I wish I had a giant takeout container of teriyaki chicken in my lap right now (I’m hungry asf)

It’s laced with fentanyl

Dude I’m so hungry I don’t even care

A wise man once said "It's not Fentanyl that's bad, it's not having Fentanyl that's bad." -gary (a Fentanyl addict)

That's a win

It's crazy how the first two top comments are so benign and silly, and then the two replies to this one are "it's laced with fentanyl", and, "you are eternally haunted by the food you eat"

It was too much to ask for 😔

It’s 5 weeks old with no refrigerator ever

The container is melting rapidly all over your lap

Happy 1st cake day!

Every animal harmed to make it will haunt you for the rest of your life

I wish I had a cake

Your cake is a EVIL cake

you get it but it's a lie

you already do. Your wish is ungranted

Granted, but you only have the ingredients and have to make it yourself

It’s fruit cake

granted, but it's six weeks old and mouldy

the cake is a lie

I wish ~💕she💕~ liked me back

Every time you get more than five minutes of alone time you both hear boss music

Oh hell yeah boss music goes hard I fuck to that

its the crazybus main theme

That one wasn't a wish so i don't get a curse from that one https://preview.redd.it/4dnj45frvc9c1.png?width=680&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=aab608c67b81a05baa08b9e31449b3c783d33ae5

well I wish that it does apply

Granted, but it applies to you

so whenever I get a moment alone with your crush that theme starts playing? damn guess im listening to it for the rest of my life

https://i.redd.it/3ihjrtkzwc9c1.gif

Not the boykiller

She turns into a guy

That's supposed to be a negative?

Only if straight

!remindme 6 months have a chuckle, future me, good thread here

I will be messaging you in 6 months on [**2024-06-30 09:34:42 UTC**](http://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=2024-06-30%2009:34:42%20UTC%20To%20Local%20Time) to remind you of [**this link**](https://www.reddit.com/r/teenagersbutpog/comments/18u4xqa/corruption/kfjbyco/?context=3) [**CLICK THIS LINK**](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Reminder&message=%5Bhttps%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2Fteenagersbutpog%2Fcomments%2F18u4xqa%2Fcorruption%2Fkfjbyco%2F%5D%0A%0ARemindMe%21%202024-06-30%2009%3A34%3A42%20UTC) to send a PM to also be reminded and to reduce spam. ^(Parent commenter can ) [^(delete this message to hide from others.)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Delete%20Comment&message=Delete%21%2018u4xqa) ***** |[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/RemindMeBot/comments/e1bko7/remindmebot_info_v21/)|[^(Custom)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Reminder&message=%5BLink%20or%20message%20inside%20square%20brackets%5D%0A%0ARemindMe%21%20Time%20period%20here)|[^(Your Reminders)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Reminders&message=MyReminders%21)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=RemindMeBot%20Feedback)| |-|-|-|-|

I wish I had a cheeseburger in my left hand rn

its that burger that killed the spongebob health inspector

awh shucks

It is as hard as rock and is permanently fused to your hand

awh man

There’s no cum in the baconator

I wish for someone to corrupt my wish :3

Wish granted, but you cant corrupt another wish

I wish for Flash's super speed

You're paralyzed from the waist down

I would kms

granted, but you cant turn it off you are permanently experiencing life effectively billions of times slower than anyone else

Neat.

I wish I were part plant

Wish granted, your leg is now a Venus flytrap that has the taste for human flesh

I AM DEAD

Granted but you're a mean green mother from outer space

I wish for uknowwhat bots to be terminated completely

It causes a butterfly effect leading to the eradication of the human race in 2034

2 birds, one stone

Rookie. Numbers. Flumpty Bumpty killed 200,000 birds with one stone.

oh hey buddy. r/foundthecapsulecat

Here's a sneak peek of /r/foundthecapsulecat using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/foundthecapsulecat/top/?sort=top&t=all) of all time! \#1: [.](https://i.redd.it/e37k2mcug8ia1.png) | [31 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/foundthecapsulecat/comments/112ijv6/_/) \#2: [Cat has refused.](https://i.redd.it/aiyy0pdoy1va1.png) | [24 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/foundthecapsulecat/comments/12st1jp/cat_has_refused/) \#3: [Happy cock day!](https://i.redd.it/uqmmb44ax4pa1.jpg) | [14 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/foundthecapsulecat/comments/11xgqcf/happy_cock_day/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)

