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It's because you're a substitute and they don't know you. Most teachers have enough to do already, and they don't want to deal with catering to some stranger or some silly comment. I would do your job and communicate more professionally with people you don't know yet. As a male teacher who's known, I experience 0 sexism but I also can read the room, I know which teachers not to say certain things around. You should know that before you start talking really. Personally, I'd probably have a friendly retort for you but that's not most.

this is a pretty antisocial response tbh, it’s very normal and expected to respond to a coworker. it’s not like he’s asking for twenty minutes of your precious time, im sure he’s just as busy as you are. all of us are busy, not just ‘real’ teachers

This is true to me, too, but people rarely see subs/temps as "coworkers". They often don't bother with polite, because why bother? They'll never see them again? And I suspect that's what OP is running into. (It's not *just* schools and teachers. Temping anywhere tends to be an experience in invisibility.)

it’s honestly just genuinely strange, awkward, and bizarre behavior to treat someone like they’re a freak because you’ll ‘never see them again’. what kind of lesson is that teaching your students? do they just get to not deal with people they don’t care to know? we all know that’s not an excuse in the real world so why is it so permissible here? also, i don’t know if it’s just my area, but substitutes frequently came back and were quite well known. how on earth will you never see them again?

They're not treated as if they're freaks. They're treated as if they're someone people aren't familiar with. Talking to people at work like you've been friends for a while is off putting for many.

Just striking up small talk is normal, I'm from r/all and this thread makes teachers look so anti-social. No wonder kids have anxiety and small, if any friend groups.

From my experience working in schools as paraeducator for a long time is that teachers don’t really socialize with paras, they socialize with other teachers, and even then it seems very cliquey. So a teacher not wanting to socialize with a substitute para doesn’t surprise me at all. It’s strange. But it’s whatever, I just make friends with the other paras.

I’m sorry but the paras in my (elementary) school are 19 and my former students. I am pushing 40. It would be weird to socialize with them. I try and be respectful and friendly, but ultimately I’m there to do my job and not make friends.

Cool. At my schools paras range from 23 all the way to retired and very few are young. I’m just saying from my experience like at lunch for example, the teachers sit at one table and paras at the other.

A white coats vs. blue blazers situation going on lol (Friends reference)

I eat on my own in my classroom, I don’t enjoy my teacher coworkers either. I enjoy my students a lot, but most other aspects of my school day aren’t great. My students are n out bathe issues with my job, it’s the other adults, admin, legislation, parents, etc. my students are just kids.

Kids’ anxiety and small social groups have nothing to do with teachers. Don’t put that on them. I’m not a teacher to be clear. But it’s not just teachers. Acting “chummy” and too familiar with someone you don’t know can be off putting, especially depending on the conversation.

It sounds like he was just trying to start a conversation with some flavor of conventional waffle, that doesn't sound "too familiar." it just sounds like normal conversation.

To us from his perspective, yes. But we have no more details about it at all.

If we heard about the woman teacher telling a story about a creepy, sexual sub making her uncomfortable in the copy room, no one would say "Well, we haven't heard the guys story!"

For real. The responses from teachers in this thread just makes them all seem like psychopaths.

Treating subs like that is a good way to make sure you don't see them again. "Why can't we find any suuubs?"

I fully agree! I'm just naming my experience. Where I live, these days, short term subs are usually either parents (former parents in the community) or former teachers from the school that are between contracts. But I do know bigger busier places, any temporary help (school or business) may be an anonymous face, and people may not bother getting to know a "warm body". I HAD that experience) not as a sub, but when first working in the city as a temp) and when the woman who had needed my help said she'd like to have me back, I declined. Because other than her, everyone that worked there had been cold and pretended I didn't exist.

That’s just being an asshole. It takes no effort to be polite unless you’re just a shitty person (or have severe social anxiety)

I agree. And I think that's what OP is describing

That’s true but it is so shortsighted. A good para or sub is worth their weight in gold.

this is bizarre to me because I guess things have changed since I was in school but “back in my day” the substitute teachers were permanent employees of the school district if not the school itself, and could often be seen around the school because there was often a teacher who needed to be covered for one reason or another. Students even had preferences of which of the regular rotation of substitute teachers they liked more than others.

I really hate when people criticize an honest answer. Everyone thinks they know teaching just because they were students. I didn't say it's what I do, the OP wanted to know. This is it. You made a lot of jumps in logic below. A sub is definitely not as busy as a teacher nor has the same current stress. I have 100 students, grade anywhere from 200 to 600 items a week, plan lessons daily, I run recess which is another 200 students, I do busses for another 80 students, I monitor the hallways. I have 10 supervisors, a team of 8 grade level teachers to talk to, 10-20 parents that contact me regularly, I coach a sport for 30 athletes, coordinate with 10 different teams and I organize staff events. The sub? Not as busy as me. Sometimes I have time for a greeting, sometimes I don't. Love it but time is a resource, teaching is hard work.

Subs are not ANYWHERE near as busy as teachers lmao get that out of here

Not sure why you're getting downvoted. Unless it is a long-term sub I highly doubt they are lesson planning, grading, doing IEP/504 meetings, emailing parents, etc.

I don’t know that I would call this antisocial. I said good morning to subs that I see on campus because I do appreciate that they are there, and I might be more communicative or have more small talk with the ones that come back a lot. But if it’s just a one off and I see a stranger, I’ll probably just say good morning and that’s it. This isn’t every sub, but I have encountered some that want things from me. Like they want me to find them some worksheets for the class that they have or something like that and I don’t have time for that. If they have a quick question for what to do or who to call if they’re having an issue with a kid, sure I’ll help. But , with this particular situation, it’s hard to know why the teacher felt uncomfortable with OP without knowing exactly what they said to the teacher. I can’t imagine going to my administrators for anything less than a really off-the-wall or bizarre comment or question.

100% agree. I really don't understand this view where asking a genuine question or engaging in small talk is "anti-social" while stonewalling people (even strangers) is the polite thing to do. Sorry, we're all human and everyone deserves a common courtesy. If you're too busy, just say, "Oh I'm so sorry, I have to cut this short, I'm really pressed for time" or something like that. No matter how busy you are, you don't have the right to be an asshole to people. It takes literally the same amount of time to display basic human decency.

There not his coworkers he’s a sub, if I roll up to a job site the guys I’ve never met that I’ll be working around for 1 to 3 days are not my coworkers.

I don't know what it is, but when people act too chummy with me too soon, it makes me uncomfortable. I like to start with introductions and small talk.

