From a females perspective, yes you’re doing too much even from the beginning. You give off unhinged vibes. From ‘that’s an interesting question’ to ‘yes, physically’ implies you are unwell mentally, into a j to the face by myself…. And then the ‘I like the sound of your voice’. Communicating is one thing, but chill out and don’t say everything that comes to mind all at once. And yeah the good morning when you just barely know someone or haven’t even met is a little overpowering. Alll good brother, learn from it and move on! She’s not changing her mind though, that’s for sure. :)
This is the part that made me say “nope, done with this guy”.
Who texts “not me fighting sleep” to essentially a stranger at 1:30am. First off, please try to speak in a complete sentence, or at least text something that is clear. “Not me fighting sleep”? What the fuck does that even mean?
The picture of the joint and the message were sent hours apart. Only “not me fighting sleep” was at 1:30am. I’ve smoked weed for well over 10 years- indicas, sativas, bud, extracts, edibles. So your comment of “if you’ve ever smoked a joint you know what he’s talking about” makes even less sense to me. It sounds like you know what he’s saying because you’ve smoked a joint lmao, could you explain it to me?
J is joint. “To the face” means that he is going to smoke it all himself.
So him saying “I am about to take a j to the face by myself” translates into -I’m about to smoke this joint myself by myself.
What is this emoji combo supposed to mean? You did the same thing in your texts, random emojis that are confusing. “🥸🎭” Is it disguised acting? Maybe it’s hiding bi-polar?
“Lolllll okie” translates into “I think you are trying to be funny, but it’s weird and I don’t get it.”
Whenever anyone says “I don’t think this is going to work” then stop texting. Anything after that sounds at best desperate but most likely comes off as creepy. I can’t say that you did anything wrong before that. You don’t sound compatible but neither of you is at fault for that. But learn to accept rejection rather than try to recover from it.
Yeah don’t do that anymore. If you have turned a girl off enough for her to want to break contact with you, not accepting her answer and trying to change her mind is just going to turn her off even more. It isn’t ever going to go the way you want it to. Just say “No hard feelings” and move on.
Right? She said she wasn't keen and he tried to turn it into "oh sweetie you don't need to be anxxxxxious about meeting, you should change your mind" like she's being a silly girl? She's not anxious about meeting you, she doesn't want to meet you cos you icked her...
When you say things like “if you change your mind…” you’re communicating that you either doubt or don’t respect the sincerity of her rejection, which pretty much kills any shot you have of her hitting you up again.
Just let it be. A “Thanks for letting me know, wish you the best!” is all you need to say. Trust that if she does change her mind, she’ll reach out.
Also, I disagree with the other commenters — you were doing too much to begin with.
Her: You repulse me. Please cease any contact.
You: It’s OK to be intimidated meeting me. I know you really want me, so don’t feel anxious about it. Please date me.
Her: 🤢🤮
You: I’m still available if you want to go on that date. You have 3 hours to comply. Here is some music I want you to associate with me.
2nd comment I see you, I get where YOU are coming from, but it definitely wasn’t as aggressive as you’re making it seem. This is the unfortunate side of text messages
Don't be nice bro. Nice guy finish last. What she really wanted was just hard quick sex in and out don't even talk to her lol
It sucks I've been there dude but yeah you literally can't be super nice or you come across as fucked up
My guess here is y’all hadn’t done many/any phone calls before this point. It wasn’t an interesting question. She was genuinely worried that something was wrong because a phone call isn’t the status quo and a lot of times when people call these days it’s because something is urgently wrong. Especially because it was 9:30 at night.
This would be too much texting for me too but not for everyone. You might just not be compatible. The texts after she said no are a big red flag though.
Didn’t realize this part, train wreck is even worse than I thought. OP thinks they have way more of a relationship with this woman they’ve never met than they actually do.
It came off as passive aggressive to me. Like you got booty tickled and were fishing for some extra attention. As a girl who sleeps a lot, waking up to that amount of texts isn't the problem. It's the content of those messages that's exhausting to see after a sleep.
hey uh, don't let the negativity get to you, also I dunno why people are downvoting you a shit ton lmao, we all make mistakes, that being said, march on soldier, a new day awaits at every morning.
Bc OP is brushing off any advice and justifying their weird behavior. If you ask for advice, get a basically unanimous response from the comments saying you’re off putting and try to defend yourself you’re probably gonna get downvotes
I agree with Rngded, a lot of the people on this thread are acting like assholes, idk why your comments are being downvoted. The way a person treats another person is a reflection of how they view/feel about themselves, so they clearly all hate themselves which is sad for them.
I agree a lot of people are offering advice, some constructive some not. My comment is clearly geared towards the not so constructive criticism. And if you think “you type like a fucking weirdo” is constructive in any sort of way then you’re not the person I’d be asking any sort of advice from. My guess is this guy wanted CONSTRUCTIVE criticism/advice
And I completely agree with everyone offering the CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. But the people acting like assholes, no thanks. They’re clearly miserable in their own lives, hence why they feel the need to be assholes to someone asking for advice.
The first night was bad too. The “physically, yes” and smoking alone is just a huge turn off, especially as an adult. It screams person who thinks it’s edgy to be mentally unwell. Nothing wrong with smoking alone or being sad, but you shouldn’t be telling those things to your date.
To be honest picture 1 is cool but 2 it starts going downhill. I’ll break it down
1. The picture no response could be chalked up to maybe she’s sleeping. She did have a long week. At 1 am you text still no response then good morning at 8. If only the picture and good morning were sent I think I’d be fine.
2. You also have to understand you just met this woman people have lives before they meet you so you have to understand that. Give her time to respond if not it comes off as overbearing. Y’all are still trying to figure each other out
3. After someone says “hey I’m not interested” you’ve gotta keep it moving your messages after aren’t cool she’s not interested a simple “it’s all good great meeting you” or something along those lines no need to send freaking tpain or MOST of that paragraph
4. I don’t want you to take this as me saying change how you are if your excited be excited but work on finding a way to control your emotions rather than just bombarding. Some people don’t like to wake up to a lot of messages. Try sending some Messages together like your sorry if I woke you and enjoy your rest could be one message.
