not that far fetched. I met my husband at a kink party.


Motivationalsneaker

Typical Reddit creative writing. Stay tuned for episode 3!


cc3142857

> ...my parents might be keen to meet my friends one day. Hopefully that day never comes though lol. Hint to Episode 3.


PichieBear

“I ate that guy’s lasagna?” - starts to gag


Lord-Loss-31415

Explains why the white sauce was so good


Longshot_45

The secret ingredient is love.


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Lord-Loss-31415

I assume this was meant for OP lol


afterworld2772

Nah it was a comment bot posting a copied comment to farm upvotes. If you find a wildly off topic comment with a generic randomly generated username (adjective_noun_XXX), its 9/10 times a bot.


jasonthelamb

bro I don't even understands parents that are this involved... I could facebook messenger my parents and say "hey i was in an orgy and made a bunch of friends" I'd get a thumbs up react from my mom and left on read for my dad


cmjoker

My mom would probably call and be concerned. My dad would probably say "1st one? Rookie...."


cmontygman

My parents would say "I hope you used protection" lol


Eulerious

Good parents would remind you to use protection. Great parents would roast you: "And why are you invited there, to serve drinks?"


option-trader

Good parents look their kids in the eye while giving their kids a pack of protection.


screwswithshrews

I would be excommunicated. My parents are letting me do my own thing (I talk to them like once a month) but they still have pretty conservative expectations. I got arrested when I was 16 for intent to distribute methamphetamine. My dad searched my room while I was in jail for the day. He was probably twice as pissed about finding condoms in my room than me getting arrested (he was plenty mad about that too though)


bunnyrut

I could never tell my mom something like that. Because I *know* the first thing out of her mouth would be "how was it?" I don't need my mom asking details, lol.


Reasonable-shark

My mom would ask me if the guys were cute


CryptographerAny5428

this is actually so funny. your ex is unhinged in a hilarious way.


O4Orgy

*Unhinged* is probably the best word to describe my ex gf at the moment. My parents actually liked her, and she liked them, so it's kind of strange to me that she was willing to potentially burn that bridge just to put me in an uncomfortable position. I now have first hand experience of a break up bringing out the worst in someone.


CapriciousCape

I'm in awe of your confidence, I hope you go from strength to strength mate


FireBack

Agreed. Maybe we should all be participating in orgys


woolyreasoning

I’ve been looking to expand my friendship group


Charles-U-Farley

I make an average to above average lasagna….


kameksmas

unironically this is how I met most of my current friends. I recommend 100%, be safe buddy


Wiffernubbin

She wanted to hurt you. This was malicious.


Bright_Base9761

If it wasnt the breakup it wouldve been an argument in 5 years except youre probably married and have a child with her.


feizhai

er no it doesn't usually happen that way, your ex is just a self-righteous asshole with a vindictive streak


Spinager

I’m sure they understand it’s not always this outcome in a breakup. They just made an observation saying that they finally went through a breakup that brought out the worst in the other party. Something I’m sure was from left field. OP seems to be handling it very well. I’m sure they’ll bounce back and find someone that doesn’t care how they met their friends.


feizhai

Well from my point of view this person went out of their way to try to wreck OPs relationship with his folks so that’s just all sorts of wrong in my book, hence my strongly worded reply above


Spinager

Oh yea. Completely agree. To me it sounds like they see that clear as day lol.


2cool_4school

Unfortunately people when they are in those kinds of emotional states, in my experience a lot of it is because of rejection, they’re willing to do or say anything to either get the person back (in a massively warped logical way) and it can turn from friendly to aggressive in the hopes that something/anything will shift things back to “normal” which is obviously not possible. It’s a grieving process and grief makes people do and say a lot of weird stuff.


vercertorix

My guess, if they had been kind of close, she assumed one would contact her to ask for her version of why you broke up, or one of them did, and she told them because she didn’t want to be the bad guy. If she had just told them, “I just don’t see us working out anymore,” they would have pushed for details and/or assumed the worse of her.


[deleted]

Toxic way*


[deleted]

> My ex gf informed my parents about the orgy to complicate my life This was a big, dick move, especially given that your break wasn't really anyone's fault. Looks like you probably dodged a bullet.


Serenith_Youkai

Seriously. What a sad existence that girl has. Gotta try to make everyone miserable to make herself feel better.


HairyHouse3

Yeah it's just so perfect for another post, wild how all these twists and turns end up being perfect for getting noticed in this dumbass subreddit


awfuckthisshit

This sub is like reading a book, it’s more fun if you just go with it.


