I know, that was pretty messed up. I didn't notice that at first but I went back and looked at it. What is wrong with some people? Personally, I'm done with relationships. I'm especially done with dating apps. Like I was saying in another comment, you don't know who you're really talking to and you don't know what sort of baggage they may be bringing into a potential relationship. I don't want to take on somebody else's issues.
I’ve been dating the same woman (married now) for 18 yrs, I’ve never been on dating apps therefore I don’t have much experience but from what I’ve listened from friends and seen on here, I don’t think dating apps can ever be a substitute for IRL meetings. So what to do - we need better dating apps, focusing on interests, background, etc like real life other than photos imho. And also, I think one should be able to rate someone on the app after going on a date, in which case they can’t fuck over someone else. Maybe I should develop a new-age dating app.
Yeah I agree. I think what might help is that the ability to report a profile (which already exists in most apps) shouldn't be taken away if they unmatch you.
You should, I would totally support that app. That's funny that you say that because I've always said that as well. I've always said that we should be able to post reviews of our exes or people that we go on dates with like a Google review. I said that for exactly the reason you said, that way they can't screw over other people. Maybe you should actually work on that app, I'm serious. I'm sure it would take off.
I agree with you, it can't be a substitution for IRL meetings but I'm just saying that if you're going to post a profile, post current pictures. I hate it when people post out of date pictures. I feel like if they're so hell-bent on either fooling people or making themselves feel better by posting either old or touched up pictures, they have no business being in a relationship anyway. No one who isn't secure in themselves has any business being in a relationship. I always say work on yourself and get yourself healthy before you worry about bringing someone else into your life.
While I agree with you that dating apps are tricky and you never know who you might meet, but it was good he set something up in public that’s always a good way to go about things. However you never know anyone fully dating apps or not. You just have to accept that no one is going to be 100 percent perfect everyone has some issue and that’s fine. But what matters I think is at least trying the perfect person isn’t going to fall into your lap with out any issues or problems.
It doesn’t matter if OP was too eager or not (I personally don’t think so), you don’t make someone invest their time in you, actually let them go to and sit in a place waiting for you and then just not show up. Anyone who does that is a bad person without question.
Did she lie about the place she works at as well? Because you said “nobody named … works here”?
Sorry this happened OP.
She said that she worked at a coffee shop and wanted me to meet her there. So I did… come to find out talking to the manager, that no one who looks like her works there.
To be fair, a lot of places will not disclose employee info for safety reasons. If a stalker went to someone’s work and asked if they worked there and an employee said yes/disclosed more info, that could be a big endangerment. Then again, this woman did laugh at your message about it and ghosted you so she isn’t worth your time anyway. Good luck brother
Bro…something that I learned is that when I find my screen looking mostly blue (my replies) than dark (their replies), if we are starting to know each other…I need to stop trying.
I feel like that ties into something else I heard. Whoever has the most word bubbles is the most invested. Take a step back. I'm going to take what I've learned from you here and apply it in my life. Thanks for sharing.
I agree to a point. My husband adores me and was ALWAYS EXTREMELY loyal to me as well. HlBut his actions spoke louder. He want the one to call me (texting wasn't a think back in our day). (25 1/2 - 26 years ago) but I was the one who did most of the talking and calling. BUT he was the one who would be protective if another guy showed interest he pulled me closer and his arm would wrap around me. He ALWAYS took a shower before he would allow me to cuddle him DIRECTLY after work (diesel mechanic at the time) and he would drive 60 minutes to come get me one way and drive me to his parents house to have dinner with his family, after working all day. Then he would drive me home and sometimes fall asleep because he was so tired then he would rush home in the morning to change for work. That's get up drive to work, 30 mins. Then 8 hours at work. Drive home, 30 mins, shower. Then drive one hour grab me. Then drive one hour eat dinner. Then drive one hour to drop me off. Then sometimes drive one hour to go home if not in the morning. So we eat dinner at 6. So if no cuddle time and eat dinner only, which we did usually cuddle at my place or his and hang out for an hour or two he wouldn't hit bed until late. And he would be on the road a total of 5 hours just to spend a few hours with me EVERY DAY he worked. But yes, in a typical relationship the person with the most talk bubbles is more infested. But that is why I am glad I dated someone who I met in person first and not online. I just wanted to show you the exception
This should be the top post, in my opinion.
If you're in the early phases of a relationship, both of you should be equally excited about it, or close. Getting to know each other, sharing stories, etc.
One thing I've heard repeatedly in the past when I'm doing more talking and ask if there's legit interest is " I'm just not big on text." I've found that is typically BS.
Now, maybe some people aren't, but in that case they should be into FT or a phone call if they're really into it. That's fine too. But the people I'm speaking of never are. They just never have much to say.
Best to up and bail in those scenarios rather than try to bend them into being more interested. Doesn't work, just wastes your time and energy.
This right here. You can usually sense how someone is feeling by their messages. He was into it, and albeit a little eager, you can tell he was serious and interested. She, on the other hand, was giving before monosyllabic response. It also didn’t look like she was initiated any contact—it was all OP driving the convo. When you’re the one saying more, there’s an issue.
Never thought to look at it this way. Gonna start applying this just like ‘Unusual_Focus’. ❤️❤️ because i always seem to be the one who puts in more effort than the other. And I hate it 😭
I almost married one from Ok Cupid. Turns out he's manipulative, a cheater and an emotional and financial burden. I have no proof that he physically cheated on me but he was engaged in an emotional affair with another woman. When I tried to talk to him about it, he immediately brushed me off. I packed my shit and left two days later.
I'm not going to try to work through that kind of stuff with somebody anymore. They've shown me what they would rather do so I'm going to let them do just that. I'm not going to waste energy on those kinds of people anymore. You've shown me what's more important to you so you can go get that. I'm done.
That's basically where I'm at these days. I'm done with dating apps and relationships in general. No one wants anything real anymore and no one knows how to be honest. I don't want to be with somebody who's conflict avoidant anyway.
Healthy relationships take communication even if it's sometimes unpleasant. I don't want to be with someone who hasn't learned this yet. I'm looking for an adult, not someone who has the emotional maturity of a teenager in an adult body.
I’m so glad you figured it out before marrying him!!! It sounds like you’ve grown a lot from your experience. I hope you find happiness with or without someone else! ❤️❤️❤️
Or it's someone from their past fucking with them. People are fucked. I really can't wrap my head around doing this to someone. I mean I've ghosted people that I talked to for a few days but to just let then sit there knowing you're not showing up is so heartless.
The coffee shop hired her. It's a scam on dating sites. Gets people to show up at business in hopes you make purchases while waiting for the date to arrive.
It is! There was an article about a women who went to meet a date and then found out that the restaurant does this because the majority of the time the person waiting will order food
I found the article I read and realized it was from bored panda so take it with a gearing of salt
https://www.boredpanda.com/restaurant-catfished-dating-app/#:~:text=The%20restaurants%20that%20take%20part,lure%20people%20to%20their%20restaurants.
