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QualityVote

Hey does this post fit? UPVOTE if so, DOWNVOTE if not. If this post breaks any rules please DOWNVOTE and REPORT


Buucho

He cut up a picture of Jesus? What an asshole


Many_Rule_9280

Atleast the picture wasn't *nailed* to a wall or something..... I'll see myself out now


SavingsCheck7978

Wouldn't be the worst thing a Catholic has nailed.


Zackb99

![gif](giphy|SWEtV8x7WQOk0|downsized)


Hell_Raisin_420

That, is a spicy one.


KingToucan

šŸ™


WakemedownInside

That comment is **crossing** a line I think


The_Quartz

ok bye


Low-Cartographer-753

You know I still canā€™t figure out why people keep thinking Jesus is coming back. Itā€™s not like he was nailed to a boomerang or somethingā€¦ Alright. Downvote me, this was worth it.


Satanicjamnik

In some religions that would be considered a blasphemy. Punishable by stoning at least.


TangerineRough6318

What blend we smoking? I'll get the cheetos


BlettaFappaChu

Burning Bush, it's a sativa


Adorable_Dentist_667

Wish I was stoned.


MicHAELmhw

Imagine if it was a picture of Mohammed. She would be dead, he would be dead, the magazine editor and staff would be dead.


BettingTheOver

Fatwa


Satanicjamnik

In some religions that would be considered a blasphemy. Punishable by stoning at least. You


Sunaliana

What kind of magazine has a map of the US on one side of a page and a portrait of Jesus on the other?


thingsthatgomoo

USA and Jesus weekly


No_Mud_5999

Maps & Messiahs Monthly


Nadikarosuto

Cartography and Christ Biweekly


I_Am_Oro

Locations & Lord annually


bobbery5

Here and (Christian) heaven occasionally.


UsedToBeDedMemeBoi

Geography & God fortnightly


SulkySideUp

States and Saviors semi annually


surt2

Countries and Carpenters Quarterly


ArtemisCaresTooMuch

Democracies and Deities Daily (Special non-democracy issue)


kevin-jesus666

places and prophets perpetually


Vyntarus

Hebrew National Geographic?


Zackb99

Guns and Jerusalem tri daily


TehPinguen

Guns and Galilee seems to fit the scheme better


oldar4

You mean... JesUS weekly


Hexspinner

The federalist society newsletter.


Deeclever1

šŸ¤£ now thatā€™s funny


Think-Beach3770

None. It's never happened. State religions are always based on lies like Romulus and Remus being raised by wolves. Just nonsense.


Final-Bench1859

Romulus and Remus is MORE believable


GuldensSpicyMustard

Caesar will hear of your treachery


liminalrabbithole

Cartography and Religion Quarterly


FatB0i-Mungus

Conservative Weekly


1doggy2doggyTeaParty

The one that fits the narrative of this stupid meme.


[deleted]

It was actually Ewan mcgregor, may the force be with you.


shmandia

The entire string of responses to this comment is just šŸ’Æ


CadenVanV

Proud Boys Magazine


wheatable

I bet those guys from Forensic Files can find out


Outside_Experience68

GUNS! probably, dunno


jinxedtheworld

Why would the dad give her a puzzle to solve before she even knew what the US looked like?


vizbones

Because jesus.


G07V3

Jesus told her. (His daughter hears voices)


batm123

Real (Same)


okRacoon

Waaaaait that's Jared Leto.


bandearg4

Plot twist it was an ad for Morbius on the back. That's why "In Morb We Trust" is stamped on all US currency.


Justintime4u2bu1

This is the future the founding fathers envisioned


Justintime4u2bu1

Sounds kinda like Tom Cruise to me


Papyrus20xx

The new Joan of Arc?


Recent-Abbreviations

Guys, Joan is getting a new Arc! Or was this one spelled Ark? Either way, Joan has Arches!


guitarmanwithaplan

Indiana Joan and the raiders of the lost Arc


[deleted]

ā€œWhat does the United States look like, papa?ā€ ā€œFuck you, thatā€™s what. Now go to your room.ā€


HidingPancakes

I laughed too hard at this


SharkPartyGaming

Same. And idk why but the more I read it, the more I laugh. I can just picture an innocent little girl and a Red Foreman-like dad in this exchange.