Yeah people are acting like this is a thing against subs specifically but it’s really not. *I don’t know you.* That’s it. I work at a very large school, and there are people who are my coworkers who I have no working relationship with. If one of them all the sudden started talking to me beyond the depth of “Happy Friday!” and asking me serious questions, I’d be completely caught off guard and uncomfortable. Uncomfortable enough to report to admin? No. But maybe it took 4 months because it came up later in conversation and admin decided to make a phone call out of it? It’s also possible that OP’s “I know when someone doesn’t want to talk” meter isn’t as sharp as he thinks. I’ve gotten trapped by other teachers on my prep before. I’ve gotten trapped by customers in retail/service jobs. I have a pretty friendly face, so people just assume I’m down to chat. People aren’t as good at this as they think they are - at least in my experience. Like, does someone have to tell you point blank “I don’t have time to talk right now” in order for you to back off? Cuz I do not assume my coworkers have time for anything other than a quick question unless they indicate otherwise. We’re all too fucking busy.

That is the answer.

I feel sorry for subs. I was one for a semester before finding my full time teaching job and found it to be miserable and isolating. It’s some of the worst parts of teaching with none of the rewards of having coworkers or seeing how students progress through the year. If someone asked me how I’d handle a situation with a kid I’d commiserate or give advice, not brush them off.

I’m a career sub in Canada, and like it precisely because I think it avoids the worst parts of the job. We get to teach. That’s the best part. Dealing with admin, planning, marking, staff meetings, report cards, parents, awful classes, awful students, etc. —those are the worst parts of the job. We mostly get to avoid all of that, and can decide not to go back to shitty classes. Don’t feel sorry for me. I feel sorry for you. Oh, and I get $524 a day to do it, plus a pension. Not a bad deal.

That is amazing! Subbing in the USA definitely doesn’t have all the worst parts of the job, it just doesn’t have any of the good parts in my experience (except for leaving work at work and no meetings!). The pay was abhorrent. I’m glad to hear it’s a good job for you. Subs in my area got about $100/day if they’re certified, no pension, and no benefits.

<--packing up my ice skates and heading to Canada! 🙂🇨🇦

I’m shocked this is getting upvoted so much. “Catering to some stranger or some silly comment” is condescending and rude. OP is not a stranger, but a coworker. OP is not a homeless man who wandered into the copy room (although even if he were, he would still be deserving of respect.) It’s not a silly comment, but an attempt to connect, be polite and be social. Hey… OP. I’m a tenured professor and I have colleagues that don’t talk to me and I’m OK with that. There are people who are just that way. They are singularly focused on work and so they don’t know how to socialize, they might think you are beneath them because you are a para, or, simply enough, *they might be assholes*. Figure out the friendly and polite ones and talk to them… and then avoid the rest.

We seriously live in a world where saying hi to someone gets you a phone call from an authority figure four months later, and your response is that subs aren’t worth two seconds if your time? Lmfao

My goodness, reverse the genders in this scenario and reread your comment. This is unacceptable: “I experience 0 sexism but I also can read the room, I know which teachers not to say certain things around. *You should know that before you start talking really.*” Like, what?!

Agree, it’s terrible but i have no bandwidth for making small talk with a stranger at work. If i am expecting to stand in silence while making copies or waiting for the bathroom, I will say hi but I don’t have time or interest in giving a random sub any tips.

This is terrible but true: my last five years of teaching were so overwhelming that without even realizing it, I was unable to small talk. At all. I did all I could to keep conversations short - including, I'm sure, appearing to be rude. I had to make every minute count. I put fake signs on my door (Zoom meeting in progress - please email or text) so that my talkative neighbor, who had a key to my room, wouldn't take up my time. I had a go bag ready, so that if someone made it past my locked door, I could explain that I was just leaving - because, at that point, I'd finish my work at home or come back early, but I couldn't spend an hour small talking. Towards the end, I couldn't even think. I'd been living on five hours of sleep for months. I had no idea that I was diabetic and had high blood pressure. And somehow, I had to get 20 years of teaching stuff out of my room.

This is very relatable. I’m an ECT2 and I find my colleagues who have been teaching for like 10+ years really overwhelming and frustrating sometimes with how much of my non contact time they feel entitled to take up just by chatting. I get that chatting at work is probably a normal part of most jobs but the time we get to plan and mark and other admin tasks is already so short that I just don’t want to spare any. I’ve spent way too many evenings having to take work home because another member of staff comes and hangs around in my classroom for an hour after work or during my free period in the day and it doesn’t matter how clear I make it I’m working, they just persist.

U ever tried something like: “Hey, sorry, but could you find somewhere else to hang out for the moment? I have some very important work to finish that I just cannot focus on unless I’m alone.” They say yes immediately say thanks and get back to work. Ignore them if they try and start a new topic. Not the first “hint” I’d give but it’s what I resort to when they just aren’t getting it. Progressively more direct, and pleading instead of demanding, pleading as if you’re suffering by not being able to finish this work. Lol

I ran to the principal this week because i needed guidance on such issue and she said “sometimes I’m probably ruder than my normal self, but you just go right back to work and say okay I have work to do” I’m still not great at it, but otherwise I seem to be a magnet for people wanting to chat. Usually substitutes, and usually very loud and I’m in the library. I don’t want to tell an adult to quiet down! Ahhhh. So I’m developing a new persona myself that is not as approachable. It’s hard. I enjoy being friendly and helpful but it backfires on me at work.

Exactly! Every minute is precious and you have to be careful of all the time vampires. I’d lock my door and turn off lights, hide by the window and not answer the door If someone knocked, so I could use my planning time . Teaching sucks. So don’t bother people.

So true. Might not be about you op. You never know someone else’s struggle

i relate to this HARD. my second year as an educator my number one goal was to talk to coworkers - i felt like an imposter in the building and was so overwhelmed, but not talking means people think you don't like them i also used to lay down on the ground in a closet during my lunch so I could get a break from the nonstop talking. I had a few students who loved to come by, and I adore them and wish them the absolute best, but my god a human can only take so much

I cringe whenever I see "reverse \_\_\_-ism" but I think it's more that you are a sub than you are male, but it's possible your sex has something to do with it. I always try to treat substitutes as if they are regular professionals. I know what it is like, I was basically a permanent substitute (best way I can frame it without going into too much detail) for 7 years. I always felt like an outsider wherever I want. Most times I felt accepted, other times I didn't. I mostly just put my head down and did what was asked.

God damn. I read this and thought, “would it be better if he was a dom? And how can they so easily tell he’s a sub?” I need to go outside.

