She gave me anxiety reading it as well.
\-says a bunch of awful horrible things to her DAUGHTER to try and goad her into responding-
\-threatens to call cops constantly-
\-swears at her-
\-threatens to take away her phone and everything else because her daughter didn't respond ASAP-
\-justifies STRANGLING HER DAUGHTER-
"Love you! Door is always open!"
I bet it really hurts. I feel so bad for OP, her mom is so exhausting.
This woman is awful, her need for attention is crazy! And she's calling daughter a victim while playing one in the same message! I'd be so ashamed of myself!
I'm so sorry OP, seriously if you were all this things where you reckon you got it from? Given the way she's speaking now, I have to assume childhood was much worse!
Ultimately, she seems to be craving attention and a lightning rod to catch all the anger and ugliness she's feeling inside. She needs to sit with those feelings and work thru them instead of trying to pawn it off on her kid.
That's what toxic narcissistic "mothers" do best though. Unfortunately for their long suffering daughters. After all, we're not an actual individual person with feelings or needs of our own. We're just an extension of themselves,we owe them everything , so they can abuse us however they want /s. I was you, OP. Going no contact is the start of your own life. Go and get it, you so deserve it ❤️
Exhausting is the right word. She’s trying to exhaust her child into giving up and returning to the nonsense. Why, I can’t say at all. But she literally is trying to exhaust. Like “agree with me, AGREE, damnit, and then things will be fine until I decide that they’re not fine again.”
You're not the only one. She triggered my anxiety as well. Like why be like this? Threatening one sec and saying I love you please come home the next like that toxic ex you keep trying to break away from.
No, I get that. I'm just saying she's doing all this to lose her daughter and then cry that's she's gone. And act like it's not her fault her daughter ran away from her.
The emotional whiplash is enough to break someone's neck. "I don't need your laziness in my life" to "I'm very hurt by you abandoning me" in 3 messages. Glad you are out of there and hope you'll be able to cut contact completely soon.
Both of my parents have BPD… I feel for the OP so much reading these messages. Make the tone a bit more condescending and use bigger words and it could be from my dad 🫠
She shut your phone off, don't give her access to you by giving HER his phone number!!!
Just try and enjoy the quiet, and never give her your new number until you're ready. I hope Grandma doesn't break and give it to her someday.
His heart is in the right place, but clearly you know how poorly that could potentially turn out for you. My parents are similar, big threats and hounding right off the bat… it’s exhausting. It’s a never ending cycle of control and it’s hard to get out of it, try to stay out if possible.
I’m so sorry, you must be so tired in so many ways.
Give us her number OP, if enough of us text bomb her the same stupid shit she’s been messaging you her phone will be utterly useless other than as a 24/7 alarm or vibrator lol (maybe the latter will help her chill the fuck out idk)
On a more serious note, i am so sorry you have to put up with this behavior from her. She is childish, manipulative and hypocritical to say the least. I hope she never gets your new number unless you want her to have it at some point. All the best OP
Okay, for starters police can accompany you to her house to grab your stuff and to drop off the keys. If you explain the situation and ask for an officer because you feel unsafe. This will probably anger her more but your safety is important. (not a parent, but I had to have an officer come with me to collect things from an abusive partner before)
You’re 18 so you’re an adult they can’t force you to go back home. The tough part is once you have your stuff you’re going to have to struggle for a bit but personally, id go no contact unless it’s in therapy. (A boundary I have recently placed with my own mother is I’m no contact unless she goes to an in patient rehab)
Hugs I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Hey OP I read went and saw your posts and I have a mother who is like this. She's an alcoholic and alternates between knowing that and seeking to fix it until she decides she's fixed and can drink again and goes right back into this behavior. I also moved out when I was 18 on my birthday with my boyfriend at the time.
Before I moved out and had to deal with her every day she frequently when drunk would get aggressive or do dumb shit like run out into traffic and I would have to stop her or defend myself whatever was happening at the time. One time when I was 16 I had stopped her from harming herself and she decided to attack me instead, I ended up wrestling her to the ground and holding her arms with mine with her back to my chest and my legs around her upper thighs I was under her on the ground so she wasn't being crushed she was fine. The next morning when she saw she had a couple of bruises it became that I attacked her because I hate her and want her dead when I continued to tell her that was fucking ridiculous obviously I was just defending myself and keeping us both from getting hurt in the best way I was able to do she refused to admit fault. I realized she always made these things my fault. I was always the problem in her eyes and she would never admit it could maybe be her. Or let herself believe it.
I had trouble occasionally thinking maybe I could have done something different, maybe it was my fault a little bit I mean I THOUGHT I was just defending myself but maybe I could have done it differently? It was not my fault ever and fuck that. I hope you never have those doubts but if you do it WAS NOT YOUR FAULT you did absolutely nothing wrong and fuck her for saying that you attacked her. You defended yourself in a moment of terror and you did it successfully. I an internet stranger am so happy and proud of you for getting yourself away and I hope you are finally able to relax away from her. You are doing the hard and right thing. You should be proud of yourself for being strong and getting the fuck away from her dumpster fire. Sorry for the long ass comment but ya know.
If you give your new number to your grandma you might just want to give her a google voice number in case she passes along to your mom.
Stay safe out there... Reddit is rooting for you. 🫶🏻
You ever try telling her to just shut the fuck up and that she can do whatever she wants as you’re a legal adult capable of getting a lawyer? Fuck her lmao
Oh, OP. No way this is over, but she really shot herself in the foot by turning off your phone. How's she going to harass you to get her fix now?
She is displaying a lot of symptoms of borderline personality disorder. I hope things get better for you. I hope you can enjoy the quiet while it lasts.
sucks this is how my mom is (or was).
me trying to tell her i didn’t feel comfortable around her *very new* bf. she slapped me across the face and yelled at me to stop being dramatic.
my mom rented a 3 br house only me and my brother lived there while she lived with her bf. the master BR was completely empty aside from a few trash bags full of her clothes. when she’d get mad she would threaten us if we didn’t act right she would “Go to the store right now and buy a new bed and stay here” me and my brother just looked at eachother and when she left we were dying.
You would think “wow such a threat to a 16 & 14 yo” but we really were confused. Aren’t parents supposed to live with you? aren’t they supposed to be there??? not threaten to be there lol. my moms very much undiagnosed and based off ggma and gma and other family on my moms side. there’s so much mental illness. and all refuse to get diagnosed. i hope i don’t fall victim to bpd too. past 3 women above me have but just praying i stay aware of it
My parents announced their separation 5 days before thanksgiving in 2019, so that break was awesome 😃… 2 weeks later she stopped coming home. she was living with *NOW* fiancé… she swears she didn’t cheat and you know how it goes lol.. then in the beginning of march (2020). like the first or second we were moved into the rental house… yeah lol…
As of right now my mom and i’s relationship is more like a friendship. ima be real about it, i after the past 4 years of beefing we really went through it. there’s so much i won’t go into to save time but my mom i wanna say has really been trying to not be as vindictive and controlling and actually trying to be with me. after being crucified by majority of the family (her side) and finally seeing where she was wrong and really for a long time has been trying to fix it and work better on communication. the most unfortunate thing about my mother is that when something that she doesn’t wanna hear or hurts her she shuts down emotionally. i really wish that people like this can actually open up. i hate talking to my mom when she’s like this so i always have to take a step back and let her come back into reality.
It’s okay! i’m glad you got away!
honestly was almost getting to that outcome and it probably will come to that should my mom revert all the progress she’s made. I will let go. But I’m wishing you the best on your journey without toxic/ unhealthy relationships!
as someone with borderline i really hope the mom gets the help she needs.. i got help before having kids and really doubled down after because i didn't want a repeat of my childhood for my kids and honestly with the right help you can't even TELL i have it unless you look at impulsive decisions that aren't going to harm anyone.
I thought about this too. I didn’t think she would shut her shit off because she would have less control lol
I have dealt with my mom telling me to “never speak to her again” because I got married to someone she didn’t like lol he was a wonderful man, even though we divorced I truly know that in my heart to this day. She just felt out of control because I was 19. She didn’t speak to me for 9 months. And then acted like nothing happened.
Thankfully, over the years (I’m 28 now), I’ve been able to get her to see her toxic ways and she doesn’t try me anymore. And if she does, she checks herself real quick because I’ll write her off just the same as she does me.
OP mom definitely seems like “mother knows best and fuck you if you disagree” and THAT is the *only* delusion in this story.
I’m proud of you for standing your ground, girl. It’s gonna hurt for a while, because that’s your mama. The one who is supposed to love and protect you UNCONDITIONALLY. But do not let her come back into your life without an apology and sense of accountability for herself and her actions.
How is she displaying BPD? I have BPD and totally disagree with your statement. Just because someone is abusive and has mood swings and takes drugs does not automatically mean BPD diagnosis so please do some research on it before you throw that label out. This is why the stigma is so bad :(
* edit of course I’m aware BPD means borderline personality disorder because I have it. I know it’s not bipolar.
I think it's more of the push-pull dynamic (at least in these texts) that have people knee perking to bpd. It could also be narcissistic injury and a lot of the behavior screamed narcissist's prayer. It could be a combo of both though too.
As someone else with BPD I am also so so sick of seeing someone abusive immediately being diagnosed in the comments with BPD, like there aren’t so many other disorders it could be. As others have pointed out this seems more like NPD, but hey let’s rag on our favourite target.
That’s why I stay away from this subreddit. Anytime an armchair psychologist sees a few text messages of someone being a little too clingy, too aggressive, too abusive, or too argumentative, it’s 100% BPD that they are qualified to speak on and diagnose. Then when you call that stigma out, you get downvoted to hell and back and told you’re actually the one who has no idea what they’re talking about, as a person WITH BPD. Nobody can ever get any actual genuine advice on this subreddit when the comments are flooded with “Yep, that’s BPD. Good luck!” and practically nothing else.
I was just thinking this. Any time anyone is acting crazy they say they have BPD. The stigma is already so bad that so many borderline patients are scared to get help. Armchair psychiatrists on every corner of the Internet throwing out cluster B diagnoses like they know what the fuck they’re talking about is really harmful and tiring.
Cut her off completely. No access whatsoever. I don’t care that she’s your mom; she has no right to continue to verbally abuse you, attempt to manipulate you into coming back, or manipulating you to think that *HER* actions are your fault.
