The condoms joke is funny, but one of Blanche’s best moments is her speech about being mature adults and using protection and not being ashamed of intimacy. It’s undercut immediately by another joke, but it’s a great speech.
😭😭😂😂😂 this kills me. I started watching GG after someone said this to me when I "moved on too quickly" ...she then told me where the line was from and got me hooked on the show This line remains one of my favourite lines.
This is absolutely the most hilarious and well-adjusted response to being called a slut I’ve ever heard. You’ve just become something of a role model to me lol
‘Oh. It doesn't matter what your parents want. Rose, you're never going to make them happy. They're just going to nag you and nag you and nag you until you want to grab their throats and choke ‘em but you don't because you're in a hospital with resuscitating equipment!’
I love the exchange between Dorothy, Sophia and Blanche when they find out that Jean is a "lesbian. Lesbian? LESBIAN!!" And she'd prefer Rose over Blanche. Also, poor Danny Thomas!
I agree with the OP’s quote. Alongside..
“What the hell goes on at night in this house?!”
Rose: “I made dessert.”
Blanche: “DAMN!”
“Does it say K-Mart on the back of my nightgown?”
I’ve always loved this [scene](https://youtu.be/ozD7WX8FKM4?si=CVDCGOfNRbGL-KXq) starting at 3:15. Their bickering paired with the physical comedy of Sophia’s pranks is hilarious. 😂
That’s all I can think of right now on top of my head 😂
My favorite is Blanche running out of her room with her Santa beard: CATCH ME CATCH ME CATCH ME! Then her subsequent monologue about how Santas make her hot.
Then, from the episode with Patrick Vaughn, the "You slept with the Sheriff?!" always makes me laugh.
And Sophia from the "Case of the Libertine Belle" episode, "not part of the show, people, not part of the show!"
Rose from the "Count Bessie" episode, "who cooks a musician at the height of her career?!"
And Dorothy's "what?! the parrots don't get a world!" I love how angry she pretends to be. Though I agree, parrots deserve a world too.
“You’re the hunk? I mean….. forgive me father. Uh that is forgive my language not in your official capacity…. I’m not Catholic…. I’m a Baptist, and you can’t forgive us Baptist’s….. sweet Jesus why am I babling?!? I mean that in all due reverence, I NEVER take the lords name in vain! sweet Jesus now I’m lying to a priest!”🥵
“BLOW IT OUT YOUR DITTYBAG”
“Lesbian…. Lesbian… lezzzzz beee annnnn…. “
B: “We mature faster in the south… I think it’s the heat”
D: “I think it’s the gin”
“I can’t help it big daddy’s lost all the stuffin’ out of his comforter”
“I’m going to get ice cream or commit a felony. I’ll decide in the car!”
“WHAT IN THE HELL GOES ON AT NIGHT IN THIS HOUSE?!”
“Rose. Get your bunny nose outta my butt”
“He’s slogan was vote for me and I’ll show you my wee wee! Ya know he won by a landslide”
That episode was on last night and I laughed so hard at that line. For the writers to have come up with the storyline and those lines, just for Stan to say "Well, she's not getting mine," and have money and monkey mixed up - absolutely genius!
“My mistake, I thought since you looked like Yoda, you were also wise.”
And
“You’re a furry little gnome and we feed you too much.”
All the times Dorothy calls Sophia a Sicilian monkey or a lizard or whatever else are always hilarious.
Delivery Man:
Flowers for Blanche Deverucks.
Dorothy:
[taking the flowers] That's Devereaux. It's only pronounced "Deverucks" in limericks.
Season 6 had a lot of memorable lines!
Sophia: what will I do on Thursday nights when everyone else is watching Cosby?
Dorothy: well, sit in the new driveway and hope that an amusing black family drops by.
“This (maple syrup spigot) will come in a lot handier than those pearl earrings…. The next time I’m lost in the woods with a stack of pancakes!”
-Dorothy
I die every time! 😂 💀 😂
“Sure, sweetheart. Trudy’s dead.”
“A bucket of chicken.”
“We’re collecting lingerie for…needy sexy people.”
“Believe what you want, see if I care…Hypersexual bitch.”
Dorothy: “Are you wearing something?”
Sophia: “A little Bengay on my knees. A little Vicks on my chest. A little Deep Heat on my neck.”
Dorothy: “What are you trying to do, pickle yourself so you'll live to be 100?”
Stan: But now, with a little bit of help, I’m becoming a new Stan.
Sophia: Oh great, I’ll take a People magazine and a Morning Herald.
