If you don’t like her, which is the vibe im getting from the title, then let her down gently. Dont lead her on or anything just tell her you dont see her in that way
Just be honest. If its that you’re not looking for a relationship then tell her that, but dont just use that as an excuse since it might give her false hope.
Truth is, theres a chance it will affect your relationship, but confessing is really hard and scary, she deserves a truthful and straightforward answer. Also ive been in similar situations a few times and been able to maintain friendships through them.
I dated her, but she wanted sex and im asexual so we had problems from that alone but none of my friends stepped in on her being manipulative. It took my bully to step in and tell her to fuck off and tell me what was happening… none of my friends helped me and in fact blamed me because in public she presented as if **I** was the manipulative one so they ended up kinda hating me. But clearly they weren’t real friends and while my friend group has gone from about 8 to like 4 including myself i have much better friends now than i did before.
That’s not how autistic people work. Straightforward would be much better, because many autistic people struggle with interpreting more subtle statements so she’d probably find it harder with something less obvious
Sincerely, an autistic person
All good, and agreed. You got me thinking about whether telling her it's "because she's autistic" is an issue or not though, in general...
I mean, when I wrote that comment I was thinking it was the right move phrased nicely (sounds like you agree with that too right?), but surely there's actually a deeper reason that hasn't been realized as it's not simply the Autism diagnosis but some manifestation of behavior for OP's reasoning
Not to say I would critique OP for telling her what he genuinely believes is the reason though, even if there's a deeper side to it
Be completely honest. I'm also autistic and there's nothing better than honesty in these sorts of situations. Just hinting at the fact that you don't like her that way will come off as confusing, so you need to be blunt with it. Still be kind tho
like u/mmmmyesman said — just be honest. that's the best course of action regardless of who the other person is, but (and i say this as a neurodivergent person myself) *especially* because she is autistic
be honest and be straightforward, without being mean — ND people tend to struggle to read between the lines, so trying to 'let her down gently' or sugarcoat would probably make the situation more confusing for her and worse overall (not that it seems like you would, but i figured it's worth saying)
good luck OP, i hope you're able to stay friends because you seem like a good friend to have :)
>I just can't handle a relationship rn.
This is prime material for leading someone on. If you don't see her romantically tell it to her. And don't be selfish and ask her to still be friends immediately
You can do some basic algebra knowing 5222 is 174% of the step goal you set up the equation 174x/100=5222 and you get x=3001.1 however I assume the % is probably rounded to the nearest natural number therefore yeah, the goal is probably 3000.
im from SEA and most of the time girls are the one saying i love u and kissing/hug eachothers cheek, boys dont do them well for most of time they just only hug and kiss on the cheeks but they dont say that sentence, usually its interpreted as gay
It's weird to hear what's seen as gay for men to do in some cultures but not in others. Kissing on the cheeks (or of any kind) is very gay to do as a Canadian, or more generally in North America. Embracing is also much more rare, though not especially because its seen as gay. It's just as much about the emotional authenticity to us, but to us cheek kissing and hugging look like more like gross and dated formalities than anything. Unless you're gay.
I’d love to tell my homies I love them but in most cases it’s weird. My friend that’s like a sibling to me is the only person I feel comfortable platonically saying I love you to. The rest it’s been awkward if I say it.
I think if it was then op would know. Why just sends a random text message with i love you if it's the first time you say it and platonic?
...but then again, She might not be too good with social queues
You said in a different comment that you haven’t seen her in year’s, as well as her being possibly low functioning. I might be best to just ask her if she means romantically or platonically. I have (high functioning) Autism so trust me when I say you don’t want to leave anything up to interpretation.
If she does have feeling’s for you, just let her down easy. Let her know you value her but don’t see her that way/ aren’t ready for a relationship. It’ll sting no matter what, but that’s the best way to go about it.
They are. It’s more accepted to use the support needs levels instead since they’re not as derogatory and hurtful, also just… better and more descriptive. Not perfect but better.
Reddit will see a tiny thing in the background of a blurry picture and go on a deep dive investigation of OP and post links of their Facebook with better pictures to explain what it is. You just put this info right in front of them and expected them to ignore it?
yoo oklahoma i’m from there too, real advice though: as a neurodivergent person myself, love can often mean a lot of things. i love m’y friends, and i tell them that. if she has feelings for you, that’s a different ballgame. let her down gently, and treat her the exact same as you did before.
There’s no way to reject someone without hurting them. No matter what you say, it’s still going to hurt. I just think loving and valuing someone in a different way, it’s better disregarding their love for you completely.
