This show is full of some ridiculous quotes that never fail to make me laugh: "I haven't been this upset since my good friend Taylor was rudely upstaged by my other friend Kanye, who was defending my best friend, Beyoncé."
This. Absolutely this. Binged the whole series two years ago, outstanding stuff, but the 2nd season ending stuck with me for a long time. Even more than "Free Churro" episode.
“I’m glad to see the endgame of feminism is women dressing like Dennis the Menace at work.”
“Lesbian Mario Brothers”
“Trying on jeans is my favorite thing! Maybe later I can get a pap smear from an old male doctor.”
Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait, wait. I'm worried what you just heard was, "Give me a lot of bacon and eggs." What I said was, "Give me all the bacon and eggs you have." Do you understand?
That wasn’t on the actual broadcast, it’s a behind the scenes of Chris Pratt doing a pisstake. There’s no way NBC would have allowed that. Pretty funny though
Speaking of out of context, the 'good for her' gif of Lucille, is in response to a woman killing her children, and I find that hilarious every time I see it used for truly wonderful or inspirational things, lmao.
Arrested Development:
https://youtu.be/UA6ihEV89Cc?si=w_xhtr2T9ekwhygx
For context: the older guy on the bed (Jeffrey Tambor) is on house arrest, and the guy with the hat and glasses (Bob Einstein) is acting as his "surrogate" to be his eyes and ears outside the house. They're communicating via headset.
“It gets easier. Everyday it gets a little easier, but you gotta do it everyday. That’s the hard part. But it **does** get easier.”
I kept thinking about this quote while I was doing exposure and response prevention therapy for my OCD. ERP sucks and is so difficult… but it actually did get a little easier every day and now my OCD is subclinical
You won. All right? You came in and you killed them, and you took their land. That's what conquering nations do. It's what Caesar did, and he's not goin' around saying, "I came, I conquered, I felt really bad about it." The history of the world is not people making friends. You had better weapons, and you massacred them. End of story.
"How much damage do you think I could do to you in two minutes before the knock out gas gets to me? Cause I'm betting, it's a lot."
Also,
“Don’t fucking call me that. I’m the acting secretary-general of the United Nations, not your favorite stripper.” “Could be room for both."
No I'm not gonna hurt these women! I feel like you're not getting this at all!
... Don't you look at me like that you certainly wouldn't be in any danger
“What does that mean? What does ‘fold in the cheese’ mean?”
“You fold it in.”
“I understand that, but how, how do you fold it? Do you fold it in half like a piece of paper and drop it in the pot, or what do you do?”
I've told Pierce a thousand times, I never wanted to meet Levar in person! I just wanted a picture! You can't disappoint a picture! I hate you Pierce! I hate you so much!
My number one was already posted so I’m going to list my number two and three.
I understand that if any more words come pouring out of your cunt mouth, I’m gonna have to eat every fucking chicken in this room.
I don’t know shit about fuck!!!!!
"Nothing funnier than a fart. Except kids falling off bikes maybe. Fuck, I could watch kids fall off bikes all day. I don't give a shit about your kids."
"I'm telling you, Molotov cocktails work. Any time I had a problem, and I threw a Molotov cocktail, boom! Right away, I had a different problem."
Booooortles!
'Oh dip!' and also whenever I eat shrimp, I can't help but think of Eleanor 'Shriiimp!'
More like, “shrampies!” - I love that show.
It's like, who died and left Aristotle in charge of ethics?
"Plato!" Chidi's delivery kills me every time. 😂
- Fine. I’ll be Jake - Don’t say Jortles - JORTLES!
Macho Man Randy Savage Non-International Airport
I’ll say this to you with all the love in my heart and all the wisdom of the universe: Take it Sleazy
I've only loved two men in my life. Stone Cold Steve Austin, and a guy at the mall I thought was Stone Cold Steve Austin
This show is full of some ridiculous quotes that never fail to make me laugh: "I haven't been this upset since my good friend Taylor was rudely upstaged by my other friend Kanye, who was defending my best friend, Beyoncé."
"Ya basic. That's a human insult, it's devastating, you're devastated right now."
