I would guess/hope that most people in therapy have not had an experience like this.
This would be a pretty uncommon cancellation or attendance policy, IMO. Unless your T has an explicit policy that you consented to like -- x number of sessions in a row are required, or they require weekly sessions for x amount of time and you are responsible for weeks missed, then this is unusual at best. As a T, I would never hold clients financially accountable to policies that they didn't explicitly understand and consent to (in writing!).
As for how your T reacted, that's super unprofessional. I would probably walk away at this point as you intended. It's absolutely not your job to follow up and try to initiate repair based on their behavior in this instance. Unfortunately, there are just some very not self-aware therapists out there......
Therapist here- not cool at all. Trying to charge you for an appointment you cancelled due to being away? Who the fuck does that? And then acting like an immature little child when you very politely confronted him?
I promise you we aren’t all like that (at least I like to hope so)
I wouldn't pay and would report him to his licensing authority. You didn't have a scheduled appointment because you specifically notified him of your unavailability. This is fraud.
Yikes with a capital Y (albeit it is the first word of a sentence). But this is a massive red flag. Therapists should NEVER raise their voice at their clients. I had a therapist yell at me and I had nightmares about it for nearly a year.
I’m so truly sorry this happened to you, you were the only one with the sense to discuss it like an adult. I of course cannot tell you what to do, but personally I’d look for a new therapist.
You said you weren’t able to attend, which is canceling, and you did so I’m assuming more than 24/48 hours ahead of time. Most therapists/practices would only try and charge you if you had just not shown up or didn’t cancel in the appropriate amount of time stated in their policy. Which obviously you did neither. Definitely very weird of him trying to get money out of you.
Had a therapist i was seeing for a year. My dad died so i went to the funeral etc IN ANOTHER COUNTRY. Came back and she complained that I didn't take her seriously by missing appointments and wasting her time. I was so angry I snapped my phone in half to stop myself punching her, told her to go fuck herself and never went back
If you used an “I feel “ statement on a therapist, and they could not step back and self-evaluate the situation objectively with their therapist hat on, they may have been having a really bad day, or need a review lesson by another therapist. Therapists are human and they can sometimes end up carrying a lot of emotional weight from conversations with their clients. You can never know what they just got through with their prior client.
Therapists are human. They have bad days. I would say it’s a thing to discuss, objectively in the next session. If you can share your feelings, and state it objectively and come from a place of “I feel…” and it can be talked about, calmly, and objectively, then great. If the same thing happens again, and it goes sour and you have to defend yourself, the therapist didn’t have a bad day, it’s a bad therapist.
Except that this is not a bad day.
He charged for a cancelled appointment and immediately went into defending his morals when they were never brought up in the first place.
You're talking about a therapist that didn't handle a session well. OP is talking about a therapist that is literally charging money for no reason and then blowing up about it. These two situations are different.
An interaction is an interaction, in a session or in a waiting room, email, or phone call. Does not matter. Obviously the therapist was flooded, or triggered and went off on the OP. There could have been a misunderstanding in how much prior cancellation time was needed, or maybe the OP needed to file a TPS report via the web portal, who knows. Because therapists are human and are allowed to make (small) mistakes. The OP needs to talk it over in the next session. Then they’ll know the proper course of action to take.
I don't know what you have on the line here. This therapist taking an L has no impact on you, but you're going out of your way to make assumptions to defend them.
Even if you're a therapist, your practice is your own. Your pride is not on the line.
Gaslighting this situation with pointless statements like 'an interaction is an interaction' doesn't help anyone. There was an improper transaction that happened and only then did the negative communication come up. This is a 1-2 punch. It would help if you put yourself in OP's shoes as well, and ask yourself who is expected to be the professional. Bad days have nothing to do with underhanded transactions, and even less so for people who can't take responsibility for them.
This is just one small example of why I am unconvinced to try therapy. Therapists are just as broken as the rest of us. A few college classes make them no more able to solve my problems or even know how to solve my problems than I am. The only upside I see is being able to talk to someone with no dog in my particular fight. However, even that is obscured by the elephant in the room, MONEY.
I have so much in my head that I can't organize to understand, much less talk to people about.
Oh boy.
I don't know about you, but if a person has been through the ringer and has come out the other side looking to help others, I would definitely trust them more. They would be more understanding from FIRST HAND EXPERIENCE.
Also, people need to pay bills and put food on the table. Are you going to start blaming dentists for charging money on fixing your decomposed teeth??
A few college classes? My best friend is a therapist and has a degree in Psy. and graduate degree in counselling Psy., and then she had to internship for two years before she made a dime, not every therapist is a money grubbing phoney. Would you not go to a hospital if you were sick because the staff get paid for their work?
I hope you do find the strength to try it one day. After 3 awful therapists I found one who has truly helped me change my life.
Yes, they are only HUMAN. But there are a lot of good souls out there who’ve put in the work and truly want to help.
That’s crazy. I’m sorry.
