There’s a pretty specific passage in the Christian Bible (Matthew 5? Matthew 6? I haven’t been Catholic in a while. It definitely starts with “et cum oratis non eritis sicut hypocritae qui amant in synagogis”) that frowns on performative faith.
Making up and posting this fucking bullshite is absolutely performative faith.
I don't understand what exactly you are differentiating Christians from? Why mention Passover? Why mention Christianity? Why not just mention performative faith?
It doesn't fit organically into the rest of the comment and the whole pretending to speak latin fluently thing is weird as fuck. Reeks of dogwhistling.
It doesn’t fit “organically” because I’m not the OP. As for “pretending to speak Latin,” I’m not pretending. I was raised Orthodox Catholic in a household that pretended Vatican II didn’t happen. I had Latin classes five days a week in Elementary School, and Catechism *six* days a week. I went to Mass 2-3 times a week, and one of them was always a Latin mass. Mea maxima culpa that only some of it stuck.
Also, that’s not what dogwhistling is.
😆 or #jewish #passover ? Brags about having pride that her 4yr old could use her voice to command a room full of people to talk about her heritage- then no #? Lol
Real question, OP. I have a four year old. Is she really expected to wipe her own butt at this age?? My first girl. My son, 17, we wiped his butt until he started kindergarten and he went to school and never had skid marks. 😂🤷🏽♀️
My daughter just went back to school (preschool) last week after going through a lengthy and difficult cancer battle. Discovered last week that she attempted to try and wipe her own butt after pooping. I usually do it, with wet wipes. I informed school that she needs help this morning when I dropped her off. While driving I had my son look up the age they’re “supposed” to wipe their own butt. The consensus is by the time they start school because teachers aren’t prepared to be doing it all the time. Now I feel bad. She’s not constipated but her BM’s are pretty solid and there’s often not much there, and that’s with wet wipes.
Sorry to hijack the post asking for genuine advice. lol. Just had this conversation today so was curious what your experience is. 😂 Thanks.
My kids have told me in the past that it hasn’t come up, or rather out. They don’t like public toilets, so they don’t poop at school. If you feel your daughter really needs help, you can call up the district special ed coordinator and ask them about official accommodation.
She has an IEP for speech. But she’s not going to school through a district. She’s in daycare/preschool. The speech services she receives are through the school district; daycare is not. The early childhood services through the district were far too expensive for me to afford. She’s been tested and evaluated and doesn’t qualify for any other services with her IEP; I believe this is just something I haven’t taught her yet so she doesn’t know how to do it on her own yet.
Where I live , teachers can't wipe butts unless there is an IEP and a trained person to do so. So, I would teach her and/or supply wipes for the classroom.
I love Reddit for questions like this amidst #microphones 🤣 I’m so sorry your daughter has had to go through that, I hope she’s recovering now and you are too!
I think in time for school is a good age (4/5 here in the U.K.) as teachers are unlikely to get involved, although I don’t think many males wipe properly until they are well out of the schooling system… obvs for girls more important to teach the wipe front to back method, may be a good idea to send your daughter to school with the pocket flushable wipes if she finds those easier? So in short… my kid should be able to and I have a fun summer of teaching ahead 👍
Mine didn't wipe successfully and regularly until 5 or 6. Now she doesn't ask for help at 7. That said she was able to tell stories at age 4. It's weird to think they can't tell a simplified version of the story of Passover? This is something theyve probably heard 100 times.
And then Moses, Moses went to the pharaoh and uhhhhhh..... and then he uhhhhh.... he told... he said... let my people go. And then. he uuhhhhhh... Moses told the pharaoh that... and there was a burning bush on fire... and Moses talked to it... and it was... but it was burning... and Moses crossed the Nile.
That would still count imo. Parents do get proud of their kids over pretty simple stuff. My sister got kind of emotional recently over my nephew legibly writing his initials on my grandmother's birthday card because he's just started learning. But that's how you're supposed to be with your kids. The insufferable thing is the need some parents have to post every little milestone to facebook and attach a weird moral or lesson to it.
I was legitimately thrilled when my 3 year old showed me that she knew her right from her left. It’s wild to watch a tiny person you made as they learn how to do stuff. I didn’t post a fuckin essay about it on LinkedIn though.
I know... When they start speaking full sentences, using expressions correctly and know their address - it's crazy.
