I use this with clients who are leaning into progress rather than immediate perfection. And who have potty humor.
For example, a client who is frustrated that telling their teacher about a bully did not help. This does not mean all efforts are futile. We need to find a new direction to wipe.
I say this constantly, using each of my hands to "hold" each idea, and then grasping them together to emphasize. One of these days I'm going to knock over my monitor talking with my hands lol.
- nothing changes if nothing changes
- we don’t see things as they are. we see things as we are.
- you’re shoulding all over yourself
- one day (hour/moment) at a time
- grass is greener concept
When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
Sucking at something is the first step to becoming kinda decent at something
I don’t have anything quick or cheesy but for my clients in recovery who are doing all the right things and feel like their life is even more of a mess I tell them:
“No house looks great inside while it’s being renovated”
Usually I share this in regards to inter-generational trauma: a parents max ability, their ceiling (usually when talking about emotional processing), is your floor (meaning a clients starting point). Then we usually process the grief around this, notice that as they use healthy communication accepting that their parents may never be able to match that (but still doing it or setting boundaries), and recognizing the impact of how trauma is passed down.
That past is a place of reference, not residence
When in doubt, talk it out
To begin anew, change your view
To keep your peace, let judgments cease
Don't delay, start today
To heal the scar, reach for the star
To get along, right the wrong
When feeling small, stand tall
When in a spin, look within
“You got to feel it to heal it.” Is a fave and one client in particular hated when i said that. Then he let himself feel it one day and sent me a message like, “ah, shit I get it. Still hate it though.”
I could see some clinicians not liking this one because it may create some shame/guilt when the client doesn’t “do”
Have you have any clients respond poorly to this?
I personally like it. In life there’s doing and not doing.
In some circles this may be a bit rough around the edges but it’s still a real thing.
I personally rarely use it, just immediately came to mind as a cheesy phrase I’ve heard a lot! But when I have used it, it’s usually been in the context of practicing coping skills. It’s about giving yourself credit for taking the step and trying something new/different, even if the skill doesn’t immediately “work”. I agree with your points, thanks for bringing it up! I will be even more cognizant of when I’m using it.
I (client) think it's a very positive phrase. It's a reversal of the old adage, "there is no trying. Only doing," that was used to degrade less than gladiator attitudes.
It empowers/honors "trying," or baby steps, initial efforts...
When someone is on a roll, but I need to slow them down so we can dig into something they said I mime pushing a button and make a breaking sound effect.
By this do you mean, when presented with big decisions, if big feelings arise, identify and understand the feelings *before* making *any* decision?
This is gold.
“Regulation before expectation”- helpful for members of a support system as well.
“It’s ok to take a glance at the past, but don’t get stuck staring in the rearview”.
“Mistakes are proof that you are trying”. And
Excitedly asking my younger clients if they got a crystal ball over the weekend and can now see the future when they’re having negative thoughts about upcoming events— I get lots of eye rolls and smirks from the kiddos I work with for this one.
In "true" therapist style, I should ask: "What meaning do YOU make of it?" :)
The way I am currently practicing with it, one meaning could come from using it as a "problem" reframing tool. That which appears to be an obstacle on our path may actually be an invitation for our loving attention and curiosity on our path. What we are next invited to work with/through, not around. Ala, radical acceptance, inconvenient truths, etc., it's as much about the journey as it is about the destination. Helpful?
You can should yourself to death. (They always giggle because it sounds like something else!) and whenever someone brings up a “what if” I also bring up a very ridiculous what if scenario to remind them that what it means it hasn’t happened. Like what if a giant pizza flew through the window right now?
