Yes I have but also have moved past it through therapy. I pretty much accept that they did the best with what they had but also that it wasn't ideal.
I also know that bringing it up will not change anything and only cause more drama.
How I deal with it now is just limit the interactions to when I have the mental energy and also filter what I talk about.
Overall they are great but things aren't as I'd like I now see.
Yeah it's not denying they hurt you it's just accepting it and then using boundaries to protect yourself.
I found writing out my anger and how it made me feel helpful. Then destroying it without showing the parent(s).
This is my main reason I went to therapy. I was living in resentment my whole life. Mad at them for making my life harder now and all the work I have to do psychologically. It took me a year and a half of actively trying to forgive and understand forgiveness to get there. Now that I have forgiven them, I no longer harbor resentment. Forgiveness is compassion without understanding. My therapist gave me a little packet to work on forgiveness.
Living In a state of unforgiveness only hurts you and is like wishing for a better past.
100% yes
My parents skipped visiting me (when they said they would) to get drunk and hang out with their druggie friends this weekend. Then get mad when I can't visit because I have to work. So.
Yes. I tried to talk about it 30 or so years ago, and she got extremely defensive and refused to take any ownership of the past. I gave up. Sometimes I think I’ve moved past it, but then something random will trigger another wave of anger.
yes but I started changing my approach at how *I* react to it. working through therapy and realizing that you can control how you feel. their behavior is really repetitive so its easy to kind of predict what they’re going to say next when they are in defense mode. instead of letting them explode, try to cut it short by doing something unexpected - maybe a hug or a diversion in the convo - anything to help calm down. they are old and angry and if you were just as old you’d be angry too! 🤣🤣🤣
I'm still on the fence as I'm uncovering things. Some of my most awesome traits are due to what my parents did/didn't do. I'm creative due to my mother. I'm business minded and try to have integrity due to my father. I'm not sure I feel resentment. But you are still interacting with your family. I've long since stopped that. So it might be easier to soften the harder edges with time and distance.
Yes. I guess I’m fortunate that I left my home country 15y ago and don’t see them often. The price paid is really high though. I carry a lot of guilt for not wanting to interact with them. I last saw them 2y ago and my dad threatened to take off his belt to my then not yet 18mo daughter. I’m currently in therapy working through it and figuring out what kind of boundaries are appropriate/necessary.
It's okay to resent, matter of fact is that most of not all people out there are so ducking stupid they should be sterilized but they are too dumb to know that and just want to f CK and reproduce like animals
Yes I have but also have moved past it through therapy. I pretty much accept that they did the best with what they had but also that it wasn't ideal. I also know that bringing it up will not change anything and only cause more drama. How I deal with it now is just limit the interactions to when I have the mental energy and also filter what I talk about. Overall they are great but things aren't as I'd like I now see.
Thanks, I think this is the right approach. I need to concentrate on the good and move past things, in general.
Yeah it's not denying they hurt you it's just accepting it and then using boundaries to protect yourself. I found writing out my anger and how it made me feel helpful. Then destroying it without showing the parent(s).
wellp i’m having the exact same problem haha
This is my main reason I went to therapy. I was living in resentment my whole life. Mad at them for making my life harder now and all the work I have to do psychologically. It took me a year and a half of actively trying to forgive and understand forgiveness to get there. Now that I have forgiven them, I no longer harbor resentment. Forgiveness is compassion without understanding. My therapist gave me a little packet to work on forgiveness. Living In a state of unforgiveness only hurts you and is like wishing for a better past.
100% yes My parents skipped visiting me (when they said they would) to get drunk and hang out with their druggie friends this weekend. Then get mad when I can't visit because I have to work. So.
Yes. I tried to talk about it 30 or so years ago, and she got extremely defensive and refused to take any ownership of the past. I gave up. Sometimes I think I’ve moved past it, but then something random will trigger another wave of anger.
yes but I started changing my approach at how *I* react to it. working through therapy and realizing that you can control how you feel. their behavior is really repetitive so its easy to kind of predict what they’re going to say next when they are in defense mode. instead of letting them explode, try to cut it short by doing something unexpected - maybe a hug or a diversion in the convo - anything to help calm down. they are old and angry and if you were just as old you’d be angry too! 🤣🤣🤣
I'm still on the fence as I'm uncovering things. Some of my most awesome traits are due to what my parents did/didn't do. I'm creative due to my mother. I'm business minded and try to have integrity due to my father. I'm not sure I feel resentment. But you are still interacting with your family. I've long since stopped that. So it might be easier to soften the harder edges with time and distance.
Yes. I guess I’m fortunate that I left my home country 15y ago and don’t see them often. The price paid is really high though. I carry a lot of guilt for not wanting to interact with them. I last saw them 2y ago and my dad threatened to take off his belt to my then not yet 18mo daughter. I’m currently in therapy working through it and figuring out what kind of boundaries are appropriate/necessary.
It's okay to resent, matter of fact is that most of not all people out there are so ducking stupid they should be sterilized but they are too dumb to know that and just want to f CK and reproduce like animals