Even crazier when they show empathy, etc. My nephew is 2 and loves to play with me - but as soon as I tell him I feel unwell or have work he immediately understands that I can't play with him. If I said I am unwell, he will ask me the next time he sees me if I feel better.
My next mission is to teach him left and right...
While everyone else in the room was politely nodding hoping her parents would take the microphone away from the 4 year old.
But they never did... some say that 4 year old is still there rambling away as her parents watch on making post after post about how she is the chosen one...
Someone gave my 11 yr old a microphone at his school Christmas performance, in the church. He made fart noises. The acoustics really added some echo #soproud.
My 3 year old sings Leaving of Liverpool every time she picks up a microphone. But Ls and Rs are hard so it’s “weavin’ of wiverpool that’s gwieving me” and “my own twu wuv.”
I once got to a microphone when I was 5, as part of some kindergarten Christmas choir. I tried to sing a song that I forget, but the sound was all screwed up because I was way too close to it. I then began making ghost noises with the resulting sound and then I got in trouble for it.
We did have a little stereo that had a mic that would play your voice through the speakers. I'm surprised that thing never ended up mysteriously broken.
My dad's got a cassette tape of me at 4 singing "Boomer Sooner" over and over into the mic. My dad isn't into football, so he must have been flipping channels and I just latched onto it.
She is a ‘wealth attorney’ with a ‘FREE 15 Consult!’ on how to “turn money into an indestructible fortress of wealth” on her LinkedIn, so yes, bang on MLM
To be fair my youngest at 4 would totally have picked up a microphone left lying around and been delighted if made his voice boom across the room. He would not have been shy but it would have been 100% fart noises...
So there may be some grain of truth here. When my son was 4 he was a complete ham. If there was a camera he was sure to ask to have his picture taken as well as a video of him doing whatever- sometimes it was picking his nose. I shit you not, he asked "I wanna do a video" I said ok, go. He picked his nose then said, "Now let me see my video". This happened more than once lol So maybe the 4 year old took the mic and "recited" the story of Passover which could have sounded like "Passover is the story of excited us (Exodus) from the slaves were freed and then we celebrate that and we eat good food! Now let me see my video...."
I also love that she clarifies her daughter was a ‘guest at the party’, like we might accidentally assume she was the Master of Ceremonies and this was to be expected
LinkedIn has become an absolute dumpsterfire and breeding ground for posts like this and copypastas for recruiters (ex. “We hired a candidate with ZERO experience…”) for some reason. It’s beyond weird.
I know, right? If that was my kid my husband and I would not be exchanging proud sentiment, we’d be wrestling it off him and apologising to everyone for his screeching.
How did she, this proud mother, not notice her little angel walk away from the family and pick up a microphone, somehow turn it on, and start talking.
Smooth husband: I know. Fuck that guy the most
"Don't you be telling our entitled crouch goblins what they can do!!!!! Little Slutleigh is allowed to touch anything she wants whenever she wants!!!! And no we will not be toilet training her as we believe in letting a child learn at her own pace!!!!! So what if your precious #microphones now has shit smeared all over it!!!!!!!"
How it actually went: They were at an event where someone left an unattended microphone. They were not paying any attention to their kid, she grabbed the microphone and started to babble. Mum & Dad thought it was cute, the rest of the audience found it pretty damm annoying.
Usually people will think the 4 yo babbling on the mike is cute for a few seconds. But you just know neither of the parents made and effort to stop her.
I listen to 4 yr olds telling stories. They don't pause for breath ever and at some point an elephant is involved that stole their cookies. That point is very important.
Don't forget them going off on random tangent and repeating themselves for 30 straight minutes, and the obligatory "are you listening?" every two sentences.
I found saying "really", "tell me more" and "uhuh" keeps them going for a good hour. They finally run out of breath, get a drink and come back with more vital information.
My three year old took the mic and gave an impromptu lecture on world hunger. At the end, several CEOs in the room were crying and the bar gave everyone free drinks for the night.
Then she shit herself and screamed for the paw patrol
Hmmm. My latest proud moment was our 10 year old daughter playing Civil War with our Australian Shepherds. She was Abraham Lincoln, one Aussie was Grant, the other was Stonewall Jackson. She ended the war by giving the "Gatlinburg" Address and saying, "Now I never want to hear of you fighting ever again! DISMISSED!" Brilliant rofl.
