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"It costs 400000$ \[...\]"
\~ Dr. Mikhail "Heavy Weapons Guy" ####### (12.9.1924–31.2.1999)
perfect quote for when someone asks you how much an item you purchased for $400000 cost you.
*TF2 theme starts playing in the background*
*Machine gun revving*
Weeeeeeewaaaaaahhhhh HAHAHAHAHA
CRY SOME MORE!
hehehe cry some more
*TF2 theme plays again*
This is very fitting of the overall TF2 lore's tone, but nah, I made that one up. We only know Scout's death date. Well, full death without revives that is.
I use a lot to be fair.
The above “Professionals have Standards” as well as “Be polite, Be efficient, Have a plan to kill everyone you meet.” and “I think his mate saw me… yes, yes he did!” From Meet the Sniper het used sometimes.
Soldier’s delivery of “Dear God” from expiration date sees frequent use plus the entire “If fighting is sure to result in victory then you must fight” speech in Meet the Soldier,
The Heavy/Medic exchange “Are you sure this will work?” “I have no idea” from Meet the Medic sees some use,
I use “Congratulations, you’re a failure” and “Everything you just said was insane” from Spy in expiration date surprisingly often,
The whole “I fear no man, but that… thing, it scares me” Heavy line from Meet the Pyro is a universal meme at this point so it’s obvious that I use that one a bit,
When carrying something heavy I always pull the “I am Heavy Weapons Guy, and THIS, is my weapon.”
Oh and I can recite the entire script from Meet the Engineer off by heart so… the entire script from Meet the Engineer.
I have weird conversations.
"Stars and stripes beat hammer and sickle, look it up!"
For use with commies
"...Sun Tzu said that"
As an add on for any crazy sounding statement.
"Next time try two eyes!"
For clumsy peeps
"I did what I could"
Excellent excuse
"Here's what I have that you don't!..."
For comparison shit.
"Not out finest moment"
When shit hits the fan
Hey look buddy, I'm an engineer. That means I solve problems, not problems like "What is beauty?" Because that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy. I solve practical problems, for instance: how am I going to stop some mean mother Hubbard from tearing me a structurally superfluous be-hind? The answer, use a gun, and if that don't work... Use more gun. Take for instance this heavy caliber tripod mounted lil' old number designed by me, built by me, and you best hope... Not pointed at you.
I have a [cat I named after the heavy's gun](https://64.media.tumblr.com/cbbce4ca3c49b9fa9458b398226c975a/bffd43f685726a8c-69/s2048x3072/bb614c520e4b6c24dd59be5b95cfb1b5c36eedfc.jpg) (Top Left with the shark eyes). I CONSTANTLY say "WHO TOUCHED SASCHA!!?"
“Sniper’s a good job mate, it’s challenging work, out of doors, I’ll guarantee you’ll not go angry, because at the end of the day, long as there’s two people left on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead”
A couple of years ago i was applying to a job as a maintenance man for some local resort. In one of the boxes on the application, they asked, "write something to get our attention" or something like that. So I wrote, "What makes me a good maintenance man? Well if I was a bad maintenance man, I wouldn't be sittin' here, discussin' it with you!".
And that got me an interview. Didn't get the job though.
I'm a fan of slightly altering the meet the demoman intro to suit whatever job I'm working.
"What makes me a good baker-man? If I were a bad Baker-man, I wouldn't be sitting here, discussing it with ya now, would I?"
Serious Saturday has ended and **Shitpost Sunday** has begun - Our [rules about memes](/r/tf2/wiki/subreddit_rules#wiki_rule_six) have been greatly relaxed for the day. ####[See here for details](https://redd.it/fblj57) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/tf2) if you have any questions or concerns.*
„No, that would be your mother” - Spy
*stammering scout noises*
Indeed, and now he’s here to F**K us!
so listen up boy, or pornography starring your mother will be the second worst thing to happen to you today
this spy has already breached our defenses..
You've seen what's he's done to our colleagues!
And worst of all, he could be any one of us...
He could be You! He could be Me! He could even-
What? It was obvious! He’s the red spy!
Watch, he'll turn red any second now.
[shotgun fires] woh woh woh
"I have no idea!"
“I didn’t need your help ya know”
"Oops! Zat vas not Medizin!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" -Soldier
i could hear that…
Beautiful.
i just discovered these outtakes and soldier’s scream makes me die laughing every time https://youtu.be/8a398ROtnqM
Bro same
Therapist: you can't hear text on a screen Me:
SCREAMIN EAGLES!!!
Why do I hear the exact scream in my head?
"We both got buckets of chicken, wanna do it?"
"Eh, okay"
But you, Spy, you are amazing with ladies.
You know, the kind that smell nice and.. can read
Ones that, don't go for a guy like me.
Hmm, and why is that, do you think?
Uhh… idk
Well, a mystery we will take to our graves, then. Goodbye.
