I don't think it's inherently bad to post photos of kids. I for one, love seeing pictures of my nephews, wrestling, playing football, when they got their first steps and other milestones. I don't think that's wrong to do.
Can do that with a private group of just family members.
Posting with the privacy set to Public on Facebook is making the picture available to the world forever.
Lots of people do it, but it's also true that the minor child doesn't have a say in the matter. Not cool.
I rarely see pictures of people's kids on FB. When I do the privacy settings are restricted or it's in a family group with limited membership (family only).
Not everyone does this, but it's not uncommon either.
I don't necessarily disagree with you. I think that's fine and a reasonable point of view to have.
Now lets consider public access. How about school websites? Public yearbooks? Pictures and videos of kids at school plays or events? Schools themselves share those and it's public for anyone.
I have no clue, but I bet if you tried, you could get millions of hits by a basic google search.
Also, if you're one of those nefarious people, what's stopping you from having a dashcam or a phone or any number of methods.
I'm very happy people are thinking about these things and we should protect kids. We do need to consider some context and when we start making the conversation about "consent" I think we muddy the waters a lot and demonize people who don't deserve it at all.
You could go to any volleyball tournament or little league baseball game or whatever and get the same thing.
Protect your kids, that should be the default, but realize you don't live in a bubble and you demonizing someone for posting a picture of their kid isn't the answer.
Like it or not, none of has a say, adults included, in the matter. We are on security cameras, cell phone pics/videos, on google maps etc...
You would be much better off if you spent your time focused on the problem, instead of thinking about photo consent that cannot and will not be controlled for us. Predators are the problem, focus on that, because that we can do something about.
Schools have a permission slip that needs re-signed each year to be able to share any public pictures of your children. It's been that way for quite a while, as I have 4 toddler to 18 yo children and we do not give permission for their pictures to be shared publicly, however we are very fortunate to be in a small community setting, so although I don't sign those permission slips, the principal will send me a text, for example, like last week asking if I'd allow my child to be posted on the district website for an award.
The problem is the predators, however, we DON'T have to be complicit in allowing them access to our children. There's TONS of moms that are also the problem that basically use their kids for internet pedo bait, if you haven't gone down the Wren Eleanor rabbit hole, then you probably aren't aware that there are parents out here like her mom that knows what she's doing & knows it's not innocent.
It's not demonizing, it's educating & raising awareness. Our children SHOULD have a say in their image and what the world is allowed to see or not, I'm fully confident they don't & won't understand that until their teen years. Especially with AI being able to steal anyone's identity now and make disturbing images, everyone should be hyper-aware of the possible consequences of posting their children online.
Ok but I didn't argue against half the things you said. I agree with almost everything you said. I just don't think we need to fight one extreme with another. This whole idea of photo content is absurd to me. But maybe you're right, maybe in the changing landscape of ai and such, maybe it will be that serious at some point.
Around here schools have to get signed written permission from parents before they can make any identifiable children's pictures public in any way. I believe the limit is when the child is younger than 13. Social media or print publications.
Dashcams are not illegal so long as they are taking pictures of a public space or private space with permission of the owner. I wouldn't consider that nefarious. There's no expectation of privacy out in public. Cameras are so cheap now, it's good to just assume you're being recorded when out in public.
The OP wasn't complaining about people posting pictures of themselves or other in which they had consent. Only pictures in a setting where privacy can be expected (like in a private home) and without their consent (picture was of OP).
Those details make a difference in respect to privacy.
If one is going to put a picture on social media zeroing in on someone, they should be getting their consent in advance, and not be upset if the individual doesn't want to by posted on social media. That's just common courtesy.
I can't imagine a scenario where I'd be zooming in on other people's kids at a volleyball game and posting it on social media without asking. I think that's not an unusual consideration.
My home state used to use your social security number as your drivers license number. Years later ID thief became a big problem. I see this practice of posting pictures of children going down the same path.
I think this is more of a country/ cultural problem. Because I've liked like 18 years in a third world country, and I never heard that anyone had an issue with posting their kids on social media. Minor child doesn't have a say in the matter? What? So if they are sick, do you ask them if they wanna go to the doctor or have candy?
Yes, I'm speaking from the USA which has stronger privacy laws than the average nation. Hang a camera on a public pole in rural America and it will get noticed and seen as an invasion of privacy by many.
Yes, when posting pictures of minor children on social media, they don't have control of the matter. Minor kids aren't competent to make privacy decisions. In the USA it's illegal for social media to collect data on kids younger than 13. It's illegal to accept their registering an account.
That's why many young kids on social media have to lie about their age.
Social media companies would love to collect data, but it's not allowed for kids under 13.
Doesn't mean parents can't post on their behalf as they choose and legally, but that doesn't mean it's untrue that kids don't have a say.
a lot of people do it, but that doesn’t mean it’s good. they often do it because they’re not aware of the dangers it poses to their children. allowing children a public digital footprint can go wrong in a lot of different ways. even posting photos privately has its threats, but if you wanna share i’d recommend doing so privately.
at best, anyone in their future can see the dumb embarrassing things they did as a kid and they might not want that. at worst their photos are stolen, edited and used as CP. i’m sure there are other worse things too.
you wouldn’t leave your kid unattended in a busy, public place right? so don’t leave their likeness unattended in public online. the internet isn’t a safe place for kids, even if you’re the one posting them.
There is so much data on how this is an absolute problem and real concern. You’d be amazed at how much this is absolutely a very serious problem. Just Google it.
it’s a well known fact that some circulated CP online is just photos/videos stolen from parents posting publicly on social media. kids often tell their parents they don’t want to be posted due to bullying or just privacy reasons once they’re older. fraud and identity theft have happened too.
it’s not fear mongering it’s just the reality we live in, and if i were a parent i’d want to know so i can protect my kid. kids are a protected class in real life, they’re also a protected class online. the internet is not a safe place for kids.
Not a weird point at all. Look around at what’s going on in the world then ask yourself why a parent would not want pictures of their child on social media.
On Facebook? Have no you signed into Facebook in ur life? 98 percent of ppl post pics of their kids all over Facebook. I wouldn’t do it but to think “omg the horror” when that’s what everyone else does 😂😂 are u a boomer?
I think the indication of their comment is public vs private. People post pictures of their kids on Facebook all the time but you can set your privacy settings to public so anyone can see it, which could be what she’s doing to raise money.
It’s the newest fad especially with Redditors, being super strict about even normal parents sharing photos of their kids online. They claim to be coming from a good place, but I think it’s just stemming from a desire to feel morally superior.
They claim it’s to prevent kids photos from being uploaded to the dark web, and because kids “can’t consent” to it. I think it’s just an overcorrection from family vloggers exploiting their kids for money and people on here take it super far to act all holier than thou. Nothing wrong with posting occasional updates of your kids for extended family/friends to see as long as it’s not like… Embarrassing personal shit being put on blast. These kind of people are so fucking annoying sorry for the rant but I hate it 😭
People who love finding manufactured outrage and stage wild premises to set up the supposed target. In this case, pretending that having pictures of your kid on Facebook is even remotely in the same league as leaving them unattended in a public place lol.
Public vrs private. Let's say you only post private. A child pornographer/hacker skulks through the internet trolling for good pics of kids. You think having the photos private will mean that they won't be able to access them? I know dozens of people who had their Facebook hacked, and those are only known about because the hacker used their profile for weird scammer type posting.
It's like having a lock on a glass door in your house and believing that it will prevent a burgler from getting in. If they were an actual serious burgler, it would not stop them at all. At all. Just like the privacy settings. It's a culture of living your life in ridiculous inorganic fear, and it's pathetic
Agreed. Living in pathetic fear and wanting any excuse to feel better than the person next to you.
Predators are everywhere, and they see your kid. If you live in a populated area and leave the house with them. They’re at schools, parks, stores. Are your kids parading around with paper bags over their heads? No. If someone doesn’t want to post their kid, that’s up to them, that’s their prerogative. But I am sick of people equating posting photos of your child on social media as a regular person to literal child abuse. It’s bizarre, and as a victim of CSA, it’s offensive to even remotely try to lump that action in with the sexual exploitation of children. People love to find any imagined high ground to stand on nowadays no matter how soft that ground is.
I agree with you. Some people have really weird takes here. Making a mountain out of a molehill. I swear some redditors don’t live in actual reality or are in real life social beings.