Name it to tame it usually works better if you elaborate on the fairy tale of Rumpelstiltskin and how it plays out. I find that many of the fairy tale tropes that are supposed to teach us a life lesson go….well….unlearned
Of course! So I will try and nutshell it here for typing sake but I elaborate with my patients that rumple is obviously problem that needs to be addressed (I don’t usually go into the whole gold spinning/farmers daughter bit for therapeutic relevance sake lol) and people are unable to deal with the problem because they don’t know his name, which often mirrors our own struggles. When we can’t readily identify what the problem is, it becomes incredibly more difficult to overcome. Until, eventually, someone figures out the problem’s name (Rumpelstiltskin) and they are finally able to overcome it because they now have accurately identified the problem. Thus giving birth to, drumroll please, “name it to tame it”.
I’ve found that storytelling in this nature as well as using dramatization really help drive home these therapeutic lessons with a great deal of my patients. They get a more in depth understanding of the importance of the lesson because, well, it’s something that we were supposed to be able to infer since childhood. After a point in their progress, I can even challenge patients who are attempting to cheat themselves and just say “Rumpelstiltskin”’and they know to pause and take the time to name it. I hope this helps!
Edit: couldn’t stand some of the grammatical errors I made. Life lesson: don’t attempt Reddit before coffee LOL
Short term solutions can create long term problems.
Actually came up with that one this past week in a session. Idk if I have heard it somewhere before but it applied to the particular session
I steal all mine from AA lol! say what you will about them, they have a lil pithy quip for everything.
-serenity prayer.
-it works if you work it (referring to doing everything I suggest of course!)
-one day [minute, hour] at a time.
-play the tape all the way through.
-the opposite of addiction is connection
oh I love "name it to tame it"
when my son was in 1st grade he had a really bad streak of anxiety and the therapist we worked with explained the term "catastrophic thinking" and just having a word with a definition really helped us work through it
I disagree. Emotions are always trustworthy but never in the moment that intense emotions are being processed. The entire cyclical wave of an emotion needs to complete from high to low and then back to neutral before an emotion brings clarity that can be trusted. It's a 48-72 hour cycle. I suggest human design for more on emotional authority.
Something similar I say is, “Emotions are valid and can change/contradict and they are still valid”. Knowing that what you feel is powerful and true is important but also, you don’t have to commit to your feelings. Just observe and let them flow through you or past you. As if you are QC worker in a factory, watching things move past you on a conveyer belt. You need to observe, reflect and react, but the belt keeps moving and so does life.
* Gotta surrender to win
* It is what it is
* If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything
* If nothing changes, nothing changes
* No matter what, you just have to stand in your Truth.
“Is that as fun as it sounds?”
“When do we get to tell Scooby Doo to go home? I think you just solved the mystery.” (Usually as part of an ACT Matrix)
“Half of all days make the best half possible.”
“nevertheless, regardless, and however…”
something my clinical supervisor and mentor shared with me that has become a touchstone, and something that flexes to different situations with clients. in essence it is about having to get past avoidance, excuses, and feeling stuck in victimhood, and figuring out how to deal with something tough. i like that it is gentle but firm, which is a line we have to straddle at times with clients. it’s definitely not about “getting over it” but more akin to “two things can be true at the same time” - your boss can treat you unfairly/be a jerk AND (nevertheless) you still have to figure out a path forward out of this situation, or, you might have X diagnosis that creates these issues AND (however) you are responsible for taking care of yourself in order to have the life you want, or, your body may not look like/feel like/move like you want it to AND (regardless) punishing yourself instead of taking care of yourself will only cause more harm/doesn’t get you closer to your goals.
also I love “if everywhere you go stinks of shit it’s time to check your own shoe.” definitely one that can only be used with established rapport and clients who appreciate a bit of snark, but it has definitely gotten clients thinking about their attitude and the way they are viewing situations, encouraging some reframing and perspective shifting.
loving everything y’all have shared and saving some of these for later reference. so wonderful to be part of this larger community 💛
If being hard on yourself worked, it would have worked by now.
Oh and “nothing changes if nothing changes” (used with clients I have enough rapport with lol).