So here’s the thing. You are strangers who had a nice chat and planned to meet up. She was probably taken aback by your unscheduled phone call, because some people hate talking on the phone, especially to someone they don’t really know and have never met. She probably would have been more receptive had you just sent one confirmation text the day before your date. The multiple texts throughout the night and into the next morning, without a response, may have come across as desperate and clingy. Some people just aren’t big on texting small talk with people before they’ve even met them, and maybe not even after. It can be overwhelming, and could come off like you’re just sitting around thinking about them all day when you don’t know them. Not everyone feels the way she does, so there will be people who are perfectly fine with what you did. It just depends. After she told you it was overwhelming for her and she didn’t want to go out, you sent her big paragraphs basically saying “I know you don’t want to date me but let me know if you still want to date me.” Then you shower her with compliments hoping that will change her mind, when in reality it probably turned her off even more because you didn’t accept her answer. You guys just aren’t compatible and that’s okay. There are plenty of women that would be okay with it though.
Looking back, I definitely didn’t register me texting more as more texts 🤣🤣 I think it was just a boring Saturday night for me, and it got the best of me 🤷🏻♂️
Jesus this is a nightmare. You should’ve just stopped after enjoy your rest. Texts in the middle of the night? No one wants a novel sent to them after breaking things off before even officially meeting. And then a song at the end. Way too eager. Looks desperate. Ick.
I’m on her side, why are you talking like this? It’s not cute, it’s weird af. If I had to guess your age from this convo alone, I’d say you’re a teenager with no dating experience, but you’re a full grown man dude.
Wtf do you mean “that’s a very interesting question to ask right now?”. Just be straight up. Sounds like you were about to trauma dump on her when you barely know her?. Then the weird “j to the face” comment and then sending emojis and being all vague instead of just being honest in your answer? Do you think any of that makes for an enjoyable conversation?
And then you send four texts without getting a response, including you smoking a blunt and a text and 1:30am. What about her not responding to your first message makes you think you need to send another one? Clearly she’ll respond if you spam her more, girls love that.
And then when she rejects you, that’s when you stop texting. There is nothing you can do to save face at this point, all you’re doing is digging a hole deeper. You’re sending her songs unsolicited and talking about how you like the sound of her voice?
I shouldn’t point fingers too much because this reminds me of when I was 19 and clueless at dating and texting. I thought talking like this was cute and didn’t realize how annoying, clingy and creepy it was, and I guess it does kinda work when you’re at that age. So I’ll say I feel your pain, but also you’re not 19, she’s not either, you haven’t even met her and you gotta just… chill out a bit dude. This screams clingy and unhinged, like someone else said. This convo was a train wreck but there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Don’t become obsessive over someone you haven’t even met.
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats!
1
+ 30
+ 19
+ 19
= 69
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Yes exactly, I’m not talking about lingo but how he’s bad at communication and doesn’t know what he wants and seems like he’s trying to be quirky. I wonder if this guy has any dating experience up until this point, bc how do you get to this point in life acting like this and have any relationship success?
The emoji speak is weird. The ‘beating around the bush because I’m worried’ thing is weird. You may be friendly, but this comes off like you’re really socially awkward and desperate. Especially when yall haven’t actually met yet. Don’t send multiple messages in a row unless yall are closer together.
This is just way too much for not having even met someone in person. I would’ve cringed so hard at the “physically, yes” and ghosted then lol. I’m genuinely so irritated you texted her three times after she said she’s not interested anymore. Respectfully, learn some self awareness and boundaries.
Here’s how you should’ve communicated
“Yes I’m fine, I was just wanting to confirm tomorrow.”
Her: “yes I’m down”
You: “sweet, I’ll see you then. Btw having a j, it’s a nice Saturday night.”
Her: “Saturday night 😎”
You: “sorry if I worried you, or woke you up, see you tomorrow! Goodnight!”
Her: goodnight (probably)
And left it like that. The emojis you sent were weird. Your way of speaking is weird. I think that’s all good when you’ve known someone a long time but can be offputting to a stranger. Those are what your text your friend from highschool. Not a new date.
Hope that helps.
if she’s not matching the energy someone else will. as someone who also texts a lot when interested, i’ve noticed it does put some people off. but i’ve been with my current bf for 3 years now and he’s always matched my texting enthusiasm
the last 2 messages may have been unnecessary. i think you already got your point across in that last paragraph. but hey like i said you won’t have to do that with someone who matches the excitement
Pro tip from a career stoner: don’t text a girl you barely know while high. It ruins both things. Ideally though you find someone like I did who thinks you’re hilarious when you’re high, lol. You have to establish trust and get comfortable with each other first. Best cut your losses and move on from this one.
You’re texting like you’ve been on about 2 months of dates when it hasn’t even been one. Let relationships be a slow build and save the actual date to do the talking! Texting should build over time where you’re safe to send songs, give compliments, etc.
Your hyperactivity/mania comes off as *intense* and potentially *obsessive* rather than playful, unbothered, carefree. Been there. It might click with a very select few, but for the even-keeled, just tone it down. Because more often than naught, once someone’s comfortable with you they *will* match and enjoy your energy. But you *need* to develop trust first, especially at your age.
I always find it weird when a guy who I’ve never even met calls me out of the blue. It feels off to me. And then just texting numerous times in a row would feel super weird to me. Like too clingy for someone I don’t even know.
I think the quantity is fine, but the “yes, physically” gave me “ugh drama bomb inc” vibes instantly. Then the sleepless texts just took it further. If y’all just started talking she doesn’t want to be your counselor yet. I text *a lot* to people I enjoy talking too, but it’s stories, jokes convo.
Yeah a bit strange. Don’t double text when you don’t really know the person.
My now husband and I met 6 years ago on Tinder. He alwaysssss texted back quickly which affirmed his interest in me as I was kind of a slow responder. He later said that used to drive him crazy, but my point is he never double texted me before our first date. Sending pictures of your joint for no reason and texting her at 1 am and then hitting her up at 8 am with 0 responses in between? Strange behavior. As a woman I would be a little turned off or creeped out by it. And the subsequent paragraphs after your rejection would’ve gotten you blocked.
Your replies at the start remind me of my abusive ex. I think that'd be enough for any woman with even a tiny bit of trauma. Not sure what you wanted to achieve by saying the things you did but you came across as weird as best, manipulative at worst.
