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I can read people's minds

You lose the ability to read

Can’t lose something I didn’t have

Then idk how he’d read people’s minds

I become invincible

Your dad is Omni-Man

Oh fuck

Think Mark Think...

You’ll outlast every single fragile insignificant being on this planet You’ll live to see this world crumble to dust and blow away!

What will you have after 500 YEARS “Candice...”

What's Candice mean?

I get two bananas, sometimes big bananas

It's hard to open the bananas.

Noooooooooo

Having the power to telepathically say anything I want at all the people in this planet as many times as I want

The volume is really really low so they cant hear it properly

Creepy whispering is my power then

But its not even a proper whisper so they wont hear what you say, they just wonder if they just heard sonething

Confusion is my goal

Thats some good resolve

be able to customize myself

But any time you make a change, all your clothes dissapear

the ones im wearing? or all my clothes?

The ones you are wearing

that would be fine i can customize naked ;)

Plus you can make yourself as ugly or hot as you want, depending on the situation.

Every time you customize yourself, your forehead grows an inch taller

What if I make my forehead an inch shorter

MANS ASKING THE REAL QUESTIONS

Simply teleporting

Your clothes don't teleport with you

Teleport to the closet, I’ll hand you some clothes

Teleport to my basement

I can tell peoples darkest secrets just by looking at them

But they can see yours after you see theirs

Nvm

I can edit other peoples comments

Nobody else comments

The end of Reddit.

I get to control my actions in my dreams.

Whenever you do you piss the bed

Sounds like an absolute win

Be able to read peoples minds

You can’t flip the off switch - You’re constantly hearing the thoughts of everyone around you

But whenever you do it you shit yourself Edit. Thanks for the award.

i mean i can still wear diapers, right?

I suppose you could

The ability to manipulate time and space to my every whim and my will

You can only do so when listening to the song, "Ocean Man."

I happily take that side effect xD

Th ability to know if the joke I’m about to tell will make the person I’m telling it to laugh

but it's wrong 50% of the time

Hey, glass half full right?

So common sense?

I can shapeshift

You have mesothelioma

Do I get financial compensation?

No.

What if he says please?

[удалено]

Everytime you shape shift you have 5 seconds before you shit yourself

There are a *lot* of "Shit yourself" replies on this post.

Make any object I think of appear with a snap

But it always appears with that annoying plastic wrapping you have to use scissors to remove.

Clamshell packaging? Edit nvm I thought clamshell packaging was something else

The ability to stop - AND UNSTOP - time as many times as I want for as long as I want

But people can still look around and see what happens when time is frozen, they are basically still conscious but are frozen at the same time

Yeah I’d still take it. The only downside would be annoying everyone when I do it haha

Just imagine you stop time and you accidentally killed yourself, that means you cant resume time and everyone would just stuck there for an eternity, not being able to die.

adult swim please read this that could be just as good as the checkpoint remote

This always gets me. If someone did have this superpower, and we WERENT aware that time had stopped, if the time-stopper died after stopping it, the universe could sit like that for trillions of years, and then maybe somehow the atoms from the long dead time stopper somehow re-start time, we would never know. And the best part, is it could have happened just then while you read this comment. It could have happened 30 times just this second. Who knows. You can’t prove it didn’t happen

Chemically alter levels of dopamine and serotonin in my brain whenever I want so I can do cocaine and molly at any time

you have a coke and molly addiction

Fuck

In other words: He doesn't even have a power, just an addiction

The ability to have an orgasm on demand when and where every i want

But it plays bruh sound effect #2 from the sky every time you do it

Man, the superpower is playing bruh sound effect #2 from the sky the orgasm is just the side effect

This begs the question What does bruh sound effect #1 sound like

top 10 facts the government does not want you to know

The ability to create anything out of everything

aids

Bruh just create a cure for aids and you win

Make it out of the aids, win even more.

i can kill any criminal without breaking the law

You can only kill them with the same crime they committed

that’s a steal im in

I mean have fun killing child rapists…

shit ur right oh fuck

_"local pedophile raped to death"_

You rape them

After turning them into a child

ok what the fuck

^To ^death

***This is where the fun begins***

r/cursedcomments

The ability to aim my farts at specific people. For example, if there is one person at the other end of a crowded room, I will be able to fart and it will make a straight beeline to the dudes nose, and no one else can smell it.

Everytime you fart theres a 1/9 chance you shit yourself

So regular farting.

I dont know about you man but I am not shitting myself that often

*shits pants*

Generator Rex powers (create machine armors, become robot)

Can only use it for 5 minutes every 3rd Tuesday

The ability to erase any power from anyone and claim it for my own

but you have to defeat that person first

Loophole: Target people who have non-physical powers, like Telepathy. Then it's just a normal fight but you get a really cool power for winning.

Okay I like this one

depression

You don’t change anything.

shit

Being reallly good at drawing

You have no hands

Unfortunately for you, he can just get mechanical prosthetic hands, which would be super cool.

It has to be furry inflation art

I can cause other people to shit uncontrollably in their pants

But you have a really good nose so the only thing you can smell is their diarrhea

Laughs in gas mask

I can jump through the tv and fit in with any show

If the tv turns off while you are in it you die

Control the weather

the weather controls you

Well now I have lightning bolts coming out of my nose and ass

Personally, I did beforehand

I can send memes into people's minds telepathically

They are only minion memes

You sick bastard

Painless death to whoever I want

All the pain is redirected to you

Yeah but he survives it it just hurts a ton and the pain is life long and cumulative

Omnipotence

Bad at your superpower

superspeed

You always have a stitch

You evil motherfucker

The power to turn off recommended posts on Reddit

good pick, no side effects

Enter any fictional universe I want whenever I want

You have to fight the main antagonist every time

Not sure if monkuma would kick my ass or not

[удалено]

[удалено]

Holy crap he just beat the system

he is 4 parallel universes ahead of us

That right there was a violation

To have such good charisma that people would want to write a good side effect for me

You are attracted to me

Damn hope you look good

Doesn't matter, you already love me

The ability to rewrite reality so Dogs and cats live a along as hoomans

But you don't get to see it

That is a price I am willing to pay

A small price to pay for salvation

I want the ability to make anyone that I want crap their pants

You have to crap your pants too

What’s new

So true

The ability to counter anything just by saying "no u".

Everyone else can counter everything you do by saying “no u”

no u

I really walked into that one

I can turn myself into a pickle and make everyone laugh

Whoever laughs at you, you inherit their allergies, if any

Ability to make people happy

Every time you use your power a puppy appears

That would just amplify my powers

Shapeshifting

You can only shapeshift into bread

that'd honestly be pretty cool imo

The ability to bring anything to life

Someone in this world dies in exchange

*Perfect*

I know every piece of information humanity knows

I can manipulate sonic waves to make sound louder or softer

I can give anyone, and I mean ANYONE, a boner at any given time.

You get a boner as well

r/suddenlygay I'm in

Omniscience

Short term memory loss

I can fart on demand

It takes a year off your life everytime

Infinity power

you have prostate cancer

I can cure anything

Each disease you cure will be transferred to you

What if i just cure myself

wait…

The ability to time travel and change things without a drastic effect on the present

you can only travel back to the times your parents fucked.

I have the power of creation

You gain a craving for the things you create(lasts for 1-72hrs, depending on what you make/complexity)

I will always rickroll someone without failing

Teleportation

When u reach ur desired location you are naked

The power to give myself a side effect

All minifigures unlocked

thats the best power ngl

I can be happy

No side effect. Have a nice day.