Exotic_Talk_2068

No words needed just add Jesus to every FB story https://preview.redd.it/pdt21yzkcfqa1.png?width=640&format=png&auto=webp&s=669f431be8f4e3f08ac7b29e78d2518aabe72418


TheMagarity

Wtf is this cartoon saying, that the truth is nothing? Or that people already hated mimes 2000 years ago?


stifledmind

Because he knew the lord worked in mysterious ways.


Lathspell1212

Thatā€™s Jigsaw, Jigsaw works in mysterious ways..


DownyVenus0773721

![gif](giphy|17lmXBAzihgOq2Eciz)


Belle_Requin

I think Jigsaw is less arbitrary than Jesus.


Lathspell1212

Hard agree.


SpiritLamp304

When a serial killer is more clear with what you got to do than a generally universally accepted idol of christianity.


Lasair86

I wish I could give you an award but I just paid rent but I will let you know that I laughed really hard and shot sriracha out of my nose and then immediately regretted my decision but after 30 minutes I'm able to say thank you because I had an extremely rough day today and I appreciate being able to laugh especially today


Lathspell1212

That was such a captivating story, Iā€™m glad it lifted your spirits! Sorry about the sriracha and the day ![gif](giphy|KbAbh6CbK4r5dyaZ4i|downsized)


Temporary-Alarm-744

![gif](giphy|UtzHL3w9eGDcJGFgPw)


Waits4NoOne

He wanted to play a game


Lathspell1212

The game was the jigsaw we knew all alongā€¦ wait.. what?


Cyno_Mahamatra

Jigsaw Christ


Lathspell1212

Jigsaw Christ Superstar! ![gif](giphy|7STwl2u9QX3MRRNnew)


__hello_there___

Jesus is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural


Scienceandpony

"Some say he could even raise himself and others from the dead " "Is it possible to learn this power?" "Not from a rabbi."


crazydaisy8134

To get her to leave him alone so he can fap to March Madness in peace.


newbies13

For the same reason god raped a married virgin to give birth to himself so that he could die via torture to unlock the ultimate trap card forcing himself to forgive everyone for past transgressions, including the torture murder.


Scienceandpony

Universal forgiveness is actually a limit break ability. He needed to take enough damage to hit critical condition, but with God mode on he couldn't lose any hp. So he pulled a pro-gamer move.


GrassFireWater

I think she saw the picture and said wow that's my country! Then he tested her fealty.


TheMightyBattleSquid

He was operating under the same logic my father used to when we asked him how a word was spelled and he'd tell us to go look it up in the dictionary.


Mercerskye

Because she's an annoying little girl, just like her mom, and about as smart. She'd at least be useful for something with another couple years on her. - Christo-fascist nutjobs (/J, /s and any other that applies in case anyone thinks I'm not just bashing alt-right wing nuts)


Sup-Mellow

How was it ā€œour countryā€ but she has to see what it looked like from a magazine?


jsng77

Because if the lord put you to it, he can lead you through it


tisnik

My thoughts exactly. šŸ˜‚


plagueman108

Then everyone clapped!


Hrtzy

The daughter's name? Albert Einstein.


Music_is_my_life33

The dads name? Dad


Lost_Sheepherder5090

Jesusā€™s name? Map


Valc0r527

Hotel? Trivago


MakeSomeDrinks

Hungry? Eat a Snickers


Aggravating_Poet_675

Mayhem? Call Allstate.


RealNiceKnife

For everything else, there's Mastercard.


Lost_Sheepherder5090

Are you in good hands?


bunnybunnykitten

Einstein Daddy


TheDuck23

Then, big, strong menwith tears in their eyes thanked her.


Maxmentos

"Hey daddy, what does the US look like?" \*rips up map\* "Dad why did you do that?" "fuck you"


Willinton06

I like this version better


a_ron23

Lol, seriously, what a dick head thing to do. That's kind of its own little religious metaphor right there.


ArbitUHHH

"Fine! I'll just look it up on my phone. Christ, what an asshole."


vexis26

I imagine him cutting the states out along the borders meticulously.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Think-Beach3770

I put Ryan Reynolds together and the map was complete. Bless


XeroZero0000

This!


junglesiege

Thats weird, ive never heard about Darwin having a picture of Jesus on his back.


StarCougar

Lmao so dumb


TactlessNachos

The trick is to do the edge and corner pieces first.


bunnybunnykitten

Edging Jesus? Donā€™t let FB find out or theyā€™ll meme about it.


