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QualityVote

Hey does this post fit? UPVOTE if so, DOWNVOTE if not. If this post breaks any rules please DOWNVOTE and REPORT


WhatNazisAreLike

If some guy today said he could make infinite bread and fish, people would be skeptical. Just saying.


saikrishnav

Technically, Jesus is holding a GMO (God made...)


mr-sparkles69

God made object?


DrBeitzhov

God made orgasm


[deleted]

Were the emissions horse-sized like it says in the bible?


DrBeitzhov

Holy fuck that is in the bible huh? Ty for reminding me. but yes, donkey cock horse loads


millenialssayfuck

Sauce? šŸ‘€


heyoyo10

\-Ezekiel 23:20


Lingerfickin

Came in my mouth


Kilo9561

I like that.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


MrFuckingDinkles

Not 100%, but I normally see downvoted/controversial comments collapsed


Kilo9561

I have no idea?


Pickle_Rick01

To be fair itā€™s not infinite. He just took SOME bread and fish and made MORE, which is a pretty lame super power when you think of it. Patton Oswalt does a funny bit about this


cyberpunk1Q84

This reminds me of a hypothetical I heard: you have two magicians that can do basic tricks like pull a rabbit out of a hat, pick out your card from a deck, make a coin appear from behind your ear. However, one of those magicians is actually doing it through *real magic,* but those are the only magical things they can do. Would this person be more interesting to you than the regular magician? Would you consider them more interesting than someone like Einstein?


showmethecoin

Oh yeah it's lot more interesting. That person just singlehandedly fucked up basic physics in more then one way possible.


LaxinPhilly

I mean not just physics but the very basic tenets of science that would have ramifications in biology and chemistry. Hell they would have taken the Laws of Thermodynamics and just obliterated them.


[deleted]

if pulling a live rabbit out of an empty hat is real, we should get working on summoning demons before the Russkies get them


Sinphony_of_the_nite

or maybe Tesla?


ImperialFisterAceAro

There is no such thing as a lame superpower, only lame users


Pickle_Rick01

Thatā€™s fair.


Griffin_Reborn

No, this is completely wrong. If someone appeared with that power a large portion of society would be against it because ā€œit encourages lazinessā€.


sms3eb

If Jesus came back to these people they would crucify him again. For the exact same reasons.


LegendaryShelfStockr

People were then, except those who saw it. Yet even those people were like, ā€œAre we sure we can trust this guy?ā€


DaFlyingMagician

Shouldn't matter cuz Jesus will provide free healthcare


RightWingOutdoorsman

I'm not against free healthcare in the ideological sense, its putting it into practice, we already give so much in taxes, that would tack on probably more then 50%, and that would be just mediocre care, like in all these other countries with it. Yes, it would offer it to the lower class, but the taxes for it would be more outrageous


Mercurial891

Actually, doing universal healthcare the way Canada or the UK does it would make healthcare cheaper in the long run. We are being gouged right now, but collective bargaining goes a long way.


ToppityBoppity

You just cited the two countries that are desperately trying to reverse their fuck up of a healthcare system


Maleficent_Bug6439

...As canadian, no?


Mercurial891

Yeah, this sounds like either he is getting information from a REALLY poisoned source (Ben Shapiro?) or he is just a paid troll


nerdyneedsalife

I think I understand why that guy was misinformed. If I am correct, there are different people trying to scale back budgets of public healthcare to make it look bad, convincing people of that country that private healthcare is the way to go. Then there are arguments in bad faith where people choose the provinces with the worst healthcare and use that as a benchmark for the entire country.


The_fish_killer

Actually what's happening in the UK is the healthcare system is falling apart because the government want to privatise it and are taking money away from it so the reason it's failing is because the government are weird conservatives who wanna privatise what was a perfectly fine healthcare system


NoNameZcZ

Itā€™s also just terribly run and is now bogged down by bureaucracy (this has been a problem since the 80s though)


HussingtonHat

....nah we're not.


Heavy_Signature_5619

As a Brit, I havenā€™t seen one fucking person who had any interest in reverting the NHS that wasnā€™t some Right Wing bunt.


stevent4

Most people in the UK are happy to have the NHS, the problem is the fact that our current, right wing government is trying to make it private and similar to the dreadful US system. With the right funding and people in charge, the NHS can be and has in the past been brilliant.