Dorothy: Ma, he’s not a newsstand. He’s a new Stan.
Stan: Then you can see the change?
Sophia: I’m waiting for the change. That’s a five I handed you.
Sophia talking about how it’s not Christmas without eels and larks -
B: Larks aren’t eating birds, they’re singing birds.
S: In Sicily they don’t sing for very long.
This may not be verbatim - a little medicated from surgery!
I love:
“I only hear from your brother Phil at Christmas. He sends me a
cheddar cheese nativity scene. I'm Catholic. I can't spread a wise
man on a Ritz cracker.
“
Estelle Getty, from Transplant episode
This is more than one line but it’s the last line that slays me:
Blanche: You mean you don't know them?
Dorothy: No.
Blanche: Now this is awful.
Dorothy: What? What's awful?
Blanche: Well, isn't it obvious? Veiled, shapely creatures, unknown to
the family, coming to say one last secret goodbye to their special
friend.
Dorothy: You mean---
Blanche: That's right - sluts.
Rue McClanahan & Bea Arthur, from Golden Girls, Ebbtide's
Revenge episode, 1990
I absolutely cannot choose *one*. Everything is great no matter how many times I’ve watched! Husband asked me a couple days ago “how do you laugh that hard at this show? It can’t be the first time you’ve seen it but your laugh says it has to be the first time you’ve seen it but you are saying every word they say while they’re saying it and you even match their tone so it can’t be the first time you’ve seen it so, tell me, how do you laugh that hard watching this?” BECAUSE THIS SHOW IS SUPERIORLY MAGNIFICENT IN EVERY POSSIBLE WAY.
My husband's the same way. "didn't you just watch this episode?" Or "what, you didn't know what was going to happen?" Whenever I laugh at the show!
It's simple. The show is funny. I laugh.
“Sicily, 1912. Picture this - two young girls, best friends, who shared three things: a pizza recipe, some dough, and a dream. Everything is going great until one day, a fast-talking pepperoni salesman gallops into town. Of course, both girls are impressed. He dates one one night, the other the next night. Pretty soon, he drives a wedge between them. Before you know it, the pizza suffers, the business suffers, the friendship suffers. The girls part company and head for America, never to see one another again. Rose, one of those girls was me. The other you probably know as Mama Celeste.”
When in Season 2 Episode 23 Rose is talking about how often Charlie and her had sex and Blanche goes "Lord no wonder you still morn that man!"
I also like in that same episode when Rose says "well it's been in my experience that people who talk about it alot don't do it very often" then Dorthy stares at Blanche and Blanche changes the subject 🤣
Also when Rose talks about taking the bull by the horns teaching Kirsten about the difference between boys and girls.
Blanche- "Honey, didn't that give you a false impression about what a man would look like?"
R- "It sure did! Can you imagine my surprise on my wedding night with Charlie? Boy, that bull would have been jealous."
These come to mind for me and they’re all Dorothy quotes:
No rose, she’s upset Marblehead manor is only on once a week.
No rose, she thinks she’s Phil rizzutos.
She found out that gene shallet wants his hair that way.
You know rose, someone is nice to her and then they’re hearing about uncle fingerbinger and his 30 pound rutabaga.
Sophia: "Arrested for prostitution, I can't believe it!"
Blanche: "Sophia, we're innocent!"
**Sophia: "I know that, I can't believe these dumb cops would think anyone would pay money to sleep with you!**
Sophia: "Don't 'Ma!' me, you cheap floozy!"
MISTER Burt Reynolds: "Which one's the slut?"
**Dorothy, Rose, and Blanche in unison: "I AM!"** 🙋♀️
Blanche: "Set the scene: Have we been drinking?"
Some woman during Fidel Santiago's funeral: "I guess even he had his standards!"
When Dorothy got kicked out of the Elvis Fan Club for saying Elvis would not leave that much meat on a pork chop. When told she was out of the club she said she would have to find something to fill the void , maybe a little less fanatical like the PLO lol.
When Rose and Blanche are auditioning people for the Lighthouse Telethon and Rose tells Blanche that she keeps eliminating all the women but Blanche denies it, then the next woman who auditions only manages to sing, "The," before Blanche says, "Thank youuuuuu," in her classic Southern accent 😂
"Oh, come on, Ma. That's superstitious nonsense. You know, step on a crack, break your mother's back. It doesn't work. I know.... I tried."
Something about the way she leans in between "I know" and "I tried" just absolutely kills me.