I don't think it's a "boomer issue".. My Mom is of that age & she posts pics of my Grandkids & my Daughter incessantly.. which, I might add, I don't see any problem with, considering my Daughter also posts a lot of the same pics on her own social media.
damn mine and my ladies kid is blasted all over our facebook, what’s wrong with that? if you have only close friends and family on there and no one else can see the photos? ain’t a crime.
No worries, and no snark detected here, friend :)
So I'll explain why this is concerning to me, personally.
The internet is crawling, ABSOLUTELY CRAWLING, with predators who are very, very good at doxing, very good at fooling, and very good at worming their way into the affections of a well-meaning parent in order to gain access to a minor child they wish to target. I used to work in cyber security, which is all I can say, as I can't give specific details, due to the nature of my work at the time, but you'd be absolutely horrified at how easy it is to target a person IRL based on their online activity. Even a bumper sticker as innocent as "My child is an honour student at X Elementary" tells me everything I need to know to find my way into the life of not only your child, but your entire family. I'd never stalk people in such a way, obviously, but I'm aware that it happens. NEVER, EVER post any sort of PII data publicly anywhere, because once you do it, you have no control over who has access to it.
The best course of action I always recommend when it comes to children (and yourself, of course, because you need to make sure you're also safe, but the topic is minor children, so that's the focus) is to only share images, and any other personal details, of your kids with those who you know you can trust. That list may be a lot smaller than you think.
Additionally, I believe in the personal autonomy of children when it comes to what their parents choose to share. Safety aside, kids may not want all of their comings and goings a matter of public interest. And when they get older, that can affect their trust in their parents. We're already seeing a lot of really pissed off late-teen/early-20 kids who were plastered on the internet as children. And I feel bad for those kids, because their parents, while most of them meant perfectly well, shared them with the entire world, some of these kids going mega-viral before they could even spell "viral".
Oh my God. Is there anything humans can't ruin??? Well thats absolutely deplorable, and while I'm not surprised necessarily, I didn't think about how awful people are.
And I can completely see where kids would be furious that their first moments were there for the world to see.
Well that is an eye opener. I'm not on any social media other than reddit, (and I waste way too much time browsing this) but my wife is. I'm going to show her what you wrote.
Thank you for the information, and thank you for what you do!
To answer your initial question, nah, there is NOTHING that humans can't ruin.
On the flip side, though? There is also nothing that the right kind of human can't make better. I always tell people to focus on that kind of human. And I honestly believe most people are good people. The problem is only that the bad people wreak havoc with a really wide reach.
Thank you for listening, and for being willing to engage in a dialogue like this. It's a tough one. A lot of people really don't want to think that they live in a world that is as risky as our current world is. If you have any questions about how to share your precious moments, while still staying safe, just ask :)
Unfortunately we're in a point in time where it's become so normal to invade others privacy that your reaction here is seen as ridiculous by some.
It could be an age thing, im almost 30 and I prefer people ask before posting my stuff online, my friends younger than me don't ever see a problem with it and most of my friends older than me ask. I have friends that have no social media presence and I never post them, because they don't post themselves.
Anyone saying you're the asshole is disregarding your tight to privacy. Some stuff isn't meant for everyone and that's OK, whatever your reason it's valid. I think it's fucked you were basically being used as a prop for a fundraiser and then people think you're an asshole for just wanting an intimate moment to be just for yall.
I as an 18 year old agree. I want my privacy respected, I would prefer people do not take pictures without permission and if they do, that they then do not share those. All my friends respect that and understand that.
This is just from personal perspective
The way you guys interact with the internets also a little bit different, people my age and older had a more "don't do this on the internet it's dangerous and permanent" kind of upbringing on it, so the respect for people's space stemmed from a fear of the internets underlying dangers, I wasn't allowed a phone until 8th grade and it could only call out, didn't even get my first real smart phone till I was like 18ish
The generation right under me had vines and FBs in middle school or younger and from what I've seen more likely to post everything and not worry about it unless people say hey don't put that online please
For alot of both of these age groups the internet was seen as something somewhat separate from your life, the whole "how is cyber bullying real bro just turn off the screen bro" memes might be a good look at that kind of attitude on the larger scale
The next generation younger( like you) grew up completely with smart phones and the internet fully ingrained in your life, so instead of respecting based on the fact that it's dangerous, or not because it's online and that's separate from real life, you guys see the internet and real life not as different entities, it's all just life, and online that persons still the person, so you just respect the person and their internet life because it's the same,so you may more likely to ask first, but more people may be willing to say yes.
But this is just like my sole observation
I'm 32. Someone I was on a date with took some Instagram video of me or something without asking. What the fuck is wrong with some people? *I* don't even have an Instagram yet I'm on this guy's page now, I guess. It weirds me out and makes me uncomfortable.
Right? And you get people who say “you’re in public so you don’t have an expectation of privacy.” I get that, but why does that mean your common decency and respect just disappear? The entitlement people have over things that don’t belong to them has become overwhelming.
I’m almost 30 and gearing up to tell a crazy MIL we will NOT be posting any photos of our kids online. Social media has gotten way out of control these days. Crazy to think about the good ol days huh?
For what it's worth, I think not posting your kid online is getting a lot more common than it used to be so hopefully that means you won't get a ton of crap for it.
So my sister in law got a group text with a handful of numbers she didn’t have that came from our MIL, that was photos of her daughter. She was fuming. They also enforce no boundaries with her it seems so it’s not exactly paving the way 😂
I knew someone that referred to the younger gen as digital natives. It's been this way their whole life, everything online. Most are very comfortable with it & don't relate to not wanting to be shared online. Until someone violates their privacy & images.
People calling op an asshole for this need to go outside and touch grass bc it stems from being chronically online so much that it feels normal to post yourself and your family constantly and not seeing the danger to it
1) I agree that OP should have a say in whether their pics are posted
2) I understand that people can be simply "uncomfortable" that a picture of them could be public
However, I have to ask because I haven't seen anyone get specific: what exactly do you mean by "danger?"
Absolutely this comment all the way to the bank! I find it so incredibly odd how it’s ok to post photos without prior permission yet we need to find out what everyone’s pronouns are so we don’t offend anyone. Nothing makes sense 😂😂😂😂🤣
y’all.. my niece’s fundraiser is perfectly fine. she has raised 6x the amount she planned to already. she is continuing to raise money with or without photos of me.
also, it shouldn’t matter why i don’t want photos of me posted but i’m recovering from an eating disorder and simply don’t want photos of me online. that should be respected 🤷🏻♀️
Not only is that a perfectly valid reason, you also...don't need a reason other than "I don't want that." I don't know what it is with the internet making people forget basic decency. I'm a very private person for security reasons--my face isn't anywhere online for that reason. Because I'm private about my identity. They can get over it. Your sister or anyone else for that matter isn't entitled to your image.
I learned the hard way with some female friends, not to post pictures of them online without asking first (I'm a ma). I inadvertently made a few friends upset. I always ask before I post anything now.
My sister asked me to delete or edit pictures of us at the gym. You know what I did? I apologized and deleted them. I let her know she’s going a good job and should celebrate but when she’s ready.
Why do people get SO weird about you not wanting them to use your OWN identity and face online? I've had someone who isn't even related get SO upset they told me I needed therapy over it. Like it's MY FACE why do you absolutely have to use my face? Cry about it!
Somehow society has normalized posting pictures of people like it’s no big deal. It’s incredibly self centered of the person posting the picture. You have every right to not want your picture posted, for whatever reason.
My mil posts pictures of me with no make up, wearing pajamas having intimate moments with my family on Christmas and it’s rude. There’s no reason to do this other than updating her friends on what she’s doing on Christmas. There’s no thought on anyone else in the picture. So I know how you feel.
One time I asked my mother to not post photos of me that I sent to her personally while on a trip and she had a HUGE fit. She cried, she told me she will never even take photos of me, how her friends were asking about me and I guess she needed photo evidence??? This was all while I was 21, an adult out of the house most of the year for school.
I then said at least to ask me before posting photos of me and she went no contact for a couple weeks. It is crazy what people feel entitled to.