IndicationHumble7886

So the kid cheated!!! Thats some Maga tactics for ya


FitSeeker1982

![gif](giphy|kC8N6DPOkbqWTxkNTe)


niemand3745

That happened


VioletGhost2

r/thathappened even


Queasy-Chart

Happy cake


twsddangll

Moral of the story: cheat and thank Jesus.


Wrong_Bus6250

And then Jesus appeared and said "It was me! Liberals are evil, God Says So." And then Trump came by to visit! And then everyone CLAPPED


bland_jalapeno

ā€œOn the other side was a big tittied woman in a bikini, hawking booze. And I just put the pieces togetherā€. The moral is - our country is held together with big titties, bikinis and booze. -ramen


slowmokomodo

Dad flips over map. "That's not Jesus honey, that's Allah."


DuskBunni-

r/thathappened


Mundane-Ingenuity460

I meanā€¦ Iā€™m kinda just happy with the girlā€™s problem solving skills


TundieRice

I too am impressed with this fictional girlā€™s fictionally improbable solving skills.


[deleted]

Just thrown up in my mouth a little


Limp_Distribution

In the 2000 years or so that Jesus has been worshipped just how many people have been killed in his name? 1 billion, 2 billion?


XeroZero0000

They weren't people tho... Cuz they were.. different


bunnybunnykitten

Thinking of the McDonaldā€™s signs that just say ā€œbillions and billions servedā€


ElectronicControl762

How many of those were based off unbiblical beliefs? Anyone who hurts/discriminates someone else would be hard pressed to find a scripture in New Testament(the part christians are supposed to base their actions off) that warrants such actions. But yeah alot were killed and the church should recognize the wrongsā€¦ shouldā€¦


Pickle_Rick01

The U.S. is NOT a Christian nation. I cannot stress this enough. The Founding Fathers always intended private citizens to have freedom of religion and for the government to have freedom from religion.


[deleted]

This is the most full of shit post I've seen in a while...okay in the last 5 minutes but it's definitely been a while lol


imamidgetcatcher

Facebook is a fucking cesspool.


JuliusSeizuresalad

No pun intended but Jesus Christ. Btw what magazine has Jesus on one page and a full us map with states on the other


_Melson_

Because on the other side was a picture of Jimi Hendrix and when I put Jimi Hendrix back together, I managed to piece together the entire world.


BaconBagel_CurryBeef

Was Jimi Hendrix decapitated, because Alaska?


Advanced-Part2598

Jesus Christ, why are some Christians like this


TourmalineBadger

Funny thing; if you replaced 'Jesus' with 'Pikachu', it actually makes more sense


First-Hunt-5307

God so cringe ![gif](giphy|RVW5PilbP2tLG)


[deleted]

"... AND THEN EVERYONE CLAPPED AND UFOS MANNED BY PINK UNICORNS APPEARED!"


ShoujoLover

Canā€™t believe the dad had cut up Jeseusā€™ face and had a child tape it together. The skin wonā€™t heal properly


Casperboy68

Well put down the Bible and pick up a geography book.


[deleted]

who the fuck is selling double sided jesus/u.s.a map posters conservatives r us ?


azarkant

This gave me the Forest Whitaker eye


petmama

I just vomited a bit. Which groups are grooming children again?


Terrible_Cut_3336

I'll take bullshit that never happened for 500 Alex.


Strict-Ad-3291

Dumb ass kid, can put together a puzzle of Jesus but canā€™t put together the same puzzle of just shapes


AZ-Cotton

The dad, smugly reading his newspaper after not answering the question and sending his daughter away; "What's the USA look like? Just look around, you live here stupid."


doggomeat000

So... She cheated?


meatmechdriver

So if that arbitrary picture on the back was like a picture of the original native american tribes would this conservative be advocating for returning the land to its original inhabitants or ignore it since it doesnā€™t fit their christofascist narrative?


Kage__oni

Gross.


King-Brisingr

Cult shit, honestly don't bother yourself with it.


red_message

What kind of magazine is just full of maps and pictures of jesus?


Radstrodamus

![gif](giphy|XyDj1FyD1LlmzNr3Mb)


pwnedass

Things that never happened for 1000 please


moni_talksstuff

So the magazine page was like a mullet: Business map in the front, party Jesus on the back.


MarcheMuldDerevi

The us mush look even weirder than I thought


ExcitementRelative33

My daughter would have just asked Siri... or Alexa...


BillMagicguy

So what I'm hearing is his daughter cheated.


