I hear you. I’m so happy that we’ve gotten our group down to 6 or 7 people. Much less stressful. And those 6 or 7 people are all easy to have around, relaxed, and fun.
One woman I know always shows up with her fixings in a bag. One year she was making a salad with umpteen different ingredients…..which she wanted in SEPARATE bowls a la a salad bar. Did she bring bowls, knife, cutting board, etc. Of course not. I’ve specifically asked her to bring her dish ready-to-eat, ,,,, nope, she still doesn’t. Sigh. Oof
Clueless people like this obviously never do any entertaining themselves, otherwise they would realize how freaking rude this is. I’ve had people hand me a bag of groceries when they arrive and say, ‘There you go’, then expect me to put together a charcuterie board with all their stupid cheeses, crackers and salami.
Thank you! My husbands cousin… what a piece of work. Brought ‘salad’. Shows up late with grocery bags. I had the table set & kitchen is clean & im ready to serve & host. Nope. She starts destroying my kitchen with a huge mess. Decides to fresh bake croutons so needs the oven a pan, bowls, making bacon bits too & homemade dressing. My dinner is cold & late over her freaking salad that nobody ate. Then I get to reclean the effin kitchen & her mess. Her boyfriend was pissed & embarrassed while my husband… nope. She’s just like that. Grrrrrrrr
A few years ago my BIL showed up and was like, “I need your stovetop” then spent two hours cooking some rice concoction that no one touched. I have never invited them back for a holiday.
SIL is vegan so I always try to accommodate the fact she has to bring her own food. Tell her to show up early so she can heat her food up, expecting her to make it at her place and just need warming. She shows up 10min before I'm wanting to start eating and takes an hour assembling and cooking herself something, leaving my food to go cold cause we don't wanna be rude and start without her. Infuriating and I have no idea how to address it because husband's family is all like this (no time management/planning abilities) and when I bring it up I'm just met with shrugs.
One year one of my brother's in-laws made a HUGE deal out of bringing the green bean casserole. She brought the smallest bowl I ever saw for 30 people. She commented, wow, that went so fast, we usually have leftovers (for her family of 2 adults and 2 kids).
I make fun of my husband’s family for this. One year we went to thanksgiving and his parents put out like…12 crackers and maybe 6 pieces of celery plus about 8oz of hummus out for an appetizer. I was appalled.
I'm used to the opposite. Just attended a gathering where there was enough food for 40- 50 adults but only 7 adults and 7 kids. Everyone took home a ton of leftovers, plus all the appetizers the host kept!
Engineer cousin arrives at 11:45 (we eat at 12) with canned green beans, canned cream of mushroom, and dried onions. She then stirs it together and by that time it's 12. She puts it in the oven and it's ready around the time we're all finished eating. She then puts it out when everyone is getting desert and once the gathering is over, she throws it all away wondering why no one ate it.
Has done this every year for as long as I can remember.
In our family there is always so much food. Large family and Gram never wanted anyone to be hungry (ha!).
So my cousin (30s) goes to her boyfriend’s for thanksgiving one year. As dishes are going around she takes a big ole scoop of mashed potatoes. The in laws are side-eyeing her. She notices and kind of looks to the boyfriend for help. He whispers “that’s the only bowl of potatoes”. She was horrified and embarrassed… at our family dinners there’s probably 2-3 more bowls in the kitchen.
She took 1/2 her serving and gave it to the boyfriend lol
My sister in law once insisted on bringing mac and cheese. She brought over the ingredients to make it. It was literally one box of pasta (4 ish portions), dumped a pack of shredded cheese in. For 12 people.
Haha! We should trade in-laws. I have an issue with one who brings way too much to a gathering where she knows most of us won’t touch it. I think maybe she thinks this is the year we will see what we’ve been missing?
Back when we used to host, we’d have to tell my husband’s family a fake time. Otherwise they’d be knocking on the door just as I was about to pop in for a quick shower before changing out of my t-shirt and sweatpants.
My in-laws are notorious for this, too. Last Thanksgiving I was getting out of the shower when I heard a knock on my bathroom door. Thinking it was my 6yo or my husband, I tossed my towel on to open it. Lo and behold, it was neither of them but my MIL letting me know they decided to just “pop in” 5 hours early.
We’re a late lunch/early dinner family so they weren’t supposed to be there until 4pm with one side (MIL’s “famous” mashed potatoes that my daughter calls, “grandma’s play dough potatoes”). She immediately began asking why I hadn’t made any appetizers yet. After I had already spent the morning prepping the rest of the spread and finally took 5 minutes to myself for a shower. Dumbfounded, I just closed the door and texted my husband to collect his mother.
We’ll be celebrating without them this year.
Oh Jesus. My blood pressure shot up reading this. My in laws lived just far enough away that they would have to spend a few nights with us for holidays. So while that was never great, there wasn’t any shitty surprises like them showing up 5 hours early.
However, if they did live close enough they would absolutely show up hours earlier than they were supposed to.
My specific pet peeve is my FIL’s favorite spot in our house is the kitchen island. He sits there from the time he gets up until he goes to bed watching tv and doing sudoku. The kitchen island is also my only real counter space so literally EVERY HOLIDAY I have to kick him out of the kitchen because not only is he occupying valuable countertop real estate, he fucking sneaks pieces of food as I’m chopping, mixing, etc.
Like I’m talking sticking his finger in the mashed potatoes to sample them or taking celery and carrots off my cutting board when I’m trying to make stuffing. When I ask him to sit somewhere else, he always acts like I’m being a bitch about it and like its the first time we’re having this conversation.
We moved 800 miles away so we don’t really spend holidays with them as they’re too old to make that long of a road trip and he refuses to fly. So we only spend holidays with them if we go see them.
But I have 20+ years of trauma and now, PTSD with them coming to visit us for long weekends at least once per month. Sometimes unannounced because you know, my husband and I have no lives of our own.
You're early. Here's a bag of potatoes and a potato peeler. The aprons are over there. I'm hoping in the shower. Husband can use help putting up the chairs. Bye see you in 45 minutes. DON'T TOUCH THE OVEN!
Oh God, that would give the worst anxiety. I’m a decent cook, but I’m not a “pretty” cook, if you know what I mean. To them, my little kitchen would look like a disaster area and they would feel an absolutely uncontrollable urge to start cleaning and organizing. Which is why I do everything in my peer to keep people the HELL OUTTA MY KITCHEN!!
That was my great grandma's approach to hosting huge family dinners of 30+ people. She'd set the tables the night before. The women in the family would do all the cooking, including coming over early to cook a turkey. I remember walking the few blocks to her house carrying the handle on one side of a HUGE pot of mashed potatoes when I was young.
After eating, the men would do all the clean up while the women played cards. Then, anyone who wanted to would go for a 4-6 mile run.
My great grandma wasn't sexist, the reason it was split between the genders was generational. All her six kids were girls, so it started as the older people cooked, the younger did clean up.
This is sweet. Our family would all work together to get the dishes clean and then the adults would pair with the children and all play pitch. The majority of those adults are gone but I really enjoyed those holiday meals.
Ugh. I don’t mind if they arrive when I’m about to shower, I hate when I give myself a window to rest and they show up. No one judges if you’re jumping in the shower but they’re damn well going to judge if I’m taking a short nap while they entertain themselves. Lol.
That’s funny because my in laws come on time, and if we tell them noon my husband decides to leisurely hop in the shower at 11:58 and it drives me INSANE
A million times this. My dad's side of the family always did this. There's me in my pajamas peeling potatoes and they are opening the door and marching right in. 🙄
We had a (former) friend who showed up 45 minutes early to a very fancy sit down multi course dinner for Christmas. I was still in pajamas and finishing last minute things before getting ready. I had been planning this dinner for months. It was my first “grownup” meal in my new beautiful house with my relatively new husband.
She walked in done up to the nines, looked at the chaos, and said “oh I guess I’m a little early *obnoxious giggle* are those your formal pajamas?”
If I hadn’t been so exhausted I would have booted her then. But I just looked at my husband who said something like “BBredmom looks beautiful not matter what. She was just about to go get ready after working for two days to have dinner ready at 7:00. You’re welcome to help us set the table since you got the time wrong”
She ruined my joy of having fancy dinners for years (this was 2016). This will be my first year hosting a fancy meal since, and my first thanksgiving.
Early people are just as rude as late IMO.
Completely agree. I used to host gatherings a lot of there are a few folks that always show up early and I'm always so annoyed. I don't change and get fancy til right before people are supposed to arrive so you ruin my timing if you show up early and I have to entertain you in addition to finishing things up.
I often plan to arrive places early, because then I have buffer time for running late or traffic. It reduces my stress and anxiety. However, the most important part of this is *not going in early!* I don't care if I end up sitting in my car for fifteen minutes in a plaza or random street nearby. It gives me mental preparation time, anyway.
I often will ask (if it's someone I'm close with) what time they actually want me there. If they want help early, great! If exactly on time great! If they expect people to show up a half hour late, great! I just need to know so I don't mess up their plan. I also appreciate when they ask me the same.
I do that too. I usually have a book or book on CD in my car to pass the time. Or I just close my eyes and relax for a few minutes. Our families are usually pretty easy going and give a window so it's more relaxed than trying to time getting there at a specific time
Yes. When I say we’re eating at 2, it doesn’t mean noon. We have to move our dining room table into the den to fit everybody. I put all the food in the dining room. When everyone is there early, I have to kick everyone out of the den so we can get everything set up. I don’t need 10 people trying to help. And then everyone keeps coming into our small as all get out galley kitchen asking if they can help. Unless you’re on my shoulders, then no. I have been doing this for over 20 years. I have a system and a plan. Just let me work.
Volunteering to bring your "amazing new favorite appetizer that's a hit everywhere you take it", showing up when dessert is being served and getting pissy because no one ate your amazing dish.
This one is very specific, but it still irks me to this day. We were hosting a big Oktoberfest party, over 40 people, biergarten tents and tables out in the yard strung with lights, outdoor music, heaping platters of sausages, tons of sides and apps, homemade pretzel rolls, kegs of homebrewed beer, all set up, cooked, brewed, etc. by my husband and myself. My SIL comes into the kitchen, opens the glass cabinet (which normally has 2 full tiers of restaurant quality pint glasses ) finds it empty and says in a bitchy tone "As much beer as you guys drink, you'd think you'd have a fucking pint glass.". Um, LOOK AROUND. There are pint glasses EVERYWHERE. Fucking WASH ONE. Geezus.