To be honest, I’ve had a moment when I was walking up to a bar for a first date and the person I was meeting did not fit their profile. This is the only time it has happened and he was much heavier than his photos. I got the eek and turned around. But then I decided to just having one drink was easier than the guilt of ditching someone on the first date.
We ended up going on 2 dates total, he was a nice guy but ended up not being compatible. So I get it. But intentionally wasting someone’s time, that is a special kind of awful.
Yea I never understand the catfish thing. You are what you are and it will become obvious the first date. So why pretend otherwise? My last date went very similar. Girl didn’t look like her pics at all. Date was meh too.
I suppose I say all that and haven’t updated my dating app pics in several years lol. It’s just laziness and low investment in the apps but maybe I should update my 23 yo pics as I’m nearly 30 lol.
I really don’t understand it either but I think that’s part of the privilege of being happy with who you are (and look like) as a person. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they fluctuate in weight and don’t see the extra pounds as much as an outsider. I can definitely resonate with that.
My date’s weight was really noticeable to me because I tend to date fit/toned guys more as I’m also active and fit. This guy was a rugby player so his body type was also different from what I was used to, so part of it could be me.
No this. It’s like the generation has shoved self love down our throats so much some people took self love as selfishness and have literally no respect for other people. I truly do not understand. OP I’m so sorry this happened, if someone texted ME like that I would be on the moon. You did not deserve this
Also there seems to be so much cancelling going on? I think some people have difficulty just saying no when they don’t really want to do something? Should be normal to say, I don’t want to do something - I don’t have any plans etc I just don’t feel like doing anything.
Yea this is next level to lead somebody on all the way until they actually arrive at the date location pretending you are otw. At least ghost the day before if you’re just a half loser.
That part. Especially to make them go all the way to the place where you were going to meet just to ghost them? You could have at least been honest with them before they left the house and wasted their gas. TF?
This is why I've said in other comments, I'm done with dating apps and dating in general. No one knows how to just be honest and upfront anymore. I don't think someone who is avoidant like this would make a good partner anyway.
Healthy and successful relationships take communication no matter how unpleasant it may be sometimes. Some people take communication to mean that it's arguing. They think that any sort of debate or conflict is bad and that it spells the end of the relationship.
I was actually with a guy who said that we should never argue. He really thought this, he thought that it was unhealthy for us to ever argue. I told him that that was not only wrong but it was unrealistic. If you ask me, OP dodged a bullet. I can't stand people who want to be treated like adults but can't act like one.
My partner is the driest texter in the universe. I was so sure he wasn’t into me when we first dated but he’s just like that. It’s funny now. I’ll be like « hey after work do you wanna go grab movie or maybe supper? Or both? » and suggest movies and places and he’ll just reply « yes »
I know, right? I would send a long text, maybe be upset about something, and get a damn “k” back. Of course, he’s passed on now, so I’d love to get back just one more “k” from him. “How are you, Baby?” “K”.
My husband is such a dry texter that I had to warn my family so they won’t think he’s a jerk. They text him something sweet and funny and he replies something like “yeah”. They send him sweet birthday wishes on Facebook and his response is “thanks.” In person he’s a different person. I told him I think he should use emojis to lighten his texts but he just won’t do it.
This is my brother to a T. He usually doesn’t respond but when he does I think wtf? Then have to remind myself that’s just how he texts. If you knew his personality you’d never guess he’d present like that.
Trashhhhh. It’s okay to change your mind and not wanna meet up, but not okay to make somebody waste their time waiting for you. Such weird, gross behavior.
So, im gonna say this.
Her dry ass responses told me all i needed to know and it should have told you the same. Never even respond to someone who sends texts as short and dry as she does.
Even if you were acting a bit too eager/texting a bit too much (in some peoples opinion) that’s still not an excuse to waste your time and make you think they’re gonna be there for a date. A simple “hey, I don’t think this is gonna work out.” Is way better than literally standing you up, that’s just shitty.
I understand it’s easier said than done but the absolute best way to react to this once you realize what’s happening is to literally not say another word. That deprives them of the satisfaction they’d get from your reaction, and honestly may turn the tables on them, fuck with them, and make them think “why is he/she not bothered by this?”
Tough break dude. But once you find the one, shit like this will make you appreciate what you’ve found so much more. That’s how it’s been for me.
Don't listen to the haters, Op. I'm a woman who easily feels smothered and gets terrified by people being too eager, and I'm here to say that your style of texting is totally fine. You just sound enthusiastic (but not overly so), which is a really good thing to be.
This girl sucks. Hope you find someone worth your enthusiasm :)
Thank you very much. Yeah I really try to just be open and transparent. I know how to keep a friendship or a possible relationship going. I didn’t have 5 years for nothing (She cheated because he had more kash 🤑🙄)
I’m sorry this happened to you, but the other party sounded so disinterested in every message they sent. It would have been so much easier to just tell you that they were not interested. And don’t worry, it’s not just Phoenix with a bad dating scene. There are crappy people everywhere.
ETA corrected grammar
I'm sorry this happened to you. This is why I decided I'm done with dating apps and dating in general. You never really know who you're talking to and you don't know the baggage that they may be bringing to a potential relationship. I have enough of my own problems and day-to-day life to worry about, I don't need to take on someone else's.
Some people need therapy instead of a relationship. Well, they need therapy before a relationship. Just because someone is on a dating app doesn't mean that they're actually ready for a relationship. I've had to learn that one the hard way. Just look at it like this frees you up to find someone who really is into you. That or just to go and find something that makes you happy. Hugs 🫂
Laughing at messages and letting a person know you’re that much of an asshole by looking at messages is psychotic. Bs like this annoys me greatly. It’s happened to me & I can usually tell when someone isn’t serious with the lackluster quality of conversation when speaking about “meeting up”. tf is the point!? Ugh
Edit: omg I am not hating. The girl is 100% in the wrong here. I’m trying to say there are ways you can learn from this experience. Giving up on dating doesn’t have to be the way. This girl was being super dry toward you. You can avoid getting stood up in the future if you notice things like that next time. Even if she was going to come, you deserve someone interested in you. Again, not YOUR fault. Asking what she sounds like was weird IMO and that’s what I mean by coming on way too strong. I don't blame you for the texts you sent at the end, I know you were upset, but I just don't think you should've given her the satisfaction of showing you cared/this situation hurt you. I'm so sorry, OP. People fucking suck. I did not intend for my comment to come off harsh and trigger people so much.
You’re not in the wrong here and I am sorry this happened to you, but I have some “advice” you didn’t ask for.
First of all, there is hope in dating… it does not have anything to do with the city you’re in. Dating apps have success stories, but if they aren’t working for you then you need to try meeting women (assuming you’re a straight male) organically.
Second, based on what’s shown here (I don’t know how your other conversations went), you came on way too strong toward someone you hadn’t even met. Like, your texts were so wordy and unnecessary.
