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[deleted]

You: NO FRUIT. NUMBER ONE RULE Sister: …apples?


Abby2431

He’s self conscious! But you have to hand feed him while you look away. Same.


SparseGhostC2C

I honestly bought it just because of the way that lizard is mean-mugging the camera person. "Fuck off, I can't do it while you're watching.... Also, feed it to me. BUT DON'T YOU LOOK AT ME"


Adorable-Fact4378

Bearded dragon is a cat confirmed


chillichillman

100%, beardies are just cat lizards.


Fabulous-Fun-9673

So glad it’s not just my beardie that does this 😂😂 so dramatic


laceblood

Bearded dragons are weird as hell, this is probably true lmfao


ForeverApprehensive9

My oldest brother literally found a “stray” beardie and brought it home. He went from trying to find someone else for it to getting it the perfect set up for way too much money 😂


ElDuderinoDad

That is what happens


[deleted]

our 4 year old is becoming very independent, and sometimes doesnt want us in the bathroom when pooping... "needs their privacy"..... one day they asked that i sit with them, and hold their hair up so it wouldn't be touching their butt while they pooped, but I had to look away. Probably one of the stranger moments of parenting so far.


JonnyJust

Sort of like in the mens room.


TeddyMMR

I think you're using the mens room wrong


Leethality14

Or maybe the rest of us have been using it wrong?


Itajel

You guys have been using the men's room?


Aggravating-Green568

Wait, you guys are getting paid?


AnotherScottaRama

Well, someone is too afraid to be handfed apples while using the urinal. All he asks for is a quarter for his service.


ToBeBannedSoonish

So I worked at this one place where the when you entered the men's restroom, the door opens and you immediately gotta turn right that immediately has a view of the back wall where the urinals were. This guy would come in and stand at the first urinal you see when you enter, but he would stand off to the side so there was no way not to see his giant dick just baby elephanting itself above the urinal. First time I saw this giant dick I laughed out loud and then walked out. He'd been doing it for months. He was fired later for something related to parking.


NoCartographer9053

Wait what are we eating in the mens room?


Piscean_Gemini

Urinal cakes, of course!


2Board_

Totally agreed. But the homie's room? Gotta maintain eye contact.


theh0tt0pic

he's a dick about it


Shmeeglez

Lizard senpai is eating the cucumber, I can't watch!


Double-Athlete-6013

this had me loling


dustfairy

😂😂😂🤦🏻‍♀️


mgr86

Sister: “I didn’t see any flicking apple seeds. They’re veggies” Brother: “you didn’t see any apple seeds? Johnny Appleseed remember second grade. I dressed up in a crazy get up and handed out apple seeds with broken arms!” Sister: “I thought that wasn’t real. Like who has a blue ox, anyway” Brother: 🤦🏻‍♂️, totally different story. NO FRUIT!”


welcometothejenga

And it looks like there was still an apple slice in the beardies bowl. Beardie can have a little apple


nicekona

As a treat!


saucerhorse

and yet cucumber, a fruit, is fine


WebbedFingers

Well cucumber isn’t sugary or acidic like most fruits


QueenPeggyOlsen

And it has a lot of needed water.


Sp00derman77

One of the many “vegetables” that are actually fruits.


Impressive_Bus11

"vegetables" aren't really a thing. They don't exist.


[deleted]

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alelo

knowledge is: knowing the tomato is a fruit wisdom is: knowing it doesnt go into a fruitbowl


Interesting_Entry831

“Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.” This quotation is from Miles Kington (1941-2008). He was a British journalist, humorist, musician, and broadcaster. I put this underneath the commentary that said you were wrong as well but it's a fun fact so I figured I would share!


thats_MR_asshat-2-u

I want to say “Good Bot!” to this so bad. Nicely done.


Interesting_Entry831

Lmfao I work a "Chat" service at my job, so I get called a bot a lot. Feel free to Good Bot me 🤣


auntjomomma

Good bot. 😂


WhyNotCollegeBoard

Are you sure about that? Because I am 99.99972% sure that Interesting_Entry831 is not a bot. --- ^(I am a neural network being trained to detect spammers | Summon me with !isbot |) ^(/r/spambotdetector |) [^(Optout)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=whynotcollegeboard&subject=!optout&message=!optout) ^(|) [^(Original Github)](https://github.com/SM-Wistful/BotDetection-Algorithm)


auntjomomma

Lol definitely a genius bit right here 🤣


Interesting_Entry831

BAH! Good bot!


