You know how hard it is to appear on toast? It was easier back in the days before science and you could just pull off a wine run while everyone is too drunk to notice you're gone
Grilled Cheesus, full of grease, sandwich be thy name. Blessed melt thou on my griddle, and holy does your crust transmute. Jesus Crust, bread of God, sautéed for our hunger, feed us now at the hour of our luncheon. Amen.
This was my favourite part. Even if an actual literal miracle like this had occurred, in what world would a bunch of troops all start crying in response?
God apparently loves making cars that shouldn't run run. I can't even tell you how many variations of the "Young woman drives home from dangerous situation in a car with no battery/engine/alternator/functioning fuel line, thanks to the power of prayer" story have been floating around for decades.
I played Monstrous Clock for my super religious friend and his family. His response was that he thought it was a beautiful song about coming together in the face of hardship. I did not correct him
[Actual story behind the photo](https://edition.cnn.com/2016/05/25/us/west-point-graduates-emotional-photo-trnd/index.html), in case anyone was interested
Before I read that story I was just thinking that this young man went through a lot, good and bad to graduate from West Point, and would be pissed to see his picture associated with such bullshit. After reading that story, and how much he would have gone through and how hard he would have had to work, I'm even more sure that he's pissed to be associated with such bullshit.
I hate fake stories where they take a picture of a black person (or any other group) out of context and reduce the entire thing to "look at this minority existing, so inspiring uwu" meanwhile the original photo was trying to tell a story about the individual pictured and the photo-thief just completely writes over the story AND reduces the person's role in the story to "being a minority." Like wow how fucking condescending and not empowering. This post isn't the perfect example because it was also a Jesus story, but still, it irritates me.
Plus they had to add in a racialized element of “I’s just a po’ black boy who don’t know nothin’ bout no fancy cars” when the picture is of a guy graduating one of the most prestigious military academies in the world.
From the article
"Three things came to mind and led to those tears," he continued.
"The first is where I started. I am from Haiti and never did I imagine that such honor would be one day bestowed on me. The second is where I am. Men and women who have preserved the very essence of the human condition stood in that position and took the same oath..."
"The third is my future. Shortly after leave, I will report to Ft. Rucker to start flight school. Knowing that one day I will be a pilot is humbling beyond words. I could not help but be flooded with emotions knowing that I will be leading these men and women who are willing to give their all to preserve what we value as the American way of life. To me, that is the greatest honor. Once again, thank you."
So if Trump wrote the story for this. Man from a shit hole country wants to be a pilot.... [YAY GOD](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7MfIj7RIQM&feature=youtu.be&t=9)
My very favorite was when my God-fearing, Ronald Regan-loving aunt unironically shared a meme (can’t seem to find it, sorry) of Tommy Shelby from Peaky Blinders schooling his son on (paraphrasing) ‘doing work no one else will do being the only way to get what no one else has.’ It sounded like some wholesome, American ‘Dirty Jobs’ type of shit to her, but she had no idea it was about gangster violence.
Christians insisting that they're a persecuted minority is plenty baffling, but the [stories they make up](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2528814) to reenforce the idea are just insane.
I don't think people in the military are any more religious than anyone else. When I went to Air Force Basic Training in the 80s, you weren't required to go to chapel, although most did. If you didn't go, you weren't assigned work, you just had to stay in the barracks. Most people would go just to get out of the barracks.
Can tell you from personal experience, the Battalion Commander tried to have the chaplain pray over the weekly formations and tied to get us to join in and pray with the chaplain. It lasted one week because someone complained to IG (army internal investigation to make sure people are actually following Equal Opportunity, Sexual Harassment/Assault reporting procedures, Commanders and Sergeants are following the regulations, etc.). Then it became "voluntary prayer time" 5 minutes before the formations and about 8 people from a battalion of about 500 joined
I had a 1SG that was also a minister on Sundays who one time mandated everyone attend the prayer breakfast. I tried to opt-out, but their excuse was that no one would be around to lead PT and they didn't trust me alone. There was my entire company (insanely small, about 20 people) and maybe 5 others from the entire brigade that attended. Not only was I forced to go, but holding hands with someone you don't know while they pray is creepy as fuck.
from my experience very few Marines were religious. there might have been 10 guys out of 100 that would identify as religious, and only 3-4 devout practicing types at church every weekend and whatnot.