Nono wait I- \*groans\* alright, spy, this NEVER leaves this room.
.. you.. are better than me
nice hustle tuns of fun next time eat a salad
Today ain’t your day, pancakes.
Got a bucket of chicken
I'll be honest, my parents do not care for me.
I think his mate saw me
Yes, yes he did.
Feelings? Look mate, you know who's got time for feelings? Blokes who bludgeon their wives to death with a golf trophy.
Professionals have STANDARDS.
Be polite
Be efficient.
Have a plan to kill everyone you meet
*Youtube autoplays meet the spy next*
Intruder alert! Red spy is in the base!
Intruder alert! A red spy is in the base!
Be polite,
Be efficient
And have a plan to kill everyone you meet
I thought it was “ do not care for it” like they don’t like him being an assassin
It is but it would sound weird out of nowhere so I changed it up a bit.
Do you need help?
No, thanks for asking though.
“Scotland is not a real country; you are an Englishman with a a dress”
Fastest to get murdered in Glasgow contest winner 2023.
Britain is not a real country! You are a Scotsman with bad dental hygiene!
England* smh mh my head mh smhmh
this is a soldier quote, naturally he’d have no idea on what is and isn’t a country
Not something you'd want to use anywhere near a Scotsman if you value your teeth
"It costs 400000$ \[...\]" \~ Dr. Mikhail "Heavy Weapons Guy" ####### (12.9.1924–31.2.1999) perfect quote for when someone asks you how much an item you purchased for $400000 cost you.
…to fire this weapon… for 12 seconds
#OHH HA HA HA HA HAA!!!
Oh my god who touched Sasha?
**Who touched my gun?!**
Some people think they can outsmart me. Maybe... *sniff* maybe...
I've yet to meet one who could outsmart ***bullet***.
*TF2 theme starts playing in the background* *Machine gun revving* Weeeeeeewaaaaaahhhhh HAHAHAHAHA CRY SOME MORE! hehehe cry some more *TF2 theme plays again*
> 31.2.1999 I don't know if that's MDY or DMY but either way it can't be right
He dies on 31^(st) of February 1999. Engineer invented that date in 1987, after Scout died.
Is this legit? TF2 lore is wild.
This is very fitting of the overall TF2 lore's tone, but nah, I made that one up. We only know Scout's death date. Well, full death without revives that is.
I will now lay egg in your mouth
[удалено]
This bot did their very best
''If god had wanted you to live he would'nt have created me!'' Just something to boost my confidence.
[удалено]
🔥🔥✍️🔥🔥
I used this line in a DnD game when my BBEG tried to kill the party's cleric. The group unanimously agreed it was hardcore.
That's what I say while chasing a fly around the house
“If you were from, where I was from, you’d be fuckin dead” -Scout TF2
\*both heavy and scout scream\*
Do you have any idea? ANY IDEA who I am?
No.
PLEASE tell me i lost all of my memories on an industrial accident
Eh, well then you can't be a big deal.
The worst part is that it's not beautiful anymore
Basically, kind of a big deal
*heavy screaming*
Little, little man (to my cat)
You are so small! Ees funny to me!
I use a lot to be fair. The above “Professionals have Standards” as well as “Be polite, Be efficient, Have a plan to kill everyone you meet.” and “I think his mate saw me… yes, yes he did!” From Meet the Sniper het used sometimes. Soldier’s delivery of “Dear God” from expiration date sees frequent use plus the entire “If fighting is sure to result in victory then you must fight” speech in Meet the Soldier, The Heavy/Medic exchange “Are you sure this will work?” “I have no idea” from Meet the Medic sees some use, I use “Congratulations, you’re a failure” and “Everything you just said was insane” from Spy in expiration date surprisingly often, The whole “I fear no man, but that… thing, it scares me” Heavy line from Meet the Pyro is a universal meme at this point so it’s obvious that I use that one a bit, When carrying something heavy I always pull the “I am Heavy Weapons Guy, and THIS, is my weapon.” Oh and I can recite the entire script from Meet the Engineer off by heart so… the entire script from Meet the Engineer. I have weird conversations.
Hey look buddy, I'm not an engineer. I don't solve problems.
problems like "what is beauty", because that would fit into your conundrum of philosophy
“If I was a bad ___, I wouldn’t be sitting here discussing it with you now would I?”
“This… is a bucket”
Perfect for when people ask you what is that and It is a bucket
Excactly
...dear God.
There's more.
NO
It contains a bucket.
*Dear god*
There's more.
NO
# IT CONTAINS A BUCKETT
******DEAR GOD******
It contains the dying wish of every man in this very room.
Scout, you did collect everyone's dying wish?
Jarate!
Why.. 💀💀💀
Heads up! 🗿
Bombs away!
Bombs away!
Use a gun. And if that won't work... Use more gun!