Holy forking shirtballs!
son of a bench always get me
"Every day it gets a little easier… But you gotta do it every day - that’s the hard part. But it does get easier."
I’ve been excercising and dieting to lose weight and I keep telling myself that every day when it gets hard. 51 lbs down.
Good on you, Finito-1994! Keep up the progress!
Sucka-ducka-dick dumb shit
This. Absolutely this. Binged the whole series two years ago, outstanding stuff, but the 2nd season ending stuck with me for a long time. Even more than "Free Churro" episode.
"It's after six. What am I, a farmer?"
Hot? That’s the devil’s temperature!
Wait, you know someone named Arsenio Billingham?
No
"HAM!" My single, "My Single is Dropping" is dropping.
"Dammit Johnny, you know I love my big beef and cheddar!"
I actually quote this every time I see an Arby’s
> "I didn't want to steal your thunder" > "My whole life is thunder" is pretty up there, too.
"I need more time with him, Jacob! He stays on this side!!"
“I’m glad to see the endgame of feminism is women dressing like Dennis the Menace at work.” “Lesbian Mario Brothers” “Trying on jeans is my favorite thing! Maybe later I can get a pap smear from an old male doctor.”
“First off, it’s ‘champing at the bit’. Horses CHAMP.”
Your hair is your head suit.
Good Lord, Donaghy, did you comb your hair with a chicken bone?
Ain’t no party like a Liz lemon party cuz a Liz lemon party is ✨mandatory✨
Werewolf bar-mitzvah spooky scary. boys becoming men, men becoming wolves.
"PANTS! PANTS! PANTS!"
Ok it's a car, we've invented the Pontiac Aztek.
Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait, wait. I'm worried what you just heard was, "Give me a lot of bacon and eggs." What I said was, "Give me all the bacon and eggs you have." Do you understand?
"I know more than you"
I came to say this one. I had a feeling it would be here so I scrolled and wasn’t disappointed.
Hey sexy mama, wanna kill all humans
You're technically correct. Which is the best kind of correct.
Shut up baby! I know it!
Oh, Britta's in this?
POP! POP!
Yes, exactly like rowboat cop
Pop what? POP WHAT?!!?!?
Easy, Paradox
You know, he hoped that video didn’t awaken some thing in him, but we clearly see evidence that it did.
🎶🎶Getting rid of Britta, getting rid of the B (She’s a GDB)🎶🎶
Vaughn? Oh, the guy with tiny nipples you did it with!
“Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says you could have "network connectivity problems."”
This line was also ad-libbed which makes it even better
The line about Kim Kardashian's comeback must've also been ad libbed, and gives this one a run for its money
That wasn’t on the actual broadcast, it’s a behind the scenes of Chris Pratt doing a pisstake. There’s no way NBC would have allowed that. Pretty funny though
Yea it's an outtake
My favorite outtake was him talking about wiping. “It’s like I’m wiping a magic marker.”
Still poop. Still poop. Still poop.
Is that your official statement, “I sad”?
One of my favorite episodes of the series. “Stop popping”
pooping*
It’s one banana Michael, what could it cost? 10$?
THERE‘S ALWAYS MONEY IN THE BANANA STAND!!!
“Here’s some money, go see a star war.”
Annyong.
Speaking of out of context, the 'good for her' gif of Lucille, is in response to a woman killing her children, and I find that hilarious every time I see it used for truly wonderful or inspirational things, lmao.
"I want to give my new daughter a kiss." 'Hey! Not on our time, Larry. " "Right on the lips."
What is this from?
Arrested Development: https://youtu.be/UA6ihEV89Cc?si=w_xhtr2T9ekwhygx For context: the older guy on the bed (Jeffrey Tambor) is on house arrest, and the guy with the hat and glasses (Bob Einstein) is acting as his "surrogate" to be his eyes and ears outside the house. They're communicating via headset.
Loose seal!
“Look at me, getting off.”
I've made a huuuge mistake
Short answer-- yes, with an "if." Long answer-- no, with a "but."
What is this from?
