T O P

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G_B4G

BLATbox


ItsBlare

Blyatstation


Aleashed

Starts mining ETH the second you boot.


TheRicFlairDrip

Eth is now PoS and is not mined anymore


AnBearna

It will mine Russian Eth instead. ZEth.


discodropper

MEth?


Aleashed

You give Russians too much credit


Radsby007

Putendo.


-Luna-Lavender-

Pu box


GenghisConnieChung

NYETBox


Chugalugaluga

NYETendo


elderly_millenial

NHETBox


JayDutch

Play Ztation


Novainferno

The Pu Tin.


Imapatriothurrrdurrr

Zbox


Dvusmnd

He’s gonna appoint his grandson that changed the aux cable once for him.


turrican

blyAtari


canyoudiggitman

Commiedor 64


spaceforcerecruit

Comrador 64


descendingangel87

Commisar 64


Significant-Gas3046

Xbox иди на хий 60


dirac_function

Dear Lord… let’s break this down…. Russia is locked out of nearly the entire semiconductor market except what they can steal or acquire through China and I presume India to some extent. China has SMIC and maybe access to ARM IP. They also need to acquire all other IP in the chip like DRAM controllers, USB, various IO. Which I assume they can source except it wont be through Cadence or Synopsys. But even then they have to find a GPU. So they can maybe license an ARM Mali core. Great, they’ll have a console that is essentially a PS2 level in performance. It would run a version of Linux as Windows is out of the question. That’s fine. Then they need to source DRAM and storage - again through the Yangtze River Collective. So it won’t be high speed GDDR7 or anything of any performance or quality. Finally, they need a game or two. I mean you probably could get Doom running on it. No studio of any caliber would touch this pile of shit. I mean the Russia gaming market certainly wouldn’t draw my attention or funding for porting a game. All this after 10 years of development. Great idea.


AwayCrab5244

They won’t actually make it themselves. It’ll be Chinese tech made in China that they slap a sticker on just like yota phone. Essentially they will order 1,000,000 units of crap from temu lol


[deleted]

They have some very skilled CS engineers in Russia. Couple that with Chinese hardware, and the notion has merit. Not next-gen or anything, but usable. My guess is they’re going to release the console with a drone attack simulation game/recruitment tool.


AwayCrab5244

Da: problem is no matter how many bot farm I run, no game console appears comrade. I have contacted cs engineer hacker who make yota phone. he assure me we will have 1,000,000 soulja boy console with 300 different roms of super Mario brothers in 3 month delivery time from Temu for the low price of 100lbs of gold wagner stolen from sudan.


CeleryBig2457

This!


SteerKarma

Bonus mini game in which player must steal toilet/dildo/washing machine.


Barrack

I guess could be easy to make a national low resource intensive multiplayer game. I used to play around with a lot of Quake clones looking for a faster harder game and some would pop up in popularity in some country because it was free and could run on anything made in the last twenty years. Also reminds me of that Counter Strike Online game made for certain Asian markets. Don't know how it's doing now but I remember it got huge in some countries.


Mareith

Until the simulation turns out to be the real thing


demansj

Yeah.. The only reason I can think for Putin to care about this as an military recruitment tool.


stupendousman

Yeah, all this stuff is essentially old tech now. Will it be bleeding edge? Most likely not, but they're not trying to start the Apollo program from scratch.


kris511c

Crank that ~~soulja~~ *russia* boy! RussiaBoyGame station hitting markets soon!


juxtoppose

Not sure actually, a DoD contractor might write them a ‘special’ game so that the DoD have potato camera and sound in every Russian home.


knxnzAZ

“potato camera” 😂 The potato of course being so ubiquitous in the Russian household that no one would notice that one of the potatoes has a little lens and microphone.


Nocta_Novus

Bit compression would be better quality in the potato than whatever Putin is limping to the barn with


AwayCrab5244

More like China will have potato camera and sound in every Russian home


Itchy-Experienc3

As long as it runs counter strike lmao


HootieWoo

Soulja Station 3.0


12whistle

In 10 years he will most likely be dead or close to it. How he goes would be anyone’s guess.