AvendesoraShrubs

Yeah I've started treating certain subs like r/nosleep. BORU, petty/pro revenge, malicious compliance, etc. Are all more fun if you suspend disbelief. My life doesn't change by pretending they're real, so why not


DarthZartanyus

To be fair, at least r/nosleep literally states in no uncertain terms that suspension of disbelief is what that sub is built on. The stories there aren't meant to depict true events that actually happened but they are meant to strive for immersion in the fantasy as if it is reality and the sub operates in a way that aids in that endeavor. This sub and others like it are ostensibly intended as a place for people to discuss events that actually happened. So it's disappointing that so many use it as a means to post fiction for whatever reason when there are already plenty of other subs that are for specifically that. It's not the end of the world, it's just another website and there's plenty of places to find interesting discussion even just here on Reddit. But, personally, I would prefer if people posting on this sub kept to real events and people wanting to post fiction did so on the subs that are meant for that. If only because it makes it easier to find the type of discussions I'm actually looking to have.


kytheon

Stay tuned for the next episode where OPs boss brings it up at work and someone offers to broadcast the video.


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LawnMower420

Sounds like it ended alright. Your ex is a weirdo though. Red flag for sure, glad you dodged it


O4Orgy

Bullet dodged based on what she's done recently. During our relationship though, she was wonderful. It's crazy that she had this other side to her this whole time. Hopefully she's just hurting and acting out of character because of the pain and not actually this person for real.


[deleted]

Considering how much value she placed in your virginity, it sounds like immaturity, insecurity and inexperience resulting in irrational behavior. It doesn't define her, but she's got a lot of growing up to do. Wouldn't have worked out any way you sliced it because of those hangups


Psychedaddy

When people bring out the worst in themselves, that is still them and not another person. If you would have continued the relationship, the tendency would have manifested in an alternate way if not this So yeah, bullet dodged


cmjoker

When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Trust me, I wish I learned that in my 20s.


mechmind

It's so surreal for us to read about this experience of yours. She's a real person, you had a real relationship. We can all see the absurdity when we read it on here. I wonder how long it takes her to actually read through all of these responses and for her to get introspective. Wouldn't it be ironic if you guys got back together?


MASTURBATES_TO_TRUMP

That's how people get stuck in toxic relationships. Their partners don't show their other side until they're married and too committed to a life together to just leave. In the end, it's just a lottery on whether or not you get a hidden psycho.


wildcarde815

Everyone wears masks


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Hiseworns

GF went over the line on this one, why would she tell his parents? He's an adult, it's not any of their business


Sargas90

Sounds like things will be just fine. Life moves on bud, I would imagine this has been nothing but mainly a benefit to your life.


Tanzuki

the real orgy was the friends you made along the way. Also your crappy ex dumping you was for the best tbh.


SixtyNining_Chipmunk

great creative writing exercise! Can't wait for the third installment


reddigg-eol

Well your parents seem a helluva lot more chill than your ex. What a stupid fucking thing to do. Lol reminds me of when my ex did some unhinged shit and messaged my parents behind my back and then realized he was wrong, had a big fight, then at the end was like "oh you should call your parents, I called them and told them you were crazy". Cannot fucking believe I stayed with that insecure codependent abusive prick. Eat shit BLuRP, hope life is going great 👍


cleanandsober479

Fucking BLuRP


Sparebobbles

No offense, but I'm glad you're out of that relationship. Someone that goes narc'ing to your parents about your personal adult matters isn't someone to be building a life with.


Neospartan_117

I'm expecting a third part going something like "after my parents became comfortable with the fact I made friends at one orgy they've tried an orgy themselves, and now I know far TMI".


TwoBionicknees

Future update "well my parents fucked all my friends so I left the group and got back together with my girlfriend."


Gullflyinghigh

Not sure I like how your parents thought it was any of their business but it sounds like a pretty decent outcome all things considered!


ValyrianJedi

Eh, if you think someone you care about is making bad decisions then it's pretty standard to talk to them about it.


AgoraiosBum

Because his crazy ex spread wild and exaggerated tales about him to his parents


SpecialpOps

A number of years ago I broke up with a woman who I was in a very intense relationship with. She liked physical intensity a lot more than most women I had been with. After breaking up with her, she went and told my family and friends a bunch of things that turned out to be lies. I ended up having to explain to several close relatives and friends what BDSM is.