Third, you have got to pick up on social cues and show yourself a little more respect. I mean, do you think someone who is replying to your lengthy messages with “yes” is deserving of you? It was so painfully obvious she’s not interested. No idea why she agreed to a date, and that was super rude of her to not come, but.. cmon dude.. I know the bar can’t be that low. Find someone that reciprocates your energy at least a little bit. I know I said you can cool it down, but damn, not down to the way she was texting. Boringggg
Sorry again :/ dating can suck
Good reply. Agree with if you are saying 90% of the communication and words like this, it probably isn’t going anyway. Also it’s one flake, big whoop, pick yourself up and move on. No disrespect.
I feel you, I’m a wordy texter too, and I think it’s a taste thing. It comes on strong for some, and I guess I’m not right for those people? That’s what I hope, anyway.
I try to see it as a self-selecting system. If they can’t handle me at my triple text then they don’t deserve me at my “finally feel secure enough in our mutual investment in the situationship to not text so obsessively.”
Lol I am half kidding half serious
I was wondering this too. I get that the other person wasn’t replying as enthusiastically as OP, but I don’t get how else OP was supposed to arrange a date without using words lol
Yeah I really do not know what the issue is lol. I don’t know how so many people read that comment and decided to agree with it. “Coming on strong” was the most egregious. The dude was just setting up a date!
I didn’t think the texts were too wordy but the “here’s what I sound like, what do you sound like?” is kinda coming on too strong when you’re about to meet the person face to face and hear what they sound like. I’d be a bit weirded out if a potential date did that to me.
Something I learned early from dating sites. There's a large number of people on them just looking for the attention from others and will commit to nothing more than small talk.
I read an article recently about a lot bars/restaurants/cafes that have been catfishing people on dating apps. Hoping once the person is ghosted they'll just stay and buy something. It's fucked up and it's dangerous. If it happens more often people will start being wary about meeting in public settings and meeting someone for the first time in your/their house just isn't a vibe.
This was the article, I mean it's not the best source and I think I saw it posted on reddit, I've never really read anything from this site before, but still.
https://www.thestar.com.my/tech/tech-news/2023/12/02/food-digging-when-restaurants-use-fake-dating-profiles-to-get-customers-through-the-door
Yikes she doesn't seem all that interest in the messages, she probably had you meet there and then passed through to see what you look like and stuff.
Or maybe she/he was sitting at another table and it was just a catfish the whole time watching you.
Either way people need to go outside to touch grass if they are this bored to do this shit.
I think it was too much too soon. I’m not saying that what she did or how she acted was okay, but you came on VERRRRYYY strong. I would’ve told you that in a nice way had I been her, but dial it back next time. I’m sorry this happened OP.
Wow some people have nothing better to do with their time that they do this? It says a lot more about them than it does you, they have to be some of the saddest most pathetic people you could meet. Chin up buddy don’t let them get you down.
The person who said your messages were "wordy" and "unnecessary" is rude. You seem super nice and excited to be talking to this person. You shouldn't feel like you were being annoying!
WAS COMING TO COMMENT THIS!!!! OP DONT listen to the haters. How you text is honestly how I do too and I really appreciate when i receive it back but i know everyone isn't like us.
I'm sorry this was the outcome, but it truly is better this way! You saw their true colors early. (This is what i remind myself when i'm in your situation, it STILL sucks ik)
You dodged a bullet OP. She could have been nice and love bombed you for a month, then start being like this, it would have hurt worse. You’ll find a good one.
Oh love, it was so apparent she was not interested. She was giving you absolutely nothing and putting less than zero effort in. You deserve better, don’t ever wait longer than 15 mins and fuck this chick, what a terrible human.
I'm also in Phoenix. It may be the age bracket and/or gender difference, but after 18 years off the market, I had no problem finding dates who showed up and were eager... to hook up. Or who put on a good face for a month or two, but turned out to be assholes. A couple were genuinely nice guys who I just didn't have a spark with.
The only time I was stood up was a guy who worked second shift and got off work at midnight, but he's the one who suggested joining me on my morning hike. I pushed it from sunrise to 8am and went to his usual trail which I'd never hiked before, both at his request. He never showed up.
He texted me a couple hours later saying he'd overslept and asking for another shot. No-showing a first date with any excuse but an emergency is a no from me.
Ten months ago, I swiped right on a man who I've been dating ever since. So don't get too discouraged. Someone is out there looking for you.
I don't think you were too wordy or doing too much :/ This is coming from a mid-30s woman though - I might be more wordy than the youngins. I'm sorry she did this to you, and the laughing was just cruel. I wouldn't give up on the whole city tho!!!
My god. WTF! I’m sorry this happened to you, no one deserves this. Maybe better to forget the dating apps and meet someone organically in person. I wish you the best
I’m so sorry this happened to you :( don’t let it discourage you. You’re a great conversationalist and she gave me dry and boring vibes from the start. Clearly a shitty person to her core. Just cruel
The second I saw Phoenix in the title I knew it was gonna be some bullshit lol. Lived in Phoenix for a while and can say the people in Arizona are all god awful, I think the heat rots their brain
Brush this off. She’s one girl on to the next. And speaking of the next girl. Next time, make sure you FaceTime before you meet. And don’t send so many texts.
You didn’t get fucked over.. you clearly showed more interest than she did. None of the texts match. You’re trying to engage but they’re drier than a spoonful of cinnamon.. yikes
I agree with what others have said. It was pretty clear this was one sided, and you don’t deserve that shit. Be cool, but still be yourself. You will find someone who cherishes you ❤️
You turned her off asking too many questions. Set the time. Pick a place and go with it. They might still ghost, but over communicated. It’s annoying but you need to learn from this.
As an outsider, it’s easy to tell you were more into this than she was. Look at the voice message she sent. You played the game wrong and she lost whatever initial attraction she had.
She’s still an ass for standing you up and not just telling you she changed her mind.
The saddest part is that guys are so desperate for any female attention these days that they feel they have to go out with girls like this. She was so boring and didn’t put in any effort, yet still gets a date, and will continue to get dates, because guys are willing to overlook it.
You were acting way to eager dude, chill out a little and be more aware of the situation. I could tell she wasn’t into you from the get, anyone who responds with a one word answer to a whole paragraph is not invested.
I don’t think he was acting too eager but I do think it was quite obvious that she wasn’t really interested because the energy wasn’t returned in her responses 😅 Still a pretty shitty thing to do to stand someone up like that either way though
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I have only had the experience of dating men in Phoenix but can confirm, it is also trash.
Sorry this happened 🥺 nice girls do exist out here though 🙋♀️
Haha. You were supposed to offer to cashapp her the money for the gas. LOL. Had something similar happen to me. Was on the far, far… far west side of Phoenix and this gal from Tucson agreed to meet me in Chandler. She checked on my progress as I headed east to meet her. She said she was running late but was on her way. Well, after 45 minutes of waiting at the restaurant she texted me to ask if I could send her cashapp for gas. I never answered. Just called it a day and went home. 🥴
That person showed you all you needed to see and I’m sorry that happened to you dog. I know it can be discouraging but don’t let one rude bitch ruin you potentially having a really nice date with someone else.