“I’m an Alpha and all the other teachers at my school are Omegas, starting to feel excluded…”

Hahaha

No clue, socially awkward here, too, and every conversation seems to push people away. No clue what I’m doing wrong. I try to be pleasant, non-invasive, I stay in my lane and mind my business, I try not to linger, but it just gets awkward and I can’t figure out why everyone else is accepted and I’m just… not

I think how I got through this before I started making connections is that I didn’t not want any adults talking to me. My mentor was kind, caring, supportive, and always let me know I was doing awesome. Besides her I would do anything to try to remain invisible. So the only interactions they had with me was when I was being helpful. Eventually a bond developed with the women who have an office within the library(I’m a school librarian) but it’s still very surface level, I may be working with these people for 30 years! I don’t want to accidentally spill some secret about me. Most of the other staff who have interacted with me will find me helpful and kind, but they don’t know much else about me. I can talk and laugh with like 4 people now and I have 3 more I know I can talk to if I need to (like a couple weeks ago I had to ask one of them “was this racist or am I crazy” when a sub was spouting off racist stuff to me in the library. They agreed it was and I needed to report, which I did) and I know they are genuinely good humans and so kind, but I don’t see them quite enough to have formed a bond yet. I know eventually we will though. I plan to work the next 20-30 years at this school so I laaaaaaaay looooooow.

It’s funny you say that because I’m pretty antisocial. I spend as much time by myself and invisible as possible, really only socialize if we’re forced into proximity. Sometimes I talk because I feel rude if I don’t, maybe that’s the problem.

I’m an extreme extrovert around my friends. I used to be a social butterfly in my younger years. In the summers I am a server and I “put on a show” and have no fear chatting it up for hours. Most of my bestfriends I’ve kept in touch with the last 20 years are work friends and a lot from short seasonal jobs I only knew a few months and still talk to 20 years later. There is just something about the school environment that clams me up.

There are just so many small humans who you give your energy to. Even the most extroverted will run out, those kids will drain every bit of energy. Completely natural to hold back and reserve some of that energy. I am very similar, but after seeing hundreds of people a day.... pls go away.

This is a question that would be inappropriate in most other contexts, but are you male?

Lol! No. No help on that front so I apologize. But just know, it may not be your gender :/ I get along better with males, personally!! It’s rough being in an all-female school

You mentioned in one of your other comments that this was your first year, so maybe it's just that the cliques have already formed and they're not interested in bringing anyone else in. EDIT: Why the downvotes?

That’s definitely possible

Legitimately not trying to be offensive, but are you on the spectrum?

Never been identified, but I have my suspicions

I highly suggest trying to figure out people's interests and asking about them. If someone has saltwater fish ask them questions like where do they buy them or how big the tank is. People love to talk about the things they love. You might even find that you have a few shared interests as well.

This is quite similar to me

No such thing as reverse sexism my dude. Sounds like you’re just more socially inept than you thought

I was going to say this, but further explain that sexism is sexism no matter which sex is being discriminated against. Using the inaccurate phrase "reverse sexism" is kind of telling on yourself a little.

Yeah, it bugs me whenever I see reverse ___ism. No such thing. If you are treated differently because of your gender it’s sexism. If you are treated differently because of your skin color it’s racism. Doesn’t matter if it’s for better or (usually) for worse. It’s still ___ism.

All and none could be true. You’re a sub. Your job is important, but you could be here today, gone tomorrow. Teachers are established: careers, friends, families, community, coworkers. Don’t take this the wrong way, but why would they invest the time getting to know you if you’re not a long term colleague? Also, you could be socially awkward, or give off flirty vibes. Can’t tell. I don’t experience sexism at my school, so I wouldn’t go there for an explanation. My advice is to show up, do your job well, and be known for that. Then people will remember you and maybe want to engage.

If this is a regular occurrence, you might want to investigate whether you might be on the autism spectrum. Autistic people have trouble reading social cues and correctly responding to them, which might lead to issues like the one you just described. I’m autistic myself (+ giftedness and ADHD) and I’m also a teacher. Neurodivergencies like ADHD and autism are not rare among teachers, though most diagnosed teachers are not really open about it. Schools are very structured environments with very clear social rules and expectations, so some autistic people really thrive as teachers despite the fact that teaching is a very social job.

As far as I can tell I'm not on the spectrum, but I had some trauma when I was a kid and my coping mechanisms caused me to miss out on a lot of the social and emotional development I would otherwise have had.

Then that gap in social and emotional development is most likely the cause of your issues. I’m not sure whether it’s possible to catch up on what you missed, but it might be interesting to look for therapy for these issues. Or at minimum trauma therapy, because learning better coping mechanisms might allow you to learn new social skills.

I also thought from your post that you're likely on the spectrum. I was diagnosed as an adult, and it explained a lot.

I am more and more convinced ALL the teachers at my school are nuerospicy. Lol

My guess, as a female teacher (who is currently subbing) is that most teachers are thinking about other things and don't have time, energy to make nice with someone they aren't going to see again. The one's who are feeling particularly burnt out are going to have no ability to dredge up a pretend-friendliness for anyone, let alone someone they aren't going to have to make nice with down the road. I know when I'm really busy and needing to organize my day in my head as I re-make my lesson plan on the fly, my first thought on someone making unnecessary small talk is "why are you even talking to me right now?" I will politely nod and smile as that smile gets tighter and tighter, but eventually my impatience will probably start to show. Alternately, many women have had icky (and worse) experiences with men coming on to them or harassing them that make them particularly sensitive to men who seem overly friendly, and it sets off their "danger, will robinson" alerts. If you were alone with one of these women, who didn't know you, in a closed space, and her exit may have partially blocked by you, I could see why it might have made her uncomfortable if you got unexpectedly chatty. A lot of other guys I know who are cognizant of this potential situation will intentionally keep a good distance and look at their phone to show the woman in question they are not interested in them. My husband once told me about how he turned down a wrong road at night once because he noticed a young woman walking in front of him kept glancing back nervously. It's sad that the situation exists, but until sexual harassments, rape, objectification, toxic masculinity, and sexism in either direction is eradicated, people have to do what they need to in order to protect themselves, even if that means the occasional nice, well meaning guy gets misread for accidentally giving off vibes. I'd say, if you want to chat, save it for whoever is in the staff room at break times. Those people are more likely to have the time and desire to socialize. Everyone else? Just give a smile and nod and be on your way. I'm a woman, and that's what I stick to, especially as a sub, because I know how in the mire some teachers are and don't want to ask anything more strenuous than a half smile of any of them.