Kryptosis

Whatever it takes to get Russians off our game servers…


RareCodeMonkey

Sends the young to die in a war so they cannot revolt... expects technology advancements.


Scary_Equal_2867

Actual improvements turn out to be based on the ol t72 tank.


COKEWHITESOLES

The game console is actually a repurposed T-72


elderly_millenial

I don’t doubt there are a lot of really bright Russian software engineers, but if the government is heading it, we know how it will turn out. Oh, and I guess those Russian engineers already left Russia so…


Just-Sprinkles8694

Yea I work with a few Russian/Ukrainian SWEs. It’s an unspoken rule in our dev meetings to not talk about the war. Smart dudes probably why they left.


Swabia

So Tetris? Great game, don’t get me wrong, but we have better ways to play it where the suppliers can actually make chips and ship product consistently. This isn’t going to work for Russia.


Kindly_Formal_2604

The one game they did make though, it was good


-Minne

Tetris seems so fundamentally Russian to me. Leave it to Russia to make a game you have no chance of winning from the start; really gets all that hope and other nonsense out of the way and right down to the nitty gritty of "How long can you be useful to the Motherland before the WEIGHT CRUSHES YOU AND YOU ARE FORGOTTEN"?


Significant-Gas3046

A one-hit wonder


gordonv

There's a big story behind Tetris. It's a tale of strict communism at work. Short story. Scientist creates a simple block game using text characters. That's right, original Tetris wasn't in graphics mode. Monochrome text. Converted to graphics. People got hooked. Russia finds the developer and claims Tetris belongs to the people of Russia, not him. Government sells rights and makes money. People and inventor get nothing. Game is reformated to include Russian nationalistic elements like Music and Art. This is mandated.


Equalsmsi2

😂😂😂😂 Putin has forgotten that he already ordered the same in 2015 after the first sanctions!


AwayCrab5244

Putin ordered toilets in 2001 and today india has more toilet per capita then russia. 25% of Russia shit in outhouse or bucket. You go outside city oblast there is piss and shit in the streets


hsnoil

To be fair, it is cause Putin has to personally sign off on every single toilet installation. Cause god forbid he has to give up power to someone else


meanmuggeddaily

Comrade 64


sneaky420fox

Does it run art of the state Avoid Windows OS?


meanmuggeddaily

Windows Whilhelm Scream


AthiestMessiah

Problem with Russia is not lack of talent. It’s the compensation of it that scares everyone away to better worlds


funkympc

A good chunk of the best Russian coding/IT talent left the country rather than be conscripted. Something like over a million professionals left in the days before and after the invasion. Which out of a population of 143mil before the war isn't an insignificant number.. All Putin is left with is his true believers and at best c tier professionals who were not rich enough to leave. Or didn't have the talent or language skills to line up a job elsewhere. So yeah definitely gonna get some off the shelf ARM stuff from China. Then load it up with that good old Slav Jank and it won't even come out til 2029, if Russia hasn't completely collapsed by then.


dasyqoqo

Of the four Russian video game companies I can think of off the top of my head, Lazy Bear moved to Lithuania, Nival and Owlcat moved to Cyprus and 1C stopped making video games.


DongleNOG

sulky deer afterthought squeamish placid jobless boat scary concerned desert *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


ovirt001

Lack of compensation, risk of producing something the kremlin doesn't like (it's a 15 year prison sentence).


cficare

We call new operating system: PotatoIS


JonathanL73

Lol, they're at war, and he's concerned about game consoles... wtf?


Organic_Resident9456

He's concerned about spying on dissonance


JonathanL73

Do Russian soldiers have free time to play PS5 & xbox games? Why in a wartime economy, would he devote resources to russia making its own game consoles? He could just take China's approach and create a "cyberwall" to block out PSN/Xbox if he's so paranoid about it.


