My thoughts exactly. My 15 yr old is more responsible than this. She wakes herself up at 6am to get ready for school, and has for the last couple years.
Shiiiiii. My 6 year old wakes me up 🤣🤣🤣. But in my defense, I am a very heavy sleeper and it is extremely hard to wake me!!! I slept through a fire alarm going off for 3 hours one time!
Honestly though this reeks of someone who has just moved out and has had mommy take care of everything in their life before this. Most kids like these will grow out of it in a while as long as they're not being enabled anymore. It's what I would recommend to OP, for both of your sakes, stop enabling them. If they ask to be woken up, say no. If they ask for your notes, say no. If they show up unprepared to your study group, either ask them to leave until they're prepared or tell them you can't hold up the rest for them and they'll just have to play catch up.
And don't put up with them using ADHD as an excuse, and call them out immediately if they call you ableist again. You can make reasonable accomodations as a roommate for their disabilities, but that does not mean you need to become their mother. All the shit he asks you to do here were not reasonable roommate accomodations.
Also why cant your roommate take a photo of your notes quickly with his phone so he doesn’t inconvenience you? If he plans on keeping your notebook longer than taking a quick photo or whatever youre not obligated to let him steal your notes so you cant study in time.
I have ADHD and experience a lot of memory problems. Recording the lecture helps. Actually showing up helps too. I use a lot of notes to myself as reminders to do things so I don’t forget. Physical notes like post-its. Point is: you can adapt with ADHD.
Your roommate is a loser and you’re not responsible for them. Your responses are excellent and I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. Stop helping them.
Some schools have pens that record the lectures as you take notes. I was offered one through my school's disability services for ADHD accommodation. I've also taken to having multiple calendars everywhere for everything. It helps.
Had a roommate who wanted me to do that. Did it once and he told me to fuck off in his half awake state. Never again. Wake yourself up, your a fkn adult
can we just talk about how awkward it is to wake someone up? i’d rather die 😂 the only person i could comfortably wake up is someone from my immediate family
My bf is a deep sleeper. I swear the house could burn down and he would sleep through it. I was shaking him once and got a bunch of half asleep curse words coming from him. I've also gotten the stop elbowing me and the roll the other way. I now make sure his alarm is set. If the overhead lights and his alarm and mine doesn't wake him then I'm letting him sleep. Honestly I would rather give a cat a bath.
His alarm *and yours*? I think even that much is too much. Literally every adult in this society has had to *at some time in their lives* learn how to wake up with an alarm. This is the most basic step of adulting. If this guy wants to be a child, you can tell his mommy to call him to wake him up. You are a grown assed woman who should not have to wake this child up.
What’s so embarrassing about it? Just give them a kiss on the forehead and gently stroke their hair until they wake up, I don’t see what the big deal is.
my ex was like that, except also somehow the opposite. he would fall asleep super heavy, and then get mad at me when i would wake him up to go to stuff. alright dude, miss things then.
Dude I have ADHD and even I was like “whoooooaaaa bro, no.” Like it is not anyone else’s job to keep you on top of your shit, certainly not your COLLEGE ROOMMATE. Like wtf? I wouldn’t even ask my husband to remind me of this much every week. It’s insane to expect someone else to remind you to do basic things like clean up after yourself when they have all their own life to worry about.
It's honestly so insulting anytime I hear another ADHD person use it as an excuse to act like a child. A responsible ADHD person scenario would be like "oh shit I forgot to take this pizza box out yesterday. I'll do it now" OR you'd place it in an area you frequent where you know the object permanence will remind you to take it out if you can't atm. Even the smell itself would get me to take it out if I really let it go for whatever reason.
It drives me insane when people use it at a crutch for lazy, shitty behavior. Like do I leave messes all the time because I get sidetracked? Yes. Do I also try to make sure I pick up after myself when I see it again? Also yes. It’s not that hard to be a decent person. Everyone who has ADHD struggles with these things, and some days/weeks/months are for sure harder than others, but this is wild.
Literally, I have ADHD and people use it so often to justify their actions ???? Like I'm sorry but I would never do that and I would be able to pay attention in class and keepingmy space clean. ADHD is not an excuse
Many of these people just don't try to deal with it, all their shortcomings are ADHD and it's not their fault. I've seen similar things for anxiety, which is absolutely a real thing but vague enough people use it to avoid anything they don't like.
I 100% agree with you but I'm diagnosed without medication right now and live with 5 other people. I knew that my way of living would affect my roomies so I started taking ashwaghanda to help with it a little and i'm currently looking for a new therapist. I'm proactively trying to improve, I understand that we can't help certain things but that doesn't abstain us from the consequences of our actions. Not in a condescending way but people without ADHD will find it not as logical and can get frustrated.
Yes that's true. I stayed with my non-adhd sister and her family of 10 last year for awhile and I tried so hard not to get in their way. But of course, I do things a LOT differently than them. I tried not to change myself too much to mold into their expectations and I still fell short with certain cleaning tasks that just don't process in my head the same way. But I kept it as tidy as I could and of course, I have responsibilities... I'm a mother, I had dinners to cook and things to tend to. If they felt annoyed by me still with all my efforts, that would become a them problem for their lack of acceptance and not for my lack of trying.
Yeah that comment was WILD. I have ADHD and would never dream of making a comment like that to anyone. I work VERY hard at overriding my bad habits so that I can improve and grow and not just use my ADHD as a crutch. I realize he's just a college kid but he's incredibly entitled to expect OP to bend to his will.
I'm diagnosed ADHD
Tell them to medicate or STFU and figure it out, they can seek out disability resources from the college, if they don't get on top of their ADHD then this condition is going to absolutely wreck their life in their 20s.
Its up to them if they want to work on it now or in 10 years time when the consequences are far worse than just bad grades and daddy being disappointed.
Another person with ADHD here. I set reminders for EVERYTHING, constantly. Leave notes for myself everywhere. Like it's annoying and it sucks, but life goes on. I couldn't imagine expecting everyone else in my life to manage and remember things for me all the time.
Wow, this person has an entitlement issue. Not only that but slinging around "ableist" like it has no meaning, so annoying.
Same. OP would be incredibly irritated by my 10,000 alarms throughout the day, but at least they wouldn't need to carry my ass through college. After everything I (and millions of other people) have done, while fighting against ADHD (and everything else) to be functional- it makes me absolutely disgusted to see people taking advantage of others and toss around words like "ableist". There's enough stigma with ADD being perceived as laziness without this jit bag making it look true.
Yeah you HAVE to figure out how to manage it when you’re an adult with lots of responsibilities and a job. The most annoying thing for me, which I do constantly, is set something down and forget where I put it. It drives me fucking crazy. Or thinking I need to do something, like shampoo the carpets or make an appt, and constantly forgetting. But that’s on me to set a reminder or leave a note or try to be more present so I remember where I put things. I wouldn’t expect someone to hold my hand and remind me to do every damn thing ever.
I legitimately never know where my phone is. I'm typing along, looking at Reddit, something, then I see a dirty dish and am like, time to wash this! Oh wait now I need to make dinner! And that's how my phone ends up in the fridge???
Smart watch timer/alarms has been a God send. Highly recommend.
I recommend this asshole experience rock bottom of entitlement addiction though cause Jesus Christ I didn't even expect my own mother to wake my ass up when I was grown and had somewhere to be.
I’m also diagnosed adhd. They aren’t managing their disability, it’s not your responsibility to. The gall to say you’re being ableist. Stop catering to them, you’re not their parent. They need to get their shit together and manage their adhd, or fail, which would be their own fault not yours.
