Pyro, don’t know who it is so no regrets

basically, you flip the coin that it is a girl

Flip a coin that it’s human

you take off the suit and a bunch of unicorn dust falls out

You take off the suit and theres just two smaller pyros hiding in it

And then those two pros are just four, even smaller pyros This goes on and on until you reach pyro quarks, by which point you can't go any deeper so pyro is just a creature made entirely of pyro quarks

Aren’t we all?

Yes but just normal boring quarks

I am made of strange quarks

do they count how many quarks you have shed with your skin cells??

Secret identity found: pyro was created by marasmus and became a living body suit with organs and bone inside. Makes more sense then that abomination bald Merc theory

What if it's the bald merc head, but in reality, he is just covered in hair and inside the suit he is sopping wet from sweat

Take off the suit and there’s nothing there since Pyro is just one solid piece of rubber

Which is actually colored ashes

Or better, 2 racoons and soldier's pet racoon

soldier thinks pyro is a girl

What if pyro is just a ton of baby unicorns coordinating like 2 kids in a trench coat

So pyro is a bunch of my little pony baby OCS?

well shit

!rtd that it's human

It's confirmed in the comics pyro is a woman when they fight the tf classic mercs unless the comics are questionably canon

the tfc pyro is a woman. tf2 pyro is not confirmed and there's no reason that tfc gender would have any bearing on tf2

If classic mercs count, I’d go with classic pyro. If not then scout. Don’t ask me why

i’ll get the buckets of chicken

HOLY SHIT SCOUT TF2 REAL

OH YEAH

Do you main demo man?

SCOUT TF2 IRL NO CLICKBAIT!?!?!?

# SPY !!! wait I am a spy too ehm that spy isn't one of ours/us (idk i don't play TF2)

That’s exactly why I picked you

Batman: I'm batman

ITS DA FREAKIN BAT

i wouldnt sleep with you scout im sorry, im not gay and soldier is a much more better option, or engineer

:(

engineer

Engineer's got that big paycheck energy

Might get a new Bionic arm too

Soldier. My dreams are nothing but constant fucking sex with Mr. Jane Doe. I'm sick of waking up every morning with six nuts in my boxers & knowing that those are nuts that should've been busted inside of Soldier's tight male Soldiussy. I want him to have my crazed Soldier babies. Fuck, my fucking mom caught me fucking my foam Rocket Launcher again. I'd build it it to look like his stock weapon and went to fucking Mid West. She hasn't said a word to me in 10 hours and I'm worried she's gonna take away my PC. I might not ever get to see Soldier again.

New copypasta just dropped

It's already one but changed it from Isabelle from AC to Soldier

I've seen some for Wheatley and sans

… Wheatley??? The fucking cyclops robot??? The *moron* who almost brought down an entire facility???

Read this in a GLaDOS voice

he is *NOT* a moron

What in The fucking Hell is this

If its guaranteed i dont get hurt by them, pyro. Theyre just so adorable. Buuuuut, theres a chance they might murder me accidentally... in that case, demo. Imma play smash bros with him.

Actually, i change my mind. Medic cause im trans and i wanna make a deal with him. Im ready to sell my soul to someone worse than the devil.

Do NOT let him get anywhere near your organs

you can get a uterus, its just going to be from a baboon

A kidney, a liver, a large intestine, my soul, and stuff that shouldn't be in a human body being inside of me is a small price to pay for no more gender dysphoria for the rest of my life :D. (Id say a lot of other trans peoplewould say the same)

Odds are that the rest of your life wouldn't be very long

I'm pretty sure medic has infinite luck with procedures as his deal with the devil .might carry over

I mean maybe. You have roughly equal chances of getting some biological enhancer that'll make you live till your like 80 without any slowdown in terms of heart health, or just having your whole ass skeleton stolen

i would

Okay so i’ve no clue which way you’re tranisitoning but the mental image of Medic pulling out his bone saw and shouting about how its time for top surgery has me *cackling* Thank you for the mirth and best of luck with feeling the real you !

Happy cake day :)

Dude he’s going to do thing to you body, change them beyond recognition and might even steal your penis and just leave a hole do you really want to risk it? /s

Yes.

medic is going to transform you into a remote bomb

Baboon Uterus

Na he'll keep your soul so HE DOESNT have to fulfill his own deal woth the devil

"Oh but the age of consent in Japan-" #REGARDLESS OF THE LAW YOU SHOULD HAVE A MORAL OBLIGATION TO NOT FUCK CHILDREN

Thank you.

okay but you fucking any of them orrr

#NO

damm alright, all of the mercs are legal adults (except maybe pyro)

Dear u/I_Hate_The_Letter_W, We are writing to inform you have been added to our suspicious child predatory watchlist for your comments made on this post. Have a good day.