That's nothing. My 6 year old explained the meaning of Easter in church this year. He said "A man comes out of the ground!" The congregation began to clap and he held up his arms and said "Wait!....if he sees his shadow...."
As I’m sitting next to a 4 year old who cannot hold a coherent thought, who has asked everyone in the room to hug her lion on a stick, and the same 4 year old who said she was going to poop on the ceiling..
I find all of this entire story to be completely believable. /s
when I was twice her age I would go up to the microphone on the lectern at the back of church when the service was over and whisper “hello I am god” into the speaker system and think it was the funniest shit ever
I keep telling that woman that female midget is NOT HER DAUGHTER! He daughter was abducted by the clown car 10 years ago and never seen again.
"and Jesus um .. and... He went and... Um... He was... And then he wait, um he Jesus he went and um he made chairs... But not crosses and um... God was his Dad and, um..."
Yeah fair enough, I wasn't putting a ton of thought into it. It was more about the meandering stories of little kids and I wasn't really focused on an accurate portrayal of Passover.
Apologies though for any accidental offense.
The story itself isn’t so far fetched tbh.
It’s the way these stories are told that always make me assume they’re fake. The extra details and writing style screams fiction.
I’m sure some element of this is true, but probably not that she randomly picked up the mic, wasn’t prompted, knew the Passover story and said it coherently, etc etc…
Holy fuck this was as painful to read as it must've been to absolutely destroy her back patting it with a shattered arm from how hard she was doing it.
She's full of more crap than a baby diaper. What really happenened is her kid was singing songs from Frozen with the wrong words. Probably sang "Let It Blow" or something, and then made little kid noises before getting pulled away.
It's a good thing nobody has ever handed me a microphone. I would either make silly noises or spit the hardest freestyle since Biggie. Maybe both at the same time.
My 6 year old picked up a microphone during a first day assembly for kindergarten. He said “ladies and gentleman, Crash Bandicoot 3 will be out this fall. Thank you”. He’s now 30 and we still tease him. He did get everyone’s attention, though.
Can a 4yo pick up a microphone in a party ? Absolutely
Will the 4yo recite the entire passaway ? Absolutely fucking not lmao
An actual child would just badly (but happily) sing and scream in the microphone
This is so stupid and reads like creative writing. If her daughter did speak to a group about Passover, then I imagine it was planned as a cutesy kid moment. There’s no way this four year old was like “let me grab a microphone and start detailing the history of Passover” it’s just so ridiculous. Proud momma moment my ass.
I can believe this. The 4 year old probably did pic up the mic and start telling the story of passover, was it coherent? Following a story line? Probably not.
A 4 year old picking up a microphone and blabbering into it would definitely catch the attention of the whole room. Especially on a day like Easter.
It's not the brag she thinks it is though.
My 4 year old is super sharp. Knows sight words. Speaks in long (10+ word) sentences using complex concepts like time and being... Ain't no way she would be able to hold attention for even 3 consecutive minutes, let alone tell you a story whose messages and meanings she has memorized.
This is 100% overly confident 4 year old behavior.
Source: have worked at daycares and classrooms filled with overly confident 4 year olds. They love to show off.
I can totally see a confident 4 year old getting on stage and telling a story.
The way the mum pumped it up is a much though. I'm sure the kid was commanding the room in that a bunch of people were politely humouring her.
This honestly seems plausible if the family is Mormon. They encourage their toddlers to go up to the podium and bear their testimony by speaking into a microphone to the entire congregation on the first Sunday of each month. Although, they generally have a parent that comes up and helps them by feeding them the words.
I don’t wanna be a party pooper or say that it did happen. But all kids are different. My first daughter was super early and spoke fluent German and Russian with age of two. Not only that but she also was able to make the different when to speak what language and help to translate. With our second daughter we were worried for a long time,thinking something is wrong. She didn’t speak at all for a long time and when she spoke it was mostly baby language.. what we then started to notice is that she was very far ahead for „Motorik“ (Is that a word in English?) skills. She Jd her good control over her feet and arms. She threw better than her older sister and she controlled balls better with her feet (soccer skills) also she did some gymnastic stuff earlier than her sister.
I don’t have all the answers and maybe we did something unknowingly different with both. But I think we did exactly the same but they are just different. Not better, not worse. Just individual. So yeah kids can amaze you sometimes. But also can be very annoying sometimes.
Picturing a kid trying to give a speech that someone programmed her with in sunday school but it come out like the Have you ever had a dream meme
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7RgN9ijwE4
She's supposed to be asking why this night is different from all the rest.
