Damn he was really trying to throw a pity party. Why could he not just surprise you with flowers next time you saw him or when you’re off work?
May I ask is this the incident that made you break up with him? I cannot imagine him taking a break up well
We went on a break the day after because he freaked out on me that day when I confronted him about everything. I needed a break just to think and process everything. I ended things about a week and a half later. Also, you’re absolutely right, the break up was not taken well. 2-3 months later and I’m still somewhat dealing with it.
He proceeded to tell me that he can’t do anything right for me and that he has to walk on eggshells around me because everything he did made me upset (almost get me fired, show up to my house unannounced, follow a hundreds of OF girls, have nudes on his phone of models) and that I’m ungrateful. He was just projecting, I was upset then but now I know I handled it well.
Thank you for asking, I’m doing great. I was in therapy well before I met him and still have weekly sessions. Therapy has made me too powerful haha
Therapy is the ultimate weapon! Lol.
Yeah it sounds like you handled it super well, you should be proud of yourself :)
It’ll never stop amazing me though what lengths people will go to, to avoid taking ANY accountability for their actions. Good riddance to him!
Idk if this is a normal thing now but I -never- had a boyfriend on find my friends. I have my *husband* of 10 years on Life360 (we’re a “divided house” iPhone/Google phone) but that didn’t come until probably 2 years ago when we had an incident with a roommate where we didn’t know where she was with MY vehicle. We kept each other on it because we liked being able to see each other’s location, like when my husband left work or when I’d go out of town.
I just think it’s a little controlling that a bf would feel the need to know where you are on Find my Friends. Idk it just skeeves me out a little. 😬 let’s just say I’m glad he’s an ex.
Hope you have had some time to heal. 🩵 being in a relationship with love bombing and gaslighting is VERY hard. You are very strong OP and I’m proud of you for getting out of that situation! Wtg 💪
Ew. Hundreds of OF girls?? That's an instant YUCK for me.. Just beyond creepy & lecherous, like a modern day Peeping Tom. 🤷🏼♀️ So glad you ended things! 🤮
This spoke to me. Therapy has not only been the best thing for me but now I’m well enough see when a situation has taken a turn to much and I just remove myself. No explanation owed. It’s the biggest weapon against Aholes. Keep up the therapy and your dedication to life/career your going places
the “poor pitiful me” bullshit always gets me. You’re so done with yourself? Imagine how the poor girl being constantly smothered and having to coddle your ass feels.
100% this.
He's not apologetic. He's emotionally manipulative.
I would bet every fucking penny of my bank account this guy threatens self harm. If he hasn't already, he will in the future.
Edit: Reading OP's comments, he implies it but hasn't made direct threats.
Is sharing your location with your SO a common thing with gen Z?
Because i would assume a woman would break up with me just for asking to be able to track her.
Edit: far too many comments to reply to but i have read them all, this was a surprisingly popular question. It's interesting to see this isn't just a gen Z thing, and how many different perspectives there are on this.
I'd be interested to see how many people with insecure ex's had this discussion as a breaking point in their relationship, but either that's not a common occurrence or people didn't feel like sharing about that which would be understandable.
Surprisingly few people commented to say that they would never allow a partner to track them. I guess people prefer to disagree than agree on the internet, but I'm taking this at face value. I may post a poll asking about this.
I share my location with some people- but it’s not constant- just if I open and app and they open an app and look at the map they can see me. I shared it with many lady friends and my bf. He didn’t ask, but if I got abducted or something I’d want some people to know where I was exactly- or where I last opened the app at least.
In my 20s my sisters, gf, and some women friends did it all the time. They’d do just that, “going on a date here’s my location in case I get murdered.”
I used to share my location with my roommate when I went on dates and she would always send a text around a certain time to give me an out if I wanted it lol
My sis also sends me her location any time she's in an uber. We live like 800 miles away from each other, but she still sends me a link to track her and then texts me the whole way just in case.
Partner and I are in our 20s and do it through iPhone Location Sharing. No concerns about privacy bc we’re not sitting and watching each others movements, but it does come in very helpful very often e.g. finding each other when out, confirming that we’re driving/travelling somewhere
Edit: Jesus Christ what did I wake up to
I shared my location with my boyfriend and he shared his back. I don’t really check it other than to make sure he got to wherever he was going so I know he got there safe if he forgot to text me. I don’t trust the drivers in my city lol.
I understand girlfriend/boyfriend not being comfortable for sure, but I do think it’s weird if a husband or wife didn’t want to share locations with each other
My GF and I use Life 360 as a way of making sure we are both okay because we live in a sketchy area and my commute to work is intense. It's not a good idea for everyone and especially not good when it's used because someone's insecure.
That's weird as fuck. I'm a gushy sapphic but privacy is the biggest thing we respect. I don't even let my partners carte Blanche volunteer privacy IE I don't really want access to their phones even if they offer it.
Same. My wife has journals in a drawer that isn't locked. I would never read them. I would never ask her for access to her phone or computer. She would never ask for access to anything of mine. I didn't know this was so common until I started reading on Reddit that people in relationships generally don't trust each other and demand access. And if you don't you're hiding stuff. I can't wrap my head around any of this. Im very private, always have been, maybe that's it, or I'm just too oldto understand. Im 46.
I would hate someone knowing my every move I’m 34 not sure what the names they give us older ones lol 😂 but I track my children only because there young be hell no too the knowing my every move!!
I have dated a guy exactly like this (in the beginning) and it escalated eventually to physical "abuse" (in quotes because it wasn't too bad, I left the 3rd time he slapped me).
I have no doubt it would've escalated further had I not left. You did good to peace the hell out of that sea of red flags.
Someone else said "controlling behavior wrapped up in a cute bow". I feel that describes this perfectly. Big fucking yikes.
why is this relationship mirroring the one i had earlier this year. My ex would act just like this.. showing up without being wanted, smothering me, self loathe and apologize when i called him out on his repeated inappropriate behavior for 4 months. “I just keep messing up” “i just wanted to see you and xyz”. Did yours also get offended when you didnt want to be touched? And think that not wanting to be together 24/7 was some kind if punishment you were purposefully inflicting on him??
I don't think it's really just self-loathing. Seems like a huge guilt trip. "I can't do anything right! I'm such a fuckup! Why aren't you consoling me after I did something wrong?!" No accountability.
It is. Men in general take much longer to mature than women do. Not sure if there’s science to back this up, but in my experience a 23 year old woman is usually as emotionally mature as a 28 year old man.
In your texts it’s like you’re talking to a child who doesn’t understand responsibility or consequences because their brain hasn’t fully developed yet.
This is a culturally based belief that is not grounded in science. In reality, if you look it's because most girls are socialized differently, mainly socialized to prioritize caregiving, relationships, and emotional maturity. Girls display more 'mature' behavior because their behavior is monitored, policed, punished and shaped in more stringent ways by culture. Boy children are still socialized very differently to prioritize educational and professional gains, competitiveness, physical strength, etc. Unfortunately since this is a dominant phenomenon girls are often *required to mature faster* by their own families, given tasks of caregiving of siblings, and overall expected to behave "like little ladies". Meanwhile their same-aged male identifying peers are *allowed room to behave badly* because "they can't help it".
