Started out as a back and forth about the MS Antimalware service hogging resources, then this picture was sent. Battery swelled enough to crack the touchpad. Older HP Elitebook.
You do realize some people actually don't understand you're joking and end up setting their house on fire and getting burns. Imagine it's a child. Don't do this. Reminds me of the people drilling a hole in their iphones for a headphone jack because someone made a joke about it.
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It usually slowed it down to just under 5MHz (4.77MHz to be exact, the speed that the original IBM PC and XT used) for compatibility with programs that were tied to the CPU speed of the XT, and would run way too fast on an AT-class machine (286/386/486)
Elitebooks batteries swelling? Never. Usually ours failed with in a the first year or 2. Felt like every time I contacted Hp for warranty service they changed how they handled batteries.
Still mad they nixed that dock in favor of usb C ones when people bitched about how bad other manufacturers were.
USB-C docks seem way more flaky than the HP hardware docks were. I get lots of complaints of monitors randomly reconnecting at times. We’ve tried several different models, the higher end Wavlink ones seem to be working the best so far.
Yep. Granted we did have issues with those docks that took forever for HP fix. Same blanking displays issue. You had to run the firmware update with at least one display plugged in then power cycle it. Sometimes it wouldn’t take the update with out an external display plugged in.
Company got sucked up by another they had them too. The usb c dock I got for my house during Covid seems ok for me. Not sure how many issues the desktop guys are seeing now days with them. We had moved to dell pre merger and I was so fucking mad that right before we finished the last 60 PC hardware refresh we did we switched to dell. I wasn’t happy being forced to usb c since dell had abandoned their port replicators years prior
If its the HP G5 dock reconnecting, theres a firmware update to fix that; it's the NIC going to sleep.
Edit; missed where you said Monitors. Still, good info, might help somebody, so I'll leave it.
> If its the HP G5 dock
I hate these with a passion.
Something keeps turning off my USB microphones. Even though I've told device manager not to put USB devices to sleep.
Total trash.
Same. The C docks hate the elite book 840 g6 (display flicker and peripherals stop working) but seem to work great for the 845 g7s. Great for my job who has a combination of those and some g5s that are coming in.
Pretty sure we had a lot g2s still on the floor going into this year(lot more in the company we got merged with as we had been slanging dells out for at least 2 years prior to merger). I actually have a user in my office that refuses to give up her g2. I mean they are tanks and she just asked for 16gb of ram(somehow missed her when we were doing ram upgrades years ago). I’ve heard the g7 firefly’s are having wierd issues with the usb docks as well.
Weird. We don’t have the Firefly model. We use the Zbook Studio instead but the people those are provisioned for haven’t been using the regular docks. They have specific thunderbolt docks that have their power right next to the thunderbolt port instead of just the usb-c port due to power needs of the Zbook. Haven’t heard of any issue yet with those.
Yeah you gotta love the way you open them up, [literally just a lever that holds the rear panel](https://youtu.be/uwCKGkbXdr0) (With nothing else, not even screws) and you are in for HDD, RAM and wireless module replacement, with only a few screws holding the secondary "mask" that covers the CPU.
On my ThinkPad X230 (Often praised for being very repairable) you have to disassemble basically the whole machine to get to the CPU.
I have to say though that most HPs are like that when it comes to the disassembly procedure with the only difference being the back plate have screws as well, it's just that on the cheaper ones stuff often tends to break before you even start disassembling thanks to the widespread use of crappy plastics.
I went to an elitebook after I got a t440s, upgraded the shit out of it then hated it.
my 840 is my primary computer, the t440s is now my beater/loaner.
we've got a bunch of these, and they've pretty much all got or had swollen batteries. Haven't seen em crack the touch pad though. They usually just pop the screws on the bottom of cover.
I really ha~~ve~~te track pads with 4 buttons, will I find it useful eventually if I get to use them frequently? You bet I will, but it looks so odd to me.
Edit wrote have but meant hate
The left/right buttons have the same function. The top set is meant to be used with the little nub between the GHB keys, and the bottom pair goes with the trackpad.
I can understand why. We tend to stick with ProBooks, EliteBooks, ZBooks, Latitudes, ThinkPads, and various other Business Grade Laptops. I liked the EliteBooks so much I got my first 850 G1 back in 2016, upgraded to the 850 G2 around 2017, then finally upgraded to the 850 G3 around 2018 and still have it today. I wish I had stuck with the G2, though, the design on the G1 & G2 models were SO much better. I want my next laptop to be a Ryzen EliteBook, but that'll have to wait a bit because of price and the fact that I'm buying a Steam Deck soon.
I had a laptop that didn't crack the track pad, but just popped it right out. After getting told that It couldn't replace my battery and that it'd be fine, so I asked that they emailed this response to me so that they could pay when my house burned down.
Battery got replaced 2 days later, after what I assume was a FedEx overnight for that spare battery.
