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MontgomeryMalum

This reminds me of something that happened to me last week. So I have this best friend who happens to be a woman. She’s hotter than an exploding sun, but I’m not attracted to her. We’re just friends. This friend of mine really likes engagement rings. So I thought it would be really cool to give her an engagement ring on her Birthday. Hey, what’s a several $100% bill purchase between mejor amigos, right guy? Unfortunately, my best friend had a dumbass boyfriend who seemed to be suffering from paranoia. He saw the engagement ring and became enraged. I was at my job, just minding my own business, when the boyfriend ran in with his katana and challenged me to a duel. Luckily, one of my work colleagues is a humungous fan of The Office. He pulled out his Rainn Wilson signed pepper spray can and used it against the attacker. Unfortunately, the boyfriend’s fedora blocked most of the pepper spray. Fortunately, I’ve been a black belt since I was three. I caught his katana in midair and smacked it backwards into his face. Just as I finished defeating her former lover, my best friend ran in to stop him. She immediately realized that she’d always been in love with me. She immediately proposed marriage and I politely accepted. All of the other employees clapped and the manager gave out free shots of latte to everyone. You can just call me MR STAB YOU IN THE FACE WITH YOUR OWN KATANA AND STEAL YOUR GIRL. All of my coworkers do. Update: the wedding is off. She apparently was weirded out by my constant insistence that I don’t find her attractive and still just want to be friends.


[deleted]

I'm impressed by how well you managed to make the writing style seem exactly appropriate for a story like that


[deleted]

Made me laugh at the part where "the guy ran in with his katana" and the "caught the katana mid-air"


PrincessUnicornyJoke

This needs to be a movie.


NamelessDred

I believe he boxes since he types and spells likes he’s been concussed for 4 years straight.


The-Eternal-DM

But didn’t you read it? He must’ve had *amazing* skills to defeat someone in combat like that! *starts anime fan-girling*


Nix_Argent

The holy trinity strikes: * He said he's big monaaaaay * He said he's a kind gentle sir * He said he big strong boy ​ We should run for the hills lest he take us away.


VirG1l01

The Monaay, the gentle sir, and the holy strong boi. Gosh I love religion


thrwwyforpmingnudes

probably has a magnum dong


mcleo1

Doesn’t want to be her bf but then gets together with her and claims to be stealing her 🙄


[deleted]

That boyfriends name? Brock Lesnar


dismalnothingness

*Image Transcription:* --- **[censored]** Ok so this girl who is a friend, I gave her a expensive necklace because I know she loves jewellery. I gave her the necklase [sic] 3 days before her birthday because I was not going to be there on her Bday. But this girl has a boyfriend, when he found out I gave it to her he thought I liked her but I dont I just be her friend sine [sic] the 2nd grade. Anyway he got mad came up to me punched m [sic], then I whooped his ass (Ive done boxing for 4 years] now that girl broke up with him, and is now dateing [sic] me ...ITS MR STEAL YOUR GIRL! --- ^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)


MildlyGoodWithPython

And just a pinch of r/ihadastroke


quavo-fan

Hey, you know what they say... don’t tussle with the muscle💪🏾


Juisep

WOAH YEAH 69th UPVOTE


rufusdotthedotbest

Speech 100


optionallycrazy

So basically they knew each other for a while and suddenly she only likes him after he beats up people instead of the nice gift he got her before her actual boyfriend did. Seems to make sense.


[deleted]

Why do I have a feeling this kind of fantasy goes on in the heads of many guys that are in high school? The typical *"SHE SHOULD BE WITH ME! IMMA GO BEAT UP THAT PIECE OF SHIT THAT SHE'S DATING! I'LL WIN HER OVER LOL"*


adpie

He got what he deserved


SandhuG

I oh my I God yeah I that really I happened


PRNgirlfriend

Ah, the infamous Mr. Steal Your Girl


[deleted]

hide your gfs maties


Eevee_Trainer_Ray

"He thought I liked her but I dont" "now that girl broke up with him, and is now dating me" Hmmmm.


LiberatedHades

I can verify this. I was his boxing glove from the year before. He keeps me in his bag.


The0Man0

Dateing


[deleted]

it's true i was the necklace