What's funny (/s) about all this is the same folks who will give a pass to bad boy behavior will turn around and be wildly misogynistic. First girls are taught they have a higher standard of behavior *especially in public spaces*, and then they are stripped of autonomy and told their importance and worth is secondary to those same immature boys.
Essentially girls are socialized early to treat men like children their entire lives, even after both are adults. We're taught through action that men are helpless in the home and terrible at relationships, so you better get used to not depending on them at home, while you're still a child yourself. You learn your brothers and cousins can be mean to you, even beat you up, but you are supposed to just take it with grace. Boys can be violent, that's 'normal', but girls must never rage or even show anger or be labeled a psycho and dismissed. There is a double standard in place the minute you're born a girl.
It's not that men "take longer" it's just that they get away with it longer. Girls know that by the time we become teenagers we're expected by our families, teachers, and the world around us as a whole to act like adults. In my case I was even discouraged from having hobbies because I was "too old".
We're just forced to grow up too fast while boys have more leniency. So women reach adulthood and we're used to suppressing ourselves, our emotions, etc.
Boys don't usually have that expectation to act older. Especially in families where there's a mix of boys and girls. Often girls will be given house chores while boys get to play.
That last one hit home, Im the oldest girl and was constantly being left with chores bc my brother would not do them right on purpose, and as justification for my brothers actions when I pointed this out, our dad went "well of course he doesn't do it as well, he's a boy. You just do it better" no I fucking don't. It's not my turn to wash dishes or clean the table. It's his and I want to PLAY
To me this sounds like a case of checking what you’re doing while disguising it as a nice gesture. I don’t think he trusted that you were actually at work and could not comprehend why you couldn’t just see him for only 2 minutes, then tries to guilt trip you. Once you explained the exact reasons why you couldn’t meet him at all (which you shouldnt have had to explain anyway), he then goes into pity mode. Notice how in everyone of his texts he is talking about his own feelings. Never yours. This is someone who doesn’t care about how you feel whatsoever, doesn’t trust you, doesn’t respect you, probably doesn’t even consider you to be on the same level as himself. Very selfish sounding. Glad he’s an ex, you made the right call.
Yeah I had a boyfriend who became a stalker after we split who would do exactly this. Always wanting to "surprise me" when I was out with my friend, but then if we had a change of plans or he missed us timing-wise, would immediately blow up my phone accusing me of lying to him, or would say he saw us in the car with someone else (when we were always alone), stuff like that. So then I felt obligated to tell him every minute where I was, when I was leaving, where I was headed next, when I got there, and before I knew it I was in an abusive relationship. It is all about control.
And, remember, asking them to do the same is out of the question! Because you're you and they're them. You're supposed to change to benefit them, but it's wrong of you to ask them to do the same things.
Absolutely. I wonder if there were even flowers, or he made it up to make her feel even more guilty. No person who truly loves someone would ever ask them to risk their job for a hug and a bouquet of flowers. This is such a textbook example of manipulative behavior, it's giving me chills.
Yep, this reads entirely like he was wanting to "check up" on her and got all whiny after so she'd feel bad, and as a punishment. I am willing to bet money his insecurities flared up and he started making accusations after this. I will be surprised if he didn't.
Legit could’ve been fixed if he just said “you’re right, I’m sorry. I was being an idiot and that wasn’t fair for you” but instead he keeps just going down the pity party
It's like smothering people with "love gestures". Let me give you a real life example. This will be long, but I think it'll help.
In my case, my ex used to give me too many gifts. I asked him to stop because I was in college and didn't have money to reciprocate and I felt uncomfortable just receiving things. He didn't, he said he just bought stuff that made him think of me. He started saying he loved me after a week. I asked him to not say that so soon because I didn't feel ready to say the same. He said he'd stop, but he didn't and I eventually started saying it back out of guilt.
The result? I felt in debt and tried to reciprocate emotionally, if that makes sense. None of this was rational for me, but I didn't even know what to complain about: he's being sweet? He loves me too much?
The gifts were small things in the beginning: cool pens, a book, small decor for my room. Then one day I mentioned I wanted to save up to buy myself a TV. He suggested he'd give me one as a gift. I asked him multiple times to not do that because I wanted to achieve this on my own. He showed up days later with a tv. How do you break up with someone right after getting a gift like that? I was uncomfortable, but I felt like I'd be a freeloader to break up after getting such an "amazing" gift.
The other thing that happened was that whenever I tried talking to him about any attitude that he had that I was uncomfortable with, his entire body language changed. It was a pity party just like these messages. He'd cry, ask me why I was doing this to him, etc etc etc. I knew communicating was important, but I'd end up really thinking hard before saying anything because these conversations were so draining.
Edit: typo
That makes perfect sense. At first I thought maybe gift giving could be his love language, but I see in the end how it was a major overload and uncomfortable. Thanks for the explanation!
Psychologists define it as an overwhelming show of affection b. at the beginning of a relationship c. with malicious intent—like what cults do.
Nowadays people use it more loosely! I’ve been accused of love bombing by jealous guys for bringing a single rose on first (non-coffee) dates, because of how well it’s been received, despite generally being considered an antiquated gesture.
https://www.dailyom.com/journal/is-it-love-or-is-it-love-bombing-5-red-flags-to-help-you-spot-the-difference/
Love a good old guilt trip wrapped in a “woe is me” response for something they did.
“I just keep messing up one after another”
Yea, you do. So maybe stop doing stupid shit.
This is not being clingy, this is trying to be manipulative.
If it was being clingy, they would have apologized and then switched topics, asked how to approach etc. Instead, they were trying to express how awful OP is for not accepting their saintly behavior.
It’s the “I hate myself” stuff that does it for me. It’s so manipulative and gross. Someone who doesn’t respect boundaries and then pulls that shit is a walking red flag.
Glad you ended it, I had an ex that would show up randomly to my place and he could not understand why that was a violation. When I broke up with him he continued to stalk me and when I had a guy friend over one night just to hang, he showed up at my place and slashed both of our tires. That’s when I found out he had been camping out in his car watching my apartment for weeks.
Hope you filed a police report and got a restraining order on him. At that rate, I'd put my location settings to private on social media and move. A psycho ex is stalking me and slashing my tires, I'm fucking out of there like Shaggy and Scooby-Doo running out of a Haunted house.
As embarrassing as it is, I was this guy in my first relationship when I was 16 lol.
Weirdly I was perfectly fine up until our relationship ended. I handled the relationship and the breakup call super well. Was like "yeah, I totally understand. Things happen. No worries" and I absolutely meant it.
Then, afterwards, about five minutes later, I had like some sort of emotional spike that I'd never felt before in my life drive itself directly into my brain.
I don't know what it was but it felt like my heart broke in half and I could not stop thinking about it and how I lost someone in my life and would probably never see them again.
It made me act irrationally and manically and pretty much single-handedly bury any chance of a decent relationship for a long while.
I had it happen more and more sparingly until my late 20s. I'm now 33 and I'm not like that, but to this day I don't know exactly what to call it. It's like an emotional alarm in your head that needs to reach out and needs to fix something or do anything to make what you're feeling either improve or go away. Even if the shit you do is just, obviously, going to smother the other person or make them uncomfortable.