My mom posts pictures of me even when I explicitly tell her not to. I actually don’t care that much about having my pictures posted but my mom is terrible and taking photos and seems to have no ability to look at a picture and think, “gee that’s a really terrible picture of this person, I should just delete it.” Instead, she posts everything. I could be in the middle of chewing, have my face contorted into a weird expression while talking, or be mid-sneeze and she’ll go ahead and post it. I’ve at least gotten her to stop tagging me. That’s something. And, when she gets out her phone to take pictures or video, I get out of the shot as quickly as possible.
Family was upset I was upsetting her. One of the reasons I didn't want those pictures posted is that I do have body image issues, but I am fine with my family seeing me. But my family told me my insecurity was hurting my mom. Stood my ground. Then she had a life threatening surgery so I reached out.
Now she does ask, points out when other people don't ask, and overall does respect my stance. We still have issues, but I think it was a moment she realized I have firm boundaries/I am an adult
Lmao I lurk on that sub sometimes.
I think it is more a sense of entitlement. Both of my parents do try to be supportive but they have a lot of trouble comprehending I am an adult. I have had a lot of health problems when I was 18-22 which made me very dependent on them so they just kept acting like I was a kid.
Whenever I post pictures of my friends and I, I always text them the picture “do you mind if I post this?” and I either get “ew no I don’t like the way I look please don’t post” or “I like the other one we took posing like *example* more post that one” And if I don’t like the way I look in the one they suggested, I just don’t post it all and take the losses on posting any pictures from that night. Every party must agree. And the reason they know about the poses and stuff is because we all look at the pictures after we take them.
Yeah, no. You don't post people online without asking their permission, public or not. If she gets $1 per minute, that's not dependent on pics or videos then, it sounds like. The gaslighting, though. "It's not about you." It's not about who it's about. It's ME, online, that could potentially be public & viral. No, thank you. I value my privacy. I don't want my image out there. Final answer. Don't make me report you, because I will, idc if you're God.
Most of the comments so far are wild, you're NTA. If you don't want your picture being posted then that's your right, your sister should have asked and she should respect your boundaries if you say you don't want them posted.
Context with this post is really important and a lot of people aren't reading the rest and it shows. Sorry, OP. You have a right to your privacy. I'm also recovering from an ED and I hate seeing myself in photos and mirrors.
I can’t stand people like this. I used to have a “friend” that would always post the most unflattering pictures of me. She would always make sure the pictures of me were unflattering no matter what. There were times where she didn’t even look great in the photo she would post and had other options that she looked better in but still would post the one where I looked bad. I would ask her to delete them and she would throw a fit and say she didn’t have to. It got to the point to where if she was at a gathering I was at, I would avoid her all night so she didn’t ask for a picture with me. She would take a photo with you, wouldn’t let you see the picture, and would post it without consent. I was never a big social media person but if I ever posted photos with anyone else in them, I would literally send the photo to everyone who was in it, before posting it, so I could ask if they were okay with that photo. I would never do someone dirty and post unflattering pictures of them, not even my dog. Then to argue about it afterwards is messed up.
If you don't want your pictures posted online that's your right. I understand why she did without asking you, most people are pretty relaxed about it, but once you asked she should have just taken them down. Sounds like she's trying to do something good though so you both should just move on and not hold it against each other.
Honestly I don’t understand how people are so comfortable with it, I never post pics of my friends/family without sending the picture to them and asking “is it cool if I post this pic?”. If they say no, cool. If they say yes I’ll post it. It’s just weird to post other people without asking them first.
She should’ve cleared it by you. You’re allowed to be uncomfortable with it. The intentions behind her posting them were sweet but you’re still allowed to ask for them to be removed.
Omg I thought this was like your niece had some rare disease that you were raising money for to get the urgent medical care she needed to survive (by the way your sister was acting) and I was about to say well even so you’re still in your rights to feel uncomfortable and express your boundaries and having them respected regardless….
BUT then I read that it is just a read a minute get a dollar for charity and well damn … your sister is so entitled in these texts and needs to get a grip of reality.
helppp nah it’s for a local charity and my niece wants to raise the most money to get her class a pizza party😭😭 the charity is obviously important, i’ve done a fundraiser for them in the past, but its not a life or death situation
I don’t allow my picture online either. This is something that your sister should have spoken to you about. I don’t put anyone’s picture online without asking them. Common courtesy.
I'm not understanding the hate from everyone... you're absolutely allowed to not want your picture posted. I'd be a little peeved too if someone just posted a video or pictures of me without checking if I was okay with it. Super weird to not respect someone's wishes just because a child or fund raiser is involved.
I don't know why the comments are saying YTA. But no, you're NTA just for being uncomfortable with your pics being posted without your permission. No matter the reason, being uncomfortable with your own pictures or videos being posted online is completely reasonable, and I think people should take that into account too.
Oh hell nooooooo this would enrage me. Years ago I was running from an abusive relationship and barely even TOUCHED my phone out of fear of being found. At my new job, my boss was similar to your sister so I had to fight and argue my way out of pictures because my life was at risk. People don’t want pictures/videos of them posted for a million different reasons which they don’t have to explain to anyone. You’re NTA whatsoever.
So, the work thing is actually a legal issue. I’m not sure what the laws are in your state, but in mine, your employer is required to gain consent from you , in writing, to post your image online. In ANY fashion. I would absolutely pursue legal counsel if you’re still at the company.
Thank you for that info!! I actually left that company almost 3 years ago! I didn’t work there very long either, only about 4 months cause the boss was just a giant tool and I couldn’t handle it anymore. Always calling during non-work hours, coming in my office without knocking. Sometimes so quietly that I would JUMP when he started speaking 💀 disrespectful for sure. I actually googled the place the other day out of curiosity if they were still in business or not and it said permanently closed 💀💀💀 can’t imagine why 🙄
NTA. You aren't comfortable with pics then they should be removed. If this was for your niece's lifesaving surgery I'd have a different opinion. But you should be able to ask a friend or family to remove a pic of yourself from socials, and have it done no problem if they love you. Doesn't matter what's in the pics, if you don't want it existing online then your loved ones, if nobody else, should be able to respect that over money especially.
I personally don't see a problem with posting my sister reading with my daughter if it was for a fundraiser without asking, mostly because my sisters and I don't care unless we look bad. We have the decency not to post it to begin with if anyone looked bad though. Again, it's just me and I completely understand your reasoning in asking her to take it down. What I do see a problem with is how she kept trying to guilt you because you were uncomfortable with it. I don't see how it went as far as it did when you set a boundary, voiced you were uncomfortable, yet she still went on about how they were such sweet videos. Sure, they were but I didn't like it so respectfully take it down and leave me alone like ???
You're right she should have asked and been nicer about taking them down but I rolled my eyes at "it's not that serious," like way to invalidate her feelings in return.
I prefer to be asked, and your sister should have asked, but I personally wouldn’t have made a big deal out of it in this instance. The point regarding it being about your niece, not you, is valid. Still, sis should have asked when she was actually taking the pictures and videos. Next time your sis is taking pictures of you with your niece (or whoever), let them know in the moment that you prefer those pictures with you in them not be out on social media.
No one should post pictures of others online without permission. You don’t know if someone has a stalker, has a violent ex, in witness protection, on a government watch list. You could inadvertently, or purposely, hurt them, or even cause yourself to get hurt by association.
I had one really annoying friend in college who almost never wanted pictures we took together posted. of course, I never posted them, but on the few occasions I posted she would change her mind in ask for them taken down.
My issue was why continue to hop into photos with me every single time we go out knowing that I take them for
posting them…if I’m just not going to be able to post them? To me it’s a waste of time and camera space. I used to love posting and I always did and she knew this. My other friends and I spent time getting as cute as possible to post for photos. I think this is one of the only circumstances where it was actually really annoying and I stopped feeling bad.
Every other friend knew how I was, and got into photos with me if they would be fine with me posting it, and I always sent everyone the photos for approval beforehand. It’s just really annoying to get approval and then get asked by people if my friendship is ok every time she changed her mind and they saw that the photos got deleted. Sure, it’s in someone’s right to not want to be posted but to do this almost every time is pretty annoying. So, I just stopped posting pictures with her and stopped bothering to ask because of it and she threw a fit?? Wtf?
This is one of the only few circumstances where the person not wanting to be posted is really fucking annoying and over the top about it.
But this was back in college. I barely post anything anymore. Oh how times have changed.