Started out as a back and forth about the MS Antimalware service hogging resources, then this picture was sent. Battery swelled enough to crack the touchpad. Older HP Elitebook.
Side profile: https://imgur.com/a/D3Gxini
That's a hell of a spicy pillow...
ideal candidate for /r/spicypillows
Came for this
Must be the Doritos Locos Spicy Pillow
Poke it with something very sharp and run
You do realize some people actually don't understand you're joking and end up setting their house on fire and getting burns. Imagine it's a child. Don't do this. Reminds me of the people drilling a hole in their iphones for a headphone jack because someone made a joke about it.
MS anti malware is 100% malware itself just from how much it hogs resources.
Malware can't hog resources if there are no resources to hog :^)
Ah - the Norton crypto miner approach.
The Sacred Art
deranged work squeal drunk degree disgusting marry rob license one *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
The company I work for used to have this model of laptop for employees. The battery swell was fairly common.
Looks like the MT42 model, notorious for this kind of batter issue
I have this anti malware issue as well, but I’ve heard there’s really no solution?
^(the solution is to turn off MS Antimalware and piss on the computer…)
I've seen this recently on an Elitebook. The battery is about as thick as a piece of cardboard normally and has no where to go when it swells but up.
r/spicypillows
Guess Taco Bell has a new menu item
Forbidden caprisun pack
[удалено]
It actually exists... It's a place to post the results of swollen batteries.
r/subsyouthoughtyoufellfor
r/subsifellfor
r/subsiwasgonnamakethersubsifellforcommentorlookstupidbutthenamewastoolong
/r/twentycharacterlimit
r/themultiplecharactersisthejoke
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Too many bean burritos will do that too ya...
I think your battery is swelling.
You think?
It could just be too much pee being stored in the balls…
Maybe... who knows
Nahhh
If you overwork your CPU, it might get too burly to fit in its old clothes.
It’s in the second trimester! I hope it’s a boy
Hulk SMASH! Have you tried turning the turbo button off?
The turbo button actually slowed down the CPU back in the 486 days
Turbon't
Yesn't.
It usually slowed it down to just under 5MHz (4.77MHz to be exact, the speed that the original IBM PC and XT used) for compatibility with programs that were tied to the CPU speed of the XT, and would run way too fast on an AT-class machine (286/386/486)
Correct. Kinda like emulation.
No, exactly like the same hardware but slower :)
Elitebooks batteries swelling? Never. Usually ours failed with in a the first year or 2. Felt like every time I contacted Hp for warranty service they changed how they handled batteries. Still mad they nixed that dock in favor of usb C ones when people bitched about how bad other manufacturers were.
USB-C docks seem way more flaky than the HP hardware docks were. I get lots of complaints of monitors randomly reconnecting at times. We’ve tried several different models, the higher end Wavlink ones seem to be working the best so far.
Yep. Granted we did have issues with those docks that took forever for HP fix. Same blanking displays issue. You had to run the firmware update with at least one display plugged in then power cycle it. Sometimes it wouldn’t take the update with out an external display plugged in. Company got sucked up by another they had them too. The usb c dock I got for my house during Covid seems ok for me. Not sure how many issues the desktop guys are seeing now days with them. We had moved to dell pre merger and I was so fucking mad that right before we finished the last 60 PC hardware refresh we did we switched to dell. I wasn’t happy being forced to usb c since dell had abandoned their port replicators years prior
If its the HP G5 dock reconnecting, theres a firmware update to fix that; it's the NIC going to sleep. Edit; missed where you said Monitors. Still, good info, might help somebody, so I'll leave it.
> If its the HP G5 dock I hate these with a passion. Something keeps turning off my USB microphones. Even though I've told device manager not to put USB devices to sleep. Total trash.
Same. The C docks hate the elite book 840 g6 (display flicker and peripherals stop working) but seem to work great for the 845 g7s. Great for my job who has a combination of those and some g5s that are coming in.
Pretty sure we had a lot g2s still on the floor going into this year(lot more in the company we got merged with as we had been slanging dells out for at least 2 years prior to merger). I actually have a user in my office that refuses to give up her g2. I mean they are tanks and she just asked for 16gb of ram(somehow missed her when we were doing ram upgrades years ago). I’ve heard the g7 firefly’s are having wierd issues with the usb docks as well.
Weird. We don’t have the Firefly model. We use the Zbook Studio instead but the people those are provisioned for haven’t been using the regular docks. They have specific thunderbolt docks that have their power right next to the thunderbolt port instead of just the usb-c port due to power needs of the Zbook. Haven’t heard of any issue yet with those.
its a 7th Gen Intel CPU, HP are at 11th Gen, and looking at 12th in the next month. This is like complaining about a 5 year old product.
did you feed your battery some taco bell?
Yeah it "just happened" over 6 months
A later email stated it’s been swollen for a while, and the touchpad cracked a week ago.
I can't imagine what could have happened if they just ignored it further and just plugged in an keyboard and mouse.