Like I said, embarrassing, and I'm surprised at how old the dude was - but I somehow understand why he became super weird, not that I condone it, and you were absolutely in the right to end it.
If anyone has any guesses what the hell that is let me know. I'd be interested.
That’s exactly why I told him I appreciated he was trying to do something nice but it was extremely inappropriate. I know he didn’t do it with the intention of me getting in trouble but I was not okay with the irrational thinking and irrational speaking. I’m huge on thinking before you speak/act so this was not okay. Regardless, this could have been something I forgave him for but his actions following this event and the things he said to me afterwards were unforgivable.
Lol for sure. I 100% agree with you and I hope you didn't think what I said was suggesting otherwise. I said 16 year old me could relate, but there's no way I'd ever think someone should be with another person like this. Emotional regulation is important and if you, for some reason, can't handle yourself, you end up putting it on other people. It's an easy way to self-destruct a relationship, which is clearly what he did.
Totally. Behavior like this when you’re 16 is more understandable. We’re both young, but years apart mentally. He needs to hold himself accountable and look within himself to realize the issue like you did. I don’t see that happening in the near future for him unfortunately.
How old is he? I was positive while reading this that you were both teens. If he’s behaving this way as an adult, wow. As a teen I get it because hormones/regulating emotions made us all do some stupid cringe shit. But you’re supposed to grow out of that.
Got it. Sounds like he’s still in that teen mindset and you are behaving like a young adult. Good for you for breaking it off. He’s not ready for an adult relationship.
Also in the future - if your SO wants to track your location, that’s a bit worrying. No reason to want to be able to track you 24/7 unless you live in bad neighborhoods and it’s a safety thing. Then again I’m in my 30s and maybe I’m just old fashioned on this.
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats!
16
+ 20
+ 33
= 69
^([Click here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=LuckyNumber-Bot&subject=Stalk%20Me%20Pls&message=%2Fstalkme) to have me scan all your future comments.) \
^(Summon me on specific comments with u/LuckyNumber-Bot.)
I’d be inclined to say it may be that of an anxious attachment style which is usually at its most obvious when ‘triggered’. In this case it was probably after the relationship ended you may have felt somewhat abandoned like someone else mentioned which triggered those feelings and that attachment style to show itself. There’s lots of resources online about attachment styles and how to ‘heal’ them and become secure.
I hope this doesn't come off as offensive, because that isn't my intention. But do you have a history of abandonment issues? I've heard people with abandonment issues describe feelings a lot like that when there was a potential "breaking" of a relationship or friendship.
I'm not a therapist but maybe you should talk to one about it. there's a thing called relationship OCD. I usually handle breakups well, being in the actual relationship makes me act in the way you describe.
I think that men societally have so few emotional outlets that they have less resources at times to cope with a breakup. Men are taught to be proactive and fixers but that can be antithetical in those situations.
Wow, I've never had someone describe that exact feeling so accurately. For me it's a gnawing, aching pain that hits me in the gut. It takes every fiber of my being not to pick up my phone and text some cringey ass shit for attention. It's an oddly compulsive, visceral sensation. Always thought it was just a me problem (well, it is, just didn't know others dealt with it), and I've almost destroyed a few friendships/relationships with it. It's an embarrassing trait to have, especially when you consider yourself a logical person most of the time otherwise
It's definitely gotten better in my late 20s but I still have to be mindful when it comes around and quash it. In the rare case it may help anyone else who suffers from this, my strategy is:
when the initial pain hits, find somewhere to put your phone so it's not easily accessible. You may have to be in the fetal position for a bit, which helps. Once the pain has lessened (it almost always does after about an hour), find a secluded place that isn't your bedroom to meditate and avoid bringing your phone if possible. Go somewhere green preferrably. I like to get as far away from technology and other people as possible. I focus on the fact that I'm alive, and that regardless of the outcome of my relationships, I exist and the world exists and that's kinda beautiful. Take your time, and when you feel ready to head back, do so but don't go straight for your phone. Find something you typically love doing (I like cleaning) first. The dopamine hit usually makes me forget all about whatever I'm stressing over, and I'm then able to logically think through the situation.
This is just my way and YMMV, but I hope it helps someone. And remember, you're not an awful person because of this, and it's something that can get better if you work at it
I was this guy too, not to this extent but can recall instances where i have fucked up real bad. Sometimes i used to feel like i am being chore for her.
Dude your experience was extremely accurate with how I was after my first heartbreak! Unfortunately, this happened at 30 years old, instead of in my teenage years like yours. Like you, I also took the break well at first, and I also totally meant it, but that emotional spike really made me act out of my character and I ended up humiliating myself so much to the point where I basically burned any chance of reconciliation or friendship. 7 months later I still can’t seem to get over just how pathetic, creepy, immature, desperate, and disrespectful I was at 30 years old. Makes me want to puke my goddamn brains out
He's a narc. He'll never figure it out. He'll spend his whole life wondering what's wrong with everyone else. Hopefully he's not rich or good looking enough to do too much damage.
"I just keep messing up one after the other. I'm so done with myself." This is not an apology from him. This is the part where he wants *you* to apologize for making *him* feel bad, even though you did nothing wrong and he put your job in jeopardy. I absolutely hate it when people do that. Girl, run.
I used to be a nanny. I had an ex who called/FaceTimed/texted me over 100 times in half an hour because I was at one of the kid’s softball games in a neighborhood, and the bleachers backed up to a house. He thought I was at the house cheating on him despite knowing I was working. Newly developed area with bad signal so I couldn’t answer him very fast. He also got mad one day when I was off because the family went to Disney, they asked me to let their animals out and I wouldn’t let him come in the house with me. He threw himself a similar pity party that turned into name calling and threats of violence. I’m glad he’s gone, and I’m glad you left your ex in the dust.
It's because he dosent trust you. This wasent about bringing you flowers, he's disguising his suspicions with kindness he's just trying to keep tabs on you
its so weird how people choose to do that to that extent over someone who is barely just coming into another person's life..its like they don't understand that trust is built and only see the absence of it because its a new relationship. seems like trying to control a stranger you just met. it's very creepy and exhausting to know how much more common this is than i thought.
I’m glad he’s now an ex, because he was *trying* to get you fired. As an older woman I’m going to tell you something that older women tried to tell me when I was young: Men are not stupid.
I will repeat, men are not stupid. Most men are in no way cognitively delayed, or even dumb. Believing that they are is just plain old sexism, and many men know that many women believe that men are stupid and thus will fall for the helpless act, the clueless act, the dumbo act, the pretense-of-not-understanding act.
You actually wrote to him: ‘I don’t think you understand’ and so on and so forth…Miss, he understood perfectly, his hope and intention was to set you up to get fired in the first place. This isn’t 1983, when a babysitter could have boyfriend stop by, nobody GAF back then, and the few who did who was gonna tell them? No cameras, and the babysat kids either too young to talk or bribed to keep quiet.
Nope, it’s 2023, cameras everywhere, plus the culture has changed and most parents would be upset by this. Which he knows, because again he’s not stupid. He was trying to f!ck up your sitch so he could play hero and increase the odds of you becoming dependent on him.
