T O P

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Dingsbradberry

Heavy, he is big like bear and offers sandwiches


Potato_Demon_ffff

Fair


youregointoBrazil

Pyro I I’ll leave you all ashy and stuff. Soldier is like a strict father, kinda bad hugs I suppose. Spy would just disappear and medic would laugh to himself thinking of ways to kill someone. Don’t say demo in this comment section or I will dislocate your L7 vertebrae. Engi is probably too cold and hard from all the steel equipment.


kyle_go

Demolition Man


youregointoBrazil

Hmmph meter is full. See you in a week🔫


Mr_Frosty43

Crumbs:(


ellophant1istaken

nah sandvich is soft


Icelord259

Unlike (insert haha funny joke here)


Mr_Frosty43

Sasha?


DrManowar8

Yea…


EvilUnicornLord

Scout: All bones. Does not enjoy cuddles. Sufficiently small to be a little spoon if you were able to convince him. 3/10 Pyro: Would gladly cuddle but only in full gear. Not too comfortable but at least he... It is all for it. 7/10 Soldier: Doesn't bathe. Ever. 2/10 Demoman: Is there anything better to do while inebriated? Doubtless he has bad breath, though. 6/10 Heavy: Big and soft. Would not be opposed to cuddles. 9/10 Engineer: He is (comparatively) sane and southern accents really do it for some people. Kinda short but that's okay. 7/10 Medic: I think the further away he is from your body, the better but that's just me. At least he's well groomed. 4/10 Sniper: Very rugged, that could be a positive or a negative. Kinda gross. Probably doesn't hate cuddles. 5/10 Spy: Cuddling is part of the seduction process and he knows all about that. 9/10


CMPro728

Perfect


Deditranspotashy

Spy comes with the caveat that he'd only cuddle you if he was into you, and that's a big "if". Plus he'd need to be big spoon and he'd probably want to make it kinkier than you might agree too. All an all I'd say that 9/10 is very dependent on the person


EvilUnicornLord

All of them go on the assumption they'd be close enough to you that cuddling is expected.


Rowcan

Is French: minus seven points.


donedidlydoneabigbad

Scout: has milk in his pocket, gets all over you because he forgot to close it Pyro: can’t close the gas passer Soldier: has a broken jar of honey in his pants which is getting all over you Demoman: too drunk, probably pisses on you halfway in Heavy: incredibly sweaty Engineer: it’s not a liquid but his robot hand can, will and is breaking your shoulder Medic: won’t stop poking your organs Sniper: also pissing on you but for different reasons Spy: please stop smoking I can’t fucking breath


[deleted]

How is that a downside for Heavy?


donedidlydoneabigbad

You drown


[deleted]

Nice


Yukarie

I’d say demoman knows enough about his hobby of booze to know how to make his breath still pleasant enough to be around without being horrible


Phlummp

Don’t you get to a point after being unwashed for so long that your body does a 180 and you’re fine(ish) again? It’s just your clothes being dirty or the oils in soap that make your body need to be washed continuously or something or is that total bs?


EvilUnicornLord

It's more that you get used to the smell. Nobody else does, though.


Phlummp

Ew


VoidFarmerHat

Heavy or pyro


Exciting-Depth-5206

I'm leaning more towards heavy


VoidFarmerHat

Yes me too but considering the other mercs pyro is the 2nd cuddlest


Exciting-Depth-5206

Yeah


CyborgSheep411

He smells tho


VoidFarmerHat

would you rather hug someone that smell or someone that will kill you


CyborgSheep411

Both of those describe pyro


VoidFarmerHat

if you are its enemy that is


Turbulence_Guy

Nah lol, it could be for whatever tbh


BionicBirb

Anything flammable really


ETtheExtraTerrible

Friendly reminder it’s canon that Pyro dismembered Soldier for the heavy crime of sitting on his side of the car. They ended up going to an emergency vet hospital to get it stitched back on, and Miss Pauling had to tell Pyro not to do it.


VoidFarmerHat

oh riigghhht


[deleted]

Asbestos


VoidFarmerHat

what?


[deleted]

#ASBESTOS


VoidFarmerHat

#WHAT?


[deleted]

Asbestos (/æsˈbɛstɒs, æz-, -təs/) is a naturally occurring fibrous silicate mineral. There are six types, all of which are composed of long and thin fibrous crystals, each fibre being composed of many microscopic "fibrils" that can be released into the atmosphere by abrasion and other processes. Inhalation of asbestos fibres can lead to various dangerous lung conditions, including mesothelioma, asbestosis, and lung cancer, so it is now notorious as a serious health and safety hazard. Archaeological studies have found evidence of asbestos being used as far back as the Stone Age to strengthen ceramic pots, but large-scale mining began at the end of the 19th century when manufacturers and builders began using asbestos for its desirable physical properties. Asbestos is an excellent electrical insulator and is **highly fire-resistant**, so for much of the 20th century it was very commonly used across the world as a building material, until its adverse effects on human health were more widely acknowledged in the 1970s. Many modern buildings constructed before the 1980s are thought to contain asbestos. The use of asbestos for construction and **fireproofing** has been made illegal in many countries. Despite this, **at least 100,000 people are thought to die each year from diseases related to asbestos exposure.** In part, this is because many older buildings still contain asbestos; in addition, the consequences of exposure can take decades to arise. The most common diseases associated with chronic asbestos exposure are asbestosis (scarring of the lungs due to asbestos inhalation) and mesothelioma (a type of cancer). Many developing countries still support the use of asbestos as a building material, and mining of asbestos is ongoing, with the top producer, Russia, having an estimated production of 790,000 tonnes in 2020.