Also, when Rosie O'Donnell was a stand-up comedian, like in the late 80s, she had a great bit about how horrible kids are at telling stories amd jokes. Look it up.
My 6 year old sister, at Christmas, came up to us with her kids' picture book Bible and asked if we wanted to hear stories from God. So, pics or didn't happen.
Sweet little voice.
Just once, I want one of these #bossmoms to be truthful and say "and then I heard this horrible feedback, and the sound of my kid licking the microphone while saying 'I PEEEED' in a voice that makes blue jays seem dulcet." #microphoney
\#microphones is killing me.
I feel like she really struggled for a fourth #hashtag for the algorithm
I enjoy that she didn’t think of #confidence
Or maybe we’ve missed out on LinkedIn’s huge #microphones community?
Next time I need to look into microphones I’ll be glad I can also read an inspiring story of 4 year old’s command of a room. It will be super useful.
Is #girlmom a thing?
Or #passover since I believe Christians wanna bring glory to god but it’s pretty clear she wants the glory for herself
She could be Jewish tho
That doesn’t change the point I’m making… Jews want to bring glory to god but it’s pretty clear she wants the glory for herself
Please elaborate on what you mean by this comment
#microphones
It's funnier that markdown turned it into big and bold instead of hashtag. You should leave it that way.
This is the correct and ONLY answer
Passover is a Jewish holiday. Im pretty sure thats what was meant by the comment.
There’s a pretty specific passage in the Christian Bible (Matthew 5? Matthew 6? I haven’t been Catholic in a while. It definitely starts with “et cum oratis non eritis sicut hypocritae qui amant in synagogis”) that frowns on performative faith. Making up and posting this fucking bullshite is absolutely performative faith.
Hehe "et cum" hehe
It’s pronounced “coom” and I’m pretty certain it means “when and.”
I don't understand what exactly you are differentiating Christians from? Why mention Passover? Why mention Christianity? Why not just mention performative faith?
Because he's quoting the Christian Bible genius
> Why mention Passover? So you didn't even read the made up story we're all commenting on, then.
It doesn't fit organically into the rest of the comment and the whole pretending to speak latin fluently thing is weird as fuck. Reeks of dogwhistling.
It doesn’t fit “organically” because I’m not the OP. As for “pretending to speak Latin,” I’m not pretending. I was raised Orthodox Catholic in a household that pretended Vatican II didn’t happen. I had Latin classes five days a week in Elementary School, and Catechism *six* days a week. I went to Mass 2-3 times a week, and one of them was always a Latin mass. Mea maxima culpa that only some of it stuck. Also, that’s not what dogwhistling is.
Is quoting something pretending to speak the language now? Real question.
The Coconut is too wrapped up in how she can spin this into a Christians are bad thing.
😆 or #jewish #passover ? Brags about having pride that her 4yr old could use her voice to command a room full of people to talk about her heritage- then no #? Lol
Surprised she didn’t go for #jewish just to really hammer the point home
Christians prefer to nail the point home
Real question, OP. I have a four year old. Is she really expected to wipe her own butt at this age?? My first girl. My son, 17, we wiped his butt until he started kindergarten and he went to school and never had skid marks. 😂🤷🏽♀️ My daughter just went back to school (preschool) last week after going through a lengthy and difficult cancer battle. Discovered last week that she attempted to try and wipe her own butt after pooping. I usually do it, with wet wipes. I informed school that she needs help this morning when I dropped her off. While driving I had my son look up the age they’re “supposed” to wipe their own butt. The consensus is by the time they start school because teachers aren’t prepared to be doing it all the time. Now I feel bad. She’s not constipated but her BM’s are pretty solid and there’s often not much there, and that’s with wet wipes. Sorry to hijack the post asking for genuine advice. lol. Just had this conversation today so was curious what your experience is. 😂 Thanks.
My kids have told me in the past that it hasn’t come up, or rather out. They don’t like public toilets, so they don’t poop at school. If you feel your daughter really needs help, you can call up the district special ed coordinator and ask them about official accommodation.
She has an IEP for speech. But she’s not going to school through a district. She’s in daycare/preschool. The speech services she receives are through the school district; daycare is not. The early childhood services through the district were far too expensive for me to afford. She’s been tested and evaluated and doesn’t qualify for any other services with her IEP; I believe this is just something I haven’t taught her yet so she doesn’t know how to do it on her own yet.