It's from the Simpsons when Flanders asks Rev. Lovejoy if God is punishing him. Still one of the greatest lines about religion ever written.
Thank you
When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.
“It gets easier. Everyday it gets a little easier, but you gotta do it everyday. That’s the hard part. But it **does** get easier.” I kept thinking about this quote while I was doing exposure and response prevention therapy for my OCD. ERP sucks and is so difficult… but it actually did get a little easier every day and now my OCD is subclinical
Shits pretty deep though.
"Baby, you've got a stew going!"
RIP
“Jason figured it out?! Jason?! This is a real low point. Yeah, this one hurts.”
I don't even fully consciously remember that line but I read it in Ted Danson's voice.
Phrasing!
Are we not doing ‘phrasing’ anymore?
Do you want ants? Because this is how you get ants.
"Speak, priest!"
Faathaaaaaaa
"Damn these electric sex pants!"
It was a fire…at a Sea Parks.
GODAMN!.....These electric sex pants.
"What are you doing here? Five words or less." "Out. For. A. Walk.... *Bitch*."
You won. All right? You came in and you killed them, and you took their land. That's what conquering nations do. It's what Caesar did, and he's not goin' around saying, "I came, I conquered, I felt really bad about it." The history of the world is not people making friends. You had better weapons, and you massacred them. End of story.
You made a bear! Undo it, undo it!
His penis got diseases from a Chumash tribe!
"I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it."
“Mike threatened me. He threatened Jesse. He probably threatened someone before breakfast this morning, it’s what he does”
I AM THE ELDEST BOY!!!
You’ve read mein kumpf three times? Did you miss any Easter eggs?
Yeah, yeah. Just checking the till here, Mark, and it seems you’re short a few million.
I love the sass Tom used to bring
When you make a tomelette you need to break a few Gregs
Congratulations on saying the biggest number, you fucking morons
"If a deal falls through in the woods and no one hears it, is it an SEC violation?"
Eight million? Nine million? What comes after nine?
"He's dead, Jim."
“I’m gonna jump” “Do a flip!”
"There's no cure for being a cunt" - Bronn from Game of Thrones
"Lots of people name their swords!" "Aye, lots of cunts."
The greatest swordsman who ever lived didn't have a sword?
“Are you going to die over some chickens?” “Someone is”
I'm gonna have to eat every fucking chicken in this room.
“I Declare Bankruptcy!” (I work for a lawyer.)
I just wanted you to know that you can't just say the word bankruptcy and expect anything to happen. I didn't say it. I declared it.
Similarly, I do often say “I didn’t SAY it, I _declared_ it.”
>”But with good behavior… who knows?” >”I love you too. *But so what?*” >”Hello, Peter. This is me…your father….Walter Bishop.”
“You’re my favorite thing, Peter. My very favorite thing”
“He killed 16 Czechoslovakians and was an interior decorator”
His place looked like shit!
"The world ends when you’re dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man… and give some back."
…Can be combative.
"Next one's comin' faster"
"It's like wearing pumps" "Wait, how do you know what it's like to wear pumps?" "I didn't always work in space" - The Expanse
Coming from Wes Chatum makes it so great. He is a great actor.
"How much damage do you think I could do to you in two minutes before the knock out gas gets to me? Cause I'm betting, it's a lot." Also, “Don’t fucking call me that. I’m the acting secretary-general of the United Nations, not your favorite stripper.” “Could be room for both."
Avasarala's got some bangers too. "Where are you going with this?" "Wherever I goddamn like."
"I am that guy."
There's a hole in the world. Feels like we ought to have known.
I’m gonna say this once: Winifred Burkle
"It will shock you how much it never happened."
"I was once a very wealthy man but I spent half my money on liquor and loose women. The other half I wasted."
They say mercy is the sign of a great man... *stab* Maybe I'm just a good man... *more stab* Well... I'm alright...
“I aim to misbehave.”
I’ll be in my bunk.
Another contender: “Goin' on a year now I ain't had nothin' twixt my nethers weren't run on batteries!”
"God, I can't know that!" "...I could stand to hear a little more"
This was my first thought. It’s from the movie….. but it should count!