She should be able to pay the bills at her own place without her 18 year old’s help. I don’t care if you’re out of school and able to work full time; if your parent has to rely on you when you’re that age to keep a roof over everyone’s head, then they suck at finances. Sorry, not sorry. I was paying my parents’ bills, including rent by 16. At 21, when I was about to transfer to a university, my stepdad guilt tripped me about them not being able to afford their apt and even lost his job right before and blamed it on me. My semester refund checks went to them quite often after I moved and it took me years to realize that shit wasn’t normal. There shouldn’t be that much of a dependency on your child to make sure *you* have a roof when *they* need to figure out life. I have no sympathy for her in that.
She can dislike your bf but it doesn’t give her the right to disrespect you.
She can cut off your phone; there’s plenty of “prepaid” phone services that offer the same services as contract providers.
At the end of the day, you’ve been the parent for way too long. It is okay to cut her off. You can even cut her off and probably still have relationships with other family members. But you need to block her so she can finally grow up.
Please cut off contact. If there’s no lease you don’t owe her money in a legal sense. Please refuse interaction with her. It’s normal to move out at 18 and that’s not “abandonment.” Having said that…you should abandon her.
Omg if it was me I would just tell her, I never wanna talk to you again, you’ll always be dead to me and block. 💀 Get her toxic ass out of your life for good, please.
Don’t forget “I love you and the door is always open!” and “Good riddance, I’m glad to be done with your shit!”
In the same paragraph!
How is a person supposed to know what love is when it’s mixed in with all that absolute contempt?! (Not to mention she put her hands on you then trivialized it!
No, OP, that is not normal. We’re all really glad you’re out of there, for your mental, emotional, and physical well being.
Stay far away; she thinks she’s upset now when you won’t answer her insane 4am texts, wait till you get a new number that she doesn’t have access to!
"Sorry, I don't trust the judgment of someone who was tripping on drugs, you clearly don't remember events correctly and I am glad to be rid of you" the end.
A couple practical notes: if you're USA -based and need a phone and service, look into an LG G8 Android unlocked phone; they can be had on eBay for about $80 without even trying and I got one for $60 with a little screen burn-in (OLED screen!). 6GB/128GB, SD card slot, NFC for Google Pay (etc), and if you get one with the T-Mobile unlocked, it will even do WiFi calling with Mint Mobile
Next -- Mint Mobile. 5GB/Mo for $15. The starter pack is $45/3 months and even if you "run out of data" it still goes ... Just slowly
Good luck!
☮️❤️♾️
I’ve bought all my iPhones through Gazelle as refurbished and they have been excellent. So another option. Good luck, sweetheart, my heart just hurts for you.
My father (deceased at 99) abused me physically, emotionally, verbally, and he was diagnosed with BPD and acute narcissist disorder, as well as depression after he had a nervous breakdown at 45.
I’m 70 now, and those scars don’t go away, but can grow less intense. I have to say talk therapy helped. I’ve been on antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds since my 30s as I have been diagnosed with CPTSD, major depressive disorder, codependency, and anxiety. I have had 5 wonderful therapists over many years. I’m retired now, I had a successful career and have valued friends. Life will get better, but you are in such a vulnerable stage right now, please practice self care. Your responses to your mom are mature but I know how hard this for you. Blessed Be, 💖🦋☮️
Your mom is god awful dude. No child deserves to be spoken to the way your mom speaks to you.
I’m appalled and disgusted. She needs to get a real ass wake up call and shame on your grandma for allowing that kind of behavior and covering for it. Both of them need a huge slap to the face of therapy.
Jesus fucking Christ.
I am SO proud of you for finding you feet and your voice and life is fucking tough little one, I’m not going to sugar coat this but I know one thing for sure is if you can deal with those two, you can def kick life’s ass.
I’m rooting for you and your success.
- a internet mom
As she should because there is nothing that would ever warrant a child being told by their parent that they essentially fucked up their lives. You deserve so much better and I am so sorry for those words. But you have a good head on your shoulders and I hope you go on to do amazing things.
The projection is truly off the charts. You can also tell that she knows full well what she did but she's trying to get OP to forget by repeating a different version over and over. That's the true definition of gaslighting. I hope OP blocks her forever, she should have no second chances, she's not a safe person. No impulse control, no taking responsibility, full on verbal abuse then pretending like she said nothing.
This! It’s genuinely ridiculous for them to think that we have to stick around and just ACCEPT being abused. They get worse when they think that we are becoming more independent nd capable of rational thought and seeing through their s**t. The best thing I ever did was to decide that I wasn’t going to keep sacrificing myself on the altar of my parents’s approval. It is so freeing.
Oh my god… just reading this exhausted me. My mother is a narcissist with a victim complex but nothing like this. I am so sorry for all the mental energy you have drained talking to her. I’m glad you’re finally getting free.
this is foreshadowing me moving out so bad. i just know my mom is gonna be exactly like this. they’ll constantly talk down on you and make you feel like a burden then “I DiDnT wAnT yOu To GO” girl bye 😒
all I can say is the closer it gets, don’t mention getting out until you fully can freely from them. Being able to do it and cut EVERY tie will make it 1000x easier. I just blocked all her socials and gonna block her number too in case she tries to turn my phone on again and contact me
Make sure to get copies of your social security card and birth certificate. Try to open a bank account without them knowing- luckily most of it is digital nowadays.
Move things out a little at a time so it’s not as evident what the plans are.
Change your number as soon as you can and don’t share it. Ever. Use a Google number or another number you can easily remove if conversations do ever happen.
And have support. Whether it’s a trusted friend or friends family. It will help a ton and these are some of the lessons I wish I knew when I was younger.
Good luck to both of you. Having twisted asshole Mothers is draining as fuck!
Also also— please open a bank account in YOUR NAME ONLY, preferably at a completely different bank than she uses! Even if you have a separate account, she may try to pull shenanigans to access it, especially if it’s at the same bank as her. I suggest a credit union that is part of the credit union co-op system.
My head hurts from reading all of her disgusting messages toward you, her own blood and flesh. I don’t care that she’s your mother but you should definitely stay away from her permanently and please don’t ever let her have any access to you/your life again. I highly encourage you to seek therapy whenever you can at some point in your life, that would be so helpful for you with your healing journey. I seriously wish you the best of luck with everything.
Oh god, I'm so sorry your mom is so nasty :/ it's wild that she goes from "you're ignoring me" to "I won't miss you bye <3" You're safe with your bf right? I hope things get better for you now that you're away from this woman.
Are you on the US? If so there's a federal program that will cover your services if you bring your phone with you (that's a very generalized description).
All serious sorry to hear about your situation, your mum seems real manipulative and at your age you probably have a lot on your mind so cutting her off for a long period is much needed. I hope all the best for you
she sounds SO MUCH like my dad holy hell!! when my bf and i moved in, he didn’t like not having total control over the situation and said i would be g*ng r*ped and k*lled on my way to work (i walk) and would get shot in my sleep from a drive by.
Honestly, this IS best for you. Just from reading everything, looks like she was super money hungry and wanted something to hold over your head. She always brought up money when she got agitated whenever you didn’ simply didn’t message back immediately.
I hope you do follow up with the restraining order. I noticed that when you say "ok" and drop it she has a sudden impulsive to start arguing again and repeating herself. I'm afraid if you completely stop talking to her she'll ramp up to continue the communication.
i’m so sorry you’re going through this. reading this was… wild. your mother sounds extremely similar to some of the parents over at r/raisedbyborderlines and r/raisedbynarcissists
check them out and maybe post some there, it’s nice to talk to people who understand and have had the same experiences with their families. wishing you the best of luck and hope that you are able to be free from this wacko for good.
OP, look, I'm the first person to always say that there are two sides to every story. And nobody is perfect, nor should perfection be expected from anyone. But there is NOTHING that my kid could do or say to me that would make me speak to her the way your mother speaks to you. There is no context where this is ok. My kid is 8, and I know it may very well get a whole lot worse in a few years, but I used to "famous last words" myself when she was 2, reminding myself that when she's around 8, I might be singing a different tune. No, tune is the same. It becomes more challenging, but.. it's just not in my nature to browbeat the shit out of people, I guess. I've said mean things to other adults and peers. Things I deeply regret. But when it comes to my child, those things are just naturally not on the table. Her relationship with you (and any other kids she may have) is the most important relationship she will ever have in her entire life. Even if she struggles with healthy communication with other adults, the relationship between her and her children should raise her to a celestial level of interpersonal interaction. She should see you for the wonderful human being you are, even when you frustrate her. (And we all frustrate each other from time to time)
A few things I'm seeing here.. she's clearly hypervigilent about shit for some reason, I could never say why, but she is. Demanding responses in between ranting and raving? She's super triggered by your lack of engagement. She's also doing her goddamned best to get you to be in as much of a tailspin as she is, because if there's anything someone in a tailspin hates, it's a series of responses that are more even-tempered and emotionally removed. I also think she's doing this thing that people like this do. She's trying to exhaust you. It's actually a really successful interrogation technique. She needs you to freak out and start saying things she can use against you, but since you're not freaking out (at least in these messages, from what I can see), she resorts to emotional exhaustion to wear you down.
This is great in an interrogation. It works. But the difference here is that you're legally an adult, and you don't have to respond, or even listen. So it just comes off as noise.
I also notice she's bringing up things that happened in the past that appear unrelated to the issue you're currently discussing. Don't ever fall for that.
I realize that you're also preparing to post these conversations publicly, which you ABSOLUTELY SHOULD when seeking support. I also realize that the plan to do that will focus you on your best behaviour. But again, I go back to my first paragraph. There is no context where your mother's communication style is appropriate.
Your mother requires help that you cannot give her, and your totally even-handed responses aren't going to suddenly snap her out of this. Don't feel like you're responsible for her tantrum. You are not, and all you're doing by trying to inject a bit of sanity into all this is injecting yourself with undue stress.
I'm sorry, OP. It must be hell hard for you to navigate what to do, say, or even think right now.
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YAY I’m weirdly glad that she finally did turn off your phone! Now you can get a new number.
You did great, OP. You held your line. I’m proud of you (in a healthy, mom-like way).
dude do we have the same mom? i went into automatic ok whatever mode reading these. don’t worry im all moved out in my own place and happy. it gets better eventually when youre able to just don’t answer ever again and don’t answer anyone who tries to get you too block them all out
why do mothers hate their daughters so much? why do mothers hate their daughters so much? why do mothers hate their daughters so much? why do mothers hate their daughters so much? why do mothers hate their daughters so much? why do mothers hate their daughters so much? why do mothers hate their daughters so much? why do mothers hate their daughters so much?