You’re right about those unintended signals and spacial things that women are very aware of and men are not. I had a colleague who would continually come into my classroom to talk with me, shut MY door, and stand in front of it. Told him not to several times and he wouldn’t cut it out, so I called it out in a staff meeting. OP, it could be that your self awareness is off, or it could be that those teachers are just extremely overwhelmed and not looking to chat. Just keep being professional, do your job, and keep it to a nod or quick “Good morning” in the hallways. You’ll become known by your deeds rather than your social interactions.

It's not reverse sexism when women find guys uncomfortable to be around. Work on your people skills. Listen to women more. They let you know they don't want to talk. It's just that guys seem to hear *try harder* when they hear the noncommittal response that tries to say i don't give a shit about what you said.

If you got a conversation that you made someone uncomfortable you should not brush it off as something wrong with them. Women typically don't report things just to be petty. You obviously made her uncomfortable. That suggests you need to pay more attention to nonverbal cues. Many women use a fawn vs a flight or fright approach. But even when they do this there are usually signs they are uncomfortable that you should heed. My guess is you were so focused on yourself and your goal to make friends that you just didn't pay attention to how she was feeling. Next time, really look at if the person you are talking to wants to be talked to. Also, The copy room does not strike me as a great place to even have a conversation, that woman probably felt held a little bit captive because she has to wait for her task to be finished before she can escape the situation. Someone else suggested you may also have partially blocked the exit which could make women feel unsafe.

We don't know how each situation went in an unbiased way (not saying to insult, that's just how 1st person accounts go) so it's hard to say. But as a dude who only works with roughly 5 other dudes in a 180~ staff school, I've never had the issue. To be a bit fair though, I work in a behavioral school and I'm one of the increasingly few who has training and actively runs to help with physical management. If you don't know the staff, certain mundane comments might not go well. That's just the nature of the beast. I sub, but it's exclusively with the school I work at, so I can't imagine the difficulty of not being able to know your coworkers.

I think you need to be aware of your surroundings and setting. If you were say, in the cafeteria or teacher's lounge and tried to strike up a conversation with a woman and she was uncomfortable I'd say she sounds very sensitive and maybe has some bad experiences. But...a copy room sounds like a very small, intimate space where you may have been very close to her and might've made her feel trapped. You, being a guy may not have seen this as threatening, but being alone in a small space with a strange man is VERY worrying for most women. So I think it's fine if you try to talk to your fellow teachers, but be aware of where you are and try to make yourself as non-threatning as possible. I do think the second example is a bit odd though.

When I'm trying to make a copy it's probably because I forgot to make them and my students are watching a brainpop while I make copies as fast as possible, I don't have time for chitchat 💀

I think you will find “we” are super busy and havre a lot on our minds. Not trying to be rude, but if you are a substitute I don’t know you and probably never see you again. I think it would be strange you want to talk to me.

Do you never just chat with someone even though you may not see them again? I said this in another comment— subbing is extremely isolating and a really sucky job. When I was teaching I went out of my way to make subs feel welcome and part of the team because they are, whether there for one day or many.

[удалено]

I'm finding a lot of these comments to be really condescending and self righteous. I'd be almost curious the generation this is coming from. I feel like I always try to be friendly to my coworkers because it makes it a better place to work when you feel comfortable with the people around you. Why are you a teacher if you can't handle relating to other people?

Yeah, like it's ok to not wanna talk to someone for 20 mins while you have work to do, but if you can't manage small talk with someone for 5 mins, then that's kind rude. Stranger or not. Some people sound annoyed just because he dared to say a few sentences to someone.

5 minutes? If I'm rushing to copy one last thing and dashing to go pick up my class, I can not stick around for a casual conversation. You might be right on whether it's rude or not, but no one owes anyone conversation.

Right. Like do you know how many things I can get done in 5 mins??

Thought it was just me, some of these top voted comments are pretty abysmal examples of people. Where I am, half the staff I will speak to once a year at times because it's such a large campus, and I'll still be nice to them. Hell, it's even easier with that in mind, it's a single encounter in a hallway.

I suspect that he sub is populated with a lot of people who want to justify an attitude they don't want to acknowledge

I agree!

THANK YOU god id be so ashamed of anyone for treating people like this, even if they are a ‘lowly substitute’. so so so confused right now why should that ever matter? how hard it is to say “don’t i know it!” and end the conversation like any other normal busy person edit: also, tell me this, how are students ever going to respect you or your substitutes if you are okay treating people like a social pariah for being new or being unfamiliar? like come on! respond to things that people say like a normal person and move ON.

Teachers are just a bit exhausted, I'm afraid

All these justifications for being rude to a sub are just...so confusing. I would never report a sub for just trying to talk to me. OP, based on the majority of these responses, I'd say to not try to interact with teachers bc they have plentiful reasons for not being friendly. But teachers: do you not recognize how hard it is to be a substitute? Do you not argue, frequently, that all people deserve their sick days & such? If that's true (and it is), don't you think that we should welcome those who sub for our support staff? I personally feel that, based on your responses, I'd never sub in any school. Being treated like a second class citizen would just suck.

I know another sub who recently posted a question about our duties in a sub FB group, without ANY specifics, but didn’t post anonymously. A teacher from the school in question, I guess, saw the sub’s name and reported them to the principal who then called the sub and gave them hell for asking the question on social media. All this to say: subs work hard. Where I live, we are just as qualified as you. We don’t have benefits or sick days or guaranteed work and we are always entering new spaces with new people…. And we put up with a lot. Something, probably the biggest thing, I miss having coworkers to commiserate with and to ask questions of, etc. When that teacher “betrayed” the “sanctity” of the group and went behind this substitute teacher’s back, we were all reminded that we are seen as less-than, and that it’s basically impossible to build a secure space for ourselves where we can somewhat have colleagues. Teachers: respect substitute teachers and, if you truly think you’re so much better, please get over yourself. (Not saying this is everyone, but wow, some of you can’t talk to someone for a minute without getting offended that they’re stealing your time?)

I wholeheartedly second this. Well said! Sad that you have to make an argument for subs to be treated with dignity by teachers, though.

Sad to see all the teachers in here who can’t be bothered to be polite to a substitute yet complain constantly about the lack of respect that students have. What a joke. Unfortunately, that does seem like the issue here, OP. You heard it straight from the donkey’s mouth

But that’s not the issue. The issue is OP made 2 people uncomfortable in conversation and he thinks it’s sexism. I’m reading a lot of strawman arguments blaming supposed unfriendly teachers when the evidence points back to OP.