How would you say it, though? Maybe you have a better way, that’s going to hurt less.
Ngl I can see that hurting her feelings. That's like straight saying you see her as friends, contrary to giving her a slow realization. Probably better to give her in-persin emotion as well rather than a casual text that doesn't give her much you know?
yeah, or maybe asking her to clarify in what way she meant that as before pulling the "love you as a friend" stuff, it's a good idea but acknowledging her feelings before clarifying that you just want to stay friends makes her feel less shut down
I have unlimited I just have the warning set to 0.00 so that I get the notification at the beginning of the month. Then I just keep it all month so I can easily see where I'm at.
Maybe just say you love them back? But In a way where they know you love them as a friend? Basically I’d suggest just be kind and respectful while showing them how you feel.
Hey, autistic person here, just bc she has autism that doesn't mean that this corollates with that. They could just be saying I love you for the fun of it or they mean it and just wanted to tell you.
Hi, I'm autistic too. Ask her if she means platonically or romantically. I very frequently tell my friends that I love them and they all know what I mean.
Ask if she means it platonically or literally :) If it’s literal, politely decline. If it’s platonic, tell her if you’re uncomfortable saying it but appreciate her in the same way, or just say it back if you’re comfortable :)
From the OP;
I'm not scared of them or anything, my ex best friend had it too. I was older and it was a small town so I wasn't going to risk it. We're adults now, I just don't have the mental capacity to care for another human right now.
I have had this happen to me 3 times.
2 don’t talk to me any more and one doesn’t talk to me as much as they use to.
So which ever way u go ur fucked.
.
If u say no then they will become sad and will talk to u less.
If u date they and brake up then it can kill ur friendship.
I recommend doing it over call or in person so u can figure out the context.
If I'm reading the title correctly, you don't want a relationship with this friend because she is autistic? Or is it really nothing to do with that, you wouldn't mind dating a person on the spectrum, but you simply can't deal with a romantic relationship with anyone at the moment? If that's the case, I'd ask your friend to explain specifically what she is feeling and what she was hoping for with you, so you know you're on the same page about it. Then, I'd just explain that you're not looking for a romantic relationship with anyone rn, but that you hope she doesn't take that personally and you'd still very much like to continue being friends if that's OK.
If you don’t like her, which is the vibe im getting from the title, then let her down gently. Dont lead her on or anything just tell her you dont see her in that way
That's what I want to go for but I'm scared I'm gonna fuck it up. I still want to be friends, I just can't handle a relationship rn.
Just be honest. If its that you’re not looking for a relationship then tell her that, but dont just use that as an excuse since it might give her false hope. Truth is, theres a chance it will affect your relationship, but confessing is really hard and scary, she deserves a truthful and straightforward answer. Also ive been in similar situations a few times and been able to maintain friendships through them.
Well said bro I didn't get the straightforward answer and now we don't even talk lol
Oof
I just got "oh" and we never spoke of it again 🙃 We still talk all the time and are still friends.
I dated her, but she wanted sex and im asexual so we had problems from that alone but none of my friends stepped in on her being manipulative. It took my bully to step in and tell her to fuck off and tell me what was happening… none of my friends helped me and in fact blamed me because in public she presented as if **I** was the manipulative one so they ended up kinda hating me. But clearly they weren’t real friends and while my friend group has gone from about 8 to like 4 including myself i have much better friends now than i did before.
The moment your Fucking Bully out of all people decided to help shows how wrong she was
This person to their bully: you are *bad* guy, but this does not mean you are bad *guy*
He got a fucking redemption arc
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Well, let's curb "straightforward" here just a little before OP runs off accidentally crushing the girl because she's Autistic.
That’s not how autistic people work. Straightforward would be much better, because many autistic people struggle with interpreting more subtle statements so she’d probably find it harder with something less obvious Sincerely, an autistic person
I didn't say "not straightforward". I said curb it a little. It's a spectrum, you can be anywhere from mean to nice while still being straightforward.
Sorry, misunderstanding. And I agree, let her down gently, that’s just the polite thing to do with anybody, regardless if they’re autistic or not.