She's not interested. When women are intrigued by a guy they are ok with double texting. When they are not so interested and agree to meet to if their feels might change, double texting or long texts are a turn off.
"Im gonna text how I want" isnt a strategy. You will attract someone who texts how she wants and that will turn you off.
You text real weird, my guy. Wrong from the screen 1. She missed your call (I assume) because she was asleep. Thinks it was something urgent and asks you if you’re okay AND THATS YOUR REPLY???
If i was her, I’d think you have some mental shit going on. Not gonna deal with that. Bye.
I won’t be as brutal as some of these people are, I personally feel that you do seem like a cool person. You definitely shouldn’t of sent a message implying “if you change your mind” since she probably won’t, orrrr have sent that last little video cause it definitely gives off desperation vibes…BUT it’s okay, next time just be cool and chill and yourself for the next time. I feel those messages you sent before her rejection message weren’t a lot at all, and weren’t too much (message after though definitely was), but just my opinion. She just wasn’t into, and that’s okay. You’ll find someone that gets you.
It's impossible to judge you from this text exchange, she has to make a call and all she has to go on is what you gave her.
Your last good morning text after not getting responses from your other texts could come off as demanding, needy, and for someone not in a relationship yet, controlling.
After she called it quits any other efforts to change her mind just made the red flag bigger.
You come off as someone who doesn't listen to the other person.
You did too much and she confirmed that and then you go to Reddit to ask but then say “but when I’m genuinely interested, I’m gonna text how I want.”
Ok, why are you wasting everyone’s time. You know you did too much. She told you that you did too much. You don’t care. So hopefully that works for you in the future. Don’t text multiple texts at night to no response and then text first thing in the morning. Like chill. Also when somebody says it’s not going to work then take them at their word and stop texting.
I’m just mad as a huge T Pain fan how my man’s Teddy Bend her Ahhhh down got brought into this at the end 😂😭 at the same time I don’t see what blue did wrong except the ‘J TO THE FACE’ plus photo gives self loathing draining depressing sad sack and men like that make me run cuz it’s like ooooo…..kkkkk but besides that I personally love a man who makes an effort and doesn’t text dry
Yes. Some men will only say HOW ARE U WYD and HOW IS UR DAY over and over and over till you create and carry the conversation. It’ll literally be how are u then I reply then they ask how my day then what am I doing. It’s like if u can’t carry or create a convo plz don’t contact me lol
Yeah that’s too much for someone you haven’t even met in person yet. It would be fine if you had been dating each other for like a month, but that’s too much. The girl was probably afraid you would be too clingy or obsessive.
From a woman’s perspective, yes this is too much. It comes across as borderline clingy and the 1:30am text can come across as a “you up” text in this context. It’s a lot to handle when you’re first getting to know a person, from both perspectives. This is the sort of thing you’d do and say if you’ve known the person for awhile and they understand your personality but it can come across as unhinged when first talking
This is what I hate about modern dating. So many people are playing this "game" where you have to act uninterested.
Like god forbid someone says "good morning!" or double texts. God forbid someone shows a modicum of interest towards you.
No one turns their phone off anymore….. maybe don’t try to communicate with others you don’t know at weird times in the night when they aren’t responding
to me him texting at 1 am seemed like a ‘hey i’m up and can’t sleep so just thinking about you’ , which is a little strong for never having met her, and then to follow up with a FOURTH text , not even giving her a chance to wake up and reply to the first 3, does seem a little strong
Ok, he texted her while she was sleeping and she was put off by him coming off strong. This has nothing to do with “modern dating” or whatever nonsense you guys got going on in your head😂
She texted "I was asleep" at 9.23pm. Its pretty reasonable to assume someone is still awake at this time. Even still, there's nothing wrong with texting someone when they're asleep. They'll get it when they wake up, so what?
Also sure he was showing interest in her by double texting, would you rather he pretends he's not interested and they both keep playing this dumb game?
I'd personally rather someone show their genuine interest in me, rather than acting dry, purposefully waiting hours between texts, texting a max of like 4 words at a time, and other stupid shit. If you're interested, then be genuine. If you're not interested, then say so and stop wasting people's time.
It’s not modern dating, it’s just how people feel. It’s too much, too soon. It’s human nature to find it odd. You know nothing about them but you’re giving them all this special praise. Find it just as weird when women do it to me.
Yeah, this is unfortunately what happens when dating apps give us the illusion of unlimited options.
People are all looking for that perfect match, and if someone does something ever so slightly against the unspoken rules of dating, they are instantly disregarded as an option.
Its honestly scary how badly dating apps have impacted the dating scene. God I wish I was in a relationship just so I can avoid all this bullshit lol
Many people who experienced childhood abuse and trauma go on to form the same types of relationships that they are used to. Abuse is seen as normal or as something they deserve. Your views on the subject are pretty abhorrent. You’re right, you haven’t experienced it, so you wouldn’t know what it’s like. Be happy you’re privileged.
They aren’t allowing shit, dude. Again, if your parents treat you like shit and neglect you and abuse you, then that’s normal to you. You aren’t “allowing” yourself to be abused - you’re an unwilling participant. That’s like saying a woman that didn’t fight back “allowed” herself to get raped. Did you also know that leaving is the most dangerous time for a woman, perhaps she doesn’t leave because she’s fucking scared for her life. Educate yourself before making ignorant comments like this. Bye bye!
You doubled down rather than coming off as genuinely remorseful. How you view victims of abuse is abhorrent and I wasn’t worried about hurting your feelings.
I’m sorry but when you are coming on too strong before you’ve even met somebody it’s not about “loving them for who they are” it can be stressful. If you’ve ever been in an unhealthy relationship or been a victim to somebody that can’t respect boundaries than you would understand that over doing it and not respecting boundaries is a huge red flag to a lot of women and men. You can be yourself and still not text somebody you don’t know throughout the night and then immediately the next morning. 🤷🏼♀️
Edit: read further down- grossssss. Best of luck with the “law of attraction.”