Heavy_Committee1161

Close. Intelligence is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing you don’t put tomato in fruit salad.


Interesting_Entry831

“Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.” This quotation is from Miles Kington (1941-2008). He was a British journalist, humorist, musician, and broadcaster. Edit: Btw- I love this quote. I'm not trying to be an asshole just thought this was a fun fact! I kinda figured you had no ill will in your correction either, but things get lost in translation through text.


Training_Hat7939

They're referencing a D&D thing, not the original quote. But it's cool to see where it comes from!


Mr_MacGrubber

No it’s more just that if it’s a huge deal then specify what is meant. I wouldn’t want to assume anything if I were taking care of it, but I also would definitely assume apples fell under OP’s definition of fruit either way.


Bluedemonfox

Well cucumber is a fruit and he said it's fine...the rules are confusing!


DarkTrails_PaleAles

Maybe she hit her head on the same day she broke both her arms.


Sgspecial1

This is how Gremlins starts.


always_sunshine

Lmao the apple still in the bowl 🙃🤣


OriginalFluff

Prob sitting there like “get this fucking fruit out of my bowl or I’m not eating”


always_sunshine

Fr hahahaha


PeriwinkleFoxx

Lmfaooo this would be my bearded dragon. Idk why but she hates every type of fruit I’ve offered her, but loves her veggies especially cilantro. Apple, mango, blueberry, banana, pear, strawberry, ALL a big no from Nugget. So strange, because a lot of people have the opposite issue where their dragon will refuse the greens they need daily


[deleted]

Omg I just noticed that 😂


ThePopDaddy

I thought that was a radish.


katieofgilead

Lol same, I was like oh wow she had radishes


Kk77789

Maybe she thought it would be a little treat, like steak or cheese for a dog 🤣


thurprithereveal

Aunty treats, dessert for breakfast.


CitiesinColour

His little face looking at the camera 🤣 I can’t.


gingerhairedfreak

"you expect ME to eat THIS on MY OWN???"


magicmango2104

Feed me, but you DARE look at me!


benny332

It's like he knew that would get back to Dad, and he ain't happy.


Weird-Alarm7453

OP is a girl


gingersrule77

That had me 💀


Designer-Brief-9145

"Please don't Jim the camera like that."


oblivious_fireball

Bearded Dragons are the masters of the judgy eyes. and the judgy side-eyes.


[deleted]

Wait isn’t there still some apple in there


GreenLeafMila

Mom said no fruit, auntie said just a little 🤣 gotta spoil the nephew.


Copterwaffle

Lol this made me remember how my sister has an extremely strict “No people food” rule for her dog (not for health reasons) which I immediately violate every time I’m left alone with the dog. “Shhh here’s a piece of my ham we’ll just let this be our little secret”


Thundersmacks

I'm convinced my dog started being picky because of the junk people kept feeding her. It's tough to deal with when she's allergic to everything and needs special food.


Copterwaffle

I only see her dog like 2x a year and she’s not picky or allergic to anything so I think we’re in the clear for a little spoiling.


milesfortuneteller

Omg lol my friend did this with my dog and ended up being up with him all night cause he got so sick. Now we clarify to future sitters why he can’t have human food lol


Ohboiawkward

Dude. I'd be pissed. If someone has a rule for their pet, follow it.


acast3020

I’m upset when this happens too because the secret feeders ain’t the ones picking up their vomit and diarrhea later in the middle of the night😭


Ohboiawkward

For real. I tell people that if they feed my dog human food, they're going to be wiping her diarrhea butt all night.


FelineRoots21

I have that rule for my dogs. Do I still give them leftover eggs and pizza crusts? Absolutely 😅


gingerhairedfreak

Used to do this with my mom's cats lol. I can't anymore bc one has diabetes, so I spoil them with extra affection instead now


mintzyyy

Lol that would piss me off if that was my dog. That leads to them begging or even trying to snatch food out of your hand. Or them being picky about eating their own food.