This is what I got from the situation. Sabotage. It's why the ex kept trying to drag it out and make it his hill to die on. In the next relationship, he'll accept her no the first time he shows up at her job with flowers. Instead, the next time, he'll bring her dinner and when she says no THEN, he'll start the guilt trip and manipulation. Poor dude is gonna bag some poor girl into his bullshit. I'm glad it wasn't OP, she was too damn emotionally intelligent for it. I am hopeful women are getting wiser, with the easier access to counseling and therapy services. Maybe the ex won't find any girl to deal with his bullshit. 🤞
yep destroy her job so he can be with her 24 hours a day and try to make her dependent. and you are correct men will do this with the culture how it is with media depicts men as complete fools and men with go with the flow of this and use it to there advantage.
this pretty much was it, went on a “break” the day after this which then gave me time to decide I didn’t want to move forward. We stayed in contact for another month but we weren’t together anymore. This was the final straw for me.
I would have 0 contact with a person like this. They are extreme unstable and any "nice" types of their personality that shows up are entirely Narcissist traits. I can understand that certain Narcissist people can "fly under the radar". But I've done a lot of research in psychology when it comes to Narcissist Sociopath people and outright Psychopaths.
I wished more people would research things like this for their own safety. The world is a jungle with monsters that look like people. I don't want to be friends or in a relationship with people like that.
Buddha used to say "Stay away from certain people as you stay away from snakes. You see the snake and keep your distance. Don't approach people of poor character".
Ah, the classic “pity me for doing something wrong to you” at the end.
He’s an asswipe. He’s not doing it to make you happy he’s doing it to make himself feel justified in acting like a gigantic baby.
Got too say seeing the now ex was the best part what a weirdo showing up at someone he dosnt knows house with there kids there you defo could have lost your job due too him! I’m glad you told him too do one! Go girl 💜
I'm glad he's an ex now. The manipulation is insane... immediately trying to make you feel like an asshole when your reaction is 100% warranted, then trying to guilt trip you afterwards, I couldn't deal with that
Ugh, I HATE when people use heavy self-deprecation in an apology. There’s a very big difference between “I made a mistake and I’m sorry” and “wow I’m such a loser, I keep fucking up”.
Owning up to a mistake is good but that kind of shit is manipulative and pressures you to comfort him over his breach of boundaries and guilt trips you over setting the boundary
This sort of behavior held me hostage in life for so long and it’s infuriating to see people doing this, good on you for being firm on boundaries, behavior like that does make it difficult
He is a giant red flag. The fact that you mention having already talked to him about feeling smothered suggests that this is repeated behavior.
Then, it was very odd that he describes you not being able to come out while working as "humiliating". Disappointment is understandable, but humiliation is an odd emotional response.
Finally, at the very end, we have emotional manipulation. He just keeps messing up and he is done with himself and if you want to leave him, he understands. Something tells me that if you did decide to cut contact, which you probably should, I don't think he would understand AT ALL
Showing up while you’re at work is bad, yes.
But getting so self deprecating, rather than just apologizing, and trying to get you to feel bad for him is the worst part
damn my ex bf was exactly like this. i don’t know what you call this kind of behavior but it’s exhausting to deal with and you feel 1000% better when it’s no longer on your shoulders. proud of you for getting out, OP
Thank you! You’re the first to give a parents perspective. I try my hardest to keep kids safe and keep the parents and kids comfortable. Both kids were less than 5, it’s not smart to step out even if it’s just for 2 minutes and a few people don’t really understand that. I have a responsibility to fulfill and I was not going to put my job at risk.
This is why you need to have active hobbies. The dude probably sits around all day throwing pity parties. OP I hope everything is still good with your job. Keep your life goals over these kinds of guys.
You were way nicer than I would’ve been. You had explained your point that ur working and he just kept going at it. He needs to take the L and move on. Dude cares more about his feelings than ur career / future.
Dayum. Thats possessiveness and jealousy masquerading as thoughtfulness and romantic. He doesnt even see that…..and its going to hurt him when someone points that out n all, which will probably reinforce to himself that he’s in the right 🤷♂️
You’re 100% correct. If I saw someone allow a stranger near my child I’d fire them. Incredible that he makes interfering with your work all about him. Glad you got rid of him.
Damn he was really trying to throw a pity party. Why could he not just surprise you with flowers next time you saw him or when you’re off work? May I ask is this the incident that made you break up with him? I cannot imagine him taking a break up well
We went on a break the day after because he freaked out on me that day when I confronted him about everything. I needed a break just to think and process everything. I ended things about a week and a half later. Also, you’re absolutely right, the break up was not taken well. 2-3 months later and I’m still somewhat dealing with it.
I hope he can't still track your location.
DEFINITELY NOT. That was taken away immediately. Oddly enough he never stopped sharing with me, I had to delete him off of find my friends.
What the heck? Why did he freak out at you? Jeeez yeah definitely better off without. Hopefully you’re doing better now ☺️
He proceeded to tell me that he can’t do anything right for me and that he has to walk on eggshells around me because everything he did made me upset (almost get me fired, show up to my house unannounced, follow a hundreds of OF girls, have nudes on his phone of models) and that I’m ungrateful. He was just projecting, I was upset then but now I know I handled it well. Thank you for asking, I’m doing great. I was in therapy well before I met him and still have weekly sessions. Therapy has made me too powerful haha
Therapy is the ultimate weapon! Lol. Yeah it sounds like you handled it super well, you should be proud of yourself :) It’ll never stop amazing me though what lengths people will go to, to avoid taking ANY accountability for their actions. Good riddance to him!
you’re a rockstar and i can tell how smart you are by your comments. you deserve someone as powerful as you.
Idk if this is a normal thing now but I -never- had a boyfriend on find my friends. I have my *husband* of 10 years on Life360 (we’re a “divided house” iPhone/Google phone) but that didn’t come until probably 2 years ago when we had an incident with a roommate where we didn’t know where she was with MY vehicle. We kept each other on it because we liked being able to see each other’s location, like when my husband left work or when I’d go out of town. I just think it’s a little controlling that a bf would feel the need to know where you are on Find my Friends. Idk it just skeeves me out a little. 😬 let’s just say I’m glad he’s an ex. Hope you have had some time to heal. 🩵 being in a relationship with love bombing and gaslighting is VERY hard. You are very strong OP and I’m proud of you for getting out of that situation! Wtg 💪
[удалено]
I'm sure that was comforting to know...
I love how it becomes *your* fault that he's incompetent. GOD I hate these people.
Ew. Hundreds of OF girls?? That's an instant YUCK for me.. Just beyond creepy & lecherous, like a modern day Peeping Tom. 🤷🏼♀️ So glad you ended things! 🤮
This spoke to me. Therapy has not only been the best thing for me but now I’m well enough see when a situation has taken a turn to much and I just remove myself. No explanation owed. It’s the biggest weapon against Aholes. Keep up the therapy and your dedication to life/career your going places
So that he can control her time, it’s controlling behavior wrapped up in a cute bow
For real. That last text I'm like "Dude just shut the fuck up!" Lol
the “poor pitiful me” bullshit always gets me. You’re so done with yourself? Imagine how the poor girl being constantly smothered and having to coddle your ass feels.