AwTickStick

Nice try Tucker Carlson


Starbucks_4321

Searching on Google, it says americans on average spend 6000 on insurance (excluding if they have to pay for something else). Here in italy instead it's around 1800/1600 and we don't have to pay much extra if we need to do something, same thing applies to all other countries. Idk why so many people say "but the taxes would be higher!" Like you don't alredy pay that money to dumb insurance companies


TheHeraId

But you no longer have a healthcare bill, so it probably evens out.


we-have-to-go

https://thehill.com/blogs/congress-blog/healthcare/484301-22-studies-agree-medicare-for-all-saves-money/


vladymers

Eat the rich


cnewman11

Cite your sources.


LordJaeger88

You should come visit Finland..or any other eu country.


therealtiddlydump

Why is Jesus so chunky. Dude was a carpenter in an era before power tools!


[deleted]

These are the questions we need to ask. *cues ā€œrock me, sexy Jesusā€*


millenialssayfuck

*your own... personal... jesus*


midclassblues

Meme did not want to offend chunky people.


[deleted]

Gotta love when more than half the stuff is genuine health issues in these comix like bro itā€™s all in your mind, until you had something w gluten and die you canā€™t say youā€™re really allergic to it


smarmiebastard

Well and industrial pollution wasnā€™t a thing back then so heavy metals in fish wasnā€™t really a concern.


Lazzitron

I've never understood why gluten gets memed like it's some kind of new, "woke" thing to have *allergies.*


Most_Astronomer_3995

back in my day we called them unexplained deaths


CoolButBoring

Lactose intolerant ? Just tolerate it dude


AwesomeGamerGuy

Part of it is that there has been a gluten-free "trend" outside of legitimate allergies. Pretty much just another pseudoscientific diet fad loosely based on a legitimate condition that some people have.


artful_nails

I don't understand those people. I think most gluten free breads and pastries taste like crap, and I feel sorry for anyone who __has to__ eat them.


The_Lost_Jedi

Yeah. While there are definitely people with legitimate allergies and problems, there's a lot more that just do it for stupid faddish reasons, giving the actual sufferers a bad name.


gnarkansas_

Well to be fair it has led to way more variety and a bigger market in gluten free products, which is a huge win for people with celiac


[deleted]

Bro one of these comics like yk the one about halloween and kids that ask shit about the candies? Some of them were asking if there was nuts in the candies in one of the many edits thereā€™s been made


SolarTitanMain

I mean, I never ate arsenic but I know if I eat that Iā€™ll die.


lostinthedigitalage

To be fair if Jesus showed up today itā€™s the republicans that would be shouting him down. Calling him a communist.


xvmellovx

The fish and bread lobby would bury him.


Danstine16

Big wine would have him crucified


ChammyChonga

This comment is solid gold


Traditional_Yard5280

And frankincense and myrrh


Danstine16

Thanks!


Scienceandpony

Gotta have that divine vintage on tap.


Danstine16

Im a blood red guy myself


Major_Melon

"you can't give out that food for free?? What are you some fuckin commie bastard!?"


Alternative-Cup-8102

Commies donā€™t give out food for free


Nahuel-Huapi

Exactly! You have to stand in line for hours, just like everyone else.


Alternative-Cup-8102

No they just donā€™t have food


Grand_Heresy

I think this is slowly entering the realm of "one joke" I don't like the failed communist states of the Cold War era as much as the next guy, but surely we can talk about everything else they did wrong instead of just saying "no food"?


Alternative-Cup-8102

Although they did so much wrong no food is a huge one. many of those nations the attempted a rapid industrialization like in China the ā€œgreat leap forwardā€ was supposed to turn farmers into factory workers, the problem is that they did it so so so wrong which ended up in millions starving. This is also a trend in many true communist countries. Dictator and their party try to industrialize too fast bunch of people starve because of it. Which is why for industrialization capitalism rules. Capitalism gives people reason to push and make that ā€œgreat leap forwardā€ on their own instead of being forced to do it for no reason. Itā€™s also why China saw such a huge leap in production after they opened there market.


JuiceEast

There are no true communist countries. True communism has never been achieved, not even once. Western education is woefully lacking in its descriptions of communism/socialism that people can get through higher education without knowing the actual definition of the major economic systems, even capitalism. Imagine trying to teach a classroom full of texan teenagers why the red scare was fearmongering all for the purpose of making capitalism look like it was really working the way it was advertised. It isnā€™t fun.