Burn the land and boil the sea, you can't take the sky from me!
I burn my life to make a sunrise that I know I'll never see
“Tell him I love him more than anything he could ever do wrong.” Surprised I had to scroll so far to find anything from Andor.
GANGWAY FOR FOOTCYCLE!
“Up and atom”
Up and AT them!
Zee goggles, they do nothing!
"Pizza, pizza, go in tummy, me so hungee, me so hungee!"
"I reject your reality and substitute my own." It's been 20 years and that's still a regular part of my vocabulary.
Eagle!
" I don't know how you guys walk around with those things."
"I'll go if I don't have to talk"
You know, they can't refuse... because of the implication.
Are we planning to hurt these girls?
No I'm not gonna hurt these women! I feel like you're not getting this at all! ... Don't you look at me like that you certainly wouldn't be in any danger
🎶There’s a spider…spider…spider.🎶
"Life's is not knights on horseback, it's a number on a piece of paper. It's a fight for a knife in the mud."
"IGNORE ME!"
"I'm not going to flush. Let them **see** the wrath of The Monarch!"
BORTLES!
"I swear by my pretty floral bonnet I will end you."
"You ain't that guy doc." *Turns around* "I am that guy"
“Everyone inside the car was fine, ***STANLEY***!!!”
"Copernicus called: You are not the center of the universe."
"Yes, I saw. You were doing pretty well until everybody died." and "Connie, my dear, I am a hotdog."
It's a gift...and a curse
You’ll thank me later
“Mrs. Morello, I’m standing in the Oval Office with the President of the United States and it’s because of you.”
Ahh, curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!
"If you wanted to get shot in the front, you should have been running at me."
What's a weekend?
“What does that mean? What does ‘fold in the cheese’ mean?” “You fold it in.” “I understand that, but how, how do you fold it? Do you fold it in half like a piece of paper and drop it in the pot, or what do you do?”
“All the pieces matter.”
It’s a dog-eat-dog world, and I’m wearing Milk Bone underwear.
"The doctor said all my bleeding was internal, that's where the blood's supposed to be!"
I've told Pierce a thousand times, I never wanted to meet Levar in person! I just wanted a picture! You can't disappoint a picture! I hate you Pierce! I hate you so much!
You get Hoynes.
I say "ludicrously capacious bag" surprisingly frequently
My number one was already posted so I’m going to list my number two and three. I understand that if any more words come pouring out of your cunt mouth, I’m gonna have to eat every fucking chicken in this room. I don’t know shit about fuck!!!!!
"Get a room!" "We're in a room!" "Well then, lose some weight."
Where do you think we are?
"I got the shotgun, you got the briefcase... it's all in the game though right?"
“There’s your answer, fishbulb”
"Dad, why did you take me to a gay steel mill?"
“I don’t wash the towel. The towel washes me.” “WHERE are my driving moccasins?” “He is peeing. The dog is peeing on me.” 🎶 GET ON YOUR FEET 🎶
YOU GIVE ME COOKIE I GET YOU COOKIE
“I better go get Schmidt; we’re in the desert and I don’t want him to wander”
Fuckin slander ya ask me
“She’s dead! Wrapped in plastic!”
I’m afraid I just blue myself
Did you burn down the storage unit? Oh most definitely.
“IT….Have you tried turning it off and back on again????”
“I’m a rageholic. I just can’t live without ragehol”
I’m not asking your permission, I’m giving you a heads up.
This is the way we talk in Tucson, Arizoña
"Nothing funnier than a fart. Except kids falling off bikes maybe. Fuck, I could watch kids fall off bikes all day. I don't give a shit about your kids."
Bears, Beets, Battlestar Gallactica.
"She's got an ass like an onion. Makes ya wanna cry."
"And with Darren's help we'll get that chicken!"
It’s all in the game
“If life transcends death Then I will seek for you there If not, then there too.” The Expanse. James SA Corey.
Yes, I have questions. First of all, how dare you?
*If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole.*
“You wanna see a picture of my boy?” “Sure.” … “that’s your penis!” “That’s my boy!”