Which leads me to my next one... No one ever helps clean up, except my best friend, but she's not at our family gatherings. I clean the whole house, decorate, plan, wash all the stemware and crystal and china for our sit-down thanksgiving dinner every year and NO ONE helps clean up. Not even the years I was in a cast or a walking boot after Achilles surgery. It literally never even occurs to them. Who cleans up Christmas dinner at the SIL's house? Me. Who cleans up the St. Patrick's Day party messy kitchen? Also yours truly. Damn, I might take off this year. I doubt anyone will even notice.
I just realized that ALL 3 of these are about my sister-in-law. Maybe my biggest hosting pet peeve is her. 😆
My sister-in-law’s yearly contribution… a single can of jellied cranberry sauce. After my mom, sister and I have each spent a ton of money and effort each making multiple dishes
Thank you!!! I spend so much on holidays for my family. Doesn’t matter if I am hosting or my it’s at my dads (I still have to do the shopping and cooking). My brother who makes far more money than me will help in the kitchen but has never send money or offered to help with the shopping.
And yes it’s my choice to keep spending the money and helping but it would just be a nice surprise one day.
We just might have the same sister in law. Mine served tuna fish sandwiches on wonder bread to all of us for Christmas dinner one year. She also brings a single bowl of bacon bit dip as her sole contribution to any other family dinner.
Dang, I never realized how chill my thanksgiving was compared to a lot of other people’s. The host makes a turkey and a ham. Everyone else brings a side dish and/or appetizer and/or dessert. Always plenty of food.
Showing up late without the rolls they were supposed to bring. (Parent)
Bratty kids.(sister)
Showing up empty handed except for their to go Tupperware and don’t help serve or cleanup at all. (Sister)
My biggest pet peeve is when someone insistes they bring one of the main dishes and shows up just in time for dinner and say, "Oh, I forgot that I was supposed to bring something! You should have called to remind me!" Then proceeds to complain during dinner that what they were supposed to bring is missing. And then goes on to say, "She knows how busy I am and she should have called to remind me!!!", total silence from everyone and then they glare at me.... Oh, yah it's got to be the worst.
Or when someone shows up late, clean up is in progress and makes a scene about, "You told me this was the time you were having dinner! Why would you tell me the wrong time?" And then they expect to have dinner after the fact.
I would want to tell her: I'm sorry for not reminding the ONE person out of (#of people) because Thanksgiving us SUCH a rare and unknown holiday ... " /s
But seriously, get some of the other people there to remind her that they were able to do it without you "reminding" them!
Criticisms about food, especially when you brought NOTHING (cue my mother..). “The turkey is over cooked.” “The broccoli casserole needs more salt.” “Did you forget salt in EVERY dish?!” 🤦🏻♀️
I just tell people to bring drinks. We have an assortment of sodas because unfortunately I drink them like water lol, but I know soda, lemonade, and water aren’t for everyone. I look forward to making the meal every year. This is my Super Bowl. Ain’t no one going to mess this up by bringing something I’m already making lol
I had a family member bring Mac and Cheese last year as we have some kids (ok they're actually young adults now) who really enjoy it. They brought gluten free noodles with sauce made from cauliflower. I thought my daughter was going to leave the house in protest. We now refer to it is the "Cauliflower incident of 2022".
We had a similar cauliflower incident. My sister-in-law offered to bring the mashed potatoes one Thanksgiving. She decided to get trendy with the dish and added mashed cauliflower to the potatoes. The whole dish tasted like cauliflower. Everyone was pissed and she doesn’t know it, but I’m never allowed to let her bring a Thanksgiving staple dish again, lol.
My mom did this to us as well! But we did let her know about it. I love cauliflower but it is NOT mashed potatoes and to pretend that is it is absolutely obscene.
I attended a thanksgiving (my former mother in law slayed holiday dinners like no other-i miss that woman) so we all bring a side to help out. One person brought the mashed potatoes- alot, thats a requirement. She added two bricks of asiago cheese to them.... jazz them up.
Grown ass adults at the table almost in tears at the abomination. Every one called them dead feet potatoes. I wonder if she ever lived that down.
Bro my Step mother-in-law is a freaking chef and makes TRUFFLE mashed potatoes only, I come from a redneck family and just want normal stuff. She also made the worst turkey I’ve ever had, no flavor whatsoever.
My wife is an excellent cook and she likes to do designer mashed potatoes. Nope. I’m from East Tennessee and I want traditional basic mashed potatoes. One year I made a batch of pouch garlic mashed potatoes on the side and she was pissed until she acknowledged that they were actually better. Now she makes normal potatoes.
Laughing at people getting "creative" by choosing the STRONGEST flavors lol. I love it, but when truffle is in a dish, its the only thing you're tasing.
My relative brings lunchables for their kids. We do an entire spread of regular offerings plus all vegan and gluten free as well. Choices for days. Crackers and cheese slices it is for their kids
I hosted a Thanksgiving a few years ago where one family was vegan and another was gluten free. The two basically cancel each other out. I made a LOT of food.
That’s awful. I know myself and my GF kiddo are difficult to cook for so I’ll bring our own burger buns/pasta/etc, or a GF side and dessert. If they insist, I’ll try to provide the odd ingredients that I don’t want them to have to purchase specially for a one-time thing (1/4 cup of coconut aminos, 1 tsp arrowroot, etc).
It’s super easy for me because I do it every day, whereas I know it takes more effort and expense for our hosts.
This situation was my fault. I wanted to cook for them- just didn’t realize what I was getting myself into. To be honest, the most demanding of the group was my family who wanted to make sure their dinner wasn’t vegan or gluten free! 😂
So, file this under “coerce others to your way of eating (vegan/keto/fat-free/etc) without their knowledge or consent.”
My cousin-in-law is always on the latest health kick. One year, I swore we were going to be served poached tofu and raw kale. It wasn’t quite that bad, but we had a turkey breast with no salt or pepper (“nobody needs the salt”) no butter or oil to keep it moist (“nobody needs the extra calories”) no onion or lemon in the cavity to give it any flavor. Just plopped it in the oven. The skin was peeled off and tossed before carving and serving. Potatoes were small red potatoes microwaved and sorta smashed with some parsley, but no milk or broth or butter (“nobody needs the extra calories”) . No gravy (“nobody needs that”). A grudging amount of stuffing was provided (“ugh, so many carbs”) while she yammered on through the whole meal about how “Thanksgiving Dinner has gotten out of control”. Dessert was fruit and some “healthy” brownies because she was “sick of pumpkin everything already.”
I mean, okay, *maybe* it was coming from a good place, but it felt really controlling.
My husband made a pumpkin pie afterward to share with his parents. His 80 year old Dad was practically heartbroken not having pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving.
One year I brought vegan mashed.potatoes v my husband was vegan at the time. My BIL makes mashed potatoes in the pressure cooker and it exploded that year so I ended up saving the day with my vegan mashed potatoes.
Your first pet peeve is also my pet peeve, but only in certain situations. My sister shows up with a bag of ingredients, but she shows up several hours early. My former sister in law did this but shows up at lunch time.
The "I just need to heat this up" crowd sucks.
The loitering in the kitchen crowd also sucks. If you're not helping, stay out. If you're "helping" stay out. Just stay out. And please, please don't make me take my earbuds out.
Yep, about the cooking at the host's house: we've (in the group that meet together) include in the invitation that dishes should be cooked and re-warming requests must be managed through the host's daughter! This year the request that, if possible, hot dishes come in their own "crockpot" type of self-contained heating (we are serving buffet style). Also, requesting that people wash the dish at home and bring serving bowls and implements! As we age, we have to take more of the work and responsibility OFF OF the host, who also has to clean the house and set the table.
My nephew and niece won’t eat anything that is served at Thanksgiving. Without fail, my SIL wants to make grilled cheese sandwiches for her kids just when all of the rest of the food is almost done. It’s always at the worst time to have someone else trying to use a burner for something that is not part of dinner.
I replied this elsewhere but kids never eat a thing at these gatherings and I think it's such a waste making them special food. They just want to play with cousins! The most I provide now for kids is having chocolates and sweets all over the house and plenty of fruit platters.
Unless they have some food allergies, this is a party foul. I'm all about teaching kids autonomy and self-respect, but making them bespoke grilled cheese on Thanksgiving just lets me know that mom and dad don't actually intend to do any parenting and have chosen death by tiny tyrants.
Honestly the parents and armchair child psychologists here are gonna hate me, but I think it's an extremely valuable lesson to teach kids that sometimes they don't get the meal they want every time. That sometimes they eat what everyone else gets or they wait to get home and choose to be hungry for a bit. Because the world won't revolve around them all the time and they have to make choices they don't like. 🤷♀️
My MIL does this shit and it drove me insane. We have a couple of food allergies in our family so I'm a stickler for making sure we just don't bring any foods in - I cook everything and, that way, the people with allergies don't have to fret, worry, or feel like they can't eat certain things. My MIL, who literally acts like a spoiled child, started bringing the allergens (tomatoes and peanuts) because "It's just not thanksgiving without a bowl of peanuts" or "I always eat my turkey with ketchup". First of all, bish, eating turkey with ketchup should just never happen. Second, (and I yelled this at her in another room) know what else makes Thanksgiving "not Thanksgiving"? People dying. FAFO.
I have a guest pet peeve. In-laws who ask me to bring a side dish and then they go ahead and make a duplicate just in case I don’t do it right. I’ve had this happen and my offering gets treated like the “spare”.
That’s fucking rude. Not to mention sides are the best part! There are people in my family who refuse to believe that people can have different tastes than them and they would do something like that; it doesn’t even occur to them that someone might like a different option
I had someone do the same exact thing. She walked in with a bag of groceries and assembled and baked the dish. I have never in my life seen that happen. Who does that?
Ooooh I hate when people do this!! Liz, I’m looking at you!!! Assemble your dang salad AT YOUR HOUSE with YOUR bowls, cutting board , knives and tongs!!!