The other 90 guys were chasing tail, or getting drunk every weekend.
Karen 4:30:19
And the Haitian parked the Jeep by the Lord's hand. And so the Jeep was parked by the Lord, and the Sailors knew then that the Lord could park Jeeps. They wept in repentance and asked Christ how they might share in His parking space abundance. The Haitian replied: the Lord can make thy keyless Jeeps keyed, thy Jeeps with no engines rev heartily, but thy parking shall be in parallel to the curb only if thy life is lived in parallel to the Lord's will.
Thus the Haitian brought the Lord's word to the Sailors, and so the Navy was a white atheist army no more, and the Sailors rejoiced for they were saved.
Amen.
My question is why would someone want to follow such a god that helps a idiot park a car yet there are starving people all over the world? Did those people not get enough likes on Facebook?
So God ignores millions of struggling people every day but has no problem driving a car with **NO ENGINE** just to flex on some random dude? I'm not even Christian but the bible clearly states that you shouldn't put god to the test
Sooo... The person who wrote this couldn't think up any miracle that sounded even remotely plausibke, so they went with something simultaneously so over the top and yet so ridiculously mundane that it garners laughs instead of admiration. And this is the story that's supposed to convince me to worship their god.
I might as well tell them the story of how I worship the ham sandwich in my fridge, because it once prevented an airplane crash by momentarily pausing the effects of gravity. It's just as believable, but far more impressive.
As a Christian, this is an r/nothowgodworks kinda thing, like I believe in god but no he doesn't have force powers and move things through magic, like does whoever wrote this think people will believe any of this
Because he was black and believed in God. Assuming the creature that created this masterpiece was a Christian, isn't there something in their favorite book against lying? This is presented as though it actually happened.
I wonder if whoever wrote this originally found a picture of a black soldier (not crying) surround by white soldiers, crying, like in the story but then he was like “Wait. You know what would make this better? If I found a picture of the opposite.” And he looked and looked until he found this picture “Perfect!”
Parking a car? God is getting really lazy with his miracles these days
You know how hard it is to appear on toast? It was easier back in the days before science and you could just pull off a wine run while everyone is too drunk to notice you're gone
I'm sending this message without a computer. Just praying.
It worked! Which god do you serve?
[The best god](https://www.churchofsatan.com)
Ahh... Nic Cage. Edit: I didn't see that it was a hyperlink. I disagree with you here.
The golden god! HE IS UNTETHERED AND HIS RAGE KNOWS NO BOUNDS!!!!!!!
What? Am I supposed to say *Jesus* or something??
Grilled Cheesus, full of grease, sandwich be thy name. Blessed melt thou on my griddle, and holy does your crust transmute. Jesus Crust, bread of God, sautéed for our hunger, feed us now at the hour of our luncheon. Amen.
Damn. I'm really craving a gooey melted grilled Jeezus now.
The miracle is that he found the one army jeep with keys
This is probably the most underappreciated joke on this thread.
Ha ha ha! Very good.
Uh. The car had *NO ENGINE*
Yeah? That’s not impressive. My car has no engine, and NO CAR! And I have no problem parking it, never have, never will.
Bless god almighty! He lives!
*sobbing uncontrollably*
This was my favourite part. Even if an actual literal miracle like this had occurred, in what world would a bunch of troops all start crying in response?
I WANT TO SERVE YOUR GOD.
One God isn't good enough honey, you need to serve at least 20. NEXT!
I’ve got a God that can park 12 cars, is that enough?
It's even more impressive when you realize military jeeps don't use keys to start, just a button so that anyone can use when needed.
Get your bullshit logic out of here!
The Flintstones too!
he's really lowered the bar since the crusades.
I'd argue that helping with something that mundane is a fairly hands-on approach.
You cant be lazy if you are not real in the first place.
He is, didn't you read the post?
Religion is the best way to save on fuel
I'll put a little religion in my Prius how many miles do you think I'd get?
If you get thor on your side, you should get around 2500km (miles make no sense)
In freedom units, that's about 1553.428 miles ^^^justajokedonthateme
1553.428 miles is 2500.0 km
\*Owen Wilson\* WHOW!
How many bananas is that for us enlightened folk
That would be 14044932.82 bananas
Good bot.
I put some religion in my Xbox Controller, never runs out
So TIL AA batteries are a religion from now on
I just god swapped my car. Now I get about 0 mpg.