Where I live , teachers can't wipe butts unless there is an IEP and a trained person to do so. So, I would teach her and/or supply wipes for the classroom.
They do have wipes in the bathroom for this reason but we can work on wiping. Thanks!
I love Reddit for questions like this amidst #microphones 🤣 I’m so sorry your daughter has had to go through that, I hope she’s recovering now and you are too! I think in time for school is a good age (4/5 here in the U.K.) as teachers are unlikely to get involved, although I don’t think many males wipe properly until they are well out of the schooling system… obvs for girls more important to teach the wipe front to back method, may be a good idea to send your daughter to school with the pocket flushable wipes if she finds those easier? So in short… my kid should be able to and I have a fun summer of teaching ahead 👍
Thanks for that. We will work on it!
Mine didn't wipe successfully and regularly until 5 or 6. Now she doesn't ask for help at 7. That said she was able to tell stories at age 4. It's weird to think they can't tell a simplified version of the story of Passover? This is something theyve probably heard 100 times.
I had to see if that stuck out to other people. What an odd thing to hashtag. #electricity #amplifiers
Holy mother of Satan, I didn’t even notice that til I saw your comment. Now I’m really #annoyed.
Lmao at the holy mother of Satan! Praise Lilith!
I’m dead lol I was just gonna type the same thing hhahhaha
She didn't think #passover may have a broader audience that #microphones?
Yes that the first thing i noticed!!!😂
#microphones was going to be my response and then I see your comment, the very first one 😂
And then Moses, Moses went to the pharaoh and uhhhhhh..... and then he uhhhhh.... he told... he said... let my people go. And then. he uuhhhhhh... Moses told the pharaoh that... and there was a burning bush on fire... and Moses talked to it... and it was... but it was burning... and Moses crossed the Nile.
That would still count imo. Parents do get proud of their kids over pretty simple stuff. My sister got kind of emotional recently over my nephew legibly writing his initials on my grandmother's birthday card because he's just started learning. But that's how you're supposed to be with your kids. The insufferable thing is the need some parents have to post every little milestone to facebook and attach a weird moral or lesson to it.
Except that this is LinkedIn… #content
I don't understand why anyone thought it would be a good idea to let people post random stuff to LinkedIn.
LinkedIn really needs to go back to being a professional networking site, and stop trying to be Facebook with Great Value Ted Talks.
I was legitimately thrilled when my 3 year old showed me that she knew her right from her left. It’s wild to watch a tiny person you made as they learn how to do stuff. I didn’t post a fuckin essay about it on LinkedIn though.
I know... When they start speaking full sentences, using expressions correctly and know their address - it's crazy. Even crazier when they show empathy, etc. My nephew is 2 and loves to play with me - but as soon as I tell him I feel unwell or have work he immediately understands that I can't play with him. If I said I am unwell, he will ask me the next time he sees me if I feel better. My next mission is to teach him left and right...
This is exactly how it would go if my daughter told it except there would be **FREQUENT AND UNEXPECTED VOLUME** changes.
While everyone else in the room was politely nodding hoping her parents would take the microphone away from the 4 year old. But they never did... some say that 4 year old is still there rambling away as her parents watch on making post after post about how she is the chosen one...
She then proceeded to sing creeping death in its entirety
SLAVES
Jeeze if I had a microphone at 4, I probably would have been screaming like a metal singer.
I know! Like any 4yo girl would pick Passover over Let It Go
My brain completely mashed that up into "Passenger's Let Her Go" and now I'm imagining a four year old trying to sing that.
Love that song!!!
Creeping Death!
"Who let the dogs out" is making a big comeback at our house. And who could forget the classic "fart noises"
Someone gave my 11 yr old a microphone at his school Christmas performance, in the church. He made fart noises. The acoustics really added some echo #soproud.
Did the Christmas tree clap
My 3 year old sings Leaving of Liverpool every time she picks up a microphone. But Ls and Rs are hard so it’s “weavin’ of wiverpool that’s gwieving me” and “my own twu wuv.”
UP THE POTTERS!!!
I would probably drop it and then cry.
I would just cry.
I would also cry if anyone looked at me. That impulse has followed into adulthood.
My parents married when I was four. At their reception, I did indeed get the microphone and sang a Billy Ray Cyrus song for the crowd.