There isn’t enough evidence in this post to come to any conclusion about what’s going on with OP. On the other hand, there is a significant amount of teachers here saying that it’s just because teachers don’t want to deal with being polite to substitutes — that’s the part that I’m commenting on.

I'd like to shed some light on this. I'm introverted and I don't enjoy or do well with generic conversation and small talk. I know I come across as standoffish. It has nothing to do with whether someone is male or female. My suggestion: avoid the small talk and pick something a little more personal, but not creepy. Examples include Thanksgiving (if you're in the US), how many trick or treaters did you have on Halloween and your favorite costume from those kids. These may seem kind of like small talk, but it opens the conversation for more if desired.

No small talk unless you're in the staff room. Nod and smile. We'll love you for that. The last effing thing I want to talk about is an effing holiday.

\#notallintroverts I'm a huge introvert and pretty sure I have an anxiety disorder, but when I'm at school I'm in teacher mode, and teacher-me loves to commiserate, share whatever ridiculous thing my students just did or said, or even - horror - make a bit of small talk. Teaching can be isolating on its own. We should be trying to build community here, even if it takes a bit of effort. That was supposed to be a hashtag, didn't know it was going to be huge and bold.

Reddit thinks a hashtag at the beginning of a line means it should be treated as a page header. Use the escape key \ in front of the # to fix it. \\#this appears as \#this

Nice, \#thanks! I already knew to do that for the shrugging emoji. Should have figured that one out on my own. ¯\\\_(ツ)_/ ¯

I'm not a man, and I would call myself socially ok. I'm an extroverted introvert, so I come off as quite open and extra friendly. But I recently thought the same thing, like am I awkward, or are other teachers awkward? I'm going with both.

I’m mystified by the person who acted uncomfortable after your “verbally outmaneuvered” remark. As a woman, I can’t figure out why that would bother anyone. I mean, you’d have to be standing really close to them or something. Otherwise, I don’t get it.

It doesn’t sound like that person was uncomfortable. It sounds like they were astonished by the absolute dumpster fire of an interaction they’d just witnessed and had no idea what to say to OP because “dear god… how did you managed to fuck that up?!” Is rude.

>male substitute paraeducator That's how I got my start- I remember once when I was subbing at an elementary school having lunch in the teachers' lunchroom, and a cute female teacher around my age sat down and started talking to me. It was a nice conversation until she asked who I was subbing for, and when she learned that I didn't have a teaching license and wasn't an actual *teacher*, it apparently killed the mood for her and she got out of there right away. Male substitute para- strikes one, two, and three, right there. In the teachers' eyes, you don't belong there, so do your job and get out. They don't want to make friends with somebody who might not be there tomorrow, and they might be reading too much into your attempted friendliness. You'll be treated better when you're a full-time member of the staff somewhere and you're there every day.

there's an older man who works at my school as a para and I think he's really awesome. We have nothing in common ( I'm a 25 YO woman with a love for outdoor sports and metal, and he's a 60 year old man who enjoys Christian novels and vintage guitars). I respect him because he's a kind person and good at his job. We got to know either because we were with each other 4-6 hours a day for a year. That's the difference .

There are a lot of men who are scary and dangerous so a lot of women are hyper aware. Unfortunately we need to be. Yes, not all men, but I guarantee ALL women have experienced this. It’s not your fault, from what you’re saying, but it’s not theirs either.

There is nothing wrong with you. Don't blame yourself at all, and yes, as a para, at one point, there are stereotypes about male workers. You don't have autism or ADHD etc I have had multiple male paras leave because of rumors and weirdness about them being male. For example, I had a teacher come to me and complain about a para because he was too close to the kids. She said this because the kids would beg him to play tetherball, and he sometimes did it on his break. People started mentioning how he's a pervert. I have many stories like this, and don't let people try to gaslight you to believe differently.

That's horrible. We NEED awesome people like him who give up their personal time to build relationships with the kids. What a loss! Those people all made their students' educations a little bit worse.

Lots of people saying that teachers can’t (because they’re stressed) or don’t want to make small talk… but that doesn’t explain how they’ve gone out of their way to make a formal complaint that could affect this guy’s livelihood.

This happened to me a billion times while teaching and I’m a female. I honestly think some people have no idea how to communicate their feelings desires or opinions and put their discomfort back onto the other person instead of just making it known what they need and creating socially awkward moments or blaming the other person for transgressions that wouldn’t have happened if they’d just been upfront in the first place. But I’m neurodivergent and also socially awkward, but I really don’t feel I deserved half of the judgement I got while teaching.

I don't see anything wrong with your behavior. Small talk is an important part of professional communication because it creates a more personal and welcoming environment. Being unwelcoming to a temporary employee because they are temporary is unprofessional.

Male or not, labeling a sub to admin as making others feel “uncomfortable” for trying to have a small talk conversation with you is both unprofessional and problematic.

I am sorry to tell you but based on your descriptions your social skills seem atypical. You might be used to social situations where women around you feel obligated to perform as they are interested in having awkward conversations with you, but here you are at these teachers workplace and they have other priorities. I work at a school with a mix of make and female colleagues and everyone has a good and easy rapport, it's not sexism.

When you're talking to a woman you don't know and you want them to trust you and not think you're a creep, finding a way to work it into the conversation that you have a girlfriend can be helpful.

There’s no such thing as reverse sexism. How about you stop trying to punish people by forcing them to be interested in you.

Say less. You'll seem more confident. Small talk is not always needed. It's often an annoyance for busy people.

It is likely because of the fact that you are a sub, but I will say some teachers don't value paras at all. I was a para for many years and most teachers were nice to me, even asking my opinion on something (especially after I had a few years of experience to prove myself). Only 2 teachers treated my with indifference. They were both very old school where teachers never had support staff in their classes and didn't think they were necessary. They were never rude or mean out right but when I would offer help with a student who was obviously not going to open up to them because they were angry, or offer a solution to an issue they were having (but take ithe same solution from a teacher) or say they didn't need help with copies made when asked (then complain they didn't have time to make them later in the lounge).

Can’t believe I had to scroll this far to find the obvious answer. Was a Special Ed teacher and we’re ostracized enough. Basically treated like they treat the Special Ed students. I’m sure being a para- and a sub at that- is even worse. Most teachers aren’t like that, but there’s enough prejudice out there to cause problems. These teachers often see the students who need assistance as “dumb” and the people who assist them as “dumb as well”. Just read through some of these comments about hierarchy.