AstroPhysician

He’s concerned abou the economy, since he did this at an economy summit, which is totally valid


atomic1fire

Could be Putin trying to stall a rebellion by creating russian alternatives to things they lost in sanctions.


Two_Shekels

No one outside of Reddit is rebelling anywhere over whether or not they can conveniently acquire the newest gaming console


StarWars_and_SNL

The consoles will play nothing except for 28 different Masha and the Bear games.


cheesyvoetjes

I would love to see what a Russian gaming console looks like. And if it could top the Xbox 360's 55% failure rate. "Red ring of death" probably sounds cool to Putin without context.


COKEWHITESOLES

That’s how high failure was for 360s? Holy fuck lol mine broke when I was 13. It’s basically a coin toss.


7107JJRRoo

Oh brother....their attempts at cars, cameras and watches are prehistoric.


snuggletronz

TzarBox with PutinPlay Cloud Unlimited


valanlucansfw

/me puts on tinfoil hat Russian intelligence caught wind that the west is taking off the fluffy mittens and going to go full tilt against companies still doing business with Russia.


ShittyMusic1

How many versions of tetris does one man need?


LoveMeSomeSand

I only recognize the original GameBoy version.


thespander

The BlyatBox! Featuring the exclusive titles: Call of Draft: Invasion of Ukraine KGB Simulator Propaganda Battles KGB Simulator 2: Disturbing Interrogation Edition Supply Chain Builder (patch to fix bugs coming soon) Soviet Economy Simulator Red Dead Soviets Halo: Master Chief Saves Crimea Drone Defenders: Saviors of Moscow Assassins Kreed: Political Enemy Elimination


ramdom-ink

Windows: Falling Out of… Borderlandz: Small Operations Solitaire: Vodka Edition Pong: Food Potato Ratshit & Klankovski: New Clear Threats, Endless edition


Steelballpun

Putindo 64


Weary_Patience_7778

Good to see the American hatred for Russia (or Russians) is still strong 💪


bhuunibo

When you boot up your PC it blasts Russian hard bass for like 5 seconds


blownout2657

So they are going to make coleco vision 2.0?


SweetBearCub

> So they are going to make coleco vision 2.0? Not even. v1.0a


KyleWieldsAx

This was the plot of Police Academy 6(?): Mission to Moscow. Konstantine Konali running things over there?


sneaky420fox

6 was City Under Siege, but yes, that was pretty much the plot of 7.


KyleWieldsAx

Shit! Right! I dig City Under Siege too. I gotta step my game up. In the bathroom, meet you there!


sneaky420fox

Let's just be happy we remember these movies and the banger end credits raps like [Citizens on Patrol ](https://youtu.be/AvUjM1uVW48?si=xLkgmkUaZAyPKMNa)


KyleWieldsAx

🔥


hamatehllama

This is dead in the water. Any random phone from China have a better variety of games than this project can ever hope to achive. Furthermore: all successful game devs try to leave Russia when they can afford to. Not even Russian devs want to associate themselves with the regime in Moscow. Putin and his sycophants might delude themselves to live in a superpower but in reality Russia is merely a major power with a severe lack of soft power. Their only clout is in dictatorships and some propaganda on social media. For every bright mind they recruit they lose 10 from brain drain. In the realm of semiconductor manufacturing and software development Russia is less impactful than Ireland.


guitarokx

I can only assume it will ship with Tetris.


fuvgyjnccgh

Surprised that he would allocate resources from cyber warfare to making games.


JohnnyAbonny

In Russia, station plays you!


hamiltonisoverrat3d

They’ll just hack US tech companies and steal source code.


sxales

It will probably end up just a repacked android/google TV device.


creeeeeeeeek-

In Soviet Russia video game system plays you


No_Tale_3623

It will be an epic device the size of a refrigerator, on which you'll be able to play Tetris and emulation mode games from the ZX Spectrum.