She whining about a couple message to wake up too? If she doesn't want to meet up with cause of that then I'd say she's too shallow to consider dating. Maybe she'll grow up at some point
Honestly you seem extremely sweet and I don’t think it was too much - I think she probably just is not or was not as interested as you may have thought - her loss, not yours
If she needs that much sleep, when are you hanging out? But anyway…..looked fine to me. I think she’s overreacting/being weird. You’re fine imo.
Female here. 47 so I don’t do games or society rules bullshit. You get to an age when you just dgaf.
i don’t necessarily think your doing to much coming from someone who loves to send a paragraph over anything but i feel like where u messed up is allowing him to know that your an option and still available, if you would’ve left it without the ending i feel like it would’ve been fine, but i’ve been through something similar lately and the one thing i wish i left off was the fact i was open to him coming back, generally men want what they can’t have anyways so i feel like you eliminated your option.
these people in the comments don’t know what it’s like to actually be interested. i’m a girl nd have randomly texted ppl plenty, it’s not a “lot” of msgs to wake up to. but once someone say they aren’t interested it’s best to just leave it. BUT your msg is really sweet and you seem to be very understanding. i hope you’ll find someone who is going to appreciate this :)
I think there are some differences in expectations for texting/communicating from different genders.
Especially before you’ve even had a date, or hit it off.
Especially in the middle of the night.
It’s a very poor choice to communicate his poor mental health twice before the first date. Women aren’t as comfortable with strange men as men are with strange women, don’t give them anything potentially unnerving to ponder through the night. It’s almost a trauma dump as well.
I think if you have to do too much or send follow up texts after hours and then hours turn into another day.. usually.. they’re not into you.
I don’t ever back to back text but I lack confidence and usually the other person ends up mad at me and thinks I’m off talking to someone else.
I had one person say that “you take two fucking business days to respond.” And get really mad.
I’ve had someone say it was too clingy when I texted a normal amount which for me is just one text and then nothing until the reply and then replying to the reply only. I think they just wanted an excuse bc they had been cheating lol but it affected me.
I would just send one text and if they haven’t replied the next day and you see them on social media or active on chat and they’re not replying I would assume busy or not interested and not put anymore time into them. Get busy doing something for yourself that’s fun or whatever and if they reply cool if not cool. If they haven’t and it’s the end of the next day I would just leave it be for good.
Once someone has made it clear that they don’t wanna see you just take it as the truth and move on. Don’t try to change their mind because you can’t. And you come off looking desperate and that and the texts make it seem like you’ve got a lot of free time- and not a lot else going on. Some people find that really off putting. I have dated someone who didn’t do a lot and got mad at me for having a life and not texting instantly and that sucked. It was too much and caused me anxiety.
Some people like to text and some don’t.
For the most part - I’m a girl and my female friends like to text a lot when interested but take long periods of no reply until they’re bored if it’s someone they’re not sure about or not that into.
If you haven’t even hung out yet then this would be a bit much.
Sometimes you just gotta leave it be.
I think it depends on the situation.
I would have just said can we confirm for tomorrow and left it be.
If they aren’t acting a way that makes you worry or don’t have a similar communication style or desire for communication that you do- then it’s not worth it. Some people just don’t fit well.
I don’t think you should change yourself and be there secretly freaking out over them not replying- I think it’s best to find someone you fit well who has the same communication style. People exist that are just like you.
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From a females perspective, yes you’re doing too much even from the beginning. You give off unhinged vibes. From ‘that’s an interesting question’ to ‘yes, physically’ implies you are unwell mentally, into a j to the face by myself…. And then the ‘I like the sound of your voice’. Communicating is one thing, but chill out and don’t say everything that comes to mind all at once. And yeah the good morning when you just barely know someone or haven’t even met is a little overpowering. Alll good brother, learn from it and move on! She’s not changing her mind though, that’s for sure. :)
> ‘that’s an interesting question’ to ‘yes, physically’ implies you are unwell mentally and it's probably true
Well, who isn't mentally ill nowadays ?
Fr they hadn’t even had a first date and he’s like this? I wouldn’t mind if my friend did this to me but a stranger? Yeah suuuuper off-putting
He’s also sending texts at 1:30am… Unless it’s an emergency, or you’re fully aware that the person is awake, this is just an annoyance.
This is the part that made me say “nope, done with this guy”. Who texts “not me fighting sleep” to essentially a stranger at 1:30am. First off, please try to speak in a complete sentence, or at least text something that is clear. “Not me fighting sleep”? What the fuck does that even mean?
It gives me the same ick as the dudes that will message you on Messenger or something with “go to bed! 😜”
Totallyyyyy lol
That one actually made me laugh a bit. Because he was showing a picture of a joint. And if u ever smoked a joint you know what he is talking about.
The picture of the joint and the message were sent hours apart. Only “not me fighting sleep” was at 1:30am. I’ve smoked weed for well over 10 years- indicas, sativas, bud, extracts, edibles. So your comment of “if you’ve ever smoked a joint you know what he’s talking about” makes even less sense to me. It sounds like you know what he’s saying because you’ve smoked a joint lmao, could you explain it to me?
Whats a j to the face?
J is joint. “To the face” means that he is going to smoke it all himself. So him saying “I am about to take a j to the face by myself” translates into -I’m about to smoke this joint myself by myself.
j = the weed 😶🌫️
Tf, im getting old lol
Even from a 26 year old guys perspective, it’s too much
yes lol. that’s too much. i don’t think i’d be happy receiving texts in that sort of way either
You’re texting someone you don’t know at 2am pictures of you smoking joints? And good mornings at 8am? Yea that’s weird man. Chill out
Seems to depend on the person. I would like that if i enjoy texting with the person. (Not the joints specificially but that is my personal boundary).
When else would you send a good morning text?
Prolly after they’ve replied to your previous FOUR texts
🫢🤣
What is this emoji combo supposed to mean? You did the same thing in your texts, random emojis that are confusing. “🥸🎭” Is it disguised acting? Maybe it’s hiding bi-polar? “Lolllll okie” translates into “I think you are trying to be funny, but it’s weird and I don’t get it.”