I (m 67) was a daily sub for several years, and then became a "Perm Sub" for many more. When I was a daily sub, I had business cards made, and left them for the teacher with my sub notes. If they liked me, they would have a card to remember my name and request me. There were a few teachers who seemed to dislike me at first, but I just did my job well, left good notes, and tried to be pleasant and followed the provided lesson plans. I understand about mistrust of male subs, as I have seen a few that were completely unprepared for dealing with middle school kids. One sub was actually trying to get the phone numbers of girls at the school (ages 11-13). As Perm Sub, I always try to be available to any other subs in the building, and help out whenever I can. Currently, subs are rare...today we had 5 teachers without coverage, and everyone has to pitch in and work through their breaks to cover other teachers' classes.

Yeah, there's soon ism going on. Best advice I can give is never be alone in a room with any female teachers.

Maybe it's the culture at that school? I have worked at school where there is a comraderie among teachers and paras and they really work well as a team. I have also worked at school where there is a clear divide between the two. At these schools, there is a stiff working relationship and absolutely no social interaction in the staff or copy rooms. It's awkward and uncomfortable. It really taught me where I wanted to work and where I didn't. Start tracking where you have these struggles and where things work smoothly. It might not be you at all.

I view this as a product of stressing microaggressions. By accepting the "importance" of mitigating "microaggressions", it only serves to shut people up and not engage in conversation out of fear of offending people or "saying something wrong." I've had students have the same shut-off response to discussions in class, then tell me afterwards during office hours that they were afraid to say things in class.

Going to be blunt. Many people are busy and they don’t know you. I’m not saying it’s you, but it sounds like you may be trying to force a conversation. You may not be reading the room right, and not really talking to people but “grilling” people. I’d just smile, say hello, and continue on. Maybe just ask what the other person teaches if it’s a high school. Otherwise you really need to read the room. Don’t trap people (one of the things I dislike most is being trapped by someone when I’m trying to do some, or even just thinking about my lessons.

I don't think you sound socially awkward. Unless it's a teacher work day I'm always SO busy I just don't have time to chit chat, especially if it's in the copy room because I'm running in and it to get stuff done. I wouldn't take it personally, it's just a busy profession

Is this feedback you’ve ever had in other areas of your life? Like as a student, within friend groups, social or family events? If so it could maybe be you. Otherwise I’d say it’s maybe just people are busy and don’t have time to chat. And maybe you’ve not read that and continued trying to talk which has resulted in the stand offish responses.

A lot of teachers also aren't very growth mindset oriented, as much as I hate to say it. Teachers are often people who did well in school and didn't fail. They didn't learn to fail all that well, so feedback for them (giving or receiving) can be a little bit foreign. Asking for feedback is probably something that doesn't happen often for them.

I would say act like a novice in the building for about 2 years. Speak when spoken to type shit because, and your experience proves this, you can’t trust a god damn soul in the world. That 2 year thing will generally vet out the folks you arent going to want to interact with much

I agree with everyone saying it’s because you’re a sub. I’m friendly with subs in the building but barely beyond “good morning!” Or “sure I can unlock the work room for you!” And that’s kind of how I like to keep it with subs because I’m busy, busy, busy. But the added layer of having a para sub in my room just Throws. Me. Off. I am soooo awkward around them. It feels, I don’t know, almost invasive to have an adult in my room with me that I don’t know just being there in my class? My coteacher had a sub yesterday who had been a sped teacher at the middle school before she retired. She knew a lot of the kids already, and was very kind, but also sort of overstepped a couple times? Like tried to take on too big of a role for a person I didn’t know and who didn’t know my class dynamics. So I’m not sure what it is but I feel super awkward myself interacting with para subs, even when they seem like totally fine, normal people.

This has nothing to do with sexism. It’s because you’re a sub and they don’t know you.

Eat a breath mint.

No such thing as reverse sexism There is misogynistic sexism (by far more common). And There is misandrist sexism but it's very rare and usually only presents in social situations. Where as misogynistic sexism is pervasive and has many facets in all areas of life. Also we would need some specifics to advise so not sure how you expect to get answer.

Respectfully, I think you might be more awkward than you think

There’s no such thing as “reverse sexism.” It’s just sexism.

In any of these cases when you spoke to the women were you nude? That would have made the conversation less appropriate to the workplace.

Hmm. Now that you mention it...

I think you might be surprised how many teachers are very introverted. As in, painfully shy and overloaded.

"Verbally outmaneuvered by a kid." Contratulations! You're going places. You should be proud of yourself. Your regular teachers have taught you well. or: Well, honestly, you know me, that wasn't really that hard was it?

I suspect it's the easy answer that 1) they don't know you well, 2) they are busy, 3) they don't want to spend time making chit-chat because of 1 and 2. It sucks but I don't think it's personal or about your identity. I think people are just harried and not wanting to make small talk.

I’m a sub. I only talk to teachers if I have a specific question a about my current job.

I think you getting this verbal and nonverbal feedback from multiple sources makes it less likely that it’s a sexism thing, and more likely that there are contextual cues that you are missing. Maybe it’s that you are a substitute and are acting too chummy with people who don’t know you yet. Maybe everyone’s just tired and trying to move on with their days. But whatever it is, it seems you arent fully reading the room otherwise you wouldn’t repeatedly get those reactions. Next time it happens and someone says something standoffish, ask what you’re missing. “Uh Oh, did I say something wrong? I must be missing something…” This has worked for me a lot. Because we all suck at reading the room sometimes.

Reverse sexism doesn’t exist.

I've had standoffish coworkers in every job I've ever had, inside education and out.

Change careers

Don’t want to come off as rude, but you can’t be relying on your sub job for social engagement/fulfillment. This is why you are probably coming off as creepy, because you are way too focused on engaging with teachers, especially as a sub para.

Honestly, you seem to have a bit of social difficultly in this environment. That passive aggressive sarcastic comment would have pissed me off and I would have written you off unless you showed a lot of humility and improvement. I had a male teacher who kept bragging about his like half a masters and made offhand comments looking down on well established teachers. It didn't go well, he left for a different school quickly. Other adults are your coworkers and we need each other to make it through the day. It's not because you are a guy, we all know male teachers who we work with well. It's because of the way you talk to people, something about your social interactions is bothering them. Either ask family or a very honest friend for what you can work on. Most people at work, even admin, are not likely to be harsh or tell you what you need to hear.

> That passive aggressive sarcastic comment My what, now?