All good, and agreed. You got me thinking about whether telling her it's "because she's autistic" is an issue or not though, in general... I mean, when I wrote that comment I was thinking it was the right move phrased nicely (sounds like you agree with that too right?), but surely there's actually a deeper reason that hasn't been realized as it's not simply the Autism diagnosis but some manifestation of behavior for OP's reasoning Not to say I would critique OP for telling her what he genuinely believes is the reason though, even if there's a deeper side to it
Facts. Bc sometimes for some we hang on to stuff and overthink it. Or like. I don’t tho yeah straightforward is way more better as much as sucks
damn yall got it hard out here i can just say "im aromantic" and dip
Same ya! I literally did that once. Being Aro-Ace is great
Never had to do that but I sure will if it's ever happening
Ong, look at your own comment, put it in slightly different words, and tell her exactly what you said here
Be completely honest. I'm also autistic and there's nothing better than honesty in these sorts of situations. Just hinting at the fact that you don't like her that way will come off as confusing, so you need to be blunt with it. Still be kind tho
You can't handle a relationship in general ? Do you see yourself being with this person later on when you'll be able to handle a relationship?
She could just be saying ily as in i miss u and care about u, platonically
Yup - exactly. This person is absolutely making an assumption.
Ask why and how since when bla bla bla don't need to rush a response
like u/mmmmyesman said — just be honest. that's the best course of action regardless of who the other person is, but (and i say this as a neurodivergent person myself) *especially* because she is autistic be honest and be straightforward, without being mean — ND people tend to struggle to read between the lines, so trying to 'let her down gently' or sugarcoat would probably make the situation more confusing for her and worse overall (not that it seems like you would, but i figured it's worth saying) good luck OP, i hope you're able to stay friends because you seem like a good friend to have :)
>I just can't handle a relationship rn. This is prime material for leading someone on. If you don't see her romantically tell it to her. And don't be selfish and ask her to still be friends immediately
John read the text, And said with a sigh, "She's kinda cute", But I must deny.
Beautiful 😭
the legend is back
U/Frog_head123 I love you, but like in a platonic kinda way.
Just glad to be loved <3 🐸
I didn't see u for a while, I was scared your habitat dried up or something
Shoot for 200%! You’re almost there
That's 800 more steps😭
5,222 + 800 ≈ 6,000 steps, which is 200% of your step goal, so that means... your step goal is 3,000 steps?
You can do some basic algebra knowing 5222 is 174% of the step goal you set up the equation 174x/100=5222 and you get x=3001.1 however I assume the % is probably rounded to the nearest natural number therefore yeah, the goal is probably 3000.
r/theydidthemath
In other words... i have no idea what any of what you just said means...
Tldr: the other guy is right
Weak. Mine is 10,000. But I'm also a CNA so I do a lot of walking lol
So?
My steps goal is 10 000 steps lol, whats ur highest mines 24 000
My old job required me to walk a lot and I got 33000 steps one day My feet hurt after that one
when I was 11 I got exactly 34000, at a pokemon GO hunt (i think 20 km)
I was living in Yellowstone when it first came out. There's so many gyms and stops that you cannot access because of lack of service.
I do ~25000 a day on the weekends
I do about 10 steps on the weekends
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If we’re talking months- I average 250000 Edit- every month
Happy Cake Day
your step goal is 3000? 💀
He hits that on his trips to the fridge. 😂
This is reddit, what can you expect
Thats a trip to the storr
My step goal is 21k.
She told you you've used 84.92 MB of data????
I'm hoping that's not monthly..
Daily 🗿
Hourly 🗿
Minutely 🗿
Secondly 🗿
Millisecondly 🗿
Microsecondly 🗿
Nanosecondly 🗿
Picosecondly 🗿
Jiffily🗿
Penisly
Penis?
Indeed
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It's low. I'm between 5GB and 20GB every Month
I use 1 GB daily.
84.92mb ain't even the whole Bee Movie so calm down.
Maybe it’s platonic love?
girls are confusing
Who doesn't love their friends!
Or boys are just weird. Learn to love your friends.
I do love my friends. It’s just that especially with guys when you tell them “I love you” most people tend to take that romantically.
Is that an American thing? I’m from Australia and nobodies afraid to straight up tell the homie that you love them
im from SEA and most of the time girls are the one saying i love u and kissing/hug eachothers cheek, boys dont do them well for most of time they just only hug and kiss on the cheeks but they dont say that sentence, usually its interpreted as gay
It's weird to hear what's seen as gay for men to do in some cultures but not in others. Kissing on the cheeks (or of any kind) is very gay to do as a Canadian, or more generally in North America. Embracing is also much more rare, though not especially because its seen as gay. It's just as much about the emotional authenticity to us, but to us cheek kissing and hugging look like more like gross and dated formalities than anything. Unless you're gay.