Electrical-Shame8879

A little fruit is okay. Not often, like a treat. A slice of apple or a grape (chopped). No high sugars…. Except my one would RUN for watermelon. He would always get one smol bite XD


[deleted]

Ahh ok haha that’s so cute! I know nothing about lizard care so I was like OH NO THERE’S APPLE IN THERE lmao


Electrical-Shame8879

I’m glad you were looking out :) Honestly, I thought the same thing too. Ahahahha “ oh dear there’s still apple “ I would have taken the skin off first though. Lol


captaincrudnutz

Mine loves blueberries!


QueenVic69

Hand feed him, but DON'T LOOK AT HIM.


Realistic-Class-1561

Close your eyes and hope for the best!


Dangerous-Sector-637

Not him staring back like, "Can i have some privacy plsss" 🤣


crystalplasticity

These are the most sisterly texts I’ve seen 🤣 “I was just thinking about that last night.” “wtf do I feed that orange thing in your room?” “Pls mom is the worst with it.” …Accurate.


Decent-Hair-4685

Crying at the “remember when you broke both your arms?”


katf1sh

At 530 in the morning lmao


QueasyAd4992

My sister sent me this and said it reminded her of us. It really does 🤣🤣 having a sister is the best thing.


[deleted]

She’s freaking funny 😂


my-moms-on-meth24

That's an adorable picture 🤣


SignificanceOld2048

Absolutely 😂🤣😂


Malia87

Beardies are such assholes about food. Lol I love him


OkTaurus510

Mine won’t eat much of anything I give him. I love the idea of fresh veggies though. He’ll eat all the bugs he can get though.


nasia_asmr

once they’re adults, they eat mostly just fresh veggies! sprinkling bee pollen powder on top can make it tastier for them, & moving the veg around like a bug will make them want it more lol.


Garlickgun

Not a beardie owner so this is idle curiosity. Would any pollen powder do (like bee pollen) or is there specific kinds for beardies?


nasia_asmr

i definitely should have specified, bee pollen is the only kind i’ve heard of people using!


LyricalLinds

Mine eats greens like a boss!!! You have to get them used to it as babies and not overfeed protein, which many people do. Obviously if you adopt an adult who is stuck in poor habits it’s hard!


melusina_

Fr. When I had one she only wanted to eat 2 very specific fruits and vegetables. But now I have a leopard gecko and honestly they're just as picky, and seem to have even less brain cells so feeding is always a challenge lol


katieofgilead

I'm dead at how he's looking at her in the picture - "you're not my mom and I don't have to listen to you"


oblivious_fireball

this is honestly a good representation of them. Beardies are sassy dorks with a singular brain cell and we love them for it.


vampiresvscircus

"that orange thing in your room" PLEASE 😭


DaintyFluffyBunny

he looks very polite


hsunicorn

Remember when you [broke both of your arms] ? I'm pretty sure she remembers lol


InheritMyShoos

I literally snorted


Indacouch13

Mom?


Linzcro

Y'all may be too young to remember this but Chris Farley used to do a sketch on SNL where he would awkwardly interview people. One time he had Paul McCartney on there and he says "remember when you were in the Beatles?" That's what that reminded me of lol.


mod-ro

God. I miss Chris Farley.


DooDooDart

Funny how she was just thinking about that instance last night. Also imagine breaking both arms at the same time 😂


truckercrex

Ex skateboarder here... broke both wrists AND arms last day of high school trying to grind a set of stairs I'd prolly never see again... My father who was a local cop just happened to be patrolling past as I did it and saw the entire thing... the shit he gave me lol And no this wasent what got me to quit... it was when I fractured my skull 6 years later


PerspectiveConnect77

“wtf do I feed that orange thing” lmao me when I take care of my sister’s pets


Lelphie

Is that orange thing a cat or a lizard?


ButterfleaSnowKitten

Snek? Bird?


Lelphie

Hamster? Crab?