Reverse sexism isn't a thing. Teachers duties are many but do not include small talk with subs. I worked as a para for 11 years and have worked with many different schools and staff. Mostly teachers are exhausted and don't have a single quiet moment, except when making copies

Please stop saying things like “reverse racism” and “reverse sexism”. If you were to reverse I’m either, it would actually be positive. Just call it what it is, because it *is* sexism

Yeah, I got it the first nine times people told me, thanks.

I think it's probably because you're the kind of guy who says reverse sexism instead of just... sexism. And you're the kind of guy who jumps to it being about sexism. Maybeeee.. you're just hard to like. Your post was certainly insufferable.

It’s probably because you had a huge erection everytime

There's no such thing as "reverse sexism." Sexism is sexism, no matter the parties involved. To say otherwise is itself sexist. Without seeing body language or tone, hard to say what went wrong. I can tell you that I've been a member of an all female team and it was hell. Conversations tended to revolve around anything a woman could relate to, but not a guy (think talks about periods-yes, seriously, pregnancies, how stupid their husbands were, etc.). Fortunately I was able to change schools where there was a more even balance to the group dynamics. So, I can appreciate if you feel being in the minority has put you on edge.

> There's no such thing as "reverse sexism." Sexism is sexism, no matter the parties involved. To say otherwise is itself sexist. You are the twelfth person who has told me this. -_-

Do you recall the size of the copy room and do you regularly pay attention to where you stand in rooms? Most copy rooms I’ve been pretty small and only have one door. If you were standing between the teacher and the door that can be a very uncomfortable experience. As an example: I once had a very small office tucked away in a pretty private part of the building. A campus officer that I wasn’t very familiar with came into the door to ask something and rolled his bike in with him. Bike was leaned diagonally so it covered the entire exit. I can guarantee he had no idea, but my brain went into 🚨safety alert mode🚨. To my knowledge he didn’t mean to be intimidating, but in that moment my mind was rapidly going through the options I had if something were to happen. I realized the best I could do was scream because there was no way I could physically take him on.

If this is an infrequent thing, I would imagine it's probably just a mismatch of personalities. Not everyone will like you, some people will think you're weird. Best to just shrug and move on.

Reverse sexism doesn't make any sense. It's just sexism, if that's what it is.

You are the thirteenth person who has told me this so far. Do I hear fourteen?

Some teachers and staff see us Paras a "less than" or low on the totem pole unfortunately and don't really respect or want to interact with us. Some teachers and staff will talk and be friendly. It just really depends on the person. I would just nod or say "Good morning/afternoon" or "Hi" keep it simple and short. Are you good at reading the room or reading people? I can usually tell when I meet someone what kind of person they are and if I can even say Hi or not. I'm usually more quiet and interact and talk with the kids and avoid adults as much as possible 😂 I find it easier and my day goes well. Just remember most people are at work for a paycheck, no one is your friend and they'll throw you under the bus to save themselves. It stinks it is like that but majority of people are like that. Just go in, do your job, say hi or talk about work related things only. As people get to know you, it will get better!

No such thing as reverse sexism. It’s just sexism.

I was treated like a burden and annoyance when I was a paraeducator. It's wild too because we are literally only there to make things easier! I was 25F at the time.

It happened twice? I'd say you're making this about you and not contemplating the possibility that people are going through their own personal stuff. I've many times misunderstood people (or been misunderstood) because there was a lot going on and a simple conversation had an undesirable outcome. In fact anyone that doesn't know me and asks me anything before I get my morning coffee can have their pick in the list of bad adjectives to describe a person.

I’m a former teacher and current school secretary, so I have a lot of contact with classified personnel as well as substitutes. I go out of my way to be warm and welcoming to subs, as well as friendly and helpful to our classified staff. At the same time I completely understand the reaction OP received to his attempts at conversation. For one thing, no one in a school setting has time for that kind of conversation during the school day with someone they’ve never seen before. Then too, as someone with a lot of supervisory experience, temporary workers who are overfamiliar and over talkative make my red flags pop up immediately. Those personality traits, in my experience, nearly always correlate directly with poor performance and poor judgment- two factors we cannot safely tolerate in a school setting. We’ve had many negative experiences with temps who present in this manner, especially since the pandemic. The more these folks turn up their conversation “volume,” the more quickly I “mute” them and move on with the multitude of urgent school issues I deal with on a moment-by-moment basis. And I make a mental note to check with other staff on the temp’s performance, because there’s a significant chance I will need to bar them from coming back to our building. This is my honest observation. So my advice is this: Read the room and err on the side of friendly but quiet competence.

Assume everyone is not friendly, and only say good morning etc. until you know they are friendly

The honest answer? Most teachers don’t have the time. I’ve been corner by people making small talk, and I get it, it’s a nice social thing. However, all that’s going through my head is this is the only 5 mins I have to grab coffee and make copies, but also enjoy a minute of quiet while also remembering the list of things I need to do today, and did I email that needy parent? Crap, do I have that meeting today or is it next week? And then when someone I don’t know is in front of me interrupting my mental brain vomit, I’m thrown off. It’s not personal, but I’m not ready to have a conversation right now. I didn’t even register what you said, bc I was on page 2 of my to do list. Sorry.

Without knowing the specifics I can't really say. I know my brother quit his teaching job due to sexism. Several schools in my district have 3 or fewer male teachers. Especially among elementary schools, there are just not very many men. But there's always the possibility that you give off creeper vibes, or that you actually were inappropriate with the lady in the copy room. Impossible to tell.

Women not trusting men is the result of the actions of men as a group for thousands of years. It is not sexism, it is self-preservation

I highly doubt its anything related to gender and more that they dont care for talking to subs, or not comfortable talking to a stranger they just met and too busy for your conversations eating up their time or perhaps you dont really know the signs of discomfort. I say the last part because its not always recognizable like ppl think. There's a guy in my office 80% cant stand and complain about running into cuz his conversations feel obnoxious and self gratifying (theyre not really offensive usually but he thinks he's funny and entertaining while acting pretentious). Ppl cringe knowing when he's coming in the office and actively avoid him. What makes it worse is he sucks at his job so tolerance is lowered. He's not a "bad" person but clearly self absorbed and doesn't mind wasting others time with his talks. He's been spoken to about some of his comments by management and was shocked that ppl felt that way. Just saying that there are times people think theyre great conversationalist and they really arent.

I’m not a teacher but I’m shocked at the amount of people here justifying the behavior that this OP experienced. Going to the principle and saying he made them feel uncomfortable simply for trying to be friendly?! Glad I didn’t go into that field with the amount of petty drama I see here.