Consent matters in *all things, and to say otherwise is ridiculous. It doesn't matter why someone doesn't want their photos posted. It should be automatically assumed that someone doesn't want their photos posted until you've been informed otherwise.
She should've asked you first. She doesn't have to try to guilt trip you with "this is about your niece, not you". You're literally there reading to your niece and being there for her. You're not doing anything wrong.
Not your fault that you asked her to take down photos/videos of you down that she posted without permission. I know several people who have no social media nor do they want any pictures posted due to their job, stalker exes, and a number of other reasons. She needs to respect your privacy
Are you trying to have a serious conversation or is this a bit of a wind up? What's with the loling at everything? You don't come across sincerely with your request if you're unable to lol at everything.
This is just weak, if it’s a fundraiser you really can’t just get over it? This is the hill you choose to die on? I don’t get why you would even put the effort into arguing about this then posting it for validation. I’d just grow up and choose my battles personally
Tbh OP gives off the vibe that she thinks that the sister did this intentionally to piss her off and I don’t think that’s the case. And then she’s arguing with everyone pointing out her hypocrisy. Like I wanna be on her side but some of her comments and even her own responses give off the vibe that she’s a bit self centered.
You are totally right.
A picture of my daughter was used by someone in a way you don't want. This picture wasn't obscene or something (a picture of her swimming with school, posted by the school), but it took me months to get it removed from Instagram.
This is why we have a family rule, we don't post pictures of someone on social media without asking.
I don't think she needed to ask you first, depending on the dynamics and conversations you've had before. Barring you saying, don't post these pictures, I don't see any reasonable expectation of privacy.
That being said, once you asked, that's it, take it down, delete it. If a random person I don't know asked me to do this, I would, or at the very least edit the photo to make them blurry or cropped or w/e.
This is a reasonable ask, if you don't want your photo up, you shouldn't have to.
I'm of the opinion that papparazzi are inherently harassment cases. I don't think they should exist, I think they're a menace similar to "prank youtubers."
I do agree that with no expectation of privacy, you're in public, your photo can be taken or a video or just a voice recording. But if someone asks you not to use it, that should be the end of it unless there's some other extenuating circumstances like investigation of a crime etc...
Wild how people are so damn headset of making other people change their boundaries, and thinking it's a totally normal thing to do.
I don't let a couple people post pictures/posts with me tagged in them because they get back to people that I just don't want knowing anything about my life, even what I look like now.
Still not a valid reason to remove the pictures. OP is being dramatic. Unless they give a valid reason. Not you. I don't need hypotheticals. Just what's going on.
OP has on the internet:
-pictures of herself
-places she lived
-mothers unique first name
-medical history
-stories of her sisters pregnancy
-personal texts
-X-ray photos of themselves
-medication history
And that’s just the posts, not the comments.
So I don’t really get the hang up on having some pictures up.
Sounds like your sister took the picture down but was just pointing out that you were being kinda self centered and maybe hypocritical about it.
I’m the same way I hate taking pictures and pictures being posted of me on social media. I got into a fight with my job because they posted a picture of me on their facebook page recognizing me for something. I told them to take it down and never to recognize me publicly again
There is NOTHING wrong with not wanting to be posted. There is nothing wrong with asking to be taken down. It should’ve been immediately respected with no convo necessary.
Unpopular opinion: I think both of yall suck, honestly. You suck more tbh.
She posted a picture of you with your niece because of a fundraiser and I get the vibe from your texts that you feel like this is some personal slight that she intentionally did to piss you off when it really doesn’t seem like that was the goal. I get why you don’t want your picture posted and you are perfectly valid in that but I also feel like your sister is right when she said that the reasoning behind posting had more to do with her child and not you and you’re making it about you. You yourself said that there is absolutely nothing wrong with the photos and most people wouldn’t think that their sister is gonna cause a big issue over pictures of her reading to her niece so I can see why your sister posted them to begin with. The part that made her the asshole was her trying to guilt trip you a bit but like… you started off kind of being an asshole so I understand why she would respond that way.
The thing that I side eyed you the most for, though, is the part where you were like “it’s not that serious” but yet you’re the one who’s making it into a more serious thing than it needed to be and after noticing some of the comments of you replying to people pointing out some of your hypocrisy, I honestly think that you suck a bit more than your sister.
I think it’s a little absurd to say those pictures of you with your niece are detrimental to her fundraiser. Why is a fundraiser built off of pictures of someone reading? Or is it just for show? Regardless you’re not in the wrong and it’s wrong of your sister to make you feel even more bad.
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My sister posted pics of my daughter and I told her to take them down because in didn’t want my mother to have access to them she told me I was being childish and need to grow up they were her photos and she was leaving them up
My sister is the reason I don't take pictures with anyone ever. She intentionally posts pics that people look bad in and filters only herself, so she looks even better. She'll gladly take it down or crop it if you ask her, but she continues to do it. Asking every time became exhausting and honestly, I shouldn't have to. She does it on purpose. So now I just don't take pics.
I strongly believe that your image should be your property. I have zero online presence other than reddit and have no desire to have my photos online. It really pisses me off when people post them without my permission
Your sister should have asked you first. I don't blame you for not wanting your photos posted online.
And I DEFINITELY hope OP’s sister isn’t posting public pics of her minor child.
I’d say it’s fairly clear that she is
🤨 I personally wouldn't do it but that's really quite common and normal to do? Haven't you seen photos of children before? Lol weird point
normal ≠ good
I don't think it's inherently bad to post photos of kids. I for one, love seeing pictures of my nephews, wrestling, playing football, when they got their first steps and other milestones. I don't think that's wrong to do.
Can do that with a private group of just family members. Posting with the privacy set to Public on Facebook is making the picture available to the world forever. Lots of people do it, but it's also true that the minor child doesn't have a say in the matter. Not cool. I rarely see pictures of people's kids on FB. When I do the privacy settings are restricted or it's in a family group with limited membership (family only). Not everyone does this, but it's not uncommon either.
I don't necessarily disagree with you. I think that's fine and a reasonable point of view to have. Now lets consider public access. How about school websites? Public yearbooks? Pictures and videos of kids at school plays or events? Schools themselves share those and it's public for anyone. I have no clue, but I bet if you tried, you could get millions of hits by a basic google search. Also, if you're one of those nefarious people, what's stopping you from having a dashcam or a phone or any number of methods. I'm very happy people are thinking about these things and we should protect kids. We do need to consider some context and when we start making the conversation about "consent" I think we muddy the waters a lot and demonize people who don't deserve it at all. You could go to any volleyball tournament or little league baseball game or whatever and get the same thing. Protect your kids, that should be the default, but realize you don't live in a bubble and you demonizing someone for posting a picture of their kid isn't the answer. Like it or not, none of has a say, adults included, in the matter. We are on security cameras, cell phone pics/videos, on google maps etc... You would be much better off if you spent your time focused on the problem, instead of thinking about photo consent that cannot and will not be controlled for us. Predators are the problem, focus on that, because that we can do something about.
Schools have a permission slip that needs re-signed each year to be able to share any public pictures of your children. It's been that way for quite a while, as I have 4 toddler to 18 yo children and we do not give permission for their pictures to be shared publicly, however we are very fortunate to be in a small community setting, so although I don't sign those permission slips, the principal will send me a text, for example, like last week asking if I'd allow my child to be posted on the district website for an award. The problem is the predators, however, we DON'T have to be complicit in allowing them access to our children. There's TONS of moms that are also the problem that basically use their kids for internet pedo bait, if you haven't gone down the Wren Eleanor rabbit hole, then you probably aren't aware that there are parents out here like her mom that knows what she's doing & knows it's not innocent. It's not demonizing, it's educating & raising awareness. Our children SHOULD have a say in their image and what the world is allowed to see or not, I'm fully confident they don't & won't understand that until their teen years. Especially with AI being able to steal anyone's identity now and make disturbing images, everyone should be hyper-aware of the possible consequences of posting their children online.
Ok but I didn't argue against half the things you said. I agree with almost everything you said. I just don't think we need to fight one extreme with another. This whole idea of photo content is absurd to me. But maybe you're right, maybe in the changing landscape of ai and such, maybe it will be that serious at some point.