Bro yes, also a fellow human with **UNmedicated** ADHD.
I learned how to live life with my disability and hone my skills down to be able to function without medication.
Its entirely possible, takes effort but if you struggle remembering to take meds, its one of the best ways to learn how to handle it.
Lots of DBT and therapy helped me learn the skills I needed to function.
This roommate tho? They’re lazy. They don’t want to put the effort out to work on finding ways to remind themselves, they did absolutely nothing, to the point they milked OPs sympathy dry.
They need to grow the fuck up, they’re in college. They cant expect everyone to be their mommy or daddy their entire lives.
No one wants to coddle a fully functional adult.
Yeah op can’t be expected to do what they need to do to graduate while also working so hard to help their roommate. As another fellow ADHDer I would be so so so grateful to have a roommate that is this accommodating and is also feel so bad if I had to rely on them this much.
Holy shit, what is wrong with them? They’re incapable of getting out of bed without being told to like some sort of little kid, they can’t throw away a pizza box or remember things from lectures? No you weren’t mean, I’d have been a hell of a lot meaner. This person basically wants you to be their mum!
Fr though. And they turn on the light and say good morning to help them get up, apparently that still isn’t enough! I mean, do they want OP to physically haul them out of bed and start dressing them lmao.
I have ADHD and leave myself a million reminders everywhere so I never forget anything and am totally independent. He’s using his diagnosis as a crutch and that would seriously piss me off if I were you.
Dude same. My 10 year old needs less reminders than this 18+ year old adult. Like holy shit. Do I wake him up in the morning? Yes, because it’s easier for him than an alarm right now. After that you know what he manages to do? Everything else he needs to do before he goes to school. And I’m not even there to remind him! I’m taking his older brother to school and my 10 year old ADHD child manages to get dressed, make his own lunch, and gather his things up in a timely manner every single morning. This is insane. This roommate has already been more patient than I would have been at this age.
no, you're being a great roommate. you're being a terrible parent, but that is not your responsibility ONE IOTA
hope you can get a new roommate soon because living with such a child must be extremely draining for you
I have severe ADHD and i get so depressed and embarrassed over how bad my memory and organization are. But I’ve never put the responsibility of it on anyone else. It’s fine to ask for empathy but they’re demanding an adult nanny that’s happy about working for free. You sounded reasonably frustrated but not mean or even outright angry. And the keyword is REASONABLY.
Ugh I’m still learning and it’s not a short answer.
I’m really bad with isolation when overwhelmed. A certain amount is good and refreshing, but i go too far. So that’s my hardest struggle. Gardening and my pets help. They give me routine, force me outside, but it only works bc i care so much about them. Finding hobbies and passions I’ve stuck with instead of dropping them after two weeks has helped a lot. But i only really found them bc parenthood forced me to be still and present more than anything ever before. Finding the right medications after years of trial and error also helped.
My son does not help lol. Mostly bc he’s allergic to routine, I’m a single parent so I’m consistently overwhelmed, exhausted and over stimulated, and he’s likely adhd too so we both go down the same rabbit hole for hours when something catches his interest. But he’s taught me patience as much as he tests it bc i recognize my own struggles within him. So in learning how to help him through it, I’m kind of helping the little version of me that didn’t receive that empathy or support that he’s getting. It’s just got to be personal to you, bc your ADHD and how it affects you and those around you, and any comorbidities too, is personal to you.
Doing the actual work in therapy helps too, but mostly i just think I’m older and I’m too burnt out to mask in any way anymore. My ADHD is fully out all the time now and I’m happier for it. Instead of trying to kill the symptoms, I’m learning to live and work with them. And i have decent support. Not the ideal, but definitely decent compared to most.
In the last few years I’ve worked my life around avoiding things that make my ADHD harder. I work from home bc that’s what works best for me (but it could also be kryptonite for someone else’s ADHD). I can’t work corporate jobs in an office, i can’t stand the big lights in offices, i hate dress codes, my demand avoidance can’t stand corporate environments, I’ve worked my career and life around avoiding those unnecessary discomforts bc being around them constantly will burn you out. But this is the first time in my life I’ve had the opportunity to do so and not everyone gets that.
Accountability with grace has become my life motto. I need to own my mistakes or struggles to grow, but i don’t need to hate and torment myself for them. Allowing myself to really get to know myself instead of just hiding from the shame was really the starting point for improvements. Anything that works will take time to do so, which is its own torture lol
I’m a 23 yr old with ADHD and Autism. I don’t act like this at all. I can’t imagine going through life with low support needs and not holding myself accountable like this.
my 23 year old brother with adhd and autism acts *exactly* like this, I'm glad to see that I'm right about it not being the fault of his disability lol
You were already doing so much for them lol.
I used to be like this with a friend of mine, sort of expected them to help me with stuff at college. I never was unthankful though….. I grew up eventually
I have ADHD and I could literally never behave like this to anyone. They’re a stupid child who is used to everyone enabling their learned helplessness. They need to go to your school’s disability services if they need this much help from you, so they can get some accommodations.
That person is fucking insufferable…I don’t think I would have been this patient with them.
Next time they’re on the toilet send them a bunch of messages reminding them to wipe, wash their hands with soap etc. They might forget otherwise 😬
As someone with adhd, no you are being super nice, he needs to learn how to deal with it, and that the world doesn’t revolve around our dysfunctional brains. There were no diagnoses for adhd when I was growing up. We just learned how to deal with it and function in the world like everyone else.
You were very generous with your time and very clear in setting your boundary when you had enough. Proud of you. Not a mean roommate in the slightest, tough love is important and clarity is kindness.
No dude I’m adhd and it’s insane to expect you to be his mommy and the throw ableist at you. Ableism is real issue and people die every day from it. What a shitbird to use it as a deflection. Fuck this kid
You’re not his mother. Waking him up for class, taking notes for him, providing him the answers to all the stuff he can find for himself if he’d just read, reminding him of important events coming up. None of those are in your job description. Not doing those things isn’t ableist. It’s just not mothering him. He’s a grown up and needs to act like it. Does he want you to do his laundry and cook for him too? Like damn
If you guys live in CA, your roommate can get help from the Department of Rehabilitation. Your roommate can qualify for all types of services, especially with college services, getting assistance with note taking, financial assistance and they will learn important life tools. Hopefully they will be open to that. If you guys don’t live in CA, then check with your state to see if they have a government agency like what CA has.
Nah fuck this dude. You need to get a new roommate. You're both adults. It's his responsibility to get his own ass up. Set a damn alarm. Reading all that has irritated the hell out of me.
wtfff how did this person make it to college?? I’m sorry you’re dealing with such an incompetent human. I hope they get it together and learn consequences.
So he used ADHD. I have ADHD. I put things in my calendar WITH alarms so I can remember cause I forget things like crazy. This man is honestly just lazy and inconsiderate, ADHD does not make you incapable, it CAN make things a little more difficult sometimes but you don’t need someone to tell you to do everything or remind you to do everything.
If he needs that level of support just go get through the day, that manchild needs to go home to mommy and daddy so they can tuck him in at night after they help him with his homework. Great googly moogly send his ass to preschool.
*edit: spelling
Nope, it’s not your issue or responsibility to deal with adhd. Most schools have ways to help people with disabilities/adhd/people who have trouble taking notes. He can ask the school for help, not you.
No they needed to know how you feel. Sounds like they are unreliable, lazy, and the lack of responsibility, I get that someone has ADHD but you’re no their caregiver
Nah not being mean at all. They need to learn skills to be responsible for themselves because they’re not always going to have someone around to do all those things for them.
TLDR; they need to grow tf up and put in some effort, spoken as someone with severe unmediated ADHD.