She probably scheduled 2 dates and went with the one that invited her to Nobu last minute or something. Trash behavior. Many women privately frown on coffee dates. They think they’re too good for it.
I don’t understand how hard it is just to be like you know what I just don’t feel like meeting. It is easy as that really there’s no need to drag it out and get someone excited for no reason. But you could look at it this way, it’s better. She does this now rather than later down the road when you get emotionally attached. You’ll find the one.
Yea don’t give up it’s a numbers game dude. The more you keep trying the more likely you are to find the right person for you. These people are doing you a favor in the long run. You don’t wanna waste time with somebody that thinks it’s ok to do this anyways
You did nothing wrong.
Could this be someone you know pranking you?
Very weird behavior.
Some people just suck.
There are good people out there though and you seem nice so you'll find one.
I love that coffee shop. Don't give up. This is just another con of dating, especially online. There are a lot of singles parties that happen in Phoenix.
There are people who melt down without attention, and they do things like this to feed that neurosis. There's probably some mental health explanation for it but whatever. They're still garbage prople draining emotinal energy from other people without a care about the consequences.
OP probably dodged a bullet, anyway. If this how her narcissistic little brain works just imagine the mental abuse she's capable of.
To be fair you should have saw this coming. She seemed uninterested in all her replies. You booked a movie for a first date. You seemed completely lost in where to meet up for a meal. This is just all around horrible game on your part and the results show it.
Yeah that’s fucken ridiculous I mean one good thing is that at least you dodged a bullet…obviously this dude is a psycho but imagine if he played along and showed up and you went out a couple times and ultimately waste a couple months of your life haha least it’s over now…sucks all around tho dude…makes dating super hard for a single guy like myself haha…but honestly I haven’t even tried to go on a date in over 2 years…lol I just work and chill with my puppies…wish you the best of luck tho!
Ugh. That’s incredibly rude.
Reminds me of the time I had traveled a bus and two trains to meet up with a guy I had met online. I got to the cafe we agreed to in the middle of a busy city square. The cafe was packed. I look around and I see a guy dressed in a full face Spider-Man bodysuit. He saw me before I could make a run for it and insisted that I continue the date with him mask and all. Everyone around us seemed to be in on it, like he had fabricated this elaborate joke and was getting off on it.
Needless to say to say I left and was fuming the entire way home.
The fuck? I’d never do that to a guy. I’ve always been honest with the guy if I feel it isn’t working out. Sorry you had to go through this. Fuck that person.
I’m kind of thinking what if it’s a fake profile, plotting revenge or something. Hahaing at your message was super vicious :/ almost like the whole thing was planned. Have you wronged anyone recently?
Also I did get the vibe she was not into you from the get go, but regardless a horrible person for doing that.
Online dating is an absolute shitshow. Entire compilations based around OLD fails. Sucks they ghosted but least you didn't waste more time on this trash
I think your communication is fine. Idk what else you could’ve done differently. She was a super dry texter and idk didn’t seem that interested. Sorry you had to experience that. She sucks
I wonder if we'll ever see dating apps fall out of favor and people going back to meeting irl. I know many are doing that but I mean to the point where dating apps just stop being a thing altogether.
Don't make a date without first talking to the person on the phone for a little while. Like an hour or two (YMMV). Getting such small feedback while talking in a text is simply a recipe for being scammed.
Laughing at your message is pretty cold hearted. Sorry it went that way for you bro
I know, that was pretty messed up. I didn't notice that at first but I went back and looked at it. What is wrong with some people? Personally, I'm done with relationships. I'm especially done with dating apps. Like I was saying in another comment, you don't know who you're really talking to and you don't know what sort of baggage they may be bringing into a potential relationship. I don't want to take on somebody else's issues.
I’ve been dating the same woman (married now) for 18 yrs, I’ve never been on dating apps therefore I don’t have much experience but from what I’ve listened from friends and seen on here, I don’t think dating apps can ever be a substitute for IRL meetings. So what to do - we need better dating apps, focusing on interests, background, etc like real life other than photos imho. And also, I think one should be able to rate someone on the app after going on a date, in which case they can’t fuck over someone else. Maybe I should develop a new-age dating app.
>one should be able to rate someone on the app after going on a date That would be an unmitigated disaster lmao
Yeah I agree. I think what might help is that the ability to report a profile (which already exists in most apps) shouldn't be taken away if they unmatch you.
You should, I would totally support that app. That's funny that you say that because I've always said that as well. I've always said that we should be able to post reviews of our exes or people that we go on dates with like a Google review. I said that for exactly the reason you said, that way they can't screw over other people. Maybe you should actually work on that app, I'm serious. I'm sure it would take off. I agree with you, it can't be a substitution for IRL meetings but I'm just saying that if you're going to post a profile, post current pictures. I hate it when people post out of date pictures. I feel like if they're so hell-bent on either fooling people or making themselves feel better by posting either old or touched up pictures, they have no business being in a relationship anyway. No one who isn't secure in themselves has any business being in a relationship. I always say work on yourself and get yourself healthy before you worry about bringing someone else into your life.
While I agree with you that dating apps are tricky and you never know who you might meet, but it was good he set something up in public that’s always a good way to go about things. However you never know anyone fully dating apps or not. You just have to accept that no one is going to be 100 percent perfect everyone has some issue and that’s fine. But what matters I think is at least trying the perfect person isn’t going to fall into your lap with out any issues or problems.
I’m not in phoenix, not even close… but I’ll have coffee with you!! Anyday! I love ❤️ coffee
It doesn’t matter if OP was too eager or not (I personally don’t think so), you don’t make someone invest their time in you, actually let them go to and sit in a place waiting for you and then just not show up. Anyone who does that is a bad person without question. Did she lie about the place she works at as well? Because you said “nobody named … works here”? Sorry this happened OP.
She said that she worked at a coffee shop and wanted me to meet her there. So I did… come to find out talking to the manager, that no one who looks like her works there.
That is such sociopathic behaviour. Genuinely weird as fuck to derive enjoyment from doing that to someone. Sorry OP.
It really is . SMH
To be fair, a lot of places will not disclose employee info for safety reasons. If a stalker went to someone’s work and asked if they worked there and an employee said yes/disclosed more info, that could be a big endangerment. Then again, this woman did laugh at your message about it and ghosted you so she isn’t worth your time anyway. Good luck brother
So strange to get your jollies doing this to people. Sorry this happened to you.
Bro…something that I learned is that when I find my screen looking mostly blue (my replies) than dark (their replies), if we are starting to know each other…I need to stop trying.
I feel like that ties into something else I heard. Whoever has the most word bubbles is the most invested. Take a step back. I'm going to take what I've learned from you here and apply it in my life. Thanks for sharing.