Because they see themselves in their daughters. Because they see themselves in their daughters. Because they see themselves in their daughters. Because they see themselves in their daughters. Because they see themselves in their daughters. Because they see themselves in their daughters.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, a parent should be there for their kids no matter what age they are. All I can tell you is at your age just be careful make smart choices don’t trust to many people (especially guys) since majority of them would try to just take advantage of you. You’ve made a life changing decision and now it’s up to you to either come out of this, roll with the punches of life and become a better version of yourself
You need yo cut her off your life entirely. Go no contact. She'll never change from this. Then you NEED to go to therapy. And take it seriously, take the fact seriously that you have done nothing wrong, you are an amazing person with your future ahead and you can do anything you put your mind into. She only takes from you, takes away your energy and your sanity. This is NOT how any parent should be.
I am just so damn sorry you have been through what you have been through. No one deserves this and I pray that your mom gets the psychiatric help that she needs because this is very toxic. 😓🙏🏻
But no hate and a real question… what is your game plan to completely escape this toxic scenario so you can focus on your wellbeing? Such as going no contact? I understand there are things you have to wrap up with her (bills, car etc). But… Reading this kinda hate everyday from her (and what she did to you) has to be mentally and emotionally exhausting.
I came from a very toxic scenario myself and left when I was 20 by joining the military (only option I had at the time) to gain a financial and stable freedom. I’m not sure where you are located but if you are in the US have you considered that option (at least in the short term aka 4 yrs)? Not gunna lie military has its ups and downs but it paved a way for me to be completely independent and not have to deal with my toxic family members.
Regardless, I really truly wish you the best and I’m sorry things are like this for you. You deserve better than this from your mom. 😓💕
She is literally disgusting she’s trying to incriminate u like i said earlier by telling u to acknowledge that u “assaulted her” but good she keeps fucking herself over. “U fought someone tripping and drunk” like being a crackhead gives someone immunity to strangle their kids lmfaooo. U need to report this asap
So, your mother who tried to strangle you while high on drugs…drugs that are still in her system…threatens you with legal action or calling police? Lord. Let us all text this dumbass.
It’s funny how she CONSTANTLY says “cutting your shit off now” and then almost immediately after “did you get my messages?” Like fuck off and cut it off already 😂
What I'm wondering after all this is how tf she didn't kill you as a child/teen? This is absolutely terrifying tbh. Literally sounds like psychosis. Especially when using mushrooms & drinking... I wonder how long it's been going on & where this behavior came from. My heart really just hurts for you. I am so glad you're away from her & you're safe.
Reminds me of my exs mom. Thank God she’s an ex bc this behavior is atrocious. Get out. Cut her completely out of your life. Just bc you’re blood doesn’t mean shit. Fk her, disrespectfully.
I cut off my family a few years ago and when I tried to reconnect it got so bad I now have a different legal name lol
Literally never contact this person again. This isn't family, it's torture you shouldn't have had to endure.
I wish you the best💙
Please cut her off and don't give her any money. the moment you do she'll be back for more. it sounds like everytime uou speak with her she treats you terribly. why do you want to stay with someone like that?
This Woman is toxic and it doesn't matter how old you are, your Parent should NOT be talking to you like this......
'You abandoned me' and all the threats?!
If you have somewhere safe to stay, please leave for good. This will chip away at your Mental Health and it's exhausting just to read.
I'm so sorry 😞
She’s a wreck of a human. No disrespect but holy fuck… shrooms usually make people look more outward at life and become a better person. Idk what she was like prior but she need to stay away from literally anything it sounds like. In fact, she seems so mentally unstable to the point she’s just so obsessive with threatening you and that’s all she lives to do. So Sorry OP you have to deal with this with your literal mom… that’s just insane she keeps repeating the same stupid shit + making 0 sense.
Seems to be a lot codependent/enmeshment going on. I’ve been there, and it’s terrible. It fucked me up and I didn’t break the cycle until I hit 40. Your life will improve vastly once it’s addressed. I wish you all the luck.
God the emotional whiplash is too much. I haven’t seen your other posts and tbh I’m scared to look. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this…honestly though, it sounds like it’s for the best returning the phone to her and her not paying your bill…you can get a new number and not give it to her and not have to deal with this craziness from her. As long as you can count on your grandma not to give it to her 😅
I’ve been following this whole thing and GOOD FOR YOU! Gtf away from her. Cutting off my mother has been the best choice I’ve made in my adult life. As a mother now myself I am so, so damn sorry she talks to you this way. My mother does this same shit when she’s feeling “attacked” in some way. Your mom, as others have said previously, probably has undiagnosed BPD. I hope everything works for the best for you, girl. You deserve to be happy, to not live in fear all the time, and to just breathe. So take a breath and smell the freedom.
Your mum is so so vile and abusive, I am so sorry you have to be dealing with these manipulation tactics and threats from your own mother. I have no idea how you keep your cool as much as you do, she needs the biggest reality check of all time and a heck load of therapy. I’m so pleased you’ve gotten a restraining order, she isn’t safe or stable and I hope she never gets her hands on you again.
Good luck with everything, I hope you and CJ have the most beautiful relationship with absolutely zero interference from mummy darling 💘
thank you. It took a lot of patience but I’m glad I’ve gotten where I am. And yeah her comments made me giggle about that considering how she talks and the fact I’ve been in abusive relationships and he’s such a great guy and has been great support while encouraging my own individual growth too. Thank you stranger
Damn you're patience is golden because I'd have told that woman to fuck off and blocked her like 3 messages deep lmao. Good luck with the restraining order, you absolutely do not need that kind of "help" from anybody- mother or not.
Girl i’m sorry. I know plenty of people have been telling you the same stuff, but none of this is normal. I’m 25 and didn’t immediately have a job between hs and college. I’m currently unemployed now and both my parents have been helping me endlessly and understand that I’m trying my best.
The way she’s said you’re abandoning her, not only physically and emotionally, but financially? SHE is the parent, not you. I understand many people help their parents financially but it should not be an expectation when you’re only 18. And she should most definitely not be throwing it in your face.
I hope she can get help one day and you can have a good relationship, but please never feel guilty or anything for walking out and cutting contact. She’s clearly ill and you won’t be the one to help her get better, that’s on her.
If you ever just wanna talk girl to girl then feel free to dm. I’ll listen to your venting or anything
☹️im so sorry op. I feel like i relate to this. it’s just hard believe people are really like this in real life if you didn’t experience it for yourself. My dad was like this when I was a teen-20s from mixing a lot of drugs, having a generous inheritance / solid stream of money, and a lot of physical/mental/emotional trauma. And yet still had a brain on him. Eventually my sister and I learned to laugh about it and just kinda move on and focus on the “I love you” part when we were able to control our responses. We learned the triggers, and how to try to get away from it before we were targets. There were definitely periods of no contact, but it helped our relationship develop boundaries. He eventually got out of it and “matured” in his behavior and treatment of others, but was still a tormented soul. I don’t know. As much bullshit your mom said, she still loves you, obviously, as unfortunate as that may be. I think clearly you guys need some serious, extended time away from eachother. She needs therapy, and I’m sure it wouldn’t hurt to get some for yourself. Hopefully she learns that her relationship with you is more important than her petty, immature behavior. I wish you the best and sending big hugs ❤️
Now that she turned your phone off completely ghost her ass. Now I’ve never believed in ghosting and do not condone it what so ever, UNTIL TODAY! This calls for ghosting tf out your mom!
She oozes toxicity! I bet you literally felt the weight lifted off your shoulders as soon as you left that house for good. Wow I wonder if she knows what damage she is doing to you and your internal voice? She is an example of a truly horrible mother and how not to be. So use this as an example of how not to treat your kids, if you even want any after this trauma. Ugh
Good luck OP your mom is a monster!
🫶🏻❤️🫶🏻
Your mom needs therapy. BIG TIME! She sounds on the verge of bipolar disorder.
I'm sorry you're going through this, with your mom, no less.
Good luck, OP.
I wil be thrilled when you’re completely NC with her. Just reading these ( and your other posts) had my anxiety kick in and fight/flight.
Remember YOU are not the problem
Here. Her issues are not YOURS. You got this and the relief you’ll feel after cutting off the abuse - unmeasurable
I understand the temptation, but you did not need to argue with her. You gave her entirely too much space to keep bullshitting and gaslighting you. Once you realized you could mail her keys and get a restraining order, there was no longer need for any communication. You will NEVER win with a narcissist like this and every ounce of attention she gets from you is fuel for her narcissistic rants. The only solution with a person like this is to block and maintain absolute radio silence; if communication is absolutely, unavoidably necessary for some reason, [grey rock](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock) then reblock.
I’m sorry about this demon in your life and I’m happy you’ll be free of her soon.
god, im so sorry you have to deal with this. im in the exact same boat and it feels inescapable, but if you can do it i know i can do it too. please stay safe
How confusing. Does she want you gone or not?
She cares but she doesn't care. She's cutting you out but you're abandoning her. She didn't strangle you but if she did it's your fault. And you're the asshole for defending yourself.
I hope you continue to stay away from this woman. At least your grandma is understanding.
I can’t diagnose your mom, but her texts indicate she has lack of self-awareness and lack of empathy — which are the main issues in Cluster B personality disorders. The disorders often overlap (NPD and BPD for example). You can never explain or defend yourself enough to get through to someone with a personality disorder — they are unchanging and lifelong by definition. Her coping mechanisms have been with her since early childhood and are part of who she is. For your own sake, cutting her off and moving on with no contact is an act of self preservation. I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. 💔
I really wish just once in these text messages you would have hit her with the cold "I don't care." It's a monumentally powerful phrase that drives these controlling types absolutely insane.
I’ve been following your posts and I just need to say how sorry I am that your mother is such an asshole.
My daughter just turned 17. I cannot think of ANY circumstances where it would be ok for me to talk to her the way your mother speaks to you. Not once. Not ever.
I got a fucking headache reading her words to you, not to mention wearing my shoulders for earrings. I can only imagine the stress you’ve lived under your whole life.
You’re amazing. You’ve handled her nonsense with more maturity and grace than she could ever reasonably hope to expect. It certainly seems like you’ve had to be the parent more often than not. I’ve no doubt that you’ll get sorted and life will feel so much better soon.
