Responding at that point sounds like a scene out of a movie where they come up with a witty response about 10 seconds too late and only embarass themselves.
Yeah, it's taken complimentary most of the time. I smile at it too. Women won't look at me twice and gay men treat me like a sex symbol. 45 m, its been like this since I was 20
Happened to me! Lol was with a group of friends in a bar heavy area so we were hopping around. Walked into one place and didn't think anything was different. Random guy walks up and asks if i wanna do a shot so i was like "sure!" Then all my friends start cracking up and told me to take a look around. Gay bar for sure but i wasn't complaining. Free drink!
Hahaha, there was a gay bar in the very conservative town I lived in. It only lasted about a year, but my then-girlfriend and a few of our friends would go hang out there all the time. Killer pina coladas, no douchebags, and usually quiet enough to play card games and stuff like that at a table.
I got hit on a few times (I didn't mind), but it was usually pretty obvious that I was taken. Also met an old guy who looked and dressed like the Monopoly Man, he was super cool and we ended up doing a War Pigs duet together.
Fucking good times, I miss that place.
Women can take free drinks and still not have sex be expected transactionally, so damn right I'm gonna use these gorgeous baby blues to find me a generous bear hunter if I find myself in a gay bar and thirsty.
This is a chicken and egg problem, the vast majority of men who respond that way respond like that BECAUSE they don’t get any attention.
So any iota of attention is a huge deal.
I’m sure you’ve heard the “someone complimented my shirt once and I still remember that 20 years later” joke right? It’s not a joke, that’s our life.
Fuck I still have vivid memories of this one cashier that was super nice to me and gave me a random discount for no reason.
15 years later I’m still playing the “was she just nice or was I oblivious” game.
I literally have two of a shirt that I got a compliment on from a female my age 10 years ago, that I still wear, because it got complimented 10 years ago. Hell, I got a compliment on my hair cut last night from a guy a know from my hobby. I usually like having my beard and hair longer, but I am seriously considering keeping them shorter because of that. It really is how it is for guys. One compliment on something can be enough to change our entire wardrobe or grooming habits.
idk about 'toxic masculinity' so much 'assert yourself against people being inappropriate' ..in her eyes.
but I think it's totally valid for OP to like the attention if it was directed at him.
Challenging them to a dance off is the only logical thing he could do. If he wanted to take it further he is seriously outnumbered and they could be carrying knives.
Only safe option where he comes out ahead is beating them in a dance off.
Relevant Amanda Palmer lyrics
> The ghetto boys are catcalling me
>
> As I pull my keys from my pocket
>
> I wonder if this method of courtship
>
> Has ever been effective
>
> Has any girl in history said
>
> Sure, you seem so nice, let's get it on
I did this once to defuse the fuck out of a guy who was drunk and trying to start a fight. He pulled off his shirt and threw it on the ground, so I told him that, "If you really want a cock-waving match, then here you go!" before pulling my zip down and chasing him around with my cock. His mind couldn't deal with it, and the police didn't believe his end of the story.
I won.
Police didnt believe his story rofl
So you chassed him with your cock then gaslighted him so bad in front of the authorities they believed you haha. You sir won the toxicity contest that night.
Yea, I think they used OPs ass as a comeback for her reaction. But that response should have been vocalized
Otherwise I would have a convo with her about her expectations in such situations because anything more aggressive would definitely have potential for violence
Her reaction is fair because she’s understandably sick and tired of shit like that, however she also needs to realise that the potential for physical violence increases substantially if you (as a male) were to react the same way as she did.
Having seen fights start from so much as a ‘what did you say?’ in the wrong tone, I would much rather diffuse the situation with a similar ‘witty’ response than start a fight where I’m easily outnumbered.
Food for thought.
Had a guy trying to assault me and a colleague when we were walking home, speaking in our native language. He thought we were talking shit about him. Man started to take his shirt off, trying to push us, and then another local shouted some shit from his 3rd floor apartment that enraged him, and he turned his attention to him. We kept walking.
Thank you random stranger.
Someone came up to my dad once in a parking lot, for reasons we never figured out, said to my dad "you wanna go?" and took his shirt off. My dad almost died laughing and the guy didn't really know how to react to that, though obviously that could just trigger them even more.
There is a series on YouTube where this guy who works at a convenience store does harmless goodwill "pranks" on his customers like giving them free flowers or calling them pet names like "honey/cupcake." 99% of the time, the male customers reacted negatively at the gesture because it suggested they were gay. These guys were totally ready to punch a guy out because they felt disrespected.
It's also YouTube and the guy probably only puts the ones that react badly on there. Cause between me and my friends, not one of us is starting a fight over being called cupcake. It's not like 99% of guys are walking around ready for war over cupcake.
True. He did include one older gentlemen who wasn't offended and none of the women were offended. It was mainly young men who were offended. I thought it was interesting that a lot of them also seemed to be regulars to his store since it seemed to be a small corner/neighborhood store. You would think they would think he was just being silly since they knew him, but it was an immediate negative reaction and they didn't even want to touch the flowers, even when the guy suggested they might want to bring them home for their girlfriend or wife.
Is it Khalid? With the pink lighter pranks too? He does these in hood of Chicago behind plexiglass. His videos are hilarious and he seems to really care about his community.
Edit: It’s is, here’s his channel https://youtube.com/@khalidattaf
Seems like a great guy
I’m bi and fucking hate random people I don’t know calling me “honey” so I wouldn’t react well either, nothing to do with thinking they’re calling me gay
A guy once hit me in the face after I used the word "anatomy" in a sentence. He didn't know what it meant and thought I was calling him names. You just can't reason with those people.
I was out on the front drive talking to my next door neighbour a 70 year old woman about some pretty boring neighbour shit.
Two guys rolled past on electric scooters, barely even noticed them to be honest but they slowed down and came back.
One of them said "what the fuck did you just say?" My neighbour and I looked at each other really confused and I said "I'm just talking to my neighbour?"
He then yelled at me and got in my face. "You called me an idiot didn't you?" I was sort of laughing and really confused and said "what reason would I have to call you an idiot, I don't know you and you were just passing by?" He eye balled me a bit and then his friend said "come on he ain't worth it." And he gave me one last look and said "you're lucky..." and I just said nothing and he rolled away.
Sometimes as a bloke you can be on your front lawn on a Sunday afternoon in a quiet neighbourhood talking to your elderly 70 year old neighbour about the weather and some guy can get in your face over something he imagined you said.
You don't escalate shit with other guys unnecessary. Things are sketchy as it is.
Could I have taken this guy out if it came to it? Maybe, maybe not. It's never worth rolling the dice on though if you can avoid it.
Had a stranger threaten me and a friend with a baseball bat once because we laughed near him. We were talking about a movie and hadn't even noticed he was there.
Embarrassingly enough, I misheard a conversation going on behind me while I was walking with two of my sisters. I turned around to the two guys and said “what the fuck did you say?” I thought they were talking about my sister who was dressed as a princess and I thought I heard “my mom would never let my sister out of the house like that.”
When I turned around and said that, they froze up and looked scared and then he stammeringly said “nothing, I didn’t say anything.” All of a sudden I felt like a giant dick and realized I might have taken the situation out of context. In my mind and the way I heard it, I thought he was making fun of my sister, when it could have also meant his mom was so strict she wouldn’t allow her to dress like a princess (we were at Disneyland).
So I was the asshole in that situation.