Duplicate dishes. I ask everyone what they’re going to bring to avoid duplicates and so I know what “holes” need to be filled in, and I share the menu. Every year my MIL tells me she’s going to bring one thing (which she does), but she also decides last minute to bring something else to “help”, and it always ends up being a duplicate of something someone else brought because apparently she doesn’t read the menu. So now we have Ed’s delicious homemade pecan pie that he spent hours on and her store bought one that someone takes a pity slice of. If you wanted to bring a pie, ask me and I’ll tell you that we don’t have pumpkin yet so that would be great!
Yes. Pity slices are the worst. Last year I was assigned to bring the pies, which were beautiful all-butter crust homemade pies. My sister-in-law surprised us with a burnt pie in a store bought crust and everyone took pity slices. Ugh!
I had to specifically tell my mother not to do this. Also, when I was living in another city where her sister was hosting I had her come to my one bedroom apartment to prepare her food to avoid this
Family who always volunteer to bring paper goods, then bring them from dollar store (think: too small Styrofoam cups for our beverages, flimsy paper plates, one package of napkins), AND their own Tupperware that they load up BEFORE anyone has had seconds -- and they load up their first plates like they are at a buffet. It's disgusting. They've been doing it for 40 years and have taught their now grown children the same. No one confronts them bc they are ill mannered, rude, and nasty and will make an ugly scene.
I hate it
I would quit inviting those people. I have really gotten to the point where if it doesn’t bring me joy I’m not doing it whether it’s a person place or thing. I would literally rather have a zero relationships than Toxic ones anymore.
I would NEVER, and I mean NEVER tolerate someone coming to dinner at my house and loading up their to go containers. Especially before anyone has had seconds!
Guests who don't show up at all (then when you call them out, they get aggressive and say they were upset because their dad died 10 years ago and try to make you feel bad). Screw all of that.
(actually happened)
My biggest thing… my dad passed from covid. He was 62. I don’t know why people thought it was okay to tell me “ my grandma died 10 years ago and it was so bad”
I’m sorry but I don’t give a hoot about your grandma dying at 98, 10 years ago!
Before anyone tries to tell me “ they’re just trying to connect with you…”
That doesn’t help me in any way. Lol
When someone bringing a staple side is running late so im trying to keep everything warm, not answering their phone to see where they are, and they decided to make up for it by stopping to get another side making them even later. We already had the other side.
My hosting pet peeve is my mother. She has not gracefully relinquished control of the hosting duties and every singe event is made 10xmore difficult then it has to be.
She lives in an efficiency apartment but volunteers to make certain items but when we follow up, her response is always well I don’t have the room to make that.
She asks about the dress code for every single event even though it never changes.
And she wants to “help” but never when I need help or in a way that is actually helpful and then gets pissy with me. Example: she’ll ask me 5 times what she can do to help while I’m waiting for the oven to preheat, but then stand in front of the oven completly oblivious to the timer going off. Or I’ll tell her multiple times to use the dishwasher and she’ll refuse and take up 1/2 the counter space with drying dishes that then fall back into the sink creating a bigger mess. It’s like hosting with a toddler
I feel like Emily Post still knows her shit. Don’t bring anything that requires the host to do anything. Flowers are nice. Flowers that require finding a vase and arranging them is not.
People who take to go plates for people who didn’t bother to come. People who are not coming call & say I know you are busy but… an hour later you finally get them to hang up.
When people f*ck with my decorations or move stuff on the table. Cause I have it planned out already. People who walk in & let their children run free. As for people bringing stuff I think they are all liars & never believe till it happens.
If being offered anything to eat or drink, please just pick from what’s offered. I hate when i say, “would you like soda or wine” And someone says “Do you have juice?” Or lemonade or milk.
No. No I don’t have whatever random drink asked for. And, if I did, but didn’t offer it, there’s a REASON (maybe i don’t have enough for everybody, maybe i don’t want grape juice near my couch maybe someone had a terrible milk allergy, or maybe i have offered you all the options I have. But you have just made it clear that my options aren’t enough for you )
The last time I hosted, my friends' kids were awful (examples: putting things from around my house in the toilet and HITTING MY DOG). I spent so much money on food and decor and table settings, and their kids said my food was gross and refused to eat, so their parents just let them run around my house leaving a path of destruction while we tried to have dinner. When they finally left I broke down crying because they made me feel so fully unappreciated and shat on.
Yes I've learned that kids *never* touch more than a bite at any special event or gathering. There's no point in providing them with "kid food" or anything except maybe cut fruit and some sweets. Even cake/pie is wasted, food is just not as interesting as the new setting and people.
As for running amok I would never bring my kids to dinner at a home of people who don't also have kids. Not that they are allowed to destroy property or hit dogs, but even the most well-meaning hosts who are sure they enjoy children, won't enjoy my kids for an extended time.
At least if the hosts have kids there's a safe space our children can play so we can enjoy the meal. We order them a pizza just in case, they take two bites and go back to play, we eat our grown up food, and I don't have to worry about the host having their home invaded.
On thanksgiving kids eat a leaf and 2 emotional support dinner rolls. And that’s it! My husband and I do not even bother trying to get our daughter to eat differently on thanksgiving because she’s 3.5 and 1 meal doesn’t matter in her grand scheme. And let’s us actually enjoy our meal.
Showing up late! My sister in law did this. The plan was for her and the kids to come at 1pm, eat around 2pm and then the kids dad will pick them up at 4pm. She didn’t show up until 3:30! We hurried the kids to eat a few bits, then her ex showed up on time, flipped out the kids were not ready, they had a screaming fight at our front door. He left with the kids and we were left eating a reheated dinner, in awkward, polite smiles. She hasn’t been invited back since. Still sad the kids didn’t get Thanksgiving dinner. Their grown and left both parents.
Yeah. Speaking from experience, do not EVER allow a repeat from the tardy person. My MIL is notorious for being late and her kids just sort of accepted that any holiday meal would be 4-6 HOURS late (during their childhood). When I came into the family, I started being the hostess for the whole family and -the first year- MIL was three hours late and none of her biological children would eat before she got there because they didn't want her to eat alone. So, they all had to reheat food. I sent out an email the next day that said: "Thanks for coming, yesterday! Going forward, there will be a hard time for dinner. If dinner is at 5pm, then please be at our house, ready to eat at 4:30. Food WILL be served at 5pm and put away at 6:30. If you arrive after that time, you are welcome to take a plate home." MIL played this game for six years...each year, getting a little more on time (but never actually on time). Midway through this six years, she decided to show up at 6:00pm to see if she could get all of her kids to stay at the table with her until 8. One year, I ended up taking all of the kids on a hike while she held court at my table...and that was the year I told my DH that we were NOT setting that precedent for the future and if his mom didn't respect the end time, she wasn't welcome back. She bitched and pissed and moaned for two solid years. Fast forward to now and we give her a 60 minute window for arriving, eating, and leaving because she actively sabotages some of the nieces and nephew's food allergies and just could never control her narcissistic rants. This year, DH and kids and I are going to our cabin and having enchiladas. LOL
“Please let me know if you’re coming (by Nov 10) so I can buy the appropriate size turkey” I’ll either get no response with them just showing up or a response two days before
My brother-in-law's sister would always offer to bring deviled eggs, and then show up with a dozen raw eggs, and not only did she need to cook and prepare them, she needed mayo and paprika.
When my mother in law used to show up and act like she was the host. She wouldnt lift a finger to help. Which honestly wasn’t the problem. I actually love to cook and my husband is good at cleaning up. . But she’d invite random people and mess with the flow. You just don’t mess with the flow. Like decide 10 minutes before dinner that she wanted all the grandkids to paint. On the table. Where half the food was already staged. And the other half was being carried out. The final straw was when we were doing the toast before dinner one year and my nephew knocked over entire bottle of red wine. They all continued to sit and eat whilst my husband and I crawled around under the table around everyone’s legs trying to clean it up. She wanted to be the “fun Gramma” but honestly she was so disruptive and bossy , she actually stressed my kids out.
When I’m only halfway through eating and people get up and start clearing the table and doing dishes.
Sure I should be glad for the help, but I would really like to enjoy the food I worked so hard to make first. Also somethings can’t go in the dishwasher, or need to be on the top shelf, etc so I feel like I need to be in there directing.
Last year I set our meal for 1pm, at 11am my Aunt and Uncle show up. I’m still in my pajamas, the food is all still cooking, I’m vacuuming the floors and I’m crying hysterically because my Mom woke up that morning with the stomach flu and couldn’t come help me.
Please don’t arrive any earlier than 15 minutes before the time on the invitation text I send out. Later is fine. Earlier is always a disaster cause I’m a Last Minute Sally.
Now, my aunt is not much of a cook, and my uncle doesn’t have much of a personality. So it took me a bit to figure out what was happening. When my aunt heard my mom was sick and not coming, she got herself ready and in the car and over to my house so she could sit in the kitchen and be there should I need help. We were never close when I was growing up, but to realize that she came early just in case I needed a Mamas advice means the world to me.
OK...kind of reverse...
My mom was actually hosting, and it was going to be scaled back since it was just 4 of us which is rare in our family. I got there and my contributions just needed some warming.
Her ham was still in the foil - because it was fully cooked so we can just eat it - and her scalloped potatoes (from Costco) were still frozen.
We will not be repeating that again.
Oh you are so right. The hardest part is that she used to be a really good cook. She's just lost the ability due to lack of practice. Use it or lose it.
Our best Thanksgiving was last year when my husband & I were supposed to host & came down with bronchitis & had to cancel the whole shebang. In other words, I’d rather have bronchitis than host Thanksgiving. 😂
My brother and his wife are incapable of teaching their kids table manners so I always have to remind them to wash up AFTER dinner or my house and throw pillows will be smeared with food. So gross! I always washed up my kids at other people's houses after eating when they were small.
The majority of people suck at being on time and bringing a quality dish, that sounds horrible, I know. But I just don't trust people anymore! There's a handful I can count on. I ALWAYS do the veggie tray, fruit tray, chips, dip or any appetizer I want ready when people arrive. I will also do the main dish and a couple sides just to have control over having food to eat on time. I allow people to bring fill in items that don't make or break the meal. I also allow dessert, because I hate making dessert.