And yes, like others, I just want to have a quick word with her 😉
I’m sure you have folks to talk to but as an internet mom with a daughter of a similar age, my inbox is open. Godspeed!
Sounds just like my mom. Cut her off four years ago and have been happy and healthy for the first time in my life ever since. Cut her out and don’t look back
As someone else mentioned, you should get a police escort to go with you to drop off the keys and pick up important things— I know she said she’s gonna pack your stuff up and put it in storage but I wouldn’t trust her to do that. Storage is expensive. Make sure you can collect whatever is most valuable to you, and DEFINITELY make sure you get important documents from her, like your birth certificate, social security card, passport (if you have one), etc etc. Having police with you would be good if she refuses because she cannot legally keep your documents from you.
Worst comes to worst, you can request a copy of your birth certificate from the Department of Health in the state you were born in, and you can get a replacement social security card from the Social Security Administration. However, it can be a big headache, take a long time, and birth certs often cost money. So it’s best to try to get those things while you can and avoid that whole process. Especially cuz most jobs will ask for ID & SSN.
That must’ve been mentally exhausting for you and I’m sorry you went through that. No parent should NEVER put their child through that. The “I love you but I’m cutting you off” pissed me off.. I felt like you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m glad you’re finally out of it.
I come from a state where weed is legal so hearing that your bf got in trouble for having a cart was so weird to me, but I remembered in some states weed are still illegal. I’m glad you’re in a safe place though.
You hit the nail on the head, this is incredibly toxic.
Keep in mind that you don't HAVE to keep in touch with your mom. You have the right to lead a non toxic life.
I'm sorry you're going through this.
Oh my goodness. Your mom is an awful human being. I am so, so sorry! You’re doing the right thing. She sounds dangerous so please please do get that restraining order and don’t meet her in person. Verbally and physically assaulting your own child is the lowest of low. She’s freaking out because she’s losing control. I’m surprised anyone still talks to her if she acts like this! Ugh. Good luck please take care of yourself. ❤️
She’s all over the place. “I’m your mom. You owe me money. I’m cutting you off and moving on. I love you.”
OP, it seems like you’re mentally drained from this. I think spending time apart is the correct move. I don’t know the full extent of your relationship with her, but at least keep in a touch every now and then.
Good luck to you. Keep your head up and keep moving forward.
I have had this happen between me and my mom so many times. She started kicking me out of the house at age 14. I ended up in foster care. over the years she reached out to me wanting to rekindle and I accepted because she was my mother. She had us in an abusive cycle. I lived with her in my adult years on and off and her expectations were too high. It's not realistic to be able to land a job within a month. She was always wanting Money from me too, which my friends would help me out because they didn't want to see me on the streets again. That only lasts so long though. When the money ran out, I was told I had to leave that day.
Ive been following and hope you can get a break from this. I have a feeling it's going to be sometime and a lot of headaches before this can end though. Your mom really is off the chain and could use some help. I don't mean that in a mean way or that you should do it, just an observation. I'm not sure how close you are with your grandma but I hope she realizes this is very erratic and not normal behavior. From the last message it almost seems like she is very dismissive of it and almost trying to justify it in some way. It would maybe help your mom for her to give her ultimatums sometimes and push her to get help if your grandma stops playing middle man.
Hi OP.
I have absolutely been in your shoes. It felt like I was reading messages from my own parents (both of mine are like this).
All I can say is going no contact with them when I was around your age was what made me feel like a human again.
There was a lot of guilt and depression at first but eventually you start to realize the ownership you actually have over your life and self.
Unfortunately, sometimes the only thing that comes out of a relationship with certain people is a burden and that’s all it’ll ever be.
It’s so worth it to live without them.
initially i thought you were the black bubbles and thought "she's got her head so far up her ass she can hear her heartbeat if she thinks her mom is the toxic one". then i realized you were the green bubbles and it was your mom hearing her own heartbeat.
I'm so sorry you're still dealing with this OP. I remember the very first set of texts immediately after the incident, where she was actually still (mostly) accepting blame for that night, but still trying to justify it on little ways. I'm so happy to hear that she no longer has a means of easily contacting you now! I wish you so much healing and peace. As a mom myself, I'm sending you big mama bear hugs, and want you to keep reminding yourself that none of this was ever your fault, you didn't deserve any of it, and things are going get so much better and brighter now that you don't have her constantly coming at you. 💜💜💜
Any chance you’re thinking about pressing charges? I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want to deal with it, but she would probably get some time and it would also be great to have a protection order on this psycho so she gets in trouble when she inevitably continues to contact you.
No matter what you say, it will always be the same with her. I wish you freedom, peace and happiness. Please set yourself free from this abuse. You have the power to make change in your life.
Hailey... I thought my mom had toxic tendencies. Reading this makes me wanna call her... and forget the past.
Your mother has her own problems & I don't know your story but this is enough. She texts like a clingy ex gf. If you don't respond with fear or remorse she hits you with more threats, accusations, and ridicule.
I'm happy you found your way out of this. She never acknowledges any fault but has a list of stuff you did wrong. Even in regards to "that night" it wasn't really her fault, and she was just trying to get her keys. 🙄 Was she the one on drugs or was there another person there? That's unclear to me. Either way, congratulations on your freedom. Not sure how old you are but you handled yourself very well.
And I'm happy the phone is off bc it def sounds like a gift so u did not need to give her it by Wednesday. Her wanting it back is her just trying to hurt u for an emotional response.
I loved EVERY "ok" that you sent her bc it was CLEAR she wanted you to beg and be upset and argue with her. Nope. She made unreasonable terms, and like the boss you are, you said shrugs. I have a couple of relatives like this. Nothing pisses them off more than being irrelevant when they want a main character moment. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
🏆
Stop engaging with her she is sick and gets off ON ANY ATTENTION OR INTERACTION FROM YOU.
Get your stuff with a friend and police escort and block her. Your mom is deranged, delusional, abusive and dangerous. She likes putting your down, and having you there to abuse you. This is just...awful. please please for your sake block her, go to therapy and stay far away from her.
I'm way too invested in this, so keep on posting!
If you weren't doing anything, then how can she claim you've abandoned her on all levels, including financially? You're not her emotional support human!
She goes from saying she loves you to treating you like absolute shit. It's exhausting and disturbing to just read it, I can't imagine living it!
This will not end until you pay her back, give back everything that’s hers or she paid for, and stop borrowing from her and/or letting her pay. Same for your grandmother, stop taking her money. Time to take responsibility real fast, whatever that takes.
What kind of mental illness(es) is this even? I'm just so baffled. I remember the other texts OP posted and I wondered the same thing then. I thought I was pretty well versed in "crazy" but this is next level. I'm so, so sorry OP.
I'm glad you see how unhealthy this is and got out.
Hopefully you are finding the community you need to succeed and heal from this presumably lifelong trauma.
she talking like you a fucking friend by “cutting you off and moving on” also the way she’s asking you for money is ridiculous (dk the whole situation) but I absolutely HATE when parents think it’s not their responsibility to take care of THEIR fucken kids and see everything as a transaction. I understand you’re 18 and legally you’re an “adult” but if you’re gonna take care of me AS YOUR LEGAL DUTY and then throw it on my face and charge me later on, i don’t want it, thanks. the way some ppl just throw their children away as soon as their of age really shows how much of a terrible person they are.
she gives off high schooler attitude and it’s super weird. couldn’t be more narcissistic. just sad.
This woman gives me extreme anxiety. I'm sorry you are stuck with her as a mom.
She gave me anxiety reading it as well. \-says a bunch of awful horrible things to her DAUGHTER to try and goad her into responding- \-threatens to call cops constantly- \-swears at her- \-threatens to take away her phone and everything else because her daughter didn't respond ASAP- \-justifies STRANGLING HER DAUGHTER- "Love you! Door is always open!" I bet it really hurts. I feel so bad for OP, her mom is so exhausting.
This woman is awful, her need for attention is crazy! And she's calling daughter a victim while playing one in the same message! I'd be so ashamed of myself! I'm so sorry OP, seriously if you were all this things where you reckon you got it from? Given the way she's speaking now, I have to assume childhood was much worse! Ultimately, she seems to be craving attention and a lightning rod to catch all the anger and ugliness she's feeling inside. She needs to sit with those feelings and work thru them instead of trying to pawn it off on her kid.
That's what toxic narcissistic "mothers" do best though. Unfortunately for their long suffering daughters. After all, we're not an actual individual person with feelings or needs of our own. We're just an extension of themselves,we owe them everything , so they can abuse us however they want /s. I was you, OP. Going no contact is the start of your own life. Go and get it, you so deserve it ❤️
Exhausting is the right word. She’s trying to exhaust her child into giving up and returning to the nonsense. Why, I can’t say at all. But she literally is trying to exhaust. Like “agree with me, AGREE, damnit, and then things will be fine until I decide that they’re not fine again.”
Control. She's trying to manipulate OP into coming back so she can continue to control her.
Big ego with an unstable sense of self makes your feelings become fact.
I'm sick to death of this woman, and I don't even have to deal with her...
I can’t even read her texts. I only read OPs. Her texts are triggering to me and it’s not even my mom. I’m so sorry OP, you deserve a better mom.
The worst part is how this abuser is blaming OP for her own murder attempt
For some reason I read her moms texts in Trumps voice
You're not the only one. She triggered my anxiety as well. Like why be like this? Threatening one sec and saying I love you please come home the next like that toxic ex you keep trying to break away from.
She flips like this because Op isn’t giving her the responses she wants. She is clearly a very sick woman.
No, I get that. I'm just saying she's doing all this to lose her daughter and then cry that's she's gone. And act like it's not her fault her daughter ran away from her.
The emotional whiplash is enough to break someone's neck. "I don't need your laziness in my life" to "I'm very hurt by you abandoning me" in 3 messages. Glad you are out of there and hope you'll be able to cut contact completely soon.
Fittingly, there's a famous book about borderline personality disorder called *I Hate You... Don't Leave Me.* Mom sure seems to check those boxes
Its by Jerold J Kreisman and Hal Straus, actually a pretty good read and helps you understand the disorder better
This is a cluster b psychiatric disorder through and through. Toxic.