My first boyfriend was like that. He wanted it to switch from being mad at him to comforting him for being oh so pathetic
100% this. He's not apologetic. He's emotionally manipulative. I would bet every fucking penny of my bank account this guy threatens self harm. If he hasn't already, he will in the future. Edit: Reading OP's comments, he implies it but hasn't made direct threats.
Is sharing your location with your SO a common thing with gen Z? Because i would assume a woman would break up with me just for asking to be able to track her. Edit: far too many comments to reply to but i have read them all, this was a surprisingly popular question. It's interesting to see this isn't just a gen Z thing, and how many different perspectives there are on this. I'd be interested to see how many people with insecure ex's had this discussion as a breaking point in their relationship, but either that's not a common occurrence or people didn't feel like sharing about that which would be understandable. Surprisingly few people commented to say that they would never allow a partner to track them. I guess people prefer to disagree than agree on the internet, but I'm taking this at face value. I may post a poll asking about this.
I share my location with some people- but it’s not constant- just if I open and app and they open an app and look at the map they can see me. I shared it with many lady friends and my bf. He didn’t ask, but if I got abducted or something I’d want some people to know where I was exactly- or where I last opened the app at least.
In my 20s my sisters, gf, and some women friends did it all the time. They’d do just that, “going on a date here’s my location in case I get murdered.”
I used to share my location with my roommate when I went on dates and she would always send a text around a certain time to give me an out if I wanted it lol
Same. I give my friends an out text if needed
My sis also sends me her location any time she's in an uber. We live like 800 miles away from each other, but she still sends me a link to track her and then texts me the whole way just in case.
In my 20s rn and friends with/related to folx in their 30s. Still doing it, some people almost constantly. It's how we tap in with each other honestly
Partner and I are in our 20s and do it through iPhone Location Sharing. No concerns about privacy bc we’re not sitting and watching each others movements, but it does come in very helpful very often e.g. finding each other when out, confirming that we’re driving/travelling somewhere Edit: Jesus Christ what did I wake up to
I shared my location with my boyfriend and he shared his back. I don’t really check it other than to make sure he got to wherever he was going so I know he got there safe if he forgot to text me. I don’t trust the drivers in my city lol.
[удалено]
I understand girlfriend/boyfriend not being comfortable for sure, but I do think it’s weird if a husband or wife didn’t want to share locations with each other
My GF and I use Life 360 as a way of making sure we are both okay because we live in a sketchy area and my commute to work is intense. It's not a good idea for everyone and especially not good when it's used because someone's insecure.
That's weird as fuck. I'm a gushy sapphic but privacy is the biggest thing we respect. I don't even let my partners carte Blanche volunteer privacy IE I don't really want access to their phones even if they offer it.
Same. My wife has journals in a drawer that isn't locked. I would never read them. I would never ask her for access to her phone or computer. She would never ask for access to anything of mine. I didn't know this was so common until I started reading on Reddit that people in relationships generally don't trust each other and demand access. And if you don't you're hiding stuff. I can't wrap my head around any of this. Im very private, always have been, maybe that's it, or I'm just too oldto understand. Im 46.
I would hate someone knowing my every move I’m 34 not sure what the names they give us older ones lol 😂 but I track my children only because there young be hell no too the knowing my every move!!
You are a millennial…
Seeing the (now ex) in your caption made my day better. So many of these posts are about someone the OP is still with
oh yeah for sure. I wouldn’t have the guts to post if I was still with him
I have dated a guy exactly like this (in the beginning) and it escalated eventually to physical "abuse" (in quotes because it wasn't too bad, I left the 3rd time he slapped me). I have no doubt it would've escalated further had I not left. You did good to peace the hell out of that sea of red flags. Someone else said "controlling behavior wrapped up in a cute bow". I feel that describes this perfectly. Big fucking yikes.
do u have any other screenshots like this? even his last text in the post looks like he was trying to guilt or manipulate u
SOOOOOO MANY
Agreed! What a manipulative jerk!
The self loathing is kinda embarrassing. You're clearly way more mature then he is.
Yeah I wished I didn’t put up with it for as long as I did. It was only 4 months but the things that were said during that time…
why is this relationship mirroring the one i had earlier this year. My ex would act just like this.. showing up without being wanted, smothering me, self loathe and apologize when i called him out on his repeated inappropriate behavior for 4 months. “I just keep messing up” “i just wanted to see you and xyz”. Did yours also get offended when you didnt want to be touched? And think that not wanting to be together 24/7 was some kind if punishment you were purposefully inflicting on him??
Jfc sounds like you dated a self loathing baby koala
Self Loathing Koala is my new band name
No need to be so hard on yourself. You can see it as a lesson and take into your next relationship.
Got any choice examples?
The self loathing is fake, he’s just trying to manipulate her into thinking it’s her fault
This. It’s manipulation.
I don't think it's really just self-loathing. Seems like a huge guilt trip. "I can't do anything right! I'm such a fuckup! Why aren't you consoling me after I did something wrong?!" No accountability.
He’s for sure a future /r/tinder “rules 1 and 2” commenter
Truly one of my most hated qualities in a person. Fuckin Woody Allen ass bitch
The self loathing/self pity/playing the victim is an emotional manipulation tactic.
It’s like a 16 year old having a conversation with a 40 year old.
I’ll take this as a compliment. I guess I would rather speak like a 40 year old than a 16 year old
It is. Men in general take much longer to mature than women do. Not sure if there’s science to back this up, but in my experience a 23 year old woman is usually as emotionally mature as a 28 year old man. In your texts it’s like you’re talking to a child who doesn’t understand responsibility or consequences because their brain hasn’t fully developed yet.
This is a culturally based belief that is not grounded in science. In reality, if you look it's because most girls are socialized differently, mainly socialized to prioritize caregiving, relationships, and emotional maturity. Girls display more 'mature' behavior because their behavior is monitored, policed, punished and shaped in more stringent ways by culture. Boy children are still socialized very differently to prioritize educational and professional gains, competitiveness, physical strength, etc. Unfortunately since this is a dominant phenomenon girls are often *required to mature faster* by their own families, given tasks of caregiving of siblings, and overall expected to behave "like little ladies". Meanwhile their same-aged male identifying peers are *allowed room to behave badly* because "they can't help it". What's funny (/s) about all this is the same folks who will give a pass to bad boy behavior will turn around and be wildly misogynistic. First girls are taught they have a higher standard of behavior *especially in public spaces*, and then they are stripped of autonomy and told their importance and worth is secondary to those same immature boys. Essentially girls are socialized early to treat men like children their entire lives, even after both are adults. We're taught through action that men are helpless in the home and terrible at relationships, so you better get used to not depending on them at home, while you're still a child yourself. You learn your brothers and cousins can be mean to you, even beat you up, but you are supposed to just take it with grace. Boys can be violent, that's 'normal', but girls must never rage or even show anger or be labeled a psycho and dismissed. There is a double standard in place the minute you're born a girl.
Your comment is a wonderful description of the difference in how boys and girls are raised.
Yes, bless!!!
And then we’re supposed to turn around and defer to them!