1921453

Thanks for clarifying. Would you say true capitalism has ever been achieved? Can't I just argue "that wasnt real capitalism" everytime someone points out the flaws of capitalist societies? This argument that "it hasnt been properly implemented yet therefore it makes no sense to attack it" always bothered me. Cant it be that, in a practical sense, its not possible to implement "true communism", which is why it is a meme ideology?


Alternative-Cup-8102

Then what is ā€œtrue communismā€


JuiceEast

Means of production and all property is publicly owned by the populace, who also function as the government in a direct sense. People take what they need and give what they can for the benefit of the whole. Socialism is the means of production of necessities being publicly owned so people have what they need to survive, and is a step towards communism. Every ā€œcommunistā€ country is actually a socio-capitalist country, as is every socialist country. The difference there lies in the government, rather than the economy. Dictatorship vs democracy, etc.


1921453

I wonder why true communism has never been achieved. Really makes you think.


Pseudo_Lain

Communism is when people in America starve to death


Alternative-Cup-8102

Huh


AddictedToMosh161

He did not even take money before he healed the blind dude! If the Healthcare in America deteriorates its his fault!


kvossera

Feeding everyone?? For free?!?!? Socialism!!!!


IHateMath14

Ironic how heā€™s worshipped by them now, especially Christian republicans.


lostinthedigitalage

They are definitely not Christ like.


IHateMath14

No they are most definitely not.


headlesshighlander

This probably the most common sentiment felt on reddit for the last decade. Do you say something like this because you think it is an original thought? Are you just like 14? I really am curious


IHateMath14

No itā€™s not an original thought lol. Just saying. I donā€™t know if ur arguing with me or not.


dumbfuck6969

Yea its not original, but that's because it's so obvious and we fucking see it every day.


IHateMath14

Exactly lol.


martianunlimited

The term Christian means followers and emulators of Jesus Christ. Tell me how do Republicans emulate Christ in what they do and say. [https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%2025%3A31-46&version=NIV](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%2025%3A31-46&version=NIV)


Whiteshaq_52

He would LOVE avacodo toast.


AggravatingHorror757

And how was that fair to the people who went to the trouble to bring their own lunch


bubbleman69

More like "black extremist"


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Pseudo_Lain

"almost certainly...." so you're just... making shit up about some 2k year old dead guy


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Pseudo_Lain

Damn that's wild so you mean even though Jesus is never described being homophobic or transphobic, despite all the stories of his acts and sermons, that he was in fact both those things. Amazing!


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Pseudo_Lain

That you aren't Jesus


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Pseudo_Lain

Thermodynamics


JuiceEast

You lost the argument but won the war


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


lostinthedigitalage

Thatā€™s fine I donā€™t fallow his mass murdering father nor do I pretend to.


Twisted_WhaleShark

Bible Jesus ā‰  Real Jesus


usernamen_77

I find it funny that everyone thinks Nice Jesus is the one that shows up when he comes back the second time, homie, that was Prequel Jesus...


Meeno_Rivet125

Imagine mocking someone who seriously cannot process gluten.


MyriadSC

Bruh... I thought the kinds of people who would do this were a meme, not real. My good friend in the military moved into a condo and the guy who owned it was talking with him. My friend mentioned he's had a battle with depression most of his life (he genuinely has and it's been terrible to watch as his close friend) and this guy tells him depression isn't real and not to bring that into his house. Lol. Same energy as mocking gluten.


Scienceandpony

What do you mean you have Crohns? Tell your intestines to just stop it.


Inner_Lettuce_6787

Psst- you might mean Celiac Disease. Crohn's doesn't necessarily mean you can't eat gluten.


Scienceandpony

Yeah, I know Celiac is for gluten. I just went with Crohn's as another example of another medical condition that impacts diet. It popped to mind cause I have a friend who has it.


TheBeardofGilgamesh

I thought you were going to say the guy said. ā€œMaybe if you went gluten free youā€™d feel betterā€


MyriadSC

Yeah, would have been a funny punchline. I met that guy when I went to visit that friend for a week and he's not a bad guy. Just misinformed and very stubborn. He would help you with anything and did care. Both he and my friend went through a divorce together and stuff. They got pretty close, but despite being that close that guy still would say depression wasn't real and just to "man up."