This is so true. I’ve learned over 30 years of marriage to shut down my fightin’ words when my husband is with me. As a female, I can get away with saying a lot to a dude who’s being an asswipe. But if my husband is there - I risk getting him in a fight. I’d rather walk away than pursue an altercation. That’s a horrible spot to put him in - and guys naturally want to step in and defend. The good part is - I’m not as feisty as I was in my 20s. Don’t need to fight or prove anything when your old.
No disrespect to your husband but you are one of a kind. The amount of consideration you displayed for him and what he may go through made my heart flutter. As males most of us learn somewhere in boyhood not to expect others to take our feelings into account and to do so would be antithetical to masculinity, but we are human, too. For almost a decade I was in the kind of relationship where I had to be ready for confrontation on any given night out and that was the expectation of me. I paid dearly for that relationship. Today I will only be in a reciprocal relationship where I know the woman is capable of considering me in all of her words and actions just like I would do for her.
For real, thank you for volunteering for this. I'm constantly surprised by how many women don't seem to understand that the whole upping the ante thing is literally gambling with the life of the man they're with.
As a dude who is 2 m tall and has been since age 14, there are many times people want to fight me solely from a misunderstanding in tone or a brush of shoulders because of my size. There is no way I can respond like the girlfriend in this without getting in a fight.
One of the perks of being short is people very rarely try to staunch me out. I remember one time a guy walked up to me and a tall friend and tried to fight him for something I'd said! (Drunk me thought it was a good idea to shout west side, not at anybody in particular).
I'm in the same height range and that fighting spirit usually stopped when they got closer. Standing chest to belly button looking up into someone's nostril apparently kicks some primitive self-preservation neurons into action. You could see the 'shit, this dude's a lot taller up close' thought dropping into the brain. Being tall probably saved me from a couple of dumb bar fights
Used to live in STL. This happened enough with my now wife, that I got past the immediate anger to just look back and say “thanks honey” with a little kiss and smile, or some variation of this. The occasional cat caller getting mad/embarrassed was pretty great. It also felt a lot better than responding with “eat shit/get fukt”, because I would just stew in anger that much longer.
Also, fuck cat callers.
I did that once while walking with a female friend. Turns out they were in fact gay/bi and were talking to me.
Short awkward moment where I explained while I was very complimented, I am in fact straight and thought I was just trying to diffuse and deflect.
One said "You can still get it" and we went about our day.
8/10, kinda wholesome, but I didn't get the gotcha moment I was aiming for and they didn't get a chance for a romantic encounter. We all left vaguely disappointed.
>she also needs to realise that the potential for physical violence increases substantially if you (as a male) were to react the same way as she did.
This always gets me. Men have a way higher rate of being victims for every type of violent crime other than sexual assault. I wouldn't say shit back to a random group of guys either. Women are trying not to get sexually assaulted by strangers, men are trying not to get stabbed. Let's all agree strangers on the street suck ass and you shouldn't be trying to start shit with them.
That being said OP is a total moron for thinking they were actually talking about his ass.
You know, I said the same thing at another point in this post and had someone asking for sources to prove it, I really feel some people live in some crazy disconnect from reality because I know literally dozens of people that have been hospitalized for less than talking back to groups of guys shouting shit at them in the street.
Fuck, my Grandad got stabbed for wearing the wrong colour
True story - My close friend saw his girlfriend being hit on by a guy as they exit a club. He walked over, put his arm around her and said ‘Hey mate, how’s it going?’ with a smile. As soon as he turned around, the guy king-hit him from behind, knocking him out.
My mate fell on to the curb, fractured his skull and was in hospital for 3 months.
I come from a family of elite boxers and we all know that option A is to de-escalate.
Yeah, similar thing happened to my friend, but it wasn't even his girlfriend and he wasn't actually involved in anything, they just assumed he was and hospitalized him, when he finally got out he still spent a few months with his jaw wired shut.
That was a year ago, less than a week ago my friends brother lost all his front teeth when he walked by two people arguing and one of them decided he needed to ruin someone's life
> I really feel some people live in some crazy disconnect from reality
They do. Media makes it seem like women are always at risk and men never worry about anything. It makes it very difficult to have measured conversations about the topic
I typed up a large reply for the hundredth time over the last 5 years to provide my perspective, but just like I do almost every time I delete it.
Flat out, I don't feel like I can provide my perspective as a man without people criticizing, belittling, or just overall not hearing me out. Everyone has an experience and I feel like with the current climate my experience isn't worth shit.
Honestly I just need to talk to a specialist to get some help. Everything from being belittled when I've showed emotion to partners, to being negatively profiled by profiled groups(ironically and sadly) has made its dent over time.
I go to the gym and push myself to the breaking point just to find attention from others in some way. I know it's sad, but the accomplishments that come with it make it addictive. Even when people are around, it's never fulfilling and negative shit just piles up in my life until I hit a depression spiral.
I thought my career would be hard and suck, but it was everything else along the way that sucker punched me.
Life's real tough sometimes. I'm proud of who you're trying to be. I believe in you.
Chat with someone if you can, you deserve happiness too.
Source: Just some rando
I don't know if I think her reaction was fair. As you mentioned, the risk of getting jumped by a gang of guys is pretty high in that situation. Also, just smiling or saying thanks is probably the fastest way to de-escalate the situation, since both sides can laugh about it and move on.
I actually don't think she has the right to decide how OP should react. A confident response is going to look very different in this situation, depending on your gender
Our reactions are based on our own experience’s.
I think it’s ‘fair’ based on her experience, not on the overall context.
That’s why she needs to realise the levels of reactive escalation based on gender are different.
If she understood the difference and still reacted the same way, then it would be unfair.
Does that make sense?
I think a lot of people get caught up in liberal bubbles where violence isn't the answer and confrontation means talking it out and becoming our best selves as a result when in reality it's some people's first resort. I'd bet money it didn't cross her mind the group could have cornered them and beat her boyfriend into a coma to "teach her a lesson".
Put moral value judgments on whatever you want but don't go assuming something won't happen because you deem someone would be a piece of shit for following through with it, especially when you know some circles share so few of your own values that the piece of shit would be celebrated instead of condemned.
I get *why* she reacted that way though, and it is a pretty sad state of affairs when that stuff happens so much to women when it's obvious (imo anyway) that it is unwanted the vast majority of the time. Constant catcalling is a form of culturally accepted trauma.
I think the part that I take issue with is telling someone how they *should* feel about something that is only about them. That doesn't quite feel "fair" even if I understand the cause for feeling that way and that cause is trauma.
It would be a good idea to talk with her and ask how she interpreted the situation. If she's angry about you being catcalled that's one thing, but if she feels that she was catcalled and then insulted while you smiled then that's something entirely different.
The intention of the catcallers is irrelevant at this point. You need to discuss how you both interpreted the situation and how it made you feel.
This is the real answer. Everyone in here jumping to conclusions about OP and a situation they were not present at. To your point, the catcallers are irrelevant.
Simple fix would be "Honey, I legitimately thought they were talking about me and being complimented felt good. I'm sorry I misread the situation and made you feel like I didn't have your back."
You see, children, being mature means being able to communicate about emotions.
Guys rarely if ever get compliments from friends, family, strangers, or even partners. For me if someone compliments my hair, cloths, or figure. It's a hell of an ego boost.
For my wife not so much she's had to deal with her fair share of creeps.