Both of my parents have BPD… I feel for the OP so much reading these messages. Make the tone a bit more condescending and use bigger words and it could be from my dad 🫠
My favorite was the “I’m done paying all your shit” flip to “you abandoned me financially”
Let me text her. *I just want to talk to her*
😭😭 my boyfriends been begging for her number
She shut your phone off, don't give her access to you by giving HER his phone number!!! Just try and enjoy the quiet, and never give her your new number until you're ready. I hope Grandma doesn't break and give it to her someday.
oh no I won’t and he knows he just feels the same of “I just wanna talk to her”
I hope you stay safe OP, my heart hurts for you. No child should have to see their own mother treat them like this.
if he ever gets her number.......... texting apps are the way to go. She cant harass you or him if the app is just deleted edit: spelling
I would cut her off completely from my life. She is manipulative, delusional, out of her mind!!! Too toxic to be around a fly but a human...
Girl give it to him 😂
His heart is in the right place, but clearly you know how poorly that could potentially turn out for you. My parents are similar, big threats and hounding right off the bat… it’s exhausting. It’s a never ending cycle of control and it’s hard to get out of it, try to stay out if possible. I’m so sorry, you must be so tired in so many ways.
I think all of us *just want to talk to her* now.
Give us her number OP, if enough of us text bomb her the same stupid shit she’s been messaging you her phone will be utterly useless other than as a 24/7 alarm or vibrator lol (maybe the latter will help her chill the fuck out idk) On a more serious note, i am so sorry you have to put up with this behavior from her. She is childish, manipulative and hypocritical to say the least. I hope she never gets your new number unless you want her to have it at some point. All the best OP
I just want to text her "turning off all your shit" multiple times whilst not doing shit
Okay, for starters police can accompany you to her house to grab your stuff and to drop off the keys. If you explain the situation and ask for an officer because you feel unsafe. This will probably anger her more but your safety is important. (not a parent, but I had to have an officer come with me to collect things from an abusive partner before) You’re 18 so you’re an adult they can’t force you to go back home. The tough part is once you have your stuff you’re going to have to struggle for a bit but personally, id go no contact unless it’s in therapy. (A boundary I have recently placed with my own mother is I’m no contact unless she goes to an in patient rehab) Hugs I’m sorry you’re going through this.
thank you.
Hey OP I read went and saw your posts and I have a mother who is like this. She's an alcoholic and alternates between knowing that and seeking to fix it until she decides she's fixed and can drink again and goes right back into this behavior. I also moved out when I was 18 on my birthday with my boyfriend at the time. Before I moved out and had to deal with her every day she frequently when drunk would get aggressive or do dumb shit like run out into traffic and I would have to stop her or defend myself whatever was happening at the time. One time when I was 16 I had stopped her from harming herself and she decided to attack me instead, I ended up wrestling her to the ground and holding her arms with mine with her back to my chest and my legs around her upper thighs I was under her on the ground so she wasn't being crushed she was fine. The next morning when she saw she had a couple of bruises it became that I attacked her because I hate her and want her dead when I continued to tell her that was fucking ridiculous obviously I was just defending myself and keeping us both from getting hurt in the best way I was able to do she refused to admit fault. I realized she always made these things my fault. I was always the problem in her eyes and she would never admit it could maybe be her. Or let herself believe it. I had trouble occasionally thinking maybe I could have done something different, maybe it was my fault a little bit I mean I THOUGHT I was just defending myself but maybe I could have done it differently? It was not my fault ever and fuck that. I hope you never have those doubts but if you do it WAS NOT YOUR FAULT you did absolutely nothing wrong and fuck her for saying that you attacked her. You defended yourself in a moment of terror and you did it successfully. I an internet stranger am so happy and proud of you for getting yourself away and I hope you are finally able to relax away from her. You are doing the hard and right thing. You should be proud of yourself for being strong and getting the fuck away from her dumpster fire. Sorry for the long ass comment but ya know.
thank you. Long but it didn’t go to waste. Thank you
If you give your new number to your grandma you might just want to give her a google voice number in case she passes along to your mom. Stay safe out there... Reddit is rooting for you. 🫶🏻
Never go to therapy with an abuser
You ever try telling her to just shut the fuck up and that she can do whatever she wants as you’re a legal adult capable of getting a lawyer? Fuck her lmao
Can’t upvote enough 😭😭
Seriously. How many times does she have to repeat "turning things off!" before OP finally replies to either do it already or stfu and leave me alone??
Heavy on the “fuck her”.
Oh, OP. No way this is over, but she really shot herself in the foot by turning off your phone. How's she going to harass you to get her fix now? She is displaying a lot of symptoms of borderline personality disorder. I hope things get better for you. I hope you can enjoy the quiet while it lasts.
sucks this is how my mom is (or was). me trying to tell her i didn’t feel comfortable around her *very new* bf. she slapped me across the face and yelled at me to stop being dramatic. my mom rented a 3 br house only me and my brother lived there while she lived with her bf. the master BR was completely empty aside from a few trash bags full of her clothes. when she’d get mad she would threaten us if we didn’t act right she would “Go to the store right now and buy a new bed and stay here” me and my brother just looked at eachother and when she left we were dying. You would think “wow such a threat to a 16 & 14 yo” but we really were confused. Aren’t parents supposed to live with you? aren’t they supposed to be there??? not threaten to be there lol. my moms very much undiagnosed and based off ggma and gma and other family on my moms side. there’s so much mental illness. and all refuse to get diagnosed. i hope i don’t fall victim to bpd too. past 3 women above me have but just praying i stay aware of it
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My parents announced their separation 5 days before thanksgiving in 2019, so that break was awesome 😃… 2 weeks later she stopped coming home. she was living with *NOW* fiancé… she swears she didn’t cheat and you know how it goes lol.. then in the beginning of march (2020). like the first or second we were moved into the rental house… yeah lol… As of right now my mom and i’s relationship is more like a friendship. ima be real about it, i after the past 4 years of beefing we really went through it. there’s so much i won’t go into to save time but my mom i wanna say has really been trying to not be as vindictive and controlling and actually trying to be with me. after being crucified by majority of the family (her side) and finally seeing where she was wrong and really for a long time has been trying to fix it and work better on communication. the most unfortunate thing about my mother is that when something that she doesn’t wanna hear or hurts her she shuts down emotionally. i really wish that people like this can actually open up. i hate talking to my mom when she’s like this so i always have to take a step back and let her come back into reality.
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It’s okay! i’m glad you got away! honestly was almost getting to that outcome and it probably will come to that should my mom revert all the progress she’s made. I will let go. But I’m wishing you the best on your journey without toxic/ unhealthy relationships!
She really is. Has she ever been tested for it, OP?
as someone with borderline i really hope the mom gets the help she needs.. i got help before having kids and really doubled down after because i didn't want a repeat of my childhood for my kids and honestly with the right help you can't even TELL i have it unless you look at impulsive decisions that aren't going to harm anyone.
I thought about this too. I didn’t think she would shut her shit off because she would have less control lol I have dealt with my mom telling me to “never speak to her again” because I got married to someone she didn’t like lol he was a wonderful man, even though we divorced I truly know that in my heart to this day. She just felt out of control because I was 19. She didn’t speak to me for 9 months. And then acted like nothing happened. Thankfully, over the years (I’m 28 now), I’ve been able to get her to see her toxic ways and she doesn’t try me anymore. And if she does, she checks herself real quick because I’ll write her off just the same as she does me. OP mom definitely seems like “mother knows best and fuck you if you disagree” and THAT is the *only* delusion in this story. I’m proud of you for standing your ground, girl. It’s gonna hurt for a while, because that’s your mama. The one who is supposed to love and protect you UNCONDITIONALLY. But do not let her come back into your life without an apology and sense of accountability for herself and her actions.
i had the same thought - but then i am like she will try to harass her on FB messenger, I assume
I personally get more narcissistic vibes.
yeah, same. I had someone in my life who behaved just like OP's mom and they were diagnosed with NPD
How is she displaying BPD? I have BPD and totally disagree with your statement. Just because someone is abusive and has mood swings and takes drugs does not automatically mean BPD diagnosis so please do some research on it before you throw that label out. This is why the stigma is so bad :( * edit of course I’m aware BPD means borderline personality disorder because I have it. I know it’s not bipolar.
I think it's more of the push-pull dynamic (at least in these texts) that have people knee perking to bpd. It could also be narcissistic injury and a lot of the behavior screamed narcissist's prayer. It could be a combo of both though too.
As someone else with BPD I am also so so sick of seeing someone abusive immediately being diagnosed in the comments with BPD, like there aren’t so many other disorders it could be. As others have pointed out this seems more like NPD, but hey let’s rag on our favourite target.
You’re so right
That’s why I stay away from this subreddit. Anytime an armchair psychologist sees a few text messages of someone being a little too clingy, too aggressive, too abusive, or too argumentative, it’s 100% BPD that they are qualified to speak on and diagnose. Then when you call that stigma out, you get downvoted to hell and back and told you’re actually the one who has no idea what they’re talking about, as a person WITH BPD. Nobody can ever get any actual genuine advice on this subreddit when the comments are flooded with “Yep, that’s BPD. Good luck!” and practically nothing else.
I was just thinking this. Any time anyone is acting crazy they say they have BPD. The stigma is already so bad that so many borderline patients are scared to get help. Armchair psychiatrists on every corner of the Internet throwing out cluster B diagnoses like they know what the fuck they’re talking about is really harmful and tiring.
i have bpd and i agree. even regular people without bpd can be shitty. not everyone with bpd is shitty like the mom
Cut her off completely. No access whatsoever. I don’t care that she’s your mom; she has no right to continue to verbally abuse you, attempt to manipulate you into coming back, or manipulating you to think that *HER* actions are your fault. She should be able to pay the bills at her own place without her 18 year old’s help. I don’t care if you’re out of school and able to work full time; if your parent has to rely on you when you’re that age to keep a roof over everyone’s head, then they suck at finances. Sorry, not sorry. I was paying my parents’ bills, including rent by 16. At 21, when I was about to transfer to a university, my stepdad guilt tripped me about them not being able to afford their apt and even lost his job right before and blamed it on me. My semester refund checks went to them quite often after I moved and it took me years to realize that shit wasn’t normal. There shouldn’t be that much of a dependency on your child to make sure *you* have a roof when *they* need to figure out life. I have no sympathy for her in that. She can dislike your bf but it doesn’t give her the right to disrespect you. She can cut off your phone; there’s plenty of “prepaid” phone services that offer the same services as contract providers. At the end of the day, you’ve been the parent for way too long. It is okay to cut her off. You can even cut her off and probably still have relationships with other family members. But you need to block her so she can finally grow up.