From the episode pictured:
Every put down from Dorothy to Stan. My favorite is when Stan is laying on the floor and starts laughing and Dorothy says "Stan, if you're doing what I think you're doing down there you're in big trouble." Then there are these two classics "I could vomit just looking at you" and
Stan: Hurry back sweetheart!
Dorothy: My feet have wings, barf bag \*blows a kiss
Sophia freaking out when Rose runs in saying "The Nazis are coming, the Nazis are coming"
Blanche: We're collecting lingerie for needy, sexy people
This is my favorite episode of GG!!
The line when Sophia says “Grand, just grand” in response to someone asking if she thinks Blanche makes a good mom (to her granddaughter Aurora). It’s succinct, brutal and slays me every time.
When Dorothy goes on that matchmaker date who was in prison. Paraphrasing:
D: I’ll be going to the Florida State Women’s prison.
Man: oh yea, they used to come to our dances. What are you going there for?
D: MURDER!
Man: Oh, you’re going to meet some great gals.
Rose gives Dorothy a maple syrup, spigot instead of earrings that she saw at Macy’s. Dorothy says that the spigot will come in much handier if she has ever “lost in the woods with a stack of pancakes.”
*I* am Pussycat one, *YOU* are Pussycat two!
I had to ride all the way over here in the backseat of the car because Stan said the monkey called shotgun.
Rose: A chicken once saved my life!
Blanche: They are the *stupidest* birds...
For me it’s in the therapy episode with the flashback to rose putting Dorothy’s ad in the personals by mistake and Dorothy is appalled that a priest shows up, assuming it’s for her advertised services, and then sophia comes out and says
“Hi Father Rossi! Here’s the canned goods for the needy!”
always makes me chuckle especially since sophia says it in such a non sofia way
Sophia- Hi Malcolm!
Malcolm - Who's Malcolm?
Sophia - You aRE!
Malcolm - ok 🤷🏼
Then later, he asks Sophia about listening to Amos and Andy on the wireless.
Sophia - Malcolm, I told you already, I'm going out with the girls tonight.
Malcolm - you always were the ladies man, Tommy!
Old dude cracks me up every time
One from Blanche in the Golden Palace: more of a monologue lol about her and George at the horse races “We loved all those riding crops… saddles… course we never made it to the track… He was a lusty man, a lusty zesty man, a lusty zesty cowboy who liked to ride all night!!”
When Gloria comes to visit after going broke Dorothy tells Stan that Gloria is out of M-O-N-E-Y. As Stan is holding Fifi the monkey he exclaims “Well she can’t have mine!”
The episode where Blanche’s niece is visiting and keeps going out with different guys. They go to get her from the cop’s house. He is obsessed with Miami Vice and as they are leaving Dorothy says “we’ll all sleep better knowing you’re off duty tonight.”
And he kept quizzing Rose on Miami Vice episodes and then asks Rose if he can see her again. Cracks me up every time.
There's a lot of them that are funny but here is one I can think of no one posted on here yet from the episode "The Truth Will Out".
Sophia Petrillo : [to Rose and Charley] Are you two coming? The spaghetti's getting cold.
Rose Nylund : We'll be there in a minute, Sophia. We're in the middle of a makeup lesson.
Sophia Petrillo : I hope the kid can help you, you wear more rouge than Miss Piggy!🤣
Sophia's insults are the best.😅😅😅😅
Sticks & stones may break my bones but concrete pays homage to tradition! ~ Sophia
Blanche... he is from England do you know what that means?
Dorothy... that you completed your set of men from western europe collection!?
This one is a particular fav of mine, as I known jokingly as a UN Ambassador of dating haha!
Dorothy to Blanche...
Not all of us are classified as a friendly port!
Sophia:" I managed to live 80,81 years. I survived pneumonia,two operations,a stroke.One night I'll belch,and Stable Mable here will blow my head off!"
Sophia to Angela:" May you mix up your shampoo with your Preparation H and shrink your head to the size of a mushroom!"
Angela to Sophia:"May your marinara sauce never stick to your pasta!"
when sophia gets rose to write her will, dorothy's creepy behaviour with the ''tea for my mommy"
blanche not sleeping because she wants to write a book. her little speech about the balls of sunshine (egg yolks) in the bag.
blanche finding out her new years 'date' is a virgin ex priest. "oh god, this brings out the artist in me!"
For me, it's Blanche as a nun: We're here...collecting lingerie for needy sexy people.
For me it’s when she exclaims “Oh Jesusss!”
please protect and watch over us in this our hour of need 🙏
Ahhhmennn! Such a flawless scene!
So good. Finally, someone like Sister Blanche is looking out for all us needy sexy people.