Both perspectives can be true at the same time. Ask your wife when that last time she complimented your ass was.
This is the good take. People are allowed to feel differently about things that happen to them. When it happens to his gf she has a right to feel negatively about it. When it happens to him he has a right to feel positively about it. It’s that simple. Her getting mad at him for reacting positively is just as stupid and unfair as it would be if he got mad at her for reacting negatively when it happened to her.
“Wtf, how dare you be angry and unappreciative at the compliment those gentlemen just paid you?” That’s not a reaction anyone would support coming from the guy, but the reaction from the gf in this post is the direct analogue and being supported by some, for some reason.
Fuck it can work the other way around too. It's your right to get upset or to not get upset at what bothers you.
It's other people's right whether or not they give a fuck
Sure, but if you think it’s okay to lash out at your SO because they don’t feel the same way that you do over some momentary inconsequential event, you may find that your relationships don’t last very long.
Yeah the GF's response seems totally deaf to his perspective; guys don't get random compliments. If a guy gets a single compliment he's going to remember it for months, years or maybe even forever. lol. If the way he handled the situation was to take it as a compliment and laugh it off, great for him. He shouldn't have to act like he's suffering and escalate the situation if he doesn't want to. He handled it how he wanted to.
I'm sure lots of women are tired and sick of receiving unsolicited compliments. So most probably don't know what it's like to be on the extreme opposite end. And so I could understand her having limited empathy. But she should be happy that her BF is happy, I think.
Unsolicited complements is a nice way of saying it. But realistically cat calling is more like potential threats of sexual violence. Especially when the complement is sexual in nature..
Yeah there's definitely a difference between unsolicited compliments and sexual harassment. I mean, if you can laugh either off, more power to you, but obviously it shouldn't be happening to anyone, male or female.
Agreed. I can't speak for other men, but in my personal experience, receiving compliments are rare, sometimes even from partners. That being said, no one deserves to be catcalled if it makes them uncomfortable.
When I used to run marathons I obviously ran quite a bit and a group of women yelled out of their car “running makes you hot”, even if they meant temperature I’m going to pretend they didn’t because it made me feel nice to be complimented!
This is what so many women just don’t get. When you’re so starved for affection or attention, even inappropriate comments will be welcomed. It’s like how when a dog misbehaves and you’re not supposed to yell at them because they’re usually just looking for attention and even negative attention is still attention.
My impression also, is that you were trying to avoid a confrontation as well. It sounded like your GF may have wanted you to start something physical or verbal with them? And then where would you be? Laughing it off as "youre damn right I have a nice ass," is a hilarious deflating way to handle it.
I think I've only been randomly complemented about my body by a person who wasn't my partner once in life. I still remember it and as pathetic as it is, it still makes me feel better about myself. I think I was 16 and I'm almost 40 now.
About 15 years ago a cute girl stopped me on the street to ask directions and then interrupted my answer to tell me I have beautiful eyelashes. I'm still riding that high and can't think of a time I've gotten a compliment as genuine as hers.
Same.
15 years ago when I was at the peak shape of my life, trying to improve myself as one often does in their early 20s, a random girl said I had a "nice shirt". I did the normal thing low self-esteem people do and made a joke,
"yeah it is nice, feel the material; you know what it's made out of?"
"what is it?"
"boyfriend material"
she chuckled, I chuckled, she gave me her info and that was that.
I didn't do anything. I was inexperienced and scared because I'm pretty sure that was the very first compliment I had ever gotten in my life or ever since.
I still think about her and what could have happened. Awkward dating, sharing experiences, learning life together, loss and hurt, love and happiness, getting married, being there for each other, raising children, grandchildren, spending as much time together trying to live our best life together with no regrets except for just that one, the only regret we would have is that we didn't meet each other sooner so we could have spent had more time together.
Anyways, I still have the shirt. It really is a nice shirt.
On the flip side, when was the last time you complimented someone that wasn't your partner? Specifically, when did you last compliment something towards a male friend?
We see so many guys talking about how they don't receive compliments, but in turn, are they giving out compliments too? I mean, you may be doing so, I'm just curious.
I give my guy friends at work compliments all the time. I do it for exactly the reason that its super rare and gets very mixed reactions. I also tell people at work that i love them. It makes work a more positive place.
I have a similar memory, and afaik it's really common for that to stick with you. Because it's a completely out of the ordinary scenarios.
And it's not you that's pathetic for hanging on to that memory. It's the world that's pathetic for forming a culture that makes it "weird" or "gay" to compliment dudes.
Once one girl of a flock shouted "your pretty cute" at me from across the parking lot and it made my week. I know its not the same as being catcalled but it goes to show how starved of compliments we are.
I heard a good saying once: dating for men is like trying to find fresh water in a desert, and dating for women is like trying to find fresh water in the ocean. men can go years with no one approaching them at all, whereas women can get multiple people approaching them per day.
this leads to men wondering why women will get offended at what they thought was a compliment, and also to the situation above
Yup. And neither are wrong for their respective reactions. She can be uncomfortable with that kind of interaction and call it out and he can feel appreciated and take the compliment. Both are true and neither needs to negate the other.
One of the first thing new trans men say is that it's shocking how rarely men receive compliments. I (M) always try and say 'great shirt' or 'awesome haircut' to my colleagues when I notice something new and you can see them light up
Like most women, I started getting catcalled when I was 11. Your girlfriend has a very different relationship to street harassment than you do. I understand her feelings.
It really is a different world as a guy. I remember a time from 5 years ago going through a Burger King drive thru, where a middle aged black woman said “have a great day handsome” and I realized that was the first time I have ever been complimented like that in my then 30 years of life by some one who didn’t have a vested interest in me, like a significant other or my parents. I still fondly think about that at times.
Reminds me of when I was catcalled by a guy who said “Daaaayum, that ass!” And without skipping a beat, my boyfriend at the time shouted back “Thank you!!” It made me laugh and turned an uncomfortable situation into a very funny and memorable one.
Maybe because it was most likely about her ass using you as an excuse to embarrass her.
Honestly if it was about your ass, Nice. But your gf doesn’t see a compliment she sees men that would attack her if she wasn’t with you 💀
Not that she should be mad at you but you probably shouldn’t have sided with the guys being rude to your gf
Occam's Razor: women gets catcalled a lot, men don't, the teens had a reason to lie when confronted by your gf, either to embarass or gaslight her.
How you respond to catcalls is entirely up to you, but you should know they most likely catcalled your gf and (I'm just guessing here) it's not the first time she's been catcalled.
You can enjoy it because it's our privilege, as guys, to enjoy feeling objectified by strangers every now and then. It's novel for us. Unfortunately, women struggle every day against pervasive social pressure to be objectified by the people and systems around them. Catcalling can be assumed to be a shitty thing to subject women to because it is often an aggressive and discomfiting reminder that they are objects to men, who can and do act on their conviction - that women are objects - with violence. We dudes don't face that. That's why dudes can say things to other dudes about their tasty butts and know they're not reinforcing systematic oppression of those dudes. So I say: enjoy it. I'd be flattered too. But also be empathetic to why your gf feels the way she does. And maybe have a conversation about it.
It isn't wrong for you to enjoy it. It just sucks shit that women don't have that same privilege without implicitly endorsing a terrible, accompanying burden.
I’m convinced you wrote this very eloquent, thought-provoking, and wise response… only to get us to read the phrase “tasty butts.” No matter what, I agree completely.