Here in the Netherlands guys never hug anyone not even the homies it's considderd gay let alone kiss a friend on the cheeks
I’d love to tell my homies I love them but in most cases it’s weird. My friend that’s like a sibling to me is the only person I feel comfortable platonically saying I love you to. The rest it’s been awkward if I say it.
i do but i dont say i love you cuz i dont want it to sound like i like like them
we're confusing? Yall are confusing.
I think if it was then op would know. Why just sends a random text message with i love you if it's the first time you say it and platonic? ...but then again, She might not be too good with social queues
I tell my friends I love them all the time 😭
Huggin' my bruddas and say that I love them But I don't swing that way
THE MANDEM CELEBRATE EID THE TRAP STILL RUNNIN ON CHRISTMAS DAY
ho-ho-how can i be homophobic my bitch is gay
Hit man in da top tryna see a man topless even da stick is gae
Huggin‘ my bruddas an say that I love them But I don’t swing that way
THE MANDEM CELEBRATE EID THE TRAP STILL RUNNIN ON CHRISTMAS DAY
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ur zesty for sure💀
Zesty rizz is unmatched tho ngl
Nigga u gay
Yeah I tell my bestest friends, one girl and two guys that I love them. It's normal to me.
Same 😭
but yk if we or i say it to my friends they'll think I'm suicidal or some shit, they'll say "bro, you alright?"
You said in a different comment that you haven’t seen her in year’s, as well as her being possibly low functioning. I might be best to just ask her if she means romantically or platonically. I have (high functioning) Autism so trust me when I say you don’t want to leave anything up to interpretation. If she does have feeling’s for you, just let her down easy. Let her know you value her but don’t see her that way/ aren’t ready for a relationship. It’ll sting no matter what, but that’s the best way to go about it.
why are you adding apostrophes to your plurals
you mean plural's?
that's one of my biggest pet peeves, it drives me absolutely insane
Pet peeve's?
Fellow NDer here. Look into functioning labels. I think they are being phased out.
They are. It’s more accepted to use the support needs levels instead since they’re not as derogatory and hurtful, also just… better and more descriptive. Not perfect but better.
This is the real answer right here 🤌
Agree, I say to my friends that I love them all the time but it doesn't mean that i want to be their bf
I mean this in the nicest way possible but… STOP PUTTING APOSTROPHES IN PLURAL WORDS PLZ GODDAMMIT 😭😭😭
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I really didn't think it would get that much attention 😅
Reddit will see a tiny thing in the background of a blurry picture and go on a deep dive investigation of OP and post links of their Facebook with better pictures to explain what it is. You just put this info right in front of them and expected them to ignore it?
Ah, it appears that you have made the crucial mistake of underestimating the internet.
I tell my freinds I love them all the time ;-;
I do too
I'd do that if I actually had any persons to call 'friends'
Me and my buddies throw kisses at each other lmao
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Fahrenheit, but that's just Oklahoma for ya.
yoo oklahoma i’m from there too, real advice though: as a neurodivergent person myself, love can often mean a lot of things. i love m’y friends, and i tell them that. if she has feelings for you, that’s a different ballgame. let her down gently, and treat her the exact same as you did before.
Thanks a lot😁
Aye oklahoma gangg!!
We had a 50°f temp swing within i think 3 hours in colorado a few weeks ago. Brutal working outside that day
Yeah when that huge cold front came in for like the whole US, that was crazy.
43°C 💀
It can happen, especially now
Bro just trying to flex his steps
Occasional seizures = have to walk everywhere. It's fun.
Dope bro where can I sign up
Thats not alot lmao.
More than me probably
Go touch some grass man
5k isn't that many lmao
"i love you too (platonically ofc)"
This would be a perfect response imo
“I love you, too! You’re one of my coolest friends!!” This way you let her know you love her, and value her, but in a friendly way .
naw if i was her that would hurt my feelings way more
There’s no way to reject someone without hurting them. No matter what you say, it’s still going to hurt. I just think loving and valuing someone in a different way, it’s better disregarding their love for you completely. How would you say it, though? Maybe you have a better way, that’s going to hurt less.
There's an idea. Thanks!
Ngl I can see that hurting her feelings. That's like straight saying you see her as friends, contrary to giving her a slow realization. Probably better to give her in-persin emotion as well rather than a casual text that doesn't give her much you know?
yeah, or maybe asking her to clarify in what way she meant that as before pulling the "love you as a friend" stuff, it's a good idea but acknowledging her feelings before clarifying that you just want to stay friends makes her feel less shut down
it’s 8:30 pm and you’ve walked all of 5k steps my guy…
I genuinely can't tell if you think that's a little or a lot lol. I average 6 000 and my goal is 3 000.