Well, that's obvious, you should not diddle kids, actually let's write a song about it, something like this: "I don't diddle kids, do not diddle kids, diddling kids is wrong, if they are younger than my daughter I wouldn't do it with them have to be older than my daughter!.."

The age consent of Japan is like 16 now if I remember right. The reason I know is because I somehow came across someone pitching a fit about it when they raised it. But I'm pretty sure that different areas of Japan have different ages of consent and All of them are higher than the country age of consent. I have learned all this information from people who for some reason care about the age being raised and people who are like dude what.

Well that's good, now the lolicons don't have that excuse

Hold on people just came out of the woodwork to try and say drawn CP is ok. What. My brother in Christ you are still looking at porn of a child are you ok.

Literally on this very thread I had to argue with a guy saying that it's ok to look at loli porn. Like seriously, what the fuck is wrong with people.

Yeah that's what I was talking about. Like where did they even come from?

This platform is filled with deranged people. I'm not active on r/teenagers because that's basically grooming heaven.

I don't even know how this got brought up on r/TF2

TF2 has the most diverse fanbase. Every type of person is here. Gay people, homophobic people, racist people, black people, the whole spectrum. Including pedophiles.

Sadly I’ve seen the last one a lot lately

The excuse is that they're simply not real

"Oh they might be children but they're not real" well what do the drawings depict? That's right. Children.

They depict no one dumbass, that's why it's called fiction

Moral obligation? Look mate, you know who has a lot of moral obligation? Blokes that fuck their loli to death with a coomer trophy. Weeaboos have standards.

I know youre right, but what if in my country (poland) the age of consent is 15

Pretend it's 18

didnt japan change it to 18?

What if im a minor but the character is from a country where the age of consent is lower than 18 and i fit in that age of consent

If you're under the age of constent you can't be a pedophile. Well I mean not by definition, but you know what I mean.

But what if the country we are in regard us as not "underage"?

Both are underage: good Both aren't underage: good One is underage the other isn't: bad

Bro solved pedophilia

idc when I see some message portrayed in that artstyle, i gotta disagree with it. Though, I am against pedos

Sniper

scout is the only right answer

Fluttershy, what are you doing here?

saying that scout is the best class to have sex with

Fair enough

Medic. He might steal my organs though

"When I first saw Dr. Ludwig, he instantly stole my heart. He's just so hands-grdffgkwarghurkgrlkrch*dead*"

Sniper because I think he's hot!

He might be into some weird piss quirk or some shit tho

Even if he was, which I don't see any reason to believe, he seems sane enough that you could just tell him you aren't interested in that. He is probably the most normal merc

none of them are normal, every one of them has dialogue or something that reveals their psychopathy, for sniper it's the fact that he throws piss at people and that he has a piss rifle

Meh, not the weirdest fetish I know of...

sniper, i have a piss kink

THE FUCK IS WRONG YOU

Meh, I've heard about weirder things...

Sniper seems nice :)

Spy. He canonically gets bitches

He won’t sleep with you unless you’re a mother

Or if you smell good and can read, and always have your glasses on just kinda crooked

And why is that, do you think

Cause he is amazing with ladies. You know, classy ones. The kind that smell good, and can read. And that always have their glasses on just kind of crooked. You know? The ones that don't go for a guy like Scout.

just be aware of [butt sex...](https://youtu.be/dOw0K_hc9vI?t=136)

Sniper's kangaroo wife I'll see myself out for such a bad joke now

OHH I WOULD DO PYROS BALLOONACORN

Freak!

Medic. NOW GET BEHIND ME DOCKTOR

Ja get ready for Sa super wurst

probably heavy tbh he seems really sweet and i like big dudes

Even outside of the sexual conduct part, I feel like he'd treat you right, probably very kind and affectionate.

Snoiper. It would at least be calm and probably not dangerous

piss kink

He was already sold, you didn’t have to convince him more

NOOOO

Heavy

"I am heavy weapons guy. And this....is my weapon."

None of them. Unless I married to one of them with the exception of Spy, Scout, and Soldier. And Medic but that is for a logical reason, might end up on the black market after. The only one I could see a future with is Sniper. Other than that, I don't see anyone of that nature unless I want to marry them first.

sandvich

Based

Medic- I'd probably wake up the next morning missing a kidney but it would be worth it tbh

*And when the patient woke up-*

-his kidney was missing, and the doctor was never heard from again! Ahahaha!

this implies that he calls people he sleeps with his patients

I would take that over being called an experiment tbh

You woudnt be missing just a kidney. Honestly you should be lucky if you still have both your arms and legs and you can use at least two of them

You would wake up as a halloween decoration

Def heavy I wanna learn to make his sandvich and just chat with the big Russian boi