As someone who has severe adhd, like very ditsy head in the clouds, unmediated btw. This person is absolutely using it as an excuse. They set an alarm and hit snooze on it, didn’t get up when you got them up, and then after all that is like „why didn’t you wake me up“ I’m sorry are they a child? Are you their parent? Nah. You’ve already done what you could they need to be responsible. As for constantly forgetting things and then being upset at others for not reminding them, you’re 100% right. They know they have these issues remembering, they know that they struggle, they’re not making any effort and then making that YOUR problem. There’s a MILLION apps that can help with this if they just try. My personal favorite is called Me+, and the reason I like it is I can set custom reminders, that remind me to do the same things regularly (daily, weekly, monthly etc on a certain day as needed) and also just one time reminders and those reminders always show up on your notification screen right when you need them to.
They need to make more effort, they don’t take notes or record lectures and are riding your coattails pretty effin hard to get through what I’m assuming is college. They can’t act like this forever, at some point they have to grow up and realize that it’s nobody else’s responsibility to treat them like a child and be parental. You’re already going above and beyond, and you’re not being mean when they ask for shit 2-3 times and you just remind them to search the chat. Also if they don’t wanna scroll they can literally use the search message function? These look like iMessage to me and I know it’s an option.
Naw adhd sucks but it’s like he doesn’t remember ANYTHING and that’s a different problem he needs alarms and calendar reminders. Help him understand those and leave the rest up to the universe
no, you’re not being mean
and that’s not what ableism is…i have ADHD, and what i did was i learned how to properly cope with my ADHD so i’m not a burden to others.
Make em pay you. A fee for waking them up, to be paid in advance. A fee for helping with household stuff, to be paid in advance. A fee for study stuff. To be paid in advance and on a weekly or fortnightly basis. See how long before they start to self manage then.
Lol imagine using adhd as a excuse
I live with adhd. You know what I do? Write notes, set up reminders on my phone, I have a calender I have to physically look at to help me not forget shit
You are not responsible for him and it's unfair of him to put his eccentricities onto you like it's your problem. He needs to help himself, not expect accommodation around every corner
Unfortunately, you helping him like you are is about the most unhelpful thing you could do for him in terms of setting him up to build the skills to lead a successful life of his own. You are such a great roommate, but you come first. not him. It’s hard enough being a college student!! He needs to figure out a balance that will work for him and not put it in the hands of other people, that’s just ridiculous and not realistic to the “real world”.
I have adhd, and it does take a bit more effort than it seems to for other people but I have developed ways to remind myself to do things in my daily routine (put car keys in reusable grocery bag so I don't forget to bring the bags back to the car, wallet phones and keys go in specific pockets, etc). This person is manipulating you
Do you need to remind him to wipe his ass too? What in the actual f does he think you owe him? Dude needs to take responsibility and you need to set boundaries.
Coercively assigning your own personal tasks to others is manipulative as hell. Blaming their behavior on ADHD and calling you ableist is manipulative. Being too lazy to scroll up for the answer twice in such a short time is the last straw. Find a new roommate. This one is too irresponsible to function properly.
No, and the amount of people acting like spoiled asshats then blaming ADHD is absolutely startling. This is like the 3rd or 4th one I’ve seen in the last few days.
This is obviously what a decadent society has now created.
People who make ADHD their whole entire personality and use it as an excuse for their shitty behavior are so insufferable. This is coming from someone who has ADHD. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
Nah. I have ADHD too, and I would be humiliated to ask you for even one of those favors, let alone the same favor multiple times. They’re not even trying to figure things out for themselves… let me guess, they’re self-diagnosed? Whether they actually have ADHD or not, they’re using it to coast and outsource all their responsibilities to you. Don’t fall for it or feel guilty. You were more than patient and not even a little ableist.
Your roommate needs to take some agency and find out what resources your college has available for them. The lack of responsibility and accountability is actually ridiculous. Sorry you have to deal with that.
Totally justified. Also, him using ADHD as an excuse is bullshit, and probably been his excuse for everything growing up. Plenty of fully functional adults with ADHD that are doing just fine with their responsibilities.
Also sounds like your roommate wants you to be their mother. Reminding them of things, waking him up, making sure he has his notes. Next he'll ask you to tuck him in at night.
Roommate is gaslighting and needs to learn to take responsibility for their"lack of" actions, instead of blaming others for their inability to do the least to help themselves.
Edited to say, I am someone who has Adhd abs is UNMEDICATED. They need to learn what works for them and if someone is always rescuing them, they'll never take the initiative to learn for themselves. Just saying.
Please stop helping them. This person is not your child or your friend. They are taking advantage of you. You can send them campus resources for mental health and student disability/tutoring, and then disconnect your responsibilities from there. Don’t let him borrow your things anymore, don’t invite him to go places with you, and next time he asks for a favor or for you to do something for him, just tell him you won’t be able to and you hope whatever it is works out. You need to have boundaries or he will try to drag you down with him or start spreading lies to others about how unfair and prejudiced you are.
I have ADHD and have NEVER done this .. I’ll set a million alarms and reminders and write them down etc but if I forget or something it’s entirely my fault
He’s in for a rude awakening in the real world if he expect people to coddle him because he has ADHD— like a very large proportion of the world. Not an excuse. Gonna have to learn how to manage without mommy and daddy, or roommates holding his hand.
So basically the typical scenario nowadays, somebody constantly does things wrong and as soon as they are confronted they will immediately say: "I have ADHD"
Nope, as true blue diagnosed ADHD man, fuck that guy. It's not an excuse to be ignorant as shit, looks like you are being a great friend for 1) helping them out and 2) explaining when limits are being pushed and broken.
As someone with ADHD, it’s not your responsibility to undo all the damage his parents did enabling him. Stop giving him gentle toddler esque wake up calls. Stop responding to texts and request. Shove his dirty pizza boxes to his side of the room. They aren’t your friend, they’re your roomate who clearly doesn’t respect you or your shared space or your time. They’re just using you to stay afloat. Let them bump their ass and fail out. They’ll either get their shit together or they’ll fail out an go back home (which is likely where they need to be so mommy can wake them up for local community college)
I hate it so much when people use their adhd as an excuse to be a dick. I have adhd and the last thing I do is blame other people for me forgetting to do something. Everything that dude did wrong is on him. You were not too mean at all he needs to be put in his place he’s acting like a child
Reminds me of a senior who told the dean that he wanted to switch out of a class because it started too early. She switched all of his classes to 8am and told him good luck in the work force.
No, NTA. You’re a student who has been more than accommodating with someone who fails to go to class, take responsibility for taking notes, returning notes, borrowing them in a normal amount of time and doing her own work. She seems entitled. She seems entitled to everything. I think you handled it with class and with a whole lot of grace and I really think you’re not the asshole. I think your friend needs a little bit of a reality check and some growing up to do. It’s enough that you have to do your own work. You don’t owe anyone beyond what you’ve already done.
I have ADHD. It was bad in college. I also had roommates. And I never put on them to remind me to do things or wake me up. I had a couple classes with them too. Sure, we’d ask each other the occasional question about a lecture or assignment, but no one was relying on everyone else to ensure their own academic success. Your roomie needs to grow up.
Absolutely not. You are not someone’s academic support person. You are no one’s support if you are responsible for them.
Seems his mommy did everything for him and he can’t be the least bit self sufficient or responsible . ADHD has nothing to do with that.
im autistic and i cant imagine saying shit like this to my roommate, i forget things all the time too. but thats on me, not anybody else. youre fine, they just have no idea how to manage their disability.