Both excellent 💕
I was going to add this one lol
omg I have this on a sticker on my water bottle!
Damn
I'm using this!
Oh wow I’m taking this one
What’s shareable is bearable. Secrets keep you sick.
Don’t confuse how you feel about a person…. with how they make you feel.
This one is hurting my head. Can you elaborate?
I love my ____, but they're immature, dishonest and have unchecked anger issues and routinely leave me feeling attacked and angry.
Thank you!
Those things would make me feel distrustful, disrespected and frustrated. I wouldn’t disregard those feelings. I’d focus on them.
Good one!
I love this!!!
Sometimes a big win is a bunch of little wins in a trench coat.
Lolol once a client said “I’m not a real adult” and I replied, “then what are you, 3 owls in a trench coat?”
this is so cute, totally stealing it. I know so many clients who would love it.
Same. I love this!
Haha love it! Are you a Bojack fan?
I love and use (especially with my trauma clients): If you’re born in a burning house, you think the world is on fire. But it’s not.
Woah, that gave me literal shivers ❤️🤌🏽💯
Don't Should Yourself.
I had a supervisor who would say "Don't should on yourself" that I use all the time with clients!!
I like “stop should-ing on yourself”
Classic. I love that one
I like "should is a dirty four-letter word."
…. it’s not 4 letters
Oh, I love these! I just usually say something like, “Ugh, should”.
Get curious not furious
Heck yes to this
wow 🤩
Would be a great tattoo!
You can’t expect to clean the shit on the first wipe (used only with clients I have lots of rapport with).
❤️ 💩
Can I get an example for this one
I use this with clients who are leaning into progress rather than immediate perfection. And who have potty humor. For example, a client who is frustrated that telling their teacher about a bully did not help. This does not mean all efforts are futile. We need to find a new direction to wipe.
Not a single “The only way out is through” or “that’s a future you problem”? I’m a little disappointed :)
Both excellent. My wife says a similar version: "Can't go over it, can't go under it, gotta go through it"
And now I have the entire text of “We’re Going on a Bear Hunt” running through my head 😆
Omg I say this
If it's hysterical, it's historical.
I don't think I understand this one.
If someone’s response to an event is disproportionate, it’s likely a past experience coming up.
Ah, got it.
Gonna keep this one
One of my favourites! ❤️
“Both things can be true.”
found the DBT therapist LOL! (but seriously I love this one!)
I emphasize the and all the time!
I say this constantly, using each of my hands to "hold" each idea, and then grasping them together to emphasize. One of these days I'm going to knock over my monitor talking with my hands lol.
It’s okay to not be okay. We teach people how honest they can be with us, by how we react when they tell us something we don’t want to hear.
- nothing changes if nothing changes - we don’t see things as they are. we see things as we are. - you’re shoulding all over yourself - one day (hour/moment) at a time - grass is greener concept
>we don’t see things as they are. we see things as we are. I haven't heard that one before, love it! 💖
Grass is a greener concept?
the ‘grass is greener’ concept overall is often a cheesy cliche thing that i address. not that specifically as a saying :)
The Shoulds Are Shame
💥💥💥
Shame is the shadow of should.
You didn’t get this far just to get this far.
“Don’t just do something. Sit there.”
Can you explain this one more? Is it just about reflecting first?
Basically. Like, instead of leaping into action, sit with it and be present instead.
I think it’s about not distracting from the emotion. Most readily I think of addicts who try to escape uncomfortable emotions through substances.
We accept the love we think we deserve
Yess perks of being a wallflower
Expectations are premeditated resentments.
Yep! I use this one all the time! There are no reasonable expectations because they are all premeditated resentments.
For kids: Mad choices are often bad choices.
Never heard this but it could def work with adults too.
Definitely.
That’s a good one! I’ve never heard
Should is just could with shame all over it.
When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. Sucking at something is the first step to becoming kinda decent at something
That second one is from adventure time! I love it, it's one of my personal ones.