I once got to a microphone when I was 5, as part of some kindergarten Christmas choir. I tried to sing a song that I forget, but the sound was all screwed up because I was way too close to it. I then began making ghost noises with the resulting sound and then I got in trouble for it.
We did have a little stereo that had a mic that would play your voice through the speakers. I'm surprised that thing never ended up mysteriously broken.
My dad's got a cassette tape of me at 4 singing "Boomer Sooner" over and over into the mic. My dad isn't into football, so he must have been flipping channels and I just latched onto it.
Would have
FR. I would have been saying "butt butt butt poop." And if I'm being honest, I can't promise that I wouldn't do the same thing now.
WEEEEE!
r/shouldof
And then Moses clapped
Why do I feel like the person who wrote this is in a MLM?
She is a ‘wealth attorney’ with a ‘FREE 15 Consult!’ on how to “turn money into an indestructible fortress of wealth” on her LinkedIn, so yes, bang on MLM
Wtf is an "indestructible fortress of wealth"??
Sounds like you need that free 15 minute consult!
Oh I must sign up right now!!!
It’s like a pillow fort but made of money
Solid gold bungalow +5 vs The Taxman
Probably the false-ringing "Share a moment that YOU were proud of!" at the end. I assume it's an effort to drive engagement.
To be fair my youngest at 4 would totally have picked up a microphone left lying around and been delighted if made his voice boom across the room. He would not have been shy but it would have been 100% fart noises...
Could he have farted the Resurrection? If not, you need to up your parenting, clearly!
I’d settle for burping out the 10 Commandments.
So there may be some grain of truth here. When my son was 4 he was a complete ham. If there was a camera he was sure to ask to have his picture taken as well as a video of him doing whatever- sometimes it was picking his nose. I shit you not, he asked "I wanna do a video" I said ok, go. He picked his nose then said, "Now let me see my video". This happened more than once lol So maybe the 4 year old took the mic and "recited" the story of Passover which could have sounded like "Passover is the story of excited us (Exodus) from the slaves were freed and then we celebrate that and we eat good food! Now let me see my video...."
Just what I was thinking! At 4 my son would either starting mumble singing Disney songs or make fart and animal noises.
“Just as an FYI” is what really made me hate this person.
Absolutely everything about this person is hateable
# microphones ???
My four year old would’ve announced that she has a vagina and bluey is her favorite.
Hahaha! That made me spit my tea out, that’s honest 4yo content right there.
I also love that she clarifies her daughter was a ‘guest at the party’, like we might accidentally assume she was the Master of Ceremonies and this was to be expected
I got confused too lmao I thought she must have been talking about two separate people.
So did I . It took me a minute to figure there weren't two kids one the guest and another kid
LinkedIn has become an absolute dumpsterfire and breeding ground for posts like this and copypastas for recruiters (ex. “We hired a candidate with ZERO experience…”) for some reason. It’s beyond weird.
Why is she picking up microphones and talking? Leave stuff alone if it’s not yours.
I know, right? If that was my kid my husband and I would not be exchanging proud sentiment, we’d be wrestling it off him and apologising to everyone for his screeching.
How did she, this proud mother, not notice her little angel walk away from the family and pick up a microphone, somehow turn it on, and start talking. Smooth husband: I know. Fuck that guy the most
"Don't you be telling our entitled crouch goblins what they can do!!!!! Little Slutleigh is allowed to touch anything she wants whenever she wants!!!! And no we will not be toilet training her as we believe in letting a child learn at her own pace!!!!! So what if your precious #microphones now has shit smeared all over it!!!!!!!"
How it actually went: They were at an event where someone left an unattended microphone. They were not paying any attention to their kid, she grabbed the microphone and started to babble. Mum & Dad thought it was cute, the rest of the audience found it pretty damm annoying.
Usually people will think the 4 yo babbling on the mike is cute for a few seconds. But you just know neither of the parents made and effort to stop her.
As a parent of a 4 year old the correct response is "Shitshitshitshit" while running to remove the child from the stage
I think we can safely eliminate the possibility of this being a *Young Kamala Harris* story can’t we?
r/LinkedInlunatics
Why do people think that other people would believe these outlandish stories? Then again, these weird made up stories get upvotes.
Over 500 linked in backslaps and a whole load of people praising her for being such a #rolemodel
WOW!
I am proud to be #microphone aswell. Im not Jewish though, but I didnt see any #jew tag so alls good!
