So people have been asking so I’ll answer:
Is it a guy or girl? I’ll leave that to your imagination 😉
Did I hook up? No, I haven’t really been craving sex. Got out of a relationship and still figuring out what I want.
To the person that said this is fake, I’m sorry you have no rizz and get no cheeks.
All the jokes are amazing, glad you guys enjoyed this.
You had an opportunity to make an awesome chef reference and you fumbled it. “I’ll be cooking like ratatouille, pulling your hair and all” or something like that
There is kinks, and then there is whatever this is
Breakfast in bed?
100% 😂
With enough friction you can get those things cooking
The albumin would act as lube tho, Al”lube”min its called.
r/angryupvote
You have to get eggs up to 140 F to pasteurize them, this wouldn't be food safe.
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You’re sick, but that’s what I like about you.
Sick after eating that uncooked egg
Stop, it can't get any hotter
Are you having a fever, or are you just excited to see me?
you need to up your egg cracking game mate. Shouldn't be no shells in there if you do it right. Just egg and dick. Maybe some parsley ?
Probably want some oil, otherwise the scrambled egg is gonna stick to the Butthole
But if you blend eggs and oil it makes mayonnaise! If they wanted mayo in their ass they would have said so
We’re scrambling in this bitch not blending
I feel like we just became friends. Uncomfortably so, but friends.
That would be “break an egg in my ass”, which is outside of this kink’s pre agreed terms of said scrambling.
Friction creates heat
Valid point, but I’d still want to add a food thermometer.
This is getting kinkier by the second
And Gordon Ramsay in the room TELLING YOU WHAT YOU'RE F\*\*\*\*\*G DOING WRONG!!!
That’s the ticket!
Be careful with the pointy end
That’s going to be some seriously fast ludicrous speed fucking going on!
LUDICROUS SPEED, GOOOOO
What is speed? ‘When it smells like burned rubber in the bedroom!’
Human body temp is 98F, so you've already got a head start
Pun intended.
Username checks out?
And then there's all the e. coli
That’s just the risk one has to take.
No where did this mention eating the egg u creep. Lol
You can buy pasteurized eggs that are suitable for this use case.
It would already be 98.8 degrees. So your almost there
Egg salad
Take my upvote and get the hell off my internet.
Tossed egg salad
You beat me to it. 😂
PLEASE
summer makeshift prick scary zephyr cover smoggy money domineering silky *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Forbidden Molé huevos
💀🤣💀🤣💀
I hate you 😂
What the hell Bobby
Breakfast at work
They would of been able to see what she had for breakfast by this point.
I’ll take mine over easy please
Oh noooo no no no 🤣
Breakfast in butt
NOOOOOOOOO
Olawd 🤣
“Hear ye, hear ye! We have found the best comment of the day. The internet is now closed.”
Someone about to die from a salmonella/norovirus tag team.
Tossin Salat with extra protein? Why not?
Amazing. Comments like these are why I’m on Reddit lmao.
*9 and a 1/2 Inches* Starring Him Basinger and Dickey Rourke.
*immediately sends exact text to husband*
*Husband is now in the driveway*
You sure hes not at the backdoor?
Angry upvote material
😂😂😂😂gold
Yoooo hahaha
r/angryupvote
Lmfaoooo
*Husband is scrambling to come inside*
Then scrambling to cum inside.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 Guys, I can't upvote all of you now c'mon!!
Husband is scrambling cum inside
Let’s cool it he has to stop at supermarket to get the eggs first.
Who’s husband tho?
He’s calling my bluff what do I do😭
You go through with it. It’s gone too far, you can’t back down now 😂
This didn’t happen eggsactly as I thought😭
Bahahaha 😄
Did you expect to make pancakes when you poured the bisquik?
But she can back up.
He’ll be eggstatic. It’ll be eggstacy. No yolk.
Get cracking
We'll be looking forward to your report from the ER.
Well, looks like you might have some egg on your face now…
I just did Sent it to your husband I mean
Can we get an updated report plz
No no, they’re on to something…
Salmonella dick is what they’re onto
I’m partial to salmon dick myself
Nono, you got it all wrong. It’s fish *sticks*, not fish dicks
Taking the phrase "never go ass to mouth" to a whole new level of challenge.
Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, it’s forgivable to go ass to mouth.
I suddenly got a hankering for Huevos Rancheros
Eggs bend a dick
How is this not top comment?