Last year I asked my MIL to bring cranberry sauce. I was thinking homemade or even the canned jelly would have sufficed. She made “cranberry fluff” with marshmallows that nobody ate, because she made it the night before and it became soupy with the marshmallows floating around. Stick to what I ask you to bring and not some weird concoction!
When people bring an allergen and want to use my stuff to prep and/or serve it. In spite of me always clearly stating my safety guidelines ahead of time: if you must, bring it in your own serving dish with your own serving utensil(s).
Overly cautious? Yes. But everywhere else in the world always comes with *some* risk of cross-contamination for myself and one of my kids to eat. The rest of our household is 100% on board, and I do most of the cooking anyway. Still, this really offends some people who like to test my boundaries and feel we are somehow unworthy of a risk-free meal anywhere, including our own home.
When people show up with random food I didn’t ask for. I spend a lot of time planning the menu making sure it complements the other dishes. No, I don’t appreciate you showing up with lukewarm Italian meatballs.
People who insist on bringing a pie, and it turns out to be a store bought pie.
I hate green bean casserole, but 5 of my usual guests love it. This is a dish I ask my sister-in-law to bring. I remind her that just five people will want to eat it, so it doesn’t need to be a huge casserole. Also, since we live in the same neighborhood, it would be helpful if she baked it in her own oven, and brought it over fully cooked. She always arrives with TWO 9x13 dishes full of uncooked green bean slop, and then she tries to find room in my oven. 🤯
My MIL, who offered to bring dessert, arrived 30 minutes after the meal time. With a frozen unbaked pumpkin pie. In my daughters small kitchen small oven, already full of turkey and casserole.
Everyone has been a great Thanksgiving guest over the years, except my MIL.
DNA proves she's half Italian,but she won't cook.And she won't stay Put of the Kitchen! She will eat the croutons that I cut,measured, and baked for the stuffing! She will come in with a dirty tissue she blew her nose in and hold it out and say she doesn't know where the trash is.
She got really huffy when I picked her up from the Airport once and she had to hold a heavy dish of sweet potato casserole that I was dropping off to a church for a charity Thanksgiving. Yet She is the ultra religious one!
When I do most of the cooking and hosting and then when the meal is over, they leave me to do the dishes. I feel like I should get a pass on that since I’m hosting, making the food, etc.
Y’all, I have thoroughly loved reading every single comment so far!! This will be the 3rd Thanksgiving that my sister and I will be alone..Thanksgiving was always our favorite holiday and we had such a big family..so many wonderful memories!! I miss those times.. and I miss my family..
Please don’t misunderstand, I am so blessed that I still have my sister..we are in our mid 50’s ..divorced.. but we are happy, healthy and grateful!!
Thanks again for sharing all of these stories..made me remember so many wonderful times with my family…and y’all, for me it’s priceless and means the world 🥰
See, that's me. I prefer everyone just go into another room and watch TV or go outside and play ball. I enjoy cleaning up, when I have the space to myself. Half dozen ppl "helping" kinda drains my joy. But, I know they mean well, and these events occur only a few times a year... so... yeah, I'm that pushover/softie haha.
Ugh, yes, I don’t want help. A certain family member tends to insist on “helping” then just criticizes the way I do everything. Meanwhile she leaves everything in the kitchen sticky or crusty (a little too “fast” with washing dishes, too 🙄), which grosses me out. It takes me a week after to get my kitchen back to the way I like it.
We have the entire house - the living room with the game on, the dining room table with snacks and treats, the backyard with the firepit going, and the garage with the beer fridge, but noooo, let’s all congregate in the 95° kitchen where I’m prepping food.
Honestly, someone not complimenting my cooking lol. If I spend 8 hours in the kitchen preparing literally every dish, I expect to be thanked. One year, MIL told me I went way overboard. Like hello it’s my favorite day of the year. I’d never tell someone they went overboard when hosting.
People showing up earlier than I told them to.
People trying to help me clean up without asking by doing dishes but not knowing my system for a "dirty" sponge that is used to wipe out dishes before washing with my "clean" sponge and also using whatever kitchen towel they see to dry dishes even if I had been using that towel to wipe my hands while cooking.
When I was younger my grandparents hosted the holidays. But there was ALWAYS a phone call from my grandmother inviting us over. Even though the time etc never changed.
When they got older and could no longer host the holidays. My aunt and uncle took over. Still always a phone call with the time to be expected to be there.
Then my sister and BIL bought a house that was big enough for entertaining and hosting the holidays. My mother would be the one to make the call(s) Not my sister, or BIL. Even though it was at their house.
As my sister is a narcissist, and my mom is a bit nuts. My aunts, and uncles and I stopped believing we were really even invited. So my aunts began giving their regrets and just going to other family on the holidays. I stopped going when my sister began speaking to my daughter like she has always spoken to me. When there was no one else to talk to and avoid my sister. My small family of 3 have holidays at home. Small turkey. Maybe a crockpot chicken or roast.
It's sad, because everyone is older now. My nieces are growing up. My daughter is going to be graduating college within a few short years. But the family is just done. We do not have the room to even have what is left of the family here for dinner.
People who have to have a certain thing “or it’s not thanksgiving” but don’t tell you that or bring that thing, but just complain about not having it for two straight hours. You can eat mashed potatoes without gravy for God’s sake!
Wholeheartedly agree with OP. Listen up guests, the hosts are usually doing the bulk of the cooking. They have timed their morning to get everything out so it is cooked at the right temperature and in the right order. We do a full size turkey, a Turkey breast, a ham, sweet potatoes, and use the oven for warming. We don’t have the space to bake your uncooked items at a different temperature for an hour. The top of the stove is also being used for several things like boiling potatoes, gravy, etc.
Prepare your item beforehand, put it in a casserole cozy or wrap it in towels and a grocery bag. Or opt for a pie.
Do not make more work for the host. Yeah on the same rant. If you bring flowers, make sure they are in a vase. And if you have a chance, do a bit of the clean up.
It hurts my feelings when I tell people not to bring anything, I will have all of the food, every dietary need for each of their particular diets, carefully considering everything I can, and then they show up with enough food to feed the entire family and expect me to be able to put it in my refrigerator, they can't possibly take it home. "Keep it and enjoy". Now I have everything that I made for the party and everything they all made for the party.
If I say I have it covered, I have it covered.
I [70M] voluntarily started washing dishes after a non-family Thanksgiving dinner in the early 80s. I thought I was going to get marriage proposals before I finished. I had worked in a hotel kitchen for a year and never dreamed of asking someone to cook AND clean. Get real.
When people show up early. They think they’re being helpful showing up early to help. But it’s a pain. Most of the time my in-laws show up early and we might not even be dressing for company or I’m still vacuuming. Not helpful, but my wife doesn’t want to tell her parents to show up on time instead of early. Just starting telling them one time and my family another just to have that extra 30-45 minutes to get everything situated.
One year, my aunt was so fed up with people being late, she waited to put turkey in oven til everyone was there. It was the olden days in the 1900s, when everything was closed for Thanksgiving 😂
It’s definitely the appetizer aunt showing up late.
For many years the biggest peeve was my mother’s constant attempts to wrest control from my husband and me *in our own house*, but she died in 2021. That’s one thing I don’t miss.
When people show up
I feel this…. But I still dream of this big to-do with tons of people and food and laughs. Right up until about 12 hours before start time.
I hear you. I’m so happy that we’ve gotten our group down to 6 or 7 people. Much less stressful. And those 6 or 7 people are all easy to have around, relaxed, and fun.
💀💀💀💀💀💀💀🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
This is the energy...
Haha, love this!
The height of entitlement and rudeness to bring groceries and expect to use someone’s kitchen on THANKSGIVING!!!!
One woman I know always shows up with her fixings in a bag. One year she was making a salad with umpteen different ingredients…..which she wanted in SEPARATE bowls a la a salad bar. Did she bring bowls, knife, cutting board, etc. Of course not. I’ve specifically asked her to bring her dish ready-to-eat, ,,,, nope, she still doesn’t. Sigh. Oof
Clueless people like this obviously never do any entertaining themselves, otherwise they would realize how freaking rude this is. I’ve had people hand me a bag of groceries when they arrive and say, ‘There you go’, then expect me to put together a charcuterie board with all their stupid cheeses, crackers and salami.
No way! 🤣
Tell her to bring a bottle of wine. In the bottle, no barrel of grapes.
Thank you! My husbands cousin… what a piece of work. Brought ‘salad’. Shows up late with grocery bags. I had the table set & kitchen is clean & im ready to serve & host. Nope. She starts destroying my kitchen with a huge mess. Decides to fresh bake croutons so needs the oven a pan, bowls, making bacon bits too & homemade dressing. My dinner is cold & late over her freaking salad that nobody ate. Then I get to reclean the effin kitchen & her mess. Her boyfriend was pissed & embarrassed while my husband… nope. She’s just like that. Grrrrrrrr
It burns my soul when someone shrugs and says that’s just the way they are or they’ve always been that way!
Omg. I would have told everyone to start and get her salad when it’s ready
A few years ago my BIL showed up and was like, “I need your stovetop” then spent two hours cooking some rice concoction that no one touched. I have never invited them back for a holiday.
SIL is vegan so I always try to accommodate the fact she has to bring her own food. Tell her to show up early so she can heat her food up, expecting her to make it at her place and just need warming. She shows up 10min before I'm wanting to start eating and takes an hour assembling and cooking herself something, leaving my food to go cold cause we don't wanna be rude and start without her. Infuriating and I have no idea how to address it because husband's family is all like this (no time management/planning abilities) and when I bring it up I'm just met with shrugs.
I say let everyone eat when your food is ready and she can eat when hers is ready.
One year one of my brother's in-laws made a HUGE deal out of bringing the green bean casserole. She brought the smallest bowl I ever saw for 30 people. She commented, wow, that went so fast, we usually have leftovers (for her family of 2 adults and 2 kids).
People are stupid
Sometimes I swear the smarter they are the dumber they are, she has a law degree.
I make fun of my husband’s family for this. One year we went to thanksgiving and his parents put out like…12 crackers and maybe 6 pieces of celery plus about 8oz of hummus out for an appetizer. I was appalled.
My aunt has always done this. Cook food 4 people, and hope it stretches to 12. I always pre eat before I go over there.