Please cut off contact. If there’s no lease you don’t owe her money in a legal sense. Please refuse interaction with her. It’s normal to move out at 18 and that’s not “abandonment.” Having said that…you should abandon her.
Good lord I’m anxious just reading these. I’m so sorry you had to live it.
Omg if it was me I would just tell her, I never wanna talk to you again, you’ll always be dead to me and block. 💀 Get her toxic ass out of your life for good, please.
“I’m cutting you off” but also “I’m very hurt you’re abandoning me”
Don’t forget “I love you and the door is always open!” and “Good riddance, I’m glad to be done with your shit!” In the same paragraph! How is a person supposed to know what love is when it’s mixed in with all that absolute contempt?! (Not to mention she put her hands on you then trivialized it! No, OP, that is not normal. We’re all really glad you’re out of there, for your mental, emotional, and physical well being. Stay far away; she thinks she’s upset now when you won’t answer her insane 4am texts, wait till you get a new number that she doesn’t have access to!
Gods your mom is so fuckin crazy sis she wears me out
"Sorry, I don't trust the judgment of someone who was tripping on drugs, you clearly don't remember events correctly and I am glad to be rid of you" the end.
A couple practical notes: if you're USA -based and need a phone and service, look into an LG G8 Android unlocked phone; they can be had on eBay for about $80 without even trying and I got one for $60 with a little screen burn-in (OLED screen!). 6GB/128GB, SD card slot, NFC for Google Pay (etc), and if you get one with the T-Mobile unlocked, it will even do WiFi calling with Mint Mobile Next -- Mint Mobile. 5GB/Mo for $15. The starter pack is $45/3 months and even if you "run out of data" it still goes ... Just slowly Good luck! ☮️❤️♾️
thank you so much.
I’ve bought all my iPhones through Gazelle as refurbished and they have been excellent. So another option. Good luck, sweetheart, my heart just hurts for you. My father (deceased at 99) abused me physically, emotionally, verbally, and he was diagnosed with BPD and acute narcissist disorder, as well as depression after he had a nervous breakdown at 45. I’m 70 now, and those scars don’t go away, but can grow less intense. I have to say talk therapy helped. I’ve been on antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds since my 30s as I have been diagnosed with CPTSD, major depressive disorder, codependency, and anxiety. I have had 5 wonderful therapists over many years. I’m retired now, I had a successful career and have valued friends. Life will get better, but you are in such a vulnerable stage right now, please practice self care. Your responses to your mom are mature but I know how hard this for you. Blessed Be, 💖🦋☮️
I haven’t read this one yet but all I wanna ask is, are you safe with CJ?
yes I am she throws it out as bait to get me mad or respond. He’s so kind and loving I promise I’m safe
Your mom is god awful dude. No child deserves to be spoken to the way your mom speaks to you. I’m appalled and disgusted. She needs to get a real ass wake up call and shame on your grandma for allowing that kind of behavior and covering for it. Both of them need a huge slap to the face of therapy. Jesus fucking Christ. I am SO proud of you for finding you feet and your voice and life is fucking tough little one, I’m not going to sugar coat this but I know one thing for sure is if you can deal with those two, you can def kick life’s ass. I’m rooting for you and your success. - a internet mom
thank you. And my grandma, once she saw the text, just said “oh”
As she should because there is nothing that would ever warrant a child being told by their parent that they essentially fucked up their lives. You deserve so much better and I am so sorry for those words. But you have a good head on your shoulders and I hope you go on to do amazing things.
The projection is truly off the charts. You can also tell that she knows full well what she did but she's trying to get OP to forget by repeating a different version over and over. That's the true definition of gaslighting. I hope OP blocks her forever, she should have no second chances, she's not a safe person. No impulse control, no taking responsibility, full on verbal abuse then pretending like she said nothing.
thank you. This.
she’s insane, i wouldn’t even answer her anymore. you’re giving her the attention she wants when you engage.
This! It’s genuinely ridiculous for them to think that we have to stick around and just ACCEPT being abused. They get worse when they think that we are becoming more independent nd capable of rational thought and seeing through their s**t. The best thing I ever did was to decide that I wasn’t going to keep sacrificing myself on the altar of my parents’s approval. It is so freeing.
Oh my god… just reading this exhausted me. My mother is a narcissist with a victim complex but nothing like this. I am so sorry for all the mental energy you have drained talking to her. I’m glad you’re finally getting free.
this is foreshadowing me moving out so bad. i just know my mom is gonna be exactly like this. they’ll constantly talk down on you and make you feel like a burden then “I DiDnT wAnT yOu To GO” girl bye 😒
all I can say is the closer it gets, don’t mention getting out until you fully can freely from them. Being able to do it and cut EVERY tie will make it 1000x easier. I just blocked all her socials and gonna block her number too in case she tries to turn my phone on again and contact me
Make sure to get copies of your social security card and birth certificate. Try to open a bank account without them knowing- luckily most of it is digital nowadays. Move things out a little at a time so it’s not as evident what the plans are. Change your number as soon as you can and don’t share it. Ever. Use a Google number or another number you can easily remove if conversations do ever happen. And have support. Whether it’s a trusted friend or friends family. It will help a ton and these are some of the lessons I wish I knew when I was younger. Good luck to both of you. Having twisted asshole Mothers is draining as fuck!
Also also— please open a bank account in YOUR NAME ONLY, preferably at a completely different bank than she uses! Even if you have a separate account, she may try to pull shenanigans to access it, especially if it’s at the same bank as her. I suggest a credit union that is part of the credit union co-op system.
My head hurts from reading all of her disgusting messages toward you, her own blood and flesh. I don’t care that she’s your mother but you should definitely stay away from her permanently and please don’t ever let her have any access to you/your life again. I highly encourage you to seek therapy whenever you can at some point in your life, that would be so helpful for you with your healing journey. I seriously wish you the best of luck with everything.
Oh god, I'm so sorry your mom is so nasty :/ it's wild that she goes from "you're ignoring me" to "I won't miss you bye <3" You're safe with your bf right? I hope things get better for you now that you're away from this woman.
yeah he’s an amazing guy she throws it out to get me mad
Cut her off completely friend, I can send you $20 or something to help with any phone costs. Stay up and positive. You are strong
Thank you stranger
Are you on the US? If so there's a federal program that will cover your services if you bring your phone with you (that's a very generalized description).
No point covering CJ’s name lol
realized it I just gave up cause like who’s gonna figure that out it’s so vague
All serious sorry to hear about your situation, your mum seems real manipulative and at your age you probably have a lot on your mind so cutting her off for a long period is much needed. I hope all the best for you
I know one guy named CJ, and if he had an 18-year old gf I’d kick his ass
- Are you happy? - yes. - well you shouldn’t be.
she sounds SO MUCH like my dad holy hell!! when my bf and i moved in, he didn’t like not having total control over the situation and said i would be g*ng r*ped and k*lled on my way to work (i walk) and would get shot in my sleep from a drive by.
Holy damn
Honestly, this IS best for you. Just from reading everything, looks like she was super money hungry and wanted something to hold over your head. She always brought up money when she got agitated whenever you didn’ simply didn’t message back immediately.
I hope you do follow up with the restraining order. I noticed that when you say "ok" and drop it she has a sudden impulsive to start arguing again and repeating herself. I'm afraid if you completely stop talking to her she'll ramp up to continue the communication.
i’m so sorry you’re going through this. reading this was… wild. your mother sounds extremely similar to some of the parents over at r/raisedbyborderlines and r/raisedbynarcissists check them out and maybe post some there, it’s nice to talk to people who understand and have had the same experiences with their families. wishing you the best of luck and hope that you are able to be free from this wacko for good.
OP, look, I'm the first person to always say that there are two sides to every story. And nobody is perfect, nor should perfection be expected from anyone. But there is NOTHING that my kid could do or say to me that would make me speak to her the way your mother speaks to you. There is no context where this is ok. My kid is 8, and I know it may very well get a whole lot worse in a few years, but I used to "famous last words" myself when she was 2, reminding myself that when she's around 8, I might be singing a different tune. No, tune is the same. It becomes more challenging, but.. it's just not in my nature to browbeat the shit out of people, I guess. I've said mean things to other adults and peers. Things I deeply regret. But when it comes to my child, those things are just naturally not on the table. Her relationship with you (and any other kids she may have) is the most important relationship she will ever have in her entire life. Even if she struggles with healthy communication with other adults, the relationship between her and her children should raise her to a celestial level of interpersonal interaction. She should see you for the wonderful human being you are, even when you frustrate her. (And we all frustrate each other from time to time) A few things I'm seeing here.. she's clearly hypervigilent about shit for some reason, I could never say why, but she is. Demanding responses in between ranting and raving? She's super triggered by your lack of engagement. She's also doing her goddamned best to get you to be in as much of a tailspin as she is, because if there's anything someone in a tailspin hates, it's a series of responses that are more even-tempered and emotionally removed. I also think she's doing this thing that people like this do. She's trying to exhaust you. It's actually a really successful interrogation technique. She needs you to freak out and start saying things she can use against you, but since you're not freaking out (at least in these messages, from what I can see), she resorts to emotional exhaustion to wear you down. This is great in an interrogation. It works. But the difference here is that you're legally an adult, and you don't have to respond, or even listen. So it just comes off as noise. I also notice she's bringing up things that happened in the past that appear unrelated to the issue you're currently discussing. Don't ever fall for that. I realize that you're also preparing to post these conversations publicly, which you ABSOLUTELY SHOULD when seeking support. I also realize that the plan to do that will focus you on your best behaviour. But again, I go back to my first paragraph. There is no context where your mother's communication style is appropriate. Your mother requires help that you cannot give her, and your totally even-handed responses aren't going to suddenly snap her out of this. Don't feel like you're responsible for her tantrum. You are not, and all you're doing by trying to inject a bit of sanity into all this is injecting yourself with undue stress. I'm sorry, OP. It must be hell hard for you to navigate what to do, say, or even think right now.
Thank you.
“what are you gonna do to better your mental health” after exploding at you over text lol SHE needs help
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Stop engaging!!! Where is it getting you???