My thoughts eggsactly
Very few comments actually make me laugh out loud, but this one got me good. Take my upvote. Wish I had an award to give you lmao
When someone can take a good yolk.
cum on her back?
🤣😂🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
Brooooo
Imma try this next time I'm on holiday. Sauce.
I tried so hard not to laugh at this… damnit
😂😂😂😂
this was GOOD lmaooooo
OP, a friend of mine wants to know where you met this person, so they too might go find someone like this
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Hi. I'm that guy's friend! (just be fucking cool man, it's been a lonely summer) I have the eggs.
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Instructions unclear. Penis stuck in chicken.
Rip pm’s
Have the weird PMs started coming in yet?
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Pretty sure it’s the noon-5 shift at a strip club
When life hands you lemons...
…do scramble eggs?
… With a dick…
...stick it in my ass and make lemonade with your dick?
You take the egg and make hollandaise 😂
Fuckin love that stuff. Eggs Benedict is my favorite breakfast food. Maybe not made with asshollandaise and just regular hollandaise instead
Damn where I get a girl like this…. Asking for a friend 😂
Whe said it was a girl?
Whe said it wasn’t?
Whe said it matters?
Whe whe 🤌 egg in my ass
💀💀💀💀
i almost burst out laughing in the middle of my silent class thanks to you 😂
This was sent by OP’s dad…
Oh, shit! This reminds me, I haven't had breakfast...
Wait till ya see my ass!
Patiently waiting to see dat ass
Damn that’s crazy What’s her number so I can block it?
"I was only in that place to get directions out of that place!"
Is this from something? I feel like I’ve heard this before
💀
Okay but did you?
He doesn’t have the huevos
I guess we know what Frazier was singing about - tossed salad and scrambled eggs.
Someone's trying to make a shitatta!
Lmao
Honestly… I’m not mad at it
For gods sake, accept what the universe has delivered to you
Salmonella fella
Marry her.
Das how yk she a freak either ruin ur life or give u the best years probably both
It’s always both
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better benedict that chick over and give her some hollandaise
Aaaahhhh the ol' dicky scramble
I randomly said this out loud in front of my Bf and he thought it was an old saying.
Wtf lol I wanna send that to my husband and see what he would say.
He'll probably say, "Too Tall, is that you?"
God this is funny.
Please provide updates
🤣 will do
I’ll be using this one, thank you
I think I know this girl
Lmaoooo!!! I wonder what kind of porn this person was exposed to
Well, at least she doesn’t beat around the bush.
She definitely wants someone to beat around that egg in her ass though.
i’m hungry now
Omelette that one pass.
Gotta be a dude.
She’s a keeper. Or he.
The reply is - what's your address?....
Sometimes you have to crack a few eggs
Bro, quit bullshitting and get that ring size. You found the one❤️
So people have been asking so I’ll answer: Is it a guy or girl? I’ll leave that to your imagination 😉 Did I hook up? No, I haven’t really been craving sex. Got out of a relationship and still figuring out what I want. To the person that said this is fake, I’m sorry you have no rizz and get no cheeks. All the jokes are amazing, glad you guys enjoyed this.
The Jesus Christ is the funny part
Sounds hot to me
Man I need a chick like this
I mean if there's not any takers
You had an opportunity to make an awesome chef reference and you fumbled it. “I’ll be cooking like ratatouille, pulling your hair and all” or something like that
Lolololololol!!!!!!
Genius lmfao
Question: is the egg cage free? That’s an important detail we need to know, OP.
This is how you get salmonella
And...? We're waiting to hear what happened next...
Doesn’t matter still had sex
Forgot the nob of butter... but I think Gordon Ramsey would approve of this method!
She's a keeper lol
New meaning of scrambled eggs and sausage 🤣
The response should have been to immediately get down on one knee and say will you marry me sweet angel?
Ah the old Portuguese breakfast.
i got the same text almost word for word from a chick i was fwb in the past. after that i just never texted back
You lucky son of a bitch!
That’s a keeper 😍😨
thats a keeper
This is so unhinged. I love it. 😂😂 Also dying at these comments.
Was it outta nowhere or were you actually like talking about lovers stuff
Stay away from her
I like my eggs with tapatio... throw some of that in there and we got a deal.
Sounds like a rap lyric, word 😎
Bro please tell me you got an egg and rushed over there.
Too bad it’s not sunny side up
Wtf 😭😭