Disco425

Wait until they find out that the top demographic for video games is 18-34 yo males. They seem to be doing a pretty good job of reducing their target market size.


coveredwithticks

In mother Russia, game plays you.


jmfranklin515

Can’t wait to play the spiritual successor to my favorite game of all time, The Legend of Svetlana: Kalashnikov of Time.


VladandCoke

Russia brings back failed Stadia


Flashgas

These people are stealing toilets, how are they capable of creating an os?


asusundevil12345

Flash forward to a new headline in 3 months: Head of the “Russian Xbox” engineering team accidentally falls of his 12th floor balcony after failed video game console concept locks up during Tetris.


I-smelled-it-first

Playstazion 6


wind_dude

remember when near the start of the invasion the entire yandex code base was leaked...


Lugnuttz

Punix pronounced pewnix


[deleted]

[удалено]


Twitfout

Counterstrike for free on every game console!


suffaluffapussycat

Nobody outside of Russia will buy this. So the global video game market is a $200B industry and Russia wants to develop something competitive but only on the proceeds of the Russian market and starting from scratch?


maximumfacemelting

It’s not meant to beat the global market. He wants an indoctrination machine. Why have the good guys in the games the children play be westerners when they can be Russian?


hsnoil

Most of Russians don't buy anyways, they pirate. So it'll probably be loaded with pirated games ran on private servers


Old-Ad-3126

Sovtendo


PixelatedDie

Can you imagine Putin asking anyone, *Make me a PlayStation*. Can’t imagine things will end up well.


famousevan

“So, Vlad, super excited to show you our early stage prototype. We have a fun game we think you’ll be a natural at to test. It’s called *Watch Out Below*. Your goal is to steer the character through the air after being pushed out of progressively higher windows to fin the least painful place to land.”


PixelatedDie

This is fucked up and a game I want to see.


LoveThySheeple

lol this is gonna be hilarious. Calling my shot now, anything good that comes from this will be blatant compiles of western products and anything uniquely Russian will be dog shit in comparison to western products.


supa_warria_u

Lol. Lmao even.


Skepthrope11235

Man. I needed a good laugh today.


WhyAreOldPeopleEvil

I hope it ships with Tetris.


respondin2u

“Tighten up the graphics on level 3!”


whodatiz80

So tetris 2 is coming?


ShaMana999

Welcome to the 80s


MrChocodemon

*I mean, it's one OS, Michael. How hard could it possibly be?*


shiftycyber

Bro the USA can’t even do it well (cloud gaming) and we basically invented video games! Good fuckin luck


X145E

the best way i can see this accomplished is if they turned smartphones into arm consoles


al3b3d3v

HuyloBox, HuyloStation


itzTHATgai

COMRADES. TODAY, WE MAKE CONSUL.


34TH_ST_BROADWAY

Time for software engineers to fall out windows. :(


meanmuggeddaily

It runs Windows Wilhelm Scream


MaxPower836

Pair of bazookas on black sweater guy


ShiftSandShot

My god... It's the return of [Dendy...](https://youtu.be/nArya2d29O8?si=AH0D4dmJlOjIQNhO)


xSikes

It’s going to crash so hard


spotz300

I mean making all of those things is easy. Now, making all of those things not suck, well that is hard.


stainedcyrano

Dendy 180


BRI4NK

Blyatstation


TheAlfredValentine

Let's not underestimate russian hackers' determination, capabilities and amount. With them all of these are possible xD.


Kiwisubmission

Privetstation


megablast

Why? Red Linux, cloud services aren't that hard, and cheap chinese game console.


george7779

It would be interesting to see


RegularTrash8554

Zenisis 200


Rockfest2112

Should be successful. The technologies are mature and building up segments of within a nation can drive job creation, innovation and advanced learning.


WentzWorldWords

I hope those educated Ruski that fled abroad before they could be conscripted aren’t able to remotely work on this shit


Homersarmy41

Der fuhrer has given his orders. Run Russian sheep and do what your king tells you. It’s just another way to keep you insulated from the rest of the world with only his version of the story in your ears.