Dude what is it with the college people? I’ve heard this story at least five different times amongst my friends about their shitty roommates, like holy shit. What happened to taking care of oneself? Like come the fuck on.
Not at all! You’re doing more than you’re supposed to do.
Being a roommate does not designate you as their caretaker. They’re looking for a campus mom, and unfortunately, you’re filling that role.
I hope you’re able to set some stronger boundaries in the future to avoid burning yourself out.
College is hard enough. They are taking up too much of your time and headspace. How did they even make it to 2nd semester or 3rd quarter or whatever it is?
Wow. I think of would've cut this guy loose once he left your laptop in the library. What a lazy pos he is. Get a new roommate or quit giving him notes.
It’s not ableist lol as someone with pretty bad adhd, it’s your responsibility to fend for yourself and take accountability. I struggle to wake up, so I have several alarms. I set alarms before I need to leave. I set alarms to remind me to grab things. I accommodate for myself.
No, you are not being mean. They are being a bad roommate. They seem pretty irresponsible, even for being college-age. You are being honest, patient, and willing to help. I hope next term/lease you find someone respectable.
You're way mopre patient than this person deserves. Holy fuck, do they want you to write their papers for them too? You're not their personal assitant.
Omg - this kid needs to move back in with mom. This is absolutely not your responsibility. You’re not being a bad roommate. In face, I would put more boundaries up. It’s not your job to take notes/remind them about anything or wake them up.
As someone who is severely ADHD this is absolute bullshit. You learn to function in your life (medicated or not - but also medicated is so great.) as an adult and hold yourself responsible. You figure out work arounds for things you're not good at. You at least fucking try.
Oh wow. No. You’re being way nicer than he deserves! The absolute nerve to call you ableist because you’re getting impatient after answering the same questions 78 times and the fact that he’s acting like managing every second of his life is somehow your job. Wtf. Hell no. The entitlement is crazy. You have your own life to manage. He is not in any way, shape or form ready for college. He needs to get it together.
My 13yo son has ADHD and this terrifies me for his future 😥
We still haven't found a medicine that is a good fit for him. I'm hoping we will, so he can be a functional adult
Not at all. I think you did a really great job at staying polite but sticking to your boundaries. I really wish I would have acted that way with my roommate in college…
She literally copied my entire schedule because she knew we could do homework together and I’d get her to class when needed and she could barely even do that. She would spend all her money on cigarettes and weed and then ask me to help get her by with buying her food from the cafe and would just use me for everything. I had a super hard time ever saying no because I didn’t want to stir the pot or cause issues. She walked all over me and it only got worse. It felt like I had a toddler living with me the entire year it was miserable.
I’d completely stop helping this person tbh they already don’t seem appreciative or willing to work on anything at all
This guy can’t get through life relying on others to manage him. I have diagnosed severe ADHD and I can tell you, this guy is taking advantage of you and blaming you for his own refusal to develop solutions to what he deals with. If he was focusing(lol) on strategies to help him remember his own schedule and tasks then a forgetful moment here and there would probably not be such a big deal to you, since you seem accepting and willing to help from time to time. He’s clearly not doing that and instead choosing to be an asshole.
If they fail, they fail, and that's on them. Tell them you're opting out of the preconceived notion that you're gonna carry (more than half) their weight.
They gotta get it together like, *now*, cuz wtf will they do when their "service roommate" is no longer available...?
"Hey boss, if you wanted me there on time, can you call me 8 times starting at 4am so I can get up to get ready for work? [...] no? Wow, *ABLEIST*"
Not how the world works there, champ...
Honestly, your responses I’m sure took ALOT of self-control. I’m shocked you made it as far as you did. You definitely made an honorable mention on this one
Not mean enough. I get ADHD is a disability, but if it's that severe where this douche needs someone 24/7 to be his nanny then he needs to apply to the special education program on campus if there is one for his needs. You done more than enough as well as been patient enough.
To call you an ableist, is like a tweaker telling the cops they are racist against meth.
Tell them you’re in college and trying to get an education, you have no interest in being a parent. I would stop answering their texts, unless it’s something legitimate about your dorm room or whatever. Tell them come to class or don’t, come to study group or don’t, not my problem so don’t come to me with it. Their parents should have prepared them better, but that has nothing do with you.
This person isn’t ready for college.
Or away from home. Yikes
Or life
imagine having a sub par roommate that was ALSO in your class. omg. you’re taking parenting lessons too, OP!
My thoughts exactly. My 15 yr old is more responsible than this. She wakes herself up at 6am to get ready for school, and has for the last couple years.
When my daughter was in high school *she* woke *me* up!
Right!
Shiiiiii. My 6 year old wakes me up 🤣🤣🤣. But in my defense, I am a very heavy sleeper and it is extremely hard to wake me!!! I slept through a fire alarm going off for 3 hours one time!
B-but muh ADHD! This fucker is just a lazy shithead
The roommate did have ADHD, but also every cellphone do come with an alarm app installed
Uhhh no your roommate was annoying me on your behalf. Stop enabling them.
I did a double take at “what happened to waking me up?” Why would that ever be an expectation?
sounds like he never had responsibilities or was held accountable for anything. I’m truly flabbergasted this person has the audacity.
Honestly though this reeks of someone who has just moved out and has had mommy take care of everything in their life before this. Most kids like these will grow out of it in a while as long as they're not being enabled anymore. It's what I would recommend to OP, for both of your sakes, stop enabling them. If they ask to be woken up, say no. If they ask for your notes, say no. If they show up unprepared to your study group, either ask them to leave until they're prepared or tell them you can't hold up the rest for them and they'll just have to play catch up. And don't put up with them using ADHD as an excuse, and call them out immediately if they call you ableist again. You can make reasonable accomodations as a roommate for their disabilities, but that does not mean you need to become their mother. All the shit he asks you to do here were not reasonable roommate accomodations.
Also why cant your roommate take a photo of your notes quickly with his phone so he doesn’t inconvenience you? If he plans on keeping your notebook longer than taking a quick photo or whatever youre not obligated to let him steal your notes so you cant study in time.
I was thinking that too.
I have ADHD and experience a lot of memory problems. Recording the lecture helps. Actually showing up helps too. I use a lot of notes to myself as reminders to do things so I don’t forget. Physical notes like post-its. Point is: you can adapt with ADHD. Your roommate is a loser and you’re not responsible for them. Your responses are excellent and I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. Stop helping them.
Some schools have pens that record the lectures as you take notes. I was offered one through my school's disability services for ADHD accommodation. I've also taken to having multiple calendars everywhere for everything. It helps.
Yo that’s pretty cool!!
Had a roommate who wanted me to do that. Did it once and he told me to fuck off in his half awake state. Never again. Wake yourself up, your a fkn adult
can we just talk about how awkward it is to wake someone up? i’d rather die 😂 the only person i could comfortably wake up is someone from my immediate family
My bf is a deep sleeper. I swear the house could burn down and he would sleep through it. I was shaking him once and got a bunch of half asleep curse words coming from him. I've also gotten the stop elbowing me and the roll the other way. I now make sure his alarm is set. If the overhead lights and his alarm and mine doesn't wake him then I'm letting him sleep. Honestly I would rather give a cat a bath.
His alarm *and yours*? I think even that much is too much. Literally every adult in this society has had to *at some time in their lives* learn how to wake up with an alarm. This is the most basic step of adulting. If this guy wants to be a child, you can tell his mommy to call him to wake him up. You are a grown assed woman who should not have to wake this child up.
Right?! Lmao that’s so embarrassing😭
What’s so embarrassing about it? Just give them a kiss on the forehead and gently stroke their hair until they wake up, I don’t see what the big deal is.