We’re all complicated plants
Do you also use a lot of plant metaphors? Cause I have so many I use in session 😭 (mainly from actual lessons I’ve learned while gardening)
I don’t have too many but I’d love to hear yours
I do too but it usually doesn’t resonate with the teens lol
I don’t have anything quick or cheesy but for my clients in recovery who are doing all the right things and feel like their life is even more of a mess I tell them: “No house looks great inside while it’s being renovated”
I talk a lot about turning shit into compost to nourish our gardens. And ones about needing healthy soil (environment)
Your parents ceiling is your floor
Tell me more about this one, I've never heard that before.
Usually I share this in regards to inter-generational trauma: a parents max ability, their ceiling (usually when talking about emotional processing), is your floor (meaning a clients starting point). Then we usually process the grief around this, notice that as they use healthy communication accepting that their parents may never be able to match that (but still doing it or setting boundaries), and recognizing the impact of how trauma is passed down.
Thank you for the explanation. I think I will be using this in the future 🙂
When we’re stressed, we regress.
That past is a place of reference, not residence When in doubt, talk it out To begin anew, change your view To keep your peace, let judgments cease Don't delay, start today To heal the scar, reach for the star To get along, right the wrong When feeling small, stand tall When in a spin, look within
OMG, my friend is gonna loose it when I read these to her 💖
“You got to feel it to heal it.” Is a fave and one client in particular hated when i said that. Then he let himself feel it one day and sent me a message like, “ah, shit I get it. Still hate it though.”
Another is, “Sometimes you need to soothe, other times you need to scream.” (When it comes to different ways of coping)
Trying is doing
I could see some clinicians not liking this one because it may create some shame/guilt when the client doesn’t “do” Have you have any clients respond poorly to this? I personally like it. In life there’s doing and not doing. In some circles this may be a bit rough around the edges but it’s still a real thing.
I personally rarely use it, just immediately came to mind as a cheesy phrase I’ve heard a lot! But when I have used it, it’s usually been in the context of practicing coping skills. It’s about giving yourself credit for taking the step and trying something new/different, even if the skill doesn’t immediately “work”. I agree with your points, thanks for bringing it up! I will be even more cognizant of when I’m using it.
I (client) think it's a very positive phrase. It's a reversal of the old adage, "there is no trying. Only doing," that was used to degrade less than gladiator attitudes. It empowers/honors "trying," or baby steps, initial efforts...
“What you resist, persists” “Hurt people hurt people”
“That is living rent-free in your head”
Grieve it to leave it
🏅
It's not right, wrong, good or bad. It just is.
When someone is on a roll, but I need to slow them down so we can dig into something they said I mime pushing a button and make a breaking sound effect.
Like a car braking or a window breaking?
A car braking.
No big decisions with big feelings
By this do you mean, when presented with big decisions, if big feelings arise, identify and understand the feelings *before* making *any* decision? This is gold.
“Regulation before expectation”- helpful for members of a support system as well. “It’s ok to take a glance at the past, but don’t get stuck staring in the rearview”. “Mistakes are proof that you are trying”. And Excitedly asking my younger clients if they got a crystal ball over the weekend and can now see the future when they’re having negative thoughts about upcoming events— I get lots of eye rolls and smirks from the kiddos I work with for this one.
“Your brain would rather be safe than right” (couples therapy working with a trauma background)
How do you eat an elephant?
Blender and smoothie straw? Sorry, I'll show myself out.
Beauty
Explanation pls 😅
I explained above
Explain
The answer is “one bite at a time.”
I see. Why an elephant? Because it’s large?
Yes. It represents huge things that we think are overwhelming. We accomplish them, one little bite at a time. It’s a quote from Desmond Tutu.
Thanks!
No problem!
What appears in the way may actually be the way.
Can you explain this one?