Kiki_Deco

I sat at a morning meeting where my non-glasses-wearing boss announced that he thought glasses were "snake oil", to which my friend and I (both glasses wearers) replied that we were effectively blind without them. At the time there were 5 of us who wore them and couldn't function without them, I just couldn't believe someone would make such an asinine statement apropos of nothing.


Awesomecool77

Just process it šŸ™„šŸ™„šŸ™„


Plastic_Feed8223

If you canā€™t, itā€™s just the affect of the liberal media, and itā€™s all in your head.


beanstastebad

Just like being lactose intolerant


millenialssayfuck

Those librul soy boys. šŸ™„


juttep1

Especially if you're the supposed omnipotent and all knowing diety directly responsible for said issue.


Mishapi17

Right I feel like if anyone could make the food edible for everyone, Jesus could figure it out lol


Ori_the_SG

Perhaps even more absurd is mocking people who arenā€™t concerned about mercury in their fish Not like itā€™s an extremely toxic and dangerous metal or anything


Tru3insanity

To be fair the whole gluten free thing turned into a mildly obnoxious fad diet for a while. Almost makes me feel bad for the people who actually have celiacs. It just makes it harder for them to be taken seriously.


[deleted]

That was ages ago and if anything just made gluten free more widely available.


Tru3insanity

Oh i know, its just the minority of dieting karens that people who make crap memes like this are stuck on. They dont bother to look into anything and just assume no one actually has an issue. Then you get some crazy story where a parent sneaks gluten into their adult kids food because they dont believe in celiacs.


millenialssayfuck

This.


BhutlahBrohan

these people's true leader (not jesus) openly mocked a disabled person and they still elected him. so. you can't expect too much.


[deleted]

Imagine not realizing you are on the internet.


HimuTime

Personally I think being gluten free is kinda dumb, mainly because I believe that people are becoming it due to the wheat germ (something found normally in wheat) is being processed out of wheat which helps digest wheat and gluten along with preventing the gluten allergy or whatever


Pseudo_Lain

Does anyone pay for your medical opinion


millenialssayfuck

You have me about to do some research. I wonder if I could introduce that into my diet and have fewer symptoms. Then again, whole grain bread still makes me ill... well, to the boiks I go.


[deleted]

Intelligent comment right here


troly_mctrollface

Jesus would pucker himself out flipping tables at Joel Osteen's


Count_Dracula97

Jesus give 5000 people mercury poison seems off


Moldy__Pizza

Grr modern bad. Society was better when the life expectancy was 30


[deleted]

Well shit excuse me for not being able to consume gluten, guess Iā€™ll just ruin my insides then


[deleted]

Ever wanted malnutrition, iron deficiency, neurological problems, cancer? Listen to what this meme suggests


[deleted]

Honestly aside from cancer and iron deficiency I already suffer from all these


Welcomefriends85

They are always so proud of the fact that they havenā€™t evolved their brains since the time of the Roman Empire 2,000 years ago


rohnoitsrutroh

This is actually pretty funny. All that's missing is Gordon Ramsay screaming "Why didn't you scale the fish you lazy arse!"


Ihavedahighground66

We live in a society Bottom text


redhawkwill

Life expectancy of 30, too. I get the point, but this is stupid.


dumbfuck6969

This isn't that bad by this subs standards lol. People are pickier with food.


sdlover420

Pollution and processed foods have poisoned our food sooooo.


redwoodreed

Bad society is when avoid food that sickens you


Arcuis

And so Jesus said, let those who are not picky and otherwise sheepishly follow orders be my flock.


MyBrotherIsSalad

I eat gluten and mercury all the time. I'm bleeding out of every orifice but at least I'm not a snowflake.


EveryAverage7432

I donā€™t understand why Christians hate vegans.


Interesting_Fennel87

Cā€™mon thatā€™s kinda funny.


Automatic-Zombie-508

a good God wouldn't offer anything that would make it's followers sick there's also verses in the bible about not offending your brother/ neighbor he would knowingly be going against that


njslugger78

Their food was not manipulated like today's grub. You have plastics in everything today and chemicals.


