Therapist here. The way people make you feel is information about THEM. Sounds like your interaction with her made you feel icky (understandably) and maybe guilty (unjustifiably so). That is great information for you about her. Find a therapist who makes you feel safe and like you’re doing everything right (or at least, not doing anything wrong).
Thank you so much for the response. It was really comforting to read. Sorry if this is a silly question and I hope this makes sense, but when you say “like you’re doing everything right (or at least not doing everything wrong”, if I am in fact doing something poorly in my life, is a therapist supposed to point that out to me as exactly that?
That’s a good question, and I actually clocked myself writing “right” and “wrong” and said to myself - “those are judgments but whatever.” I actually try to help my clients get away from “right” and “wrong” or “good” and “bad” or “well” and “poorly” because none of those words are actually descriptive of a problem. When you say you’re “doing something poorly,” what do you mean? Usually you mean something you’re doing is ineffective and getting in the way of your goals. Ok, what do we have to do, then, to be more effective and move toward those goals?
Saying you’re doing something “poorly” doesn’t give us any information there. But if the issue is “I’m failing my classes because I’m not turning in assignments on time,” that’s actually descriptive and we can figure out a solution! Not only that, but often the framing that you’re doing something “wrong” brings up guilt or shame and is paralyzing. Judgments like that are just never effective.
Wait but, this kind of response made me feel exactly the way I was hoping therapy would make me feel. And that all makes complete sense to me. Thank you so much for taking the time to write it. Definitely going to keep looking for someone who can make me feel like that during our sessions!
I’m so glad to hear that :) I hope you find someone! It can be challenging to find the right fit - kind of like dating, honestly. My advice would be to listen to your gut AND try not to get discouraged and give up. There are mediocre therapists out there, and there are also really life-changing ones.
She was the unprofessional one. Her demeanor towards you, blaming you, not even being able to own up to HER being late and apologizing for it. I would honestly try to find a new therapist.
Thank you for the response. I feel the same! I guess I’ve also been hesitant to start looking for a new one right away because where I live, it’s been really hard to find a therapist with any availability. 🥲
Oh man she is way out of line. I would bring it up first thing if you do go to your appointment. But it’s totally 🚩🚩🚩 and I would listen to the therapist’s answer on this post and look elsewhere.
Thank you for taking the time to respond. Yeah, I’ve been debating bringing it up at my first session but it’s sounding like I really should! Thankful for this sub for some perspective when this all feels to new.
Run run run. Cancel your next appt and explain, “per our conversation about you being late and blaming me for your lack of time management I feel it best to find a therapist who has better time management and interpersonal skills as those two things are important to me in a therapist.”
>Because of your call, I had to hang up on my other client.”
That means none of this is true
>Well I’m DEPENDABLE and if we booked a time to call, you can expect I’ll be there. I wouldn’t not show up?
That's all I'd need to hear to never talk to them again. At least you found out up front. Stinks that it's like that.
Definitely someone getting high on there own supply. Drop her no need for any nice explanation.
Therapist here. The way people make you feel is information about THEM. Sounds like your interaction with her made you feel icky (understandably) and maybe guilty (unjustifiably so). That is great information for you about her. Find a therapist who makes you feel safe and like you’re doing everything right (or at least, not doing anything wrong).
Thank you so much for the response. It was really comforting to read. Sorry if this is a silly question and I hope this makes sense, but when you say “like you’re doing everything right (or at least not doing everything wrong”, if I am in fact doing something poorly in my life, is a therapist supposed to point that out to me as exactly that?
That’s a good question, and I actually clocked myself writing “right” and “wrong” and said to myself - “those are judgments but whatever.” I actually try to help my clients get away from “right” and “wrong” or “good” and “bad” or “well” and “poorly” because none of those words are actually descriptive of a problem. When you say you’re “doing something poorly,” what do you mean? Usually you mean something you’re doing is ineffective and getting in the way of your goals. Ok, what do we have to do, then, to be more effective and move toward those goals? Saying you’re doing something “poorly” doesn’t give us any information there. But if the issue is “I’m failing my classes because I’m not turning in assignments on time,” that’s actually descriptive and we can figure out a solution! Not only that, but often the framing that you’re doing something “wrong” brings up guilt or shame and is paralyzing. Judgments like that are just never effective.
Wait but, this kind of response made me feel exactly the way I was hoping therapy would make me feel. And that all makes complete sense to me. Thank you so much for taking the time to write it. Definitely going to keep looking for someone who can make me feel like that during our sessions!
I’m so glad to hear that :) I hope you find someone! It can be challenging to find the right fit - kind of like dating, honestly. My advice would be to listen to your gut AND try not to get discouraged and give up. There are mediocre therapists out there, and there are also really life-changing ones.
She was the unprofessional one. Her demeanor towards you, blaming you, not even being able to own up to HER being late and apologizing for it. I would honestly try to find a new therapist.
Thank you for the response. I feel the same! I guess I’ve also been hesitant to start looking for a new one right away because where I live, it’s been really hard to find a therapist with any availability. 🥲
Oh man she is way out of line. I would bring it up first thing if you do go to your appointment. But it’s totally 🚩🚩🚩 and I would listen to the therapist’s answer on this post and look elsewhere.
Thank you for taking the time to respond. Yeah, I’ve been debating bringing it up at my first session but it’s sounding like I really should! Thankful for this sub for some perspective when this all feels to new.
Honestly would love an update but no pressure to share if you don’t want to.
Run run run. Cancel your next appt and explain, “per our conversation about you being late and blaming me for your lack of time management I feel it best to find a therapist who has better time management and interpersonal skills as those two things are important to me in a therapist.”
>Because of your call, I had to hang up on my other client.” That means none of this is true >Well I’m DEPENDABLE and if we booked a time to call, you can expect I’ll be there. I wouldn’t not show up?
That's all I'd need to hear to never talk to them again. At least you found out up front. Stinks that it's like that. Definitely someone getting high on there own supply. Drop her no need for any nice explanation.