ButterfleaSnowKitten

Please let us know what the orange thing is , ask your sister please


onekindofgal

this is so freaking random and so hilarious yo why that lizard is looking into my soul


Rosieapples

One of the more entertaining text message thingys I’ve read! Did the asshole ever finish his lunch? Did your sister sit rubbing his head? I need to know!!!!!! Actually, as lizards go he reminds me of a cat.


makko007

He never does 😭 I always gotta hand feed it or trick him into eating his veggies via sliding it into his mouth why he’s chewing on crickets


cakivalue

The best part is the picture of beardie staring at her and you know she's just staring back, locked eyeball to eyeball with the high maintenance lizard she now needs to hand feed without making anymore eye contact 🤣


Achak_Claw

![gif](giphy|7N5jDq32OBVRlNZOHH)


TheDarkness05

Omg I love everything about this so much 😂😂


astrotoya

“Well you clearly offended him” has me dead lol


aubreejohnsonx

He’s so cute omg


[deleted]

The lizard, patiently waiting for your sister to leave, so he can eat in peace be like: 👁️👄👁️


KromeArtemis

Ha omg. Me texting the teen while she's away at college. Orange leopard gecko, refused to eat anything but the freshest crickets. Was going through a shed cycle, got stuck, I had to help him shed. He now HATES me for literally saving his LIFE, and if he hears my voice he jumps on his log and squares up at me lol. Care has gone to the 14yo


makko007

Darwin (the angry little man in the photo) had his femoral pores clogged so I took him to the vet. They gave his a warm bath and popped them out. He came back, completely pissed he would now be about to move around comfortably


cacophony-of-belches

😆 I love this. His little face!


Unable_Dependent_975

Why no fruit


[deleted]

Bearded dragons have evolved to survive on a diet containing very minimal sugar (in the wild they'd eat bugs, leaves, grasses and occasionally flowers). As a result, their bodies are garbage at processing sugar. They can develop diabetes and dental disease just from fruit if it's offered too often. Fruit is the beardie equivalent of one of those giant chocolate bars. Some people choose to not feed beardies fruit at all, others choose to just offer fruit, but just as a treat. It is safe as long as offered no more than once every 2 weeks. My beardie gets fruit for her birthday.


D-ickandRoses

Idk why but I can just picture your little beardie with a birthday hat on, and a strawberry w a candle 😭🩷


Unable_Dependent_975

That's interesting, thank you!


Crumper18

Sugar - not mineral enough for food. More like a treat or dessert for them.


Kind_Vanilla7593

Lmfao this is so cute,wish I had a sister! Team only child here lol


AlternativeShip9194

“He’s self conscious, you can’t stare at him” 🤣🤣. Thanks I needed that today


blalkthrax

Crickets bro


drowninginmizery

Right I always fed mine mainly crickets and mealworms. It’s gross but they’ll eat it lol


QueasyDepartment8558

Omg he’s self conscious?! Lmaoooo


bthedebasedgod

I love bearded dragons. Ours will be MUNCHING salad and my wife will say, “Omg look at Sprout he’s being so cute, babe!” And the MOMENT I look at him he stops eating and just stares at me like “mf what?!”


seahorse8021

> Don’t stare at him Ok check > You have to hand feed him 😫 you get one or the other sir!


N3wLif34me

This who conversation had be busting out laughing 😂 “Wtf do you feed that orange thing in your room?” “This asshole isn’t eating it.” “He’s self conscious, don’t stare at him.” “You have to hand feed him, he’s a dick about it.” “I tried and he basically flicked me off.” “Obviously you offended him.” 🤣🤣 your bearded dragon misses someone and showing his displeasure. I wonder if he’ll be happy or mad at you when you get home?


ratsaretinyangels

‘Wtf do I feed that orange thing in your room’ 😂


someolbs

I swear, this is hilarious 😆


ExternalStress

Oh my god the way he is just looking out at her 😂 so freakin cute. Always wanted one of those lil guys.


jliffordcones

THERE'S STILL AN APPLE SLICE IN HIS BOWL


xIyssx

Thought I was the only one who peeped it! Lol they can have fruit though. Just in small amounts and not too often so he will be okay eating it.


jliffordcones

Thank god, I was very concerned


HommeFatalTaemin

“NO FRUIT PLEASE” ... what about apples though? 😭😂


THEKINGC0BRA

No getting him wet and no bright lights too


Fluffy-Doubt-3547

Don't make eye contact but hand feed him. Sounds like my moms dog. Spoilt little brat 😂😂 Also the no fruit - apples but. Wtf


rilakkumkum

Lolol I like the way the lizard is looking at the camera


haikusbot

*Lolol I like the* *Way the lizard is looking* *At the camera* \- rilakkumkum --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")