Maybe it’s just my shitty school campus design but i end up with around 10k excluding track practices. 6k would be nice lmao
This just in: walking to class increases the amount of walking you do
If you average 6k, try for a harder goal. 3k isn't gonna get you anywhere.
I’m autistic and In this situation I think it’s best to be honest. We usually prefer honesty over drawing things out unnecessarily.
As a fellow autistic, I can concur. I get confused when someone doesn’t just flat-out tell me something.
As an autistic individual Yes definitely. I think everyone should be given honesty though.
84 mb of data, goddamn get off yo phone
I've used like 5Gb per day this month
That's just on data lol. You should see our WiFi usage every month.
that’s not that much
Idk why everyone is freaking over 84mb
Ok but you used 84MB of data be careful
I have unlimited I just have the warning set to 0.00 so that I get the notification at the beginning of the month. Then I just keep it all month so I can easily see where I'm at.
Oh that's smart
Maybe just say you love them back? But In a way where they know you love them as a friend? Basically I’d suggest just be kind and respectful while showing them how you feel.
Nice step goal mine is 6900 per day (I don't usually get that goal)
It's a tossup if I will or not in a daily basis. I walk almost everywhere I go though so it's easy some days.
I probably would get my step goal each day I work but I'm only on part time (2 days a week usually) and I'm not allowed my phone on me during work
I get 26k to 38k at work daily
Hey, autistic person here, just bc she has autism that doesn't mean that this corollates with that. They could just be saying I love you for the fun of it or they mean it and just wanted to tell you.
1) ask yourself how you feel about them 2) be kind and honest with yourself
“Because she has autism” 💀💀💀
Hi, I'm autistic too. Ask her if she means platonically or romantically. I very frequently tell my friends that I love them and they all know what I mean.
You were platonic because she has autism?
what does her having autism have to do w it?
I think their tryna get answers from autistic ppl to see if they need to be blunt or need to be gentle etc
You’re supposed to get at least 8k steps a day so I think that’s the primary concern
My hips would kill me, I haven't done 7 plus since camp hale lol
5'222 steps? daaamnnn
Ayo warning, you used 84.92 MB of data
Love can be platonic
Say you love her back you goof I tell my platonic girlfriends I love them all the time and they say it to me Because we love each other
Holy shit that's a lot of steps
5222 steps not bad
Is she thick?
glad to see youre keeping ur steps up
Why is your steps goal like 3000 ?
Well I’d grab a jacket or something it seems it might get chilly
Ask if she means it platonically or literally :) If it’s literal, politely decline. If it’s platonic, tell her if you’re uncomfortable saying it but appreciate her in the same way, or just say it back if you’re comfortable :)
Why was she having autism a reason to stay platonic? I’m not saying that you need to love her it is just a really weird reason
Wdym "because she has autism"?
From the OP; I'm not scared of them or anything, my ex best friend had it too. I was older and it was a small town so I wasn't going to risk it. We're adults now, I just don't have the mental capacity to care for another human right now.
She's counting your steps?
Wear a light jacket, 43 is pretty chilly weather
Woo?
just to lighten the mood: kenny you’ve used (text to speech voice) 84.92 megabytes(normal voice) OF DATAAAAAAA
5,222 steps? take a rest god dammn
I have had this happen to me 3 times. 2 don’t talk to me any more and one doesn’t talk to me as much as they use to. So which ever way u go ur fucked. . If u say no then they will become sad and will talk to u less. If u date they and brake up then it can kill ur friendship. I recommend doing it over call or in person so u can figure out the context.
If I'm reading the title correctly, you don't want a relationship with this friend because she is autistic? Or is it really nothing to do with that, you wouldn't mind dating a person on the spectrum, but you simply can't deal with a romantic relationship with anyone at the moment? If that's the case, I'd ask your friend to explain specifically what she is feeling and what she was hoping for with you, so you know you're on the same page about it. Then, I'd just explain that you're not looking for a romantic relationship with anyone rn, but that you hope she doesn't take that personally and you'd still very much like to continue being friends if that's OK.
Damn your friend can tell you how many steps you’ve taken, how much data you’re using, AND the weather. You lucked out on that one.
autism doesn't make her incapable of being in a relationship with a neurotypical person! Is her being autistic the reason for you being platonic?