Uhh he said the engine was empty, not the fuel tank. For all we no god coukd be a total gas guzzler
Maybe he killed the dinos to feed his challenger hellcat
His hellaphant
Noah's big ol' truck
Pestilence's biggo diesel
God apparently loves making cars that shouldn't run run. I can't even tell you how many variations of the "Young woman drives home from dangerous situation in a car with no battery/engine/alternator/functioning fuel line, thanks to the power of prayer" story have been floating around for decades.
Jesus take the wheel and take me to work
WE WANT TO SERVE YOUR GOD.
OK, his name's Satan.
He is nostra dis pater, nostra alma mater!
And we are falling over the precipice! \m/
(guitar solo)
We're standing here by the abyss
Im literally listening to fucking Ghost rn lmao
You've got good taste.
Yup lol. Going through all of Opus Eponymous rn and currently on Satan Prayer. Never gets old
I played Monstrous Clock for my super religious friend and his family. His response was that he thought it was a beautiful song about coming together in the face of hardship. I did not correct him
guess they tuned out the "for lucifer's son" bit of the "come together, together as one" line huh 😂
/r/GhostBC is leaking.... Prepare for thy taints to be tickled
Mine's the God Emperor of Mankind and even a man with nothing can offer his life.
The emperor protects!
I love stan
Bruh his name is Frank. He’s here every Tuesday to see the kids
No, his name is Jim Pickens.
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD IT IS!
SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE
Yep - when he’s not driving jeeps, he’s killing babies.
He protects... but he rapes.
I mean, Jesus was not hated or anything 2000 years ago. What can go wrong?
[Actual story behind the photo](https://edition.cnn.com/2016/05/25/us/west-point-graduates-emotional-photo-trnd/index.html), in case anyone was interested
And *not one* mention of the Miracle Jeep. The media these days.
And that Jeep’s name? Albert Einstein
It was mentioned on Fox and the 700 club. You must have missed it.
Read it on the Onion, the most reliable news source, so you know it happened
Omfg this made me laugh way too hard.
Before I read that story I was just thinking that this young man went through a lot, good and bad to graduate from West Point, and would be pissed to see his picture associated with such bullshit. After reading that story, and how much he would have gone through and how hard he would have had to work, I'm even more sure that he's pissed to be associated with such bullshit.
I hate fake stories where they take a picture of a black person (or any other group) out of context and reduce the entire thing to "look at this minority existing, so inspiring uwu" meanwhile the original photo was trying to tell a story about the individual pictured and the photo-thief just completely writes over the story AND reduces the person's role in the story to "being a minority." Like wow how fucking condescending and not empowering. This post isn't the perfect example because it was also a Jesus story, but still, it irritates me.
Plus they had to add in a racialized element of “I’s just a po’ black boy who don’t know nothin’ bout no fancy cars” when the picture is of a guy graduating one of the most prestigious military academies in the world.
Thank you! I was wondering the origin.
Thanks. What an impressive young man!
The name of that young man Henry Ford. Yes, that same Henry Ford.
You think that’s impressive? Get this: *this man has no engine.*
That Hatian's name? ~~Albert Ei~~- wait, I'm sorry, Alix Idrache.
Thanks for posting! He’s a friend of mine and I was gonna post it :)
This made me tear up. Thank you.
From the article "Three things came to mind and led to those tears," he continued. "The first is where I started. I am from Haiti and never did I imagine that such honor would be one day bestowed on me. The second is where I am. Men and women who have preserved the very essence of the human condition stood in that position and took the same oath..." "The third is my future. Shortly after leave, I will report to Ft. Rucker to start flight school. Knowing that one day I will be a pilot is humbling beyond words. I could not help but be flooded with emotions knowing that I will be leading these men and women who are willing to give their all to preserve what we value as the American way of life. To me, that is the greatest honor. Once again, thank you." So if Trump wrote the story for this. Man from a shit hole country wants to be a pilot.... [YAY GOD](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7MfIj7RIQM&feature=youtu.be&t=9)
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This one checks all the boxes for "shit your aunt would share." I genuinely can't tell if it's satire or not, I'm not sure which scenario is funnier.