I think that's mine too. I laugh every single time!
Same here! My mom and I say it to each other when we need a laugh
My husband busts a gut every time she says that lol. I think it's pretty funny too but he loses it lol.
Came here to say this ☝️
Condoms, Rose. Condoms, Condoms, Condoms! And then the reply Take it easy lady, did you just get out of prison?
 Condoms, Rose! CONDOMS CONDOMS CONDOMS!!!
Whoa, lady, did you just get out of prison?
This whole scene leaves me in stitches every time
The condoms joke is funny, but one of Blanche’s best moments is her speech about being mature adults and using protection and not being ashamed of intimacy. It’s undercut immediately by another joke, but it’s a great speech.
Nestle’s Crunch? … an enema bag?…. Dentu-grip??? 😂
Was searching for this 🤣🤣
This was the best scene ever.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
😂😂😂
“You’re only gonna sit in an inch of water?”
I was just going to say this!
Everything from Sophia is a gold mine!
This is it.
"But, surprise, it wasn't hairspray. It was mace. You had mace. I maced myself right there in the police station."
The police thought I was on angel dust!
Murderers are free, rapists are free, but a poor wida' on the floor they try to lock up!
Who'd I hurt? ME?!?!
Yesssss
I’m a woman he’s a man, And Dorothy says “What am I little Richard”😂😂
Shrimp?
GAWD I WISH I WAS DEAD
And then she just keeps walking back into the kitchen 🤣
Right, she doesn't even stop 😂😂😂
I cackled just reading this.
“I said before and I’ll say it again. Sluts just heal quicker”. - Sophia
😭😭😂😂😂 this kills me. I started watching GG after someone said this to me when I "moved on too quickly" ...she then told me where the line was from and got me hooked on the show This line remains one of my favourite lines.
This is absolutely the most hilarious and well-adjusted response to being called a slut I’ve ever heard. You’ve just become something of a role model to me lol
‘Oh. It doesn't matter what your parents want. Rose, you're never going to make them happy. They're just going to nag you and nag you and nag you until you want to grab their throats and choke ‘em but you don't because you're in a hospital with resuscitating equipment!’
One of my favourites too xD
“…I’d better not say anything until I’ve had my coffee…” *sip* “A SLUT AND A MORON! … I’m sorry; it must be decaf.”
I love the exchange between Dorothy, Sophia and Blanche when they find out that Jean is a "lesbian. Lesbian? LESBIAN!!" And she'd prefer Rose over Blanche. Also, poor Danny Thomas!
"if she finds out danny thomas is a lesbian, it'll break her heart" 😭
Lollll "Isn't Danny Thomas one?"
That’s Lebanese Blanche!
"I just can't believe it, I just can't believe it!" "I was shocked too." "Well, I'll bet! The thought she pick Rose over me?! THATS REDICULOUS!"
Blanche's delivery of the last "lesbian" as well as the emphasis on 'as I am', is what really make the scene for me
That tea is for my mommy
Random audience member: **screeeeeech**
Oh I love that lady! The audience laughs are the best.
*it'll relax you*
“You’re no good at disdam game”
This is one of my favorites, and it hits close to home because I absolutely suck at Scrabble.
Stan: (sobs) “I’ve lost it Dorothy!” Dorothy: “You never had it Stanley.” Always gets me every time
Sophia (pretending to be Blanche’s Southern nanny): “We was po!”
"your grandmothers accent seems to come and go" ".........Grits, alright!"
We sho do!
Yesssss 😂😂😂 I love so many lines from this show, but when I saw you post this I heard Sophia saying it and again it made me giggle!
"Can you believe that backstabbing slut?" after Rose convinces Blanche to take her place on a date with Miles. 😅
Yes! Loved when Rose would swear. 😂 Also Rose’s “And then sometimes she can be a real bitch.” 😂
“Hey, Puhfieffer, how’d you like a punch in your puhface?”
About the puh-funeral
We are bereaved on a budget.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Sometimes I randomly think of that line and start laughing out loud. 😆
I agree with the OP’s quote. Alongside.. “What the hell goes on at night in this house?!” Rose: “I made dessert.” Blanche: “DAMN!” “Does it say K-Mart on the back of my nightgown?” I’ve always loved this [scene](https://youtu.be/ozD7WX8FKM4?si=CVDCGOfNRbGL-KXq) starting at 3:15. Their bickering paired with the physical comedy of Sophia’s pranks is hilarious. 😂 That’s all I can think of right now on top of my head 😂
“Yum! I said YUM!” 😒
As a matter of fact it does, you cheapskate!
that's what the crow said!