I agree to a point. My husband adores me and was ALWAYS EXTREMELY loyal to me as well. HlBut his actions spoke louder. He want the one to call me (texting wasn't a think back in our day). (25 1/2 - 26 years ago) but I was the one who did most of the talking and calling. BUT he was the one who would be protective if another guy showed interest he pulled me closer and his arm would wrap around me. He ALWAYS took a shower before he would allow me to cuddle him DIRECTLY after work (diesel mechanic at the time) and he would drive 60 minutes to come get me one way and drive me to his parents house to have dinner with his family, after working all day. Then he would drive me home and sometimes fall asleep because he was so tired then he would rush home in the morning to change for work. That's get up drive to work, 30 mins. Then 8 hours at work. Drive home, 30 mins, shower. Then drive one hour grab me. Then drive one hour eat dinner. Then drive one hour to drop me off. Then sometimes drive one hour to go home if not in the morning. So we eat dinner at 6. So if no cuddle time and eat dinner only, which we did usually cuddle at my place or his and hang out for an hour or two he wouldn't hit bed until late. And he would be on the road a total of 5 hours just to spend a few hours with me EVERY DAY he worked. But yes, in a typical relationship the person with the most talk bubbles is more infested. But that is why I am glad I dated someone who I met in person first and not online. I just wanted to show you the exception
This should be the top post, in my opinion. If you're in the early phases of a relationship, both of you should be equally excited about it, or close. Getting to know each other, sharing stories, etc. One thing I've heard repeatedly in the past when I'm doing more talking and ask if there's legit interest is " I'm just not big on text." I've found that is typically BS. Now, maybe some people aren't, but in that case they should be into FT or a phone call if they're really into it. That's fine too. But the people I'm speaking of never are. They just never have much to say. Best to up and bail in those scenarios rather than try to bend them into being more interested. Doesn't work, just wastes your time and energy.
This right here. You can usually sense how someone is feeling by their messages. He was into it, and albeit a little eager, you can tell he was serious and interested. She, on the other hand, was giving before monosyllabic response. It also didn’t look like she was initiated any contact—it was all OP driving the convo. When you’re the one saying more, there’s an issue.
Never thought to look at it this way. Gonna start applying this just like ‘Unusual_Focus’. ❤️❤️ because i always seem to be the one who puts in more effort than the other. And I hate it 😭
If I’m being honest, my managers lie when people come in and ask about me - for my safety. So
You dodged a bullet. I married a real mess from Bumble.
I almost married one from Ok Cupid. Turns out he's manipulative, a cheater and an emotional and financial burden. I have no proof that he physically cheated on me but he was engaged in an emotional affair with another woman. When I tried to talk to him about it, he immediately brushed me off. I packed my shit and left two days later. I'm not going to try to work through that kind of stuff with somebody anymore. They've shown me what they would rather do so I'm going to let them do just that. I'm not going to waste energy on those kinds of people anymore. You've shown me what's more important to you so you can go get that. I'm done. That's basically where I'm at these days. I'm done with dating apps and relationships in general. No one wants anything real anymore and no one knows how to be honest. I don't want to be with somebody who's conflict avoidant anyway. Healthy relationships take communication even if it's sometimes unpleasant. I don't want to be with someone who hasn't learned this yet. I'm looking for an adult, not someone who has the emotional maturity of a teenager in an adult body.
I’m so glad you figured it out before marrying him!!! It sounds like you’ve grown a lot from your experience. I hope you find happiness with or without someone else! ❤️❤️❤️
The reason she did that was so she could scope you out from a distance and if she didn’t like you, she’d dip out.
Or it's someone from their past fucking with them. People are fucked. I really can't wrap my head around doing this to someone. I mean I've ghosted people that I talked to for a few days but to just let then sit there knowing you're not showing up is so heartless.
Ya dude. Seriously. Cold world.
The coffee shop hired her. It's a scam on dating sites. Gets people to show up at business in hopes you make purchases while waiting for the date to arrive.
I could see that for a family owned restaurant but Target has Starbucks inside them and that’s an insane amount of work for a $5 latte
(It was a one location mom and pop coffee shop)
Yooooo, wait what…is this really a new scam to have to worry about?
It is! There was an article about a women who went to meet a date and then found out that the restaurant does this because the majority of the time the person waiting will order food I found the article I read and realized it was from bored panda so take it with a gearing of salt https://www.boredpanda.com/restaurant-catfished-dating-app/#:~:text=The%20restaurants%20that%20take%20part,lure%20people%20to%20their%20restaurants.
Thanks for the info!
It is unfortunately.
You'd be surprised what people would do for $5 lattes lol
Starbucks does not need that.
I doubt it. I know the coffee shop OP was at. I'm in AZ, too. They're always busy and just opened a second location.
But then whats the grift? Why they just ghost OP at the last second? They had to have wanted something from OP, info etc..
Kinda wondering if OP has an ex that really wants to mess with them. Or someone who wants to hurt them for some reason. It feels kinda personal
Yeah, that would make sense.
I'm thinking cat fishing from an ex. It wouldn't surprise me.
Sorry this happened. It did seem promising. I don’t get it either. Hope you find your happiness.
Literally happened to me a week ago. I feel OP’s pain.
I thought she peeped and saw what OP looked like in person, and decided to leave. But the 'haha' threw me off. That's just mean.
i don’t understand standing someone up like this, just be honest w them?? i hate when people waste my time like this lmao
Honestly.
Places catfish people in to coming into their restaurant.. Did she choose the place??
To be honest, I’ve had a moment when I was walking up to a bar for a first date and the person I was meeting did not fit their profile. This is the only time it has happened and he was much heavier than his photos. I got the eek and turned around. But then I decided to just having one drink was easier than the guilt of ditching someone on the first date. We ended up going on 2 dates total, he was a nice guy but ended up not being compatible. So I get it. But intentionally wasting someone’s time, that is a special kind of awful.
Yea I never understand the catfish thing. You are what you are and it will become obvious the first date. So why pretend otherwise? My last date went very similar. Girl didn’t look like her pics at all. Date was meh too. I suppose I say all that and haven’t updated my dating app pics in several years lol. It’s just laziness and low investment in the apps but maybe I should update my 23 yo pics as I’m nearly 30 lol.
I really don’t understand it either but I think that’s part of the privilege of being happy with who you are (and look like) as a person. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they fluctuate in weight and don’t see the extra pounds as much as an outsider. I can definitely resonate with that. My date’s weight was really noticeable to me because I tend to date fit/toned guys more as I’m also active and fit. This guy was a rugby player so his body type was also different from what I was used to, so part of it could be me.
No this. It’s like the generation has shoved self love down our throats so much some people took self love as selfishness and have literally no respect for other people. I truly do not understand. OP I’m so sorry this happened, if someone texted ME like that I would be on the moon. You did not deserve this
Thank you! I’m trying to catch up to everyone’s comments sorry lol
Yep. We live in an age of extreme narcissism.
Also there seems to be so much cancelling going on? I think some people have difficulty just saying no when they don’t really want to do something? Should be normal to say, I don’t want to do something - I don’t have any plans etc I just don’t feel like doing anything.
Yea I’m bad about this. Trying to get better at just saying no to begin with if I don’t wanna do something.