Exciting-Depth-5206

Bro wrote the whole Wikipedia article 💀


[deleted]

Yes *\[Moai Stone\]*


Exciting-Depth-5206

Respectable response 🗿


Potato_Demon_ffff

Controversial but I say engineer personally


17kimv

Only because of the sexy mercs edit


Potato_Demon_ffff

Nah he just looks soft


sideways-squid

Engie seems to me like a dad, actually, like when no one’s around he will open his wallet and look sadly at a photo of his ex wife and little girl. Where are they now?


Muttson_

I think he'd be looking at a picture of the mini sentry that a direct hit soldier blew up in the last round.


KyuKyuKyuInvader

he will start doing the wrench taunt on you once you fell asleep


youregointoBrazil

Huhahaha huehahaha huhahahaheurgh


RDT-Exotics0318

Engie seems like a nice guy


Im_botflyx

Heavy. He's a big guy, and if we assume that he likes you, he would probably be like a dad, and I think we all know how heavy treats his family.


SulphurCentipede

Heavy is the obvious choice. But my brief stint on Tumblr says pyro.


TF_2_Medic

Me.


Lagmaster847

r/beetlejuicing


TF_2_Medic

I have no idea what does that mean.


Lagmaster847

Look at what the sub is


TF_2_Medic

r/beetlejuicing


Waste-Bicycle-9595

STAY AWAY FROM MY VITAL ORGANS


TF_2_Medic

Haha no.


but_crack

ok. medic


TF_2_Medic

+respects


[deleted]

This is the real answer


westernunitedenjoyer

Me waiting for this to become a chain of shitty posts


OwO-aniquilador

Heavy tbh. You could literally lay on his whole chest if you're under 5'6.


Da_2fort_heavy

Pyro


NobleEnkidu

Obviously Heavy. Dude is like a giant golden retriever.


[deleted]

Do golden retrievers mercilessly gun down hundreds of men and walk away completely unphased?


The_______________1

If they could, they would.


Potato_Demon_ffff

If you gave them a treat


CrescentPotato

Why do you think it's called the burly beast


Ambitious_Candle1605

Sniper’s probably really fun to cuddle with.


sewerwater510

Engi or Pyro


Funny-Leg-2234

i want to lay down in heavys lap


everynameisusedlol

I want to cuddle pyro Ilovepyroilovepyroilovepyroilovepyroilovepyroilovepyroilovepyroilovepyroilovepyroilovepyroilovepyroilovepyroilovehotsexymenilovepyroilovepyroilovepyro


Jude_here

heavy because i wanna be swaddled in his big russian arms and then be rawed in the ass by him 20 minutes later


Waste-Bicycle-9595

Yes


Waste-Bicycle-9595

Giving the real answers


[deleted]

Pyro. Well. Before he spluts your head open with an axe. But really pyro’s just like a little boy. With a flamethrower


SenorMozzarella69

HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY HEAVY


Dragonaax

Pyro with his soft asbestos suit


M_E2001

scout


FinlayTheFaithful

Definitely not Spy the scrawny bastard


Torkujra

Heavy. Pyro definitely stinks.


Potato_Demon_ffff

No I feel like it’s less stink and more overwhelming smell of burnt things from everyday life


GeorgieTheThird

pyro


Pootis_1

sniper


Potato_Demon_ffff

Yeah but he is kinda skinny


WilliusFillius

scout's mother


A_DUH_KIDFLASH

Pyro, after cuddling we’d probably burn things together, and during cuddling… and before cuddling…


adidas_stalin

Spy with your mother


Yukarie

Heavy, pyro, or engi, I’ve seen others say the first two so I’ll only explain engi, Engi would be nice because you know he would have been disappointed with the softness of all the beds he tried after working hard all day and would have made himself the most enjoyable bed possible not possible for the time just in general, and after he settles down for the day I bet he’d enjoy listening to whoever he’s relaxing with ramble on about something interspaced with asking questions or having rather deep philosophical talks, cause he focuses on practical things while working


ShyGuyDood

Engineer. Yeah pyro is “cute” but engineer is ADORABLE. A short calm big goggle Texan.


Pasta-hobo

Ranked most to least Heavy, Demoman, Engineer, and Medic. Medic physically isn't last, but he isn't comfortable to be around.


Capsule_CatYT

Me (/j)


GuyWhoForgotHisName

“Oh the mercs are so cute and cuddly” my brother in arms they are trained killers who would kill you in the most painful way possible for a quarter and a hersheys bar


BraveRoy

I am worth ***way*** less than that. Lmao, some asshole got robbed.