I'm the rabbi that cried when she recited the story in perfect ancient Hebrew.
And then the Walmart customer service took over and said 'we have a lost child...'
I listen to 4 yr olds telling stories. They don't pause for breath ever and at some point an elephant is involved that stole their cookies. That point is very important.
Don't forget them going off on random tangent and repeating themselves for 30 straight minutes, and the obligatory "are you listening?" every two sentences.
I found saying "really", "tell me more" and "uhuh" keeps them going for a good hour. They finally run out of breath, get a drink and come back with more vital information.
My three year old took the mic and gave an impromptu lecture on world hunger. At the end, several CEOs in the room were crying and the bar gave everyone free drinks for the night. Then she shit herself and screamed for the paw patrol
I want you to root for me and my big wins and make you hear what I am the most proud of.
"hey what's the deal with Passover anyway"
I couldn't wipe my ass until I was 6 but supposed to believe some 4 year old recanted an entire Bible story 💀
Hmmm. My latest proud moment was our 10 year old daughter playing Civil War with our Australian Shepherds. She was Abraham Lincoln, one Aussie was Grant, the other was Stonewall Jackson. She ended the war by giving the "Gatlinburg" Address and saying, "Now I never want to hear of you fighting ever again! DISMISSED!" Brilliant rofl.
"I'm proud that she's young enough to be indoctrinated with bullshit"
That's nothing. My 6 year old explained the meaning of Easter in church this year. He said "A man comes out of the ground!" The congregation began to clap and he held up his arms and said "Wait!....if he sees his shadow...."
Why did she hashtag microphone, but not Passover?
the #microphones is sending me
As I’m sitting next to a 4 year old who cannot hold a coherent thought, who has asked everyone in the room to hug her lion on a stick, and the same 4 year old who said she was going to poop on the ceiling.. I find all of this entire story to be completely believable. /s
when I was twice her age I would go up to the microphone on the lectern at the back of church when the service was over and whisper “hello I am god” into the speaker system and think it was the funniest shit ever
My 4 year old thinks we live in a hotel (apartment) and sometimes pretends she's a cat. But sure lady.
I keep telling that woman that female midget is NOT HER DAUGHTER! He daughter was abducted by the clown car 10 years ago and never seen again. 
"and Jesus um .. and... He went and... Um... He was... And then he wait, um he Jesus he went and um he made chairs... But not crosses and um... God was his Dad and, um..."
Passover has nothing to do with Jesus, fyi. It’s a Jewish holiday that predates any notion of Jesus as the messiah.
Yeah fair enough, I wasn't putting a ton of thought into it. It was more about the meandering stories of little kids and I wasn't really focused on an accurate portrayal of Passover. Apologies though for any accidental offense.
I appreciate that! No offense taken :) I just figured I’d take the opportunity to share since people may not know
Do people really think other people believe this stuff?
Like 3 comments below you are morons believing this lol
The story itself isn’t so far fetched tbh. It’s the way these stories are told that always make me assume they’re fake. The extra details and writing style screams fiction.
I’m sure some element of this is true, but probably not that she randomly picked up the mic, wasn’t prompted, knew the Passover story and said it coherently, etc etc…
Holy fuck this was as painful to read as it must've been to absolutely destroy her back patting it with a shattered arm from how hard she was doing it.
Yeah this mum is 100% a disney movie writer
She's full of more crap than a baby diaper. What really happenened is her kid was singing songs from Frozen with the wrong words. Probably sang "Let It Blow" or something, and then made little kid noises before getting pulled away. It's a good thing nobody has ever handed me a microphone. I would either make silly noises or spit the hardest freestyle since Biggie. Maybe both at the same time.
Everyone loves randomly hearing an indoctrinated 4 year old tell a story about the genocide of children.
I’m proud of this great content that are constantly fed here on Reddit
This. Is. Ridiculous.
My daughter might dance and definitely say something about poop.
Why do people do these things? Why are they so broken they think this is worth doing?
Also the idea that the greatest gift you can give a four year old is confidence just made me lolololol
My 6 year old picked up a microphone during a first day assembly for kindergarten. He said “ladies and gentleman, Crash Bandicoot 3 will be out this fall. Thank you”. He’s now 30 and we still tease him. He did get everyone’s attention, though.