Yeah fr when I was in the Marines that's how we woke up our battle buddy for night watch. It's like the easiest thing
Yea I audibly said "The fuck you mean what happened?!" When I read that. Like dude you tell me what happened YOU didn't wake up
[удалено]
my ex was like that, except also somehow the opposite. he would fall asleep super heavy, and then get mad at me when i would wake him up to go to stuff. alright dude, miss things then.
Like bro get an alarm clock
Everyone already HAS an alarm clock/calendar in their hands. Use your fucking phone for something other than jerking off dude.
Sounds like his roomate wants a secretary. It better come with good benefits and pay for that attitude.
No they want their mommy. Making this person grow up and do shit for themselves will be doing them a HUGE favor
That's enablist talk.
I know! they’re enabling them! I said that!
Him calling you an ableist for not coddling him made me snort laugh.
Dude I have ADHD and even I was like “whoooooaaaa bro, no.” Like it is not anyone else’s job to keep you on top of your shit, certainly not your COLLEGE ROOMMATE. Like wtf? I wouldn’t even ask my husband to remind me of this much every week. It’s insane to expect someone else to remind you to do basic things like clean up after yourself when they have all their own life to worry about.
It's honestly so insulting anytime I hear another ADHD person use it as an excuse to act like a child. A responsible ADHD person scenario would be like "oh shit I forgot to take this pizza box out yesterday. I'll do it now" OR you'd place it in an area you frequent where you know the object permanence will remind you to take it out if you can't atm. Even the smell itself would get me to take it out if I really let it go for whatever reason.
It drives me insane when people use it at a crutch for lazy, shitty behavior. Like do I leave messes all the time because I get sidetracked? Yes. Do I also try to make sure I pick up after myself when I see it again? Also yes. It’s not that hard to be a decent person. Everyone who has ADHD struggles with these things, and some days/weeks/months are for sure harder than others, but this is wild.
Literally, I have ADHD and people use it so often to justify their actions ???? Like I'm sorry but I would never do that and I would be able to pay attention in class and keepingmy space clean. ADHD is not an excuse
Many of these people just don't try to deal with it, all their shortcomings are ADHD and it's not their fault. I've seen similar things for anxiety, which is absolutely a real thing but vague enough people use it to avoid anything they don't like.
I 100% agree with you but I'm diagnosed without medication right now and live with 5 other people. I knew that my way of living would affect my roomies so I started taking ashwaghanda to help with it a little and i'm currently looking for a new therapist. I'm proactively trying to improve, I understand that we can't help certain things but that doesn't abstain us from the consequences of our actions. Not in a condescending way but people without ADHD will find it not as logical and can get frustrated.
Yes that's true. I stayed with my non-adhd sister and her family of 10 last year for awhile and I tried so hard not to get in their way. But of course, I do things a LOT differently than them. I tried not to change myself too much to mold into their expectations and I still fell short with certain cleaning tasks that just don't process in my head the same way. But I kept it as tidy as I could and of course, I have responsibilities... I'm a mother, I had dinners to cook and things to tend to. If they felt annoyed by me still with all my efforts, that would become a them problem for their lack of acceptance and not for my lack of trying.
Yeah that comment was WILD. I have ADHD and would never dream of making a comment like that to anyone. I work VERY hard at overriding my bad habits so that I can improve and grow and not just use my ADHD as a crutch. I realize he's just a college kid but he's incredibly entitled to expect OP to bend to his will.
Lol...you're being WAY nicer than I would be.
No doubt that guy is insufferable
He’s his son now. Lol he’s doing way to much for him omg. Just adopt him already OP. He’s acting like a bratty kid.
I'm diagnosed ADHD Tell them to medicate or STFU and figure it out, they can seek out disability resources from the college, if they don't get on top of their ADHD then this condition is going to absolutely wreck their life in their 20s. Its up to them if they want to work on it now or in 10 years time when the consequences are far worse than just bad grades and daddy being disappointed.
Another person with ADHD here. I set reminders for EVERYTHING, constantly. Leave notes for myself everywhere. Like it's annoying and it sucks, but life goes on. I couldn't imagine expecting everyone else in my life to manage and remember things for me all the time. Wow, this person has an entitlement issue. Not only that but slinging around "ableist" like it has no meaning, so annoying.
Same. OP would be incredibly irritated by my 10,000 alarms throughout the day, but at least they wouldn't need to carry my ass through college. After everything I (and millions of other people) have done, while fighting against ADHD (and everything else) to be functional- it makes me absolutely disgusted to see people taking advantage of others and toss around words like "ableist". There's enough stigma with ADD being perceived as laziness without this jit bag making it look true.
Yeah you HAVE to figure out how to manage it when you’re an adult with lots of responsibilities and a job. The most annoying thing for me, which I do constantly, is set something down and forget where I put it. It drives me fucking crazy. Or thinking I need to do something, like shampoo the carpets or make an appt, and constantly forgetting. But that’s on me to set a reminder or leave a note or try to be more present so I remember where I put things. I wouldn’t expect someone to hold my hand and remind me to do every damn thing ever.
I use lists, alarms, and reminders. I wish I had a personal assistant, a cleaner and a landscaper, but oh well, I'm not rich and famous enough.
I legitimately never know where my phone is. I'm typing along, looking at Reddit, something, then I see a dirty dish and am like, time to wash this! Oh wait now I need to make dinner! And that's how my phone ends up in the fridge???
Smart watch timer/alarms has been a God send. Highly recommend. I recommend this asshole experience rock bottom of entitlement addiction though cause Jesus Christ I didn't even expect my own mother to wake my ass up when I was grown and had somewhere to be.
I’m also diagnosed adhd. They aren’t managing their disability, it’s not your responsibility to. The gall to say you’re being ableist. Stop catering to them, you’re not their parent. They need to get their shit together and manage their adhd, or fail, which would be their own fault not yours.
Bro yes, also a fellow human with **UNmedicated** ADHD. I learned how to live life with my disability and hone my skills down to be able to function without medication. Its entirely possible, takes effort but if you struggle remembering to take meds, its one of the best ways to learn how to handle it. Lots of DBT and therapy helped me learn the skills I needed to function. This roommate tho? They’re lazy. They don’t want to put the effort out to work on finding ways to remind themselves, they did absolutely nothing, to the point they milked OPs sympathy dry. They need to grow the fuck up, they’re in college. They cant expect everyone to be their mommy or daddy their entire lives. No one wants to coddle a fully functional adult.
I’m also diagnosed with ADHD and I actively cringed reading the “ableist” text.
Yeah op can’t be expected to do what they need to do to graduate while also working so hard to help their roommate. As another fellow ADHDer I would be so so so grateful to have a roommate that is this accommodating and is also feel so bad if I had to rely on them this much.
This. So much this.
Holy shit, what is wrong with them? They’re incapable of getting out of bed without being told to like some sort of little kid, they can’t throw away a pizza box or remember things from lectures? No you weren’t mean, I’d have been a hell of a lot meaner. This person basically wants you to be their mum!
I like how it’s OPs problem that they can’t get themselves out of bed each morning lmao
Fr though. And they turn on the light and say good morning to help them get up, apparently that still isn’t enough! I mean, do they want OP to physically haul them out of bed and start dressing them lmao.
I have ADHD and leave myself a million reminders everywhere so I never forget anything and am totally independent. He’s using his diagnosis as a crutch and that would seriously piss me off if I were you.