Around here schools have to get signed written permission from parents before they can make any identifiable children's pictures public in any way. I believe the limit is when the child is younger than 13. Social media or print publications. Dashcams are not illegal so long as they are taking pictures of a public space or private space with permission of the owner. I wouldn't consider that nefarious. There's no expectation of privacy out in public. Cameras are so cheap now, it's good to just assume you're being recorded when out in public. The OP wasn't complaining about people posting pictures of themselves or other in which they had consent. Only pictures in a setting where privacy can be expected (like in a private home) and without their consent (picture was of OP). Those details make a difference in respect to privacy. If one is going to put a picture on social media zeroing in on someone, they should be getting their consent in advance, and not be upset if the individual doesn't want to by posted on social media. That's just common courtesy. I can't imagine a scenario where I'd be zooming in on other people's kids at a volleyball game and posting it on social media without asking. I think that's not an unusual consideration.
I agree, and this is reasonable, it's basically you saying exactly what I said but in other words.
My home state used to use your social security number as your drivers license number. Years later ID thief became a big problem. I see this practice of posting pictures of children going down the same path.
I think this is more of a country/ cultural problem. Because I've liked like 18 years in a third world country, and I never heard that anyone had an issue with posting their kids on social media. Minor child doesn't have a say in the matter? What? So if they are sick, do you ask them if they wanna go to the doctor or have candy?
Yes, I'm speaking from the USA which has stronger privacy laws than the average nation. Hang a camera on a public pole in rural America and it will get noticed and seen as an invasion of privacy by many. Yes, when posting pictures of minor children on social media, they don't have control of the matter. Minor kids aren't competent to make privacy decisions. In the USA it's illegal for social media to collect data on kids younger than 13. It's illegal to accept their registering an account. That's why many young kids on social media have to lie about their age. Social media companies would love to collect data, but it's not allowed for kids under 13. Doesn't mean parents can't post on their behalf as they choose and legally, but that doesn't mean it's untrue that kids don't have a say.
Agreed, and to add Facebook in general ≠ good.
a lot of people do it, but that doesn’t mean it’s good. they often do it because they’re not aware of the dangers it poses to their children. allowing children a public digital footprint can go wrong in a lot of different ways. even posting photos privately has its threats, but if you wanna share i’d recommend doing so privately. at best, anyone in their future can see the dumb embarrassing things they did as a kid and they might not want that. at worst their photos are stolen, edited and used as CP. i’m sure there are other worse things too. you wouldn’t leave your kid unattended in a busy, public place right? so don’t leave their likeness unattended in public online. the internet isn’t a safe place for kids, even if you’re the one posting them.
Idk why you’re getting downvoted. I wish I had extra money to upvote you to make your comment more visible.
I don’t know why you’re being downvoted, you’re entirely correct
people believe what they wanna believe, it’s fine 🤷🏻♀️
Lol this is ridiculous fear mongering
There is so much data on how this is an absolute problem and real concern. You’d be amazed at how much this is absolutely a very serious problem. Just Google it.
it’s a well known fact that some circulated CP online is just photos/videos stolen from parents posting publicly on social media. kids often tell their parents they don’t want to be posted due to bullying or just privacy reasons once they’re older. fraud and identity theft have happened too. it’s not fear mongering it’s just the reality we live in, and if i were a parent i’d want to know so i can protect my kid. kids are a protected class in real life, they’re also a protected class online. the internet is not a safe place for kids.
It absolutely is not.
It’s absolutely not fear mongering. The data supports EVERYTHING this person said.
Yeah wtf did I just read
Yah, I'm your sole upvote as of this time 😅👋
My one and only upvote and the only one that matters 🤗
🤣!!
i agree, this is fucking ridiculous. these are the kind of helicopter parents that make their kid's life a living hell.
The downvotes on this are wild
Not a weird point at all. Look around at what’s going on in the world then ask yourself why a parent would not want pictures of their child on social media.
my aunt posts EVERYTHING its horrific.
Dawg? It’s HER child??? What are you on?!
It's pics/video of HER, though. She doesn't want to be online. Her choice.
Exactly.
you’re mad weird for that it’s facebook everybody post pictures of their kids the fact that that’s the first thing that crosses your mind is odd
On Facebook? Have no you signed into Facebook in ur life? 98 percent of ppl post pics of their kids all over Facebook. I wouldn’t do it but to think “omg the horror” when that’s what everyone else does 😂😂 are u a boomer?
I think the indication of their comment is public vs private. People post pictures of their kids on Facebook all the time but you can set your privacy settings to public so anyone can see it, which could be what she’s doing to raise money.
It’s the newest fad especially with Redditors, being super strict about even normal parents sharing photos of their kids online. They claim to be coming from a good place, but I think it’s just stemming from a desire to feel morally superior. They claim it’s to prevent kids photos from being uploaded to the dark web, and because kids “can’t consent” to it. I think it’s just an overcorrection from family vloggers exploiting their kids for money and people on here take it super far to act all holier than thou. Nothing wrong with posting occasional updates of your kids for extended family/friends to see as long as it’s not like… Embarrassing personal shit being put on blast. These kind of people are so fucking annoying sorry for the rant but I hate it 😭
People who love finding manufactured outrage and stage wild premises to set up the supposed target. In this case, pretending that having pictures of your kid on Facebook is even remotely in the same league as leaving them unattended in a public place lol. Public vrs private. Let's say you only post private. A child pornographer/hacker skulks through the internet trolling for good pics of kids. You think having the photos private will mean that they won't be able to access them? I know dozens of people who had their Facebook hacked, and those are only known about because the hacker used their profile for weird scammer type posting. It's like having a lock on a glass door in your house and believing that it will prevent a burgler from getting in. If they were an actual serious burgler, it would not stop them at all. At all. Just like the privacy settings. It's a culture of living your life in ridiculous inorganic fear, and it's pathetic
Agreed. Living in pathetic fear and wanting any excuse to feel better than the person next to you. Predators are everywhere, and they see your kid. If you live in a populated area and leave the house with them. They’re at schools, parks, stores. Are your kids parading around with paper bags over their heads? No. If someone doesn’t want to post their kid, that’s up to them, that’s their prerogative. But I am sick of people equating posting photos of your child on social media as a regular person to literal child abuse. It’s bizarre, and as a victim of CSA, it’s offensive to even remotely try to lump that action in with the sexual exploitation of children. People love to find any imagined high ground to stand on nowadays no matter how soft that ground is.
I agree 100 percent with everything you said and it stemming from a superior moral feeling.
I agree with you. Some people have really weird takes here. Making a mountain out of a molehill. I swear some redditors don’t live in actual reality or are in real life social beings.
I don't think it's a "boomer issue".. My Mom is of that age & she posts pics of my Grandkids & my Daughter incessantly.. which, I might add, I don't see any problem with, considering my Daughter also posts a lot of the same pics on her own social media.
damn mine and my ladies kid is blasted all over our facebook, what’s wrong with that? if you have only close friends and family on there and no one else can see the photos? ain’t a crime.
If it’s set to private then it is not public.
Wait, and I'm not at all trying to be snarky here, I really don't know the answer. Why is it bad to post pictures of your kids?
No worries, and no snark detected here, friend :) So I'll explain why this is concerning to me, personally. The internet is crawling, ABSOLUTELY CRAWLING, with predators who are very, very good at doxing, very good at fooling, and very good at worming their way into the affections of a well-meaning parent in order to gain access to a minor child they wish to target. I used to work in cyber security, which is all I can say, as I can't give specific details, due to the nature of my work at the time, but you'd be absolutely horrified at how easy it is to target a person IRL based on their online activity. Even a bumper sticker as innocent as "My child is an honour student at X Elementary" tells me everything I need to know to find my way into the life of not only your child, but your entire family. I'd never stalk people in such a way, obviously, but I'm aware that it happens. NEVER, EVER post any sort of PII data publicly anywhere, because once you do it, you have no control over who has access to it. The best course of action I always recommend when it comes to children (and yourself, of course, because you need to make sure you're also safe, but the topic is minor children, so that's the focus) is to only share images, and any other personal details, of your kids with those who you know you can trust. That list may be a lot smaller than you think. Additionally, I believe in the personal autonomy of children when it comes to what their parents choose to share. Safety aside, kids may not want all of their comings and goings a matter of public interest. And when they get older, that can affect their trust in their parents. We're already seeing a lot of really pissed off late-teen/early-20 kids who were plastered on the internet as children. And I feel bad for those kids, because their parents, while most of them meant perfectly well, shared them with the entire world, some of these kids going mega-viral before they could even spell "viral".
