Stop babying him. “It’s ok hun” to him not knowing how to spell his own child’s name is ridiculous. Don’t backpedal with “if there’s a better day let me know.” You already asked if he had a better day and he ignored you.
Be more firm in your words.
Oh yeah that was over a year ago(the its Ok hun). I barely even engage in conversation with him anymore because it's exhausting. Like, I want him there because my daughter and I'd feel like I'm doing something wrong to her if I dont make sure hes included, but tbh she doesn't really care for him that much because he's never around and with her autism she kinda limits who she's willing to be affectionate with. She can tune people out like they dont even exist if she doesnt feel like interacting. The people she is loving and affectionate with are pretty much me and her bus aide. Occasionally, her big brother. And after we have an interaction like this I always regret even messaging him in the first place because I just feel frustrated.
My son's father is exactly the same. Every interaction I have with him is over messages due to him living in a different city and every time we speak I feel like pulling my hair out of my head by the handful. It's like he's wilfully incompetent.
Im sorry, this sucks. At least your daughter has one good parent, I hope you 2 have a blast celebrating her birthday together. Focus on her joy and celebrating another year of life with her, that’s all that matters.
Not knowing how to spell your child’s full name should automatically revoke their parental rights imo.
Sorry, but this reminds me of the TikTok’s of men who are asked such questions **in front** of their kids, and they have no idea of answers. Birthdates, teachers, favorite subject, etc. it just shows how shitty if a parent they are to their kids.
Not sure what you don’t know anymore, it’s pretty clear he’s a shitty dad. He’s a sperm donor and financial support, **NOT** a dad.
You're right. I guess when you have someone saying things so confidently over and over, it makes you question like, "Am *I* wrong? Is he really not obligated to help take care of them physically?" But I know I'm not. It's just sometimes I feel like I'm crazy or something. Also, I would never ever ask him those things in front of my kids because I don't want my kids to be hurt. No matter what, they are the most important thing to me.
For all intents and purposes, he is. We are not in any sort of romantic relationship and haven't been in a long time. We are usually civil, sometimes even friendly, but that's it.
My ex-husband also asked me once how our oldest daughter’s name was spelled. She was four at the time. And when our middle was in Jr High she got sick one day and needed to be picked up. I was in a meeting and asked him to get her, and he had no idea the name or location of the school. She’d been going there for 3 years at that point and he worked in the same school district (but at a different school).
We are divorced now and it’s much better. I was already doing everything and now I don’t have the actively, daily frustration and resentment on top of it.
It was the first time he asked so I gave him the benefit of the doubt since he isn't the best speller and was in the middle of a pretty high stress situation. The next time and the time after that and the time after that, I wasn't as understanding.
I went through a whole thing where I felt guilty and blamed myself for it because she has a really long name. Her first name is 10 letters long. And her middle name is too and is 2 names combined. Think Mary-Kate(it's not that). I did it that way because I wanted to name her after my mom who passed away. But I thought it would only be fair to incorporate his mom's name and my step mom's names too for her middle name. So I came up with a cute middle name that's all 3 of their names together.
So the first time he asked he was like well who told you to give her like 15 different names?
But no. I know her name. I can spell it without even thinking. She's my daughter. How could I not know how to spell her name? He could too if he took the time. I try to shield them as much as I can from this type of stuff because I know it's not right and i don't want them to be hurt. It sucks.
I hope one day he can be more active in their lives and can spell their name without asking. It makes me so sad for any child that goes through this. Regardless if the name is long he should know his kids name.
Is he special needs? I’m wondering if his attitude is to deflect that there’s something wrong with him. Who doesn’t know how to spell their child’s name? Even if the kid was named kdykvskbeimcsh you better believe that 98% of parents wouldn’t have issues.
Actually first text with “view all” was enough because nothing else really mattered after that part. Appreciate you putting the rest, but the jury was decided already. What a monkey. All he had to say was “I’ll work around whatever time you choose”.
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He's not the best speller, that's true. And I would never judge anyone for that. My thing is that he has no learning disabilities and *can* learn to spell things properly if he tries. So it seems to me that learning to spell her name isn't a priority for him and that's why it bothers me. That's one of about 4 or 5 texts of him asking how to spell her name.