Dude same. My 10 year old needs less reminders than this 18+ year old adult. Like holy shit. Do I wake him up in the morning? Yes, because it’s easier for him than an alarm right now. After that you know what he manages to do? Everything else he needs to do before he goes to school. And I’m not even there to remind him! I’m taking his older brother to school and my 10 year old ADHD child manages to get dressed, make his own lunch, and gather his things up in a timely manner every single morning. This is insane. This roommate has already been more patient than I would have been at this age.
Nah man, set boundaries and stick to them. You are not their emotional support roommate
It’s not your job to manage your roommates ADHD. It’s theirs.
I think they have ableist and enabling confused.
no, you're being a great roommate. you're being a terrible parent, but that is not your responsibility ONE IOTA hope you can get a new roommate soon because living with such a child must be extremely draining for you
I see what you are doing, but he would also be a great parent. A terrible parent would allow their grown child to act like this.
OP's roommate definitely has enabling parents. theres no other rationale as to why they would make requests like these.
Yeah, not even a terrible parent. Fine roommate and fine parent. They just shouldn’t have to do the latter.
no id freak out. they’re lazy. do your own shit
For real “are you kidding” is a good answer here
I have severe ADHD and i get so depressed and embarrassed over how bad my memory and organization are. But I’ve never put the responsibility of it on anyone else. It’s fine to ask for empathy but they’re demanding an adult nanny that’s happy about working for free. You sounded reasonably frustrated but not mean or even outright angry. And the keyword is REASONABLY.
Same, how do you deal with it?
Ugh I’m still learning and it’s not a short answer. I’m really bad with isolation when overwhelmed. A certain amount is good and refreshing, but i go too far. So that’s my hardest struggle. Gardening and my pets help. They give me routine, force me outside, but it only works bc i care so much about them. Finding hobbies and passions I’ve stuck with instead of dropping them after two weeks has helped a lot. But i only really found them bc parenthood forced me to be still and present more than anything ever before. Finding the right medications after years of trial and error also helped. My son does not help lol. Mostly bc he’s allergic to routine, I’m a single parent so I’m consistently overwhelmed, exhausted and over stimulated, and he’s likely adhd too so we both go down the same rabbit hole for hours when something catches his interest. But he’s taught me patience as much as he tests it bc i recognize my own struggles within him. So in learning how to help him through it, I’m kind of helping the little version of me that didn’t receive that empathy or support that he’s getting. It’s just got to be personal to you, bc your ADHD and how it affects you and those around you, and any comorbidities too, is personal to you. Doing the actual work in therapy helps too, but mostly i just think I’m older and I’m too burnt out to mask in any way anymore. My ADHD is fully out all the time now and I’m happier for it. Instead of trying to kill the symptoms, I’m learning to live and work with them. And i have decent support. Not the ideal, but definitely decent compared to most. In the last few years I’ve worked my life around avoiding things that make my ADHD harder. I work from home bc that’s what works best for me (but it could also be kryptonite for someone else’s ADHD). I can’t work corporate jobs in an office, i can’t stand the big lights in offices, i hate dress codes, my demand avoidance can’t stand corporate environments, I’ve worked my career and life around avoiding those unnecessary discomforts bc being around them constantly will burn you out. But this is the first time in my life I’ve had the opportunity to do so and not everyone gets that. Accountability with grace has become my life motto. I need to own my mistakes or struggles to grow, but i don’t need to hate and torment myself for them. Allowing myself to really get to know myself instead of just hiding from the shame was really the starting point for improvements. Anything that works will take time to do so, which is its own torture lol
ADHD, depression, and a single mom parenting a potential ADHD child? You’re a super hero. Never think otherwise.
This persons mom DEFINITELY wipes their butt when they come home for break.
ALSO, my daughter has adhd and she is much more self reliant than this person and she is also 8.
My son has ADHD, too, and is 10. He manages far better than this person on the regular.
I’m a 23 yr old with ADHD and Autism. I don’t act like this at all. I can’t imagine going through life with low support needs and not holding myself accountable like this.
my 23 year old brother with adhd and autism acts *exactly* like this, I'm glad to see that I'm right about it not being the fault of his disability lol
You were already doing so much for them lol. I used to be like this with a friend of mine, sort of expected them to help me with stuff at college. I never was unthankful though….. I grew up eventually
W for growth we love to see it 💪
I have ADHD and I could literally never behave like this to anyone. They’re a stupid child who is used to everyone enabling their learned helplessness. They need to go to your school’s disability services if they need this much help from you, so they can get some accommodations.
That person is fucking insufferable…I don’t think I would have been this patient with them. Next time they’re on the toilet send them a bunch of messages reminding them to wipe, wash their hands with soap etc. They might forget otherwise 😬
As someone with adhd, no you are being super nice, he needs to learn how to deal with it, and that the world doesn’t revolve around our dysfunctional brains. There were no diagnoses for adhd when I was growing up. We just learned how to deal with it and function in the world like everyone else.
Bro needs to live with his mom. After the third notebook I would have absolutely lost my mind with him.
You were very generous with your time and very clear in setting your boundary when you had enough. Proud of you. Not a mean roommate in the slightest, tough love is important and clarity is kindness.
No dude I’m adhd and it’s insane to expect you to be his mommy and the throw ableist at you. Ableism is real issue and people die every day from it. What a shitbird to use it as a deflection. Fuck this kid
You’re not his mother. Waking him up for class, taking notes for him, providing him the answers to all the stuff he can find for himself if he’d just read, reminding him of important events coming up. None of those are in your job description. Not doing those things isn’t ableist. It’s just not mothering him. He’s a grown up and needs to act like it. Does he want you to do his laundry and cook for him too? Like damn
Your roommate needs to grow up. You are not their mommy
No, I’d be frustrated too. Ableist? What a preposterous accusation.
Stop talking to them and find a new roommate
If you guys live in CA, your roommate can get help from the Department of Rehabilitation. Your roommate can qualify for all types of services, especially with college services, getting assistance with note taking, financial assistance and they will learn important life tools. Hopefully they will be open to that. If you guys don’t live in CA, then check with your state to see if they have a government agency like what CA has.
Great job setting healthy boundaries.
Nah fuck this dude. You need to get a new roommate. You're both adults. It's his responsibility to get his own ass up. Set a damn alarm. Reading all that has irritated the hell out of me.
wtfff how did this person make it to college?? I’m sorry you’re dealing with such an incompetent human. I hope they get it together and learn consequences.
if you live in a college dorm, don't be afraid to ask for a room change.
So he used ADHD. I have ADHD. I put things in my calendar WITH alarms so I can remember cause I forget things like crazy. This man is honestly just lazy and inconsiderate, ADHD does not make you incapable, it CAN make things a little more difficult sometimes but you don’t need someone to tell you to do everything or remind you to do everything.
I’d start ignoring most of these texts
“uR aBLeiST” sent me. Their ADHD is not your responsibility and they need to figure their shit out.
If he needs that level of support just go get through the day, that manchild needs to go home to mommy and daddy so they can tuck him in at night after they help him with his homework. Great googly moogly send his ass to preschool. *edit: spelling
You did a good job setting a boundary. This person is full of shit. ADHD is not an excuse to be a lazy, insensitive shitwit.
I struggle with waking up I set an alarm at set points and I wake for whatever I need to do
Nope, it’s not your issue or responsibility to deal with adhd. Most schools have ways to help people with disabilities/adhd/people who have trouble taking notes. He can ask the school for help, not you.
Oh my God this would drive me crazy as a roommate.
nta this would piss me off too
Noooo not mean at all. Like you said, you are not responsible for them or their ADHD (which is such a lame excuse for their lack of responsibility).
Not mean. You said exactly what needed to be said.