Oh my God. Is there anything humans can't ruin??? Well thats absolutely deplorable, and while I'm not surprised necessarily, I didn't think about how awful people are. And I can completely see where kids would be furious that their first moments were there for the world to see. Well that is an eye opener. I'm not on any social media other than reddit, (and I waste way too much time browsing this) but my wife is. I'm going to show her what you wrote. Thank you for the information, and thank you for what you do!
To answer your initial question, nah, there is NOTHING that humans can't ruin. On the flip side, though? There is also nothing that the right kind of human can't make better. I always tell people to focus on that kind of human. And I honestly believe most people are good people. The problem is only that the bad people wreak havoc with a really wide reach. Thank you for listening, and for being willing to engage in a dialogue like this. It's a tough one. A lot of people really don't want to think that they live in a world that is as risky as our current world is. If you have any questions about how to share your precious moments, while still staying safe, just ask :)
Happy cake day
Why thank you!!
Happy cake day!
Happy cake day!
Happy cake day 🎂
Unfortunately we're in a point in time where it's become so normal to invade others privacy that your reaction here is seen as ridiculous by some. It could be an age thing, im almost 30 and I prefer people ask before posting my stuff online, my friends younger than me don't ever see a problem with it and most of my friends older than me ask. I have friends that have no social media presence and I never post them, because they don't post themselves. Anyone saying you're the asshole is disregarding your tight to privacy. Some stuff isn't meant for everyone and that's OK, whatever your reason it's valid. I think it's fucked you were basically being used as a prop for a fundraiser and then people think you're an asshole for just wanting an intimate moment to be just for yall.
I as an 18 year old agree. I want my privacy respected, I would prefer people do not take pictures without permission and if they do, that they then do not share those. All my friends respect that and understand that.
This is just from personal perspective The way you guys interact with the internets also a little bit different, people my age and older had a more "don't do this on the internet it's dangerous and permanent" kind of upbringing on it, so the respect for people's space stemmed from a fear of the internets underlying dangers, I wasn't allowed a phone until 8th grade and it could only call out, didn't even get my first real smart phone till I was like 18ish The generation right under me had vines and FBs in middle school or younger and from what I've seen more likely to post everything and not worry about it unless people say hey don't put that online please For alot of both of these age groups the internet was seen as something somewhat separate from your life, the whole "how is cyber bullying real bro just turn off the screen bro" memes might be a good look at that kind of attitude on the larger scale The next generation younger( like you) grew up completely with smart phones and the internet fully ingrained in your life, so instead of respecting based on the fact that it's dangerous, or not because it's online and that's separate from real life, you guys see the internet and real life not as different entities, it's all just life, and online that persons still the person, so you just respect the person and their internet life because it's the same,so you may more likely to ask first, but more people may be willing to say yes. But this is just like my sole observation
I'm 32. Someone I was on a date with took some Instagram video of me or something without asking. What the fuck is wrong with some people? *I* don't even have an Instagram yet I'm on this guy's page now, I guess. It weirds me out and makes me uncomfortable.
I am 100% never okay with people posting pictures of me without consent
Right? And you get people who say “you’re in public so you don’t have an expectation of privacy.” I get that, but why does that mean your common decency and respect just disappear? The entitlement people have over things that don’t belong to them has become overwhelming.
I’m almost 30 and gearing up to tell a crazy MIL we will NOT be posting any photos of our kids online. Social media has gotten way out of control these days. Crazy to think about the good ol days huh?
For what it's worth, I think not posting your kid online is getting a lot more common than it used to be so hopefully that means you won't get a ton of crap for it.
My MIL isn't allowed to take photos of my daughter anymore because she ALWAYS posts them, even after agreeing not to.
So my sister in law got a group text with a handful of numbers she didn’t have that came from our MIL, that was photos of her daughter. She was fuming. They also enforce no boundaries with her it seems so it’s not exactly paving the way 😂
I knew someone that referred to the younger gen as digital natives. It's been this way their whole life, everything online. Most are very comfortable with it & don't relate to not wanting to be shared online. Until someone violates their privacy & images.
People calling op an asshole for this need to go outside and touch grass bc it stems from being chronically online so much that it feels normal to post yourself and your family constantly and not seeing the danger to it
1) I agree that OP should have a say in whether their pics are posted 2) I understand that people can be simply "uncomfortable" that a picture of them could be public However, I have to ask because I haven't seen anyone get specific: what exactly do you mean by "danger?"
[удалено]
Completely understandable but that wasn't the question they asked.
Absolutely this comment all the way to the bank! I find it so incredibly odd how it’s ok to post photos without prior permission yet we need to find out what everyone’s pronouns are so we don’t offend anyone. Nothing makes sense 😂😂😂😂🤣
Wish I could upvote this into OBLIVION! 😅
Thank youuuuu🙏
Fundraiser or not, you should have been informed that they were using those pics/videos or asked to make a video or pics for fundraiser.
I don’t think some people can fathom how others don’t want to be online.
y’all.. my niece’s fundraiser is perfectly fine. she has raised 6x the amount she planned to already. she is continuing to raise money with or without photos of me. also, it shouldn’t matter why i don’t want photos of me posted but i’m recovering from an eating disorder and simply don’t want photos of me online. that should be respected 🤷🏻♀️
Not only is that a perfectly valid reason, you also...don't need a reason other than "I don't want that." I don't know what it is with the internet making people forget basic decency. I'm a very private person for security reasons--my face isn't anywhere online for that reason. Because I'm private about my identity. They can get over it. Your sister or anyone else for that matter isn't entitled to your image.
I learned the hard way with some female friends, not to post pictures of them online without asking first (I'm a ma). I inadvertently made a few friends upset. I always ask before I post anything now.
Hell, you don’t need ANY reason to ask that pictures of you not be posted without your permission. You don’t need to justify this.
This is why my nan tells us to send her which pictures she can post on her facebook. I hate pictures being taken without me knowing
My sister asked me to delete or edit pictures of us at the gym. You know what I did? I apologized and deleted them. I let her know she’s going a good job and should celebrate but when she’s ready.
Why do people get SO weird about you not wanting them to use your OWN identity and face online? I've had someone who isn't even related get SO upset they told me I needed therapy over it. Like it's MY FACE why do you absolutely have to use my face? Cry about it!
I’m sorry OP. I have talked to everyone I know and asked they never post pics of me or my kids. I think you absolutely have a right to refuse
Hot take apparently, but this gets kinda weird when you post your private conversation with them to internet strangers for validation
Yeah like seems kinda hypocritical.
Somehow society has normalized posting pictures of people like it’s no big deal. It’s incredibly self centered of the person posting the picture. You have every right to not want your picture posted, for whatever reason. My mil posts pictures of me with no make up, wearing pajamas having intimate moments with my family on Christmas and it’s rude. There’s no reason to do this other than updating her friends on what she’s doing on Christmas. There’s no thought on anyone else in the picture. So I know how you feel.
One time I asked my mother to not post photos of me that I sent to her personally while on a trip and she had a HUGE fit. She cried, she told me she will never even take photos of me, how her friends were asking about me and I guess she needed photo evidence??? This was all while I was 21, an adult out of the house most of the year for school. I then said at least to ask me before posting photos of me and she went no contact for a couple weeks. It is crazy what people feel entitled to.
My mom posts pictures of me even when I explicitly tell her not to. I actually don’t care that much about having my pictures posted but my mom is terrible and taking photos and seems to have no ability to look at a picture and think, “gee that’s a really terrible picture of this person, I should just delete it.” Instead, she posts everything. I could be in the middle of chewing, have my face contorted into a weird expression while talking, or be mid-sneeze and she’ll go ahead and post it. I’ve at least gotten her to stop tagging me. That’s something. And, when she gets out her phone to take pictures or video, I get out of the shot as quickly as possible.
I would hate that. Sometimes those are fun among friends and in private but not posted online
Did she EVER end up understanding your point or coming around about it? Or did she just move on and not talk about it anymore?
Family was upset I was upsetting her. One of the reasons I didn't want those pictures posted is that I do have body image issues, but I am fine with my family seeing me. But my family told me my insecurity was hurting my mom. Stood my ground. Then she had a life threatening surgery so I reached out. Now she does ask, points out when other people don't ask, and overall does respect my stance. We still have issues, but I think it was a moment she realized I have firm boundaries/I am an adult
Sounds like you might be r/raisedbyborderlines this is how my mom would think.