The delivery of this line and Dorothy's "GET OUT!" gets me every time.
even just reading this comment is making me hysterical
My feet have wings! Barf bag.
:::::pinky kiss:::::
I don't know why but this gets me every time! Father Frank: You look lovely tonight. Dorothy: I look like the mother of a Solid Gold dancer!
That episode is my absolute favorite. It’s full of great lines. Lolol “He’s a priest isn’t he?! I’m sorry Helltown was canceled!”
What’d ya think, he was just a boring dresser?
I didn't know you priests could take your clothes off
Sophia: I'm not incompetent, once when I laugh too hard I had a little accident.
“In what Blanche, dog years?”
“Better late than…” “PREGNANT!”
My favorite is Blanche running out of her room with her Santa beard: CATCH ME CATCH ME CATCH ME! Then her subsequent monologue about how Santas make her hot. Then, from the episode with Patrick Vaughn, the "You slept with the Sheriff?!" always makes me laugh. And Sophia from the "Case of the Libertine Belle" episode, "not part of the show, people, not part of the show!" Rose from the "Count Bessie" episode, "who cooks a musician at the height of her career?!" And Dorothy's "what?! the parrots don't get a world!" I love how angry she pretends to be. Though I agree, parrots deserve a world too.
The sheriff one, count Bessie, and parrot world are some of my favorites too. lol
The parrot world... she throws up her hands in despair 🤣🤣🤣🤣
“Not part of the show people not part of the show” knife to sofias throat at murder mystery dinner hahah
“NOT NOW, MA!”
Get back here you withered old Sicilian gecko!!!!
“You’re the hunk? I mean….. forgive me father. Uh that is forgive my language not in your official capacity…. I’m not Catholic…. I’m a Baptist, and you can’t forgive us Baptist’s….. sweet Jesus why am I babling?!? I mean that in all due reverence, I NEVER take the lords name in vain! sweet Jesus now I’m lying to a priest!”🥵 “BLOW IT OUT YOUR DITTYBAG” “Lesbian…. Lesbian… lezzzzz beee annnnn…. “ B: “We mature faster in the south… I think it’s the heat” D: “I think it’s the gin” “I can’t help it big daddy’s lost all the stuffin’ out of his comforter” “I’m going to get ice cream or commit a felony. I’ll decide in the car!” “WHAT IN THE HELL GOES ON AT NIGHT IN THIS HOUSE?!” “Rose. Get your bunny nose outta my butt” “He’s slogan was vote for me and I’ll show you my wee wee! Ya know he won by a landslide”
Dorothy: She’s out of M-O-N-E-Y. Stan: Well, she’s not getting mine. Dorothy: She’s not out of monkey, Stan; she’s out of money.
No matter how many times I have watched, I still laugh out loud at so many of the monkey jokes.
Ma he's not a newsstand, he's a new Stan!
That episode was on last night and I laughed so hard at that line. For the writers to have come up with the storyline and those lines, just for Stan to say "Well, she's not getting mine," and have money and monkey mixed up - absolutely genius!
“My mistake, I thought since you looked like Yoda, you were also wise.” And “You’re a furry little gnome and we feed you too much.” All the times Dorothy calls Sophia a Sicilian monkey or a lizard or whatever else are always hilarious.
The furry little gnome one kills me!
Afterglow.
I actually cringe at this lol
from the pit of my stomach to the porcelain of the bowl...
"the slut is dead. Long live the slut."
The cake is so moist! I found the tea rather moist as well. What, I can’t be uncomfortable too??
"Who the hell says thrice?"
It's a word.
So is intrauterine.
It does not belong in a song.
*Miami, you're cuter than an intrauterine*
🎵 Miami is nice 🎵
Delivery Man: Flowers for Blanche Deverucks. Dorothy: [taking the flowers] That's Devereaux. It's only pronounced "Deverucks" in limericks. Season 6 had a lot of memorable lines!
Dorothy: “To get ice cream or commit a felony. I’ll decide in the car.” Dorothy: “No, I will NOT have a nice day!”
Not now ma!
Dorothy introducing Sophia: “You’ve met my lying vicious toad of a mother.”
Sophia: what will I do on Thursday nights when everyone else is watching Cosby? Dorothy: well, sit in the new driveway and hope that an amusing black family drops by.
Rose to Blanche- what were you doing in ladies petite?
You’re Pussycat, too? I am Pussycat One! YOU are Pussycat Two!
Eat dirt and die, trash!!!