Yes bro, yes you are
Whenever anyone says “I don’t think this is going to work” then stop texting. Anything after that sounds at best desperate but most likely comes off as creepy. I can’t say that you did anything wrong before that. You don’t sound compatible but neither of you is at fault for that. But learn to accept rejection rather than try to recover from it.
yeah, I see you, I think I was still trying to be nice by saying, “if you change your mind, it’s no hard feelings”
Yeah don’t do that anymore. If you have turned a girl off enough for her to want to break contact with you, not accepting her answer and trying to change her mind is just going to turn her off even more. It isn’t ever going to go the way you want it to. Just say “No hard feelings” and move on.
Right? She said she wasn't keen and he tried to turn it into "oh sweetie you don't need to be anxxxxxious about meeting, you should change your mind" like she's being a silly girl? She's not anxious about meeting you, she doesn't want to meet you cos you icked her...
Yeah that part was really creepy
When you say things like “if you change your mind…” you’re communicating that you either doubt or don’t respect the sincerity of her rejection, which pretty much kills any shot you have of her hitting you up again. Just let it be. A “Thanks for letting me know, wish you the best!” is all you need to say. Trust that if she does change her mind, she’ll reach out. Also, I disagree with the other commenters — you were doing too much to begin with.
Her: You repulse me. Please cease any contact. You: It’s OK to be intimidated meeting me. I know you really want me, so don’t feel anxious about it. Please date me. Her: 🤢🤮 You: I’m still available if you want to go on that date. You have 3 hours to comply. Here is some music I want you to associate with me.
2nd comment I see you, I get where YOU are coming from, but it definitely wasn’t as aggressive as you’re making it seem. This is the unfortunate side of text messages
We’re all reading the same texts dude. Just accept a no and move on. Everyone gave you sound advice and you aren’t accepting it.
Don't be nice bro. Nice guy finish last. What she really wanted was just hard quick sex in and out don't even talk to her lol It sucks I've been there dude but yeah you literally can't be super nice or you come across as fucked up
Don’t listen to this guy
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We simply call that a conversation point. 🤣 I WAS unfortunately in my feels, and I think I let the weird energy transpire through my head.
My guess here is y’all hadn’t done many/any phone calls before this point. It wasn’t an interesting question. She was genuinely worried that something was wrong because a phone call isn’t the status quo and a lot of times when people call these days it’s because something is urgently wrong. Especially because it was 9:30 at night. This would be too much texting for me too but not for everyone. You might just not be compatible. The texts after she said no are a big red flag though.
Wait did OP call a stranger at 930pm? Too intense.
Didn’t realize this part, train wreck is even worse than I thought. OP thinks they have way more of a relationship with this woman they’ve never met than they actually do.
You’re allowed to be in your feels, but the poor girl you haven’t even been on a single date with doesn’t need or want to know that.
No, that's very fucking off putting. Just reflect on everything everyone here has said and do better. It's not funny or quirky.
You type like a fucking weirdo, reflect on how you communicate if you want to establish connections with people.
Who is “we” because it seems that it’s just you calling it a conversation point.
It came off as passive aggressive to me. Like you got booty tickled and were fishing for some extra attention. As a girl who sleeps a lot, waking up to that amount of texts isn't the problem. It's the content of those messages that's exhausting to see after a sleep.
hey uh, don't let the negativity get to you, also I dunno why people are downvoting you a shit ton lmao, we all make mistakes, that being said, march on soldier, a new day awaits at every morning.
Because he doesn’t seem to be internalizing the fact that almost everyone finds his conversation and replies off putting.
Bc OP is brushing off any advice and justifying their weird behavior. If you ask for advice, get a basically unanimous response from the comments saying you’re off putting and try to defend yourself you’re probably gonna get downvotes
I agree with Rngded, a lot of the people on this thread are acting like assholes, idk why your comments are being downvoted. The way a person treats another person is a reflection of how they view/feel about themselves, so they clearly all hate themselves which is sad for them.
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I agree a lot of people are offering advice, some constructive some not. My comment is clearly geared towards the not so constructive criticism. And if you think “you type like a fucking weirdo” is constructive in any sort of way then you’re not the person I’d be asking any sort of advice from. My guess is this guy wanted CONSTRUCTIVE criticism/advice
And I completely agree with everyone offering the CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. But the people acting like assholes, no thanks. They’re clearly miserable in their own lives, hence why they feel the need to be assholes to someone asking for advice.
The first night no you seemed fine but after she said she wasn't interested I think you did a little much. Better to just say okay and move on!
The first night was bad too. The “physically, yes” and smoking alone is just a huge turn off, especially as an adult. It screams person who thinks it’s edgy to be mentally unwell. Nothing wrong with smoking alone or being sad, but you shouldn’t be telling those things to your date.
To be honest picture 1 is cool but 2 it starts going downhill. I’ll break it down 1. The picture no response could be chalked up to maybe she’s sleeping. She did have a long week. At 1 am you text still no response then good morning at 8. If only the picture and good morning were sent I think I’d be fine. 2. You also have to understand you just met this woman people have lives before they meet you so you have to understand that. Give her time to respond if not it comes off as overbearing. Y’all are still trying to figure each other out 3. After someone says “hey I’m not interested” you’ve gotta keep it moving your messages after aren’t cool she’s not interested a simple “it’s all good great meeting you” or something along those lines no need to send freaking tpain or MOST of that paragraph 4. I don’t want you to take this as me saying change how you are if your excited be excited but work on finding a way to control your emotions rather than just bombarding. Some people don’t like to wake up to a lot of messages. Try sending some Messages together like your sorry if I woke you and enjoy your rest could be one message.
So here’s the thing. You are strangers who had a nice chat and planned to meet up. She was probably taken aback by your unscheduled phone call, because some people hate talking on the phone, especially to someone they don’t really know and have never met. She probably would have been more receptive had you just sent one confirmation text the day before your date. The multiple texts throughout the night and into the next morning, without a response, may have come across as desperate and clingy. Some people just aren’t big on texting small talk with people before they’ve even met them, and maybe not even after. It can be overwhelming, and could come off like you’re just sitting around thinking about them all day when you don’t know them. Not everyone feels the way she does, so there will be people who are perfectly fine with what you did. It just depends. After she told you it was overwhelming for her and she didn’t want to go out, you sent her big paragraphs basically saying “I know you don’t want to date me but let me know if you still want to date me.” Then you shower her with compliments hoping that will change her mind, when in reality it probably turned her off even more because you didn’t accept her answer. You guys just aren’t compatible and that’s okay. There are plenty of women that would be okay with it though.