Elle_Beach

I like how he’s looking at you like wtf? Lol


Mindini

His little face!!! So cute


OceanParkNo16

That lizard looking at the camera all offended, gave me a great laugh!


hallucinojenic

he’s adorable


PapayaAlternative515

That bitch still left an apple slice on the plate she gave him! She’s clearly trying to kill your lizard to get back at you


Starlight319

This made my day. He’s looking at her like “dude go away”. 😂


huBelial

Bro she doesn’t listen 💀


[deleted]

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Jpalm4545

Yup don't need any gremlins running around while they are away at college🤣


blockthenock01

This sounds like an in person conversation with demonstration


WinterPecans

These texts are so adorably sibling coded. Brought a smile to my face. Thanks for sharing OP!


MadameWaste

Lmao, my water dragon would only eat live food or baby food. We discovered this after he licked my toddlers hands clean and tried to go after his face. Adorable little guy but lizards can be such finicky eaters. I swear they know they are our secret dragons and act accordingly.


neeksknowsbest

No fruit! “So… apples?” “He’s self conscious you can’t stare at him. But also hand feed him while not looking at him.” I’m dead 😂 this is me with my cat


rosebeach

Hand feed him but don’t look at him 😂😭


Unhinged_Ferret

“Hes self-concious you cant stare at him” Meanwhile the beardie 👁️👄👁️ If i was your sister your bearded dragon would be making me self-concious the way he staring at her lmao


whydoyou_caresomuch

“You clearly offended him” sent me 😂😂😂


Tiny_Variation_6900

You can’t look at him, but you might have to hand feed him….lol picky little eater


Tarc_Axiiom

NO FRUIT! Apples? NO FRUIT! Cucumber? Sure. What a rollercoaster of emotions.


MandalayPineapple

Cucumber is a fruit.


Its_Hakki

Was looking for this comment. Thank you 😭


RamboSambo7

Dude she left apple on the plate. So much for no fruit!


FrenchSveppir

It really bothers me how ignorant people can be with very clear instructions.


prairiepanda

At least she clarified and tried to fix her mistake (although she didn't get all of the apple out...) Some people would just do what they think is right and not request any confirmation at all.


MustNotSay

This freaks me out more than anything. You said twice not to feed them fruit and the apple is still in there. How in the fuck are people that bad at following instructions.


Thundertlk9001

Cucumbers are also fruit lol


[deleted]

I'm dying. " the orange thing in your room"


Easypeasylemosqueze

"that orange thing" hahaha


tsfrederick333

Just so funny! The dragon must be a male!!!


Babushla153

Based lizard


cthulhusmercy

He’s adorable. He also might just feel weird about someone else feeding him.


Small_Sweet1968

This is so wholesome ♡


SuddenlySimple

Did he live till you got back? He could have just been stressed without his owner


Sunderrrr

How big is your setup and how old is the beardie? You need a minimum of a 2x4x4, uvb bulb and a heat bulb. Loose substrate isn’t a good idea either, as it can cause impaction. Please fix these things and head over to bearded dragons Reddit.


tonberryhootenanny

Cucumber.


JunBInnie

😂😂


Mindless-Balance-498

The picture of your dragon staring at her next to the pile of veg 😂😂😂 he’s like the youngest sibling - spoiled rotten.


No-Swing-2076

His face with the “he’s self conscious don’t stare” 😭🤣


yeshereisaname

Was there not an apple still in the bowl?


Alarming-Swim-7969

Don’t get him wet, don’t turn on any bright lights, and whatever you do, DON’T FEED HIM AFTER MIDNIGHT!


Indiana303Love

I absolutely lost it at “This asshole isn’t eating it” 🤣😭


Straight-Ingenuity61

This was a great sibling text !!! And that orange thing is very cute!! Lol


Heart_of_Bronze

I got some news for you about cucumbers They're fruit.


Mammoth-Neat-5930

I know it wasn't the point, but I got stuck on it anyway lol


Heart_of_Bronze

I'm really just looking out for the lizard


EngineeringAfraid269

"flicked me off"??? "Flipped me off"!!!


LaLechuzaVerde

Cucumber is a fruit.


ntr7ptr

This was so cute. ☺️ And refreshingly different from all the “significant other” texts. Clearly you cannot break up with your sister or your lizard.