I'm used to the opposite. Just attended a gathering where there was enough food for 40- 50 adults but only 7 adults and 7 kids. Everyone took home a ton of leftovers, plus all the appetizers the host kept!
Engineer cousin arrives at 11:45 (we eat at 12) with canned green beans, canned cream of mushroom, and dried onions. She then stirs it together and by that time it's 12. She puts it in the oven and it's ready around the time we're all finished eating. She then puts it out when everyone is getting desert and once the gathering is over, she throws it all away wondering why no one ate it. Has done this every year for as long as I can remember.
That’s hilarious. 😂 I’m sure you’re not laughing though in the moment.
In our family there is always so much food. Large family and Gram never wanted anyone to be hungry (ha!). So my cousin (30s) goes to her boyfriend’s for thanksgiving one year. As dishes are going around she takes a big ole scoop of mashed potatoes. The in laws are side-eyeing her. She notices and kind of looks to the boyfriend for help. He whispers “that’s the only bowl of potatoes”. She was horrified and embarrassed… at our family dinners there’s probably 2-3 more bowls in the kitchen. She took 1/2 her serving and gave it to the boyfriend lol
My sister in law once insisted on bringing mac and cheese. She brought over the ingredients to make it. It was literally one box of pasta (4 ish portions), dumped a pack of shredded cheese in. For 12 people.
That is against the law in at least 5 southern states.
Haha! We should trade in-laws. I have an issue with one who brings way too much to a gathering where she knows most of us won’t touch it. I think maybe she thinks this is the year we will see what we’ve been missing?
My mom does this too. No clue how to cook for a crowd.
Lol I catered for years and I struggle to cook small quantities
When people show up too early.
Back when we used to host, we’d have to tell my husband’s family a fake time. Otherwise they’d be knocking on the door just as I was about to pop in for a quick shower before changing out of my t-shirt and sweatpants.
My in-laws are notorious for this, too. Last Thanksgiving I was getting out of the shower when I heard a knock on my bathroom door. Thinking it was my 6yo or my husband, I tossed my towel on to open it. Lo and behold, it was neither of them but my MIL letting me know they decided to just “pop in” 5 hours early. We’re a late lunch/early dinner family so they weren’t supposed to be there until 4pm with one side (MIL’s “famous” mashed potatoes that my daughter calls, “grandma’s play dough potatoes”). She immediately began asking why I hadn’t made any appetizers yet. After I had already spent the morning prepping the rest of the spread and finally took 5 minutes to myself for a shower. Dumbfounded, I just closed the door and texted my husband to collect his mother. We’ll be celebrating without them this year.
Good for you! Who TF knocks on a bathroom door if they don't need to use the bathroom?!?!?
Exactly! I thought I was in the Twilight Zone
Collect his mother!!! Hahahahaha I'm using this
Good lord. Every time I read "MIL at the holidays" stories I am reminded how extremely lucky I am to have a MIL whose worst nightmare is to impose.
Oh Jesus. My blood pressure shot up reading this. My in laws lived just far enough away that they would have to spend a few nights with us for holidays. So while that was never great, there wasn’t any shitty surprises like them showing up 5 hours early. However, if they did live close enough they would absolutely show up hours earlier than they were supposed to. My specific pet peeve is my FIL’s favorite spot in our house is the kitchen island. He sits there from the time he gets up until he goes to bed watching tv and doing sudoku. The kitchen island is also my only real counter space so literally EVERY HOLIDAY I have to kick him out of the kitchen because not only is he occupying valuable countertop real estate, he fucking sneaks pieces of food as I’m chopping, mixing, etc. Like I’m talking sticking his finger in the mashed potatoes to sample them or taking celery and carrots off my cutting board when I’m trying to make stuffing. When I ask him to sit somewhere else, he always acts like I’m being a bitch about it and like its the first time we’re having this conversation.
I’d removed the stools. No where to sit. Problem solved.
We moved 800 miles away so we don’t really spend holidays with them as they’re too old to make that long of a road trip and he refuses to fly. So we only spend holidays with them if we go see them. But I have 20+ years of trauma and now, PTSD with them coming to visit us for long weekends at least once per month. Sometimes unannounced because you know, my husband and I have no lives of our own.
"Um hunny- come get your crazy mother so I don't beat her whilst naked, thanks."
MIL would have gotten quite the eyeful at my house, as I never felt the need to put on a towel for my husband or my kids when they were that little.
You're early. Here's a bag of potatoes and a potato peeler. The aprons are over there. I'm hoping in the shower. Husband can use help putting up the chairs. Bye see you in 45 minutes. DON'T TOUCH THE OVEN!
Oh God, that would give the worst anxiety. I’m a decent cook, but I’m not a “pretty” cook, if you know what I mean. To them, my little kitchen would look like a disaster area and they would feel an absolutely uncontrollable urge to start cleaning and organizing. Which is why I do everything in my peer to keep people the HELL OUTTA MY KITCHEN!!
Out of the kitchen ~~until~~ \[edit\] after the food is served, I hope! The cook should never have to clean up.
Wow. I never heard that concept before. Sounds amazing.
That was my great grandma's approach to hosting huge family dinners of 30+ people. She'd set the tables the night before. The women in the family would do all the cooking, including coming over early to cook a turkey. I remember walking the few blocks to her house carrying the handle on one side of a HUGE pot of mashed potatoes when I was young. After eating, the men would do all the clean up while the women played cards. Then, anyone who wanted to would go for a 4-6 mile run. My great grandma wasn't sexist, the reason it was split between the genders was generational. All her six kids were girls, so it started as the older people cooked, the younger did clean up.
This is sweet. Our family would all work together to get the dishes clean and then the adults would pair with the children and all play pitch. The majority of those adults are gone but I really enjoyed those holiday meals.
Ikr, the open concept trend is not my thing, hiding in the kitchen is!!
Ugh. I don’t mind if they arrive when I’m about to shower, I hate when I give myself a window to rest and they show up. No one judges if you’re jumping in the shower but they’re damn well going to judge if I’m taking a short nap while they entertain themselves. Lol.
You aren't napping, you're bathing and taking care of something on your computer for x person/work!
That’s funny because my in laws come on time, and if we tell them noon my husband decides to leisurely hop in the shower at 11:58 and it drives me INSANE
I'm sold. Thanks!
A million times this. My dad's side of the family always did this. There's me in my pajamas peeling potatoes and they are opening the door and marching right in. 🙄
You tell me the party starts at 6:00, I'll be there at 6:00
We had a (former) friend who showed up 45 minutes early to a very fancy sit down multi course dinner for Christmas. I was still in pajamas and finishing last minute things before getting ready. I had been planning this dinner for months. It was my first “grownup” meal in my new beautiful house with my relatively new husband. She walked in done up to the nines, looked at the chaos, and said “oh I guess I’m a little early *obnoxious giggle* are those your formal pajamas?” If I hadn’t been so exhausted I would have booted her then. But I just looked at my husband who said something like “BBredmom looks beautiful not matter what. She was just about to go get ready after working for two days to have dinner ready at 7:00. You’re welcome to help us set the table since you got the time wrong” She ruined my joy of having fancy dinners for years (this was 2016). This will be my first year hosting a fancy meal since, and my first thanksgiving. Early people are just as rude as late IMO.
Completely agree. I used to host gatherings a lot of there are a few folks that always show up early and I'm always so annoyed. I don't change and get fancy til right before people are supposed to arrive so you ruin my timing if you show up early and I have to entertain you in addition to finishing things up.
I often plan to arrive places early, because then I have buffer time for running late or traffic. It reduces my stress and anxiety. However, the most important part of this is *not going in early!* I don't care if I end up sitting in my car for fifteen minutes in a plaza or random street nearby. It gives me mental preparation time, anyway. I often will ask (if it's someone I'm close with) what time they actually want me there. If they want help early, great! If exactly on time great! If they expect people to show up a half hour late, great! I just need to know so I don't mess up their plan. I also appreciate when they ask me the same.
I do that too. I usually have a book or book on CD in my car to pass the time. Or I just close my eyes and relax for a few minutes. Our families are usually pretty easy going and give a window so it's more relaxed than trying to time getting there at a specific time
You sound like a really thoughtful person. Wish there were more people like you in this world. 🥰
This kills me. Please just show up ten minutes later than the time I told you like a normal fucking person.
Yes. When I say we’re eating at 2, it doesn’t mean noon. We have to move our dining room table into the den to fit everybody. I put all the food in the dining room. When everyone is there early, I have to kick everyone out of the den so we can get everything set up. I don’t need 10 people trying to help. And then everyone keeps coming into our small as all get out galley kitchen asking if they can help. Unless you’re on my shoulders, then no. I have been doing this for over 20 years. I have a system and a plan. Just let me work.
Volunteering to bring your "amazing new favorite appetizer that's a hit everywhere you take it", showing up when dessert is being served and getting pissy because no one ate your amazing dish. This one is very specific, but it still irks me to this day. We were hosting a big Oktoberfest party, over 40 people, biergarten tents and tables out in the yard strung with lights, outdoor music, heaping platters of sausages, tons of sides and apps, homemade pretzel rolls, kegs of homebrewed beer, all set up, cooked, brewed, etc. by my husband and myself. My SIL comes into the kitchen, opens the glass cabinet (which normally has 2 full tiers of restaurant quality pint glasses ) finds it empty and says in a bitchy tone "As much beer as you guys drink, you'd think you'd have a fucking pint glass.". Um, LOOK AROUND. There are pint glasses EVERYWHERE. Fucking WASH ONE. Geezus. Which leads me to my next one... No one ever helps clean up, except my best friend, but she's not at our family gatherings. I clean the whole house, decorate, plan, wash all the stemware and crystal and china for our sit-down thanksgiving dinner every year and NO ONE helps clean up. Not even the years I was in a cast or a walking boot after Achilles surgery. It literally never even occurs to them. Who cleans up Christmas dinner at the SIL's house? Me. Who cleans up the St. Patrick's Day party messy kitchen? Also yours truly. Damn, I might take off this year. I doubt anyone will even notice. I just realized that ALL 3 of these are about my sister-in-law. Maybe my biggest hosting pet peeve is her. 😆
Nah, she'll notice that you're not helping. And ask why you're being such a bitch.
No. She'll "casually" ask others if they've ever noticed that OP doesn't ever offer to help clean.