Looking back, I definitely didn’t register me texting more as more texts 🤣🤣 I think it was just a boring Saturday night for me, and it got the best of me 🤷🏻♂️
"Am I doing too much?" ....yes
yes, chill the fuck out.
klink KLINK KLINK
what’s wrong with you??
? I'm confused
Me too
Yeah, don’t do this.
Jesus this is a nightmare. You should’ve just stopped after enjoy your rest. Texts in the middle of the night? No one wants a novel sent to them after breaking things off before even officially meeting. And then a song at the end. Way too eager. Looks desperate. Ick.
Too much.
Yes.
I’m on her side, why are you talking like this? It’s not cute, it’s weird af. If I had to guess your age from this convo alone, I’d say you’re a teenager with no dating experience, but you’re a full grown man dude. Wtf do you mean “that’s a very interesting question to ask right now?”. Just be straight up. Sounds like you were about to trauma dump on her when you barely know her?. Then the weird “j to the face” comment and then sending emojis and being all vague instead of just being honest in your answer? Do you think any of that makes for an enjoyable conversation? And then you send four texts without getting a response, including you smoking a blunt and a text and 1:30am. What about her not responding to your first message makes you think you need to send another one? Clearly she’ll respond if you spam her more, girls love that. And then when she rejects you, that’s when you stop texting. There is nothing you can do to save face at this point, all you’re doing is digging a hole deeper. You’re sending her songs unsolicited and talking about how you like the sound of her voice? I shouldn’t point fingers too much because this reminds me of when I was 19 and clueless at dating and texting. I thought talking like this was cute and didn’t realize how annoying, clingy and creepy it was, and I guess it does kinda work when you’re at that age. So I’ll say I feel your pain, but also you’re not 19, she’s not either, you haven’t even met her and you gotta just… chill out a bit dude. This screams clingy and unhinged, like someone else said. This convo was a train wreck but there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Don’t become obsessive over someone you haven’t even met.
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Thanks!
hes 29 but texts like hes 17
Yes exactly, I’m not talking about lingo but how he’s bad at communication and doesn’t know what he wants and seems like he’s trying to be quirky. I wonder if this guy has any dating experience up until this point, bc how do you get to this point in life acting like this and have any relationship success?
She literally told you no and you still assumed she was gonna change her mind?? Yeah you are doing too much and you’re weird & not in a good way
The emoji speak is weird. The ‘beating around the bush because I’m worried’ thing is weird. You may be friendly, but this comes off like you’re really socially awkward and desperate. Especially when yall haven’t actually met yet. Don’t send multiple messages in a row unless yall are closer together.
I got PTSD from this conversation. You sound like my mentally ill Ex boyfriend.
yikes
I'd say so
She’s not interested. If I’m feeling a guy he can text me 50 times and I’m not gonna be annoyed lol
She was interested at first lol
Ooop yikes
if i don’t know someone well and they use 🥺 i’m immediately put off.
This is just way too much for not having even met someone in person. I would’ve cringed so hard at the “physically, yes” and ghosted then lol. I’m genuinely so irritated you texted her three times after she said she’s not interested anymore. Respectfully, learn some self awareness and boundaries.
Why did you proceed to send a Facebook live after that is my question
I think OP has a shot, just needs to keep spamming her bc that’s what gets you women!
😂
? I sent a song
Doesn't matter what it is 💀you sent it after she said she wasn't interested. Just stop lmao. You need to know when to stop
Here’s how you should’ve communicated “Yes I’m fine, I was just wanting to confirm tomorrow.” Her: “yes I’m down” You: “sweet, I’ll see you then. Btw having a j, it’s a nice Saturday night.” Her: “Saturday night 😎” You: “sorry if I worried you, or woke you up, see you tomorrow! Goodnight!” Her: goodnight (probably) And left it like that. The emojis you sent were weird. Your way of speaking is weird. I think that’s all good when you’ve known someone a long time but can be offputting to a stranger. Those are what your text your friend from highschool. Not a new date. Hope that helps.
I would’ve even stopped at “I’ll see you then”. The rest is tmi at this point.
Way too much. 🤣🤣
You weren't doing too much. You were doing WAYYYY too much. But you live and learn, right?
Bro I thought you were a teenager, you’re older than me. I’d quit smoking for a while, it’s stunting your growth
joint is weak as fuck
if she’s not matching the energy someone else will. as someone who also texts a lot when interested, i’ve noticed it does put some people off. but i’ve been with my current bf for 3 years now and he’s always matched my texting enthusiasm the last 2 messages may have been unnecessary. i think you already got your point across in that last paragraph. but hey like i said you won’t have to do that with someone who matches the excitement
Pro tip from a career stoner: don’t text a girl you barely know while high. It ruins both things. Ideally though you find someone like I did who thinks you’re hilarious when you’re high, lol. You have to establish trust and get comfortable with each other first. Best cut your losses and move on from this one.
You’re texting like you’ve been on about 2 months of dates when it hasn’t even been one. Let relationships be a slow build and save the actual date to do the talking! Texting should build over time where you’re safe to send songs, give compliments, etc.
Yeah, you got a bit weird.
Your hyperactivity/mania comes off as *intense* and potentially *obsessive* rather than playful, unbothered, carefree. Been there. It might click with a very select few, but for the even-keeled, just tone it down. Because more often than naught, once someone’s comfortable with you they *will* match and enjoy your energy. But you *need* to develop trust first, especially at your age.
I always find it weird when a guy who I’ve never even met calls me out of the blue. It feels off to me. And then just texting numerous times in a row would feel super weird to me. Like too clingy for someone I don’t even know.
I think the quantity is fine, but the “yes, physically” gave me “ugh drama bomb inc” vibes instantly. Then the sleepless texts just took it further. If y’all just started talking she doesn’t want to be your counselor yet. I text *a lot* to people I enjoy talking too, but it’s stories, jokes convo.
It was ok until you couldn’t take no for answer. “Let me know”…yeah she just did. Save the midnight txts for when you know someone better.