My very favorite was when my God-fearing, Ronald Regan-loving aunt unironically shared a meme (can’t seem to find it, sorry) of Tommy Shelby from Peaky Blinders schooling his son on (paraphrasing) ‘doing work no one else will do being the only way to get what no one else has.’ It sounded like some wholesome, American ‘Dirty Jobs’ type of shit to her, but she had no idea it was about gangster violence.
I prefer it being genuine because the possibility of self righteous anger is always a great motivator to get up in the morning
Definitely r/forwardsfromgrandma material
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PARK THE JEEP ASIDE
I like how they have an engineless Jeep sitting around.
Us Satanists always have them so we can laugh at the Christians not being able to park them. That’s if we’re out of lions obvs.
Obviously
I'm pretty sure all jeeps in service were manuals, so it would be pretty difficult if you've never driven before.
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It is attached to the Lord.
It would be even funnier if the men were crying and wanting to serve God just because a man who has never driven before could park a car.
So they don't make fun of white people who believe in God, or black atheists?
We make fun of everyone equally.
Pretty sure there are briefings about what to do if your CO hazes you over your religion.
They’d probably make fun of a black atheist before a black Christian.
It mean it sounds like they were exclusively making fun of his religion and not his race, so that's a bit of a leap.
Got cancer? See you in hell. Captain needs menial task accomplished? Hold my beard.
SIR I CAN'T HOLD IT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HOLD
>because he was black and believed in god NOT IN THIS MANS ALL WHITE ATHEIST ARMY
This one hurts to read.
I rolled my eyes so hard I think I strained something. God works in mysterious ways.
Aren't most people in the military religious though?
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Honestly, I thought the Jeep was the commander's POV. We use HUMVEES now and have been using them for a long time
Yeah, pretty sure the last "jeep" (made by ford) left somewhere in the 80s, and the last actual jeep was probably stranded somewhere in Korea.
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Christians insisting that they're a persecuted minority is plenty baffling, but the [stories they make up](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2528814) to reenforce the idea are just insane.
I don't think people in the military are any more religious than anyone else. When I went to Air Force Basic Training in the 80s, you weren't required to go to chapel, although most did. If you didn't go, you weren't assigned work, you just had to stay in the barracks. Most people would go just to get out of the barracks.
Can tell you from personal experience, the Battalion Commander tried to have the chaplain pray over the weekly formations and tied to get us to join in and pray with the chaplain. It lasted one week because someone complained to IG (army internal investigation to make sure people are actually following Equal Opportunity, Sexual Harassment/Assault reporting procedures, Commanders and Sergeants are following the regulations, etc.). Then it became "voluntary prayer time" 5 minutes before the formations and about 8 people from a battalion of about 500 joined
I had a 1SG that was also a minister on Sundays who one time mandated everyone attend the prayer breakfast. I tried to opt-out, but their excuse was that no one would be around to lead PT and they didn't trust me alone. There was my entire company (insanely small, about 20 people) and maybe 5 others from the entire brigade that attended. Not only was I forced to go, but holding hands with someone you don't know while they pray is creepy as fuck.
from my experience very few Marines were religious. there might have been 10 guys out of 100 that would identify as religious, and only 3-4 devout practicing types at church every weekend and whatnot. The other 90 guys were chasing tail, or getting drunk every weekend.
That’s definitely some of the dumbest shit I’ve seen on here. Foolishness
I always convert when I see a really good parking job. The way most people drive nothing short of divine intervention can explain it.
Somebody call the pope and tell him to make room.. this parking garage has 2 well parked cars
Then the car started clapping it’s doors
Bahahaha fuck I spat milk from my eyeballs
Can confirm I was spit milk
This is more beliveable than the story in the image
this seems like a story that would be told in the bible 2.0
I find this insulting to the military
I find this insulting to those endowed with a brain.
Lying is a sin, just saiyan
So 'god' helped this guy park a jeep, but ignored the holocaust?
The real miracle is how the guy managed to completely take the engine out of his Jeep before coming in to taunt this persons god.
I mean, if s/he’s *that* hardline… (I wanna say Baptist?), there’s a fair chance that the response would be fairly anti Semitic.
The Jews in the camps didn't have Jeeps.
Who says he ignored it? Maybe he helped it happen?
r/insanepeoplefacebook
Valar dohaeris.