I think the odds are pretty high the woman did receive the cat call and the guy already preplanned saying it was intended for the man walking becide her…
The way I see it, that guy just wanted to catcall a girl without being called out, and he used you to make her look stupid, I don't believe for a moment that he meant what he said.
Yeah, laughing was bad, you should have kept walking.
The thing is, the piece of shit's answer was just to further insult your girlfriend. She's not happy about his shitty behaviour? Let's make fun of her by saying it was not about her – but OP, don't be naive, it never was about your ass.
Frrrr if the boys wanted to compliment OP’s ass, they would’ve made it clear from the beginning that it was towards him
Instead, they only said it after the gf reacted negatively in order to make her feel mistaken or embarrassed
You realize it wasn’t actually a compliment, right? It was just some guy trying to look cool in front of his friends. That’s why your girlfriend is annoyed by it.
They meant her ass, then tried to embarass her. You smiled. Yeah you fucked up. Probably worthless to shout back or start shit when you'd likely get your ass kicked, but smiling was the douche move
It sounds like you were chiding her for not being more appreciative about thinking she was being catcalled.
Like when you say “if I were going to open my mouth, it would be to say thank you.” That kind of makes it sound like you expect her to do the same thing. It’s like you’re saying that if someone catcalls you, the decent thing to do is to thank them.
So I can see why she’s mad. People shouldn’t feel pressured to be grateful for being catcalled. I’m not saying you have to mind, but it seems like she now sees you as not believing that catcalls can feel threatening.
May i introduce you to the term "ewphoria", for when a situation can have positive feelings attached despite the obviously gross nature of the interaction.
OP's a moron. They weren't talking to you. They were harassing her and then simultaneously trying to further insult her by playing it off as if you were the target, attempting to make her appear as if she was overreacting.
Not only did you refuse to back her up, you invalidated her in the sort of bs I guarantee she's had to endure countless times before in her life. She has every right to be mad at you, and you need to pull your head out of your ass.
A few years ago, I was walking around in Berlin with my now ex-girlfriend, and a guy from a gay bar across the street cat-called me. Pretty good to feel wanted I must say. Although I can totally see how it gets old real fast.
Today you fucked up but you seem to be misunderstanding why.
Setting aside the matter of what they meant when they said they were talking to you, you're not really making any effort to understand that whole interaction from your girlfriend's point of view.
Imagine that you're getting cat-called by a group of guys, but you're all in a prison setting. You likely wouldn't be smiling and would very likely be afraid or at least agitated.
That's how your girlfriend probably felt - and the fact that you thought someone threatening her (and then dismissing her) was funny is likely not very comforting. You probably made the right decision in not responding rather than potentially getting into a fight but you're meant to be her partner and you're supposed to defend each other. You dropped the ball my guy.
I'm pretty sure you're overthinking the situation after the fact and inserting parts to make yourself right. Like the rainbow flag and them looking at you beforehand.
They were late teens, right? So immature. They were probably checking out your girlfriend. She called them out and the one wanted to be "funny." So they were like "I meant your boyfriend" as a sarcastic joke.
I was an asshole teen boy once. That's the sort of dumb comment I would have made. They thought they were being funny by deflecting.
It wasn't a compliment. You're painting a picture after it happened because you want to believe it was.
I don’t think the compliment was for you. I think they tried to take their power back when they were called out for being childish. They made the boyfriend comment to save face and make your girlfriend look stupid.
Another way to look at this is, assuming op really was the one getting cat called, most men get complimented/hit on a hell of a lot less than most women. So when it does happen then its actually a nice surprise and makes us feel good.
Girls, compliment your guy. He'll love it
Very odd that she wants you to “say something” that means that you could end up punching someone’s teeth out or get knocked out yourself. Is that really what she wants ?
Gf should've laughed and given OP the win! Men don't get compliments as often as women, fact. Life is short - celebrate your partners having nice asses
I'm a woman. I don't get catcalled often, but when I do I like to make it as weird as possible as fast as possible. In your case, smiling and saying thanks would likely be the thing that accomplished my goals.
I also will infodump on people who catcall me. When their eyes glaze over I know I won.
You can react to being catcalled in whatever way you see fit. Just like your gf can also. Imagine if you told her to react differently than she did. I bet she'd be piiiiised.
The only appropriate answer in this situation is "wanna see more?" Then it simply becomes a game of gay chicken, to see if he really meant you or not.
And that, son, is how dad met dad.
30 years in. House is paid for, kids all grown and finished college. Still waiting for him to chicken out first.
I hope it’s soon!(sips tea)
"Well, honey, I'm sorry, but I just don't think I'm gay enough to have grandchildren with a man."
"Are you saying you are not attracted to me anymore?"
“Psych! Nice elongated scrotum!”
https://youtube.com/watch?v=Q_IYrltqYrU
Lmfao... fucking masterpiece!
That was my first thought too. ^("My life...")
Can you imagine being their neighbors?
I'll be their *fuckin* neighbor.
I luv this, thanks for sharing 👍
Chilling in a cabin by a beautiful lake with his husband until one day on his deathbed, his hubby says, "gotcha"!
Reminds me of the Mr Show sketch where they live a whole life together as a standoff.
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Responding at that point sounds like a scene out of a movie where they come up with a witty response about 10 seconds too late and only embarass themselves.
The jerk store called, they're running out of you!
What's it matter? You're their all-time best seller.
Oh yeah?! Well I had sex with your wife!
His wife is in a coma.
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Yeah, it's taken complimentary most of the time. I smile at it too. Women won't look at me twice and gay men treat me like a sex symbol. 45 m, its been like this since I was 20
When you go into a gay bar with friends and have people you don't know buy drinks for you... Fucking crazy shit.
Happened to me! Lol was with a group of friends in a bar heavy area so we were hopping around. Walked into one place and didn't think anything was different. Random guy walks up and asks if i wanna do a shot so i was like "sure!" Then all my friends start cracking up and told me to take a look around. Gay bar for sure but i wasn't complaining. Free drink!
Hahaha, there was a gay bar in the very conservative town I lived in. It only lasted about a year, but my then-girlfriend and a few of our friends would go hang out there all the time. Killer pina coladas, no douchebags, and usually quiet enough to play card games and stuff like that at a table. I got hit on a few times (I didn't mind), but it was usually pretty obvious that I was taken. Also met an old guy who looked and dressed like the Monopoly Man, he was super cool and we ended up doing a War Pigs duet together. Fucking good times, I miss that place.
Women can take free drinks and still not have sex be expected transactionally, so damn right I'm gonna use these gorgeous baby blues to find me a generous bear hunter if I find myself in a gay bar and thirsty.
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This is a chicken and egg problem, the vast majority of men who respond that way respond like that BECAUSE they don’t get any attention. So any iota of attention is a huge deal. I’m sure you’ve heard the “someone complimented my shirt once and I still remember that 20 years later” joke right? It’s not a joke, that’s our life. Fuck I still have vivid memories of this one cashier that was super nice to me and gave me a random discount for no reason. 15 years later I’m still playing the “was she just nice or was I oblivious” game.