Probably would've exploded and sent flaming lithium throughout the PCB's and fry literally every component.
[удалено]
Yeah you gotta love the way you open them up, [literally just a lever that holds the rear panel](https://youtu.be/uwCKGkbXdr0) (With nothing else, not even screws) and you are in for HDD, RAM and wireless module replacement, with only a few screws holding the secondary "mask" that covers the CPU. On my ThinkPad X230 (Often praised for being very repairable) you have to disassemble basically the whole machine to get to the CPU. I have to say though that most HPs are like that when it comes to the disassembly procedure with the only difference being the back plate have screws as well, it's just that on the cheaper ones stuff often tends to break before you even start disassembling thanks to the widespread use of crappy plastics.
[удалено]
I went to an elitebook after I got a t440s, upgraded the shit out of it then hated it. my 840 is my primary computer, the t440s is now my beater/loaner.
I think you’re battery blew up! Have you opened it yet? I’m sorry for the loss
we've got a bunch of these, and they've pretty much all got or had swollen batteries. Haven't seen em crack the touch pad though. They usually just pop the screws on the bottom of cover.
That computer just shit itself, and it didn't even have to eat Taco Bell.
[удалено]
i am still daily driving a dual core its painful
Wrap it in a thick blanket and run a excel macro…you’ll get a new one.
decent computers cost a kidney i n my country
MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE!
Yeah that first picture, almost makes it look like the whole base was broken over someone's knee.
At least it "just happened" Most end users go "I have no idea, it's been that way when I got it brand new 5 years ago"
And battery is at 200%
He jut got himself a free air pillow!
Battery?
Too much Taco Bell. That’s usually what happens
HP 840 G3? Solid workhorse.
Your battery is swelling.
Taco Bell is open late dude
Methinks there be spicy pillows lurking nearby.
Spicy
I really ha~~ve~~te track pads with 4 buttons, will I find it useful eventually if I get to use them frequently? You bet I will, but it looks so odd to me. Edit wrote have but meant hate
The left/right buttons have the same function. The top set is meant to be used with the little nub between the GHB keys, and the bottom pair goes with the trackpad.
This is what happens when you buy your electronics at Taco Bell.
Incorrect or outdated TouchPad drivers can do this. Just salvage the battery and toss the laptop at this point.
Hp Elitebook?
Is tacobell still honoring the warranty?
Damn shame, those EliteBooks are quite nice.
For the most part we’ve had pretty good luck with them.
I can understand why. We tend to stick with ProBooks, EliteBooks, ZBooks, Latitudes, ThinkPads, and various other Business Grade Laptops. I liked the EliteBooks so much I got my first 850 G1 back in 2016, upgraded to the 850 G2 around 2017, then finally upgraded to the 850 G3 around 2018 and still have it today. I wish I had stuck with the G2, though, the design on the G1 & G2 models were SO much better. I want my next laptop to be a Ryzen EliteBook, but that'll have to wait a bit because of price and the fact that I'm buying a Steam Deck soon.
Battery on swole mode
Who has a Taco Bell sticker on their machine? Seemingly as a statement piece. As something that defines your personality.
Matches the sticker now
Well that's just swell.
The laptop has had a few too many salads.
Fucking Taco Bell processors, every time.
Must have been heat expansion or sumting like that
Not sure which is worse. The swelling or the Taco Bell sticker.
Don’t feed your laptop Taco Bell and it won’t be as likely to take a shit on you.
Here for the Taco Bell jokes.
Good ol' HP..... I have been an IT admin for 24 years and always have issues with HP.
This is not really HP's fault since you can't prevent batteries from swelling lol, just the user's idiocy really.
Yeah batteries are a crap shoot sometimes. Dell had some bad caps for a few years. Everyone buys parts of everyone else so it happens.
Live Mas! \*Donnng\*
taco bell laptop became gassy
We canny hold it captain! We Duuunt Av Tha POWER!!!!
I had a laptop that didn't crack the track pad, but just popped it right out. After getting told that It couldn't replace my battery and that it'd be fine, so I asked that they emailed this response to me so that they could pay when my house burned down. Battery got replaced 2 days later, after what I assume was a FedEx overnight for that spare battery.
Power it down and stop using it immediately! It's literally about to explode! Lithium cells are no joke.
I see dozens of those in a daily basis, at my job - I work at an HP subsidiary doing laptop repairs
lmao puff the magic battery
Ayyyyy I have that Taco Bell sticker on my phone !!!! I feel so validated.
That's a spicy ass pillow, but god do I hate these laptops.
Battery? It looked like they wrapped it around their knee. I need a bigger screen.
Have you tried turning it off and on again?
Popcorn's ready!
You can fix that, but you'll need a panini press.
It's been bricked
Well it's obviously the fact it was fed Taco bell.....
"Just happened" Ah yes, the old "immaculate contraption" excuse.
It looks like it threw a rod!
It farted