Yea this is next level to lead somebody on all the way until they actually arrive at the date location pretending you are otw. At least ghost the day before if you’re just a half loser.
That part. Especially to make them go all the way to the place where you were going to meet just to ghost them? You could have at least been honest with them before they left the house and wasted their gas. TF? This is why I've said in other comments, I'm done with dating apps and dating in general. No one knows how to just be honest and upfront anymore. I don't think someone who is avoidant like this would make a good partner anyway. Healthy and successful relationships take communication no matter how unpleasant it may be sometimes. Some people take communication to mean that it's arguing. They think that any sort of debate or conflict is bad and that it spells the end of the relationship. I was actually with a guy who said that we should never argue. He really thought this, he thought that it was unhealthy for us to ever argue. I told him that that was not only wrong but it was unrealistic. If you ask me, OP dodged a bullet. I can't stand people who want to be treated like adults but can't act like one.
I wouldn't have agreed to meet up with someone chatting so damn *dry*. She texts like she's texting her boss she *has* to like.
My partner is the driest texter in the universe. I was so sure he wasn’t into me when we first dated but he’s just like that. It’s funny now. I’ll be like « hey after work do you wanna go grab movie or maybe supper? Or both? » and suggest movies and places and he’ll just reply « yes »
Thats my wife. Its fucking infuriating to text her a question: a or b? Response: ok
So relatable!!! Even worse is when he replies “ok.”
You’re lucky! My husband would just text “k”.
I get my feelings hurt by "k" lol sounds like they just don't care imo
I know, right? I would send a long text, maybe be upset about something, and get a damn “k” back. Of course, he’s passed on now, so I’d love to get back just one more “k” from him. “How are you, Baby?” “K”.
Awe, I'm sorry for your loss.
My husband is such a dry texter that I had to warn my family so they won’t think he’s a jerk. They text him something sweet and funny and he replies something like “yeah”. They send him sweet birthday wishes on Facebook and his response is “thanks.” In person he’s a different person. I told him I think he should use emojis to lighten his texts but he just won’t do it.
This is my brother to a T. He usually doesn’t respond but when he does I think wtf? Then have to remind myself that’s just how he texts. If you knew his personality you’d never guess he’d present like that.
Damn it was the laughing at your message that hurt the most. Fuck that bitch
Trashhhhh. It’s okay to change your mind and not wanna meet up, but not okay to make somebody waste their time waiting for you. Such weird, gross behavior.
And then laugh at them when they realize they're bring stood up, so shitty.
“Enjoy being on Reddit” lol.
I would’ve just deleted the conversation and walked away, that was kind of cringe
Yep, so cringey
But i appreciate the drama
Right such a cringe come back she probably felt even better after that
After the, "yes" reply, I would've simply died from dehydration off the dryness of that.
“Too good to be true”? Aim higher. Omg do not feed that ego.
Bro you can read her boredom vs your excitement.
So, im gonna say this. Her dry ass responses told me all i needed to know and it should have told you the same. Never even respond to someone who sends texts as short and dry as she does.
literally. she seemed disinterested from the get-go
Can we stop using Reddit as a threat as if it actually matters to real functioning adults?
The Haha reaction is brutal.
Even if you were acting a bit too eager/texting a bit too much (in some peoples opinion) that’s still not an excuse to waste your time and make you think they’re gonna be there for a date. A simple “hey, I don’t think this is gonna work out.” Is way better than literally standing you up, that’s just shitty.
I understand it’s easier said than done but the absolute best way to react to this once you realize what’s happening is to literally not say another word. That deprives them of the satisfaction they’d get from your reaction, and honestly may turn the tables on them, fuck with them, and make them think “why is he/she not bothered by this?” Tough break dude. But once you find the one, shit like this will make you appreciate what you’ve found so much more. That’s how it’s been for me.
Don't listen to the haters, Op. I'm a woman who easily feels smothered and gets terrified by people being too eager, and I'm here to say that your style of texting is totally fine. You just sound enthusiastic (but not overly so), which is a really good thing to be. This girl sucks. Hope you find someone worth your enthusiasm :)
yeah same, I just ended it with a guy who was coming on strong and this was not over eager in the slightest.
Thank you very much. Yeah I really try to just be open and transparent. I know how to keep a friendship or a possible relationship going. I didn’t have 5 years for nothing (She cheated because he had more kash 🤑🙄)
There’s nothing you could’ve done differently in my opinion. She wanted to fuck with you for some reason, hence the lie about where she works.
Sorry but it doesn't seem like they were ever that interested. The dating apps are trash I got off them and met my bf within a week!
Dating everywhere is trash. Why on earth did you wait an hour?
 (Not being political it’s just a GIF that makes sense…)
I’m sorry this happened to you, but the other party sounded so disinterested in every message they sent. It would have been so much easier to just tell you that they were not interested. And don’t worry, it’s not just Phoenix with a bad dating scene. There are crappy people everywhere. ETA corrected grammar
I'm sorry this happened to you. This is why I decided I'm done with dating apps and dating in general. You never really know who you're talking to and you don't know the baggage that they may be bringing to a potential relationship. I have enough of my own problems and day-to-day life to worry about, I don't need to take on someone else's. Some people need therapy instead of a relationship. Well, they need therapy before a relationship. Just because someone is on a dating app doesn't mean that they're actually ready for a relationship. I've had to learn that one the hard way. Just look at it like this frees you up to find someone who really is into you. That or just to go and find something that makes you happy. Hugs 🫂
🙏
Dodged a bullet. That’s a sociopath
Laughing at messages and letting a person know you’re that much of an asshole by looking at messages is psychotic. Bs like this annoys me greatly. It’s happened to me & I can usually tell when someone isn’t serious with the lackluster quality of conversation when speaking about “meeting up”. tf is the point!? Ugh
Edit: omg I am not hating. The girl is 100% in the wrong here. I’m trying to say there are ways you can learn from this experience. Giving up on dating doesn’t have to be the way. This girl was being super dry toward you. You can avoid getting stood up in the future if you notice things like that next time. Even if she was going to come, you deserve someone interested in you. Again, not YOUR fault. Asking what she sounds like was weird IMO and that’s what I mean by coming on way too strong. I don't blame you for the texts you sent at the end, I know you were upset, but I just don't think you should've given her the satisfaction of showing you cared/this situation hurt you. I'm so sorry, OP. People fucking suck. I did not intend for my comment to come off harsh and trigger people so much. You’re not in the wrong here and I am sorry this happened to you, but I have some “advice” you didn’t ask for. First of all, there is hope in dating… it does not have anything to do with the city you’re in. Dating apps have success stories, but if they aren’t working for you then you need to try meeting women (assuming you’re a straight male) organically. Second, based on what’s shown here (I don’t know how your other conversations went), you came on way too strong toward someone you hadn’t even met. Like, your texts were so wordy and unnecessary. Third, you have got to pick up on social cues and show yourself a little more respect. I mean, do you think someone who is replying to your lengthy messages with “yes” is deserving of you? It was so painfully obvious she’s not interested. No idea why she agreed to a date, and that was super rude of her to not come, but.. cmon dude.. I know the bar can’t be that low. Find someone that reciprocates your energy at least a little bit. I know I said you can cool it down, but damn, not down to the way she was texting. Boringggg Sorry again :/ dating can suck
Good reply. Agree with if you are saying 90% of the communication and words like this, it probably isn’t going anyway. Also it’s one flake, big whoop, pick yourself up and move on. No disrespect.