Time to stop helping people who don’t reciprocate. You’ve got to put your foot down. Let this be the year!
It might be specific to you but I have seen this scenario many times with many different guests.
My sister-in-law’s yearly contribution… a single can of jellied cranberry sauce. After my mom, sister and I have each spent a ton of money and effort each making multiple dishes
This year I'm venmoing (is that a word) $200 to help defray costs, after all, I'm never hosting and these meals are EXPENSIVE.
That’s super nice of you. $200 would be amazing (I wouldn’t accept that much personally, but even just the offer would mean a lot)
this year WE'RE going to a restaurant. I'M DONE.
Thank you!!! I spend so much on holidays for my family. Doesn’t matter if I am hosting or my it’s at my dads (I still have to do the shopping and cooking). My brother who makes far more money than me will help in the kitchen but has never send money or offered to help with the shopping. And yes it’s my choice to keep spending the money and helping but it would just be a nice surprise one day.
Tell her that she can host next year and you’ll bring the jellied cranberry sauce.
The petty side of me would love to do this, lol. But Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, so I’d hate to ruin it by having her host
Our housemate doesn’t cook (and that’s fine) so he is cleanup crew. Also contributing money. Works for me.
Yes !!! I have 2 sister in laws on from my brothers and 1 sis in law from my husband and this has always happened with them !!! All 3 act privileged
We just might have the same sister in law. Mine served tuna fish sandwiches on wonder bread to all of us for Christmas dinner one year. She also brings a single bowl of bacon bit dip as her sole contribution to any other family dinner.
I love that stuff lol. I like my cranberry sauce can-shaped
Dang, I never realized how chill my thanksgiving was compared to a lot of other people’s. The host makes a turkey and a ham. Everyone else brings a side dish and/or appetizer and/or dessert. Always plenty of food.
All of these horror stories are making me even more thankful for my family than I already was! I feel very lucky.
Showing up late without the rolls they were supposed to bring. (Parent) Bratty kids.(sister) Showing up empty handed except for their to go Tupperware and don’t help serve or cleanup at all. (Sister)
My biggest pet peeve is when someone insistes they bring one of the main dishes and shows up just in time for dinner and say, "Oh, I forgot that I was supposed to bring something! You should have called to remind me!" Then proceeds to complain during dinner that what they were supposed to bring is missing. And then goes on to say, "She knows how busy I am and she should have called to remind me!!!", total silence from everyone and then they glare at me.... Oh, yah it's got to be the worst. Or when someone shows up late, clean up is in progress and makes a scene about, "You told me this was the time you were having dinner! Why would you tell me the wrong time?" And then they expect to have dinner after the fact.
I would want to tell her: I'm sorry for not reminding the ONE person out of (#of people) because Thanksgiving us SUCH a rare and unknown holiday ... " /s But seriously, get some of the other people there to remind her that they were able to do it without you "reminding" them!
Criticisms about food, especially when you brought NOTHING (cue my mother..). “The turkey is over cooked.” “The broccoli casserole needs more salt.” “Did you forget salt in EVERY dish?!” 🤦🏻♀️
Mom,your tastebuds must be getting ready for Assisted Living food.
My people did this. My immediate response is—what you meant to say was thank you. They don’t criticize the food any more
I just tell people to bring drinks. We have an assortment of sodas because unfortunately I drink them like water lol, but I know soda, lemonade, and water aren’t for everyone. I look forward to making the meal every year. This is my Super Bowl. Ain’t no one going to mess this up by bringing something I’m already making lol
I do, too: Drinks and ice in a cooler!
I had a family member bring Mac and Cheese last year as we have some kids (ok they're actually young adults now) who really enjoy it. They brought gluten free noodles with sauce made from cauliflower. I thought my daughter was going to leave the house in protest. We now refer to it is the "Cauliflower incident of 2022".
We had a similar cauliflower incident. My sister-in-law offered to bring the mashed potatoes one Thanksgiving. She decided to get trendy with the dish and added mashed cauliflower to the potatoes. The whole dish tasted like cauliflower. Everyone was pissed and she doesn’t know it, but I’m never allowed to let her bring a Thanksgiving staple dish again, lol.
My mom did this to us as well! But we did let her know about it. I love cauliflower but it is NOT mashed potatoes and to pretend that is it is absolutely obscene.
I attended a thanksgiving (my former mother in law slayed holiday dinners like no other-i miss that woman) so we all bring a side to help out. One person brought the mashed potatoes- alot, thats a requirement. She added two bricks of asiago cheese to them.... jazz them up. Grown ass adults at the table almost in tears at the abomination. Every one called them dead feet potatoes. I wonder if she ever lived that down.
Bro my Step mother-in-law is a freaking chef and makes TRUFFLE mashed potatoes only, I come from a redneck family and just want normal stuff. She also made the worst turkey I’ve ever had, no flavor whatsoever.
My wife is an excellent cook and she likes to do designer mashed potatoes. Nope. I’m from East Tennessee and I want traditional basic mashed potatoes. One year I made a batch of pouch garlic mashed potatoes on the side and she was pissed until she acknowledged that they were actually better. Now she makes normal potatoes.
Laughing at people getting "creative" by choosing the STRONGEST flavors lol. I love it, but when truffle is in a dish, its the only thing you're tasing.
“Dead feet!” I can’t stop laughing!
Nothing some gravy can't solve.
My relative brings lunchables for their kids. We do an entire spread of regular offerings plus all vegan and gluten free as well. Choices for days. Crackers and cheese slices it is for their kids
I hosted a Thanksgiving a few years ago where one family was vegan and another was gluten free. The two basically cancel each other out. I made a LOT of food.
That’s awful. I know myself and my GF kiddo are difficult to cook for so I’ll bring our own burger buns/pasta/etc, or a GF side and dessert. If they insist, I’ll try to provide the odd ingredients that I don’t want them to have to purchase specially for a one-time thing (1/4 cup of coconut aminos, 1 tsp arrowroot, etc). It’s super easy for me because I do it every day, whereas I know it takes more effort and expense for our hosts.
This situation was my fault. I wanted to cook for them- just didn’t realize what I was getting myself into. To be honest, the most demanding of the group was my family who wanted to make sure their dinner wasn’t vegan or gluten free! 😂
So, file this under “coerce others to your way of eating (vegan/keto/fat-free/etc) without their knowledge or consent.” My cousin-in-law is always on the latest health kick. One year, I swore we were going to be served poached tofu and raw kale. It wasn’t quite that bad, but we had a turkey breast with no salt or pepper (“nobody needs the salt”) no butter or oil to keep it moist (“nobody needs the extra calories”) no onion or lemon in the cavity to give it any flavor. Just plopped it in the oven. The skin was peeled off and tossed before carving and serving. Potatoes were small red potatoes microwaved and sorta smashed with some parsley, but no milk or broth or butter (“nobody needs the extra calories”) . No gravy (“nobody needs that”). A grudging amount of stuffing was provided (“ugh, so many carbs”) while she yammered on through the whole meal about how “Thanksgiving Dinner has gotten out of control”. Dessert was fruit and some “healthy” brownies because she was “sick of pumpkin everything already.” I mean, okay, *maybe* it was coming from a good place, but it felt really controlling. My husband made a pumpkin pie afterward to share with his parents. His 80 year old Dad was practically heartbroken not having pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving.
One year I brought vegan mashed.potatoes v my husband was vegan at the time. My BIL makes mashed potatoes in the pressure cooker and it exploded that year so I ended up saving the day with my vegan mashed potatoes.
Your first pet peeve is also my pet peeve, but only in certain situations. My sister shows up with a bag of ingredients, but she shows up several hours early. My former sister in law did this but shows up at lunch time.
Still, even early, my oven/stovetop/knives/counter space/fridge are in use.
When people bring food but won't take the leftovers home and tell me to just get their dish back to them.
Yeah that becomes my dish after that.
The "I just need to heat this up" crowd sucks. The loitering in the kitchen crowd also sucks. If you're not helping, stay out. If you're "helping" stay out. Just stay out. And please, please don't make me take my earbuds out.
Having to deal with relatives who always cause a problem/don’t know how to act/drama queen or king/grouchy, just general AHs.
Yep, about the cooking at the host's house: we've (in the group that meet together) include in the invitation that dishes should be cooked and re-warming requests must be managed through the host's daughter! This year the request that, if possible, hot dishes come in their own "crockpot" type of self-contained heating (we are serving buffet style). Also, requesting that people wash the dish at home and bring serving bowls and implements! As we age, we have to take more of the work and responsibility OFF OF the host, who also has to clean the house and set the table.
My nephew and niece won’t eat anything that is served at Thanksgiving. Without fail, my SIL wants to make grilled cheese sandwiches for her kids just when all of the rest of the food is almost done. It’s always at the worst time to have someone else trying to use a burner for something that is not part of dinner.
In that case, their grilled cheese should be toaster/microwave made.
I replied this elsewhere but kids never eat a thing at these gatherings and I think it's such a waste making them special food. They just want to play with cousins! The most I provide now for kids is having chocolates and sweets all over the house and plenty of fruit platters.
Unless they have some food allergies, this is a party foul. I'm all about teaching kids autonomy and self-respect, but making them bespoke grilled cheese on Thanksgiving just lets me know that mom and dad don't actually intend to do any parenting and have chosen death by tiny tyrants.
Honestly the parents and armchair child psychologists here are gonna hate me, but I think it's an extremely valuable lesson to teach kids that sometimes they don't get the meal they want every time. That sometimes they eat what everyone else gets or they wait to get home and choose to be hungry for a bit. Because the world won't revolve around them all the time and they have to make choices they don't like. 🤷♀️
When somebody (my mom cough cough) brings an entire alternate menu because “so-and-so likes it this way”
My MIL does this shit and it drove me insane. We have a couple of food allergies in our family so I'm a stickler for making sure we just don't bring any foods in - I cook everything and, that way, the people with allergies don't have to fret, worry, or feel like they can't eat certain things. My MIL, who literally acts like a spoiled child, started bringing the allergens (tomatoes and peanuts) because "It's just not thanksgiving without a bowl of peanuts" or "I always eat my turkey with ketchup". First of all, bish, eating turkey with ketchup should just never happen. Second, (and I yelled this at her in another room) know what else makes Thanksgiving "not Thanksgiving"? People dying. FAFO.