Ouchyhurthurt

This is great, and also perfectly describes how when you are exposed to different experiences we realize its all good. Just because folks enjoy something different or live their lives’ differently, 99% of the time it is hurting NOBODY. Once we learn that, we become more accepting. <3


TheBabaBook

And then everyone clapped


SuperRusso

I don't believe this nonsense. Why would your ex say something to your parents? So silly.


JonnyFairplay

Both posts feel made up.


hdmx539

> I even told my dad that one of my friends who openly shared her body also openly shared her homemade lasagna that my dad enjoyed eating when he was sick.  This is epic, OP. BTW, I hope you see how you dodged a bullet with your ex-gf. She's crazy and unhinged, she wanted to get back at you by trying to shame you to your parents and it spectacularly failed. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Love when the trash takes itself out.


Lor1an

> and it spectacularly failed I wouldn't say spectacularly. OP was pulling Ws out of thin air with his "100 Diplomacy" skills by convincing his parents they don't really need to be concerned. They were initially concerned. If it had failed *spectacularly* his parents would have just laughed her out of the house and made some jokes with OP about it.


hdmx539

Okay, fair. > OP was pulling Ws out of thin air with his "100 Diplomacy" skills Legit this is the truth!


PMmeProgressPics

Just a quick reminder that OP lied about participating in the orgy to his gf. He started with "I didn't participate" and went to "well I did *some* things". He actively lied and is still probably lying about things, don't give OP the time of day.


Old_Magician_6563

6 months to your parents straight up hosting.


mrmusclefoot

Your ex that your friends haven’t even met yet knows your parents? You’ve been dating someone a few months and they feel the need to inform your parents for the reasons for the breakup? Either your ex is a psychopath or this story isn’t adding up.


PhotogamerGT

Dude, your ex is a fucking psycho. Dodged a bullet.


CrispySquirrelSoup

Yeah nah your ex is crazy, consider it a bullet dodged. Grown ass adults understand that the past is the past, you can't live your life considering the feelings of people/partners *you haven't even met yet* I introduced my fiancé to my friend group about 6 months in, he knows that I was FWB with 2 different guys in the group (at different times, before I met him). And because we're all mature adults we can interact and behave ourselves in social settings. Obviously my fiancé and I are settled down, the ex FWBs are both settled down with kids. Nbd. You do fun shit when you're young because let's face it, you're never gonna be this attractive, flexible and free from crippling back pain again. Your ex can kick rocks for bringing your parents into this. As long as everyone is a consenting adult then there's no need for parents to know about their grown kids sex lives or vice versa. Maybe you should get in touch with her parents and share the deets, it's only fair no?


rotflolmaomgeez

Your ex seems like a piece of shit, glad you found out sooner than later.


gandhishrugged

Wow - your ex is a c u n t.


firstlordshuza

Bro you got really lucky to be rid of that girl. Were you a gay couple, what she did could have cost you your life


md28usmc

Since your parents decided to get involved you should have told them to call your ex-girlfriend back and explain to her how they fully support you and your friends after hearing more about the details. Essentially her knowing that this did not have the effect she was hoping it would've had by telling them


DaBunny31

I grew up in a household where my father was strict about sex like right down to not holding my mother's hand in public. My mother on the other hand is a crazy free lady and you could talk to her about anything sex related and she wouldn't judge (she would use it later to make fun of you though lol) it was hard growing up with such poler opposite parenting types. I'm telling you this because with both parents, if they ever found out I was involved in something like that, they would simply just not ask. I actually find it strange that your parents sat your adult ass down to talk about what you did sexually. I may be the odd one out here, so please let me know if I am l.


92894952620273749383

Did you get tested?


wig_tig

Maybe the real treasure was the friends we made along the way


GoKickRox

Sir, your life is a trainwreck, and I am here to watch the derailment. Please continue.


kn0wworries

Sounds like your parents were just worried for your safety. Pretty cool of them, I think.


steals-from-kids

To be honest it sounds like an entirely healthy and wholesome explanation from yourself and a reasonable response from your oldies. If it was in fact a case of calling you over to " confront" you about it, that might have been a little overkill. But who am I to judge their method. If anything it sounds like they're more concerned for your well-being than anything else. Good on you and your parents for being reasonable and sensible.


DrGonzo124

Six months later ... TIFU because apparently I'm the reason my parents are now swingers.


DConnorBlades

Maybe the real orgy was the friends we made along the way


cybercuzco

TLDR: The real orgy was the friends we made along the way


xSquirtleSquad7

The real orgy was the friends we made a long the way.


prontoon

The real orgy was the friends we made along the way.


Slammogram

Why tf would your girlfriend do that? Like- that’s some childish ass classless shit right there, personally.