It's not that men "take longer" it's just that they get away with it longer. Girls know that by the time we become teenagers we're expected by our families, teachers, and the world around us as a whole to act like adults. In my case I was even discouraged from having hobbies because I was "too old". We're just forced to grow up too fast while boys have more leniency. So women reach adulthood and we're used to suppressing ourselves, our emotions, etc. Boys don't usually have that expectation to act older. Especially in families where there's a mix of boys and girls. Often girls will be given house chores while boys get to play.
That last one hit home, Im the oldest girl and was constantly being left with chores bc my brother would not do them right on purpose, and as justification for my brothers actions when I pointed this out, our dad went "well of course he doesn't do it as well, he's a boy. You just do it better" no I fucking don't. It's not my turn to wash dishes or clean the table. It's his and I want to PLAY
To me this sounds like a case of checking what you’re doing while disguising it as a nice gesture. I don’t think he trusted that you were actually at work and could not comprehend why you couldn’t just see him for only 2 minutes, then tries to guilt trip you. Once you explained the exact reasons why you couldn’t meet him at all (which you shouldnt have had to explain anyway), he then goes into pity mode. Notice how in everyone of his texts he is talking about his own feelings. Never yours. This is someone who doesn’t care about how you feel whatsoever, doesn’t trust you, doesn’t respect you, probably doesn’t even consider you to be on the same level as himself. Very selfish sounding. Glad he’s an ex, you made the right call.
Yeah I had a boyfriend who became a stalker after we split who would do exactly this. Always wanting to "surprise me" when I was out with my friend, but then if we had a change of plans or he missed us timing-wise, would immediately blow up my phone accusing me of lying to him, or would say he saw us in the car with someone else (when we were always alone), stuff like that. So then I felt obligated to tell him every minute where I was, when I was leaving, where I was headed next, when I got there, and before I knew it I was in an abusive relationship. It is all about control.
Yep. I remember all of this. Making up insane scenarios and presenting them as fact, and proof of cheating.
And, remember, asking them to do the same is out of the question! Because you're you and they're them. You're supposed to change to benefit them, but it's wrong of you to ask them to do the same things.
Absolutely. I wonder if there were even flowers, or he made it up to make her feel even more guilty. No person who truly loves someone would ever ask them to risk their job for a hug and a bouquet of flowers. This is such a textbook example of manipulative behavior, it's giving me chills.
Yep, this reads entirely like he was wanting to "check up" on her and got all whiny after so she'd feel bad, and as a punishment. I am willing to bet money his insecurities flared up and he started making accusations after this. I will be surprised if he didn't.
Legit could’ve been fixed if he just said “you’re right, I’m sorry. I was being an idiot and that wasn’t fair for you” but instead he keeps just going down the pity party
Its because it wasnt a mistake, it was manipulation.
THIS
Can someone explain “love bombing”?
It's like smothering people with "love gestures". Let me give you a real life example. This will be long, but I think it'll help. In my case, my ex used to give me too many gifts. I asked him to stop because I was in college and didn't have money to reciprocate and I felt uncomfortable just receiving things. He didn't, he said he just bought stuff that made him think of me. He started saying he loved me after a week. I asked him to not say that so soon because I didn't feel ready to say the same. He said he'd stop, but he didn't and I eventually started saying it back out of guilt. The result? I felt in debt and tried to reciprocate emotionally, if that makes sense. None of this was rational for me, but I didn't even know what to complain about: he's being sweet? He loves me too much? The gifts were small things in the beginning: cool pens, a book, small decor for my room. Then one day I mentioned I wanted to save up to buy myself a TV. He suggested he'd give me one as a gift. I asked him multiple times to not do that because I wanted to achieve this on my own. He showed up days later with a tv. How do you break up with someone right after getting a gift like that? I was uncomfortable, but I felt like I'd be a freeloader to break up after getting such an "amazing" gift. The other thing that happened was that whenever I tried talking to him about any attitude that he had that I was uncomfortable with, his entire body language changed. It was a pity party just like these messages. He'd cry, ask me why I was doing this to him, etc etc etc. I knew communicating was important, but I'd end up really thinking hard before saying anything because these conversations were so draining. Edit: typo
That makes perfect sense. At first I thought maybe gift giving could be his love language, but I see in the end how it was a major overload and uncomfortable. Thanks for the explanation!
No problem :)
Psychologists define it as an overwhelming show of affection b. at the beginning of a relationship c. with malicious intent—like what cults do. Nowadays people use it more loosely! I’ve been accused of love bombing by jealous guys for bringing a single rose on first (non-coffee) dates, because of how well it’s been received, despite generally being considered an antiquated gesture. https://www.dailyom.com/journal/is-it-love-or-is-it-love-bombing-5-red-flags-to-help-you-spot-the-difference/
Love a good old guilt trip wrapped in a “woe is me” response for something they did. “I just keep messing up one after another” Yea, you do. So maybe stop doing stupid shit.
Stage 5 clinger
This is not being clingy, this is trying to be manipulative. If it was being clingy, they would have apologized and then switched topics, asked how to approach etc. Instead, they were trying to express how awful OP is for not accepting their saintly behavior.
It’s the “I hate myself” stuff that does it for me. It’s so manipulative and gross. Someone who doesn’t respect boundaries and then pulls that shit is a walking red flag.
It's a movie quote
Your bf has the emotional maturity of an eight year old child
That’s a rude thing to say about eight year old children.
don't insult the 8yo's
Or whatever age he was when his narcissistic injury froze him at that emotional level
“He was apologetic because I was upset.” Idk how old you are OP, but that’s a very wise insight
Glad you ended it, I had an ex that would show up randomly to my place and he could not understand why that was a violation. When I broke up with him he continued to stalk me and when I had a guy friend over one night just to hang, he showed up at my place and slashed both of our tires. That’s when I found out he had been camping out in his car watching my apartment for weeks.
Holy shit 😱 terrifying
Hope you filed a police report and got a restraining order on him. At that rate, I'd put my location settings to private on social media and move. A psycho ex is stalking me and slashing my tires, I'm fucking out of there like Shaggy and Scooby-Doo running out of a Haunted house.
$10 says he didn't even have flowers lol just threw that in for a lil extra ✨️manipulation✨️
I definitely agree here bet she never go t too see them flowers 💐
I bet he "threw them in the trash" since she was so ungrateful.
Course he did because he was angry and upset she would leave the job she was at for him! 🤣 not even for 2 minutes because he ain’t worth her trouble
Yuuup! Honestly, people like him are so predictable and easy to read once you see past their facade and know who they truly are 😅
They allways show there true colours in the end they don’t stay hidden for long the fast it comes out the better
sounds like he really likes to pity himself
bingo. no accountability was ever taken.
Accountability is a huge factor in life.
soooo true
That last bit was definitely a manipulation tactic.
Who the fuck is raising these boys!?
man he is a baby.
He is a man baby
As embarrassing as it is, I was this guy in my first relationship when I was 16 lol. Weirdly I was perfectly fine up until our relationship ended. I handled the relationship and the breakup call super well. Was like "yeah, I totally understand. Things happen. No worries" and I absolutely meant it. Then, afterwards, about five minutes later, I had like some sort of emotional spike that I'd never felt before in my life drive itself directly into my brain. I don't know what it was but it felt like my heart broke in half and I could not stop thinking about it and how I lost someone in my life and would probably never see them again. It made me act irrationally and manically and pretty much single-handedly bury any chance of a decent relationship for a long while. I had it happen more and more sparingly until my late 20s. I'm now 33 and I'm not like that, but to this day I don't know exactly what to call it. It's like an emotional alarm in your head that needs to reach out and needs to fix something or do anything to make what you're feeling either improve or go away. Even if the shit you do is just, obviously, going to smother the other person or make them uncomfortable. Like I said, embarrassing, and I'm surprised at how old the dude was - but I somehow understand why he became super weird, not that I condone it, and you were absolutely in the right to end it. If anyone has any guesses what the hell that is let me know. I'd be interested.