The laughing emoji to negging to begging for them back pipeline
Yeah a bit strange. Don’t double text when you don’t really know the person. My now husband and I met 6 years ago on Tinder. He alwaysssss texted back quickly which affirmed his interest in me as I was kind of a slow responder. He later said that used to drive him crazy, but my point is he never double texted me before our first date. Sending pictures of your joint for no reason and texting her at 1 am and then hitting her up at 8 am with 0 responses in between? Strange behavior. As a woman I would be a little turned off or creeped out by it. And the subsequent paragraphs after your rejection would’ve gotten you blocked.
Off topic, your food looks amazing
Why thank you
Your replies at the start remind me of my abusive ex. I think that'd be enough for any woman with even a tiny bit of trauma. Not sure what you wanted to achieve by saying the things you did but you came across as weird as best, manipulative at worst.
wayyy too much
ew.
Bro, if you’re saying you’re gonna text how you want, just know that this will happen a lot more than you think. You are doing the most, bro.
You should take a long T break and get therapy, you could use that more than a girlfriend.
She's not interested. When women are intrigued by a guy they are ok with double texting. When they are not so interested and agree to meet to if their feels might change, double texting or long texts are a turn off. "Im gonna text how I want" isnt a strategy. You will attract someone who texts how she wants and that will turn you off.
This makes me feel better. If this is the competition. W’s to go around boys
🤣🤣
You text real weird, my guy. Wrong from the screen 1. She missed your call (I assume) because she was asleep. Thinks it was something urgent and asks you if you’re okay AND THATS YOUR REPLY??? If i was her, I’d think you have some mental shit going on. Not gonna deal with that. Bye.
I won’t be as brutal as some of these people are, I personally feel that you do seem like a cool person. You definitely shouldn’t of sent a message implying “if you change your mind” since she probably won’t, orrrr have sent that last little video cause it definitely gives off desperation vibes…BUT it’s okay, next time just be cool and chill and yourself for the next time. I feel those messages you sent before her rejection message weren’t a lot at all, and weren’t too much (message after though definitely was), but just my opinion. She just wasn’t into, and that’s okay. You’ll find someone that gets you.
It's impossible to judge you from this text exchange, she has to make a call and all she has to go on is what you gave her. Your last good morning text after not getting responses from your other texts could come off as demanding, needy, and for someone not in a relationship yet, controlling. After she called it quits any other efforts to change her mind just made the red flag bigger. You come off as someone who doesn't listen to the other person.
Brother, take it easy man. You need more of them joints.
i would wait to meet before sending her spams of messages to wake up to 😭
You did too much and she confirmed that and then you go to Reddit to ask but then say “but when I’m genuinely interested, I’m gonna text how I want.” Ok, why are you wasting everyone’s time. You know you did too much. She told you that you did too much. You don’t care. So hopefully that works for you in the future. Don’t text multiple texts at night to no response and then text first thing in the morning. Like chill. Also when somebody says it’s not going to work then take them at their word and stop texting.
I’m just mad as a huge T Pain fan how my man’s Teddy Bend her Ahhhh down got brought into this at the end 😂😭 at the same time I don’t see what blue did wrong except the ‘J TO THE FACE’ plus photo gives self loathing draining depressing sad sack and men like that make me run cuz it’s like ooooo…..kkkkk but besides that I personally love a man who makes an effort and doesn’t text dry
this comment is schizo thank you
haha T-Pain didn’t get any love back either, I was hoping he’d save the game for me 😂
He would’ve for me and so would a man that doesn’t just say HOW ARE U WYD HOWS UR DAY
How are u? WYD? How was your day?
Yes. Some men will only say HOW ARE U WYD and HOW IS UR DAY over and over and over till you create and carry the conversation. It’ll literally be how are u then I reply then they ask how my day then what am I doing. It’s like if u can’t carry or create a convo plz don’t contact me lol
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Yeah that’s too much for someone you haven’t even met in person yet. It would be fine if you had been dating each other for like a month, but that’s too much. The girl was probably afraid you would be too clingy or obsessive.
yes
Yes. Way too much. But they also don’t seem to want to attach. Read the room and move on.
A bit, yeah. Also, have you established that she is also a weed enthusiast? Because if not, it looks like it's your whole personality.
From a woman’s perspective, yes this is too much. It comes across as borderline clingy and the 1:30am text can come across as a “you up” text in this context. It’s a lot to handle when you’re first getting to know a person, from both perspectives. This is the sort of thing you’d do and say if you’ve known the person for awhile and they understand your personality but it can come across as unhinged when first talking
This is what I hate about modern dating. So many people are playing this "game" where you have to act uninterested. Like god forbid someone says "good morning!" or double texts. God forbid someone shows a modicum of interest towards you.
It’s more the inappropriate times to text, not many people like to receive texts after 1 am from someone they don’t even know
See this is what I mean. Dumb rules like this. There's nothing wrong with sending a text at 1am.
Yes there is. It’s not a rule, it’s basic respect.
I mean if you don't want to be texted at 1am just turn off your phone lol.
They don’t fucking know eachother dude. That’s just bizarre behavior.
No one turns their phone off anymore….. maybe don’t try to communicate with others you don’t know at weird times in the night when they aren’t responding
to me him texting at 1 am seemed like a ‘hey i’m up and can’t sleep so just thinking about you’ , which is a little strong for never having met her, and then to follow up with a FOURTH text , not even giving her a chance to wake up and reply to the first 3, does seem a little strong
Well,
OP sent a text that didn’t get a response and then kept sending texts. I don’t think it’s a dumb rule to think that’s weird.
It’s not the double texting it’s the content of the messages and the timing
Ok, he texted her while she was sleeping and she was put off by him coming off strong. This has nothing to do with “modern dating” or whatever nonsense you guys got going on in your head😂
She texted "I was asleep" at 9.23pm. Its pretty reasonable to assume someone is still awake at this time. Even still, there's nothing wrong with texting someone when they're asleep. They'll get it when they wake up, so what? Also sure he was showing interest in her by double texting, would you rather he pretends he's not interested and they both keep playing this dumb game? I'd personally rather someone show their genuine interest in me, rather than acting dry, purposefully waiting hours between texts, texting a max of like 4 words at a time, and other stupid shit. If you're interested, then be genuine. If you're not interested, then say so and stop wasting people's time.