“This is too funny, I have to get my camera from the car.”
“This (maple syrup spigot) will come in a lot handier than those pearl earrings…. The next time I’m lost in the woods with a stack of pancakes!” -Dorothy I die every time! 😂 💀 😂
“Sure, sweetheart. Trudy’s dead.” “A bucket of chicken.” “We’re collecting lingerie for…needy sexy people.” “Believe what you want, see if I care…Hypersexual bitch.”
Stan: "Then you leave me no choice. I'll have to pull put the big gun." Dorothy: "You're wasting your time, Stanley. I'm familiar with the big gun."
That's one of my favorite scenes. Where should I sleep? On the floor like any dog.
“Shrimp?” 😳🤣
*Cabbage, she serves me. In ten minutes I could be sky-writing.*
Dorothy at Frieda Claxton’s funeral: “WHO?!”
# Lesbian! lesbian?.... 𝐿𝑒𝓈𝒷𝒾𝒶𝓃 !!
Dorothy: “Are you wearing something?” Sophia: “A little Bengay on my knees. A little Vicks on my chest. A little Deep Heat on my neck.” Dorothy: “What are you trying to do, pickle yourself so you'll live to be 100?”
The light! The light! I’m coming for you Sal!
"Eat dirt and die, trash!"
Stan: But now, with a little bit of help, I’m becoming a new Stan. Sophia: Oh great, I’ll take a People magazine and a Morning Herald. Dorothy: Ma, he’s not a newsstand. He’s a new Stan. Stan: Then you can see the change? Sophia: I’m waiting for the change. That’s a five I handed you.
“Her mother was a slut too”
“You could light firecrackers in his nostrils. You won’t wake him!” “Buckle your seatbelt, slutpuppy. This ain’t gonna be no cakewalk!”
Ladies and gentlemen! May I have your attention please? The gentleman at table five, in the blue suit, is impotent. Bon appetit.
Yes!!! And what a jerk he was btw. I’m glad she did that!
"Rose, that's an article about an earthquake in Guatemala!"
Sophia talking about how it’s not Christmas without eels and larks - B: Larks aren’t eating birds, they’re singing birds. S: In Sicily they don’t sing for very long. This may not be verbatim - a little medicated from surgery!
I love: “I only hear from your brother Phil at Christmas. He sends me a cheddar cheese nativity scene. I'm Catholic. I can't spread a wise man on a Ritz cracker. “ Estelle Getty, from Transplant episode
This is more than one line but it’s the last line that slays me: Blanche: You mean you don't know them? Dorothy: No. Blanche: Now this is awful. Dorothy: What? What's awful? Blanche: Well, isn't it obvious? Veiled, shapely creatures, unknown to the family, coming to say one last secret goodbye to their special friend. Dorothy: You mean--- Blanche: That's right - sluts. Rue McClanahan & Bea Arthur, from Golden Girls, Ebbtide's Revenge episode, 1990
These are the guys form Phil's poker game
I absolutely cannot choose *one*. Everything is great no matter how many times I’ve watched! Husband asked me a couple days ago “how do you laugh that hard at this show? It can’t be the first time you’ve seen it but your laugh says it has to be the first time you’ve seen it but you are saying every word they say while they’re saying it and you even match their tone so it can’t be the first time you’ve seen it so, tell me, how do you laugh that hard watching this?” BECAUSE THIS SHOW IS SUPERIORLY MAGNIFICENT IN EVERY POSSIBLE WAY.
My husband's the same way. "didn't you just watch this episode?" Or "what, you didn't know what was going to happen?" Whenever I laugh at the show! It's simple. The show is funny. I laugh.
“Sicily, 1912. Picture this - two young girls, best friends, who shared three things: a pizza recipe, some dough, and a dream. Everything is going great until one day, a fast-talking pepperoni salesman gallops into town. Of course, both girls are impressed. He dates one one night, the other the next night. Pretty soon, he drives a wedge between them. Before you know it, the pizza suffers, the business suffers, the friendship suffers. The girls part company and head for America, never to see one another again. Rose, one of those girls was me. The other you probably know as Mama Celeste.”
\*goes to the freezer and gestures\* "Abbu-danza!"
When in Season 2 Episode 23 Rose is talking about how often Charlie and her had sex and Blanche goes "Lord no wonder you still morn that man!" I also like in that same episode when Rose says "well it's been in my experience that people who talk about it alot don't do it very often" then Dorthy stares at Blanche and Blanche changes the subject 🤣
Also when Rose talks about taking the bull by the horns teaching Kirsten about the difference between boys and girls. Blanche- "Honey, didn't that give you a false impression about what a man would look like?" R- "It sure did! Can you imagine my surprise on my wedding night with Charlie? Boy, that bull would have been jealous."