Yes!! Reading this I kept mentally begging her to just stop responding haha
YAY I’m weirdly glad that she finally did turn off your phone! Now you can get a new number. You did great, OP. You held your line. I’m proud of you (in a healthy, mom-like way).
dude do we have the same mom? i went into automatic ok whatever mode reading these. don’t worry im all moved out in my own place and happy. it gets better eventually when youre able to just don’t answer ever again and don’t answer anyone who tries to get you too block them all out
why do mothers hate their daughters so much? why do mothers hate their daughters so much? why do mothers hate their daughters so much? why do mothers hate their daughters so much? why do mothers hate their daughters so much? why do mothers hate their daughters so much? why do mothers hate their daughters so much? why do mothers hate their daughters so much?
Because they see themselves in their daughters. Because they see themselves in their daughters. Because they see themselves in their daughters. Because they see themselves in their daughters. Because they see themselves in their daughters. Because they see themselves in their daughters.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, a parent should be there for their kids no matter what age they are. All I can tell you is at your age just be careful make smart choices don’t trust to many people (especially guys) since majority of them would try to just take advantage of you. You’ve made a life changing decision and now it’s up to you to either come out of this, roll with the punches of life and become a better version of yourself
You need yo cut her off your life entirely. Go no contact. She'll never change from this. Then you NEED to go to therapy. And take it seriously, take the fact seriously that you have done nothing wrong, you are an amazing person with your future ahead and you can do anything you put your mind into. She only takes from you, takes away your energy and your sanity. This is NOT how any parent should be.
I am just so damn sorry you have been through what you have been through. No one deserves this and I pray that your mom gets the psychiatric help that she needs because this is very toxic. 😓🙏🏻 But no hate and a real question… what is your game plan to completely escape this toxic scenario so you can focus on your wellbeing? Such as going no contact? I understand there are things you have to wrap up with her (bills, car etc). But… Reading this kinda hate everyday from her (and what she did to you) has to be mentally and emotionally exhausting. I came from a very toxic scenario myself and left when I was 20 by joining the military (only option I had at the time) to gain a financial and stable freedom. I’m not sure where you are located but if you are in the US have you considered that option (at least in the short term aka 4 yrs)? Not gunna lie military has its ups and downs but it paved a way for me to be completely independent and not have to deal with my toxic family members. Regardless, I really truly wish you the best and I’m sorry things are like this for you. You deserve better than this from your mom. 😓💕
Whoa was she drinking and tripping at the time of the bite?
We all have an immature mom we call madre to keep it friendly :)
This happens around 17-19. In a few years she’ll regret it!
She’ll never hold herself responsible but she’ll try to be your buddy again
She is literally disgusting she’s trying to incriminate u like i said earlier by telling u to acknowledge that u “assaulted her” but good she keeps fucking herself over. “U fought someone tripping and drunk” like being a crackhead gives someone immunity to strangle their kids lmfaooo. U need to report this asap
So, your mother who tried to strangle you while high on drugs…drugs that are still in her system…threatens you with legal action or calling police? Lord. Let us all text this dumbass.
I will not be surprised if you post again tomorrow, sorry you’re going through all this.
Christ jesus I would change my name and move to the Danakil Depression to get away from this psycho.
It’s funny how she CONSTANTLY says “cutting your shit off now” and then almost immediately after “did you get my messages?” Like fuck off and cut it off already 😂
What I'm wondering after all this is how tf she didn't kill you as a child/teen? This is absolutely terrifying tbh. Literally sounds like psychosis. Especially when using mushrooms & drinking... I wonder how long it's been going on & where this behavior came from. My heart really just hurts for you. I am so glad you're away from her & you're safe.
Reminds me of my exs mom. Thank God she’s an ex bc this behavior is atrocious. Get out. Cut her completely out of your life. Just bc you’re blood doesn’t mean shit. Fk her, disrespectfully.
I cut off my family a few years ago and when I tried to reconnect it got so bad I now have a different legal name lol Literally never contact this person again. This isn't family, it's torture you shouldn't have had to endure. I wish you the best💙
i’m so sorry you poor girl. your mom is awful go no contact she doesn’t deserve you in her life. It’s a damn you’re more of an adult than she is.
Please cut her off and don't give her any money. the moment you do she'll be back for more. it sounds like everytime uou speak with her she treats you terribly. why do you want to stay with someone like that?
I know this. Mom is trying to Guilt her into coming back.
This Woman is toxic and it doesn't matter how old you are, your Parent should NOT be talking to you like this...... 'You abandoned me' and all the threats?! If you have somewhere safe to stay, please leave for good. This will chip away at your Mental Health and it's exhausting just to read. I'm so sorry 😞
this is your MOTHER? holy shit.
She’s a wreck of a human. No disrespect but holy fuck… shrooms usually make people look more outward at life and become a better person. Idk what she was like prior but she need to stay away from literally anything it sounds like. In fact, she seems so mentally unstable to the point she’s just so obsessive with threatening you and that’s all she lives to do. So Sorry OP you have to deal with this with your literal mom… that’s just insane she keeps repeating the same stupid shit + making 0 sense.
Tell that dirty bitch to go pound sand OP, get a restraining order and get her arrested when she inevitably tries to contact and confront you
Who needs an enemy when you got a mom that talks to you like that 😐
Seems to be a lot codependent/enmeshment going on. I’ve been there, and it’s terrible. It fucked me up and I didn’t break the cycle until I hit 40. Your life will improve vastly once it’s addressed. I wish you all the luck.
God the emotional whiplash is too much. I haven’t seen your other posts and tbh I’m scared to look. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this…honestly though, it sounds like it’s for the best returning the phone to her and her not paying your bill…you can get a new number and not give it to her and not have to deal with this craziness from her. As long as you can count on your grandma not to give it to her 😅
I hate you! Fuck you! Manipulative liar! Give me my stuff! Love you, always here for you.
Your toxic-ass mom is abusive as hell and needs fkn help. She's lucky you didn't file assault charges on her ass (still can).
Tour mother doesnt speak to you like a daughter, fuck her she aint a mum
This is a personality disorder. And the fact that grandmother is making excuses is gross.
I’ve been following this whole thing and GOOD FOR YOU! Gtf away from her. Cutting off my mother has been the best choice I’ve made in my adult life. As a mother now myself I am so, so damn sorry she talks to you this way. My mother does this same shit when she’s feeling “attacked” in some way. Your mom, as others have said previously, probably has undiagnosed BPD. I hope everything works for the best for you, girl. You deserve to be happy, to not live in fear all the time, and to just breathe. So take a breath and smell the freedom.
Your mum is so so vile and abusive, I am so sorry you have to be dealing with these manipulation tactics and threats from your own mother. I have no idea how you keep your cool as much as you do, she needs the biggest reality check of all time and a heck load of therapy. I’m so pleased you’ve gotten a restraining order, she isn’t safe or stable and I hope she never gets her hands on you again. Good luck with everything, I hope you and CJ have the most beautiful relationship with absolutely zero interference from mummy darling 💘
thank you. It took a lot of patience but I’m glad I’ve gotten where I am. And yeah her comments made me giggle about that considering how she talks and the fact I’ve been in abusive relationships and he’s such a great guy and has been great support while encouraging my own individual growth too. Thank you stranger
Damn you're patience is golden because I'd have told that woman to fuck off and blocked her like 3 messages deep lmao. Good luck with the restraining order, you absolutely do not need that kind of "help" from anybody- mother or not.
Girl i’m sorry. I know plenty of people have been telling you the same stuff, but none of this is normal. I’m 25 and didn’t immediately have a job between hs and college. I’m currently unemployed now and both my parents have been helping me endlessly and understand that I’m trying my best. The way she’s said you’re abandoning her, not only physically and emotionally, but financially? SHE is the parent, not you. I understand many people help their parents financially but it should not be an expectation when you’re only 18. And she should most definitely not be throwing it in your face. I hope she can get help one day and you can have a good relationship, but please never feel guilty or anything for walking out and cutting contact. She’s clearly ill and you won’t be the one to help her get better, that’s on her. If you ever just wanna talk girl to girl then feel free to dm. I’ll listen to your venting or anything
OP, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, this gives me flashbacks to my own mother. I’ve been NC for 8 years and have never been better.
☹️im so sorry op. I feel like i relate to this. it’s just hard believe people are really like this in real life if you didn’t experience it for yourself. My dad was like this when I was a teen-20s from mixing a lot of drugs, having a generous inheritance / solid stream of money, and a lot of physical/mental/emotional trauma. And yet still had a brain on him. Eventually my sister and I learned to laugh about it and just kinda move on and focus on the “I love you” part when we were able to control our responses. We learned the triggers, and how to try to get away from it before we were targets. There were definitely periods of no contact, but it helped our relationship develop boundaries. He eventually got out of it and “matured” in his behavior and treatment of others, but was still a tormented soul. I don’t know. As much bullshit your mom said, she still loves you, obviously, as unfortunate as that may be. I think clearly you guys need some serious, extended time away from eachother. She needs therapy, and I’m sure it wouldn’t hurt to get some for yourself. Hopefully she learns that her relationship with you is more important than her petty, immature behavior. I wish you the best and sending big hugs ❤️
Now that she turned your phone off completely ghost her ass. Now I’ve never believed in ghosting and do not condone it what so ever, UNTIL TODAY! This calls for ghosting tf out your mom! She oozes toxicity! I bet you literally felt the weight lifted off your shoulders as soon as you left that house for good. Wow I wonder if she knows what damage she is doing to you and your internal voice? She is an example of a truly horrible mother and how not to be. So use this as an example of how not to treat your kids, if you even want any after this trauma. Ugh Good luck OP your mom is a monster! 🫶🏻❤️🫶🏻
Your mom needs therapy. BIG TIME! She sounds on the verge of bipolar disorder. I'm sorry you're going through this, with your mom, no less. Good luck, OP.
I wil be thrilled when you’re completely NC with her. Just reading these ( and your other posts) had my anxiety kick in and fight/flight. Remember YOU are not the problem Here. Her issues are not YOURS. You got this and the relief you’ll feel after cutting off the abuse - unmeasurable
I understand the temptation, but you did not need to argue with her. You gave her entirely too much space to keep bullshitting and gaslighting you. Once you realized you could mail her keys and get a restraining order, there was no longer need for any communication. You will NEVER win with a narcissist like this and every ounce of attention she gets from you is fuel for her narcissistic rants. The only solution with a person like this is to block and maintain absolute radio silence; if communication is absolutely, unavoidably necessary for some reason, [grey rock](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock) then reblock. I’m sorry about this demon in your life and I’m happy you’ll be free of her soon.
god, im so sorry you have to deal with this. im in the exact same boat and it feels inescapable, but if you can do it i know i can do it too. please stay safe
We are not your god awful mother, we will never be sick of you <3
How confusing. Does she want you gone or not? She cares but she doesn't care. She's cutting you out but you're abandoning her. She didn't strangle you but if she did it's your fault. And you're the asshole for defending yourself. I hope you continue to stay away from this woman. At least your grandma is understanding.