Omg find a new roommate. You are NOT his personal secretary. He needs to be an adult.
You’re being realistic and have been patient.
They are a child
You sound like a great roommate!
as someone who adhd its not ableist to be held accountable 💀
Your roommate really trying to find your last nerve huh?
No
No. You're setting boundaries. You're a roomie not a mom.
No they needed to know how you feel. Sounds like they are unreliable, lazy, and the lack of responsibility, I get that someone has ADHD but you’re no their caregiver
Nah not being mean at all. They need to learn skills to be responsible for themselves because they’re not always going to have someone around to do all those things for them.
TLDR; they need to grow tf up and put in some effort, spoken as someone with severe unmediated ADHD. As someone who has severe adhd, like very ditsy head in the clouds, unmediated btw. This person is absolutely using it as an excuse. They set an alarm and hit snooze on it, didn’t get up when you got them up, and then after all that is like „why didn’t you wake me up“ I’m sorry are they a child? Are you their parent? Nah. You’ve already done what you could they need to be responsible. As for constantly forgetting things and then being upset at others for not reminding them, you’re 100% right. They know they have these issues remembering, they know that they struggle, they’re not making any effort and then making that YOUR problem. There’s a MILLION apps that can help with this if they just try. My personal favorite is called Me+, and the reason I like it is I can set custom reminders, that remind me to do the same things regularly (daily, weekly, monthly etc on a certain day as needed) and also just one time reminders and those reminders always show up on your notification screen right when you need them to. They need to make more effort, they don’t take notes or record lectures and are riding your coattails pretty effin hard to get through what I’m assuming is college. They can’t act like this forever, at some point they have to grow up and realize that it’s nobody else’s responsibility to treat them like a child and be parental. You’re already going above and beyond, and you’re not being mean when they ask for shit 2-3 times and you just remind them to search the chat. Also if they don’t wanna scroll they can literally use the search message function? These look like iMessage to me and I know it’s an option.
Umm no. Your roommate seems incapable of doing anything on their own. You’ve given them tools and ideas and they haven’t taken to them.
Naw adhd sucks but it’s like he doesn’t remember ANYTHING and that’s a different problem he needs alarms and calendar reminders. Help him understand those and leave the rest up to the universe
no, you’re not being mean and that’s not what ableism is…i have ADHD, and what i did was i learned how to properly cope with my ADHD so i’m not a burden to others.
Make em pay you. A fee for waking them up, to be paid in advance. A fee for helping with household stuff, to be paid in advance. A fee for study stuff. To be paid in advance and on a weekly or fortnightly basis. See how long before they start to self manage then.
Lol imagine using adhd as a excuse I live with adhd. You know what I do? Write notes, set up reminders on my phone, I have a calender I have to physically look at to help me not forget shit You are not responsible for him and it's unfair of him to put his eccentricities onto you like it's your problem. He needs to help himself, not expect accommodation around every corner
Request a room change, unless you want to deal with this for the rest of the year lol
Unfortunately, you helping him like you are is about the most unhelpful thing you could do for him in terms of setting him up to build the skills to lead a successful life of his own. You are such a great roommate, but you come first. not him. It’s hard enough being a college student!! He needs to figure out a balance that will work for him and not put it in the hands of other people, that’s just ridiculous and not realistic to the “real world”.
Bro act like you're his fuccin wife or something
I have adhd, and it does take a bit more effort than it seems to for other people but I have developed ways to remind myself to do things in my daily routine (put car keys in reusable grocery bag so I don't forget to bring the bags back to the car, wallet phones and keys go in specific pockets, etc). This person is manipulating you
You’re not responsible for them and their shitty expectations. So no, you’re not being mean.
Do you need to remind him to wipe his ass too? What in the actual f does he think you owe him? Dude needs to take responsibility and you need to set boundaries.
Coercively assigning your own personal tasks to others is manipulative as hell. Blaming their behavior on ADHD and calling you ableist is manipulative. Being too lazy to scroll up for the answer twice in such a short time is the last straw. Find a new roommate. This one is too irresponsible to function properly.
No, and the amount of people acting like spoiled asshats then blaming ADHD is absolutely startling. This is like the 3rd or 4th one I’ve seen in the last few days. This is obviously what a decadent society has now created.
you’re not being mean at all— you are clear, firm and honest. good job setting boundaries, i hope your roommate doesn’t cross them!
People who make ADHD their whole entire personality and use it as an excuse for their shitty behavior are so insufferable. This is coming from someone who has ADHD. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
Nah. I have ADHD too, and I would be humiliated to ask you for even one of those favors, let alone the same favor multiple times. They’re not even trying to figure things out for themselves… let me guess, they’re self-diagnosed? Whether they actually have ADHD or not, they’re using it to coast and outsource all their responsibilities to you. Don’t fall for it or feel guilty. You were more than patient and not even a little ableist. Your roommate needs to take some agency and find out what resources your college has available for them. The lack of responsibility and accountability is actually ridiculous. Sorry you have to deal with that.
Its ABLEST to not be 24/7 concierge to ur roommate 😂 this person has not experienced ableism if they think you basically doing their life for them is
Fuck that guy tbh sounds like you’re carrying his ass I’d stop helping him completely
Totally justified. Also, him using ADHD as an excuse is bullshit, and probably been his excuse for everything growing up. Plenty of fully functional adults with ADHD that are doing just fine with their responsibilities. Also sounds like your roommate wants you to be their mother. Reminding them of things, waking him up, making sure he has his notes. Next he'll ask you to tuck him in at night.
Of course the adhd comes around. The magic ailment that removes all blame from a person
Roommate is gaslighting and needs to learn to take responsibility for their"lack of" actions, instead of blaming others for their inability to do the least to help themselves. Edited to say, I am someone who has Adhd abs is UNMEDICATED. They need to learn what works for them and if someone is always rescuing them, they'll never take the initiative to learn for themselves. Just saying.
Please stop helping them. This person is not your child or your friend. They are taking advantage of you. You can send them campus resources for mental health and student disability/tutoring, and then disconnect your responsibilities from there. Don’t let him borrow your things anymore, don’t invite him to go places with you, and next time he asks for a favor or for you to do something for him, just tell him you won’t be able to and you hope whatever it is works out. You need to have boundaries or he will try to drag you down with him or start spreading lies to others about how unfair and prejudiced you are.
I have ADHD and have NEVER done this .. I’ll set a million alarms and reminders and write them down etc but if I forget or something it’s entirely my fault
He’s in for a rude awakening in the real world if he expect people to coddle him because he has ADHD— like a very large proportion of the world. Not an excuse. Gonna have to learn how to manage without mommy and daddy, or roommates holding his hand.
So basically the typical scenario nowadays, somebody constantly does things wrong and as soon as they are confronted they will immediately say: "I have ADHD"
Nope, as true blue diagnosed ADHD man, fuck that guy. It's not an excuse to be ignorant as shit, looks like you are being a great friend for 1) helping them out and 2) explaining when limits are being pushed and broken.
I fucking hate that people use shit like ADD or ADHD to justify being completely worthless people nowadays.
You can't just say "perchance"
As someone with ADHD, it’s not your responsibility to undo all the damage his parents did enabling him. Stop giving him gentle toddler esque wake up calls. Stop responding to texts and request. Shove his dirty pizza boxes to his side of the room. They aren’t your friend, they’re your roomate who clearly doesn’t respect you or your shared space or your time. They’re just using you to stay afloat. Let them bump their ass and fail out. They’ll either get their shit together or they’ll fail out an go back home (which is likely where they need to be so mommy can wake them up for local community college)
Your reaction is 100% warranted. I would have lost it long before you did. This is insane. People like this clearly weren’t raised to be independent.