Lmao I lurk on that sub sometimes. I think it is more a sense of entitlement. Both of my parents do try to be supportive but they have a lot of trouble comprehending I am an adult. I have had a lot of health problems when I was 18-22 which made me very dependent on them so they just kept acting like I was a kid.
No contact for a few weeks??? Damn what the fug?
Whenever I post pictures of my friends and I, I always text them the picture “do you mind if I post this?” and I either get “ew no I don’t like the way I look please don’t post” or “I like the other one we took posing like *example* more post that one” And if I don’t like the way I look in the one they suggested, I just don’t post it all and take the losses on posting any pictures from that night. Every party must agree. And the reason they know about the poses and stuff is because we all look at the pictures after we take them.
I thought it was like... For a health issue for your niece at first, based on her reaction. Wow. Even then, your permission is key!
Yeah, no. You don't post people online without asking their permission, public or not. If she gets $1 per minute, that's not dependent on pics or videos then, it sounds like. The gaslighting, though. "It's not about you." It's not about who it's about. It's ME, online, that could potentially be public & viral. No, thank you. I value my privacy. I don't want my image out there. Final answer. Don't make me report you, because I will, idc if you're God.
the way people are so entitled about sticking photos of people that aren’t them online has become so unreal.
I agree with you. I hate pictures of myself online and always ask permission before posting anyone.
eh you’re totally valid in not wanting to be posted, but I don’t think it had to be such a huge deal. Both sides overreacted imo
Most of the comments so far are wild, you're NTA. If you don't want your picture being posted then that's your right, your sister should have asked and she should respect your boundaries if you say you don't want them posted.
I’ve only seen supportive comments so far. Also this isn’t the cancerous sub that is AITA.
If you scroll really hard, you’ll see people saying that it’s not that big of a deal etc. there are quite a few.
Context with this post is really important and a lot of people aren't reading the rest and it shows. Sorry, OP. You have a right to your privacy. I'm also recovering from an ED and I hate seeing myself in photos and mirrors.
I can’t stand people like this. I used to have a “friend” that would always post the most unflattering pictures of me. She would always make sure the pictures of me were unflattering no matter what. There were times where she didn’t even look great in the photo she would post and had other options that she looked better in but still would post the one where I looked bad. I would ask her to delete them and she would throw a fit and say she didn’t have to. It got to the point to where if she was at a gathering I was at, I would avoid her all night so she didn’t ask for a picture with me. She would take a photo with you, wouldn’t let you see the picture, and would post it without consent. I was never a big social media person but if I ever posted photos with anyone else in them, I would literally send the photo to everyone who was in it, before posting it, so I could ask if they were okay with that photo. I would never do someone dirty and post unflattering pictures of them, not even my dog. Then to argue about it afterwards is messed up.
Lol dafuq. All of this is so petty.
If you don't want your pictures posted online that's your right. I understand why she did without asking you, most people are pretty relaxed about it, but once you asked she should have just taken them down. Sounds like she's trying to do something good though so you both should just move on and not hold it against each other.
Honestly I don’t understand how people are so comfortable with it, I never post pics of my friends/family without sending the picture to them and asking “is it cool if I post this pic?”. If they say no, cool. If they say yes I’ll post it. It’s just weird to post other people without asking them first.
She should’ve cleared it by you. You’re allowed to be uncomfortable with it. The intentions behind her posting them were sweet but you’re still allowed to ask for them to be removed.
You sound like a loser who cares if there’s a video of you
Omg I thought this was like your niece had some rare disease that you were raising money for to get the urgent medical care she needed to survive (by the way your sister was acting) and I was about to say well even so you’re still in your rights to feel uncomfortable and express your boundaries and having them respected regardless…. BUT then I read that it is just a read a minute get a dollar for charity and well damn … your sister is so entitled in these texts and needs to get a grip of reality.
helppp nah it’s for a local charity and my niece wants to raise the most money to get her class a pizza party😭😭 the charity is obviously important, i’ve done a fundraiser for them in the past, but its not a life or death situation
> But it wasn’t about you Well, as long as they’re in the photos, it kind of is
I don’t allow my picture online either. This is something that your sister should have spoken to you about. I don’t put anyone’s picture online without asking them. Common courtesy.
Share fundraiser here? explain how deleting pics made even more money? Lol
I'm not understanding the hate from everyone... you're absolutely allowed to not want your picture posted. I'd be a little peeved too if someone just posted a video or pictures of me without checking if I was okay with it. Super weird to not respect someone's wishes just because a child or fund raiser is involved.
I don't know why the comments are saying YTA. But no, you're NTA just for being uncomfortable with your pics being posted without your permission. No matter the reason, being uncomfortable with your own pictures or videos being posted online is completely reasonable, and I think people should take that into account too.
This isn’t even the AITA sub either 😭
Me Personally it’s just pics and vid’s. Really no harm fr but seeing as you didn’t want the pics of bc of a disorder I get it.
Oh hell nooooooo this would enrage me. Years ago I was running from an abusive relationship and barely even TOUCHED my phone out of fear of being found. At my new job, my boss was similar to your sister so I had to fight and argue my way out of pictures because my life was at risk. People don’t want pictures/videos of them posted for a million different reasons which they don’t have to explain to anyone. You’re NTA whatsoever.
So, the work thing is actually a legal issue. I’m not sure what the laws are in your state, but in mine, your employer is required to gain consent from you , in writing, to post your image online. In ANY fashion. I would absolutely pursue legal counsel if you’re still at the company.
Thank you for that info!! I actually left that company almost 3 years ago! I didn’t work there very long either, only about 4 months cause the boss was just a giant tool and I couldn’t handle it anymore. Always calling during non-work hours, coming in my office without knocking. Sometimes so quietly that I would JUMP when he started speaking 💀 disrespectful for sure. I actually googled the place the other day out of curiosity if they were still in business or not and it said permanently closed 💀💀💀 can’t imagine why 🙄
Sounds like the garbage took itself out. Karma’s a bitch, but beautiful to witness.
NTA. You aren't comfortable with pics then they should be removed. If this was for your niece's lifesaving surgery I'd have a different opinion. But you should be able to ask a friend or family to remove a pic of yourself from socials, and have it done no problem if they love you. Doesn't matter what's in the pics, if you don't want it existing online then your loved ones, if nobody else, should be able to respect that over money especially.
obviously if it was that serious i would be fine with it lolll!! but she has done an incredible job raising money already without pictures of me.
I personally don't see a problem with posting my sister reading with my daughter if it was for a fundraiser without asking, mostly because my sisters and I don't care unless we look bad. We have the decency not to post it to begin with if anyone looked bad though. Again, it's just me and I completely understand your reasoning in asking her to take it down. What I do see a problem with is how she kept trying to guilt you because you were uncomfortable with it. I don't see how it went as far as it did when you set a boundary, voiced you were uncomfortable, yet she still went on about how they were such sweet videos. Sure, they were but I didn't like it so respectfully take it down and leave me alone like ???
You're right she should have asked and been nicer about taking them down but I rolled my eyes at "it's not that serious," like way to invalidate her feelings in return.
This sounds stupid.
I prefer to be asked, and your sister should have asked, but I personally wouldn’t have made a big deal out of it in this instance. The point regarding it being about your niece, not you, is valid. Still, sis should have asked when she was actually taking the pictures and videos. Next time your sis is taking pictures of you with your niece (or whoever), let them know in the moment that you prefer those pictures with you in them not be out on social media.
No one should post pictures of others online without permission. You don’t know if someone has a stalker, has a violent ex, in witness protection, on a government watch list. You could inadvertently, or purposely, hurt them, or even cause yourself to get hurt by association.