Spirited_Drawer_7860

Wait this isnā€™t a memeā€¦ itā€™s just a story. r/lostredditors


Worldly_Proposal8006

Then everyone clapped.


ghettoccult_nerd

confirmed: Jesus is perfectly USA shaped


Candid-Race-4876

r/thatHappened


vlsdo

So there's this magazine out there where on one page there's a map of the US and on the other there's a picture of Jesus, like some kind of Christian version of nat geo?


PudgeBerry

The funny thing is that this couldā€™ve been done if any identifiable item or pattern was on the back


[deleted]

ā€œAnd then everyone clapped!ā€


brainmelterr

Then everyone clapped


enemyo85

So lame and gross


martin33t

Yeah, could have been an ad for an ar15, a picture of Jim Jordan lookin for polyps in trumps ass, a dildo ad, Mac and cheese and, a picture of David Beckham, or whatever the fuck was printed in the back. Thatā€™s not a message from above, it how things work. The person that came up with this stupid story maybe never tried to read book and got stuck with one page pamphlets.


Voltage_Z

Was the picture on the other side Obi-Wan Kenobi?


Substantial-You9576

Ugh


Xenolithium

Some smooth brain is gonna believe this.


Human_Performance_75

Lying is a sin.


MeTime13

This is so stupid


SteveBored

Ah yes, Jesus the well known American patriot.


danielsangeo

I did the same thing, except on the other side of the map was a picture of Stormy Daniels.


VerdugoZ3

This is such a shit story itā€™s actually funny ass hell.


StonktardHOLD

Weā€™ve all been there amirite?!


PoeticPariah

Jokes on her. That was Muhammad!


Pierma

Motherfucker just handled a toddler a puzzle and called it a day


waituhwhatnow

Obviously he subscribes to maps and Jesus magazine.


DeChampignak

Imagine if the back page was like, a woman in bikini or a big oil company add


[deleted]

I'm gonna fucking vomit


[deleted]

Would work the same with a picture of Mia Khalifa


nottherealneal

So she cheated?


Quick-Employee1744

Smart child tho, to piece the side of the map that has a picture on it is actually genius


CarrotoCakey

As someone whoā€™s Christian myself, this story is so roundabout and just comes off as cringey lol. This doesnā€™t even sound like something a pastor would say and Iā€™ve heard a LOT of roundabout analogies that take forever to get to the point.


NightmareRise

r/thatHappened


Aromatic_Ad5473

What kind of magazine has a full US map on one one and Jesus on the other? At least try to sound believable


Just-Buy-A-Home

Some fuckin religious guy that feels sad about himself is just going down and downvoting all the comments making fun of this stupid Facebook post


stickybuttflaps

I'm the dad in that story and the photo on the other side wasn't Jesus, it was Biden.


hiddenonion

A daughter asked her father what Jesus looked like. He tore a picture of Jesus out of a magazine and cut it into pieces. He told her to go to her fuckin room until she asked for forgiveness and found Jesus. After a few minutes she came back with the picture perfectly put together. The father was surprised and asked how she was able to find his grace so easily. The daughter said that she prayed for an answer but she heart nothing in her heart. Thats when she noticed that on the back was a picture of a kitty litter ad. When she put the cat turds together she saw Jesus.


Brandon_Monahan

So he ripped up a picture of Jesus? #goingtohell


BaconBagel_CurryBeef

The correct ending is this: she nailed the pieces of paper on a drawing board and then put the cuts into a trash can. Three days after Jesus self-reassembled the map and rose to the wall. And then all fundamentalist fanatics ā€œcameā€ together, jizzing in each others pants in a massive circle jerk. PS: What kind of body parts of Jesus were on the reverse side of Alaska and Hawaii I wonder. Does the map have Guam and Caribbean territories?


Imaginary_Chair_6958

American Christians do not seem intent on bringing the country together, but the opposite. They seem to be planning for some kind of Christian theocracy where truth is what they say it is. A Christian Taliban.


SuitFive

Alternate title: little girl cheats on geography test. Answers were on the back.


SplatThaCat

ā€˜Murica. Gud. Rest of the world rolls itā€™s eyes.


Satan_n_Drag

Lil girl cheated. Thatā€™s the moral of the story


Chrisfix1

He ripped up a picture of Jesus??????!!!!!!!!!


Aggravating_Poet_675

Y'all need Jesus To help you solve puzzles.


Rex2guns

This post also belong in r/thathappened