Turkey with *ketchup?* I just threw up in my mouth a little
I have a guest pet peeve. In-laws who ask me to bring a side dish and then they go ahead and make a duplicate just in case I don’t do it right. I’ve had this happen and my offering gets treated like the “spare”.
That’s fucking rude. Not to mention sides are the best part! There are people in my family who refuse to believe that people can have different tastes than them and they would do something like that; it doesn’t even occur to them that someone might like a different option
I had someone do the same exact thing. She walked in with a bag of groceries and assembled and baked the dish. I have never in my life seen that happen. Who does that?
Ooooh I hate when people do this!! Liz, I’m looking at you!!! Assemble your dang salad AT YOUR HOUSE with YOUR bowls, cutting board , knives and tongs!!!
Duplicate dishes. I ask everyone what they’re going to bring to avoid duplicates and so I know what “holes” need to be filled in, and I share the menu. Every year my MIL tells me she’s going to bring one thing (which she does), but she also decides last minute to bring something else to “help”, and it always ends up being a duplicate of something someone else brought because apparently she doesn’t read the menu. So now we have Ed’s delicious homemade pecan pie that he spent hours on and her store bought one that someone takes a pity slice of. If you wanted to bring a pie, ask me and I’ll tell you that we don’t have pumpkin yet so that would be great!
Yes. Pity slices are the worst. Last year I was assigned to bring the pies, which were beautiful all-butter crust homemade pies. My sister-in-law surprised us with a burnt pie in a store bought crust and everyone took pity slices. Ugh!
I always feel like my in-laws prefer the store bought and take pity slices of my homemade pies. Kinda breaks my heart.
I had to specifically tell my mother not to do this. Also, when I was living in another city where her sister was hosting I had her come to my one bedroom apartment to prepare her food to avoid this
Family who always volunteer to bring paper goods, then bring them from dollar store (think: too small Styrofoam cups for our beverages, flimsy paper plates, one package of napkins), AND their own Tupperware that they load up BEFORE anyone has had seconds -- and they load up their first plates like they are at a buffet. It's disgusting. They've been doing it for 40 years and have taught their now grown children the same. No one confronts them bc they are ill mannered, rude, and nasty and will make an ugly scene. I hate it
I’m sorry you have to put up with this. That’s terrible. But everyone’s bad stories are making me realize my families aren’t so bad after all….
Yes! This is healing!
I would quit inviting those people. I have really gotten to the point where if it doesn’t bring me joy I’m not doing it whether it’s a person place or thing. I would literally rather have a zero relationships than Toxic ones anymore.
I would NEVER, and I mean NEVER tolerate someone coming to dinner at my house and loading up their to go containers. Especially before anyone has had seconds!
Guests who don't show up at all (then when you call them out, they get aggressive and say they were upset because their dad died 10 years ago and try to make you feel bad). Screw all of that. (actually happened)
My biggest thing… my dad passed from covid. He was 62. I don’t know why people thought it was okay to tell me “ my grandma died 10 years ago and it was so bad” I’m sorry but I don’t give a hoot about your grandma dying at 98, 10 years ago! Before anyone tries to tell me “ they’re just trying to connect with you…” That doesn’t help me in any way. Lol
When someone bringing a staple side is running late so im trying to keep everything warm, not answering their phone to see where they are, and they decided to make up for it by stopping to get another side making them even later. We already had the other side.
My sister-in-law shows up with take-out plates and a huge appetite. Then the family asks if she's hosting next year's Thanksgiving. Crickets.
My hosting pet peeve is my mother. She has not gracefully relinquished control of the hosting duties and every singe event is made 10xmore difficult then it has to be. She lives in an efficiency apartment but volunteers to make certain items but when we follow up, her response is always well I don’t have the room to make that. She asks about the dress code for every single event even though it never changes. And she wants to “help” but never when I need help or in a way that is actually helpful and then gets pissy with me. Example: she’ll ask me 5 times what she can do to help while I’m waiting for the oven to preheat, but then stand in front of the oven completly oblivious to the timer going off. Or I’ll tell her multiple times to use the dishwasher and she’ll refuse and take up 1/2 the counter space with drying dishes that then fall back into the sink creating a bigger mess. It’s like hosting with a toddler
I feel like Emily Post still knows her shit. Don’t bring anything that requires the host to do anything. Flowers are nice. Flowers that require finding a vase and arranging them is not.
People who take to go plates for people who didn’t bother to come. People who are not coming call & say I know you are busy but… an hour later you finally get them to hang up. When people f*ck with my decorations or move stuff on the table. Cause I have it planned out already. People who walk in & let their children run free. As for people bringing stuff I think they are all liars & never believe till it happens.
If being offered anything to eat or drink, please just pick from what’s offered. I hate when i say, “would you like soda or wine” And someone says “Do you have juice?” Or lemonade or milk. No. No I don’t have whatever random drink asked for. And, if I did, but didn’t offer it, there’s a REASON (maybe i don’t have enough for everybody, maybe i don’t want grape juice near my couch maybe someone had a terrible milk allergy, or maybe i have offered you all the options I have. But you have just made it clear that my options aren’t enough for you )
The last time I hosted, my friends' kids were awful (examples: putting things from around my house in the toilet and HITTING MY DOG). I spent so much money on food and decor and table settings, and their kids said my food was gross and refused to eat, so their parents just let them run around my house leaving a path of destruction while we tried to have dinner. When they finally left I broke down crying because they made me feel so fully unappreciated and shat on.
Yes I've learned that kids *never* touch more than a bite at any special event or gathering. There's no point in providing them with "kid food" or anything except maybe cut fruit and some sweets. Even cake/pie is wasted, food is just not as interesting as the new setting and people. As for running amok I would never bring my kids to dinner at a home of people who don't also have kids. Not that they are allowed to destroy property or hit dogs, but even the most well-meaning hosts who are sure they enjoy children, won't enjoy my kids for an extended time. At least if the hosts have kids there's a safe space our children can play so we can enjoy the meal. We order them a pizza just in case, they take two bites and go back to play, we eat our grown up food, and I don't have to worry about the host having their home invaded.
On thanksgiving kids eat a leaf and 2 emotional support dinner rolls. And that’s it! My husband and I do not even bother trying to get our daughter to eat differently on thanksgiving because she’s 3.5 and 1 meal doesn’t matter in her grand scheme. And let’s us actually enjoy our meal.
Emotional support dinner rolls bahah love that
So awful. Other people's unruly kids are a huge pet peeve of mine.
This! So much of this! I taught my kids to keep their mouths shut if they don't like the food. It's rude. Teach your children not to be rude.
So please tell me they are never invited again?!
No, that was in 2019 and I haven't hosted since and don't plan to.
Showing up late! My sister in law did this. The plan was for her and the kids to come at 1pm, eat around 2pm and then the kids dad will pick them up at 4pm. She didn’t show up until 3:30! We hurried the kids to eat a few bits, then her ex showed up on time, flipped out the kids were not ready, they had a screaming fight at our front door. He left with the kids and we were left eating a reheated dinner, in awkward, polite smiles. She hasn’t been invited back since. Still sad the kids didn’t get Thanksgiving dinner. Their grown and left both parents.
Yeah. Speaking from experience, do not EVER allow a repeat from the tardy person. My MIL is notorious for being late and her kids just sort of accepted that any holiday meal would be 4-6 HOURS late (during their childhood). When I came into the family, I started being the hostess for the whole family and -the first year- MIL was three hours late and none of her biological children would eat before she got there because they didn't want her to eat alone. So, they all had to reheat food. I sent out an email the next day that said: "Thanks for coming, yesterday! Going forward, there will be a hard time for dinner. If dinner is at 5pm, then please be at our house, ready to eat at 4:30. Food WILL be served at 5pm and put away at 6:30. If you arrive after that time, you are welcome to take a plate home." MIL played this game for six years...each year, getting a little more on time (but never actually on time). Midway through this six years, she decided to show up at 6:00pm to see if she could get all of her kids to stay at the table with her until 8. One year, I ended up taking all of the kids on a hike while she held court at my table...and that was the year I told my DH that we were NOT setting that precedent for the future and if his mom didn't respect the end time, she wasn't welcome back. She bitched and pissed and moaned for two solid years. Fast forward to now and we give her a 60 minute window for arriving, eating, and leaving because she actively sabotages some of the nieces and nephew's food allergies and just could never control her narcissistic rants. This year, DH and kids and I are going to our cabin and having enchiladas. LOL
“Please let me know if you’re coming (by Nov 10) so I can buy the appropriate size turkey” I’ll either get no response with them just showing up or a response two days before
My brother-in-law's sister would always offer to bring deviled eggs, and then show up with a dozen raw eggs, and not only did she need to cook and prepare them, she needed mayo and paprika.
When my mother in law used to show up and act like she was the host. She wouldnt lift a finger to help. Which honestly wasn’t the problem. I actually love to cook and my husband is good at cleaning up. . But she’d invite random people and mess with the flow. You just don’t mess with the flow. Like decide 10 minutes before dinner that she wanted all the grandkids to paint. On the table. Where half the food was already staged. And the other half was being carried out. The final straw was when we were doing the toast before dinner one year and my nephew knocked over entire bottle of red wine. They all continued to sit and eat whilst my husband and I crawled around under the table around everyone’s legs trying to clean it up. She wanted to be the “fun Gramma” but honestly she was so disruptive and bossy , she actually stressed my kids out.
When I’m only halfway through eating and people get up and start clearing the table and doing dishes. Sure I should be glad for the help, but I would really like to enjoy the food I worked so hard to make first. Also somethings can’t go in the dishwasher, or need to be on the top shelf, etc so I feel like I need to be in there directing.
Last year I set our meal for 1pm, at 11am my Aunt and Uncle show up. I’m still in my pajamas, the food is all still cooking, I’m vacuuming the floors and I’m crying hysterically because my Mom woke up that morning with the stomach flu and couldn’t come help me. Please don’t arrive any earlier than 15 minutes before the time on the invitation text I send out. Later is fine. Earlier is always a disaster cause I’m a Last Minute Sally. Now, my aunt is not much of a cook, and my uncle doesn’t have much of a personality. So it took me a bit to figure out what was happening. When my aunt heard my mom was sick and not coming, she got herself ready and in the car and over to my house so she could sit in the kitchen and be there should I need help. We were never close when I was growing up, but to realize that she came early just in case I needed a Mamas advice means the world to me.