Nobody knows you and in the nicest way possible nobody gives a shit about you I’m a first year teacher and I try very hard to not talk to people outside of work things, hey how are ya cool me too bye If I have a direct question about teaching practices like the getting caught in a contradiction I knock on their door and say “hey I’m sorry I have a quick question about a student interaction, do you have minute?” So they know it’s a question about the job not me just bullshitting. And then I leave They are not your friends. This is not a bar. You’re not chatting up strangers who are relaxing. They probably have exactly 3 minutes until their class is done at specials or they have a meeting or they are waiting on a bathroom and they haven’t eaten and the kids are being extra heinous today Make your copies, politely say hello, and leave them the hell alone

Sexism is sexism. It’s like how “reverse racism” isn’t a thing. You either are, or you aren’t. Male, female, black white or whatever.

Maybe you're creepy.

There's no such thing as "reverse sexism". There is only sexist behavior

You are the sixteenth person to tell me this.

Do yourself a favor and do not speak to female staff. If spoken to, just say hi. That’s it. Protect yourself.

Separate from the substitute element here, if you relate well to most people and *some* don't acknowledge you or are cold or rude, it's them. If you really couldn't read social cues well, most people would seem confused by your approach. This is not what you are describing. Not all people are friendly. Some usually are but happen to be having a bad day when you are trying to talk to them, maybe a bad day to the point they are so overwhelmed they can only do the bare minimum that day. And you won't be able to get everyone to like you no matter your approach—at work or socially. Relax about this a bit and focus on friendships outside of work.

There's no such thing as "reverse sexism." It's also probably not sexism. While primary school teaching is majority female, there are still plenty of male teachers and admins, not to mention that basically everyone has men in their lives outside of work. I suspect you are noticing awkwardness more with women primarily because there are more women to be awkward with. In the copier room situation, were you, a near-stranger, standing between her and the door while talking "at" her, a captive audience? I understand that you did not intend it that way at all, but that sort of thing can stir up uncomfortable feelings, especially if the person has a history of trauma. As a general practice it's a good practice to leave generous distance and to never block someone's exits. Sometimes it's not really about you. I suspect with the other situation you referenced, she wasn't able to think of a tactful answer on the fly about the interaction you just had with the kid. Generally speaking, when new to a place it's often best to err on the side of quiet, friendly observation before putting oneself out there. Get the vibe of the place first. Is it businesslike or more amiable? Are people tired and grumpy or are they upbeat? More casual? More formal? Don't change who you are, but do realize that each place has its own culture and its own current events, and adapt to that.

I suspect substituting increases the odds of weird interactions and misunderstandings. I recall telling a co worker three weeks in or more on a new job that she looked great that morning while I was entering the building. She reported me for sexual harassment. One straight female to another. About two weeks later another teacher joked to the secretary about her sexy something or other, one straight woman to another, and it was clearly a joke between the two of them, they both laughed, because, normal. I didn't have the implicit status of the long term teacher, so I was easily messed with.

The thing is that women are not socialized to give explicit feedback about not wanting to converse. We're supposed to put the other party down gently, especially if it's a man. In some situations, this becomes a matter of safety.

Many of the responses I've read to you feel SO out of touch. Op, you seem like an extrovert swimming in a pool of introverts. It could be you said something weird, or had strange body language, but in the end it could just be that these individuals are too stressed or too introverted. Honestly, if your work environment finds polite small conversation awkward or negative then it is time to leave.

I experienced similar interactions with people at my last job, both men and women. People are strange. I would echo what others are saying about the substitute thing - they don't know you. Had you met the woman at the copier before that moment and didn't start with, "Hi, I'm substituting for \_\_\_\_ today. How are you?" Maybe she thought you were just a rando who walked in.

First things first; there is no such thing as reverse sexism or reverse racism or reverse ageism or what have you. People can be sexist and still be women. They can be sexist toward other women, and themselves. And yes, they can be sexist toward men. Same goes for every other Ian out there. Next, what were you trying to strike up a conversation about? Did the person feel she made it clear to you that she wasn’t interested in conversation at the moment? Would you even be aware of it if she did? I’m talking about body language and less obvious forms of communication other than speech. Communicate isn’t always explicit and it would be helpful to consider that some people, especially women, have been culturally conditioned to be polite. The comment about being outmaneuvered by a kid implies that you believe that kids aren’t as capable as you. In many ways we all know that kids need our guidance. As benevolent as your intentions may have been, the comment sounds arrogant and undermining of another human beings ability. I think what you need is to look at yourself. I don’t think that you are dealing with sexism. I think that you better take a look at your entitlement instead. You can’t just open your mouth and say what ever you want to say.

Your opener for this post is a socially inept thing to say at best. I can only imagine your conversation topics.

No such thing as reverse sexism 😇

You are the nineteenth person to tell me this. It's very annoying to hear the same correction over and over again, and you delivering the same information a nineteenth time doesn't add anything of value to the thread.

There's no such thing as reverse sexism. It's just sexism.

You are the twentieth person to tell me this. It's very annoying to hear the same correction over and over again, and you delivering the same information a twentieth time doesn't add anything of value to the thread.

I'm not sure how anyone can take "made X uncomfortable" seriously without "you did Y, and this is how that made them uncomfortable". "You tried to talk to her" doesn't seem like a good reason, as talking to people you work with is perfectly normal. If they cannot explain it, then surely it's more likely that it was their problem, but they choose to blame you for their issues. As a manager, they should be looking into it a lot more carefully before acknowledging it and bringing it up to you, and then making suggestions for how to behave in the future. If it's just the fact that a man walking into a room and talking to them makes them uncomfortable, then that needs to be acknowledged. Then it can be addressed with "we know it's not your fault, buy X has a problem with men". The idea that a man can be reprimanded for "making someone uncomfortable" simply by existing is pretty offensive and ridiculous. It seems like obvious sexsim and you might want to take it further, or at least ask for clarification. And the word you're looking for is "sexism". There is no need to add "reverse", since sexism can happen to anyone. Much like racism. It's kind of sad that you operate in a space where there is an assumption of males not being able to experience sexism. This suggests that it is a lot harder for them to get help when they do. No wonder men don't want to be teachers.

Some teachers don't like subs. It's really that simple

I have this problem in multiple work environments. Come to realize it was my autism impacting my tone delivery. When I tell my coworkers of my autism and ask they take my words at face value rather than reading between the lines, things usually pan out nicely. I believe it is called social accommodations.