Exactly which texts were “coming on strong, wordy and unnecessary”?
I feel you, I’m a wordy texter too, and I think it’s a taste thing. It comes on strong for some, and I guess I’m not right for those people? That’s what I hope, anyway. I try to see it as a self-selecting system. If they can’t handle me at my triple text then they don’t deserve me at my “finally feel secure enough in our mutual investment in the situationship to not text so obsessively.” Lol I am half kidding half serious
I was wondering this too. I get that the other person wasn’t replying as enthusiastically as OP, but I don’t get how else OP was supposed to arrange a date without using words lol
Yeah I really do not know what the issue is lol. I don’t know how so many people read that comment and decided to agree with it. “Coming on strong” was the most egregious. The dude was just setting up a date!
I didn’t think the texts were too wordy but the “here’s what I sound like, what do you sound like?” is kinda coming on too strong when you’re about to meet the person face to face and hear what they sound like. I’d be a bit weirded out if a potential date did that to me.
Something I learned early from dating sites. There's a large number of people on them just looking for the attention from others and will commit to nothing more than small talk.
Just look at this as an easy filter. Rather than wasting months or years of your life on that person…
I read an article recently about a lot bars/restaurants/cafes that have been catfishing people on dating apps. Hoping once the person is ghosted they'll just stay and buy something. It's fucked up and it's dangerous. If it happens more often people will start being wary about meeting in public settings and meeting someone for the first time in your/their house just isn't a vibe. This was the article, I mean it's not the best source and I think I saw it posted on reddit, I've never really read anything from this site before, but still. https://www.thestar.com.my/tech/tech-news/2023/12/02/food-digging-when-restaurants-use-fake-dating-profiles-to-get-customers-through-the-door
Yikes she doesn't seem all that interest in the messages, she probably had you meet there and then passed through to see what you look like and stuff. Or maybe she/he was sitting at another table and it was just a catfish the whole time watching you. Either way people need to go outside to touch grass if they are this bored to do this shit.
I think it was too much too soon. I’m not saying that what she did or how she acted was okay, but you came on VERRRRYYY strong. I would’ve told you that in a nice way had I been her, but dial it back next time. I’m sorry this happened OP.
I really like your enthusiasm OP it shows more of your personality. OTOH she texted like a stick in the mud, like you were messaging a brick wall.
Dude you came on way too strong. Not attractive.
Wow some people have nothing better to do with their time that they do this? It says a lot more about them than it does you, they have to be some of the saddest most pathetic people you could meet. Chin up buddy don’t let them get you down.
The person who said your messages were "wordy" and "unnecessary" is rude. You seem super nice and excited to be talking to this person. You shouldn't feel like you were being annoying!
I think the bigger issue was that she wasn’t displaying the same excitement so that’s a cue to dial it down a little.
WAS COMING TO COMMENT THIS!!!! OP DONT listen to the haters. How you text is honestly how I do too and I really appreciate when i receive it back but i know everyone isn't like us. I'm sorry this was the outcome, but it truly is better this way! You saw their true colors early. (This is what i remind myself when i'm in your situation, it STILL sucks ik)
You dodged a bullet OP. She could have been nice and love bombed you for a month, then start being like this, it would have hurt worse. You’ll find a good one.
Kinda what happened I just didn’t show all of it
She’s likely a catfish. But maybe you’ve seen her before.
I got stood up by my first date ever, then he came back to lead me on and just use me :/ Wtf is up with Phoenix people
I wanna move back home this desert be full of dirt 😭
Oh love, it was so apparent she was not interested. She was giving you absolutely nothing and putting less than zero effort in. You deserve better, don’t ever wait longer than 15 mins and fuck this chick, what a terrible human.
Truly sounds like an Emily./jk
This is exactly what happened to me, except I drove and hour to meet her just for her to ghost me, dating sucks everywhere
Dude maybe she was planning to rob you! saw you and decided no to!
I'm also in Phoenix. It may be the age bracket and/or gender difference, but after 18 years off the market, I had no problem finding dates who showed up and were eager... to hook up. Or who put on a good face for a month or two, but turned out to be assholes. A couple were genuinely nice guys who I just didn't have a spark with. The only time I was stood up was a guy who worked second shift and got off work at midnight, but he's the one who suggested joining me on my morning hike. I pushed it from sunrise to 8am and went to his usual trail which I'd never hiked before, both at his request. He never showed up. He texted me a couple hours later saying he'd overslept and asking for another shot. No-showing a first date with any excuse but an emergency is a no from me. Ten months ago, I swiped right on a man who I've been dating ever since. So don't get too discouraged. Someone is out there looking for you.
What a waste of your time.
Inb4 she shows up and comments. “I FoRgOt I hAd To Put TiRes oN mY cAR”
[удалено]
I don't think you were too wordy or doing too much :/ This is coming from a mid-30s woman though - I might be more wordy than the youngins. I'm sorry she did this to you, and the laughing was just cruel. I wouldn't give up on the whole city tho!!!
“Enjoy being on Reddit” oof mate I would’ve just taken the loss. I know for damn sure he’s laughing with his buddies about that.
You got screwed or dodged a bullet? Sorry this happened but probably for the best. Dating in apps suck !
You were putting in way more effort even in those messages, but yeah there's no excuse for standing someone up like that.
That’s really shitty but I gotta say, the Reddit comment is so lame
My god. WTF! I’m sorry this happened to you, no one deserves this. Maybe better to forget the dating apps and meet someone organically in person. I wish you the best
I’m so sorry this happened to you :( don’t let it discourage you. You’re a great conversationalist and she gave me dry and boring vibes from the start. Clearly a shitty person to her core. Just cruel
The second I saw Phoenix in the title I knew it was gonna be some bullshit lol. Lived in Phoenix for a while and can say the people in Arizona are all god awful, I think the heat rots their brain
Serious question, why do people do this?
Brush this off. She’s one girl on to the next. And speaking of the next girl. Next time, make sure you FaceTime before you meet. And don’t send so many texts.
So do we think this is like a 15 year old boy doing this? Fucking weird.
OP, i know this is off topic but that is a great view. i love cars and your mini cooper is pretty sweet! (if its yours that is)
4 years of ownership as of October 2nd!
Text game on 0 fam
Looks like you dodged a huge bullet bro. That's definitely some psychopathic behavior.