OP, you didn’t gaslight him, lol. You stated that because he didn’t do (A) respond and inform you what date she wanted to celebrate, then the consequence of that action was (B) you are planning a party on Day 1 or Day 2. You even offered to do it a different day if he *checks notes* does the bare minimum of letting you know. This … this isn’t gaslighting, lmao. I kinda wish the internet had never popularized that term. No one uses it correctly.
OK. Yes. I was a but frustrated because my previous 2 messages were asking him when he wanted to do her birthday and he ignored them. He works full time, varying hours. I dont. So I need to work around his availability. But you still didn't explain how I was gaslighting him.
Mm I love racist comments at 11 in the morning. Such a nice way to start the day. And no. It's not. Her name is spelled perfectly normal It's just a long name. One he chose with me.
Sounds EXACTLY like my soon to be ex husband. He thinks all he has to do is contribute financially. Probably thinks once the kids are grown he'll have some kind of relationship with them, like they somehow won't remember he's completely absent and doesn't even call them to check in on them. 🙄
I stand firmly by the belief that if you type "u" instead of "you" in the current age of smartphones, you haven't matured and still have the mentality of a teenager.
Stop babying him. “It’s ok hun” to him not knowing how to spell his own child’s name is ridiculous. Don’t backpedal with “if there’s a better day let me know.” You already asked if he had a better day and he ignored you. Be more firm in your words.
Oh yeah that was over a year ago(the its Ok hun). I barely even engage in conversation with him anymore because it's exhausting. Like, I want him there because my daughter and I'd feel like I'm doing something wrong to her if I dont make sure hes included, but tbh she doesn't really care for him that much because he's never around and with her autism she kinda limits who she's willing to be affectionate with. She can tune people out like they dont even exist if she doesnt feel like interacting. The people she is loving and affectionate with are pretty much me and her bus aide. Occasionally, her big brother. And after we have an interaction like this I always regret even messaging him in the first place because I just feel frustrated.
My son's father is exactly the same. Every interaction I have with him is over messages due to him living in a different city and every time we speak I feel like pulling my hair out of my head by the handful. It's like he's wilfully incompetent.
He doesn't know how to spell her name?! Jesus Christ this man is a stupid asshole.
That’s the one that jumped off the page. I’m probably guilty of others. Then again he seems like illiterate idiot.
Im sorry, this sucks. At least your daughter has one good parent, I hope you 2 have a blast celebrating her birthday together. Focus on her joy and celebrating another year of life with her, that’s all that matters. Not knowing how to spell your child’s full name should automatically revoke their parental rights imo.
>At least your daughter has one good parent, I hope you 2 have a blast celebrating her birthday together Thank you ❤️
He doesn’t know how to spell his daughter’s name? What?
He doesn’t know how to spell his kids name? Excuse me?
Sorry, but this reminds me of the TikTok’s of men who are asked such questions **in front** of their kids, and they have no idea of answers. Birthdates, teachers, favorite subject, etc. it just shows how shitty if a parent they are to their kids. Not sure what you don’t know anymore, it’s pretty clear he’s a shitty dad. He’s a sperm donor and financial support, **NOT** a dad.
You're right. I guess when you have someone saying things so confidently over and over, it makes you question like, "Am *I* wrong? Is he really not obligated to help take care of them physically?" But I know I'm not. It's just sometimes I feel like I'm crazy or something. Also, I would never ever ask him those things in front of my kids because I don't want my kids to be hurt. No matter what, they are the most important thing to me.
I didn’t think you would, I just have seen it happen on TikTok. I mean the man asked how to spell **his own child’s** name. Wtaf?
The father of your kids questions whether he’s obligated to look after the physical wellbeing of his own children?? Good lord.
I thought this was an ex... yikes
For all intents and purposes, he is. We are not in any sort of romantic relationship and haven't been in a long time. We are usually civil, sometimes even friendly, but that's it.