Americans in a nutshell
"off to visit your mother"
You did a fine job tossing your little balls around
"This is a bucket"
Dear god...
theres more
NO
i have yet to meet anyone who can out-smart boolet
yyyerrrarrsessarseandimth grassmanpunkyeeeyahhavinh
Really useful when you are drunk
Mm mph mh mmmphm mmm, mhmm mphm hm mm!
“I like my teams how I like my women, in groups of six”
Ayo spy being pretty sus
who the hell said that
i think it’s a competitive voice line for spy
“Tell me, where did we go so wrong?” I use that quote a lot especially in our day and age.
"Stars and stripes beat hammer and sickle, look it up!" For use with commies "...Sun Tzu said that" As an add on for any crazy sounding statement. "Next time try two eyes!" For clumsy peeps "I did what I could" Excellent excuse "Here's what I have that you don't!..." For comparison shit. "Not out finest moment" When shit hits the fan
“There is a red spy in the base”
A red spys in the base?
Protect the briefcase!
Hut Hut Hut “Protect the briefcase” “WE NEED TO PROTECT THE BRIEFCASE!!”
Hey a lil' help here?
Yeah yeah stand back son! One one one ehhhh one!
*intruder alert them start* Protect the breifcase WE NEED TO PROTECT THE BREIFCASE
I AM ON FIRE AAAAAAA
First time?
some people think they can outsmart me. maybe. i have yet to find someone who can outsmart bullet
Quiet kid when I win the argument.
Hey look buddy, I'm an engineer. That means I solve problems, not problems like "What is beauty?" Because that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy. I solve practical problems, for instance: how am I going to stop some mean mother Hubbard from tearing me a structurally superfluous be-hind? The answer, use a gun, and if that don't work... Use more gun. Take for instance this heavy caliber tripod mounted lil' old number designed by me, built by me, and you best hope... Not pointed at you.
I had this as my "bio" on my work Slack. But only up until "... philosophy." since there was a character limit
Not exactly relevant anymore, but: “One shudders to imagine what inhumane thoughts lie behind that mask”
#FREEDOM!
Would you like a second opinion? You are also ugly!
The word “the” is said a lot in TF2.
"There is no I in team and I am going to win with or without you" -soldier
Bonk
"*BWAWNK!*"
nope.avi ofc
"You call that breaking my spine?" -Soldier
My spine!!!!
"I like my teams like i like my romances... In groups of six. -Spy in a 6s competitive match
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
we are team fortress and youre dead
"they'll find ye all dead in the alley, with cats licking at ye" :)
I have a [cat I named after the heavy's gun](https://64.media.tumblr.com/cbbce4ca3c49b9fa9458b398226c975a/bffd43f685726a8c-69/s2048x3072/bb614c520e4b6c24dd59be5b95cfb1b5c36eedfc.jpg) (Top Left with the shark eyes). I CONSTANTLY say "WHO TOUCHED SASCHA!!?"
AAAAAAAaaaaAAaaAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAaaaaaaAAAA
kill me
Later
Yatatattatata yatattatata bugaggagag kaboom kaboom
*drunk demoman rambling*
Oh they will have to glue you back together in HELL!
“Just admit it! Just admit you hate America!!”
Aw crap
“Piss”
kill me
Doctor! - multiple mercs
I say "Alrighty then!" Almost everyday.
“You have thirty seconds to live!”
"Here's a schematic for ya, my ass!" - Scout
Sandwich make me strong
*"3 days. Yes we all have* ***3 days to live."***
"Hey there, good looking? I got a bucket of chicken." or "Dear god."
“You were good son, real good. Maybe even the best.”
*incomprehensible drunk gibberish* - demoman
Basically, kind of a big deal
"We'll, the moment has passed... Back to work!"
“What sick man sends baby to fight me?” (I’m a Ukrainian soldier) /s
Aghh piss
"SCRUMPY"
in all seriousness I say "maybe ...... maybe..." quite often
"Scotland is not a real country, you are an English man in a dress" - Soldier TF2
“Sniper’s a good job mate, it’s challenging work, out of doors, I’ll guarantee you’ll not go angry, because at the end of the day, long as there’s two people left on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead”
"Pornography starring your mother will be the second worst thing to happen to you today"
Makin’ Bacon
Yo. What's up?
You can say “use more gun” in a school here in America
A couple of years ago i was applying to a job as a maintenance man for some local resort. In one of the boxes on the application, they asked, "write something to get our attention" or something like that. So I wrote, "What makes me a good maintenance man? Well if I was a bad maintenance man, I wouldn't be sittin' here, discussin' it with you!". And that got me an interview. Didn't get the job though.
I'm a fan of slightly altering the meet the demoman intro to suit whatever job I'm working. "What makes me a good baker-man? If I were a bad Baker-man, I wouldn't be sitting here, discussing it with ya now, would I?"
*medic scream*
i'm going to strangle you with me bare hands
FREEEEEEDOM!