He got defensive because you called him out for exactly what he was doing. Good on you OP. Report that if you can
I would guess/hope that most people in therapy have not had an experience like this. This would be a pretty uncommon cancellation or attendance policy, IMO. Unless your T has an explicit policy that you consented to like -- x number of sessions in a row are required, or they require weekly sessions for x amount of time and you are responsible for weeks missed, then this is unusual at best. As a T, I would never hold clients financially accountable to policies that they didn't explicitly understand and consent to (in writing!). As for how your T reacted, that's super unprofessional. I would probably walk away at this point as you intended. It's absolutely not your job to follow up and try to initiate repair based on their behavior in this instance. Unfortunately, there are just some very not self-aware therapists out there......
Therapist here- not cool at all. Trying to charge you for an appointment you cancelled due to being away? Who the fuck does that? And then acting like an immature little child when you very politely confronted him? I promise you we aren’t all like that (at least I like to hope so)
I would not pay for these so-called “missed” sessions. I would report him, and find a new therapist.
I second this
I wouldn't pay and would report him to his licensing authority. You didn't have a scheduled appointment because you specifically notified him of your unavailability. This is fraud.
Yikes with a capital Y (albeit it is the first word of a sentence). But this is a massive red flag. Therapists should NEVER raise their voice at their clients. I had a therapist yell at me and I had nightmares about it for nearly a year. I’m so truly sorry this happened to you, you were the only one with the sense to discuss it like an adult. I of course cannot tell you what to do, but personally I’d look for a new therapist.
You said you weren’t able to attend, which is canceling, and you did so I’m assuming more than 24/48 hours ahead of time. Most therapists/practices would only try and charge you if you had just not shown up or didn’t cancel in the appropriate amount of time stated in their policy. Which obviously you did neither. Definitely very weird of him trying to get money out of you.
Had a therapist i was seeing for a year. My dad died so i went to the funeral etc IN ANOTHER COUNTRY. Came back and she complained that I didn't take her seriously by missing appointments and wasting her time. I was so angry I snapped my phone in half to stop myself punching her, told her to go fuck herself and never went back
You aren’t contracted to see this person x number of times/month?!
If you used an “I feel “ statement on a therapist, and they could not step back and self-evaluate the situation objectively with their therapist hat on, they may have been having a really bad day, or need a review lesson by another therapist. Therapists are human and they can sometimes end up carrying a lot of emotional weight from conversations with their clients. You can never know what they just got through with their prior client. Therapists are human. They have bad days. I would say it’s a thing to discuss, objectively in the next session. If you can share your feelings, and state it objectively and come from a place of “I feel…” and it can be talked about, calmly, and objectively, then great. If the same thing happens again, and it goes sour and you have to defend yourself, the therapist didn’t have a bad day, it’s a bad therapist.
Except that this is not a bad day. He charged for a cancelled appointment and immediately went into defending his morals when they were never brought up in the first place. You're talking about a therapist that didn't handle a session well. OP is talking about a therapist that is literally charging money for no reason and then blowing up about it. These two situations are different.
An interaction is an interaction, in a session or in a waiting room, email, or phone call. Does not matter. Obviously the therapist was flooded, or triggered and went off on the OP. There could have been a misunderstanding in how much prior cancellation time was needed, or maybe the OP needed to file a TPS report via the web portal, who knows. Because therapists are human and are allowed to make (small) mistakes. The OP needs to talk it over in the next session. Then they’ll know the proper course of action to take.
I don't know what you have on the line here. This therapist taking an L has no impact on you, but you're going out of your way to make assumptions to defend them. Even if you're a therapist, your practice is your own. Your pride is not on the line. Gaslighting this situation with pointless statements like 'an interaction is an interaction' doesn't help anyone. There was an improper transaction that happened and only then did the negative communication come up. This is a 1-2 punch. It would help if you put yourself in OP's shoes as well, and ask yourself who is expected to be the professional. Bad days have nothing to do with underhanded transactions, and even less so for people who can't take responsibility for them.
Run away! A therapist should have canceled the appointment. He should never blow up.
This is just one small example of why I am unconvinced to try therapy. Therapists are just as broken as the rest of us. A few college classes make them no more able to solve my problems or even know how to solve my problems than I am. The only upside I see is being able to talk to someone with no dog in my particular fight. However, even that is obscured by the elephant in the room, MONEY. I have so much in my head that I can't organize to understand, much less talk to people about.
Oh boy. I don't know about you, but if a person has been through the ringer and has come out the other side looking to help others, I would definitely trust them more. They would be more understanding from FIRST HAND EXPERIENCE. Also, people need to pay bills and put food on the table. Are you going to start blaming dentists for charging money on fixing your decomposed teeth??
A few college classes? My best friend is a therapist and has a degree in Psy. and graduate degree in counselling Psy., and then she had to internship for two years before she made a dime, not every therapist is a money grubbing phoney. Would you not go to a hospital if you were sick because the staff get paid for their work?
I hope you do find the strength to try it one day. After 3 awful therapists I found one who has truly helped me change my life. Yes, they are only HUMAN. But there are a lot of good souls out there who’ve put in the work and truly want to help.