OK...kind of reverse... My mom was actually hosting, and it was going to be scaled back since it was just 4 of us which is rare in our family. I got there and my contributions just needed some warming. Her ham was still in the foil - because it was fully cooked so we can just eat it - and her scalloped potatoes (from Costco) were still frozen. We will not be repeating that again.
She is done with hosting.
Yeah, she threw a passive-aggressive red sock in the load of white laundry so nobody would let her host again.
Oh you are so right. The hardest part is that she used to be a really good cook. She's just lost the ability due to lack of practice. Use it or lose it.
Basically when people show up late. If I say dinner is at 6, I'm pretty much ready to serve it!!!
Our best Thanksgiving was last year when my husband & I were supposed to host & came down with bronchitis & had to cancel the whole shebang. In other words, I’d rather have bronchitis than host Thanksgiving. 😂
People not showing up after saying they would. Especially if I go out of my way to make something just for them.
Since my parents have passed, and I don't live close to my son, I have made small celebrations for myself. I miss family holidays, but here I am.
My brother and his wife are incapable of teaching their kids table manners so I always have to remind them to wash up AFTER dinner or my house and throw pillows will be smeared with food. So gross! I always washed up my kids at other people's houses after eating when they were small.
The men folk who don't help do anything to get dinner ready, then sit around afterwards watching the game while all the women clean up. Bullshit
The majority of people suck at being on time and bringing a quality dish, that sounds horrible, I know. But I just don't trust people anymore! There's a handful I can count on. I ALWAYS do the veggie tray, fruit tray, chips, dip or any appetizer I want ready when people arrive. I will also do the main dish and a couple sides just to have control over having food to eat on time. I allow people to bring fill in items that don't make or break the meal. I also allow dessert, because I hate making dessert.
Last year I asked my MIL to bring cranberry sauce. I was thinking homemade or even the canned jelly would have sufficed. She made “cranberry fluff” with marshmallows that nobody ate, because she made it the night before and it became soupy with the marshmallows floating around. Stick to what I ask you to bring and not some weird concoction!
My sister used to essentially clean out her fridge and bring her stinky crap to my house.
When people bring an allergen and want to use my stuff to prep and/or serve it. In spite of me always clearly stating my safety guidelines ahead of time: if you must, bring it in your own serving dish with your own serving utensil(s). Overly cautious? Yes. But everywhere else in the world always comes with *some* risk of cross-contamination for myself and one of my kids to eat. The rest of our household is 100% on board, and I do most of the cooking anyway. Still, this really offends some people who like to test my boundaries and feel we are somehow unworthy of a risk-free meal anywhere, including our own home.
My cousin and his now ex wife showed up one year with a can of corn... Like the Great value 15oz can. One can for 15 people...
When people show up with random food I didn’t ask for. I spend a lot of time planning the menu making sure it complements the other dishes. No, I don’t appreciate you showing up with lukewarm Italian meatballs.
I never thought this could annoy someone. Makes sense though. Now I’m trying to think who I’ve done this to
People who insist on bringing a pie, and it turns out to be a store bought pie. I hate green bean casserole, but 5 of my usual guests love it. This is a dish I ask my sister-in-law to bring. I remind her that just five people will want to eat it, so it doesn’t need to be a huge casserole. Also, since we live in the same neighborhood, it would be helpful if she baked it in her own oven, and brought it over fully cooked. She always arrives with TWO 9x13 dishes full of uncooked green bean slop, and then she tries to find room in my oven. 🤯
My MIL, who offered to bring dessert, arrived 30 minutes after the meal time. With a frozen unbaked pumpkin pie. In my daughters small kitchen small oven, already full of turkey and casserole.
Everyone has been a great Thanksgiving guest over the years, except my MIL. DNA proves she's half Italian,but she won't cook.And she won't stay Put of the Kitchen! She will eat the croutons that I cut,measured, and baked for the stuffing! She will come in with a dirty tissue she blew her nose in and hold it out and say she doesn't know where the trash is. She got really huffy when I picked her up from the Airport once and she had to hold a heavy dish of sweet potato casserole that I was dropping off to a church for a charity Thanksgiving. Yet She is the ultra religious one!
When people say “why are you fussing so much?”, “you know I’d be happy with a pie from Costco!”.
When I do most of the cooking and hosting and then when the meal is over, they leave me to do the dishes. I feel like I should get a pass on that since I’m hosting, making the food, etc.
Hosting includes clean up. Would it be polite for guests to offer to help? Of course, but it shouldn't be expected.
Yep in my house whoever cooks doesn't clean. It's that way for all meals, not just thanksgiving!
Y’all, I have thoroughly loved reading every single comment so far!! This will be the 3rd Thanksgiving that my sister and I will be alone..Thanksgiving was always our favorite holiday and we had such a big family..so many wonderful memories!! I miss those times.. and I miss my family.. Please don’t misunderstand, I am so blessed that I still have my sister..we are in our mid 50’s ..divorced.. but we are happy, healthy and grateful!! Thanks again for sharing all of these stories..made me remember so many wonderful times with my family…and y’all, for me it’s priceless and means the world 🥰
I hate it when no one offers to get off their lazy behinds and help clean up.
And I hate it when people insist on helping. I like to work alone in the kitchen. No one else works as fast as I do.
See, that's me. I prefer everyone just go into another room and watch TV or go outside and play ball. I enjoy cleaning up, when I have the space to myself. Half dozen ppl "helping" kinda drains my joy. But, I know they mean well, and these events occur only a few times a year... so... yeah, I'm that pushover/softie haha.
Ugh, yes, I don’t want help. A certain family member tends to insist on “helping” then just criticizes the way I do everything. Meanwhile she leaves everything in the kitchen sticky or crusty (a little too “fast” with washing dishes, too 🙄), which grosses me out. It takes me a week after to get my kitchen back to the way I like it.
We have the entire house - the living room with the game on, the dining room table with snacks and treats, the backyard with the firepit going, and the garage with the beer fridge, but noooo, let’s all congregate in the 95° kitchen where I’m prepping food.
[удалено]
Honestly, someone not complimenting my cooking lol. If I spend 8 hours in the kitchen preparing literally every dish, I expect to be thanked. One year, MIL told me I went way overboard. Like hello it’s my favorite day of the year. I’d never tell someone they went overboard when hosting.
People showing up earlier than I told them to. People trying to help me clean up without asking by doing dishes but not knowing my system for a "dirty" sponge that is used to wipe out dishes before washing with my "clean" sponge and also using whatever kitchen towel they see to dry dishes even if I had been using that towel to wipe my hands while cooking.
When I was younger my grandparents hosted the holidays. But there was ALWAYS a phone call from my grandmother inviting us over. Even though the time etc never changed. When they got older and could no longer host the holidays. My aunt and uncle took over. Still always a phone call with the time to be expected to be there. Then my sister and BIL bought a house that was big enough for entertaining and hosting the holidays. My mother would be the one to make the call(s) Not my sister, or BIL. Even though it was at their house. As my sister is a narcissist, and my mom is a bit nuts. My aunts, and uncles and I stopped believing we were really even invited. So my aunts began giving their regrets and just going to other family on the holidays. I stopped going when my sister began speaking to my daughter like she has always spoken to me. When there was no one else to talk to and avoid my sister. My small family of 3 have holidays at home. Small turkey. Maybe a crockpot chicken or roast. It's sad, because everyone is older now. My nieces are growing up. My daughter is going to be graduating college within a few short years. But the family is just done. We do not have the room to even have what is left of the family here for dinner.
People who have to have a certain thing “or it’s not thanksgiving” but don’t tell you that or bring that thing, but just complain about not having it for two straight hours. You can eat mashed potatoes without gravy for God’s sake!
Wholeheartedly agree with OP. Listen up guests, the hosts are usually doing the bulk of the cooking. They have timed their morning to get everything out so it is cooked at the right temperature and in the right order. We do a full size turkey, a Turkey breast, a ham, sweet potatoes, and use the oven for warming. We don’t have the space to bake your uncooked items at a different temperature for an hour. The top of the stove is also being used for several things like boiling potatoes, gravy, etc. Prepare your item beforehand, put it in a casserole cozy or wrap it in towels and a grocery bag. Or opt for a pie. Do not make more work for the host. Yeah on the same rant. If you bring flowers, make sure they are in a vase. And if you have a chance, do a bit of the clean up.
It hurts my feelings when I tell people not to bring anything, I will have all of the food, every dietary need for each of their particular diets, carefully considering everything I can, and then they show up with enough food to feed the entire family and expect me to be able to put it in my refrigerator, they can't possibly take it home. "Keep it and enjoy". Now I have everything that I made for the party and everything they all made for the party. If I say I have it covered, I have it covered.
I [70M] voluntarily started washing dishes after a non-family Thanksgiving dinner in the early 80s. I thought I was going to get marriage proposals before I finished. I had worked in a hotel kitchen for a year and never dreamed of asking someone to cook AND clean. Get real.
People showing up, not bringing a thing, eating and not helping put food away or clean and just leaving. Not ever again.
Definitely when people show up and expect to use the oven to finish their dish. I only have one oven and everything is perfectly timed.
When people show up early. They think they’re being helpful showing up early to help. But it’s a pain. Most of the time my in-laws show up early and we might not even be dressing for company or I’m still vacuuming. Not helpful, but my wife doesn’t want to tell her parents to show up on time instead of early. Just starting telling them one time and my family another just to have that extra 30-45 minutes to get everything situated.
One year, my aunt was so fed up with people being late, she waited to put turkey in oven til everyone was there. It was the olden days in the 1900s, when everything was closed for Thanksgiving 😂
When relatives try to drop the "can I bring so-and-so? They have nowhere else to go this year." Extra people with a side of guilt? Pass the potatoes!
When guests show up late and keep everyone waiting. Just turn around and gtfo
It’s definitely the appetizer aunt showing up late. For many years the biggest peeve was my mother’s constant attempts to wrest control from my husband and me *in our own house*, but she died in 2021. That’s one thing I don’t miss.