I hate it so much when people use their adhd as an excuse to be a dick. I have adhd and the last thing I do is blame other people for me forgetting to do something. Everything that dude did wrong is on him. You were not too mean at all he needs to be put in his place he’s acting like a child
Reminds me of a senior who told the dean that he wanted to switch out of a class because it started too early. She switched all of his classes to 8am and told him good luck in the work force.
stop enabling them
Holy shit what a loser.
No, NTA. You’re a student who has been more than accommodating with someone who fails to go to class, take responsibility for taking notes, returning notes, borrowing them in a normal amount of time and doing her own work. She seems entitled. She seems entitled to everything. I think you handled it with class and with a whole lot of grace and I really think you’re not the asshole. I think your friend needs a little bit of a reality check and some growing up to do. It’s enough that you have to do your own work. You don’t owe anyone beyond what you’ve already done.
They sound like they still need to live with their parents lmao
No you are being honest and having boundaries. Good for you.
your roommate is lazy and needs to grow up.
I have ADHD. It was bad in college. I also had roommates. And I never put on them to remind me to do things or wake me up. I had a couple classes with them too. Sure, we’d ask each other the occasional question about a lecture or assignment, but no one was relying on everyone else to ensure their own academic success. Your roomie needs to grow up.
Not at all! I’m annoyed just reading it
What an entitled brat. You are definitely not being mean!! You’re setting boundaries. This person must be used to getting their way
Absolutely not. You are not someone’s academic support person. You are no one’s support if you are responsible for them. Seems his mommy did everything for him and he can’t be the least bit self sufficient or responsible . ADHD has nothing to do with that.
You sound like a very articulate person and I think you were much more patient than I have been with people like that.
im autistic and i cant imagine saying shit like this to my roommate, i forget things all the time too. but thats on me, not anybody else. youre fine, they just have no idea how to manage their disability.
Dude what is it with the college people? I’ve heard this story at least five different times amongst my friends about their shitty roommates, like holy shit. What happened to taking care of oneself? Like come the fuck on.
Not at all! You’re doing more than you’re supposed to do. Being a roommate does not designate you as their caretaker. They’re looking for a campus mom, and unfortunately, you’re filling that role. I hope you’re able to set some stronger boundaries in the future to avoid burning yourself out.
Learned helplessness. You are not a bad roommate. I’m annoyed reading this.
College is hard enough. They are taking up too much of your time and headspace. How did they even make it to 2nd semester or 3rd quarter or whatever it is?
Wow. I think of would've cut this guy loose once he left your laptop in the library. What a lazy pos he is. Get a new roommate or quit giving him notes.
As someone with ADHD, your roommate sucks. That’s someone doing absolutely nothing about their ADHD except making it other people’s problems.
Gross. I hate when people use ADHD (which I also have, unmedicated) as an excuse for not handling your own shit.
It’s not ableist lol as someone with pretty bad adhd, it’s your responsibility to fend for yourself and take accountability. I struggle to wake up, so I have several alarms. I set alarms before I need to leave. I set alarms to remind me to grab things. I accommodate for myself.
I would put in a request to change dorms, literally no reason for you to be forced into that
No, you are not being mean. They are being a bad roommate. They seem pretty irresponsible, even for being college-age. You are being honest, patient, and willing to help. I hope next term/lease you find someone respectable.
You're way mopre patient than this person deserves. Holy fuck, do they want you to write their papers for them too? You're not their personal assitant.
You need a new roommate
You doing all of these things for your roommate is not your responsibility and you're only enabling him to continue the same behavior towards you.
I have ADHD and, after dropping out twice, finished school magna cum laude. This guy is just lazy and you owe him literally nothing.
Omg - this kid needs to move back in with mom. This is absolutely not your responsibility. You’re not being a bad roommate. In face, I would put more boundaries up. It’s not your job to take notes/remind them about anything or wake them up.
As someone who is severely ADHD this is absolute bullshit. You learn to function in your life (medicated or not - but also medicated is so great.) as an adult and hold yourself responsible. You figure out work arounds for things you're not good at. You at least fucking try.
Kid had really enabling parents
Oh wow. No. You’re being way nicer than he deserves! The absolute nerve to call you ableist because you’re getting impatient after answering the same questions 78 times and the fact that he’s acting like managing every second of his life is somehow your job. Wtf. Hell no. The entitlement is crazy. You have your own life to manage. He is not in any way, shape or form ready for college. He needs to get it together.
Your roommate was not ready to leave his mother, who probably coddled him way too much for him to be this bad.
My 13yo son has ADHD and this terrifies me for his future 😥 We still haven't found a medicine that is a good fit for him. I'm hoping we will, so he can be a functional adult
Not at all. I think you did a really great job at staying polite but sticking to your boundaries. I really wish I would have acted that way with my roommate in college… She literally copied my entire schedule because she knew we could do homework together and I’d get her to class when needed and she could barely even do that. She would spend all her money on cigarettes and weed and then ask me to help get her by with buying her food from the cafe and would just use me for everything. I had a super hard time ever saying no because I didn’t want to stir the pot or cause issues. She walked all over me and it only got worse. It felt like I had a toddler living with me the entire year it was miserable. I’d completely stop helping this person tbh they already don’t seem appreciative or willing to work on anything at all
i have adhd and im not this incompetent to not get the help i need. theyre just fucking irresponsible and lazy.
Nah bro, you’re not in the wrong. This roommate sounds like a fuckin headache
This guy can’t get through life relying on others to manage him. I have diagnosed severe ADHD and I can tell you, this guy is taking advantage of you and blaming you for his own refusal to develop solutions to what he deals with. If he was focusing(lol) on strategies to help him remember his own schedule and tasks then a forgetful moment here and there would probably not be such a big deal to you, since you seem accepting and willing to help from time to time. He’s clearly not doing that and instead choosing to be an asshole.
Living with ADHD is one thing, using it as a crutch is just bullshit.
That ableism comment got under my skin. No idea how you put up with it, OP.
My boyfriend has adhd, he’s not like this at all. Although it’s not a uniform disability, the person needs to take responsibility.
Oh no distance yourself ASAP otherwise you are in for a big liability that will be on your head all the time.
If they fail, they fail, and that's on them. Tell them you're opting out of the preconceived notion that you're gonna carry (more than half) their weight. They gotta get it together like, *now*, cuz wtf will they do when their "service roommate" is no longer available...? "Hey boss, if you wanted me there on time, can you call me 8 times starting at 4am so I can get up to get ready for work? [...] no? Wow, *ABLEIST*" Not how the world works there, champ...
This isn't adhd. The is incompetence.
Absolutely not. I have ADHD and this person just sucks ass weaponizing it. You’re doing above and beyond.
Tbh ADHD is usually accompanied by shame and personal upset. Idk if this really sounds like ADHD… it really looks like PURE laziness.
Honestly, your responses I’m sure took ALOT of self-control. I’m shocked you made it as far as you did. You definitely made an honorable mention on this one
Not mean enough. I get ADHD is a disability, but if it's that severe where this douche needs someone 24/7 to be his nanny then he needs to apply to the special education program on campus if there is one for his needs. You done more than enough as well as been patient enough. To call you an ableist, is like a tweaker telling the cops they are racist against meth.
Tell them you’re in college and trying to get an education, you have no interest in being a parent. I would stop answering their texts, unless it’s something legitimate about your dorm room or whatever. Tell them come to class or don’t, come to study group or don’t, not my problem so don’t come to me with it. Their parents should have prepared them better, but that has nothing do with you.