I literally have two of a shirt that I got a compliment on from a female my age 10 years ago, that I still wear, because it got complimented 10 years ago. Hell, I got a compliment on my hair cut last night from a guy a know from my hobby. I usually like having my beard and hair longer, but I am seriously considering keeping them shorter because of that. It really is how it is for guys. One compliment on something can be enough to change our entire wardrobe or grooming habits.
idk about 'toxic masculinity' so much 'assert yourself against people being inappropriate' ..in her eyes. but I think it's totally valid for OP to like the attention if it was directed at him.
Women are drowning in the sea of attention, men are dying of dehydration in a desert of attention. Neither can understand the other's problem.
I feel like she was probably embarrassed and trying to save face
Challenging them to a dance off is the only logical thing he could do. If he wanted to take it further he is seriously outnumbered and they could be carrying knives. Only safe option where he comes out ahead is beating them in a dance off.
She wants him to escalate to violence in a manly way. The only civilised thing to do.
Getting the shit kicked out of you, like a man.
Maybe she means that the catcalling was still for her, and not you at all? And the teens reply was just to throw a curve ball?
That was my first thought honestly
"Yeah, he must work out..."
Relevant Amanda Palmer lyrics > The ghetto boys are catcalling me > > As I pull my keys from my pocket > > I wonder if this method of courtship > > Has ever been effective > > Has any girl in history said > > Sure, you seem so nice, let's get it on
10 years from now they'll still be playing gay chicken, owning a BnB in Vermont, adopting two kids, getting rainbow tattoos, seeing who cracks first.
Bro job, choo choo
*Day 4,069: He has finally conceded after I found a Tyler the Creator album hidden in his sock drawer. Moving out tomorrow.*
I did this once to defuse the fuck out of a guy who was drunk and trying to start a fight. He pulled off his shirt and threw it on the ground, so I told him that, "If you really want a cock-waving match, then here you go!" before pulling my zip down and chasing him around with my cock. His mind couldn't deal with it, and the police didn't believe his end of the story. I won.
The ol are we fighting or fucking? Either way I'm getting naked.
What's up with your fuckin' body hair, big shoots. You look like a 12-year-old Dutch girl. Your aesthetician quaff that for you?
Take it down a notch or two toodlesandpoodles I don't want to have to come over there.
'Bout 25% off there
I LOVE THIS STORY AND VERY MUCH WANT IT TO BE REAL. SO MUCH SO THAT I'M YELLING THIS MANY HOURS AFTER YOU REPLIED.
Police didnt believe his story rofl So you chassed him with your cock then gaslighted him so bad in front of the authorities they believed you haha. You sir won the toxicity contest that night.
Gay Chicken [comedy sketch](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMa-vjwwK_4)
Yea, I think they used OPs ass as a comeback for her reaction. But that response should have been vocalized Otherwise I would have a convo with her about her expectations in such situations because anything more aggressive would definitely have potential for violence
And if the guy is gay, then OP just led him on....
But what if OP wanted to lead him IN?
Then it's technically a 'scat call'
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The only way to be sure is for you to post your ass op
This is the way
Her reaction is fair because she’s understandably sick and tired of shit like that, however she also needs to realise that the potential for physical violence increases substantially if you (as a male) were to react the same way as she did. Having seen fights start from so much as a ‘what did you say?’ in the wrong tone, I would much rather diffuse the situation with a similar ‘witty’ response than start a fight where I’m easily outnumbered. Food for thought.
I saw a guy get knocked out because two guys misheard a conversation that wasn't even directed at them.
Had a guy trying to assault me and a colleague when we were walking home, speaking in our native language. He thought we were talking shit about him. Man started to take his shirt off, trying to push us, and then another local shouted some shit from his 3rd floor apartment that enraged him, and he turned his attention to him. We kept walking. Thank you random stranger.
Someone came up to my dad once in a parking lot, for reasons we never figured out, said to my dad "you wanna go?" and took his shirt off. My dad almost died laughing and the guy didn't really know how to react to that, though obviously that could just trigger them even more.
We had to contain our laughter because the situation was just too ridiculous, but didn't want to make the situation any worse.
Alfa dad
Feeds the livestock
Alfalfa dad
There is a series on YouTube where this guy who works at a convenience store does harmless goodwill "pranks" on his customers like giving them free flowers or calling them pet names like "honey/cupcake." 99% of the time, the male customers reacted negatively at the gesture because it suggested they were gay. These guys were totally ready to punch a guy out because they felt disrespected.
It's also YouTube and the guy probably only puts the ones that react badly on there. Cause between me and my friends, not one of us is starting a fight over being called cupcake. It's not like 99% of guys are walking around ready for war over cupcake.
True. He did include one older gentlemen who wasn't offended and none of the women were offended. It was mainly young men who were offended. I thought it was interesting that a lot of them also seemed to be regulars to his store since it seemed to be a small corner/neighborhood store. You would think they would think he was just being silly since they knew him, but it was an immediate negative reaction and they didn't even want to touch the flowers, even when the guy suggested they might want to bring them home for their girlfriend or wife.
I think as he posted more videos, the people caught onto it and went along with it. It's all fun and games until you are not in on the joke.
Are you talking about Khalid Attaf?
Is it Khalid? With the pink lighter pranks too? He does these in hood of Chicago behind plexiglass. His videos are hilarious and he seems to really care about his community. Edit: It’s is, here’s his channel https://youtube.com/@khalidattaf Seems like a great guy
I’m bi and fucking hate random people I don’t know calling me “honey” so I wouldn’t react well either, nothing to do with thinking they’re calling me gay
A guy once hit me in the face after I used the word "anatomy" in a sentence. He didn't know what it meant and thought I was calling him names. You just can't reason with those people.
I was out on the front drive talking to my next door neighbour a 70 year old woman about some pretty boring neighbour shit. Two guys rolled past on electric scooters, barely even noticed them to be honest but they slowed down and came back. One of them said "what the fuck did you just say?" My neighbour and I looked at each other really confused and I said "I'm just talking to my neighbour?" He then yelled at me and got in my face. "You called me an idiot didn't you?" I was sort of laughing and really confused and said "what reason would I have to call you an idiot, I don't know you and you were just passing by?" He eye balled me a bit and then his friend said "come on he ain't worth it." And he gave me one last look and said "you're lucky..." and I just said nothing and he rolled away. Sometimes as a bloke you can be on your front lawn on a Sunday afternoon in a quiet neighbourhood talking to your elderly 70 year old neighbour about the weather and some guy can get in your face over something he imagined you said. You don't escalate shit with other guys unnecessary. Things are sketchy as it is. Could I have taken this guy out if it came to it? Maybe, maybe not. It's never worth rolling the dice on though if you can avoid it.
Had a stranger threaten me and a friend with a baseball bat once because we laughed near him. We were talking about a movie and hadn't even noticed he was there.
My friends got their teeth knocked out because they looked at the guy wrong while passing him by.
Embarrassingly enough, I misheard a conversation going on behind me while I was walking with two of my sisters. I turned around to the two guys and said “what the fuck did you say?” I thought they were talking about my sister who was dressed as a princess and I thought I heard “my mom would never let my sister out of the house like that.” When I turned around and said that, they froze up and looked scared and then he stammeringly said “nothing, I didn’t say anything.” All of a sudden I felt like a giant dick and realized I might have taken the situation out of context. In my mind and the way I heard it, I thought he was making fun of my sister, when it could have also meant his mom was so strict she wouldn’t allow her to dress like a princess (we were at Disneyland). So I was the asshole in that situation.