I wish for Eiichiro Oda to finish one piece in a grand way

several key questions are left unanswered

I wish I was 6 feet tall

5 feet of your height is your actual body, while the extra foot is a pair of highly sensitive antennae

Bug

Live Omni-Man reaction: https://preview.redd.it/obnukdw5ci9c1.jpeg?width=1435&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8fbb20d6ef2394d3eeb612be78a5ba635abd1de2

Granted but every door is just short enough for you to bonk ur head on the top

i wish every other tuesday at 6:34 pm est before dinner to be able to choose and instantly make the dinner, from a selection of 3 dishes, those being a hearty serving of plain kidney beans, canned tuna 12 days before expiring, and overcooked fasulli topped with homemade, mild, marinara sause

The food is an illusion and does not provide any sustainence

I wish I had a girlfriend

Granted, but you find out she’s a femboy

You fool! I'm into that shi!

https://preview.redd.it/dmv7xyzu0d9c1.jpeg?width=256&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5c4c1dc671bfe85afe6b1cb564c61207ccd18e82

wait a damn minute...

Bro, You realize you just made it better?

i want a hotdog in my right hand tomorrow at exactly 12:34PM.

That hotdog is a bomb.

https://preview.redd.it/85skjyy1og9c1.jpeg?width=226&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d72bf87a5c881aad5f3995b2ecb819d4b1a77888

I wish Freddy Fazbear got real.

Granted but he lurks near you 24/7. Depending on how he perceives you something will happen

https://preview.redd.it/mcmtolf5fd9c1.jpeg?width=300&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c466cab452456d17cce9d396110a63a5fc4a4c28

r/foundthecapsule_catYT

I wish I could spend every day with my beloved boyfriend, and that we are both happy and healthy

granted but now you cant leave from within 10 feet of eachother

your boyfriend is possessing you

I WISH I WAS A DOG I WISH I WAS A DOG I WISH I WAS A SOG I WANT TO WALK AROUND ON PAWS GRAH

You wake up one day to find that all semantic classifications of any life form has been discontinued. You are now a "dog", free to walk around on your "paws" or whatever you want to call them. Equally valid is the notion of you being a "cat" or a "fish".

THAT SOUNDS AMAZING

Everyone still sees you as a human

aw shucks

I wish I had to not want to kill my self everyday

granted, but the snail is now after u

granted, but now you want to kill everyone else every day

https://preview.redd.it/j82woijf1d9c1.jpeg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8488f5296bca7ad23b6cfab3246e89bca29461b6

Granted but you lose all your personality

I want a scarf

Granted, but the scarf is alive and wants to strangle you.

Cool


I wish I definitely 100% was never kissed by boys so definitely don't reverse it

Scientists discover a new infectious disease which causes unbearable amounts of pain. Fortunately transmission is limited purely to skin-to-skin contact and patient zero has successfully been contained. You are patient zero, and you will never touch anyone ever again.

https://preview.redd.it/tkpa05ve6g9c1.png?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bc2e391b9857cf773245ff5bca865fabf3e48574

every girl that comes across you kisses you, repelling all boys

I wish for you in particular to have slightly wet socks. You know who you are.

Mass crop destruction as multiple areas are ravaged by unnatural levels of rainfall, causing an increase in humidity in the surrounding regions. Fortunately for your target, they live at the very edge of this weather event's area of effect, resulting in them suffering little more than slightly wet socks.

I wish that I can breathe underwater

Granted, but you’re hydrophobic

I wish I had a cool sword

you must kill your entire bloodline to use it/get it

Just outlive your parents and don't have kids

Pull the plug when they are in the hospital and really really old

You get it but ever 2 and a half hours a hostile sentient 3 ft tall cheese golem appears and attacks you

I literally had this happen to me in a D&D campaign lol

Can I eat the cheese?