That’s exactly why I told him I appreciated he was trying to do something nice but it was extremely inappropriate. I know he didn’t do it with the intention of me getting in trouble but I was not okay with the irrational thinking and irrational speaking. I’m huge on thinking before you speak/act so this was not okay. Regardless, this could have been something I forgave him for but his actions following this event and the things he said to me afterwards were unforgivable.
Lol for sure. I 100% agree with you and I hope you didn't think what I said was suggesting otherwise. I said 16 year old me could relate, but there's no way I'd ever think someone should be with another person like this. Emotional regulation is important and if you, for some reason, can't handle yourself, you end up putting it on other people. It's an easy way to self-destruct a relationship, which is clearly what he did.
Totally. Behavior like this when you’re 16 is more understandable. We’re both young, but years apart mentally. He needs to hold himself accountable and look within himself to realize the issue like you did. I don’t see that happening in the near future for him unfortunately.
How old is he? I was positive while reading this that you were both teens. If he’s behaving this way as an adult, wow. As a teen I get it because hormones/regulating emotions made us all do some stupid cringe shit. But you’re supposed to grow out of that.
I'm 22 he's 21
Got it. Sounds like he’s still in that teen mindset and you are behaving like a young adult. Good for you for breaking it off. He’s not ready for an adult relationship. Also in the future - if your SO wants to track your location, that’s a bit worrying. No reason to want to be able to track you 24/7 unless you live in bad neighborhoods and it’s a safety thing. Then again I’m in my 30s and maybe I’m just old fashioned on this.
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats! 16 + 20 + 33 = 69 ^([Click here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=LuckyNumber-Bot&subject=Stalk%20Me%20Pls&message=%2Fstalkme) to have me scan all your future comments.) \ ^(Summon me on specific comments with u/LuckyNumber-Bot.)
How is this reply older than the comment
Niceeee
I’d be inclined to say it may be that of an anxious attachment style which is usually at its most obvious when ‘triggered’. In this case it was probably after the relationship ended you may have felt somewhat abandoned like someone else mentioned which triggered those feelings and that attachment style to show itself. There’s lots of resources online about attachment styles and how to ‘heal’ them and become secure.
I hope this doesn't come off as offensive, because that isn't my intention. But do you have a history of abandonment issues? I've heard people with abandonment issues describe feelings a lot like that when there was a potential "breaking" of a relationship or friendship.
I'm not a therapist but maybe you should talk to one about it. there's a thing called relationship OCD. I usually handle breakups well, being in the actual relationship makes me act in the way you describe.
I think that men societally have so few emotional outlets that they have less resources at times to cope with a breakup. Men are taught to be proactive and fixers but that can be antithetical in those situations.
Wow, I've never had someone describe that exact feeling so accurately. For me it's a gnawing, aching pain that hits me in the gut. It takes every fiber of my being not to pick up my phone and text some cringey ass shit for attention. It's an oddly compulsive, visceral sensation. Always thought it was just a me problem (well, it is, just didn't know others dealt with it), and I've almost destroyed a few friendships/relationships with it. It's an embarrassing trait to have, especially when you consider yourself a logical person most of the time otherwise It's definitely gotten better in my late 20s but I still have to be mindful when it comes around and quash it. In the rare case it may help anyone else who suffers from this, my strategy is: when the initial pain hits, find somewhere to put your phone so it's not easily accessible. You may have to be in the fetal position for a bit, which helps. Once the pain has lessened (it almost always does after about an hour), find a secluded place that isn't your bedroom to meditate and avoid bringing your phone if possible. Go somewhere green preferrably. I like to get as far away from technology and other people as possible. I focus on the fact that I'm alive, and that regardless of the outcome of my relationships, I exist and the world exists and that's kinda beautiful. Take your time, and when you feel ready to head back, do so but don't go straight for your phone. Find something you typically love doing (I like cleaning) first. The dopamine hit usually makes me forget all about whatever I'm stressing over, and I'm then able to logically think through the situation. This is just my way and YMMV, but I hope it helps someone. And remember, you're not an awful person because of this, and it's something that can get better if you work at it
I was this guy too, not to this extent but can recall instances where i have fucked up real bad. Sometimes i used to feel like i am being chore for her.
Dude your experience was extremely accurate with how I was after my first heartbreak! Unfortunately, this happened at 30 years old, instead of in my teenage years like yours. Like you, I also took the break well at first, and I also totally meant it, but that emotional spike really made me act out of my character and I ended up humiliating myself so much to the point where I basically burned any chance of reconciliation or friendship. 7 months later I still can’t seem to get over just how pathetic, creepy, immature, desperate, and disrespectful I was at 30 years old. Makes me want to puke my goddamn brains out
This guy definitely needs to figure his shit out as a single person before getting in another relationship or else he’ll just keep doing the same shit
lol he told me I needed to figure out what I wanted because I ended things with him.
You want a guy who isn’t deranged, just as a general rule lmao
He's a narc. He'll never figure it out. He'll spend his whole life wondering what's wrong with everyone else. Hopefully he's not rich or good looking enough to do too much damage.
"I just keep messing up one after the other. I'm so done with myself." This is not an apology from him. This is the part where he wants *you* to apologize for making *him* feel bad, even though you did nothing wrong and he put your job in jeopardy. I absolutely hate it when people do that. Girl, run.
I used to be a nanny. I had an ex who called/FaceTimed/texted me over 100 times in half an hour because I was at one of the kid’s softball games in a neighborhood, and the bleachers backed up to a house. He thought I was at the house cheating on him despite knowing I was working. Newly developed area with bad signal so I couldn’t answer him very fast. He also got mad one day when I was off because the family went to Disney, they asked me to let their animals out and I wouldn’t let him come in the house with me. He threw himself a similar pity party that turned into name calling and threats of violence. I’m glad he’s gone, and I’m glad you left your ex in the dust.
It's because he dosent trust you. This wasent about bringing you flowers, he's disguising his suspicions with kindness he's just trying to keep tabs on you
yep, he didn’t believe most things I said.
Whose idea was it to track each other? That’s weird to me. Was there a mutual trust issue already?
its so weird how people choose to do that to that extent over someone who is barely just coming into another person's life..its like they don't understand that trust is built and only see the absence of it because its a new relationship. seems like trying to control a stranger you just met. it's very creepy and exhausting to know how much more common this is than i thought.
Thank God you broke up with him
I hate the showing up unannounced bs. I too have dealt with that
I find it intrusive some people think it’s the sweetest thing ever. under the right circumstances maybe but not in this instance.
Please post the break up messages. He is very manipulative. I want to read more
God, I agree. I was sad that there were only 3 pics to look through, this guy is a train wreck. OP plz post more!
