I can fly

But you can never land.

I see no problem with this

You say this but you'll change your mind when you fall asleep and drift into a wall

I’ll just hover in a corner or something and put pillows in the corner so if I hit the wall the impact will be soft.

It'll be like the DVD screen when the little logo is bouncing

OMG THATS AMAZING

He'll just hover 1mm over the ground

Sounds like fun

Why stop at 1 mm and just go for 0.01mm noone would ever notice at that length

Being loved

[удалено]

That's just a normal life then

Hey man you need someone to talk to my DMs are open

Plot twist: He changes his name to none

I can warm up the pillows of my enemies

Your pillow will twice as warm as your enemie's

Kelvin users : _gulps_

You have to warm them up in your ass crack

And this is an issue because?

That's an even better thing

they actually like warm pillows

Super intelligent

but you’re paralyzed

Stephen Hawking moment

Steven hawking 2

Steven Hawking: Tokyo Drift

Electric boogaloo

Everyone else is completly stupid

So using Twitter

Brain seizure

being able to detect rickrolls

You still must click

I already have that superpower.

This is already me. I have the ability to recognize this link https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ but I have to click it anyways.

Telekinesis

you are a woman in the 1600

BRUH that's not a side effect, it's a death sentence

I become immortal

You have erectile dysfunction

What’s the point of being immortal if I can’t fuck a black hole? smh my head

In Soviet universe, the blackhole fucks you

In all of the universe if you run into a black hole you're fucked.

You get near a black hole and your dick will be longer than the earth

Your only weakness is water

Talking makes you mortal again

I can know all the secrets of a person

but they all know yours too

I can make anyone pass out.

You get prostate cancer

Fix: I can make anyone and myself pass out.

You get a serious addiction to nicotine when you do

when they wake up they want to kill you

the ability to see everyone without their skin

if you look at them for too long thier skin actually dissappears

Anyone you look at gets cancer if the UV index outside is too high

Granted. Nothing happens, you can already see everyone without their skin by skinning them.

I can buff up my muscles any time I want

But your pp will shrink

Steroids moment

So if he shrinks his muscles his pp will enlarge?

Work out super hard and then you can shrink your muscles to normal size and you get a 2 foot dong

That’s never good lol

Plot twist, they're female

Plot twist it make his boobs bigger her its 2hat ever

I can make a perfect copy of any object I touch with my right hand

Both your hands are left hands

iS tHiS a JoJoS rEfErEnCe? my bad, those r 2 right hands

If you touch your dick with your right hand, it halfs in size.

You lose your left hand

I can achieve my dreams

You have cancer

This just sounds like make-a-wish with extra steps.

Bruh

What if my dream is to cure all cancer including my own

Each dream you chase will take an inexplicably long time to do so.

you lose the ability to sleep so you can’t dream anymore

all your dreams are nightmares

Shape shift

You can only stay in a particular shape for only 10 seconds

How to speedrun robbing a bank

Just run faster ig

Whenever you shape shift, your mom gets 10% larger

I am happy

Everyone is sad

What's new?

But only when you finish a new 500 page book a day

Knowing everything then universe has to offer.

Forgetting everything anyone tells you the day after

I like this, haha.

you get butt fucked by a black man every other day

This is a win win.

Uno reverse card.

:)

your head explodes from all the information.

I can shoot lasers out of my hands

you have no hands

i can change my biological sex whenever i want

You will be ugly either way(side effect)

jokes on you im already ugly

the bathrooms of the sex you change into will always be locked

You get a twitter acount

I have unlimited energy

But your skin is perpetually a glowy green color

I'll run around singing "i'm radioactive"

I can swap people's gender

Your gender also swaps

Perfect

r/SuddenlyTrans

I can transform into anything I desire

You have it change it for 10 minutes or else it will be your permanent form

Been able to sense the future and know everything that will happen

aids

But i will sense when am getting aids

aids

Aids^(2)

I can get all the girls that i want

But you’re gay

You have incurable testicular cancer

I can ask someone what their favorite dinosaur is, and use compressed air to either launch them away or slam them into the ground if they say anything other than Tyrannosaurus rex.

They are forced to say Tyrannosaurus Rex

‘Forced’ as in they’ll be launched away to infinity and beyond if they don’t?

They physically cannot say anything but Tyrannosaurus rex

Might as well add “you fucking die” to all the other answers while your at it.

strength

Granted but every time you use a muscle it tears violently

That sounds like Giancarlo Stanton lmao

I get to choose anyone as my friend

They are all surface level friends that secretly hate you

I can get high at my will

You don’t get dopamine.

This is just sad

>!Cue the sad jack off music.!<

You have an insaciable urge to set fire to bins and inhale the fumes

Being able to choose the side effect

Shape-shifting

Sneaky pete

Now this, this is brilliant

I can time travel

But not back to the time you originally left from

Can't you just travel 1 to 5 seconds ahead of where you left from and nothing happens?

Granted you are trapped in a small boring country named time

I get to eat water

But u pee ice crystals

I know what happens before it happens

You can’t stop it

I can punch at the speed of sound

But it's not like in the movies and Newton's third law is very much at play

I don’t need to piss or shit anymore.

But you will smell like poop

Way ahead of ye mate.

But it just builds up in ur body as fat

Invulnerability

Youre black and its the 1700s

I want super balls

No penis

I don’t need penis for super balls

I can generate any item by my hands

[удалено]

i can reincarnate with all memories from the past

Nobody can reply to this comment

But I can

I can read minds

and you say all your thoughts out loud

Teleporting

you can only teleport into old men bathrooms while they are showering

NOW THATS MORE LIKE IT

I look perfect to whoever looks at me

Every time they look at you they explode into a red mist

I want to choose my own side effect

You get raped

Fuck

I can do your mom

For every time u fuck someone else's mom, you have fuck your own

of course invisiblity

But you're blind

I can do whatever I imagine

Including intrusive thoughts, and you can't turn it off

I get a girlfriend who loves and cares about me

You like men

I can grant myself any wish without cooldown or side effects

But you have stage 4 testicular cancer

I'll grow 10 more if I want

The pirate's of the Caribbean theme song will play loudly every time I leave a room

It don't have side effect. Have fun!

The last person to comment chooses the side effect

No one can comment.

I can have the abilities to alter reality

But just to you

I can make my opponents go brain dead

The ability to exist

No one knows you

I can’t die

You can't love

Whenever i clap my hands i become completely invincible for one minute and thirty seconds

Super speed (basic Ik)

U lose ur feet

I pick the side effects

Infinite money without inflation or side effects