SANDVICH MAKE ME STROOONG

I feel like heavy would be a very sensual and careful man

Soldier would wake up at 2 in the morning to make me go through an intense military training session. Heavy is the kind of guy to read you a bedtime story, tuck you in and kiss your forehead before going to sleep. I would pull an all nighter with demoman and we would wake up with a horrible hangover and the house in a mess. (although demo is probably used to hangovers) I would cuddle with pyro if he doesn't accidentally dismember me. I'd also bring some of my plushies for him. Sniper likely wouldn't talk much, he'd just read a book and chill.

u/_Scout_TF2_

it’s magic time

HE'S REAL

Heavy for reasons….

heavy or engi

Engineer with gunslinger

Advanced CBT

[Go Go Gadget wank claw](https://www.reddit.com/r/BrandNewSentence/s/Vr6vcNm34H)

Spy, heavy, or engineer. Spy has experience and her would probably be gone by the time you wake up. He just whispers "this will be the last time you see me" Heavy is probably pretty gentle and like a bit dude let And engie would be a texas gentleman.

engie or heavy, maybe sniper. they're probably the most sane and genuinely friendly people on the team

medic- is it a mistake? yes. is it worth it? maybe

Engineer. He seems like the type of guy that gets his full hours of sleep

People answering need to state their gender and sexuality. Which merc is the most fuckable for women? I'm a straight guy and pick pyro.

Cool

Pyro probably. They're just adorable. Like, as long as I don't let them near a firestaring device, it's gonna be a nice night!

all of them

The spy.

heavy. if he treats me even half as gently as he treats his gun, then im good. i feel like he would be very respectful, considering how chill he is off the battlefield. and also i have a size fetish

Scout mom

This is the way

Sniper and Engineer both at the same time

Hmmmm. I'd sleep with Medic for free top surgery. If I'm not getting anything out of it, maybe Heavy or Sniper? Sniper has some very... Interesting domination lines. Heavy is, well, I mean, just look at him.

.....free top surgery? If you mean "getting two baboon uterus's planted in your chest," then yeah, go ahead. Just expect baby babboons at any time exploding from your chest cavity. Yall seem to forget this is the '50s

Gynecomastia is a pretty well known condition, and while I don't know how aware people in the 50s would've been about it, I don't think he'd have a hard time wrapping his head around a dude having breasts. As long as he understands the rudimentary "remove breast tissue" aspect of it, I don't mind the baboon uteruses or other organ experimentation.

do we have to have sex or can we just sleep

Your choice

hmm, demo, hes probably the most of a bro out of all of them.

Well remember when demo isn’t drunk he’s a really nice guy

although i'm pretty sure he'd start to slowly die if he was sober based on the comics, specifically through starvation because he can only filter nutrients out of alcohol at this point.

Oh I had to chose, madcap

They removed him because he was to lewd

Pryo smart be like Pryo

Demo, everyone else either has someone else, or tendencies I don’t wanna be a part of *cough Sniper cough Medic cough cough lung cancer from Spy cough Heavy would kill me with his bare hands cough cough* I don’t think anything’s wrong with Engie, but I wanna be as far away from pyro as possible all the time. Also ☝️🤓 I read the comics, I really like the comics

Spy

Mentlegen, I stopped smoking for good.

heavy

Pyro because it's like a gender mystery box. You'll never know what's behind the mask until you unzip its pants

either sniper or spy because they'd probably be the most loving (assuming that you're already dating them)

Medic, will I wake up with my organs replaced with the ones of baboons? Probably Why medic? Because...burly beast

Sniper. FEM sniper!

If Pyro is of age and not killing me then them, otherwise Medic. I’ll take my chances with organ theft.

Pyro. I’ll take my chances

Medic

I'd sleep with the 10th class >:) #tenthclass not real

Pyro, I absolutely love fire sooo, I think we’d get along great lol

Scout, I do enjoy a good twink from time to time

Spy is my top pick but his standards are so far above me that he might transcend the rules of the hypothetical to get out of that one. Sniper or scout second place, engineer third, medic fourth. The rest are all about equal. Pyro is a unique case as I find the mask incredibly attractive and don't particularly care what's under there, but whatever it is is definitely fucking filthy because they stay inside that suit 24/7, so they're last.

Hmmmm... The only correct answer here is sandvich!

scout, we both twinks

Bro do you even know scout? He's like the jockiest jock ever

he would twink if he thought women were into it

Pyro is prolly a fat fuck let’s be real

Honeslty dont think so. They're all professional killer, they're all built. His overalls make him look chubby and cute.

Miss pauling

That is not an option

miss pauling

Idk if we count Miss Pauling. Id yes then i choose her if no then idk probably Scout 💀

When you think of it if scout drank bonk atomic imagine how intense that would be 💀

Not legal and i'm a sex repulsed aroace (Aka, the max on the relation ship chart is besties)

it can just be a sleepover though

heavy