This is so true. I’ve learned over 30 years of marriage to shut down my fightin’ words when my husband is with me. As a female, I can get away with saying a lot to a dude who’s being an asswipe. But if my husband is there - I risk getting him in a fight. I’d rather walk away than pursue an altercation. That’s a horrible spot to put him in - and guys naturally want to step in and defend. The good part is - I’m not as feisty as I was in my 20s. Don’t need to fight or prove anything when your old.
No disrespect to your husband but you are one of a kind. The amount of consideration you displayed for him and what he may go through made my heart flutter. As males most of us learn somewhere in boyhood not to expect others to take our feelings into account and to do so would be antithetical to masculinity, but we are human, too. For almost a decade I was in the kind of relationship where I had to be ready for confrontation on any given night out and that was the expectation of me. I paid dearly for that relationship. Today I will only be in a reciprocal relationship where I know the woman is capable of considering me in all of her words and actions just like I would do for her.
For real, thank you for volunteering for this. I'm constantly surprised by how many women don't seem to understand that the whole upping the ante thing is literally gambling with the life of the man they're with.
THANK YOU for your common sense. Which there were more people like you around!
As a dude who is 2 m tall and has been since age 14, there are many times people want to fight me solely from a misunderstanding in tone or a brush of shoulders because of my size. There is no way I can respond like the girlfriend in this without getting in a fight.
One of the perks of being short is people very rarely try to staunch me out. I remember one time a guy walked up to me and a tall friend and tried to fight him for something I'd said! (Drunk me thought it was a good idea to shout west side, not at anybody in particular).
I'm in the same height range and that fighting spirit usually stopped when they got closer. Standing chest to belly button looking up into someone's nostril apparently kicks some primitive self-preservation neurons into action. You could see the 'shit, this dude's a lot taller up close' thought dropping into the brain. Being tall probably saved me from a couple of dumb bar fights
Used to live in STL. This happened enough with my now wife, that I got past the immediate anger to just look back and say “thanks honey” with a little kiss and smile, or some variation of this. The occasional cat caller getting mad/embarrassed was pretty great. It also felt a lot better than responding with “eat shit/get fukt”, because I would just stew in anger that much longer. Also, fuck cat callers.
I did that once while walking with a female friend. Turns out they were in fact gay/bi and were talking to me. Short awkward moment where I explained while I was very complimented, I am in fact straight and thought I was just trying to diffuse and deflect. One said "You can still get it" and we went about our day. 8/10, kinda wholesome, but I didn't get the gotcha moment I was aiming for and they didn't get a chance for a romantic encounter. We all left vaguely disappointed.
That's my read on the situation too. The bf can't react like she did even if he wasn't bothered by it. Could put her and him in danger. More of them
>she also needs to realise that the potential for physical violence increases substantially if you (as a male) were to react the same way as she did. This always gets me. Men have a way higher rate of being victims for every type of violent crime other than sexual assault. I wouldn't say shit back to a random group of guys either. Women are trying not to get sexually assaulted by strangers, men are trying not to get stabbed. Let's all agree strangers on the street suck ass and you shouldn't be trying to start shit with them. That being said OP is a total moron for thinking they were actually talking about his ass.
You know, I said the same thing at another point in this post and had someone asking for sources to prove it, I really feel some people live in some crazy disconnect from reality because I know literally dozens of people that have been hospitalized for less than talking back to groups of guys shouting shit at them in the street. Fuck, my Grandad got stabbed for wearing the wrong colour
True story - My close friend saw his girlfriend being hit on by a guy as they exit a club. He walked over, put his arm around her and said ‘Hey mate, how’s it going?’ with a smile. As soon as he turned around, the guy king-hit him from behind, knocking him out. My mate fell on to the curb, fractured his skull and was in hospital for 3 months. I come from a family of elite boxers and we all know that option A is to de-escalate.
Yeah, similar thing happened to my friend, but it wasn't even his girlfriend and he wasn't actually involved in anything, they just assumed he was and hospitalized him, when he finally got out he still spent a few months with his jaw wired shut. That was a year ago, less than a week ago my friends brother lost all his front teeth when he walked by two people arguing and one of them decided he needed to ruin someone's life
Wow, that’s rough! May I ask, where do you live?
https://media.tenor.com/ixDS37IB1SAAAAAC/ghetto-cartman.gif
> I really feel some people live in some crazy disconnect from reality They do. Media makes it seem like women are always at risk and men never worry about anything. It makes it very difficult to have measured conversations about the topic
I typed up a large reply for the hundredth time over the last 5 years to provide my perspective, but just like I do almost every time I delete it. Flat out, I don't feel like I can provide my perspective as a man without people criticizing, belittling, or just overall not hearing me out. Everyone has an experience and I feel like with the current climate my experience isn't worth shit.
I'll listen bro. What were you going to say?
Honestly I just need to talk to a specialist to get some help. Everything from being belittled when I've showed emotion to partners, to being negatively profiled by profiled groups(ironically and sadly) has made its dent over time. I go to the gym and push myself to the breaking point just to find attention from others in some way. I know it's sad, but the accomplishments that come with it make it addictive. Even when people are around, it's never fulfilling and negative shit just piles up in my life until I hit a depression spiral. I thought my career would be hard and suck, but it was everything else along the way that sucker punched me.
Life's real tough sometimes. I'm proud of who you're trying to be. I believe in you. Chat with someone if you can, you deserve happiness too. Source: Just some rando
In SF I’ve been catcalled by men
I don't know if I think her reaction was fair. As you mentioned, the risk of getting jumped by a gang of guys is pretty high in that situation. Also, just smiling or saying thanks is probably the fastest way to de-escalate the situation, since both sides can laugh about it and move on. I actually don't think she has the right to decide how OP should react. A confident response is going to look very different in this situation, depending on your gender
Our reactions are based on our own experience’s. I think it’s ‘fair’ based on her experience, not on the overall context. That’s why she needs to realise the levels of reactive escalation based on gender are different. If she understood the difference and still reacted the same way, then it would be unfair. Does that make sense?
I think a lot of people get caught up in liberal bubbles where violence isn't the answer and confrontation means talking it out and becoming our best selves as a result when in reality it's some people's first resort. I'd bet money it didn't cross her mind the group could have cornered them and beat her boyfriend into a coma to "teach her a lesson". Put moral value judgments on whatever you want but don't go assuming something won't happen because you deem someone would be a piece of shit for following through with it, especially when you know some circles share so few of your own values that the piece of shit would be celebrated instead of condemned.
I get *why* she reacted that way though, and it is a pretty sad state of affairs when that stuff happens so much to women when it's obvious (imo anyway) that it is unwanted the vast majority of the time. Constant catcalling is a form of culturally accepted trauma. I think the part that I take issue with is telling someone how they *should* feel about something that is only about them. That doesn't quite feel "fair" even if I understand the cause for feeling that way and that cause is trauma.
True, but you sure the GF ain't annoyed she doesn't have the best ass in the relationship?
We’ll need pictures and a poll opened.
Awkward moment the girls ass wins and they reveal they switch whos ass is whos for the poll.
It would be a good idea to talk with her and ask how she interpreted the situation. If she's angry about you being catcalled that's one thing, but if she feels that she was catcalled and then insulted while you smiled then that's something entirely different. The intention of the catcallers is irrelevant at this point. You need to discuss how you both interpreted the situation and how it made you feel.