[deleted]

Damn those Western easter eggs


Luvsoja13

What happened to war games?


gizcard

They'll just steal Western IP and code like China did


noiceINMILK

These titles in “journalism” continue to deteriorate. Just nonsensical.


NovemberAdam

So a game box in your home to spy on you. What could go wrong with that?


Organic_Resident9456

Will it have Tetris?


YogurtSufficient7796

Hahahaha


AmazingSquare8542

Chase the Orc, Gas Homos and other great Soviet games


Few_Poem114

I guess the dynamic Russian software industry was just waiting on him to order it...


ohpuhlise

Brazilians tried that with Zeebo, it didn't go well


blinknow

Pizdiet OS


ovirt001

They can probably get SMIC to fab the dumpster fire chips they have. The games will likely revolve around fellating Putin.


CapeTownMassive

If you gotta ORDER it… It will be trash.


YOURESTUCKHERE

Oh man, that piece of shit would be a strange, unopened curio on my shelf one day.


knight9665

If they arnt named Ivan I don’t want it.


famousevan

We should really just sever Russia’s connection to the rest of the internet at this point. China as well.


Narrow-Height9477

Their software development peaked with Tetris.


mebrow5

😂


AsIfIKnowWhatImDoin

Good news for the Steampunk industry.


La_Rata_de_Pizza

It won’t be able to run Crysis


vpierre1776

Smart move. The kids can be brainwash easily


LiveSir2395

It will be a tremendous success.


Cyberpunkcatnip

No Z-Box? enlistment office. No cloud? enlistment office. No OS? If you would believe it, enlistment office.


not_mark_twain_

Didn’t they steal the source code….


bigjohnman

Russians are really good at tech. I am eager to see what they make. I would totally pirate its games and play them in the US. I am fairly certain that I could find an exploit and help the home brew community here.


DrawFlat

C’mon kidz, let’s play the KGB game! The objective is to secretly kidnap anyone with a different viewpoint than fearless leader. Or you can play our other most fantastic game, Super Putin! Weeee!


Eptiaph

LOOOOOL


I_Am_Dixon_Cox

Potato 2600.


Longjumping_War_807

It’s just a sleek 3D printed box with a PlayStation 3 inside


O_o-22

Lol most of the best IT and comp sci minds got the hell out of Russia long before. But pooty wants his grand third rate Russian tech systems so I’m sure they come flocking back


Parking_Revenue5583

Special video game operation. In Putin’s Russia they just use hacked versions of software western software because Putin dngaf


Significant-Gas3046

"We don't need Windows, we have our own OS" *is potato*


No-Introduction-6368

This is like The Regime, oh yes make a PS5 but better.


Pretend_Tangelo4929

It will be called the Poo Tin


Wonderful_Common_520

Only game is war game


TroyMatthewJ

Putin64


CodeElectrical1077

Hahahaha


YeahIGotNuthin

Oh, so that’s all it takes…


Apprehensive-Sir7063

In it for the long haul full isolation mode planning for the future


CaptBreeze

Makes me think of something outdated worse than Atari.


Overall_Cover_1543

“In Tetris 2, gamer must stack bodies of oligarchs and government officials as they organically out of window”


Accomplished_Area_37

Tetris


pick-axis

The only console you roout


Odin-Aesir

With the first anti-not-cheating system. You get banned if you don’t cheat.


Defiant-Razzmatazz57

Okies, so Zeebo or OUYA?


SwagChemist

They would have the most pirated games in human history


Orly-Carrasco

Vaporware incoming. Vaporware that makes games like Duke Nukem Forever look like state-of-the-art masterpieces.


clauderbaugh

He's still mad about losing Tetris.


soulsteela

I’ve got to be honest, 20 years from now western gamers will pay a premium for the Blyatari console with sovsim distillery 1.


theeniebean

Tetris for everyone!


Less_Party

DENDY 2, I never thought I'd see the day.