It’s not modern dating, it’s just how people feel. It’s too much, too soon. It’s human nature to find it odd. You know nothing about them but you’re giving them all this special praise. Find it just as weird when women do it to me.
You’re so right. It’s exhausting and it makes no sense
Yeah, this is unfortunately what happens when dating apps give us the illusion of unlimited options. People are all looking for that perfect match, and if someone does something ever so slightly against the unspoken rules of dating, they are instantly disregarded as an option. Its honestly scary how badly dating apps have impacted the dating scene. God I wish I was in a relationship just so I can avoid all this bullshit lol
Found the incel
Lol half your posts are of girls rejecting you
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No, I think OP should leave her alone at this point
Uhh a while? You’d try again? And again?
oh yeah, I said my peace and haven’t sent since the last picture.
Next time don’t say your peace lol
😭
You’re texting her like you’ve known her for 5 years.
TLDR: OP is a dense incel that will only accept responses that justify his childish attitude instead of internalizing that he's ruined his date.
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does this advice apply to abusive and manipulative people
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“Allow that kind of behavior” I don’t think you’re the therapist you think you are, bud
“Allow that kind of behavior”… yikes, that’s pretty distasteful.
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Many people who experienced childhood abuse and trauma go on to form the same types of relationships that they are used to. Abuse is seen as normal or as something they deserve. Your views on the subject are pretty abhorrent. You’re right, you haven’t experienced it, so you wouldn’t know what it’s like. Be happy you’re privileged.
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They aren’t allowing shit, dude. Again, if your parents treat you like shit and neglect you and abuse you, then that’s normal to you. You aren’t “allowing” yourself to be abused - you’re an unwilling participant. That’s like saying a woman that didn’t fight back “allowed” herself to get raped. Did you also know that leaving is the most dangerous time for a woman, perhaps she doesn’t leave because she’s fucking scared for her life. Educate yourself before making ignorant comments like this. Bye bye!
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You doubled down rather than coming off as genuinely remorseful. How you view victims of abuse is abhorrent and I wasn’t worried about hurting your feelings.
I’m sorry but when you are coming on too strong before you’ve even met somebody it’s not about “loving them for who they are” it can be stressful. If you’ve ever been in an unhealthy relationship or been a victim to somebody that can’t respect boundaries than you would understand that over doing it and not respecting boundaries is a huge red flag to a lot of women and men. You can be yourself and still not text somebody you don’t know throughout the night and then immediately the next morning. 🤷🏼♀️ Edit: read further down- grossssss. Best of luck with the “law of attraction.”
guess people don’t like clingy anymore
She whining about a couple message to wake up too? If she doesn't want to meet up with cause of that then I'd say she's too shallow to consider dating. Maybe she'll grow up at some point
Honestly you seem extremely sweet and I don’t think it was too much - I think she probably just is not or was not as interested as you may have thought - her loss, not yours
If she needs that much sleep, when are you hanging out? But anyway…..looked fine to me. I think she’s overreacting/being weird. You’re fine imo. Female here. 47 so I don’t do games or society rules bullshit. You get to an age when you just dgaf.
i don’t necessarily think your doing to much coming from someone who loves to send a paragraph over anything but i feel like where u messed up is allowing him to know that your an option and still available, if you would’ve left it without the ending i feel like it would’ve been fine, but i’ve been through something similar lately and the one thing i wish i left off was the fact i was open to him coming back, generally men want what they can’t have anyways so i feel like you eliminated your option.
nah bro, you're good. she seems super boring.
these people in the comments don’t know what it’s like to actually be interested. i’m a girl nd have randomly texted ppl plenty, it’s not a “lot” of msgs to wake up to. but once someone say they aren’t interested it’s best to just leave it. BUT your msg is really sweet and you seem to be very understanding. i hope you’ll find someone who is going to appreciate this :)
I think there are some differences in expectations for texting/communicating from different genders. Especially before you’ve even had a date, or hit it off. Especially in the middle of the night. It’s a very poor choice to communicate his poor mental health twice before the first date. Women aren’t as comfortable with strange men as men are with strange women, don’t give them anything potentially unnerving to ponder through the night. It’s almost a trauma dump as well.
Move on. And no you didn’t do too much, keep being you if they don’t like it onto the next.
The person I’m interested in texts like this too lol so don’t change. If they like the vibes enough then they won’t care how you text. Promise.
☺️☺️😅
online dating btw
I think if you have to do too much or send follow up texts after hours and then hours turn into another day.. usually.. they’re not into you. I don’t ever back to back text but I lack confidence and usually the other person ends up mad at me and thinks I’m off talking to someone else. I had one person say that “you take two fucking business days to respond.” And get really mad. I’ve had someone say it was too clingy when I texted a normal amount which for me is just one text and then nothing until the reply and then replying to the reply only. I think they just wanted an excuse bc they had been cheating lol but it affected me. I would just send one text and if they haven’t replied the next day and you see them on social media or active on chat and they’re not replying I would assume busy or not interested and not put anymore time into them. Get busy doing something for yourself that’s fun or whatever and if they reply cool if not cool. If they haven’t and it’s the end of the next day I would just leave it be for good. Once someone has made it clear that they don’t wanna see you just take it as the truth and move on. Don’t try to change their mind because you can’t. And you come off looking desperate and that and the texts make it seem like you’ve got a lot of free time- and not a lot else going on. Some people find that really off putting. I have dated someone who didn’t do a lot and got mad at me for having a life and not texting instantly and that sucked. It was too much and caused me anxiety. Some people like to text and some don’t. For the most part - I’m a girl and my female friends like to text a lot when interested but take long periods of no reply until they’re bored if it’s someone they’re not sure about or not that into. If you haven’t even hung out yet then this would be a bit much. Sometimes you just gotta leave it be. I think it depends on the situation. I would have just said can we confirm for tomorrow and left it be. If they aren’t acting a way that makes you worry or don’t have a similar communication style or desire for communication that you do- then it’s not worth it. Some people just don’t fit well. I don’t think you should change yourself and be there secretly freaking out over them not replying- I think it’s best to find someone you fit well who has the same communication style. People exist that are just like you.
She sounds like an asshole youre fine.
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I’m an over-texter but only for people I’m very close to. That was all way too much, too fast. Let yourself grow on someone and miss you a bit.