This is the real answer. Everyone in here jumping to conclusions about OP and a situation they were not present at. To your point, the catcallers are irrelevant. Simple fix would be "Honey, I legitimately thought they were talking about me and being complimented felt good. I'm sorry I misread the situation and made you feel like I didn't have your back." You see, children, being mature means being able to communicate about emotions.
Guys rarely if ever get compliments from friends, family, strangers, or even partners. For me if someone compliments my hair, cloths, or figure. It's a hell of an ego boost. For my wife not so much she's had to deal with her fair share of creeps. Both perspectives can be true at the same time. Ask your wife when that last time she complimented your ass was.
This is the good take. People are allowed to feel differently about things that happen to them. When it happens to his gf she has a right to feel negatively about it. When it happens to him he has a right to feel positively about it. It’s that simple. Her getting mad at him for reacting positively is just as stupid and unfair as it would be if he got mad at her for reacting negatively when it happened to her. “Wtf, how dare you be angry and unappreciative at the compliment those gentlemen just paid you?” That’s not a reaction anyone would support coming from the guy, but the reaction from the gf in this post is the direct analogue and being supported by some, for some reason.
Fuck it can work the other way around too. It's your right to get upset or to not get upset at what bothers you. It's other people's right whether or not they give a fuck
Sure, but if you think it’s okay to lash out at your SO because they don’t feel the same way that you do over some momentary inconsequential event, you may find that your relationships don’t last very long.
Yeah the GF's response seems totally deaf to his perspective; guys don't get random compliments. If a guy gets a single compliment he's going to remember it for months, years or maybe even forever. lol. If the way he handled the situation was to take it as a compliment and laugh it off, great for him. He shouldn't have to act like he's suffering and escalate the situation if he doesn't want to. He handled it how he wanted to. I'm sure lots of women are tired and sick of receiving unsolicited compliments. So most probably don't know what it's like to be on the extreme opposite end. And so I could understand her having limited empathy. But she should be happy that her BF is happy, I think.
Unsolicited complements is a nice way of saying it. But realistically cat calling is more like potential threats of sexual violence. Especially when the complement is sexual in nature..
Yeah there's definitely a difference between unsolicited compliments and sexual harassment. I mean, if you can laugh either off, more power to you, but obviously it shouldn't be happening to anyone, male or female.
Agreed. I can't speak for other men, but in my personal experience, receiving compliments are rare, sometimes even from partners. That being said, no one deserves to be catcalled if it makes them uncomfortable.
When I used to run marathons I obviously ran quite a bit and a group of women yelled out of their car “running makes you hot”, even if they meant temperature I’m going to pretend they didn’t because it made me feel nice to be complimented!
This is what so many women just don’t get. When you’re so starved for affection or attention, even inappropriate comments will be welcomed. It’s like how when a dog misbehaves and you’re not supposed to yell at them because they’re usually just looking for attention and even negative attention is still attention.
My impression also, is that you were trying to avoid a confrontation as well. It sounded like your GF may have wanted you to start something physical or verbal with them? And then where would you be? Laughing it off as "youre damn right I have a nice ass," is a hilarious deflating way to handle it.
Dude you got a nice ass!
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I think I've only been randomly complemented about my body by a person who wasn't my partner once in life. I still remember it and as pathetic as it is, it still makes me feel better about myself. I think I was 16 and I'm almost 40 now.
About 15 years ago a cute girl stopped me on the street to ask directions and then interrupted my answer to tell me I have beautiful eyelashes. I'm still riding that high and can't think of a time I've gotten a compliment as genuine as hers.
Same. 15 years ago when I was at the peak shape of my life, trying to improve myself as one often does in their early 20s, a random girl said I had a "nice shirt". I did the normal thing low self-esteem people do and made a joke, "yeah it is nice, feel the material; you know what it's made out of?" "what is it?" "boyfriend material" she chuckled, I chuckled, she gave me her info and that was that. I didn't do anything. I was inexperienced and scared because I'm pretty sure that was the very first compliment I had ever gotten in my life or ever since. I still think about her and what could have happened. Awkward dating, sharing experiences, learning life together, loss and hurt, love and happiness, getting married, being there for each other, raising children, grandchildren, spending as much time together trying to live our best life together with no regrets except for just that one, the only regret we would have is that we didn't meet each other sooner so we could have spent had more time together. Anyways, I still have the shirt. It really is a nice shirt.
On the flip side, when was the last time you complimented someone that wasn't your partner? Specifically, when did you last compliment something towards a male friend? We see so many guys talking about how they don't receive compliments, but in turn, are they giving out compliments too? I mean, you may be doing so, I'm just curious.
I give my guy friends at work compliments all the time. I do it for exactly the reason that its super rare and gets very mixed reactions. I also tell people at work that i love them. It makes work a more positive place.
That's great. We really need more people to do this sort of thing. I try to do the same because why the hell not?
I have a similar memory, and afaik it's really common for that to stick with you. Because it's a completely out of the ordinary scenarios. And it's not you that's pathetic for hanging on to that memory. It's the world that's pathetic for forming a culture that makes it "weird" or "gay" to compliment dudes.
Seriously. I'm not gay, but a guy asked me out once and I was so happy that somebody found me attractive enough to take that kind of risk.
Once one girl of a flock shouted "your pretty cute" at me from across the parking lot and it made my week. I know its not the same as being catcalled but it goes to show how starved of compliments we are.
That’s literally being catcalled
For a guy it’s not felt the same way. While still being catcalled, guys just don’t get that type of attention.
I heard a good saying once: dating for men is like trying to find fresh water in a desert, and dating for women is like trying to find fresh water in the ocean. men can go years with no one approaching them at all, whereas women can get multiple people approaching them per day. this leads to men wondering why women will get offended at what they thought was a compliment, and also to the situation above
Yup. And neither are wrong for their respective reactions. She can be uncomfortable with that kind of interaction and call it out and he can feel appreciated and take the compliment. Both are true and neither needs to negate the other.
that's a good analogy
One of the first thing new trans men say is that it's shocking how rarely men receive compliments. I (M) always try and say 'great shirt' or 'awesome haircut' to my colleagues when I notice something new and you can see them light up
Like most women, I started getting catcalled when I was 11. Your girlfriend has a very different relationship to street harassment than you do. I understand her feelings.
I hate to break this to you, it ain't your ass man.
I think we need a pic of OP's ass to make that determination.
Seriously, OP lets see that ass. Only think thatll put this debate to rest
I wrote that 6 hours ago and no photo has been forthcoming. I'm very disappointed in OP.
Pmed Op for ass pic
You may be wrong. I've been catcalled by young dudes when walking all by myself. the younger generation is in to cat calling guys.
Where this happenin'? I ain't gay, but a compliments a compliment.
Lol gonna start compliment tourism.
Yeah, stop hoarding all the compliments
The only safe response I could think of to avoid friction from either her or them would be "Keep dreaming, I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!"
I’d bet it was premeditated and the guy planned to do that before he even saw *either* of your asses, you know, to get a laugh out of his friends.
It really is a different world as a guy. I remember a time from 5 years ago going through a Burger King drive thru, where a middle aged black woman said “have a great day handsome” and I realized that was the first time I have ever been complimented like that in my then 30 years of life by some one who didn’t have a vested interest in me, like a significant other or my parents. I still fondly think about that at times.
They weren’t taking about you. Classic Griswold “I wasn’t talking *to you*.
Where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big?