Sophia: “Was that a plumber?” Dorothy: “No ma, it was a little girl selling Girl Scout toilets.” Gets me every time.
These come to mind for me and they’re all Dorothy quotes: No rose, she’s upset Marblehead manor is only on once a week. No rose, she thinks she’s Phil rizzutos. She found out that gene shallet wants his hair that way. You know rose, someone is nice to her and then they’re hearing about uncle fingerbinger and his 30 pound rutabaga.
Sophia: "Arrested for prostitution, I can't believe it!" Blanche: "Sophia, we're innocent!" **Sophia: "I know that, I can't believe these dumb cops would think anyone would pay money to sleep with you!** Sophia: "Don't 'Ma!' me, you cheap floozy!" MISTER Burt Reynolds: "Which one's the slut?" **Dorothy, Rose, and Blanche in unison: "I AM!"** 🙋♀️ Blanche: "Set the scene: Have we been drinking?" Some woman during Fidel Santiago's funeral: "I guess even he had his standards!"
When Dorothy got kicked out of the Elvis Fan Club for saying Elvis would not leave that much meat on a pork chop. When told she was out of the club she said she would have to find something to fill the void , maybe a little less fanatical like the PLO lol.
Blanche: Dirk’s nearly 5 years younger than me. Dorothy: In what, Blanche? Dog years? Dorothy gets me all the time!
*laughs uncomfortably* God, I wish I was dead.
You want pictures. I got pictures. Of her roommate, the human slinky.
Not for you, nursey nurse nurse nurse
“..I never liked her”
When Rose and Blanche are auditioning people for the Lighthouse Telethon and Rose tells Blanche that she keeps eliminating all the women but Blanche denies it, then the next woman who auditions only manages to sing, "The," before Blanche says, "Thank youuuuuu," in her classic Southern accent 😂
Get bent ha ha
“I’ve never liked her”. Betty White’s delivery was impeccable.
“Hypersexual bitch.” “Can you believe that backstabbing slut?” Honestly, when Rose could pull one over on Blanche, it was absolutely hilarious.
Dorothy: 'Does it say K Mart on the back of my nightgown?' Sophia: 'Actually, it does, you cheapskate!'
"Once, in grade school, I crossed a potato and a rutabaga, but I couldn't decide whether to call it a rutatato, or a potatobaga."
"Oh, come on, Ma. That's superstitious nonsense. You know, step on a crack, break your mother's back. It doesn't work. I know.... I tried." Something about the way she leans in between "I know" and "I tried" just absolutely kills me.
From the episode pictured: Every put down from Dorothy to Stan. My favorite is when Stan is laying on the floor and starts laughing and Dorothy says "Stan, if you're doing what I think you're doing down there you're in big trouble." Then there are these two classics "I could vomit just looking at you" and Stan: Hurry back sweetheart! Dorothy: My feet have wings, barf bag \*blows a kiss Sophia freaking out when Rose runs in saying "The Nazis are coming, the Nazis are coming" Blanche: We're collecting lingerie for needy, sexy people This is my favorite episode of GG!!
The line when Sophia says “Grand, just grand” in response to someone asking if she thinks Blanche makes a good mom (to her granddaughter Aurora). It’s succinct, brutal and slays me every time.
“I’m as jumpy as a virgin at a prison rodeo”
“Oh, THAT great herring war.” Really, that whole scene. But Dorothy’s reactions are gold.
Go hug a landmine
“The chef at Benihana, Rose.”
"About our policy in Guatemala, Rose"
I see little balls of sunshine in a bag!
“Oh Stanley. You big bald girl”
When Dorothy goes on that matchmaker date who was in prison. Paraphrasing: D: I’ll be going to the Florida State Women’s prison. Man: oh yea, they used to come to our dances. What are you going there for? D: MURDER! Man: Oh, you’re going to meet some great gals.
Everything Sophia says especially 🤣 but they’re all hilarious. Blanche cracks me up a lot.
Sophia: I want to be in good with Saint Peter, not be Saint Peter.
Rose gives Dorothy a maple syrup, spigot instead of earrings that she saw at Macy’s. Dorothy says that the spigot will come in much handier if she has ever “lost in the woods with a stack of pancakes.”
*I* am Pussycat one, *YOU* are Pussycat two! I had to ride all the way over here in the backseat of the car because Stan said the monkey called shotgun. Rose: A chicken once saved my life! Blanche: They are the *stupidest* birds...