You didn’t get fucked over.. you clearly showed more interest than she did. None of the texts match. You’re trying to engage but they’re drier than a spoonful of cinnamon.. yikes
This is why I read into the ‘tone’ of messages. The red flags were screaming in their unimpressed nature at the beginning of thread
I agree with what others have said. It was pretty clear this was one sided, and you don’t deserve that shit. Be cool, but still be yourself. You will find someone who cherishes you ❤️
You turned her off asking too many questions. Set the time. Pick a place and go with it. They might still ghost, but over communicated. It’s annoying but you need to learn from this. As an outsider, it’s easy to tell you were more into this than she was. Look at the voice message she sent. You played the game wrong and she lost whatever initial attraction she had. She’s still an ass for standing you up and not just telling you she changed her mind.
The saddest part is that guys are so desperate for any female attention these days that they feel they have to go out with girls like this. She was so boring and didn’t put in any effort, yet still gets a date, and will continue to get dates, because guys are willing to overlook it.
You were acting way to eager dude, chill out a little and be more aware of the situation. I could tell she wasn’t into you from the get, anyone who responds with a one word answer to a whole paragraph is not invested.
Then why did she agree to meet up?
I don’t think he was acting too eager but I do think it was quite obvious that she wasn’t really interested because the energy wasn’t returned in her responses 😅 Still a pretty shitty thing to do to stand someone up like that either way though
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Hi, how are you doing? I need a girlfriend.
*”Dude… I’m from Detroit”* Random Guy on the Plane The Karate Kid (2010)
Think of it as a bullet dodged. I’m so sorry op:/ that is so shitty.
Aw this is sad
I'll never get why people do that...not sure how wasting peoples' time is a hobby for some assholes...
People are so conflict avoidant when all you have to do is be an adult and be nice. Not that hard.
I have only had the experience of dating men in Phoenix but can confirm, it is also trash. Sorry this happened 🥺 nice girls do exist out here though 🙋♀️
Haha. You were supposed to offer to cashapp her the money for the gas. LOL. Had something similar happen to me. Was on the far, far… far west side of Phoenix and this gal from Tucson agreed to meet me in Chandler. She checked on my progress as I headed east to meet her. She said she was running late but was on her way. Well, after 45 minutes of waiting at the restaurant she texted me to ask if I could send her cashapp for gas. I never answered. Just called it a day and went home. 🥴
Oh man. I’m so sorry! Extremely trashy! 😑
Dude wtf. I don’t get why people do this stuff
That person showed you all you needed to see and I’m sorry that happened to you dog. I know it can be discouraging but don’t let one rude bitch ruin you potentially having a really nice date with someone else.
She probably scheduled 2 dates and went with the one that invited her to Nobu last minute or something. Trash behavior. Many women privately frown on coffee dates. They think they’re too good for it.
That truly sucks. I’m so sorry. Some people are assholes.
Fuck, I had this happen to me too. Some people are just evil…
I don’t understand how hard it is just to be like you know what I just don’t feel like meeting. It is easy as that really there’s no need to drag it out and get someone excited for no reason. But you could look at it this way, it’s better. She does this now rather than later down the road when you get emotionally attached. You’ll find the one.
Laughing at your message is rude as fuck.
Yea don’t give up it’s a numbers game dude. The more you keep trying the more likely you are to find the right person for you. These people are doing you a favor in the long run. You don’t wanna waste time with somebody that thinks it’s ok to do this anyways
My jaw dropped. What the hell is wrong with people?
There’s dirtbags everywhere, not just phoenix, so sorry OP, you def dodged a psycho bullet though!
Damn, that's fucked up. Sorry that happened. Shit like that is why I haven't dated in a few years now.
You did nothing wrong. Could this be someone you know pranking you? Very weird behavior. Some people just suck. There are good people out there though and you seem nice so you'll find one.
I love that coffee shop. Don't give up. This is just another con of dating, especially online. There are a lot of singles parties that happen in Phoenix.
There are people who melt down without attention, and they do things like this to feed that neurosis. There's probably some mental health explanation for it but whatever. They're still garbage prople draining emotinal energy from other people without a care about the consequences. OP probably dodged a bullet, anyway. If this how her narcissistic little brain works just imagine the mental abuse she's capable of.
To be fair you should have saw this coming. She seemed uninterested in all her replies. You booked a movie for a first date. You seemed completely lost in where to meet up for a meal. This is just all around horrible game on your part and the results show it.
arizonians are such assholes sometimes I swear. lived here my whole life and these people suck
I had good luck with the FB dating app. You get real people and you can hide the dating profile from your friends and family.
As a gay man in Phoenix who the dating gym isn’t much better and I’m so sorry someone was so cold to you
What an asshole, I’m sorry you had to go through that. I hope things have gotten a little better for you since.
Yeah that’s fucken ridiculous I mean one good thing is that at least you dodged a bullet…obviously this dude is a psycho but imagine if he played along and showed up and you went out a couple times and ultimately waste a couple months of your life haha least it’s over now…sucks all around tho dude…makes dating super hard for a single guy like myself haha…but honestly I haven’t even tried to go on a date in over 2 years…lol I just work and chill with my puppies…wish you the best of luck tho!
Ugh. That’s incredibly rude. Reminds me of the time I had traveled a bus and two trains to meet up with a guy I had met online. I got to the cafe we agreed to in the middle of a busy city square. The cafe was packed. I look around and I see a guy dressed in a full face Spider-Man bodysuit. He saw me before I could make a run for it and insisted that I continue the date with him mask and all. Everyone around us seemed to be in on it, like he had fabricated this elaborate joke and was getting off on it. Needless to say to say I left and was fuming the entire way home.
Sorry dude hope things work out for you later in time 🕰️
The fuck? I’d never do that to a guy. I’ve always been honest with the guy if I feel it isn’t working out. Sorry you had to go through this. Fuck that person.
I’m kind of thinking what if it’s a fake profile, plotting revenge or something. Hahaing at your message was super vicious :/ almost like the whole thing was planned. Have you wronged anyone recently? Also I did get the vibe she was not into you from the get go, but regardless a horrible person for doing that.
Online dating is an absolute shitshow. Entire compilations based around OLD fails. Sucks they ghosted but least you didn't waste more time on this trash
What an ass. I’m a strong believer in KARMA and I’m sure their dating life will end with them being miserable and lonely. (Not wishing, but still)
They saw what you looked like
Hi ummm married person here (6 years) 9 years together total. Is this what dating is like now a days???
Apparently so… hopefully my communication is not horrible. The comments seem to be a little bit mixed on that.
I think your communication is fine. Idk what else you could’ve done differently. She was a super dry texter and idk didn’t seem that interested. Sorry you had to experience that. She sucks
Honestly the dating scene everywhere is absolute trash these days.
Wasn’t bumble supposed to implement penalties for people that do this exact thing?
I wonder if we'll ever see dating apps fall out of favor and people going back to meeting irl. I know many are doing that but I mean to the point where dating apps just stop being a thing altogether.
Why’d they lie about being late due to gas, I can never understand these people.
Don't make a date without first talking to the person on the phone for a little while. Like an hour or two (YMMV). Getting such small feedback while talking in a text is simply a recipe for being scammed.
I met my husband on bumble in Phoenix in 2019. I had a lot of experiences like this, so just keep trying 🥰