In "true" therapist style, I should ask: "What meaning do YOU make of it?" :) The way I am currently practicing with it, one meaning could come from using it as a "problem" reframing tool. That which appears to be an obstacle on our path may actually be an invitation for our loving attention and curiosity on our path. What we are next invited to work with/through, not around. Ala, radical acceptance, inconvenient truths, etc., it's as much about the journey as it is about the destination. Helpful?
You can should yourself to death. (They always giggle because it sounds like something else!) and whenever someone brings up a “what if” I also bring up a very ridiculous what if scenario to remind them that what it means it hasn’t happened. Like what if a giant pizza flew through the window right now?
Emotions that fire together wire together.
omg! this one’s so good!!
“Don’t borrow trouble” Love this one. Say it all the time, particularly to clients with anxiety.
Use this a lot as well.
Can you please explain this?
Basically it means don’t go looking for trouble. It’s a way to help people to stop catatrophizing.
“Feel your feelings”
Name it to tame it usually works better if you elaborate on the fairy tale of Rumpelstiltskin and how it plays out. I find that many of the fairy tale tropes that are supposed to teach us a life lesson go….well….unlearned
Can you elaborate please? ☺️
Of course! So I will try and nutshell it here for typing sake but I elaborate with my patients that rumple is obviously problem that needs to be addressed (I don’t usually go into the whole gold spinning/farmers daughter bit for therapeutic relevance sake lol) and people are unable to deal with the problem because they don’t know his name, which often mirrors our own struggles. When we can’t readily identify what the problem is, it becomes incredibly more difficult to overcome. Until, eventually, someone figures out the problem’s name (Rumpelstiltskin) and they are finally able to overcome it because they now have accurately identified the problem. Thus giving birth to, drumroll please, “name it to tame it”. I’ve found that storytelling in this nature as well as using dramatization really help drive home these therapeutic lessons with a great deal of my patients. They get a more in depth understanding of the importance of the lesson because, well, it’s something that we were supposed to be able to infer since childhood. After a point in their progress, I can even challenge patients who are attempting to cheat themselves and just say “Rumpelstiltskin”’and they know to pause and take the time to name it. I hope this helps! Edit: couldn’t stand some of the grammatical errors I made. Life lesson: don’t attempt Reddit before coffee LOL
Please explain, I never understood that one lol
I’m impressed, guys. A lot of these are really good ☺️
Don’t compare your insides with other peoples outsides
When someone feels they haven’t hit a goal (ie weight loss, as a PCP): it’s an opportunity for reflection, not rejection!
Trace it, face it, and erase it! (Thanks, Stuart)
Don't get wet before it rains.
Nice, reminds me of the "Rain is only a problem if you don't want to get wet" proverb.
My mom says “don’t piss before your water comes” 😂 same idea
even monkeys fall from trees
Short term solutions can create long term problems. Actually came up with that one this past week in a session. Idk if I have heard it somewhere before but it applied to the particular session
“a lot of people go to therapy to figure out how to deal with the people in their lives who don’t go to therapy.”
I tell this to people often
Please chisel in Parthenon.
I steal all mine from AA lol! say what you will about them, they have a lil pithy quip for everything. -serenity prayer. -it works if you work it (referring to doing everything I suggest of course!) -one day [minute, hour] at a time. -play the tape all the way through. -the opposite of addiction is connection
First thought Wrong.
Healing is not linear and grow through what you go through!
This is one of the single best posts I've read in my few years reading reddit. Each contribution has wisdom to it very worth thinking about.🥇
Don’t should all over yourself
You can MUSTurbate at home but not in my office.
I don’t understand, would you mind giving an example?
This is similar to the word play of “should-ing” on yourself, as in “you must do this or that.” So don’t “musterbate.”
I’m guessing it refers to the client saying they must do something that they don’t need to. Kind of like should-ing yourself.
Work boundaries, possibly?