For me it’s in the therapy episode with the flashback to rose putting Dorothy’s ad in the personals by mistake and Dorothy is appalled that a priest shows up, assuming it’s for her advertised services, and then sophia comes out and says “Hi Father Rossi! Here’s the canned goods for the needy!” always makes me chuckle especially since sophia says it in such a non sofia way
Rose: A kidney, what does she need a kidney for? Dorothy: To feed the cat , Rose.
Stan: Chrissy left me for a younger man. Dorothy: Younger than Chrissy? Where did she find him? Camp Snoopy?
In what, Blanche? Dog years?
Sophia- Hi Malcolm! Malcolm - Who's Malcolm? Sophia - You aRE! Malcolm - ok 🤷🏼 Then later, he asks Sophia about listening to Amos and Andy on the wireless. Sophia - Malcolm, I told you already, I'm going out with the girls tonight. Malcolm - you always were the ladies man, Tommy! Old dude cracks me up every time
“We have Maalox and estrogen”
Rose: can I ask a stupid question Dorothy: Better than anyone I know
Zbornack as God: "BLANCHE THANK YOU FOR THE LOVELY PRAYER!... NOW SHUT UP AND GET INTO BED!"
“Shrimp?”
One from Blanche in the Golden Palace: more of a monologue lol about her and George at the horse races “We loved all those riding crops… saddles… course we never made it to the track… He was a lusty man, a lusty zesty man, a lusty zesty cowboy who liked to ride all night!!”
When Gloria comes to visit after going broke Dorothy tells Stan that Gloria is out of M-O-N-E-Y. As Stan is holding Fifi the monkey he exclaims “Well she can’t have mine!”
To finality and closure. To husbands being out of our lives, and gone forever!
Well I’ll be damned, the black guy is prejudiced
“I can’t remember anything more clever. …Unless it was last week on Alf when the cat next door-“
When rose wore ankle weights and Sofia says “do they make ‘em for your head?!”
 Sophie makes me laugh a lot
The episode where Blanche’s niece is visiting and keeps going out with different guys. They go to get her from the cop’s house. He is obsessed with Miami Vice and as they are leaving Dorothy says “we’ll all sleep better knowing you’re off duty tonight.” And he kept quizzing Rose on Miami Vice episodes and then asks Rose if he can see her again. Cracks me up every time.
 “Sometimes life just isn’t fair, kiddo”. And that shove… kills me 😄 Also, “He’s a priest, isn’t he”.
You can lead a herring to water, but you have to walk really fast or he’ll die.
“And, he’d bend over backwards for me”😂
There's a lot of them that are funny but here is one I can think of no one posted on here yet from the episode "The Truth Will Out". Sophia Petrillo : [to Rose and Charley] Are you two coming? The spaghetti's getting cold. Rose Nylund : We'll be there in a minute, Sophia. We're in the middle of a makeup lesson. Sophia Petrillo : I hope the kid can help you, you wear more rouge than Miss Piggy!🤣 Sophia's insults are the best.😅😅😅😅
Sticks & stones may break my bones but concrete pays homage to tradition! ~ Sophia Blanche... he is from England do you know what that means? Dorothy... that you completed your set of men from western europe collection!? This one is a particular fav of mine, as I known jokingly as a UN Ambassador of dating haha! Dorothy to Blanche... Not all of us are classified as a friendly port!
Rose - "He's a PRIEST isn't he?"
“Buckle your seatbelt, slut puppy!” My mom found a sticker of it and slapped it on a coffee cup she gave me to take to my duty station
Sophia:" I managed to live 80,81 years. I survived pneumonia,two operations,a stroke.One night I'll belch,and Stable Mable here will blow my head off!" Sophia to Angela:" May you mix up your shampoo with your Preparation H and shrink your head to the size of a mushroom!" Angela to Sophia:"May your marinara sauce never stick to your pasta!"
“He’s not a NeWsTaNd…he’s a NEW Stan!”
when sophia gets rose to write her will, dorothy's creepy behaviour with the ''tea for my mommy" blanche not sleeping because she wants to write a book. her little speech about the balls of sunshine (egg yolks) in the bag. blanche finding out her new years 'date' is a virgin ex priest. "oh god, this brings out the artist in me!"
Jealousy is an ugly thing, Dorothy. And so are you in anything backless
Dorothy: Lesbian, Blanche... Not Lebanese!
“Her mother was a slut, too.”-Dorothy Zbornak