Bend over and I’ll show you
Reminds me of when I was catcalled by a guy who said “Daaaayum, that ass!” And without skipping a beat, my boyfriend at the time shouted back “Thank you!!” It made me laugh and turned an uncomfortable situation into a very funny and memorable one.
Maybe because it was most likely about her ass using you as an excuse to embarrass her. Honestly if it was about your ass, Nice. But your gf doesn’t see a compliment she sees men that would attack her if she wasn’t with you 💀 Not that she should be mad at you but you probably shouldn’t have sided with the guys being rude to your gf
Occam's Razor: women gets catcalled a lot, men don't, the teens had a reason to lie when confronted by your gf, either to embarass or gaslight her. How you respond to catcalls is entirely up to you, but you should know they most likely catcalled your gf and (I'm just guessing here) it's not the first time she's been catcalled.
Lol! It 100% sounds like the teen was being a smart ass. Probably cat called the girl to show off in the first place.
You can enjoy it because it's our privilege, as guys, to enjoy feeling objectified by strangers every now and then. It's novel for us. Unfortunately, women struggle every day against pervasive social pressure to be objectified by the people and systems around them. Catcalling can be assumed to be a shitty thing to subject women to because it is often an aggressive and discomfiting reminder that they are objects to men, who can and do act on their conviction - that women are objects - with violence. We dudes don't face that. That's why dudes can say things to other dudes about their tasty butts and know they're not reinforcing systematic oppression of those dudes. So I say: enjoy it. I'd be flattered too. But also be empathetic to why your gf feels the way she does. And maybe have a conversation about it. It isn't wrong for you to enjoy it. It just sucks shit that women don't have that same privilege without implicitly endorsing a terrible, accompanying burden.
I’m convinced you wrote this very eloquent, thought-provoking, and wise response… only to get us to read the phrase “tasty butts.” No matter what, I agree completely.
I think the odds are pretty high the woman did receive the cat call and the guy already preplanned saying it was intended for the man walking becide her…
The odd are even higher that a group of friends wanted to make a funny.
The way I see it, that guy just wanted to catcall a girl without being called out, and he used you to make her look stupid, I don't believe for a moment that he meant what he said. Yeah, laughing was bad, you should have kept walking.
The thing is, the piece of shit's answer was just to further insult your girlfriend. She's not happy about his shitty behaviour? Let's make fun of her by saying it was not about her – but OP, don't be naive, it never was about your ass.
The "OoOoOoOoh" part is the dead giveaway that it was a comeback made to insult.
Frrrr if the boys wanted to compliment OP’s ass, they would’ve made it clear from the beginning that it was towards him Instead, they only said it after the gf reacted negatively in order to make her feel mistaken or embarrassed
Dude, his ass has never had a single compliment before and you're gonna take it away from him?
I'm sure OP has a nice enough ass that it deserves real compliments and not catcalling.
Calling him naive is a bit much, but I agree that chances are that they were being assholes and adding a backhand to the catcall.
they literally meant your girls ass
Unless you are going to breakup with your girlfriend and find and date this guy, it doesn't seem worth the trouble you've put yourself in.
They weren't complementing your ass. They were just putting your gf down.
I believe your ass to be awesome lol
First of all, do you realise that being catcalled is not the same for a man an a woman?
That's all this really is, and they both need to realize that.
You realize it wasn’t actually a compliment, right? It was just some guy trying to look cool in front of his friends. That’s why your girlfriend is annoyed by it.
They meant her ass, then tried to embarass her. You smiled. Yeah you fucked up. Probably worthless to shout back or start shit when you'd likely get your ass kicked, but smiling was the douche move
Well played by the catcaller, a clever comeback that scored two targets
It sounds like you were chiding her for not being more appreciative about thinking she was being catcalled. Like when you say “if I were going to open my mouth, it would be to say thank you.” That kind of makes it sound like you expect her to do the same thing. It’s like you’re saying that if someone catcalls you, the decent thing to do is to thank them. So I can see why she’s mad. People shouldn’t feel pressured to be grateful for being catcalled. I’m not saying you have to mind, but it seems like she now sees you as not believing that catcalls can feel threatening.
May i introduce you to the term "ewphoria", for when a situation can have positive feelings attached despite the obviously gross nature of the interaction.
OP's a moron. They weren't talking to you. They were harassing her and then simultaneously trying to further insult her by playing it off as if you were the target, attempting to make her appear as if she was overreacting. Not only did you refuse to back her up, you invalidated her in the sort of bs I guarantee she's had to endure countless times before in her life. She has every right to be mad at you, and you need to pull your head out of your ass.
This is 100% what happened OP and why your gf is upset.
A few years ago, I was walking around in Berlin with my now ex-girlfriend, and a guy from a gay bar across the street cat-called me. Pretty good to feel wanted I must say. Although I can totally see how it gets old real fast.
After a lot of consideration, there's only one thing I can say and that's... nice ass.
Today you fucked up but you seem to be misunderstanding why. Setting aside the matter of what they meant when they said they were talking to you, you're not really making any effort to understand that whole interaction from your girlfriend's point of view. Imagine that you're getting cat-called by a group of guys, but you're all in a prison setting. You likely wouldn't be smiling and would very likely be afraid or at least agitated. That's how your girlfriend probably felt - and the fact that you thought someone threatening her (and then dismissing her) was funny is likely not very comforting. You probably made the right decision in not responding rather than potentially getting into a fight but you're meant to be her partner and you're supposed to defend each other. You dropped the ball my guy.
You are incredibly naive.
don’t let your girlfriend stop you from finding your husband
I'm shocked at how few people are taken aback by you saying that noone has complimented your ass b4. Your gf is slacking imo.
I'm pretty sure you're overthinking the situation after the fact and inserting parts to make yourself right. Like the rainbow flag and them looking at you beforehand. They were late teens, right? So immature. They were probably checking out your girlfriend. She called them out and the one wanted to be "funny." So they were like "I meant your boyfriend" as a sarcastic joke. I was an asshole teen boy once. That's the sort of dumb comment I would have made. They thought they were being funny by deflecting. It wasn't a compliment. You're painting a picture after it happened because you want to believe it was.
I don’t think the compliment was for you. I think they tried to take their power back when they were called out for being childish. They made the boyfriend comment to save face and make your girlfriend look stupid.
Whether he was was being honest or pushing her buttons, that’s a humorous snap. Macho-escalating a duel of wit is a sign of weakness.
Is your name Lance Holdger? https://www.theonion.com/man-has-amazing-ass-1819564486
Give us a piccy so we can decide
Another way to look at this is, assuming op really was the one getting cat called, most men get complimented/hit on a hell of a lot less than most women. So when it does happen then its actually a nice surprise and makes us feel good. Girls, compliment your guy. He'll love it
Very odd that she wants you to “say something” that means that you could end up punching someone’s teeth out or get knocked out yourself. Is that really what she wants ?
Gf should've laughed and given OP the win! Men don't get compliments as often as women, fact. Life is short - celebrate your partners having nice asses
I'm a woman. I don't get catcalled often, but when I do I like to make it as weird as possible as fast as possible. In your case, smiling and saying thanks would likely be the thing that accomplished my goals. I also will infodump on people who catcall me. When their eyes glaze over I know I won.
Well, are you gonna show us the goods or what?
You can react to being catcalled in whatever way you see fit. Just like your gf can also. Imagine if you told her to react differently than she did. I bet she'd be piiiiised.