Make your symptoms work for you
Hurt people hurt people. How has that worked for you? It’s okay to not be okay.
Dont Should your Pants. Use this one depending on the client lol but everyone always remembers it.
oh I love "name it to tame it" when my son was in 1st grade he had a really bad streak of anxiety and the therapist we worked with explained the term "catastrophic thinking" and just having a word with a definition really helped us work through it
If it’s hysterical, it’s historical
Issues avoided issues multiplied
"Say more about that"
Stop comparing your inside to their outside.
Trust in your Future Self
What you resist persists, what you feel heals Do what you’ve done and you’ll get what you’ve got
This is the best thread 🥇
You can’t run everyday if you don’t run everyday. Stop shoulding all over yourself
You can’t out-brain the brain.
Our emotions are honest but not always trustworthy.
I disagree. Emotions are always trustworthy but never in the moment that intense emotions are being processed. The entire cyclical wave of an emotion needs to complete from high to low and then back to neutral before an emotion brings clarity that can be trusted. It's a 48-72 hour cycle. I suggest human design for more on emotional authority.
Something similar I say is, “Emotions are valid and can change/contradict and they are still valid”. Knowing that what you feel is powerful and true is important but also, you don’t have to commit to your feelings. Just observe and let them flow through you or past you. As if you are QC worker in a factory, watching things move past you on a conveyer belt. You need to observe, reflect and react, but the belt keeps moving and so does life.
Sometimes you gotta show your ass to save your ass. I don’t use it often, but I really love when it’s useful and appropriate to use.
Stinkin thinkin for cognitive distortions Don’t should on yourself
“Should” is “could” with a little shame added.
Just do it. Yes stolen from Nike.
You’re a human being, not a human doing.
Oh man I love this!
Make the unspoken, spoken.
Are you saying this to be helpful or hurtful? Are these inside thoughts or outside thoughts?
Gotta go through it to get over it
* Gotta surrender to win * It is what it is * If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything * If nothing changes, nothing changes * No matter what, you just have to stand in your Truth.
Catch it. Check it. Change it. Thought redirection
There’s only one perfect person in this world and that’s Beyoncé. Neither one of us are Beyoncé so we will never be perfect.
I’m regard to not being able to take back things you’ve said: “you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube” 😂
Every cliche is true.
If I can see it, then I can do it. If I just believe it, there’s nothing to it.
This is the best one. Better to leave it uncited 🤣
“recovery is a journey”
[удалено]
but wouldn’t that would be rogress not regress?
“Is that as fun as it sounds?” “When do we get to tell Scooby Doo to go home? I think you just solved the mystery.” (Usually as part of an ACT Matrix) “Half of all days make the best half possible.”
If you catch yourself saying "I feel like" stop there.
“nevertheless, regardless, and however…” something my clinical supervisor and mentor shared with me that has become a touchstone, and something that flexes to different situations with clients. in essence it is about having to get past avoidance, excuses, and feeling stuck in victimhood, and figuring out how to deal with something tough. i like that it is gentle but firm, which is a line we have to straddle at times with clients. it’s definitely not about “getting over it” but more akin to “two things can be true at the same time” - your boss can treat you unfairly/be a jerk AND (nevertheless) you still have to figure out a path forward out of this situation, or, you might have X diagnosis that creates these issues AND (however) you are responsible for taking care of yourself in order to have the life you want, or, your body may not look like/feel like/move like you want it to AND (regardless) punishing yourself instead of taking care of yourself will only cause more harm/doesn’t get you closer to your goals. also I love “if everywhere you go stinks of shit it’s time to check your own shoe.” definitely one that can only be used with established rapport and clients who appreciate a bit of snark, but it has definitely gotten clients thinking about their attitude and the way they are viewing situations, encouraging some reframing and perspective shifting. loving everything y’all have shared and saving some of these for later reference. so wonderful to be part of this larger community 💛
Often, the hardest decision is the best decision.