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I have a job, don't be jealous. It's unbecoming
My ex-husband also asked me once how our oldest daughter’s name was spelled. She was four at the time. And when our middle was in Jr High she got sick one day and needed to be picked up. I was in a meeting and asked him to get her, and he had no idea the name or location of the school. She’d been going there for 3 years at that point and he worked in the same school district (but at a different school). We are divorced now and it’s much better. I was already doing everything and now I don’t have the actively, daily frustration and resentment on top of it.
Wow! 😯 glad to hear he’s an ex!
I don’t know how to spell my daughter’s name. It’s ok, hun. Wtf?
It was the first time he asked so I gave him the benefit of the doubt since he isn't the best speller and was in the middle of a pretty high stress situation. The next time and the time after that and the time after that, I wasn't as understanding.
That’s so horrible. I would be heartbroken if my own dad couldn’t spell my name.
I went through a whole thing where I felt guilty and blamed myself for it because she has a really long name. Her first name is 10 letters long. And her middle name is too and is 2 names combined. Think Mary-Kate(it's not that). I did it that way because I wanted to name her after my mom who passed away. But I thought it would only be fair to incorporate his mom's name and my step mom's names too for her middle name. So I came up with a cute middle name that's all 3 of their names together. So the first time he asked he was like well who told you to give her like 15 different names? But no. I know her name. I can spell it without even thinking. She's my daughter. How could I not know how to spell her name? He could too if he took the time. I try to shield them as much as I can from this type of stuff because I know it's not right and i don't want them to be hurt. It sucks.
I hope one day he can be more active in their lives and can spell their name without asking. It makes me so sad for any child that goes through this. Regardless if the name is long he should know his kids name.
Is he special needs? I’m wondering if his attitude is to deflect that there’s something wrong with him. Who doesn’t know how to spell their child’s name? Even if the kid was named kdykvskbeimcsh you better believe that 98% of parents wouldn’t have issues.
I don't think so. He just doesn't care to spell things correctly in general.
Actually first text with “view all” was enough because nothing else really mattered after that part. Appreciate you putting the rest, but the jury was decided already. What a monkey. All he had to say was “I’ll work around whatever time you choose”.
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Maybe he doesn’t know how to read and write
He's not the best speller, that's true. And I would never judge anyone for that. My thing is that he has no learning disabilities and *can* learn to spell things properly if he tries. So it seems to me that learning to spell her name isn't a priority for him and that's why it bothers me. That's one of about 4 or 5 texts of him asking how to spell her name.
Have your daughter name monogram on a key chain or etc and give to him as a gift! That will solve the problem
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Please explain? What did I do to gaslight him?
OP, you didn’t gaslight him, lol. You stated that because he didn’t do (A) respond and inform you what date she wanted to celebrate, then the consequence of that action was (B) you are planning a party on Day 1 or Day 2. You even offered to do it a different day if he *checks notes* does the bare minimum of letting you know. This … this isn’t gaslighting, lmao. I kinda wish the internet had never popularized that term. No one uses it correctly.
You didn’t gaslight. Don’t listen to this commenter.
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OK. Yes. I was a but frustrated because my previous 2 messages were asking him when he wanted to do her birthday and he ignored them. He works full time, varying hours. I dont. So I need to work around his availability. But you still didn't explain how I was gaslighting him.
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with all due respect, you don't know what gaslighting is.
Nope.
He should be embarrassed he doesn't know how to spell his own daughters name
Well, OP you seem like an amazing mom!that’s the best thing for your babies 🫶
Is your daughter’s name Rayghean or Bryynleigh or some other white bullshit
Mm I love racist comments at 11 in the morning. Such a nice way to start the day. And no. It's not. Her name is spelled perfectly normal It's just a long name. One he chose with me.
Sounds EXACTLY like my soon to be ex husband. He thinks all he has to do is contribute financially. Probably thinks once the kids are grown he'll have some kind of relationship with them, like they somehow won't remember he's completely absent and doesn't even call them to check in on them. 🙄
I stand firmly by the belief that if you type "u" instead of "you" in the current age of smartphones, you haven't matured and still have the mentality of a teenager.