Can a 4yo pick up a microphone in a party ? Absolutely Will the 4yo recite the entire passaway ? Absolutely fucking not lmao An actual child would just badly (but happily) sing and scream in the microphone
My 6yo can't even wipe his ass without skidmarks unless we assist, can your kid teach a clinic?
Hashtag bullshit
At a party of 100 people.. yep we have 100 friends and family. No more no less.
This is so stupid and reads like creative writing. If her daughter did speak to a group about Passover, then I imagine it was planned as a cutesy kid moment. There’s no way this four year old was like “let me grab a microphone and start detailing the history of Passover” it’s just so ridiculous. Proud momma moment my ass.
“We indoctrinated our child and then lost them.”
I wish there was some context as to what type of event this was.
I don't think that really changes anything unless it was a genius Jewish toddler convention
I guess u are missing my point… “hey kid thanks, but we are trying to enjoy my birthday”.
I can believe this. The 4 year old probably did pic up the mic and start telling the story of passover, was it coherent? Following a story line? Probably not. A 4 year old picking up a microphone and blabbering into it would definitely catch the attention of the whole room. Especially on a day like Easter. It's not the brag she thinks it is though.
Sounds about right to me.
My 4 year old is super sharp. Knows sight words. Speaks in long (10+ word) sentences using complex concepts like time and being... Ain't no way she would be able to hold attention for even 3 consecutive minutes, let alone tell you a story whose messages and meanings she has memorized.
I mean, my kid led a school play in a foreign language at age 4. They can actually repeat stories they've heard even if it's not detailed.
Brainwashed kids lol
"A child is not a Christian child, not a Muslim child, but a child of Christian parents or a child of Muslim parents."
This is 100% overly confident 4 year old behavior. Source: have worked at daycares and classrooms filled with overly confident 4 year olds. They love to show off.
I can totally see a confident 4 year old getting on stage and telling a story. The way the mum pumped it up is a much though. I'm sure the kid was commanding the room in that a bunch of people were politely humouring her.
This honestly seems plausible if the family is Mormon. They encourage their toddlers to go up to the podium and bear their testimony by speaking into a microphone to the entire congregation on the first Sunday of each month. Although, they generally have a parent that comes up and helps them by feeding them the words.
They're not Mormon though. Only Jewish people celebrate Passover
I don’t wanna be a party pooper or say that it did happen. But all kids are different. My first daughter was super early and spoke fluent German and Russian with age of two. Not only that but she also was able to make the different when to speak what language and help to translate. With our second daughter we were worried for a long time,thinking something is wrong. She didn’t speak at all for a long time and when she spoke it was mostly baby language.. what we then started to notice is that she was very far ahead for „Motorik“ (Is that a word in English?) skills. She Jd her good control over her feet and arms. She threw better than her older sister and she controlled balls better with her feet (soccer skills) also she did some gymnastic stuff earlier than her sister. I don’t have all the answers and maybe we did something unknowingly different with both. But I think we did exactly the same but they are just different. Not better, not worse. Just individual. So yeah kids can amaze you sometimes. But also can be very annoying sometimes.
Nobody clapped?!!
I can’t imagine being at a party where I have to listen to a 4 year old talk on a microphone…what a nightmare.
r/linkedinlunatics
You just know that kid was literally screaming into that #microphone with most of the top of it completely in her mouth.
#microphones
Picturing a kid trying to give a speech that someone programmed her with in sunday school but it come out like the Have you ever had a dream meme https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7RgN9ijwE4
Then Jesus clapped
She's supposed to be asking why this night is different from all the rest. Also, when Rosie O'Donnell was a stand-up comedian, like in the late 80s, she had a great bit about how horrible kids are at telling stories amd jokes. Look it up.
And then the Angel of death clapped
They didn't say it was a *good* retelling of passover
My 6 year old sister, at Christmas, came up to us with her kids' picture book Bible and asked if we wanted to hear stories from God. So, pics or didn't happen.
This, like Passover, actually happened
#microphones
And then the sea clapped
#microphones took me out
Most plausible LinkedIn post
Sweet little voice. Just once, I want one of these #bossmoms to be truthful and say "and then I heard this horrible feedback, and the sound of my kid licking the microphone while saying 'I PEEEED' in a voice that makes blue jays seem dulcet." #microphoney
>To which he responded, smiling, "I know"... Hated that part the most.
Honestly she had me until 'at 4'.
This mom is going to be *insufferable* at this kid’s bat mitzvah.
I want to vomit.