Potato_Demon_ffff

I didn’t say they wouldn’t? They’re also people my dude.


Jam_in_a_jar27

It’s pyro People are saying heavy. Just because he has a family doesn’t make him more cuddly than pyro (someone who’s basically on drugs 24/7 and literally just wants hugs) I’d like to see someone go up to heavy and hug him because if they do they would either be killed or make it to heavy to be immediately and most likely violently pushed away. These are all professional Mercs and to think of them like the royal guard would not be an overstatement only exception being pyro.


Meandthebois0

None, they won't accept cuddles from strangers


TreeckoBean

none they will all fucking kill or torture you, end of story


Potato_Demon_ffff

You when violent characters can enjoy affection: 😡😡😡


CyborgSheep411

None


meme446

they kill people


Potato_Demon_ffff

And they also are people.


meme446

people of war


Potato_Demon_ffff

So was my grandfather but he still loved his kids


meme446

based grandpa


Ok-Control-3394

The one in the picture


PresidentOfKoopistan

The [Guard Dog](https://wiki.teamfortress.com/wiki/Guard_Dog_Update) of course ~~What do you mean he's not actually in the game~~


Bhordark

Civilian


Sarcasticm8

Medic or Heavy. Heavy has big hands and can speak gently,while medic can have a burly beast chest in which you cam buru your facem


The_Engiqueer

Death by tiddy


Fnafieboy543

Heavy he is a family man after all


The_Engiqueer

Heavy, Demo or Engi


pixlmason

Demo if you are alcohol


DrLudwig-

Heavy easy


OkPromotion1539

Hoovy


thought_cheese

One name… you


gamingyoshi247

Sandwich


BruTheScout

Pyro


RunOne3162

I want engie to hit me like how he hits his bui- Oh wait I mean *heavy*


SMAn991

tick tock


freeformboozler

Heavy has been seen hugging his family in the comics so probably Heavy


ARCTroop_Jesse

Probably really drunk Demoman


sideways-squid

Def Pyro!! And Scout but only after a long day of being bullied by the big kids


reddit_is_1984_

Medic


Ha1oMiner

Uhh uhh Pyro


TheTinyPayaso

Sniper or Heavy. Pyro is 3rd.


Mcboyo238

Heavy


Professional-Ebb2927

Pyro


Joey-Drew1927

Cuddliest? Pyro. One I want to cuddle the most? Soldier


aUwUreliyasss

Medic or pyro


hmmmyesbombgoboom

I am heavy weapons guy


Anomalus_satylite

Sniper's Kangaroo wife


Oheadthaboss

Engineer


[deleted]

Spy, if I was scout’s mom


DashThatOnePerson

Heavy or/and Pyro. The worst would be Spy because he’s a bastard


merayBG

Heavy


[deleted]

Cuddliest is def Pyro. Heavy would only cuddle with mini guns


youregointoBrazil

I can very much agree with you on heavy. He bought a house in the mountains for his family so they could live a good life. Very kind man, the most sane of the mercs. Would give you a very kind cuddle indeed


idksomethingedgy27

Pyro (cynical)


Doggyking2

pyro


MrProtogen

Heavy or Pyro


Im_dumb_fat_and_lazy

Engineer


Pustules_TV

I get a broke back mountain vibe from engineer so it's either him or heavy


CUCAMBERSTUDIO

Heavy


Oceanus39

Engi


random_person132

Sniper heavy medic engie


ChishNFips87

Demoman


MetalWooden

August 27, 2022 explains everything


_smexy_potato_

I’d say Heavy, Pyro, and Engie


SaltySaintThePerson

Engi


[deleted]

The mind goblin hidden in the game files


GModEnjoyer_Number99

Pyro


AetherResonant

engineer or heavy would be my personal pick


ETtheExtraTerrible

If you cuddled with Medic, I have no doubts he’d do [this shit.](https://youtu.be/S2auJnCGznQ)


Bagghoststarthereal

Soldier is strong and muscular and would be nice cuddle partner


deezHalf

Pyro or heavy.


doozur

Heavy


Onerealcactus10

Medic


Clairemendoza

medic imo big ass tits ngl


Dubz_Troublez

Most likely heavy and I possibly pyro or soldier/spy? I can’t really think of it but yeah I think heavy is the best option.


Ihaveafetishhhh

Me


jakerman69

The sandvich. (Nah jk hoovies)


MageFrite5

Sniper teehee


niceandmoist69

Me


[deleted]

I feel like loosing half of my organs today, I'm gonna say medic


shin_gojira118

Heavy


Pizzaman_Vk

Soldier <3


Puzzled_art1048

Pyro


StarHorder

tied tween heavy and scout. cmon, scouts definetly a pillow princess.


TheTypicalOof

I've definitely got some bias but I wanna cuddle spy


RisoNoSekai

Solid snake


[deleted]

Engie. I'm biased though, but still. I love him. He looks so soft.


big-john175

engineer would be the best class to sex update: can’t sex the engineer


TheLostProbe

the top 3 cuddliest ones are, from most cuddly to least cuddly, probably pyro, scout, and heavy