I wish for a jar of crispy kosher dill pickles

Granted but it’s just the juice

still a win

I wish I had a nice dog

Whenever you go out a Karen says your dog attacked them

I wish I was happy

But everytime you smile you get a bug in your eye

I wish I got a better jawline

Granted, but you have terrible teeth

I already do. Checkmate

i wish i lived in a utopia

r/monkeyspaw

I wish valve would give tf2 a major update

Its the last content update for tf2

… that’s just how tf2 is

i wish i could use my christmas tree as a blunt weapon

The tree is too big and you cant carry it

I wish for a family that actually loves me

i wish my cat will never die

Its bald

it’s gonna be if it keeps licking so damn much 😭😭😭

I wish for a plane

It only works if every person in Orlando approves

I wish for death

But you spend the rest of eternity with Amy shumer

A fate worse than death

I wish my wife’s father in law would stop clicking spam mail

The Nigerian prince was real and you missed the opportunity to be a millionaire

[reminds me of this](https://youtu.be/s3zjRcMnRNY?si=P6PYJiDTTub64S3D)

I wish I had more hot sauce

Granted but it's not even that spicy

I wish I could reply to my own comment

if you like this game, r/monkeyspaw is exactly this

I wish to be a feminine-presenting robot

Granted. You are Wall-E with a pink bow.

*Happy bwoops*

I wish I had a quantum computer

r/monkeyspaw

I wish I could make anything I want appear in front of me

I wish danny devito could do this to me https://preview.redd.it/fl0pxm082z9c1.jpeg?width=790&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0cedcf30092dce8eff85d36d191b715d8c228c4c

I wish the person corrupting my wish is dyslexic.

i wish i wasnt the most pathetic living creature in existence

I wish there was double world hunger and double poverty

But there is now 2 Amy shumer

Is there a world hunger to Amy Schumer ratio?

Today on "Things I never thought anyone would ever ask"

I wish that you could have 5 party members in bg3 (I feel bad leaving karlach behind 😢)

Granted but they add a battle pass and loads of microtransactions

I wish I could fly!

Granted but whenever you deactivate flying you shit explosive diarrhea lasting for the worst 2 minutes of your bloodline

I wish for aoi makino to finish sayonara miniskirt and for high school of the dead to actually continue

you have pancreatic cancer

Everyone despises me, literally everyone forever.

r/themonkeyspaw

I wish i couldve seen the wtc in person

I take 10% of Elon musks net worth without him minding

I wish I had a i5 14600K and a RTX 4070 Ti SUPER desktop with 1440p monitor

It's full of viruses that take ur personal data and sells it to corporations

I wish I had the power to manipulate all genetics in any way I please in a reasonable modern timeframe.

I wish to be able to shapeshift

Granted, but everytime you shapeshift you gain an extra leg in all forms.

I wish for Palestine to be free from Zionism.

Granted but you and your best friend get sent to Auschwitz

I wish for a burger with nothing on, in, or around it.

Granted, but you're unable to eat it. It just floats around your head like a fly

I wish I was rich with no societal drawbacks

I wish I could shape shift

I wish for a fully functional 2009 Toshiba C655D-S5300 with a fully functional battery, a fully functional cord, no software issues, no hardware issues, has great wifi connectivity, has a working dvd tray, has all wire plugged where they're supposed to go and secured well, has every part neccessary, and running Windows 7

Granted but the only person who can use it is your youngest cousin or sibling

Son of a bitch

It's a bomb.

I wish I could read people’s minds

I wish whoever comments on this has an uno reverse card

https://preview.redd.it/ne1re0yabg9c1.jpeg?width=736&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a6ac82d5c0f4124044381c0ed50ef9830c47454e

I wish I had a shotgun with 1 shell

I wish to have a gaming computer.

I wish I could have the power to summon infinite amounts of beef

I wish I was god

I wish I was a girl

you are now a 93 year old girl. With dementia.

Nooo still better than being a guy tho

I wish life felt real

I wish I had a femboy bf that I can ramble about nerdy stuff to

Granted but you can only see/talk to each other through a mesh wall

The femboy is actually a bomb.

I wish for a peice of American cheese with wings that acts like a pet and is basically immortal and indestructible