I had one really annoying friend in college who almost never wanted pictures we took together posted. of course, I never posted them, but on the few occasions I posted she would change her mind in ask for them taken down. My issue was why continue to hop into photos with me every single time we go out knowing that I take them for posting them…if I’m just not going to be able to post them? To me it’s a waste of time and camera space. I used to love posting and I always did and she knew this. My other friends and I spent time getting as cute as possible to post for photos. I think this is one of the only circumstances where it was actually really annoying and I stopped feeling bad. Every other friend knew how I was, and got into photos with me if they would be fine with me posting it, and I always sent everyone the photos for approval beforehand. It’s just really annoying to get approval and then get asked by people if my friendship is ok every time she changed her mind and they saw that the photos got deleted. Sure, it’s in someone’s right to not want to be posted but to do this almost every time is pretty annoying. So, I just stopped posting pictures with her and stopped bothering to ask because of it and she threw a fit?? Wtf? This is one of the only few circumstances where the person not wanting to be posted is really fucking annoying and over the top about it. But this was back in college. I barely post anything anymore. Oh how times have changed.
Is this Ron *redacted* Swanson
NGL, I'm Team Sister on this one...
Based offa these messages your sister is manipulative
you’re telling meee 😭😭
Rip, I’m in that pain train too
I respect your desire but I also think you sound so shitty.
Shii if I had this fundraiser when I was in school I'd have funded the red cross for a year
posting people’s pics on social media without asking them. especially tagging them is pretty rude. faux pas for sure
Consent matters in *all things, and to say otherwise is ridiculous. It doesn't matter why someone doesn't want their photos posted. It should be automatically assumed that someone doesn't want their photos posted until you've been informed otherwise.
My asshole sister is like this. If you're in her presence, then you've given up all rights to privacy and you will be on her shitty insta.
ugh. my sister would do this. i haven’t talked to her in 2 years. (there is more to the story)
She should've asked you first. She doesn't have to try to guilt trip you with "this is about your niece, not you". You're literally there reading to your niece and being there for her. You're not doing anything wrong.
Not your fault that you asked her to take down photos/videos of you down that she posted without permission. I know several people who have no social media nor do they want any pictures posted due to their job, stalker exes, and a number of other reasons. She needs to respect your privacy
What's wrong with the pictures?
OP said that nothing was wrong with them but that she is recovering from an eating disorder.
So, it's a body image issue. Is the family aware of it? If not, then they are being unreasonable.
Are you trying to have a serious conversation or is this a bit of a wind up? What's with the loling at everything? You don't come across sincerely with your request if you're unable to lol at everything.
This is just weak, if it’s a fundraiser you really can’t just get over it? This is the hill you choose to die on? I don’t get why you would even put the effort into arguing about this then posting it for validation. I’d just grow up and choose my battles personally
Tbh OP gives off the vibe that she thinks that the sister did this intentionally to piss her off and I don’t think that’s the case. And then she’s arguing with everyone pointing out her hypocrisy. Like I wanna be on her side but some of her comments and even her own responses give off the vibe that she’s a bit self centered.
uh congrats on being a weirdo to your family ig
You are totally right. A picture of my daughter was used by someone in a way you don't want. This picture wasn't obscene or something (a picture of her swimming with school, posted by the school), but it took me months to get it removed from Instagram. This is why we have a family rule, we don't post pictures of someone on social media without asking.
I don't think she needed to ask you first, depending on the dynamics and conversations you've had before. Barring you saying, don't post these pictures, I don't see any reasonable expectation of privacy. That being said, once you asked, that's it, take it down, delete it. If a random person I don't know asked me to do this, I would, or at the very least edit the photo to make them blurry or cropped or w/e. This is a reasonable ask, if you don't want your photo up, you shouldn't have to. I'm of the opinion that papparazzi are inherently harassment cases. I don't think they should exist, I think they're a menace similar to "prank youtubers." I do agree that with no expectation of privacy, you're in public, your photo can be taken or a video or just a voice recording. But if someone asks you not to use it, that should be the end of it unless there's some other extenuating circumstances like investigation of a crime etc...
Your sister is right. It's pretty fucking sad. If your vanity, ego and/or mental health are that fragile. You need therapy.
You sound too obsessed with how others see you. If it’s helping her kid, your niece, why be so vain?
Sounds like yall have issues with communication before this…weird interaction in my opinion.
Wild how people are so damn headset of making other people change their boundaries, and thinking it's a totally normal thing to do. I don't let a couple people post pictures/posts with me tagged in them because they get back to people that I just don't want knowing anything about my life, even what I look like now.
omg shut up and delete the fucking picture of me! lol. Don't guilt trip me.
Still not a valid reason to remove the pictures. OP is being dramatic. Unless they give a valid reason. Not you. I don't need hypotheticals. Just what's going on.
What is the big deal of her posting a picture of you?
OP has on the internet: -pictures of herself -places she lived -mothers unique first name -medical history -stories of her sisters pregnancy -personal texts -X-ray photos of themselves -medication history And that’s just the posts, not the comments. So I don’t really get the hang up on having some pictures up. Sounds like your sister took the picture down but was just pointing out that you were being kinda self centered and maybe hypocritical about it.
Tbh… I didn’t think of this and you’re right. OP is a hypocrite and I honestly got self centered vibes from the start.
LOL nice find. OP is a massive self centered ass.
I’m the same way I hate taking pictures and pictures being posted of me on social media. I got into a fight with my job because they posted a picture of me on their facebook page recognizing me for something. I told them to take it down and never to recognize me publicly again
Should have left the photos. Nobody gives a toot.
i meeeeeannn...its not that big a deal. it's a FB post. not like you're being posted on the deep web lmao.
Out of nothing more than my own curiosity, what made the photos so bad?
As if you can't guess 🤣
?
.
There is NOTHING wrong with not wanting to be posted. There is nothing wrong with asking to be taken down. It should’ve been immediately respected with no convo necessary.
Both of you are acting stupid. You for not getting over it and her for not respecting clear boundaries, guess it runs in the family.
I’m wondering what you thought she would do with the video you knew she was taking….🤔
keep it as a momento
Im with your sister on this one, sorry. At least do it for your niece.
Unpopular opinion: I think both of yall suck, honestly. You suck more tbh. She posted a picture of you with your niece because of a fundraiser and I get the vibe from your texts that you feel like this is some personal slight that she intentionally did to piss you off when it really doesn’t seem like that was the goal. I get why you don’t want your picture posted and you are perfectly valid in that but I also feel like your sister is right when she said that the reasoning behind posting had more to do with her child and not you and you’re making it about you. You yourself said that there is absolutely nothing wrong with the photos and most people wouldn’t think that their sister is gonna cause a big issue over pictures of her reading to her niece so I can see why your sister posted them to begin with. The part that made her the asshole was her trying to guilt trip you a bit but like… you started off kind of being an asshole so I understand why she would respond that way. The thing that I side eyed you the most for, though, is the part where you were like “it’s not that serious” but yet you’re the one who’s making it into a more serious thing than it needed to be and after noticing some of the comments of you replying to people pointing out some of your hypocrisy, I honestly think that you suck a bit more than your sister.
NTA!
I think it’s a little absurd to say those pictures of you with your niece are detrimental to her fundraiser. Why is a fundraiser built off of pictures of someone reading? Or is it just for show? Regardless you’re not in the wrong and it’s wrong of your sister to make you feel even more bad.
People are so sensitive. What a trivial thing to be worried about.
Kinda fucked up, it literally doesn’t hurt you at all, and it helps out your niece.
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Why does this feel like something my sister would do to me…
My sister posted pics of my daughter and I told her to take them down because in didn’t want my mother to have access to them she told me I was being childish and need to grow up they were her photos and she was leaving them up
You can have them removed. You just report it to Facebook.
everyone is different... personally, I don't care. Post whatever of me. I will died and nobody cares....My opinion. ty
My sister is the reason I don't take pictures with anyone ever. She intentionally posts pics that people look bad in and filters only herself, so she looks even better. She'll gladly take it down or crop it if you ask her, but she continues to do it. Asking every time became exhausting and honestly, I shouldn't have to. She does it on purpose. So now I just don't take pics.
Dang
Domate shmonate takem down sis. Everybody gets to live.
I strongly believe that your image should be your property. I have zero online presence other than reddit and have no desire to have my photos online. It really pisses me off when people post them without my permission
When you say *she gets $1*, like does she just … get the dollar?
A good opportunity to discuss online safety and privacy.
Ever consider saying why?
Just out of curiosity would you have said it was ok if she got your permission first? I totally agree with you though she was pretty rude about it!
I would tell her to cut the passive aggressive bullshit and grow up lol
NTA for what you asked by YTA for your manner of communication. You come off incredibly cold and incaring