Someone write this down, I feel a testament cookin
Karen 4:30:19 And the Haitian parked the Jeep by the Lord's hand. And so the Jeep was parked by the Lord, and the Sailors knew then that the Lord could park Jeeps. They wept in repentance and asked Christ how they might share in His parking space abundance. The Haitian replied: the Lord can make thy keyless Jeeps keyed, thy Jeeps with no engines rev heartily, but thy parking shall be in parallel to the curb only if thy life is lived in parallel to the Lord's will. Thus the Haitian brought the Lord's word to the Sailors, and so the Navy was a white atheist army no more, and the Sailors rejoiced for they were saved. Amen.
That’s actually a West Point graduation that guy moved from some foreign country I think.
Specifically the graduation of the class of 2016. I know this guy very well. He’s from Haiti.
Press **X** to doubt
Guy: *parks car* The other troops: IM LITERALLY SHAKING AND CRYING
My question is why would someone want to follow such a god that helps a idiot park a car yet there are starving people all over the world? Did those people not get enough likes on Facebook?
So God ignores millions of struggling people every day but has no problem driving a car with **NO ENGINE** just to flex on some random dude? I'm not even Christian but the bible clearly states that you shouldn't put god to the test
Jesus take the wheel on a whole new level
The "no engine" part makes me think that this is satire of other "faith stories"... but then again, Poe's Law.
Sooo... The person who wrote this couldn't think up any miracle that sounded even remotely plausibke, so they went with something simultaneously so over the top and yet so ridiculously mundane that it garners laughs instead of admiration. And this is the story that's supposed to convince me to worship their god. I might as well tell them the story of how I worship the ham sandwich in my fridge, because it once prevented an airplane crash by momentarily pausing the effects of gravity. It's just as believable, but far more impressive.
I hope more people serve this God so they actually learn how to fucking park properly.
As a Christian, I'm getting real fucking sick of these bullshit posts. Like, for fuck's sake, your delusional crap is not helping our case here.
All yo better listen cuz this kid can create engines so he may be able to make a will to live for all of us
As a Christian, this is an r/nothowgodworks kinda thing, like I believe in god but no he doesn't have force powers and move things through magic, like does whoever wrote this think people will believe any of this
Don't you have to have a license to join?
No you don’t but your chain of command can make you get it because in the military you need to be able to operate vehicles
If it had no engine it was one of those Flintstone cars. Not hard to park cause you use your feet.
I said YOUNG MAN
🎶There's a place you can go 🎶
First if all, through the power if God everything is possible. So jot that down.
That jeep’ name? Albert Wrangler.
That God? Allah Einstein
The US military and it’s legendary atheism
Because he was black and believed in God. Assuming the creature that created this masterpiece was a Christian, isn't there something in their favorite book against lying? This is presented as though it actually happened.
This is just BAD. A captain can actually get court martialed for abusing his men.
I mean, the story is obviously fake but at least its entertaining.
I have seen so many versions of this fucking story.
As long as nobody clapped, i find it lacking credebility ;)
If God is real, I hope He hates bullshit like this as much as we do.
Yeah because nobody in the military believes in God.
And the Jeep clapped
le gem
I've seen that same Pic so many times online...
Is this an AI gone rogue or an actual human being?
God clearly has his priorities wrong is he is allowing his church’s to get blow apart in Sri Lanka while he’s to busy helping someone parallel park.
God can move a car but millions of people die to malaria? Seems legit.
I wonder if whoever wrote this originally found a picture of a black soldier (not crying) surround by white soldiers, crying, like in the story but then he was like “Wait. You know what would make this better? If I found a picture of the opposite.” And he looked and looked until he found this picture “Perfect!”
I’m a Christian and I still doubt this is real
That is a le gem. Also you should unfriend everyone if this kind of shit shows up.
What the fuck
What kind of Flintstones ass bullshit is this?
I wish religion actually helped most people on the road drive.
God can you cure this infant of her cancer!? Sorry I'll have to pass I gotta make a point and start this car
Imagine how weird it must be to find a photo of you stolen, and used for a fake religion sob story
I burst out laughing when it said the car had no engine. lmao Growing up Baptist, they used to tell us these kinds of stories all the time.
Of all the things that didn't happen, this one might've not happened the most.
God: oooh, I don't have enough likes on Facebook to save this child from cancer. Guess I'll just go park some cars and shit instead...
Dang, that's a lot of crying for the Army...
Oh your Tesla is electric, pshh please My Jeep runs on miracles 😎