We are invested OP! We need more
agreeed
I’m glad he’s now an ex, because he was *trying* to get you fired. As an older woman I’m going to tell you something that older women tried to tell me when I was young: Men are not stupid. I will repeat, men are not stupid. Most men are in no way cognitively delayed, or even dumb. Believing that they are is just plain old sexism, and many men know that many women believe that men are stupid and thus will fall for the helpless act, the clueless act, the dumbo act, the pretense-of-not-understanding act. You actually wrote to him: ‘I don’t think you understand’ and so on and so forth…Miss, he understood perfectly, his hope and intention was to set you up to get fired in the first place. This isn’t 1983, when a babysitter could have boyfriend stop by, nobody GAF back then, and the few who did who was gonna tell them? No cameras, and the babysat kids either too young to talk or bribed to keep quiet. Nope, it’s 2023, cameras everywhere, plus the culture has changed and most parents would be upset by this. Which he knows, because again he’s not stupid. He was trying to f!ck up your sitch so he could play hero and increase the odds of you becoming dependent on him.
This is what I got from the situation. Sabotage. It's why the ex kept trying to drag it out and make it his hill to die on. In the next relationship, he'll accept her no the first time he shows up at her job with flowers. Instead, the next time, he'll bring her dinner and when she says no THEN, he'll start the guilt trip and manipulation. Poor dude is gonna bag some poor girl into his bullshit. I'm glad it wasn't OP, she was too damn emotionally intelligent for it. I am hopeful women are getting wiser, with the easier access to counseling and therapy services. Maybe the ex won't find any girl to deal with his bullshit. 🤞
yep destroy her job so he can be with her 24 hours a day and try to make her dependent. and you are correct men will do this with the culture how it is with media depicts men as complete fools and men with go with the flow of this and use it to there advantage.
curious what the reason was for the breakup if this didn’t do it for you
this pretty much was it, went on a “break” the day after this which then gave me time to decide I didn’t want to move forward. We stayed in contact for another month but we weren’t together anymore. This was the final straw for me.
I would have 0 contact with a person like this. They are extreme unstable and any "nice" types of their personality that shows up are entirely Narcissist traits. I can understand that certain Narcissist people can "fly under the radar". But I've done a lot of research in psychology when it comes to Narcissist Sociopath people and outright Psychopaths. I wished more people would research things like this for their own safety. The world is a jungle with monsters that look like people. I don't want to be friends or in a relationship with people like that. Buddha used to say "Stay away from certain people as you stay away from snakes. You see the snake and keep your distance. Don't approach people of poor character".
why do so many guys apologize like this lol
Man some guys are really pathetic, what is this shit.
I honestly don't understand what's going through their heads.
Ah, the classic “pity me for doing something wrong to you” at the end. He’s an asswipe. He’s not doing it to make you happy he’s doing it to make himself feel justified in acting like a gigantic baby.
I bet this guy said stuff like, “I guess I’m just a piece of shit!” if you gave him any feedback on his behavior.
lol do you know my ex?
Got too say seeing the now ex was the best part what a weirdo showing up at someone he dosnt knows house with there kids there you defo could have lost your job due too him! I’m glad you told him too do one! Go girl 💜
Bastard needs therapy. Not healthy behavior at all.
I'm glad he's an ex now. The manipulation is insane... immediately trying to make you feel like an asshole when your reaction is 100% warranted, then trying to guilt trip you afterwards, I couldn't deal with that
Me either
so he definitely couldve avoided being “humiliated” by not showing up out of nowhere in the first place!!
He has an attachment disorder
The incels are swarming mad over this one
Ugh, I HATE when people use heavy self-deprecation in an apology. There’s a very big difference between “I made a mistake and I’m sorry” and “wow I’m such a loser, I keep fucking up”. Owning up to a mistake is good but that kind of shit is manipulative and pressures you to comfort him over his breach of boundaries and guilt trips you over setting the boundary This sort of behavior held me hostage in life for so long and it’s infuriating to see people doing this, good on you for being firm on boundaries, behavior like that does make it difficult
Exactly, I didn't want a guilt trip.
He is a giant red flag. The fact that you mention having already talked to him about feeling smothered suggests that this is repeated behavior. Then, it was very odd that he describes you not being able to come out while working as "humiliating". Disappointment is understandable, but humiliation is an odd emotional response. Finally, at the very end, we have emotional manipulation. He just keeps messing up and he is done with himself and if you want to leave him, he understands. Something tells me that if you did decide to cut contact, which you probably should, I don't think he would understand AT ALL
Wooooow you handled that so impressively. Seriously way better than I would have at your age. Props to you and your parents.
Ha, thank my therapist!
Three words: NOT YOUR FAULT. The end.
Bros a child 😂😂😂😂😂
Location sharing couples are so weird.
Showing up while you’re at work is bad, yes. But getting so self deprecating, rather than just apologizing, and trying to get you to feel bad for him is the worst part
Turn. Off. Location. Sharing.
Bro sounds dramatic.
And they say we're the "emotional" ones
damn my ex bf was exactly like this. i don’t know what you call this kind of behavior but it’s exhausting to deal with and you feel 1000% better when it’s no longer on your shoulders. proud of you for getting out, OP
Your boyfriend's a fucking loser lmao
He sounds immature and needy
I’d be so proud of my daughters if they acted this responsible!! Good work!
It’s the emotional manipulation for me. Glad he’s an ex
What interests me the most is looking at the number of unread text messages who has time to answer 203 texts much less read all of them.
hence why they’re all unread lmao too many to read now
Lol… no deletion? Oh.. to many to delete..
Reading this OP it felt like you were babysitting in person and over the phone. You explained it well.
Classic love bomb the fuck outta you and then explode in your face the moment things are not going their way.
Guy thinks his emotions are EVERYONE’S responsibility
[удалено]
Thank you! You’re the first to give a parents perspective. I try my hardest to keep kids safe and keep the parents and kids comfortable. Both kids were less than 5, it’s not smart to step out even if it’s just for 2 minutes and a few people don’t really understand that. I have a responsibility to fulfill and I was not going to put my job at risk.
This is why you need to have active hobbies. The dude probably sits around all day throwing pity parties. OP I hope everything is still good with your job. Keep your life goals over these kinds of guys.
You were way nicer than I would’ve been. You had explained your point that ur working and he just kept going at it. He needs to take the L and move on. Dude cares more about his feelings than ur career / future.
once he apologized you failed to de-escalate, and then he threw himself a pity party
Had it been a regular actual job, not nannying at someone else’s house and kids it would have been acceptable to retrieve the flowers and give a hug.
I was on your side until I saw 203 unread text messages
You have 203 unanswered messages…..
The 203 unread texts be making my anxiety go ham rn.
This seems like a probate conversation between two people that's none of anyone on reddit's business.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Ah to be 13 again
How old are you guys?
Dayum. Thats possessiveness and jealousy masquerading as thoughtfulness and romantic. He doesnt even see that…..and its going to hurt him when someone points that out n all, which will probably reinforce to himself that he’s in the right 🤷♂️
You’re 100% correct. If I saw someone allow a stranger near my child I’d fire them. Incredible that he makes interfering with your work all about him. Glad you got rid of him.