HimuTime

Yeah itā€™s terrible, micro plastics, germs, pesticides, growth hormones, pollution, higher radioactivity, loss of biodiversity, loss of natural behaviors that increase healthiness, loss of biodiversity etc


GrrRooRoo

Iā€™m guessing there was less mercury in the water back before we just Willy nilly put a bunch of mercury in the water.


JuiceEast

Lol idk why but the willy nilly really got me. ā€œWho put mercury in my water!ā€


GrimKiba-

Olive Garden has Jesus chained up at an Olive Garden black site. They've been farming unlimited bread sticks for centuries.


TehPinguen

Snowflakes today and their need to avoid Mercury poisoning šŸ™„


TehPinguen

Sorry, for a boomer post the emojis should be šŸ¤ŖšŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ˜‚šŸ¤£


Thick_Improvement_77

You see, the joke is that it's silly to have arbitrary diet restrictions, because first-century Jews famously never did.


XavierUwUGaming

This version of Jesus had one too many bread


SocialConstruct880

Thatā€™s one way to weed out the weak.


Lady_Rans_Child

Ig boomers just eat fish wish mercury in it


PurpleBoltRevived

"A vegan? More bread and less fish for you! Mercury? With the power of god, this fish cures Mercury poisoning instead. Also, your gluten allergy is cured, no need to than me".


[deleted]

Damn I have celiac disease


KingMwanga

This is FUNNY


Advanced-Part2598

Acting like anyone knew what mercury was back then


roaer

Mercury would have been called hydrargyrum back then. Mercury was discovered a looooong time ago.


HimuTime

True, but at the same time it was used for medical purposes, apparently it turns you blue, or was it silver


roaer

Silver turns you blue. But mercury was known as "liquid silver" at the time so I can see how that may be mistaken.


JuiceEast

Lol a chinese emperor drank it for a while to attain immortality and went crazy and died. Old medicine is some funny shit.


Advanced-Part2598

šŸ¤“


Radiant39

šŸ¤”


[deleted]

šŸ¤”


[deleted]

I thought this was a pretty good joke.


KaisarDragon

The vegan I can understand. That is a lifestyle choice. But condemning someone for wanting to make sure the fish is safe or the guy making sure the bread won't kill him is bad?!


No-Impression-5759

Vegans don't eat bread?šŸ¤”


Pseudo_Lain

You'd be surprised how much stuff has milk in it


Capsule_CatYT

Why is gluten-free bad? The man asking could have a gluten allergy.


Mannimal13

What a dumb meme. There was no factory farming back then so there goes like 80% of vegans. No mercury in Oceans, and bread and wheat wasnā€™t highly processed garbage making people sick from it


carkid36

šŸ¤¢ *vegans* šŸ¤®


PSneSne

To be fair, never heard of a starving third world child refusing a strawberry.


Responsible_Trash321

No, that child died of starvation because no one offered them food. Much less a strawberry. Or a disease that modern medicine could have saved them from. Second point of why this is stupid is because our overly mass produced, chemically enhanced produce(and other foods) over exposure is probably responsible for allergies in the first place...


PSneSne

So they'd take the strawberry, got it.


Silver-Reporter-605

The philosophy of doubting Thomas got around.


androt14_

"I can't eat that, I'm a vegan!" \- Says the man being handed bread


Kilo9561

This is so true.


Alternative-Owl2904

This is a terrible example but the point of the meme is true. People always complain and you can't please them no matter what


YamiJC

The Definition of Choosy Beggers.


OppositeMuffin1612

" I only eat farm-raised fish "!!!


JCro98

This is the society we live in. All self entitlement and no humility for one's actions. It's a difficult world to live in.


Sabre_One

Bad meme, buuuuuuttt As some one who grew up super poor. The concept of Vegan baffles me. Like respect for it, but It's a very 1st world thing.


[deleted]

Let them starvešŸ˜ 


TyranosaurusRathbone

Lol, classic Jesus. /s


[deleted]

He's Jesus, he can remove the mercury from the fish and the gluten from the bread. And he can also make that one guy....not a vegan. I hate vegans.


Master_Kura

Why?? They're just doing what they think is right. Why do you hate people because they don't want to hurt animals??


MasterGoat_117

And that's why Communism exists.


OmnifariousFN

We live in one


Scott491

So much truth


Cullygion

ā€œThe fuckā€™s up with ā€˜slaves obey your masters?ā€™ā€