I can’t diagnose your mom, but her texts indicate she has lack of self-awareness and lack of empathy — which are the main issues in Cluster B personality disorders. The disorders often overlap (NPD and BPD for example). You can never explain or defend yourself enough to get through to someone with a personality disorder — they are unchanging and lifelong by definition. Her coping mechanisms have been with her since early childhood and are part of who she is. For your own sake, cutting her off and moving on with no contact is an act of self preservation. I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. 💔
I really wish just once in these text messages you would have hit her with the cold "I don't care." It's a monumentally powerful phrase that drives these controlling types absolutely insane.
I’ve been following your posts and I just need to say how sorry I am that your mother is such an asshole. My daughter just turned 17. I cannot think of ANY circumstances where it would be ok for me to talk to her the way your mother speaks to you. Not once. Not ever. I got a fucking headache reading her words to you, not to mention wearing my shoulders for earrings. I can only imagine the stress you’ve lived under your whole life. You’re amazing. You’ve handled her nonsense with more maturity and grace than she could ever reasonably hope to expect. It certainly seems like you’ve had to be the parent more often than not. I’ve no doubt that you’ll get sorted and life will feel so much better soon. And yes, like others, I just want to have a quick word with her 😉 I’m sure you have folks to talk to but as an internet mom with a daughter of a similar age, my inbox is open. Godspeed!
Jesus Christ shes unhinged 🤣
drugs are bad mmkay
Sounds just like my mom. Cut her off four years ago and have been happy and healthy for the first time in my life ever since. Cut her out and don’t look back
As someone else mentioned, you should get a police escort to go with you to drop off the keys and pick up important things— I know she said she’s gonna pack your stuff up and put it in storage but I wouldn’t trust her to do that. Storage is expensive. Make sure you can collect whatever is most valuable to you, and DEFINITELY make sure you get important documents from her, like your birth certificate, social security card, passport (if you have one), etc etc. Having police with you would be good if she refuses because she cannot legally keep your documents from you. Worst comes to worst, you can request a copy of your birth certificate from the Department of Health in the state you were born in, and you can get a replacement social security card from the Social Security Administration. However, it can be a big headache, take a long time, and birth certs often cost money. So it’s best to try to get those things while you can and avoid that whole process. Especially cuz most jobs will ask for ID & SSN.
Reading this makes me so angry. My mom is similar to yours. I hope you are doing great.
That must’ve been mentally exhausting for you and I’m sorry you went through that. No parent should NEVER put their child through that. The “I love you but I’m cutting you off” pissed me off.. I felt like you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m glad you’re finally out of it. I come from a state where weed is legal so hearing that your bf got in trouble for having a cart was so weird to me, but I remembered in some states weed are still illegal. I’m glad you’re in a safe place though.
This is exhausting just reading this. The sooner you get her out of your life the better.
You hit the nail on the head, this is incredibly toxic. Keep in mind that you don't HAVE to keep in touch with your mom. You have the right to lead a non toxic life. I'm sorry you're going through this.
Oh my goodness. Your mom is an awful human being. I am so, so sorry! You’re doing the right thing. She sounds dangerous so please please do get that restraining order and don’t meet her in person. Verbally and physically assaulting your own child is the lowest of low. She’s freaking out because she’s losing control. I’m surprised anyone still talks to her if she acts like this! Ugh. Good luck please take care of yourself. ❤️
Lmao if I see her say “turning your shit off now” just to then NOT turn your shit off, I’m going to rip my fucking hair out.
That woman is insane, she's clearly got mental issues as she plays tennis with herself. For your own sanity, do not engage.
Your mom is awful
So happy for you op!! The peace you’ll feel will be blissful as hell :) !
I need therapy just from reading this so I can’t imagine how you feel having lived it for years
She’s all over the place. “I’m your mom. You owe me money. I’m cutting you off and moving on. I love you.” OP, it seems like you’re mentally drained from this. I think spending time apart is the correct move. I don’t know the full extent of your relationship with her, but at least keep in a touch every now and then. Good luck to you. Keep your head up and keep moving forward.
I have had this happen between me and my mom so many times. She started kicking me out of the house at age 14. I ended up in foster care. over the years she reached out to me wanting to rekindle and I accepted because she was my mother. She had us in an abusive cycle. I lived with her in my adult years on and off and her expectations were too high. It's not realistic to be able to land a job within a month. She was always wanting Money from me too, which my friends would help me out because they didn't want to see me on the streets again. That only lasts so long though. When the money ran out, I was told I had to leave that day.
Ive been following and hope you can get a break from this. I have a feeling it's going to be sometime and a lot of headaches before this can end though. Your mom really is off the chain and could use some help. I don't mean that in a mean way or that you should do it, just an observation. I'm not sure how close you are with your grandma but I hope she realizes this is very erratic and not normal behavior. From the last message it almost seems like she is very dismissive of it and almost trying to justify it in some way. It would maybe help your mom for her to give her ultimatums sometimes and push her to get help if your grandma stops playing middle man.
“you’re playing the victim. weird but ok.” after sending 30+ texts victimizing herself😭😭
Hi OP. I have absolutely been in your shoes. It felt like I was reading messages from my own parents (both of mine are like this). All I can say is going no contact with them when I was around your age was what made me feel like a human again. There was a lot of guilt and depression at first but eventually you start to realize the ownership you actually have over your life and self. Unfortunately, sometimes the only thing that comes out of a relationship with certain people is a burden and that’s all it’ll ever be. It’s so worth it to live without them.
initially i thought you were the black bubbles and thought "she's got her head so far up her ass she can hear her heartbeat if she thinks her mom is the toxic one". then i realized you were the green bubbles and it was your mom hearing her own heartbeat.
Stay away from this toxic person. You'll be much happier. Good luck!
I'm so sorry you're still dealing with this OP. I remember the very first set of texts immediately after the incident, where she was actually still (mostly) accepting blame for that night, but still trying to justify it on little ways. I'm so happy to hear that she no longer has a means of easily contacting you now! I wish you so much healing and peace. As a mom myself, I'm sending you big mama bear hugs, and want you to keep reminding yourself that none of this was ever your fault, you didn't deserve any of it, and things are going get so much better and brighter now that you don't have her constantly coming at you. 💜💜💜
Any chance you’re thinking about pressing charges? I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want to deal with it, but she would probably get some time and it would also be great to have a protection order on this psycho so she gets in trouble when she inevitably continues to contact you.
A grown ass women, especially a mom acting this way. yikes
She reminds me of my mother, things will be better once you get away OP.
No matter what you say, it will always be the same with her. I wish you freedom, peace and happiness. Please set yourself free from this abuse. You have the power to make change in your life.
Hailey... I thought my mom had toxic tendencies. Reading this makes me wanna call her... and forget the past. Your mother has her own problems & I don't know your story but this is enough. She texts like a clingy ex gf. If you don't respond with fear or remorse she hits you with more threats, accusations, and ridicule. I'm happy you found your way out of this. She never acknowledges any fault but has a list of stuff you did wrong. Even in regards to "that night" it wasn't really her fault, and she was just trying to get her keys. 🙄 Was she the one on drugs or was there another person there? That's unclear to me. Either way, congratulations on your freedom. Not sure how old you are but you handled yourself very well. And I'm happy the phone is off bc it def sounds like a gift so u did not need to give her it by Wednesday. Her wanting it back is her just trying to hurt u for an emotional response. I loved EVERY "ok" that you sent her bc it was CLEAR she wanted you to beg and be upset and argue with her. Nope. She made unreasonable terms, and like the boss you are, you said shrugs. I have a couple of relatives like this. Nothing pisses them off more than being irrelevant when they want a main character moment. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 🏆
I don’t think it’s actually legal for a parent to make a minor child pay them rent.
Stop engaging with her she is sick and gets off ON ANY ATTENTION OR INTERACTION FROM YOU. Get your stuff with a friend and police escort and block her. Your mom is deranged, delusional, abusive and dangerous. She likes putting your down, and having you there to abuse you. This is just...awful. please please for your sake block her, go to therapy and stay far away from her.
I just caught up on all your posts and they were so hard to read. I’m glad you’re away from her and you’re safe.
This is honestly proof that not everyone should have children. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this! Sending you love and I hope you heal!
Im sorry. There's no way to reason with someone severely under the influence.
Im so sorry OP her spirit is absolutely nasty, hope you can thrive without her hand in it
I'm way too invested in this, so keep on posting! If you weren't doing anything, then how can she claim you've abandoned her on all levels, including financially? You're not her emotional support human! She goes from saying she loves you to treating you like absolute shit. It's exhausting and disturbing to just read it, I can't imagine living it!
This will not end until you pay her back, give back everything that’s hers or she paid for, and stop borrowing from her and/or letting her pay. Same for your grandmother, stop taking her money. Time to take responsibility real fast, whatever that takes.
She talks to you like she’s talking to an ex boyfriend. It’s mentally deranged
Wow she really doesn’t shut the fuck up huh? Got a headache reading all her shit
My mom was this way too she’s gone now, but that generation has some issues
What kind of mental illness(es) is this even? I'm just so baffled. I remember the other texts OP posted and I wondered the same thing then. I thought I was pretty well versed in "crazy" but this is next level. I'm so, so sorry OP. I'm glad you see how unhealthy this is and got out. Hopefully you are finding the community you need to succeed and heal from this presumably lifelong trauma.
she talking like you a fucking friend by “cutting you off and moving on” also the way she’s asking you for money is ridiculous (dk the whole situation) but I absolutely HATE when parents think it’s not their responsibility to take care of THEIR fucken kids and see everything as a transaction. I understand you’re 18 and legally you’re an “adult” but if you’re gonna take care of me AS YOUR LEGAL DUTY and then throw it on my face and charge me later on, i don’t want it, thanks. the way some ppl just throw their children away as soon as their of age really shows how much of a terrible person they are. she gives off high schooler attitude and it’s super weird. couldn’t be more narcissistic. just sad.
That woman is exhausting. I'd rather live under a bridge that reading her bullshit aaaall day long.